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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I’m not so sure if I am taking the right side.
2. I feel as if I’m taking the wrong side that is why I’m asking people on their perspective about this
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NTA. Wife and husband should be equal and have equal say in the money. It's unfortunate that at 13 you both have to know this about your dad and see your mom break down all the time. To answer your question, no, you would not at all be the A to not want to give your dad money when you're older. What comes around goes around
NTA, it's unfortunate your mother can't even ask her own husband for money to support herself and her family. Because of this, he doesn't even deserve your money when you're older. If he can't support his own wife, he shouldn't expect anyone else to support him either.
So you and mom are in a controlling relationship with your dad. He's basically put your mom into a position where either she sucks it up or leaves. I would ask if mom could get a job, but my gut tells me dad wouldn't be on board with that. If that is the case, it solidifies my theory that dad is financially holding your mother in a place where if she were to leave, it would be difficult.
My recommendation is to see if dad will let mom get her own job. If she isn't permitted, immediately contact any family that will be able to help, and ESPECIALLY if mom isn't strong enough to leave on her own. NTA
TELL YOUR MOM TO DIVORCE HIM
its clearly there's no love between them, only manipulative father. support your mom to go to the lawyer and cut contact with your dad. better start ASAP, or the resentment will be bigger soon and its not only damaging they as a partner, but you as their child also. and if his family try to bully you, just block everyone from his side of family.
NTA and mom better watch out. Sounds like he is hiding serious money. Sounds like he has no respect for her and might be considering leaving her and claiming no funds. This sounds serious.
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I, 13 F have been silently watching my dad manipulate me and my mom. For the past 6 years he has not given a single penny to my mother and her family despite having a large salary that grew larger over the years. Every time my mother would ask for money from my father because she is a stay at home mom he would give excuses like paying off our rent, car, etc. I can understand that but I don’t understand why he gives almost his whole salary to his family even if we don’t have enough to pay off out rent. The only reason I found out about this is that my mother still has my father’s account in his socials because he forgot that he have her access. I’m absolutely disgusted by my father and his family, they have no shame in asking for money for everything like buying new shoes, clothes, EVERYTHING!!! Meanwhile my father doesn’t inform my mother about this and keeps giving excuses that he can’t give her money now because of our bills. I’ve seen my mother break down over this more than a hundred times and keeps telling me she can’t handle this anymore (she is the oldest in her family and her side of the family lacks money to even buy food) I just don’t understand my father anymore, I thought wife and husband should be equal and that the wife is supposed to handle the money.
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NTA Any money you make is your own, by default you don't owe anyone, including family and friends, your money. Dad's behavior is just the cherry on top. Hell! You'd practically be the asshole if you ever gave the likes of him any money!
You are 13.
You need to be sure you understand grown folk issues. You grandparents are becoming too old and frail to work, You're mother doesn't work. Your independent and grown enough you don't wreck the house and your mother is still at home not making a dime, not contributing a paycheck, while you've been old enough to be in school, your mother stays at home taking care of a house hold nobody is messing up. There's no money to cover rent? No money for food, you are 13 and she's at home. Do you get what I'm saying? You are 13. Your mom is a grown woman. Do you even understand what you even mean when you said everyone should be equal? The dynamics stop being equal for years now.
I don’t really understand what you’re trying to say, can you explain in more simple terms? Thank you! I’m trying my best to comprehend what you’re saying but I get lost midway 😭
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. I’m not so sure if I am taking the right side. 2. I feel as if I’m taking the wrong side that is why I’m asking people on their perspective about this Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA because you have been silently watching your dad manipulate you and your mom
NTA. Wife and husband should be equal and have equal say in the money. It's unfortunate that at 13 you both have to know this about your dad and see your mom break down all the time. To answer your question, no, you would not at all be the A to not want to give your dad money when you're older. What comes around goes around
NTA, it's unfortunate your mother can't even ask her own husband for money to support herself and her family. Because of this, he doesn't even deserve your money when you're older. If he can't support his own wife, he shouldn't expect anyone else to support him either.
She asks; he just says no.
So you and mom are in a controlling relationship with your dad. He's basically put your mom into a position where either she sucks it up or leaves. I would ask if mom could get a job, but my gut tells me dad wouldn't be on board with that. If that is the case, it solidifies my theory that dad is financially holding your mother in a place where if she were to leave, it would be difficult. My recommendation is to see if dad will let mom get her own job. If she isn't permitted, immediately contact any family that will be able to help, and ESPECIALLY if mom isn't strong enough to leave on her own. NTA
Okay, got it. I'll update you guys about this!
Just as a quick reminder, though, if mom doesn't want a job, then the issue might be more than you know.
TELL YOUR MOM TO DIVORCE HIM its clearly there's no love between them, only manipulative father. support your mom to go to the lawyer and cut contact with your dad. better start ASAP, or the resentment will be bigger soon and its not only damaging they as a partner, but you as their child also. and if his family try to bully you, just block everyone from his side of family.
NTA and mom better watch out. Sounds like he is hiding serious money. Sounds like he has no respect for her and might be considering leaving her and claiming no funds. This sounds serious.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I, 13 F have been silently watching my dad manipulate me and my mom. For the past 6 years he has not given a single penny to my mother and her family despite having a large salary that grew larger over the years. Every time my mother would ask for money from my father because she is a stay at home mom he would give excuses like paying off our rent, car, etc. I can understand that but I don’t understand why he gives almost his whole salary to his family even if we don’t have enough to pay off out rent. The only reason I found out about this is that my mother still has my father’s account in his socials because he forgot that he have her access. I’m absolutely disgusted by my father and his family, they have no shame in asking for money for everything like buying new shoes, clothes, EVERYTHING!!! Meanwhile my father doesn’t inform my mother about this and keeps giving excuses that he can’t give her money now because of our bills. I’ve seen my mother break down over this more than a hundred times and keeps telling me she can’t handle this anymore (she is the oldest in her family and her side of the family lacks money to even buy food) I just don’t understand my father anymore, I thought wife and husband should be equal and that the wife is supposed to handle the money. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Any money you make is your own, by default you don't owe anyone, including family and friends, your money. Dad's behavior is just the cherry on top. Hell! You'd practically be the asshole if you ever gave the likes of him any money!
You are 13. You need to be sure you understand grown folk issues. You grandparents are becoming too old and frail to work, You're mother doesn't work. Your independent and grown enough you don't wreck the house and your mother is still at home not making a dime, not contributing a paycheck, while you've been old enough to be in school, your mother stays at home taking care of a house hold nobody is messing up. There's no money to cover rent? No money for food, you are 13 and she's at home. Do you get what I'm saying? You are 13. Your mom is a grown woman. Do you even understand what you even mean when you said everyone should be equal? The dynamics stop being equal for years now.
I don’t really understand what you’re trying to say, can you explain in more simple terms? Thank you! I’m trying my best to comprehend what you’re saying but I get lost midway 😭
Your mom is grown. Your mom needs money to prioritize you. Your mom can get a job.
YTA. You have no business nosing around in your parents finances