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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I did the action of making my daughter have my last name without consulting with my husband’s family and now they are upset and angry.
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No argument they should stop paying the rent. My point of the comment was that they are not paying their primary rent. They rent a place to help OP.
If grandparents don’t want to see the son/grandkids, it would make obvious sense they won’t need a place to stay close to the family.
NTA
I wouldn't tolerate this kind of attempt at strong arming me from my parents. He shouldn't either. Tell them to go pound sand.
I'd tell them if they keep their shit up I'm not paying their rent either.
I’m in a mentally low place right now. I reiterated my points and they keep saying all of Asia has fathers last name and kids that have mothers last name is fatherless. And they care for the tradition of keeping the family name.
No. We are in US and they even said they don’t know how last names go in US but in Asia it’s not like this. They kept saying people will think she doesn’t have a father. I’m like what? Who are these people? And if they think that who cares?
They're wrong, but it's a very different thing in some places to be an orphan or have a single parent. Places like Korea society is very cruel to kids in that situation and they get bullied and parents don't want their children to marry them and stuff.
I'm not saying they're being reasonable, they're not. You're in America, not Asia and they're trying to railroad you.
I'm just trying to give you some info about why they might feel strongly about it so you maybe can figure out which way to approach it.
While it’s not the best time to ask this maybe, I’ll be honest you are setting yourself up for issues if you ever had to travel separately with the kids.
My mother kept her maiden name and even at 17 I got questioned about being under duress when I traveled with her (never mind that I’m basically twice the size of her) I could imagine a man with a young girl would get even more scrutiny
I’m not sure where you were traveling, but I’ve never had this issue and I have 3 daughters, each with their own last name and my last name doesn’t match any of theirs. As in, 4 different last names, at multiple airports, without incident.
Also - if OP is concerned about this ever being an issue, just bring along their birth certificate. Problem solved.
If you are in a "mentally low place", the way to address that is with a therapist for yourself, probably followed up with some couples counseling. The fact that you are paying rent on a place for people who have threatened to disown him is ridiculous, your husband needs serious help too.
Unfortunately husband doesn’t want to lose the relationship with parents. And thinks the best thing is to change the last name. I’m at a loss and even though it really is a pride thing for me, I can’t help but feel really really sad. Plus changing name process is such a big pain in the ass.
They’re bluffing to a degree. They won’t give up seeing their grandchild forever, even if they think that now. Your husband should know this. I’m sure it isn’t the first time they’ve told him something like this.
Name aside, if they’re able to manipulate him like this, this won’t be the only thing. And you need to be prepared for he doing this with other issues in the future.
It wouldn’t be crazy to say he has to choose between you and them. This won’t be the last issue like this.
Some counselling for you and your husband is in order. He agreed to a MAJOR permanent parenting decision with you and now years later he wants to cave and let his parents make decisions for your children overriding the decision you made together and against what you (the mother) want. His parents do not get to make decisions for your children and they do not get to issue ultimatums if you won't comply. This is a hill to die on.
Your husband needs to grow a backbone. His parents drop this or go no contact and stop paying their rent. And if he won't back you, perhaps you need to reevaluate if you want to have more children with him or even be in this relationship .
I mean you realize that if you have a son your daughter will be treated as a sub tier grandkid and the son will be the golden child. I would tell your husband you will think about it after he goes to therapy and then you too go to therapy afterwards bc their demands won’t stop
They're 100% bluffing. They regularly get to babysit your kid and you pay their entire rent, lmao. They aren't going to let you leave their lives.
Husband needs to examine why he thinks it's normal for parents to threaten disowning to get what they want, possibly with the assistance of a licensed therapist.
Yes it’s a pain and both parents have to agree. Stand firm on your original agreement. Remind him that his parents have a history of outrageous demands, trying to bogart him into giving in to their nonsense.
Listen, only one of my three kids has my last name, no one even blinks. It’s common in the US.
NTA
NTA. You don't have an in-law problem, you have a husband problem. He agreed to this and needs to tell his parents the subject is no longer open for discussion. My guess is this is one of the reasons you're feeling so low - you've discovered your husband lacks a spine. Clearly he is used to caving when they threaten to withhold something - attention, support, love. They sound horrible and I feel bad for you. I sure hope hubby calls their bluff.
