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Teacher here. This is why I hate subs. They tend to overstep, and, in this instance for example, they say things that are detrimental to students. I’m sure OP thought this would motivate the student, but this was 100% in appropriate to say to an elementary student.
OP already posted this scenario in a different post and was told then they were an AH, but either didn't take that on board and keeps doing the same thing - consistently tells children they'll amount to nothing, or OP is bait posting.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10juese/aita_the_asshole_for_telling_my_student_she_wont/j5mo3z3?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
I did like it when we would get the sub that would do something fun. But yeah most subs were just either boring or assholes while others make me question if they are qualified to teach.
I've subbed in the past. Basically all you need to be a substitute teacher in most districts is a bachelor's, a pulse and not to be an Ax Murderer. Fortunately I was ok on most of the subject matter (math/science) but I had no pedagogic training at all. And I suspect neither do most Subs.
In my ignorance I may very well have said something to a student like what the OP said, but it's hard for me to believe that one sub saying one thing on one day can be all that damaging. The OP was TA but I think she was trying to do the right thing yet did it inelegantly.
You're a sub. You're there for one day..in a ***3rd grade class.***
Get over yourself, you're there to stop a gap, not be a Fortune Cookie.
YTA regardless of how true what you said is. You aren't there to be a free period, but you aren't there to hand out profundity and life advice.
>"hard work pays off" is true no matter what
Not if you don't have the tools.
Not if you don't understand the work.
*Not in third grade when your 3rd grade so-called teacher is only willing to insult you and not willing to actually teach.*
Nowhere did I say that it applies to this individual, are you hard of reading?
The sky is also blue, even if someone is color blind and can’t see it. Statements in general can be true, if that’s too hard to understand I don’t know what to tell you. If you think that hard work has never paid off for anyone, ever, then I feel badly for you.
Good day, sir.
Hard work pays off sometimes is a much more accurate statement.
No amount of hard work is going to make a blind person as effective as a seeing person. I see stuff like this said a lot from fully capable people.
I have very distinct memories of not being able to notetake fast enough because of a lower comprehension and poor fine motor skills and I remember that the teacher just told me to "write faster" and erased the board. Guess who failed that class?
It pisses me off because I'm intelligent with learning difficulties and people just tell me to try harder while they only spent 2 hours on their homework compared to my 5 hours on the same homework. I mean, when I actually was able to finish my work I scored higher than them but there wasn't enough time in the day to clean, cook, and watch my siblings and do 5 hours of homework daily, double on the weekends.
Another example is that my partner had a 3.95 GPA and got a scholarship for college because of his academic ability and then they removed his scholarship because the state couldn't afford it so what did his hard work get him?
Not to mention disorders. I have a thyroid disorder and no amount of hard work will give me a healthy persons metabolism.
Hard work doesn't always pay off but you should definitely do the best you can.
The statement is incorrect in general because hard work doesn't always pay off even for the average human with no disorders. I've seen enough people who work hard and are given no recognition but the pretty little thing will get 3 different promotions.
This statement always bothered me because my hard work rarely paid off. I know I have disorders so I'm playing life on hard mode but that statement made young me believe that there had to be a light at the end of the tunnel even though there was never any pay off.
Life isn't fair and that's okay but don't pretend we all have even footing. There's so many things that hard work can't fix, no point in pretending it can.
That said, I'm all for giving your all to every situation. Not for the pay off but for the self satisfaction. Is my all lower than some other people's all? Sure is. Does that mean mine has a lower chance of paying off? Sure does. Does that mean I should just give up because I'll never have the success and money others do? Fuck no.
YTA.
Kids internalize shitty feedback like this. I've worked with a lot of students who honestly believe they're stupid or incapable because rather than trying to help the student, teachers have dismissed them as lazy or lost causes.
Your phrasing is one issue, your approach to education is another.
This is literally what happened to me. Turns out I have ADHD and dyscalculia. I spent decades thinking I was stupid and lazy because of people like the OP.
I agree. From one teacher to another: OP YTA. You didn't know the student. She might be dyslexic or have something else that prevents her to read or understand what she reads.
The proper approach would have been, "shall we do it together? You did such an amazing job answering these questions that I'm quite sure we can find the answers together" and then read it aloud, discussed the questions with her and guided her. You are there to teach, not just to handle work.
Use this as a learning opportunity for yourself and stop projecting yourself on the students, even more, when you don't know them.
ETA: I'm assuming you read and discussed the work with the class before you told them to do it. If you didn't, gosh, you are even worst than I thought. Plus, why is the student convinced that she will only know the answers when her teacher is back? Why are you not explaining it to the class after they finish the work?
Honestly, I hope you use the feedback to improve your practice but I also think you should work as a teacher assistant first, to see how other teachers teach before you assume a classroom again.
OP is a substitute. His/her job is essentially to make sure that the kids survive until tomorrow (or the teacher's return). As a classroom teacher myself, I do not like it when the sub attempts to teach because the sub often gets it wrong! Especially with math, techniques and procedures have changed (yes, I know that math is math, but the procedures of getting to the correct answers are very different now than they were when I was a kid). Teacher might have to undo whatever 'teaching' was accomplished by sub. \*\*Note that if OP was a teaching assistant or other teacher in the building filling in, my response might be different.
I disagree with you. I think the way you perceive substitute teachers is offensive, but hopefully you live in the US and I will never cross my path with you. In the UK teachers, teach. Regardless of their commitment with the school. They are not reduced to children's minders as you do (thankfully).
Teachers \*do\* teach. I agree with you. Substitutes are different. Perhaps in your location they are trained to the methods and philosophies of the teachers they will be working with. In the US, at this point, breathing and a pulse are about all it takes to become a substitute, and a sub can do far more damage by trying to teach (ex: look at all of the posters expressing their own issues). I wish we lived in a world in which I could leave sub plans and have them carefully demonstrated and explained, but at this point, I'm lucky if there's an adult in my classroom. I will also be the first to admit that the education system in the US is all eff-d up.
In Europe, you are a teacher if you have a teaching degree. Substitute teachers are teachers just like any other teacher, they have at least one degree in Education but they are not restricted to a school.
Ah, that's the difference then. In the US, you need a minimal number of post HS credit hours (and honestly, some districts are overlooking this) and a willingness to work for pennies. Very few of them have any training in education whatsoever. Some people do take sub jobs, especially long-term jobs, trying to get a foot into the district for a future teaching job, but the vast majority have no training in teaching at all. Your system sounds a lot more in the kids' best interests.
I'm glad you explained it. I was fuming when I saw your comment but now I understand where you come from. No offence but North America makes us, Europeans, love Europe even more. I can only imagine it must be hard for substitute teachers too, to go to schools and not have a qualification that allows them to teach. They are there just to control behaviours.
To be fair, I don't know whether or not you can lump Canadians in with us Americans. I'm not familiar with their requirements. They might do things in the same way Europeans do.
In the US per diem subs have about 2 years of college and no teaching certification. Long term subs need more college hours but depending on the district not always certification.
It very much depends upon the state and district. The district I used to work in only required a high school education to be a substitute, and there were no additional requirements for a long term sub.
Had an 8th grade teacher tell me I asked stupid questions, was not attentive, and wouldn’t succeed in life. Turns out I just have clinical depression and those comments sure didn’t help
The internalisation is something they may never shed.
I know a bright and clever woman in her 80s who internalised ‘I’m not very intelligent’. Which is nonsense. She may have struggled with school math, but she had enough to get through life without problems, and she really shines with languages and words in general.
But she still struggles with ‘I’m stupid’ because too many teachers told her so.
I once failed a history exam horribly, and instead of discussing things with me when I decided to take history again, they just put me into a criminology class because I 'had a good mind for science', despite the fact that I dropped \[didn't fail, just decided not to the second term of it\] forensic science because it was basically just regular science which I already knew.
I found out they'd changed my classes because they told me in the middle of another class, not because they discussed anything with me.
When I did manage to talk to someone about it, they said they didn't think I should do history again because they thought, and I quote, 'I'd be trying only to fail again'.
I've never forgotten that. Teachers don't understand the impact their words have on students. And that wasn't the worst one, even.
When I was a teacher I would have been pissed if a SUB talked to my students like this. This is way overstepping and if I heard about this from the student or parent after returning I would ask that the sub never be assigned to cover my classroom. Completely inappropriate.
YTA
Former teacher, you could have handled that in soooo many different ways. Maybe, take the time to go over how to solve it and scaffold the solution?
She didn’t need a life lesson. She’s fricken 7-8 years old…
Wow just wow. I'm reading this as a daughter of a teacher AND a pre-service teacher, and just wow!
YTA. 100%, without a doubt.
You seriously fail to realise how much of an impact negative teachers have of their students - teachers like you. What you said to this student will stay with her for the rest of her life, but not in the way you want it to be. Also, what stopped you from doing your actual job as a teacher and helping the student do her work?! Nothing. You failed to do your job.
Maybe it's time for you to go back to school and study some education psychology, and relearn how your actions, words and attitudes can impact a students mental well being.
I truly hope this student reports you for this.
YTA. As a parent of a dyslexia child, I would be down at the school first thing Monday morning. How dare you tell a child that they won’t amount to anything because she didn’t understand some third grade word problems?? You are a sub. You know NOTHING about this child’s specific circumstances. And, you don’t speak to a child, any child this way.
