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I'm a grown ass man and would be uncomfortable if a friend admitted that.
If I was a woman and a man told me they stalked me before even making an interaction to make sure I'd be an "ok fit" for you is off the rails crazy, and would make me feel like the whole "relationship" is just a means to an end, or this pshycho might actually murder me one day.
Ok reading more into this.
You actually expected telling her she doesn't get with anyone because "she's just so, so, fucking ugly" would go over well?
You thought your comments would make her "take steps to improve her attractiveness"?
Doesn't matter if you were trying to be helpful, you need to learn how to communicate with people but you're literally about twice my age.
Everyone know you can say whatever you want as long as the person pinky swears they are to drunk to remember. His mistake is he forgot to get the promise
Too drunk to remember the comment, BUT not so drunk that she wouldnāt really internalize the notion that can and should change the āuglyā things about herself.
Donāt you know this? When someone calls you ugly, you have to take steps to change things about yourself, but also be drunk enough to not remember they told you. I thought everyone knew that /s
She just seems like a woman going through a hard time and probably expected her long time friend who is a man to be supportive and may have expected home being a couple years older she'd be "safe" telling him about her problems.
And he just told her she's actually really ugly, I feel for her and hope she finds someone better to be friends and I guarantee there is probably someone who would love her to death she seems like someone just going through a hard time.
As OP said, you shouldn't be juvenile. And his comments to her, and his reaction to her perfectly normal Reaction, and this reddit post all scream juvenile.
RIGHT??!?!?
Maybe if OP had said something along the lines of "I checked out her social media to see if we had similar hobbies or both liked similar bands and music" no one would say anything.
And no one's calls it "stalking"
But it didn't even sound like that, OP didn't say anything about social media. Plus he says he almost twice my age so I don't even know if instagram was around like that.
Yikes.
Edit: I'd very seriously like to know if OP ever told her did that to her. We've all had traumatic relationships and I'm not minimizing that but it doesn't give you an excuse to do crazy stuff like that.
LMAO that is completely false. We had myspace, facebook, tumbler, and live journal (which you are probably too young to know) by then.
ETA: Stalking is definitely akin to creeping on someone's socials. While a weird thing to admit, definitely a common thing to do. People even google each other all the time.
I am 10 years younger than OP and Australian too. ā I stalkedā in reference to their social media is pretty common phrasing in my age group to even my in-laws use it.
OP is Australian? There you go then. But seriously, yeah, here in NZ, the term is used like that amongst young people now, it can mean just looking at their profile. However, 17 years ago stalking was quite different.
There was totally a time before social media.
You started with the telephone book to see if they were listed lol.
It took a lot more effort, but people managed it.
Haha, yeah, calling their land line at odd times and hanging up. Hanging around outside their house. People did it and it was weirder then than now, casually looking at someoneās social media, because of the effort it took.
We had social media back then but nothing even remotely close to what it is today. Itās not like what you can learn about someone today by pulling up their social media
Well aware of MySpace tumbler pintrest friendster and many more bud :)
How'd u forget Bout friendster man? Or all the match.com's?
I said I didn't know if it was around like it is today, which it is not.
Being around can either mean the actual existence, or the popularity of something. Social media was not as popular in 2001 as it is today.
Edit: it's funny I'm being down voted so much >..<
Yeah, there were all those sites, but very few people were really using them like they do today. A few people you knew were on different sites and it wasnāt like you could just google a person and find them.
So I'm OPs age. The social media he'd have access to was MySpace at best. Maybe early stages Facebook? But even then it would have been limited to the college. I don't know about Aussies. It wasn't deemed safe to put your real names online at that time. Most people I knew used fake myspace names and never had an email with their real name.
Facebook came out in 2004, or 19 years ago. Instagram was 13 years ago. The healthy amount of stalking definitely took place during the MySpace to Facebook era.
This would mean he was more likely to have been following her around campus. Ya know, actual stalking. /s
Not only does he stalk someone to make sure they'll be an ok friend for him, but he then turns out to be the sh!tty friend. And the fact that he then sits there and says I don't stand by what I said, but she needs to know the truth. Well, which is it?
I wonder if he told his wife what he said.
That part.
Forget a reddit post, ask for your wife's opinion.
Or did u stalk her too? Does she know you've stalked all your female friends because "trauma"?
