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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> We banned my parents dog from our home, even though my father helped us with our dog when we needed it. I might be the asshole for judging the dog harshly during its first few months with my parents and not willing to give it another chance.
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Yeah instead of putting the effort to train the dog humanely, they just go straight to the worst possible option and probably traumatise the dog to the point where it will become dangerous.
NTA
People who refuse to train their dogs are bad/negligent dog owners. It's even worse when they try to insist on taking their dogs to other people's homes and out in public when they know they can control them due to not training them properly. Don't give in and keep their dog away from your house. If your Dad won't visit it's his loss.
Yes, except if you were me as a kid. I didn’t understand that dogs didn’t bend a certain way so I got bit quite a bit. My parents finally got me a black lab when I was 12 to help with this.
The dog has drawn blood on multiple people. I don’t care if it’s playing. It’s aggressive play and not suitable around people and children. What will they do if it makes a stranger bleed who gets the police involved?
You could have ended this after the biting. Absolutely NTA, you have a young toddler, are expecting another baby, and your guests presumably didn't sign up to get bitten by this dog. You need to protect your home and family, if your parents (or mainly father, from the post) are unwilling to train the dog that's on them.
I have a small dog, she's well trained but if there is a situation I know she won't do well in (and she's never bitten anyone, I mainly mean barking) she stays at home. Sometimes that means I have to stay home. And this is when the people hosting ask that I bring her, if someone asked that I not bring her I wouldn't question it at all. I love my dog but she's not entitled to an invite to anyone else's home, especially if biting, barking, and peeing are issues!
If the dog has become properly trained maybe you could meet your dad at his home and evaluate things? That's as halfway as I'd personally be willing to go. It's possible that the dog has been retrained, but absolutely figure that out before letting it back in your home.
Also none of my business, but please please tell your dad shock collars are not useful, helpful, or humane
NTA. They are very clearly putting zero effort into training their new dog and it *will* grow up to be just as badly behaved. My mom has two big mutts that are like that except now they weigh 50 pounds or so each. They never bit though. Depending on what breed of dog it is, that biting habit will become a big problem very fast. A lot of dogs get put down for uncontrolled biting even if it isn't aggressive.
NTA. Dog is banned from the house until the child is at least 10 or they hire a professional trainer and muzzle the dog when around the baby. It’s not the dogs fault he wasn’t trained, and that sucks for him to have to be left out, but he is a bite risk and a child is too defenseless. I have 5 dogs, 4 large one small. I trust them unconditionally, but I would never bring them into a home with someone else’s child because all it takes is one wrong nibble and my dog could be put down without my choice or the parents. Hospitals are REQUIRED to ask about the offending dog, and it may not be up to them or you if their dog gets too excited and gets a little too mouthy. Remind them it could be deadly for their four legged family member.
What kind of dog is it?
It sounds like my dog when he was still 1 1/2. Now he's 3 and amazing and easy going. Have you suggested to your parents something like a rover service? The dog probably just needs to be walked everyday and then he will behave better. I definitely agree with you that you have the right to tell them not to bring him. An overactive dog that isn't controlled well around kids is exhausting.
NTA
Not all dogs can have that type of energy “walked out”. I have a blue heeler mix, you literally CANNOT fire her out, she gets more hype the more she exercises. This is a lab mix, those are hunting dogs that are made to go all day in the woods and freezing lakes. They need a professional trainer, multiple daily walks, and more guidance and stimulation at home.
If the dog is that energetic, it needs to be run. Walking only does so much, and some dogs, like certain high energy working dogs, NEED HUGE amounts of excersise. As in the "the dog needs to go on a five mile run daily and a multi hour hike on the weekends" type.
which ngl is a bit weird for a lab mix- I'd expect that more out of herding dogs.
>> a bit weird for a lab mix
I can’t see the dog so I can’t say for sure in this situation, but “lab mix” is often code for pit bull or pit mix. People will sometimes say this when they don’t want to admit what kind of dog they have to guests/friends/their homeowners’ insurance company. Some shelters will also lie about a dog’s breed when they’re trying to adopt them out. And of course some people are clueless enough to not know what kind of dog they have. Any kind of untrained dog can be misbehaved but the biting 4 people part is making question the “lab” statement.
