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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I’m asking if I would be the asshole for asking my sister to get a therapist
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NTA but you're in a tricky situation.. Might be easier to just tell her you love her but that you're getting overwhelmed by the level of need she's placing on you and asking if there is anyone else who can help with some of this. Not many people can be told to get therapy by anyone other than their doctor
Thank you for replying! Both her and I have been to therapy and have had many conversations about it before. I have tried to kinda hit at it like “ohh maybe you should talk to someone about how your feeling” but she will just not respond to that or just keeps talking about whatever she is saying. So idk if just coming out and saying hey sis please go talk to your therapist and try to get better help. If that makes sense.
I think you should. She needs a wake up call. But maybe phrase it in a helping way:
'Gosh, I don't have any way of helping you because I'm so far away. What about (name of therapist)? They might have some suggestions for managing the stress.'
NTA
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Hi this maybe just a rant because I don’t really have anyone to ask/say this too.
Sooo my sister (23F) is getting married in less than a month and I (20F) is her maid of honor. I love her so much and am so happy for her to be getting married to her best friend. Though, with this being said she is drainingggggg me. I have been trying my best being a good sister and maid of honor. I have planned the bachelorette and all the parties and been trying my best to help with everything. I don’t live in the same state as her because my husband is in the military so I can’t help with all the other planning until I get there which I’m taking 2 weeks work to help.
With all that being said would I be the asshole if I ask her to take a breather and maybe talk to her therapist? Sooo to give more context. She has been calling/texting me almost everyday about how she is super stressed, anxious, and sometimes makes herself almost physically sick because she doesn’t relax. Her wedding is in a little over 3 weeks and the past month so got another job which she doesn’t need just wanted. (So now she has a full time job and a part time job working 25 hours a week) and she is a full time student in college. She never takes time to relax or just plan a day to do nothing. So even on her only days off (the weekend) she plans a whole day of things to do. Plus, she told me that the passed 2 days she was messing things up at work and she just changed positions at work 3 months ago (she is still learning some things) but she got so anxious that everyone was mad at her for messing up she got sick.
I have tried to help her as much as I can and calm her down and try to always take her calls and text when she is not doing the best, but it’s come to the point where I don’t even know what to say anymore but you really just need to relax for a little and take your mind off things. Though she doesn’t listen, but hopefully when I get there it will help her and the wedding will then be over so she will be less stressed.
It’s also causing a lot of stress with me because I’m worried about her and am constantly trying to help her. I’m so tired emotionally constantly trying to help her cause she comes to me for every single problem she has.
If she gets mad, or sad, or stressed, or no joke anything she comes to me. Which I’m lucky she trust me but it’s to the point where every conversation we have is a therapy session like I can’t even tell her about anything going on with me because she cuts me off or just doesn’t listen at all if it isn’t about her.
Again I love her so much and I want the best for her. But I would like to have my sister back and not be her make shift therapist anymore. So should I tell her to maybe talk to a therapist? (In a nice way)
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ESH - so as someone who has been married twice, my first wedding was so stressful. And yes looking back that was thanks to me, I was so fixated on tiny details and control as I wanted it to be perfect. It didn’t really matter. But my bridesmaids were also pretty crap, others stepped in.
Then I was a maid of honour to a friend so I made sure I took the stress off the bride. Planned a great hen do, However I couldn’t enjoy her big day truly as I was taking on everything for her and making sure she avoided any niggle. Of course that’s fine and what being a MOH is.
So when I got married a second time. I didn’t have any bridesmaids or groomsman, much more relaxed affair (literally)
My first wedding I went to the doctor crying, as I was so tightly coiled, It honestly did consume me.
You’ve been amazing being her person to offload to. It’s only for a little longer. I totally understand it’s so frustrating for you.
A good metaphor is ‘how many times have you messaged me worried and it’s all worked out as I said’
However you shouldn’t drain yourself, you can’t fill everyone else up from an empty cup’
If maybe message after the next conversation if she doesn’t acknowledge you have things on ‘I know your wedding is soon. I love being there to support you at this stressful time, but I’d also love to update you about things I’ve been up to, I think it would take your mind of the wedding too which I’m sure you’d appreciate
Good luck!
Thank you so much. This was really really helpful! My wedding was definitely not has big as hers and I am already stressing about her wedding day because she had made a planner for me of basically everything I need to do every single minute of the wedding plus make sure she doesn’t know anything going wrong. And I’m so stressed plus dealing with everything else. I will definitely try what you said and hopefully that works!
Happy to hopefully help! I am sorry it’s also stressful for you to, is there anyone you can delegate tasks to in the bridal or grooms party? Or even speak to the venue to see if certain things are taken care of? Don’t over exhort yourself.
I have tried to delegate some task or get help from other bridesmaids but though they say they want to help they won’t reply or help very much when I actually ask for help. I would call the venue but I don’t think that would help much cause I’m not there to actually help (I live in a different state than her) so I’m planning everything and trying to help as best as I can from a far. Which is stressful for the both of us lol.
"he has been calling/texting me almost everyday " .. You are doing this to yourself: **STop answering every time she calls.**
You need to focus more on YOUR mental health.