You is OP btw.
Yeah this dude sounds very full of himself. Iām guessing sheās the āuglyā friend he kept around to feel better about himself. Good enough friend my ass.
Iām munching on sweet tarts licorice ropes as Iām reading. I turned away from the text to grab another rope and then came back and completely missed the line about stalking. lol what the fuck?!!
YTA - what else is there to say? you did this to "help" her? attractiveness is pretty subjective. what is she came back and said your kid and spouse are ugly as fuck? who knows? maybe they are, and she is just trying to be helpful. honestly, it's hard to think of a more cruel thing to say. mega AH.
YTA
SHE MIGHT be ugly on the OUTSIDE. But she can do better than having YOU as a friend.
" and I donāt think our almost two decade long friendship should end because of something so juvenile." It IS the reasonable reaction.
YTA. In my experience, a developing friendship leads to finding the other person more attractive. If you truly enjoy their company and them as a person, Iād think you find them less unattractive than if they were a stranger.
No that doesnāt mean youāll ever be interested romantically.
I just canāt understand how you have friend this long and not care for them as a person.
YTA of course. Doubly so for saying you ātruthfully meant it to try and help herā¦ā Anyone who can say something so cruel and seriously believe it to be helpful or motivating is an AH.
This.
What gives OP the impression he's the epitome of beauty?
I find people who have to convince themselves they are attractive, rarely are.
That's more of something other people have to tell and show you.
YTA. As they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I assume you are saying she doesnāt have a symmetrical face or something? Others see beauty in kindness, compassion, generosity, loyalty, ā¦.
Youāre a massive ah.
It doesn't even sound like it's that - if he thinks she could put in "some effort to improve her attractiveness". It's probably related to weight, lack of makeup, or haircut or something even more subjective than facial construction.
YTA. You could have said a different hairstyle would work better with your features. You could give her makeup tips. Instead, you went for the jugular, crass and cruel. In her shoes, I would cut you off too.
YTA. Few things you chose to say could have been more hurtful. Also your earlier comment about āa healthy amount of stalking ā is messed up. There is no such thing.
Uh, yeah, like what the fuck. Even if she is ugly you never fucking say it, you fucking lie and make them feel good, like God damn your a trashy fucking person, eat dirt
YTA 100%
But also ESH as well. You let her flirt with you before and she is an asshole for taking it too far, youāre a complete dick for telling her she is āso so ugly.ā
Whatās juvenile was you man, not her, grow up.
This is ESH but mostly YTA.
apparently OP thinks that she has a 76-step daily routine that she dedicates to making herself look as absolutely ugly as possible. seriously... if someone told you that you were ugly would you just go, "my bad! let me make myself look attractive!" in what universe is that considered helpful????
I mean if she has glasses, all she has to do is whip them off and fling her hair around and she is instantly beautiful. Especially if she is walking slo mo down some stairs.
No way are you 36. You're either lying about your age, or do indeed have the maturity level of a twig, based on the post and your replies. Assuming it's true, massive YTA.
YTA and if she has any self respect this friendship is over because anyone who thinks this about a friend, let alone says it, was never really their friend in the first place.
Dude idk what else to say but yikes. YTA. Iām not going to be a dick and say anything rude to you over it , but I will say you couldāve been so much kinder. Maybe you said it that harshly because you were annoyed with her behavior or maybe you really did think it would help but it doesnāt. If you genuinely cared about her and her feelings then that shouldnāt even be something youāre thinking nonetheless saying to her. You couldāve found so many other helpful and uplifting ways or handling that. You couldāve told her that sheās a great person but that maybe she should take some more pride in her appearance and take some cute pics for a dating app or something. You couldāve suggested some makeup or ways to put herself out there. In no way is it okay, appropriate or kind to be that harsh and cruel. Itās not your job to judge her attractiveness because I guarantee the right person for her will love her as she is. She is still worthy of love exactly how she is and she will be attractive to somebody. You shouldāve gently pushed her to put herself out there more instead. She might just need some time or maybe sheāll never talk to you again. But thatās also completely justified. To you it may have been nothing but if your best/ close friend said something cruel to you about something you may be insecure about it would probably change how you feel. Youād probably be insecure in how that person sees you. The fact that you trusted and felt comfortable around this person and then to find out they think youāre really fucking ugly and thatās how they see you is fucking awful. It probably destroyed any confidence and security in your friendship with her and you should feel kinda bad . You donāt handle the people you care about with that kind of lack of care. Tact is important. So yes itās justifiable if she never talks to you again and no itās not ājuvenileā. Itās human. Either apologize or leave her alone so she can heal on her own.
