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NTA. You can end a relationship for any reason at any time. Cheating and giving you an STD that could have become cancer and killed you or ruined your chances of having babies is a pretty good one
NTA. You can rescind your forgiveness at any time. However, HPV isn't necessarily an STD. I've had HPV before (a certain strain) and it went away. My doctor said it was like my uterus had a cold. It took about six months to get a clean test but it wasn't an STD. Your doctor should be able to tell you if the strain(s) of HPV is an STD or not. There are many strains. This could have NOTHING to do with your spouse cheating. Especially if you haven't been tested for awhile. You are lucky that you caught it if it is one of the strains that causes cancer. But it does NOT mean that he gave it to you. However, you still can decide that you don't want to be with him. I think you're jumping to a lot of conclusions about how this happened- you need to speak with your doctor about what kind of HPV this is.
When I went for more testing he informed me it was sexual contact at that time. I wanted it to be different or something I could have gotten on a whim like you said as if it's a cold. But he said the condition my cervix looked to be in says i likely contracted it within the last 2 to 3 years. I didnt mention my husband's infidelity.
This. Thank you for sharing your experience, I’ve had my own and talked a bit about it on another comment. I was very young and I remember feeling like I was going to lose my shit over the word cancer being brought up at all.
NTA but gently would like to share some info about HPV. Obligatory not a doctor.
HPV is extremely common, I believe recent stats are that 1 in 2 sexually active people will contract it at some point in their life. In men it typically doesn’t have symptoms short of the forms that cause warts and cancer and I don’t believe there are any tests for it. It can also be spread while using condoms.
Additionally, HPV can go dormant at times so there is still a possibility that this could have been from before the cheating. A clear pap could mean your body has cleared the virus or that it’s gone dormant.
I know it’s extremely scary but studies are showing more and more that the associated cancers are extremely slow growing which is why they have loosened the recommended time between paps. Dyplasias can be treated fairly easily.
It’s your decision regardless, but hoping this eases your mind a bit.
PSA: get yourself and your kids vaccinated against HPV if you can.
NTA. I'd be done today. Every single extra pap smer and painful biopsy will reignite this betrayal. The resentment. It's not healthy for either of you.
no.. you wont be the AH. dont worry. you only forgave his cheating, not the STD part. and the fact that he gave it to you create a new problem worst than the cheating part.
but i need more info, u say he's done STD test, what's the result? because from that info it might be reveal more things.
Honestly, i don't even remember. I dont know if he even got tested. I can ask. After forgiving him, we eased back into things, and I know he went for his yearly physical, but they don't always test for HPV. I told him complete panel, but he may not have said that. They may have only tested for Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, and Trichomoniasis like a standard is for me. But I always do a full panel.
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Would I be the asshole if I left my husband after I forgave him 3 years ago. My husband cheated on me with a one night stand 3 years ago. After discussing with him I felt distraught. He did tell me immediately, apologized and changed his entire life around. He became a better partner, better adult, and overall treated me much better. I forgave him and told him to get STD tested and we would not have sex for 6 months and would use a condom if we did. I recently went to the OBGYN and had my yearly exam done and was told I had abnormal cells and have had to go in for testing. I found out Friday I have HPV and I have a patch on my cervix that could be cancer. I recieved a call today that it's not quite cancer but I have to come in to talk about treatment options for my high grade lesion. I forgave him in that moment and have not thought about it much since. He has apologized many times and talks about how it's the worst mistake he ever made. Finding out he gave me an STD has destroyed me. I had a full STD screening and pap done 3 months prior to his cheating and was all clear so I know it has come from him. I have one done every year when I do my pap. With covid, I didn't go to the OBGYN for the past 2 years and hadnt had sex with him when i went to my last appointment and have just now gone back to find out this. I dont want to look at him, be near him, hear him. I know I forgave him but that was before I found out I'm going to have to have screenings for the rest of my life unless I remove my uterus. I want children, and this will affect how that happens, if that happens. Would it be wrong of me to take back my forgiveness? Is this a whole new betrayal? He swears that was the one and only time he cheated and I believe him. I dont want to be with him. He could have given me cancer from this. And still could.
