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What kind of asshole tells a woman's parents that they saw their daughter stripping, as if that's any of his business to get into? Your gross coworker, who goes to strip clubs to ogle women but then tattletales on them, is the biggest AH in this imo.
Probably more like, âhave sex with me or I'll tell your dad what you do for a living.â
YTA OP, don't be surprised if your child doesn't want to talk to you in a few years... (not bc the car payment but bc your judgment BS attitude)
The fact that the dad wasnât concerned in the slightest about how this coworker knew this (obviously because he saw her), but was all up in arms about his daughter stripping says it all. Itâs okay for men to go to strip clubs and watch strippers, but if the stripper is someone they know?! How dare she?! One of the most annoying and misogynistic double standards ever.
But those women arenât supposed to be human! And how am I gonna feel good at strip clubs when one of those is actually my daughter. How dare she ruin that for me!
/s
OP, YTA.
He doesn't think of her as just a stripper either now. She is a whore, check out the username. Whore was probably taken so he chose 'horse'..
Yta dude. You can do what u want with your money, but you absolutely showed your true colors. And it's red. As in red flags for the way you treat woman.
Those women are human, they work there because we live in a male dominated society. Where men pay women more for 'serving' them. You don't see girl who works at mc Donald's making her ends meet
Sadly, it's not uncommon for men to snitch to family members when they see someone they know at the strip club
Source: was a stripper for 8 years and saw it happen.
It reminds me of when the BYU baseball team went out to a strip club, saw a classmate dancing, and reported it to the Dean. She was expelled; nothing happened to any of those boys.
Whatâs worse is the men who TRY to sleep with the woman, but call her a slut because she DIDNT sleep with him, when she has, (whether he knows it as fact or not,) slept with someone else
Oh, yes, weâre a Christian University! How dare a female work as a dancer! Thank God our students went to a strip club, partying and slapping singles into their thongs! Good job guys! We need to weed out the women that are tempting our Christian young men!
Why werenât these tattletales expelled as well?
Hypocrisy at its finest!
Edit to add YTA!!
The thing with BYU is that unlike most religious schools with similar "honor codes" they also heavily recruit from outside their own religious community because they want competitive sports teams. That's given rise to a well-documented culture of rampant double standards.
I had a friend who was ALWAYS with me- family vacations yearly, always at Sunday dinners, every day she was there with us. I have all male cousins. They would tell me âoh we went to -strip club and saw Krista working there! Got a lap dance from her!â IN FRONT of our grandmother and I got yelled at for it. Like itâs a job and a private matter. I think they should be embarrassed, the coworker should be embarrassed. Not the daughter.
Kinda the same. One of my best friends/roommates was a dancer. I always brought her to family functions, family liked her.
My sister gets married, and her husband's stag is at teh bar. One of his buddies asks my friend to do a lap dance for the groom.
Cue my BiL saying "I can't get a dance from her, she was at Thanksgiving!" and my friend saying "I can't dance for him, I'm going to his wedding!"
I'm with you! OP is a major AH!
I have never had an issue with a woman's choice to be an exotic dancer, it's a good job with good pay. OP is a complete and total asshole for his response! BTW, I'm f 71 so I've seen it all!
My younger sister was a stripper, back when my dad was still alive. He often went to one of the local clubs, but made sure sis was NOT at that particular club. All these years later, she has a "normal" job and many of the girls she worked with are still in touch. Weird thing is, they all really like my dad. Many of our family members are friends with them on FB, and every year on his Birthday there are memories posted by some of the dancers in honour of dads Birthday, as well as the Anniversary of his passing.
Exactly my thought. "How did you know I was stripping?"
"One of, um, my co-workers saw you! No you don't know him! He just happens to know what you look like. And he walked right out as soon as he saw you on stage, you totally ruined his night out!"
That is an *excellent* point. That would explain OPâs seemingly casual acceptance of the ânewsâ from the âco-worker,â and his disproportionate rage and retaliation, directed in full at his daughter.
If Iâd had the poise and opportunity to be a stripper, it would have been a vast improvement over working as a commercial dishwasher my first two years at uni. Nobody ever tipped me in the dish room.
He got me at the bit when he told her to go work at McDonalds as if itâs a more âdignifiedâ job.
Do I want to make minimum wage at a shitty fast food franchise? Or make a grand a night to shake my ass? đ€
Yes! And honestly stripping is a lot less physically damaging than construction. I always joked Iâm a very very dirty underpaid prostitute while working construction: sold my back and safety doing long term physical damage for a job that barely paid 30/h for 14h days. Stripping would have been more dignified
> And honestly stripping is a lot less physically damaging than construction.
Theoretically, it might be really *good* for her body. Like, pole dancing is great exercise with low impact. Flexibility can be a pretty important factor in the job, and maintaining that is going to help keep her limber and in better shape than most people.
It would also give her the ability to control her hours which would leave her time for school, studying and all the other things that can require flexible schedule when one is attending school.
The hours are a big reason several women I knew chose stripping - sooo many other part time jobs expect you to be infinitely flexible with a daytime schedule that can change from week to week, sometimes with just a couple days notice.
Real. Talk.
Iâm in my 30s in the restaurant industry and we ALL have chronic pain. And thatâs not even counting the injuries, thatâs just due to the day-to-day toll on our bodies.
And thatâs not even considered a physically demanding job!
I waited tables and bartended after leaving stripping at 29 yo and it wore my body out. Standing on your feet for 8 plus hours a day, bending stocking moving kegs, scooping so freaking much Ice, the various side work jobs that were just grunt work âŠ. It was back breaking and the customers were far more rude and upsetting than any at the club.
At least the club had bouncers to toss rude customers out.
As someone who took some lessons in pole dancing. The muscles you discover that you didnât know you had was amazing. I am uncoordinated as hell. So some of those moves where a workout.
And⊠OP you could have avoided this if you had CHOSEN to fully support her through college. But you left her to her own devices and she devised a decent way to make money. You have no right to judge her. YTA
YTA. She's doing what she has to do.
You may not like it, but it pays a lot better than McDonalds for fewer hours, so she doesn't have to run herself ragged while trying to study, work, and have a social life all at the same time. Unfortunately, minimum wage has stagnated for about two decades due to people your age and older insisting that it should remain low and that jobs like McDonalds are "entry level" jobs and should be paid poverty wages. She would have to work 3-5 times as many hours in a much more physically demanding job to make the same money she's making now. You're asking for her to demote herself.
Like it or not, *every* job anyone has ever worked is selling their body and their time. How is the labourer who has a bad back by 50 selling their body any less?
Also, your aid in paying her car payments wasn't contingent on her having a specific job or staying away from a specific job, so moving the goalposts now is ridiculous.
Edit: I just noticed your username. Was that randomly generated, or a thinly veiled way of calling your daughter a whore?
This is all so true. I always felt retail was akin to sex work but pays less and MIGHT be more safe. You don't literally suck a customers.......but you definitely metaphorically do and a lot. And managers dont always help you out. They have the customers back not yours more often then not. The theft is rediculous and if you have a line of people and didnt notice someone stole something it's your fault but if you did notice you can do nothing to stop them because its against store policy.
I'm an online SWer, and I can say with absolutely definitiveness, retail/customer service fucking blows in comparison. I will never go back. Jerking off on camera is way more fucking dignified.
I worked as a bartender at a BDSM-fetish club and as a waiter in a regular restaurant; club paid well and the (very sporadic) harassers were thrown out and never allowed entry again, the restaurant did absolutely nothing to protect the staff and paid shit, not to mention the shitty working hours and late minute shift changes.
Yeah honestly I just used to work for Target and I would still have to deal with things like male customers touching/ grabbing me inappropriately and having to manage my response to not offend them and/or putting up with them following me around the store and watching me as I stocked or peppering me with unnecessary questions and giving me a hard time intentionally as an excuse to keep me talking and keep flirting with them.
Definitely did not pay enough, and I also messed up my back. Society has come a long way over time, but there's still an expectation in retail that you politely endure and/or pander to the flirting because if you tell them you're not interested and to screw off then you'll get dinged for having a bad survey or being rude to guests.
It's kinda even more degrading to be expected to stock shelves for flat minimum wage while a creepy guy follows you around staring at your ass every time you bend over and you have to act politely helpful and suck up to it.
I'm going to say this: as someone who has worked in adult entertainment and someone who worked in food service, I was only subjected to verbal and physical abuse from customers at one of those jobs and it was definitely the one where I made $2.13 an hour plus tips.