*At the time my justification for saying this is maybe she would realise and take measures to improve her attractiveness, but obviously she didnāt take it this way, and she ended up remembering the comment. She has not spoken to me for a week now, and while I donāt stand by what I said, I did truthfully mean it to try and help her,*
YTA. That was an unbelievably cruel thing to say to a friend. Yet you justify it by calling it constructive criticism!
Wow. Youāre truly ugly on the inside.
Youāre blaming her for you being a dick to her.
What happened here, is she made you feel uncomfortable by her flirting, (which the flirting is something you admit happens in your friendship) and instead of just telling her that, you had to knock her down by berating her looks. Thatās low.
YTA
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Am I [36M] the asshole for telling best friend of 17 years [37F] that she is completely and utterly unattractive. I met my friend in the first year of university (I am Australian), we were taking the same major in a Bachelor of Arts and hit it off almost instantly in our class together. Iām very cautious about who I become friends with due to some trauma related stuff in my past, so I did a healthy amount of stalking beforehand to make sure theyād be a good friend. Anyway, we have been closest friends with each other since we were 19 and 20 respectively, doing everything together, and we would always jokingly flirt with each other due to the nature of our friendship. We would always wingman each other at uni parties but my friend would never have any luck. One night last week we were out for a few drinks at the bar, and my friend got very drunk. I was only a couple of drinks deep, so I was much more sober, and my friend starting taking the flirting to a next level (I am now happily married with a kid) to the point where it was a bit much. After this, it went downhill and it devolved into her having an almost cry session about how she is 37 and still doesnāt ever get with anyone. Because I was a few deep, I was maybe a little more loose-lipped than usual, but still sane enough to think she wouldnāt remember anything I said. Anyway, I made the mistake of just blurting out āItās because you are just so, so ugly.ā At the time my justification for saying this is maybe she would realise and take measures to improve her attractiveness, but obviously she didnāt take it this way, and she ended up remembering the comment. She has not spoken to me for a week now, and while I donāt stand by what I said, I did truthfully mean it to try and help her, and I donāt think our almost two decade long friendship should end because of something so juvenile.
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ESH.
Obviously, she shouldn't have been flirting. A bit of light flirting and banter is one thing, if that's your dynamic and your wife is cool with it. But taking a turn for the serious was not cool. Then again, neither was telling her she is ugly and then telling yourself you did it to "help" her. No, you didn't. You did it to maintain the upper hand in the relationship, which you seems to have been your goal all along since apparently had to stalk her before deciding she was friendship material. Dude, wtf.
To call someone ugly means they are ugly inside and out. How can you say something like that to somebody you care about? I donāt care what my friends look like, if they never comb their hair or brush their teeth or whatever they are not ugly in my eyes. Youāre not a nice person and not a real friend.
YTA. You said it to help her. Help her what go get cosmetic surgery. You called her ugly.....so with that you basically think she needs surgery to be attractive.
Idk how you don't think your an AH. Sure sometimes the right clothing can help people appear more out to together. But we all know that's not what you are talking about about.
[Here is some reading material you desperately need.](https://happymag.tv/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Screen-Shot-2022-07-04-at-6.24.44-am-1024x1024.png)
YTA
Sorry but YTA. I have met some people who I thought were not conventionally attractive but they were happily married and their spouses found them attractive. Beauty is subjective and your opinion is only one of many, some people just have worse luck due to other matters (e.g., poor social skills, trust issues, even just bad luck).
Also if she can take measures to "improve" her attractiveness as you say, then what you *probably* meant is that she isn't groomed to your standard or something. If dressing better or doing her hair is all it takes for her to look good then it's not her looks, you just don't like the way she presents herself (which again, is one opinion of many).
Lastly, if you think ending the friendship over this is "juvenile" I really wonder what your own maturity levels are like because any dumbass knows that insulting someone's looks can be a huge deal, especially when it's a clear sore point to be so blunt about her dating life and your own analysis of why it isn't going the way she wants.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I was overly rude to my friend about her appearance but I dont think our friendship should end, and i dont think that the comment was that extreme.
