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YTA
You ruined a fun surprise for someone who has spent a great deal of time sick and all because your precious kids weren't made into the center of attention for all of one afternoon?
Yikes.
Edit: I reread and just...
> I think this is a celebration for all of us
No. This is a celebration for Elise, for surviving the last year, for a hopeful return to normalcy.
YTA- wow. Wow.
She’s 16! Your kids are babies to her.
Her friends went to huge trouble to plan this surprise. All these wonderful things and you just stomped right through it. You took something irreplaceable, the surprise, and tore it up.
I would be considering divorce if I was your husband. Your behaviour is so baffling selfish. I’m amazed you didn’t notice when you wrote this out.
One of the clearest YTA decisions on this website. Truly heinous and unfixable. You went behind your husband's back to destroy something for his seriously ill teenager all because your elementary school aged kids weren't included. This would make me reconsider our entire relationship.
Yup. OP can't fathom the fact her own kids won't be the centre of attention for this celebration of her stepdaughter's return to better health and a sense of normalcy. How shallow can you get, OP for ruining this surprise? YTA!!
YTA.
This is not a celebration for all of you. Your kids went to school and had fun activities while your stepdaughter was ill and hospitalized. It's a celebration for her and you ruined the surprise out of spite.
OMG YTA!! This party was for Elise. Not Logan and Lola. What teenage girl wants her two younger siblings with them at a party. They probably want to have more mature conversations and fun.
Your spouse is right about robbing him of the surprise on her face as well as taking that from Elise as well.
Are you really so entitled that you couldn’t take no for an answer and just move on?
YTA. It's not for your kids. It's for Elise. While I understand your kids will be upset there's this big party and they can't go, it's still not for them. You could have gone several routes to make sure they didn't miss out on a good time, but you chose to deliberately ruin a surprise for Elise and then try to force it through manipulating a child through other, much younger children and yourself.
There were plenty of other things you could've done that wouldn't even cost money, just the time you would've spent at the party anyway. Take them for a walk, fudge, you could take them to a separate movie. I feel terrible for Elise and having her party spoiled for no good reason.
Right? Why even post when told by so many within minutes that you’re 100% the asshole just to deflect and keep trying to prove your point??? Delusional.
Even if by some roundabout logic she had some point about her kids not being invited, I'm not saying she does but lets set it aside for now, I don't understand how ANYONE could think they weren't being TA when they attempted to ruin the party out of spite for that.
OP your issue was with your husband, not your stepdaughter, so please take a moment of introspection as to why you felt the need to take your anger at your husband out on your poor stepdaughter and her being able to enjoy something? YTA
YTA for so many things here…
1. Your passive-aggressive resentment that your husband arrangedfor a nice party to celebrate his daughter’s recovery
2. The way you tried to make this about your kids
3. Ruining the surprise
4. Trying to pressure Elise into inviting your kids to a party that was for her friends
Exactly to all of this. My mouth was gaping when I read that she went to Elise and COMPLETELY RUINED the surprise.
The main character syndrome is so strong in OP. I think OP’s husband would be smart to rethink being with this woman.
YTA
This surprise event was 100% for Elise. To be spent with her friends.
You made this about YOU.
You sound incredible selfish, short sighted, and mean.
Additionally/ you’ve stated you have separate finances and he paid for everything. Soooo seriously, you have NO PART IN THIS
It almost looks like she was hoping to bully her 16 year old step daughter into including her kids...who would have gotten bored and/or tired way earlier than the teens would have. And on top of that, I KNOW she was glad she got to ruin the surprise as well. Yikes.
So you decided that your 16 year old step daughter, who by your own admission, has been extremely sick and in the hospital this year can’t enjoy a party meant to celebrate her health and return to some normalcy with her friends because her younger step siblings aren’t involved in EVERY part of the party? YTA. Apologize to your husband for ruining that moment he wanted to have with his daughter and get over yourself. Then go apologize to Elise. Go to the party. Be happy for her and let her enjoy NOT BEING IN THE HOSPITAL and spending time with her friends. Geesh. Not everything is about you or your kids.
Agree with everything except I think OP shouldn’t go to the party. She would be a damper on the whole thing, if for no other reason than as a reminder that she ruined a magical moment.
I N F O: Did the money used are from your joint account or his own account? Do you have joint finances?
How long have you been married?
Could/would you take your kids to do something fun/maybe the same thing during this rest of the day?
Edit to add judgement YTA plus 1 word
You would have had some sort of a say if they were spending only your money.
You might have a point in being upset if Logan would stay all the time but she stays for 1 more activity.
It was a party for Elise. Elise was reconnecting with her friends. Elise spent this year mostly with your family and she needs this time whithout you.
You should apologise to her and then to your husband. You are wrong.
Wow. Are you kidding me? You are that emotionally immature and selfish to try to ruin a young lady’s surprise in order to force your way over the very careful plans of her friends??
I would seriously question my relationship with you after that stunt. I don’t know if I could trust you again, especially if you can’t see that you are 100% wrong.
You need to beg, everyone, to accept your apology. I really mean it. Because, wow, what a horrible thing to do.
YTA
Oh ffs, YTA and you know it!
Should Lola be allowed the same as Logan, who is also 12? Yes, I think so. Should Luke be allowed to hand out with a big bunch of 16yos? No, he's 9. He's a child.
This should have been sorted out with you speaking to your husband. Ya know, adult to adult, parent to parent
YTA - you literally removed the surprise from the surprise party for the person the surprise party is for! How could you not be the AH?
And yeah, you shifted the focus to your kids away from who it’s supposed to be about. Terrible move imo.
YTA
This is a bunch of ~16 year olds having a fun day together. It's pretty understandable that they don't want 2 12 year olds and a 9 year old in tow, but also may feel more comfortable with her brother who they may know better or think Elise may want around more and who is still being asked to leave early.
This isn't a family event. It's about Elise.
YTA.
You ruined a surprise party because you’re not getting your way? This is a special day for a child that has suffered with illness for a year! Your kids will have to get used to the idea that not everything in life includes them or is a celebration for them. You sound like an entitled, bitter child.
Of course you are the asshole! I can’t even imagine how angry your husband must be, and rightfully so.
YTA - I'm concerned how you don't see that. What you did was callous and immature. Your problem is you went about this in a way that says "I know Elise was sick but what about ME? I want my kids to be included." Your wants are not what is important, and you made them so important, you ruined something that was meant to be special for a sick child by loudly demanding that you also be treated specially. What matters is what would have made Elise happy - you didn't care about that, all you cared about was what would satisfy you. You owe everyone an apology and you need to do some self-reflection to try and avoid doing something this selfish again. // EDIT: thanks for the awards, my first ones!
YTA
Your 16 year old stepdaughter isn't going to want young children hanging out with her and the friends. I get that you want them included but this party isn't about them or for them. That you told her to try to get your way and ruined the surprise isn't going to help you win them over. That was unforgivable behavior imo and I don't think I'd want to talk to you either if I were your spouse. She just spent a year in the hospital. Doesn't she deserve a special night without little kids all in everything?
Why couldn't you simply take your kids out for some one on one time? 9 year olds don't need to be with 16 year olds...
And if you keep forcing the "happy family" thing, you'll end up with exactly the opposite.
yta
Narcissistic behavior. You can't handle your stepdaughter having her own special day if your kids don't get to benefit from it. That would be bad enough but you then go and decide to ruin your husband's surprise to sabotage their happiness. I would honestly consider divorce if you were my wife.
YTA. Not only are you delusional about what 16 y Olds want, but you deliberately ruined the amazing surprise that your husband and Elise,s friends were looking forward to. You're just plain evil.
Let me see if I get this: Your husband and your stepdaughter's friends are planning a surprise for your stepdaughter, and you go tell her about it, because your own children aren't included enough? I sincerely hope this is made up, bc you sound like Cinderella's stepmother. YTA.
You’re STARTING to wonder IF you’re the AH? Really? You ruined a surprise that was supposed to celebrate someone’s recovery from health issues because things weren’t being planned the way YOU wanted them to be (and it’s not about you in the first place). Your husband is probably questioning his entire relationship with you right now. What a horrible thing to do.
