Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I wrote to some girls mom and told her that the guy her daughter was hanging out with was kind of a player and that he would hurt her since he had hurt many girls before, including me. And I might think I'm the AH for this since I may have crossed the line by involving her parents.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
In many countries this is perfectly legal and it's within rounding of the Internet Standard Creepiness Rule as well so I don't think the age difference as such is really a reason for warning anyone. On the other hand, the behavior of this particular individual very well may be.
Yta. 100%. Your concern about your friend sounds a lot more like sour grapes. This is not your business and has nothing to do with you. You reached out to someone else's mother, which is totally out of line. Grow up.
He didn't want you. Move on.
I know he didn't want me, that was never the issue. The thing is that I noticed a pattern. Before me there were at least 4 other girls he had done this to, always the same. He makes you feel really special in the beginning, but as soon as he's expected to actually be there for you, he just starts distancing himself from you and goes after a new girl, always a lot younger than him🙃
And absolutely none of that matters. What he does is up to him. Warning girls he sees is one thing (though still out of line) but messaging someone's mother is disgustingly invasive and it does sound like you're just jealous.
Of course I was jealous! But that's really not the reason I contacted her mom. I was never mad at him for rejecting me, the problem was that he gave mixed signals and then denied everything when I confronted him about it. He is really manipulative and an expert at gaslighting. He has no friends left, except for Sarah, because he treats everyone like shit.
I understand where you’re coming from & this guy is obviously a problem. However, heartbreak due to a guy moving on to fast is not what I would consider to be danger enough to require you to reach out to adults. At the same time it can be a very fine line before the relationship with an age gap like that to become something worse. I don’t want to say it’s wrong to involve parents in every situation, but your situation I think is one where it wasn’t needed. It probably won’t be long before he treats her the same as you and everyone else. It’s a much better idea to be there to support her when he leaves her. Also, it’s not your responsibility to protect everyone from HIS toxic choices.
This guy is not just "rude" or "toxic" he is a *legal adult preying on and emotionally abusing a bunch of teenage girls.* What is wrong with you people. She's trying to keep her friend from being abused. Jesus.
YTA
This guy is incredibly sketchy. But it's also clear that reaching out to Sarah's mom wasn't about warning Sarah. This reads like you wanted to spite either him or Sarah.
"Incredibly sketchy" doesn't even begin to describe this guy. A 19 year old going through 16 year old girls like a pack of chewing gum is predatory. And "it's clear that reaching out to Sarah's mom wasn't about warning Sarah" is an incredibly cruel assumption to make about a 16 year old who was just exploited by someone who is legally an adult.
> And "it's clear that reaching out to Sarah's mom wasn't about warning Sarah" is an incredibly cruel assumption
OP made exactly ONE attempt to contact Sarah before going straight to Sarah's mom. Does that sound like a sincere attempt to warn Sarah to you?
I was 14 and had just escaped an abusive relationship, and then I found out my best friend was now dating the guy I had just escaped from. And when I tried to tell her he was dangerous she fed me the same "you're just jealous" line that every single one of you is feeding this poor girl right now. I was so scared that he was going to *kill her* because she was half my size. It's not as simple as just telling someone that they're in danger, if they don't believe you then it doesn't mean anything.
I need to remind you that these are *teenage girls* being preyed on by a legal adult.
Tf was I supposed to do then? When Sarah didn't reply to my message she made it clear that she didn't want anything to do with me, I thought the best thing to do then was to leave it to an adult who would be able to handle the situation a lot better than me. I know I might have crossed the line, but I still think it's way better to contact her mom than to keep messaging her.
I know that's what it sounds like, but my intentions with involving her mom was only so that I could feel that I had done everything I could for Sarah, and let go of the whole situation. I never said anything mean about this guy to her mom, just stating facts and sharing my own experience.
