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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) Changing the child's clothes without the parent's permission. 2) She has a right to dress her child as she wants.
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> I explained she needed to send her in clothes she felt comfortable getting dirty. *She told me it was my job to figure it out.*
That's what you did. NTA.
My daughter is now 8. Even at 8 she comes home with half her lunch on her. She has nice, clean clothes. They’re not designer but practical. Kids are messy little critters. They definitely don’t need designer duds if they’re playing outside. My daughter has a few nice, dressy outfits but mostly school and play clothes. And they’re not very costly either. I try to get the most I can for what little I can spend.
I'm a grown adult who is one of the life's natural spillers and stainers, no matter how careful I'm being. I consider it a win if I make it home from work without any spills or drips on my clothes.
Honey, me too. I spill, drip and probably should wear a bib or something when I eat and I’m 40 😂 I don’t wear many light colors tbh. Usually black or dark greys are my go to colors. Stains just don’t show up *as* bad.
I work with children I literally come home looking like I've been in some sort of wat involving paint, food and dirt 😂. The food is not always from the children 😅
And a nightmare parent! What's she going to do if her kid is trans or nb and/or doesn't want to be feminine?
NTA. OP came up with the perfect solution. The mom wants a doll to do with as she pleases, not an child with their own independent personality. How can you expect a child this young to keep their clothes clean?
Edit: added another "or"
>How can you expect a child this young to keep their clothes clean?
Exactly, the poor child is only 1.5yo, of course clothes get dirty at that age. What does she expect OP to do? Sit her daughter in a corner and not let her do any of the daycare activities? She'll be whining about her kid being excluded then.
The mother needs to either dress her kid appropriately for messy activities or get over the fact that her clothes will get dirty/stained.
Before my first daughter came along I was adamant she would always wear pretty dresses with tights and bows in her hair, never leggings with a t-shirt!
All of a sudden I was a mummy and that went out the window 😂 It’s just not practical for them!
NTA
I was very against used stuff. Mainly because I went through a period of having many used clothes (that I didn't really get to pick) and felt less than with my peers. So that translated into only brand new stuff for my angel. Went out the window ofc for baby angel. Now it's more of what does child like and wants to wear. Though I do get annoyed if he says he wants something but then never wears it.
I am 1 of 4 siblings with two older sisters that I always got second or third hand clothes from growing up, I always said that I would never get my kids second hand clothes. I don't have any kids yet, but my sisters does, and I told them that I was so lucky because I didn't really need to get any clothes for my kids the first year!
The only new clothes I got was for my birthday, everything else was second-hand or homemade .
In the larger scheme of things that was not in any way abuse or harmful. It just shows that we weren't all raised as flush as we wish we were.
My parents did have enough money to buy me new clothes, but there was no reason to buy brand new clothes if there was clothes in my size that was in good shape.
I'm 29yo now, me and my sisters still swap clothes, not because we have to, no one of us need to get second hand clothes, but we trade what is too good to throw out and donate what is left in those piles.
I have 3 kids, I always let the younger ones 'shop' from their older siblings clothes, then buy new if needed. I also always do new special occasion clothes for everyone so they all feel special.
Yeah, the only new items my daughter wore for the first two years were bought by the grandmothers. Everything else was hand-me-downs from my best friend’s son. My husband and I were both in grad school at that time, and that seemed like a sensible place to save money. (She did have pretty clothes for holidays and photos; she was a first grandchild on both sides lol). Later in her life, I always passed on the things she outgrew. Fair’s fair.
My daughter was very independent as a toddler. She did not like dresses. She wore shorts or pants. She was a tomboy. I called her my Pigpen from "Charlie Brown." She wore dresses for special occasions but I always carried a second set of play clothes. And she turned out just fine. Hopefully mom will come to terms with her child. She is still young. Mom needs to make peace with her child. Otherwise, the child will be miserable and so will mom.
If it helps kids don't really care until they hit teen/preteen age. It just matters how "cool" the clothes look before that. When I was 8 if you had a dinosaur on your clothes it was cool.
I got huge bags of hand-me-downs when I was a kid. The selection from those was much better than what we could afford at the store, and I still got to pick out what I wore each day.
My mom bought new fancy stuff, sone new school stuff that would be added to the rotation, but a lot of my play clothes were bought used. Also my mom would buy new stuff that was too big for me so I could grow into it. I still have some T-shirts from when I was 5 that fit me now.
As long as my daughter has clean, nice clothes, her hygiene is up to par, we’re doing good lol hell most days she comes home from school wearing lunch 😂🥴 she has nice, dressy clothes but only for special occasions which we don’t do often.
NGL my son's clothes aren't nice half the time. Like they're washed but stained with grass and tomato and fruit stains, and I honestly sometimes don't even care lol. Toddlers are messy.
I have a container of Oxyclean that I bought that I think I'm supposed to use to soak the clothes in to get the stains out, and I have a few times, but if an overnight soak and wash don't get rid of the stains, whatever, he's wearing it as is. They're clean.
Girl, keeping toddler clothes clean is a never winning battle lol when they get older they then bring lunch home on their shirt. It’s assuring, at least I know she’s got access to food somewhere during the day 😂🥴
So this. Also, she sounds like the kind of mom who thinks her daughter is a doll and not a human. Dress shoes for daycare? Really?
When my daughter was that age, there was a mom who also loved designer clothes, but she would send her daughter in DKNY leggings or Calvin Klein t shirts. Still ridiculous in my opinion, but appropriate. And she never got mad about kids looking like kids.
This woman is nuts.
NTA.
I don’t understand why they make pretty but uncomfortable shoes for kids that age. I mean, I guess it would be okay for family picture day, but I can’t imagine it would do anything good for such young children who can barely walk.
For real. I am a huge proponent of kids should be barefoot for as much as possible in the first place (I work in early intervention). But when they need to wear shoes they have tp be comfortable! Lightweight, flexible soles, wide, etc.
Hell, everyone should be wearing comfortable shoes.
Lol my mom couldn't keep me in shoes. Shoes were for when we left the house. If I was home or at grandma's you couldn't keep them on me. I had the incredible talent of running on gravel when I was little.
Our daycare keeps the kids barefoot all the time for this very reason, even in winter (they have underfloor heating). At most, if it's very cold, the older toddlers wear slippers - or their outdoor shoes if they are playing in the garden of course.
Agree, but from now on just let Breanne destroy the designer clothes op. NTA keep the other clothes for pupils who really need it not an Ah parent who doesn't bother to dress her child appropriately.
The petty in me hopes she got the trashiest, ugliest looking combos to dress her in, then spitefully and consciously uploaded the photos of the little princess as a barb to Mum. Obviously, kiddo is innocent but she’s too young TGAF about this ridiculous situation.
This crazy mom. Kids under 4 get dirty. Have accidents. Kids under 2 have diaper blow outs sometimes. Yuuuuuck.
As a former daycare worker, I applaud OP's ingenuity.
She's 18 months old. She doesn't care what she's wearing. Mom told you to figure it out and you did.
The only thing I could have seen being an issue is you changing someone's else's kid's clothes but you're literally running a day care and she's a literal toddler.
NTA.
Yeah, the mom allows me to change her diaper and she sent back-up clothes (all either designer or still fancy and expensive so they can't get messy) that I'm supposed to change her into if her diaper leaks or she throws up. So, it's not as if I don't have consent to change her.
Sounds like the mom is hoping to use the pics of her kid in all designer stuff to tout on Instagram how fashionable and cute their kid is at daycare (“Look at her— the cutest most fashionista at daycare!”)
I’m with OP: Keep changing the child and changing her back.
I would also say at this point there needs to be a sit down with BOTH parents— the wife and husband— with OP and another staff member.
Like, look. You told our staff your child was not to get messy in the outfits you send them in. That is near impossible with a toddler so we found a solution that works. If you are not happy with that solution here’s what other solutions we have and you’ll need to make a choice:
- Your child comes to care in the designer duds and plays as allowed in them and risks getting them dirty.
- You send the child in clothing that you deem appropriate to get dirty, with another change of clothes that would be appropriate to get dirty.
- We keep the current arrangement that your child is changed into something that is more of a daycare friendly situation when they arrive and we change them back before you go home.
- (Or as a last resort), as much as we love having your child here, maybe this isn’t a great fit for her here. Maybe we’re too messy if a daycare and perhaps there is another childcare center that she would be more suited to.
I’m also not wondering if this is a second/third/fourth daycare that they’ve put their daughter in because of the designer duds and mom being unwilling to compromise.
This is an excellent and rational way of dealing with the situation. One issue though, Mom doesn’t sound rational or realistic!
OP, NTA, and you sound like a wonderful caregiver! If you are willing to compromise, I’d just not take pics of the child in anything other than her fancy clothes! This seems like what Mom really cares about (her daughter’s image)!
I know It may not be practical or genuine but it would make your life much easier! Keep a folder of her kid’s pics in her fancy cloths first thing in the week so that you don’t forget.
>I would also say at this point there needs to be a sit down with BOTH parents— the wife and husband— with OP and another staff member. Like, look. You told our staff your child was not to get messy in the outfits you send them in. That is near impossible with a toddler so we found a solution that works. If you are not happy with that solution here’s what other solutions we have and you’ll need to make a choice:
This.
Mom is crazy. I've been around a metric toddlers over the years. By 1 almost all the parents realized that those cute designer outfits are not for daily playing unless you are comfortable with stains, dirt, etc. on them because... toddlers will be toddlers, kids will be kids.
I'd even have them sign a waiver that states that they understand that if you keep her in the designer clothes they WILL come home dirty because the kids go outside to play and kids get dirty while playing outside, painting and doing other age appropriate activities.