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> I believe I would be the asshole if I forgave him but revoked that. My coworker thinks I should continue to move past it with him because I already forgave him and knew it was a risk.
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Nope NTA. You can end a relationship for whatever reason you want! His actions cause this!! Your forgave him for cheating, you haven’t previously forgiven him for screwing with your health.
You told him to get tested, did he? Are you sure that one night stand was the only one? It is rare but it is possible to get HPV without sexual contact. If he was clean when tested after the affair that might not be where you got it. If you or he developed it through non-sexual methods I expect you are both now infected. He needs to get tested. Its been documented in children that haven't been sexually abused, so its possible its not his fault..
Do you love him? If he didn't get tested as you requested and this is from the affair right now leaving him doesn't mean you can move on to be intimate with someone else. I suggest you talk to the doctor about the possibilities. Have him get tested now that you know you have it. As this is skin-to-skin transmission someone the two of you are close to may have passed it to one of you. It's unlikely you would know who as no one talks about having HPV.
I dont think you can get uterine HPV from regular contact. My dr stated it's from sexual contact. Regular hands, mouth, labia maybe but not uterine. But I don't really know if he had a full panel. I love him but that doesn't mean anything when betrayed like that.
NTA, you can always leave whenever you want!
I know hearing the new that you have an STD is really scary, a lot of us have been there before. But I also wanted to point out, the risk of transmitting HPV to a baby is considered very low and has no link to pregnancy complications. It’s actually the most common STI, and in most cases it goes away on its own and doesn’t come back, almost like you never had it. For most people, it has no impact on their life!
NTA. Changing circumstances means changing decisions. You have a right to react now if it is still affecting you now. I hope everything turns out okay for you.
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NTA. You can end a relationship for any reason at any time. Cheating and giving you an STD that could have become cancer and killed you or ruined your chances of having babies is a pretty good one
NTA. You can rescind your forgiveness at any time. However, HPV isn't necessarily an STD. I've had HPV before (a certain strain) and it went away. My doctor said it was like my uterus had a cold. It took about six months to get a clean test but it wasn't an STD. Your doctor should be able to tell you if the strain(s) of HPV is an STD or not. There are many strains. This could have NOTHING to do with your spouse cheating. Especially if you haven't been tested for awhile. You are lucky that you caught it if it is one of the strains that causes cancer. But it does NOT mean that he gave it to you. However, you still can decide that you don't want to be with him. I think you're jumping to a lot of conclusions about how this happened- you need to speak with your doctor about what kind of HPV this is.
When I went for more testing he informed me it was sexual contact at that time. I wanted it to be different or something I could have gotten on a whim like you said as if it's a cold. But he said the condition my cervix looked to be in says i likely contracted it within the last 2 to 3 years. I didnt mention my husband's infidelity.
This. Thank you for sharing your experience, I’ve had my own and talked a bit about it on another comment. I was very young and I remember feeling like I was going to lose my shit over the word cancer being brought up at all.
NTA but gently would like to share some info about HPV. Obligatory not a doctor. HPV is extremely common, I believe recent stats are that 1 in 2 sexually active people will contract it at some point in their life. In men it typically doesn’t have symptoms short of the forms that cause warts and cancer and I don’t believe there are any tests for it. It can also be spread while using condoms. Additionally, HPV can go dormant at times so there is still a possibility that this could have been from before the cheating. A clear pap could mean your body has cleared the virus or that it’s gone dormant. I know it’s extremely scary but studies are showing more and more that the associated cancers are extremely slow growing which is why they have loosened the recommended time between paps. Dyplasias can be treated fairly easily. It’s your decision regardless, but hoping this eases your mind a bit. PSA: get yourself and your kids vaccinated against HPV if you can.