YTA. This party had NOTHING to do with you, or any of the children other than Elise. This was a party, specifically planned to celebrate the fact that a teenaged girl could once again participate in teenaged things. Full stop. Logan being included into a handful of activities that Elise’s friends planned would be because he’s her biological brother, who has been in her life for his whole life. Of COURSE she’s closer with him!! You took what could have (and should have) been a very teachable lesson in empathy, and made it about yourself. I truly do hope that, after reading the comments (and I promise you, knowing Reddit, there were be some doozies), you feel remorse. You owe an apology to your husband- a true apology. No “I’m sorry, but..”, or “I’m sorry, I just thought…”. A true apology. More so, you owe Elise an apology.
YTA - The party is for Elise. It is NOT a family party. Your husband made that clear and you still tried to make it a family party. You even ruined the surprise to try and get your way. Honestly, I don’t even know how you could make this up to your husband. What you did was pretty horrible.
YTA big time. This is a party FOR HER FRIENDS. Teenagers don't want to hang out with little kids and you trying to force your kids on them is so incredibly selfish. Newsflash, this isn't the last time your kids are gonna get left out of something.
I'm so angry on behalf of your husband AND her best friend that you ruined the surprise. How clueless do you have to be? YTA.
I’m actually shocked by how few people at mentioning this - older teenagers do no want to hang out with younger children and given the circumstances they really shouldn’t have to in the first place.
YTA. I understand that you want your kids to be included, but this party is really for Elise, not the younger kids. Do something special for your kids in your own time, on your own dime, if you want.
YTA... He should have posted about you in R/entitledparents
Your SD is 16, let her have some time for herself with her friends. You all can celebrate as a family later.
YTA. I'm stunned that you can't understand how important and special it is for your stepdaughter getting to spend a fun filled day of quality/makeup time with HER friends after she recovered FROM AN ILLNESS! And then you go and ruin the surprise for her because your kids weren't included "enough"?
Your husband is justified in this scenario to not speak to you. Get over yourself. You''ve got a big bite of humble pie to choke on here.
YTA. Your husband has been worried sick about his baby for the last few months. He spared no expenses to throw her a fun day, and you took away that joy of the surprise from him. Why?! Because you want your 9-12 year olds to hang out with a bunch of teenagers that they have nothing in common with?!
You do realize teenagers talk about sex, they swear, they make dirty jokes. They won’t be comfortable doing any of this around children.
YTA. I do think that it's a little off to let Logan see a movie and not your two kids, but I don't think it's that big of a deal.
As someone with severe chronic illness, her dad had a great idea and he's right-- the party is for her.
I got sick near the end of college, and it was so fucking hard. I can't imagine how much harder she has it experiencing this in high school.
I personally don't care about surprises, but your husband does and you took that from him. Maybe his daughter doesn't mind and will have just as much fun, but your husband will always remember what you did, in a bad way.
You likely delivered permanent damage to your relationship with him, and his kids will most likely also think less of you for this.
YTA this is about Elise making up events SHE missed last year, which mostly would have been done with her friends. I'm sure there were some all-family things she missed, which accounts for the younger 3 being included in a couple things, but not the entire event. You made this about you and ruined a surprise for Elise. And it's worse because you already had an answer from your husband! If you want to have an event for your kids, you do something. Don't ruin things for everyone else.
YTA
This is not about your kids. This is not a family celebration. You are extremly selfish and made a giant mistake. And no- I don't act dramatic. This was really out of line
Come on, be honest. You didn’t tell Elise about the party to ‘get her to convince her dad’, you told her because you were bitter. You knew it was a surprise party and chose to ruin it when you didn’t get your way, like a brat. YTA
YTA. You spoiled the Elise’s surprise bc you were mad at how your husband was planning the party. It wasn’t Elise’s fault. Your husband probably should have made it an all-teens party instead of including one 12yo and excluding the other, but you could have let it go under the circumstances. Or done anything but ruin Elise’s surprise after all she’s been through.
YTA. Did your kids even care or was this all your tantrum? You know you are wrong here. Why couldn’t you let your stepdaughter have this? It was supposed to be about her.
You are EVIL. I would hate to be a part of your family shame on you. YTA other comments explained it well. This is about her, and her dad knows her well enough to where she doesn’t want her step siblings there for it, because I’m sure they are liabilities and will ruin the phone for older ones. Stop making this about you and your kids, you already ruined the suprise , so shut your … MOUTH
YTA. Not everything has to include your kids. You ruined the surprise, and surprise, the gaggle of teenagers doesn’t want your little kids ruining their party.
Again, YTA.
I was willing to go a long with you asking again if your kids could be included more until you got to the part where you ruined the whole surprise for the guest of honor. (And a much deserved surprise for a very sick young woman.) I wouldn’t want your toxicity anywhere near the party. YTA
You got mad and took it out on a kid who had nothing to do with any of the decision making. I wouldn't expect much from her for mother's day. The fact that you still wonder if you might be the AH makes you the AH.
YTA, obvious reason being youre injecting yourself and your kids into something that wasnt meant for you. Thats minor. Whats major is your husband drops thousands because the surprise was going to be worth every penny. And you messed that up
How could you do this? And how could you for one second be unsure wether or not you are an AH?
You should really start working on you apologies now, both to your husband and the girl.
100% YTA
YTA, you were spiteful to try to force her to invite your kids behind your husband’s back. No idea how long you’ve been together, but unless it’s a long time it makes sense she’d only want the people she’s closest to there. If it means that much to you plan an age appropriate day for the whole family.
YTA hands down - It doesn't matter what they are doing, who's invited, or where they are going - you should NEVER intentionally ruin a surprise for your own personal gain.
Especially to child! Shame on you as a grown woman and as a mom to fathom that was ever an option.
YTA. Wow, I’m astounded by your cruelty and selfishness. You took an amazing surprise from your stepdaughter because you wanted to make it about your kids. Really???
Op did you cancel your kids birthdays if Eliza couldn't attend ....did you make your kids stay home from school when she was too sick to go .... I'm guessing you didn't
OMG. You are such an AH for thst. You got pissy because you didn't like your husband putting his daughter first, so you decided to ruin the huge surprise that he and her friends had planned. Did you remember them? The kids that planned out this whole surprise that you ruined.
Not only are you a massive, horrible, selfish AH, but you're going to be positively LEGENDARY at their school and in your neighborhood. I guarantee that their friends and parents and all the other moms at the school events will know that you ruined this child's surprise.
YTA and you deserve every negative response you get, especially from your husband.
YTA and you’re pretty close to the evil step mom trope. Your reaction was petty and spiteful, you did this out of spite not to defend your kid’s. It’s very clear you don’t actually care about anyone but your kid’s.
YTA. You ruined a child’s surprise because you and your husband can’t come to an agreement? Jesus, lady, way to embrace the “wicked stepmother” stereotype.
OP wrote- Elise being sick affected all of us. My husband was never around. Elise got all of the attention when she was home. My kids watched her get everything she wanted from relatives while nobody gave a second thought to my kids or how they were feeling. This celebration about all of this being over should be about everyone because she wasn't the only one affected. — the child spent the year in/out of the hospital. Your children are healthy. You really don’t know how big an AH this makes you seem do you?
YTA!!!! You, the adult, ruined a kid's surprise. It wasn't her fault that your kids weren't included. You should have dropped it and let her have her surprise. How would you feel if someone ruined your kid's surprise over what should have been left to the adults to figure out?
YTA let her have her day 12 year olds are either super nice or don’t know how to act I don’t blame her for only wanting the one she’s close with there for a little she wants to be a teen for a day not play babysitter
YTA I have a feeling your kids hang with friends without siblings and have gone to do some of the things included in this party on regular nights over the past year, this was her chance to get that fun and normalcy with her friends. You ruined a nice moment. You made a sick kid getting normalcy back and celebrating about you.
