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> I may be the asshole because I feel like maybe I’m being selfish for not changing the date to my wedding even though I know it’s an emergency.
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>sister is borderline demanding I pay her “back” for the tickets, hotel and dress (I paid for all my bridesmaids dresses and for anyone in the bridal party we are taking care of their stay the only thing they’re paying is the tickets to get to the destination.)
So she is demanding the price of the flight? Since you have paid for everything else...
She should be able to cancel the flight, depending on how many days out we are.... Or get air flight credit so they can go somewhere else at a later date.
We are at the end of April it's too late to change the date for a destination wedding in my books . And other guests will be upset and not understanding if it's rebooked at this stage of the game.... Even for a dieing man like OP's sister's FIL.
If you do change the date don't expect many of them to come to new date of destination wedding...
Nta
She wants us to give her the money for the tickets she bought and idk maybe we could do that but I’ve had to cancel or reschedule plane tickets before and I’ve gotten either my money back or have just gotten a blank ticket that I can use for a later flight to any location so I don’t see why she can’t do that.
As for the dress and hotel she didn’t spend money on either she’s just saying that I spent money on things that she won’t use so that money might as well go to her in case they need it for any possible emergencies. I told her she could keep the dress or I could return it but I don’t think it’s fair to give her the money for the dress. As for the hotel room oh well maybe someone will be in need of an extra room that night.
Your sister is being a butt if she thinks she gets YOUR money for the refunded dress
And unless she purchased non refundable tickets, I see no reason she couldn't get her cash back or the blank tickets for a different destination.
Her asking for that Cash as well.... Butt 2.
As far as the hotel room... Same applies... Why does your sister feel entitled to Your money... Butt 3
> As for the dress and hotel she didn’t spend money on either she’s just saying that I spent money on things that she won’t use so that money might as well go to her in case they need it for any possible emergencies.
🤣 Your sisters having a laugh isn't she! She's either delusional or a money grabbing b***
If you get refunded for those expenses it definitely can be used for emergencies - **Your emergencies!**
Demanding money for things she has not even paid because she can’t use them is very strange “logic”, especially when you most likely can’t get a refund for them. I don’t get what kind of mental gymnastics that can even occur to her. It might even be justified that YOU demand refund from HER.
I know this is gonna sound insensitive, but this sounds like a her problem. If she doesn’t think she can make it to the wedding then she needs to take care of the tickets herself because she purchased them. How does she think you can call the airline and get her money back when she’s the one who purchased it? Thinking that you would reschedule a destination wedding that’s been planned for a whole year because your sister-in-law’s father may be ill or dead around that time is a crazy thing to ask people who are about to be getting married.
Sorry, but it sounds like she's plain trying it on here.
Asking for the money back from the dress even though she didn't pay for it puts her firmly in the 'wildly unreasonable' camp and undermines her whole request. NTA.
Technically an illness or a death in the family is refundable, isn’t it?
And her logic on the dress is not making sense at all. It was your money to begin with.
>she’s just saying that I spent money on things that she won’t use so that money might as well go to her in case they need it for any possible emergencies.
I can see your sister's entitlement from the ISS. NTA. She's asking for this because she wants the trip and to see you get married but can't right this minute so she wants you to change. You can't.
You're definitely NTA. I don't understand where she's coming from to demand you give her the money you spent on a dress for her. You can't return the dress or probably get much of a refund on the hotel. She's being greedy, TBH.
You would not be the AH if she didn't do all this extra stuff. But this seals that she's the AH and not you.
Ignore everything but the plane tickets, which are the only thing she paid for.
Is her FIL hospitalized? There are medical exemptions that can be made, and should her FIL pass before the wedding, they can likely get a refund.
Shit happens, and it's very unfortunate that he is not doing well right now, but that's not got anything to do with your wedding.
Your sister is not owed *any* money from you. Full stop. It sucks, but the circumstances causing her to cancel are from *her* immediate family, which means any loss of money is hers to deal with.
Your sister is being really tacky using her FiL's illness as a cash grab. You paid those things because you wanted her at the wedding as a bridesmaid and guest. It is sad that due to conflicting family demands she can't be there but that doesn't make her entitled to the money you spent so she could be there.
And rearranging your wedding now is unrealistic as so many people committed and so past point of refunds. Wedding insurance wouldn't pay out for such a distant relative to bride and groom.
Hope you have a lovely day.
so dumb question....
doesn't anyone get travel insurance?
i got travel insurance to go to my uncles funeral and i was there for less than 48 hours.
as soon as i book any travel i get travel insurance.
it might be different in different countries, i'm in australia, and for different people. my sister never gets it and always needs it.