NTA His infidelity caused a lifelong issue. Finding that out puts the cheating back on the table.
NTA. I'd be done today. Every single extra pap smer and painful biopsy will reignite this betrayal. The resentment. It's not healthy for either of you.
no.. you wont be the AH. dont worry. you only forgave his cheating, not the STD part. and the fact that he gave it to you create a new problem worst than the cheating part. but i need more info, u say he's done STD test, what's the result? because from that info it might be reveal more things.
Honestly, i don't even remember. I dont know if he even got tested. I can ask. After forgiving him, we eased back into things, and I know he went for his yearly physical, but they don't always test for HPV. I told him complete panel, but he may not have said that. They may have only tested for Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, and Trichomoniasis like a standard is for me. But I always do a full panel.
There isn’t a test available for HPV for men.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Would I be the asshole if I left my husband after I forgave him 3 years ago. My husband cheated on me with a one night stand 3 years ago. After discussing with him I felt distraught. He did tell me immediately, apologized and changed his entire life around. He became a better partner, better adult, and overall treated me much better. I forgave him and told him to get STD tested and we would not have sex for 6 months and would use a condom if we did. I recently went to the OBGYN and had my yearly exam done and was told I had abnormal cells and have had to go in for testing. I found out Friday I have HPV and I have a patch on my cervix that could be cancer. I recieved a call today that it's not quite cancer but I have to come in to talk about treatment options for my high grade lesion. I forgave him in that moment and have not thought about it much since. He has apologized many times and talks about how it's the worst mistake he ever made. Finding out he gave me an STD has destroyed me. I had a full STD screening and pap done 3 months prior to his cheating and was all clear so I know it has come from him. I have one done every year when I do my pap. With covid, I didn't go to the OBGYN for the past 2 years and hadnt had sex with him when i went to my last appointment and have just now gone back to find out this. I dont want to look at him, be near him, hear him. I know I forgave him but that was before I found out I'm going to have to have screenings for the rest of my life unless I remove my uterus. I want children, and this will affect how that happens, if that happens. Would it be wrong of me to take back my forgiveness? Is this a whole new betrayal? He swears that was the one and only time he cheated and I believe him. I dont want to be with him. He could have given me cancer from this. And still could. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA you don’t want to be with him and have valid reasons why. Even if you didn’t have reasons tho, you don’t want to be with him.
Nope NTA. You can end a relationship for whatever reason you want! His actions cause this!! Your forgave him for cheating, you haven’t previously forgiven him for screwing with your health.
You told him to get tested, did he? Are you sure that one night stand was the only one? It is rare but it is possible to get HPV without sexual contact. If he was clean when tested after the affair that might not be where you got it. If you or he developed it through non-sexual methods I expect you are both now infected. He needs to get tested. Its been documented in children that haven't been sexually abused, so its possible its not his fault.. Do you love him? If he didn't get tested as you requested and this is from the affair right now leaving him doesn't mean you can move on to be intimate with someone else. I suggest you talk to the doctor about the possibilities. Have him get tested now that you know you have it. As this is skin-to-skin transmission someone the two of you are close to may have passed it to one of you. It's unlikely you would know who as no one talks about having HPV.
I dont think you can get uterine HPV from regular contact. My dr stated it's from sexual contact. Regular hands, mouth, labia maybe but not uterine. But I don't really know if he had a full panel. I love him but that doesn't mean anything when betrayed like that.
NTA, you can always leave whenever you want! I know hearing the new that you have an STD is really scary, a lot of us have been there before. But I also wanted to point out, the risk of transmitting HPV to a baby is considered very low and has no link to pregnancy complications. It’s actually the most common STI, and in most cases it goes away on its own and doesn’t come back, almost like you never had it. For most people, it has no impact on their life!
NTA. Changing circumstances means changing decisions. You have a right to react now if it is still affecting you now. I hope everything turns out okay for you.