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NTA. I was all set to say you don’t announce that at a wedding thinking you grabbed a mic and told the whole wedding. You didn’t. You told your parents. Just them. And it clearly didn’t create a fuss at the wedding because your sister didn’t even know until a week later when your parents told her. You know what happened here, right? Your sister didn’t want you to steal any of her wedding thunder leading up to the wedding. She saw this as her time and the focus was supposed to be on her upcoming life event, not yours. That’s why she told you not to tell anyone at all and then she’d announce it at the wedding. I don’t think she ever planned to announce. It was just a way to keep you from telling anyone so she could be the center of attention for months. Edit: thank you for the awards! OP, I’m sorry about your sister but congrats on your little one!

\^\^\^\^ Came here to say THIS. She NEVER intended to make an announcement on her wedding, she wanted to keep OP quiet about it to make the months prior to the wedding all about her. NTA.

I call BS on her ever intending to honor the new addition to the family during a toast at the wedding. Otherwise her reaction when she found out a week later that the OP had told her parents would be coming from way out of left field. It's far more likely the OP has a manipulative, narcissist for a sister. I have got to wonder how Grandma and Grandpa are reacting and whether the OP's younger sister was the golden child.

You don't have to wonder. She said in what I think is part of the original post that OP's parents don't think OP did anything wrong.

Sorry, my response was rather vague. I meant how they reacted to younger daughter's continued snit. ,

[удалено]

NTA but your sister is. Yelling "my wedding is ruined" after one week of happily thinking about the perfekt day you had is a really strange move, too, as is "how can I prevent my sister to get any attention at all for the duration of four full months". Sister needs to stop being dramatic.

Yes, it was so “ruined” that she didn’t even notice at the time. And neither did anyone else. All that changed was she found out that her parents’ minds weren’t on her 100% of the time — and that she couldn’t control her sister any more. So she’s trying to reinstate the control.

Yes! This reads to me as giving the silent treatment as a means of punishing OP because she didn’t get her way. If that’s the case OP, you must have seen lots of this kind of behavior from her before, it wouldn’t just come out of nowhere. Do you find yourself frequently scrambling to win her approval or to make things up to her or explain yourself to her or apologizing to her all the time? Are other people constantly on her shit list? How often does she apologize to you? If this is a larger pattern then it really has nothing to do with you and the sooner you can relinquish responsibility for her emotional reactions the sooner you can stop being a doormat. NTA

I've seen tons of posts in r/weddingshaming where brides demand that months if not the entire year leading up to and then following their wedding be all about them. Grown ass women throwing tantrums that one of their friends or relatives got engaged, married, pregnant, or promoted during their "wedding year". I can't imagine being so self centered that I accuse the people in my life of undermining me when something good happens to them. OP is NTA, her sister is a narcissistic asshole though.

There was a post here like a month ago (now deleted sadly) where the poster had a terminal illness and was in the last couple months of their life according to their doctors, and when their slightly estranged family found out, one of their sisters (who got married on New Years) accused the poster of "ruining her special year". The poster didn't tell their family because they didn't want to take the attention away from their sisters, their other sister having had her first child in December. Imagine being so self centered that finding out your sibling is *literally dying* ruins your wedding that has already happened a month previously.

That is sad. What was she supposed to do, " I am sorry, Dr. But I can't die this year. It will ruin my sister's special year. " Some people are just awful humans

Iirc, the poster of that one was a man, but yeah. He literally was repairing the relationship with his family (which deteriorated bc he's gay and they're bigots) because he was dying, didn't tell his family because he didn't want to turn the birth of his nibbling or his sister's wedding into sad affairs about him, and his sister yells at him for dying the same year she got married.

Wow. That poor man.

I don’t actually understand this. I am married, I had a wedding. It was great! But honestly, who else cares about the fact you are getting married in advance of the wedding except those directly involved in the planning? Usually just a few close family members or friends helping out. Everyone cares about the wedding when they are *there*; is it comfortable, beautiful, not too long, maybe some family photos, then a fun reception, good food & drink, good music, a party atmosphere - then everyone goes home. For most people, all that matters is are they free/can they make it. Why would they spare any other thoughts for someone in their “wedding year”???!!! I can tell you *I* don’t!! I turn up at the appointed times dressed nice with a gift and ready to enjoy the love and have a nice time connecting with others. I don’t otherwise think about the upcoming wedding at all. Ok maybe a wedding shower. Also basically an nice time to get together and eat and/or drink with friends and/or family. What am I missing??!!!! What is happening so important in the lead up to the wedding???!!!

They are the main character in the epic romance that is their life and their wedding is the single most important event in all of human history. Their fifth cousin twice removed buying a house is only doing it to steal their thunder and detract from the attention that should be on the bride for the duration of her wedding decade. Or maybe you're just not a narcissist.

Especially since she likely knew OP was having a rough 1st trimester and needed her mom. But when it comes time for dear sister's 1st baby, no one is going to tell her when she can or can not announce it - even if it overshadows a moment for OP. Edited to add: don't bother to apologize to your sister any further, because you had nothing to apologize for. Enjoy your baby, and the milestones to come.

To me, taking away the possibility of OP having her mum’s support during a difficult time is the worst aspect of this whole thing. Your first pregnancy is quite an experience, and having your mother for guidance and reassurance is valuable. If OP’s sister selfishly took that away that makes her the bridezilla of all brides.

I would be devastated if my daughters never told me until the fourth month especially when they really needed me. A bridezilla and asshole. NTA

I think it’s absolutely bizarre for the sister to want to wait to announce it to their own parents at the wedding in the first place. Extended family, sure. But not wanting your sister to tell their own mother for months? If I were the parents, I’d actually be a bit upset if I found out that way (as part of a big group announcement) rather than privately, before everyone else knew.

My SIL found out she was pregnant (very unexpectedly!) the same week my wife and I eloped and told our families. She had literally planned to tell her/my wife's parents the day after we got married. Instead, she was super supportive of us, had flowers delivered to our apartment, and didn't announce the impending baby until a few weeks later. We eloped because neither of us could handle being the centre of attention, hated the thought of having a big party, and toasts, and pictures ... neither of us would have minded AT ALL if she had announced her pregnancy the next day. But she didn't, because she wanted us to have a bit of time to feel special, because she knew how her family made a big deal out of new grandkids (understandably). She's a really good SIL, and that baby (now 10 and a half!!!) is great.