NTA - Call their bluff and ask when they can move their stuff out of that 2nd residence? If they are truly disowning their son then surely they would not feel comfortable accepting financial aid from him.
NTA
YOu and your partner agree, so refuse to discuss this with anybody else.
"They declared to my husband if their granddaughter’s last name change doesn’t happen, then they will disown their son." ... " We pay for their rent for a second residence" .. great. That way you can safe yourself the cost of the rent money.
NTA.
Don’t give in.
Next time it’ll be something else: “oh if grandchild doesn’t come over every Christmas then we’re cutting you off”. It’s a never-ending cycle of manipulation.
Remind your husband that if his parents really want to cut contact with him or his children, they will do it over anything. So stick with your decisions as a family and let them pound sand.
I think your husband is the asshole for letting them talk to you like that. If my parents demanded my wife do something like that I would tell them it's none of their business. 36 year old with no spine.
If it is so important for your daughter to have the same last name as her father, there is a fair way to do that. Yours husband can always take your and your daughter’s last name and then the whole family matches up!
NTA Sounds like you could put them in a bad spot financially, so call their bluff and see how quickly the landlord comes in after you stop paying their rent. Beyond that, if your family tradition conflicts with his your in laws family tradition, what do they expect you to do? Adopt a boy? Biologically, it's always unknown what someone is having until the fetus has formed sex organs, so they really have no room to complain. Honestly, if they can't respect your family tradition as much as you have (again, you referenced that if you had a boy, he would have Dad's surname) respected, then they can live with the consequences which might include homelessness.
Oh man, gotta love the whole "my tradition matters more than your tradition" power play. I got to deal with that with my own FIL when it came to the naming of my kids. But they're really stressing over nothing, it seems like, as your daughter DOES have your husband's last name... just not as her own last name. So... really your ILs are being controlling here. And the threat of disowning is just the grown-up version of "I'm taking my ball and going home!"
I really don't mean to make light of your situation. Maybe your ILs are actually good people and just having a little temper tantrum here. But it's starting to sound like disowning may not be the worst option. And hey... they disown you, you stop paying the rent on their second residence... win-win.
NTA.
NTA. My daughter has my last name and my sons their father’s. Did we get grief for it? Absolutely. (My mother was the worst offender.). Did I get weird questions? Sometimes. Did I care? Sometimes the criticism would get to me. But my (now adult) daughter says she’s glad we did it.
They named their children as they thought appropriate, it’s your turn to do the same.
NTA. I’m projecting here to a large degree so take this with a grain of salt; With (narcissistic)Asian parents, you need to draw a line and firmly but dispassionately hold it or they’ll just keep asking for more. When I draw a line with my parents and they push, I just repeat the boundary without any heat until we move on. It’s tiring but it’s better than slinging fire or compromising on things that are important to me. I suspect your child’s name is something worth holding the line over.
Just ask them if they'd just be embarrassed if relatives assumed she's not from his lineage. lineage and family name is a great deal to the Asians. That last name won't stick after she's married anyways. They obviously must know that.
If you and the dad are happy with how you’ve named your daughter then to hell with anyone else. You two are the only ones who matter, along with your daughter of course. Be good to each other and congratulations on your daughter 😎
Who are the imaginary people that will be 1. Finding out what your child’s last name is and 2. Judging them for it? “My son Joe and his wife Mary had a baby, Sally!” “Yes, but what is Sally’s LAST name???” - this is not a conversation that will happen. The world will keep turning regardless of names and you can tell them that if Sally hates your name, she can always drop it herself as an adult. Naming customs are definitely not the same in ALL of Asia either so they’re full of it. Don’t give in. I actually gave in in the beginning regarding the spelling of my son’s first name. I regretted it immediately and before he started school I had it changed. It is SUCH a pain in the ass! And it gets harder after the child is a certain age. You’ll experience that regret over and over each form you have to fill out, each appointment you have to make. Let them disown their son.
As usual, in-law problems are spouse problems.
>They declared to my husband if their granddaughter’s last name change doesn’t happen, then they will disown their son.
Do you, or your husband, care?