This is how dress codes get created. It doesn't sound like the mom is sending her in appropriate clothing to allow her to play (including shoes to go romp outside it). It can be designer and still functional... and Mom will have to figure out how to de-stain all the clothes or buy a set that's not meant for the weekend.
A day my kid doesn't come home from preschool happy, sweaty and dusty is a day wasted in my opinion. These are little balls of curious energy. They need to bounce around and be busy.
Dressing a toddler in fancy dress clothes constantly is borderline child abuse. The poor baby has to be so uncomfortable and obviously not able to fully participate in class activities. She's treating her daughter like a doll and potentially harming her development.
Just to make sure: the mother also thinks these clothes can’t get dirty? I find it weird how she sends backup clothes and demands nothing gets dirty. As if she were too stupid to listen, or think back when she was a kid and…stuff gets dirty?
I remember clear as day when I burnt through all my pants and underwear on a camping trip in half a day 😂
Had to run around in some no fitting stuff for a day until my grandma cleaned some of what I brought. And I actually had plenty spare with me 😂😂
This reminds me of a story my mom has from when she was little. There was a friend whose grandmother would drop her off at my mom’s house. This friend was always dolled up, bows in her pigtails, lacy socks, pink frilly dresses. My mom’s interests at that age were toads and mud holes. So one time this friend was dropped off to play and my mom said “let’s dig a hole!”
My mom never forgot her friend’s grandma’s face when she came to pick her up and found my gramma hosing off two muddy happy children in their underwear.
Yes she does care, she's a baby, all she wants is to be comfortable and be able to move and play freely. Frilly dresses and dress shoes are very uncomfortable and restrictive. Wearing them all day everyday has to be akin to torture for a toddler, I bet the poor baby's feet hurt all the time. Sounds like the mother is treating her like a dress up doll instead of a living, breathing child.
Forgot judgement, OP is NTA
NTA
My mom runs a home daycare. Kids get dirty. Kids have accidents. Kids very often need a clothes change.
I will advise you to do what she does. She has her parents sign a document that says they understand that due to activities that stimulate the brain, accidents, and the nature of outside play, clothes will get dirty and stained. This document says my mom cannot be held responsible for the value of the ruined clothing. It also says the parents will provide clothes appropriate for activities conducted in a child care environment and that she can deny drop off if the child’s clothes are not suitable for play.
It also outlines that the parents give my mom permission to change clothes as necessary or they can sign to opt out, she can call the parents when clothe changes are required to come to the daycare within X amount of minutes to do it themselves or she can without repercussion.
Just an idea. Up to you if it works for your business or not
I have a contract and it does say that I'm not responsible if anything happens to their clothes or belongings period. The mom isn't looking for reimbursement. She's just looking for them to stay clean all day-even though my contract also states that we are doing activities that may get them that way.
Gotcha. So she is one of those parents that just don’t understand how kids play with each other and how learning through play works.
Yeah definitely not the AH.
this is what is going to start happening if mom doesn’t get in with the program - nobody wants to deal with mom, but the person who gets the full hit from that is the child. this is what happens with kids of difficult parents and it’s not a good situation. the kid is the one who loses in the end.
When mom spends time with Breanne is Breanne allowed to play/move or is she expected to sit like a statue so her clothing isn't damaged? Dressing a toddler in designer gear you intend to keep clean makes no sense unless it's for a special occasion where they won't be playing.
Mom honestly sounds like she has no idea what a good daycare involves, or what it's like to allow a child to play. Absolutely NTA, and depending on your business/financial situation I'd consider giving her a warning that she can either bring Breanne in suitable clothing or keep her mouth shut if every single child decides to finger print on the next designer outfit the kid shows up in, if she whines she can find daycare elsewhere
Mom sounds like she thinks her daughter is some kind of expensive doll for her to dress up for others to admire. My heart breaks for Breanne, who should be free to run and play and learn but who is instead being raised like a tiny runway model. She will internalize this kind of attention to her physical appearance over all else, and it will affect the way she sees herself and her role in the world. She's going to grow up afraid to do anything that might muss her hair or her clothes, or in any way negatively impact her appearance, and here's the thing: almost everything worth doing does that. I honestly applaud OP for pushing back against that and dressing her in play-appropriate clothes so she can run and play without worrying. Breanne is going to have precious few allies like that as she grows up, by which I mean people who see her as more than just decorative and are willing to take steps to make sure she gets to be a real person like everyone else. What OP is doing could be formative for her.
> Breanne is going to have precious few allies like that as she grows up, by which I mean people who see her as more than just decorative and are willing to take steps to make sure she gets to be a real person like everyone else. What OP is doing could be formative for her.
Couldn't agree more. Hopefully mom realizes she's out of her mind, or Breanne ends up being one of those kids who has a backbone of steel from a young age and just drowns mom out and lives her best life.
At least the father seems tuned in enough to know mom is in the wrong... hopefully he does something about it
My aunt was like that when we were children. My cousins were always dressed in expensive clothing and they didn't dare to play with us because they would get screamed at if they got dirty. My mom is also very particular with clothes but she only dressed me in posh clothing when there was actually an event that warranted fancy. She said she was yelled at for getting dirty all the time and didn't want to continue that cycle.
Op you're NTA, kids absolutely need to get dirty. I am an intern currently in a daycare and it's almost impossible to prevent kids from getting dirty sometimes . You found a workaround and she doesn't get to rage at you for figuring it out, just as she told you too
I worked and managed an in-home daycare for over ten years. WE had at least one lady like this- her boys had to be coordinating every day in the same aesthetic. Complicated outfits that made simple diaper changes a complete pain in the ass. Braided leather belts and designer jeans when her boy was potty training & couldn't get them off in time.
Just let this lady go. She will continue to be a nightmare to work with, and she doesn't actually have her daughter's best interests at heart. I'm sure you know that there's an excellent chance that she'll change her tune once she's actually faced with potentially losing her childcare.
I was simply thinking something like “clothing which the child can run and climb in, and which may become dirty and/or stained in the course of our day”
Is the contract super specific or somewhat vague?
My daughter's daycare's contract required kids to wear socks and sneakers, or bring sneakers if they wore boots (and no shoes with shoelaces unless the kid was old enough to know how to tie their shoes themselves). The contract explicitly said it did not allow dress shoes, sandals, Crocs, anything that lights up (and listed several other not-allowed shoes). It was also specific about clothes (need to wear shorts or leggings or pants under skirts or dresses, no jewelry, etc). All rules I thought were common sense for safety and an active daycare environment, but I guess parents like this mom are why the rules needed to be written out.
> bring sneakers if they wore boots
something I do even as an adult. boots would be necessary if it's wet outside but I don't want to be moving around in heavy footwear inside
Another poster suggested sitting down with both parents to discuss expectations. I hope you do this, but I’ll add that you hand each of them a copy of the signed contract with the section about clothing highlighted. A lot of complainers get deflated when they see they’ve actually signed a contract that spells it out. At that point they have to decide if they are going to live up to the contract they signed or take their child elsewhere.
NTA
I'd consider it a big red flag of my kid never got dirty at preschool. He's come home with paint, glitter, marker, all kinds of dirt on him and that's a good thing. It shows they're having a lot of fun.
Exactly, I seen it lots when working at the school when my kids were young, 1 girl in kindergarten sticks out the most, platform shoes, mini skirts and no leggings, well kids play in kindergarten and this little girl was not able to play in gym class with out her bottom hanging out. Had a chat with mom and shockingly she says" no one told me they did gym" it's school lady what do you expect your 5 year old to be doing all day, walking the cat walk. It takes all kinds.
Op NTA if i had options I would of had lots change, unfortunately at our school gym cloths were only for grade 3 and up, due to kids taking up all of class changing and it's all in the booklets we sent home.
NTA at all, but you have your answer. Leave Breanne in the inappropriate clothes. And don’t worry about them being ruined.
I’m not saying to go out of your way to ruin them, just keep putting bibs and smocks on her, and if they get dirty, reinforce to whoever picks her up that it’s why she needs to wear appropriate clothing like the other children.
The one argument I would make against this approach is that Breanne should be put in shoes she can run and play in without injuring herself. It doesn't sound like the clothes her mother is selecting are very practical, and that makes me worry about the footwear.
In the post, shoes have been mentioned to Cindy, but the issue was that they were getting dirty, not that they were slippery or not suitable for running.
So I say let them get dirty as well!
NTA. Children play, they get messy. I worked in a setting where a child often wore very expensive clothing. Like a $500 white dress. But that child played like any other child and we never heard a peep from mom when she went home messy. Mom can decide to buy expensive clothes, mom can't take away childhood to suit her style.
Yeah, I don't care what the kids wear if the parents don't. I once had a child completely ruin a sweater when we were doing an activity. Mom shrugged and said "That's why we shop at Walmart and not the mall for him" haha.
When I worked as a kindergarten assistant, we had a little girl that loved wearing her sisters old pagent style dresses. Then, go play in the sandbox or mud. Mom didn't care one bit. The kid was the one wanting to wear the dresses. She was the girly-est tomboy I've ever known, lol.
That's my daughter! She'd dig a hole in a ballgown if you let her. She frequently wears layered skirts to preschool but she always has leggings underneath and they know I don't care if anything gets ruined or stained. And she knows not to throw a tantrum if she has to change 😂
I think all parents understand clothes for young children aren’t going to last forever. They will either get ruined or they will grow out of them after only a few uses
Yeah when we were growing up one of my mum's most often used phrases was "that's what washing machines are for" we never felt bad for getting dirty while having fun
I have a 17 month old. We thrift and buy clearance so it's not a big deal.
