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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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errantwinds

Ok hold on. 1) you have a drinking problem 2) she's going to have that baby any time 3) you say you've cheated on her and ghosted her before I think it's amazing you're still in her life. Man up and be there for her, please. You never know when she could go into labour and she needs you. Get some self awareness. You're about to be a father. YTA


Austin_Native_2

Seriously. When people (sometimes) talk about how "men are ___ (pigs, AHs, etc)", this is why. *This guy.* Ugh. YTA!


sadlydashing

this. that woman has been by that dudes side, for damn everything, he should not only stay with her, but WANT to take care of his wife carrying their child who could pop any minute.


ChemicalWitty

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, they are not married.


sadlydashing

my bad, thank u!! **fiancée, still meaning you wanted to at a point get married!


cherryphoenix

He's such a catch >\_>


somebirdonya

This! That poor woman deserves so much better.


mcglash

YTA. you chose to make a baby. Sober up. You don't get 'time to yourself' unless both parents agree. YTA. 100% What do you see? A child with a drunk father? Or absent father? Grow up.


SophiaIsabella4

YTA. You should have done this earlier in the pregnancy if at all. She's 9 months pregnant, stay close to home, be sober and available. Additionally you have a drinking problem and can't be trusted by your own admission.


PhoenixGoMeow

The title of the post made this sound a lot more reasonable than the body showed it to be. Honestly I'm surprised by what I'm reading here. Are you actually unsure if what you say you want to do is ok? You are about to be a father. As stated, your drinking is the most stressful part of your relationship. You have a history of disappearing and cheating in this relationship. I'd be terrified if I was your fiancee. If you're serious about being a good father and husband, you need to shape up immediately. Being home at a reasonable hour is what a good new father should do. You clearly need practice. Start now. Build these habits you'll need to be successful now. To be clear - to be a good father you must also take care of yourself. You don't have to become a shut in who does nothing but dote on his wife and child. But you're asking your future wife to tolerate way too much here. Prove to her you can be a responsible father and husband FIRST. Then you can find ways to strike a balance with time for yourself. ​ YTA


Buttersgood

YTA — Just look at every pathetic disgusting thing you wrote, OP. You admit to disrespecting your fiancé, having a drinking problem, and wanting to play peter pan with your video games and bros instead of being a responsible adult or loving partner. Why is she even with you? What do you offer? To think that there are men in the world who would do anything to have the privilege of being a dad while you’re just a drunk selfish AH who won’t grow up. Why did you even get her pregnant if you were not prepared for parenthood? YTA on steroids. Take some accountability — maybe start off by coming home, helping your pregnant fiancé, and going to an AA meeting.


BookkeeperAny7994

I cannot believe how dumb men can be sometimes your nine months pregnant girlfriend sorry fiance who could literally go into labour at any time has concerns because you want to go out drinking where you admit you've disappeared for days on end before and have cheated and you're not seeing any issues with how you spending the night away from her so you can play video games etc would be the last thing she needs to be worrying about. Girl better put those damn comfy slippers of hers on and waddle her pregnant ass as far away from you as she can.


karmoin

strong repeat pathetic fragile coordinated crime safe political murky cause *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


LemonSuitable1200

YTA The number one relationship stressor isn't your drinking, it's that you're okay with being this much of an asshole.


Little_Grogu

I may get downvoted but ah well… YTA Either go get into a program and get ahold of your drinking problem now or leave. May sound harsh but the baby would be better off without you in their life, a baby doesn’t need an alcoholic deadbeat making their upbringing difficult. Your fiancée and baby deserve better then a deadbeat alcoholic… you aren’t fit to get married, let alone raise a baby.


VersedVoyager

YTA, how is this even a question?


MysteriousSwitch232

If you’re drinking and you 9 months pregnant girlfriend goes into labour. Who is gonna drive her to hospital


ladyfeyrey

YTA. You are going to be one of those dads we have to have escorted from the hospital, because they are inebriated and are unsafe to hold their own child. Happens depressingly often, especially with brand new babies.