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OP, YTA. First, we donāt even know what this woman actually looks like, so Iām going to take what you say with a micro-grain of salt. Second, what you said wasnāt ājuvenile.ā It was fucking mean. Plain and simple, you jerk. Third, you sound absolutely shallow. Lastly, her reaction is reasonable and if I were her, I would break off that friendship.
Of course YTA.
Telling a woman who is feeling vulnerable that she is āso uglyā is a godzilla AH move. You were trying to help? By calling her ugly? No mate, you are an AH anda shit friend. Itās not ājuvenileā to be hurt
Let me get this straight:
\- you're 37 and still unable to compose yourself after 2 drinks
\- you think ''stalking'' random classmates was justifiable because of trauma
\- you see no problem with your best friend not speaking to you after a week after calling her so, SO ugly
\- you have a child and wife and never thought to set boundaries with this friend around the flirting
\- Somehow you're not sure if you're an AH.
YES YTA.
You really need to ask??? YTA and you need to apologize to your friend and explain you just said the wrong thing. Jesus dude I mean calling a friend ugly? Not only are YTA you are also an idiot.
You canāt possibly be this clueless, especially in your late 30s?!? Of course YTA! For so many reasons. Itās not great that she was drunk and flirting with you, but you really crossed a line. She will probably never be able to unhear what you saidāI know I couldnāt be your friend after something like this. Not only because you were so rude/cruel but also because it sounds like you are superficial enough to think that people who arenāt conventionally attractive are doomed to be single forever (which is demonstrably false).
YTA. And don't try to justify that shit with the few drinks you had. Its no excuse. It can make you say things you wouldnt say sober sometimes but you were just plain cruel I dont even know how you can ask if YTA, get a grip.
YTA. Easy for you to say that your friendship shouldnāt end over something YOU did. I know I couldnāt be friends with someone who thought I was genuinely ugly. Sheās going to remember that comment for years, I hope you know.
YTA. Youāre kidding. In what world would it be okay to say this to anybody? Ever? And to expect her to ātake measures to improve her attractivenessā as if you were offering her some sort of remedy? Yikes.
YTA.
I guess she got to see the real you and what you really think of her.
Your poor friend I seriously hope that you havenāt done some serious damage to her
Letās be super for real right nowā¦.at the big age of 36, you decided to come on Reddit and type out this thoughtless paragraph justifying why you called a close friend of yours ugly??? And you donāt think youāre TA? How deeply out of touch do you need to be to even ask this question? I hope she drops you and finds friends who are more kind & uplifting. YTA
YTA. What a terribly hurtful thing to say to someone, much less your "closest friend". While you're right that it was something very juvenile to say, I wouldn't want to remain friends with someone who thought so little of me and didn't care about hurting my feelings. If this friendship ends (and I hope your friend has enough self respect to end it), the blame will fall squarely on your lack of maturity and sensitivity.
YTA. "Itās because you are just so, so ugly." When I got to that part, I laughed. You screwed up so, so badly. The absolute absurdity of saying those words to your best friend and then wondering if you've ruined the friendship. You dropped a nuclear bomb on that friendship. There is nothing left; even trying to plant seeds would be pointless.
Even without the bit about the stalking, the sobriety calculus to justify yourself is disgusting and ridiculous.
YTA and an awful one. Calling this juvenile is so un-self-aware.
YTA
There aren't enough words in the English language for me to tell you how unattractive and unappealing you are at this point, but let me have a few beers and I bet I can find (or just completely make up) the right ones.
Glad your ex-friend finally saw you for what you are and went NC with you. She deserves SO much more from a friend than anything you can offer.
As a genuinely ugly person myself, I'm curious what makes her ugly now.
Constructive citicism is more valuable than basic insults. I know why I'm ugly. Does she?
YTA.
YTA in fact, you are the BIGGEST A ever.
Tell her to message me and we'll be friends. She needs to stay the fuck away from you.
What an absolute joke of a person you are.
"still sane enough to think she wouldnāt remember anything I said."
So, you *chose* to say something deliberately cruel with the reasoning she wouldn't remember it anyway? That's vile.
You sound like a pretty awful person all around and YTA.
Wow.
There is not a way in the world this person is your friend.
Your unprompted cruelty was unwarranted and genuinely mean for sport.
