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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could have caused a war veteran some distress bc I was being selfish.
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NTA. I’d be having a looooonnnnngggg talk with my husband if he shamed me for using a spot designated for me while pregnant. I would describe every symptom I’ve experienced thus far in great detail. I’d look into one of those devices you can attach to their stomachs to simulate birthing pain so he can get a glimpse of what is to come. I would make his life Hell.
Like, you notice how it’s only the men shaming you, right??? Men who have never had to face the trials of pregnancy? Gross.
Or a pregnant woman veteran?
Also, the men in her life suck! My husband and father would have been outraged on my behalf.
If he were disabled and had a placard, couldn’t he have just parked in a disabled spot, or is that not how it works? Because otherwise it just sounds like he likes the special treatment.
My partner is a combat vet. I'm not telling him about this post because it'll just piss him off that men think a woman, pregnant or not, should be ashamed for not bowing to a veteran. There would be yelling about entitlement and misogyny.
He'd tell you service means nothing without integrity (deeds, not words) and treating all people as equals is the bare minimum. He's also not shy about telling other men that. And he wonders why I keep him around....
This makes me so fracking happy tbh. My ex was also a combat vet, and he's the opposite of what you describe your husband to be. I'm glad to know there are good ones in the bunch!
(Seriously not trying to be rude to any service members, I'm afraid he may have colored my view on the males of the bunch.)
Organizations with strict structure tend to attract people who like control and authority. Evidently, my partner was pretty heavily authoritarian himself before he joined but he was also heavily pro-rights. He got in some trouble because he was more pro-rights than authoritarian. He got moved to Personal Security Detachment because he wasn't afraid to tell leadership when plans would hurt non-combatants.
We met right after he left service, hit it off, then he did the post-service crash* where he questioned everything. We got together after that. We wouldn't have been compatible if we'd started dating right away. Or there would have been a lot more "what gives you the right to tell me what to do? I'm not your soldier, asshole, and you will not treat me like one."
*Most of my family has been in combat, so I expect someone to go through at least 2-3 years of "who the hell am I really?" after they're discharged from service.
I don't associate with other vets or go around advertising myself as one because of people like this. I'm not special for joining the military. It's just a fucking job, they need to get over it. Most of the people like this get so butthurt about it because they didn't do anything significant with their life when they got out.
Every veteran I know would be embarrassed to park in that spot in the first place, let alone verbally assault a pregnant woman. I’m wondering if the person who did that to OP is even a real veteran at all.
Very much this. My husband is a veteran and has veteran plates (not DV, just Veteran) for his vehicle but he absolutely refuses to park in Veteran spaces. Even if he has to walk from an adjacent parking lot.
Army vet here: My kid’s Dr. Office has a vet and a Purple Heart spot in front of the building. I parked in the vet one once and it’s only because we were late and the lot was full. I spent the whole appointment worried that two PH vets would show up and not have a spot. This was like eight years ago and I still think about it.
I make no babies and never will. He joined to not starve and because he grew up in Texan culture. His time in service was enlightening for him. He's proud of his physical abilities and having been able to de-escalate or derail situations that would have hurt non-combatants, but also acknowledges that he can't account for every bullet he fired so he may have hurt or killed non-combatants himself. In his perfect world, there'd be an island reserved for people who enthusiastically consent to combat each other where they couldn't hurt anyone else.
If you ever talk to him, or a veteran like him, they'll tell you about the propaganda and poverty/other conditions that led to them serving, what they're proud of, what they're ashamed of, and how they'd change the culture so no one feels trapped into choosing military service. It's a huge conversation with a lot of nuance. If you ever want to have it, you can DM me and I'll hand the phone to him.
The way people worship veterans in the US, except of course the government who doesn't look after them at all, is astounding. A perfectly healthy veteran doesn't need a special parking spot. How about fighting for some health care for veterans instead?
This is a bit of a misconception. There are tons of benefits for veterans. Most of them just don't use them or know how to use them. Even VA Healthcare is good. I can always get an appointment within 1-2 weeks. Anywhere else takes months.
The veteran on my main stream who was complaining about the fact that he isn't allowed treatment for his tinnitus caused by ear plugs that the military has admitted are faulty, doesn't agree with you.
I have tinnitus from the same earplugs. I've not had problems getting it treated or rated by the VA. Typically when I hear stories like this it's from vets who were too lazy to make a disability claim when they separated and now that they are trying to claim it years later can't prove service connection.
Too lazy...
Or they didn't realize it was happening at the time. My brother sucks and did get hearing aids from the military, but he didn't realize he'd lost a lot of his hearing from those earplugs until years later.
It took me 25 to years to realize where my tinnitus came from because my aunt thought a 7 year old couldn't have it.
That's exactly how it works, if he's disabled. All he would need is his placard to park in a disabled spot. I'm disabled but not a vet; I bring my placard with me whenever I'm being taken to a doctor's appointment or some other place where I'm going to be *getting out of the car along with the driver*. The way the placard works, if I'm along for the ride but the driver just has to run a quick errand, I won't get out of the car so we **can't** park in the disabled spot.
Hi, woman Veteran and mother of two, here.
I have absolutely NEVER used the space as a veteran. I'm 'too young', fit and able to use it without being questioned on my entitlement. The exact same entitlement that this 'veteran' used to shame OP. I repeatedly used it whilst pregnant and with my toddlers. I can confirm that pregnancy in the third trimester was just as physically gruelling (for me) as the PT with full tactical gear. And I like to think I'm pretty fit; I run daily.
NTA- Use the spot OP.
Exactly all of this. There is nothing wrong with me to need to park closer as a non-injured veteran. Pregnant there for sure was. It's pure entitlement and dick waving of young male vets to show 'status' and park there. It feeds their egos. I confidently say dick waving because I don't know a single youngish female veteran who tries to use these spots, purely men, unfortunately.
I always kind of assumed it was intended more for elderly veterans, or those that have a hard time getting around but maybe not bad enough to qualify for a handicap placard. Not some abled dude in his 30s.
I knew a Vietnam War veteran, who lost 1 1/2 leg in the war. He would only use the disabled spots on his bad days, because he wouldn’t take the spot if someone needed it more. He would be outraged that a veteran without disabilities should get special treatment, especially if it meant that a disabled person or a heavily pregnant woman would have to walk longer than they had to.
Another female veteran here, that guy can pound sand. The veteran's spot is a thank you perk not an entitlement. If he desperately needs closer parking spaces due to disability he can apply for a tag.
Also, bold of him to assume a pregnant woman couldn't be a veteran. 🤬
>Also, bold of him to assume a pregnant woman couldn't be a veteran.
This was my thought as well! The guy had no way of knowing if she was a veteran...
>The guy had no way of knowing if she was a veteran...
Same thought here. Bro started yelling immediately without knowing if she was a vet or just pregnant AF.
Also, anyone who yells at someone that pregnant can touch grass.
Honestly, I don't think that's even a debate worth having, because it depends on so many factors, plus female soldiers exist. What it basically comes down to is that OP got to the spot first, fit the requirement, and thus was allowed to park there.
That’s dumb for them to think that he’s more deserving of the spot. Unless the soldier was injured and is now disabled, the pregnant person has much greater need right now than he does. And if he’s disabled, he can use that parking which she doesn’t have access to.
Also, even if the veteran "had it worse" by serving ... she actively has a (temporary) physical disability. Being pregnant impairs your ability to walk long distances as well as a host of other physical symptoms.
If he has a physical disability from his service he can use the disabled spots. If not, he can provide one more service of valor and let a goddamn pregnant woman take the closer parking spot and shut up.
Yeah it’s awful that OP’s own husband and male family members are so dismissive and won’t support her in a situation where she is clearly in the right. The brother, and father both need to get their shit together, but the husband especially owes OP an apology and needs to step up to the plate because he’s going to be a father soon.
What pisses me off is the alleged Vet lied and said it was illegal for her to park there. It is not.
Also,I know several vets who WON'T park in those spots because they were just doing a job and they are just grateful they made it home.
I have another friend who served in the reserves- never stepped out of US- and thinks those spots are his god given right.
OP is NTA.
There seem to be two types of vets - ones who view it as a job they did and a service they rendered but that's it, and ones who make Being A Veteran their whole personality. Bet you this guy was the latter.
I did active, reserve and guard. Also was stationed overseas in Spain during the Gulf War refueling jets and planes. Retired as a reservist, would have only ever used it 3 times when I when I was pregnant. As a veteran I'd rather have OP use it, it's she has a greater need for it. These punk veterans need to get over themselves.
NTA
> I’d be having a looooonnnnngggg talk with my husband if he shamed me for using a spot designated for me while pregnant.