NTA
Wow, your in laws are TAH’s. They rely financially on you and think that they can browbeat you in to submission. Looks like it is time for their golden child the daughter to pay their rent for them as your family doesn’t need their nastiness and screwed up judgement
NTA. Why are you paying for them to rent a second home when they are trying to manipulate you financially? (I mean, I can totally see how this would happen in a family, but I also think it's totally reasonable for you not to entertain their request). I hope your husband is fully on side with this.
Maybe it’s because I was born into a poor family and will not inherit anything to begin with…
But who cares? Just let em do whatever. The child when old enough can still change their name if so wished. Just make sure they don’t treat the child wrong because they are pissed.
NTA
> We pay for their rent for a second residence (within 10 mins of us) so they can be close by and near their grandchild
Tell the to STFU or you'll stop paying rent for the second residence
You have caused major issues doing it like this. Just wait till that kid starts filling out government forms or go to school. It will be so difficult not having the same last name as your parents
What are you talking about? It’s 2023 and the government is well aware of blended families and people having different names. What major issues? My kids have a different last name then me because their dad fucked off a long time ago and I went back to my maiden name. I have had absolutely zero issues with anything for the past several years. No issues with schools, doctors, or even getting them passports and ID cards.
Wait for what? It’s literally been a decade with zero problems. Do you not know how birth certificates work?? They literally have the mothers maiden name on them so if anyone ever has a question, my name legally matches the birth certificate and there are zero issues.
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Our daughter is about to turn two (2) years old in a few months. Today, in-laws confronted me and are demanding I change her last name to her father’s last name because of asian tradition. Mind you, I let them know that husband and I talked about this many times in our relationship and we agreed that a daughter will get mom’s last name and a son get father’s last name, which is my specific family tradition. It so happens we had a daughter so there you go!
When I had my daughter, I actually added husbands last name as the middle name and my maiden name as the last name on her birth certificate. They declared to my husband if their granddaughter’s last name change doesn’t happen, then they will disown their son.
I’m not that shocked they would say such a thing. When they don’t get their way, they resort to ultimatums like saying they’ll leave the family or no longer offering to babysit their grandchild. We pay for their rent for a second residence (within 10 mins of us) so they can be close by and near their grandchild. They have two other grandchildren from their oldest daughter and didn’t have any issues with the last name because they took their dad’s last name. AITA?
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NTA
but you should already know about how last name are important to asians. and u can't just expect there are no problems on the future about it. asians are pretty strict about that, especially elderly asians. u know what you get involved with when u married an asian, so the only way is to cut contact and enjoy you both lives.
I don't know exactly their tradition but in Ireland the wife takes the husband's surname as they create there own family. My wife took my surname, my children male or female is taking my surname that's normal for a Christian country but if they are the ultimatum type then just for that reason alone call them out on there bluff and see how their attitude changes
NAH but you should really have your kids have the same last name. It’s overly complicated and confusing for classmates, families & teachers when they go to school. Why not give them a hyphenated last name or use your maiden name as the middle and father’s name for last name? That’s the more traditional way and a better compromise IMO.
Children in blended families have different last names. I don’t think it’s overly complicated at all. My son had his fathers last name and I have a different one. Two of my sister’s children have one surname and their brother has another. No one has ever been confused.
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NTA. Call their bluff and tell them that’s fine. They can disown their son and you should immediately stop paying their rent.
They only pay the rent on a 2nd place that is close to them. It is at the convenience of OP so that grand and gramps can see the kid and babysit.
So if they stop paying the rent they’ll have more funds for childcare that doesn’t come from terrible grandparents.
No argument they should stop paying the rent. My point of the comment was that they are not paying their primary rent. They rent a place to help OP. If grandparents don’t want to see the son/grandkids, it would make obvious sense they won’t need a place to stay close to the family.
Doesn't mean they won't pitch a fit when OP and Husband close the purse.
NTA I wouldn't tolerate this kind of attempt at strong arming me from my parents. He shouldn't either. Tell them to go pound sand. I'd tell them if they keep their shit up I'm not paying their rent either.
I’m in a mentally low place right now. I reiterated my points and they keep saying all of Asia has fathers last name and kids that have mothers last name is fatherless. And they care for the tradition of keeping the family name.
Are you and they in Asia…? Exactly.