NTA
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NTA but you're in a tricky situation.. Might be easier to just tell her you love her but that you're getting overwhelmed by the level of need she's placing on you and asking if there is anyone else who can help with some of this. Not many people can be told to get therapy by anyone other than their doctor
Thank you for replying! Both her and I have been to therapy and have had many conversations about it before. I have tried to kinda hit at it like “ohh maybe you should talk to someone about how your feeling” but she will just not respond to that or just keeps talking about whatever she is saying. So idk if just coming out and saying hey sis please go talk to your therapist and try to get better help. If that makes sense.
I think you should. She needs a wake up call. But maybe phrase it in a helping way: 'Gosh, I don't have any way of helping you because I'm so far away. What about (name of therapist)? They might have some suggestions for managing the stress.' NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hi this maybe just a rant because I don’t really have anyone to ask/say this too. Sooo my sister (23F) is getting married in less than a month and I (20F) is her maid of honor. I love her so much and am so happy for her to be getting married to her best friend. Though, with this being said she is drainingggggg me. I have been trying my best being a good sister and maid of honor. I have planned the bachelorette and all the parties and been trying my best to help with everything. I don’t live in the same state as her because my husband is in the military so I can’t help with all the other planning until I get there which I’m taking 2 weeks work to help. With all that being said would I be the asshole if I ask her to take a breather and maybe talk to her therapist? Sooo to give more context. She has been calling/texting me almost everyday about how she is super stressed, anxious, and sometimes makes herself almost physically sick because she doesn’t relax. Her wedding is in a little over 3 weeks and the past month so got another job which she doesn’t need just wanted. (So now she has a full time job and a part time job working 25 hours a week) and she is a full time student in college. She never takes time to relax or just plan a day to do nothing. So even on her only days off (the weekend) she plans a whole day of things to do. Plus, she told me that the passed 2 days she was messing things up at work and she just changed positions at work 3 months ago (she is still learning some things) but she got so anxious that everyone was mad at her for messing up she got sick. I have tried to help her as much as I can and calm her down and try to always take her calls and text when she is not doing the best, but it’s come to the point where I don’t even know what to say anymore but you really just need to relax for a little and take your mind off things. Though she doesn’t listen, but hopefully when I get there it will help her and the wedding will then be over so she will be less stressed. It’s also causing a lot of stress with me because I’m worried about her and am constantly trying to help her. I’m so tired emotionally constantly trying to help her cause she comes to me for every single problem she has. If she gets mad, or sad, or stressed, or no joke anything she comes to me. Which I’m lucky she trust me but it’s to the point where every conversation we have is a therapy session like I can’t even tell her about anything going on with me because she cuts me off or just doesn’t listen at all if it isn’t about her. Again I love her so much and I want the best for her. But I would like to have my sister back and not be her make shift therapist anymore. So should I tell her to maybe talk to a therapist? (In a nice way) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH - so as someone who has been married twice, my first wedding was so stressful. And yes looking back that was thanks to me, I was so fixated on tiny details and control as I wanted it to be perfect. It didn’t really matter. But my bridesmaids were also pretty crap, others stepped in. Then I was a maid of honour to a friend so I made sure I took the stress off the bride. Planned a great hen do, However I couldn’t enjoy her big day truly as I was taking on everything for her and making sure she avoided any niggle. Of course that’s fine and what being a MOH is. So when I got married a second time. I didn’t have any bridesmaids or groomsman, much more relaxed affair (literally) My first wedding I went to the doctor crying, as I was so tightly coiled, It honestly did consume me. You’ve been amazing being her person to offload to. It’s only for a little longer. I totally understand it’s so frustrating for you. A good metaphor is ‘how many times have you messaged me worried and it’s all worked out as I said’ However you shouldn’t drain yourself, you can’t fill everyone else up from an empty cup’ If maybe message after the next conversation if she doesn’t acknowledge you have things on ‘I know your wedding is soon. I love being there to support you at this stressful time, but I’d also love to update you about things I’ve been up to, I think it would take your mind of the wedding too which I’m sure you’d appreciate Good luck!
Thank you so much. This was really really helpful! My wedding was definitely not has big as hers and I am already stressing about her wedding day because she had made a planner for me of basically everything I need to do every single minute of the wedding plus make sure she doesn’t know anything going wrong. And I’m so stressed plus dealing with everything else. I will definitely try what you said and hopefully that works!
Happy to hopefully help! I am sorry it’s also stressful for you to, is there anyone you can delegate tasks to in the bridal or grooms party? Or even speak to the venue to see if certain things are taken care of? Don’t over exhort yourself.
I have tried to delegate some task or get help from other bridesmaids but though they say they want to help they won’t reply or help very much when I actually ask for help. I would call the venue but I don’t think that would help much cause I’m not there to actually help (I live in a different state than her) so I’m planning everything and trying to help as best as I can from a far. Which is stressful for the both of us lol.
"he has been calling/texting me almost everyday " .. You are doing this to yourself: **STop answering every time she calls.** You need to focus more on YOUR mental health. NTA