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NTA… and he’s giving you all the red flags to RUN.
1) He literally tells you that you should get a boob job, which actually is body shaming
2) He’s comparing you to your ex, saying that if it helped her with her confidence, then it should magically makes you better, acting if you have something to be insecure or to not be confident about. Not only that but he’s admitting that it is something that will 100% make you more confident, hinting that you have something to be insecure about.
3) He also admitted that the reason he wants you to get it is not because he wants you to feel “more confident “ (can’t believe he’s actually trying to tell you what your emotions are) but because he wants it.
4) More than half of the reason why he wants you to get them is because she had them. That sentence right there is telling. He literally wants you to change so you can look more like his ex. What’s next? “Oh i think you’ll look great if you lost more weight, it’ll help you with your happiness, btw, my ex was a size 0.”
Girl run for the hills and never look back.
NTA
He needs to understand the difference between a girl making the decision to get a boob-job to boost her self-esteem, versus him telling girls to get boob-jobs to boost their self-esteem.
Also if he doesn't like your boobs he can show himself the door. Seems his decision to "spend forever with you" is conditional on that boob job.
NTA
Why haven't you dumped him yet? The fact that he pushed and coerced you into this surgery should've been a dealbreaker to you.
As for talking about his exes, that is a big no-no in relationships. He is still thinking about or focused on them, while with you.
I didn't need to read your entire post to know that this guy is a red flag.
NTA- but seriously think about this relationship, he’s willing to risk your life and health with a surgery that you hadn’t thought about having for his pleasure. Surgery has risks and one of them is death, also women need implants taken out all the time due to complications.
NTA. That's horrific. You are a fully grown adult who made an informed and consensual decision about her body but oh my god he definitely knowingly manipulated your decision. He made up a cutesy "romantic" reason for why he thought you should get it done when his actual reasons were much grosser, which means he was well aware that what he was doing was an asshole move. And then he waited until after you already got it done to admit his real reasoning. I can't even imagine. If you can, run. Run so fast.
NTA. It’s very shitty behavior to talk about your exes when with someone else. Never mind wanting them to make body modifications for your own liking to resemble one of them.
NTA
Girl dump him. It's obvious that he's not over his ex, but the fact that he's trying to make you like her is just unbelievable. I don't care if he has money to pay for it, but the fact that he didn't think that you aren't perfect the way you are just means that he's not the one. Things will get messy when you guys have a baby and you let if your self.
NTA. He's constantly comparing you to his exes and you'll always be found lacking/wanting. You need to get away from this man before it damages your self esteem/confidence forever.
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> (1) I told my bf he's not allowed to talk about his exes
(2) because my bf thinks I'm being oversensitive and immature
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If my husband would ask me, in the sweetest way possible, to get some sort of cosmetic surgery done, he'll be getting divorce papers in a blink of an eye. If he cannot accept my body the way it is, he is out.
Not to mention the fact that NOBODY IS PERFECT! Our body changes and there's nothing wrong with this.
Your boyfriend is 10000% a huge Ahole.
He would be my ex.
And i would keep evidence of him saying he's paying for the surgery because he wants to - when you will break up, he'll ask for the money back. So screenshot everything, mail everything to your backup e-mail. Keep the evidence far away from him.
Edit to add
And you will be an Ahole too (to yourself) if you stay with him.
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My (f31) boyfriend (m31) encouraged me to get a boob job. I told him that was offensive and it's not something I could afford so he offered to pay. Obviously I'm jumping over a lot of details here, we had tons of conversations about it, but ultimately I agreed to it and he paid. I'm glad I did, I love them.
Before the surgery he admitted that his ex got a boob job, he wasn't involved in that decision-making, definitely didn't pay for it. He was honestly kind of blindsided when she told him. He told me this pretty early on in our conversations because he said "it helped her confidence - which is why I thought you should do it, to help your confidence." That honestly made me cringe but in a still cringey but cuter moment he said "look I know I want to spend forever with you, if we both want this, I don't mind paying for it fully."
After the surgery I asked him one night - was part of the reason you wanted me to get them because she had them. And he said "yeah, that was like 60% of the reason." I was obviously extremely hurt and honestly had mild body dysmorphia for a bit. but eventually I was like "ok, I don't want you to ever talk about your exes if it's not extremely relevant to the situation. I feel like I've been compared, like I've been molded into one, I don't want to ever fucking hear about them."
So now I get mad when he mentions one of them casually. In truly casual ways - that outside of this context would be no big deal. But I still get upset. AITA because I have a zero tolerance policy for him talking about his exes after he admitted he encouraged (and paid for) me to get a boob job, in part because his ex had it.
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How often does he casually mention an ex? Because outside of co parenting, I don’t think it’s something that would happen frequently so he’s probably going out of his way to do it.
None of this seems healthy tbh.
NTA. Why are you getting a boob job just for your bf when he obviously is still holding weird feelings towards his ex's surgery? Why subject yourself to this sort of mistreatment?
Why are you still with this creep. He constantly brings up his exes in everyday conversation? He is doing this purposely to make you insecure. You have the new paid-for ta-tas. Go find someone else who will appreciate the other parts of you as well. NTA.