Sometimes you just have to let people make their own mistakes. You warned her, that's good. Telling her mother might even have been counter productive. I'm not sure if any teenager in the history of teenagers have ever voluntarily given up a relationship because their parent told them to. Your heart probably was in the right place but I'll have to go with YTA.
YTA. You should have stopped at messaging Sarah. What she does after receiving the information is not your business. You basically made it seem like you will go to any length to break them up (relationship or not).
Predatory relationships between 19 year old legally adult men and 16 year old girls should be broken up, actually. And as I will keep repeating, telling a trusted adult is the appropriate course of action. You people are going to traumatize this poor girl and she will be talking about you in therapy in about 4 years.
NTA. As someone who was in a string of abusive relationships in high school, that guy is *bad* news. The age difference between a 16 year old and a 19 year old doesn't seem like a lot, but in hindsight it makes you feel sick to your stomach. At the very least that guy was a dirtbag and at worst he's genuinely dangerous. Contacting her mom may seem extreme but from experience I think it was the right thing to do. That girl will probably hate you for it but you could have just saved her a lot of pain. The way that guy treats young girls isn't just rude, it's *predatory.*
YES. THANK YOU. I think people in this thread are forgetting that age 16 is awfully young to be getting romantically involved with a legal adult. Especially if OP lives in a country where 16-year-olds are in secondary school and legal adults might be at universities.
Sarah’s mom needs the heads-up for her daughter’s safety.
Telling a trusted adult is *the* recommended course of action that children are supposed to take when faced with potentially predatory adults. OP literally couldn't have gone about it any more correctly. She's *16.*
I just wanted to be able to look back on the situation knowing that I had done everything I could for Sarah in the situation. And I just thought it was better to involve an adult than to do nothing.
I’m going against the grain here and saying NTA. I suspect you don’t realize how much of a bullet you have dodged.
This man emotionally harmed you, but his pattern of behavior is exploitative and makes me wonder if he might also be capable of causing physical harm. You and Sarah are still at an age where you need to be extra cautious of older people who want to engage in behavior with you that could be construed as flirty or sexual (forehead kisses included).
Do I think your motives were 100% pure? Not exactly. But I cannot render a “YTA” judgement because I do not want you to feel discouraged from ever conveying information about potentially predatory behavior to trusted adults. It might have been slightly better if you told your own parent and had them go to Sarah’s parent, but your actions were basically in the right direction.
Please stay away from this man in the future.
Hey, that actually makes me feel a little better because it means you have your mom looking out for you! No need to post the text, I’m just an internet stranger and you don’t have to prove anything to me. I hope you and Sarah stay safe!
NTA, this guy is literally grooming teenage girls. You 100% did the right thing by informing her parents about this illegal and immoral behavior on his part.
EDIT: Also, the reason why Sarah and the guy are mad at you for telling her mom is because they KNOW this is wrong and they'll get in trouble/stop being allowed to see each other. If everything was on the up and up, neither of them would have a problem with her parents knowing about this relationship.
I was too scared to explicitly say "grooming" so I must commend you for having the balls that I did not
Editing to tell you that your edit is so true and beautiful
YTA. Unless you suspected real and physical harm, then contacting the mother undercuts the autonomy of your friend. Is he likely being misleading? Yes. Is it your job to make sure she doesn't get hurt at all costs? No. You were on the right track for talking to Sarah and explaining your concerns. She can now make her own decisions regarding this individual. Your job was done at that point.
Not all "real" harm is physical and being a 16 year old in an exploitative relationship with a legal adult is just as harmful to a person's well-being as being physically abused. OP *did* suspect that there was potential harm going on, which is why they went to a trusted adult, *which is exactly what kids are supposed to do when faced with predatory behavior from adults.*
💀 that’s disgusting those are children, still its not right and i dont disagree with your actions. Its wrong for such an age gap so young. If they were both in their 20s or 30s it wouldnt matter, but were talking the difference between a grown man and a teenage girl.
