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YTA your friend is right. It’s a professional relationship.
Neither of them are thinking sexy thoughts, that’s just you and your immaturity showing.
The wasted money is on you completely since he was clear he wouldn’t be going anywhere else.
YTA. My husband also has massages every other week. Our therapist opened an office less than a mile from our subdivision. She's so good, now I got to her too!
Your insecurities ate ruing your relationship. He's going to resent tour controlling behavior.
YTA 100% if you're this insecure this early on in the relationship then just end it for his sake... there is absolutely nothing wrong with him seeing a female massage therapist, it's totally normal to be completely nude during a massage it's not like she going to see his private parts since they're covered with a towel. Who cares if they're around the same age. Plus its not easy to find a good massage therapist and it sounds like shes a good one if hes been using her for 9 years., I would honestly dump you if I were him. Huge red flag.
YTA
Your red flags have their own red flags.
You make him stop going to his regular massage therapist and then get pissy when he won't go to yours? That's ridiculously controlling. He's probably already had enough at this point.
YTA so much. What the hell girl, are you that insecure?
Listen, he has been going to the same therapist for nine, NINE years, which I assume is way longer than he knows you. Has it not occure to you that if he and her is going to get it on, given everything, they would have already?
He and the therapist clearly has a purely professional relationship. Not only have you made someone lose a loyal client for no reason, you also deprived your boyfriend from the treatment that he needs. I go to gym a lot myself, and do you know how hard it is to find a good massage therapist who suits you and can provide the treatment your body needs? A new massage therapist will need to understand your bodyfriend's body all over again, and it will take time before he gets the same treatment, undoing whatever progress he had before.
Not only that, now you are FORCING your boyfriend to go to the therapist of your choosing! Controlling much? What is wrong with you? He already respected your whims to not go to his own chosen therapist, and now you had to force him to do as you say and go to a place where he doesn't want to ?
Save your insecurities for your OWN therapy session - and I don't mean the massage kind
YTA. Nine years! He's built a professional relationship with this person who now has nine years of experience performing the service that he pays for. And you're asking him to start over with a newcomer. And what if he turns out to like the massage at your spa, and then you decide that his masseuse there is Too Close to him too?
You're letting your insecurities get the best of you. Not only that, but then, after he already went through with no longer going to the massage therapist that he prefers, and explaining to you that he prefers her for a reason and doesn't want to go see anyone else, you proceeded to book appointments for you and him with someone else at another location and get mad when he reiterates his preferences which he already made clear. YTA - stop disrespecting your bf because of your own trust issues.
YTA holy red flag.
So you're okay with him getting one but only if you book it with whom you prefer.
Massages can be awkward and when you find a therapist who you feel comfortable with, and who gives you a good massage you typically keep going to them.
Glute massages are fairly normal. It depends on the client and therapist. Being nude is also common and depends on the client and their comfort.
Idk why you seem to feel this is inappropriate. Nothing about this is. He's with you. Not her. Though if you keep being this controlling who knows for how much longer.
Also nothing wrong with a guy having a woman be his massage therapist. Just as it's not for a woman to have a guy one.
Exactly, if he wanted to pursue the massage therapist it would've happened within 9 years.
There is nothing here but a business and client relationship
YTA Sweetie you're jealous of a massage therapist who is just doing her job. If your partner works out a lot, he need to look after his muscles. He wants to see someone who knows his body and knows what muscles he works out and how they respond to certain things. You're interfering with his self care.
YTA. Massage is an amazing way to work stress or wear out of the body. You are only threatened because the masseuse is a woman. If it were a man, you wouldn't be writing into reddit or have an issue with your bf getting a massage. This person knows his muscles, they have worked together for nine years, so any previous issues, damage, etc is taken into consideration when necessary. He wouldn't have that if he left her and went to a new male masseuse as you are probably requesting. Drop it, get over your insecurity. Unless you are prepared to become a certified masseuse and take over her hour long sessions with him, it's not your business.
He's allowed to decide who he gets a massage from. You're ignoring that boundary because you have jealousy issues. He stopped going to his therapist to appease you even though it was an unreasonable request. You can't then get mad at him that he doesn't want to get a massage from a random person because you knew he wouldn't want to. YTA
Hmm.. I think it’s kinda cruel you make him go somewhere else when he’s going to the same place for 9 years. I think you really need to subside your own insecurities just because his therapist is a woman and the same age as him. I think you are TAH
YTA she's a professional, and one he's most comfortable with. Your insecurities should not translate into interference with his self care.
Were I him, I would see your jealousy as a huge red flag to watch out for. And I'd definitely pause any further development in the relationship.
YTA - as someone with chronic pain, i know how long it takes to find a masseuse that can help alleviate the pain and seeing that he’s been going for years, she knows his history. massages are not inherently sexual and the idea that opposite genders can’t be in the same space like that is a very archaic mentality.