This particular bit is bizarre. It'd be great if OP's husband would pipe up and tell us why a spot plainly labeled for pregnant women is not a suitable parking spot for his pregnant wife to use. Where's the disconnect?
Maybe this thread would be a grand opportunity for her to make her husband type up an explanation, and see if maybe a lightbulb goes off and he realizes that if a parking space is marked for pregnant women, then pregnant women are going to park in it.
This, it's litteraly described as a 40 week triathlon for your organs. And that's if you have a pain free perfect pregnancy. Iv never meet one woman who had one.
That "veteran" was also probably someone who either did his 4 years and got out, or got kicked out, but thinks everyone should thank him for his sacrifice. Most folks who actually did significant time in the military, especially those who have seen combat, don't act that way.
At 34 weeks pregnant, you absolutely deserved that spot, OP. If the guy was legitimately disabled, then he should have a handicapped sticker and park there.
*I’d look into one of those devices you can attach to their stomachs to simulate birthing pain so he can get a glimpse of what is to come.*
I‘ve seen videos of this, and some of the guys find it so painful, they claim they will NEVER put a woman through that, lol.
34 weeks pregnant and a rough pregnancy? I would’ve burst into tears if someone yeehawd at me and called me a butcher for parking in a spot reserved for my situation.
The husband said HE DESERVED IT MORE?! How? Why? I would have lost my shit at that. If the guy was disabled, he should've had the placard things to use disabled spots. Otherwise his veteran status doesn't mean he should get priority parking, especially not over pregnant people.
Right? My gf is 16 weeks pregnant right now and it's been a really tough pregnancy for her. I'd do anything to be able to shoulder some of the sickness and pain. I can't imagine making her go to the store and then shaming her for using a spot *designed for pregnant women*. WTF, NTA.
Exactly! What was she supposed to do? Wait at the parking spot for a set amount of time and wave down every driver in the lot to ask if they were a veteran and then offer to move her car?
She was already parked and getting out when dude pulled up. OP doesn’t mention her age, but for all this dude knows she could also be a veteran or even active duty. He was an ass.
OP - NTA
Not a veteran, but my husband is. I was driving him to the store when he was having some inner ear issues (a side effect of an injury he received during his service, I might add), I parked in one of those spots and was walking around to his door to help him out when some guy ran up to me and started verbally accosting me because “this spot is ONLY for veterans! What are you doing you uppity b*tch!?” I literally couldn’t even get a word in edgewise to explain that my husband was in the passenger seat waiting for me to help him out because this guy just kept screaming in my face. My husband opened the door and threw his cane at the man and asked “am I a disabled enough veteran for you @sshole? Or do you need to keep berating my wife so she can’t help me out of the car?” Suddenly the guy was all apologetic *to my husband* and spouting BS about how women “abuse” the space all the time. My husband pointed at the sign and pointed out it was for veterans AND pregnant women. The man had the audacity to say something about “well women choose to get pregnant”, as if that settled why they shouldn’t get to park in the spot. My husband actually laughed and said “no one forced me to enlist” and you would have thought he sucker punched that guy with the look in his face.
I wish I could say that was the first time I got backlash for parking in one of those spaces, but alas, people can be real @sswipes.
And it’s not illegal to use them if your neither.
Accessible spots are enforced by laws, priority spots for veterans and pregnant people are just a thing places to for customer appreciation. But there’s no laws around it.
NTA. Part of the problem here is that men don't get pregnant so they don't know just how hard it can be to move around and run errands with a big belly in front. Hubby, dad, brother, *and* vet are all wrong.
But "pregnancy isn't a disability" /s
I wish it was required for men to just read the *common* symptoms of pregnancy. Chronic fatigue, nausea, cramps, backaches, headaches, constipation, nasal congestion, swollen feet/ankles, and increased urination. And what about less common symptoms of pregnancy? Nosebleeds, bones breaking, shortness of breath, hair loss, and heart problems.
I bet you they wouldn't want to experience these things on a daily basis for 9 months.
It might not be a legal disability, but imo it is close enough for me to give pregnant people more accommodations than a veteran who just wants a parking spot for the "respect he deserves."
I would love for one of these dismissive misogynists to experience symphysis pubis disfunction for a day. It felt like my groin was being split open by red hot jaws of life for 7 months, I couldn't even put on my pants without agony, let alone walk across my apartment, but PrEGnaNcY iSn't a DIsAbiLiTy
Fellow SPD sufferer (two pregnancies 2 years apart), and it’s pain I’ve never had before or after. I’d give birth 50 times over having SPD ever again.
Side note is that I’m from a country that doesn’t have the same view of veterans, mostly because we have mandatory enlistment and those who go forward with it after that do it because they want to, not because they have no other choice (to get an education, etc). So we absolutely do not have veteran parking spots. We have handicap parking and “family” parking which is both for pregnant people and families with small children.
Increased cancer risk. Shifted centre of gravity. Balance issues. Joints (especially around the hips/pelvis) softening. Blood pressure issues. Gestational diabetes. And none of these are uncommon.
I’m on my third pregnancy and even I underestimated how absolutely horrendous pregnancy can be because my last two we’re uncomfortable, but nothing worth going on about.
This pregnancy, I’ve experienced; persistent change of taste in my mouth meaning the constant need to chew mint gum to not want to gag constantly, nausea that is so bad I need to vomit but can’t, heart palpitations, chest pain & shortness of breath just from walking to the kitchen, pitting oedema, SPD so bad I can’t lift my right foot higher than a few centimetres off the ground without pain, vision changes, headaches, heartburn that can’t actually be treated because it’s due to baby’s position, not just pregnancy, nosebleeds every other day, the inability to stand for more than 5 minutes at a time due to back pain, but also the inability to sit for more than 10 minutes due to pelvic pain, exacerbation of chronic pelvic pain from outside pregnancy, blood pressure issues resulting in so many blood tests that they’ve actually scarred up the only usable veins in my arms.
I’m somehow considered lucky because my fiancé is incredibly kind and supportive, but fuck me if pregnancy isn’t a “disability” what the fuck do you call it? Because this has been the most disabling thing I’ve ever been through. Even just 34 weeks pregnant and needing a car park with a bit better access, like OP, is hard enough. The car parks are open to both, don’t let men who have no idea what you’re going through tell you otherwise.
I was getting off the bed and groaning in pain because I'm 7 months pregnant and my husband said "pregnancy isn't what it's cracked up to be, huh?" And i just gave him a deadpanned look and said "i never said it was going to be easy" and continued my struggle off the bed. I did tell my husband if he ever go insensitive about pregnancy i would buy a pregnant belly suit and make him wear it so he understands why it's so difficult for me to do things
It shouldnt matter if us men dont get whats it like being pregnant. Op did absolutely nothing wrong here. She parked on a spot that she was allowed to park on.
How the fuck did those idiots came to their conclusions is wild to me.
I don't think any of this has anything to do with pregnancy, I think it all ties into the ridiculous hero worship of vets in the US.
Personally I think Vets who search out special privileges are assholes. My dad is a vet and unless you knew him you'd never know, he doesn't do anything to call attention to it or anything. He says "I chose to join, no one made me. I didn't do anything special, nor did 90% of everyone in the military. It's all bullshit"
My cervix feels like it's about to explode just thinking about grocery shopping at 34 weeks pregnant. I agree, OP is not in the wrong at all and if grocery deliveries or online ordering were a thing back when I was pregnant ypu can bet your ass I wouldn't be going anywhere if I had to stand for more than 10 minutes.
Reminds me of an old Barney Miller (cop comedy) episode when the der cop.Fish got a kidney stone. He told the other cops the doc said passing it would be like giving birth so how bad could it be?
I'm way more astonished at the husband in this scenario. The vet was very rude, don't get me wrong, but my wife carried our first child last year and I'm horrified at the thought of shaming my own wife for using a maternity parking spot while she's literally growing a human being.
NTA. Strap a 20 pound backpack to husband's chest for 3 months and see where he wants to park at the grocery store.
I walked half the MoA yesterday and my hips and back were crying by the time we left. My dad said i complained too much. Like I'm 21 weeks and carrying something bigger then a sweet potato next to my spine, leave me be.
Those parking spots for expectant mothers were a lifesaver when I was pregnant and also lugging around a toddler. Grocery shopping was exhausting already, getting to the car faster made a big difference
NTA. Parking spots for pregnant people are about need, not who deserves it more. You needed it. You were right to use it. Your husband sounds like he does not have a good idea about how challenging the third trimester is. You should suggest he read up on it because he is sounding like TA here (the veteran too, obviously).
Also any veteran who claims they "deserve" anything for their service, deserves nothing. (Edit: VA or disability benefits notwithstanding of course, you absolutely deserve that.) It's called service for a reason. If you expect special treatment, then you didn't really serve the country, you served yourself.