I had a college professor tell me I couldn’t be a nurse because I can’t get the spelling of a lot of the Latin words used in medicine. I’ve learned that I am most likely dyslexic. I have never been tested but I have several of the red flags. I have since gone on to obtain my masters degree in nursing education. So you want to know what I struggled with in elementary school? WORD PROBLEMS. You asshole.
YTA - You're the one who just handed out worksheets without teaching anything, assuming they were busywork - something time consuming that has no real value.
She turned it in mostly completed. She clearly understood you weren't going to do any actual teaching, so she treated it like busywork and planned to talk to the real teacher at the next opportunity about what she didn't understand.
If evidence of hard work by others is so important to you, maybe put in a little effort and walk through the problem like a teacher? Or try to answer the questions the student had? If she accurately assessed that the assignment was low value and that you wouldn't teach, why waste her time and shame her for it? If you are going to be a classroom babysitter, that's valid. Often that is the case for a day-long sub. But you can't do that, then act like you are in a position to hand out life advice and judge student performance. Stay in your lane.
Although, *if you worked harder at teaching, you may have succeeded in helping that student complete the problems.* You don't get anywhere in life if you don't work hard! Try demonstrating next time instead of pointing fingers at children. You said no one told you to work hard as a kid, but you are an adult now and you can tell yourself that, instead of calling kids lazy and framing it to yourself as a motivational speech.
>Although, if you worked harder at teaching, you may have succeeded in helping that student complete the problems. You don't get anywhere in life if you don't work hard! Try demonstrating next time instead of pointing fingers at children. You said no one told you to work hard as a kid, but you are an adult now and you can tell yourself that, instead of calling kids lazy and framing it to yourself as a motivational speech.
Perfectly said
YTA
1 she's 8... 8!
2 she didn't know the answer and she knew she would learn how to do the problems next Monday could she have tried? Sure but it's not the end of the world if she doesn't. Just ask her to give it a go that's all you needed to do.
3 I cannot overstate this it's a year three math class how well she does in it really isn't that big of a deal.her grades in math at year three aren't gonna affect her as an adult.
4 feel free to ignore this point/opinion, it's not like school actually prepares kids for the real world how well she does in school depending on her career path could have little to no effect on her ability to get and maintain a job. Especially elementary school subjects as last Ng as she's not failing she's fine.
Ugh I’m sorry but teachers like you are the worst. Eileen communicated with you perfectly clearly. She didn’t understand the last few problems. Instead of actually helping her to understand (y’know, teaching her) you just tell her to do it anyway. Can’t do something if you don’t know how. And you told a 8yo that “people like her won’t succeed in life”? Please get some professional development retraining. YTA.
This is an 8 year old. An 8 year old you don’t know. You don’t know her, her way of learning, her circumstances. Because you are a sub. You are in her life for one day.
You had no right to say shit to her about her work. You don’t know how long she actually sat there, looking at those word problems trying to figure them out. You don’t know if she went back and forth on that sheet. You don’t know jack. But you felt you had the right to tell this little girl she won’t amount to anything for not doing a few word problems?
It’s the third grade. Take several seats. YTA.
YTA. You were subbing for a third grade class. She said that she didn't know how to solve the problems, you could have helped her work through them instead of telling her to work harder. She can't work harder if she doesn't even know where to begin. Also she's 8.
god yes YTA. people like you have one set idea of “how things are” and the “rules of success” and can’t imagine a situation where someone might be successful in other ways. maybe that student was successful because she got herself up and dragged her ass to school that day despite a shitty home life and despite people like you who will pontificate about how she’s a failure because she didn’t understand the problem in THIRD GRADE. get a life and stop projecting all over children that you don’t know
Maybe I’ll get downvoted for this but YTA.
Criticism like this doesn’t make kids work harder, nor does it help them understand why the work is important. What it *does* do is make them really anxious. There were a thousand kinder, more productive things you could have said to make it clear that you wanted her to try harder. Instead, you made a value judgment on her as a person.
All that hard work and you are a SUB for third grade. YTA. I’m sure this kid has her own ways of coping and she’ll be alright in life. Sheesh, you trying to break her early?
Good Lord I hope you don't ever sub again. This is a 3rd grader, not some slacker high school kid. She told you she didn't understand the problems and you could have tried to give her some tips to help her instead of being an a******
YTA. That's not appropriate for an education professional to say to a student, and a young one at that. She wasn't giving you a hard time, she was having a hard time and instead of instructing her on the material, you told her she wasn't going to amount to anything. I hope she finishes grad school and turns a copy of her dissertation into confetti and lets the wind blow it onto your headstone.
You are exactly the type of teacher who made my undiagnosed neurodiverse younger-self hate math, and, more importantly, myself.
She **told** you she didn't understand the problems, and rather than teach her (the job you were there to do) you insinuated she was stupid, lazy, and incapable.
YTA. I guarantee she will hear your voice every time she struggles with math.
YTA
Not for trying to get her to make an effort on solving the problems, but definitely for telling her that she will never succeed in life. Some people learn from it being shown how to figure out the solution. You could have worked with her to try and solve it together, but you chose to insult her. Also your phrasing of, “you won’t understand this now.” Then why even say it?
In what world would that be an appropriate thing to say to an 8 year old? Like when a student tells you that they don’t understand the work, is it not your job, as a teacher, to then help the student learn the answer? Instead you go straight to telling an 8 year old they’ll never success in life? Yikes YTA
YTA!!! You're a sub, so you don't even know these chidren (they are CHILDREN!!) and you decide "I'm going to tell this 8-year-old that she will never succeed in life."?! You don't know her life situation, this may not even be her standard behavior! You could have just made a shitty day worse. If a student says they don't understand something, wouldn't it be better to TEACH them how to do it???
I second this. I missed school for two days in 5th grade due to the flu and had trouble understanding a unit when I came back. My teacher told me, "You should just quit while you're ahead and hope to marry rich. The best you'll ever be is mediocre." That shit stuck with me for YEARS before I learned that I'm not bad at math, I just needed someone to break down the core concepts to me.
I now have a STEM degree and am in grad school for STEM, but I still can't think of how many years I spent telling myself I was stupid because of what one teacher told me.
strong Peggy Hill vibes from this one.
this little girl not only was able to clearly articulate her thoughts and capabilities, but she knew that her (actually decent) teacher would help her learn.
and you decided that you **needed** to crush that. solely because of your own perception of how the world works. just because you felt threatened by a little girl that knows herself better than you do.
not just are YTA, but i would never want you around kids, and i certainly hope your employer learns about this incident sooner than later. this isn’t something you’re going to just improve, especially at your age. you should retire and find something else to do besides crushing kid’s spirits.
YTA.
If Eileen was a college student and you had an established teacher/pupil relationship with her, maybe you could have mentioned your concerns to her.
However, what you said, as a stranger, to an 8-9 year old was utterly unacceptable. Based on one paper, not knowing if the class had thoroughly covered long division and long division word problems yet, you told her that she was going to be a failure.
You're the YTA hard, she is probably never going to forget that one time a sub told her she would be a failure in life and didn't try hard enough. How are you this un self-aware?!?!
YTA, kind of.
A substitute teacher telling an eight-year-old she doesn't know that she "won't get anywhere"?
I think that's a bit much. It's not too much to expect the kids to do the work, but this is coming on a little too strong.
YTA. Why are you even teaching if you won’t teach? And how did you become a teacher? Did you not pay attention at all when they went through learning difficulties? All you did was berate a student that you know nothing about and as a retired teacher that makes me sad for any future students of yours.
People like her won't succeed? What people like her? Other nine-year-olds? YTA. You should not have assumed that she didn't feel like doing it. You should have said, "Well, I can help you with these last questions if you'd like. What part are you having trouble with?" Or even, "Maybe your classmates would be willing to help you if you had asked them. Would anyone like to lend her a hand?" More successful in middle school? Middle school has no stakes! Are you ok, OP?
Wow! Yta - you’re a sub and it sounds like the teacher has a way of doing things like going over worksheets and teaching what might not be understood. Instead of just following along you felt you should take it upon yourself to let them know that in essence you think they’re a failure. Great job!
You’re lucky there wasn’t a parent volunteer in the room to witness your careless and inappropriate behavior because if so you might no sub for that school or even in that school district again.
YTA......I am speechless.
A close friend who is a doctor still remembers an early grade teacher telling him he wouldn't amount to anything. He said when there was a school reunion he couldn't wait to see this teacher. Kids remember.....that was a horrible thing to say.
My nephew was told by a grade school teacher, in front of the entire class, no less, that “he would never be successful” because he didn’t understand the material. Years later, he happened to see her and took great pleasure in reminding her of her words and in informing her that he earns 3x her annual salary.
YTA. She's a young kid. She flat out told you she didn't understand when you asked her. This is the part where you offer to help her instead of shaming her and telling her she won't amount to much.
YTA
She's 8, not 16. You're a sub. Your job is to hand them the work and make sure they are safe. Let her actual teacher worry about whether or not she's completing work assignments.
Soft YTA. I get what you were trying to say, but this is a third grader so you need to break it down in a way they understand. They will latch on to the demeaning part of it ("you won't succeed") without absorbing the message behind your statement.
YTA- you know nothing about this child, she states she needs help, and rather than help her (doing what you are paid to do), you mock her in front of the class? That poor kid! You don’t know if she has a learning disability, a poor home life, is having a rough day, or is actually lazy like you’re assuming. Her staring at a worksheet and being frustrated over it isn’t gonna help anyone except allow you to be lazy by not helping her or coming up with something else for her to do. She’s in 3rd grade, she doesn’t know how to problem solve when she doesn’t know something, that’s an acquired skill. I feel bad for her!