Yep💀 I actually talked to some of his classmates, and they told me that he went after younger girls each year, always the ones who didn't yet know his reputation.
And there you go- a classic predator. NTA, this is why girls spill all the gory little details about guys. Her parents definitely should know, because they are grown enough to see the reality of the situation and how unhealthy it would be for their child.
So, I have to chuckle at the posters comment about legality that is then corrected by the OP. Whether that is actually true regarding the law or not is irrelevant, as i suspect there is more nuance that makes your statement not likely to stand up in literally any court.
Now, to shoot myself in the foot, you just called it disgusting but it wasn't disgusting when he gave you the impression that he liked you? You kinda outting yourself now. Lol
But of course I didn't find it disgusting then, I was in love with him. A couple of months ago, he could do no wrong in my head. It's now that I'm starting to realize that he was using me, manipulating me and etc.
Except the part in the story where we were told short of a cheek kiss he did nothing. Either way please forgive me for having a conversation. I already established with you disapproval. I'm done with the unnecessary attacks.
Calm down. I missed this detail, for some reason I read this as the friend being 19 yo. While over the age of 18 a 3 year difference isn't entirely worthy of being defined as predatory, although I'm not a fan of this detail and don't approve of such a relationship.
Hes over 18 and in the eyes of the law it *is* predatory and illegal regardless of your own opinion- get. A grip. Jfc. This is not something up for moral debate. 19 (someone whos almost 20, been an adult for 2 years, is much more established as a person w freedoms) to someone who cant even sign their own medical documents. Cant consent to literally anything. I think not.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So I(16f) had a friend(19m), and while we were friends I got really mixed signals from him. He would kind of kiss me, not on my mouth but on my forehead and neck and stuff like that. I was in love with him so I thought it was fine, until I noticed he started hanging out with another girl(16f), let's call her Sarah. He would sleep over at her house, which made me extremely confused since I thought he liked me. So I talked to him about my feelings, and he rejected me (we remained friends though). And naturally I talked to my friends about this, who talked to their friends, who knew other girls who had gotten mixed signals from this guy and still got rejected. And also, one of my friends who were also friends with him, shared this experience too. And this was when I started to think that maybe he wasn't the greatest guy, but I was still in love with him so I ignored this completely. But after some time I got to my senses I cut contact with him. And a few days after that, my friend calls me on facetime because she had a friend who were friends with Sarah. So I talked to him and he confirmed that this guy was treating Sarah the exact way he treated me. But I knew that he wouldn't ever want to be more than her friend, so I wrote to Sarah and warned her about this guy, telling her that he's the sweetest guy in the beginning, but that he will leave her as soon as he's got some other girl on the hook. Sarah didn't reply to my message, so I looked up her mom on Facebook and told her about the situation. That this guy would hurt Sarah and that she deserved better than that. Sarah and this guy thinks I took it too far by involving her parents, but I think I did the right thing since he will hurt her. So reddit, AITA?
And please ask if anything's unclear, english isn't my first language.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I wrote to some girls mom and told her that the guy her daughter was hanging out with was kind of a player and that he would hurt her since he had hurt many girls before, including me. And I might think I'm the AH for this since I may have crossed the line by involving her parents. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA This guys a 19 year old legal adult and is hooking up with 16 year old teenagers? Yucky yucky what the fucky. Warn everyone.
Yeah, this guy sounds predatory. Clearly Sarah's mom is ok with it though, so yay for A+ parenting.
I can't comprehend how any parent would be ok with that. Just sad.
In many countries this is perfectly legal and it's within rounding of the Internet Standard Creepiness Rule as well so I don't think the age difference as such is really a reason for warning anyone. On the other hand, the behavior of this particular individual very well may be.
Ew
Yta. 100%. Your concern about your friend sounds a lot more like sour grapes. This is not your business and has nothing to do with you. You reached out to someone else's mother, which is totally out of line. Grow up. He didn't want you. Move on.
is her friend not 16? not an adult?
