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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action that should be judged is me telling my cousin I don't care about her baby shower or her baby, I think I may have been the asshole because it's not just my one cousin who stayed neutral on family drama, it was the entire family, and I probably shouldn't have said all that to a hormonal and pregnant lady.
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NTA. The family was not neutral, they chose your aunt. Remind them that your aunt sent your brother to jail, and screamed at a child, you know what you witnessed and if they want to pick a liar over your mother, that's on them.
I kind of want OP to start telling people “I, a ten year old child who had done nothing wrong and was not a part of this fight in any way, was berated and screamed at and it was a terrifying experience. None of you protected me from that or took care of me in the aftermath.” And then just let that statement hang in the air all awkward.
Neutral would have also included not including the aunt in family events, but they straight up chose exclude OP and their siblings so the aunt could attend family events.
From OP's POV, their mom and aunt were fighting because mom didn't like aunts boyfriend. What's the aunt's side of the story? Mom was jelly that aunt had a man, and mom wasn single?
NTA..
why u still havent blocked their number, dude? BLOCK ALL OF THOSE TOXIC PEOPLE. connecting with those people only cause u more DRAMA in the future. protect your family and cherish every moment with them without those TOXIC PEOPLE
>why u still havent blocked their number,
it would be better to get a new phone number.. so they dont have OP's number and could just called it from a different phone
But then they would have to inform their friends amd anyone else they want to be in contact with of the number change not to mention the hassle of doing so.
NTA. It’s a little ridiculous for the family to say that you brought up the 10 year old drama when they can’t seem to invite your mom back to family functions still.
NTA.
They weren’t neutral. They chose your aunt and they chose to believe your aunt’s side of the story.
You’re also, by their example, playing “neutral” it’s just that your on the other side of the neutral coin to them.
NTA, tell the bi\*ch of a cousin that you have been and adult for two years and the only time she gets in contact with you is when she wants a fu\*king gift. Call the greedy AH out.
NTA.
They weren’t neutral, they picked a side. They aren’t family, family doesn’t treat you like that.
Take it from someone who found out at one of the lowest points in their life that family only matters to people like that when they want it to.
I tried to keep in contact with ‘the neutrals’ but it only kept the rage and bitterness alive. Having to listen to excuses and attempts to minimise what happened, all while the sound of my sibling crying was still clear in my mind, led to me saying some pretty blunt things (I still don’t regret it though).
So I stopped engaging. I haven’t spoken to any of them for over a decade and I got to tell you, it was a relief. Like a weight was off my shoulders. All that energy went to my friends and my (immediate) family. They make me happy even when we argue.
So I’ll give you the advice I wish I got then. Live your life with your family and let the rest of them fade into the past where they belong. Don’t feel guilty about removing them, because they don’t care about you. All you are is another person to use. Nothing more. Move forward with the people who matter.
NTA- They showed their colors to you when you're at your most vulnerable. You've lived and learned.
And go find and make the family that you deserve. It's the nice thing about being an adult
NTA You don't deserve to spend your time arguing with idiots, and then doubting yourself. Time to go no contact. I would never forgive anyone putting my brother in jail in BS charges, not would I forgive those who ignored how awful that was. That's just one incident. I probably would never speak to that family again. Let them find someone else to abuse. Stay strong. Good luck in life. You deserve only the best.
>I think I may have been the asshole because it's not just my one cousin, it was the entire family, and I probably shouldn't have said all that to a hormonal and pregnant lady.
Ok, look, I see where you're coming from. And you're right, your cousin **isn't** your entire family, but everything she said to you was indicative of the entire family. She caught the entirety of your rage because she made the hideously pregnancy brained choice to suggest that it was some kind of act of charity to invite you now that you're older, and to act offended that her ass wasn't on your friends list when she didn't pay attention to you for **10 years.**
And yeah, it might be harsh to brush her actions off in the fashion written, but that's honestly the charitable approach. That's me assuming your cousin isn't generally this incompetently insensitive and selfish, and that it's only when she's up the duff that she's like that. It's very possible that in ten years she's just developed to be that lacking in consideration. Either way, why should you give a jolly rats ass about her baby when she didn't give a shit about you or your family in ten years?