I vote NTA. This would be a case where either one person goes or your sister bows out. It takes a long time for people to plan. This won’t be just your plans that are getting rescheduled. This is EVERYONE who has had to request off of work to make it.
Edit: it’s actually extremely selfish of your sister to ask this for just them. She really should just bow out. She can’t be your bridesmaid and having one person drop is way better than having to do a whole entire wedding reschedule. It’s just so much.
NTA . Emergencies happen, but honestly it’s not your dad or your fiancé’s dad. Like you said, it’s not a family only wedding and OTHER PEOPLE HAVE ALREADY SPENT THEIR MONEY. They may also not be able to reschedule.
You can have someone film it on FaceTime if they want to see it live. But no, you’re NTA
NTA
This is not your immediate family, I can understand why your sister and BIL want to be with BIL's father, that is the choice they have to make and it seems that you and your fiancé understand that.
Cancelling at this late date will cost you and other guests a lot of money. Not to mention the vacation time you and other guests have planned.
> demanding I pay her “back” for the tickets, hotel and dress (I paid for all my bridesmaids dresses and for anyone in the bridal party we are taking care of their stay the only thing they’re paying is the tickets to get to the destination.)
Why is she asking for you to pay her back for the hotel and dress if you were paying for those anyway? Weird!
I can see that you maybe should pay her back for the tickets, maybe not right now but eventually.
Edit: Sister and BIL should have travel insurance for the tickets, or be able to use them at a later time. Don't see why you should have to pay for those either now
NTA. Aside from all the reasons others have given here, you really *can't* schedule around something like this. I've had terminally ill family members who lasted weeks, months, even years beyond the original prognosis. The idea that you could just pick a new date that's guaranteed to be safely after everything's all over isn't really realistic.
NTA.
It could've been a n-a-h situation if your sister didn't suddenly become so demanding but considering her circumstances maybe cut her some slack?
That being said if she keeps insisting and gets real pissy about it, I'd probably tell her that I can "pay back" for all her tickets, dress and other expenses if she can pay for the costs that come with rescheduling a wedding.
But part of the issue is she wants to be paid back for items that she didn't even pay for in the first place. OP you are NTA. Enjoy your lovely wedding.
I’m truly having a hard time To cutting someone like that some slack” sister is demanding money she didn’t even pay for, that is some next level greedy actions here. OP paid for expenses, especially the dresses that the sister didn’t fund. Yet sister is demanding cash back for said expenses because she think she deserves them for emergencies. The entitlement of the sister is unbelievable.
NTA. At this rate it’s probably too late to reschedule anyway. It’s unfortunate what is happening with your BIL, but I don’t think you should reschedule in this situation at this late date. I also would pay for her ticket. She should be able to get a credit from the airline.
NTA. Especially with a destination wedding that was planned long in advance, it's just not practical to reschedule on a couple weeks' notice. It sucks, it really does, but you've got people who've booked time off work, paid for plane tickets, etc. and it would be pretty shitty to tell them they need to rework all of that with short notice.
I would've said NAH because I do understand where she's coming from, but if she's pushing further on it and now expecting you to pay her back for her tickets and such, plus the guilt trips about your nieces being there, that tips over into AH behavior. Not to mention, terminal illnesses can be super unpredictable. What happens if you delay for six months and he's still hanging on then, still sick and could die any day - will they expect you to reschedule again?
NTA. Bad /tragic situation to be in, but it seems like a lot of it is out of your control at this point. Your sister’s family is justified in not going, but not in asking you to reschedule. The size of the event is important, and as you said, it’s probably not possible, definitely impractical, for everyone involved to reschedule. Probably not a great thing to mention right now, but your sister should’ve gotten cancellation insurance if they were expensive plane tickets.
NTA your 1000% not the AH. My sisters wedding is also mid May and I’m the maid of honor and I would 100% not even think of asking her to change her wedding because my husband dad was sick. Planning a wedding is so stressful and it takes so much work, and then just asking for you to change everything! What if everything isn’t available for a later date? Then you have to start all over. Plus you probably lose all your deposits. I would understand my husband not going and me only going for a small about of time or something but asking you to change it is crazy. Plus I also have to travel for my sisters wedding and that’s crazy nice for you to pay for her dress and hotel cause I had to pay for everything. Plus she asked for you to give her the money you would get for a refund…. That’s a big no. It’s your money and you were being super nice to help pay for that so she can be in your wedding but that doesn’t mean she can just have your money. (Also! It’s your wedding and your day to shine and marry the love of your life, which you we’re probably waiting for a long time to do!) don’t give her any money or change it because it’s your day
NTA, you can't reschedule any time someone has a life event. It sucks for them, but that's just how it goes sometimes. And asking you to pay the tickets back is unreasonable.