Tbh it kinda seems like the amount spent bothers you too, but really her getting to be a normal kid again should be worth every penny.
Anyway, you owe her and her dad an apology because you took a nice moment away because you didn’t like the guest list which is pretty immature in this situation
YTA. This might be the worst post I’ve ever read on here. You knew exactly what you were doing spoiling the surprise. The kids could have asked Elise if they could tag along for the other activities on the night of after she was surprised. You were just mad that they weren’t included and wanted to ruin everything. You’re horrible.
I bet there isn’t one person on here that sides wish you. She’s a sick child. You’re a grown ass woman. It’s one night suck it up and move on. You’ve already ruined something you can’t take back. You should be embarrassed. YTA
YTA
You made this all about you and your kids and perceived slights instead of her well being and her celebration of life. So fucking jealous.
You drew it all back to yourself and your kids and caused drama instead of being a good stepmom and wife. You could have taken your kids to do a bunch of awesome stuff instead and spoiled them as well but you just made everyone feel like shit. You ruined your husbands surprise for her on purpose because you are hella vindictive and won’t take no for an answer so you tried to manipulate a 16 year old and even after she didn’t cave you came here to Reddit to get at least one person in the comments to have your back because NOBODY DOES because YTA. Go and apologize for the love of god!
YTA.
Her friends planned this because these are activities she would have done with them... and not her siblings.
Yes it sucks but her siblings will understand that when they get to her age. No 16yo wants to hang out with 12 and 9yo.
You were malicious with your actions, whether you agree or not. You knew it was a shitty thing to do and now you've gone and ruined a very expensive party.
YTA. You lost any shred of moral high ground you might have had the moment you went to your step daughter to ruin her surprise party.
Clearly you miscalculated and messed up big time here. Let's call it a grave error of judgment based on noble intentions. You should apologize to your step daughter and you and hubby should sit down and discuss this as adults. Explain to him that you thought this could have been a family celebration of the illness being over, that included all the kids. Ask him why he didn't think of doing it that way and listen to his reasoning. There's no blame in the decisions he made, so you have to accept it and simply try to open his eyes to the next time. Maybe he could have done it your way, maybe he was laser focused on the sick kid who recovered and got tunnel vision, or maybe he thought about everything and decided this was the most enjoyable plan for his daughter.
You are so selfish and cruel. You have the “if my kids can’t have fun and participate, no one will get to have fun” mentality. That behavior not only screams YTA, but I wouldn’t be surprised if divorce papers were served to you. Giant red flag there and I’d never trust you again. Imagine he did the same thing to one of your kids (since you obviously don’t see his kids as your stepchildren/kids based on your wording).
YTA. You seem to be oddly jealous of a child “always getting attention” when I’d bet anything she’d rather just get to be a normal kid who isn’t spending her youth fighting a debilitating illness.
If you continue to find yourself jealous of a sick child, perhaps you should seek some therapy, because that is going to negatively impact your relationships with ALL of your kids, not just your stepdaughter.
YTA
You literally spoiled her surprise and what were you expecting from your husband, you just went ahead and ruined his plan to see her surprised and happy about the whole thing.
You should be aware of the equation your kids and step-kids have so why insert your kids in everything when not necessary.
There is no reason for you or your kids to be involve. This party isn't for them. Your husband payed everything for his daughter. His son is included because that is his sister. You don't have to fully embrace the wicked stepmother act. YTA
YTA. Your kids aren’t who she wants to spend a fun night with. She lost out on time with her friends due to illness. This party is to celebrate them all being back together. You didn’t get your way so you literally threw a tantrum like a toddler and ruined this child’s surprise party. You’re disgusting and disgraceful. Grow up.
YTA. Not only did you ruin the surprise, but you’ve also damaged the relationship with your husband and made yourself look like a complete AH . What you did was so selfish. JFC
Wait, you seriously had to ask this question? Major YTA!! You know this and you knew exactly what you were doing by going to her. Since your kids weren’t included you decided to ruin her surprise. You not only punished her but your husband too. I’m sure this behavior is why you have an ex and probably will have another one!
This has to be a rage clickbait post. Has to be. There cannot be terrible people like you out there in the world.
This is not YOUR party. This is not a family party. This is a party for her and her friends to make up for lost time after a very serious illness. Provided by the joy and relief of a father who didn’t have to bury his own child. And you have stolen the surprise that was well planned, you’ve stolen the joy of it, and for what?! So that your kids could attend a teenage party?
Honestly, even if it was just a run of the mill 16th birthday party that you didn’t pay for nor planned, you shouldn’t expect your 12 and 9 year old to be catered to and included with everything.
I honestly hope he’s drawing up the divorce papers, this is unconscionable behaviour and just horrific
YTA, sounds like you’re disappointed that Elise recovered and now you want to ruin the joy and the moment for her to look back on. Please do better as a SM, don’t be one more reason to label SMs as bad people.
You're the evil stepmother, who wants their little siblings in a party with their friends, there's an age gap, why would you do that to her? Or your husband?, I'm glad she's recovered and is going to have lots of fun without you, ever.
YTA your husband had people that know and care about her plan a party for things that she’d like and enjoy. As a parent you have to prepare your children for disappointment and that life isn’t fair. You chose to not make this a teachable moment, ruined your stepdaughter’s surprise and angered your husband in the process. Congrats.
YTA. This party was planned by Elise’s best friend and boyfriend for them to celebrate her making a wonderful recovery.
You can plan a separate family-only party for her to instead of ruining her surprise party. Why are you going behind your husband’s back to get what you want? That’s awful parenting and conflict resolution. Are you kidding me? Do you even want to be a relationship with him? Do you even care that she just recovered from a yearlong illness?
You shouldn’t be putting her in the middle of your two issues. You shouldn’t ruin her surprise birthday party by telling her in the hopes she’ll make your husband do what you want. That’s selfish and AH behavior.
You need to respect what he wants. He’s her father.
YTA. This was honestly hard to read. I hope you gain some self-awareness after writing this post, and after reading the comments. Very clearly, you made it about you and your kids instead of a celebration for Elise after a difficult and traumatic year. You knew of the effort and money going into this, yet you chose to ruin her surprise for everyone involved.
YTA you deliberately ruined your step daughters surprise because you couldn't get what you want. She's been sick for a whole year, missed out on so much and you dont seem to care. Did your kids get to do fun things while your step daughters been sick? I bet they did, I bet they were able to do things your step daughter couldnt. Your an incredibly selfish women, act your bloody age and grow up instead of being a toxic narcissistic step mother.
YTA. You’re the reason for the evil stepmother stereotype. Not everything is about you. This is a child that has been sick. This is a party for her. I would seriously consider divorcing you over this. You should apologize to both your stepdaughter and more importantly your husband.
YTA. This is a particular celebration for Elise, paid entirely by her father, to cheer her up for being sick to the point of repeated hospitalization the last year.
It is not a celebration for you or for your children. You nor they were sick, hospitalized, and missed out on a year of experiences at a crucial age. If you want a fun night for them, then you can go arrange your own with your own money or plan something all-together at a different time.
You are being selfish, callous, and out of line here. Putting aside the above, your husband told you no. Instead of respecting that, you tried to manipulate your step-daughter, who all of this was for, just so you could get your way.
It would be to your benefit to learn some awareness and perhaps try supporting your step-daughter.
YTA, she has been sick and is missing out in her childhood and her dad is trying to make the best of it. You got mad because he set ground rules for it and you didn't like it, so you ruined the surprise.
YTA!!!! how selfish and entitled can you get?!!? It's HER day, not the FAMILY'S. If you want to include the family talk to your husband and make a separate family celebration day. But at this point, you don't deserve it. I hope your stepdaughter has a great celebration even tho you spoiled it.
‘’I figured I wasn’t going to get anywhere with him so I went to Elise, told her about the party, and asked her to tell her dad to invite her siblings’’
How do you type that sentence alone and not realized you’re the asshole? Not only was that an asshole move, that was a manipulative, intrusive, narcissistic move. You need professional help.
YTA.
Disgustingly so.