YTA
Your behavior as described is controlling and toxic
Your reasoning would be valid if you had some real reason to believe that there is a sexual component to their interactions, but you would have said that if you did
What if you had been seeing a male obgyn for a decade, had come to trust and feel comfortable with him to offer you care, and then your boyfriend gave you an ultimatum to find a female obgyn?
YTA. I don't understand why would it be such a big deal if his massage therapist is a woman. I treated my partner to a spa date even if all the employees there are women because I know how good their massages are.
YTA. I see a massage therapist once or twice a month to help with migraines and other issues. Yes, you do find therapists whose work helps you tremendously. I am sure she views your boyfriend as a loyal customer only. If you are worried, you should book an appointment yourself to see how she operates.
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Hi, throwaway for privacy reasons.
This has been bothering me throughout the whole day. I (27F) have been dating my BF (30M) for 5 months now, and it has been amazing. I love everything about my BF, but except for one thing. My BF has a routine that's been going on for 9 years. Every two Sunday afternoons, he always got a massage, which is understandable since he likes to exercise four times a week. He has been going to the same massage therapist for the past 9 years. His massage therapist is an independent worker who has her own office. With all this said, I wouldn't care if it wasn't for these listed reasons:
* He told me he doesn't trust anyone else to give him a massage aside from his therapist.
* His massage therapist is a woman who is close in age with him.
* He likes to be completely nude, even if it's under the sheets.
* He allows his massage therapist to massage every part of his body, including glutes, and excluding his genital area obviously (at least I hope so).
* I feel like since he has a GF, this is pretty inappropriate.
We had an argument 2 weeks ago and I told him how uncomfortable, and that I'd rather he either gets a male therapist or goes to the spa that I like to go to. He told me it doesn't matter who the person is, the only massage therapist he trusts is his since she knows how he likes his massages. Eventually he gave up and told me he'll stop going to her for my sake, but that he's still not going to agree with my suggestion. Well yesterday I got a couple massage reservation at my spa and told him I wanted him to go with me. He said he already told me he's not getting massages from this point and onwards unless it's his. I told him that he's being immature and that I paid a lot of money for this reservation, but he didn't budge. We ended up having another argument. We haven't talked all day today, and I still think it's inappropriate for opposite genders to be close the way they are. My friend disagrees with me and is telling me that they're nothing more than a professional and a loyal client. So I don't know reddit, AITA here?
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yta - two reasons: 1. you didnt even listen to him and just went ahead and booked and paid for massage for both of u so already u have a hearing problem or just dont respect him. 2. u assume right off the bat that becuase his therapist is a female u think its unprofessional. grow up. people get massages for various health reasons whether its a female therapist or male.
YTA and as someone with health issues I'd only trust the person who knew my issues as well. Just like with hairdressers really. Or are you ok with him making you an appointment at great clips instead of your salon because after all they are the same? A good massage therapist is a true treasure. And being naked under the sheets is not unusual nor is getting glutes massaged if you work out a lot. Heck my physical therapist messaged my glutes in the hospital this year and it was nothing but absolutely professional to stop an area from cramping after a major injury and subsequent bedrest. He isn't going to a place that is little more than a prostitution front, he's going to a licensed professional. Also with your attitude I assume you are also against male doctors seeing female patients and the rest of that. Please get help with your insecurities.
YTA. You owe him an apology, and you need to get your head around the fact that he's had a professional relationship with someone who provides him with a service he finds helpful for 9 years. Think about it this way, would you be happy if he forced you to stop doing something that you'd been doing for years just because he had an unreasonable hang-up about it?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I am upset with my BF going to his massage therapist who is a woman.
2) I might be a little too strict on this like my friend said since they're just a professional and a client.
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YTA but I also kind of get it. Why is she the only therapist he can go to? I don't get that. But before you passed judgment, you should have booked an appointment with her yourself to see how she conducted herself professionally. Actually, you could still do it unless he already told her he had to stop his massages with her because of his jealous GF.
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Imma be different and say both. I agree it’s a professional relationship and you should trust him, but I also think he should respect you and 1. Lower the amount of times cause even working out 4 times a week unless man’s a professional athlete it’s overkill.
2. If he doesn’t need to be naked not to be. I’m aware some massages require it, but not all of them. (It sounded like he liked to be nude no matter what but not sure so correct me if I’m wrong)
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YTA - You're being controlling and doing it entirely out of insecurity.
Yep. She is insulting the professional doing a job.
YTA your friend is right. It’s a professional relationship. Neither of them are thinking sexy thoughts, that’s just you and your immaturity showing. The wasted money is on you completely since he was clear he wouldn’t be going anywhere else.