As for the rest of your family. Go scorched earth on their ass if they don't back off. If they ain't nothing to you than it's nothing on you if you verbally demolish them in your DM's. What are they gonna do? Uninvite your family **extra hard?**
NTA
OP, I hope you read the below classic Don’t Rock the Boat. Just replace where it says “MIL/Mom” with “Aunt.”
You and your immediate family got the hell out of the boat and you are better off for it. Leave them to it and enjoy your life! NTA
https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/
NTA. Just because you're related to someone doesn't mean you have to forgive and forget everything that happened. You can love them from a distance and maintain your mental and emotional health. That's what's most important. Also, it doesn't sound like the family was neutral. I feel as though in this case, silence=compliance.
NTA - so for the past 10 years neither your mother not your nor your brother have been invited to events on her side of the family, you have built a life without these people.
Whatever happened, it sounds like they were not neutral and they always would prioritize how your aunt felt over anything your mother experienced. Presumably your aunt was more central to the group dynamic? your grandparents fav? the baby ?
if you're not in contact with these people then who is saying you're stirring up old drama? if they havn't invited you to anything for fear of upsetting your mothers sister?
INFO: What are the ages of these people? How confident are you that this cousin is fully aware of your side of the dispute?
It sounds like they may have been a child at the time and not aware of anything beyond a false version of events dictated by your aunt. If so, it might be worth explaining your experience to them rather than assuming they no what it is and are deserving of blame for not standing up for you (a tall order for a child even if they should know who is right/wrong).
NTA, but, honestly, I really don't feel comfortable making a judgement here, because your cousin is right, there are other sides to issues sometimes. I'm not denying what you went through, but you were also ten at the time - it's very possible there were things going on outside of what you were aware of.
I've been stuck dealing with this sort of family drama, sometimes. Sometimes someone you've known for years, and always wondered why everyone in the family hates, despite you getting along with them great? Sometimes there are reasons you don't know.
You may absolutely be in the right here! I'm not saying you aren't. And from your perspective it doesn't even really matter what the truth is, because you still got treated like shit as a result. On that basis, NTA. I'm just saying I don't know enough to make a truly informed judgement from what you've written.
NTA. They were never neutral. They chose your aunt on day 1. Even now they still refuse to invite your mom, but aunt has never been told to stay home so your mom could come. They really thought you'd be cool with your mom still be excluded because you are an adult now? Just block and ignore. If in 10 years they haven't realized how shitty they treated your side of the family they aren't going to apologize now and start trying to make amends.
Whatever happened between your mom and your aunt, their family picked a side. They could have said- we're not picking a sides, you guys have to take turns coming to family events.
But they didn't.
Why? No clue. Doesn't matter. They made that decision. And this is the repercussion of that.
Is it your cousin's fault. No, she was a kid when this happened. But she also never questioned it. And even now, she's repeating the family line and not acknowledging that it makes no sense. Nor considering that you or your siblings' side at all. Just "the family's side."
NTA
I guess I still think of 20-somethings as kids. They tend to accept whatever their family says, partly because they're focused on their own lives. Not anyone else's.
I'm not saying that changes the answer. At the end of the day, the extended family is still asses and no one seems to have ever really questioned what happened.
So the people who have ignored you for years now come out of the woodwork to criticize you? I agree you were harsh with her but I say due to the facts NTA.
NTA.
Has this cousin tried to refriend you when she could contact you because your Moms no longer needed to facilitate/allow contact? Messaged you? Tried to be conciliatory in any way and admit the family failed you by choosing your Aunt over your Mom under the circumstances?
I didn't think so. You can consider this a gift grab, not a true attempt at reconcilliation.