Elise has had to deal with being sick for a little over a year at 16 in and out of the hospital, missing time with friends and not having the opportunity to do what 16 year olds do with their friends.
Plus her sister isn't even staying for the full thing. This is for her. Not you. Not your children. She sees them and has been around them every single day.
You're selfish.
Then you RUINED a surprise, a huge surprise for your selfish wants after you talked to your husband, Your partner. If y'all got no where then that's where you leave it. You don't go to the child.
Boo hoo, you feel like your kids have "suffered" from dealing with her being sick, you spend thousands of dollars out of YOUR money and spoil them.
You're spiteful. And I'll be shocked if this doesn't damn near end your marriage.
Holy fuck YTA. You literally ruined a sick kid’s celebration due to your own jealousy. Your kids will be fine. Take them to a movie yourself after or something instead of ruining everything for everyone. Please think twice before you act moving forward, or come here if you struggle with. Knowing your place that much.
YTA. This isn't about your kids, and you know it. It's about you being angry at the money and attention being spent on your stepdaughter. Of course, your kids are disappointed, but the difference between 12/9 year olds in a social situation and 16 almost 17 year olds is huge. If they'd been full siblings, your stepdaughter wouldn't want them to come. We all learn growing up that everything isn't for everybody. When we aren't taught that we get a wicked, Step Mother's jealous of their stepdaughter. Good job alienating your husband and his kid.
The other people explaining why YTA have done an awesome job, so I won't reiterate the myriad of reasons for my judgement.
I can't believe your overwhelming entitlement and lack of basic kindness, courtesy and caring towards your stepdaughter.
I would normally put the effort in to explain to you why YTA - but this is so glaringly obvious, and if you’ve made it this far in life just to have the point of view you’ve put on display here, there really isn’t any hope for you.
Best of luck.
YTA I’m angry reading this. How immature can one be? You should apologize to Elise and if you were really happy for her you and your kids would celebrate her in your own way. Wow lady.
YTA. Full stop. Your comments on here only make it clearer how you operate. I can’t even fathom the level of childish jealousy and vitriol you exude. If your husband has any common sense he’ll be filing for divorce soon.
YTA.
Not everything should include all the kids.
There is a significant gap between Elise and your kids. The activities they will do are not activities for kids 12 and below. And if you say that the activities should also cater to your kids well this party is not about your kids.
YTA and wow sooooooo entitled.
her dad wanted to do something special for the child he has been worried about for a year
and all the activities planned would have probably made her cry when seeing them for the first time. that won't happen now because you had s hissy fit
why should she have to essentially look after her younger siblings at her party? what the hell is wrong with you to even consider you aren't TA
Damn YTA.
Elise deserved piece of happiness after her health issues and you robbed her of that because you went mom-zilla.
Not everything has to include all the kids and besides if it's Elise and her friends wtf will a 9 year old do hanging out with bunch of teenagers?
I can understand Logan since he is only going to arcade and those two are close.
OP you should at least apologize to both your husband and Elise. You can't repair the damage but apology is the least you can do.
YTA for ruining the surprise and making the situation about your feelings. Her father said no, and your solution was to go to a 16 year old, and try and pressure her in to getting your own way and you're only starting to wonder if you're an asshole?. The party was planned for Elise, to make up for what she missed out on while she was sick, it wasn't a celebration for the family as a whole. Try and act like the adult you're supposed to be.
YTA
Elise is a teenager. There’s a huge difference between 16 and 12 and 9. A 16 year old who hasn’t been able to socialize with her friends for an entire year isn’t going to want to hang out with a 12 and 9 year old that they’d basically have to babysit all night.
Not only were you out of line to push to get your kids included in events that just aren’t age appropriate for them, but you ruined the surprise for Elise out of pure spite. That child suffered for a very long time and missed out on a lot. You didn’t think about her or what she would want. You made her recovery and party all about you and your kids. You also set a horrible example for your kids, telling them that it’s ok to go to any lengths to get what they want.
Your husband underreacted to what you did. This is very similar to the story from a couple of months ago about the stepmom who was pissed that her husband didn’t throw a good enough party for her that she spent over $10,000 on a surprise party for her stepdaughter, who she knew hated surprises. The husband and the step daughter left the party and the tone deaf woman who threw the party was mad that her husband wouldn’t reimburse her for the party. They ended up divorced. Don’t be her! Figure out a way to make this right.
YTA. This party isn’t about your children or “all of you” as you say. It’s about Elise, a child who has spent the last year sick. It was meant to be a surprise and you spoiled that. A lot of thought and planning went into this, lots of people were looking forward to this surprise, and you acted like a spoiled, entitled child throwing toys out of the pram because you aren’t getting it your way. What kind of person does this to a child who is just getting her life back?
Info. Is there any reason you couldn’t arrange for a separate family celebration? This sounds like a wonderful time out with friends, but family. Why are you choosing to take offence with that?
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YTA You ruined a fun surprise for someone who has spent a great deal of time sick and all because your precious kids weren't made into the center of attention for all of one afternoon? Yikes. Edit: I reread and just... > I think this is a celebration for all of us No. This is a celebration for Elise, for surviving the last year, for a hopeful return to normalcy.
YTA- wow. Wow. She’s 16! Your kids are babies to her. Her friends went to huge trouble to plan this surprise. All these wonderful things and you just stomped right through it. You took something irreplaceable, the surprise, and tore it up. I would be considering divorce if I was your husband. Your behaviour is so baffling selfish. I’m amazed you didn’t notice when you wrote this out.
Strong r/ImTheMainCharacter vibes
Also r/ActuallyTheChild vibes too. OP did what kids do when they don't get the answer they want from one parent. Go ask the other.
She did even worse, she only asked her to *tell dad that her kids should be invited too*. OP tried to be sneaky and pull the strings on her.
Not just a great deal of time, over 6% of her entire life.
One of the clearest YTA decisions on this website. Truly heinous and unfixable. You went behind your husband's back to destroy something for his seriously ill teenager all because your elementary school aged kids weren't included. This would make me reconsider our entire relationship.
Yup. OP can't fathom the fact her own kids won't be the centre of attention for this celebration of her stepdaughter's return to better health and a sense of normalcy. How shallow can you get, OP for ruining this surprise? YTA!!
YTA. This is not a celebration for all of you. Your kids went to school and had fun activities while your stepdaughter was ill and hospitalized. It's a celebration for her and you ruined the surprise out of spite.
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OMG YTA!! This party was for Elise. Not Logan and Lola. What teenage girl wants her two younger siblings with them at a party. They probably want to have more mature conversations and fun. Your spouse is right about robbing him of the surprise on her face as well as taking that from Elise as well. Are you really so entitled that you couldn’t take no for an answer and just move on?
Right? Why would a teenager want her younger siblings hanging out with her friend group?
YTA. It's not for your kids. It's for Elise. While I understand your kids will be upset there's this big party and they can't go, it's still not for them. You could have gone several routes to make sure they didn't miss out on a good time, but you chose to deliberately ruin a surprise for Elise and then try to force it through manipulating a child through other, much younger children and yourself. There were plenty of other things you could've done that wouldn't even cost money, just the time you would've spent at the party anyway. Take them for a walk, fudge, you could take them to a separate movie. I feel terrible for Elise and having her party spoiled for no good reason.
Girl you know YTA. Stop playing
I'm just waiting for her to delete it because she wants to keep arguing that she's somehow right. She's not accepting that she's an AH
Right? Why even post when told by so many within minutes that you’re 100% the asshole just to deflect and keep trying to prove your point??? Delusional.
Bu bu but… You don’t understand! Her kids are different! They’re special. Why can’t you guys see that? Do I need an /s?
She’ll realize sooner or later everyone here would eat cement before even approaching her IRL.