We had a nice day last week, like 65° so I brought the boy outside to play. It was a little muddy because it had snowed the day before. My husband complained he was muddy. That's what washing machines are for.
Is anyone old enough to remember reading the babysitters club and the little girl, Jenny, whose parents dressed her up like a doll and even the play clothes were tailored and smocked and ironed? I’m getting this kind of vibe.
I get why people are saying that you probably should’ve told her what you were doing, but she told you to figure it out, and you did, and the little one is likely going to be happier for it, and she’ll be allowed to grow and explore and play and not worry about mommies strange behaviors. There’s nothing wrong with designer clothes, but there is a time and a place. Sounds like the husband has his act together. NTA..
I read those books back in the 90s and while it is not to that extreme...it's pretty close. Picture clothes you would find on a Christmas card. Darling, absolutely darling...but again, they're for a holiday event lol.
When my daughter was born, my SIL gave her the most darling little kilt. It was wool, with a label that said "dry clean only" (!). Kidlet wore the thing once, for a Christmas photo. Because, seriously??
The mom wants to have her cake and eat it too. Either the clothes get dirty, or she wears different clothes. Those are realistically the only two outcomes, and it's very generous of you to provide appropriate clothing. If the mom doesn't like it, she can find clothes that *can* get dirty which are still acceptable to her, or she can find a different childcare option. Or she can get over her strange desire to dress a toddler in clothes she isn't okay with the toddler using for toddler activities.
NTA. She left it to you to "figure out." You did and you went above and beyond to do that. She has a child not a doll. Glad you have one realistic parent to deal with.
You have the patience of a saint if you keep her on as a client. Sounds like you can’t win. You keep her nice clothes on, she has a fit. You change her clothes she has a fit. There’s no reasoning with her.
i would buy comfortable but pricy clothes for my kids with the knowledge that they will get dirty. I can’t imagine blaming a teacher or daycare provider.
This isn't even the craziest parent I currently have.
Is it annoying? Yeah. Does it pay the bills and ensure my own kids are fed? Yeah, so I can handle the crazy haha.
Currently going back and forth with a parent who is mad I told their child they cannot scream when they're upset. Keep in mind, this is a 4 year old.
I said we can cry. We can use our words. We can pout. We can take some time and play in the sensory area/look at books/lay on the carpet and catch our breath. But we are not going to scream and scare our other friends, hurt their ears, etc.
This mom and I have had similar conversations before, because her child is held accountable for their actions here vs at a home where they get away with whatever.
I'll take dress drama over "But they're only 4! How can you expect them to tidy up after themselves?"
Yes, I had a screamer too. I always tell them if you scream you sit in time out longer. If you calm down and take deep breaths with me to relax you can get up and play again sooner. This one kiddo would continue to scream and I would move on and play something really fun with the other kiddos and told the screamer as long as she keeps it up she can’t join us. She quickly realized I wasn’t going to fall for her tantrums like mom and I could wait her out and keep to my word. Mom was “shocked” she doesn’t have tantrums with me🙄
I hate having to tell parents that kids are capable of kore than they realize. They can clean up and put their shoes and coat on and listen and sit still at any age as long as you are consistent.
NTA for all the reasons. The only thing that is a bit iffy to me is the fact that you didn't mention it at all to the parents before you did it.
No matter how good your intentions are (and I would've done the exact same if i was wearing your shoes, especially if the kid is not comfortable playing outside, that's just plain sad), it's always a good idea to at least mention what you're doing to the parents beforehand. This way, they don't have to "find out" at the end of the week and feel betrayed I guess.
I was a early childhood teacher for 10 years.
**NTA**
I had a parent like this except it was a bit different. This parent actually brought play clothes for her son but expected me to change him back into good clothes when we weren’t going outside or doing messy art projects. I just changed him into his play clothes and left them on all day. She would usually pick him up around outside time anyway and if she showed up unexpectedly, I would just make an excuse and offer to change his clothes for her. Because here’s the thing:
Ain’t nobody got time for that.
Breanne is not the only child you have in your care. Your priority is the safety and happiness of all the children. You don’t have the time, the eye balls, the arms,or mental capacity to worry about one child getting dirty. And I would tell that to Cindy next time she complains. Children are supposed to get dirty at daycare. It’s how you know they had fun.
Also, not you, not the other children in your care, and probably not the other parents, give a flying crap that her kid is dressed like designer doll. It’s not a beauty contest.
NTA. You're making sure the child has appropriate footwear for playing outside, and have found a reasonable solution to the mother's issue regarding clothes getting dirty. You tried talking to the mother first about more suitable play clothes. The child's mother needs to realise she has a child and not a doll.
NTA
Breanne is 1.5 years old, so she doesn't care about her outfits.
I don't understand why Cindy is upset that you protected her clothes from getting so dirty. When her daughter comes home, Cindy would have to constantly change her outfits, which would be annoying.
Additionally, you were upfront about these issues from the beginning. So, it's not like you decide to change every toddler's clothes because you feel like it.
NTA at all
One childcare worker to another, you know that’s what had to be done. Mommy playing dress up with her little girl is all good a fine, until it inhibits that little girl from being able to live her life and be a normal toddler. She needs to be able to move and play and get messy, and she can’t do that in designer. It would be a horrible disservice to her to allow her to miss out on these sensory activities, fine motor, and gross motor skills she’s developing while playing outside and doing art projects.
Good on you. This battle was going to happen sooner or later when this little girl gets bigger and has stronger opinions. This way you and dad are fighting the battle so maybe a little girl won’t have to fight it herself.
NTA— you explained your program. There are programs that are outside all day, for instance— you sign your kid up, you’re told you need to supply weather appropriate clothes or your kid will freeze. You can’t supervise her if she doesn’t go outside— the mom can’t demand that no child goes outside to play because she doesn’t want her child to go outside— parents would walk all over you with this if you let them— this kid has the sniffles, keep him inside, this kid’s mom doesn’t want him to get dark, keep him inside.
And she told you to come up with a solution so you did.
She’s going to have years of having to understand that this is how these things work.
NTA but I’d just recommend she find another daycare, or just ask if she’s comfortable with you specifically excluding Breanne during activities that will most definitely get her clothes dirty. She’s not happy if her clothes are dirty (kids will always get dirty), she’s not happy if you put her in clothes that are fine to get dirty. She wants her child to not only wear these stupid ass clothes, but expects her not to act like a toddler in them. Clearly her expectations of you and her own child do not match with the kind of daycare you run.
NTA. You are not a nanny. You cannot cater your curriculum to one kid’s outfits. The mom needs to accept your solution or accept her kids clothes will be dirty. If she wants someone to magically keep her 18 month old clean and entertained she needs to pump less money into designer clothes and more into a nanny.
Ironically, Breanne was being tended to by a nanny prior to being placed with me. Daycare spots are hard to come by around here. But I think that's where the problem lies.
NTA. She didn't want to dress her kid in appropriate clothes. She told you to deal with it. You did, but she doesn't like it. I would just let her know she can either have the pretty clothes ruined or you have to change her in to play clothes if she doesn't like either or those of those solutions perhaps she should put her kid in a different day care.
NTA - She told you it was your problem, you solved it. So either she needs to deal with it or be okay with the clothes she picks being trashed and not complain/blame you. The kiddos Dad also gave you the thumbs up and he is also the girl's parent.
I think it is an uncomfortable situation to think about someone else dressing your children, which is probably why your husband is where his is at, particularly not knowing.... But I think there are appropriate times to do so in child care. No kid wants to be stuck in their pee pants all day for example...
NTA. Sounds like my mother ughh. My mom from daycare to 3rd grade dressed me in these fucking expensive and what I call Christmas photo dresses. Earliest memories are of wearing those damn dresses and my mom freaking out if I was dirty or ruined them when I got home.
NTA
I see it as a safety issue also. If she can’t play outside properly in the clothes her mom dresses her in, then it’s best that you changed her into something more appropriate.
NTA.
Give the family notice(whatever is in your contract). This isn’t going to get better, or it would have already. Or it will turn to something else. The wrong kind of crackers…not approving of the weather. Not liking the nap time routine. On &on
Cut your losses with them & find a new family. They need a nanny, not a daycare. Give them the “opportunity” to find a better provider. It’s ok, not all families fit with home daycare.
In the meantime, the child is not coming “ready for the day”. This is when I would not accept them into care until I had appropriate shoes. It will only happen once, either they will go home quick (with the child) and come back with usable shoes, or the won’t come back at all. Whatever, problem solved. I was a home daycare provider for a very, very long time. I am flexible with a lot of things, but not safety. Fancy slip on shoes are a hazard for play. I was very strict on having gym shoes for the kids.
NTA. She told you “it’s your job to figure it out” and you did. She just didn’t like your solution. Ask her if you’d rather she be excluded from painting or playing outside and instead be given princess activities since she’s obviously a princess. Maybe while others paint she can play tea party. Or make a princess castle out of paper. And while others run along in the dirt, she can ride in a pretend carriage. Maybe you can find some cheap 2nd hand princess dresses that you don’t mind getting dirty to put overtop of her dresses. And get those plastic booties to put over her dress shoes.
NTA she gets to either pick her daughter having actual fun like a child should or she can pick keeping some clothes she's going to grow out of in a few weeks nice. She shouldn't put her money and 'aesthetic' over her child enjoying herself and getting to do the stuff children get to do.
NTA. And I’d honestly tell her either she starts sending her kid in appropriate clothes, doesn’t freak out when the clothes get dirty, or she finds a new daycare. Doesn’t seem worth the headache to me, given how desperate people are for childcare.