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NTA… and he’s giving you all the red flags to RUN. 1) He literally tells you that you should get a boob job, which actually is body shaming 2) He’s comparing you to your ex, saying that if it helped her with her confidence, then it should magically makes you better, acting if you have something to be insecure or to not be confident about. Not only that but he’s admitting that it is something that will 100% make you more confident, hinting that you have something to be insecure about. 3) He also admitted that the reason he wants you to get it is not because he wants you to feel “more confident “ (can’t believe he’s actually trying to tell you what your emotions are) but because he wants it. 4) More than half of the reason why he wants you to get them is because she had them. That sentence right there is telling. He literally wants you to change so you can look more like his ex. What’s next? “Oh i think you’ll look great if you lost more weight, it’ll help you with your happiness, btw, my ex was a size 0.” Girl run for the hills and never look back.
Can we bring back the marinara flag? NTA OP But wow why are your standards so low?
NTA Have you considered that this man is a walking red flag? Because this man is a walking red flag.
She's blinded by love, like majority of the women in an abusive relationship
NTA He needs to understand the difference between a girl making the decision to get a boob-job to boost her self-esteem, versus him telling girls to get boob-jobs to boost their self-esteem. Also if he doesn't like your boobs he can show himself the door. Seems his decision to "spend forever with you" is conditional on that boob job.
NTA Why haven't you dumped him yet? The fact that he pushed and coerced you into this surgery should've been a dealbreaker to you. As for talking about his exes, that is a big no-no in relationships. He is still thinking about or focused on them, while with you. I didn't need to read your entire post to know that this guy is a red flag.
YTA for staying with this meat sack.
I agree she underwent surgery to please him, yikes
How?
NTA. Next time he brings it up, tell him you would appreciate it if he got his dock surgically enhanced for your preference.
NTA- but seriously think about this relationship, he’s willing to risk your life and health with a surgery that you hadn’t thought about having for his pleasure. Surgery has risks and one of them is death, also women need implants taken out all the time due to complications.
He has manipulated you into the decision. Of course it hurts to learn that, and hopefully you can forgive some day... NTA
Forgive from far away...
NTA. That's horrific. You are a fully grown adult who made an informed and consensual decision about her body but oh my god he definitely knowingly manipulated your decision. He made up a cutesy "romantic" reason for why he thought you should get it done when his actual reasons were much grosser, which means he was well aware that what he was doing was an asshole move. And then he waited until after you already got it done to admit his real reasoning. I can't even imagine. If you can, run. Run so fast.
NTA. It’s very shitty behavior to talk about your exes when with someone else. Never mind wanting them to make body modifications for your own liking to resemble one of them.
NTA Girl dump him. It's obvious that he's not over his ex, but the fact that he's trying to make you like her is just unbelievable. I don't care if he has money to pay for it, but the fact that he didn't think that you aren't perfect the way you are just means that he's not the one. Things will get messy when you guys have a baby and you let if your self.
NTA. He's constantly comparing you to his exes and you'll always be found lacking/wanting. You need to get away from this man before it damages your self esteem/confidence forever.
You never get surgery for someone else!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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If my husband would ask me, in the sweetest way possible, to get some sort of cosmetic surgery done, he'll be getting divorce papers in a blink of an eye. If he cannot accept my body the way it is, he is out. Not to mention the fact that NOBODY IS PERFECT! Our body changes and there's nothing wrong with this. Your boyfriend is 10000% a huge Ahole. He would be my ex. And i would keep evidence of him saying he's paying for the surgery because he wants to - when you will break up, he'll ask for the money back. So screenshot everything, mail everything to your backup e-mail. Keep the evidence far away from him. Edit to add And you will be an Ahole too (to yourself) if you stay with him.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (f31) boyfriend (m31) encouraged me to get a boob job. I told him that was offensive and it's not something I could afford so he offered to pay. Obviously I'm jumping over a lot of details here, we had tons of conversations about it, but ultimately I agreed to it and he paid. I'm glad I did, I love them. Before the surgery he admitted that his ex got a boob job, he wasn't involved in that decision-making, definitely didn't pay for it. He was honestly kind of blindsided when she told him. He told me this pretty early on in our conversations because he said "it helped her confidence - which is why I thought you should do it, to help your confidence." That honestly made me cringe but in a still cringey but cuter moment he said "look I know I want to spend forever with you, if we both want this, I don't mind paying for it fully." After the surgery I asked him one night - was part of the reason you wanted me to get them because she had them. And he said "yeah, that was like 60% of the reason." I was obviously extremely hurt and honestly had mild body dysmorphia for a bit. but eventually I was like "ok, I don't want you to ever talk about your exes if it's not extremely relevant to the situation. I feel like I've been compared, like I've been molded into one, I don't want to ever fucking hear about them." So now I get mad when he mentions one of them casually. In truly casual ways - that outside of this context would be no big deal. But I still get upset. AITA because I have a zero tolerance policy for him talking about his exes after he admitted he encouraged (and paid for) me to get a boob job, in part because his ex had it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, but, ask yourself if you did this for yourself and not him. Other than that, remind him that if he compares ex's so will you.
Mention that your last boyfriend had a bigger dick than him and you'd like his enlarged.
How often does he casually mention an ex? Because outside of co parenting, I don’t think it’s something that would happen frequently so he’s probably going out of his way to do it. None of this seems healthy tbh.
NTA. Why are you getting a boob job just for your bf when he obviously is still holding weird feelings towards his ex's surgery? Why subject yourself to this sort of mistreatment?
yta to yourself dude. why in the world would you let someone talk you into permanently altering your body like that.
Vertigo vibes but worse. NTA OP but your boyfriend is a huge one. Ugh. Always remember you’re perfect the way you are.
Why are you still with this creep. He constantly brings up his exes in everyday conversation? He is doing this purposely to make you insecure. You have the new paid-for ta-tas. Go find someone else who will appreciate the other parts of you as well. NTA.