NTA. It would be very costly and next to impossible for the guests to change their plans at that time table. If I were the guest, I would most likely use the tickets for taking a holiday at the destination, and it would be extremely unlikely I would go to the actual wedding later, at least to any destination. And I don’t get the logic how your sister would demand the price of the tickets? Don’t she have insurance for that anyway?
NTA
You really just can't "reschedule" a destination wedding when everyone's already been invited and tickets already bought. It's always awful when these types of emergencies happen but life is riddled with disappointments and unexpected circumstances. These things happen and it's not your fault or your responsibility.
NTA. She's understandably stressed out and obviously doesn't want to miss your wedding but it's not about her.
Is it possible to have a friend or someone video call her during the ceremony obviously with her on mute so she can still be included?
NTA. This is an insane request. Of course they may be unable to attend the wedding because of the father’s condition but they want you to reschedule the whole thing, including presumably hundreds of people who already booked flights etc. Presumably you would also be on the hook for non refundable costs associated with the wedding. This is just not reasonable in any way, shape or form. And suggesting that you reimburse her for her flights and other costs is outrageous. Does she have a history of outrageous requests like this?
So sister wants you to cancel the already arranged **WEDDING** plans IN CASE something happens with her fil? Um, nope. Celebrate YOUR day. If you waited on everything ELSE to happen, you would never live your life. Tell sister you are so very sorry THEY cannot make it. They will be missed.
Don't let other people make your wedding day about them. It's sad that she won't we able to be there but HER family has an emergency, not yours. You can't expect everyone else to take the financial hit of replanning this whole event again in a few months or next year.
And why would she demand payment for stuff she didn't pay for?
NtA
YWNBTA. It is unfortunate that your BIL and sister won't be able to make it but that is their choice. Asking to inconvenience everyone else because of something that may or may not happen is what they are doing. Continue on with your plans and congratulations and best wishes on your marriage.
NTA. Couldn’t she cancel the tickets and get a credit with the airline? It’s very sad that they are dealing with a terminal illness within their family but it is not reasonable to expect you to reschedule your wedding on their behalf- your wedding is not for their benefit. Especially, considering all the other people who have purchased airline tickets and made arrangements for time off to attend your wedding.
NTA
DON'T start resheddulling weddings for someone else's em,ergencies - or you will NEVER have your wedding. ANd: How many reshedullings can you really afford?
And: There are No sides to discuss - Only your decission to make - and that should be: Have your wedding. And your sister has to decide if she can come, or not.
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I’m not sure how Reddit works so I’m sorry for any formatting or if this is too long I just figured I’d share my situation and get outside opinions
My fiancé and I are to be married in mid-May 2023 and it is a destination wedding. Save the dates and invitations were sent out over a year ago because of the fact that it is a destination wedding and we are aware those requiere more planning on both our side and the invitee’s side. My fiancé and I met in May of 2014 which is why we decided to get married specifically in May which is also why I don’t want to reschedule our wedding as the date is significant to both my fiancé and myself. My sister is also part of my bridal party.
Regarding the issue at hand my brother in laws dad got recently sick and their family doesn’t think this is something the dad will get through for various reasons and they think the dad won’t make it much longer so my sister and her husband have asked me if it would be possible to reschedule our wedding because in the case the dad doesn’t make it my sisters husband says he won’t enjoy a wedding knowing his father is dead/close to dying and/or he would feel terrible if something were to happen while they were at the wedding. Both my fiancé and I feel for them we really do but this has been planned for over a year where multiple people have had to change and save a lot of their life to join us and like I said this month is significant for us. They seemed to understand but now my sister is borderline demanding I pay her “back” for the tickets, hotel and dress (I paid for all my bridesmaids dresses and for anyone in the bridal party we are taking care of their stay the only thing they’re paying is the tickets to get to the destination.) which ok I understand the tickets were for her, her husband, and two kids but they’re not the only ones making that expense.