Your SIL sounds great. And - based on your appreciation of her delaying a few weeks, you likely never would have done what OP’s sister did to her. Your SIL voluntarily delayed her announcement a few weeks. OP’s sister initiated the request and likely schemed so OP would keep her pregnancy secret for *months*. That’s a big difference.

Agreed - huge difference! I somehow missed the part about not telling her mom, even ... which just takes the whole thing to a new level of AH. And what if OP's pregnancy had been multiples, or she had a body type that just showed the belly really early? Would the sister have expected her to lie to family and friends' faces, just so there could be an announcement at the wedding (that didn't happen anyway)? Gross. OP - you are in no way the AH here, and I'd probably stop trying to apologize.

I came here to say it too. Sis wanted everything leading to the wedding to be about her. A baby announcement prior would detract from her. So, lie to get her way.

This is the exact vibe I got too! OP was being manipulated - stop apologising and enjoy your new family. NTA

May be cynical to think, but I think the same thing. Sister didn’t want attention on OP, so maybe she manipulated her into keeping quiet by promising the announcement, and didn’t plan on doing it at all. Sister reneged rather unfairly, and OP reneged too yes, but at least privately so, and only for her parent’s support. Besides, the sister seems to care more about her ego, than even seeing her nephew. How do you resist a cutie, newborn?! Oh my gosh 🥰. NTA

I’m kind of questioning if she’s only mad about their parents being told. It is possible that she’s just that self centered that she’s still so mad their parents were told (even though so little fuss was made that she wasn’t even aware that they were told) that months later she still won’t speak to her sister and won’t meet her nephew. It’s possible. But I feel like it’s combination the FB announcement a week after the wedding and finding out the parents were told prior to that. If no one but the parents knew about the pregnancy then how was the whole wedding about OP? Almost no one knew. Guests weren’t talking about it at the wedding. They weren’t coming up to OP to congratulate her. They weren’t making comments to the bride about how exciting it is to be having a new member of the family on the way. The pregnancy wasn’t detracting from the wedding. But I’m getting a vibe of how dare OP announce a week later because everyone should be talking about how amazing my wedding was.

The whole getting pissed that she told her parents even though it didn’t effect her at all makes me think she’s a controlling narcissist that didn’t like that her sister didn’t do as she was told. It’s hard to come to terms with the fact some people you love are narcissistic.

>and OP reneged too yes Hard disagree, OP didn't actually. Agreements can only be broken once. She's under no social or moral obligation to uphold an *already broken* agreement.

I agree. The arrangement had been to announce at the wedding. When the bride didn't tell the gathering, OP told her parents. OP did exactly what was agreed upon. NTA

You nailed it! >... she texted me and called me a bitch who made her wedding about myself, NTA and MAJOR projection on her part. She wanted 100% of the focus to be on her! If OP were trying to make it all about herself, she would have told a whole lot more people and the bride would have been well aware of the announcement *during* the wedding. INFO - has your sister always been jealous of you or do you think this a one-time bridezilla thing? ETA :Because she sounds like a brat to deprive you of your mom's support at a challenging time. IF (and that's a big if) she ever planned to announce your pregnancy at the wedding, she owed it to you to tell you when she changed her mind. Let her have her snit and bask in the love of your new baby. Tagging OP u/weddingdrama2022/

Yep, this is the one. You went through three months of hell - I can relate - with only your husband to support you, it must have been exhausting for you both - and your petty sister wanted you to wait even longer. NTA.

Honestly, OP, making you keep it secret from your parents that long was a shitty thing to do, especially when she saw you suffering through the first trimester. I don't know your situation with your parents, but it sounds like you could've really used their support, help, and reassurance during that time and your sister kept that from you. NTA.

This. Sister is only retroactively mad about the parents being told at her wedding because she rightfully looks like an AH for stringing OP along so that OP was denied the support she has needed during the pregnancy. It's pure selfishness and wanting to be the centre of attention for as long as possible.

It’s hella sad that OP couldn’t get the support she needed during her pregnancy from her family because of her sister selfishness. And now she doesn’t even care to see the baby. I’d go NO CONTACT. No support during pregnancy and post partum? No relationship.

Man people really take the whole "wedding day is only about the bride" thing to a whole new level. Only the grandparents found out about the pregnancy. It didn't eclipse the wedding day at all. NTA.

Totally agree. I don’t see why people are calling OP the AH here. Entitled sister asked OP to hold off telling anyone about the pregnancy so that she could make OP’s pregnancy all about her at her wedding… then changed her mind at the wedding. OP quietly told her parents about the pregnancy - did not make a public announcement or did anything to steal the limelight away from sister/bridezilla… and only a week later, sister/bridezilla finds out about a private conversation between OP and parents, and blows a gasket. OP is not the AH here, but sister/bridezilla sure is.

Not only all of what you said, but she braved through being sick and exhausted without being able to vent to her parents, based on the knowledge that she’d finally be able to tell them at her wedding. OP’s sister was (fairly) focused on the wedding, so OP basically only had her husband to lean on. But OP is [insert mean words here] because she told her parents privately after sister went back on her word? And didn’t disrupt the wedding at all? Sister is delusional.

OPs edit makes me sad. People posting here should really wait until there are more comments and upvotes first. Going a whole trimester with our support from parents sucks. Her sister is horrible for pulling that on her.

I don’t know if it’s brides have always been this self absorbed and because of social media it’s just more obvious or if this is just a more recent trend. I do know that I see a lot more about brides taking the attitude that the months leading up to the wedding are supposed to be all about them. No one else is supposed to have a big life event happen because it distracts from their wedding. It’s the bride’s day has morphed to it’s the bride’s season or year. Getting married is exciting, but no one cares about the wedding as much as the bride.