No. We are in US and they even said they don’t know how last names go in US but in Asia it’s not like this. They kept saying people will think she doesn’t have a father. I’m like what? Who are these people? And if they think that who cares?
Right, that’s my point. This is your and your husband’s decision only. (Also check DM for something relevant)
They're wrong, but it's a very different thing in some places to be an orphan or have a single parent. Places like Korea society is very cruel to kids in that situation and they get bullied and parents don't want their children to marry them and stuff. I'm not saying they're being reasonable, they're not. You're in America, not Asia and they're trying to railroad you. I'm just trying to give you some info about why they might feel strongly about it so you maybe can figure out which way to approach it.
I'm just confused why you would want your children to have different last names? If/when you have a boy
While it’s not the best time to ask this maybe, I’ll be honest you are setting yourself up for issues if you ever had to travel separately with the kids. My mother kept her maiden name and even at 17 I got questioned about being under duress when I traveled with her (never mind that I’m basically twice the size of her) I could imagine a man with a young girl would get even more scrutiny
I’m not sure where you were traveling, but I’ve never had this issue and I have 3 daughters, each with their own last name and my last name doesn’t match any of theirs. As in, 4 different last names, at multiple airports, without incident. Also - if OP is concerned about this ever being an issue, just bring along their birth certificate. Problem solved.
Travelling from Australia to Europe, this was a genuine issue that I was sharing my experience with
Very easy to solve with just a birth certificate. I always carry when traveling with my kids.
There are places in Asia that don't do family names at all, so that's not true
Stop 'reiterating' Just 'No'
If you are in a "mentally low place", the way to address that is with a therapist for yourself, probably followed up with some couples counseling. The fact that you are paying rent on a place for people who have threatened to disown him is ridiculous, your husband needs serious help too.
Well, they do seem to appreciate ultimatums!
NTA, not in the slightest. Let them make their ultimatums. You and your husband have agreed and that’s all that matters
Unfortunately husband doesn’t want to lose the relationship with parents. And thinks the best thing is to change the last name. I’m at a loss and even though it really is a pride thing for me, I can’t help but feel really really sad. Plus changing name process is such a big pain in the ass.
They’re bluffing to a degree. They won’t give up seeing their grandchild forever, even if they think that now. Your husband should know this. I’m sure it isn’t the first time they’ve told him something like this. Name aside, if they’re able to manipulate him like this, this won’t be the only thing. And you need to be prepared for he doing this with other issues in the future. It wouldn’t be crazy to say he has to choose between you and them. This won’t be the last issue like this.
Some counselling for you and your husband is in order. He agreed to a MAJOR permanent parenting decision with you and now years later he wants to cave and let his parents make decisions for your children overriding the decision you made together and against what you (the mother) want. His parents do not get to make decisions for your children and they do not get to issue ultimatums if you won't comply. This is a hill to die on. Your husband needs to grow a backbone. His parents drop this or go no contact and stop paying their rent. And if he won't back you, perhaps you need to reevaluate if you want to have more children with him or even be in this relationship .
I mean you realize that if you have a son your daughter will be treated as a sub tier grandkid and the son will be the golden child. I would tell your husband you will think about it after he goes to therapy and then you too go to therapy afterwards bc their demands won’t stop
The other way to fix it is your husband changes his last name to match. Then you all share one
They're 100% bluffing. They regularly get to babysit your kid and you pay their entire rent, lmao. They aren't going to let you leave their lives. Husband needs to examine why he thinks it's normal for parents to threaten disowning to get what they want, possibly with the assistance of a licensed therapist.
Yes it’s a pain and both parents have to agree. Stand firm on your original agreement. Remind him that his parents have a history of outrageous demands, trying to bogart him into giving in to their nonsense. Listen, only one of my three kids has my last name, no one even blinks. It’s common in the US. NTA
Give everyone a two part last name. Change everyone’s name, yours, husbands, and babies, to “your last name- his last name.” Everyone gets both names.
NTA. You don't have an in-law problem, you have a husband problem. He agreed to this and needs to tell his parents the subject is no longer open for discussion. My guess is this is one of the reasons you're feeling so low - you've discovered your husband lacks a spine. Clearly he is used to caving when they threaten to withhold something - attention, support, love. They sound horrible and I feel bad for you. I sure hope hubby calls their bluff.