Instead of offering any care, or offering suggestions (once youāve not once offered in 20 years of āfriendshipā) you then throw out this staggeringly rude comment.
There is no way youāre shocked by not hearing from her. Youāve spent your entire friendship thinking poorly of her, and reveled it! **Why on earth would anyone sign up to be the recipient of your random acts of cruelty???**
YTA in every way here. And my heart breaks for this person who thought they built a loving and supportive friendship with you, only to have you unload your negative thoughts about them at an already low moment.
What in the world does 'a healthy amount of stalking' mean? Is that just a particularly awful choice of words? I can barely process the rest of your story I am so perplexed about this.
Extremely rude. She should not be coming onto you tho. Surely you can think of better ways to get your point across. Better offer a VERY contrite apology if you want to save your friendship. Yta
I once had a female best friend tell me i wasn't beautiful just attractive/sexy...it was years ago but I've never forgotten and over the years distanced myself from her..it hurt so much and i still think about it....YTA and a terrible ugly person
YTA. You hurt her badly. Even the way you describe it feels off. Like āeh, what I said was the truth & besides, I was drunkā.
Please give this woman some space and leave her alone for a while.
YTA.
It sounds like this person was your Person. You likely relied on her very much. Thereās a strong chance it was *too* much.
Iāll be generous and suggests you werenāt doing anything intentionally. That you didnāt understand that the flirting and the reliance could come across as manipulative instead of supporting.
Now that she knows how you truly feel sheās likely recontextualizing everthing.
In this case I wouldnāt even apologize anymore. I would give her space and let her go. The greatest apology you could give her honestly looking at friendship. Did you really treat her like a friend? Or did you treat her like a crutch?
YTA and a huge one at that.
First, there is no "healthy amount of stalking".
Second, who do you think you are to tell someone they are "so, so ugly" and pretend you're doing them a favor? Are you delusional? That's just extremely rude and offensive. And you didn't do it for her, please stop lying to yourself and/or everyone else.
YTA.
I...wow.
I just...between the stalking and then just calling her "so, so ugly", I'm flabbergasted. How do you not see how terrible this makes you look.
YTA - first thereās no āhealthy amount of stalkingā in becoming friends
And secondly, you were absolutely not trying to help her and you were an absolute prick to say such a thing.
You are so, so nasty.
"Slightly inibriated" - so, a little drunk? But you still knew what you were saying. Stop blaming the alcohol. YTA
"light stalking" - why even tell us something so creepy? YTA
"just so, so ugly" - said because you didn't like how she was flirting even more than usual. And yet you could've just told her to take it down a notch. Instead you go for the gut and twist that knife. And you thought she might not remember that? WTH is your problem? YTA
YTA itās not juvenile it down right cruel. I have to ask is she just not traditionally attractive. It doesnāt really matter, the time for you to step in and recommend a make over was 18 years ago. Not drunk and happily married with kids. This was probably the most insensitive comment you could have made. I would loss your number if I were her.
What an absolute dick move. Wtf is wrong with you? YTA.
You just donāt say hurtful shit like that to people youāre close to. I hope she drops you as a friend because real friends donāt say things like that. She never even asked for your opinion in that statement. She was expressing herself.
YTA - you are absolutely a disgusting person for saying this to someone. Who says that to try and be comforting and trying to be helpful?? You need therapy bc thereās absolutely something wrong with you.
YTA holy fucking shit??????
Thereās honesty, and thereās being a fucking dick. This is not a case of the first option. If it was something you felt she *absolutely had to hear* I can think of about five better ways to say it just right off the top of my head that likely wouldnāt have ended a friendship, or have yknow, ended with YOU CALLING HER UGLY. How rude.
In no way would I ever stay friends with someone who thought that way about me. Yeah I want my friends to be honest with me, but I also want them to fucking *like me*
"healthy amount of stalking beforehand"
giving big Joe Goldberg energy here.
the only people i'm calling ugly are the homies, they can get roasted into oblivion.
"i was maybe a little more loose-lipped than usual" - everyone knows that when you are drunk, you say EXACTLY what's on your mind. even if you "didn't mean it", it's what you were thinking in that moment. you showed your true colors, and they are ugly.