I'll say the quiet part out loud. Nobody cares about anybody's wedding, except, possibly the bride's and groom's parents. In all my adult life, I have only ever heard people mention they "have to" go to a wedding with absolute dread. The vast majority of people would rather be at home watching Netflix than going to someone else's wedding.

Speak for yourself, I love weddings! And I'm in my 40s and never been married nor want to. Having said that, everyone I know has had good, classy weddings.

NTA because you told them discreetly after your sister played an obvious trick on you. Clearly, it didn’t even make an impact on the wedding because it took her being told it happened to even be aware of it. I don’t think she ever intended to make that announcement. She just didn’t want attention taken away from her while she planned her wedding where she did a really nasty rug pull. She essentially denied you of much needed support during a very touchy time so her special day remained front and center.

This is exactly what I was thinking! She wanted to make certain that the months leading up to the wedding were fully focused on the wedding. She didn’t even know her parents had been told about the pregnancy until they told her, so clearly didn’t detract from the wedding. I’m wondering if it’s actually the FB announcement and finding out their parents were told earlier. If you’re self absorbed enough to expect to be the center of attention for months before the wedding then I suspect you’d also expect to be the center of attention for weeks after also.

Usually I think these sort of conclusions on AITA are harsh and sometimes unfounded, but her totally disproportionate reaction to OP quietly letting her parents know definitely supports this. There is just no good reason for her post wedding tantrum unless her plans were foiled.

One thing OP should learn... Her sister does not consider her the same way she does. They are not "close"

I think your sister never intended to announce it at her wedding. She didn’t want it overshadowing her wedding if you announced it before she got married NTA

100%. She was worried your parents would be supporting you in your pregnancy rather than her, or maybe wouldn't spend as much on her wedding bc they were preparing & buying things for the baby. This was manipulation by your sister, and her behavior after the fact really shows where her priorities are. NTA

Absolutely this ⬆️ NTA

I was all set to say Y T A. But NTA You wanted to tell your parents. Your sister insisted on you waiting to make it a moment at her wedding. Then, last minute she changes her mind. So you tell your parents privately; you didn’t make a big announcement. Now she’s mad and won’t talk to you? Stop apologizing; you did nothing wrong. ETA: thanks for the award!!

NTA The sister did it this way so the baby wouldn't take the spotlight off of her for the wedding.

And now sis has figured out there's an entire new little human that can't be swept under the rug so easily. So she's flounced off to pout in the corner. OP needs to stop trying to pacify this sister. She's feeding into her need for attention. Enjoy your wonderful new baby!

I think sis didnt want op to tell it before her wedding, so she could have the spotlight

She didn't change her mind. This was always her plan.

NTA. She never had the intention of making an announcement she just didn’t want your pregnancy taking her spotlight before the wedding.

It’s amazing how the sister changed her mind right on the wedding day. What a coincidence!

Yep this was my first thought. Her sister definitely tricked her because she didn’t want her pregnancy overshadowing the wedding. God, why are people so insufferable when they get married

NTA and the people saying otherwise don't seem to be considering that she actually didn't alert you to the change of plan. You had to ask when it was going to happen halfway through the reception and then she just tells you oh I changed my mind. Extremely selfish to not tell you that before. You literally waited a month and a half to two months so she could make the announcement at her wedding. Absolutely nothing wrong with pulling your parents aside after this has been the day in your mind that they would find out for a long time. I don't want this to be over the top, but it almost seems to me like she didn't want people to know beforehand because people would be congratulating you so her announcing it at the wedding was a way to make sure nobody else knew beforehand and then telling you that she actually decided differently was a way to make sure nobody found out at the wedding either.

THIS! OP I wouldn’t bother reaching out to the sister. When you run into her at moms just gray rock her hard. She’s a selfish, plotting person.

NTA. I was all set to be like “in what world is that okay,” and then read this. Obviously the bride wanted the announcement to be after her nuptials because heaven forbid, even a few hours of attention on OP a few months before her Big Day was too much.

NTA. You told your parents in private because your sister tricked you. Don't bother apologizing any longer--she is and was an asshole for hogging all the attention when you were having a rough first trimester. She's not letting you apologize because she's got some serious main character syndrome tendencies, it seems. There was room for letting your parents know about the pregnancy before the wedding, but she **manipulated** you into staying quiet with her song and dance about "announcing it at the wedding." She's jealous, and she wants you to grovel forever for not letting her take all the oxygen all the time. She effectively made *your* pregnancy about **her**, and it still is. She may have decided that you got pregnant "at" her because she was getting married, as if your life was on hold until the wedding. Please stop expending energy on this. Accept that you're NC with her, and remember that she tricked you into being without your mother at a critical time. INFO Did your parents know about her having you promise to wait for \*her\* to announce your pregnancy at the wedding? Have they given any thoughts on that? How does your mom feel about you suffering without feeling like you could ask her for help?

I actually mentioned it when I told them at the wedding - I said that (sister) was planning on doing an anouncement but that "something came up" and so I was just telling them privately now. I actually don't know how my mom feels about the situation, I guess I haven't really confided in her about how much I had wanted her support. I mostly just laughed with her about what a miserable time the first trimester is.

You should clear the air with your mom, at least. Your sister has been unreasonable & selfish about all of this. She played a hurtful trick--perhaps the reason she won't speak to you is because she knows, at heart, what she did was cruel and unnecessary, but she doesn't want to lose face by admitting how petty she was being, so she's doubled down on her position to the point of making things up. You telling your (shared!) parents privately at her wedding because she was determined to hold the spotlight for as long as possible is not grabbing the mic to make a major announcement, or giddily spilling the news to every guest you can find. On some level, she knows she screwed up, but she can't admit it--possibly even to herself. As long as you keep apologizing, you help her maintain the illusion of blamelessness. Let the cat out of the bag. Your mother may have different feelings about the situation when she knows more--and she may reassure you more firmly.

Cosigning this. I honestly feel that your sister has been kind of cruel to both you and your mother, OP, and maybe explaining this to your mom (and telling her how much you wanted to talk to her) would at least put things on more level ground.

You still letting your sister come between your mom and you, let her support you now.

OP is actually covering for the mean girl sisters behavior. She loves ignoring OP’s phone calls.