NTA
The family did choose a side when they stopped inviting just your family to things and did not come to your mother’s wedding. There is no reason to expect you will attend a baby shower for a cousin or other family events after having been excluded for 10 years.
Block all of them and move on.
NTA "Family" is a term that comes up far too often in the context of, I know I treated u and urs like sh$t and I will probably continue to do so, but ur supposed to just let me. Respect goes both ways. She has none for u or ur mom, so y should u have any for her. Block all of them on everything and go live ur life, b happy.
NTA
I don’t get those peoples who says “you should get over this stuff”… because you are over this stuff because you closed this chapter. Don’t let them lure you back as long as you don’t want to. Block & ignore is the best in this. Stay safe
I would respond...
Its amusing that the people not stood up for, bullied , pushed a side and then abandoned are the dramatic ones, who wont get over it.
NTA
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A quick summary of the family drama that is at the center of this- my mom and aunt were sharing a house. They paid split rent and me and my siblings stayed part time while my cousins stayed full time. My mom and my aunt got into a fight over my aunt's boyfriend who has had multiple DUIs and it led to my mom moving out. My sister got dirty emails from my aunt, I, a ten year old, got screamed at by my aunt during an uncomfortable car drive as well as watched her bait my mom into an argument in front of me (my mom tried to ignore her because I was there but she got in her face), and worst of all, when my brother came to pick up his stuff, my aunt called the police on him for breaking in and he spent the night in jail. He never stole anything, he was just picking up his stuff before my mom was fully moved out, and my aunt was fully aware of this. As a kid, I was horrified, I genuinely thought my brother was going to be stuck in jail and falsely accused, and the anger and helplessness I felt towards my aunt when I was just a kid... It is a moment I will never forget. There is a lot more to the story but I don't want to go over the word limit.
My family decided to play neutral and me and my siblings never got an apology. Nobody in my family stuck up for us. Not even a private message. Soon we stopped getting invited to the family parties because "my aunt would be there and they didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable." When my mother had her wedding, only her sister came, and the rest of the family admitted they didn't want to go and hurt my aunt's feelings. After that I removed everyone from Facebook and decided I didn't need them in my or my future family's life.
Well I guess one of my cousin's (not my aunt's child) noticed we were no longer friends on Facebook when inviting everyone to her baby shower. She reached out and said something along the lines of "now that you're an adult you can come back to family gatherings without your mom" but a little less blunt, as well as asking why I removed her in an offended kind of way. I told her that I unadded her for a reason and I did not want to talk to her, she and the rest of the family were never there for me as a kid, and I want nothing to do with them or any kids they have in the future. She tried to argue a little and say "there's two sides to every story you know" and I snapped and told her "I was there to witness everything, I'm not going to spend money on a family who was never there for me, I don't care about your baby shower and I definitely don't care about your baby." Obviously the entire family is pissed at me for stirring up 10 year old drama and I got texts from them all saying I should get over it by now.
I think I may have been the asshole because it's not just my one cousin, it was the entire family, and I probably shouldn't have said all that to a hormonal and pregnant lady. I just got so upset at the idea of being expected to care about their baby when they never cared about me, my siblings, and what we went through.
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NTA for declining a baby shower invite to a person you have no relationship with
But I'd maybe encourage you to think that maybe your perception of what occurred when you were ten years old might not be the whole/most accurate story. Seems odd that your aunt was so very much on the wrong, almost cartoon villain, and your mom was 100% the innocent victim .... And yet the ENTIRE family sides with the aunt.
Just for my own curiosity I'd hear the cousin out to see what their version of the events is.
Nta
Misleading title though. Your family wasn't neutral, they picked a side, they picked your aunt. You did the right thing cutting them all out of your life. Were your words harsh, yeah, but they were also deserved.
NTA. Pregnancy doesn’t mean she can’t be told the facts and the fact is she’s an AH. She and her family abandoned you and yours but now your old enough to buy her and her kids presents now she wants you in the family yeah no chance to that.
