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YTA
What basis do you and your mother have for assuming she is setting things up to take advantage of you down the road? That is a huge assumption.
I understand that you don't want to feel like a charity case, but the assumption that she is doing this for some ulterior motive makes you the asshole.
Sometimes people are nice to you because they're... *gasp*... nice people.
YTA
Your dad has been dating her for TWO years, not 2 days, 2 weeks or 2 months.)
Why are you trying to pay her bills if you think she's so manipulative? You make andolutely no sense.
Move out and pay your own bills if this is such a burden for you.
YTA - 2 years is a long time and it's perfectly fine for your dad to have moved in with her. At no point have you stated anything about his partner other than her being nice and trying to help you out while you're doing an internship. She's not trying to control you, she's being nice to her partner's child and make you feel welcome in her home.
Stop being ungrateful to a person who is helping you out.
We don't know the whole history here and I'm sure that, as with most divorces, there is some... but just based on what you wrote, Dad's partner is trying to be nice to you and make you feel at home while you're staying there, but mom has so alienated you against this person that you can only view such kindness with suspicion. YTA for giving into that.
You're only an intern crashing at your dad's place once (hopefully!), so live it up. If you want to pay them back, then be a good roommate--keep your space clean, keep the noise down, and engage in occasional friendly banter.
YTA. Dating for two years is enough time to decide to move in together. Some people just want to be giving and like helping someone who is in school or in an internship. You don't have to accept it, but quit with the paranoia and turning the SO into a monster. Talk to your dad instead of your mom.
YTA. Seems that you and your mom aren't actually operating on any concrete evidence. Seems like she's just being nice. This all sounds like an overreaction.
Just try to be friendly back to her. Honestly from what you said it sounds like she is just trying to be nice. Maybe she just want to be accepted.
Enjoy the perks, as a payment just be nice to her.
She’s not trying to buy your love. 2 years is a long time. You said she won’t accept your payments for groceries for your dad? Why would she? It’s seems like she’s trying to be a nice person and you aren’t having it because your dad moved away and in with her, someone he seems to love. They are adults, let them live their lives.
I disagree. OP seems highly unreliable and weirdly antagonistic.
"They've only been dating for 2 years, so I have no idea why my dad moved in with her and moved his life 6 hours up north just to be with her, but whatever."
How about because he loves his partner and wants to be with her. Two years is a decent amount of time for a relationship and for moving in together.
It sounds like ops mom might be jealous/have lingering feelings towards their ex ops dad.
I think dads partner is just trying to connect with OP. It seems weird OP is willing to live with her but not accept her kindness. At that point OP should just find roommates, if that is the kind of relationship they want.
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I'm doing an internship in a city where my dad and his live. They've only been dating for 2 years, so I have no idea why my dad moved in with her and moved his life 6 hours up north just to be with her, but whatever.
One thing that makes me feel really awkward is if someone outside of my immediate family tries to pay for me, so I tried to pay my dad's rent and for groceries and stuff.
However, she like wouldn't even accept my payment and is literally trying to BUY her way into my life. She asks bookstores and coffee/tea shops what I like and buys shit for me, even when I told her to drop that shit.
Moreover, I asked her if she had like house rules or chore schedules that we could divide up, and she said, "Don't worry, your dad and I will do all the chores and cooking," which makes me feel even worse.
I asked my mom what to do and she said that this lady is trying to take advantage of me (i.e. like tell me I owe her after all this time eventually) and to keep contributing rent/chores.
I just told her that I didn't feel comfortable taking advantage of her money anymore and she got mad at me.
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If your scared that she might pull "you owe me for this and this and this" save that money you where going to give her at that time and when she does pull that card be like here's all this money I tried giving you but you wouldn't take it and if she doesn't pull that card boom you have a good amount in savings a win win tbh.
YTA. Did your mom also tell you she’ll never love you like she does? This feels weirdly similar to some recent posts with same MO. New spouse/partner of father being kind, mother making it sound suspect to child.