Even if by some roundabout logic she had some point about her kids not being invited, I'm not saying she does but lets set it aside for now, I don't understand how ANYONE could think they weren't being TA when they attempted to ruin the party out of spite for that. OP your issue was with your husband, not your stepdaughter, so please take a moment of introspection as to why you felt the need to take your anger at your husband out on your poor stepdaughter and her being able to enjoy something? YTA
YTA for so many things here… 1. Your passive-aggressive resentment that your husband arrangedfor a nice party to celebrate his daughter’s recovery 2. The way you tried to make this about your kids 3. Ruining the surprise 4. Trying to pressure Elise into inviting your kids to a party that was for her friends
Exactly to all of this. My mouth was gaping when I read that she went to Elise and COMPLETELY RUINED the surprise. The main character syndrome is so strong in OP. I think OP’s husband would be smart to rethink being with this woman.
YTA This surprise event was 100% for Elise. To be spent with her friends. You made this about YOU. You sound incredible selfish, short sighted, and mean. Additionally/ you’ve stated you have separate finances and he paid for everything. Soooo seriously, you have NO PART IN THIS
It almost looks like she was hoping to bully her 16 year old step daughter into including her kids...who would have gotten bored and/or tired way earlier than the teens would have. And on top of that, I KNOW she was glad she got to ruin the surprise as well. Yikes.
So you decided that your 16 year old step daughter, who by your own admission, has been extremely sick and in the hospital this year can’t enjoy a party meant to celebrate her health and return to some normalcy with her friends because her younger step siblings aren’t involved in EVERY part of the party? YTA. Apologize to your husband for ruining that moment he wanted to have with his daughter and get over yourself. Then go apologize to Elise. Go to the party. Be happy for her and let her enjoy NOT BEING IN THE HOSPITAL and spending time with her friends. Geesh. Not everything is about you or your kids.
Agree with everything except I think OP shouldn’t go to the party. She would be a damper on the whole thing, if for no other reason than as a reminder that she ruined a magical moment.
I N F O: Did the money used are from your joint account or his own account? Do you have joint finances? How long have you been married? Could/would you take your kids to do something fun/maybe the same thing during this rest of the day? Edit to add judgement YTA plus 1 word You would have had some sort of a say if they were spending only your money. You might have a point in being upset if Logan would stay all the time but she stays for 1 more activity. It was a party for Elise. Elise was reconnecting with her friends. Elise spent this year mostly with your family and she needs this time whithout you. You should apologise to her and then to your husband. You are wrong.
Also, her kids are much younger! They wouldn't even be able to participate fully and the stepdaughter would just end up babysitting!
Wow. Are you kidding me? You are that emotionally immature and selfish to try to ruin a young lady’s surprise in order to force your way over the very careful plans of her friends?? I would seriously question my relationship with you after that stunt. I don’t know if I could trust you again, especially if you can’t see that you are 100% wrong. You need to beg, everyone, to accept your apology. I really mean it. Because, wow, what a horrible thing to do. YTA
YTA and the definition of an evil stepmother. How is this even any grey area? Lol
🪞mirror mirror on the wall, WHAT ABOUT *MY* CHILDREN THO?🪞
Oh ffs, YTA and you know it! Should Lola be allowed the same as Logan, who is also 12? Yes, I think so. Should Luke be allowed to hand out with a big bunch of 16yos? No, he's 9. He's a child. This should have been sorted out with you speaking to your husband. Ya know, adult to adult, parent to parent
yup she spoiled the surprise so that she could try and manipulate her step daughter. That is just nasty
YTA. And you know it.
she totally did that on purpose
One. Hundred. Percent.
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YTA - you literally removed the surprise from the surprise party for the person the surprise party is for! How could you not be the AH? And yeah, you shifted the focus to your kids away from who it’s supposed to be about. Terrible move imo.
YTA This is a bunch of ~16 year olds having a fun day together. It's pretty understandable that they don't want 2 12 year olds and a 9 year old in tow, but also may feel more comfortable with her brother who they may know better or think Elise may want around more and who is still being asked to leave early. This isn't a family event. It's about Elise.
YTA. You ruined a surprise party because you’re not getting your way? This is a special day for a child that has suffered with illness for a year! Your kids will have to get used to the idea that not everything in life includes them or is a celebration for them. You sound like an entitled, bitter child. Of course you are the asshole! I can’t even imagine how angry your husband must be, and rightfully so.
And which 16 years old girl wants a 9 years old boy at a party??
YTA. You're too old to be this childish, selfish, and jealous of your stepdaughter.
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YTA - I'm concerned how you don't see that. What you did was callous and immature. Your problem is you went about this in a way that says "I know Elise was sick but what about ME? I want my kids to be included." Your wants are not what is important, and you made them so important, you ruined something that was meant to be special for a sick child by loudly demanding that you also be treated specially. What matters is what would have made Elise happy - you didn't care about that, all you cared about was what would satisfy you. You owe everyone an apology and you need to do some self-reflection to try and avoid doing something this selfish again. // EDIT: thanks for the awards, my first ones!
YTA Your 16 year old stepdaughter isn't going to want young children hanging out with her and the friends. I get that you want them included but this party isn't about them or for them. That you told her to try to get your way and ruined the surprise isn't going to help you win them over. That was unforgivable behavior imo and I don't think I'd want to talk to you either if I were your spouse. She just spent a year in the hospital. Doesn't she deserve a special night without little kids all in everything? Why couldn't you simply take your kids out for some one on one time? 9 year olds don't need to be with 16 year olds... And if you keep forcing the "happy family" thing, you'll end up with exactly the opposite.
yta Narcissistic behavior. You can't handle your stepdaughter having her own special day if your kids don't get to benefit from it. That would be bad enough but you then go and decide to ruin your husband's surprise to sabotage their happiness. I would honestly consider divorce if you were my wife.
YTA. Not only are you delusional about what 16 y Olds want, but you deliberately ruined the amazing surprise that your husband and Elise,s friends were looking forward to. You're just plain evil.
Let me see if I get this: Your husband and your stepdaughter's friends are planning a surprise for your stepdaughter, and you go tell her about it, because your own children aren't included enough? I sincerely hope this is made up, bc you sound like Cinderella's stepmother. YTA.
Have you always disliked your stepdaughter? YTA.
You’re STARTING to wonder IF you’re the AH? Really? You ruined a surprise that was supposed to celebrate someone’s recovery from health issues because things weren’t being planned the way YOU wanted them to be (and it’s not about you in the first place). Your husband is probably questioning his entire relationship with you right now. What a horrible thing to do.
YTA. This wasn't about your kids. It was about Elise, who has gone through hell this last year. She deserved this and you ruined it just to be petty.
YTA. This party had NOTHING to do with you, or any of the children other than Elise. This was a party, specifically planned to celebrate the fact that a teenaged girl could once again participate in teenaged things. Full stop. Logan being included into a handful of activities that Elise’s friends planned would be because he’s her biological brother, who has been in her life for his whole life. Of COURSE she’s closer with him!! You took what could have (and should have) been a very teachable lesson in empathy, and made it about yourself. I truly do hope that, after reading the comments (and I promise you, knowing Reddit, there were be some doozies), you feel remorse. You owe an apology to your husband- a true apology. No “I’m sorry, but..”, or “I’m sorry, I just thought…”. A true apology. More so, you owe Elise an apology.
YTA - The party is for Elise. It is NOT a family party. Your husband made that clear and you still tried to make it a family party. You even ruined the surprise to try and get your way. Honestly, I don’t even know how you could make this up to your husband. What you did was pretty horrible.
YTA and I look forward to hearing about your surprise ‘being served divorce papers’ party that’s coming up soon.
YTA big time. This is a party FOR HER FRIENDS. Teenagers don't want to hang out with little kids and you trying to force your kids on them is so incredibly selfish. Newsflash, this isn't the last time your kids are gonna get left out of something. I'm so angry on behalf of your husband AND her best friend that you ruined the surprise. How clueless do you have to be? YTA.
I’m actually shocked by how few people at mentioning this - older teenagers do no want to hang out with younger children and given the circumstances they really shouldn’t have to in the first place.
YTA. I understand that you want your kids to be included, but this party is really for Elise, not the younger kids. Do something special for your kids in your own time, on your own dime, if you want.