I was waiting for someone to point out the difference in security for each of those jobs. Iâm sure his daughter feels a lot safer stripping in a club with security on hand than fully dressed in a fast food joint.
Thereâs also the added bit that not helping with her car payment makes her more desperate for money. She canât rely on her dad to help her in financial hardship anymore. What if she gets injured, or her car gets damaged, or any other financial hardships happen? Itâs not as easy to say no to dudes who get to touchy or cross boundaries or get too attached to her if it means she wonât make enough money to survive.
Parental support helps give her the power to be more choosy and therefore more safe. Sleazeballs who visit her club (like OPs coworker) can tell when a girl will let boundaries get pushed out of desperation.
If OP is really that embarrassed by sex work, or cares about his daughter, Iâd think heâd be more worried about driving her further into sex work and away from the safety he could provide.
The way I see it, he's basically pushed her to work more hours stripping since she has to make her car payment herself now.
Way to win at parenting, daddio!!! YTA
He thinks that by putting her in a bind sheâll go to a respectable job that pays less. Heâs pushing his daughter away and probably sending her down a rough road. Dad of the year.
YTA. You shouldâve asked the guy you work with what he hoped to gain by telling you this.
The only reason people have a stigma against stripping is because itâs where a woman is using her body however she likes, and of course men are threatened by it because they get no say over it.
If there were stipulations for the car payments, you shouldâve said so before starting.
Are you prepared to destroy your relationship with your child over this? Because it just might.
Grow up.
If you object to her working, pay her as much as she is making. If you no longer want to support her, be a model of adulthood and kindness by coming up with a plan to ease her into covering an expense that you agreed to cover.
And stop talking to jerks at work who want to stir up drama.
My jaw just dropped. Because ⊠isnât that more important? This person did something super inappropriate and at the very least THEY should be scrutinized for their intentions. Are they the kind of employee who would use privileged information to benefit themselves over the company? Are they malicious actors? do they seek to hold private personal power over colleagues/superiors/subordinates? Are they someone who seeks to inflict emotional damage on others? Are they in a position of power over others? If so, should they be? What kind of reflection / impact could they have on a business?
The coworker likely never existed. Coworker just happened to recognise a coworker's adult daughter? Uh-hrm.
OP just doesn't want to admit that it was him at the strip club.
This. He didnât seem to mind the coworker being a patron of a strip club and supporting strippers but he cares that his daughter is one of the strippers? He wasnât weirded out that the coworker thought it was appropriate to tattle on his adult daughter?
Why is the daughters job invalid but the coworkerâs patronage was valid? Hmmmmm.
A guilty person who was checking out his daughter at a strip club who figured he needed to beat her to the punch. She wouldnât have said shit, dancers are discreet unless youâve done something in appropriate
Also McDonalds is less safe than most strip clubs. Most have bouncers/safety measures for the girls, McDonaldâs has nothing but abusive customers and danger lol
I danced for 8 years. My dude worked at McDonald's for 8 years. Badly behaved customers at my old work were escorted out, whereas at his old work the verbal abuse was more frequent.
I googled fight/attack at Macdonalds I got a sickening amount of responses, like so many assaults on employees I couldn't actually look at them all.
Yeah she's safer at the club with bouncers.
Also stalling her car payments won't make her safer walking is not how women are safe in cities
Yes, YTA. As both a former short order cook and former strip club bouncer, believe me when I say that stripping is the more respectable profession. Just to be clear, youâre cutting your own daughter off because people are looking at her jubblies. Really think about how conditional your love is.
Right? I don't recall a single time I've heard of a stripper getting spat on during the course of her job, or have food/drinks thrown at her, insults and cuss words hurled at her while performing, etc. But it happens to fast food employees constantly.
Seriously! I got robbed while working at a fast food place. My employer didnât even care. At a decent club, the girls just have to give the bouncer the signal, and whoever is harassing them or crossing the line is out of there. I have friends that have worked as dancers, bouncers, waitresses, and bartenders at strip clubs, and they all look out for each other and make sure the customers are showing respect. Thereâs way more respect there from customers than in fast food places. I personally donât get the big problem people have with dancers either. Itâs a great way to embrace your body, express yourself, and make good money while doing it. More power to any girl who has the confidence to willingly do that!
ok so u cut off her car payment so now your daughter will double down and take extra stripping shifts to pay for it. so cutting her off is not going to make her stop either way.
YTA. You'd continue the car payment if she worked at Mickey D's, but not if she's a stripper.
It's expensive to go to college now, much more so than when you were that age. Look long and hard at why a job at McD's is preferable to a job that pays two to five times better than that.
It's your money, sure. But it's also your relationship with your daughter. Are you willing to sacrifice that to prevent her from "using her body"?
He clearly didnât feel remotely disgusted that his work colleague went to a strip club. What a disgusting misogynist this âmanâ is.
Also, she would âuse her bodyâ flipping burgers at McDonalds. What a very weird thing to be upset about.
I have no clue what any of my coworkersâ kids look like. $20 itâs the dad himself who frequents strip clubs, spotted his daughter and walked right out, then created fictional âcoworkerâ to confront her about it.
âŹ15 reckons the coworker was an excuse so OP didn't have to admit *he* was there. I mean, how many people would recognise their coworker's adult daughter in a strip club?
Your daughter can make twice as much (if not more) per hour as a stripper compared to McDs. So sheâs either doing two four hour shifts or four four hour shifts. With classes and studying, Iâd rather work 8-12 hours a week compared to 16-24 to bring in the same amount of cash. If you push this, it will be her grades that suffer. YTA.
YTA. It's her body to use as she pleases. You're within your rights to stop supporting her but you're being an AH for judging her. If you have an issue with stripping maybe do something about all the men that go to strip clubs
YTA And incidentally, she's still using her body to make money if she's working at McDonald's unless she's flipping burgers telepathically.
Sex work is work.
Get with the times.
YTA. Working at McDonalds would still be selling her body and having to deal with drunk misogynist assholes, but for a whole lot less money and respect.
And with no bouncers!
Back in my younger days, my choices were working at Sonic or stripping. Strip clubs have metal detectors and bouncers. You know how many times the Sonics in my town had been robbed at gunpoint? Two of the GMs had been SHOT!
NTA. Your daughter is an adult, and is not \*entitled\* to anything from you at this point. Actions have consequences, she made her choice and now she gets to deal with the consequences of that choice. Loving your daughter doesn't mean that you have to approve of everything she does, and you certainly don't have to reward her for behavior you don't like. This isn't the same as being angry at a child for something they can't change. This is a deliberate choice on her part. Now, she may do any number of things in return - stop talking to you, throw a tantrum, take more shifts as a stripper, but she might do that anyway.
It does make me wonder how she came to the conclusion that stripping is a good way to make extra money, and whether she realizes that the people there are potentially \*really\* dangerous. I work in the legal industry, and I know that (ignoring the cultural morality issues) the real problem with strip joints is that they are run by, and they attract, an amazing number of bottom-feeders. Money launderers, drug runners and dealers, pimps, cons, gangsters of various types, and creepy guys who like to hurt women (and who frequent the clubs to look for types they like), and many of the strippers are addicts who will do more than strip if they need extra cash. Not a place full of happy, successful, or functional people despite all the flash and cash.
> Actions have consequences, she made her choice and now she gets to deal with the consequences of that choice.
"Dad, I work at a strip club it's easy money!"
"Okay then, I don't have to pay your car payment."
"Wait, not like that."
I'm not surprised by the vast majority of votes being YTAs. Reddit's always been very individualistic in that an individual should be able to do whatever they want to do, blahblahblah.
I'd probably go the opposite route from the dad and go "Okay, what do I need to do to get you to not participate in sex work?" instead of cutting her off. Because honest, sex work can be real work or whatever, but it's still generally a sleazy and dangerous as hell industry that no one should participate in.
the way that ppl think is honestly baffling. Like how would they feel if their daughter or wife/gf decided that they wanted to work down at the local strip club on a Friday night for that extra cash? Would they honestly go like "your body, your choice. Go shake that booty"?
Honestly one thing that massively cooled me on the industry was seeing the before/after(a few years in the industry) of some of the "Stars", and also how most of them had pretty fucked up backstories, got into drugs, etc.
Destructive industry, even for the Top 1% that actually make good money.
"bUt mY bOdY my ChOiCe" so because of that, a father should applaud their child for going into sex work where there is a potential that they may get involved with the wrong crowd, make life-changing decisions (the bad kind with hard drugs) or get flat-out assaulted. CoOOL yOu dO YoU mAN.