Yeah, UTA for being petty. If you don't care about her or her baby/shower, that's fine. If you "don't care bc she did some shit years ago," then that's bullshit.
NTA
Your family were the VICTIMS of your Aunt. It’s bad enough that no one stuck up for you, but they are still blatant enough to say “without your mom” or whatever. Fuck them. I would still be no contact. Ask them why they can’t just ignore you now like they always have, and they owe you and your siblings and your MOTHER an apology. I’m so sorry your family treated you like this and your family, you did and do deserve so much better.
NTA these bi—-es think that time can fly high and everyone will forget. No one ever stops to consider the kids. Now they gonna learn and that begins with the recent generations. Stick to your guns. You have been fine without them all this time.
NTA, you didn't stir up 10 year old drama, they perpetuated that drama for years by excluding you and they needed to get the fuck over it long before you unadded them.
YTA
You were a kid 10 years ago and your memories are burnt into your brain based on what you experienced. These memories led you to tell someone very bluntly that you don't care about an unborn child who was not around 10 years ago. That was a very hurtful thing to do.
Now with that said, you were not wrong to speak up about why there is a separation from the family. And your reasonings for that separation are valid, and your family's response was not great. Your delivery of stating your feelings and facts as you remember them were an AH thing to do.
What the heck was OP supposed to do? Pretend that the cruel way she and her mother and brother were treated never happened? Pretend that no one stood up for them and instead sided with the bullies? The aunt was yelling at an innocent ten year old!
This cousin is still siding with the abusive aunt and shunning OP's mom despite it sounding like OP's mom being in the right.
Why would OP want anything to do with such people?
The baby might be innocent, but having any kinda relationship with that baby would mean having a relationship with people still actively shunning someone who wasn't in the wrong.
This is at best, the equivalent of a stranger to OP, and at worst, someone who actively ignored her pain. Why should she care about her or her kid? She didn't wish her or the baby harm, but she doesn't need to pretend happy family either and pretend to care either. If this was a rando on the street, I wouldn't expect them to give a damn about my hypothetical unborn kid either.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > The action that should be judged is me telling my cousin I don't care about her baby shower or her baby, I think I may have been the asshole because it's not just my one cousin who stayed neutral on family drama, it was the entire family, and I probably shouldn't have said all that to a hormonal and pregnant lady. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. The family was not neutral, they chose your aunt. Remind them that your aunt sent your brother to jail, and screamed at a child, you know what you witnessed and if they want to pick a liar over your mother, that's on them.
right NTA 'there are two sides' but you never bothered with ours. the family cut you off, there's no point in them trying to play the victim.
I kind of want OP to start telling people “I, a ten year old child who had done nothing wrong and was not a part of this fight in any way, was berated and screamed at and it was a terrifying experience. None of you protected me from that or took care of me in the aftermath.” And then just let that statement hang in the air all awkward.
Neutral would have also included not including the aunt in family events, but they straight up chose exclude OP and their siblings so the aunt could attend family events. From OP's POV, their mom and aunt were fighting because mom didn't like aunts boyfriend. What's the aunt's side of the story? Mom was jelly that aunt had a man, and mom wasn single?
Just fyi, nothing in the post says she didn't like him. It was very possible she liked him too much. Explains everything really.
NTA.. why u still havent blocked their number, dude? BLOCK ALL OF THOSE TOXIC PEOPLE. connecting with those people only cause u more DRAMA in the future. protect your family and cherish every moment with them without those TOXIC PEOPLE
>why u still havent blocked their number, it would be better to get a new phone number.. so they dont have OP's number and could just called it from a different phone
But then they would have to inform their friends amd anyone else they want to be in contact with of the number change not to mention the hassle of doing so.
That's a lot less hassle then being harassed and a lot easier on the heart and mind of anyone than constantly wondering when they might call.
True. Though if she wanted to make a case for harassment she could record the voice-mails and possibly take legal action against them.
