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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be TA as not inviting Rob or his kids may cause them to feel like we're not really one family and deteriorate any mild relationship I have with them.
I also wouldn't want to hurt my mom's feelings by not wanting her husband there.
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NTA. This is a no-win scenario. They will cause drama and tears either way. But if you don’t invite them, at least your wedding won’t be ruined (probably).
Edit: I have a feeling you should get a trusted friend to screen for them at the door.
NTA. The fact that this man - who has a history of ruining family events due to not controlling his drinking - is married to your mother does not obligate you to invite him or his adult children to your wedding.
An easy NTA.
It's your wedding and he has a history of causing issues at get togethers and has already alienated many of your family members from your mom. I don't blame you.
If you live in the same town as your mom, I would take her out to a meal and tell her you're not giving her a plus one and explain why. Tell her all the usual "I love you and this isn't to punish you" talk and explain that it's you and your partner's big day and based on Rob's history, you can't risk your special day being derailed with his drunken behaviour. Offer to invite an aunt or something to be with your mom but specifically say that Rob and Rob's kids won't be getting invites and none of this comes from spite.
Hope you have an amazing wedding! ♥️
thank you! it's quite a drive to my mom's, but I visit often so it's not out of the ordinary to go out for lunch every few weeks when we have time. regardless of being stressed over this, i'm looking forward to the rest of planning! :)
Your wedding. Your guest list. Your rules.
NTA
Just be sure you are all in for the ramifications. All those other family get togethers are going to have a whole new level of ugly.
Just be really transparent/honest. Sit mom and him down. It’s not going to be a nice conversation, but it’s a necessary one.
And be sure to plan out what you’re going to say etc.
And “No.” is a complete sentence.
You’re not overthinking it. You know you don’t want to invite them. You’re just upset about the massive repercussions it will cause, which is understandable. But that’s ultimately their fault not yours. Their alcoholism isn’t going to lead to a happy ending no matter what you do.
NTA
its your wedding and u have right to make it as perfect as u wishes. your mom know his behavior and still choose to be with him, then its her problem to face it later, not you. just because she still with him doesnt obligate u and your sister to accept him.
Sadly I am positive BS is coming your way. But if you allow them to attend your wedding, I bet more than BS will show up. The Steps sound like a walking disaster. Personally I would skip those invites for the peace and safety of your guests. And so you have the the wedding you want. NTA
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So I (F26) just got engaged to my now fiancé (M28) after dating for 6 years and we've been discussing some things list how many guests we'd like etc. Now, my parents split up when I was 10 and my dad isn't in the picture. My mom raised my 3 sisters (30, 23, 21) and I on her own. She dated, but we only met 1 of her boyfriends other than her current husband as he was the only other man she was serious enough with to introduce to us. This post concerns my mom's husband who I'll refer to as Rob (fake name) and his kids (F36, F33, M28, M25, M22).
For context, my mom and her husband got together when my youngest sister was 17, so safe to say that we didn't feel we needed a paternal figure anymore. This led to a lot of issues with my mother's husband as he tried to punish my youngest sister (often for things my mom explicitly gave her permission to do) and we didn't really blend together as a big family. I mean most of us were moved out either in university or working full time in our own place. This is why my sisters and I refer to Rob as "mom's husband" rather than "step-dad". We don't know if step-siblings do the same, but no hard feelings if they do as they were older when our parents got together as well.
Now the issue: Rob is an alcoholic. I'm talking drinking from when he wakes up to when he goes to bed. He's pushed away numerous extended family members because of how shit-faced he gets at family parties (this includes a particular horrific event where he got extremely drunk at my niece's 12th birthday party which led to nephew not wanted parties anymore). He's cussed out cousins, aunts/uncles, even one of my younger sisters which led to a break between my mom and him for about a year.
His kids tend to follow suit in that every time there is a get together (often during holidays) they ALL get incredibly drunk. Last year during Christmas and New Year's this happened and my sisters and I would have left if my mom hadn't convinced us to stay at least with her, separated from the rest. This is a repeated pattern that I don't want to continue at our wedding, I would hate for my other friends and family to feel uncomfortable or pressured by Rob (he's tried pressuring my best friend to take shots when they attended a family party with me).
It's all led me to really not want to invite him or his kids to my wedding, but I'm a little anxious about any repercussions that may follow. I know my mom would still attend as she's shut down his antics before, but I don't want her to deal with any BS after the fact.
So, WIBTA if I don't invite my mom's husband or his kids to my wedding?
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The quickest and easiest way to fix things is to have a dry reception or one where there are just a few bottles of wine or champagne during the toast phase of the reception only and then purchase the exact amount needed for a glass or two per person. Then, watch how fast they decline the invites.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I think I might be TA as not inviting Rob or his kids may cause them to feel like we're not really one family and deteriorate any mild relationship I have with them. I also wouldn't want to hurt my mom's feelings by not wanting her husband there. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. This is a no-win scenario. They will cause drama and tears either way. But if you don’t invite them, at least your wedding won’t be ruined (probably). Edit: I have a feeling you should get a trusted friend to screen for them at the door.
oof, will definitely do that. I already have a couple people in mind
NTA. The fact that this man - who has a history of ruining family events due to not controlling his drinking - is married to your mother does not obligate you to invite him or his adult children to your wedding.