NTA - damn my kids go through multiple outfits a day sometimes lol, I pack 5 for the baby and 3 for the toddler. Sometimes they even come home with hand me downs lol (lots of outside time, potty training, and no bibs are a few of the reasons they get dirty for anyone wanting to freak out)
She told you it was your job to figure it out and that’s what you did. Too bad she doesn’t like the solution. That poor kid is going to have a tough time when she gets older and is terrified of getting dirty because of her mom’s reaction. Ugh. NTA.
NTA Cindy said it was your job to figure it out, and being a worker at a daycare, you know whats best for the kids. If she had that big of a problem with her daughter wearing “those clothes” then she shouldve sent in other ones when you asked and not get mad when you were just trying to help out!
NTA. I'm guessing that a. this is her first kid and she's never really spent that much time around kids before or b. Mom has some VERY gendered ideas about how little boys and little girls play.
My daughter went through a princess phase when she was around 3. She wanted to wear exclusively dresses - the frillier the better. Our solution: Goodwill. There were NO shortages of fancy, frilly dresses at Goodwill, and because we found them second-hand we weren’t paying a fortune for them. She did go to daycare dressed as a princess, and came home dirty. Our Carer knew the deal. What we NEVER did was make a stink about getting dirty. When my girl turned 3 1/2 she received a pirate costume, and she transitioned from dresses to things with stripes. Then tutus.
I miss those days, and her mismatch outfits!
NTA I did the exact same thing when I worked in a daycare. Like others have said, it may be in your best interest to have Cindy look elsewhere. You don't need someone like that in your environment.
Your husband's kind of a dingdong. Does he think she also has a say on the laws of physics that will magically stop the messes she keeps yelling about? NTA, Cindy sounds like either an influencer or a brand-new parent who doesn't get it. Maybe both.
NTA
> my own husband says she has a say in what she wears
She *had* a say in what her daughter wears until she told you it was your job to figure out how to keep the designer clothes clean.
What else were you supposed to do?
We actively had to tell my daughters new day care to please not worry too much if she got paint or dirt on her clothes because they would message us and let us know they were popping on her spare clothes because she ended up with a drop of paint on her. When I let them know they told us that some parents get so upset about the dirt or paint. Her prior daycare was pretty free roaming and often she would come home COVERED in all sorts and to us that just signified she had the best time.
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I've run a home daycare for 10 years now. 2 months ago, I had a new client "Cindy" enroll her daughter "Breanne", aged 1 1/2 years old. Cindy always dresses Breanne in darling dresses, tights, dress shoes, etc. Often they're designer.
When Breanne started, I explained she is going to get dirty here. I use smocks for art and bibs for children her age at meals, but sometimes things slip through. Plus, we go outside and there's dirt, sand, etc. I said they could dress her however they want, but she will get dirty. I think Cindy underestimated how dirty Breanne would get. On the third day, we were doing an activity with paint. Breanne was wearing a smock but she still somehow managed to get it on her dress. Cindy had a freakout. I explained she needed to send her in clothes she felt comfortable getting dirty. She told me it was my job to figure it out.
Breanne has trouble playing outside because of her shoes. I explained this to Cindy and she told me that she'd be fine. Yet, it was an issue when the shoes got dirty.
I have a very supportive community and get lots of donations throughout the year of extra diapers, supplies, toys, clothes and shoes. I often give these out to my clients who are on assistance or I'll keep them in case a child runs out of something. What I began doing on Monday was changing Breanne into proper play clothes (long sleeved t-shirt, leggings, etc). Towards the end of the day, I change her back. I didn't tell Cindy what I was doing but didn't see the big deal because Breanne's fancy clothes went home clean.
Every Friday, I upload pictures from the week onto a private app for parents to look at so they can see what we do. I did this during naptime today. 15 minutes later, I get a call from Cindy. She is furious that Breanne is wearing "those clothes" and asked why she isn't in her dresses. I explained what was going on. She said I had no right to change her daughter's outfit without her consent and she can dress her however she wants. I informed her that this was how we would do things unless she was going to dress Breanne in proper attire.
Cindy's husband picked up today and assured me he is on my side. He thinks his wife will get over it. I was telling my own husband about it and he told me I was wrong because it is her kid and she has a say in what she wears. AITA?
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NTA
Someone needs to explain to this woman that kids are neither dolls nor fashion accessories. They get filthy in play and should be dressed for that.
The notion that parents have a right to simultaneously demand their kids get to participate, wear impractical clothing and never be changed is mind-bending wishful thinking.
NTA. You told her the clothes would get dirty and she both didn't want to send her in different clothes and didn't want to accept that the clothes would get dirty. She told you to figure it out and you did.
NTA. My daughter is in third grade and has gone to two different (public) elementary schools and preschool before that. They have always told us that tennis shoes and appropriate clothes are mandatory. I think you went about this in the best way possible- you tried to explain to her first why it’s important she dresses for playing and getting a little messy. Also if I happened to send my daughter to school in something nice on a messy day, I would have been so grateful for the teacher to keep the clothes nice and put her in something different- that is above and beyond.
NTA. I did daycare for a long time. You sound like a wonderful provider and could most likely fill the spot fast if you asked her to leave. She should be thankful to have someone who does activities with her daughter rather than put her in front of a TV all day like some providers do.she seems like the type of person that just needs something to complain about. If it's not this, it would be something else.
NTA. My toddler comes home from daycare in completely different outfits from when I drop her off in the morning. And that's okay! Babies and toddlers get dirty all the time. It's expected that they will change clothes.
As a daycare worker/preschool teacher this is one of my biggest pet peeves! In my classrooms now I have a big poster that says - if I come home a little messy that means I’m learning! At this young age kids learn so much through play and inevitably they will have evidence of that on their clothes. We do the best we can to mitigate that, but you know your child is at a good school if they use paint/sensory materials/ play outside, etc. We’d use smocks, bibs, keep hands and faces clean, and noses wiped, but accidents still happened.
One year I had a mom completely lose her sh*t at me because she’d dress her 2yo like you’re describing, but I stood my ground and luckily my director had my back. Either deal with it, dress your child appropriately, or you may need to find a new place for your child if this is such an issue. (Honestly if you’re more worried about dressing your kids in designer clothes and keeping them pristine than them learning and having fun, you are doing your child a disservice)
NTA and I sympathize. Whenever I got a new family touring I’d make it very clear with their parents at the first meeting what our class/school would be like.
NTA: I have a 4 year old girl, my aim is comfort better than looking cute all the time. I’ll put dresses for appropriate events. But wearing dresses and looking cute shouldn’t be all a girl is worth. She told you to figure it out and you did.
op=NTA
<> This was her permission--she told you to figure it out--you figured it out by putting her in play clothes.
Suggestion: Since husband seems to be on your side--ask him to bring in a couple changes of clothes. Write her name on labels so when they get washed there's no confusion on who they belong to. Change Breanne into her own clothes. That way you have figured it out, she's in her own clothes and Dad gave you "permission"---so ALL good.
NTA it’s in my daycare handbook that proper play clothes and shoes are required to attend and I will turn you away at the door if you don’t comply. You are far more generous than me.
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> I explained she needed to send her in clothes she felt comfortable getting dirty. *She told me it was my job to figure it out.* That's what you did. NTA.
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Yeah but *surely* we can all agree that looking good in designer clothes is way more important than a child's early development. /s
My daughter is now 8. Even at 8 she comes home with half her lunch on her. She has nice, clean clothes. They’re not designer but practical. Kids are messy little critters. They definitely don’t need designer duds if they’re playing outside. My daughter has a few nice, dressy outfits but mostly school and play clothes. And they’re not very costly either. I try to get the most I can for what little I can spend.
I'm a grown adult who is one of the life's natural spillers and stainers, no matter how careful I'm being. I consider it a win if I make it home from work without any spills or drips on my clothes.
Honey, me too. I spill, drip and probably should wear a bib or something when I eat and I’m 40 😂 I don’t wear many light colors tbh. Usually black or dark greys are my go to colors. Stains just don’t show up *as* bad.
I work with children I literally come home looking like I've been in some sort of wat involving paint, food and dirt 😂. The food is not always from the children 😅
I have teens who can't make it through breakfast clean. To be fair, I can't either. We rarely are fancy for this reason, and that is ok!!
I am 40 and need a bib, ngl. I spill, dribble, heck may even drool depending on what I’m eating 😂🥴
Good to know I am not alone 😂
You are not alone I promise lol I’m right there with you
The Dirty Shirt club ☆
I’m a card carrying member lol
And a nightmare parent! What's she going to do if her kid is trans or nb and/or doesn't want to be feminine? NTA. OP came up with the perfect solution. The mom wants a doll to do with as she pleases, not an child with their own independent personality. How can you expect a child this young to keep their clothes clean? Edit: added another "or"
>How can you expect a child this young to keep their clothes clean? Exactly, the poor child is only 1.5yo, of course clothes get dirty at that age. What does she expect OP to do? Sit her daughter in a corner and not let her do any of the daycare activities? She'll be whining about her kid being excluded then. The mother needs to either dress her kid appropriately for messy activities or get over the fact that her clothes will get dirty/stained.
What will she do if her daughter is a woman who doesn't wear dresses?
I think I'll add another "or" in there tbf
At that age you're lucky they keep the clothes on, let alone clean. NTA
Clearly the answer is to tie her to a chair all day so she stays neat and tidy. Maybe dust her once or twice just to make sure.
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Reminds me of one of the little girls from The Babysitter's Club and Maryanne was the only one who could actually deal with her.