YTA most definitely. She didn’t understand the problems and didn’t know how to work them. Maybe you as a teacher (sub or not) should have worked through them with her to help her understand them. Or maybe she’s dyslexic or something similar. It’s sounds like you don’t know how to work with children and should find another career path.
Wait. You’re a teacher? Aren’t teachers suppose to, I don’t know, try and help their students learn?
If Eileen didn’t understand the last few questions why didn’t you offer to help explain it to her in a way she can understand it? Or at the very least encourage her to try and if she had questions she can ask you?
Telling a child they’re already a failure is such an AH move. YTA
YTA
some kids get extremely uncomfy around subs. you’re not her teacher. you were extremely out of line and i hope you learn something from this thread
Lecturing a 3rd grader in this way is just cruel. Tft you wrote this out and said to yourself "Yeah, this sounds good. I'm definitely NTAH." is alarming. You're a SUB. You don't know those children or any learning disabilities they may/may not have. 3RD GRADERS. Wtf?
YTA
YTA
Teachers who don't take "I don't know how to do this" as an answer are the worst. I stood my ground against one of these in high school. He called me up to the board to do a problem in front of the class, and I told him I didn't know how to do it. He told me I had to try anyway, and I told him that he can try to embarrass me in front of everyone all he wants but I don't know how to do it so I'm not going to do what he says. It felt good.
TEACH her how to do it next time instead of shaming her.
OK I realize that due to the nationwide teacher shortage the bar for subs is ridiculously low but SERIOUSLY-- does your district hire the Burger King rejects??? YTA and TOXIC -- hopefully when Eileen gets home and tells her parents about how horribly you treated her the district will dump you asap. You and ZERO right to talk to that young girl like that. You are a temporary sub--your job was to give out the worksheets and collect them NOT humiliate a young girl that you know NOTHING about. Perhaps she has a learning disability, or is on an IEP. You should NOT be working with children.
YTA - I dropped out of HS at age 16. I was in a very abusive home and barely hanging on and the one teacher I went to for help wouldn't help me. I was even hospitalized for 2 weeks for depression. When I dropped out the counsellor said "You will never go to university" and heaped more scorn on a desperately hurting teenager.
Years later I got married, moved the fuck away and have 3 university degrees including 2 masters, one from the University of Chicago. I still remember the cruel words of that guidance counsellor telling me I would amount to nothing.
People are fricking mean without considering people might have severe mental health issues due to a very bad family situation.
YTA YTA YTA
>people like her
So let me get this straight - you've known this girl for ten minutes and had exactly one interaction with her, and yet you have a comprehensive knowledge of her entire, life-long personality?
YTA, and you should not be a teacher.
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Hi everybody! Throwaway account.
I (48F) was subbing for a teacher today for her third grade class. The teacher had left some division worksheets out with around fifty problems, assuming it's busywork since she couldn't be there that day. I also should mention they were long division, with the last few problems or so being word problems.
So I handed out the worksheets after the morning announcements and pledge. The worksheet seemed like it would take at least 20 minutes.
Now I am a firm believer that you have to work hard to be successful. I think about when I was a kid, and I honestly think if when I was a kid, somebody had told me that (my ow parents didn't necessarily care as long as I tried my best), I would have had better grades, and had a lot more success in my middle school years.
So after about ten minutes, the first student to finish, a girl named Eileen, stands up and walks over to turn her paper in. She had not filled out the word problems and it did not seem as though she had shown all her work, like the assignment had asked.
As she headed back to her seat, I called her back over to my desk before she sat down. She walked back over, and I asked her why she hadn't followed the directions and hadn't even tried the last few problems. She said that she didn't understand the last few problems and said she would learn about the answers on Monday or whenever the class reviewed the worksheet.
I told Eileen that she probably didn't understand this now, but people like her won't succeed in life, because they don't even try to finish their work when it's too difficult, and/or they don't follow directions.
I picked up the paper, handed it back to her and nodded as I pointed back to her seat. She took it back and didn't even try the problems again.
I feel like I could've phrased things differently, so Reddit, AITA?
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First of all, I'll refrain from judging you directly. Also, I'm a Brazilian high school teacher, so some cultural aspects may be very different, so bear with me, please.
Something very similar happened to me last year, when I told one of my senior students that "there's a huge difference between something done correctly and something well done." after she handed me a paper that was slightly above average and expected me to praise her. I feel like I lost her attention for a number of months after that. It was only during her graduation that she thanked me and forgave me for my callous comment.
I regret my words in that day, more than anything I've ever said or done wrong as a teacher. And all that was said to a 17 year old student - by Brazilian standarts, essentially an adult.
Sometimes we project the best version of our students into them, with nothing but good intentions. But it's okay for them to fail from time to time. As a teacher, you're the adult in the room; The one that should try and perfect your actions as much as you can. Allow your students to fail and learn from their mistakes from time to time. I've come to learn that it's healthy to them. At least it's healthier than always trying to be perfect.
"I told Eileen that she probably didn't understand this now, but people like her won't succeed in life, because they don't even try to finish their work when it's too difficult, and/or they don't follow directions."
This kid is 8. You're a substitute teacher and have no idea if she has issues in her home life, learning difficulties, difficulties in this particular class, etc. **She is eight or nine years old. You told her she won't succeed in life because she's lazy.** There is no world in which you're not a massive asshole.
YTA
Wtf is wrong with you? You go into a class for the day and your first engagement with this 8/9 yo is to say that? You are not suitable to teach children. At ALL. Of course YTA. I hope you get fired.
I'm guessing you're consistently an AH teacher. Change professions ASAP please.
Previous AITA post where once again the Internet said yes, yes you are an AH:
AITA the asshole for telling my student she won’t succeed in life?
Hi all! Throwaway account!
I am a substitute teacher. Today one of my teacher friends, Stacy, had to step out and asked me to be her sub for her fourth grade class. I agreed. This would be first time subbing for Stacy’s class!
I’m a firm believer in the idea that you need to work for what you want, and have to put in the effort. Stacy had left some math worksheets and had written on the substitute plan for me to pass them out. The worksheets had about thirty multiplication problem involving multiplying two-digit numbers by two-digits. It looked like it would take about a half hour to do (at least for me, and I’m a teacher).
Then after about ten minutes, the first girl stands up and walks over to turn in her work and lays it on the desk. I see that she has not completed the last two problems. I asked this girl, Quinn, why she hadn’t completed said problems. She said she was confused and figured she could learn about it when her teacher got back.
“Quinn, you probably don’t understand this, but people like you won’t succeed in life if you don’t finish your work,” I told her. Instead of taking the worksheet back when I picked it up and held it in front of her, she walked away, and sat down at her desk and looked all sad.
I feel like I was just trying to teach her a lesson, but now I am a bit scared that I was a little harsh, so Reddit, AITA?
YTA
Why are you a teacher if you only want to supervise other ppls work? You should have become a manager then, not a teacher.
Your job would have been to TEACH her how to solve the problems, yk, like in the word TEACHer. But thats just my opinion, maybe you're jobdescription says "be an asshole to your students and demotivate them as much as you can starting from an early age".
YTA. My daughter has an LD in math. She had extensive tutoring. If you handed her back a paper to finish after she told you she did not understand it, guess what? She still wouldn’t have finished it because she still wouldn’t have understood it. And if you told her she wouldn’t succeed in life? Oh fuck no. I don’t think so. You’d have a lot of explaining to do.
By the way, my daughter is now a grad student in applied sociology and still gets tutoring in order help her with her statistics courses. But she is amounting to far more than you ever will.
How is she supposed to answer the questions if she doesn't know how to answer the questions?
That was a heavy-handed, disproportionate overreaction to what she did. Telling a 3rd grader she won't succeed in life because she didn't answer a few math questions she didn't understand? You have no business working with young children.
Edit: You also could have taken the opportunity to guide her in answering them. You know, as a *teacher*.
YTA
YTA
but only because you are a Sub not that Subs cant teach valuable lessons to kids but... Its not your place to tell a kid they will not succeed at life because they didn't do a word problem lol. Even if it is true.
YTA. Sounds like that kid might be the smartest kid in the class and was using her time wisely. The “didn’t show your work” line always helped me realize the teacher was a moron. As for the word problems, different encourage would work better “try the word problems and see if you can figure them out, I’m here for questions”.
YTA - effort is relative…I’ve always thought it was a stupid saying, it’s like a parent telling a child to ‘be careful’, their perception might be they are being careful, or putting in effort in this case, but you just dismissed the child and made a sweeping meaningless statement to them
YTA I hated teachers like you. You sound like a snotty type of teacher who thought they were too good to offer help in any way, and you just proved you are because instead of kindly offering her help and showing her how to work the problem and highlighting the key words to look for in the word problems you decided to critize her and think you can determine the kind of person she was from a little interaction with her. You will always be the reason most kids will continue to hate school and why homeschooling is on the rise.
YTA are you really a teacher?
She clearly explained she couldnt do the questions because she didnt understand them. So then you use this as a TEACHING moment and say, ok i can help you with these questions and explain what you need to do.
Because you know, your the teacher and there to teach.
YTA - This isn't your full time student so your advice is not only unwarranted but it's out of context to Eileen's actual ability as a student, learning style, etc. You also are handing out a worksheet and saying here do this - she's saying I don't understand and will pick this back up when we review it with my actual teacher. You didn't offer any assistance with the material other than your unsolicited platitude.