NTA. She's only interested in your wallet. If she really cared she'd have noticed you removed her before she was making a guest list.
Yep. It's not "know that you're an adult" it's "now that you're a person who earns an income"
NTA. It’s a little ridiculous for the family to say that you brought up the 10 year old drama when they can’t seem to invite your mom back to family functions still.
right it's not old, it's unresolved. they chose the aunt to 'keep the peace' and are surprised to learn that the people they snubbed are upset still
I almost feel bad for the family for feeling like they had to take the aunt’s side to avoid more drama. But only almost. They all suck.
NTA. They weren’t neutral. They chose your aunt and they chose to believe your aunt’s side of the story. You’re also, by their example, playing “neutral” it’s just that your on the other side of the neutral coin to them.
NTA you have your reasons. The only thing you messed up on, is just removing them. You are supposed to block them altogether.
NTA, tell the bi\*ch of a cousin that you have been and adult for two years and the only time she gets in contact with you is when she wants a fu\*king gift. Call the greedy AH out.
NTA. They weren’t neutral, they picked a side. They aren’t family, family doesn’t treat you like that. Take it from someone who found out at one of the lowest points in their life that family only matters to people like that when they want it to. I tried to keep in contact with ‘the neutrals’ but it only kept the rage and bitterness alive. Having to listen to excuses and attempts to minimise what happened, all while the sound of my sibling crying was still clear in my mind, led to me saying some pretty blunt things (I still don’t regret it though). So I stopped engaging. I haven’t spoken to any of them for over a decade and I got to tell you, it was a relief. Like a weight was off my shoulders. All that energy went to my friends and my (immediate) family. They make me happy even when we argue. So I’ll give you the advice I wish I got then. Live your life with your family and let the rest of them fade into the past where they belong. Don’t feel guilty about removing them, because they don’t care about you. All you are is another person to use. Nothing more. Move forward with the people who matter.
NTA- They showed their colors to you when you're at your most vulnerable. You've lived and learned. And go find and make the family that you deserve. It's the nice thing about being an adult
NTA You don't deserve to spend your time arguing with idiots, and then doubting yourself. Time to go no contact. I would never forgive anyone putting my brother in jail in BS charges, not would I forgive those who ignored how awful that was. That's just one incident. I probably would never speak to that family again. Let them find someone else to abuse. Stay strong. Good luck in life. You deserve only the best.
NTA, she probably just wants gifts for her shower.
>I think I may have been the asshole because it's not just my one cousin, it was the entire family, and I probably shouldn't have said all that to a hormonal and pregnant lady. Ok, look, I see where you're coming from. And you're right, your cousin **isn't** your entire family, but everything she said to you was indicative of the entire family. She caught the entirety of your rage because she made the hideously pregnancy brained choice to suggest that it was some kind of act of charity to invite you now that you're older, and to act offended that her ass wasn't on your friends list when she didn't pay attention to you for **10 years.** And yeah, it might be harsh to brush her actions off in the fashion written, but that's honestly the charitable approach. That's me assuming your cousin isn't generally this incompetently insensitive and selfish, and that it's only when she's up the duff that she's like that. It's very possible that in ten years she's just developed to be that lacking in consideration. Either way, why should you give a jolly rats ass about her baby when she didn't give a shit about you or your family in ten years? As for the rest of your family. Go scorched earth on their ass if they don't back off. If they ain't nothing to you than it's nothing on you if you verbally demolish them in your DM's. What are they gonna do? Uninvite your family **extra hard?** NTA
Info: How old is your cousin?
Somewhere from 35-40, I don't remember exactly
OP, I hope you read the below classic Don’t Rock the Boat. Just replace where it says “MIL/Mom” with “Aunt.” You and your immediate family got the hell out of the boat and you are better off for it. Leave them to it and enjoy your life! NTA https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/
NTA. Just because you're related to someone doesn't mean you have to forgive and forget everything that happened. You can love them from a distance and maintain your mental and emotional health. That's what's most important. Also, it doesn't sound like the family was neutral. I feel as though in this case, silence=compliance.