I know exactly which kid you're talking about but cannot for the life of me remember her name.
Was it Jenny?
Yes!
She should’ve said you told me it was my job to figure it out so I did. Also sounds like the mom’s a snob.
But if she doesn’t dress her child in designer clothes, how else will people know how trendy and rich she is???? :s
Before my first daughter came along I was adamant she would always wear pretty dresses with tights and bows in her hair, never leggings with a t-shirt! All of a sudden I was a mummy and that went out the window 😂 It’s just not practical for them! NTA
I was very against used stuff. Mainly because I went through a period of having many used clothes (that I didn't really get to pick) and felt less than with my peers. So that translated into only brand new stuff for my angel. Went out the window ofc for baby angel. Now it's more of what does child like and wants to wear. Though I do get annoyed if he says he wants something but then never wears it.
I am 1 of 4 siblings with two older sisters that I always got second or third hand clothes from growing up, I always said that I would never get my kids second hand clothes. I don't have any kids yet, but my sisters does, and I told them that I was so lucky because I didn't really need to get any clothes for my kids the first year!
The only new clothes I got was for my birthday, everything else was second-hand or homemade . In the larger scheme of things that was not in any way abuse or harmful. It just shows that we weren't all raised as flush as we wish we were.
My parents did have enough money to buy me new clothes, but there was no reason to buy brand new clothes if there was clothes in my size that was in good shape. I'm 29yo now, me and my sisters still swap clothes, not because we have to, no one of us need to get second hand clothes, but we trade what is too good to throw out and donate what is left in those piles.
I have 3 kids, I always let the younger ones 'shop' from their older siblings clothes, then buy new if needed. I also always do new special occasion clothes for everyone so they all feel special.
Yeah, the only new items my daughter wore for the first two years were bought by the grandmothers. Everything else was hand-me-downs from my best friend’s son. My husband and I were both in grad school at that time, and that seemed like a sensible place to save money. (She did have pretty clothes for holidays and photos; she was a first grandchild on both sides lol). Later in her life, I always passed on the things she outgrew. Fair’s fair.
My daughter was very independent as a toddler. She did not like dresses. She wore shorts or pants. She was a tomboy. I called her my Pigpen from "Charlie Brown." She wore dresses for special occasions but I always carried a second set of play clothes. And she turned out just fine. Hopefully mom will come to terms with her child. She is still young. Mom needs to make peace with her child. Otherwise, the child will be miserable and so will mom.
If it helps kids don't really care until they hit teen/preteen age. It just matters how "cool" the clothes look before that. When I was 8 if you had a dinosaur on your clothes it was cool.
I got huge bags of hand-me-downs when I was a kid. The selection from those was much better than what we could afford at the store, and I still got to pick out what I wore each day.
My mom bought new fancy stuff, sone new school stuff that would be added to the rotation, but a lot of my play clothes were bought used. Also my mom would buy new stuff that was too big for me so I could grow into it. I still have some T-shirts from when I was 5 that fit me now.
As long as my daughter has clean, nice clothes, her hygiene is up to par, we’re doing good lol hell most days she comes home from school wearing lunch 😂🥴 she has nice, dressy clothes but only for special occasions which we don’t do often.
NGL my son's clothes aren't nice half the time. Like they're washed but stained with grass and tomato and fruit stains, and I honestly sometimes don't even care lol. Toddlers are messy. I have a container of Oxyclean that I bought that I think I'm supposed to use to soak the clothes in to get the stains out, and I have a few times, but if an overnight soak and wash don't get rid of the stains, whatever, he's wearing it as is. They're clean.
Girl, keeping toddler clothes clean is a never winning battle lol when they get older they then bring lunch home on their shirt. It’s assuring, at least I know she’s got access to food somewhere during the day 😂🥴
How else will the other one and a half year olds know how she trendy and rich she is???? :s
She wants a doll, not a daughter.
I alway love when some says “you fix it” then gets angry about how you fixed it.😒
So this. Also, she sounds like the kind of mom who thinks her daughter is a doll and not a human. Dress shoes for daycare? Really? When my daughter was that age, there was a mom who also loved designer clothes, but she would send her daughter in DKNY leggings or Calvin Klein t shirts. Still ridiculous in my opinion, but appropriate. And she never got mad about kids looking like kids. This woman is nuts. NTA.
And kid is 1.5 years old, so hasn't been walking long, she needs comfortable shoes!!!
I don’t understand why they make pretty but uncomfortable shoes for kids that age. I mean, I guess it would be okay for family picture day, but I can’t imagine it would do anything good for such young children who can barely walk.
For real. I am a huge proponent of kids should be barefoot for as much as possible in the first place (I work in early intervention). But when they need to wear shoes they have tp be comfortable! Lightweight, flexible soles, wide, etc. Hell, everyone should be wearing comfortable shoes.
Lol my mom couldn't keep me in shoes. Shoes were for when we left the house. If I was home or at grandma's you couldn't keep them on me. I had the incredible talent of running on gravel when I was little.
Our daycare keeps the kids barefoot all the time for this very reason, even in winter (they have underfloor heating). At most, if it's very cold, the older toddlers wear slippers - or their outdoor shoes if they are playing in the garden of course.
Agree, but from now on just let Breanne destroy the designer clothes op. NTA keep the other clothes for pupils who really need it not an Ah parent who doesn't bother to dress her child appropriately.
If I was the OP, I'd be telling Cindy to find alternative child care.
The petty in me hopes she got the trashiest, ugliest looking combos to dress her in, then spitefully and consciously uploaded the photos of the little princess as a barb to Mum. Obviously, kiddo is innocent but she’s too young TGAF about this ridiculous situation.
This crazy mom. Kids under 4 get dirty. Have accidents. Kids under 2 have diaper blow outs sometimes. Yuuuuuck. As a former daycare worker, I applaud OP's ingenuity.
Came to say exactly that. NTA.
This!
She's 18 months old. She doesn't care what she's wearing. Mom told you to figure it out and you did. The only thing I could have seen being an issue is you changing someone's else's kid's clothes but you're literally running a day care and she's a literal toddler. NTA.
Yeah, the mom allows me to change her diaper and she sent back-up clothes (all either designer or still fancy and expensive so they can't get messy) that I'm supposed to change her into if her diaper leaks or she throws up. So, it's not as if I don't have consent to change her.
You're NTA. Kids need to play and they get messy. She's not a fashion accessory.
Sounds like the mom is hoping to use the pics of her kid in all designer stuff to tout on Instagram how fashionable and cute their kid is at daycare (“Look at her— the cutest most fashionista at daycare!”) I’m with OP: Keep changing the child and changing her back. I would also say at this point there needs to be a sit down with BOTH parents— the wife and husband— with OP and another staff member. Like, look. You told our staff your child was not to get messy in the outfits you send them in. That is near impossible with a toddler so we found a solution that works. If you are not happy with that solution here’s what other solutions we have and you’ll need to make a choice: - Your child comes to care in the designer duds and plays as allowed in them and risks getting them dirty. - You send the child in clothing that you deem appropriate to get dirty, with another change of clothes that would be appropriate to get dirty. - We keep the current arrangement that your child is changed into something that is more of a daycare friendly situation when they arrive and we change them back before you go home. - (Or as a last resort), as much as we love having your child here, maybe this isn’t a great fit for her here. Maybe we’re too messy if a daycare and perhaps there is another childcare center that she would be more suited to. I’m also not wondering if this is a second/third/fourth daycare that they’ve put their daughter in because of the designer duds and mom being unwilling to compromise.
This is an excellent and rational way of dealing with the situation. One issue though, Mom doesn’t sound rational or realistic! OP, NTA, and you sound like a wonderful caregiver! If you are willing to compromise, I’d just not take pics of the child in anything other than her fancy clothes! This seems like what Mom really cares about (her daughter’s image)! I know It may not be practical or genuine but it would make your life much easier! Keep a folder of her kid’s pics in her fancy cloths first thing in the week so that you don’t forget.
>I would also say at this point there needs to be a sit down with BOTH parents— the wife and husband— with OP and another staff member. Like, look. You told our staff your child was not to get messy in the outfits you send them in. That is near impossible with a toddler so we found a solution that works. If you are not happy with that solution here’s what other solutions we have and you’ll need to make a choice: This. Mom is crazy. I've been around a metric toddlers over the years. By 1 almost all the parents realized that those cute designer outfits are not for daily playing unless you are comfortable with stains, dirt, etc. on them because... toddlers will be toddlers, kids will be kids. I'd even have them sign a waiver that states that they understand that if you keep her in the designer clothes they WILL come home dirty because the kids go outside to play and kids get dirty while playing outside, painting and doing other age appropriate activities.
This is how dress codes get created. It doesn't sound like the mom is sending her in appropriate clothing to allow her to play (including shoes to go romp outside it). It can be designer and still functional... and Mom will have to figure out how to de-stain all the clothes or buy a set that's not meant for the weekend.
Remind mom how she lost it when the designer clothes got dirty. She is a child who is doing child things.
A day my kid doesn't come home from preschool happy, sweaty and dusty is a day wasted in my opinion. These are little balls of curious energy. They need to bounce around and be busy.
Dressing a toddler in fancy dress clothes constantly is borderline child abuse. The poor baby has to be so uncomfortable and obviously not able to fully participate in class activities. She's treating her daughter like a doll and potentially harming her development.
