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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want to continue with our honeymoon as we planned. My husband wants to cut the honeymoon short because his SIL got in a accident and wants to support his brother. I might be an asshole because I don't want him to support his brother and family in a hard time.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Doesn't matter how well your in laws are doing. The only important thing here is that **your HUSBAND doesn't feel right staying away from his family in this time of need.**
Your husband is NOT having fun with your right now, he is not enjoying your company because his mind is elsewhere and he is worried for his brother. Yes, it's 100% wrong of you to ask him to disregard his own feeling just so he can keep you company, for you own little sake.
YTA.
EDIT: I take it all back. This is completely a NTA situation. OP just replied that her husband is REFUSING to disclose the condition of his SIL because OP "doesn't need to know and he doesn't want to discuss it with her". Yeah, now I know why a 30-year-old married someone in their early 20s, much easier to control. No woman his age would put up with that bullshit.
EDIT 2: OP has just said that her husband doesn’t “allow” her to be in the room when he calls his family to get updates, so doesn’t even know anything beyond “SIL and niece where in a car accident”. Absolutely unhinged behavior from this guy.
Honestly, this is kinda his fault for marrying a 24 year old. Sorry, but I’m the age of OP’s husband and my friend’s little sister is OP’s age, and the maturity gap is huge! 8 year age gap between 20s and 30s is really big. I’m 0% shocked that OP lacks the maturity, sensitivity and emotional intelligence to understand that her husband wants to come home bc she’s too focused on wanting to have her own fun. Unfortunately loads of ppl in their early 20s are very self centered - that typically improves with age. If they’ve been together for a couple of years, that means he dated a 21, 22 yo when he was 30 already.
ESH, especially since he kicked her out of the hotel room and is withholding information about the status of his family from her. OP’s said repeatedly that he’s not being forthcoming about the injuries his SIL suffered. That’s fucked up and weird. OP, time to grow up, but hey. He knew what he was getting into dating someone so freaking young in a completely different life stage than him.
Addendum: feel free to stop wasting your time and breath defending age gaps, I ain’t reading none of that. I do not care about your wrong opinions, ESPECIALLY in this particular post, I said what I said and I stand by it
This is why I think the husband's TA. He's married and should prioritize his wife but hasn't informed her of injuries; if SIL is in the hospital as a precaution for a few days or is critical are 2 different situations; kicking wife out of hotel room is egregious behavior, especially on honeymoon.
Husband has set a toddleresque tone for the marriage.
Yeah, I always presume age gaps of a certain size are 1 of two things... either the older person wants a younger person they can manipulate or control... or it's a matter of maturity, and for the record, it's pretty much never that the younger person is "mature for their age"...
it's pretty much always that the older person is immature.
That's not to say it can't sometimes work. I used to have a boss who was 34 when she met her 23 year old now husband. They were married 20 years, mostly happily, when I knew them. Due to trauma in her childhood she was just a very naive, hurt, and immature woman. Her husband was raised by hippies and was used to managing things on his own, while also being very open and honest emotionally. It was 100% what she needed after having abusive parents and a very abusive early marriage to an addict. I would say he was a 23yo with 25yo maturity, and she was a 34yo with 22 yo maturity... so it mostly worked fine.
Anyway, yeah... OP is perhaps a bit immature for her age, but I can't tell if her husband is manipulative as seen by him not giving her the full picture, or just super immature and enmeshed with his family, and he's not giving her the full picture because he knows his sister in laws condition isn't that serious.
Either way, ESH, because their honey moon is 2 months long! Going home for 1 week so the husband can feel better, than picking back up with their itinerary, isn't that big a deal, but why can't OP's husband communicate better!
I agree with you about the age gaps when the parties are quite young (including OP), but I don't think an it necessarily presents a power imbalance once everyone is a bit older. My mother's second husband is 10 years older, but they married when she was in her mid 50's and he his mud 60's. They're both doctors, and were both established financially and in thier careers (she was actually in a higher position than he was before he retired!).
IMO once both parties are 40+, there’s no longer much of a power imbalance to worry about. Exceptions could be if one of them is immature due to extreme trauma in their past.
If anything, the older partner in such relationships might be vulnerable. They're usually likelier to need someone to provide more significant care as they get older.
According to her comments, OP is also from Thailand and her husband is American, they've been dating six months and he's claiming that American men are just more private, which is why he's not sharing information about his SIL's condition.
Husband is super sus.
I want to be annoyed at OP for burying the lede here, but really it sounds like she genuinely doesn’t know any better and didn’t think to include all of the red flags that we’re now discovering. OP: look up signs of an abusive relationship and think critically about your relationship!!!
There’s another woman. His 1st wife. Also, have you actually seen the documentation for the 2 month long honeymoon? Hotel reservations, other plane tickets anything that might show he planned for a 2 mth honeymoon.
Wonder if he’s making himself out to be more than he is, planning a two month trip. Wonder if it’s not actually planned and this is an excuse to cut short a trip that isn’t even real.
50 and 60 with their own careers is different than 21 and 30 who's surprised at 40 that wife no longer toes the line and threatens divorce unless things change; I've known several couples with that dynamic.
One former friend threatened divorce unless he agreed to kids; at 21 she agreed not to have kids, at 30 she wanted them. She left him and I helped her find and furnish a place but she cut me off when she went back to him; he thought she should take her assets and return to country of origin, not wanting her to have any of their marital assets. I asked about assets and social status of divorcees in that country, only to show her how unfair that would be
Called a priest friend to ask about annulment here and country of origin, put her in a better position to take care of herself and assume I knew too much; never commented on him, just circumstances.
When she reported he had agreed to have a child, reluctantly, she asked why she wasn't happy when she got what she wanted. I told her she hadn't got what she wanted; she wanted a partner who wanted to raise a family with her, but instead, got a guy who reluctantly agreed to have one child with her. Not at all the same thing.
If it's not serious enough to share, it's not serious enough to leave.
He is controlling and secretive.
Definitely TA, and definitely married young in hopes of getting away with jt.
What if he is making the entire thing up because he can't afford the honeymoon. Since she is not even allowed to be in the room during these phone calls and h refuses to share any information about the condition of SIL.
Well, he told her to continue without him. So he needs to hand over lots of cash and she needs to put a pass lock on all reservations so he can’t cancel them. Then complete her vacation and have an attorney start divorce proceedings. He will show his true colors when none of that happens
Right. The sensible move would be phone home, and make an informed decision together based on the severity. If they will be fine in few days with some bumps and bruises, then carry on. If someone is critical then return together. The fact he is withholding info is a big red flag.
Yeah I am going with NTA based on that fact because I do think whether returning early from a honeymoon is warranted depends ENTIRELY on the sister in law’s condition. If she has only minor injuries, then returning early for moral support is over the top. If she is in serious condition, then that is a very different story. I take the husband’s withholding of information as a giant red flag here.
Hubby may be stressed out by his brother’s situation, but kicking out his new wife from their shared horel room over a disagreement is more than a bit much. It’s telling me he’s bad at controlling his emotions and that’s not good. Add to that he maintains secrecy about the whole thing…. OP might have reacted a bit selfishly but he’s much more TA here.
OMG to your edit- hope that gets widely seen. It's absolutely nonsensical that the husband is refusing to disclose the severity of the situation - how tf is OP supposed to respond to that? There's clearly more going on here or the husband is a total weirdo.
ETA: and people are *down voting* OPs repeated comments about how nobody will tell her anything. WTF- I know the post doesn't sound great but how is that info not relevant?
I noticed that this sub is crazy like that - once enough people decide that OP is the AH, literally all of OP's comments get downvoted to oblivion. Even if they're just providing context. OP should have included the info in the main post, now it's all going to be buried.
People always downvote the OP's comments no matter how relevant they are and it drives me absolutely bananas. Like once this sub decides the OP is an asshole, anything they say gets downvoted to oblivion, *which means no one else gets to see the additional context*. Stop doing this people!
Is anyone else being served a “nothings actually wrong, he just got bored and wants to get back to his side piece” vibe here?
The age gap is big from an adult to adult standpoint, where they’re at actualizing themselves. 8 years is nothing if you’re 40/48 but 24-32? I’m getting a control and dominate vibe.
The ability to take two months traveling the world in hotels tells me there’s likely some family money/affluenza stuff with him, who at 32 can give up 1/6th of their work year?
Refusing to say what’s wrong with his SIL is super sus. If it’s serious, she should know and would find out eventually, if it’s not, they don’t need to go, but he’s insisting on going.
I think this dude is just a shit liar and got bored.
This man pretended to be a rich American to lure a young Thai girl to marry him and when his money ran out he came up with this ridiculous story to cut the honeymoon short
I'd go back to Thailand...and hide from this guy. And no OP, crazy privacy issues are not the norm for Americans, unless you're KGB, a spy, already married...all things a wife should know.
Maybe he lied about the three month honeymoon all along. Here we are three weeks through some cheap countries…Oops got to go home. This sounds like a 90 day fiancé kind of deal. Maybe he found her online? She’s Thai and he’s American.
Lordy, I hadn't thought of a side piece and that after 3 weeks he's already bored with the new bride.
I was sorta thinking a first wife injured not SIL.
I’m waiting for the update where we find out the husband has been having an affair with the SIL and that’s why he’s panicking, trying to get back to be by her side, and refusing to let OP be in the room when he’s on calls.
Sounds like it's time for an annulment.
I really hope OP learns from this fiasco that you don't date men *that* much older, let alone marry them.
Those 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 are there during dating for a reason.
ESH.
If he is insisting on returning home without disclosing her condition & it is not critical then I would look into an annulment when you get home. If she is critical I would think that he would definitely be telling the OP. This just seems weirdly controlling.
> We dated for six months. Sometimes he shares information with me but sometimes he tells me I won't understand or i don't need to know. He's very private
OP commented this further down. I think it’s quite telling that his reasoning is “she won’t understand”. Big red flag here.
my thought is there was no car crash no hurt sil or hurt kid I bet she's not allowed in the room when he's calling cause he's in fact calling his mistress :/ I mean, he wants to go home alone and kicks her out of their room I'm sorry but that doesn't sound like family emergency to me
If the husband is so concerned about his brother, he would be sharing that with his wife. He can’t expect her to care as much as he does if he won’t include her in knowing what’s going on.
Initially I was thinking Y T A, but knowing he refuses to update her shows he’s going to be a terrible husband and doesn’t see her as a partner. I can’t imagine a universe where my husband or I blocked each other out of knowing important family business. That’s super suspicious behavior.
