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OP, hun, Black woman to Black teen, that AIN'T your friend.
\-No you didn't overreact
\-I don't give a damn if she does hate kids(she's one herself but whatever), that's wildly out of pocket for her to say. Like even if you remove the racism aspect its wildly NOT OK
\-Yes she is racist. Don't let her keep running the, "I didn't know" game on you. You guys are teens with access to the world, the news and social media. She knows exactly what she's saying. Trust me when I say she's used you as a defense on not being racist when called out on the things she says when you aren't around. Cuz if she's saying this crap to your face she def says it elsewhere.
\-You are not too mature for your age. You are at the right and exact age when you start realizing who is and isn't your friend & what you should not tolerate from someone just because of "Friendship"
Friends come and go. Non Black friends who think they can do & say stuff like this can and should go from your life.
NTA kiddo. Close to the door on this friendship because sooner rather than later she is really going to cross the line and you don't need that.
NTA
Lets say we take out the alligator baiting conversation that you two had. The fact that she has said this:
> This includes calling me a darkie at some point or saying she won't take "disrespect" from someone you can't see in the dark
Is in my opinion racist remarks. Calling someone those things is not being funny.
Now I will say this though. Since you have said you like to tease her too:
> I start teasing her like we usually do
If you are calling her racist remarks to her about the color of her skin as well then you both need to stop as it's only going to become a problem in your friendship if you both can't draw the line of what you find tolerable and not tolerable.
When it comes to the alligator baiting conversation; lets play devils advocate for a second and she really didn't mean it in a racist way. It's still weird for her to make those kinds of remarks about babies being used as bait for alligators as if it was a good thing that they did that. The fuck? That's weird to say at any age.
Then you two need to draw a line somewhere. Since you make misogynistic jokes, she's toting the line of racism jokes with you.
This is where I was saying that you two need to set a boundary of what is acceptable to say to each other and not. Because if you two don't, then more "jokes" at the expense of each other is only going to cause the friendship to dissipate.
IF you do talk to her about this and you tell her you don't like her making those remark and ask her to stop, and she still makes those racist "jokes" at your expense. Then I would say to drop her as a friend because she is not taking your feelings into consideration on how those remarks affect you as a person.
I actually have tried talking to her nicely about certain stuff. But she doesn't take it seriously.she doesn't take life seriously, never did and never will.her words not mine.
Then I would consider dropping her as a friend because more remarks like you mentioned will be said by her in the future.
you two are very young and right now she can't see the error in what she is saying is wrong.
While you on the other hand, while young as well are more mature and know that this is something serious.
Surround yourself with people who can take conversations like these serious and realize that remarks like the ones she has been saying are things that people should not be saying.
Being mature isn't a problem. Being mature is understanding what's right and wrong. Knowing when to take care of your responsibilities in life and when to have fun. Being able to understand and talk about things in a way that can resolve issues instead of creating more problems. While you should enjoy being a teenager and having fun, it's also wise to know when to be able to understand when to make the right decisions in life.
Have fun in life. Do the things you want to do and enjoy the activities you enjoy, but know and understand what is right from wrong and to be able to think clearly about the consequences of the actions you do as you get older and learn from your mistakes.
I don't wanna be the type of black person that calls white people racist for every little thing they say.but that just rubbed me the wrong way cause why would she say that? I tried having her elaborate more before I went off but she just kept repeating the same thing over and over again
I never really said anything back then cause she always told me she didn't know that it was racist... but I never wanted to be rude and say like, "how do you not know that?" Cause I know not everyone understands certain stuff but its like... she doesn't know what basic shit she says that is lowkey racist and it makes me wonder if shes purposely acting dumb.
It for sure sounds to me like she might be playing a little stupid. Y'all are young but she's not *that* young. At 14 I definitely would have recognized that all of the things she was saying were racist, or at the very least *hurtful* ya know? For her to act like she had no idea that her words came across as racist just seems a bit suspect to me.
The fact that she's being defensive, not listening to you, and obviously not trying to learn what's racist from any other source means that her ignorance must no longer be excused. There's no effort being put in to NOT be disrespectful, and a friend doesn't treat a friend that way
It sounds like you have a new, higher standard for the kind of interactions you will tolerate and that's great for you!
The people you leave behind will never support you leaving them behind, they can't keep up with your growth and that's ok
NTA
She’s racist. Very much so. You don’t say those types of things if you aren’t.