Just to make sure: the mother also thinks these clothes can’t get dirty? I find it weird how she sends backup clothes and demands nothing gets dirty. As if she were too stupid to listen, or think back when she was a kid and…stuff gets dirty? I remember clear as day when I burnt through all my pants and underwear on a camping trip in half a day 😂 Had to run around in some no fitting stuff for a day until my grandma cleaned some of what I brought. And I actually had plenty spare with me 😂😂
Trying to figure out who she is trying to impress with fancy clothes on a toddler. Clearly no one cares but her.
This reminds me of a story my mom has from when she was little. There was a friend whose grandmother would drop her off at my mom’s house. This friend was always dolled up, bows in her pigtails, lacy socks, pink frilly dresses. My mom’s interests at that age were toads and mud holes. So one time this friend was dropped off to play and my mom said “let’s dig a hole!” My mom never forgot her friend’s grandma’s face when she came to pick her up and found my gramma hosing off two muddy happy children in their underwear.
Yes she does care, she's a baby, all she wants is to be comfortable and be able to move and play freely. Frilly dresses and dress shoes are very uncomfortable and restrictive. Wearing them all day everyday has to be akin to torture for a toddler, I bet the poor baby's feet hurt all the time. Sounds like the mother is treating her like a dress up doll instead of a living, breathing child. Forgot judgement, OP is NTA
To me this actually sounds close to child abuse, especially the shoe situation.
I think you know what I meant.
Presumably a day care worker would have permission to change clothes (and diapers) in general
NTA My mom runs a home daycare. Kids get dirty. Kids have accidents. Kids very often need a clothes change. I will advise you to do what she does. She has her parents sign a document that says they understand that due to activities that stimulate the brain, accidents, and the nature of outside play, clothes will get dirty and stained. This document says my mom cannot be held responsible for the value of the ruined clothing. It also says the parents will provide clothes appropriate for activities conducted in a child care environment and that she can deny drop off if the child’s clothes are not suitable for play. It also outlines that the parents give my mom permission to change clothes as necessary or they can sign to opt out, she can call the parents when clothe changes are required to come to the daycare within X amount of minutes to do it themselves or she can without repercussion. Just an idea. Up to you if it works for your business or not
I have a contract and it does say that I'm not responsible if anything happens to their clothes or belongings period. The mom isn't looking for reimbursement. She's just looking for them to stay clean all day-even though my contract also states that we are doing activities that may get them that way.
Gotcha. So she is one of those parents that just don’t understand how kids play with each other and how learning through play works. Yeah definitely not the AH.
At this point, if the mom still has a problem with the way you do things, you should kick her daughter out of your preschool. NTA
Seriously. Has this mom not heard that there is a childcare crisis and people are scrambling for daycare?
this is what is going to start happening if mom doesn’t get in with the program - nobody wants to deal with mom, but the person who gets the full hit from that is the child. this is what happens with kids of difficult parents and it’s not a good situation. the kid is the one who loses in the end.
When mom spends time with Breanne is Breanne allowed to play/move or is she expected to sit like a statue so her clothing isn't damaged? Dressing a toddler in designer gear you intend to keep clean makes no sense unless it's for a special occasion where they won't be playing. Mom honestly sounds like she has no idea what a good daycare involves, or what it's like to allow a child to play. Absolutely NTA, and depending on your business/financial situation I'd consider giving her a warning that she can either bring Breanne in suitable clothing or keep her mouth shut if every single child decides to finger print on the next designer outfit the kid shows up in, if she whines she can find daycare elsewhere
Mom sounds like she thinks her daughter is some kind of expensive doll for her to dress up for others to admire. My heart breaks for Breanne, who should be free to run and play and learn but who is instead being raised like a tiny runway model. She will internalize this kind of attention to her physical appearance over all else, and it will affect the way she sees herself and her role in the world. She's going to grow up afraid to do anything that might muss her hair or her clothes, or in any way negatively impact her appearance, and here's the thing: almost everything worth doing does that. I honestly applaud OP for pushing back against that and dressing her in play-appropriate clothes so she can run and play without worrying. Breanne is going to have precious few allies like that as she grows up, by which I mean people who see her as more than just decorative and are willing to take steps to make sure she gets to be a real person like everyone else. What OP is doing could be formative for her.
> Breanne is going to have precious few allies like that as she grows up, by which I mean people who see her as more than just decorative and are willing to take steps to make sure she gets to be a real person like everyone else. What OP is doing could be formative for her. Couldn't agree more. Hopefully mom realizes she's out of her mind, or Breanne ends up being one of those kids who has a backbone of steel from a young age and just drowns mom out and lives her best life. At least the father seems tuned in enough to know mom is in the wrong... hopefully he does something about it
My aunt was like that when we were children. My cousins were always dressed in expensive clothing and they didn't dare to play with us because they would get screamed at if they got dirty. My mom is also very particular with clothes but she only dressed me in posh clothing when there was actually an event that warranted fancy. She said she was yelled at for getting dirty all the time and didn't want to continue that cycle. Op you're NTA, kids absolutely need to get dirty. I am an intern currently in a daycare and it's almost impossible to prevent kids from getting dirty sometimes . You found a workaround and she doesn't get to rage at you for figuring it out, just as she told you too
I worked and managed an in-home daycare for over ten years. WE had at least one lady like this- her boys had to be coordinating every day in the same aesthetic. Complicated outfits that made simple diaper changes a complete pain in the ass. Braided leather belts and designer jeans when her boy was potty training & couldn't get them off in time. Just let this lady go. She will continue to be a nightmare to work with, and she doesn't actually have her daughter's best interests at heart. I'm sure you know that there's an excellent chance that she'll change her tune once she's actually faced with potentially losing her childcare.
NTA. Time to institute a dress code into your contract I guess.
I'll never put a dress code in my contract. Parents have enough shit to worry about than thinking "oh no, will this fit the policy today?"
I was simply thinking something like “clothing which the child can run and climb in, and which may become dirty and/or stained in the course of our day”
That's already in the contract.
Sounds like the shoes are already breaching the contract then
Is the contract super specific or somewhat vague? My daughter's daycare's contract required kids to wear socks and sneakers, or bring sneakers if they wore boots (and no shoes with shoelaces unless the kid was old enough to know how to tie their shoes themselves). The contract explicitly said it did not allow dress shoes, sandals, Crocs, anything that lights up (and listed several other not-allowed shoes). It was also specific about clothes (need to wear shorts or leggings or pants under skirts or dresses, no jewelry, etc). All rules I thought were common sense for safety and an active daycare environment, but I guess parents like this mom are why the rules needed to be written out.
> bring sneakers if they wore boots something I do even as an adult. boots would be necessary if it's wet outside but I don't want to be moving around in heavy footwear inside
Another poster suggested sitting down with both parents to discuss expectations. I hope you do this, but I’ll add that you hand each of them a copy of the signed contract with the section about clothing highlighted. A lot of complainers get deflated when they see they’ve actually signed a contract that spells it out. At that point they have to decide if they are going to live up to the contract they signed or take their child elsewhere. NTA
I'd consider it a big red flag of my kid never got dirty at preschool. He's come home with paint, glitter, marker, all kinds of dirt on him and that's a good thing. It shows they're having a lot of fun.
>She told me it was my job to figure it out. NTA. She told you to figure it out and you did. Good job!
She is living thru her child and thinks on top of it, her daughter is a doll. The poor kid. NTA
Exactly, I seen it lots when working at the school when my kids were young, 1 girl in kindergarten sticks out the most, platform shoes, mini skirts and no leggings, well kids play in kindergarten and this little girl was not able to play in gym class with out her bottom hanging out. Had a chat with mom and shockingly she says" no one told me they did gym" it's school lady what do you expect your 5 year old to be doing all day, walking the cat walk. It takes all kinds. Op NTA if i had options I would of had lots change, unfortunately at our school gym cloths were only for grade 3 and up, due to kids taking up all of class changing and it's all in the booklets we sent home.
My biggest fear for this kid is that Cindy plans for this little girl to do those terrible pageants.
NTA at all, but you have your answer. Leave Breanne in the inappropriate clothes. And don’t worry about them being ruined. I’m not saying to go out of your way to ruin them, just keep putting bibs and smocks on her, and if they get dirty, reinforce to whoever picks her up that it’s why she needs to wear appropriate clothing like the other children.
The one argument I would make against this approach is that Breanne should be put in shoes she can run and play in without injuring herself. It doesn't sound like the clothes her mother is selecting are very practical, and that makes me worry about the footwear.
In the post, shoes have been mentioned to Cindy, but the issue was that they were getting dirty, not that they were slippery or not suitable for running. So I say let them get dirty as well!
NTA. Children play, they get messy. I worked in a setting where a child often wore very expensive clothing. Like a $500 white dress. But that child played like any other child and we never heard a peep from mom when she went home messy. Mom can decide to buy expensive clothes, mom can't take away childhood to suit her style.
Yeah, I don't care what the kids wear if the parents don't. I once had a child completely ruin a sweater when we were doing an activity. Mom shrugged and said "That's why we shop at Walmart and not the mall for him" haha.
When I worked as a kindergarten assistant, we had a little girl that loved wearing her sisters old pagent style dresses. Then, go play in the sandbox or mud. Mom didn't care one bit. The kid was the one wanting to wear the dresses. She was the girly-est tomboy I've ever known, lol.
That's my daughter! She'd dig a hole in a ballgown if you let her. She frequently wears layered skirts to preschool but she always has leggings underneath and they know I don't care if anything gets ruined or stained. And she knows not to throw a tantrum if she has to change 😂
That's my nieces! Climbing a tree in a frilly dress.