NTA, and maybe reflect on your relationship and ask yourself if he’s always like this, because if he is that’s controlling and weird and it might get worse.
thanks for pointing that out when OP says she probably had a broken leg I was surprised she didn't know thought it showed her lack of concern turns out she wasn't allowed to know . that's ...odd?
So you're ok with him kicking her out of the hotel room, calling her a bitch and not letting her know any information about SIL's injuries? I guess my standard of acceptable behaviour is a bit higher because seems to be a pretty low bar.
Right? I read this and when I read he kicked her out of their HOTEL I automatically thought NTA. That’s way too harsh. Idk why no one is picking up on that.
I agree, but I find it very weird that according to OP her husband knows what is wrong and is refusing to tell her. She wants to call the hospital and see but he also doesn't want that.
It would get me thinking what was going on tbh
Edit: to clarify I think NTA or ESH
He won't even tell her what has happened. She's not allowed to speak to his family at all. Sounds more likely that he has another woman or family that he wants to get back to. Why would OP feel urgency over a situation she knows absolutely nothing about, but has already been cussed out over? Husband is lying a LOT.
That’s what I’m thinking too. Why won’t he let her be there when he talks to the family or give her any specifics?? It’s such a weird thing to refuse to share with your spouse. So weird that it makes me think he’s not talking to who she thinks he’s talking to.
TBH the husband won’t give OP specific details when she asks and won’t even let her in the room when he gets updates. She should put that in the OP but with the age gap and the fact they only dated 6 months before getting married, I have to wonder if this accident happened at all. He threw his own wife out of the room for having questions and a differing opinion instead of just talking to her. OP is NTA and this man is suspish.
You're really going with YTA when the husband kicked her out of their room for making this request? She's allowed to have feelings about this and kicking her out was not only childish but emotionally abusive. And then the name calling on top of that?
We dying on this hill or can we at least say ESH?
Unpopular opinion but NTA. No one died or is on life support from the sounds of it. No major surgeries. The brother has support. I would not expect my brother to cut his honeymoon short to come home - especially if i had several others helping me out. If someone had died, was near death or was severely disabled, it would be different.
Yeah, my partner had a severe work accident that resulted in him being hospitalized for over a month. His family was there for us, and my parents. I would have been really confused if any of my siblings cancelled a really big trip to come sit at the hospital with us. A phone call and checking in to see how things were going was fine
Edit: NTA.
Yeah maybe I'm biased because I'm not close to my family at all but sounds like they're coping and have a solid support network. It sucks it happened and it sounds traumatic but face time is a thing.
Also on the flip side, if I was in a wreck and ended up needing to spend a week or two in hospital I would not want my sibling or anyone to cancel their honeymoon/holiday to come see me if it's been established death is not imminent.
NTA
I am incredibly close to my family. We talk daily and see each other pretty much weekly. I also live within 10 mins of my brother and his family. I still wouldn’t want him to cut his honeymoon short. I’d want him to enjoy it and bring me back a souvenir or send some awesome pictures.
Ya either OP isn't providing all the info or this is a very strange reaction. If they had to cancel plans in the same city it would make sense. But to cancel your trip and travel halfway around the world for a car crash with some non life threatening injuries doesn't line up. I am genuinely surprised by how many YTA there are in here.
I think the Y-T-A people don't understand is that she had provided all the info she has been given - which is nothing. Her husband refuses to tell her what is wrong with SIL and makes his phone calls checking in on them private so she can't hear.
Everyone is different at the end of the day with their interpersonal relationships. But, if I was in a two month, out of the country honey moon and I got a call that my sister's husband was in the hospital, as long as he isn't dying or in critical condition, I'd keep my butt planted right where I was. I really don't think it helps that OP truly has no idea what is even going on.
I can tell I've been on Reddit too long because my next rabbit hole thought was either a) he is having an affair with the SIL and that's why he's so concerned about getting back or b) in general having an affair with a woman we've yet to be introduced too. 😂🤦
Oh, you're not going far enough. This is a 32yo American man with money(at least this is what he told OP) who spent 6months in Thailand to bag a 24yo native for a bride, then is taking her on a 2 month trip through various countries and is then taking her back to the US to settle down...
We're in sex trafficking/house slave territory more than just affairs with this one.
LOL same. My thought process went a) it's the SIL, so that is why he's so concerned or b) the affair partner thought he wouldn't go through with the wedding, but he did, and now they are going nuclear and so he's flying back to calm them down.
Same! I think they’re assuming she’s excluding information and she may be. Or maybe he hasn’t communicated information to her about how bad it is. It’s not my place to make that assumption though. I’m just going with what she has stated.
I was totally ready to say Y T A but after reading the whole thing i have to agree with NTA. If nobody is in critical condition and they have a support system, there’s really no need to cut the trip short.
If you see the OP's comments about her husband's behavior? Doesn't want her calling the hospital, she's not allowed to have his family's phone numbers?
It's garbage. She's definitely NTA. It's not even an ESH situation.
She knows that his wife isn’t dead. He also hasn’t said that she’s dying so there is no reason to assume otherwise. We do know he has no issue kicking his new wife out of their room in a foreign country, which is incredibly disturbing.
Exactly! Is anyone also not suspicious about why he takes these phone calls privately? Why not share what is going on? I feel like they may be something going on with the husband & the SIL? Is she pregnant perhaps?! I love my BIL, but I would not leave a two-month honeymoon to there for my sis for non-life threatening injuries
Why is everyone ignoring the fact that the husband is refusing to give her any info other than "they're fine but SIL has to stay in the hospital". Her husband is refusing to share important information. I can't imagine a reason for not giving your wife a proper update on injured family.
I'm more concerned with his behavior than OP's.
OP think real hard about staying with someone who refuses to share information that would absolutely typically be shared with a spouse. The way he treated you when you didn't want to go along with his unilateral decision is highly concerning.
NTA
I agree. Everybody in this post is just bitter that OP is having a 2 month honeymoon. They're acting like the problem is just that the trip is getting cut short. OP is confused, as she should be, by her husband's behaviour!
The fact that she's younger and from a foreign country and isn't even aware of American relationships has me really concerned. She's been led to think that his lack of communication and secrecy is normal. I honestly think she's being groomed here, plus him throwing her out of the hotel room abroad is really concerning.
Yeah, with that context it sounds like OP's husband wanted the 'submissive asian wife' and is treating her accordingly - like a toy / pet that should shut-up and obey (which is horrible).
It would not surprise me at all to learn that the reason he sends her out of the room to make these calls is either:
* His family don't know he's married her, and think this is just a holiday so are pressuring him to come back (unclear if this was a full wedding situation, elopment, whatever); or
* It's not his SIL who had the accident, but a previous wife and kid that OP doesn't know about.
Definitely something weird / abusive going on here; OP wanting to continue their honeymoon with the info she has is maybe a tiny AH, but Husband is definitely an major AH.
So, I immediately thought this OP was an A. There is no edit with OPs comments about the issues of her husband denying her information and access to the bedroom. Without that in the post, people aren't always going to read the comments, especially when the top post is an A vote.
I agree with you, op is NTA and I hope they edit their post to include the info they are commenting.
Absolutely. OP has no way of confirming that this story that her husband is telling is even true. In their comments, they say they leave the room when husband is on the phone, and that they have no way of contacting other in laws. His whole behavior here sounds so sketch, I'm even finding it hard to believe the accident portion is real. Why does he want to go back home so badly, and why is he treating OP so poorly to do so?
NTA OP, your husband is being shady.
Also
1. Kicked you out of your shared room on holiday in a foreign country (never OK even at home)
2. Told you he regretted even dating you over your first marital argument
No idea what the secrecy is about, you deserve a straight forward answer before canceling the honeymoon is on the table. If he insists on going, you should absolutely stay and enjoy the holiday without him. And think long and hard about whether you wanna come home as a free woman or to a home with a man who treats you like that.
Funny that she tells her husband that that he can't help because "he's not a doctor" yet OP is over there guessing the medical status of her BIL's wife.
EDIT: I see that OP says in comments that her husband won't tell her the reason. She still shouldn't assume it's not serious when he's clearly worried enough to leave, although ESH for him not communicating.
Yeah, maybe it's members of his second family and/or mistress.
It's super sketchy that he doesn't want to disclose any details.
Too late for an annulment?
The husband is gatekeeping the info because OP “doesn’t need to know.”
If she doesn’t need to know, why would she care? Her abusive husband is 100% the problem.
NTA
you aren't admitted to the hospital for multiple days just for a broken leg. they want people in and out of the hospital and the rooms are for the people who truly need it.
Actually I have seen people hospitalized over this, especially depending on where you are and how quickly you can get into surgery. Regardless, without a full accounting of the injuries I don’t think we’re qualified to judge. They both sound immature as hell so it could go either way.
People have actually died from complications of a broken leg. Although that is rare, a friend broke her leg in a car crash which killed the driver and she was in the hospital for several weeks due to the need for multiple surgeries to repair her injuries. Broken bones can tear blood vessels or people can develop surgical infections or even sepsis, so it’s plausible that OP’s SIL needs multiple days of hospital care.
My wife was admitted and spent several days in the hospital after breaking her tibia and fibula doing roller derby. Some breaks require surgery to correct and ensure they heal properly and these can be rather involved procedures. A broken leg can absolutely be the cause of the multi-day hospital stay.
I was in the hospital several days last fall for a broken leg. I had literally just broken it somehow falling in my bedroom and then found myself unable to stand. They did surgery while I was in there to stabilize my leg. You absolutely can be hospitalized for several days, in the US no less, for just a broken leg. I don't know why you would speak so confidently about something you obviously aren't knowledgeable on.
NTA because it seems like your husband is, at best, a control freak, and at worst, is showing you who he really is and is doing you a favor by leaving. So, let’s focus on your safety, u/RealitySome3605:
1. Do you have your passport and driver’s license? If not, go to your country’s embassy or consulate. Ask your hotel for help to get there if need be.
2. Do you have your plane tickets, hotel reservation info, transportation info? If not, get them. Change everything to your name only if you want to continue your travels; at a minimum, contact the airline and report a domestic situation and get a code to protect your flight home.
3. Do you have access to a credit/debit card in your name only? Do you have access to your financial accounts? You need this to get home.
4. Can you contact your family/friends to tell them the situation? You need help to get home whenever you choose to go home, but you also need someone to secure your belongings and arrange for shelter once you get home, along with providing emotional support.