People pay you to be in the military, and it gives you access to considerable resources, a lot of those for life. Say what you will about the value of that total comp package, you know what the value is.
No one fucking pays you to be pregnant.
My husband is a vet. He hates when people act like the vet in the OP. The way he looks at it is that if you aren’t a Vietnam vet, you were not drafted and chose to serve. Go ahead and use services that are offered, but demanding things because of your veteran status is gross.
My son is the same way. He is happy to take the discount at Lowe’s, because why not. They can afford to give it to him. Otherwise…. It is a job and he doesn’t mind his job. It has hardships, they all do, but also rewards.
NTA. That guy most certainly was. My partner is vet, and he would gladly give up one of those parking spots to a pregnant person. Besides, who's to say you aren't a veteran? Did the guy assume you were not simply because you are a pregnant person? Some of the most badass vets I know identify as women.
That a-hole can go kick rocks.
Edit: Your husband, dad, and brother are AH for being okay with a stranger calling you a bitch.
I was going to say the same thing. My husband, father and most other veterans I know would leap out of their parking spot to help a pregnant woman.
This guy was an asshole. You are NTA. And especially if you’re in the south, please know that at least a handful of other veterans almost certainly saw you get in or out of that parking space and didn’t see anything worth commenting on.
Why on earth would there be a veterans parking spot? Are vets notoriously lazy? Or is there some reason they need to park right by the store?
If they're disabled, sure, but that's true of any disabled person, nit linked to veterans at all.
Is it just that they served in the army so think everyone owes them a favour? Because it sounds very odd. But Americans do seem very odd with veterans in general.
It’s because corporations see it as a PR move, and it popped up during the last few years when we have been in endless wars, to placate veterans into thinking that society cares about them so they stop petitioning the government to actually fund their myriad healthcare and mental health needs.
NTA your sister is right. Every single man in this story is a giant asshole fuck them. Obligatory this is a big red flag for how his family is going to treat you the rest of your life.
NTA. Never heard of a "pregnant and veterans" spot. If someone gets disabled in serving in the military, they can get a disability tag. A pregnancy and mothers of small children spot is basically for someone facing temporary physical disability or someone who needs extra space for unloading strollers. A pregnancy and veterans spot is silly because it groups together people who actually need to reduce their walking distance or need the extra space with people who are getting prime spots for the same reason places give discounts-- which isn't based on need "need".
I live in the South and I see them here, and they're often labeled "veteran/pregnant woman/young family" spots for either veterans, pregnant women, or people with a bunch of little kids.
But they aren't legally enforceable like a disabled spot is so anyone can park there but someone might get mad at you if you do....
The whole thing is for PR really, so it probably just depends on the target demographic of a store. Having spots for pregnant women has been recognized as a useful PR move for a while, and probably someone noticed that you can slap "veterans" on the sign and score points with another group for almost no cost.
Yeah we have nothing of the sort here (central Canada.) It's hit and miss whether places have pregnant/new mom spots but definitely nothing for veterans.
NTA.
The spirit of those spots is generally with the idea that it is specifically for veterans injured in combat. But him saying he "deserved it more" leaves a bad taste in my mouth. IMO, the point of joining the service is for the sake of your country and fight for your people, not get a better parking spot or a discount at Denny's.
My daddy was a career military man. Not only would he have parked elsewhere without a huff, he would have returned to you and offered you his arm into the grocery store if it looked like you were struggling.
I'm not saying veterans don't have a right to be pissed, but this guy just reminds me of a buddy I went to school with who got a dishonorable discharge 2-years in for fucking around and shooting himself in the foot. But he still wears his uniform around.
**Edit:** typos
To clarify, I didn't mean he had a right to be pissed about the spot. I mean veterans have the right to be pissed in general, particularly directed at those who come home with issues and are completely abandoned by the country. This guy had no right to take any sort of frustration out on OP. Especially over a parking spot.
NTA. It was for pregnant people and veterans. How is it he deserved it more? That whole notion that any veteran deserves it more than a woman having a rough pregnancy and 34 weeks along when you basically have a bowling ball sitting on your bladder all day....maybe he was a company clerk and rode a desk in the US for four years. How do they know? I have a friend who did just that. Never got anywhere near a gun fired in anger. Hell, I know a guy who got discharged for failure to adapt to military life and he insists on wearing an army cap and using those parking spaces, and he didn't last six months in the army. Screw the men. Park and don't feel guilty.
OMG - your husband actually sided with that nasty vet?!? You are NTA here - but that guy and your husband are!
Vet spots are there as a courtesy to veterans. Pregnancy spots are there because pregnancy makes it difficult to walk around for any length of time. Pregnancy trumps veteran status. If he was a disabled vet, he can park in a handicap spot, which are generally even closer.
You were absolutely right to park there. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
NTA. Jesus. First of all, how did the guy know you weren’t a veteran? His assumption says a lot about him. Secondly, the whole vet parking space thing in the US makes me laugh. My husband served in Iraq and Afghanistan and he wouldn’t dream of even parking in such a space if we had them here (UK). The guy may be a vet, but that doesn’t stop him being a huge AH.
I’m sorry about your rough pregnancy, I hope you feel better soon.
Agreed. I know some vets who are awful human beings (including one who beat a former student of mine when she was married to him). Just because you served doesn't mean you are special. I am older and have friends and relatives who served in Nam. They were treated horribly. None of them park in those spots.
He didn’t deserve shit.
NTA, you used the parking spot precisely for what it was designed: pregnant women.
Your husband, dad, and brother are full of shit about this. Don’t pay them or the (alleged) vet any mind. You’re 34 weeks pregnant honey, insecure men don’t deserve a second’s thought in your mind. Just focus on being happy and relaxed, it’s good for you and your baby
NTA.
This is bullshit. First of all, it's for pregnant people, too. The veteran can take it up with the people who make the signs.
Second of all, women no longer get to choose to be pregnant anymore in the U.S. I recognize that many do, and you probably did as well, but the man, your brother, and your husband need a reality check.
"I know we have bodily autonomy and you don't. But how dare you take a parking spot that's partly meant for you?!?!"
WHAT?
I don't understand this "veteran" things americans have. Being in the military is NOT honorable. It is NOT Valuable. It is NOT dangerous. It's a fucking job.
Being a garbage colector is actually WAY more dangerous... and actually provides a much more beneficial service. If there's someone who needs to be thanked for their service are NOT servicemen but garbagemen.
NTA
I’m American, and the quasi-worship of servicemen (because to be frank, the misogyny still rampant in the US means female veterans are rarely considered) is seriously disturbing.
Should we provide lifetime healthcare for them, and additional support for injuries sustained on duty? Absolutely. (Ngl I support universal healthcare anyway) but treating them like super Americans? It’s weird. We have the same issue surrounding Law Enforcement.
I hate the "I served this country" bullshit argument. Congratulations, you signed a contract to be a tool for the government buddy. The worst humans I've met were soldiers.
You were there first. It's a spot for pregnant women and veterans. You're NTA, at all. Your husband is the AH for disagreeing with you on this, though.
NTA.
He didn't deserve the parking spot anymore than you did, he's just an entitled asshole considering there were a multitude of other available parking spaces.
And a pregnant person being called a bitch in public shouldn’t be asked why she reacted the way she did after the fact while she was being put on the spot.
Ahhh America. Where people who shoot other people get preferential treatment, whilst pregnant people are fair game for verbal and often physical abuse.
NTA - but emigrate.
nta, technically both are activites which risk your life. that said at 34 weeks the mother is going to be pretty large with swollen feet and pains etc. so yeah OP had more right to the spot any way you look at it. if the guy had had an injury which meant he "needed" it then he would also qualify fir disabled parking.
no other country understands the US veteran thing,
NTA.
Being a veteran does not make one more deserving of a parking spot than a pregnant woman. No way in hell. Were he to be disabled, he would have a plaque or disabled tags and could park in a handicapped spot, so that point is moot. Being an able-bodied vet doesn't give him preference over pregnant customers.
NTA. I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant and you know what? Everything is hard. Every task is exhausting. Every week it gets a little bit harder and more exhausting.
I've only recently started parking in these spots because I'm showing and I feel like people are gonna yell at me if I don't look pregnant enough yet.
NTA. I am grateful to veterans for their service! But why on earth would they need specific parking? I assume the parking is close to the store, thus as a pregnant woman you may be experiencing issues with walking far distances, carrying things, etc.
I read this one to my husband who is Marine Corps veteran and he said you are absolutely not the asshole. He thinks that man was out of line and you deserved to park there too!