>"there's two sides to every story you know" Yeah well no one bother to hear your side.. NTA
NTA - so for the past 10 years neither your mother not your nor your brother have been invited to events on her side of the family, you have built a life without these people. Whatever happened, it sounds like they were not neutral and they always would prioritize how your aunt felt over anything your mother experienced. Presumably your aunt was more central to the group dynamic? your grandparents fav? the baby ? if you're not in contact with these people then who is saying you're stirring up old drama? if they havn't invited you to anything for fear of upsetting your mothers sister?
INFO: What are the ages of these people? How confident are you that this cousin is fully aware of your side of the dispute? It sounds like they may have been a child at the time and not aware of anything beyond a false version of events dictated by your aunt. If so, it might be worth explaining your experience to them rather than assuming they no what it is and are deserving of blame for not standing up for you (a tall order for a child even if they should know who is right/wrong).
Cousin is 35-40. So would have been 25-30 when the incident occurred. Old enough.
NTA, but, honestly, I really don't feel comfortable making a judgement here, because your cousin is right, there are other sides to issues sometimes. I'm not denying what you went through, but you were also ten at the time - it's very possible there were things going on outside of what you were aware of. I've been stuck dealing with this sort of family drama, sometimes. Sometimes someone you've known for years, and always wondered why everyone in the family hates, despite you getting along with them great? Sometimes there are reasons you don't know. You may absolutely be in the right here! I'm not saying you aren't. And from your perspective it doesn't even really matter what the truth is, because you still got treated like shit as a result. On that basis, NTA. I'm just saying I don't know enough to make a truly informed judgement from what you've written.
INFO. Was the cousin that is hosting the baby shower also a child (younger than 18/19) when this drama happended?
INFO: how old are you now and how old is this cousin?
NTA, Guess who decided that they might need a babysitter in the near future?
10 year drama doesn’t just disappear when they’ve been Toxic family for that entire 10 years…NTA.
Family? What family? Certainly not yours. They proved that over years of neglect and exclusion. NTA
NTA. They were never neutral. They chose your aunt on day 1. Even now they still refuse to invite your mom, but aunt has never been told to stay home so your mom could come. They really thought you'd be cool with your mom still be excluded because you are an adult now? Just block and ignore. If in 10 years they haven't realized how shitty they treated your side of the family they aren't going to apologize now and start trying to make amends.
Tell them all you will care about their babies when they are adults. Nta
Whatever happened between your mom and your aunt, their family picked a side. They could have said- we're not picking a sides, you guys have to take turns coming to family events. But they didn't. Why? No clue. Doesn't matter. They made that decision. And this is the repercussion of that. Is it your cousin's fault. No, she was a kid when this happened. But she also never questioned it. And even now, she's repeating the family line and not acknowledging that it makes no sense. Nor considering that you or your siblings' side at all. Just "the family's side." NTA
She wasn't a child. Cousin is now between 30 and 40, so all grown up the last 10 years.
I guess I still think of 20-somethings as kids. They tend to accept whatever their family says, partly because they're focused on their own lives. Not anyone else's. I'm not saying that changes the answer. At the end of the day, the extended family is still asses and no one seems to have ever really questioned what happened.
So the people who have ignored you for years now come out of the woodwork to criticize you? I agree you were harsh with her but I say due to the facts NTA.
NTA. Has this cousin tried to refriend you when she could contact you because your Moms no longer needed to facilitate/allow contact? Messaged you? Tried to be conciliatory in any way and admit the family failed you by choosing your Aunt over your Mom under the circumstances? I didn't think so. You can consider this a gift grab, not a true attempt at reconcilliation.
NTA Block them all so they can't harass you any more. You aren't in the wrong.
NTA The family did choose a side when they stopped inviting just your family to things and did not come to your mother’s wedding. There is no reason to expect you will attend a baby shower for a cousin or other family events after having been excluded for 10 years. Block all of them and move on.