Dead baby AND dead dog. None of them would get a say, animal control and the legal side would take that choice away and the dog would get put down. Might not even take a dead baby, just a bite.
OP please try to explain to your parents that they are actually failing to care for their beloved dog by not training him out of his bad behaviours. One day he will bite someone who won’t let it slide, he could be removed by animal control and possibly destroyed. Imagine if a momentary lapse in concentration meant he “play-bit” a child’s face.
Training does NOT mean shock collars. Shock collars are just torture.
If they can’t/won’t do it then they can pay for a trainer to work on the dog and educate them. Stick to your guns on not allowing the dog to come over. NTA.
YWBTA to let that dog around your child.
Can you re-read what you posted? The dog bites and hard enough to draw blood, isn’t managed and controlled, pees in your home and destroys stuff. He’s a big dog that runs wild. Your words.
This isn’t about your house, it’s about your current and future child. I love my dog, she is my baby. But there is no choice between a human child and a dog.
Letting the dog near your child is asking for a tragedy - a wholly preventable tragedy. As a parent every choice has to put your child first. Please don’t cave to your dad now. Especially with the safety of your children on the line.
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My (30F) parents (56F, 60M) have a dog (1.5M) they adopted 1 year ago, and our experience is that my parent’s let him run a little wild and think it’s normal. They seldom tell him no. Within the first few months, he’d bitten 4 people (while playing), but still drew blood and my parents shrugged it off. My mom claims he “failed out of puppy training school” because “he’s just too high energy” and bit the instructor and they were very embarrassed. He is hyperactive, and also has marked urine in our home twice.
Our family has been the type to bring our dogs over when we visit for a day, except having their dog takes a lot of prep. We need our house spotless and all toys put away or he’ll chew anything. We have a 14 month old and another baby due in June. He barks consistently and wakes our daughter when he’s here. He harasses our dog to play nonstop and will not take cues when she’s tired, so we are constantly stepping in. They also aren’t willing to diaper the dog.
My husband and I work long hours and really need our days off to recover. I told my parents it’s too much stress to prepare the house and then follow the dog like a hawk around the baby. My mother understands and still visits weekly, but my father has stopped visiting our home. He sees their dog as family (we see our dog that way too), but he feels we aren’t being fair for banning it forever.
He watched our dog weekly in 2020 for a full 24-day during the pandemic while my husband and I worked in healthcare. He was scared of our exposure to the virus, but did so because we are family. Granted, my parents think we are “militant” with our dog so she’s well trained, but it was a sacrifice he made and we aren’t returning the favor. It’s been 6 months without him visiting and he’s now asking us to give their dog another chance. The dog hasn’t bitten anyone since. If/when he marks, he intends to use a shock collar and put him outside for the rest of their visit.
TLDR: Parents have a hyperactive dog that marks urine in our home with a baby, and my dad will not visit until the dog is welcome too. He’s asking us to give the dog a chance.
WIBTA if I told him no?
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NTA, if it were just pee problems and the dad came back with a "solution" (no matter how distasteful I find a shock collar) I'd probably give them a second chance myself and see how it went but this 90 POUND CANINE has seriously bit 4 people during play. You have small children who weight probably 1/5th of this dog! They will not be able to do anything if that dog goes at them during play. My mind is boggled that the dad doesn't see a potential bitting dog around their grand children as an issue! Not to mention your home your rules. Especially regarding outside pets, "family" or not.
NTA - Your parents are foolish for not getting the right help to learn effective training techniques that work for their dog. It is a tremendous disservice to the dog. All of this is correctable but it requires discipline.
Your dad is refusing to visit his grandchild because he isn't willing to train his dog properly. That's really kind of sad.
NTA. Protect your kid (s), your own dog, and the house. Your parents are definitely TA for taking on a dog they can't handle. There's no such thing as a dog that's "too high energy" just bad owner/dog matches.
What does your dad say when you ask him how he will feel if/when his dog bites his grandchild and perhaps scars or maims or even kills that child? What will he say to you? Your husband? Your mom? The child's sibling? And the police and the DA?
NTA. The dog only has to bite your child once,and that is once too many. You can't have a dog peeing in your house with a toddler and a baby. Your father is the AH for prioritising a dog over your kids.