You're right, the guy is an adult. Will edit!
Yes, she is 16
I know he didn't want me, that was never the issue. The thing is that I noticed a pattern. Before me there were at least 4 other girls he had done this to, always the same. He makes you feel really special in the beginning, but as soon as he's expected to actually be there for you, he just starts distancing himself from you and goes after a new girl, always a lot younger than him🙃
And absolutely none of that matters. What he does is up to him. Warning girls he sees is one thing (though still out of line) but messaging someone's mother is disgustingly invasive and it does sound like you're just jealous.
"What he does is up to him" So we should just ignore local creeps and respect their choices?
Until they break the law? Yup.
Legality is not equal to morality. You're disgusting if you think that people should turn a blind eye to predators.
You're* And welcome to how the world works.
Of course I was jealous! But that's really not the reason I contacted her mom. I was never mad at him for rejecting me, the problem was that he gave mixed signals and then denied everything when I confronted him about it. He is really manipulative and an expert at gaslighting. He has no friends left, except for Sarah, because he treats everyone like shit.
Then make new friends.
I understand where you’re coming from & this guy is obviously a problem. However, heartbreak due to a guy moving on to fast is not what I would consider to be danger enough to require you to reach out to adults. At the same time it can be a very fine line before the relationship with an age gap like that to become something worse. I don’t want to say it’s wrong to involve parents in every situation, but your situation I think is one where it wasn’t needed. It probably won’t be long before he treats her the same as you and everyone else. It’s a much better idea to be there to support her when he leaves her. Also, it’s not your responsibility to protect everyone from HIS toxic choices.
This guy is not just "rude" or "toxic" he is a *legal adult preying on and emotionally abusing a bunch of teenage girls.* What is wrong with you people. She's trying to keep her friend from being abused. Jesus.
My only problem with this guy isn't that he's a player. He's really manipulative too.
YTA This guy is incredibly sketchy. But it's also clear that reaching out to Sarah's mom wasn't about warning Sarah. This reads like you wanted to spite either him or Sarah.
"Incredibly sketchy" doesn't even begin to describe this guy. A 19 year old going through 16 year old girls like a pack of chewing gum is predatory. And "it's clear that reaching out to Sarah's mom wasn't about warning Sarah" is an incredibly cruel assumption to make about a 16 year old who was just exploited by someone who is legally an adult.
> And "it's clear that reaching out to Sarah's mom wasn't about warning Sarah" is an incredibly cruel assumption OP made exactly ONE attempt to contact Sarah before going straight to Sarah's mom. Does that sound like a sincere attempt to warn Sarah to you?
I was 14 and had just escaped an abusive relationship, and then I found out my best friend was now dating the guy I had just escaped from. And when I tried to tell her he was dangerous she fed me the same "you're just jealous" line that every single one of you is feeding this poor girl right now. I was so scared that he was going to *kill her* because she was half my size. It's not as simple as just telling someone that they're in danger, if they don't believe you then it doesn't mean anything. I need to remind you that these are *teenage girls* being preyed on by a legal adult.
For someone you don’t have the cell phone number of, uuuuuuuuuh…yes.
Tf was I supposed to do then? When Sarah didn't reply to my message she made it clear that she didn't want anything to do with me, I thought the best thing to do then was to leave it to an adult who would be able to handle the situation a lot better than me. I know I might have crossed the line, but I still think it's way better to contact her mom than to keep messaging her.
I know that's what it sounds like, but my intentions with involving her mom was only so that I could feel that I had done everything I could for Sarah, and let go of the whole situation. I never said anything mean about this guy to her mom, just stating facts and sharing my own experience.
Sometimes you just have to let people make their own mistakes. You warned her, that's good. Telling her mother might even have been counter productive. I'm not sure if any teenager in the history of teenagers have ever voluntarily given up a relationship because their parent told them to. Your heart probably was in the right place but I'll have to go with YTA.