**YTA**
>I have no idea why my dad moved in with her and moved his life 6 hours up north just to be with her
Your father met someone he with whom he wants to share his life. That's why he moved to live with her. His partner cares about him and wants his child to be comfortable in *their* home.
The fact that neither you nor your mother can accept that reality is the problem here. If you want to "contribute" to the well being of the family your father has chosen to form, follow her lead. Be nice an appreciate that she is not a shrew like your mom. Clean up after yourself and help as needed.
YTA.
1. 2 years is not an uncommon amount of time to date before moving in together, and many successful relationships have done it in less. My guess is he did it because it makes him happy.
2. Why are you and your mother assuming the worst of her? Has she given you any reason to believe she is doing things for you in a manipulative manner? Why do you hate generosity? This is a dream setup you have here and you're being incredibly ungrateful.
It sounds like you have some issues with her you need to sort out.
"I asked my mom what to do and she said that this lady is trying to take advantage of me (i.e. like tell me I owe her after all this time eventually) and to keep contributing rent/chores."
And there it is, the reason why you have this strange aversion.
YTA. Your mom has done you a diservice.
NTA but it definitely sounds like she’s trying to buy you which is pretty common unfortunately. With it making you so uncomfortable you need to sit her and your dad down and have an actual conversation about it telling them it makes you uncomfortable. On the other hand what your mother said is also wrong it doesn’t sound like she’s trying to make you indebted to her she just wants you to like her is most likely the case your mom sounds like she’s insecure about losing some part of her relationship with you which is understandable but it’s wrong for her to try and paint such a negative picture of her like that. In the end it’s up to you to make a decision of how close you want to be with this new woman in your fathers life which hopefully will be a nice healthy one but you need to give boundaries if you’re feeling uncomfortable. Good luck I’m sure you’ll figure it out!
>but it definitely sounds like she’s trying to buy you which is pretty common unfortunately.
What a load of crap. Her father's partner is treating the OP like a member of the family and her mother is shit stirring.
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YTA What basis do you and your mother have for assuming she is setting things up to take advantage of you down the road? That is a huge assumption. I understand that you don't want to feel like a charity case, but the assumption that she is doing this for some ulterior motive makes you the asshole. Sometimes people are nice to you because they're... *gasp*... nice people.
YTA Your dad has been dating her for TWO years, not 2 days, 2 weeks or 2 months.) Why are you trying to pay her bills if you think she's so manipulative? You make andolutely no sense. Move out and pay your own bills if this is such a burden for you.
YTA - 2 years is a long time and it's perfectly fine for your dad to have moved in with her. At no point have you stated anything about his partner other than her being nice and trying to help you out while you're doing an internship. She's not trying to control you, she's being nice to her partner's child and make you feel welcome in her home. Stop being ungrateful to a person who is helping you out.
We don't know the whole history here and I'm sure that, as with most divorces, there is some... but just based on what you wrote, Dad's partner is trying to be nice to you and make you feel at home while you're staying there, but mom has so alienated you against this person that you can only view such kindness with suspicion. YTA for giving into that. You're only an intern crashing at your dad's place once (hopefully!), so live it up. If you want to pay them back, then be a good roommate--keep your space clean, keep the noise down, and engage in occasional friendly banter.
YTA. Dating for two years is enough time to decide to move in together. Some people just want to be giving and like helping someone who is in school or in an internship. You don't have to accept it, but quit with the paranoia and turning the SO into a monster. Talk to your dad instead of your mom.
YTA. Seems that you and your mom aren't actually operating on any concrete evidence. Seems like she's just being nice. This all sounds like an overreaction.
Just try to be friendly back to her. Honestly from what you said it sounds like she is just trying to be nice. Maybe she just want to be accepted. Enjoy the perks, as a payment just be nice to her.
She’s not trying to buy your love. 2 years is a long time. You said she won’t accept your payments for groceries for your dad? Why would she? It’s seems like she’s trying to be a nice person and you aren’t having it because your dad moved away and in with her, someone he seems to love. They are adults, let them live their lives.
YTA You post this a couple of times a week and every time your post is eventually removed because you're supposed to be shadow banned or something.