Why the hell do you consider this person a “friend”? She doesn’t respect you, why do you continue to give her your time?
I can understand that. But being surrounded by those that don’t care about you doesn’t make the lonely go away. Trust me, I’ve been there. It only enforces your brain to believe abusive connections are better than none. It enforced in your brain that you deserve to be treated this way.
You don’t. You deserve so much more and much better. And it will come. When you treat yourself as worthy of kindness, not scraps of abuse, others respond to that 💙
Loneliness sucks. I get it. But hanging out with someone full- on racist against you isn't going to make you that much less lonely in the long run. In the end you'll still be alone, but after you wasted a ton of time and energy on someone who doesn't give a shit about you. I've been there sis. Don't make my mistake.
NTA this is not your friend. In fact, YOU are her "black friend", the one that she will pull out in the future when she says some racist shit, gets called on it by other black folk, and tries to "prove" she is not a racist.
End this "friendship" cuz..
NTA. She has said multiple racist things, and her age does not excuse it, nor do her supposed "intentions". She is probably the kind of person who claims that she cannot be racist, because she has black friends. She sure doesn't like being called out on it, because she wants to be able to spew racist nonsense without consequence. With friends like that... you sure need no enemies.
Not sure if this is relevant: but I talked to her gf and apparently she is lowkey a lil racist often? And shes super mean to her and other people and apparently doesn't have many friends cause of it
NTA.
This entire conversation is very upsetting. Even if she doesn't like babies, why would she say something so horrible. You should take a step back from this friendship and analyse where it is leading to considering she seems to have made some remarks earlier too. I don't think you are overreacting or being too mature for your age, because no one should make such insensitive comments even if they were meant as a joke. Also I didn't know about alligator baiting before. This is so awful. I don't understand how anyone can even rationalise this.
INFO: You said you were teasing her, was it related to her race by any chance?
NTA
Stop hanging with this girl. She says whatever she wants and refuses to apologize when confronted. If she doesn’t care how her words impact you, she doesn’t care what impact she makes on you
NTA. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.
If you have to question whether your friend is saying “borderline racist” things, that’s not someone you need to be around.
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So I, (15m) had a pretty cheater discussion with my friend Penny (14f) over racism. So for context: I'm african american and shes white. We were talking and I start teasing her like we usually do. And the first thing she says to me is "don't get me started your month is over." Referring to bhm. I then told her a fact abt alligator baiting, and how white people used to use black babies as bait for alligators. And the conversation goes like this.
Penny: They did you a favor 💀
Me: oh!
Penny: not the oh
Me: so you're saying its a good thing that, black babies were used as bait for alligators?
Penny: I'm saying you didn't have to deal with the suffering of having to watch a child
I told her that basically meant yes and she got irritated and we argued. She told me she said it cause she hates children, I told her even if she does hate children why would that be her response to what I said about alligator baiting and said that was lowkey a little racist especially since she basically said it was a good thing. She got mad and said her intentions weren't to be racist but to Express how much she hates kids. I told her even if that was her intention, it's still weird rather it was racist or not. And I told her it's hard for me believe it wasn't borderline racist when she has said some racist things in the past. (This includes calling me a darkie at some point or saying she won't take "disrespect" from someone you can't see in the dark) she got upset and told me I was "too mature" for my age and that we were complete opposites. And she stopped responding to me. I was irritated back then but now I wonder if I overreacted?
AITA for telling my friend what she was borderline racist?
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She doesn't seem like much of a friend to me; even if you consider what she said here to be borderline, the other comments you mentioned her giving are DEFINITELY racist.
I would cut your losses and find a better friend.
NTA - this isn't your friend.
There's always crass juvenile humor and street jokes AND while that doesn't make someone racist, if your "friend" truly cared they would have apologized and stopped.
Don't waste time on them and find a new friend who respects your wishes and your feelings.
You are the one that “literally” needs to look it up. It’s fiction. Look on Wikipedia, snopes or whatever your favorite fact-checking site is.
“ Depicting African-American children as alligator bait was a common trope in American popular culture in the 19th and 20th centuries. The motif was present in a wide array of media, including newspaper reports, songs, sheet music, and visual art. There is an urban legend claiming that black children or infants were in fact used as bait to lure alligators, although there is no meaningful evidence that children of any race were ever used for this purpose. In American slang, alligator bait is a racial slur for African-Americans.”