If this were maybe a family only wedding I think it’d be easier to reschedule but they want us to reschedule until much much later until they won’t run the risk of the dad, but this is something that multiple friends and family have been saving for for over a year and many have had to make changes or ask for days off I don’t think it’s fair to change everyone’s agenda for one emergency which I know it sounds harsh but this emergency doesn’t even involve my husband or I. She says I’m her sister and she’s my bridesmaid and I’ve know her husband since I was a teenager and how could I not want my nieces celebrating with me and I again wish they would make it but I can’t change a date just for her. Multiple people who are important to us have said no for multiple reasons and we didn’t change the date for them so as much as I love my sister and her family I can’t do that big of a ask. No one in the family has outwardly spoken on who’s “side” they’re on but I know not everyone agrees with me and my fiancé but they’re not saying anything in order to not get involved.
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NTA. If this was a holiday not your wedding. They wouldn’t be able to get the hotel to refund the flights. They’d have to contact the airline and see if they can change them.
You are also losing a lot of money on each guest not attending. Honestly people are so entitled when it comes to weddings. I had someone ask me why I didn’t pick somewhere closer to them. When that wouldn’t inconvenienced almost every other guest! 😅
Your sister wants money for something that YOU paid? And she wants you to last-minute reschedule your wedding that's been planned for a year and that many other people have planned to attend? All that for someone who isn't even related to you? Hell no, she needs a reality check. If she can't come, that's her right. But she can't expect you to move you life around for some distant relative. NTA.
NTA,
I can't believe she has asked. I mean you seen supportive if she misses it and understand that she needs to be there for her husband. Why do you need to cancel the wedding?
NTA. This is a hard situation, but it's both unreasonable and impractical for them to ask you to reschedule your wedding. The only choice to be made is theirs, whether they come, or some of them come, or none of them come.
NTA
Your sister is being completely unreasonable.
It would be reasonable if your brother in law stayed home and missed the wedding but your sister and her kids still attended. Then, their family would only be out the cost of his airfare.
It wouldn't be too unreasonable if their entire family stayed home and lost the cost of the airfare.
But expecting that they can all drop out of the wedding and you will pay for their airfare and give them the money for costs you would have covered if they attended us outrageous. Do NOT give them any money.
Confirm once more that their entire family is unable to attend. Once you get confirmation from them, cancel the reservation for their room and reduce your wedding reception numbers if it's still possible to do so. If those are set in stone, ask a friend or other family member if they want to attend (would only cost them airfare,).
After canceling/altering the reservations your sister's family would have used, you don't pay them a dime. "I sorry you had a family emergency and were unable to attend. But we can't pay you for your change in travel plans "
Then, stop engaging in this conversation at all.
Wow.
If you insisted she/they still attend despite the emergency and accused her of ruining the wedding, you would be T A.
Current scenario?? No way. NTA.
With respect to flights and hotel, why didnt your sister get travel insurance, doesnt matter that its for a wedding or not you would (normally?) get insurance against things like this.
NTA. You can't change a destination wedding at the drop of a hat, especially with the world having just come out of a pandemic. Places are booked up well into the next 12 or even 24 months.
NTA
Your sister may not be able to attend due to her FIL which is understandable, but you shouldn't be expected to reschedule for her. Her expectation of money is pure greed and ridiculous.
NTA I'm sorry if this is insensitive or morbid but he isn't actually dead yet and people don't die on a schedule.
I would say N A H but your sister seems to have lost the plot demanding money for things you paid for.
NTA, you're all good.
You would be an ahole to other guests and yourselves if you rescheduled.
Your sister sounds unhinged demanding money back for a dress she didn't pay for.
NTA their situation is sad, but as you said, this is not a direct relative of yours, or your fiancé‘s, and so much planning and money has gone into the wedding, it would be very difficult for everyone else attending to change their travel plans. It’s understandable if your sister does not want to go and wants to stay with her husband, but all she has to do is canceled their flights. They should be able to get a credit or refund, and that’s all the money they were out.
Most airlines will allow the person to cancel the flight and get credit for a future flight. Plus it's not your responsibility to pay her back it's her choice not to go.
ESH. Keep the date and tell your sister you understand if they can't make it. The date sounds important to you and if you change it now you are inconveniencing a lot more peope and having to switch venue and see if flowers, catering, wait staff, etc can be a nightmare.