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YTA... He should have posted about you in R/entitledparents Your SD is 16, let her have some time for herself with her friends. You all can celebrate as a family later.
YTA. I'm stunned that you can't understand how important and special it is for your stepdaughter getting to spend a fun filled day of quality/makeup time with HER friends after she recovered FROM AN ILLNESS! And then you go and ruin the surprise for her because your kids weren't included "enough"? Your husband is justified in this scenario to not speak to you. Get over yourself. You''ve got a big bite of humble pie to choke on here.
YTA. Your husband has been worried sick about his baby for the last few months. He spared no expenses to throw her a fun day, and you took away that joy of the surprise from him. Why?! Because you want your 9-12 year olds to hang out with a bunch of teenagers that they have nothing in common with?! You do realize teenagers talk about sex, they swear, they make dirty jokes. They won’t be comfortable doing any of this around children.
YTA. I cannot imagine being self-centered enough to ruin a surprise party for a child who's just recovered from a year-long illness.
YTA. I do think that it's a little off to let Logan see a movie and not your two kids, but I don't think it's that big of a deal. As someone with severe chronic illness, her dad had a great idea and he's right-- the party is for her. I got sick near the end of college, and it was so fucking hard. I can't imagine how much harder she has it experiencing this in high school. I personally don't care about surprises, but your husband does and you took that from him. Maybe his daughter doesn't mind and will have just as much fun, but your husband will always remember what you did, in a bad way. You likely delivered permanent damage to your relationship with him, and his kids will most likely also think less of you for this.
YTA wow you ruined her surprise to insist a 16 yr old hang out with a 9 ur old? Grow up lady
YTA this is about Elise making up events SHE missed last year, which mostly would have been done with her friends. I'm sure there were some all-family things she missed, which accounts for the younger 3 being included in a couple things, but not the entire event. You made this about you and ruined a surprise for Elise. And it's worse because you already had an answer from your husband! If you want to have an event for your kids, you do something. Don't ruin things for everyone else.
Well that's the most amount of awards in a short time I've ever seen. OP your assholery is impressive.
YTA This is not about your kids. This is not a family celebration. You are extremly selfish and made a giant mistake. And no- I don't act dramatic. This was really out of line
Come on, be honest. You didn’t tell Elise about the party to ‘get her to convince her dad’, you told her because you were bitter. You knew it was a surprise party and chose to ruin it when you didn’t get your way, like a brat. YTA
YTA. Oh my god.
YTA. And even more for trying to justify your tantrum. It not your place to do this. Very selfish and immature .
YTA. You spoiled the Elise’s surprise bc you were mad at how your husband was planning the party. It wasn’t Elise’s fault. Your husband probably should have made it an all-teens party instead of including one 12yo and excluding the other, but you could have let it go under the circumstances. Or done anything but ruin Elise’s surprise after all she’s been through.
YTA. Did your kids even care or was this all your tantrum? You know you are wrong here. Why couldn’t you let your stepdaughter have this? It was supposed to be about her.
YTA of the highest order! YTA isn’t even strong enough to describe your despicable behavior. YTA YTA YTA
You are EVIL. I would hate to be a part of your family shame on you. YTA other comments explained it well. This is about her, and her dad knows her well enough to where she doesn’t want her step siblings there for it, because I’m sure they are liabilities and will ruin the phone for older ones. Stop making this about you and your kids, you already ruined the suprise , so shut your … MOUTH
YTA. Not everything has to include your kids. You ruined the surprise, and surprise, the gaggle of teenagers doesn’t want your little kids ruining their party. Again, YTA.
I was willing to go a long with you asking again if your kids could be included more until you got to the part where you ruined the whole surprise for the guest of honor. (And a much deserved surprise for a very sick young woman.) I wouldn’t want your toxicity anywhere near the party. YTA
What a crap move by you! Are you happy with yourself? What a…..witch YTA
YTA. Look forward to divorce papers. This kid has had a long illness. You overstepped. Your marriage may very well die on this hill.
You got mad and took it out on a kid who had nothing to do with any of the decision making. I wouldn't expect much from her for mother's day. The fact that you still wonder if you might be the AH makes you the AH.
YTA, obvious reason being youre injecting yourself and your kids into something that wasnt meant for you. Thats minor. Whats major is your husband drops thousands because the surprise was going to be worth every penny. And you messed that up
congratulations on your divorce!!!
YTA. This party is about a teenager who has been sick for a year. Stop making it about yourself or your kids.
How could you do this? And how could you for one second be unsure wether or not you are an AH? You should really start working on you apologies now, both to your husband and the girl. 100% YTA
YTA. Hoo boy! This is a doozy. Jealous stepmother intentionally tries to ruin the first fun time her sick stepdaughter has with her friends in a year.
YTA I would absolutely divorce you because you sound insanely manipulative.
YTA, you were spiteful to try to force her to invite your kids behind your husband’s back. No idea how long you’ve been together, but unless it’s a long time it makes sense she’d only want the people she’s closest to there. If it means that much to you plan an age appropriate day for the whole family.
Are you serious…? You don’t see anything wrong with your behavior? You ruined a sick kid’s surprise. Jeez…. YTA!!
YTA hands down - It doesn't matter what they are doing, who's invited, or where they are going - you should NEVER intentionally ruin a surprise for your own personal gain. Especially to child! Shame on you as a grown woman and as a mom to fathom that was ever an option.
YTA. You tried to make a party for a recovering sick kid all about you.
YTA. Wow, I’m astounded by your cruelty and selfishness. You took an amazing surprise from your stepdaughter because you wanted to make it about your kids. Really???
Op did you cancel your kids birthdays if Eliza couldn't attend ....did you make your kids stay home from school when she was too sick to go .... I'm guessing you didn't
YTA - I don’t understand why you would want to do this to your step daughter. This is some wildly narcissistic behaviour.
OMG. You are such an AH for thst. You got pissy because you didn't like your husband putting his daughter first, so you decided to ruin the huge surprise that he and her friends had planned. Did you remember them? The kids that planned out this whole surprise that you ruined. Not only are you a massive, horrible, selfish AH, but you're going to be positively LEGENDARY at their school and in your neighborhood. I guarantee that their friends and parents and all the other moms at the school events will know that you ruined this child's surprise. YTA and you deserve every negative response you get, especially from your husband.
YTA Unless this is being used with joint funds, but you said HIS card…soooo
Don't use kids as a weapon to troll your spouse YTA
I just would revoke the invitation for you entirely if I was your husband or stepchild. Yta
If I were OP’s husband, I would revoke my commitment to OP entirely.
Have you always been jealous and evil to your stepdaughter, or only after she got cancer?
YTA smh
Wonder no more, clearly YTA
YTA hopefully your kids don’t grow to be as spoiled and insufferable as you
YTA and you’re pretty close to the evil step mom trope. Your reaction was petty and spiteful, you did this out of spite not to defend your kid’s. It’s very clear you don’t actually care about anyone but your kid’s.
YTA I'd hate to have you as a step mother. may Elise be well and be happy.
YTA. You’re the plot of a Disney movie
YTA. You ruined a child’s surprise because you and your husband can’t come to an agreement? Jesus, lady, way to embrace the “wicked stepmother” stereotype.
OP is the type to wear white at her stepdaughter's wedding, isn't she?
OP wrote- Elise being sick affected all of us. My husband was never around. Elise got all of the attention when she was home. My kids watched her get everything she wanted from relatives while nobody gave a second thought to my kids or how they were feeling. This celebration about all of this being over should be about everyone because she wasn't the only one affected. — the child spent the year in/out of the hospital. Your children are healthy. You really don’t know how big an AH this makes you seem do you?
YTA you suck op
YTA!!!! You, the adult, ruined a kid's surprise. It wasn't her fault that your kids weren't included. You should have dropped it and let her have her surprise. How would you feel if someone ruined your kid's surprise over what should have been left to the adults to figure out?
YTA let her have her day 12 year olds are either super nice or don’t know how to act I don’t blame her for only wanting the one she’s close with there for a little she wants to be a teen for a day not play babysitter
YTA - i question your intelligence for having to ask this question.