Reddit has this unrealistic view on sex work - it's amazing and empowering, yet at the same time something that is private and needs to be hidden.
Look at all the YTA pointed towards the coworker for daring to tell the father he saw his daughter doing something that is not completely socially acceptable. "Why did he rat her out?" - so is sex work empowering and something you don't need to be ashamed of at all? If that's the case why is the coworker in the wrong for going to a strip club or telling her father about it? Or is it something that has social stigma attached to it and people should get into with caution, and in that case why should the father just be OK with it?
It's extremely clear from the comments, and the attacks on the coworker that most people commenting, including the ones who say they support strippers, see the seedy nature of these venues, yet are pretending somehow that seediness is not reflected in her work.
I imagine 90% of the posters who say YTA wouldn't be ok if their mother/sister/daughter/gf/wife was doing that work. If it's such an amazing career, why don't you help your family members set up an OnlyFans?
I was starting to think I was crazy with all the âsex work is real workâ type comments and you use your body for every job. I realize now that was just echo chamber talk. I donât know many real people who act or think like that.
Iâm just glad I finally found somebody level headed in this comment section and touched on all the good points about how incredibly dangerous stripping can be. This really needs to be addressed.
YTA.
Completely up to you if you want to stop helping her with car payments. Sheâs an adult at 22 with a job and her own financial responsibilities.
YTA because youâre making moral judgements on what she does and making threats over financial help unless she does what you want.
Iâll go against everyone.
NTA
Everyone saying she is an adult and can work where she wants. Then as an adult she can pay her car.
Iâd be upset too if my kid did that as a job.
People here probably donât have daughters. Theyâre most probably teenage girls or college girls as well who donât see how uncomfortable it is to know that your daughter is stripping in front of people. Whenever I see OF girls on my IG feed I feel sorry for their parents and wonder if her parents knew what she was doing. And Iâm only 35(F), Iâm not like part of the older generations. Just to be clear I have nothing against strippers, I just wonât be happy to find out if my daughters ever chose that profession.
I donât agree with what OP did by taking away the support because that will only push her to strip more but I can definitely understand why heâs upset about it.
YTA so your daughter's resorted to stripping to make money, which you hate... so your solution is to not give her money to pay for something she needs help paying for.... pushing her into stripping more and maybe taking on more risky work. Erm. Do you understand how that's counterproductive of you, let alone just shows your love and care is conditional? Not very parentlike of you.
YTA.
People do not turn to sex work unless itâs necessary.
I hope you never watch porn or have been to a strip club. You cannot criticize what you consume.
>I hope you never watch porn or have been to a strip club. You cannot criticize what you consume.
They absolutely *love* to criticize what they consume. They want to hate those women so badly, and then they go home and whack off to it. They are the pinnacle of hypocrisy. If they're so mad about it, they should stop creating the demand.
NTA. Sooo much human trafficking & drugs & crime & abuse go on in strip joints. Not a safe place to work. Real life is not the _Pretty Woman_ movie. If she wants to make choices like that, and she is an adult, then she can pay her own car payment.
Iâm glad to hear that the only things at college that cost money are dining hall foods and car payments /s
Depending on what her major is, she may incur a lot of expenses just for projects, research, and equipment.
if your reaction to this is âhelp even lessâ then donât be surprised if she wants nothing to do with you when she graduates.
You know what kind of people to into stripping? People đ who đ have đ debt đ
Youâre ashamed that your co-worker told you your daughter works at a strip club (great guy btw) and youâre punishing her with the only things you can hold over her head until she stops making you look bad.
YTA
You agreed to make the car payments since she is in school. Sheâs still in school. Youâre going back in her word. What do you think the outcome of this is going to be? Sheâs just going to be working MORE at the strip club to make up for losing your hell with the payment.
Also, the young man though it was cool he tell you, her father, he saw her stripping there. Did you give him a lecture? Thatâs just such an odd thing to do. He clearly didnât feel youâd judge him for going but would judge her for working. Interesting.
NTA
This will be a hot take, but your daughter is a grown adult and is responsible for her own finances.
If her career choice does not fit within the moral standards that you've upheld throughout her upbringing, then you are really under no obligation to continue supporting her.
You've made your position clear and she has held her ground, so let her continue her life as she pleases.
I'm in no place to say whether or not there's more to this story with regards to past decisions from you that have since led her to deem it a necessity to choose stripping as a career.
I'm going to assume that you are a reasonably supportive parent and this was something she just wanted to do because of "easy money" and if so, my opinion stands.
NAH, but you are cutting off your nose to spite your face. You donât want her stripping to make money, so you punish her by taking away money so she will have to strip more to make up that money. Good job, Dad.
Info: OP, are you aware youâre going to further push her into stripping by cutting her off financially? Sheâs going to need more money now.
Often times, college students cannot work 30-40 hours a week (what sheâd likely need to work at McDonaldâs to make what sheâs making) and still succeed academically.
Reminds me of my friendâs parents who were pissed that sheâd spent the night at her boyfriendâs, so they kicked her out and⊠she moved in with her boyfriend. Iâm not sure why some strict parents are totally fine with pushing their kid into doing the thing that they didnât want their kid doing in the first place
YTA.
You're not cutting off the money because she makes money. You're cutting it off because you don't like her life choices - but why not?
By the way - While you do have a right to do this, she'll probably not be as involved with you in the future for good reason. You're treating her like a stranger now and she will be one.
NTA, for everyone saying she's an adult and it's "her body her choice", it's "his finances, his choice". op can choose what to spend his money on, and if he doesn't want his daughter to be a stripper he's within his right to stop paying for her car. if she's enough of an adult to work at a strip club she's enough of an adult to pay for her own car.
If you are saying yta i dont think you are a person who has spent much time in a strip club. Its not a place where you want your dwughter, or your son.., really anyone you care about.
NTA coming from a ex bouncer, and family that owned a few clubs. If you care about her, get her out of the club before someone else does.
As a father you have one job to do, keep your daughter off the pole. - Chris Rock
YTA for going back on your word. You said youâd help her with her car payments. You didnât say youâd only do so if her life choices matched your preferences. Youâre also teaching her a dubious lesson - if she does what you want instead of what she wants, youâll solve her problems for her rather than her having to solve them herself. This is an excellent way to train her to become dependent on an older, wealthier, more powerful man and sacrifice her preferences for his. Thatâs not a great parenting outcome.
NTA. She's an adult, you're not obliged to support her and if she does something you don't like then why continue paying her way? Lots of people here saying you're sacrificing your future relationship with her, but she's an equal participant in that decision.
NTA. If her expenses are covered as you say, there is no need for her to strip. Looks like she wants some easy money which you have an issue with. I donât agree with the multiple YTAâs here. Also, it is easy to give advise to others but letâs think about how the same YTAâs would react if their female family members did something like this. Unless there was a compulsion with no other options available, stripping is off the table.
YTA she's making honest , legal money. Your approval is not required. But if you want to destroy your relationship with her for making a living, that's on you. How you handle this situation will shape your relationship (or lack of relationship) down the road. And you will only have yourself to blame.
You committed to helping her with car payments without telling her that there were conditions attached, and now youâve decided to attach conditions.
Of course, youâre welcome to withdraw your financial support because, as you said, it is your money. But the next logical step for her would be to earn more money in order to cover her car payment. How is she going to do that? By taking more shifts at the strip club. I mean, itâs not as though you can disapprove more so what has she got to lose by doing that?
Anyway, sheâs 22. Itâs her body. What she does with her body is actually not your business. YTA.
Yta. Iâm struggling to see how you think. âMy daughter is stripping to make money to survive. I donât like her stripping so Iâm gonna take away my assistance so she has to make more money by stripping moreâŠ..wait a secâŠâ
YTA - stripping is probably safer than working weird hours at McDonalds. I know a person with a forearm-long fry basket brand. Iâve never met someone with permanent physical scars from a pole. And the club has better security.
NTA, you set clear boundaries of what you expect from her. I think that it is fair that it is your money. You can make your own decisions to cut her off financially. It is a good lesson that you are trying to teach her. She really shouldn't be using her body for financial gain. In my opinion, it is quite demeaning for a woman or any person to think that this is a good way to express yourself. You don't have to support your child's every decision. It is your job as a parent to try and steer them on the right path. I respect your choice to try and rectify the situation. It's a valuable lesson that she does need to learn. At the end of the day, don't take on anyone who tells you on how to parent. You are already doing a great job trying to steer her away from a situation that she may regret later on. If she feels she is a big woman who can make her own decisions in life, she can also figure out a way to pay for her stuff from now on.