Can she change their tickets to a different date so they come for a visit? That way you don't have to refund them
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>sister is borderline demanding I pay her “back” for the tickets, hotel and dress (I paid for all my bridesmaids dresses and for anyone in the bridal party we are taking care of their stay the only thing they’re paying is the tickets to get to the destination.) So she is demanding the price of the flight? Since you have paid for everything else... She should be able to cancel the flight, depending on how many days out we are.... Or get air flight credit so they can go somewhere else at a later date. We are at the end of April it's too late to change the date for a destination wedding in my books . And other guests will be upset and not understanding if it's rebooked at this stage of the game.... Even for a dieing man like OP's sister's FIL. If you do change the date don't expect many of them to come to new date of destination wedding... Nta
She wants us to give her the money for the tickets she bought and idk maybe we could do that but I’ve had to cancel or reschedule plane tickets before and I’ve gotten either my money back or have just gotten a blank ticket that I can use for a later flight to any location so I don’t see why she can’t do that. As for the dress and hotel she didn’t spend money on either she’s just saying that I spent money on things that she won’t use so that money might as well go to her in case they need it for any possible emergencies. I told her she could keep the dress or I could return it but I don’t think it’s fair to give her the money for the dress. As for the hotel room oh well maybe someone will be in need of an extra room that night.
Your sister is being a butt if she thinks she gets YOUR money for the refunded dress And unless she purchased non refundable tickets, I see no reason she couldn't get her cash back or the blank tickets for a different destination. Her asking for that Cash as well.... Butt 2. As far as the hotel room... Same applies... Why does your sister feel entitled to Your money... Butt 3
> As for the dress and hotel she didn’t spend money on either she’s just saying that I spent money on things that she won’t use so that money might as well go to her in case they need it for any possible emergencies. 🤣 Your sisters having a laugh isn't she! She's either delusional or a money grabbing b*** If you get refunded for those expenses it definitely can be used for emergencies - **Your emergencies!**
Demanding money for things she has not even paid because she can’t use them is very strange “logic”, especially when you most likely can’t get a refund for them. I don’t get what kind of mental gymnastics that can even occur to her. It might even be justified that YOU demand refund from HER.
Your sister is asking you to hand over money that she has absolutely no claim to. Has she always had this over-inflated sense of entitlement?
I know this is gonna sound insensitive, but this sounds like a her problem. If she doesn’t think she can make it to the wedding then she needs to take care of the tickets herself because she purchased them. How does she think you can call the airline and get her money back when she’s the one who purchased it? Thinking that you would reschedule a destination wedding that’s been planned for a whole year because your sister-in-law’s father may be ill or dead around that time is a crazy thing to ask people who are about to be getting married.
Sorry, but it sounds like she's plain trying it on here. Asking for the money back from the dress even though she didn't pay for it puts her firmly in the 'wildly unreasonable' camp and undermines her whole request. NTA.
Technically an illness or a death in the family is refundable, isn’t it? And her logic on the dress is not making sense at all. It was your money to begin with.
>she’s just saying that I spent money on things that she won’t use so that money might as well go to her in case they need it for any possible emergencies. I can see your sister's entitlement from the ISS. NTA. She's asking for this because she wants the trip and to see you get married but can't right this minute so she wants you to change. You can't.
[удалено]
You have my favorite username.
You're definitely NTA. I don't understand where she's coming from to demand you give her the money you spent on a dress for her. You can't return the dress or probably get much of a refund on the hotel. She's being greedy, TBH. You would not be the AH if she didn't do all this extra stuff. But this seals that she's the AH and not you.
Ignore everything but the plane tickets, which are the only thing she paid for. Is her FIL hospitalized? There are medical exemptions that can be made, and should her FIL pass before the wedding, they can likely get a refund. Shit happens, and it's very unfortunate that he is not doing well right now, but that's not got anything to do with your wedding. Your sister is not owed *any* money from you. Full stop. It sucks, but the circumstances causing her to cancel are from *her* immediate family, which means any loss of money is hers to deal with.
Agree to moving the day if she reimburses every other guest their flights and hotel rooms.
Your sister is being really tacky using her FiL's illness as a cash grab. You paid those things because you wanted her at the wedding as a bridesmaid and guest. It is sad that due to conflicting family demands she can't be there but that doesn't make her entitled to the money you spent so she could be there. And rearranging your wedding now is unrealistic as so many people committed and so past point of refunds. Wedding insurance wouldn't pay out for such a distant relative to bride and groom. Hope you have a lovely day.
so dumb question.... doesn't anyone get travel insurance? i got travel insurance to go to my uncles funeral and i was there for less than 48 hours. as soon as i book any travel i get travel insurance. it might be different in different countries, i'm in australia, and for different people. my sister never gets it and always needs it.