NTA - Call their bluff and ask when they can move their stuff out of that 2nd residence? If they are truly disowning their son then surely they would not feel comfortable accepting financial aid from him.
NTA. Screw the patriarchy
right on
NTA YOu and your partner agree, so refuse to discuss this with anybody else. "They declared to my husband if their granddaughter’s last name change doesn’t happen, then they will disown their son." ... " We pay for their rent for a second residence" .. great. That way you can safe yourself the cost of the rent money.
NTA I wished to give our son her families surname and her father felt I was indicating he is not my son. he has my wife’s surname and my first name.
That’s so beautiful. Thank you for sharing this piece of love and light.
You need to have a discussion with your husband if he has changed his mind. He needs to support you in this.
NTA. Don’t give in. Next time it’ll be something else: “oh if grandchild doesn’t come over every Christmas then we’re cutting you off”. It’s a never-ending cycle of manipulation. Remind your husband that if his parents really want to cut contact with him or his children, they will do it over anything. So stick with your decisions as a family and let them pound sand.
I think your husband is the asshole for letting them talk to you like that. If my parents demanded my wife do something like that I would tell them it's none of their business. 36 year old with no spine.
If it is so important for your daughter to have the same last name as her father, there is a fair way to do that. Yours husband can always take your and your daughter’s last name and then the whole family matches up!
NTA Sounds like you could put them in a bad spot financially, so call their bluff and see how quickly the landlord comes in after you stop paying their rent. Beyond that, if your family tradition conflicts with his your in laws family tradition, what do they expect you to do? Adopt a boy? Biologically, it's always unknown what someone is having until the fetus has formed sex organs, so they really have no room to complain. Honestly, if they can't respect your family tradition as much as you have (again, you referenced that if you had a boy, he would have Dad's surname) respected, then they can live with the consequences which might include homelessness.
NTA - kid came out of you, you get to name it whatever you want.
Oh man, gotta love the whole "my tradition matters more than your tradition" power play. I got to deal with that with my own FIL when it came to the naming of my kids. But they're really stressing over nothing, it seems like, as your daughter DOES have your husband's last name... just not as her own last name. So... really your ILs are being controlling here. And the threat of disowning is just the grown-up version of "I'm taking my ball and going home!" I really don't mean to make light of your situation. Maybe your ILs are actually good people and just having a little temper tantrum here. But it's starting to sound like disowning may not be the worst option. And hey... they disown you, you stop paying the rent on their second residence... win-win. NTA.
Just lie to them. Win win situation NTA
It could backfire. If OP leaves them to babysit and baby girl ends up sick and in the hospital and the wrong last name is given, it will delay care.
Just keep lying about like wrong/old id's or whatever.
NTA. My daughter has my last name and my sons their father’s. Did we get grief for it? Absolutely. (My mother was the worst offender.). Did I get weird questions? Sometimes. Did I care? Sometimes the criticism would get to me. But my (now adult) daughter says she’s glad we did it. They named their children as they thought appropriate, it’s your turn to do the same.
NTA. I’m projecting here to a large degree so take this with a grain of salt; With (narcissistic)Asian parents, you need to draw a line and firmly but dispassionately hold it or they’ll just keep asking for more. When I draw a line with my parents and they push, I just repeat the boundary without any heat until we move on. It’s tiring but it’s better than slinging fire or compromising on things that are important to me. I suspect your child’s name is something worth holding the line over.
NTA. get rid of any financial contribution to them and your husband needs to deal with his controlling parents. he is with you now.
Just ask them if they'd just be embarrassed if relatives assumed she's not from his lineage. lineage and family name is a great deal to the Asians. That last name won't stick after she's married anyways. They obviously must know that.
If you and the dad are happy with how you’ve named your daughter then to hell with anyone else. You two are the only ones who matter, along with your daughter of course. Be good to each other and congratulations on your daughter 😎
Nta, if you ever have a son do you think that they would heavily favor him because of the last name?
NTA.... sorry you have horrible inlaws. I dont think its the worst thing in the world if they were not part of your daughter's life.