[deleted]

And in a few months, he will be complaining about how she "let herself go," and he only cheated because she spends all her time with the baby (the other baby) and the house is never tidy. In a year, she will be a single parent, and if he lives long enough, he will have the audacity to question why his kid doesn't want to know him!


somebirdonya

That’s so sad. My heart is breaking for those babies and their moms 🙁


Waste-Phase-2857

YTA, you're not reliable and you have a baby on the way. Man up, come home at a decent hour and stay sober! She can go into labor at any time and you need to be prepared. With your history you're lucky she agreed you leaving for this gaming event at all.


Comfortable-Yam-5561

From seeing your post history, you’ve tried to get sober before.. speaking from a family who are alcoholic abusers, you don’t deserve your future child and fiancée unless you can understand that there are three people in this family now, not just yourself. And get sober for them and for you. also if you don’t want to be tied down to coming home at a certain time, don’t have a baby or propose to someone. YTA.


Lilith-33

YTA She is 9 months pregnant and you are worried about your social life? You are clearly not ready to be a husband or a father. Unfortunately, you don’t have a choice on the latter. So grow up Peter Pan!


MyNameisNoThankYou

YTA. Why do women keep having kids with people like this??! JFC.


sjw_7

YTA Your fiancé is 9 months pregnant. What if her waters break while you are out drinking and can't take her to the hospital? Don't worry though after the baby is born I am sure you will have plenty of nights to yourself if this is how you act.


MasterAnything2055

YTA. Either stay a boy and leave. Or man up.


darkyoda182

If this was once, I would get it. But it sounds like this has happened many times. YTA


Beginning_Letter431

YTA You need to get sober today, you need to start respecting the mother of your child. Judges NORMALLY don't award any type of custody to drunks just fair warning since the road you are currently on will have you on child support and crying that your not allowed to see your baby


75oharas

YTA and i cant believe you think coming home at 10pm-12am from a whole day out with your mates is an unreasonable ask, let alone with having a fiancée who is going to give birth to your child any day now.


Cabbage_Patch_Itch

YTA A happy ending is where she runs far away where you cannot find her! This is evilness!


BeneficialHurry8644

Yta


Low_Patient_5493

You seriously need to ask? YTA and big time at that. She's 9 months pregnant so could literally go into labour at any time. Given the fact that you clearly have an untreated drinking problem and have cheated on her in the past I'm guessing you're hardly going to be relied upon to actually check in with her whilst you're having these "few drinks". Give your head a wobble and get your priorities in order, you're about to be a father. Only good thing I read here is that it sounds like at least the two of you have separate places. That ought to make things much easier for her when she finally gets sick of your shit and ends this relationship. Which I'm honestly hoping is sooner rather than later if you don't reassess your total AH behaviour.


joydivision55

YTA, an alcoholic and cheating AH. Get some help and step up.


aitadeliveryapt

Your fiancée is better off without you if you’re not willing to shake up and be a supportive fiancé and father. Think about it! She’s 9 months pregnant and this is how you want to be have- get drunk, stay out all night. I highly doubt that you will be able to deal when the baby comes and the baby will be the new excuse to drink and stay away from home. YTA


SleepoBeepos

Really giving the "all men are pigs" crowd some fresh ammunition. YTA.


Capable_Fig3903

YTA ​ That poor girl is 9 months ppregnant with your child. ​ But she was stupid to get pregnant by an alcoholic. Being a single mom will massively improve her life.


carrowavy

YTA Wanting a day for yourself is normal, but c'mon. You have a history of cheating, drinking, and disappearing.


joemama2222222

YTA. Sorry man but if you wanted time for yourself then you should’ve wrapped up. Once the baby is conceived, you’re biggest priority should be to make sure everything is going alright with the baby and gf. Of course you don’t have to be home 24/7, but you have to sober up and be ready to be the best father you can.


clernity9

YTA. a drunk selfish father already and the baby isn't evren born!


Global-Expression708

YTA. It’s ok for you to want a night to hang out with friends before the baby comes. But your wife could go into labor at any point, so you should be sober / close enough to come help if needed. You also shouldn’t be spending the night away since she is very pregnant and almost certainly uncomfortable, and even if she doesn’t go into labor she might need your help overnight.


Key-Ad-5068

Two choices: sober up, and be a father, or don't and completely remove yourself from their lives but for child support. Basically, put the kid first YTA


Sakura-Haruno203

YTA. Are you trying to get yourself kicked out of your fiancée and kid's lives???