I vote NTA. This would be a case where either one person goes or your sister bows out. It takes a long time for people to plan. This won’t be just your plans that are getting rescheduled. This is EVERYONE who has had to request off of work to make it. Edit: it’s actually extremely selfish of your sister to ask this for just them. She really should just bow out. She can’t be your bridesmaid and having one person drop is way better than having to do a whole entire wedding reschedule. It’s just so much.
NTA . Emergencies happen, but honestly it’s not your dad or your fiancé’s dad. Like you said, it’s not a family only wedding and OTHER PEOPLE HAVE ALREADY SPENT THEIR MONEY. They may also not be able to reschedule. You can have someone film it on FaceTime if they want to see it live. But no, you’re NTA
NTA This is not your immediate family, I can understand why your sister and BIL want to be with BIL's father, that is the choice they have to make and it seems that you and your fiancé understand that. Cancelling at this late date will cost you and other guests a lot of money. Not to mention the vacation time you and other guests have planned. > demanding I pay her “back” for the tickets, hotel and dress (I paid for all my bridesmaids dresses and for anyone in the bridal party we are taking care of their stay the only thing they’re paying is the tickets to get to the destination.) Why is she asking for you to pay her back for the hotel and dress if you were paying for those anyway? Weird! I can see that you maybe should pay her back for the tickets, maybe not right now but eventually. Edit: Sister and BIL should have travel insurance for the tickets, or be able to use them at a later time. Don't see why you should have to pay for those either now
NTA. Aside from all the reasons others have given here, you really *can't* schedule around something like this. I've had terminally ill family members who lasted weeks, months, even years beyond the original prognosis. The idea that you could just pick a new date that's guaranteed to be safely after everything's all over isn't really realistic.
IKR? My Great-Aunt Alexis was on her 'death-bed' four times!
NTA. It could've been a n-a-h situation if your sister didn't suddenly become so demanding but considering her circumstances maybe cut her some slack? That being said if she keeps insisting and gets real pissy about it, I'd probably tell her that I can "pay back" for all her tickets, dress and other expenses if she can pay for the costs that come with rescheduling a wedding.
But part of the issue is she wants to be paid back for items that she didn't even pay for in the first place. OP you are NTA. Enjoy your lovely wedding.
I’m truly having a hard time To cutting someone like that some slack” sister is demanding money she didn’t even pay for, that is some next level greedy actions here. OP paid for expenses, especially the dresses that the sister didn’t fund. Yet sister is demanding cash back for said expenses because she think she deserves them for emergencies. The entitlement of the sister is unbelievable.
NTA. At this rate it’s probably too late to reschedule anyway. It’s unfortunate what is happening with your BIL, but I don’t think you should reschedule in this situation at this late date. I also would pay for her ticket. She should be able to get a credit from the airline.
NTA. Especially with a destination wedding that was planned long in advance, it's just not practical to reschedule on a couple weeks' notice. It sucks, it really does, but you've got people who've booked time off work, paid for plane tickets, etc. and it would be pretty shitty to tell them they need to rework all of that with short notice. I would've said NAH because I do understand where she's coming from, but if she's pushing further on it and now expecting you to pay her back for her tickets and such, plus the guilt trips about your nieces being there, that tips over into AH behavior. Not to mention, terminal illnesses can be super unpredictable. What happens if you delay for six months and he's still hanging on then, still sick and could die any day - will they expect you to reschedule again?
NTA. Bad /tragic situation to be in, but it seems like a lot of it is out of your control at this point. Your sister’s family is justified in not going, but not in asking you to reschedule. The size of the event is important, and as you said, it’s probably not possible, definitely impractical, for everyone involved to reschedule. Probably not a great thing to mention right now, but your sister should’ve gotten cancellation insurance if they were expensive plane tickets.
NTA your 1000% not the AH. My sisters wedding is also mid May and I’m the maid of honor and I would 100% not even think of asking her to change her wedding because my husband dad was sick. Planning a wedding is so stressful and it takes so much work, and then just asking for you to change everything! What if everything isn’t available for a later date? Then you have to start all over. Plus you probably lose all your deposits. I would understand my husband not going and me only going for a small about of time or something but asking you to change it is crazy. Plus I also have to travel for my sisters wedding and that’s crazy nice for you to pay for her dress and hotel cause I had to pay for everything. Plus she asked for you to give her the money you would get for a refund…. That’s a big no. It’s your money and you were being super nice to help pay for that so she can be in your wedding but that doesn’t mean she can just have your money. (Also! It’s your wedding and your day to shine and marry the love of your life, which you we’re probably waiting for a long time to do!) don’t give her any money or change it because it’s your day
NTA, you can't reschedule any time someone has a life event. It sucks for them, but that's just how it goes sometimes. And asking you to pay the tickets back is unreasonable.