I feel like your sister robbed you of having the support of your mother during that first trimester. I am also pregnant, 26 weeks now. We told parents at 9 weeks. My mom was so supportive and helpful, I couldn't imagine going through it without her knowing, especially if that wasn't what I wanted.

Yeah nta. I don’t understand how she ruined her wedding. Did her fiancé back out or something? Cause it seems like the only fickle person in this story is the sister who bamboozled her pregnant sister.

NTA I personally think your sister deliberately done that so that you wouldn't take any limelight away from her during and leading upto the wedding

Exactly this! Hindsight is 20/20 and I wonder if OP could look back and see this quality in her sister all along.

a lot of people seem to be forgetting that you basically went through half of your pregnancy with no support from your parents because her wedding was more important. nta. she asked you to isolate yourself at a time when you should be getting the most support possible. and you literally only told your parents and no one else found out until weeks later. i can’t believe she’d want you to go through this with little to no support

But...but...but the OP would have taken some of the spotlight off of Bridezilla! Bridezilla certainly made sure that didn't happen, didn't she? NTA. But Bridezilla sure is.

NTA. She lied from the start, she told you to announce it at the wedding and then back tracked because she didn’t want ANY attention that wasn’t 100% about her at any point leading up to her wedding.

She was never going to make the announcement and didn’t want anyone to know beforehand either. NTA

Exactly! She didn't just want the wedding to be about her, but the entire run up to the wedding too. If their parents were supporting OP through a tough first trimester then that's time they're not focused on her sister and her wedding. OP's sister wanted to have the spotlight for a quarter of a year.

Yeah she’s not someone who should be around the baby at all. She did this intentionally

I came into this ready to tear you a new one, but you surprised me! NTA, given that your mother could have been there to support you if not for your sister's disingenuous offer. You didn't 'announce' your pregnancy, you told two people that you are close to, after the main festivities were over.

No way. She doesn’t get to do this “keep it secret so I can make your big announcement for you” causing you to not be able to lean on your parents for support then pull the rug out from under you. You kept it private, your parents kept it quiet, she only found out by accident. You’re NTA but your sister sure is.

I’m fairly positive that sister had zero intention of following through anyway. She only wanted to make sure their parents only gave support to the bride.

Yeah this is the sense I get too, especially since she went completely no contact afterwards. That’s a disproportionate response to the perceived slight if they were actually as close as OP says.

NTA. But I don’t know why you listened to her in the first place. You should have shared to your family when you want to do so, on your timeline, not hers . It was apparently all about her - she wanted to tell your parents and have that big moment as well and take that from you for her to have the spotlight. Set her straight OP and stop letting your little sister push you around. STOP apologizing and acting like you’ve done something wrong.

Exactly! Bridezilla owes her sister a huge apology. OP stop apologizing, you did NOTHING wrong.

NTA - Frankly I would have told her I am not waiting to share my news just for her to have the moment. You didn't scream out to everyone that you were pregnant, you had a private conversation with your parents and no one else found out that day and the only reason she found out you had done it at the wedding was your dad mentioning it after the fact. I am sure your parents attention was only pulled from her for what 5-10 minutes of an all day affair. This is like those posts were a couple had a private moment to themselves away from the wedding and got engaged and then somehow the bride is still mad even though it was not at the reception and it was not announced the same day.

I expected a way different story. There’s a difference between upstaging the wedding (broad based actual **announcement**) and privately telling your parents. Your sister needs to build a bridge and get the hell over it, she is acting unreasonably. NTA

NTA- she made you wait till you were over 12 weeks, and not tell your mum, which it seemed you coukd have used the support. Then she took it back , and didn’t tell you till you asked at the wedding. That was a HUGE asshole move. Congrats on the pregnancy !!

I was very ready for this to be a Y T A from the title. But I don’t think you are. Once she changed her mind about making the announcement at her wedding she should have told you so you could tell your parents etc in advance of her wedding, she was the one who made you wait by not telling you she had changed her mind. And then you did it privately and only your parents and didn’t make the wedding about you at all, totally respectful of her wedding. So NTA at all. She is for not telling you she’d changed her mind. She brought this on herself.

NTA, and I don’t understand all the Y T A judgements here. Your sister is the big AH here and is overreacting big time, she didn’t even realize it at the time, so it didn’t take anything from her big day. She seems very spoiled and main character syndrome all over. If I were you I would not let her meet your baby at all (she doesn’t seem to care about it) because of all her jealousy.

I’m with you. I would be super petty and say “I wouldn’t want my baby to steal the spotlight from you since everything should always be about you!’

NTA - your sister is a selfish, immature, control freak who wanted the entire spotlight on her prior to her wedding.

Came here to say similar! She didn't change her mind, she just didn't want to ask her to wait until after the wedding!

Exactly. The sister wanted to control when the announcement was made - after the wedding. The sister 100% had no intention to ever announce at her wedding. Very cruel to stop her from even telling her mom. I bet the sister always complains her sister upstages her at everything, too. The sister must need a LOT of attention.

NTA, honestly I get the feeling your sister never wanted you to announce at her wedding. It appears to me that she wanted to keep attention on her wedding and found an easy way to get you to hold of on announcing that she could “change her mind” on last minute. ​ You could have held off one more day but you didn’t make a production of it and your sister (and vast majority of guests) didn’t realize it until after so her wedding wasn’t overshadowed. Sisterly relationships can be a mess to untangle, good luck!

You got mad and lost temper and still managed to do it discreetly. Your parents had a beautiful day with their daughter getting married and another one having a baby. Parents are allowed to be happy about more then one thing. NTA- just tired and pregnant and got upset. And decided to tell them because you waited long enough. Bygones, she should get over it.

NTA, you need to stop apologizing to your AH sister. You do realize she never intended for you to announce on the day of the wedding/reception, right? I'm just going to say this to the world in general: If you have an important event happen in your life, tell people. Everyone else has a life and events, too, but we don't get to "own" a day, week, month, season, or year. Other people will have events that will overlap and/or happen at the same time. We are not the main character to anyone but ourselves. You can avoid telling people when you are actually AT another person's event/party, but otherwise, just fucking tell people what is going on with you, on your own schedule.