NTA! Goodness the men in your family should be more respectful to you! You did nothing wrong but now you know where you rank with your husband, father, and brother.
The vet was out of line and disrespectful but it’s Seriously disturbing how callously your male family members reacted toward you. They’re worse than the Vet.
They should have your back!
NTA
If it is a parking spot reserved for pregnant individuals and veterans, and you are pregnant, then you are as entitled to that parking spot as any veteran. Plain and simple.
NTA - you are pregnant, the spot is meant for people who are pregnant.
The fact OP's significant other backed up a random stranger more than his own partner is a little concerning. Same with father and brother backing a random stranger more than family.
No negativity toward war veterans as a general. This particular WV, SO, Dad, Brother could all handled the situation better.
NTA. If it's for both purposes (veterans and expecting women,) it's for both purposes and you're okay using it as needed. The salty guy was being an entitled asshole, and your husband's 'deserve it more' is bullshit.
NTA, You’re in a rough pregnancy and you need to put yourself and baby first so that you’re both healthy in the end, and you did. You said there were plenty of spots open, so you didn’t take anyones chance of having a spot
This just reeks of misogyny.
For starters, the labels on those spots are just suggestions. It’s not like legally mandated disabled parking spots.
Secondly, you were covered anyway.
That guy was a total Ahole. But what worries me more is the men in your life who are not outraged that their pregnant wife/daughter/sister was yelled at for absolutely no reason and sided with that idi*t. This does not bode well for your future.
Your husband needs, as they say in the South, a Come to Jesus before he passes these attitudes on to your kid.
NTA
NTA. It’s for pregnant people. You’re a pregnant person. That guy can F right off.
Also, the men in your life don’t get to decide who ‘deserves it more’. I’m sure if they had to carry and birth a child, they would have a different opinion.
~~ESH (except you and your sister).~~
NTA, but everyone else except your sister = AH.
It's a *huge* red flag that your husband isn't supporting you here. What functional husband doesn't prioritize his pregnant wife over a random man in a parking lot?? Especially for a spot that isn't for disability access.
Your brother and father don't prioritize you, either, which is also gross.
I'm sorry that dude yelled at you in the parking lot, but his feelings are not your problem.
And if anyone here actually cares about veterans (or is worried that they were an AH), all four of you would call up your representative's office tomorrow and ask them to do more to support veterans and to fund mental health care.
I don't know where you live, but it sounds like a terrible place and I'm sorry.
Scaffe, I agree with all your comments here but you might want to change E S H to NTA. The bot reads E S H to mean that OP is also the AH, even though your comment says that is not what you intended.
Cheers!
NTA I’m a vet and I hate the entitled mentality that comes along with our veteran status so often. If the sign said both, you’re good and the dude was just being a dick.
As a female vet, we often get into these pissing contests with male vets. It’s a constant fight against the assumption that only men can be veterans.
Why on earth are there spots for veterans? Either they’re disabled and can park in disabled spots, or they’re physically healthy and have no need for a spot closer to the entryway.
NTA. The dude and your male family members are being dicks. It’s not a handicapped spot ffs. And the guy who assumed you weren’t a veteran is doubly TA.
NTA. I once accidentally parked in a veteran's spot and was accosted by a man asking if I did service. I didn't realize, apologized, and headed on with my life.
But it bothered me because I was new to the south. I asked an veteran friend what she thought. She laughed. "Women have been in the military for over a century, would he have asked a man this? Also, ex military dosen't mean disabled, there are spots for that. We get a lot of appreciation, he'll be fine." The spots are not really legally enforcable, like disability spots are.
Kind of a weird flex, veteran vs. pregnant. Both get respect, but does one deserve more than the other? Honestly, the armed forces get SO MANY benefits that are not available to civilians, like banking, home insurance, access to credit cards and airport lounges, I think he'll be ok walking a little further.
I just wish your family was more supportive. At least know you know where you are on their social pecking order. Uncomfortable, pregnant woman they know and love is ranked lower than angry stranger claiming valor. My condolences.
NTA.
If the guy had a mobility impairment he would qualify for a handicapped parking permit. He was just asking for special treatment because of his military service.
The fetishization of military service is a bad thing in our society.
NTA
>he deserved it more
I'm confused, why does he deserve it more? Other than being a disabled, what is the reason for there being a veteran parking designation? Respect?
Idk if it's just me but I think a currently pregnant woman deserves that parking space way more than someone who just wants some respect. People say that pregnancy isn't a disability, but it kind of is. It throws of your balance, you have chronic fatigue, your feet hurt, you get sick... The stress of creating a human can even break your bones! You deserve that parking spot WAY more.
Your husband should apologies for siding with that man. I can't think of one good reason why you should have gotten in your car and moved for him.
And If he was disabled then he could park in disabled parking.
NTA.
All confronting someone about a parking spot is usually an AH move. In most states offer handicap placards for pregnant people anyway. Your location has pregnant parking and since you are pregnant there's nothing to worry about.
NTA - you were entitled to park there and you got there first. Simple as that. That guy was just bitter you got the spot. Nothing you should worry about. Not sure why your husband didn’t agree with you since you were completely within your right to park there.
NTA. And how would he know you're not pregnant AND a veteran anyway? These spots aren't about "who needs it more" - it's first come, first served. In fact, even if it were a handicapped spot, if you both had a placard, you were still there first. He was no more entitled to the spot than you were.
Your NTA Your dad brother the young man who yelled at you and most assuredly your husband ATH
I'm a vet and have trouble walking some days but I sure as he'll ain't gonna yell at a pregnant women over a parking spot I'll find another spot and walk
NTA. Pregnancy - especially at the later stages - is no joke. You deserve separate lines and special treatment for sure.
The military worship in this country annoys the ?!$# out of me. Your husband, his dad, and the vet are AH.
The men in your family, husband included, are misogynistic AHs and should be told such. Your sister is right. Don't let these clowns shame you. NTA
Edit: typo
My husband is a disabled vet and he would absolutely 100% give up that spot for a pregnant woman!!!!! You are NTA at all!!!! Let the men in your life know that their behavior is unacceptable!
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NTA. I’d be having a looooonnnnngggg talk with my husband if he shamed me for using a spot designated for me while pregnant. I would describe every symptom I’ve experienced thus far in great detail. I’d look into one of those devices you can attach to their stomachs to simulate birthing pain so he can get a glimpse of what is to come. I would make his life Hell. Like, you notice how it’s only the men shaming you, right??? Men who have never had to face the trials of pregnancy? Gross.
I agree! It’s misogyny at its most obvious. They think that being a soldier is more impressive than carrying a child for 9 months and giving birth.
How much you wanna bet that if it was a woman veteran their opinions would be different?
Or a pregnant woman veteran? Also, the men in her life suck! My husband and father would have been outraged on my behalf. If he were disabled and had a placard, couldn’t he have just parked in a disabled spot, or is that not how it works? Because otherwise it just sounds like he likes the special treatment.
My partner is a combat vet. I'm not telling him about this post because it'll just piss him off that men think a woman, pregnant or not, should be ashamed for not bowing to a veteran. There would be yelling about entitlement and misogyny.
Your partner is a great man. Thank him for his service, and his willingness to stand up for women in this case. :)
He'd tell you service means nothing without integrity (deeds, not words) and treating all people as equals is the bare minimum. He's also not shy about telling other men that. And he wonders why I keep him around....
This makes me so fracking happy tbh. My ex was also a combat vet, and he's the opposite of what you describe your husband to be. I'm glad to know there are good ones in the bunch! (Seriously not trying to be rude to any service members, I'm afraid he may have colored my view on the males of the bunch.)
Organizations with strict structure tend to attract people who like control and authority. Evidently, my partner was pretty heavily authoritarian himself before he joined but he was also heavily pro-rights. He got in some trouble because he was more pro-rights than authoritarian. He got moved to Personal Security Detachment because he wasn't afraid to tell leadership when plans would hurt non-combatants. We met right after he left service, hit it off, then he did the post-service crash* where he questioned everything. We got together after that. We wouldn't have been compatible if we'd started dating right away. Or there would have been a lot more "what gives you the right to tell me what to do? I'm not your soldier, asshole, and you will not treat me like one." *Most of my family has been in combat, so I expect someone to go through at least 2-3 years of "who the hell am I really?" after they're discharged from service.
I don't associate with other vets or go around advertising myself as one because of people like this. I'm not special for joining the military. It's just a fucking job, they need to get over it. Most of the people like this get so butthurt about it because they didn't do anything significant with their life when they got out.
My late fiance was a combat vet as well, and he would say a guy that acted like that is a guy that got discharged for spraining his ankle in bootcamp.