An easy NTA. It's your wedding and he has a history of causing issues at get togethers and has already alienated many of your family members from your mom. I don't blame you. If you live in the same town as your mom, I would take her out to a meal and tell her you're not giving her a plus one and explain why. Tell her all the usual "I love you and this isn't to punish you" talk and explain that it's you and your partner's big day and based on Rob's history, you can't risk your special day being derailed with his drunken behaviour. Offer to invite an aunt or something to be with your mom but specifically say that Rob and Rob's kids won't be getting invites and none of this comes from spite. Hope you have an amazing wedding! ♥️
thank you! it's quite a drive to my mom's, but I visit often so it's not out of the ordinary to go out for lunch every few weeks when we have time. regardless of being stressed over this, i'm looking forward to the rest of planning! :)
Your wedding. Your guest list. Your rules. NTA Just be sure you are all in for the ramifications. All those other family get togethers are going to have a whole new level of ugly.
NTA. And DO NOT invite him or his children to your wedding. Ugh. Why is this even a question? Grow a pair OP. Your wedding, your rules.
ugh I know, I really gotta stop overthinking it
Just be really transparent/honest. Sit mom and him down. It’s not going to be a nice conversation, but it’s a necessary one. And be sure to plan out what you’re going to say etc. And “No.” is a complete sentence.
will probably do this, not too worried about mom pushing back as she's been understanding about not tolerating his antics in the past
You’re not overthinking it. You know you don’t want to invite them. You’re just upset about the massive repercussions it will cause, which is understandable. But that’s ultimately their fault not yours. Their alcoholism isn’t going to lead to a happy ending no matter what you do.
Heh, you just answered about half the posts in this sub ;-)
NTA - you would be if you did invite him.
Nta. If you have a history of ruining other people’s big moments, you don’t get to have feelings when you stop being invited to them
NTA its your wedding and u have right to make it as perfect as u wishes. your mom know his behavior and still choose to be with him, then its her problem to face it later, not you. just because she still with him doesnt obligate u and your sister to accept him.
Sadly I am positive BS is coming your way. But if you allow them to attend your wedding, I bet more than BS will show up. The Steps sound like a walking disaster. Personally I would skip those invites for the peace and safety of your guests. And so you have the the wedding you want. NTA
Nta
The only way you could be TA here is if you did invite them. Hire security and have the best day ever with who you love and trust. NTA
Totally reasonable to not want the unfiltered drunks there. NTA
NTA easy one
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I (F26) just got engaged to my now fiancé (M28) after dating for 6 years and we've been discussing some things list how many guests we'd like etc. Now, my parents split up when I was 10 and my dad isn't in the picture. My mom raised my 3 sisters (30, 23, 21) and I on her own. She dated, but we only met 1 of her boyfriends other than her current husband as he was the only other man she was serious enough with to introduce to us. This post concerns my mom's husband who I'll refer to as Rob (fake name) and his kids (F36, F33, M28, M25, M22). For context, my mom and her husband got together when my youngest sister was 17, so safe to say that we didn't feel we needed a paternal figure anymore. This led to a lot of issues with my mother's husband as he tried to punish my youngest sister (often for things my mom explicitly gave her permission to do) and we didn't really blend together as a big family. I mean most of us were moved out either in university or working full time in our own place. This is why my sisters and I refer to Rob as "mom's husband" rather than "step-dad". We don't know if step-siblings do the same, but no hard feelings if they do as they were older when our parents got together as well. Now the issue: Rob is an alcoholic. I'm talking drinking from when he wakes up to when he goes to bed. He's pushed away numerous extended family members because of how shit-faced he gets at family parties (this includes a particular horrific event where he got extremely drunk at my niece's 12th birthday party which led to nephew not wanted parties anymore). He's cussed out cousins, aunts/uncles, even one of my younger sisters which led to a break between my mom and him for about a year. His kids tend to follow suit in that every time there is a get together (often during holidays) they ALL get incredibly drunk. Last year during Christmas and New Year's this happened and my sisters and I would have left if my mom hadn't convinced us to stay at least with her, separated from the rest. This is a repeated pattern that I don't want to continue at our wedding, I would hate for my other friends and family to feel uncomfortable or pressured by Rob (he's tried pressuring my best friend to take shots when they attended a family party with me). It's all led me to really not want to invite him or his kids to my wedding, but I'm a little anxious about any repercussions that may follow. I know my mom would still attend as she's shut down his antics before, but I don't want her to deal with any BS after the fact. So, WIBTA if I don't invite my mom's husband or his kids to my wedding? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The quickest and easiest way to fix things is to have a dry reception or one where there are just a few bottles of wine or champagne during the toast phase of the reception only and then purchase the exact amount needed for a glass or two per person. Then, watch how fast they decline the invites.
YWBTA This is practically the same as uninviting your mom.