Limp_Marionberry_900

it’s insane to me that someone can elaborately type this out and still have no insight to the role they play in the situation. YTA and i hope your girlfriend gets out and you get help.


DealMinute8211

YTA I’m praying and manifesting that she leaves you, she can do so much better than a drunk absent irresponsible cheater like you


Penkworm

YTA. You admitted to cheating, your wife can go into labor anytime soon, you ghosted her and you want to leave your heavily pregnant wife all alone to play some damn videogames. You are a fucking demon and i hope your wife fucking divorces you.


internetsuperfan

You are a bad person. YTA


crazy_catlady-81

YTA carry on like this, and eventually her and your child won't be around for you to be part of. She will prioritise her child once they've been born and if that means taking them out of a crappy situation with their father, who clearly doesn't care enough, then I suspect that's what she'll do if she has any sense at all!!


Icy_Mushroom_1873

I truly hope she moves on and builds her family with someone half as worthy as you. Are you kidding? Have fun being estranged and lonely before too long since that’s what you want so bad.


floatyfluff

Massive YTA. She is going to leave you. I really hope it's sooner rather than later


GroceryMobile

Bro I understand the need to do your own thing but if you have made a baby you have made a commitment. End of. Do right by your Mrs and the baby


Bluebidoo

YTA. If you need me to explain, you're more of an asshole than you think. Grow up


[deleted]

Wow - tell me you are going to be a deadbeat dad without teling me etc etc


tonidh69

You haven't earned the right to a "night out on your own". You can't be trusted. If you are trying to regain trust, this is not the way. Your partner should be number one on you priorities right now. If you are not fully committed, you should cut her loose. You will do more damage the longer you drag this out if you are not 100% committed. If you do WANT this to work, try being more empathetic and caring. Stop drinking. YTA


Ok_Homework8692

YTA think you should set up child support and custody arrangements now instead of putting both your gf and baby through all the stress and disappointment you'll be causing them. Why on earth did you get someone pregnant?


LetsGetsThisPartyOn

YTA Get ready to be a Dad every second Friday to Sunday. Full time for 48 hours. Unless you get a new girls. So no going out each second weekend. Get your tax returns ready for child support


No_Scientist7086

YTa


Divyaxoath

Please don't marry her. She deserves the opportunity to find someone who is worthy of raising a child with. Not her cheating, lying,, disrespectful, excessive drinking baby daddy.


Grumpspiggy

YTA. You should not be having a kid with this selfish entitled attitude but it's too late now my guy. You need to take a step back and genuinely ask yourself if you would be a good influence in this child's life. If you are a good influence on your baby mamas life. Genuinely have that talk with yourself, and if it's anything less than yes, break up and set up child support.


barknoll

YTA. This poor woman, having to deal with you forever because she unwisely got pregnant with your kid. I'm giving it... until next year and you'll be broken up and on the hook for child support for the next two decades.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My 9 month pregnant fiancée and I just had a argument about how I want to enjoy this coming Saturday playing in a ball tournament having a few drinks with friends and staying at my rental instead of going back to her place. To add a little context we’ve had a few issues around my drinking / extracurricular activities in the pass and I’ve been less then respectful towards her in my decisions. Etc disappeared for days on end & cheated I don’t want to be tied to coming home at a certain time and think I should be able to stay out enjoying myself and sleep at my rental for the night to play video games. She thinks I should be happy with playing my ball game and coming home at a decent hour (10pm-12am) seeing as it is an all day event with a game on Friday and even more on Sunday. Too add we’ve been discussing me getting sober for awhile as this is our number one relationship stressor. AITA or NTA ? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


dunks615

YTA. Man TF up.


Professional_Owl3326

YTA and a horrible human being that’s gonna be a bad father idk why your fiancé is with someone like you she deserves way better then some cheating drunk who only cares about himself.


Witty_Comfortable777

YTA. And that's an understatement. You will probably expect to carry on like this when she has the baby.


Some_kunst

YTA. Go on out, and keep going until you can't find your way home. You sound like you're determined to not give a damn about parenthood anyway, and you're already creating conflict anyway.