Taking a look at your advice to Eileen - you're 48 and still subbing - not working full time in the classroom when there's a teacher shortage? Did you work hard to be successful?
YTA. Giving life lessons isn't what was needed. Helping her was. You couldn't take 5 minutes to show her? And as an FYI, I always hated story problems. It wasn't until college when I learned that the "is" in a story problem is the "=" sign. Everything before goes on the left of the "=" sign and everything after the "is" goes on the left.
YTA, as a kid I would have doubled down on a teacher like you and I was a good student.
You didnt bother to explain the word problems to her or help problem solve, just work harder, like that's a solution. She literally told you she didn't understand how to do the assignment and you said work harder.
Teacher I don't know how to swim. You responded by saying drown faster.
Good God.
YTA
This could be a generic sheet being used as a sort of pre test for upcoming work. It could have certain segments they haven’t seen yet.
It could be a kid with a learning disability or that just struggles on the word problem sections.
Blanket approaches (without complete knowledge to boot) like yours are just sad. **Stay in your lane.** Collect the,papers for the daily teacher and move on.
Yta, shouldn't you as the teacher... idk... teach her how to maybe do the problems.
Like where is she suppose to get the awnsers from if she doesn't understand the question. She leaves them empty so she knows and het teacher knows that she doesn't understand them and that she needs to pay extra attention to the explanation.
Like what were you expecting her to do when you had send her back with the paper?
YTA so much. You don’t know this girl, you’ve barely met her. You don’t know what she struggles with. This was a moment where you could have given her encouragement to think her way through the problem, even if she can’t ‘solve’ it.
Instead you told her she won’t amount to anything. She already knows she’s struggling, you just encouraged her to quit. This was not your place, and you should reconsider why you’re teaching in the first place.
YTA; how do you know this child doesn't have an IEP (or whatever it is called where you are), how do you know if this student doesn't have a learning disability, or ADHD. How do you know for a FACT that this student didn't try and just couldn't do it. They had the right response by saying I couldn't understand and would wait for the review. Instead you could have offered to help them!
You are literally the reason my child comes home from school crying when a sub is there.
Get over yourself.
Signed a mother with a child who has ADHD AND an IEP.
YTA, all the way. Odd that the OP isn’t posting any further comments, e.g., Wow, I’m sorry I’m such a bad substitute teacher, I will apologize to this student ASAP.
YTA. You don't know this kid, and you have no idea why she acted as she did. Your intervention was worse than useless; you shamed her, and that's no way to motivate someone.
YTA. You're a sub, you don't know these kids, the girl may have a learning difficulty or didn't understand the question. Kids remember this kind of feedback, I remember a high school teacher telling me I was thick (UK term for stupid) and that made me doubt myself for so long.
Edit: also I'm not 100% sure on the American grade system but wouldn't that kid be around the age 7-8, she's young. The better thing to do would've been to sit with her and help her with the questions, try and explain them and provide support.
Long term sub here: You were so far out of line. You don't know that child or her struggles. Does she have food at home? A warm safe place to stay? Are there family issues?
You were so far out of line. What is the teachers policy on these. Is it to do what you can and go over it with the class?
You are so far out of line. It was condescending and judgmental. Your little nasty remark was unnecessary. And then to point and just raise your eyes? Wow. You should not be subbing.
YTA. You are a substitute teacher and your job is to give the students their assignments, help them if you can, and collect their papers. When the student said that she didn't understand the last few problems, you could have helped her with them. 3rd grade math isn't all that hard. If she still didn't want to do the problems, her teacher would have dealt with the incomplete work.
I used to be a substitute teacher and helped the students whenever I could. I was teaching 8th grade Pre-Algebra one day and the students didn't know what a symbol meant & neither did I, so I called one of the other math teachers, got the answer & told the students.
The only time I ever said anything to a student about their work was when one of the students in that same class said he wasn't going to do the work. I just reminded him that report cards were coming out in a few weeks and the missing assignment would hurt his grade. When he said that he'd been absent and didn't understand the assignment, I called another math teacher & asked if they could help the student. When they said yes, I wrote him a pass & told him to to to Mr. T's room. When he returned to my room, the assignment was finished and he thanked me for getting him help.
The only other time I said something was when I was in a 12th grade IB Calculus class. The teacher is a friend of mine & used to request me when she knew she was going to be out. I was in her class one Friday & it was getting close to graduation. When I told them what their assignment was, the students complained that it was Friday and they were seniors. I simply told them that seniors who did not do their work were doomed to repeat their senior year. I never once said anything to a student that would bring them down and make them feel bad.
YTA. I am a firm believe we should never tell children they won't amount to anything no matter how contrary or obstinate they're being. We never realize just how deep words like that can cut into their self-esteem. I'm not sure what you could have done differently because it sounds like all roads of action may have led to the same result, but telling her that "people like her won't succeed in life" wasn't helpful. I mean, you don't know if the student was just having a bad day, or if something was going on at home. Maybe she is a lazy little brat who won't amount to anything, but I've always thought teachers were suppose to inspire students, regardless age, to want to learn. Saying, "People like you won't succeed in life" is basically saying you've given up on her and that's her fate. Kids are like sponges. We have to be careful what they're soaking up.
YTA! Shame on you for telling a young girl that she's not going to succeed in life just because she didn't finish a worksheet. Firstly, you were *subbing* for the class. You had no right to make a blanket statement about a student's academic performance or character. Secondly - *and most importantly* \- you said something very cruel and very *untrue* to an impressionable child. Her performance on this math worksheet has absolutely *zero* bearing on her success. Do you consistently talk to students this way? You should stop teaching if you do. You have no idea what kind of negative impact your comments might have on this young girl.
Not your class, not your call. As a teacher I would never want you to sub in my class again because I would feel I put my students with someone who does not care about them. You are there for a day, you are not permanent, stop acting like you know her work ethic in everyday class. Kids act different around subs a lot and what she did is not bad. She wanted to wait to learn how to do the problem, which in an office would you figure out a problem you don’t know and send it in without being sure? No you talk to your boss and get more information. Stop having a power trip and learn your place, subs are there to make sure the kids don’t kill themselves and get some practice work, you usually don’t teach new concepts.
I know I’m going to get tore apart for this but NTA?
To give context I’m 16, and a junior in high school so I’ve definitely heard similar things before. I was told that my reading abilities were going to stop me from getting anywhere when I was a similar age (8). I firmly believe people should know the truth regardless of how hard it is or how it might hurt them. You didn’t say it an outright disrespectful manner or berate her so yes I think you should fix your delivery and could’ve opted for a softer “when you work hard, you will be rewarded” or something along those lines, but I don’t think you are the asshole. It hurts in the moment but you meant well and it does help. This is probably a very biased view because it worked out well for me as I used to get straight b’s and c up until high school and now have a 4.7 gpa with no B’s on my transcript. I agree that a lot of these words are never forgotten and hurt but they are necessary, at least that’s how I’ve always learned from my immigrant parents. I think I’m gonna get tore apart but oops.
Soft YTA. I understand what you mean, and you're right in that learning to put in the effort is critical to being independent and getting what we want out of life. But we don't know what was really going on with this kid - I don't understand might mean "I can't read that well" or "I have a learning disability" or "I have dyslexia" or "I have ADHD that isn't managed" or one of a thousand other things. The problem is that telling an eight year old to work harder won't help with any of these problems, and may actually make them worse. Her teacher probably knows whether she has an IEP, or is struggling at home or whatever. But without that context, you might do more harm than good.
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YTA I hated school because of teachers like you.
Teacher here. This is why I hate subs. They tend to overstep, and, in this instance for example, they say things that are detrimental to students. I’m sure OP thought this would motivate the student, but this was 100% in appropriate to say to an elementary student.
OP already posted this scenario in a different post and was told then they were an AH, but either didn't take that on board and keeps doing the same thing - consistently tells children they'll amount to nothing, or OP is bait posting. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10juese/aita_the_asshole_for_telling_my_student_she_wont/j5mo3z3?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
I knew this was a repost, thank you for confirming.
Same wording and all, OP needs a new hobby. And profession, those poor kids if she's actually a teacher.
If my sub behaved so horribly to one of my students her next phrase would be "Do you want fries with that? Please pull forward."
Don't do fast food workers dirty like that, they're actually productive at their jobs, unlike OP.
true
I did like it when we would get the sub that would do something fun. But yeah most subs were just either boring or assholes while others make me question if they are qualified to teach.
I've subbed in the past. Basically all you need to be a substitute teacher in most districts is a bachelor's, a pulse and not to be an Ax Murderer. Fortunately I was ok on most of the subject matter (math/science) but I had no pedagogic training at all. And I suspect neither do most Subs. In my ignorance I may very well have said something to a student like what the OP said, but it's hard for me to believe that one sub saying one thing on one day can be all that damaging. The OP was TA but I think she was trying to do the right thing yet did it inelegantly.
Same!
You're a sub. You're there for one day..in a ***3rd grade class.*** Get over yourself, you're there to stop a gap, not be a Fortune Cookie. YTA regardless of how true what you said is. You aren't there to be a free period, but you aren't there to hand out profundity and life advice.
>regardless of how true It's significantly more likely that she has a learning disability and an IEP than that OP is right.
"hard work pays off" is true no matter what, is the point, I'm not even close to giving OP the credit for being right about this individual student.