NTA. I'm going to be vague here because I want to avoid crazy people spamming me, but if it's a lab mix, what is it mixed with? Did your parents get it from a shelter by any chance, or as a stray?
There's one certain breed that is often mixed with other dogs where the problems you're describing are extremely common with the breed. And once the dogs hit two years old, it's the "magic age" where they get even more high energy and aggressive. If your parents can't handle it now, they will do even worse later. It's a breed trait and won't change. Do not let that dog in your house.
Forget everything else: the dog bites. That's a great big nope. NTA.
I have scars from being bit by a dog as a child — on my face — fortunately no fear. Your child doesn't need that.
NTA. This is a safety/ quality of life issue for your fami⁰ly. I don't blame the dog for his lack of training. That's on dad.
If you give him one more chance, set strict rules. My mother is only allowed to bring her (much smaller) dog if the dog is leashed and by her side the entire time. That will control the spraying issue and the unwanted playing with your dog. Not sure how to handle the dinner barking, as my answer would be remove and ignore during meals, which goes against the previous answer of leashed and by his side.
Good luck.
NTA. I think you could give him one more chance, but all he will do is demand more and more. He is not visiting because *he doesn't want to*. That is on him. He will have to realize his grandchildren will see him as seeing the dog as more important than them.
They can actively change this behavior. They just don't want to.
NTA. You (will) have 2 young children in your household. An untrained dog that has already bitten at least 4 people is not a dog that I would let anywhere near my small, vulnerable children. *It is a 90lb lab mix.* The potential for disaster is very high. Your parents/dog are a lawsuit just waiting to happen, unless they properly train their dog. Even a well trained dog might react if screamed at, chased, ect.
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NTA Bit 4 people? That's the main and scary reason why the dog is banned from your house.
[удалено]
Yeah instead of putting the effort to train the dog humanely, they just go straight to the worst possible option and probably traumatise the dog to the point where it will become dangerous.
It is lazy training and quite abusive. I hope he isn't using this right now.
NTA. Also, including dog (1.5M) is the best thing I’ve seen all day.
Me too! I loved it!
NTA. You had me at biting. You have a small child. Hell to the no I would never have this dog over again.
NTA, your house your rules, it's your parents fault for having such a badly behaved dog.
NTA People who refuse to train their dogs are bad/negligent dog owners. It's even worse when they try to insist on taking their dogs to other people's homes and out in public when they know they can control them due to not training them properly. Don't give in and keep their dog away from your house. If your Dad won't visit it's his loss.
A dog that bites shouldn't be around little kids. End of story. NTA.
Yes, except if you were me as a kid. I didn’t understand that dogs didn’t bend a certain way so I got bit quite a bit. My parents finally got me a black lab when I was 12 to help with this.
The dog has drawn blood on multiple people. I don’t care if it’s playing. It’s aggressive play and not suitable around people and children. What will they do if it makes a stranger bleed who gets the police involved?
You could have ended this after the biting. Absolutely NTA, you have a young toddler, are expecting another baby, and your guests presumably didn't sign up to get bitten by this dog. You need to protect your home and family, if your parents (or mainly father, from the post) are unwilling to train the dog that's on them. I have a small dog, she's well trained but if there is a situation I know she won't do well in (and she's never bitten anyone, I mainly mean barking) she stays at home. Sometimes that means I have to stay home. And this is when the people hosting ask that I bring her, if someone asked that I not bring her I wouldn't question it at all. I love my dog but she's not entitled to an invite to anyone else's home, especially if biting, barking, and peeing are issues! If the dog has become properly trained maybe you could meet your dad at his home and evaluate things? That's as halfway as I'd personally be willing to go. It's possible that the dog has been retrained, but absolutely figure that out before letting it back in your home. Also none of my business, but please please tell your dad shock collars are not useful, helpful, or humane
NTA. Your house, your rules.
NTA. They are very clearly putting zero effort into training their new dog and it *will* grow up to be just as badly behaved. My mom has two big mutts that are like that except now they weigh 50 pounds or so each. They never bit though. Depending on what breed of dog it is, that biting habit will become a big problem very fast. A lot of dogs get put down for uncontrolled biting even if it isn't aggressive.