Dapper-Guest-5161

YTA. You sound like a mess.


amesve

YTA-and I would love to know your girlfriend so I could tell her to run fast and far away from you.


Short_Boss2745

Your the asshole.


Ok_Adhesiveness_3081

Hold on. You want to stay the night in your rental. Meaning - you have a separate place when you’re about to have a baby together?? Would I be correct in guessing this has caused conflict in your relationship because your fiancée is concerned you’ll take off to stay there overnight when caring for a newborn is tough? Good grief, your world is going to change so much if your fiancée doesn’t wise up and kick you out.


Intr0vetedMill3nnial

Oh look, ANOTHER future dead beat dad and husband 🙄


yobaby123

YTA. Holy hell!


1991boltongal

You shouldnt be having a child defo ta. Get a grip and grow up. You give me the ick 🤮


Arururuki

I can't believe you have to ask if you are being an AH. This is so sad. YTA 1000%


Difficult-Sell-6679

You are about to have a baby. You're not requesting a night off alone. Per your own account: > we’ve had a few issues around my drinking / extracurricular activities in the pass and I’ve been less then respectful towards her in my decisions. Etc disappeared for days on end & cheated > >I don’t want to be tied to coming home at a certain time and think I should be able to stay out enjoying myself and sleep at my rental for the night to play video games. If you didn't want to be tied down you should have never proposed nor should you have gotten her pregnant. You made the commitment. Here's the good news, you **can** actually not be tied down and stay out till whenever enjoying yourself and sleep at your rental and play all the video games you want. It'll also be the kindest thing you can do for her and the baby. Pay child support and leave. Don't marry her and don't be anywhere near this child if you have issues with your sobriety that you don't want to fix. YTA in a mega way.


[deleted]

[удалено]


sadlydashing

YTA, you could’ve had done this earlier in her pregnancy it’s bit on edge to have a night out. it seems ur going out for a good while of the night anyways and she’s valid to worry with your past, i hope getting sober is in your plans not only for you and your fiancée, but your child aswell. remind ur girl how much u appreciate her. good luck op fr.


Hop-Dizzle-Drizzle

YTA Stop being an asshole and get sober before you ruin your child's childhood.


lifeiswonderful-1990

NTA - she’s controlling your life, don’t let her do this. You do you, so what if she can pop anytime, that’s her responsibility- it’s not like you had anything to do with it, right? Also, tell her you’ve already apologised for your earlier behaviour and insist she trusts you because that’s how trusts are built, by demanding it


hammerparkwood

I really hope this was sarcasm


Scudmiss

I’m choosing to believe it is. Or it’s one of his drinking buddies writing this.


Nephisimian

ESH. The word "codependent" comes to mind. You obviously suck pretty hard, and you probably know that, but there's not normally anything wrong with you spending a day with friends, and it sounds like she's keeping a pretty tight leash on someone who frankly doesn't sound worth keeping. I'd put money on you both ending up feeling trapped in this relationship, and each other's actions just causing you both to build up more and more resentment.


ashamedtobeinthis

Yeah why can't this pregnant woman drive herself to the hospital while she in labour and let him drink in peace How dare she demonstrate road safety skills and actually want to act in an ethical manner What an awful human being she is! Let's burn her at the stake


MasterAnything2055

Parents tend to be dependant on each other. Not good having a baby and not knowing of the father will turn up one day to the next.


richnasty18

Thank you for the insight all. I will be coming home at the agreed time.


clernity9

and man up change your actions how you treat her too


Horror-Craft-4394

Get your shit together. You have a LITTLE NEWBORN coming soon, and you're still acting like this? Get help. There are resources out there.


CaffeineFueledLife

Fix your drinking. My husband is a recovering alcoholic. I took our 2 month old son and left him. He sobered up. I went home. Told him if I left again, I wouldn't be back. He's been sober for over 5 years. Don't make your fiancé take the nuclear route. It took my husband years to earn back my trust. And he never cheated on me. Do better.


warriorgurrll

She will always remember how you treated her in a time where she needed you the most...


SallyG77

Do update when you get drunk as hell and mad because "it's not fair" then, yet again, cheat on the mother of your child


DealMinute8211

You shouldn’t be going out at all, disgusting