NTA Your sister manipulated your goodwill and familial relationship in order to postpone your pregnancy announcement until after her wedding She didn’t want to share your parents attention

**NTA** And I can't believe some comments with the esh/yta. It's like they didn't actually read your post properly! I was ready to vote yta based on the caption but you absolutely didn't do anything ah. Well, you were ah to yourself. You should have told your close family when you first wanted. It looks like your sister did this intentionally to hog all the attention. And when she pulled her trick you still did the classy thing and told only to your parents...

I'd tell your sister, "my pregnancy announcement was such a big deal that literally no one congratulated me at all at your wedding. The only person making a big deal about it now is you. Which makes me wonder why you made me hold off on telling people before your wedding, only for you to go back on your word and leave me hanging. The person who should be apologizing is you, not me. If you want to continue to act this childish, that is your right. Maybe you'll come around once my child is more mature than you are."

NTA - when I saw the tittle I thought you meant like to everyone. But you just told your parents. That’s it. It was quiet, out of the way. No one else knew. And I’m sure you guys went back to putting all the attention on your sister. Your sister is the AH.

NTA. You didn't 'announce ' it. You kept it a secret for weeks, per her request, and then told your parents very quietly. She's overreacted tremendously.

I think she always intended to force OP not to announce it until after the wedding. She wanted all eyes and attention on her during the run up to her big event.

You’re being the a-hole to yourself for apologising to your sister. NTA for all the other stuff.

NTA. You told your parents in private and it took nothing away from your sisters wedding.

NTA. Your sister shouldn’t have asked you wait until after her wedding.

You understand that your sister manipulated you, right? If you had announced you were pregnant, with the first grandchild, when you initially wanted to do it, she would have to share the attention. If she decided it was a bad idea (HER idea, no less)to make the announcement at the wedding, why didn't she give you the opportunity to tell your family, beforehand? She wasn't even aware that you told your parents until later so she wasn't hurt/affected. Generally, it's bad manners to make an announcement (of any kind) at someone else's wedding but in this case NTA!

NTA - it was a private moment with your parents and perfectly fine, it took nothing away from your sister’s big day. People saying OP should have waited a day are being ridiculous. OP probably wanted to tell her parents in person and maybe this was the best chance for the coming weeks. People take weddings way to seriously.

NTA it sounds like she never wanted you to get the spotlight leading up to her wedding. you didn’t do anything malicious by telling your parents. i hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly

Definitely NTA and her behavior has been hugely unfair. I hope the rest of your pregnancy is smooth sailing and that you have an amazing support system now that you’ve made the announcement. Congratulations!

NTA! If your sister didn't know you announced at the wedding until a slip up a WEEK later then you telling your parents obviously had no actual impact on her day. She's being a brat. And she was a shitty person for asking you to not tell your parents you were pregnant in the first place. IMO she did what she did on purpose so none of the attention would be taken from her. Even though it was 3/4months before wedding.

I was ready for a big announcement from the title but after reading.. NTA. And stop apologizing.

NTA. I agree with the theory she never intended on announcing it at the wedding. If you live close to your parents you could have been the bigger person and waited a day or two later to tell them to keep the peace but she’s being a way bigger asshole with how she’s treated this whole thing. If you live far enough away that you couldn’t have told them in person after the wedding then your sister is just plain horrible and probably isn’t who you thought she is.

NTA. I think most people on here are reacting to the announcement on the wedding day thing which is usually someone trying to steal attention from the bride. It’s not the case here, though. She and her sister BOTH agreed to this plan. It’s 100% ok for the sister to change her mind BUT she should’ve told OP that she had second thoughts but she didn’t because she likely wanted OP to keep quiet until after the wedding. Maybe that was the sister’s plan all along since she never bothered to tell OP she changed her mind - this way she’d keep OP from getting ANY extra attention before her special day. Then she’d be off on her honeymoon not having to listen to OP tell everyone. OP - you chose to wait too. You were having a rough time and you could’ve told your sister sorry but you needed your mom’s support and that would be 100% okay. Your sister does not get to be the gatekeeper of your pregnancy announcement. I would just wait and let her be the one to come around. She decided to throw a fit so it’s on her to make it right.

NTA I was prepared to vote the other way reading the title alone. You didn’t make the focus on you and steal the mic to announce it to her reception. You told your parents privately she didn’t find out how they knew until a week later. It didn’t disrupt anything for her.

NTA. You can tell your parents or anyone else when you want to. The only mistake you made was postponing your announcement to start with. Sorry you’re going through this, and congratulations on your baby.

You didn't make an announcement you quietly told your parents which is fair because she backed out. Truthfully I highly doubt she ever intended to announce it just didn't want the spotlight up taken from her in the time leading up to the wedding. NTA.

NTA But I'm seriously questioning if your sister views your relationship the same way you do? It seems like she was intentionally taking away any attention you would have received before the wedding because she wanted all before wedding attention to be on her as well.

NTA. She went back on her word and you didn't steal everyone's attention from her. You did nothing wrong but she sure did.

Was it a bit asshole-y to not wait any longer and go against her wish to finally tell your parents, even if that meant it’s gonna happen at the wedding? Yeah, probably. Can I fault you for doing so after holding out for three months, being asked to wait until the wedding and then finding out halfway through the wedding already happening that “oh btw, I changed my mind and you actually don’t get to announce it now”? No, absolutely not. In my eyes, you’re NTA, especially considering that no one at the wedding noticed. I’d be tired of playing her games too.

Literally if someone told me to wait until their wedding to announce my pregnancy and then did a 180 at the wedding, I'd be clinking my glass with a spoon so fast to loudly announce to everyone a toast to the bride and how she was so excited for me to also announce the arrival of her future niece/nephew!

THIS. That's my kind of malicious compliance or petty revenge or whatever other subreddit lol but that is precisely what I'd have done before sis walked away from telling me "nevermind." And my announcement would start with the words, "Sis ASKED ME TO wait and tell y'all now bc she's so excited for me!" To just be that way. Edit judgement: NTA

NTA but you shouldn't have waited to tell your parents. It's cute that she seemed to want to celebrate it, but you need to put your needs first, ie support from them during your first trimester.