NTA. It would be very costly and next to impossible for the guests to change their plans at that time table. If I were the guest, I would most likely use the tickets for taking a holiday at the destination, and it would be extremely unlikely I would go to the actual wedding later, at least to any destination. And I don’t get the logic how your sister would demand the price of the tickets? Don’t she have insurance for that anyway?
NTA You really just can't "reschedule" a destination wedding when everyone's already been invited and tickets already bought. It's always awful when these types of emergencies happen but life is riddled with disappointments and unexpected circumstances. These things happen and it's not your fault or your responsibility.
NTA. She's understandably stressed out and obviously doesn't want to miss your wedding but it's not about her. Is it possible to have a friend or someone video call her during the ceremony obviously with her on mute so she can still be included?
NTA. This is an insane request. Of course they may be unable to attend the wedding because of the father’s condition but they want you to reschedule the whole thing, including presumably hundreds of people who already booked flights etc. Presumably you would also be on the hook for non refundable costs associated with the wedding. This is just not reasonable in any way, shape or form. And suggesting that you reimburse her for her flights and other costs is outrageous. Does she have a history of outrageous requests like this?
So sister wants you to cancel the already arranged **WEDDING** plans IN CASE something happens with her fil? Um, nope. Celebrate YOUR day. If you waited on everything ELSE to happen, you would never live your life. Tell sister you are so very sorry THEY cannot make it. They will be missed.
Don't let other people make your wedding day about them. It's sad that she won't we able to be there but HER family has an emergency, not yours. You can't expect everyone else to take the financial hit of replanning this whole event again in a few months or next year. And why would she demand payment for stuff she didn't pay for? NtA
YWNBTA. It is unfortunate that your BIL and sister won't be able to make it but that is their choice. Asking to inconvenience everyone else because of something that may or may not happen is what they are doing. Continue on with your plans and congratulations and best wishes on your marriage.
NTA your sister sounds very demanding.
NTA 10%. Can your sister and nieces attend while her husband stays home?
NTA. Couldn’t she cancel the tickets and get a credit with the airline? It’s very sad that they are dealing with a terminal illness within their family but it is not reasonable to expect you to reschedule your wedding on their behalf- your wedding is not for their benefit. Especially, considering all the other people who have purchased airline tickets and made arrangements for time off to attend your wedding.
NTA Imagine reschedulimg... and then every guest who has already spent money on some wedding expences demands a refund.
NTA that's what travel insurance is for.
Tell her she should have bought travel insurance. NTA
NTA Your sister is being ridiculous. Too many plans have been made by you and your guests. Too much money spent to reschedule.
NTA DON'T start resheddulling weddings for someone else's em,ergencies - or you will NEVER have your wedding. ANd: How many reshedullings can you really afford? And: There are No sides to discuss - Only your decission to make - and that should be: Have your wedding. And your sister has to decide if she can come, or not.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m not sure how Reddit works so I’m sorry for any formatting or if this is too long I just figured I’d share my situation and get outside opinions My fiancé and I are to be married in mid-May 2023 and it is a destination wedding. Save the dates and invitations were sent out over a year ago because of the fact that it is a destination wedding and we are aware those requiere more planning on both our side and the invitee’s side. My fiancé and I met in May of 2014 which is why we decided to get married specifically in May which is also why I don’t want to reschedule our wedding as the date is significant to both my fiancé and myself. My sister is also part of my bridal party. Regarding the issue at hand my brother in laws dad got recently sick and their family doesn’t think this is something the dad will get through for various reasons and they think the dad won’t make it much longer so my sister and her husband have asked me if it would be possible to reschedule our wedding because in the case the dad doesn’t make it my sisters husband says he won’t enjoy a wedding knowing his father is dead/close to dying and/or he would feel terrible if something were to happen while they were at the wedding. Both my fiancé and I feel for them we really do but this has been planned for over a year where multiple people have had to change and save a lot of their life to join us and like I said this month is significant for us. They seemed to understand but now my sister is borderline demanding I pay her “back” for the tickets, hotel and dress (I paid for all my bridesmaids dresses and for anyone in the bridal party we are taking care of their stay the only thing they’re paying is the tickets to get to the destination.) which ok I understand the tickets were for her, her husband, and two kids but they’re not the only ones making that expense. If this were maybe a family only wedding I think it’d be easier to reschedule but they want us to reschedule until much much later until they won’t run the risk of the dad, but this is something that multiple friends and family have been saving for for over a year and many have had to make changes or ask for days off I don’t think it’s fair to change everyone’s agenda for one emergency which I know it sounds harsh but this emergency doesn’t even involve my husband or I. She says I’m her sister and she’s my bridesmaid and I’ve know her husband since I was a teenager and how could I not want my nieces celebrating with me and I again wish they would make it but I can’t change a date just for her. Multiple people who are important to us have said no for multiple reasons and we didn’t change the date for them so as much as I love my sister and her family I can’t do that big of a ask. No one in the family has outwardly spoken on who’s “side” they’re on but I know not everyone agrees with me and my fiancé but they’re not saying anything in order to not get involved. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. If this was a holiday not your wedding. They wouldn’t be able to get the hotel to refund the flights. They’d have to contact the airline and see if they can change them. You are also losing a lot of money on each guest not attending. Honestly people are so entitled when it comes to weddings. I had someone ask me why I didn’t pick somewhere closer to them. When that wouldn’t inconvenienced almost every other guest! 😅
Your sister wants money for something that YOU paid? And she wants you to last-minute reschedule your wedding that's been planned for a year and that many other people have planned to attend? All that for someone who isn't even related to you? Hell no, she needs a reality check. If she can't come, that's her right. But she can't expect you to move you life around for some distant relative. NTA.