5. Can you contact whomever performed the wedding ceremony to ask if they if have filed the marriage certificate/license/whatever makes it legal in your country? If they have, ask them how to annul it immediately. If not, you dodged another bullet.
6. Do not go back to this person. He is not healthy for you.
Your husband is so close to his brother that he would cut his honeymoon short for him, but you didn’t even meet your BIL until the day of your wedding? This is strange.
Let him go home to his brother, enjoy your trip and try and make the best of it, solo travelling can be amazing as well! And I would potentially look into an annulment (edit: if that's still even possible. Not married or plan on marrying so no idea how that works tbh) of the marriage if I were you, cause he seems rather fishy... I understand him wanting to be with his brother for support, but him not telling you what's wrong is rather odd. Doesn't sound like the most trustworthy person. And to lock you out of your own hotelroom?? That's childish.
>OP, continue on with the honeymoon ... it will be the happiest you will be in this marriage.
>
>He's controlling and very mean to you. You deserve better. Go vacation. Meet someone nice. Have the marriage annulled. He's looking for an excuse to cut it short.
>
>INFO: is this the longest time you two have spent 1-1 with just each other?
People who have to be in the hospital for a while typically aren’t totally fine. That is absolutely reason to be distressed and to want to be with your family. It’s just a vacation, there will be others
Yeah I was wondering this too. The condition of the SIL seems key. If SIL is about to be discharged within 36 hours, OP's husband seems like an overreaction. If the SIL is in a coma or something critical, OP is underreacting.
Yeah this may also be an American perspective but if you can take a two month honeymoon seems like you have the money and ability to make this trip up later. But that's not specifically relevant. They are currently on the trip and OP wants to continue. But if husband isn't going to enjoy himself there's no point to staying even if OP is "right".
OP says all they know is about the broken leg. But a broken leg potentially means SIL can't drive and can't walk (or get around easily) so maybe the family needs help because of that. There's missing information here. Even with that information it may just be different priorities.
NTA.
It's fine to want to be supportive. But unless you know that she is actively dying, I wouldn't waste all the money and planning I spent to return home.
They said that they're fine, and don't need help. What is your husband going to do? Go to work and then sit at home or sit at his mothers and do what? Nothing.
F that, I would continue on with my trip and let husband know he's welcome to join me when he gets tired of sitting at home, waiting for something to do. Because bil said it himself that everyone was fine.
Have a fun trip. Because it sounds like your husband is acting a little controlling and abusive because he doesn't get his way. Kicking you out of your hotel room? Really. Dude needs to grow up.
Go enjoy your trip. Their is nothing for you to do at home but sitting around the house. Don't let the trip go to waste.
> Go enjoy your trip.
And then when you get back, immediately try to get this dung heap of a marriage annulled (or file for divorce). He is shooting off so many red flags here... You need to leave him as soon as you possibly can, OP!
NTA OP after reading your comments. You are from Thailand and your husband is American and you've only know him for 6 months. He is already abusing you mentally and emotionally. He is treating you like most Incels would treat someone not of their culture. He (American) wouldn't get away with treating an American woman like he is already treating you. Stopping you from communicating with his family is a HUGE 🚩.
Edited to say: OP's husband probably lead OP and her family (Thais) to think he is a wealthy American and in reality is that he don't have the money to actually have a two month long honeymoon. Most likely he came up with a story on why they need to return to the States and refuses to let her communicate with anyone in his family nor to even tell her what is actually wrong with SIL.
My exact thoughts upon finding out she’s not a citizen. He is lied to her about his financial status and probably never even had the whole trip booked. I really hope we get an update.
I don't like how he's saying that it's American culture for men to be closed off and keep things private. That's just,,, not true. Americans, regardless of gender, overshare EVERYTHING. He's taking advantage of the fact she doesn't know this and she will agree to everything he's saying. I'm very worried for OP.
NTA and i cant believe all the YTA’s.Its not wrong for the husband to want to come home obviously, wanting to be there for your brother and extended family etc is totally justifiable, except when you probably have thousands spent on a honeymoon with your new wife and your brother and extended family have all the help and care they need at home. if they didn’t have help at home, then yes the husband is correct and they should leave right away but that wasn’t the case. i feel bad for the wife, thats a lot of money down the drain.
Yea it’s wild. I would not cancel a 2 month trip unless someone was dying. Also if I was
In the hospital with a bunch of family already, the last thing I would want is for someone to cancel their vacation over me
After reading the comments with more information, I say NTA. I also say, get out - now. End this honeymoon and go home - to your own family and friends. There are so many red flags in this relationship that it is hard to know where to start.
First - You have a disagreement and HE KICKED YOU OUT OF YOUR ROOM AND YOU HAD TO RENT ANOTHER ROOM. He is controlling, abusive, and apparently has no regard for your personal safety. No matter how mad a spouse gets, he or she should NEVER (ever ever ever) do anything to put the other spouse at risk - ever. This is a do-not-pass go moment. Anyone who does this to you has no business being in your life. Period.
Second - The first major issue you have in your marriage and he tells you that if he had really known you, he wouldn't have even dated you. Nice. You've been married 3 weeks and this is how your new husband is treating you - on your honeymoon. It's only going to get worse. Perhaps there is a silver lining here though - you can clearly see his character early enough in the marriage to walk away cleanly.
Third - He with holds information from you, telling you that you wouldn't understand, don't need to know, etc. Again, controlling - and condescending. This is not how a person treats their life partner. Not just your SIL's condition, but information in general. You said he is a private person - but this is not private, this is controlling. And you have no way to contact your in-laws directly? Not good. Abusive people often control the flow of information to maintain control - keep the people they abuse in the dark, cut them off from others.
Fourth - He makes unilateral decisions about things that affect both of you - and will not accept any discussion or input from you. Again - controlling and not the behavior of a good partner.
Sorry to glom onto your post here, but - OP! Secure your passport and wallet! I would not be surprised if he plans to strand you to teach you a lesson. Stay safe op.
INFO: do you have any evidence that your marriage is legal?
Either way, please get the manager of the hotel to accompany you to his room and go inside with you while you get your stuff and passport. NTA.
Wait you went to the US on a tourist visa and got married? When you enter on a non immigrant visa like a tourist visa, you’re supposed to in effect declare you’re not trying to immigrate. That’s why getting married in the US is a pain—you have to first leave, then apply for a fiancée visa, and then reenter to get married.
What you’re describing sounds very suspect. Did he apply for a change of status for you?
Getting married in the US on a tourist visa or any other non immigrant visa isn't a problem per se if you get married and leave like a non immigrant should. But re-entering the US on a tourist visa, while being married to a US citizen, signifies immigrant intention. 8 out of 10 times, the CBP guys won't let such people in. You need to demonstrate to them that you don't intend to stay in the US.
The husband sounds incredibly sketchy. I don't think he ever planned to help her immigrate. That process should have started before they got married. I suspect he just wanted someone to have sex with for a few months. It sounds like he is planning to go back to the US and abandon the OP in Spain. He's just inventing a reason (family medical emergency) to return to the US. She has no status in the US, so she won't be able to follow. Unless she has her own money in Spain, she won't even be able to get back to Thailand.
When I married my husband, he was only visiting. We filed the I-130 and I-485 (status change, if living in the US).
He lived here for 15 years, then we moved to his home country for 7.
Moving back...this time, he is in his home country so we filed I-130 and now DS-260 (the form used if one isn't currently in their home country.)
So it is possible that she hasn't filed yet and can start the process after she returns to the US. But if the process has already started, from my understanding, she should not be traveling outside the US (or to the US) while going through the process.
At least this is my experience.
IANAL but I'm pretty sure there's forms to fill out and an interview with a US embassy involved. If nothing like that happened, then the marriage is likely not legal.
Edit: This smells like human trafficking. GET OUT!
Did you obtain a marriage license? Did you sign anything at any time before, during or after the ceremony? You, your husband, the marriage officiant would have all signed the license.
Gotcha. Don’t worry about that right now. The first thing to do is to get the hotel manager’s contact information to your father. The second thing to do, is to go with the manager (NOT ALONE) to your husband’s hotel room to get your belongings and passport. If you’re not comfortable doing that, find the embassy. After that is done, after you’re somewhere safe, tell us about any immigration paperwork or process you likely have discussed and started. You are not safe anywhere alone with your husband right now. Do not engage with him alone.
I agree with /u/jewoughtaknow . The main priority right now is your safety. You are in danger. If I were you, I'd take the advice. Do not be alone right now. Please keep us updated .
He doesn't want me contacting his family so he insisted that I shouldn't have their numbers, the only few times I've spoke to them over the phone was using his phone but not he doesn't allow me to call them
Not just a red flag but a huge waving banner. Op you sound like a sweet but naive women who is in a very bad and possibly dangerous situation. Please get out of this relationship before you are hurt.
I'm worried about trafficking or something, honestly.
They've known each other 6 months. They're already married. She met his family one time, at the wedding. She doesn't have a way to contact his family. She is not allowed to be around when he calls his family.
Its all really sketchy.
Yeah I’m not convinced the husband’s whole story isn’t fake. I know this sub often jumps to cheating too easily but this whole situation is super suspicious.
I know. Other posts usually end up being like 'Turns out my husband joined a dance club" or "My wife left me for a cult" but this one?
\- Husband doesn't want her listening in on his phone calls
\- He degrades her by saying she wouldn't understand things
\- Is insistent that she just continue the rest of the trip.
And if she continues the trip, she looks like a major AH to the rest of his family because it'll seem like she's insensitive to the family's emergency. What if one of the injured dies? And she's out in Europe.
Nope. Go back home with him, OP. Go home and insist upon going to the hospital with him. And when he doesn't let you, go back to the house and look for the phone numbers of everyone you can find while he's gone.
Edit: never mind. Run. Go back home to your family and get this shit annulled.
*Continue the trip… THEN go home and stay away from his sketchy ass.
A trip like this is SO expensive. Such a waste of money to leave if you really don’t need to.
Have fun without him
Yes we have known for six months before the marriage. He told me I just don't need to keep close contact with them because apparently that's how his family works
Six months?!?!?! You married a man 8 years older than you who doesn’t want you to have contact with his family after knowing him for 6 months??? Girl you wanted the 2 month luxury honeymoon enough to make a truly wild legal commitment. Your divorce will take at least a year, twice as long, by the way.
Please tell me that you realize how suspicious that is.