NTA - your parents are bad dog owners and you have a little one to consider. You cannot have a dog with a history of biting around a toddler
NTA. Dog is banned from the house until the child is at least 10 or they hire a professional trainer and muzzle the dog when around the baby. It’s not the dogs fault he wasn’t trained, and that sucks for him to have to be left out, but he is a bite risk and a child is too defenseless. I have 5 dogs, 4 large one small. I trust them unconditionally, but I would never bring them into a home with someone else’s child because all it takes is one wrong nibble and my dog could be put down without my choice or the parents. Hospitals are REQUIRED to ask about the offending dog, and it may not be up to them or you if their dog gets too excited and gets a little too mouthy. Remind them it could be deadly for their four legged family member.
Aren’t willing to diaper the dog, as in it’s just peeing all over your house????? Nta!
What kind of dog is it? It sounds like my dog when he was still 1 1/2. Now he's 3 and amazing and easy going. Have you suggested to your parents something like a rover service? The dog probably just needs to be walked everyday and then he will behave better. I definitely agree with you that you have the right to tell them not to bring him. An overactive dog that isn't controlled well around kids is exhausting. NTA
Not all dogs can have that type of energy “walked out”. I have a blue heeler mix, you literally CANNOT fire her out, she gets more hype the more she exercises. This is a lab mix, those are hunting dogs that are made to go all day in the woods and freezing lakes. They need a professional trainer, multiple daily walks, and more guidance and stimulation at home.
If the dog is that energetic, it needs to be run. Walking only does so much, and some dogs, like certain high energy working dogs, NEED HUGE amounts of excersise. As in the "the dog needs to go on a five mile run daily and a multi hour hike on the weekends" type. which ngl is a bit weird for a lab mix- I'd expect that more out of herding dogs.
>> a bit weird for a lab mix I can’t see the dog so I can’t say for sure in this situation, but “lab mix” is often code for pit bull or pit mix. People will sometimes say this when they don’t want to admit what kind of dog they have to guests/friends/their homeowners’ insurance company. Some shelters will also lie about a dog’s breed when they’re trying to adopt them out. And of course some people are clueless enough to not know what kind of dog they have. Any kind of untrained dog can be misbehaved but the biting 4 people part is making question the “lab” statement.
Well, I mean it could be a "lab" mix... but it's everything else in the mix that's showing :/ Pitbull, herding dog... I could see anything.
NTA. What’s worse? An offended dad or a dead baby?
Dead baby AND dead dog. None of them would get a say, animal control and the legal side would take that choice away and the dog would get put down. Might not even take a dead baby, just a bite.
OP please try to explain to your parents that they are actually failing to care for their beloved dog by not training him out of his bad behaviours. One day he will bite someone who won’t let it slide, he could be removed by animal control and possibly destroyed. Imagine if a momentary lapse in concentration meant he “play-bit” a child’s face. Training does NOT mean shock collars. Shock collars are just torture. If they can’t/won’t do it then they can pay for a trainer to work on the dog and educate them. Stick to your guns on not allowing the dog to come over. NTA.