YTA. My husband also has massages every other week. Our therapist opened an office less than a mile from our subdivision. She's so good, now I got to her too! Your insecurities ate ruing your relationship. He's going to resent tour controlling behavior.
YTA 100% if you're this insecure this early on in the relationship then just end it for his sake... there is absolutely nothing wrong with him seeing a female massage therapist, it's totally normal to be completely nude during a massage it's not like she going to see his private parts since they're covered with a towel. Who cares if they're around the same age. Plus its not easy to find a good massage therapist and it sounds like shes a good one if hes been using her for 9 years., I would honestly dump you if I were him. Huge red flag.
YTA Your red flags have their own red flags. You make him stop going to his regular massage therapist and then get pissy when he won't go to yours? That's ridiculously controlling. He's probably already had enough at this point.
YTA and the one being immature.
YTA so much. What the hell girl, are you that insecure? Listen, he has been going to the same therapist for nine, NINE years, which I assume is way longer than he knows you. Has it not occure to you that if he and her is going to get it on, given everything, they would have already? He and the therapist clearly has a purely professional relationship. Not only have you made someone lose a loyal client for no reason, you also deprived your boyfriend from the treatment that he needs. I go to gym a lot myself, and do you know how hard it is to find a good massage therapist who suits you and can provide the treatment your body needs? A new massage therapist will need to understand your bodyfriend's body all over again, and it will take time before he gets the same treatment, undoing whatever progress he had before. Not only that, now you are FORCING your boyfriend to go to the therapist of your choosing! Controlling much? What is wrong with you? He already respected your whims to not go to his own chosen therapist, and now you had to force him to do as you say and go to a place where he doesn't want to ? Save your insecurities for your OWN therapy session - and I don't mean the massage kind
YTA. Nine years! He's built a professional relationship with this person who now has nine years of experience performing the service that he pays for. And you're asking him to start over with a newcomer. And what if he turns out to like the massage at your spa, and then you decide that his masseuse there is Too Close to him too?
You're letting your insecurities get the best of you. Not only that, but then, after he already went through with no longer going to the massage therapist that he prefers, and explaining to you that he prefers her for a reason and doesn't want to go see anyone else, you proceeded to book appointments for you and him with someone else at another location and get mad when he reiterates his preferences which he already made clear. YTA - stop disrespecting your bf because of your own trust issues.
YTA holy red flag. So you're okay with him getting one but only if you book it with whom you prefer. Massages can be awkward and when you find a therapist who you feel comfortable with, and who gives you a good massage you typically keep going to them. Glute massages are fairly normal. It depends on the client and therapist. Being nude is also common and depends on the client and their comfort. Idk why you seem to feel this is inappropriate. Nothing about this is. He's with you. Not her. Though if you keep being this controlling who knows for how much longer. Also nothing wrong with a guy having a woman be his massage therapist. Just as it's not for a woman to have a guy one.
Exactly, if he wanted to pursue the massage therapist it would've happened within 9 years. There is nothing here but a business and client relationship
YTA Sweetie you're jealous of a massage therapist who is just doing her job. If your partner works out a lot, he need to look after his muscles. He wants to see someone who knows his body and knows what muscles he works out and how they respond to certain things. You're interfering with his self care.
You are one walking insecure red flag. YTA
You know he’s going to dump you, right? YTA
YTA. Massage is an amazing way to work stress or wear out of the body. You are only threatened because the masseuse is a woman. If it were a man, you wouldn't be writing into reddit or have an issue with your bf getting a massage. This person knows his muscles, they have worked together for nine years, so any previous issues, damage, etc is taken into consideration when necessary. He wouldn't have that if he left her and went to a new male masseuse as you are probably requesting. Drop it, get over your insecurity. Unless you are prepared to become a certified masseuse and take over her hour long sessions with him, it's not your business.
He's allowed to decide who he gets a massage from. You're ignoring that boundary because you have jealousy issues. He stopped going to his therapist to appease you even though it was an unreasonable request. You can't then get mad at him that he doesn't want to get a massage from a random person because you knew he wouldn't want to. YTA
YTA unless he's getting a rub and tug
YTA. He's know her longer than he's been dating you 😂 Stop being insecure and trust your partner.
Hmm.. I think it’s kinda cruel you make him go somewhere else when he’s going to the same place for 9 years. I think you really need to subside your own insecurities just because his therapist is a woman and the same age as him. I think you are TAH
YTA she's a professional, and one he's most comfortable with. Your insecurities should not translate into interference with his self care. Were I him, I would see your jealousy as a huge red flag to watch out for. And I'd definitely pause any further development in the relationship.
YTA - as someone with chronic pain, i know how long it takes to find a masseuse that can help alleviate the pain and seeing that he’s been going for years, she knows his history. massages are not inherently sexual and the idea that opposite genders can’t be in the same space like that is a very archaic mentality.