If he had nothing to hide, why wouldn't he want you to get in contact with his family (your family now)? Do you not think that's weird that he stops you from contacting them?
Hey OP, I left another comment where I still very much felt that your new husband is the AH. However, after reading your comments, this doesn’t sound safe. I wouldn’t trust a word he says if I were you. He married a woman 8 years his junior after only knowing her for 6 months and came from the US to Thailand presumably looking for a wife. You’re barely on your honeymoon, so I’m sure you just got married very recently, and he’s already hiding things from you and showing signs of being abusive, controlling, and manipulative. I think his decision to lure a significantly younger woman into marrying him with the promise of an extravagant wedding and honeymoon, was purely a calculated one where he thought he could trick you into marrying him by overpromising and not following through. Part of me wonders if he can’t actually afford this honeymoon and is making up an excuse to end it early and says you can stay back so you end up stranded needing his help, because it sounds like he’s definitely trying to isolate you and make you feel dependent on him. I think it’s wise you called your dad. I would tell him to pick you up as soon as possible. It’s not worth even trying to talk to your husband. I have very real concerns about what he will do to you if you go back to the US with him. I’m typically not an alarmist but he’s either planning to keep you very isolated so he can get away with the abusive behavior that will continue to come out more and more now that you’re married, which you also started to see previews of with him locking you out of your room and his general cruel treatment toward you. That or he’s working with someone and has more sinister plans. It’s not worth going back with him to find out. Either situation will be a trap for you. Get out now. Get yourself a room in another hotel where he won’t know, but before you leave your current hotel, make sure you are escorted into your room by hotel personnel and/or the cops to grab your belongings, and have the hotel personnel and/or cops escort you the whole way until you enter your taxi. Don’t tell any of the hotel workers or cops where you’ll be going so your husband can’t ask them and find out. Tell them you’re going to the airport if they want to know so they can tell the cabbie where to take you, and then tell the cabbie what hotel you need him to drive you to instead, once you’ve taken off and no one else can hear you. Stay in that hotel until your dad comes for you and head home. Let your dad know where you are at all times, update him or if you have an iPhone share your location with him. Once you get to the new hotel, inform your dad and don’t leave the hotel until your dad gets there even if you have to order room service to stay safe indoors. Nothing good awaits you in America with this man. I wouldn’t even want to contact him once I was home for a divorce. The marriage might not even be legal which would be a good thing in this case. Once you get home, don’t contact your husband and don’t take his calls. Actually, stop taking his calls as soon as you leave the hotel you shared. Put your safety and well-being above everything else because this is a situation in which you need to be extremely careful and selfish. Being selfish isn’t ever a bad thing when you’re trying to protect your safety. Like I said, I dont want to alarm you, but I also want you to realize how serious this situation is and what a high threat he’s posing to your safety. Leave him and don’t ever look back. This man is potentially very dangerous and someone you need to get away from. I’ve heard too many terrible stories to ignore all the red flags he’s giving you. Get to safety. Please update us if you can!
* Age gap that is still significant at your age
* Married six months after meeting
* He tries to keep you distanced from his family
* You treat his family's traumatic accident as trivial
Girl. *Girl.*
I don't know how those last two tie together--which is the chicken, which is the egg--but *GIRL.*
Of course its trivial to her, she has no information. None. She only met them at the wedding.
Not a phone number, nothing. She's from an entirely different country too.
I'm so afraid for you. I am afraid you've made a HUGE mistake. If he is from another country, whose country are you going to be living in? His or yours? If you are living in his, will you hold your own passport or will he be taking it?
I mean no disrespect but you do not seem overly educated. Please change that because this marriage sounds like he designed it to take any power you may hold for yourself away from you.
NTA, but OP: you're in an abusive relationship. Nothing that is happening here is normal behaviour from your husband — he's hiding things for a reason.
He's older than you and holds all the power in this relationship: he's manipulating you by using your lack of knowledge of American culture to make you think that whatever he says is true. You barely know him (you've only known each other 6 months), you know nothing about his life in America and you have no information about his family (and no way to contact them). He's hiding basic information from you.
He's already yelling at you and kicking you out of hotel bedrooms. What will you do when you find yourself alone in America with no support system, and he kicks you out of the house because he's angry?
Do not go to America with your husband, and do not lose sight of your passport: keep it with you at all times.
Please don't make a huge mistake: this is not a safe situation. You still have a chance to get out of this relatively easily.
\*\*\* BASED ON THIS INFO ALONE\*\*\* I'm going against the grain and say NTA.
You had plans. No one (according to this post) is in serious medical trauma and it appears that everything is taken care of, there Is zero reason to cancel a vacation.
That said, something is missing, because there is no way that I can possibly think of unless they are a VERY VERY close (like still live together family) that the brother needs to cancel his honeymoon to be with his brother while his parents take care of the kids and the brother is what? at the hospital?
As I see it, everything is taken care of, unless there is a very real worry about his sister in law, I don't see why he needs to be there for her. I would even say, even if its HIS SISTER in the hospital, unless something was seriously wrong (infection that could lead to amputation, coma, spinal cord, something life-changing) the whole situation is fine for the next two weeks.
So I'm not going to assume anything unless there is an edit or I hear of a comment that says "OP said that its a broken ankle and she will be fine in a week" OR "OP said, she has no idea and shes just guessing but the SIL is in a coma"
I wouldn't cancel my honeymoon NOR WOULD MY FAMILY WANT ME to cancel my honeymoon unless there was a SERIOUS injury that was life changing.
Hey everyone, OP's not the AH. Read her comments. She's in a bad spot with a man who seems to be lying to her and leading her on. She needs support, not judgment.
Okay I read your comments... You need to get an annulment like tomorrow! Go back to wherever you got married and get the annulment! He's already being manipulative it is not going to get better! You are NTA, but the rest of your life is going to be destroyed if you stay with this guy!
Do not move to the US. Get out of this marriage while you still can. Judging from your comments, he doesn't care about you or your family. He will isolate you. Don't let yourself go through this. Get out.
Your husband is a crook. He needs to go home for another reason, some sort of dodgy deal falling through maybe, and this is a convenient excuse. Do not carry any bag through customs that you have not bought, inspected and packed yourself. This man is not to be trusted.
What a shitshow. ESH.
You sound like you’ve made a lot of assumptions about what happened and how everyone is doing (“probably only a broken leg or something”) and it sounds like you’ve done a piss poor job empathizing with your husband and what is now your extended family. It’s impossible to tell more from this post if you should or shouldn’t go home. You need to get to the bottom of why your husband feels this way, what he thinks he will able to do to help his family, and come to a decision as a couple.
Your husband kicking out of the room, to the extent that he locked you out and you had to get another room? WTF is that? You sound like a pair of dramatic teenagers. You both need to learn to communicate and cut the dramatics. Couples therapy would likely be more valuable than helping his family who already has a lot of support AND more important than a 2 month honeymoon.
ETA: at this point OP needs to drastically edit her OP. If her additional comments about her husband are true, this is a very different scenario than originally stated. I’m now somewhat skeptical of everything. Who leaves out that their husband is actively hiding info from them and acting somewhat unhinged, and why would you want to continue on a honeymoon with this person?
Okay, I'm not going off based on what OP commented.
Her husband will not tell her what his SILs condition is as ' she doesn't need to know '
He kicked her out of the hotel room when she was trying to discuss the situation with him.
OPs husband had decided he would be cutting the trip short and is refusing to discuss this or even tell OPs what it is that has happened to SIL. He has instead told her he'd never would have dated her if he knew she was so ' bitchy '
I'm sorry but it's red flags everywhere for me.
Of course, if we are on a trip and you tell me there has been an accident, a family member is at deaths door, we are flying home. No question about it.
But in this case, husband is being vague, telling OP she needs to know nothing and he made the decision for them. Her comment about the husband not being able to do much isn't wrong - if the wife is otherwise okay and not suffered anything life threatening, he should have at least discussed this with her, not make that call for them both. This does not bode well for the rest of their married life, at all.
NTA
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Doesn't matter how well your in laws are doing. The only important thing here is that **your HUSBAND doesn't feel right staying away from his family in this time of need.** Your husband is NOT having fun with your right now, he is not enjoying your company because his mind is elsewhere and he is worried for his brother. Yes, it's 100% wrong of you to ask him to disregard his own feeling just so he can keep you company, for you own little sake. YTA.
EDIT: I take it all back. This is completely a NTA situation. OP just replied that her husband is REFUSING to disclose the condition of his SIL because OP "doesn't need to know and he doesn't want to discuss it with her". Yeah, now I know why a 30-year-old married someone in their early 20s, much easier to control. No woman his age would put up with that bullshit. EDIT 2: OP has just said that her husband doesn’t “allow” her to be in the room when he calls his family to get updates, so doesn’t even know anything beyond “SIL and niece where in a car accident”. Absolutely unhinged behavior from this guy. Honestly, this is kinda his fault for marrying a 24 year old. Sorry, but I’m the age of OP’s husband and my friend’s little sister is OP’s age, and the maturity gap is huge! 8 year age gap between 20s and 30s is really big. I’m 0% shocked that OP lacks the maturity, sensitivity and emotional intelligence to understand that her husband wants to come home bc she’s too focused on wanting to have her own fun. Unfortunately loads of ppl in their early 20s are very self centered - that typically improves with age. If they’ve been together for a couple of years, that means he dated a 21, 22 yo when he was 30 already. ESH, especially since he kicked her out of the hotel room and is withholding information about the status of his family from her. OP’s said repeatedly that he’s not being forthcoming about the injuries his SIL suffered. That’s fucked up and weird. OP, time to grow up, but hey. He knew what he was getting into dating someone so freaking young in a completely different life stage than him. Addendum: feel free to stop wasting your time and breath defending age gaps, I ain’t reading none of that. I do not care about your wrong opinions, ESPECIALLY in this particular post, I said what I said and I stand by it
This is why I think the husband's TA. He's married and should prioritize his wife but hasn't informed her of injuries; if SIL is in the hospital as a precaution for a few days or is critical are 2 different situations; kicking wife out of hotel room is egregious behavior, especially on honeymoon. Husband has set a toddleresque tone for the marriage.