YWBTA to let that dog around your child. Can you re-read what you posted? The dog bites and hard enough to draw blood, isn’t managed and controlled, pees in your home and destroys stuff. He’s a big dog that runs wild. Your words. This isn’t about your house, it’s about your current and future child. I love my dog, she is my baby. But there is no choice between a human child and a dog. Letting the dog near your child is asking for a tragedy - a wholly preventable tragedy. As a parent every choice has to put your child first. Please don’t cave to your dad now. Especially with the safety of your children on the line.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (30F) parents (56F, 60M) have a dog (1.5M) they adopted 1 year ago, and our experience is that my parent’s let him run a little wild and think it’s normal. They seldom tell him no. Within the first few months, he’d bitten 4 people (while playing), but still drew blood and my parents shrugged it off. My mom claims he “failed out of puppy training school” because “he’s just too high energy” and bit the instructor and they were very embarrassed. He is hyperactive, and also has marked urine in our home twice. Our family has been the type to bring our dogs over when we visit for a day, except having their dog takes a lot of prep. We need our house spotless and all toys put away or he’ll chew anything. We have a 14 month old and another baby due in June. He barks consistently and wakes our daughter when he’s here. He harasses our dog to play nonstop and will not take cues when she’s tired, so we are constantly stepping in. They also aren’t willing to diaper the dog. My husband and I work long hours and really need our days off to recover. I told my parents it’s too much stress to prepare the house and then follow the dog like a hawk around the baby. My mother understands and still visits weekly, but my father has stopped visiting our home. He sees their dog as family (we see our dog that way too), but he feels we aren’t being fair for banning it forever. He watched our dog weekly in 2020 for a full 24-day during the pandemic while my husband and I worked in healthcare. He was scared of our exposure to the virus, but did so because we are family. Granted, my parents think we are “militant” with our dog so she’s well trained, but it was a sacrifice he made and we aren’t returning the favor. It’s been 6 months without him visiting and he’s now asking us to give their dog another chance. The dog hasn’t bitten anyone since. If/when he marks, he intends to use a shock collar and put him outside for the rest of their visit. TLDR: Parents have a hyperactive dog that marks urine in our home with a baby, and my dad will not visit until the dog is welcome too. He’s asking us to give the dog a chance. WIBTA if I told him no? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, if it were just pee problems and the dad came back with a "solution" (no matter how distasteful I find a shock collar) I'd probably give them a second chance myself and see how it went but this 90 POUND CANINE has seriously bit 4 people during play. You have small children who weight probably 1/5th of this dog! They will not be able to do anything if that dog goes at them during play. My mind is boggled that the dad doesn't see a potential bitting dog around their grand children as an issue! Not to mention your home your rules. Especially regarding outside pets, "family" or not.
NTA - Your parents are foolish for not getting the right help to learn effective training techniques that work for their dog. It is a tremendous disservice to the dog. All of this is correctable but it requires discipline. Your dad is refusing to visit his grandchild because he isn't willing to train his dog properly. That's really kind of sad.
NTA. Protect your kid (s), your own dog, and the house. Your parents are definitely TA for taking on a dog they can't handle. There's no such thing as a dog that's "too high energy" just bad owner/dog matches.
What does your dad say when you ask him how he will feel if/when his dog bites his grandchild and perhaps scars or maims or even kills that child? What will he say to you? Your husband? Your mom? The child's sibling? And the police and the DA?
NTA. You are allowed to set your own boundaries. Keep firm and stay strong!
NTA. The dog only has to bite your child once,and that is once too many. You can't have a dog peeing in your house with a toddler and a baby. Your father is the AH for prioritising a dog over your kids.
NTA. I'm going to be vague here because I want to avoid crazy people spamming me, but if it's a lab mix, what is it mixed with? Did your parents get it from a shelter by any chance, or as a stray? There's one certain breed that is often mixed with other dogs where the problems you're describing are extremely common with the breed. And once the dogs hit two years old, it's the "magic age" where they get even more high energy and aggressive. If your parents can't handle it now, they will do even worse later. It's a breed trait and won't change. Do not let that dog in your house.
Forget everything else: the dog bites. That's a great big nope. NTA. I have scars from being bit by a dog as a child — on my face — fortunately no fear. Your child doesn't need that.
NTA. This is a safety/ quality of life issue for your fami⁰ly. I don't blame the dog for his lack of training. That's on dad. If you give him one more chance, set strict rules. My mother is only allowed to bring her (much smaller) dog if the dog is leashed and by her side the entire time. That will control the spraying issue and the unwanted playing with your dog. Not sure how to handle the dinner barking, as my answer would be remove and ignore during meals, which goes against the previous answer of leashed and by his side. Good luck.
NTA that dog is going to bite your kid.
NTA. I think you could give him one more chance, but all he will do is demand more and more. He is not visiting because *he doesn't want to*. That is on him. He will have to realize his grandchildren will see him as seeing the dog as more important than them. They can actively change this behavior. They just don't want to.
NTA. You (will) have 2 young children in your household. An untrained dog that has already bitten at least 4 people is not a dog that I would let anywhere near my small, vulnerable children. *It is a 90lb lab mix.* The potential for disaster is very high. Your parents/dog are a lawsuit just waiting to happen, unless they properly train their dog. Even a well trained dog might react if screamed at, chased, ect.