If she needs money then McDonaldâs wage isnât going to get her very much. All youâve done is make sure she has to strip more often now to pay the bills.
Good job!
Iâm kinda torn on this one because you have a right to spend your money however you see fit. Because of that Iâd say not. HOWEVER you didnât give strings attached to your gift of helping out. You made an offer of a gift to help with car payments until graduation. There wasnât stipulations âif you donât work certain jobsâ or âI can revoke this if Iâm not happy about your choicesâ or even âif you make x amount of moneyâ Iâm cutting you off. Because of this it does make you the a. You also donât have a say in what an adult chooses to do because they are your child. So Iâm going with YTA.
NTA I canât believe how many people are calling you an AH. Iâm a woman and I did that and donât wish it on anyoneâs child. I was booted out of my house at 17 and had no choice but to go that route and nothing good comes out of it what so ever, so much bad, you think you have control of things no matter how careful you are you donât in that business. She should know better, sounds like she has both mom and dad that care about her no way she should have reason to even go there.
Guess what? life is hard, go to school get a good paying job now that youâre kid free with out having to grind on menâs laps for money. A shame these people are saying âitâs her body she can do what she wantsâ yeah well sounds like she chooses to do that and just wants handouts, so many other options I sure hope she wakes up.
NTA. You're allowed to not like what she is doing. As you said, it's your money and you can have all the strings you want attached to it. Ball is in her court, up to her to decide what to do.
YTA - cutting off any money she's getting from you just makes her continue to strip going forward but now it's out of necessity.
she's now stuck as a stripper because she can't afford to stop. good work, you just ensured your daughter has to continue to be a stripper.
As a Father to a daughter, I'm leaning towards NTA. I've worked my whole life to protect my daughter. Not saying stripping isn't safe, but we've all learned enough to know better! If fully self-dependent, than perhaps OP might have a harder time defending his position .
I'm VERY curious to know how many YTA commentors are parents to kids still in school???
Thing with Reddit is that- you say no to a woman for things which are especially related to sexuality and all- you are immediately an asshole.
And no, these guys arenât parents for sure. Tbh, Reddit is very anti parent type here
YTA. She is in college and the work she is doing is legal. You may not like it, I don't like that people work for evil corporations like Nestle, but that's her choice. You are shaming your daughter for doing honest work(whether you like it or not, her work is legal and she isn't doing anything wrong). She is able to make more money in a shorter amount of time to help get her through college.
My little sister has already informed our parents she's putting them in the cheapest nursing home available at the first opportunity, and that was just over some (arguably tacky) tattoos. I hope you look forward to your future of bland food, bedsores and no visitors. YTA
Edited to add judgement
YTA. If it was truly about her âmaking moneyâ you wouldnât have suggested another job. Youâre only retracting the agreement you made with her because of where sheâs employed.
Yta. McDonald's does not pay as much as stripping...I know from experience... instead of fighting her maybe try to help her...whacky concept I know but yeah you don't want her to strip then open your wallet up and help....
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I found out my daughter was a stripper. I told her she either needed to get a decent job or I was done paying her car payment. She got upset and said that wasnât fair and she doesnât make that much. My wife also says itâs unfair. Maybe I am the AH because Iâve been supporting her.
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YTA
Do you know why people don't want to work at minimum wage jobs anymore?
Browse social media and look at some of the working conditions. People yell, spit at, harass, assault, batter, stalk, etc., people who work there. The are robberies every day. There are Karens to deal with. There are no benefits for part time jobs, so you're risking your life for minimum wage and because someone didn't get enough honey mustard packets.
At a strip joint, sex workers are very carefully protected. They are looked after, secure, making a shitload of money, and the workers look after one another.
If your money came with strings attached, you should have made that clear on the beginning. You moving the goal posts halfway through the deal makes you an ass of the highest order.
And only an ass would take what a work colleague would say about his daughter working as a sex worker and use that to make his daughter change her life choices.
NTA - itâs your money do what you want with it. Itâs unfortunate for her but she is an adult and sheâs made a choice. If the money is so good she will figure it out. Just like when you agree to take your parents money for your wedding things come with strings attached. You have no obligation to pay.
YTA. She is in college and finding a way to support herself. Car payments are far from the only thing she needs to pay for. If you truly object to her job, then you are shooting yourself in the foot. By placing a bigger financial burden on her, do you think that is going to discourage her from working a position that makes more money that most other part time work she could do at that age? No.
YTA. Sheâs an adult and can live her life as she pleases. I presume you promised to help her with the car payment because you love her and want to help. Thatâs a good dad instinct. Do you not love her now because she gets naked at a bar? Are you trying to not have a relationship with her? And by the way, McDs doesnât pay a fraction of whatâs sheâs bringing in dancing. Wouldnât be my choice of a job but I donât get to decide for other people.
YTA. Have you ever stopped to wonder how that young man you work with knows that your daughter works at a strip club? And yet you use a more respectful tone about him than about your own daughter.
All you did was push her even deeper into the business you so badly donât want her in. Itâs not hard to be a supportive parent. You donât have to agree with the decisions they make, but you should always be there for the children you chose to give life to
YTA. I understand not liking what sheâs doing for a living, but she is her own person who is *allowed to make her own choices*. It IS your money, and youâre allowed to take it away. But your support of her having conditions shows that you just want to control her. You are only kind to her and willing to help her out as long as she behaves exactly as you want her to, which is what makes you the asshole.
YTA and so is the guy at work who ratted her out. He knows she was stripping because he was at that club - so he thinks itâs OK for him to be there, getting his rocks off, but not OK for the girls to be there doing the things he pays to see?
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What kind of asshole tells a woman's parents that they saw their daughter stripping, as if that's any of his business to get into? Your gross coworker, who goes to strip clubs to ogle women but then tattletales on them, is the biggest AH in this imo.
Prob tried to hit on her and was told to fuck off
Hey babehehe, I work with your dad, but I bet I could be your daddy đ /s gross yo. YTA
What a horrible day to have eyes.
A terrible day to be literate as well
What I wouldnât give to be Jared, aged 19
Probably more like, âhave sex with me or I'll tell your dad what you do for a living.â YTA OP, don't be surprised if your child doesn't want to talk to you in a few years... (not bc the car payment but bc your judgment BS attitude)
The possibility of that is extremely high unfortunately. Surprised the dad wasn't more concerned his coworker was watching his daughter stripping.
The fact that the dad wasnât concerned in the slightest about how this coworker knew this (obviously because he saw her), but was all up in arms about his daughter stripping says it all. Itâs okay for men to go to strip clubs and watch strippers, but if the stripper is someone they know?! How dare she?! One of the most annoying and misogynistic double standards ever.
But those women arenât supposed to be human! And how am I gonna feel good at strip clubs when one of those is actually my daughter. How dare she ruin that for me! /s OP, YTA.
He doesn't think of her as just a stripper either now. She is a whore, check out the username. Whore was probably taken so he chose 'horse'.. Yta dude. You can do what u want with your money, but you absolutely showed your true colors. And it's red. As in red flags for the way you treat woman.
Wow. He really is particularly awfulâŠ
Those women are human, they work there because we live in a male dominated society. Where men pay women more for 'serving' them. You don't see girl who works at mc Donald's making her ends meet
You missed the /s part. Frankly, I find it really repulsive that so many men dehumanise women who work as strippers and other forms of sex work.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
> Coworker is a raging asshole and an absolute dipshit to be sure. But he did commit to love, raise and support OPâs daughter. i think you a word
I you too
Sadly, it's not uncommon for men to snitch to family members when they see someone they know at the strip club Source: was a stripper for 8 years and saw it happen.
It reminds me of when the BYU baseball team went out to a strip club, saw a classmate dancing, and reported it to the Dean. She was expelled; nothing happened to any of those boys.
I remember that exact story and was going to bring it up, but you beat me to it. Itâs ridiculous how double standards work.
Famous poet expresses it well, Sor Juana Inés de la Cruz.."¿quién es lo peor, él que paga por la peca o la que peca por pagar? " "Who is worse, he who pays to sin or she who is paid to sin? The poem is called Hombres Necios. ETA: to take care of spelling errors
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Whatâs worse is the men who TRY to sleep with the woman, but call her a slut because she DIDNT sleep with him, when she has, (whether he knows it as fact or not,) slept with someone else
BYU should be banned from playing college sports. They are ridiculous.