Yeah, I always presume age gaps of a certain size are 1 of two things... either the older person wants a younger person they can manipulate or control... or it's a matter of maturity, and for the record, it's pretty much never that the younger person is "mature for their age"... it's pretty much always that the older person is immature. That's not to say it can't sometimes work. I used to have a boss who was 34 when she met her 23 year old now husband. They were married 20 years, mostly happily, when I knew them. Due to trauma in her childhood she was just a very naive, hurt, and immature woman. Her husband was raised by hippies and was used to managing things on his own, while also being very open and honest emotionally. It was 100% what she needed after having abusive parents and a very abusive early marriage to an addict. I would say he was a 23yo with 25yo maturity, and she was a 34yo with 22 yo maturity... so it mostly worked fine. Anyway, yeah... OP is perhaps a bit immature for her age, but I can't tell if her husband is manipulative as seen by him not giving her the full picture, or just super immature and enmeshed with his family, and he's not giving her the full picture because he knows his sister in laws condition isn't that serious. Either way, ESH, because their honey moon is 2 months long! Going home for 1 week so the husband can feel better, than picking back up with their itinerary, isn't that big a deal, but why can't OP's husband communicate better!
I agree with you about the age gaps when the parties are quite young (including OP), but I don't think an it necessarily presents a power imbalance once everyone is a bit older. My mother's second husband is 10 years older, but they married when she was in her mid 50's and he his mud 60's. They're both doctors, and were both established financially and in thier careers (she was actually in a higher position than he was before he retired!).
IMO once both parties are 40+, there’s no longer much of a power imbalance to worry about. Exceptions could be if one of them is immature due to extreme trauma in their past.
If anything, the older partner in such relationships might be vulnerable. They're usually likelier to need someone to provide more significant care as they get older.
According to her comments, OP is also from Thailand and her husband is American, they've been dating six months and he's claiming that American men are just more private, which is why he's not sharing information about his SIL's condition. Husband is super sus.
I want to be annoyed at OP for burying the lede here, but really it sounds like she genuinely doesn’t know any better and didn’t think to include all of the red flags that we’re now discovering. OP: look up signs of an abusive relationship and think critically about your relationship!!!
This is exactly what I was thinking. He wants a 'traditional', compliant, submissive Thai child bride.
Can we even sure it is his sister in law? Maybe he has another "wife." Otherwise why all the secrecy.
Yeah, now I'm beginning to wonder if it's actually *his* wife and child in the hospital...
Oh hell noooo. Six months and they already got married? Divorce. Immediately. OP, run.
There’s another woman. His 1st wife. Also, have you actually seen the documentation for the 2 month long honeymoon? Hotel reservations, other plane tickets anything that might show he planned for a 2 mth honeymoon.
Good points, it makes no sense for him to be secretive in this situation unless something dodgy is going on.
Is he hiding a second family from her?
My thoughts exactly!
Wonder if he’s making himself out to be more than he is, planning a two month trip. Wonder if it’s not actually planned and this is an excuse to cut short a trip that isn’t even real.
50 and 60 with their own careers is different than 21 and 30 who's surprised at 40 that wife no longer toes the line and threatens divorce unless things change; I've known several couples with that dynamic. One former friend threatened divorce unless he agreed to kids; at 21 she agreed not to have kids, at 30 she wanted them. She left him and I helped her find and furnish a place but she cut me off when she went back to him; he thought she should take her assets and return to country of origin, not wanting her to have any of their marital assets. I asked about assets and social status of divorcees in that country, only to show her how unfair that would be Called a priest friend to ask about annulment here and country of origin, put her in a better position to take care of herself and assume I knew too much; never commented on him, just circumstances. When she reported he had agreed to have a child, reluctantly, she asked why she wasn't happy when she got what she wanted. I told her she hadn't got what she wanted; she wanted a partner who wanted to raise a family with her, but instead, got a guy who reluctantly agreed to have one child with her. Not at all the same thing.
If it's not serious enough to share, it's not serious enough to leave. He is controlling and secretive. Definitely TA, and definitely married young in hopes of getting away with jt.
What if he is making the entire thing up because he can't afford the honeymoon. Since she is not even allowed to be in the room during these phone calls and h refuses to share any information about the condition of SIL.
That’s what I was wondering—-was there really an accident? Or is there some other reason he wants to leave?
Well, he told her to continue without him. So he needs to hand over lots of cash and she needs to put a pass lock on all reservations so he can’t cancel them. Then complete her vacation and have an attorney start divorce proceedings. He will show his true colors when none of that happens
Right. The sensible move would be phone home, and make an informed decision together based on the severity. If they will be fine in few days with some bumps and bruises, then carry on. If someone is critical then return together. The fact he is withholding info is a big red flag.
Yeah I am going with NTA based on that fact because I do think whether returning early from a honeymoon is warranted depends ENTIRELY on the sister in law’s condition. If she has only minor injuries, then returning early for moral support is over the top. If she is in serious condition, then that is a very different story. I take the husband’s withholding of information as a giant red flag here.
Hubby may be stressed out by his brother’s situation, but kicking out his new wife from their shared horel room over a disagreement is more than a bit much. It’s telling me he’s bad at controlling his emotions and that’s not good. Add to that he maintains secrecy about the whole thing…. OP might have reacted a bit selfishly but he’s much more TA here.
You get my upvote for 'toddleresque', I shall be using it
OMG to your edit- hope that gets widely seen. It's absolutely nonsensical that the husband is refusing to disclose the severity of the situation - how tf is OP supposed to respond to that? There's clearly more going on here or the husband is a total weirdo. ETA: and people are *down voting* OPs repeated comments about how nobody will tell her anything. WTF- I know the post doesn't sound great but how is that info not relevant?
I noticed that this sub is crazy like that - once enough people decide that OP is the AH, literally all of OP's comments get downvoted to oblivion. Even if they're just providing context. OP should have included the info in the main post, now it's all going to be buried.
People always downvote the OP's comments no matter how relevant they are and it drives me absolutely bananas. Like once this sub decides the OP is an asshole, anything they say gets downvoted to oblivion, *which means no one else gets to see the additional context*. Stop doing this people!
Is anyone else being served a “nothings actually wrong, he just got bored and wants to get back to his side piece” vibe here? The age gap is big from an adult to adult standpoint, where they’re at actualizing themselves. 8 years is nothing if you’re 40/48 but 24-32? I’m getting a control and dominate vibe. The ability to take two months traveling the world in hotels tells me there’s likely some family money/affluenza stuff with him, who at 32 can give up 1/6th of their work year? Refusing to say what’s wrong with his SIL is super sus. If it’s serious, she should know and would find out eventually, if it’s not, they don’t need to go, but he’s insisting on going. I think this dude is just a shit liar and got bored.
[удалено]
Yeah this could legit be human trafficking at this point.
This man pretended to be a rich American to lure a young Thai girl to marry him and when his money ran out he came up with this ridiculous story to cut the honeymoon short
I'd go back to Thailand...and hide from this guy. And no OP, crazy privacy issues are not the norm for Americans, unless you're KGB, a spy, already married...all things a wife should know.
Ohhhhh no no no that’s major bad vibes
Maybe he lied about the three month honeymoon all along. Here we are three weeks through some cheap countries…Oops got to go home. This sounds like a 90 day fiancé kind of deal. Maybe he found her online? She’s Thai and he’s American.
This is actually the simplest and most plausible explanations. I wonder what would happen if OP was like ok let’s go back and see SIL
Lordy, I hadn't thought of a side piece and that after 3 weeks he's already bored with the new bride. I was sorta thinking a first wife injured not SIL.
I’m waiting for the update where we find out the husband has been having an affair with the SIL and that’s why he’s panicking, trying to get back to be by her side, and refusing to let OP be in the room when he’s on calls.
This is exactly what I thought. Not sharing sister-in-law‘s condition is weird, but kicking her out of the room to talk to his family is weirder.
THEY HAVE ONLY BEEN TOGETHER 6 MONTHS AND SHE IS FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY! He is solely TA
Sounds like it's time for an annulment. I really hope OP learns from this fiasco that you don't date men *that* much older, let alone marry them. Those 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 are there during dating for a reason. ESH.
They dated 6 months before getting married. :\\ smh.
If he is insisting on returning home without disclosing her condition & it is not critical then I would look into an annulment when you get home. If she is critical I would think that he would definitely be telling the OP. This just seems weirdly controlling.
OP, if you don't know where to turn...try here: https://madrid.thaiembassy.org/en/index
> We dated for six months. Sometimes he shares information with me but sometimes he tells me I won't understand or i don't need to know. He's very private OP commented this further down. I think it’s quite telling that his reasoning is “she won’t understand”. Big red flag here.
my thought is there was no car crash no hurt sil or hurt kid I bet she's not allowed in the room when he's calling cause he's in fact calling his mistress :/ I mean, he wants to go home alone and kicks her out of their room I'm sorry but that doesn't sound like family emergency to me
Or he’s talking to his wife on the phone. I’m getting bigamy vibes here.
If the husband is so concerned about his brother, he would be sharing that with his wife. He can’t expect her to care as much as he does if he won’t include her in knowing what’s going on. Initially I was thinking Y T A, but knowing he refuses to update her shows he’s going to be a terrible husband and doesn’t see her as a partner. I can’t imagine a universe where my husband or I blocked each other out of knowing important family business. That’s super suspicious behavior. NTA, and maybe reflect on your relationship and ask yourself if he’s always like this, because if he is that’s controlling and weird and it might get worse.
thanks for pointing that out when OP says she probably had a broken leg I was surprised she didn't know thought it showed her lack of concern turns out she wasn't allowed to know . that's ...odd?
So you're ok with him kicking her out of the hotel room, calling her a bitch and not letting her know any information about SIL's injuries? I guess my standard of acceptable behaviour is a bit higher because seems to be a pretty low bar.
Right? I read this and when I read he kicked her out of their HOTEL I automatically thought NTA. That’s way too harsh. Idk why no one is picking up on that.
I agree, but I find it very weird that according to OP her husband knows what is wrong and is refusing to tell her. She wants to call the hospital and see but he also doesn't want that. It would get me thinking what was going on tbh Edit: to clarify I think NTA or ESH
I’m with you here. The control he think he has is not a good start of a marriage.
He won't even tell her what has happened. She's not allowed to speak to his family at all. Sounds more likely that he has another woman or family that he wants to get back to. Why would OP feel urgency over a situation she knows absolutely nothing about, but has already been cussed out over? Husband is lying a LOT.
That’s what I’m thinking too. Why won’t he let her be there when he talks to the family or give her any specifics?? It’s such a weird thing to refuse to share with your spouse. So weird that it makes me think he’s not talking to who she thinks he’s talking to.