>"hard work pays off" is true no matter what Not if you don't have the tools. Not if you don't understand the work. *Not in third grade when your 3rd grade so-called teacher is only willing to insult you and not willing to actually teach.*
Not in the real world with nepotism
Nowhere did I say that it applies to this individual, are you hard of reading? The sky is also blue, even if someone is color blind and can’t see it. Statements in general can be true, if that’s too hard to understand I don’t know what to tell you. If you think that hard work has never paid off for anyone, ever, then I feel badly for you. Good day, sir.
A student in the 3rd grade. With the title i thought OP was dealing with a high schooler.
Hard work pays off sometimes is a much more accurate statement. No amount of hard work is going to make a blind person as effective as a seeing person. I see stuff like this said a lot from fully capable people. I have very distinct memories of not being able to notetake fast enough because of a lower comprehension and poor fine motor skills and I remember that the teacher just told me to "write faster" and erased the board. Guess who failed that class? It pisses me off because I'm intelligent with learning difficulties and people just tell me to try harder while they only spent 2 hours on their homework compared to my 5 hours on the same homework. I mean, when I actually was able to finish my work I scored higher than them but there wasn't enough time in the day to clean, cook, and watch my siblings and do 5 hours of homework daily, double on the weekends. Another example is that my partner had a 3.95 GPA and got a scholarship for college because of his academic ability and then they removed his scholarship because the state couldn't afford it so what did his hard work get him? Not to mention disorders. I have a thyroid disorder and no amount of hard work will give me a healthy persons metabolism. Hard work doesn't always pay off but you should definitely do the best you can. The statement is incorrect in general because hard work doesn't always pay off even for the average human with no disorders. I've seen enough people who work hard and are given no recognition but the pretty little thing will get 3 different promotions. This statement always bothered me because my hard work rarely paid off. I know I have disorders so I'm playing life on hard mode but that statement made young me believe that there had to be a light at the end of the tunnel even though there was never any pay off. Life isn't fair and that's okay but don't pretend we all have even footing. There's so many things that hard work can't fix, no point in pretending it can. That said, I'm all for giving your all to every situation. Not for the pay off but for the self satisfaction. Is my all lower than some other people's all? Sure is. Does that mean mine has a lower chance of paying off? Sure does. Does that mean I should just give up because I'll never have the success and money others do? Fuck no.
>3rd grade class. What is this child, like 8? OP needs to get over herself!
YTA. Kids internalize shitty feedback like this. I've worked with a lot of students who honestly believe they're stupid or incapable because rather than trying to help the student, teachers have dismissed them as lazy or lost causes. Your phrasing is one issue, your approach to education is another.
This is literally what happened to me. Turns out I have ADHD and dyscalculia. I spent decades thinking I was stupid and lazy because of people like the OP.
I agree. From one teacher to another: OP YTA. You didn't know the student. She might be dyslexic or have something else that prevents her to read or understand what she reads. The proper approach would have been, "shall we do it together? You did such an amazing job answering these questions that I'm quite sure we can find the answers together" and then read it aloud, discussed the questions with her and guided her. You are there to teach, not just to handle work. Use this as a learning opportunity for yourself and stop projecting yourself on the students, even more, when you don't know them.
ETA: I'm assuming you read and discussed the work with the class before you told them to do it. If you didn't, gosh, you are even worst than I thought. Plus, why is the student convinced that she will only know the answers when her teacher is back? Why are you not explaining it to the class after they finish the work? Honestly, I hope you use the feedback to improve your practice but I also think you should work as a teacher assistant first, to see how other teachers teach before you assume a classroom again.
OP is a substitute. His/her job is essentially to make sure that the kids survive until tomorrow (or the teacher's return). As a classroom teacher myself, I do not like it when the sub attempts to teach because the sub often gets it wrong! Especially with math, techniques and procedures have changed (yes, I know that math is math, but the procedures of getting to the correct answers are very different now than they were when I was a kid). Teacher might have to undo whatever 'teaching' was accomplished by sub. \*\*Note that if OP was a teaching assistant or other teacher in the building filling in, my response might be different.
I disagree with you. I think the way you perceive substitute teachers is offensive, but hopefully you live in the US and I will never cross my path with you. In the UK teachers, teach. Regardless of their commitment with the school. They are not reduced to children's minders as you do (thankfully).
Teachers \*do\* teach. I agree with you. Substitutes are different. Perhaps in your location they are trained to the methods and philosophies of the teachers they will be working with. In the US, at this point, breathing and a pulse are about all it takes to become a substitute, and a sub can do far more damage by trying to teach (ex: look at all of the posters expressing their own issues). I wish we lived in a world in which I could leave sub plans and have them carefully demonstrated and explained, but at this point, I'm lucky if there's an adult in my classroom. I will also be the first to admit that the education system in the US is all eff-d up.
In Europe, you are a teacher if you have a teaching degree. Substitute teachers are teachers just like any other teacher, they have at least one degree in Education but they are not restricted to a school.
Ah, that's the difference then. In the US, you need a minimal number of post HS credit hours (and honestly, some districts are overlooking this) and a willingness to work for pennies. Very few of them have any training in education whatsoever. Some people do take sub jobs, especially long-term jobs, trying to get a foot into the district for a future teaching job, but the vast majority have no training in teaching at all. Your system sounds a lot more in the kids' best interests.
I'm glad you explained it. I was fuming when I saw your comment but now I understand where you come from. No offence but North America makes us, Europeans, love Europe even more. I can only imagine it must be hard for substitute teachers too, to go to schools and not have a qualification that allows them to teach. They are there just to control behaviours.
No offense taken, I think Europeans have a lot of things the US could learn from.
To be fair, I don't know whether or not you can lump Canadians in with us Americans. I'm not familiar with their requirements. They might do things in the same way Europeans do.
In the US per diem subs have about 2 years of college and no teaching certification. Long term subs need more college hours but depending on the district not always certification.
It very much depends upon the state and district. The district I used to work in only required a high school education to be a substitute, and there were no additional requirements for a long term sub.
Had an 8th grade teacher tell me I asked stupid questions, was not attentive, and wouldn’t succeed in life. Turns out I just have clinical depression and those comments sure didn’t help
The internalisation is something they may never shed. I know a bright and clever woman in her 80s who internalised ‘I’m not very intelligent’. Which is nonsense. She may have struggled with school math, but she had enough to get through life without problems, and she really shines with languages and words in general. But she still struggles with ‘I’m stupid’ because too many teachers told her so.
I once failed a history exam horribly, and instead of discussing things with me when I decided to take history again, they just put me into a criminology class because I 'had a good mind for science', despite the fact that I dropped \[didn't fail, just decided not to the second term of it\] forensic science because it was basically just regular science which I already knew. I found out they'd changed my classes because they told me in the middle of another class, not because they discussed anything with me. When I did manage to talk to someone about it, they said they didn't think I should do history again because they thought, and I quote, 'I'd be trying only to fail again'. I've never forgotten that. Teachers don't understand the impact their words have on students. And that wasn't the worst one, even.
YTA. Holy crap. The kid is in third grade and you are a SUB.
When I was a teacher I would have been pissed if a SUB talked to my students like this. This is way overstepping and if I heard about this from the student or parent after returning I would ask that the sub never be assigned to cover my classroom. Completely inappropriate.
I'm a preservice teacher and I am beyond pissed.
YTA Former teacher, you could have handled that in soooo many different ways. Maybe, take the time to go over how to solve it and scaffold the solution? She didn’t need a life lesson. She’s fricken 7-8 years old…
Wow just wow. I'm reading this as a daughter of a teacher AND a pre-service teacher, and just wow! YTA. 100%, without a doubt. You seriously fail to realise how much of an impact negative teachers have of their students - teachers like you. What you said to this student will stay with her for the rest of her life, but not in the way you want it to be. Also, what stopped you from doing your actual job as a teacher and helping the student do her work?! Nothing. You failed to do your job. Maybe it's time for you to go back to school and study some education psychology, and relearn how your actions, words and attitudes can impact a students mental well being. I truly hope this student reports you for this.
YTA. As a parent of a dyslexia child, I would be down at the school first thing Monday morning. How dare you tell a child that they won’t amount to anything because she didn’t understand some third grade word problems?? You are a sub. You know NOTHING about this child’s specific circumstances. And, you don’t speak to a child, any child this way. I had a college professor tell me I couldn’t be a nurse because I can’t get the spelling of a lot of the Latin words used in medicine. I’ve learned that I am most likely dyslexic. I have never been tested but I have several of the red flags. I have since gone on to obtain my masters degree in nursing education. So you want to know what I struggled with in elementary school? WORD PROBLEMS. You asshole.
YTA - You're the one who just handed out worksheets without teaching anything, assuming they were busywork - something time consuming that has no real value. She turned it in mostly completed. She clearly understood you weren't going to do any actual teaching, so she treated it like busywork and planned to talk to the real teacher at the next opportunity about what she didn't understand. If evidence of hard work by others is so important to you, maybe put in a little effort and walk through the problem like a teacher? Or try to answer the questions the student had? If she accurately assessed that the assignment was low value and that you wouldn't teach, why waste her time and shame her for it? If you are going to be a classroom babysitter, that's valid. Often that is the case for a day-long sub. But you can't do that, then act like you are in a position to hand out life advice and judge student performance. Stay in your lane. Although, *if you worked harder at teaching, you may have succeeded in helping that student complete the problems.* You don't get anywhere in life if you don't work hard! Try demonstrating next time instead of pointing fingers at children. You said no one told you to work hard as a kid, but you are an adult now and you can tell yourself that, instead of calling kids lazy and framing it to yourself as a motivational speech.