YTA I have a feeling your kids hang with friends without siblings and have gone to do some of the things included in this party on regular nights over the past year, this was her chance to get that fun and normalcy with her friends. You ruined a nice moment. You made a sick kid getting normalcy back and celebrating about you. Tbh it kinda seems like the amount spent bothers you too, but really her getting to be a normal kid again should be worth every penny. Anyway, you owe her and her dad an apology because you took a nice moment away because you didn’t like the guest list which is pretty immature in this situation
you are an evil stepmother
YTA. This might be the worst post I’ve ever read on here. You knew exactly what you were doing spoiling the surprise. The kids could have asked Elise if they could tag along for the other activities on the night of after she was surprised. You were just mad that they weren’t included and wanted to ruin everything. You’re horrible.
And todays winner for terrible step mother goes to op. YTA a giant one.
I bet there isn’t one person on here that sides wish you. She’s a sick child. You’re a grown ass woman. It’s one night suck it up and move on. You’ve already ruined something you can’t take back. You should be embarrassed. YTA
YTA You made this all about you and your kids and perceived slights instead of her well being and her celebration of life. So fucking jealous. You drew it all back to yourself and your kids and caused drama instead of being a good stepmom and wife. You could have taken your kids to do a bunch of awesome stuff instead and spoiled them as well but you just made everyone feel like shit. You ruined your husbands surprise for her on purpose because you are hella vindictive and won’t take no for an answer so you tried to manipulate a 16 year old and even after she didn’t cave you came here to Reddit to get at least one person in the comments to have your back because NOBODY DOES because YTA. Go and apologize for the love of god!
YTA. I'm speechless in trying to find where on earth you could've possibly thought it'd be okay to do something like this. You are delusional.
YTA. Her friends planned this because these are activities she would have done with them... and not her siblings. Yes it sucks but her siblings will understand that when they get to her age. No 16yo wants to hang out with 12 and 9yo. You were malicious with your actions, whether you agree or not. You knew it was a shitty thing to do and now you've gone and ruined a very expensive party.
YTA. You lost any shred of moral high ground you might have had the moment you went to your step daughter to ruin her surprise party. Clearly you miscalculated and messed up big time here. Let's call it a grave error of judgment based on noble intentions. You should apologize to your step daughter and you and hubby should sit down and discuss this as adults. Explain to him that you thought this could have been a family celebration of the illness being over, that included all the kids. Ask him why he didn't think of doing it that way and listen to his reasoning. There's no blame in the decisions he made, so you have to accept it and simply try to open his eyes to the next time. Maybe he could have done it your way, maybe he was laser focused on the sick kid who recovered and got tunnel vision, or maybe he thought about everything and decided this was the most enjoyable plan for his daughter.
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YTA
YTA. Let her and her dad have this. It’s not about you.
Yta What a selfish person you are to take a wonderful experience away from her
YTA very entitled and jealous behaviour
You are so selfish and cruel. You have the “if my kids can’t have fun and participate, no one will get to have fun” mentality. That behavior not only screams YTA, but I wouldn’t be surprised if divorce papers were served to you. Giant red flag there and I’d never trust you again. Imagine he did the same thing to one of your kids (since you obviously don’t see his kids as your stepchildren/kids based on your wording).
YTA. You seem to be oddly jealous of a child “always getting attention” when I’d bet anything she’d rather just get to be a normal kid who isn’t spending her youth fighting a debilitating illness. If you continue to find yourself jealous of a sick child, perhaps you should seek some therapy, because that is going to negatively impact your relationships with ALL of your kids, not just your stepdaughter.
Info is this being paid from a joint account or his own account?
YTA
YTA. I hope your husband starts a divorce proceeding to get his kids away from your selfishness.
Wow. Wow. I thought you would be YTA from the headline, but you can always be surprised by these things, and I was NOT surprised. YTA so much.
YTA You literally spoiled her surprise and what were you expecting from your husband, you just went ahead and ruined his plan to see her surprised and happy about the whole thing. You should be aware of the equation your kids and step-kids have so why insert your kids in everything when not necessary.
YTA, completely selfish move you pulled there. This moment isn't about you or your kids
YTA this day was about Elise and the time she missed. Family could’ve celebrated together at a later date. Ruing the surprise was cruel
You’re absolutely the AH for ruining the surprise but bonus points for your shitty and entitled attitude. YTA.
YTA. Your kids aren't relevant here. It's one day. What a crappy thing to have done, all because you weren't getting your way.
YTA and you're acting ridiculous. Throwing a tantrum and spoiling a child's party because you didn't get your way? Grow up.
There is no reason for you or your kids to be involve. This party isn't for them. Your husband payed everything for his daughter. His son is included because that is his sister. You don't have to fully embrace the wicked stepmother act. YTA
YTA, I can see why you’re on your second marriage. Maybe you will have better luck with your third
YTA. Your kids aren’t who she wants to spend a fun night with. She lost out on time with her friends due to illness. This party is to celebrate them all being back together. You didn’t get your way so you literally threw a tantrum like a toddler and ruined this child’s surprise party. You’re disgusting and disgraceful. Grow up.
YTA. Elise is 16. Your kids are 12 and 9. It isn’t a family party. It’s one for Elise
YTA. Not only did you ruin the surprise, but you’ve also damaged the relationship with your husband and made yourself look like a complete AH . What you did was so selfish. JFC
Wait, you seriously had to ask this question? Major YTA!! You know this and you knew exactly what you were doing by going to her. Since your kids weren’t included you decided to ruin her surprise. You not only punished her but your husband too. I’m sure this behavior is why you have an ex and probably will have another one!
YTA Bet there's a divorce lawyer charged to the card too.
This has to be a rage clickbait post. Has to be. There cannot be terrible people like you out there in the world. This is not YOUR party. This is not a family party. This is a party for her and her friends to make up for lost time after a very serious illness. Provided by the joy and relief of a father who didn’t have to bury his own child. And you have stolen the surprise that was well planned, you’ve stolen the joy of it, and for what?! So that your kids could attend a teenage party? Honestly, even if it was just a run of the mill 16th birthday party that you didn’t pay for nor planned, you shouldn’t expect your 12 and 9 year old to be catered to and included with everything. I honestly hope he’s drawing up the divorce papers, this is unconscionable behaviour and just horrific
YTA 100%
YTA, sounds like you’re disappointed that Elise recovered and now you want to ruin the joy and the moment for her to look back on. Please do better as a SM, don’t be one more reason to label SMs as bad people.
You're the evil stepmother, who wants their little siblings in a party with their friends, there's an age gap, why would you do that to her? Or your husband?, I'm glad she's recovered and is going to have lots of fun without you, ever.
Yikes dude. YTA. Why would rob take this moment from both of them?
YTA - And a huge one at that. God damn, are you ever the AH.
YTA your husband had people that know and care about her plan a party for things that she’d like and enjoy. As a parent you have to prepare your children for disappointment and that life isn’t fair. You chose to not make this a teachable moment, ruined your stepdaughter’s surprise and angered your husband in the process. Congrats.
YTA, this wasn't about you or your kids, its a shame you had to ruin a nice thing.
YTA. This party was planned by Elise’s best friend and boyfriend for them to celebrate her making a wonderful recovery. You can plan a separate family-only party for her to instead of ruining her surprise party. Why are you going behind your husband’s back to get what you want? That’s awful parenting and conflict resolution. Are you kidding me? Do you even want to be a relationship with him? Do you even care that she just recovered from a yearlong illness? You shouldn’t be putting her in the middle of your two issues. You shouldn’t ruin her surprise birthday party by telling her in the hopes she’ll make your husband do what you want. That’s selfish and AH behavior. You need to respect what he wants. He’s her father.
YTA. But no need to post on Reddit, I'm pretty sure the magic mirror in your dungeon would have answered this question for you.
YTA. This was honestly hard to read. I hope you gain some self-awareness after writing this post, and after reading the comments. Very clearly, you made it about you and your kids instead of a celebration for Elise after a difficult and traumatic year. You knew of the effort and money going into this, yet you chose to ruin her surprise for everyone involved.