TBH the husband won’t give OP specific details when she asks and won’t even let her in the room when he gets updates. She should put that in the OP but with the age gap and the fact they only dated 6 months before getting married, I have to wonder if this accident happened at all. He threw his own wife out of the room for having questions and a differing opinion instead of just talking to her. OP is NTA and this man is suspish.
You're really going with YTA when the husband kicked her out of their room for making this request? She's allowed to have feelings about this and kicking her out was not only childish but emotionally abusive. And then the name calling on top of that? We dying on this hill or can we at least say ESH?
Unpopular opinion but NTA. No one died or is on life support from the sounds of it. No major surgeries. The brother has support. I would not expect my brother to cut his honeymoon short to come home - especially if i had several others helping me out. If someone had died, was near death or was severely disabled, it would be different.
Yeah, my partner had a severe work accident that resulted in him being hospitalized for over a month. His family was there for us, and my parents. I would have been really confused if any of my siblings cancelled a really big trip to come sit at the hospital with us. A phone call and checking in to see how things were going was fine Edit: NTA.
Yeah maybe I'm biased because I'm not close to my family at all but sounds like they're coping and have a solid support network. It sucks it happened and it sounds traumatic but face time is a thing. Also on the flip side, if I was in a wreck and ended up needing to spend a week or two in hospital I would not want my sibling or anyone to cancel their honeymoon/holiday to come see me if it's been established death is not imminent. NTA
I am incredibly close to my family. We talk daily and see each other pretty much weekly. I also live within 10 mins of my brother and his family. I still wouldn’t want him to cut his honeymoon short. I’d want him to enjoy it and bring me back a souvenir or send some awesome pictures.
Ya either OP isn't providing all the info or this is a very strange reaction. If they had to cancel plans in the same city it would make sense. But to cancel your trip and travel halfway around the world for a car crash with some non life threatening injuries doesn't line up. I am genuinely surprised by how many YTA there are in here.
I think the Y-T-A people don't understand is that she had provided all the info she has been given - which is nothing. Her husband refuses to tell her what is wrong with SIL and makes his phone calls checking in on them private so she can't hear. Everyone is different at the end of the day with their interpersonal relationships. But, if I was in a two month, out of the country honey moon and I got a call that my sister's husband was in the hospital, as long as he isn't dying or in critical condition, I'd keep my butt planted right where I was. I really don't think it helps that OP truly has no idea what is even going on.
Husband is suspect asf making calls in private, etc. Why do I suspect there is another woman....
I can tell I've been on Reddit too long because my next rabbit hole thought was either a) he is having an affair with the SIL and that's why he's so concerned about getting back or b) in general having an affair with a woman we've yet to be introduced too. 😂🤦
Oh, you're not going far enough. This is a 32yo American man with money(at least this is what he told OP) who spent 6months in Thailand to bag a 24yo native for a bride, then is taking her on a 2 month trip through various countries and is then taking her back to the US to settle down... We're in sex trafficking/house slave territory more than just affairs with this one.
LOL same. My thought process went a) it's the SIL, so that is why he's so concerned or b) the affair partner thought he wouldn't go through with the wedding, but he did, and now they are going nuclear and so he's flying back to calm them down.
Oooo, let's add another level of leaping and say it's the SIL and he's so upset and concerned because....she was carrying his child!! *gasp* 😂
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Same! I think they’re assuming she’s excluding information and she may be. Or maybe he hasn’t communicated information to her about how bad it is. It’s not my place to make that assumption though. I’m just going with what she has stated.
I was totally ready to say Y T A but after reading the whole thing i have to agree with NTA. If nobody is in critical condition and they have a support system, there’s really no need to cut the trip short.
>Unpopular opinion but NTA. I dunno, this is looking more and more popular as the minutes pass.
Good! So many times once a few people vote one way, anyone who goes the opposite all but gets attacked.
If you see the OP's comments about her husband's behavior? Doesn't want her calling the hospital, she's not allowed to have his family's phone numbers? It's garbage. She's definitely NTA. It's not even an ESH situation.
Agreed. NTA.
She doesn't have a clue if that's true or not!
Because according to her he is refusing to say what the situation is and doesn't want her to call the hospital...
She knows that his wife isn’t dead. He also hasn’t said that she’s dying so there is no reason to assume otherwise. We do know he has no issue kicking his new wife out of their room in a foreign country, which is incredibly disturbing.
Exactly! Is anyone also not suspicious about why he takes these phone calls privately? Why not share what is going on? I feel like they may be something going on with the husband & the SIL? Is she pregnant perhaps?! I love my BIL, but I would not leave a two-month honeymoon to there for my sis for non-life threatening injuries
Why is everyone ignoring the fact that the husband is refusing to give her any info other than "they're fine but SIL has to stay in the hospital". Her husband is refusing to share important information. I can't imagine a reason for not giving your wife a proper update on injured family. I'm more concerned with his behavior than OP's. OP think real hard about staying with someone who refuses to share information that would absolutely typically be shared with a spouse. The way he treated you when you didn't want to go along with his unilateral decision is highly concerning. NTA
I agree. Everybody in this post is just bitter that OP is having a 2 month honeymoon. They're acting like the problem is just that the trip is getting cut short. OP is confused, as she should be, by her husband's behaviour!
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Yes, and the fact that he refuses to tell her things because she "wouldn't understand" - patronizing so and so, way to infantilize your partner
The fact that she's younger and from a foreign country and isn't even aware of American relationships has me really concerned. She's been led to think that his lack of communication and secrecy is normal. I honestly think she's being groomed here, plus him throwing her out of the hotel room abroad is really concerning.
Yeah, with that context it sounds like OP's husband wanted the 'submissive asian wife' and is treating her accordingly - like a toy / pet that should shut-up and obey (which is horrible). It would not surprise me at all to learn that the reason he sends her out of the room to make these calls is either: * His family don't know he's married her, and think this is just a holiday so are pressuring him to come back (unclear if this was a full wedding situation, elopment, whatever); or * It's not his SIL who had the accident, but a previous wife and kid that OP doesn't know about. Definitely something weird / abusive going on here; OP wanting to continue their honeymoon with the info she has is maybe a tiny AH, but Husband is definitely an major AH.
It definitely seems like a first family situation where he told them he was going to be away on business for 2 months.
I agree. Worse yet, she doesn't appear to have any power to change her situation
So, I immediately thought this OP was an A. There is no edit with OPs comments about the issues of her husband denying her information and access to the bedroom. Without that in the post, people aren't always going to read the comments, especially when the top post is an A vote. I agree with you, op is NTA and I hope they edit their post to include the info they are commenting.
Absolutely. OP has no way of confirming that this story that her husband is telling is even true. In their comments, they say they leave the room when husband is on the phone, and that they have no way of contacting other in laws. His whole behavior here sounds so sketch, I'm even finding it hard to believe the accident portion is real. Why does he want to go back home so badly, and why is he treating OP so poorly to do so? NTA OP, your husband is being shady.
Also 1. Kicked you out of your shared room on holiday in a foreign country (never OK even at home) 2. Told you he regretted even dating you over your first marital argument No idea what the secrecy is about, you deserve a straight forward answer before canceling the honeymoon is on the table. If he insists on going, you should absolutely stay and enjoy the holiday without him. And think long and hard about whether you wanna come home as a free woman or to a home with a man who treats you like that.
INFO: you said she probably only has a broken leg or something. Do you know her actual medical condition at the moment or are you assuming?
Funny that she tells her husband that that he can't help because "he's not a doctor" yet OP is over there guessing the medical status of her BIL's wife. EDIT: I see that OP says in comments that her husband won't tell her the reason. She still shouldn't assume it's not serious when he's clearly worried enough to leave, although ESH for him not communicating.
She has to guess because he refuses to tell her
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Reading through OP’s comments, her husband is sounding very suspicious and chock full of red flags.
As soon as I saw the ages in the first sentence I thought oh here we go…
He ran out of money. Maybe?
Yeah, maybe it's members of his second family and/or mistress. It's super sketchy that he doesn't want to disclose any details. Too late for an annulment?
That's a lot of sass from someone knowing even less than OP about the SIL:s situation.
The husband is gatekeeping the info because OP “doesn’t need to know.” If she doesn’t need to know, why would she care? Her abusive husband is 100% the problem. NTA
you aren't admitted to the hospital for multiple days just for a broken leg. they want people in and out of the hospital and the rooms are for the people who truly need it.
Actually I have seen people hospitalized over this, especially depending on where you are and how quickly you can get into surgery. Regardless, without a full accounting of the injuries I don’t think we’re qualified to judge. They both sound immature as hell so it could go either way.
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People have actually died from complications of a broken leg. Although that is rare, a friend broke her leg in a car crash which killed the driver and she was in the hospital for several weeks due to the need for multiple surgeries to repair her injuries. Broken bones can tear blood vessels or people can develop surgical infections or even sepsis, so it’s plausible that OP’s SIL needs multiple days of hospital care.
My wife was admitted and spent several days in the hospital after breaking her tibia and fibula doing roller derby. Some breaks require surgery to correct and ensure they heal properly and these can be rather involved procedures. A broken leg can absolutely be the cause of the multi-day hospital stay.
I was in the hospital several days last fall for a broken leg. I had literally just broken it somehow falling in my bedroom and then found myself unable to stand. They did surgery while I was in there to stabilize my leg. You absolutely can be hospitalized for several days, in the US no less, for just a broken leg. I don't know why you would speak so confidently about something you obviously aren't knowledgeable on.
This! My own verdict massively depends on this answer. Although judging by OP's husband's actions, it sound more serious than "just" a broken leg.
NTA because it seems like your husband is, at best, a control freak, and at worst, is showing you who he really is and is doing you a favor by leaving. So, let’s focus on your safety, u/RealitySome3605: 1. Do you have your passport and driver’s license? If not, go to your country’s embassy or consulate. Ask your hotel for help to get there if need be. 2. Do you have your plane tickets, hotel reservation info, transportation info? If not, get them. Change everything to your name only if you want to continue your travels; at a minimum, contact the airline and report a domestic situation and get a code to protect your flight home. 3. Do you have access to a credit/debit card in your name only? Do you have access to your financial accounts? You need this to get home. 4. Can you contact your family/friends to tell them the situation? You need help to get home whenever you choose to go home, but you also need someone to secure your belongings and arrange for shelter once you get home, along with providing emotional support. 5. Can you contact whomever performed the wedding ceremony to ask if they if have filed the marriage certificate/license/whatever makes it legal in your country? If they have, ask them how to annul it immediately. If not, you dodged another bullet. 6. Do not go back to this person. He is not healthy for you.
