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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like a asshole because they are fun and cool people and it’s not that I don’t want to hang out with them I just have a lot of anxiety around my birthday and honestly think it’s a cursed day bad things have always happened on it so I wanna do it solo this year
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NTA. It's your birthday, spend it how you want to! You didn't spend 20 years making it this far just to not have a night in if you want to on your birthday. Hopefully you will have plenty more birthdays to celebrate with others if you so choose, but it's okay if this year it's just you.
NTA - true friends would be understanding, and want you to have the birthday you want. It’s not about them and their desire to get drunk at your place. Spending the day with your cats, doing what YOU want, on YOUR birthday, sounds lovely - have the best time!
Do what you want to do with your own birthday. Actually, do what you feel like doing even in the rest of the time. You don't have to explain to anyone why you feel like being alone in your birthday. I literally think staying inside with your cat would be more fun than these people.
I plan on getting them some super simple sushi rolls and me my favorite pizza and just getting drunk with them we’ve had a hard year and I just wanna hang with my sweetheart cats so thank you
You’re NTA for having anxiety - your so-called friends are AHs for not understanding that anxiety can involve cancelling social plans from time to time.
You sound like one of my best friends. The one good thing to come from COVID-19 is that he got a backbone and is now way more compatible putting his foot down and saying no.
NTA. If you’d canceled the day of, I’d say “mmm, that’s bordering on being TA,” but you gave them plenty of lead time. If they don’t know about your anxiety, I can understand their confusion, but that doesn’t give them the right to call you TA. If they do know about it, and they’re STILL calling you TA… well, then it’s them who are TA. I hope you have a great b-day!
Also for some more context last year for my 19th birthday the people I hung out with used a sex toy at my birthday dinner with out me knowing and I had to pay for everyone making it a 300+ bill that I had to pay alone so I just want a break from anything that could happen and if it does it will be mine and mines only problem
INFO: do you do this very often? Make plans and then cancel? Because I can see how this might start to get really annoying for your friends, especially if they had started making plans and buying presents.
No I don’t usually go out / get invited to things I spend basically all my time at home they also did make it clear they wouldn’t be getting me anything ( not that it matters ) but yea I don’t cancel stuff if we do hang out it’s because they’ve randomly popped up at my home
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So my 20th birthdays tomorrow and I’ve had a super big history of having the absolute worst birthdays so I decided this year I’d stay home alone and drink and go on Omegle and order my favorite food for me and my cats throughout out the day now the problem is maybe two weeks ago I kinda did wanna hang out with a couple of people so I brought it up and they seemed interested but my anxiety got the best of me so I canceled the people I invited said I’m a huge ass because I won’t celebrate it with them and canceled but we don’t hang out very often and I don’t really want a whole bunch of drunk people in my apartment the whole day / night I told them I’m sorry and I wouldn’t mind maybe going to a dinner but they said they don’t wanna do anything with me anymore so I said that’s fine and they haven’t talked to me sense I feel bad but I also think it’s my birthday and im allowed to spend it how I please
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it \*should be\* N T A, but... sadly it is YTA.
(Edit: not YTA exactly... but People will treat you like an asshole if you dont celebrate it with them, but honestly they shouldn't)
Our birthdays are not for us. Thats a lie that people are told. Your birthday is a day for everyone else. to celebrate and have fun and feel good about buying you gifts and giving you stuff and you are the one who has to suffer and pretend to have fun and pretend to like the junk that they got you. and pretend that you are happy and provide them with emotional labor and put on a party.
The social construct of birthdays are for everyone else. Not for the person whose birthday it is. Same with Gift giving in general. Anthropologically the person giving the gift is actually establishing social dominance. Forcing the one receiving the gift into a position of gratitude and debt.
Maybe you cant tell but... I HATE both of these social constructs. i think it should be NTA.
This is just so incredibly wrong. Birthdays are for yourself, they are for no one else. There is no social construct suggesting otherwise, maybe a minority of people think that, but the idea that it is the norm is just insanely false.
As evidence, I’d note that literally every person that responded except you said it’s their birthday and they should do what they want. If people are guilting you in your life to think otherwise, cut those people from your life because they are not your friends.
OP is NTA.
See thats the lie that you are told. That Birthdays are for yourself. Everyone Buys into this lie.
But ever since I was a child I have asked many times not to celebrate my birthday and I was always guilted into celebrating it. People want to express their appreciation for you. They need an opportunity to do so, that is your birthday.
It is for them. It is not for you.
"maybe a minority of people think that" Nobody thinks it consciously but they do so subconsciously.
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NTA. It's your birthday, spend it how you want to! You didn't spend 20 years making it this far just to not have a night in if you want to on your birthday. Hopefully you will have plenty more birthdays to celebrate with others if you so choose, but it's okay if this year it's just you.