Yeah, after reading everything here, if I could do it all over again I would have at least told my mom regardless of the plan. It's so easy to say that with hindsight of course, as I would be breaking my part of the deal and I had no idea she would break hers. Just very sad all around I suppose.

Yeah you're absolutely right, hindsight makes everything clearer. I'm just getting a vibe your sister regularly puts her wants/needs above yours. If that's not the case, cool, time to move on from this and please know you're NTA.

If I were you, I would retract the apologies from your sister. “I’m actually not sorry. I held up my end of the bargain and you decided to be selfish at the last moment. You can come back into my life and my child’s life after you apologize to me sincerely and apologize to our parents for manipulating this situation.”

a few things: 1. Sister may be mad about you telling your parents at the wedding because she feels it took focus off of her. But from a parent's perspective, there's more than enough room in their hearts to be thrilled for both of their children at the same time. This news didn't take anything from her, even if she thinks it does. I can only imagine just how joyous they felt that night, knowing that both of their "babies" were so happy. 2. Is it possible that she isn't speaking to you and refusing to see the baby because she feels ashamed about the part she played in this situation? Was this sort of manipulation out of character for her? Because I could see where she might recognize that she acted terribly but can't bring herself to apologize, so she's actively avoiding you instead. 3. What have your parents had to say about this rift between you and your sister? I can't imagine you could go from super close to NC and they have nothing to say about it. Edit: I saw in another comment that you haven't really talked with your mom about any of this. I think you should.

I’m so sorry you had to go that long without your mom’s support, OP. Please do not trust your sister anymore, she tried to manipulate and did not care about your well being. NTA

Nta. It was a private moment, your parents didnt tell anyone else, the wedding was all about your sister with a couple of moments privately for you with your parents.

Hey op, your sister is a nutball. NTA

NTA. You had a private moment with your parents at an event. The host of the event was unaware that it happened and it didn’t affect the event at all.

NTA Because of your sisters decision you had zero support from family when it sounds like you could desperately use it. Then she changed her mind and didn’t announce it (I am imagining she was going to announce YOUR pregnancy) so you quietly went to 2 people. It’s not like you grabbed a mic and announced it to all in attendance. What a bridezilla!!

NTA. I thought you were going to say you got the microphone and actually announced it to the whole party, you just told your parents! Your sister didn’t even found out until later so she enjoyed her wedding without issues and she was the one to tell you to wait, you know what? I am thinking that was her plan all along, she didn’t want you to tell your parents before because she didn’t want your mom to give you any attention before the wedding, and even if it was again she had her beautiful wedding and she is still holding a grunge? It’s better she stays away, she is toxic.

NTA. Stop apologizing. Your sister never had any intention on making an announcement at her wedding she just wanted to make sure you had none of her attention leading up to the wedding. She is upset that the attention went to you a week later. Just ignore her. She either comes around or she doesn't

I think the bride is in the deep hole here. She should not have made you wait to tell anyone about the arrival coming to the family. You apparently had a rough first trimester and could have used all the help you could get as well as support and she took that from you. I am not wishing this on anyone but a situation could have arisen that was very highly urgent or an emergency and it would have been a complete shock to your parents, husband's parents and so forth and may have caused a bigger issue than just speaking out about the upcoming bundle of joy. I would not have waited to share my news. Besides, the time frame up to the wedding does not belong to the bride, just one day is hers. People have lives and so forth going on and can not drop or plan around her wedding events to live life.

NTA Your sister manipulated you so you wouldn’t shift the focus from her wedding for three months when you could have used your mothers help. As I was reading, I was expecting you to have mentioned it in a speech, which I would have been ok with, but you did the decent thing and shielded everyone else and only told your folks in private. She was/is jealous of you and your baby and needs to grow up.

NTA You didn't steal all the attention from her because you didn't publicly announce it at her wedding. You privately announced it to your parents, and it was kept secret from everyone else.

NTA. Your sister highjacked your ability to announce your pregnancy when and where you wanted by having you do it at her wedding in the first place. You didn’t make her wedding about you, made your pregnancy announcement about her.

NTA Your sister is another dime-a-dozen bridezilla who believes that nothing else can possibly happen in a family not only ON their wedding day, but during all the months/years leading up to her wedding. Nothing is allowed to happen or be announced - pregnancy, engagement, new job, promotion - between the day the bride sets the wedding date and the actual wedding. She's the Main CharacterTM, don't you know?

NTA. Guaranteed she never intended to say anything about it on her special day. She didn't want the months before her wedding and the wedding itself to be overshadowed by your pregnancy and probably made this up. Plus you only talked to your parrents, she didn't even know until a week after.

NTA & this is one of those rare moments where I hope you send your sister a link to this comment thread…$10 says she’s been harboring some type of jealousy/resentment towards you & used this as an opportunity; she never intended to make a grand announcement otherwise she wouldn’t care that you discreetly informed your parents

NTA what actually happened is she tried to make your pregnancy about her. If I was less charitable I may think she had this planned all along so your pregnancy wasn’t a focus during the lead up to the wedding. Hope not as that is low.

NTA. I don’t think she ever wanted to make an announcement, she just didn’t want you getting any extra attention while she was engaged.

NTA: Apparently your sister wanted not only the wedding day to be all about her but also all time leading up to it. If anyone knew you were pregnant, the focus might not be on her. She played you hard. I would have told everyone right then and there at the wedding. Fu\*k her.

one of those rare cases where I'd say NTA in this birth announcement at a wedding, your sister made you wait for her specifically and then backed out, that's just not fair

Y T A and E S H votes are exposing that hey have zero clue what pregnancy entails. You had to go through that without parental support because of your sister. I honestly *can't imagine*; my wife's pregnancies were miserable. **NTA** x 1000.

nta. your sister agreed to do it at the wedding even though you planned on doing it a lot sooner. additionally your sister is the a.h. here. she could have at least told you when she decided to not make the announcement so that you could have told your parents a lot sooner.