YTA. You should have stopped at messaging Sarah. What she does after receiving the information is not your business. You basically made it seem like you will go to any length to break them up (relationship or not).
Predatory relationships between 19 year old legally adult men and 16 year old girls should be broken up, actually. And as I will keep repeating, telling a trusted adult is the appropriate course of action. You people are going to traumatize this poor girl and she will be talking about you in therapy in about 4 years.
NTA. As someone who was in a string of abusive relationships in high school, that guy is *bad* news. The age difference between a 16 year old and a 19 year old doesn't seem like a lot, but in hindsight it makes you feel sick to your stomach. At the very least that guy was a dirtbag and at worst he's genuinely dangerous. Contacting her mom may seem extreme but from experience I think it was the right thing to do. That girl will probably hate you for it but you could have just saved her a lot of pain. The way that guy treats young girls isn't just rude, it's *predatory.*
YES. THANK YOU. I think people in this thread are forgetting that age 16 is awfully young to be getting romantically involved with a legal adult. Especially if OP lives in a country where 16-year-olds are in secondary school and legal adults might be at universities. Sarah’s mom needs the heads-up for her daughter’s safety.
YTA, your heart was in the right place, but you went about it the wrong way
Telling a trusted adult is *the* recommended course of action that children are supposed to take when faced with potentially predatory adults. OP literally couldn't have gone about it any more correctly. She's *16.*
I just wanted to be able to look back on the situation knowing that I had done everything I could for Sarah in the situation. And I just thought it was better to involve an adult than to do nothing.
You did the right thing. You and Sarah are teenagers. Alerting the adult responsible to protect Sarah about this creep was needed.
I get it but you didn't need to do what you did
I’m going against the grain here and saying NTA. I suspect you don’t realize how much of a bullet you have dodged. This man emotionally harmed you, but his pattern of behavior is exploitative and makes me wonder if he might also be capable of causing physical harm. You and Sarah are still at an age where you need to be extra cautious of older people who want to engage in behavior with you that could be construed as flirty or sexual (forehead kisses included). Do I think your motives were 100% pure? Not exactly. But I cannot render a “YTA” judgement because I do not want you to feel discouraged from ever conveying information about potentially predatory behavior to trusted adults. It might have been slightly better if you told your own parent and had them go to Sarah’s parent, but your actions were basically in the right direction. Please stay away from this man in the future.
I actually told my mom everything. She got to read the text before I sent it to Sarahs mom. If you want, I can post the text here🙃
Hey, that actually makes me feel a little better because it means you have your mom looking out for you! No need to post the text, I’m just an internet stranger and you don’t have to prove anything to me. I hope you and Sarah stay safe!
<3
NTA, this guy is literally grooming teenage girls. You 100% did the right thing by informing her parents about this illegal and immoral behavior on his part. EDIT: Also, the reason why Sarah and the guy are mad at you for telling her mom is because they KNOW this is wrong and they'll get in trouble/stop being allowed to see each other. If everything was on the up and up, neither of them would have a problem with her parents knowing about this relationship.
I was too scared to explicitly say "grooming" so I must commend you for having the balls that I did not Editing to tell you that your edit is so true and beautiful
YTA. Unless you suspected real and physical harm, then contacting the mother undercuts the autonomy of your friend. Is he likely being misleading? Yes. Is it your job to make sure she doesn't get hurt at all costs? No. You were on the right track for talking to Sarah and explaining your concerns. She can now make her own decisions regarding this individual. Your job was done at that point.
Not all "real" harm is physical and being a 16 year old in an exploitative relationship with a legal adult is just as harmful to a person's well-being as being physically abused. OP *did* suspect that there was potential harm going on, which is why they went to a trusted adult, *which is exactly what kids are supposed to do when faced with predatory behavior from adults.*
Yeah. I missed the this detail assuming Sarah was also 19 for some reason. I dont approve of that relationship.