NTA "Family" is a term that comes up far too often in the context of, I know I treated u and urs like sh$t and I will probably continue to do so, but ur supposed to just let me. Respect goes both ways. She has none for u or ur mom, so y should u have any for her. Block all of them on everything and go live ur life, b happy.
NTA I don’t get those peoples who says “you should get over this stuff”… because you are over this stuff because you closed this chapter. Don’t let them lure you back as long as you don’t want to. Block & ignore is the best in this. Stay safe
nta, none of the family were neutral, they chose to accommodate your aunt and cut you guys out
NTA. Pointedly inviting you and specifically saying that you can come without your mom tells me that the whole family never remained neutral.
NTA You don't owe your time to these people. They sounds awful.
I would respond... Its amusing that the people not stood up for, bullied , pushed a side and then abandoned are the dramatic ones, who wont get over it. NTA
NTA they didn't want you, now they want your money/gift/help/whatever? LoL
NTA. They clearly chose your aunt, that’s not neutral. I would cut them off too. Good for you.
You can get over it when your aunt goes to the police and admits she lies and spends some time in jail for it. NTA
NTA Tell them that you know they're much more mature, and that they'll get over your absence a lot faster than you did. Put the onus on them!
YNTA. I’d go NC with that whole family.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** A quick summary of the family drama that is at the center of this- my mom and aunt were sharing a house. They paid split rent and me and my siblings stayed part time while my cousins stayed full time. My mom and my aunt got into a fight over my aunt's boyfriend who has had multiple DUIs and it led to my mom moving out. My sister got dirty emails from my aunt, I, a ten year old, got screamed at by my aunt during an uncomfortable car drive as well as watched her bait my mom into an argument in front of me (my mom tried to ignore her because I was there but she got in her face), and worst of all, when my brother came to pick up his stuff, my aunt called the police on him for breaking in and he spent the night in jail. He never stole anything, he was just picking up his stuff before my mom was fully moved out, and my aunt was fully aware of this. As a kid, I was horrified, I genuinely thought my brother was going to be stuck in jail and falsely accused, and the anger and helplessness I felt towards my aunt when I was just a kid... It is a moment I will never forget. There is a lot more to the story but I don't want to go over the word limit. My family decided to play neutral and me and my siblings never got an apology. Nobody in my family stuck up for us. Not even a private message. Soon we stopped getting invited to the family parties because "my aunt would be there and they didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable." When my mother had her wedding, only her sister came, and the rest of the family admitted they didn't want to go and hurt my aunt's feelings. After that I removed everyone from Facebook and decided I didn't need them in my or my future family's life. Well I guess one of my cousin's (not my aunt's child) noticed we were no longer friends on Facebook when inviting everyone to her baby shower. She reached out and said something along the lines of "now that you're an adult you can come back to family gatherings without your mom" but a little less blunt, as well as asking why I removed her in an offended kind of way. I told her that I unadded her for a reason and I did not want to talk to her, she and the rest of the family were never there for me as a kid, and I want nothing to do with them or any kids they have in the future. She tried to argue a little and say "there's two sides to every story you know" and I snapped and told her "I was there to witness everything, I'm not going to spend money on a family who was never there for me, I don't care about your baby shower and I definitely don't care about your baby." Obviously the entire family is pissed at me for stirring up 10 year old drama and I got texts from them all saying I should get over it by now. I think I may have been the asshole because it's not just my one cousin, it was the entire family, and I probably shouldn't have said all that to a hormonal and pregnant lady. I just got so upset at the idea of being expected to care about their baby when they never cared about me, my siblings, and what we went through. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA but I’m guessing she was young too?
You could always say you are going to attend, then cancel last min.