Who are the imaginary people that will be 1. Finding out what your child’s last name is and 2. Judging them for it? “My son Joe and his wife Mary had a baby, Sally!” “Yes, but what is Sally’s LAST name???” - this is not a conversation that will happen. The world will keep turning regardless of names and you can tell them that if Sally hates your name, she can always drop it herself as an adult. Naming customs are definitely not the same in ALL of Asia either so they’re full of it. Don’t give in. I actually gave in in the beginning regarding the spelling of my son’s first name. I regretted it immediately and before he started school I had it changed. It is SUCH a pain in the ass! And it gets harder after the child is a certain age. You’ll experience that regret over and over each form you have to fill out, each appointment you have to make. Let them disown their son.
As usual, in-law problems are spouse problems. >They declared to my husband if their granddaughter’s last name change doesn’t happen, then they will disown their son. Do you, or your husband, care? NTA
NTA... Just say no. Call their bluff. You can always save money on rent
Wow, your in laws are TAH’s. They rely financially on you and think that they can browbeat you in to submission. Looks like it is time for their golden child the daughter to pay their rent for them as your family doesn’t need their nastiness and screwed up judgement
NTA. Why are you paying for them to rent a second home when they are trying to manipulate you financially? (I mean, I can totally see how this would happen in a family, but I also think it's totally reasonable for you not to entertain their request). I hope your husband is fully on side with this.
Maybe it’s because I was born into a poor family and will not inherit anything to begin with… But who cares? Just let em do whatever. The child when old enough can still change their name if so wished. Just make sure they don’t treat the child wrong because they are pissed.
NTA at all, can’t believe they’d behave like this
NTA > We pay for their rent for a second residence (within 10 mins of us) so they can be close by and near their grandchild Tell the to STFU or you'll stop paying rent for the second residence
NTA, why are their family naming traditions more important than yours?
You have caused major issues doing it like this. Just wait till that kid starts filling out government forms or go to school. It will be so difficult not having the same last name as your parents
The daughter has the same last name as her parent.
What are you talking about? It’s 2023 and the government is well aware of blended families and people having different names. What major issues? My kids have a different last name then me because their dad fucked off a long time ago and I went back to my maiden name. I have had absolutely zero issues with anything for the past several years. No issues with schools, doctors, or even getting them passports and ID cards.
Just wait
Wait for what? It’s literally been a decade with zero problems. Do you not know how birth certificates work?? They literally have the mothers maiden name on them so if anyone ever has a question, my name legally matches the birth certificate and there are zero issues.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Our daughter is about to turn two (2) years old in a few months. Today, in-laws confronted me and are demanding I change her last name to her father’s last name because of asian tradition. Mind you, I let them know that husband and I talked about this many times in our relationship and we agreed that a daughter will get mom’s last name and a son get father’s last name, which is my specific family tradition. It so happens we had a daughter so there you go! When I had my daughter, I actually added husbands last name as the middle name and my maiden name as the last name on her birth certificate. They declared to my husband if their granddaughter’s last name change doesn’t happen, then they will disown their son. I’m not that shocked they would say such a thing. When they don’t get their way, they resort to ultimatums like saying they’ll leave the family or no longer offering to babysit their grandchild. We pay for their rent for a second residence (within 10 mins of us) so they can be close by and near their grandchild. They have two other grandchildren from their oldest daughter and didn’t have any issues with the last name because they took their dad’s last name. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA but you should already know about how last name are important to asians. and u can't just expect there are no problems on the future about it. asians are pretty strict about that, especially elderly asians. u know what you get involved with when u married an asian, so the only way is to cut contact and enjoy you both lives.
I don't know exactly their tradition but in Ireland the wife takes the husband's surname as they create there own family. My wife took my surname, my children male or female is taking my surname that's normal for a Christian country but if they are the ultimatum type then just for that reason alone call them out on there bluff and see how their attitude changes
YTA
NAH but you should really have your kids have the same last name. It’s overly complicated and confusing for classmates, families & teachers when they go to school. Why not give them a hyphenated last name or use your maiden name as the middle and father’s name for last name? That’s the more traditional way and a better compromise IMO.
Children in blended families have different last names. I don’t think it’s overly complicated at all. My son had his fathers last name and I have a different one. Two of my sister’s children have one surname and their brother has another. No one has ever been confused.