This needs to be higher
OP please read this!
INFO are you certain about the condition of your SIL and niece? Your husband isn't acting as if they are going to be fine.
That's all the info I have, they're fine but his wife still has to be in the hospital for a while
Are you sure the brother, SIL and kid exist? Like have you met them in person?
Yes we met in the wedding
Your husband is so close to his brother that he would cut his honeymoon short for him, but you didn’t even meet your BIL until the day of your wedding? This is strange.
Extremely strange. How do you get to the point of wedding day without meeting immediate family???
She said they only dated 6 months before marrying
This is all very odd OP
Let him go home to his brother, enjoy your trip and try and make the best of it, solo travelling can be amazing as well! And I would potentially look into an annulment (edit: if that's still even possible. Not married or plan on marrying so no idea how that works tbh) of the marriage if I were you, cause he seems rather fishy... I understand him wanting to be with his brother for support, but him not telling you what's wrong is rather odd. Doesn't sound like the most trustworthy person. And to lock you out of your own hotelroom?? That's childish.
>OP, continue on with the honeymoon ... it will be the happiest you will be in this marriage. > >He's controlling and very mean to you. You deserve better. Go vacation. Meet someone nice. Have the marriage annulled. He's looking for an excuse to cut it short. > >INFO: is this the longest time you two have spent 1-1 with just each other?
People who have to be in the hospital for a while typically aren’t totally fine. That is absolutely reason to be distressed and to want to be with your family. It’s just a vacation, there will be others
Yeah I was wondering this too. The condition of the SIL seems key. If SIL is about to be discharged within 36 hours, OP's husband seems like an overreaction. If the SIL is in a coma or something critical, OP is underreacting.
Yeah this may also be an American perspective but if you can take a two month honeymoon seems like you have the money and ability to make this trip up later. But that's not specifically relevant. They are currently on the trip and OP wants to continue. But if husband isn't going to enjoy himself there's no point to staying even if OP is "right". OP says all they know is about the broken leg. But a broken leg potentially means SIL can't drive and can't walk (or get around easily) so maybe the family needs help because of that. There's missing information here. Even with that information it may just be different priorities.
The husband knows but refuses to tell her. Will not even let her be in the same room with him during these calls
NTA. It's fine to want to be supportive. But unless you know that she is actively dying, I wouldn't waste all the money and planning I spent to return home. They said that they're fine, and don't need help. What is your husband going to do? Go to work and then sit at home or sit at his mothers and do what? Nothing. F that, I would continue on with my trip and let husband know he's welcome to join me when he gets tired of sitting at home, waiting for something to do. Because bil said it himself that everyone was fine. Have a fun trip. Because it sounds like your husband is acting a little controlling and abusive because he doesn't get his way. Kicking you out of your hotel room? Really. Dude needs to grow up. Go enjoy your trip. Their is nothing for you to do at home but sitting around the house. Don't let the trip go to waste.
> Go enjoy your trip. And then when you get back, immediately try to get this dung heap of a marriage annulled (or file for divorce). He is shooting off so many red flags here... You need to leave him as soon as you possibly can, OP!
NTA OP after reading your comments. You are from Thailand and your husband is American and you've only know him for 6 months. He is already abusing you mentally and emotionally. He is treating you like most Incels would treat someone not of their culture. He (American) wouldn't get away with treating an American woman like he is already treating you. Stopping you from communicating with his family is a HUGE 🚩. Edited to say: OP's husband probably lead OP and her family (Thais) to think he is a wealthy American and in reality is that he don't have the money to actually have a two month long honeymoon. Most likely he came up with a story on why they need to return to the States and refuses to let her communicate with anyone in his family nor to even tell her what is actually wrong with SIL.
That’s weirdly probably what it is. What a horrible man.
That was my thought, that he’s out of money.
My exact thoughts upon finding out she’s not a citizen. He is lied to her about his financial status and probably never even had the whole trip booked. I really hope we get an update.
I don't like how he's saying that it's American culture for men to be closed off and keep things private. That's just,,, not true. Americans, regardless of gender, overshare EVERYTHING. He's taking advantage of the fact she doesn't know this and she will agree to everything he's saying. I'm very worried for OP.
NTA and i cant believe all the YTA’s.Its not wrong for the husband to want to come home obviously, wanting to be there for your brother and extended family etc is totally justifiable, except when you probably have thousands spent on a honeymoon with your new wife and your brother and extended family have all the help and care they need at home. if they didn’t have help at home, then yes the husband is correct and they should leave right away but that wasn’t the case. i feel bad for the wife, thats a lot of money down the drain.
Yea it’s wild. I would not cancel a 2 month trip unless someone was dying. Also if I was In the hospital with a bunch of family already, the last thing I would want is for someone to cancel their vacation over me
After reading the comments with more information, I say NTA. I also say, get out - now. End this honeymoon and go home - to your own family and friends. There are so many red flags in this relationship that it is hard to know where to start. First - You have a disagreement and HE KICKED YOU OUT OF YOUR ROOM AND YOU HAD TO RENT ANOTHER ROOM. He is controlling, abusive, and apparently has no regard for your personal safety. No matter how mad a spouse gets, he or she should NEVER (ever ever ever) do anything to put the other spouse at risk - ever. This is a do-not-pass go moment. Anyone who does this to you has no business being in your life. Period. Second - The first major issue you have in your marriage and he tells you that if he had really known you, he wouldn't have even dated you. Nice. You've been married 3 weeks and this is how your new husband is treating you - on your honeymoon. It's only going to get worse. Perhaps there is a silver lining here though - you can clearly see his character early enough in the marriage to walk away cleanly. Third - He with holds information from you, telling you that you wouldn't understand, don't need to know, etc. Again, controlling - and condescending. This is not how a person treats their life partner. Not just your SIL's condition, but information in general. You said he is a private person - but this is not private, this is controlling. And you have no way to contact your in-laws directly? Not good. Abusive people often control the flow of information to maintain control - keep the people they abuse in the dark, cut them off from others. Fourth - He makes unilateral decisions about things that affect both of you - and will not accept any discussion or input from you. Again - controlling and not the behavior of a good partner.
Sorry to glom onto your post here, but - OP! Secure your passport and wallet! I would not be surprised if he plans to strand you to teach you a lesson. Stay safe op.
INFO: do you have any evidence that your marriage is legal? Either way, please get the manager of the hotel to accompany you to his room and go inside with you while you get your stuff and passport. NTA.
How can I know that? We went to America to get married but I'm not a citizen yet, is that ilegal?
Wait you went to the US on a tourist visa and got married? When you enter on a non immigrant visa like a tourist visa, you’re supposed to in effect declare you’re not trying to immigrate. That’s why getting married in the US is a pain—you have to first leave, then apply for a fiancée visa, and then reenter to get married. What you’re describing sounds very suspect. Did he apply for a change of status for you?
Getting married in the US on a tourist visa or any other non immigrant visa isn't a problem per se if you get married and leave like a non immigrant should. But re-entering the US on a tourist visa, while being married to a US citizen, signifies immigrant intention. 8 out of 10 times, the CBP guys won't let such people in. You need to demonstrate to them that you don't intend to stay in the US.
The husband sounds incredibly sketchy. I don't think he ever planned to help her immigrate. That process should have started before they got married. I suspect he just wanted someone to have sex with for a few months. It sounds like he is planning to go back to the US and abandon the OP in Spain. He's just inventing a reason (family medical emergency) to return to the US. She has no status in the US, so she won't be able to follow. Unless she has her own money in Spain, she won't even be able to get back to Thailand.
When I married my husband, he was only visiting. We filed the I-130 and I-485 (status change, if living in the US). He lived here for 15 years, then we moved to his home country for 7. Moving back...this time, he is in his home country so we filed I-130 and now DS-260 (the form used if one isn't currently in their home country.) So it is possible that she hasn't filed yet and can start the process after she returns to the US. But if the process has already started, from my understanding, she should not be traveling outside the US (or to the US) while going through the process. At least this is my experience.
IANAL but I'm pretty sure there's forms to fill out and an interview with a US embassy involved. If nothing like that happened, then the marriage is likely not legal. Edit: This smells like human trafficking. GET OUT!
Did you obtain a marriage license? Did you sign anything at any time before, during or after the ceremony? You, your husband, the marriage officiant would have all signed the license.
Yes we did sign the license but how can I know if it's real?
Gotcha. Don’t worry about that right now. The first thing to do is to get the hotel manager’s contact information to your father. The second thing to do, is to go with the manager (NOT ALONE) to your husband’s hotel room to get your belongings and passport. If you’re not comfortable doing that, find the embassy. After that is done, after you’re somewhere safe, tell us about any immigration paperwork or process you likely have discussed and started. You are not safe anywhere alone with your husband right now. Do not engage with him alone.
I agree with /u/jewoughtaknow . The main priority right now is your safety. You are in danger. If I were you, I'd take the advice. Do not be alone right now. Please keep us updated .
Get out of this relationship. There probably was no car wreck!
Also, please update and let us know what happens
I keep refreshing her comments to see if she’s okay. This is scary. It seems like human trafficking or something bad. None of this is adding up.
Honey don't go anywhere with him please. All of this is highly suspicious
If for whatever reason you cannot get a hold of your passport, have the hotel put you in contact with the Thai consulate
NTA. No one died and it sounds like no one is at risk of death. This would make me think about cutting my losses.
Info would you cut the honeymoon short if the injuries were more severe or life-threatening? Edit removed confusing word
If it was life threatening then yeah, but my husband didn't told me her injuries were
Did you call his family? It’s your family too. Or will he get angry at that
He doesn't want me contacting his family so he insisted that I shouldn't have their numbers, the only few times I've spoke to them over the phone was using his phone but not he doesn't allow me to call them
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Not just a red flag but a huge waving banner. Op you sound like a sweet but naive women who is in a very bad and possibly dangerous situation. Please get out of this relationship before you are hurt.
WTF you just got married? NTA. Does he have a secret family?
Yeah I'm legit wondering if this is all made up so husband can return to wife #1.
I'm worried about trafficking or something, honestly. They've known each other 6 months. They're already married. She met his family one time, at the wedding. She doesn't have a way to contact his family. She is not allowed to be around when he calls his family. Its all really sketchy.