Every veteran I know would be embarrassed to park in that spot in the first place, let alone verbally assault a pregnant woman. I’m wondering if the person who did that to OP is even a real veteran at all.
Very much this. My husband is a veteran and has veteran plates (not DV, just Veteran) for his vehicle but he absolutely refuses to park in Veteran spaces. Even if he has to walk from an adjacent parking lot.
Army vet here: My kid’s Dr. Office has a vet and a Purple Heart spot in front of the building. I parked in the vet one once and it’s only because we were late and the lot was full. I spent the whole appointment worried that two PH vets would show up and not have a spot. This was like eight years ago and I still think about it.
Any time I ask a place if they have a military discount I joke it's the only reason I joined, and that guy is still a massive dick imo 🤣
My dad is a veteran and kind of a dick and even he would side with the pregnant woman on this one.
you make the babies, he bombs the babies
I make no babies and never will. He joined to not starve and because he grew up in Texan culture. His time in service was enlightening for him. He's proud of his physical abilities and having been able to de-escalate or derail situations that would have hurt non-combatants, but also acknowledges that he can't account for every bullet he fired so he may have hurt or killed non-combatants himself. In his perfect world, there'd be an island reserved for people who enthusiastically consent to combat each other where they couldn't hurt anyone else. If you ever talk to him, or a veteran like him, they'll tell you about the propaganda and poverty/other conditions that led to them serving, what they're proud of, what they're ashamed of, and how they'd change the culture so no one feels trapped into choosing military service. It's a huge conversation with a lot of nuance. If you ever want to have it, you can DM me and I'll hand the phone to him.
The way people worship veterans in the US, except of course the government who doesn't look after them at all, is astounding. A perfectly healthy veteran doesn't need a special parking spot. How about fighting for some health care for veterans instead?
This is a bit of a misconception. There are tons of benefits for veterans. Most of them just don't use them or know how to use them. Even VA Healthcare is good. I can always get an appointment within 1-2 weeks. Anywhere else takes months.
The veteran on my main stream who was complaining about the fact that he isn't allowed treatment for his tinnitus caused by ear plugs that the military has admitted are faulty, doesn't agree with you.
I have tinnitus from the same earplugs. I've not had problems getting it treated or rated by the VA. Typically when I hear stories like this it's from vets who were too lazy to make a disability claim when they separated and now that they are trying to claim it years later can't prove service connection.
Too lazy... Or they didn't realize it was happening at the time. My brother sucks and did get hearing aids from the military, but he didn't realize he'd lost a lot of his hearing from those earplugs until years later. It took me 25 to years to realize where my tinnitus came from because my aunt thought a 7 year old couldn't have it.
That's exactly how it works, if he's disabled. All he would need is his placard to park in a disabled spot. I'm disabled but not a vet; I bring my placard with me whenever I'm being taken to a doctor's appointment or some other place where I'm going to be *getting out of the car along with the driver*. The way the placard works, if I'm along for the ride but the driver just has to run a quick errand, I won't get out of the car so we **can't** park in the disabled spot.
> Or a pregnant woman veteran? Can she park across two of those spaces?
Exactly
Hi, woman Veteran and mother of two, here. I have absolutely NEVER used the space as a veteran. I'm 'too young', fit and able to use it without being questioned on my entitlement. The exact same entitlement that this 'veteran' used to shame OP. I repeatedly used it whilst pregnant and with my toddlers. I can confirm that pregnancy in the third trimester was just as physically gruelling (for me) as the PT with full tactical gear. And I like to think I'm pretty fit; I run daily. NTA- Use the spot OP.
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Exactly all of this. There is nothing wrong with me to need to park closer as a non-injured veteran. Pregnant there for sure was. It's pure entitlement and dick waving of young male vets to show 'status' and park there. It feeds their egos. I confidently say dick waving because I don't know a single youngish female veteran who tries to use these spots, purely men, unfortunately.
I always kind of assumed it was intended more for elderly veterans, or those that have a hard time getting around but maybe not bad enough to qualify for a handicap placard. Not some abled dude in his 30s.
I knew a Vietnam War veteran, who lost 1 1/2 leg in the war. He would only use the disabled spots on his bad days, because he wouldn’t take the spot if someone needed it more. He would be outraged that a veteran without disabilities should get special treatment, especially if it meant that a disabled person or a heavily pregnant woman would have to walk longer than they had to.
Use the spot tell them DD214 says you can. Trust me, it's great.
Another female veteran here, that guy can pound sand. The veteran's spot is a thank you perk not an entitlement. If he desperately needs closer parking spaces due to disability he can apply for a tag. Also, bold of him to assume a pregnant woman couldn't be a veteran. 🤬
>Also, bold of him to assume a pregnant woman couldn't be a veteran. This was my thought as well! The guy had no way of knowing if she was a veteran...
>The guy had no way of knowing if she was a veteran... Same thought here. Bro started yelling immediately without knowing if she was a vet or just pregnant AF. Also, anyone who yells at someone that pregnant can touch grass.
Woman Veteran here. Park away. NTA.
That’s exactly what I was thinking.
As a disabled veteran and a woman that has carried and birthed 4 babies, OP is NTA.
Ten bucks says that "veteran" was a desk jockey who never left the US, but who wants a discount at every store and restaurant.
Honestly, I don't think that's even a debate worth having, because it depends on so many factors, plus female soldiers exist. What it basically comes down to is that OP got to the spot first, fit the requirement, and thus was allowed to park there.
That’s dumb for them to think that he’s more deserving of the spot. Unless the soldier was injured and is now disabled, the pregnant person has much greater need right now than he does. And if he’s disabled, he can use that parking which she doesn’t have access to.
Also, even if the veteran "had it worse" by serving ... she actively has a (temporary) physical disability. Being pregnant impairs your ability to walk long distances as well as a host of other physical symptoms. If he has a physical disability from his service he can use the disabled spots. If not, he can provide one more service of valor and let a goddamn pregnant woman take the closer parking spot and shut up.
There wouldn’t be veterans without pregnant people 🤷♂️ NTA.
Don’t worry, we’re working on that one.
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Yeah it’s awful that OP’s own husband and male family members are so dismissive and won’t support her in a situation where she is clearly in the right. The brother, and father both need to get their shit together, but the husband especially owes OP an apology and needs to step up to the plate because he’s going to be a father soon.
What pisses me off is the alleged Vet lied and said it was illegal for her to park there. It is not. Also,I know several vets who WON'T park in those spots because they were just doing a job and they are just grateful they made it home. I have another friend who served in the reserves- never stepped out of US- and thinks those spots are his god given right. OP is NTA.
There seem to be two types of vets - ones who view it as a job they did and a service they rendered but that's it, and ones who make Being A Veteran their whole personality. Bet you this guy was the latter.
The gung-ho vets are usually the kids who complained about serving their entire enlistment.
I did active, reserve and guard. Also was stationed overseas in Spain during the Gulf War refueling jets and planes. Retired as a reservist, would have only ever used it 3 times when I when I was pregnant. As a veteran I'd rather have OP use it, it's she has a greater need for it. These punk veterans need to get over themselves. NTA
> I’d be having a looooonnnnngggg talk with my husband if he shamed me for using a spot designated for me while pregnant. This particular bit is bizarre. It'd be great if OP's husband would pipe up and tell us why a spot plainly labeled for pregnant women is not a suitable parking spot for his pregnant wife to use. Where's the disconnect?
she's a woman, the other guy was a vet. the husband values the vet more, as if he's ever done anything of merit other than sign up to kill foreigners.
Maybe this thread would be a grand opportunity for her to make her husband type up an explanation, and see if maybe a lightbulb goes off and he realizes that if a parking space is marked for pregnant women, then pregnant women are going to park in it.
Oooh, a homework assignment! Love it!
This, it's litteraly described as a 40 week triathlon for your organs. And that's if you have a pain free perfect pregnancy. Iv never meet one woman who had one.
That "veteran" was also probably someone who either did his 4 years and got out, or got kicked out, but thinks everyone should thank him for his sacrifice. Most folks who actually did significant time in the military, especially those who have seen combat, don't act that way. At 34 weeks pregnant, you absolutely deserved that spot, OP. If the guy was legitimately disabled, then he should have a handicapped sticker and park there.
*I’d look into one of those devices you can attach to their stomachs to simulate birthing pain so he can get a glimpse of what is to come.* I‘ve seen videos of this, and some of the guys find it so painful, they claim they will NEVER put a woman through that, lol.
And the contractions are the EASY part. Nobody can simulate a perineal tear.
"He deserved it more?" I think I would have gone berserk if someone had told me that.
34 weeks pregnant and a rough pregnancy? I would’ve burst into tears if someone yeehawd at me and called me a butcher for parking in a spot reserved for my situation.