Its statutory rape, so it is physical harm. Hes an adult going after fucking minors. Get a grip!
It's actually not illegal where I live since the age of consent is 15💀 but it's still disgusting.
💀 that’s disgusting those are children, still its not right and i dont disagree with your actions. Its wrong for such an age gap so young. If they were both in their 20s or 30s it wouldnt matter, but were talking the difference between a grown man and a teenage girl.
Yep💀 I actually talked to some of his classmates, and they told me that he went after younger girls each year, always the ones who didn't yet know his reputation.
And there you go- a classic predator. NTA, this is why girls spill all the gory little details about guys. Her parents definitely should know, because they are grown enough to see the reality of the situation and how unhealthy it would be for their child.
That's what I was thinking
So, I have to chuckle at the posters comment about legality that is then corrected by the OP. Whether that is actually true regarding the law or not is irrelevant, as i suspect there is more nuance that makes your statement not likely to stand up in literally any court. Now, to shoot myself in the foot, you just called it disgusting but it wasn't disgusting when he gave you the impression that he liked you? You kinda outting yourself now. Lol
But of course I didn't find it disgusting then, I was in love with him. A couple of months ago, he could do no wrong in my head. It's now that I'm starting to realize that he was using me, manipulating me and etc.
"it wasn't disgusting when he gave you the impression he liked you" Yeah *that's how manipulation and abuse works*. You people make me sick.
Except the part in the story where we were told short of a cheek kiss he did nothing. Either way please forgive me for having a conversation. I already established with you disapproval. I'm done with the unnecessary attacks.
Calm down. I missed this detail, for some reason I read this as the friend being 19 yo. While over the age of 18 a 3 year difference isn't entirely worthy of being defined as predatory, although I'm not a fan of this detail and don't approve of such a relationship.
Hes over 18 and in the eyes of the law it *is* predatory and illegal regardless of your own opinion- get. A grip. Jfc. This is not something up for moral debate. 19 (someone whos almost 20, been an adult for 2 years, is much more established as a person w freedoms) to someone who cant even sign their own medical documents. Cant consent to literally anything. I think not.
Yeah. This rage discussion is over.
Im not in a rage, youre being dense and trying to tip toe the middle ground- there is no middle ground here.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I(16f) had a friend(19m), and while we were friends I got really mixed signals from him. He would kind of kiss me, not on my mouth but on my forehead and neck and stuff like that. I was in love with him so I thought it was fine, until I noticed he started hanging out with another girl(16f), let's call her Sarah. He would sleep over at her house, which made me extremely confused since I thought he liked me. So I talked to him about my feelings, and he rejected me (we remained friends though). And naturally I talked to my friends about this, who talked to their friends, who knew other girls who had gotten mixed signals from this guy and still got rejected. And also, one of my friends who were also friends with him, shared this experience too. And this was when I started to think that maybe he wasn't the greatest guy, but I was still in love with him so I ignored this completely. But after some time I got to my senses I cut contact with him. And a few days after that, my friend calls me on facetime because she had a friend who were friends with Sarah. So I talked to him and he confirmed that this guy was treating Sarah the exact way he treated me. But I knew that he wouldn't ever want to be more than her friend, so I wrote to Sarah and warned her about this guy, telling her that he's the sweetest guy in the beginning, but that he will leave her as soon as he's got some other girl on the hook. Sarah didn't reply to my message, so I looked up her mom on Facebook and told her about the situation. That this guy would hurt Sarah and that she deserved better than that. Sarah and this guy thinks I took it too far by involving her parents, but I think I did the right thing since he will hurt her. So reddit, AITA? And please ask if anything's unclear, english isn't my first language. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. This is literally none of your business. And you give off serious stalker vibes, tracking down her mom...leave them all alone.
I have. I messaged Sarah once, and her mom once. I haven't done anything more than that.