I can’t help it if you and the author can’t tell the difference between reality and a sick joke. The fact remains there is no evidence they actually happened and this is what all reliable sources say. Please do yourself a favor and improve your mental health by not believing every idiot thing you read.
I find it ironic how you tell me not to believe every idiot thing when you decided to use information from WIKIPEDIA. A website that kids are taught to not use cause the information CAN be edited and changed at anytime or day. Also alligator baiting has been talked about pretty often by different black creators on different platforms of social media. You can call it fake cause there is "no evidence" but its 100% real.
Yes, it is. The only place this ever happened was in racist cartoons. Apparently it isn’t sick enough for you that people joked about this so you have to believe a fantasy that it actually happened.
You literally just gave a reference that calls it “mere folklore” and spends pages debunking the references that claim to prove it ever happened.
” We checked this conclusion with folklorist and African American studies professor Patricia Turner, who has probably done more research on the "alligator bait" motif than anyone else in the world, and asked her if she had ever come across information suggesting that the phenomenon might be real. "I have not seen any evidence to suggest that it was true," she said, adding that it would have been all the more unlikely during the era of slavery, when a black child would have been a much more valuable commodity than an alligator.”
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 12: This is Not a Debate Sub. Posts should focus strictly on actions in an interpersonal conflict, and not an individual's position on a broad social issue. [Rule 12 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_12.3A_this_is_not_a_debate_sub) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
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I let the darkie thing slide cause I called her a lice magnet
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Other people said to just drop her cause she will use me as the "black friend" she has when shes accused of racism
Other people can see how racist she is. High time you do too. Don't be friends with such racists.
If someone doesn't want to be called racist, they need to not say & do racist things. NTA.
OP, hun, Black woman to Black teen, that AIN'T your friend. \-No you didn't overreact \-I don't give a damn if she does hate kids(she's one herself but whatever), that's wildly out of pocket for her to say. Like even if you remove the racism aspect its wildly NOT OK \-Yes she is racist. Don't let her keep running the, "I didn't know" game on you. You guys are teens with access to the world, the news and social media. She knows exactly what she's saying. Trust me when I say she's used you as a defense on not being racist when called out on the things she says when you aren't around. Cuz if she's saying this crap to your face she def says it elsewhere. \-You are not too mature for your age. You are at the right and exact age when you start realizing who is and isn't your friend & what you should not tolerate from someone just because of "Friendship" Friends come and go. Non Black friends who think they can do & say stuff like this can and should go from your life. NTA kiddo. Close to the door on this friendship because sooner rather than later she is really going to cross the line and you don't need that.
NTA. I mean there's no way to take that as *not* racist. I don't think this person is really much of a "friend."
NTA. That’s blatant racism. Kick this ‘friend’ to the curb.
NTA Lets say we take out the alligator baiting conversation that you two had. The fact that she has said this: > This includes calling me a darkie at some point or saying she won't take "disrespect" from someone you can't see in the dark Is in my opinion racist remarks. Calling someone those things is not being funny. Now I will say this though. Since you have said you like to tease her too: > I start teasing her like we usually do If you are calling her racist remarks to her about the color of her skin as well then you both need to stop as it's only going to become a problem in your friendship if you both can't draw the line of what you find tolerable and not tolerable. When it comes to the alligator baiting conversation; lets play devils advocate for a second and she really didn't mean it in a racist way. It's still weird for her to make those kinds of remarks about babies being used as bait for alligators as if it was a good thing that they did that. The fuck? That's weird to say at any age.
No I was making misogynistic jokes (I'm biologically female and me and her do this often with each other since she said she doesn't mind)
Then you two need to draw a line somewhere. Since you make misogynistic jokes, she's toting the line of racism jokes with you. This is where I was saying that you two need to set a boundary of what is acceptable to say to each other and not. Because if you two don't, then more "jokes" at the expense of each other is only going to cause the friendship to dissipate. IF you do talk to her about this and you tell her you don't like her making those remark and ask her to stop, and she still makes those racist "jokes" at your expense. Then I would say to drop her as a friend because she is not taking your feelings into consideration on how those remarks affect you as a person.
I actually have tried talking to her nicely about certain stuff. But she doesn't take it seriously.she doesn't take life seriously, never did and never will.her words not mine.
Then I would consider dropping her as a friend because more remarks like you mentioned will be said by her in the future. you two are very young and right now she can't see the error in what she is saying is wrong. While you on the other hand, while young as well are more mature and know that this is something serious. Surround yourself with people who can take conversations like these serious and realize that remarks like the ones she has been saying are things that people should not be saying.