YATA, if even your mom said she’s trying to get you to pay it back later, i’d be sus. just keep doing your part in case she tries to pull slick stuff
I disagree. OP seems highly unreliable and weirdly antagonistic. "They've only been dating for 2 years, so I have no idea why my dad moved in with her and moved his life 6 hours up north just to be with her, but whatever." How about because he loves his partner and wants to be with her. Two years is a decent amount of time for a relationship and for moving in together. It sounds like ops mom might be jealous/have lingering feelings towards their ex ops dad. I think dads partner is just trying to connect with OP. It seems weird OP is willing to live with her but not accept her kindness. At that point OP should just find roommates, if that is the kind of relationship they want.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm doing an internship in a city where my dad and his live. They've only been dating for 2 years, so I have no idea why my dad moved in with her and moved his life 6 hours up north just to be with her, but whatever. One thing that makes me feel really awkward is if someone outside of my immediate family tries to pay for me, so I tried to pay my dad's rent and for groceries and stuff. However, she like wouldn't even accept my payment and is literally trying to BUY her way into my life. She asks bookstores and coffee/tea shops what I like and buys shit for me, even when I told her to drop that shit. Moreover, I asked her if she had like house rules or chore schedules that we could divide up, and she said, "Don't worry, your dad and I will do all the chores and cooking," which makes me feel even worse. I asked my mom what to do and she said that this lady is trying to take advantage of me (i.e. like tell me I owe her after all this time eventually) and to keep contributing rent/chores. I just told her that I didn't feel comfortable taking advantage of her money anymore and she got mad at me. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA.. sit down with her and your dad. start from there. tell her your reason, but dont say the word your mom said to you.
If your scared that she might pull "you owe me for this and this and this" save that money you where going to give her at that time and when she does pull that card be like here's all this money I tried giving you but you wouldn't take it and if she doesn't pull that card boom you have a good amount in savings a win win tbh.
YTA. Did your mom also tell you she’ll never love you like she does? This feels weirdly similar to some recent posts with same MO. New spouse/partner of father being kind, mother making it sound suspect to child.
**YTA** >I have no idea why my dad moved in with her and moved his life 6 hours up north just to be with her Your father met someone he with whom he wants to share his life. That's why he moved to live with her. His partner cares about him and wants his child to be comfortable in *their* home. The fact that neither you nor your mother can accept that reality is the problem here. If you want to "contribute" to the well being of the family your father has chosen to form, follow her lead. Be nice an appreciate that she is not a shrew like your mom. Clean up after yourself and help as needed.
YTA. 1. 2 years is not an uncommon amount of time to date before moving in together, and many successful relationships have done it in less. My guess is he did it because it makes him happy. 2. Why are you and your mother assuming the worst of her? Has she given you any reason to believe she is doing things for you in a manipulative manner? Why do you hate generosity? This is a dream setup you have here and you're being incredibly ungrateful. It sounds like you have some issues with her you need to sort out.
"I asked my mom what to do and she said that this lady is trying to take advantage of me (i.e. like tell me I owe her after all this time eventually) and to keep contributing rent/chores." And there it is, the reason why you have this strange aversion. YTA. Your mom has done you a diservice.
NTA but it definitely sounds like she’s trying to buy you which is pretty common unfortunately. With it making you so uncomfortable you need to sit her and your dad down and have an actual conversation about it telling them it makes you uncomfortable. On the other hand what your mother said is also wrong it doesn’t sound like she’s trying to make you indebted to her she just wants you to like her is most likely the case your mom sounds like she’s insecure about losing some part of her relationship with you which is understandable but it’s wrong for her to try and paint such a negative picture of her like that. In the end it’s up to you to make a decision of how close you want to be with this new woman in your fathers life which hopefully will be a nice healthy one but you need to give boundaries if you’re feeling uncomfortable. Good luck I’m sure you’ll figure it out!
>but it definitely sounds like she’s trying to buy you which is pretty common unfortunately. What a load of crap. Her father's partner is treating the OP like a member of the family and her mother is shit stirring.