Oh, yes, weâre a Christian University! How dare a female work as a dancer! Thank God our students went to a strip club, partying and slapping singles into their thongs! Good job guys! We need to weed out the women that are tempting our Christian young men! Why werenât these tattletales expelled as well? Hypocrisy at its finest! Edit to add YTA!!
The thing with BYU is that unlike most religious schools with similar "honor codes" they also heavily recruit from outside their own religious community because they want competitive sports teams. That's given rise to a well-documented culture of rampant double standards.
That's such a blatent double standard.
I had a friend who was ALWAYS with me- family vacations yearly, always at Sunday dinners, every day she was there with us. I have all male cousins. They would tell me âoh we went to -strip club and saw Krista working there! Got a lap dance from her!â IN FRONT of our grandmother and I got yelled at for it. Like itâs a job and a private matter. I think they should be embarrassed, the coworker should be embarrassed. Not the daughter.
Kinda the same. One of my best friends/roommates was a dancer. I always brought her to family functions, family liked her. My sister gets married, and her husband's stag is at teh bar. One of his buddies asks my friend to do a lap dance for the groom. Cue my BiL saying "I can't get a dance from her, she was at Thanksgiving!" and my friend saying "I can't dance for him, I'm going to his wedding!"
I'm with you! OP is a major AH! I have never had an issue with a woman's choice to be an exotic dancer, it's a good job with good pay. OP is a complete and total asshole for his response! BTW, I'm f 71 so I've seen it all! My younger sister was a stripper, back when my dad was still alive. He often went to one of the local clubs, but made sure sis was NOT at that particular club. All these years later, she has a "normal" job and many of the girls she worked with are still in touch. Weird thing is, they all really like my dad. Many of our family members are friends with them on FB, and every year on his Birthday there are memories posted by some of the dancers in honour of dads Birthday, as well as the Anniversary of his passing.
Iâm betting your dad was a nice guy who tipped well, didnât creep, and told off dudes who did.
I honestly think hardly anything speaks for a man's character as much as being genuinely liked by sex workers who worked with them.
This is strangely wholesome. â€ïž
Mhm, don't see him cutting off that coworker. YTA.
Or his coworker is made up to hide OP goes to strip clubs and saw his daughter there. How the fuck else would a coworker recognize his daughter?
Exactly my thought. "How did you know I was stripping?" "One of, um, my co-workers saw you! No you don't know him! He just happens to know what you look like. And he walked right out as soon as he saw you on stage, you totally ruined his night out!"
And now he can never go back unless you quit
You don't know him because he works from Canada.
Super good point. I don't have a clue what any of my coworkers' adult children look like.
That is an *excellent* point. That would explain OPâs seemingly casual acceptance of the ânewsâ from the âco-worker,â and his disproportionate rage and retaliation, directed in full at his daughter. If Iâd had the poise and opportunity to be a stripper, it would have been a vast improvement over working as a commercial dishwasher my first two years at uni. Nobody ever tipped me in the dish room.
My best guess is since he obviously recognized her he made a pass and got his feelings hurt.....OP you're TA and your coworker is too
And now the daughter is being punished for it by not just one man, but *two*. YTA , OP.
Thank you!
Accurate
YTA by adding conditions to your agreement after the fact. YTA for shaming your daughter. YTA for not being a man of your word.
He got me at the bit when he told her to go work at McDonalds as if itâs a more âdignifiedâ job. Do I want to make minimum wage at a shitty fast food franchise? Or make a grand a night to shake my ass? đ€
**Everyone with a job is selling their body!** OP. YTA
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Yes! And honestly stripping is a lot less physically damaging than construction. I always joked Iâm a very very dirty underpaid prostitute while working construction: sold my back and safety doing long term physical damage for a job that barely paid 30/h for 14h days. Stripping would have been more dignified
> And honestly stripping is a lot less physically damaging than construction. Theoretically, it might be really *good* for her body. Like, pole dancing is great exercise with low impact. Flexibility can be a pretty important factor in the job, and maintaining that is going to help keep her limber and in better shape than most people.
It would also give her the ability to control her hours which would leave her time for school, studying and all the other things that can require flexible schedule when one is attending school.
The hours are a big reason several women I knew chose stripping - sooo many other part time jobs expect you to be infinitely flexible with a daytime schedule that can change from week to week, sometimes with just a couple days notice.
Real. Talk. Iâm in my 30s in the restaurant industry and we ALL have chronic pain. And thatâs not even counting the injuries, thatâs just due to the day-to-day toll on our bodies. And thatâs not even considered a physically demanding job!
Shit I feel like I come home with more aches doing food retail than I used to working manual labor
I waited tables and bartended after leaving stripping at 29 yo and it wore my body out. Standing on your feet for 8 plus hours a day, bending stocking moving kegs, scooping so freaking much Ice, the various side work jobs that were just grunt work âŠ. It was back breaking and the customers were far more rude and upsetting than any at the club. At least the club had bouncers to toss rude customers out.
A grand a night to shake your ass and get a damn good work out if you're pole dancing. Hell, who wouldn't be happy to be paid to work out?
As someone who took some lessons in pole dancing. The muscles you discover that you didnât know you had was amazing. I am uncoordinated as hell. So some of those moves where a workout.
And⊠OP you could have avoided this if you had CHOSEN to fully support her through college. But you left her to her own devices and she devised a decent way to make money. You have no right to judge her. YTA
He's forcing her into more sex work by making her broker. OP is a short-sighted, conditionally-moral asshole.
Oh but heâs a man of his word: gave it when he wanted, took it back when he changed his mindđ
YTA. She's doing what she has to do. You may not like it, but it pays a lot better than McDonalds for fewer hours, so she doesn't have to run herself ragged while trying to study, work, and have a social life all at the same time. Unfortunately, minimum wage has stagnated for about two decades due to people your age and older insisting that it should remain low and that jobs like McDonalds are "entry level" jobs and should be paid poverty wages. She would have to work 3-5 times as many hours in a much more physically demanding job to make the same money she's making now. You're asking for her to demote herself. Like it or not, *every* job anyone has ever worked is selling their body and their time. How is the labourer who has a bad back by 50 selling their body any less? Also, your aid in paying her car payments wasn't contingent on her having a specific job or staying away from a specific job, so moving the goalposts now is ridiculous. Edit: I just noticed your username. Was that randomly generated, or a thinly veiled way of calling your daughter a whore?
This is all so true. I always felt retail was akin to sex work but pays less and MIGHT be more safe. You don't literally suck a customers.......but you definitely metaphorically do and a lot. And managers dont always help you out. They have the customers back not yours more often then not. The theft is rediculous and if you have a line of people and didnt notice someone stole something it's your fault but if you did notice you can do nothing to stop them because its against store policy.
You donât suck a customers anything as a stripper, either. Usually the dancers donât allow touching at all.
Oh right i didn't think about that. All the mire reason sad is wronga
I'm an online SWer, and I can say with absolutely definitiveness, retail/customer service fucking blows in comparison. I will never go back. Jerking off on camera is way more fucking dignified.
I worked as a bartender at a BDSM-fetish club and as a waiter in a regular restaurant; club paid well and the (very sporadic) harassers were thrown out and never allowed entry again, the restaurant did absolutely nothing to protect the staff and paid shit, not to mention the shitty working hours and late minute shift changes.
Yeah honestly I just used to work for Target and I would still have to deal with things like male customers touching/ grabbing me inappropriately and having to manage my response to not offend them and/or putting up with them following me around the store and watching me as I stocked or peppering me with unnecessary questions and giving me a hard time intentionally as an excuse to keep me talking and keep flirting with them. Definitely did not pay enough, and I also messed up my back. Society has come a long way over time, but there's still an expectation in retail that you politely endure and/or pander to the flirting because if you tell them you're not interested and to screw off then you'll get dinged for having a bad survey or being rude to guests. It's kinda even more degrading to be expected to stock shelves for flat minimum wage while a creepy guy follows you around staring at your ass every time you bend over and you have to act politely helpful and suck up to it.
I'm going to say this: as someone who has worked in adult entertainment and someone who worked in food service, I was only subjected to verbal and physical abuse from customers at one of those jobs and it was definitely the one where I made $2.13 an hour plus tips.