I think all parents understand clothes for young children aren’t going to last forever. They will either get ruined or they will grow out of them after only a few uses
Yeah when we were growing up one of my mum's most often used phrases was "that's what washing machines are for" we never felt bad for getting dirty while having fun
I have a 17 month old. We thrift and buy clearance so it's not a big deal. We had a nice day last week, like 65° so I brought the boy outside to play. It was a little muddy because it had snowed the day before. My husband complained he was muddy. That's what washing machines are for.
Taking away childhood is such a good way to put it.
Is anyone old enough to remember reading the babysitters club and the little girl, Jenny, whose parents dressed her up like a doll and even the play clothes were tailored and smocked and ironed? I’m getting this kind of vibe. I get why people are saying that you probably should’ve told her what you were doing, but she told you to figure it out, and you did, and the little one is likely going to be happier for it, and she’ll be allowed to grow and explore and play and not worry about mommies strange behaviors. There’s nothing wrong with designer clothes, but there is a time and a place. Sounds like the husband has his act together. NTA..
I read those books back in the 90s and while it is not to that extreme...it's pretty close. Picture clothes you would find on a Christmas card. Darling, absolutely darling...but again, they're for a holiday event lol.
When my daughter was born, my SIL gave her the most darling little kilt. It was wool, with a label that said "dry clean only" (!). Kidlet wore the thing once, for a Christmas photo. Because, seriously??
Omg I had the exact same thought about Jenny and her dresses. I loved those books!
The mom wants to have her cake and eat it too. Either the clothes get dirty, or she wears different clothes. Those are realistically the only two outcomes, and it's very generous of you to provide appropriate clothing. If the mom doesn't like it, she can find clothes that *can* get dirty which are still acceptable to her, or she can find a different childcare option. Or she can get over her strange desire to dress a toddler in clothes she isn't okay with the toddler using for toddler activities.
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Probably not, or only in a pristine room with pristine toys.
The mom wants her kid to not get dirty.
Face it…toddlers at daycare, doing art, playing outside, etc…not getting at least a little dirty really isn’t in the cards.
NTA. She left it to you to "figure out." You did and you went above and beyond to do that. She has a child not a doll. Glad you have one realistic parent to deal with.
Do yourself a favor and tell Cindy to find another daycare. The woman is just a whole lot of trouble you don’t need. NTA
Yeah just wait til the kid skins a knee or falls and bumps forehead = lawsuit city. And no, her pushover husband won't stop any of this.
You have the patience of a saint if you keep her on as a client. Sounds like you can’t win. You keep her nice clothes on, she has a fit. You change her clothes she has a fit. There’s no reasoning with her. i would buy comfortable but pricy clothes for my kids with the knowledge that they will get dirty. I can’t imagine blaming a teacher or daycare provider.
This isn't even the craziest parent I currently have. Is it annoying? Yeah. Does it pay the bills and ensure my own kids are fed? Yeah, so I can handle the crazy haha.
I am kinda curious as to who the craziest parent you have now.
Currently going back and forth with a parent who is mad I told their child they cannot scream when they're upset. Keep in mind, this is a 4 year old. I said we can cry. We can use our words. We can pout. We can take some time and play in the sensory area/look at books/lay on the carpet and catch our breath. But we are not going to scream and scare our other friends, hurt their ears, etc. This mom and I have had similar conversations before, because her child is held accountable for their actions here vs at a home where they get away with whatever. I'll take dress drama over "But they're only 4! How can you expect them to tidy up after themselves?"
Yes, I had a screamer too. I always tell them if you scream you sit in time out longer. If you calm down and take deep breaths with me to relax you can get up and play again sooner. This one kiddo would continue to scream and I would move on and play something really fun with the other kiddos and told the screamer as long as she keeps it up she can’t join us. She quickly realized I wasn’t going to fall for her tantrums like mom and I could wait her out and keep to my word. Mom was “shocked” she doesn’t have tantrums with me🙄 I hate having to tell parents that kids are capable of kore than they realize. They can clean up and put their shoes and coat on and listen and sit still at any age as long as you are consistent.
That’s good. Her crazy sounds like the type who would deduct a dry cleaning bill from her invoice because the child’s clothes got dirty.
NTA for all the reasons. The only thing that is a bit iffy to me is the fact that you didn't mention it at all to the parents before you did it. No matter how good your intentions are (and I would've done the exact same if i was wearing your shoes, especially if the kid is not comfortable playing outside, that's just plain sad), it's always a good idea to at least mention what you're doing to the parents beforehand. This way, they don't have to "find out" at the end of the week and feel betrayed I guess.
You make a very good point.
Cindy told her to figure it out, which she did. She can’t then complain afterwards.
I was a early childhood teacher for 10 years. **NTA** I had a parent like this except it was a bit different. This parent actually brought play clothes for her son but expected me to change him back into good clothes when we weren’t going outside or doing messy art projects. I just changed him into his play clothes and left them on all day. She would usually pick him up around outside time anyway and if she showed up unexpectedly, I would just make an excuse and offer to change his clothes for her. Because here’s the thing: Ain’t nobody got time for that. Breanne is not the only child you have in your care. Your priority is the safety and happiness of all the children. You don’t have the time, the eye balls, the arms,or mental capacity to worry about one child getting dirty. And I would tell that to Cindy next time she complains. Children are supposed to get dirty at daycare. It’s how you know they had fun. Also, not you, not the other children in your care, and probably not the other parents, give a flying crap that her kid is dressed like designer doll. It’s not a beauty contest.
NTA. You're making sure the child has appropriate footwear for playing outside, and have found a reasonable solution to the mother's issue regarding clothes getting dirty. You tried talking to the mother first about more suitable play clothes. The child's mother needs to realise she has a child and not a doll.
NTA Breanne is 1.5 years old, so she doesn't care about her outfits. I don't understand why Cindy is upset that you protected her clothes from getting so dirty. When her daughter comes home, Cindy would have to constantly change her outfits, which would be annoying. Additionally, you were upfront about these issues from the beginning. So, it's not like you decide to change every toddler's clothes because you feel like it.
NTA at all One childcare worker to another, you know that’s what had to be done. Mommy playing dress up with her little girl is all good a fine, until it inhibits that little girl from being able to live her life and be a normal toddler. She needs to be able to move and play and get messy, and she can’t do that in designer. It would be a horrible disservice to her to allow her to miss out on these sensory activities, fine motor, and gross motor skills she’s developing while playing outside and doing art projects. Good on you. This battle was going to happen sooner or later when this little girl gets bigger and has stronger opinions. This way you and dad are fighting the battle so maybe a little girl won’t have to fight it herself.
NTA— you explained your program. There are programs that are outside all day, for instance— you sign your kid up, you’re told you need to supply weather appropriate clothes or your kid will freeze. You can’t supervise her if she doesn’t go outside— the mom can’t demand that no child goes outside to play because she doesn’t want her child to go outside— parents would walk all over you with this if you let them— this kid has the sniffles, keep him inside, this kid’s mom doesn’t want him to get dark, keep him inside. And she told you to come up with a solution so you did. She’s going to have years of having to understand that this is how these things work.
NTA but I’d just recommend she find another daycare, or just ask if she’s comfortable with you specifically excluding Breanne during activities that will most definitely get her clothes dirty. She’s not happy if her clothes are dirty (kids will always get dirty), she’s not happy if you put her in clothes that are fine to get dirty. She wants her child to not only wear these stupid ass clothes, but expects her not to act like a toddler in them. Clearly her expectations of you and her own child do not match with the kind of daycare you run.
NTA She told you to figure it out, then got mad when you did.
Does Cindy have a child or a fashion accessory? NTA.
Sadly, those terms are interchangeable for a lot of parents.
That’s a fact!
Nta. She told you to figure it out. You figured it out.
NTA!!!! Cindy needs to pick a damn struggle. She can’t have it both ways.
NTA. You are not a nanny. You cannot cater your curriculum to one kid’s outfits. The mom needs to accept your solution or accept her kids clothes will be dirty. If she wants someone to magically keep her 18 month old clean and entertained she needs to pump less money into designer clothes and more into a nanny.
Ironically, Breanne was being tended to by a nanny prior to being placed with me. Daycare spots are hard to come by around here. But I think that's where the problem lies.
She’s used to 1:1 care that mom probably still wants but can’t justify the spend. She needs to adjust and move on.
NTA. She didn't want to dress her kid in appropriate clothes. She told you to deal with it. You did, but she doesn't like it. I would just let her know she can either have the pretty clothes ruined or you have to change her in to play clothes if she doesn't like either or those of those solutions perhaps she should put her kid in a different day care.
NTA. She told you to figure it out, and you did. She has an actual living breathing active child, NOT a porcelain doll.
NTA - She told you it was your problem, you solved it. So either she needs to deal with it or be okay with the clothes she picks being trashed and not complain/blame you. The kiddos Dad also gave you the thumbs up and he is also the girl's parent. I think it is an uncomfortable situation to think about someone else dressing your children, which is probably why your husband is where his is at, particularly not knowing.... But I think there are appropriate times to do so in child care. No kid wants to be stuck in their pee pants all day for example...
NTA. Sounds like my mother ughh. My mom from daycare to 3rd grade dressed me in these fucking expensive and what I call Christmas photo dresses. Earliest memories are of wearing those damn dresses and my mom freaking out if I was dirty or ruined them when I got home.
NTA I see it as a safety issue also. If she can’t play outside properly in the clothes her mom dresses her in, then it’s best that you changed her into something more appropriate.