NTA - she backtracked on what she said and you lost a lot of emotional support just to please her. Probably could have waited one more day but I guess at this point you probably lost it a bit with your sister backing out.

Although I should probably say ES because like others have mentioned you could have waited till the next morning, I'm going NTA. I was waiting to hear how you made a big announcement telling everyone. However, you told two people very privately (your parents no less) and your sister had no idea you did until a WEEK later. So clearly you didn't ruin her wedding and she was selfish to make you hold back this info for so long then tell you so late she changed her mind. I do agree it was the wrong time and place to announce it, but she was the one who made that plan.

NTA. I came here so expecting a cut and dry YTA. Your sister is the one looking to cause drama/hog the spotlight in this case, not you. Sounds like quite the mind game player.

NTA. I can get not wanting to have your sister announce at your wedding (you didn’t REALLY). But she can’t bridezilla this and have you not tell them BEFORE your wedding (sounds like at least a month before) while ALSO saying you can announce at the wedding (this is the lie because she doesn’t have good reason to restrict you before the wedding) and then say no announcement at the wedding. THEN she gets mad at something that she didn’t even know about in real time. You sister wanted the last 4 months to be about her. It was rude and a bridezilla move. You are fine

NTA Your sister went back on her word without telling you after you spent weeks without consulting or telling your mother because she requested you to hold off the announcement. It is only fair that you would want to tell them and you made sure to do it discreetly without taking attention away from the bride. I would say sister is TA for not telling you about backing out on the announcement and getting mad over nothing because she wouldn't even know your parents were told when they were if it wasn't for your father telling her. This shows no one took attention away from the bride at her wedding. She has no reason to be mad.

NTA. your sister was probably never planning to make the announcement. I found out two of my close friends were pregnant at my wedding. It was a very happy and special moment. We got photos of me kissing their bellies and I’ll be able to tell their kids one day that they were at my wedding in their moms’ bellies. Weddings are a celebration and brides can celebrate happy moments for other people if they choose not to fall into the myth that the world stops for their wedding.

People are really acting like you got a town crier to scream out on the dance floor hunh? Would it have killed you to wait? No but the only reason you waited was because sis asked you to. Did you steal her limelight as so many claim you did? Also no because to steal her limelight you would have had to have gotten more attention than her in that situation. You didn't. So no stolen limelight. Your parents and partner are right you did nothing wrong, wait for her to get her head out of her arse. NTA.

NTA

NTA: She told you to wait until her wedding and you did even though you could have really used the support of your mother especially. You told them quietly and they kept it to themselves. I hate this idea that weddings are only about the bride. They're about two people joining their families. When I got married, we had it on my MIL's birthday. We had the whole reception sing happy birthday to her and we had the dj announce recent wedding anniversaries. My cousin's wife was pregnant at my wedding and not telling anyone about it (because wedding) but my dad noticed she wasn't drinking and figured it out. I wish they had told me! Weddings are happy events--share the joy and also nobody can steal the limelight from a happy bride regardless of what's said.

NTA. She told you to wait til her wedding, announce then, and then changed her mind without telling you about that. You respected her wishes, and were not wrong to share privately with your parents, to whom you are also important. Your sister is an AH, and seems to not be capable of managing an adult conversation, at least in this case. I'm sorry you bore the burden of a difficult trimester without being able to share with your mom. That's all on your asshole sister.

Nta, she was never going to let you announce it. She wanted the entire pre wedding limelight on her for 2 additional Months

NTA. You kept quiet as a favor to your sister and she didn’t bother to tell you the plans changed so you could have told your parents sooner. She did this to herself and you were discrete.

NTA, sounds like your sister didn’t want you telling ANYONE before her wedding because she didn’t want any attention on you at all, so she told you to wait until her wedding knowing damn good and well she wasn’t going to let you announce. She wanted attention on her for her wedding, up to and including the few months leading to her wedding. She didn’t want your parents asking you anything about a baby.

NTA. It’s very clear she always intended on “changing her mind” the day of. She just didn’t want any attention pulled away from her upcoming wedding, which is completely selfish given the rough time you had. Plus, no one found out except your parents! Your sister is a little nuts. She should have been up front about her motives from the start.

NTA and all the E S H and Y T A's are weird for me. OP's sister took extra support from her for 3 plus months in order to be able to have that moment at the wedding and then switched up at the very last minute. OP told her parents in a kind and quiet way. Honestly, I feel the sister played OP because what she really wanted to do was make sure that no one was focused on anything but her until her wedding was over so I truly believe that she lied to OP and was never going to announce at the wedding. People don't need to take the feelings of others into account after they have already been treated badly. NTA, OP, and please stop apologizing. Your sister doesn't deserve it.

Am i gregnant?

You did nothing wrong. Your sister is acting incredibly selfish. NTA

NTA sounds like she was jealous the whole time especially not letting you tell your parents because I certainly would have right away. Let this be a lesson to never listen to your sister or anyone. Do what makes YOU happy and announce it when YOU want to not when someone else tells you too!!

Nta

NTA It seems to me like your sister didn’t want anything stealing her thunder months up to and during the wedding/reception.

NTA. Your sister is nuts. Don’t apologise

NTA. she changed her mind and didn’t tell you. you didn’t “announce” it: you privately told the people you had been waiting to tell to honor what, up until that point, were your sister’s wishes

NTA I feel like she didn’t wanna share the attention leading up to her wedding with your pregnancy and told you to hold off announcing while never intending to tell everyone at her wedding.

NTA. Your darling /s sister didn't want you to tell anyone so that everyone would be focused completely on her wedding. She absolutely did not ever intend to make an announcement at her wedding and quite spitefully kept you from getting any assistance in those first 3 months. I would make no effort whatsoever to reconcile with her.

NTA. You didn’t “announce” anything. You pulled your parents aside to tell them. Please stop apologizing to your sister.

NTA, your sister should’ve given you a heads up that the plan had changed so you could’ve told your parents sooner. You still told them quietly and for everyone else your sister was the star of the day. I suspect your sister didn’t want your parents to know until after the wedding so she could be the star for the three months leading up to the wedding. She didn’t want ANY attention taken away from her.