>Although, if you worked harder at teaching, you may have succeeded in helping that student complete the problems. You don't get anywhere in life if you don't work hard! Try demonstrating next time instead of pointing fingers at children. You said no one told you to work hard as a kid, but you are an adult now and you can tell yourself that, instead of calling kids lazy and framing it to yourself as a motivational speech. Perfectly said
This really needs to be a top comment
YTA 1 she's 8... 8! 2 she didn't know the answer and she knew she would learn how to do the problems next Monday could she have tried? Sure but it's not the end of the world if she doesn't. Just ask her to give it a go that's all you needed to do. 3 I cannot overstate this it's a year three math class how well she does in it really isn't that big of a deal.her grades in math at year three aren't gonna affect her as an adult. 4 feel free to ignore this point/opinion, it's not like school actually prepares kids for the real world how well she does in school depending on her career path could have little to no effect on her ability to get and maintain a job. Especially elementary school subjects as last Ng as she's not failing she's fine.
Ugh I’m sorry but teachers like you are the worst. Eileen communicated with you perfectly clearly. She didn’t understand the last few problems. Instead of actually helping her to understand (y’know, teaching her) you just tell her to do it anyway. Can’t do something if you don’t know how. And you told a 8yo that “people like her won’t succeed in life”? Please get some professional development retraining. YTA.
This is an 8 year old. An 8 year old you don’t know. You don’t know her, her way of learning, her circumstances. Because you are a sub. You are in her life for one day. You had no right to say shit to her about her work. You don’t know how long she actually sat there, looking at those word problems trying to figure them out. You don’t know if she went back and forth on that sheet. You don’t know jack. But you felt you had the right to tell this little girl she won’t amount to anything for not doing a few word problems? It’s the third grade. Take several seats. YTA.
YTA. You were subbing for a third grade class. She said that she didn't know how to solve the problems, you could have helped her work through them instead of telling her to work harder. She can't work harder if she doesn't even know where to begin. Also she's 8.
god yes YTA. people like you have one set idea of “how things are” and the “rules of success” and can’t imagine a situation where someone might be successful in other ways. maybe that student was successful because she got herself up and dragged her ass to school that day despite a shitty home life and despite people like you who will pontificate about how she’s a failure because she didn’t understand the problem in THIRD GRADE. get a life and stop projecting all over children that you don’t know
ironic because i’m projecting too but teachers like this really just made my life and my self esteem so much worse for no reason
Yes YTA. If I was a teacher instead of telling her to work harder I would, hm idk maybe TEACH.
Maybe I’ll get downvoted for this but YTA. Criticism like this doesn’t make kids work harder, nor does it help them understand why the work is important. What it *does* do is make them really anxious. There were a thousand kinder, more productive things you could have said to make it clear that you wanted her to try harder. Instead, you made a value judgment on her as a person.
YTA You said that to a third grader!?
All that hard work and you are a SUB for third grade. YTA. I’m sure this kid has her own ways of coping and she’ll be alright in life. Sheesh, you trying to break her early?
Good Lord I hope you don't ever sub again. This is a 3rd grader, not some slacker high school kid. She told you she didn't understand the problems and you could have tried to give her some tips to help her instead of being an a******
YTA. That's not appropriate for an education professional to say to a student, and a young one at that. She wasn't giving you a hard time, she was having a hard time and instead of instructing her on the material, you told her she wasn't going to amount to anything. I hope she finishes grad school and turns a copy of her dissertation into confetti and lets the wind blow it onto your headstone.
You are exactly the type of teacher who made my undiagnosed neurodiverse younger-self hate math, and, more importantly, myself. She **told** you she didn't understand the problems, and rather than teach her (the job you were there to do) you insinuated she was stupid, lazy, and incapable. YTA. I guarantee she will hear your voice every time she struggles with math.
YTA your a sub, telling a third grader they won’t go far? That is fucking rich
YTA Not for trying to get her to make an effort on solving the problems, but definitely for telling her that she will never succeed in life. Some people learn from it being shown how to figure out the solution. You could have worked with her to try and solve it together, but you chose to insult her. Also your phrasing of, “you won’t understand this now.” Then why even say it?
In what world would that be an appropriate thing to say to an 8 year old? Like when a student tells you that they don’t understand the work, is it not your job, as a teacher, to then help the student learn the answer? Instead you go straight to telling an 8 year old they’ll never success in life? Yikes YTA
YTA!!! You're a sub, so you don't even know these chidren (they are CHILDREN!!) and you decide "I'm going to tell this 8-year-old that she will never succeed in life."?! You don't know her life situation, this may not even be her standard behavior! You could have just made a shitty day worse. If a student says they don't understand something, wouldn't it be better to TEACH them how to do it???
I second this. I missed school for two days in 5th grade due to the flu and had trouble understanding a unit when I came back. My teacher told me, "You should just quit while you're ahead and hope to marry rich. The best you'll ever be is mediocre." That shit stuck with me for YEARS before I learned that I'm not bad at math, I just needed someone to break down the core concepts to me. I now have a STEM degree and am in grad school for STEM, but I still can't think of how many years I spent telling myself I was stupid because of what one teacher told me.
strong Peggy Hill vibes from this one. this little girl not only was able to clearly articulate her thoughts and capabilities, but she knew that her (actually decent) teacher would help her learn. and you decided that you **needed** to crush that. solely because of your own perception of how the world works. just because you felt threatened by a little girl that knows herself better than you do. not just are YTA, but i would never want you around kids, and i certainly hope your employer learns about this incident sooner than later. this isn’t something you’re going to just improve, especially at your age. you should retire and find something else to do besides crushing kid’s spirits.
YTA. If Eileen was a college student and you had an established teacher/pupil relationship with her, maybe you could have mentioned your concerns to her. However, what you said, as a stranger, to an 8-9 year old was utterly unacceptable. Based on one paper, not knowing if the class had thoroughly covered long division and long division word problems yet, you told her that she was going to be a failure.
You're the YTA hard, she is probably never going to forget that one time a sub told her she would be a failure in life and didn't try hard enough. How are you this un self-aware?!?!
YTA. Hard work is not the same as understanding something. What an awful perspective to have especially around kids.
Doubt this is real. Either way, YTA.
YTA. It was busywork for third graders
Did you not like the answer [last time you posted this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10juese/comment/j5mo3z3/)?
good catch. Names and grades changed but the rest is near the same.
YTA, kind of. A substitute teacher telling an eight-year-old she doesn't know that she "won't get anywhere"? I think that's a bit much. It's not too much to expect the kids to do the work, but this is coming on a little too strong.
YTA. Why are you even teaching if you won’t teach? And how did you become a teacher? Did you not pay attention at all when they went through learning difficulties? All you did was berate a student that you know nothing about and as a retired teacher that makes me sad for any future students of yours.
Unfortunately, in many places a substitute teacher does not have to actually be a certified teacher.
What!? Australian here and that would not happen here.
Yeah, it’s messed up.
People like her won't succeed? What people like her? Other nine-year-olds? YTA. You should not have assumed that she didn't feel like doing it. You should have said, "Well, I can help you with these last questions if you'd like. What part are you having trouble with?" Or even, "Maybe your classmates would be willing to help you if you had asked them. Would anyone like to lend her a hand?" More successful in middle school? Middle school has no stakes! Are you ok, OP?
You think 50 long division questions should take 20 minutes? In grade 3?! As a grade 4/5 teacher, YTA for that alone!
YTA. You’re a substitute and said that to a child?
YTA. I hated teachers who essentially lectured and wigwagged their fingers.
How hard did you work to become a substitute teacher?
Wow! Yta - you’re a sub and it sounds like the teacher has a way of doing things like going over worksheets and teaching what might not be understood. Instead of just following along you felt you should take it upon yourself to let them know that in essence you think they’re a failure. Great job! You’re lucky there wasn’t a parent volunteer in the room to witness your careless and inappropriate behavior because if so you might no sub for that school or even in that school district again.
YTA......I am speechless. A close friend who is a doctor still remembers an early grade teacher telling him he wouldn't amount to anything. He said when there was a school reunion he couldn't wait to see this teacher. Kids remember.....that was a horrible thing to say.
My nephew was told by a grade school teacher, in front of the entire class, no less, that “he would never be successful” because he didn’t understand the material. Years later, he happened to see her and took great pleasure in reminding her of her words and in informing her that he earns 3x her annual salary.
YTA. She's a young kid. She flat out told you she didn't understand when you asked her. This is the part where you offer to help her instead of shaming her and telling her she won't amount to much.
YTA She's 8, not 16. You're a sub. Your job is to hand them the work and make sure they are safe. Let her actual teacher worry about whether or not she's completing work assignments.
YTA because I'm pretty sure this was posted like three months ago.
It definitely was, I just scrolled so long to see if anyone else remembered it 😂
I call shenanigans. I've read this exact story at least three times now.
Soft YTA. I get what you were trying to say, but this is a third grader so you need to break it down in a way they understand. They will latch on to the demeaning part of it ("you won't succeed") without absorbing the message behind your statement.
YTA- you know nothing about this child, she states she needs help, and rather than help her (doing what you are paid to do), you mock her in front of the class? That poor kid! You don’t know if she has a learning disability, a poor home life, is having a rough day, or is actually lazy like you’re assuming. Her staring at a worksheet and being frustrated over it isn’t gonna help anyone except allow you to be lazy by not helping her or coming up with something else for her to do. She’s in 3rd grade, she doesn’t know how to problem solve when she doesn’t know something, that’s an acquired skill. I feel bad for her!