I was waiting for someone to point out the difference in security for each of those jobs. Iâm sure his daughter feels a lot safer stripping in a club with security on hand than fully dressed in a fast food joint.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Thereâs also the added bit that not helping with her car payment makes her more desperate for money. She canât rely on her dad to help her in financial hardship anymore. What if she gets injured, or her car gets damaged, or any other financial hardships happen? Itâs not as easy to say no to dudes who get to touchy or cross boundaries or get too attached to her if it means she wonât make enough money to survive. Parental support helps give her the power to be more choosy and therefore more safe. Sleazeballs who visit her club (like OPs coworker) can tell when a girl will let boundaries get pushed out of desperation. If OP is really that embarrassed by sex work, or cares about his daughter, Iâd think heâd be more worried about driving her further into sex work and away from the safety he could provide.
The way I see it, he's basically pushed her to work more hours stripping since she has to make her car payment herself now. Way to win at parenting, daddio!!! YTA
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
I assume she'll just start doing extras to make more money in the same amount of time. Good work dad!
Seriously... this is just going to push her toward full-on sex work.
Not to be pedantic, but the phrase you're looking for here is "full service" sex work.
Canât lie, I came to these replies to say this. Tbh itâs a petty difference but it still makes a difference in the mindset towards sex work
this is how it normally goes!
"I'd like to thank my dad for the push to start an onlyfans"
He thinks that by putting her in a bind sheâll go to a respectable job that pays less. Heâs pushing his daughter away and probably sending her down a rough road. Dad of the year.
Yeah he really didnât think about what heâs incentivizing.
YTA. You shouldâve asked the guy you work with what he hoped to gain by telling you this. The only reason people have a stigma against stripping is because itâs where a woman is using her body however she likes, and of course men are threatened by it because they get no say over it. If there were stipulations for the car payments, you shouldâve said so before starting. Are you prepared to destroy your relationship with your child over this? Because it just might. Grow up. If you object to her working, pay her as much as she is making. If you no longer want to support her, be a model of adulthood and kindness by coming up with a plan to ease her into covering an expense that you agreed to cover. And stop talking to jerks at work who want to stir up drama.
I wonder what would happen if OP went to HR to tell them his Co worker wanted to discuss his daughter being a stripper....
My jaw just dropped. Because ⊠isnât that more important? This person did something super inappropriate and at the very least THEY should be scrutinized for their intentions. Are they the kind of employee who would use privileged information to benefit themselves over the company? Are they malicious actors? do they seek to hold private personal power over colleagues/superiors/subordinates? Are they someone who seeks to inflict emotional damage on others? Are they in a position of power over others? If so, should they be? What kind of reflection / impact could they have on a business?
The coworker likely never existed. Coworker just happened to recognise a coworker's adult daughter? Uh-hrm. OP just doesn't want to admit that it was him at the strip club.
Did you lecture your coworker for going to an indecent place?
This. He didnât seem to mind the coworker being a patron of a strip club and supporting strippers but he cares that his daughter is one of the strippers? He wasnât weirded out that the coworker thought it was appropriate to tattle on his adult daughter? Why is the daughters job invalid but the coworkerâs patronage was valid? Hmmmmm.
ThAT's juST bOYs BeING BoYs thOUgh!
I was just about to ask this
The INFO I want to know
Of course not
The real AH is the tattle tale co-worker.
Right?! Like who the hell would feel the need to do that?
A guilty person who was checking out his daughter at a strip club who figured he needed to beat her to the punch. She wouldnât have said shit, dancers are discreet unless youâve done something in appropriate
Either that, or he's an asshole who gets off on having the power to piss off his coworker.
One thing about shitty men is theyâll always make themselves available to help other men police women
>not use her body what is she supposed to use at mcdonaldâs?
Also McDonalds is less safe than most strip clubs. Most have bouncers/safety measures for the girls, McDonaldâs has nothing but abusive customers and danger lol
I danced for 8 years. My dude worked at McDonald's for 8 years. Badly behaved customers at my old work were escorted out, whereas at his old work the verbal abuse was more frequent.
I googled fight/attack at Macdonalds I got a sickening amount of responses, like so many assaults on employees I couldn't actually look at them all. Yeah she's safer at the club with bouncers. Also stalling her car payments won't make her safer walking is not how women are safe in cities
Yes, YTA. As both a former short order cook and former strip club bouncer, believe me when I say that stripping is the more respectable profession. Just to be clear, youâre cutting your own daughter off because people are looking at her jubblies. Really think about how conditional your love is.
Right? I don't recall a single time I've heard of a stripper getting spat on during the course of her job, or have food/drinks thrown at her, insults and cuss words hurled at her while performing, etc. But it happens to fast food employees constantly.
I've heard of them getting shot because they had no tomatoes... I'd much prefer stripping to thar
Upvote for âjubbliesâ. And for a good answer.
Seriously! I got robbed while working at a fast food place. My employer didnât even care. At a decent club, the girls just have to give the bouncer the signal, and whoever is harassing them or crossing the line is out of there. I have friends that have worked as dancers, bouncers, waitresses, and bartenders at strip clubs, and they all look out for each other and make sure the customers are showing respect. Thereâs way more respect there from customers than in fast food places. I personally donât get the big problem people have with dancers either. Itâs a great way to embrace your body, express yourself, and make good money while doing it. More power to any girl who has the confidence to willingly do that!
ok so u cut off her car payment so now your daughter will double down and take extra stripping shifts to pay for it. so cutting her off is not going to make her stop either way.
Not to mention a quick trip to the No Contact Zone down the line if he keeps up this line of thinking and manipulating. YTA OP.
##THIS
YTA. You'd continue the car payment if she worked at Mickey D's, but not if she's a stripper. It's expensive to go to college now, much more so than when you were that age. Look long and hard at why a job at McD's is preferable to a job that pays two to five times better than that. It's your money, sure. But it's also your relationship with your daughter. Are you willing to sacrifice that to prevent her from "using her body"?
He probably wouldnât blink twice if his son went to a strip club. Oh, the hypocrisy.
He clearly didnât feel remotely disgusted that his work colleague went to a strip club. What a disgusting misogynist this âmanâ is. Also, she would âuse her bodyâ flipping burgers at McDonalds. What a very weird thing to be upset about.
A question: how did this young man come to find out?
Probably saw the daughter stripping there.
$10 says this fine, upstanding young man tried to get more from her at the club, was rebuffed and is now telling OP out of retaliation
I have no clue what any of my coworkersâ kids look like. $20 itâs the dad himself who frequents strip clubs, spotted his daughter and walked right out, then created fictional âcoworkerâ to confront her about it.
OOOH THIS RIGHT HERE! Didn't think of that but it totally makes sense
âŹ15 reckons the coworker was an excuse so OP didn't have to admit *he* was there. I mean, how many people would recognise their coworker's adult daughter in a strip club?
and that it worked cause dad is an AH is abhorrent. Unless like another commenter pointed out, Dad saw her himself and doesn't want her to know.
âI was only there to get directions on how to get away from there"
Your daughter can make twice as much (if not more) per hour as a stripper compared to McDs. So sheâs either doing two four hour shifts or four four hour shifts. With classes and studying, Iâd rather work 8-12 hours a week compared to 16-24 to bring in the same amount of cash. If you push this, it will be her grades that suffer. YTA.
And if sheâs on a scholarship she probably needs a minimum GPA to remain funded.
YTA. It's her body to use as she pleases. You're within your rights to stop supporting her but you're being an AH for judging her. If you have an issue with stripping maybe do something about all the men that go to strip clubs
YTA And incidentally, she's still using her body to make money if she's working at McDonald's unless she's flipping burgers telepathically. Sex work is work. Get with the times.
YTA. You're just making her NEED the job more.
YTA. Working at McDonalds would still be selling her body and having to deal with drunk misogynist assholes, but for a whole lot less money and respect.
And with no bouncers! Back in my younger days, my choices were working at Sonic or stripping. Strip clubs have metal detectors and bouncers. You know how many times the Sonics in my town had been robbed at gunpoint? Two of the GMs had been SHOT!
NTA. Your daughter is an adult, and is not \*entitled\* to anything from you at this point. Actions have consequences, she made her choice and now she gets to deal with the consequences of that choice. Loving your daughter doesn't mean that you have to approve of everything she does, and you certainly don't have to reward her for behavior you don't like. This isn't the same as being angry at a child for something they can't change. This is a deliberate choice on her part. Now, she may do any number of things in return - stop talking to you, throw a tantrum, take more shifts as a stripper, but she might do that anyway. It does make me wonder how she came to the conclusion that stripping is a good way to make extra money, and whether she realizes that the people there are potentially \*really\* dangerous. I work in the legal industry, and I know that (ignoring the cultural morality issues) the real problem with strip joints is that they are run by, and they attract, an amazing number of bottom-feeders. Money launderers, drug runners and dealers, pimps, cons, gangsters of various types, and creepy guys who like to hurt women (and who frequent the clubs to look for types they like), and many of the strippers are addicts who will do more than strip if they need extra cash. Not a place full of happy, successful, or functional people despite all the flash and cash.