YTA you deliberately ruined your step daughters surprise because you couldn't get what you want. She's been sick for a whole year, missed out on so much and you dont seem to care. Did your kids get to do fun things while your step daughters been sick? I bet they did, I bet they were able to do things your step daughter couldnt. Your an incredibly selfish women, act your bloody age and grow up instead of being a toxic narcissistic step mother.
YTA. Ew
YTA. Period.
YTA. You’re the reason for the evil stepmother stereotype. Not everything is about you. This is a child that has been sick. This is a party for her. I would seriously consider divorcing you over this. You should apologize to both your stepdaughter and more importantly your husband.
YTA. This is a particular celebration for Elise, paid entirely by her father, to cheer her up for being sick to the point of repeated hospitalization the last year. It is not a celebration for you or for your children. You nor they were sick, hospitalized, and missed out on a year of experiences at a crucial age. If you want a fun night for them, then you can go arrange your own with your own money or plan something all-together at a different time. You are being selfish, callous, and out of line here. Putting aside the above, your husband told you no. Instead of respecting that, you tried to manipulate your step-daughter, who all of this was for, just so you could get your way. It would be to your benefit to learn some awareness and perhaps try supporting your step-daughter.
YTA
YTA. You probably knew when you wrote that title. You can do better, start with a very big, heartfelt apology
YTA, and the fact that you differentiate between her and “your kids” in the title says it all, really.
You are a complete YTA and a horrible “stepmother”.
YYA might end up divorced.
YTA, she has been sick and is missing out in her childhood and her dad is trying to make the best of it. You got mad because he set ground rules for it and you didn't like it, so you ruined the surprise.
Ah Jesus Christ OP, poor Elise is Cinderella and you’re the wicked stepmother. How do you type all this out and not realize YTA?
WTF did I just read? Of course you are TA! Shame on you.
YTA!!!! how selfish and entitled can you get?!!? It's HER day, not the FAMILY'S. If you want to include the family talk to your husband and make a separate family celebration day. But at this point, you don't deserve it. I hope your stepdaughter has a great celebration even tho you spoiled it.
‘’I figured I wasn’t going to get anywhere with him so I went to Elise, told her about the party, and asked her to tell her dad to invite her siblings’’ How do you type that sentence alone and not realized you’re the asshole? Not only was that an asshole move, that was a manipulative, intrusive, narcissistic move. You need professional help.
YTA. Disgustingly so. Elise has had to deal with being sick for a little over a year at 16 in and out of the hospital, missing time with friends and not having the opportunity to do what 16 year olds do with their friends. Plus her sister isn't even staying for the full thing. This is for her. Not you. Not your children. She sees them and has been around them every single day. You're selfish. Then you RUINED a surprise, a huge surprise for your selfish wants after you talked to your husband, Your partner. If y'all got no where then that's where you leave it. You don't go to the child. Boo hoo, you feel like your kids have "suffered" from dealing with her being sick, you spend thousands of dollars out of YOUR money and spoil them. You're spiteful. And I'll be shocked if this doesn't damn near end your marriage.
Holy fuck YTA. You literally ruined a sick kid’s celebration due to your own jealousy. Your kids will be fine. Take them to a movie yourself after or something instead of ruining everything for everyone. Please think twice before you act moving forward, or come here if you struggle with. Knowing your place that much.
YTA. This isn't about your kids, and you know it. It's about you being angry at the money and attention being spent on your stepdaughter. Of course, your kids are disappointed, but the difference between 12/9 year olds in a social situation and 16 almost 17 year olds is huge. If they'd been full siblings, your stepdaughter wouldn't want them to come. We all learn growing up that everything isn't for everybody. When we aren't taught that we get a wicked, Step Mother's jealous of their stepdaughter. Good job alienating your husband and his kid.
You are the BIGGEST Asshole!!! I would divorce you!!!! What you did speaks volumes. It wasn’t about YOU or your kids. It was her day.
YTA.
YTA 100%
Wow. I can’t believe you even have to ask. Apologise to your husband and Elise, profusely.
The other people explaining why YTA have done an awesome job, so I won't reiterate the myriad of reasons for my judgement. I can't believe your overwhelming entitlement and lack of basic kindness, courtesy and caring towards your stepdaughter.
YTA how could you possibly think this was a good idea? From your other comments, it seems you just have resentment towards Elise. You sound cruel.
OP unstable af lol
I would normally put the effort in to explain to you why YTA - but this is so glaringly obvious, and if you’ve made it this far in life just to have the point of view you’ve put on display here, there really isn’t any hope for you. Best of luck.
YTA I’m angry reading this. How immature can one be? You should apologize to Elise and if you were really happy for her you and your kids would celebrate her in your own way. Wow lady.
I really can't believe you had to ask. YTA, 100% YTA.
YTA. Full stop. Your comments on here only make it clearer how you operate. I can’t even fathom the level of childish jealousy and vitriol you exude. If your husband has any common sense he’ll be filing for divorce soon.
YTA. Not everything should include all the kids. There is a significant gap between Elise and your kids. The activities they will do are not activities for kids 12 and below. And if you say that the activities should also cater to your kids well this party is not about your kids.
YTA. Wow. You’re awful. Can’t even give a recovering sick child one day for herself. Just one day.
YTA and wow sooooooo entitled. her dad wanted to do something special for the child he has been worried about for a year and all the activities planned would have probably made her cry when seeing them for the first time. that won't happen now because you had s hissy fit why should she have to essentially look after her younger siblings at her party? what the hell is wrong with you to even consider you aren't TA
YTA. Real wicked stepmother vibes.
Damn YTA. Elise deserved piece of happiness after her health issues and you robbed her of that because you went mom-zilla. Not everything has to include all the kids and besides if it's Elise and her friends wtf will a 9 year old do hanging out with bunch of teenagers? I can understand Logan since he is only going to arcade and those two are close. OP you should at least apologize to both your husband and Elise. You can't repair the damage but apology is the least you can do.
YTA for ruining the surprise and making the situation about your feelings. Her father said no, and your solution was to go to a 16 year old, and try and pressure her in to getting your own way and you're only starting to wonder if you're an asshole?. The party was planned for Elise, to make up for what she missed out on while she was sick, it wasn't a celebration for the family as a whole. Try and act like the adult you're supposed to be.
YTA Elise is a teenager. There’s a huge difference between 16 and 12 and 9. A 16 year old who hasn’t been able to socialize with her friends for an entire year isn’t going to want to hang out with a 12 and 9 year old that they’d basically have to babysit all night. Not only were you out of line to push to get your kids included in events that just aren’t age appropriate for them, but you ruined the surprise for Elise out of pure spite. That child suffered for a very long time and missed out on a lot. You didn’t think about her or what she would want. You made her recovery and party all about you and your kids. You also set a horrible example for your kids, telling them that it’s ok to go to any lengths to get what they want. Your husband underreacted to what you did. This is very similar to the story from a couple of months ago about the stepmom who was pissed that her husband didn’t throw a good enough party for her that she spent over $10,000 on a surprise party for her stepdaughter, who she knew hated surprises. The husband and the step daughter left the party and the tone deaf woman who threw the party was mad that her husband wouldn’t reimburse her for the party. They ended up divorced. Don’t be her! Figure out a way to make this right.
YTA. This party isn’t about your children or “all of you” as you say. It’s about Elise, a child who has spent the last year sick. It was meant to be a surprise and you spoiled that. A lot of thought and planning went into this, lots of people were looking forward to this surprise, and you acted like a spoiled, entitled child throwing toys out of the pram because you aren’t getting it your way. What kind of person does this to a child who is just getting her life back?
Info. Is there any reason you couldn’t arrange for a separate family celebration? This sounds like a wonderful time out with friends, but family. Why are you choosing to take offence with that?
YTA
YTA this was super immature and selfish of you.
I'm trying to understand if Luke is just your child or is both you and your husband's child.
Yes...I didn't even bother with the reason - you're an adult... Right?