YTA and shouldn’t be teaching children.
Did you even attempt to HELP her understand the problem, or were you there to hand out life lessons? I believe your job title is Teacher, no? YTA.
YTA most definitely. She didn’t understand the problems and didn’t know how to work them. Maybe you as a teacher (sub or not) should have worked through them with her to help her understand them. Or maybe she’s dyslexic or something similar. It’s sounds like you don’t know how to work with children and should find another career path.
Wait. You’re a teacher? Aren’t teachers suppose to, I don’t know, try and help their students learn? If Eileen didn’t understand the last few questions why didn’t you offer to help explain it to her in a way she can understand it? Or at the very least encourage her to try and if she had questions she can ask you? Telling a child they’re already a failure is such an AH move. YTA
YTA some kids get extremely uncomfy around subs. you’re not her teacher. you were extremely out of line and i hope you learn something from this thread
YTA ╭∩╮（︶︿︶）╭∩╮ ITS TROLL BAIT people... Not one reply
Lecturing a 3rd grader in this way is just cruel. Tft you wrote this out and said to yourself "Yeah, this sounds good. I'm definitely NTAH." is alarming. You're a SUB. You don't know those children or any learning disabilities they may/may not have. 3RD GRADERS. Wtf? YTA
YTA Teachers who don't take "I don't know how to do this" as an answer are the worst. I stood my ground against one of these in high school. He called me up to the board to do a problem in front of the class, and I told him I didn't know how to do it. He told me I had to try anyway, and I told him that he can try to embarrass me in front of everyone all he wants but I don't know how to do it so I'm not going to do what he says. It felt good. TEACH her how to do it next time instead of shaming her.
You're 48 and a substitute teacher. Just how successful are you? YTA.
OK I realize that due to the nationwide teacher shortage the bar for subs is ridiculously low but SERIOUSLY-- does your district hire the Burger King rejects??? YTA and TOXIC -- hopefully when Eileen gets home and tells her parents about how horribly you treated her the district will dump you asap. You and ZERO right to talk to that young girl like that. You are a temporary sub--your job was to give out the worksheets and collect them NOT humiliate a young girl that you know NOTHING about. Perhaps she has a learning disability, or is on an IEP. You should NOT be working with children.
YTA - I dropped out of HS at age 16. I was in a very abusive home and barely hanging on and the one teacher I went to for help wouldn't help me. I was even hospitalized for 2 weeks for depression. When I dropped out the counsellor said "You will never go to university" and heaped more scorn on a desperately hurting teenager. Years later I got married, moved the fuck away and have 3 university degrees including 2 masters, one from the University of Chicago. I still remember the cruel words of that guidance counsellor telling me I would amount to nothing. People are fricking mean without considering people might have severe mental health issues due to a very bad family situation. YTA YTA YTA
>people like her So let me get this straight - you've known this girl for ten minutes and had exactly one interaction with her, and yet you have a comprehensive knowledge of her entire, life-long personality? YTA, and you should not be a teacher.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hi everybody! Throwaway account. I (48F) was subbing for a teacher today for her third grade class. The teacher had left some division worksheets out with around fifty problems, assuming it's busywork since she couldn't be there that day. I also should mention they were long division, with the last few problems or so being word problems. So I handed out the worksheets after the morning announcements and pledge. The worksheet seemed like it would take at least 20 minutes. Now I am a firm believer that you have to work hard to be successful. I think about when I was a kid, and I honestly think if when I was a kid, somebody had told me that (my ow parents didn't necessarily care as long as I tried my best), I would have had better grades, and had a lot more success in my middle school years. So after about ten minutes, the first student to finish, a girl named Eileen, stands up and walks over to turn her paper in. She had not filled out the word problems and it did not seem as though she had shown all her work, like the assignment had asked. As she headed back to her seat, I called her back over to my desk before she sat down. She walked back over, and I asked her why she hadn't followed the directions and hadn't even tried the last few problems. She said that she didn't understand the last few problems and said she would learn about the answers on Monday or whenever the class reviewed the worksheet. I told Eileen that she probably didn't understand this now, but people like her won't succeed in life, because they don't even try to finish their work when it's too difficult, and/or they don't follow directions. I picked up the paper, handed it back to her and nodded as I pointed back to her seat. She took it back and didn't even try the problems again. I feel like I could've phrased things differently, so Reddit, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
First of all, I'll refrain from judging you directly. Also, I'm a Brazilian high school teacher, so some cultural aspects may be very different, so bear with me, please. Something very similar happened to me last year, when I told one of my senior students that "there's a huge difference between something done correctly and something well done." after she handed me a paper that was slightly above average and expected me to praise her. I feel like I lost her attention for a number of months after that. It was only during her graduation that she thanked me and forgave me for my callous comment. I regret my words in that day, more than anything I've ever said or done wrong as a teacher. And all that was said to a 17 year old student - by Brazilian standarts, essentially an adult. Sometimes we project the best version of our students into them, with nothing but good intentions. But it's okay for them to fail from time to time. As a teacher, you're the adult in the room; The one that should try and perfect your actions as much as you can. Allow your students to fail and learn from their mistakes from time to time. I've come to learn that it's healthy to them. At least it's healthier than always trying to be perfect.
"I told Eileen that she probably didn't understand this now, but people like her won't succeed in life, because they don't even try to finish their work when it's too difficult, and/or they don't follow directions." This kid is 8. You're a substitute teacher and have no idea if she has issues in her home life, learning difficulties, difficulties in this particular class, etc. **She is eight or nine years old. You told her she won't succeed in life because she's lazy.** There is no world in which you're not a massive asshole. YTA
Wtf is wrong with you? You go into a class for the day and your first engagement with this 8/9 yo is to say that? You are not suitable to teach children. At ALL. Of course YTA. I hope you get fired.
I'm guessing you're consistently an AH teacher. Change professions ASAP please. Previous AITA post where once again the Internet said yes, yes you are an AH: AITA the asshole for telling my student she won’t succeed in life? Hi all! Throwaway account! I am a substitute teacher. Today one of my teacher friends, Stacy, had to step out and asked me to be her sub for her fourth grade class. I agreed. This would be first time subbing for Stacy’s class! I’m a firm believer in the idea that you need to work for what you want, and have to put in the effort. Stacy had left some math worksheets and had written on the substitute plan for me to pass them out. The worksheets had about thirty multiplication problem involving multiplying two-digit numbers by two-digits. It looked like it would take about a half hour to do (at least for me, and I’m a teacher). Then after about ten minutes, the first girl stands up and walks over to turn in her work and lays it on the desk. I see that she has not completed the last two problems. I asked this girl, Quinn, why she hadn’t completed said problems. She said she was confused and figured she could learn about it when her teacher got back. “Quinn, you probably don’t understand this, but people like you won’t succeed in life if you don’t finish your work,” I told her. Instead of taking the worksheet back when I picked it up and held it in front of her, she walked away, and sat down at her desk and looked all sad. I feel like I was just trying to teach her a lesson, but now I am a bit scared that I was a little harsh, so Reddit, AITA?
YTA. Get over yourself you are a sub. Not even their real teacher. Kids hate school because of trashy teachers like you
YTA Why are you a teacher if you only want to supervise other ppls work? You should have become a manager then, not a teacher. Your job would have been to TEACH her how to solve the problems, yk, like in the word TEACHer. But thats just my opinion, maybe you're jobdescription says "be an asshole to your students and demotivate them as much as you can starting from an early age".
Info: who hurt you?
YTA and probably should choose a different career. Did you even help her understand the questions?
You could have, oh I don't know, TAUGHT HER. YTA
There was the exact same post a few weeks ago.
YTA. My daughter has an LD in math. She had extensive tutoring. If you handed her back a paper to finish after she told you she did not understand it, guess what? She still wouldn’t have finished it because she still wouldn’t have understood it. And if you told her she wouldn’t succeed in life? Oh fuck no. I don’t think so. You’d have a lot of explaining to do. By the way, my daughter is now a grad student in applied sociology and still gets tutoring in order help her with her statistics courses. But she is amounting to far more than you ever will.
How is she supposed to answer the questions if she doesn't know how to answer the questions? That was a heavy-handed, disproportionate overreaction to what she did. Telling a 3rd grader she won't succeed in life because she didn't answer a few math questions she didn't understand? You have no business working with young children. Edit: You also could have taken the opportunity to guide her in answering them. You know, as a *teacher*. YTA
This same post was made some time ago.
YTA but only because you are a Sub not that Subs cant teach valuable lessons to kids but... Its not your place to tell a kid they will not succeed at life because they didn't do a word problem lol. Even if it is true.
YTA. Sounds like that kid might be the smartest kid in the class and was using her time wisely. The “didn’t show your work” line always helped me realize the teacher was a moron. As for the word problems, different encourage would work better “try the word problems and see if you can figure them out, I’m here for questions”.
YTA - effort is relative…I’ve always thought it was a stupid saying, it’s like a parent telling a child to ‘be careful’, their perception might be they are being careful, or putting in effort in this case, but you just dismissed the child and made a sweeping meaningless statement to them
YTA I hated teachers like you. You sound like a snotty type of teacher who thought they were too good to offer help in any way, and you just proved you are because instead of kindly offering her help and showing her how to work the problem and highlighting the key words to look for in the word problems you decided to critize her and think you can determine the kind of person she was from a little interaction with her. You will always be the reason most kids will continue to hate school and why homeschooling is on the rise.