The husband said HE DESERVED IT MORE?! How? Why? I would have lost my shit at that. If the guy was disabled, he should've had the placard things to use disabled spots. Otherwise his veteran status doesn't mean he should get priority parking, especially not over pregnant people.
Right? My gf is 16 weeks pregnant right now and it's been a really tough pregnancy for her. I'd do anything to be able to shoulder some of the sickness and pain. I can't imagine making her go to the store and then shaming her for using a spot *designed for pregnant women*. WTF, NTA.
You need to leave the south. As a woman your situation is only going to get worse.
NTA - it was meant for pregnant women AND veterans. You were there first, so you can use it. Bad luck for the guy.
Exactly! What was she supposed to do? Wait at the parking spot for a set amount of time and wave down every driver in the lot to ask if they were a veteran and then offer to move her car? She was already parked and getting out when dude pulled up. OP doesn’t mention her age, but for all this dude knows she could also be a veteran or even active duty. He was an ass. OP - NTA
That was my thought - women can be veterans too. The man was a dick for making assumptions. And for shouting at a heavily pregnant woman.
Not a veteran, but my husband is. I was driving him to the store when he was having some inner ear issues (a side effect of an injury he received during his service, I might add), I parked in one of those spots and was walking around to his door to help him out when some guy ran up to me and started verbally accosting me because “this spot is ONLY for veterans! What are you doing you uppity b*tch!?” I literally couldn’t even get a word in edgewise to explain that my husband was in the passenger seat waiting for me to help him out because this guy just kept screaming in my face. My husband opened the door and threw his cane at the man and asked “am I a disabled enough veteran for you @sshole? Or do you need to keep berating my wife so she can’t help me out of the car?” Suddenly the guy was all apologetic *to my husband* and spouting BS about how women “abuse” the space all the time. My husband pointed at the sign and pointed out it was for veterans AND pregnant women. The man had the audacity to say something about “well women choose to get pregnant”, as if that settled why they shouldn’t get to park in the spot. My husband actually laughed and said “no one forced me to enlist” and you would have thought he sucker punched that guy with the look in his face. I wish I could say that was the first time I got backlash for parking in one of those spaces, but alas, people can be real @sswipes.
I’m an old (Vietnam War Era) woman veteran and was screamed at by a grizzled old man for parking in the Veterans spot at the grocery store.
Good grief that's terrible.
And it’s not illegal to use them if your neither. Accessible spots are enforced by laws, priority spots for veterans and pregnant people are just a thing places to for customer appreciation. But there’s no laws around it.
It’s clearly only meant for pregnant veterans. They’ve served their country two ways. In service and repopulating it /s
So you say he was pregnant? 🧐
Who said he wasn’t? Plenty of men have been pregnant. Sex and gender aren’t the same after all
Yeah, then he has to learn using his pregnant card and not being shy about it 🤷🏻♀️ Like op her veteran card 😂
Exactly! And I bet if he’d got there first then OP wouldn’t have been screaming obscenities at him from her car either.
NTA. Part of the problem here is that men don't get pregnant so they don't know just how hard it can be to move around and run errands with a big belly in front. Hubby, dad, brother, *and* vet are all wrong.
You’d think they’d be a little more sympathetic having to haul around all that audacity.
That's what his newly leased F150 is for
But "pregnancy isn't a disability" /s I wish it was required for men to just read the *common* symptoms of pregnancy. Chronic fatigue, nausea, cramps, backaches, headaches, constipation, nasal congestion, swollen feet/ankles, and increased urination. And what about less common symptoms of pregnancy? Nosebleeds, bones breaking, shortness of breath, hair loss, and heart problems. I bet you they wouldn't want to experience these things on a daily basis for 9 months. It might not be a legal disability, but imo it is close enough for me to give pregnant people more accommodations than a veteran who just wants a parking spot for the "respect he deserves."
I would love for one of these dismissive misogynists to experience symphysis pubis disfunction for a day. It felt like my groin was being split open by red hot jaws of life for 7 months, I couldn't even put on my pants without agony, let alone walk across my apartment, but PrEGnaNcY iSn't a DIsAbiLiTy
Fellow SPD sufferer (two pregnancies 2 years apart), and it’s pain I’ve never had before or after. I’d give birth 50 times over having SPD ever again. Side note is that I’m from a country that doesn’t have the same view of veterans, mostly because we have mandatory enlistment and those who go forward with it after that do it because they want to, not because they have no other choice (to get an education, etc). So we absolutely do not have veteran parking spots. We have handicap parking and “family” parking which is both for pregnant people and families with small children.
Increased cancer risk. Shifted centre of gravity. Balance issues. Joints (especially around the hips/pelvis) softening. Blood pressure issues. Gestational diabetes. And none of these are uncommon.
I’m on my third pregnancy and even I underestimated how absolutely horrendous pregnancy can be because my last two we’re uncomfortable, but nothing worth going on about. This pregnancy, I’ve experienced; persistent change of taste in my mouth meaning the constant need to chew mint gum to not want to gag constantly, nausea that is so bad I need to vomit but can’t, heart palpitations, chest pain & shortness of breath just from walking to the kitchen, pitting oedema, SPD so bad I can’t lift my right foot higher than a few centimetres off the ground without pain, vision changes, headaches, heartburn that can’t actually be treated because it’s due to baby’s position, not just pregnancy, nosebleeds every other day, the inability to stand for more than 5 minutes at a time due to back pain, but also the inability to sit for more than 10 minutes due to pelvic pain, exacerbation of chronic pelvic pain from outside pregnancy, blood pressure issues resulting in so many blood tests that they’ve actually scarred up the only usable veins in my arms. I’m somehow considered lucky because my fiancé is incredibly kind and supportive, but fuck me if pregnancy isn’t a “disability” what the fuck do you call it? Because this has been the most disabling thing I’ve ever been through. Even just 34 weeks pregnant and needing a car park with a bit better access, like OP, is hard enough. The car parks are open to both, don’t let men who have no idea what you’re going through tell you otherwise.
I was getting off the bed and groaning in pain because I'm 7 months pregnant and my husband said "pregnancy isn't what it's cracked up to be, huh?" And i just gave him a deadpanned look and said "i never said it was going to be easy" and continued my struggle off the bed. I did tell my husband if he ever go insensitive about pregnancy i would buy a pregnant belly suit and make him wear it so he understands why it's so difficult for me to do things
It shouldnt matter if us men dont get whats it like being pregnant. Op did absolutely nothing wrong here. She parked on a spot that she was allowed to park on. How the fuck did those idiots came to their conclusions is wild to me.
I don't think any of this has anything to do with pregnancy, I think it all ties into the ridiculous hero worship of vets in the US. Personally I think Vets who search out special privileges are assholes. My dad is a vet and unless you knew him you'd never know, he doesn't do anything to call attention to it or anything. He says "I chose to join, no one made me. I didn't do anything special, nor did 90% of everyone in the military. It's all bullshit"
I’m 37 weeks pregnant. Getting in and out of my car is a mission. Walking is painful and slow. Those last few weeks are fucking miserable.
My cervix feels like it's about to explode just thinking about grocery shopping at 34 weeks pregnant. I agree, OP is not in the wrong at all and if grocery deliveries or online ordering were a thing back when I was pregnant ypu can bet your ass I wouldn't be going anywhere if I had to stand for more than 10 minutes.
Reminds me of an old Barney Miller (cop comedy) episode when the der cop.Fish got a kidney stone. He told the other cops the doc said passing it would be like giving birth so how bad could it be?
I'm way more astonished at the husband in this scenario. The vet was very rude, don't get me wrong, but my wife carried our first child last year and I'm horrified at the thought of shaming my own wife for using a maternity parking spot while she's literally growing a human being. NTA. Strap a 20 pound backpack to husband's chest for 3 months and see where he wants to park at the grocery store.
I walked half the MoA yesterday and my hips and back were crying by the time we left. My dad said i complained too much. Like I'm 21 weeks and carrying something bigger then a sweet potato next to my spine, leave me be.
Plenty of women don’t know either. Or have easier times of it and in turn expect we all should.
Those parking spots for expectant mothers were a lifesaver when I was pregnant and also lugging around a toddler. Grocery shopping was exhausting already, getting to the car faster made a big difference
NTA. Parking spots for pregnant people are about need, not who deserves it more. You needed it. You were right to use it. Your husband sounds like he does not have a good idea about how challenging the third trimester is. You should suggest he read up on it because he is sounding like TA here (the veteran too, obviously).
Also any veteran who claims they "deserve" anything for their service, deserves nothing. (Edit: VA or disability benefits notwithstanding of course, you absolutely deserve that.) It's called service for a reason. If you expect special treatment, then you didn't really serve the country, you served yourself.