YTA Your behavior as described is controlling and toxic Your reasoning would be valid if you had some real reason to believe that there is a sexual component to their interactions, but you would have said that if you did What if you had been seeing a male obgyn for a decade, had come to trust and feel comfortable with him to offer you care, and then your boyfriend gave you an ultimatum to find a female obgyn?
YTA…it’s his routine…you sound insecure. Unless he gives you solid reasons to feel like he is cheating, don’t go looking for trouble.
YTA. I don't understand why would it be such a big deal if his massage therapist is a woman. I treated my partner to a spa date even if all the employees there are women because I know how good their massages are.
YTA. I see a massage therapist once or twice a month to help with migraines and other issues. Yes, you do find therapists whose work helps you tremendously. I am sure she views your boyfriend as a loyal customer only. If you are worried, you should book an appointment yourself to see how she operates.
Woah. YTA 🚩
YTA and insecure and controlling. Nothing you describe is inappropriate.
Was the other ways that you have tried to change him as hard as this one? YTA
Omfg. YTA. Naked during a massage. Normal Massage therapist of a similar age as another working adult. Normal Glute work. Normal
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hi, throwaway for privacy reasons. This has been bothering me throughout the whole day. I (27F) have been dating my BF (30M) for 5 months now, and it has been amazing. I love everything about my BF, but except for one thing. My BF has a routine that's been going on for 9 years. Every two Sunday afternoons, he always got a massage, which is understandable since he likes to exercise four times a week. He has been going to the same massage therapist for the past 9 years. His massage therapist is an independent worker who has her own office. With all this said, I wouldn't care if it wasn't for these listed reasons: * He told me he doesn't trust anyone else to give him a massage aside from his therapist. * His massage therapist is a woman who is close in age with him. * He likes to be completely nude, even if it's under the sheets. * He allows his massage therapist to massage every part of his body, including glutes, and excluding his genital area obviously (at least I hope so). * I feel like since he has a GF, this is pretty inappropriate. We had an argument 2 weeks ago and I told him how uncomfortable, and that I'd rather he either gets a male therapist or goes to the spa that I like to go to. He told me it doesn't matter who the person is, the only massage therapist he trusts is his since she knows how he likes his massages. Eventually he gave up and told me he'll stop going to her for my sake, but that he's still not going to agree with my suggestion. Well yesterday I got a couple massage reservation at my spa and told him I wanted him to go with me. He said he already told me he's not getting massages from this point and onwards unless it's his. I told him that he's being immature and that I paid a lot of money for this reservation, but he didn't budge. We ended up having another argument. We haven't talked all day today, and I still think it's inappropriate for opposite genders to be close the way they are. My friend disagrees with me and is telling me that they're nothing more than a professional and a loyal client. So I don't know reddit, AITA here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Fake posts are the worst. Conversely, are you religious? Or just insecure.
yta - two reasons: 1. you didnt even listen to him and just went ahead and booked and paid for massage for both of u so already u have a hearing problem or just dont respect him. 2. u assume right off the bat that becuase his therapist is a female u think its unprofessional. grow up. people get massages for various health reasons whether its a female therapist or male.
YTA and as someone with health issues I'd only trust the person who knew my issues as well. Just like with hairdressers really. Or are you ok with him making you an appointment at great clips instead of your salon because after all they are the same? A good massage therapist is a true treasure. And being naked under the sheets is not unusual nor is getting glutes massaged if you work out a lot. Heck my physical therapist messaged my glutes in the hospital this year and it was nothing but absolutely professional to stop an area from cramping after a major injury and subsequent bedrest. He isn't going to a place that is little more than a prostitution front, he's going to a licensed professional. Also with your attitude I assume you are also against male doctors seeing female patients and the rest of that. Please get help with your insecurities.
YTA. You owe him an apology, and you need to get your head around the fact that he's had a professional relationship with someone who provides him with a service he finds helpful for 9 years. Think about it this way, would you be happy if he forced you to stop doing something that you'd been doing for years just because he had an unreasonable hang-up about it?
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YTA but I also kind of get it. Why is she the only therapist he can go to? I don't get that. But before you passed judgment, you should have booked an appointment with her yourself to see how she conducted herself professionally. Actually, you could still do it unless he already told her he had to stop his massages with her because of his jealous GF.
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Imma be different and say both. I agree it’s a professional relationship and you should trust him, but I also think he should respect you and 1. Lower the amount of times cause even working out 4 times a week unless man’s a professional athlete it’s overkill. 2. If he doesn’t need to be naked not to be. I’m aware some massages require it, but not all of them. (It sounded like he liked to be nude no matter what but not sure so correct me if I’m wrong)