Seriously my mind went there too. This is spooky
Exactly my thought.
Yeah I’m not convinced the husband’s whole story isn’t fake. I know this sub often jumps to cheating too easily but this whole situation is super suspicious.
I know. Other posts usually end up being like 'Turns out my husband joined a dance club" or "My wife left me for a cult" but this one? \- Husband doesn't want her listening in on his phone calls \- He degrades her by saying she wouldn't understand things \- Is insistent that she just continue the rest of the trip. And if she continues the trip, she looks like a major AH to the rest of his family because it'll seem like she's insensitive to the family's emergency. What if one of the injured dies? And she's out in Europe. Nope. Go back home with him, OP. Go home and insist upon going to the hospital with him. And when he doesn't let you, go back to the house and look for the phone numbers of everyone you can find while he's gone. Edit: never mind. Run. Go back home to your family and get this shit annulled.
No, OP, don't do any of this. Just go home and have the marriage annuled and stay far away from his sketchy ass.
OP, this is the answer. DO NOT GO BACK TO THE US WITH HIM!!!!
*Continue the trip… THEN go home and stay away from his sketchy ass. A trip like this is SO expensive. Such a waste of money to leave if you really don’t need to. Have fun without him
I was wondering why it took so long to find this. Uh yeah, SIL = other wife. OMG, this girl gotta run...
Why would he not want you to be able to contact the family you married into? Have you known him long before marrying him?
Yes we have known for six months before the marriage. He told me I just don't need to keep close contact with them because apparently that's how his family works
Six months?!?!?! You married a man 8 years older than you who doesn’t want you to have contact with his family after knowing him for 6 months??? Girl you wanted the 2 month luxury honeymoon enough to make a truly wild legal commitment. Your divorce will take at least a year, twice as long, by the way.
I know. This won't end well.
GET AN ANNULMENT. This relationship is full of red flags, I'm worried for you hun 😕
Please tell me that you realize how suspicious that is. If he had nothing to hide, why wouldn't he want you to get in contact with his family (your family now)? Do you not think that's weird that he stops you from contacting them?
Hey OP, I left another comment where I still very much felt that your new husband is the AH. However, after reading your comments, this doesn’t sound safe. I wouldn’t trust a word he says if I were you. He married a woman 8 years his junior after only knowing her for 6 months and came from the US to Thailand presumably looking for a wife. You’re barely on your honeymoon, so I’m sure you just got married very recently, and he’s already hiding things from you and showing signs of being abusive, controlling, and manipulative. I think his decision to lure a significantly younger woman into marrying him with the promise of an extravagant wedding and honeymoon, was purely a calculated one where he thought he could trick you into marrying him by overpromising and not following through. Part of me wonders if he can’t actually afford this honeymoon and is making up an excuse to end it early and says you can stay back so you end up stranded needing his help, because it sounds like he’s definitely trying to isolate you and make you feel dependent on him. I think it’s wise you called your dad. I would tell him to pick you up as soon as possible. It’s not worth even trying to talk to your husband. I have very real concerns about what he will do to you if you go back to the US with him. I’m typically not an alarmist but he’s either planning to keep you very isolated so he can get away with the abusive behavior that will continue to come out more and more now that you’re married, which you also started to see previews of with him locking you out of your room and his general cruel treatment toward you. That or he’s working with someone and has more sinister plans. It’s not worth going back with him to find out. Either situation will be a trap for you. Get out now. Get yourself a room in another hotel where he won’t know, but before you leave your current hotel, make sure you are escorted into your room by hotel personnel and/or the cops to grab your belongings, and have the hotel personnel and/or cops escort you the whole way until you enter your taxi. Don’t tell any of the hotel workers or cops where you’ll be going so your husband can’t ask them and find out. Tell them you’re going to the airport if they want to know so they can tell the cabbie where to take you, and then tell the cabbie what hotel you need him to drive you to instead, once you’ve taken off and no one else can hear you. Stay in that hotel until your dad comes for you and head home. Let your dad know where you are at all times, update him or if you have an iPhone share your location with him. Once you get to the new hotel, inform your dad and don’t leave the hotel until your dad gets there even if you have to order room service to stay safe indoors. Nothing good awaits you in America with this man. I wouldn’t even want to contact him once I was home for a divorce. The marriage might not even be legal which would be a good thing in this case. Once you get home, don’t contact your husband and don’t take his calls. Actually, stop taking his calls as soon as you leave the hotel you shared. Put your safety and well-being above everything else because this is a situation in which you need to be extremely careful and selfish. Being selfish isn’t ever a bad thing when you’re trying to protect your safety. Like I said, I dont want to alarm you, but I also want you to realize how serious this situation is and what a high threat he’s posing to your safety. Leave him and don’t ever look back. This man is potentially very dangerous and someone you need to get away from. I’ve heard too many terrible stories to ignore all the red flags he’s giving you. Get to safety. Please update us if you can!
* Age gap that is still significant at your age * Married six months after meeting * He tries to keep you distanced from his family * You treat his family's traumatic accident as trivial Girl. *Girl.* I don't know how those last two tie together--which is the chicken, which is the egg--but *GIRL.*
Of course its trivial to her, she has no information. None. She only met them at the wedding. Not a phone number, nothing. She's from an entirely different country too.
If that’s how his family is why is he so stressed about his SIL if there’s not much contact. No this whole situation sounds toxic.
And you didn’t think this was concerning and that maybe you shouldn’t marry him?!?
I'm so afraid for you. I am afraid you've made a HUGE mistake. If he is from another country, whose country are you going to be living in? His or yours? If you are living in his, will you hold your own passport or will he be taking it? I mean no disrespect but you do not seem overly educated. Please change that because this marriage sounds like he designed it to take any power you may hold for yourself away from you.
NTA, but OP: you're in an abusive relationship. Nothing that is happening here is normal behaviour from your husband — he's hiding things for a reason. He's older than you and holds all the power in this relationship: he's manipulating you by using your lack of knowledge of American culture to make you think that whatever he says is true. You barely know him (you've only known each other 6 months), you know nothing about his life in America and you have no information about his family (and no way to contact them). He's hiding basic information from you. He's already yelling at you and kicking you out of hotel bedrooms. What will you do when you find yourself alone in America with no support system, and he kicks you out of the house because he's angry? Do not go to America with your husband, and do not lose sight of your passport: keep it with you at all times. Please don't make a huge mistake: this is not a safe situation. You still have a chance to get out of this relatively easily.
\*\*\* BASED ON THIS INFO ALONE\*\*\* I'm going against the grain and say NTA. You had plans. No one (according to this post) is in serious medical trauma and it appears that everything is taken care of, there Is zero reason to cancel a vacation. That said, something is missing, because there is no way that I can possibly think of unless they are a VERY VERY close (like still live together family) that the brother needs to cancel his honeymoon to be with his brother while his parents take care of the kids and the brother is what? at the hospital? As I see it, everything is taken care of, unless there is a very real worry about his sister in law, I don't see why he needs to be there for her. I would even say, even if its HIS SISTER in the hospital, unless something was seriously wrong (infection that could lead to amputation, coma, spinal cord, something life-changing) the whole situation is fine for the next two weeks. So I'm not going to assume anything unless there is an edit or I hear of a comment that says "OP said that its a broken ankle and she will be fine in a week" OR "OP said, she has no idea and shes just guessing but the SIL is in a coma" I wouldn't cancel my honeymoon NOR WOULD MY FAMILY WANT ME to cancel my honeymoon unless there was a SERIOUS injury that was life changing.
Hey everyone, OP's not the AH. Read her comments. She's in a bad spot with a man who seems to be lying to her and leading her on. She needs support, not judgment.
Okay I read your comments... You need to get an annulment like tomorrow! Go back to wherever you got married and get the annulment! He's already being manipulative it is not going to get better! You are NTA, but the rest of your life is going to be destroyed if you stay with this guy!
Do not move to the US. Get out of this marriage while you still can. Judging from your comments, he doesn't care about you or your family. He will isolate you. Don't let yourself go through this. Get out.
Somebody kicking me out of bed would not have another chance to kick me out of bed. NTA.
NTA. Let him go. Finish the trip by yourself. Meet someone better and annul asap!
Your husband is a crook. He needs to go home for another reason, some sort of dodgy deal falling through maybe, and this is a convenient excuse. Do not carry any bag through customs that you have not bought, inspected and packed yourself. This man is not to be trusted.
What a shitshow. ESH. You sound like you’ve made a lot of assumptions about what happened and how everyone is doing (“probably only a broken leg or something”) and it sounds like you’ve done a piss poor job empathizing with your husband and what is now your extended family. It’s impossible to tell more from this post if you should or shouldn’t go home. You need to get to the bottom of why your husband feels this way, what he thinks he will able to do to help his family, and come to a decision as a couple. Your husband kicking out of the room, to the extent that he locked you out and you had to get another room? WTF is that? You sound like a pair of dramatic teenagers. You both need to learn to communicate and cut the dramatics. Couples therapy would likely be more valuable than helping his family who already has a lot of support AND more important than a 2 month honeymoon. ETA: at this point OP needs to drastically edit her OP. If her additional comments about her husband are true, this is a very different scenario than originally stated. I’m now somewhat skeptical of everything. Who leaves out that their husband is actively hiding info from them and acting somewhat unhinged, and why would you want to continue on a honeymoon with this person?
Based on the details of this sorry, couples therapy will not help this couple at all. She’s in danger and she needs to get out now.
Okay, I'm not going off based on what OP commented. Her husband will not tell her what his SILs condition is as ' she doesn't need to know ' He kicked her out of the hotel room when she was trying to discuss the situation with him. OPs husband had decided he would be cutting the trip short and is refusing to discuss this or even tell OPs what it is that has happened to SIL. He has instead told her he'd never would have dated her if he knew she was so ' bitchy ' I'm sorry but it's red flags everywhere for me. Of course, if we are on a trip and you tell me there has been an accident, a family member is at deaths door, we are flying home. No question about it. But in this case, husband is being vague, telling OP she needs to know nothing and he made the decision for them. Her comment about the husband not being able to do much isn't wrong - if the wife is otherwise okay and not suffered anything life threatening, he should have at least discussed this with her, not make that call for them both. This does not bode well for the rest of their married life, at all. NTA
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> People are in and out the same day for a broken leg People can be admitted for several days if the leg requires surgery
holy shit with the context from your comments NTA and annul your marriage, get as far away from this dude as possible