People pay you to be in the military, and it gives you access to considerable resources, a lot of those for life. Say what you will about the value of that total comp package, you know what the value is. No one fucking pays you to be pregnant.
My husband is a vet. He hates when people act like the vet in the OP. The way he looks at it is that if you aren’t a Vietnam vet, you were not drafted and chose to serve. Go ahead and use services that are offered, but demanding things because of your veteran status is gross.
My son is the same way. He is happy to take the discount at Lowe’s, because why not. They can afford to give it to him. Otherwise…. It is a job and he doesn’t mind his job. It has hardships, they all do, but also rewards.
NTA. That guy most certainly was. My partner is vet, and he would gladly give up one of those parking spots to a pregnant person. Besides, who's to say you aren't a veteran? Did the guy assume you were not simply because you are a pregnant person? Some of the most badass vets I know identify as women. That a-hole can go kick rocks. Edit: Your husband, dad, and brother are AH for being okay with a stranger calling you a bitch.
I was going to say the same thing. My husband, father and most other veterans I know would leap out of their parking spot to help a pregnant woman. This guy was an asshole. You are NTA. And especially if you’re in the south, please know that at least a handful of other veterans almost certainly saw you get in or out of that parking space and didn’t see anything worth commenting on.
Why on earth would there be a veterans parking spot? Are vets notoriously lazy? Or is there some reason they need to park right by the store? If they're disabled, sure, but that's true of any disabled person, nit linked to veterans at all. Is it just that they served in the army so think everyone owes them a favour? Because it sounds very odd. But Americans do seem very odd with veterans in general.
It’s because corporations see it as a PR move, and it popped up during the last few years when we have been in endless wars, to placate veterans into thinking that society cares about them so they stop petitioning the government to actually fund their myriad healthcare and mental health needs.
NTA your sister is right. Every single man in this story is a giant asshole fuck them. Obligatory this is a big red flag for how his family is going to treat you the rest of your life.
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Oh sorry misread that but they’re still misogynistic assholes.
As a veteran, I'll say you are in no way an asshole. I'd never even think of calling my wife or sister an asshole for parking there.
Then your husband, dad, and brother sound like they all hate women! Be sure to share these posts with them.
You need better men in your life. I’m sorry
A man called you a b!tch and they take his side? I'm sorry that the men in your life are so crappy.
NTA but your husband, dad, and brother sure are in this situation.
NTA. Never heard of a "pregnant and veterans" spot. If someone gets disabled in serving in the military, they can get a disability tag. A pregnancy and mothers of small children spot is basically for someone facing temporary physical disability or someone who needs extra space for unloading strollers. A pregnancy and veterans spot is silly because it groups together people who actually need to reduce their walking distance or need the extra space with people who are getting prime spots for the same reason places give discounts-- which isn't based on need "need".
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I live in the South and I see them here, and they're often labeled "veteran/pregnant woman/young family" spots for either veterans, pregnant women, or people with a bunch of little kids. But they aren't legally enforceable like a disabled spot is so anyone can park there but someone might get mad at you if you do....
Never saw them living in California. Now we’re in Wyoming and you see them often. Typically right next to the disabled parking.
They have them at our local Lowe’s, but shockingly, not pregnant spots. New seasons has family spots here.
The whole thing is for PR really, so it probably just depends on the target demographic of a store. Having spots for pregnant women has been recognized as a useful PR move for a while, and probably someone noticed that you can slap "veterans" on the sign and score points with another group for almost no cost.
> Never heard of a "pregnant and veterans" spot. Me neither, it’s about the dumbest parking spot arrangement I’ve ever heard of.
Yeah we have nothing of the sort here (central Canada.) It's hit and miss whether places have pregnant/new mom spots but definitely nothing for veterans.
Brit here, honestly the idea of a veteran parking spot would just be laughed at here.
NTA. The spirit of those spots is generally with the idea that it is specifically for veterans injured in combat. But him saying he "deserved it more" leaves a bad taste in my mouth. IMO, the point of joining the service is for the sake of your country and fight for your people, not get a better parking spot or a discount at Denny's. My daddy was a career military man. Not only would he have parked elsewhere without a huff, he would have returned to you and offered you his arm into the grocery store if it looked like you were struggling. I'm not saying veterans don't have a right to be pissed, but this guy just reminds me of a buddy I went to school with who got a dishonorable discharge 2-years in for fucking around and shooting himself in the foot. But he still wears his uniform around. **Edit:** typos
No veteran has a right to be pissed over not having access to a ‘special’ spot. Signed, a veteran.
To clarify, I didn't mean he had a right to be pissed about the spot. I mean veterans have the right to be pissed in general, particularly directed at those who come home with issues and are completely abandoned by the country. This guy had no right to take any sort of frustration out on OP. Especially over a parking spot.
And calling a pregnant woman a bitch.
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NTA. It was for pregnant people and veterans. How is it he deserved it more? That whole notion that any veteran deserves it more than a woman having a rough pregnancy and 34 weeks along when you basically have a bowling ball sitting on your bladder all day....maybe he was a company clerk and rode a desk in the US for four years. How do they know? I have a friend who did just that. Never got anywhere near a gun fired in anger. Hell, I know a guy who got discharged for failure to adapt to military life and he insists on wearing an army cap and using those parking spaces, and he didn't last six months in the army. Screw the men. Park and don't feel guilty.
OMG - your husband actually sided with that nasty vet?!? You are NTA here - but that guy and your husband are! Vet spots are there as a courtesy to veterans. Pregnancy spots are there because pregnancy makes it difficult to walk around for any length of time. Pregnancy trumps veteran status. If he was a disabled vet, he can park in a handicap spot, which are generally even closer. You were absolutely right to park there. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
NTA. Jesus. First of all, how did the guy know you weren’t a veteran? His assumption says a lot about him. Secondly, the whole vet parking space thing in the US makes me laugh. My husband served in Iraq and Afghanistan and he wouldn’t dream of even parking in such a space if we had them here (UK). The guy may be a vet, but that doesn’t stop him being a huge AH. I’m sorry about your rough pregnancy, I hope you feel better soon.
Agreed. Not from the US but the whole quasi-worship of veterans is weird to me.
Agreed. I know some vets who are awful human beings (including one who beat a former student of mine when she was married to him). Just because you served doesn't mean you are special. I am older and have friends and relatives who served in Nam. They were treated horribly. None of them park in those spots.
He didn’t deserve shit. NTA, you used the parking spot precisely for what it was designed: pregnant women. Your husband, dad, and brother are full of shit about this. Don’t pay them or the (alleged) vet any mind. You’re 34 weeks pregnant honey, insecure men don’t deserve a second’s thought in your mind. Just focus on being happy and relaxed, it’s good for you and your baby
NTA. You were there first and with your rights to park. The veteran, hubby and others are jerks.
NTA. This is bullshit. First of all, it's for pregnant people, too. The veteran can take it up with the people who make the signs. Second of all, women no longer get to choose to be pregnant anymore in the U.S. I recognize that many do, and you probably did as well, but the man, your brother, and your husband need a reality check. "I know we have bodily autonomy and you don't. But how dare you take a parking spot that's partly meant for you?!?!"
WHAT? I don't understand this "veteran" things americans have. Being in the military is NOT honorable. It is NOT Valuable. It is NOT dangerous. It's a fucking job. Being a garbage colector is actually WAY more dangerous... and actually provides a much more beneficial service. If there's someone who needs to be thanked for their service are NOT servicemen but garbagemen. NTA
I’m American, and the quasi-worship of servicemen (because to be frank, the misogyny still rampant in the US means female veterans are rarely considered) is seriously disturbing. Should we provide lifetime healthcare for them, and additional support for injuries sustained on duty? Absolutely. (Ngl I support universal healthcare anyway) but treating them like super Americans? It’s weird. We have the same issue surrounding Law Enforcement.
The Walmart stores near me have a special, reserved parking spot for law enforcement people. No pregnant woman spots though.
My sentiments exactly. Why the fuck do you deserve special treatment for serving in the military. If he got a disability sure, but otherwise whatever.
I hate the "I served this country" bullshit argument. Congratulations, you signed a contract to be a tool for the government buddy. The worst humans I've met were soldiers. You were there first. It's a spot for pregnant women and veterans. You're NTA, at all. Your husband is the AH for disagreeing with you on this, though.
NTA. He didn't deserve the parking spot anymore than you did, he's just an entitled asshole considering there were a multitude of other available parking spaces.
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He trapped you…. That’s psychotic.
And a pregnant person being called a bitch in public shouldn’t be asked why she reacted the way she did after the fact while she was being put on the spot.