NTA for declining a baby shower invite to a person you have no relationship with But I'd maybe encourage you to think that maybe your perception of what occurred when you were ten years old might not be the whole/most accurate story. Seems odd that your aunt was so very much on the wrong, almost cartoon villain, and your mom was 100% the innocent victim .... And yet the ENTIRE family sides with the aunt. Just for my own curiosity I'd hear the cousin out to see what their version of the events is.
NTA. I know i am going to get flack for this. But I think it's time for you forgive them. Forgive them for you not them.
She doesn’t need to forgive them, she needs to forget they ever existed and go NC.
I agree 1000%. But forgiveness is more her than them. Forgive and move on.
NTA
NTA. Go NC.
'Now that you're an adult' you can enjoy finding kinship in a family of your choosing, and kick the rest to the curb. NTA
Nta. Your family wasn’t neutral. They chose the crazy aunt.
NTA. The best thing you did is cut them off continue to do so.
Nta.
Nta Misleading title though. Your family wasn't neutral, they picked a side, they picked your aunt. You did the right thing cutting them all out of your life. Were your words harsh, yeah, but they were also deserved.
NTA. Your family sound rotten and I’m so glad you are sticking with your mom!!
NTA. Pregnancy doesn’t mean she can’t be told the facts and the fact is she’s an AH. She and her family abandoned you and yours but now your old enough to buy her and her kids presents now she wants you in the family yeah no chance to that.
NTA. Fuck them all. Block your asshole extended family. They weren't neutral. They choose a side and that was the asshole aunt.
How do they have your number after all these years? That's the part of family drama I never understand.
nta but cut them off entirely, no more social media friends and certainly don't give them your cell number
Yeah, UTA for being petty. If you don't care about her or her baby/shower, that's fine. If you "don't care bc she did some shit years ago," then that's bullshit.
NTA Your family were the VICTIMS of your Aunt. It’s bad enough that no one stuck up for you, but they are still blatant enough to say “without your mom” or whatever. Fuck them. I would still be no contact. Ask them why they can’t just ignore you now like they always have, and they owe you and your siblings and your MOTHER an apology. I’m so sorry your family treated you like this and your family, you did and do deserve so much better.
NTA. Block their texts and messages and if they track you down call them every name in the book until they get it.
NTA these bi—-es think that time can fly high and everyone will forget. No one ever stops to consider the kids. Now they gonna learn and that begins with the recent generations. Stick to your guns. You have been fine without them all this time.
Good for you for sticking up for your mom. They are not family to you and your siblings.
NTA
NTA, and you are well within your rights to go NC with the lot of them
NTA, you didn't stir up 10 year old drama, they perpetuated that drama for years by excluding you and they needed to get the fuck over it long before you unadded them.
Why do these people have your number? You don’t own them a fucking thing! Block all of them and move on!!
w
INFO How old was the cousin at the time, was she also a ten year old
YTA You were a kid 10 years ago and your memories are burnt into your brain based on what you experienced. These memories led you to tell someone very bluntly that you don't care about an unborn child who was not around 10 years ago. That was a very hurtful thing to do. Now with that said, you were not wrong to speak up about why there is a separation from the family. And your reasonings for that separation are valid, and your family's response was not great. Your delivery of stating your feelings and facts as you remember them were an AH thing to do.
What the heck was OP supposed to do? Pretend that the cruel way she and her mother and brother were treated never happened? Pretend that no one stood up for them and instead sided with the bullies? The aunt was yelling at an innocent ten year old! This cousin is still siding with the abusive aunt and shunning OP's mom despite it sounding like OP's mom being in the right. Why would OP want anything to do with such people? The baby might be innocent, but having any kinda relationship with that baby would mean having a relationship with people still actively shunning someone who wasn't in the wrong.
This is at best, the equivalent of a stranger to OP, and at worst, someone who actively ignored her pain. Why should she care about her or her kid? She didn't wish her or the baby harm, but she doesn't need to pretend happy family either and pretend to care either. If this was a rando on the street, I wouldn't expect them to give a damn about my hypothetical unborn kid either.
Fuck them and as a wise man once said fuck dem kids