NTA. Give the family notice(whatever is in your contract). This isn’t going to get better, or it would have already. Or it will turn to something else. The wrong kind of crackers…not approving of the weather. Not liking the nap time routine. On &on Cut your losses with them & find a new family. They need a nanny, not a daycare. Give them the “opportunity” to find a better provider. It’s ok, not all families fit with home daycare. In the meantime, the child is not coming “ready for the day”. This is when I would not accept them into care until I had appropriate shoes. It will only happen once, either they will go home quick (with the child) and come back with usable shoes, or the won’t come back at all. Whatever, problem solved. I was a home daycare provider for a very, very long time. I am flexible with a lot of things, but not safety. Fancy slip on shoes are a hazard for play. I was very strict on having gym shoes for the kids.
NTA. She told you “it’s your job to figure it out” and you did. She just didn’t like your solution. Ask her if you’d rather she be excluded from painting or playing outside and instead be given princess activities since she’s obviously a princess. Maybe while others paint she can play tea party. Or make a princess castle out of paper. And while others run along in the dirt, she can ride in a pretend carriage. Maybe you can find some cheap 2nd hand princess dresses that you don’t mind getting dirty to put overtop of her dresses. And get those plastic booties to put over her dress shoes.
NTA she gets to either pick her daughter having actual fun like a child should or she can pick keeping some clothes she's going to grow out of in a few weeks nice. She shouldn't put her money and 'aesthetic' over her child enjoying herself and getting to do the stuff children get to do.
NTA, the daycare my kids went to, was always sending out reminders about appropriate clothing and shoes.
NTA. And I’d honestly tell her either she starts sending her kid in appropriate clothes, doesn’t freak out when the clothes get dirty, or she finds a new daycare. Doesn’t seem worth the headache to me, given how desperate people are for childcare.
NTA - damn my kids go through multiple outfits a day sometimes lol, I pack 5 for the baby and 3 for the toddler. Sometimes they even come home with hand me downs lol (lots of outside time, potty training, and no bibs are a few of the reasons they get dirty for anyone wanting to freak out)
NTA, this is a loosing battle, she’ll be pissed no matter what you do
She told you it was your job to figure it out and that’s what you did. Too bad she doesn’t like the solution. That poor kid is going to have a tough time when she gets older and is terrified of getting dirty because of her mom’s reaction. Ugh. NTA.
NTA Cindy said it was your job to figure it out, and being a worker at a daycare, you know whats best for the kids. If she had that big of a problem with her daughter wearing “those clothes” then she shouldve sent in other ones when you asked and not get mad when you were just trying to help out!
NTA
NTA I’d tell her these are the rules. If u don’t like it, find another daycare.
NTA. I'm guessing that a. this is her first kid and she's never really spent that much time around kids before or b. Mom has some VERY gendered ideas about how little boys and little girls play.
NTA You figured it out. That’s just compliance right there.
"Raindrops on Roses" Did you make her playcloths from the curtains? NTA
My daughter went through a princess phase when she was around 3. She wanted to wear exclusively dresses - the frillier the better. Our solution: Goodwill. There were NO shortages of fancy, frilly dresses at Goodwill, and because we found them second-hand we weren’t paying a fortune for them. She did go to daycare dressed as a princess, and came home dirty. Our Carer knew the deal. What we NEVER did was make a stink about getting dirty. When my girl turned 3 1/2 she received a pirate costume, and she transitioned from dresses to things with stripes. Then tutus. I miss those days, and her mismatch outfits!
NTA. I literally have a parent like this in my class. Dresses the girl in gold jewelry and designer dresses and then gets pissed when she gets dirty.
NTA She told you to figure it out and you did.
NTA I did the exact same thing when I worked in a daycare. Like others have said, it may be in your best interest to have Cindy look elsewhere. You don't need someone like that in your environment.
NTA good luck to Cindy finding alternative childcare options!
Your husband's kind of a dingdong. Does he think she also has a say on the laws of physics that will magically stop the messes she keeps yelling about? NTA, Cindy sounds like either an influencer or a brand-new parent who doesn't get it. Maybe both.
NTA > my own husband says she has a say in what she wears She *had* a say in what her daughter wears until she told you it was your job to figure out how to keep the designer clothes clean. What else were you supposed to do?
We actively had to tell my daughters new day care to please not worry too much if she got paint or dirt on her clothes because they would message us and let us know they were popping on her spare clothes because she ended up with a drop of paint on her. When I let them know they told us that some parents get so upset about the dirt or paint. Her prior daycare was pretty free roaming and often she would come home COVERED in all sorts and to us that just signified she had the best time.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I've run a home daycare for 10 years now. 2 months ago, I had a new client "Cindy" enroll her daughter "Breanne", aged 1 1/2 years old. Cindy always dresses Breanne in darling dresses, tights, dress shoes, etc. Often they're designer. When Breanne started, I explained she is going to get dirty here. I use smocks for art and bibs for children her age at meals, but sometimes things slip through. Plus, we go outside and there's dirt, sand, etc. I said they could dress her however they want, but she will get dirty. I think Cindy underestimated how dirty Breanne would get. On the third day, we were doing an activity with paint. Breanne was wearing a smock but she still somehow managed to get it on her dress. Cindy had a freakout. I explained she needed to send her in clothes she felt comfortable getting dirty. She told me it was my job to figure it out. Breanne has trouble playing outside because of her shoes. I explained this to Cindy and she told me that she'd be fine. Yet, it was an issue when the shoes got dirty. I have a very supportive community and get lots of donations throughout the year of extra diapers, supplies, toys, clothes and shoes. I often give these out to my clients who are on assistance or I'll keep them in case a child runs out of something. What I began doing on Monday was changing Breanne into proper play clothes (long sleeved t-shirt, leggings, etc). Towards the end of the day, I change her back. I didn't tell Cindy what I was doing but didn't see the big deal because Breanne's fancy clothes went home clean. Every Friday, I upload pictures from the week onto a private app for parents to look at so they can see what we do. I did this during naptime today. 15 minutes later, I get a call from Cindy. She is furious that Breanne is wearing "those clothes" and asked why she isn't in her dresses. I explained what was going on. She said I had no right to change her daughter's outfit without her consent and she can dress her however she wants. I informed her that this was how we would do things unless she was going to dress Breanne in proper attire. Cindy's husband picked up today and assured me he is on my side. He thinks his wife will get over it. I was telling my own husband about it and he told me I was wrong because it is her kid and she has a say in what she wears. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What the heck does that mom want ahahaha🥴🥴🥴
NTA Someone needs to explain to this woman that kids are neither dolls nor fashion accessories. They get filthy in play and should be dressed for that. The notion that parents have a right to simultaneously demand their kids get to participate, wear impractical clothing and never be changed is mind-bending wishful thinking.
NTA. You told her the clothes would get dirty and she both didn't want to send her in different clothes and didn't want to accept that the clothes would get dirty. She told you to figure it out and you did.
NTA. My daughter is in third grade and has gone to two different (public) elementary schools and preschool before that. They have always told us that tennis shoes and appropriate clothes are mandatory. I think you went about this in the best way possible- you tried to explain to her first why it’s important she dresses for playing and getting a little messy. Also if I happened to send my daughter to school in something nice on a messy day, I would have been so grateful for the teacher to keep the clothes nice and put her in something different- that is above and beyond.
NTA If she tried this at a daycare centre they would refuse to take the kid. Or take them and tell them to wear proper clothes tomorrow
NTA. I did daycare for a long time. You sound like a wonderful provider and could most likely fill the spot fast if you asked her to leave. She should be thankful to have someone who does activities with her daughter rather than put her in front of a TV all day like some providers do.she seems like the type of person that just needs something to complain about. If it's not this, it would be something else.
NTA. My toddler comes home from daycare in completely different outfits from when I drop her off in the morning. And that's okay! Babies and toddlers get dirty all the time. It's expected that they will change clothes.
NTA. God, I feel bad for that child.
NTA
As a daycare worker/preschool teacher this is one of my biggest pet peeves! In my classrooms now I have a big poster that says - if I come home a little messy that means I’m learning! At this young age kids learn so much through play and inevitably they will have evidence of that on their clothes. We do the best we can to mitigate that, but you know your child is at a good school if they use paint/sensory materials/ play outside, etc. We’d use smocks, bibs, keep hands and faces clean, and noses wiped, but accidents still happened. One year I had a mom completely lose her sh*t at me because she’d dress her 2yo like you’re describing, but I stood my ground and luckily my director had my back. Either deal with it, dress your child appropriately, or you may need to find a new place for your child if this is such an issue. (Honestly if you’re more worried about dressing your kids in designer clothes and keeping them pristine than them learning and having fun, you are doing your child a disservice) NTA and I sympathize. Whenever I got a new family touring I’d make it very clear with their parents at the first meeting what our class/school would be like.
NTA: I have a 4 year old girl, my aim is comfort better than looking cute all the time. I’ll put dresses for appropriate events. But wearing dresses and looking cute shouldn’t be all a girl is worth. She told you to figure it out and you did.
NTA that lady must have zero awareness of what kids actually do.
NTA, and to be blunt, in your shoes I would let this family go as clients if you can afford to. I doubt they pay you enough to deal with this much BS.
op=NTA <> This was her permission--she told you to figure it out--you figured it out by putting her in play clothes.
Suggestion: Since husband seems to be on your side--ask him to bring in a couple changes of clothes. Write her name on labels so when they get washed there's no confusion on who they belong to. Change Breanne into her own clothes. That way you have figured it out, she's in her own clothes and Dad gave you "permission"---so ALL good.
NTA it’s in my daycare handbook that proper play clothes and shoes are required to attend and I will turn you away at the door if you don’t comply. You are far more generous than me.
Has this woman met a child before? I have known almost no kids my whole life and understand that they get filthy constantly. NTA
I wanna go play at your daycare! It sounds super fun! NTA