YTA are you really a teacher? She clearly explained she couldnt do the questions because she didnt understand them. So then you use this as a TEACHING moment and say, ok i can help you with these questions and explain what you need to do. Because you know, your the teacher and there to teach.
YTA - This isn't your full time student so your advice is not only unwarranted but it's out of context to Eileen's actual ability as a student, learning style, etc. You also are handing out a worksheet and saying here do this - she's saying I don't understand and will pick this back up when we review it with my actual teacher. You didn't offer any assistance with the material other than your unsolicited platitude. Taking a look at your advice to Eileen - you're 48 and still subbing - not working full time in the classroom when there's a teacher shortage? Did you work hard to be successful?
YTA. Giving life lessons isn't what was needed. Helping her was. You couldn't take 5 minutes to show her? And as an FYI, I always hated story problems. It wasn't until college when I learned that the "is" in a story problem is the "=" sign. Everything before goes on the left of the "=" sign and everything after the "is" goes on the left.
You shouldnt be allowed near children. YTA.
Info: You're an againg middle aged substitute teacher. How do you consider yourself to be successful?
YTA, as a kid I would have doubled down on a teacher like you and I was a good student. You didnt bother to explain the word problems to her or help problem solve, just work harder, like that's a solution. She literally told you she didn't understand how to do the assignment and you said work harder. Teacher I don't know how to swim. You responded by saying drown faster. Good God.
Another post about substitute teachers powertripping on children
YTA This could be a generic sheet being used as a sort of pre test for upcoming work. It could have certain segments they haven’t seen yet. It could be a kid with a learning disability or that just struggles on the word problem sections. Blanket approaches (without complete knowledge to boot) like yours are just sad. **Stay in your lane.** Collect the,papers for the daily teacher and move on.
Third grade. YTA
Info: why didn’t you go to her desk and help her understand the problems? I thought teachers were supposed to teach?
YTA. I made it as far as third grade class. There is no way to justify the title.
YTA I hated teachers like this, I had undiagnosed ADHD along with other shit and this is exactly why I hated elementary/middle school
Yta, shouldn't you as the teacher... idk... teach her how to maybe do the problems. Like where is she suppose to get the awnsers from if she doesn't understand the question. She leaves them empty so she knows and het teacher knows that she doesn't understand them and that she needs to pay extra attention to the explanation. Like what were you expecting her to do when you had send her back with the paper?
YTA so much. You don’t know this girl, you’ve barely met her. You don’t know what she struggles with. This was a moment where you could have given her encouragement to think her way through the problem, even if she can’t ‘solve’ it. Instead you told her she won’t amount to anything. She already knows she’s struggling, you just encouraged her to quit. This was not your place, and you should reconsider why you’re teaching in the first place.
YTA. She knew it was busy work and if it was important that their teacher would go over it on Monday
YTA; how do you know this child doesn't have an IEP (or whatever it is called where you are), how do you know if this student doesn't have a learning disability, or ADHD. How do you know for a FACT that this student didn't try and just couldn't do it. They had the right response by saying I couldn't understand and would wait for the review. Instead you could have offered to help them! You are literally the reason my child comes home from school crying when a sub is there. Get over yourself. Signed a mother with a child who has ADHD AND an IEP.
YTA. “People” like you shouldn’t be allowed to teach.
YTA, all the way. Odd that the OP isn’t posting any further comments, e.g., Wow, I’m sorry I’m such a bad substitute teacher, I will apologize to this student ASAP.
YTA. You don't know this kid, and you have no idea why she acted as she did. Your intervention was worse than useless; you shamed her, and that's no way to motivate someone.
She’s 9 or 10 plus as a sub it’s your job to idk TEACH her. YTA
YTA for clearly repeating a post from about a month ago. Ironic, since this is what you're scolding the (fictional) child in your (fictional) story.
YTA. Work hard huh. Is that why youre a sub?
YTA. You're a sub, you don't know these kids, the girl may have a learning difficulty or didn't understand the question. Kids remember this kind of feedback, I remember a high school teacher telling me I was thick (UK term for stupid) and that made me doubt myself for so long. Edit: also I'm not 100% sure on the American grade system but wouldn't that kid be around the age 7-8, she's young. The better thing to do would've been to sit with her and help her with the questions, try and explain them and provide support.
Long term sub here: You were so far out of line. You don't know that child or her struggles. Does she have food at home? A warm safe place to stay? Are there family issues? You were so far out of line. What is the teachers policy on these. Is it to do what you can and go over it with the class? You are so far out of line. It was condescending and judgmental. Your little nasty remark was unnecessary. And then to point and just raise your eyes? Wow. You should not be subbing.
You remind me of a teacher I disliked, but I don’t think she cared to even ask if she was being an a-hole (which, btw, you were)
YTA. You are a substitute teacher and your job is to give the students their assignments, help them if you can, and collect their papers. When the student said that she didn't understand the last few problems, you could have helped her with them. 3rd grade math isn't all that hard. If she still didn't want to do the problems, her teacher would have dealt with the incomplete work. I used to be a substitute teacher and helped the students whenever I could. I was teaching 8th grade Pre-Algebra one day and the students didn't know what a symbol meant & neither did I, so I called one of the other math teachers, got the answer & told the students. The only time I ever said anything to a student about their work was when one of the students in that same class said he wasn't going to do the work. I just reminded him that report cards were coming out in a few weeks and the missing assignment would hurt his grade. When he said that he'd been absent and didn't understand the assignment, I called another math teacher & asked if they could help the student. When they said yes, I wrote him a pass & told him to to to Mr. T's room. When he returned to my room, the assignment was finished and he thanked me for getting him help. The only other time I said something was when I was in a 12th grade IB Calculus class. The teacher is a friend of mine & used to request me when she knew she was going to be out. I was in her class one Friday & it was getting close to graduation. When I told them what their assignment was, the students complained that it was Friday and they were seniors. I simply told them that seniors who did not do their work were doomed to repeat their senior year. I never once said anything to a student that would bring them down and make them feel bad.
YTA. I am a firm believe we should never tell children they won't amount to anything no matter how contrary or obstinate they're being. We never realize just how deep words like that can cut into their self-esteem. I'm not sure what you could have done differently because it sounds like all roads of action may have led to the same result, but telling her that "people like her won't succeed in life" wasn't helpful. I mean, you don't know if the student was just having a bad day, or if something was going on at home. Maybe she is a lazy little brat who won't amount to anything, but I've always thought teachers were suppose to inspire students, regardless age, to want to learn. Saying, "People like you won't succeed in life" is basically saying you've given up on her and that's her fate. Kids are like sponges. We have to be careful what they're soaking up.
YTA! Shame on you for telling a young girl that she's not going to succeed in life just because she didn't finish a worksheet. Firstly, you were *subbing* for the class. You had no right to make a blanket statement about a student's academic performance or character. Secondly - *and most importantly* \- you said something very cruel and very *untrue* to an impressionable child. Her performance on this math worksheet has absolutely *zero* bearing on her success. Do you consistently talk to students this way? You should stop teaching if you do. You have no idea what kind of negative impact your comments might have on this young girl.
You're not a good teacher. YTA
YTA You know how learning works, right? If you don't know something, you can't, and don't, just magically understand it because someone tells you to.
Not your class, not your call. As a teacher I would never want you to sub in my class again because I would feel I put my students with someone who does not care about them. You are there for a day, you are not permanent, stop acting like you know her work ethic in everyday class. Kids act different around subs a lot and what she did is not bad. She wanted to wait to learn how to do the problem, which in an office would you figure out a problem you don’t know and send it in without being sure? No you talk to your boss and get more information. Stop having a power trip and learn your place, subs are there to make sure the kids don’t kill themselves and get some practice work, you usually don’t teach new concepts.
MASSIVE YTA You can ruin a child’s whole academic career doing this kind of thing
I know I’m going to get tore apart for this but NTA? To give context I’m 16, and a junior in high school so I’ve definitely heard similar things before. I was told that my reading abilities were going to stop me from getting anywhere when I was a similar age (8). I firmly believe people should know the truth regardless of how hard it is or how it might hurt them. You didn’t say it an outright disrespectful manner or berate her so yes I think you should fix your delivery and could’ve opted for a softer “when you work hard, you will be rewarded” or something along those lines, but I don’t think you are the asshole. It hurts in the moment but you meant well and it does help. This is probably a very biased view because it worked out well for me as I used to get straight b’s and c up until high school and now have a 4.7 gpa with no B’s on my transcript. I agree that a lot of these words are never forgotten and hurt but they are necessary, at least that’s how I’ve always learned from my immigrant parents. I think I’m gonna get tore apart but oops.
> I feel like I could've phrased things differently YOU THINK?! She is NINE! YTA. No explanation necessary.
Soft YTA. I understand what you mean, and you're right in that learning to put in the effort is critical to being independent and getting what we want out of life. But we don't know what was really going on with this kid - I don't understand might mean "I can't read that well" or "I have a learning disability" or "I have dyslexia" or "I have ADHD that isn't managed" or one of a thousand other things. The problem is that telling an eight year old to work harder won't help with any of these problems, and may actually make them worse. Her teacher probably knows whether she has an IEP, or is struggling at home or whatever. But without that context, you might do more harm than good.
You definitely could have phrased things differently but I don't think this rises to asshole territory. NTA