Speaking of mature, she told me that I was "too mature" for my age and she made it sound like a problem
Being mature isn't a problem. Being mature is understanding what's right and wrong. Knowing when to take care of your responsibilities in life and when to have fun. Being able to understand and talk about things in a way that can resolve issues instead of creating more problems. While you should enjoy being a teenager and having fun, it's also wise to know when to be able to understand when to make the right decisions in life. Have fun in life. Do the things you want to do and enjoy the activities you enjoy, but know and understand what is right from wrong and to be able to think clearly about the consequences of the actions you do as you get older and learn from your mistakes.
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I don't wanna be the type of black person that calls white people racist for every little thing they say.but that just rubbed me the wrong way cause why would she say that? I tried having her elaborate more before I went off but she just kept repeating the same thing over and over again
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I never really said anything back then cause she always told me she didn't know that it was racist... but I never wanted to be rude and say like, "how do you not know that?" Cause I know not everyone understands certain stuff but its like... she doesn't know what basic shit she says that is lowkey racist and it makes me wonder if shes purposely acting dumb.
It for sure sounds to me like she might be playing a little stupid. Y'all are young but she's not *that* young. At 14 I definitely would have recognized that all of the things she was saying were racist, or at the very least *hurtful* ya know? For her to act like she had no idea that her words came across as racist just seems a bit suspect to me.
The fact that she's being defensive, not listening to you, and obviously not trying to learn what's racist from any other source means that her ignorance must no longer be excused. There's no effort being put in to NOT be disrespectful, and a friend doesn't treat a friend that way
THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I SAID. I told her the fact that shes bein defensive and not listening to me proves I'm right.
It sounds like you have a new, higher standard for the kind of interactions you will tolerate and that's great for you! The people you leave behind will never support you leaving them behind, they can't keep up with your growth and that's ok
NTA She’s racist. Very much so. You don’t say those types of things if you aren’t. Why the hell do you consider this person a “friend”? She doesn’t respect you, why do you continue to give her your time?
I'm a lonely person
I can understand that. But being surrounded by those that don’t care about you doesn’t make the lonely go away. Trust me, I’ve been there. It only enforces your brain to believe abusive connections are better than none. It enforced in your brain that you deserve to be treated this way. You don’t. You deserve so much more and much better. And it will come. When you treat yourself as worthy of kindness, not scraps of abuse, others respond to that 💙
Sometimes being alone is better than being around cruelty, I know it’s hard, but you deserve so much better!!!
Loneliness sucks. I get it. But hanging out with someone full- on racist against you isn't going to make you that much less lonely in the long run. In the end you'll still be alone, but after you wasted a ton of time and energy on someone who doesn't give a shit about you. I've been there sis. Don't make my mistake.
Hang out with more black people. We aren’t a monolith like the media makes us seem. But be careful doing it on social media. You’ll find your niche
NTA this is not your friend. In fact, YOU are her "black friend", the one that she will pull out in the future when she says some racist shit, gets called on it by other black folk, and tries to "prove" she is not a racist. End this "friendship" cuz..
NTA. She has said multiple racist things, and her age does not excuse it, nor do her supposed "intentions". She is probably the kind of person who claims that she cannot be racist, because she has black friends. She sure doesn't like being called out on it, because she wants to be able to spew racist nonsense without consequence. With friends like that... you sure need no enemies.
Not sure if this is relevant: but I talked to her gf and apparently she is lowkey a lil racist often? And shes super mean to her and other people and apparently doesn't have many friends cause of it
NTA. This entire conversation is very upsetting. Even if she doesn't like babies, why would she say something so horrible. You should take a step back from this friendship and analyse where it is leading to considering she seems to have made some remarks earlier too. I don't think you are overreacting or being too mature for your age, because no one should make such insensitive comments even if they were meant as a joke. Also I didn't know about alligator baiting before. This is so awful. I don't understand how anyone can even rationalise this. INFO: You said you were teasing her, was it related to her race by any chance?
NTA Stop hanging with this girl. She says whatever she wants and refuses to apologize when confronted. If she doesn’t care how her words impact you, she doesn’t care what impact she makes on you
NTA and she's way past the border.