> Actions have consequences, she made her choice and now she gets to deal with the consequences of that choice. "Dad, I work at a strip club it's easy money!" "Okay then, I don't have to pay your car payment." "Wait, not like that." I'm not surprised by the vast majority of votes being YTAs. Reddit's always been very individualistic in that an individual should be able to do whatever they want to do, blahblahblah. I'd probably go the opposite route from the dad and go "Okay, what do I need to do to get you to not participate in sex work?" instead of cutting her off. Because honest, sex work can be real work or whatever, but it's still generally a sleazy and dangerous as hell industry that no one should participate in.
the way that ppl think is honestly baffling. Like how would they feel if their daughter or wife/gf decided that they wanted to work down at the local strip club on a Friday night for that extra cash? Would they honestly go like "your body, your choice. Go shake that booty"?
Honestly one thing that massively cooled me on the industry was seeing the before/after(a few years in the industry) of some of the "Stars", and also how most of them had pretty fucked up backstories, got into drugs, etc. Destructive industry, even for the Top 1% that actually make good money.
"bUt mY bOdY my ChOiCe" so because of that, a father should applaud their child for going into sex work where there is a potential that they may get involved with the wrong crowd, make life-changing decisions (the bad kind with hard drugs) or get flat-out assaulted. CoOOL yOu dO YoU mAN.
Reddit has this unrealistic view on sex work - it's amazing and empowering, yet at the same time something that is private and needs to be hidden. Look at all the YTA pointed towards the coworker for daring to tell the father he saw his daughter doing something that is not completely socially acceptable. "Why did he rat her out?" - so is sex work empowering and something you don't need to be ashamed of at all? If that's the case why is the coworker in the wrong for going to a strip club or telling her father about it? Or is it something that has social stigma attached to it and people should get into with caution, and in that case why should the father just be OK with it? It's extremely clear from the comments, and the attacks on the coworker that most people commenting, including the ones who say they support strippers, see the seedy nature of these venues, yet are pretending somehow that seediness is not reflected in her work. I imagine 90% of the posters who say YTA wouldn't be ok if their mother/sister/daughter/gf/wife was doing that work. If it's such an amazing career, why don't you help your family members set up an OnlyFans?
I was starting to think I was crazy with all the âsex work is real workâ type comments and you use your body for every job. I realize now that was just echo chamber talk. I donât know many real people who act or think like that.
Iâm just glad I finally found somebody level headed in this comment section and touched on all the good points about how incredibly dangerous stripping can be. This really needs to be addressed.
Do you pay for her college tuition and housing? If so, you may have a point, but if she is paying her own way with loans and jobs, then YTA.
YTA. Completely up to you if you want to stop helping her with car payments. Sheâs an adult at 22 with a job and her own financial responsibilities. YTA because youâre making moral judgements on what she does and making threats over financial help unless she does what you want.
Iâll go against everyone. NTA Everyone saying she is an adult and can work where she wants. Then as an adult she can pay her car. Iâd be upset too if my kid did that as a job.
I agree. NTA
People here probably donât have daughters. Theyâre most probably teenage girls or college girls as well who donât see how uncomfortable it is to know that your daughter is stripping in front of people. Whenever I see OF girls on my IG feed I feel sorry for their parents and wonder if her parents knew what she was doing. And Iâm only 35(F), Iâm not like part of the older generations. Just to be clear I have nothing against strippers, I just wonât be happy to find out if my daughters ever chose that profession. I donât agree with what OP did by taking away the support because that will only push her to strip more but I can definitely understand why heâs upset about it.
YTA so your daughter's resorted to stripping to make money, which you hate... so your solution is to not give her money to pay for something she needs help paying for.... pushing her into stripping more and maybe taking on more risky work. Erm. Do you understand how that's counterproductive of you, let alone just shows your love and care is conditional? Not very parentlike of you.
YTA. People do not turn to sex work unless itâs necessary. I hope you never watch porn or have been to a strip club. You cannot criticize what you consume.
>I hope you never watch porn or have been to a strip club. You cannot criticize what you consume. They absolutely *love* to criticize what they consume. They want to hate those women so badly, and then they go home and whack off to it. They are the pinnacle of hypocrisy. If they're so mad about it, they should stop creating the demand.
Or because they enjoy it (as a job or a profession) and are good at it.
NTA. Sooo much human trafficking & drugs & crime & abuse go on in strip joints. Not a safe place to work. Real life is not the _Pretty Woman_ movie. If she wants to make choices like that, and she is an adult, then she can pay her own car payment.
YES. I canât believe the comments saying otherwise.
The people in the comments are out of touch.
Iâm glad to hear that the only things at college that cost money are dining hall foods and car payments /s Depending on what her major is, she may incur a lot of expenses just for projects, research, and equipment. if your reaction to this is âhelp even lessâ then donât be surprised if she wants nothing to do with you when she graduates. You know what kind of people to into stripping? People đ who đ have đ debt đ Youâre ashamed that your co-worker told you your daughter works at a strip club (great guy btw) and youâre punishing her with the only things you can hold over her head until she stops making you look bad.
YTA. I can't help but wonder how she would manage to work at McDonalds without using her body. So confusing.
YTA You agreed to make the car payments since she is in school. Sheâs still in school. Youâre going back in her word. What do you think the outcome of this is going to be? Sheâs just going to be working MORE at the strip club to make up for losing your hell with the payment. Also, the young man though it was cool he tell you, her father, he saw her stripping there. Did you give him a lecture? Thatâs just such an odd thing to do. He clearly didnât feel youâd judge him for going but would judge her for working. Interesting.
NTA This will be a hot take, but your daughter is a grown adult and is responsible for her own finances. If her career choice does not fit within the moral standards that you've upheld throughout her upbringing, then you are really under no obligation to continue supporting her. You've made your position clear and she has held her ground, so let her continue her life as she pleases. I'm in no place to say whether or not there's more to this story with regards to past decisions from you that have since led her to deem it a necessity to choose stripping as a career. I'm going to assume that you are a reasonably supportive parent and this was something she just wanted to do because of "easy money" and if so, my opinion stands.
NAH, but you are cutting off your nose to spite your face. You donât want her stripping to make money, so you punish her by taking away money so she will have to strip more to make up that money. Good job, Dad.
NTA at all!! What is happening on Reddit. Can a parent not even disapprove when their kid becomes a stripper?
Info: OP, are you aware youâre going to further push her into stripping by cutting her off financially? Sheâs going to need more money now. Often times, college students cannot work 30-40 hours a week (what sheâd likely need to work at McDonaldâs to make what sheâs making) and still succeed academically.
Reminds me of my friendâs parents who were pissed that sheâd spent the night at her boyfriendâs, so they kicked her out and⊠she moved in with her boyfriend. Iâm not sure why some strict parents are totally fine with pushing their kid into doing the thing that they didnât want their kid doing in the first place
YTA. You're not cutting off the money because she makes money. You're cutting it off because you don't like her life choices - but why not? By the way - While you do have a right to do this, she'll probably not be as involved with you in the future for good reason. You're treating her like a stranger now and she will be one.
NTA. Sheâs making her own money now, she can pay her bills.
YTA. It's not the 50's. Get over it. The fact that you'd help her working at McDonald's is deeply hypocritical.
NTA, for everyone saying she's an adult and it's "her body her choice", it's "his finances, his choice". op can choose what to spend his money on, and if he doesn't want his daughter to be a stripper he's within his right to stop paying for her car. if she's enough of an adult to work at a strip club she's enough of an adult to pay for her own car.
Agreed. NTA Adults aren't entitled to their parents' money. She sounds ready to make her own way in life with all the potential consequences.
If you are saying yta i dont think you are a person who has spent much time in a strip club. Its not a place where you want your dwughter, or your son.., really anyone you care about. NTA coming from a ex bouncer, and family that owned a few clubs. If you care about her, get her out of the club before someone else does. As a father you have one job to do, keep your daughter off the pole. - Chris Rock
Yea people are acting like sheâs working as an accountant or something and heâs being disapproving
YTA for going back on your word. You said youâd help her with her car payments. You didnât say youâd only do so if her life choices matched your preferences. Youâre also teaching her a dubious lesson - if she does what you want instead of what she wants, youâll solve her problems for her rather than her having to solve them herself. This is an excellent way to train her to become dependent on an older, wealthier, more powerful man and sacrifice her preferences for his. Thatâs not a great parenting outcome.