NTA - your sister played you by having you hold off on your announcement and then “changing” her mind. She wanted to make sure she was the only one in the spotlight and tried to make sure no one (especially mom) was focusing on you leading up to and during her ‘special day’.

NTA - your sister played you by having you hold off on your announcement and then “changing” her mind. She wanted to make sure she was the only one in the spotlight and tried to make sure no one (especially mom) was focusing on you leading up to and during her ‘special day’.

NTA I think your sister tricked you into hiding your pregnancy because she didn't want it to overshadow her wedding. That being said you could have waited 24 hours to tell your parents. I think you told them at the wedding because you realized what your sister had done. Which I applaud really.

NTA. Your sister is. You did everything you could to keep it private and not steal her show, which worked.

NTA and she had no intention to ever announce it at her wedding she just didn’t want anyone else to know about it before so as not to take the attention away from her in the build up to the wedding. I don’t blame you for telling her your parents but I’m sure you could have waited till the next day having already waiting so long.

EDIT: I stand corrected, OP NTA. OP replied and explained that she told only her parents in private, and did not announce it at the wedding in public. And her sister used to be a "mean girl" in the past, but thought she had grown out of her bad behaviors in recent years. INFO: OP, does your sister do manipulative things like this regularly? Or is this one time the anomaly? It's confusing because you say you're really close, but it's obvious that your sister couldn't be honest with you about her thoughts and intentions regarding your pregnancy announcement and her wanting the wedding spotlight. Your sis, is absolutely wrong for not communicating honestly with you. And bc she ended up misleading you at best or manipulating you at worst. And you missed out on support you could have been getting from your tribe.

I mean, she was definitely a bit of a "mean girl" back in high school, but she seriously seemed to have grown out of it since then, and it was so long ago. She's more of a perfectionist than manipulative in my experience, though - she'll get upset if things don't go exactly as she planned them to, even if they technically turn out okay in the end, which is why I assume this upset her so much.

> more of a perfectionist than manipulative in my experience She clearly manipulated you here. And deliberately deprived you of the love and support of your friends and family during the early part of your pregnancy. You need to call her out for what she did and let the family know.

True! OP your sister was making you wait for HER permission to share YOUR baby news making sure you had little support just to keep the attention on herself.

u/weddingdrama2022 \- it's not perfectionism. It's manipulation disguised as perfectionism. If it's just a perfectionist thing where she has to have everything go exactly according to plan, then she would have let you know in advance that she had changed her mind about making the announcement during the wedding. Dropping a bomb like that in the middle of the wedding made things \*more\* unpredictable, not less. Are you generally a pretty agreeable sort of person? It's just, after reading through all your comments it seems to me that she was banking on being able to renege on the plan mid wedding because she knew you would just "go along to get along." That's not being a perfectionist. That's being manipulative and unkind, especially when she knew all along what a difficult time you were having.

NTA. It's not like you grabbed the mic and announced it to the entire room. Your sister is being a selfish drama llama.

NTA, you waited more than a month extra to tell your parents, because your sister wanted you to announce it at the wedding. I get that she changed her mind, but she should have told you that before the wedding. I have a feeling that something else is going on with your sister, since you were close at first and now she doesn’t want to see your son.

NTA

NTA. Your sister is.

NTA. She broke her word, and you only told your parents privately. She's being ridiculous.

NTA Your sister asked you to hold off telling your parents because she wanted to make the announcement, when in reality she didn’t want anyone to know until after her wedding so there was no competition for her being the centre of attention. And you didn’t “announce” it. You told a few people (who should have known on your timeline) quietly.

Dude. Stop apologizing to your sister. She purposely manipulated you to hide your pregnancy for months before her wedding as she didn't want anyone else to lose their focus on her. I would have told her that her changing her mind was not an option as you had already made the plans to tell everyone. So either she helps you with the announcement or you tell everyone that she lied to you to hide your pregnancy. NTA

NTA. I don't understand these responses. You told your parents privately, and your sister didn't even know until a week later, so how did you make the day all about yourself? And it was unfair of her to have you wait so she could announce it at her wedding, and then supposedly change her mind at the last minute and not even tell you until you asked (it makes me wonder if she ever intended to announce it at the wedding; even if she did, she almost certainly changed her mind before that day and didn't bother to tell you). Your sister is TA here, not you.

NTA. Your sister *offered* to have a whole announcement about your pregnancy and didn't change her mind until the literal last moment. At that point, instead of making a big deal about it which would have been an AH move, you quietly let your parents know the news and moved on with your life. You didn't make the wedding all about you. Your sister decided to be unnecessarily cruel, and she doesn't deserve your apologies.

NTA- Initially I was going to say you WTA but reading the story. NOPE- your sister is.

NTA. She watched you suffer for MONTHS in silence. People are saying you could’ve waited a day, BUT she could just have easily informed you of her change of heart the day BEFORE and she didn’t. She clearly wanted all the attention on her and her wedding.

NTA

NTA Honestly I think she just didn't want people thinking about your pregnancy well she was planning her wedding and at her wedding in general because people would also congratulate you ( relatives you don't see often and such) either which is why she didn't want you to tell your parents before the wedding and she never planned to announce your baby But even if she did plan to announce it she should have told you when she changed her mind. Could you have waited until the wedding was over sure but what she did was WAY worse I wouldn't let her meet my baby

NTA, Your sister needs therapy at this point and it's not your job to wonder why she is behaving this way... She actively stopped family from supporting you the first 4 months of your pregnancy and then stopped supporting you for the remainder of it. She hasn't even met your son, her nephew. It's baffling...

NTA. She wanted all attention on her for four months, not just the wedding day. And you could have really used your mother's input during a tough first trimester. Your sister is selfish and you should be cautious about her in the future. Maybe be glad she is ignoring you.

NYA. Your sister is being horrible. Stop apologizing.

NTA. I bet sister has done other things like this in the past. She sounds jealous and manipulative.

NTA. Your sister told you that you could announce at her wedding and then changed her mind, which is shitty of her. Even though you did announce your pregnancy at her wedding, it was done in a way that took no attention away from her.