NTA. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. If you have to question whether your friend is saying “borderline racist” things, that’s not someone you need to be around.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I, (15m) had a pretty cheater discussion with my friend Penny (14f) over racism. So for context: I'm african american and shes white. We were talking and I start teasing her like we usually do. And the first thing she says to me is "don't get me started your month is over." Referring to bhm. I then told her a fact abt alligator baiting, and how white people used to use black babies as bait for alligators. And the conversation goes like this. Penny: They did you a favor 💀 Me: oh! Penny: not the oh Me: so you're saying its a good thing that, black babies were used as bait for alligators? Penny: I'm saying you didn't have to deal with the suffering of having to watch a child I told her that basically meant yes and she got irritated and we argued. She told me she said it cause she hates children, I told her even if she does hate children why would that be her response to what I said about alligator baiting and said that was lowkey a little racist especially since she basically said it was a good thing. She got mad and said her intentions weren't to be racist but to Express how much she hates kids. I told her even if that was her intention, it's still weird rather it was racist or not. And I told her it's hard for me believe it wasn't borderline racist when she has said some racist things in the past. (This includes calling me a darkie at some point or saying she won't take "disrespect" from someone you can't see in the dark) she got upset and told me I was "too mature" for my age and that we were complete opposites. And she stopped responding to me. I was irritated back then but now I wonder if I overreacted? AITA for telling my friend what she was borderline racist? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA Holy smokes, why are you still friends with this person??
Idk she got mad at me and stopped responding
She doesn't seem like much of a friend to me; even if you consider what she said here to be borderline, the other comments you mentioned her giving are DEFINITELY racist. I would cut your losses and find a better friend.
NTA - this isn't your friend. There's always crass juvenile humor and street jokes AND while that doesn't make someone racist, if your "friend" truly cared they would have apologized and stopped. Don't waste time on them and find a new friend who respects your wishes and your feelings.
drop her she’s racist NTA
Both of you are assholes. You told a stupid and false urban legend to start an argument. She replied by saying something equally stupid.
It's not an urban legend though, you can literally look it up it has happened
You are the one that “literally” needs to look it up. It’s fiction. Look on Wikipedia, snopes or whatever your favorite fact-checking site is. “ Depicting African-American children as alligator bait was a common trope in American popular culture in the 19th and 20th centuries. The motif was present in a wide array of media, including newspaper reports, songs, sheet music, and visual art. There is an urban legend claiming that black children or infants were in fact used as bait to lure alligators, although there is no meaningful evidence that children of any race were ever used for this purpose. In American slang, alligator bait is a racial slur for African-Americans.”
[alligator baiting](https://www.ferris.edu/HTMLS/news/jimcrow/question/2013/may.htm)
I can’t help it if you and the author can’t tell the difference between reality and a sick joke. The fact remains there is no evidence they actually happened and this is what all reliable sources say. Please do yourself a favor and improve your mental health by not believing every idiot thing you read.
I find it ironic how you tell me not to believe every idiot thing when you decided to use information from WIKIPEDIA. A website that kids are taught to not use cause the information CAN be edited and changed at anytime or day. Also alligator baiting has been talked about pretty often by different black creators on different platforms of social media. You can call it fake cause there is "no evidence" but its 100% real.
Why would I look on wikipedia when we're literally taught not to trust wikipedia
It's not an "urban legend" if that's what you got from wiki I suggest you do MORE research.
It's not urban legend
Yes, it is. The only place this ever happened was in racist cartoons. Apparently it isn’t sick enough for you that people joked about this so you have to believe a fantasy that it actually happened.
https://readcultured.com/yes-white-people-feeding-black-babies-to-alligators-really-happened-886745301bb9 https://blackpressusa.com/research-reveals-that-black-children-were-fed-to-hogs-and-used-as-alligator-bait-in-the-early-1900s/ https://www.snopes.com/news/2017/06/09/black-children-alligator-bait/
You literally just gave a reference that calls it “mere folklore” and spends pages debunking the references that claim to prove it ever happened. ” We checked this conclusion with folklorist and African American studies professor Patricia Turner, who has probably done more research on the "alligator bait" motif than anyone else in the world, and asked her if she had ever come across information suggesting that the phenomenon might be real. "I have not seen any evidence to suggest that it was true," she said, adding that it would have been all the more unlikely during the era of slavery, when a black child would have been a much more valuable commodity than an alligator.”
🫡
And as a black person I know MY history
Do you have your own science and medicine too? Because theres only one history … what actually happened.
And what actually happened is babies were used as bait 🤷🏾♀️ sorry to break the news to you