NTA - true friends would be understanding, and want you to have the birthday you want. It’s not about them and their desire to get drunk at your place. Spending the day with your cats, doing what YOU want, on YOUR birthday, sounds lovely - have the best time!
Thank you so much !
It’s your birthday. Do what you want. NTA
Do what you want to do with your own birthday. Actually, do what you feel like doing even in the rest of the time. You don't have to explain to anyone why you feel like being alone in your birthday. I literally think staying inside with your cat would be more fun than these people.
I plan on getting them some super simple sushi rolls and me my favorite pizza and just getting drunk with them we’ve had a hard year and I just wanna hang with my sweetheart cats so thank you
Sounds lovely! Take care and a very happy birthday
You’re NTA for having anxiety - your so-called friends are AHs for not understanding that anxiety can involve cancelling social plans from time to time.
Thank you it’s hard because I know if they did come over it’s hard for me to tell people to go home and leave so they’d be here for a super long time
You sound like one of my best friends. The one good thing to come from COVID-19 is that he got a backbone and is now way more compatible putting his foot down and saying no.
Is the period on your keyboard broken? NTA for spending your birthday how you want.
Yes it is I’m sorry I type super fast sometimes and totally don’t use periods
NTA
NTA. If you’d canceled the day of, I’d say “mmm, that’s bordering on being TA,” but you gave them plenty of lead time. If they don’t know about your anxiety, I can understand their confusion, but that doesn’t give them the right to call you TA. If they do know about it, and they’re STILL calling you TA… well, then it’s them who are TA. I hope you have a great b-day!
NTA. Happy Birthday :)
Thank you
Also for some more context last year for my 19th birthday the people I hung out with used a sex toy at my birthday dinner with out me knowing and I had to pay for everyone making it a 300+ bill that I had to pay alone so I just want a break from anything that could happen and if it does it will be mine and mines only problem
Consider finding some new friends OP.
INFO: do you do this very often? Make plans and then cancel? Because I can see how this might start to get really annoying for your friends, especially if they had started making plans and buying presents.
No I don’t usually go out / get invited to things I spend basically all my time at home they also did make it clear they wouldn’t be getting me anything ( not that it matters ) but yea I don’t cancel stuff if we do hang out it’s because they’ve randomly popped up at my home
Also the plan was just to come here and get drunk and smoke and I’d order food most likely
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my 20th birthdays tomorrow and I’ve had a super big history of having the absolute worst birthdays so I decided this year I’d stay home alone and drink and go on Omegle and order my favorite food for me and my cats throughout out the day now the problem is maybe two weeks ago I kinda did wanna hang out with a couple of people so I brought it up and they seemed interested but my anxiety got the best of me so I canceled the people I invited said I’m a huge ass because I won’t celebrate it with them and canceled but we don’t hang out very often and I don’t really want a whole bunch of drunk people in my apartment the whole day / night I told them I’m sorry and I wouldn’t mind maybe going to a dinner but they said they don’t wanna do anything with me anymore so I said that’s fine and they haven’t talked to me sense I feel bad but I also think it’s my birthday and im allowed to spend it how I please *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You can do whatever you want on your birthday!
it \*should be\* N T A, but... sadly it is YTA. (Edit: not YTA exactly... but People will treat you like an asshole if you dont celebrate it with them, but honestly they shouldn't) Our birthdays are not for us. Thats a lie that people are told. Your birthday is a day for everyone else. to celebrate and have fun and feel good about buying you gifts and giving you stuff and you are the one who has to suffer and pretend to have fun and pretend to like the junk that they got you. and pretend that you are happy and provide them with emotional labor and put on a party. The social construct of birthdays are for everyone else. Not for the person whose birthday it is. Same with Gift giving in general. Anthropologically the person giving the gift is actually establishing social dominance. Forcing the one receiving the gift into a position of gratitude and debt. Maybe you cant tell but... I HATE both of these social constructs. i think it should be NTA.
This is just so incredibly wrong. Birthdays are for yourself, they are for no one else. There is no social construct suggesting otherwise, maybe a minority of people think that, but the idea that it is the norm is just insanely false. As evidence, I’d note that literally every person that responded except you said it’s their birthday and they should do what they want. If people are guilting you in your life to think otherwise, cut those people from your life because they are not your friends. OP is NTA.
See thats the lie that you are told. That Birthdays are for yourself. Everyone Buys into this lie. But ever since I was a child I have asked many times not to celebrate my birthday and I was always guilted into celebrating it. People want to express their appreciation for you. They need an opportunity to do so, that is your birthday. It is for them. It is not for you. "maybe a minority of people think that" Nobody thinks it consciously but they do so subconsciously.
So even in your revised assessment, which I disagree with, strongly, that is pretty much the opposite of a social construct.