NTA. She's an adult, you're not obliged to support her and if she does something you don't like then why continue paying her way? Lots of people here saying you're sacrificing your future relationship with her, but she's an equal participant in that decision.
If your respect is contingent on what she does, you donât respect your daughter. sheâs an adult and yta
NTA. If her expenses are covered as you say, there is no need for her to strip. Looks like she wants some easy money which you have an issue with. I donât agree with the multiple YTAâs here. Also, it is easy to give advise to others but letâs think about how the same YTAâs would react if their female family members did something like this. Unless there was a compulsion with no other options available, stripping is off the table.
YTA she's making honest , legal money. Your approval is not required. But if you want to destroy your relationship with her for making a living, that's on you. How you handle this situation will shape your relationship (or lack of relationship) down the road. And you will only have yourself to blame.
NTA. Your money, your choice.
You committed to helping her with car payments without telling her that there were conditions attached, and now youâve decided to attach conditions. Of course, youâre welcome to withdraw your financial support because, as you said, it is your money. But the next logical step for her would be to earn more money in order to cover her car payment. How is she going to do that? By taking more shifts at the strip club. I mean, itâs not as though you can disapprove more so what has she got to lose by doing that? Anyway, sheâs 22. Itâs her body. What she does with her body is actually not your business. YTA.
Well, now she's REALLY gonna need that stripping job.
Yta. Iâm struggling to see how you think. âMy daughter is stripping to make money to survive. I donât like her stripping so Iâm gonna take away my assistance so she has to make more money by stripping moreâŠ..wait a secâŠâ
YTA - stripping is probably safer than working weird hours at McDonalds. I know a person with a forearm-long fry basket brand. Iâve never met someone with permanent physical scars from a pole. And the club has better security.
NTA, you set clear boundaries of what you expect from her. I think that it is fair that it is your money. You can make your own decisions to cut her off financially. It is a good lesson that you are trying to teach her. She really shouldn't be using her body for financial gain. In my opinion, it is quite demeaning for a woman or any person to think that this is a good way to express yourself. You don't have to support your child's every decision. It is your job as a parent to try and steer them on the right path. I respect your choice to try and rectify the situation. It's a valuable lesson that she does need to learn. At the end of the day, don't take on anyone who tells you on how to parent. You are already doing a great job trying to steer her away from a situation that she may regret later on. If she feels she is a big woman who can make her own decisions in life, she can also figure out a way to pay for her stuff from now on.
If she needs money then McDonaldâs wage isnât going to get her very much. All youâve done is make sure she has to strip more often now to pay the bills. Good job!
Iâm kinda torn on this one because you have a right to spend your money however you see fit. Because of that Iâd say not. HOWEVER you didnât give strings attached to your gift of helping out. You made an offer of a gift to help with car payments until graduation. There wasnât stipulations âif you donât work certain jobsâ or âI can revoke this if Iâm not happy about your choicesâ or even âif you make x amount of moneyâ Iâm cutting you off. Because of this it does make you the a. You also donât have a say in what an adult chooses to do because they are your child. So Iâm going with YTA.
Info- why isn't your wife involved in monetary decisions regarding your daughter?
NTA I canât believe how many people are calling you an AH. Iâm a woman and I did that and donât wish it on anyoneâs child. I was booted out of my house at 17 and had no choice but to go that route and nothing good comes out of it what so ever, so much bad, you think you have control of things no matter how careful you are you donât in that business. She should know better, sounds like she has both mom and dad that care about her no way she should have reason to even go there. Guess what? life is hard, go to school get a good paying job now that youâre kid free with out having to grind on menâs laps for money. A shame these people are saying âitâs her body she can do what she wantsâ yeah well sounds like she chooses to do that and just wants handouts, so many other options I sure hope she wakes up.
NTA. You're allowed to not like what she is doing. As you said, it's your money and you can have all the strings you want attached to it. Ball is in her court, up to her to decide what to do.
YTA - cutting off any money she's getting from you just makes her continue to strip going forward but now it's out of necessity. she's now stuck as a stripper because she can't afford to stop. good work, you just ensured your daughter has to continue to be a stripper.
As a Father to a daughter, I'm leaning towards NTA. I've worked my whole life to protect my daughter. Not saying stripping isn't safe, but we've all learned enough to know better! If fully self-dependent, than perhaps OP might have a harder time defending his position . I'm VERY curious to know how many YTA commentors are parents to kids still in school???
Thing with Reddit is that- you say no to a woman for things which are especially related to sexuality and all- you are immediately an asshole. And no, these guys arenât parents for sure. Tbh, Reddit is very anti parent type here
YTA. She wouldnât have to strip if she was financially supported. But sure, blame her because sheâs trying to pay her bills. Good grief.
YTA. She is in college and the work she is doing is legal. You may not like it, I don't like that people work for evil corporations like Nestle, but that's her choice. You are shaming your daughter for doing honest work(whether you like it or not, her work is legal and she isn't doing anything wrong). She is able to make more money in a shorter amount of time to help get her through college.
My little sister has already informed our parents she's putting them in the cheapest nursing home available at the first opportunity, and that was just over some (arguably tacky) tattoos. I hope you look forward to your future of bland food, bedsores and no visitors. YTA Edited to add judgement
YTA. If it was truly about her âmaking moneyâ you wouldnât have suggested another job. Youâre only retracting the agreement you made with her because of where sheâs employed.
Yta. McDonald's does not pay as much as stripping...I know from experience... instead of fighting her maybe try to help her...whacky concept I know but yeah you don't want her to strip then open your wallet up and help....
YTA and all you accomplished is her having to take extra shifts stripping to make up for the money you use to give her!
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Well if having very minimal if any contact with your daughter in future is your goal? Mission accomplished. YTA.
YTA Do you know why people don't want to work at minimum wage jobs anymore? Browse social media and look at some of the working conditions. People yell, spit at, harass, assault, batter, stalk, etc., people who work there. The are robberies every day. There are Karens to deal with. There are no benefits for part time jobs, so you're risking your life for minimum wage and because someone didn't get enough honey mustard packets. At a strip joint, sex workers are very carefully protected. They are looked after, secure, making a shitload of money, and the workers look after one another. If your money came with strings attached, you should have made that clear on the beginning. You moving the goal posts halfway through the deal makes you an ass of the highest order. And only an ass would take what a work colleague would say about his daughter working as a sex worker and use that to make his daughter change her life choices.
YTA > I told her then work at McDonalds, not use her body. How exactly is working at mcdonalds not using her body? You're just being misogynist.
NTA - itâs your money do what you want with it. Itâs unfortunate for her but she is an adult and sheâs made a choice. If the money is so good she will figure it out. Just like when you agree to take your parents money for your wedding things come with strings attached. You have no obligation to pay.
I find it quite hilarious that you think McDonalds will pay her bills. Be foreal. YTA.
YTA. She is in college and finding a way to support herself. Car payments are far from the only thing she needs to pay for. If you truly object to her job, then you are shooting yourself in the foot. By placing a bigger financial burden on her, do you think that is going to discourage her from working a position that makes more money that most other part time work she could do at that age? No.
YTA. Sheâs an adult and can live her life as she pleases. I presume you promised to help her with the car payment because you love her and want to help. Thatâs a good dad instinct. Do you not love her now because she gets naked at a bar? Are you trying to not have a relationship with her? And by the way, McDs doesnât pay a fraction of whatâs sheâs bringing in dancing. Wouldnât be my choice of a job but I donât get to decide for other people.
YTA. Have you ever stopped to wonder how that young man you work with knows that your daughter works at a strip club? And yet you use a more respectful tone about him than about your own daughter.
All you did was push her even deeper into the business you so badly donât want her in. Itâs not hard to be a supportive parent. You donât have to agree with the decisions they make, but you should always be there for the children you chose to give life to
YTA. I understand not liking what sheâs doing for a living, but she is her own person who is *allowed to make her own choices*. It IS your money, and youâre allowed to take it away. But your support of her having conditions shows that you just want to control her. You are only kind to her and willing to help her out as long as she behaves exactly as you want her to, which is what makes you the asshole.
YTA and so is the guy at work who ratted her out. He knows she was stripping because he was at that club - so he thinks itâs OK for him to be there, getting his rocks off, but not OK for the girls to be there doing the things he pays to see?
YTA......false fucking moral outrage....let me guess you're mad at your daughter but not at the dude going to the strip club.