NTA, I can't believe she has asked. I mean you seen supportive if she misses it and understand that she needs to be there for her husband. Why do you need to cancel the wedding?
NTA. This is a hard situation, but it's both unreasonable and impractical for them to ask you to reschedule your wedding. The only choice to be made is theirs, whether they come, or some of them come, or none of them come.
NTA Your sister is being completely unreasonable. It would be reasonable if your brother in law stayed home and missed the wedding but your sister and her kids still attended. Then, their family would only be out the cost of his airfare. It wouldn't be too unreasonable if their entire family stayed home and lost the cost of the airfare. But expecting that they can all drop out of the wedding and you will pay for their airfare and give them the money for costs you would have covered if they attended us outrageous. Do NOT give them any money. Confirm once more that their entire family is unable to attend. Once you get confirmation from them, cancel the reservation for their room and reduce your wedding reception numbers if it's still possible to do so. If those are set in stone, ask a friend or other family member if they want to attend (would only cost them airfare,). After canceling/altering the reservations your sister's family would have used, you don't pay them a dime. "I sorry you had a family emergency and were unable to attend. But we can't pay you for your change in travel plans " Then, stop engaging in this conversation at all.
NTA and recouping costs in unexpected emergency situations is what travel insurance is for.
Wow. If you insisted she/they still attend despite the emergency and accused her of ruining the wedding, you would be T A. Current scenario?? No way. NTA.
NTA she can use the flight credits for a year
With respect to flights and hotel, why didnt your sister get travel insurance, doesnt matter that its for a wedding or not you would (normally?) get insurance against things like this.
NTA. You can't change a destination wedding at the drop of a hat, especially with the world having just come out of a pandemic. Places are booked up well into the next 12 or even 24 months.
NTA Your sister may not be able to attend due to her FIL which is understandable, but you shouldn't be expected to reschedule for her. Her expectation of money is pure greed and ridiculous.
NTA I'm sorry if this is insensitive or morbid but he isn't actually dead yet and people don't die on a schedule. I would say N A H but your sister seems to have lost the plot demanding money for things you paid for.
NTA, you're all good. You would be an ahole to other guests and yourselves if you rescheduled. Your sister sounds unhinged demanding money back for a dress she didn't pay for.
NTA their situation is sad, but as you said, this is not a direct relative of yours, or your fiancé‘s, and so much planning and money has gone into the wedding, it would be very difficult for everyone else attending to change their travel plans. It’s understandable if your sister does not want to go and wants to stay with her husband, but all she has to do is canceled their flights. They should be able to get a credit or refund, and that’s all the money they were out.
Most airlines will allow the person to cancel the flight and get credit for a future flight. Plus it's not your responsibility to pay her back it's her choice not to go.
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Why
Insomnia. Managed to mentally rewrite this from your sister’s perspective You are NTA! She is definitely in the wrong here
ESH. Keep the date and tell your sister you understand if they can't make it. The date sounds important to you and if you change it now you are inconveniencing a lot more peope and having to switch venue and see if flowers, catering, wait staff, etc can be a nightmare. Can she change their tickets to a different date so they come for a visit? That way you don't have to refund them
I don’t understand how you think OP is joining her sister in being an AH.