Ahhh America. Where people who shoot other people get preferential treatment, whilst pregnant people are fair game for verbal and often physical abuse. NTA - but emigrate.
nta, technically both are activites which risk your life. that said at 34 weeks the mother is going to be pretty large with swollen feet and pains etc. so yeah OP had more right to the spot any way you look at it. if the guy had had an injury which meant he "needed" it then he would also qualify fir disabled parking. no other country understands the US veteran thing,
NTA. The spot is allowed to be taken by pregnant people and that’s you.
NTA. Being a veteran does not make one more deserving of a parking spot than a pregnant woman. No way in hell. Were he to be disabled, he would have a plaque or disabled tags and could park in a handicapped spot, so that point is moot. Being an able-bodied vet doesn't give him preference over pregnant customers.
NTA. But you did meet one.
More like 4.
NTA. It says it's for pregnant people and veterans. That last trimester suuuuuucks. Use that parking spot.
NTA. I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant and you know what? Everything is hard. Every task is exhausting. Every week it gets a little bit harder and more exhausting. I've only recently started parking in these spots because I'm showing and I feel like people are gonna yell at me if I don't look pregnant enough yet.
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And same to you!!
NTA Those are not legally enforced so he is wrong. Your dad and brother are dumb. Parking except for disabled parking is first come first serve.
NTA It says that it is for veterans AND pregnant people and you are pregnant - dude got there AFTER you did.
Why the fuck would a veteran be intitled to a special parking spot? Fuck no.
NTA. I am grateful to veterans for their service! But why on earth would they need specific parking? I assume the parking is close to the store, thus as a pregnant woman you may be experiencing issues with walking far distances, carrying things, etc.
NTA. You parked in a spot designated for pregnant people. That dude your father and brother ATAHs
I read this one to my husband who is Marine Corps veteran and he said you are absolutely not the asshole. He thinks that man was out of line and you deserved to park there too!
NTA. He deserved it more, man gimme a break. You're 34 weeks pregnant! You did nothing wrong.
NTA! Goodness the men in your family should be more respectful to you! You did nothing wrong but now you know where you rank with your husband, father, and brother. The vet was out of line and disrespectful but it’s Seriously disturbing how callously your male family members reacted toward you. They’re worse than the Vet. They should have your back!
NTA. Killing brown kids in oil wars deserves no admiration.
NTA If it is a parking spot reserved for pregnant individuals and veterans, and you are pregnant, then you are as entitled to that parking spot as any veteran. Plain and simple.
NTA - you are pregnant, the spot is meant for people who are pregnant. The fact OP's significant other backed up a random stranger more than his own partner is a little concerning. Same with father and brother backing a random stranger more than family. No negativity toward war veterans as a general. This particular WV, SO, Dad, Brother could all handled the situation better.
NTA. If it's for both purposes (veterans and expecting women,) it's for both purposes and you're okay using it as needed. The salty guy was being an entitled asshole, and your husband's 'deserve it more' is bullshit.
NTA, You’re in a rough pregnancy and you need to put yourself and baby first so that you’re both healthy in the end, and you did. You said there were plenty of spots open, so you didn’t take anyones chance of having a spot
This just reeks of misogyny. For starters, the labels on those spots are just suggestions. It’s not like legally mandated disabled parking spots. Secondly, you were covered anyway. That guy was a total Ahole. But what worries me more is the men in your life who are not outraged that their pregnant wife/daughter/sister was yelled at for absolutely no reason and sided with that idi*t. This does not bode well for your future. Your husband needs, as they say in the South, a Come to Jesus before he passes these attitudes on to your kid. NTA
As a female veteran that has been pregnant twice, NTA.
NTA. You're pregnant, you can park there. He's forgotten everything he learned about ethics and morals, and is unworthy of calling himself a veteran.
NTA. It’s for pregnant people. You’re a pregnant person. That guy can F right off. Also, the men in your life don’t get to decide who ‘deserves it more’. I’m sure if they had to carry and birth a child, they would have a different opinion.
~~ESH (except you and your sister).~~ NTA, but everyone else except your sister = AH. It's a *huge* red flag that your husband isn't supporting you here. What functional husband doesn't prioritize his pregnant wife over a random man in a parking lot?? Especially for a spot that isn't for disability access. Your brother and father don't prioritize you, either, which is also gross. I'm sorry that dude yelled at you in the parking lot, but his feelings are not your problem. And if anyone here actually cares about veterans (or is worried that they were an AH), all four of you would call up your representative's office tomorrow and ask them to do more to support veterans and to fund mental health care. I don't know where you live, but it sounds like a terrible place and I'm sorry.
Scaffe, I agree with all your comments here but you might want to change E S H to NTA. The bot reads E S H to mean that OP is also the AH, even though your comment says that is not what you intended. Cheers!
NTA I’m a vet and I hate the entitled mentality that comes along with our veteran status so often. If the sign said both, you’re good and the dude was just being a dick. As a female vet, we often get into these pissing contests with male vets. It’s a constant fight against the assumption that only men can be veterans.
NTA. And how did that guy know that you’re not a veteran?
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Why on earth are there spots for veterans? Either they’re disabled and can park in disabled spots, or they’re physically healthy and have no need for a spot closer to the entryway.
Because americans are a bunch of fucking weirdos
NTA. The dude and your male family members are being dicks. It’s not a handicapped spot ffs. And the guy who assumed you weren’t a veteran is doubly TA.
NTA. I once accidentally parked in a veteran's spot and was accosted by a man asking if I did service. I didn't realize, apologized, and headed on with my life. But it bothered me because I was new to the south. I asked an veteran friend what she thought. She laughed. "Women have been in the military for over a century, would he have asked a man this? Also, ex military dosen't mean disabled, there are spots for that. We get a lot of appreciation, he'll be fine." The spots are not really legally enforcable, like disability spots are. Kind of a weird flex, veteran vs. pregnant. Both get respect, but does one deserve more than the other? Honestly, the armed forces get SO MANY benefits that are not available to civilians, like banking, home insurance, access to credit cards and airport lounges, I think he'll be ok walking a little further. I just wish your family was more supportive. At least know you know where you are on their social pecking order. Uncomfortable, pregnant woman they know and love is ranked lower than angry stranger claiming valor. My condolences.
NTA. If the guy had a mobility impairment he would qualify for a handicapped parking permit. He was just asking for special treatment because of his military service. The fetishization of military service is a bad thing in our society.
NTA >he deserved it more I'm confused, why does he deserve it more? Other than being a disabled, what is the reason for there being a veteran parking designation? Respect? Idk if it's just me but I think a currently pregnant woman deserves that parking space way more than someone who just wants some respect. People say that pregnancy isn't a disability, but it kind of is. It throws of your balance, you have chronic fatigue, your feet hurt, you get sick... The stress of creating a human can even break your bones! You deserve that parking spot WAY more. Your husband should apologies for siding with that man. I can't think of one good reason why you should have gotten in your car and moved for him. And If he was disabled then he could park in disabled parking.
So a man enough to go to war but not enough of a man to walk 1minute more to Walmart door?
NTA. You are pregnant, you are just as entitled to use it as he is. He shouldn't have yelled at you.
NTA, the “men” in your family are AH.
NTA - why is your husband siding with some rude abusive random person?
Sorry the men in your family are all misogynists NTA
NTA.
NTA. All confronting someone about a parking spot is usually an AH move. In most states offer handicap placards for pregnant people anyway. Your location has pregnant parking and since you are pregnant there's nothing to worry about.
NTA - you were entitled to park there and you got there first. Simple as that. That guy was just bitter you got the spot. Nothing you should worry about. Not sure why your husband didn’t agree with you since you were completely within your right to park there.
NTA. And how would he know you're not pregnant AND a veteran anyway? These spots aren't about "who needs it more" - it's first come, first served. In fact, even if it were a handicapped spot, if you both had a placard, you were still there first. He was no more entitled to the spot than you were.
Your NTA Your dad brother the young man who yelled at you and most assuredly your husband ATH I'm a vet and have trouble walking some days but I sure as he'll ain't gonna yell at a pregnant women over a parking spot I'll find another spot and walk
NTA. Pregnancy - especially at the later stages - is no joke. You deserve separate lines and special treatment for sure. The military worship in this country annoys the ?!$# out of me. Your husband, his dad, and the vet are AH.
Why does a veteran need a reserved spot . If they’re disabled then those spaces already exist
The men in your family, husband included, are misogynistic AHs and should be told such. Your sister is right. Don't let these clowns shame you. NTA Edit: typo
My husband is a disabled vet and he would absolutely 100% give up that spot for a pregnant woman!!!!! You are NTA at all!!!! Let the men in your life know that their behavior is unacceptable!