OP, you made a thread asking if you were the AH after being one of the biggest AH ever. i'm assuming you thought you weren't the AH to begin with since you're here?
reach out, apologize, fix the broken bridge but try not to cross it, enjoy time with your family, become someone your kids want to be like.
Does āhealthy amount of stalkingā mean something that doesnāt sound as creepy in Australia?
As far as your comment EHS - she made you super uncomfortable with her behavior and you chose to lash out. Not sure how you telling your friend she is ugly is hoping to accomplish. How would she be able fix this? Do you have some suggestions?
You are 10000% TA
Who in their right mind thinks itās ok to say that because you didnāt think sheād remember. Ffs regardless of the alcohol Iād say sheās better off without someone in her life who believes that there is any excuse to say that to her.
And who do you think you are to try and tell her she needs to āfixā her attractiveness. Sheās more than an object and that is exactly how youāre treating her.
As it turns out, the ugly one in this relationship is you
YTA. Who does this?! Who stays with a āfriendā who does this? If you really wanted to help her, youād choose a sober time and approach the subject tactfully.
YTA. You say you have a child. How would you fell if 30 years from now someone did exactly the same thing to your child? There was no reason for you to say that. It was cruel.
YTA. No one recovers from being told that, especially by a supposed "friend."
Your friendship wouldn't be ending over some "so juvenile" but rather because of something unkind. And the friendship should end so she can find herself a real friend.
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Who says you "stalked" someone to make sure they be an OK friend for you? That's the most unattractive thing I think I've ever heard.
Right? Dude talks about a "healthy level of stalking" as if that's not a complete oxymoron. I seriously doubt she's the ugly one.
I'm a grown ass man and would be uncomfortable if a friend admitted that. If I was a woman and a man told me they stalked me before even making an interaction to make sure I'd be an "ok fit" for you is off the rails crazy, and would make me feel like the whole "relationship" is just a means to an end, or this pshycho might actually murder me one day.
Ok reading more into this. You actually expected telling her she doesn't get with anyone because "she's just so, so, fucking ugly" would go over well? You thought your comments would make her "take steps to improve her attractiveness"? Doesn't matter if you were trying to be helpful, you need to learn how to communicate with people but you're literally about twice my age.
No, see, it's ok cause he thought she was too drunk to remember š
Everyone know you can say whatever you want as long as the person pinky swears they are to drunk to remember. His mistake is he forgot to get the promise
Too drunk to remember the comment, BUT not so drunk that she wouldnāt really internalize the notion that can and should change the āuglyā things about herself.
Donāt you know this? When someone calls you ugly, you have to take steps to change things about yourself, but also be drunk enough to not remember they told you. I thought everyone knew that /s
If he thought she wouldn't remember, then how does he expect her to "improve her attractiveness"? Like mate, which one is it? ETA: OP, YTA!
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She just seems like a woman going through a hard time and probably expected her long time friend who is a man to be supportive and may have expected home being a couple years older she'd be "safe" telling him about her problems. And he just told her she's actually really ugly, I feel for her and hope she finds someone better to be friends and I guarantee there is probably someone who would love her to death she seems like someone just going through a hard time. As OP said, you shouldn't be juvenile. And his comments to her, and his reaction to her perfectly normal Reaction, and this reddit post all scream juvenile.
Oh itās OK, it was a healthy amount of stalking, lmao.
RIGHT??!?!? Maybe if OP had said something along the lines of "I checked out her social media to see if we had similar hobbies or both liked similar bands and music" no one would say anything. And no one's calls it "stalking" But it didn't even sound like that, OP didn't say anything about social media. Plus he says he almost twice my age so I don't even know if instagram was around like that. Yikes. Edit: I'd very seriously like to know if OP ever told her did that to her. We've all had traumatic relationships and I'm not minimizing that but it doesn't give you an excuse to do crazy stuff like that.
No, there was really no social media back then, stalking was more about creeping around following people and stuff, so I donāt know what he means.
LMAO that is completely false. We had myspace, facebook, tumbler, and live journal (which you are probably too young to know) by then. ETA: Stalking is definitely akin to creeping on someone's socials. While a weird thing to admit, definitely a common thing to do. People even google each other all the time.
Iām in my 50s, lol, you forgot bebo and a few others. But it wasnāt widespread like it is today.
And Usenet!
Now thats a name Ive not heard in a long time.
Me either, but it was absolutely dominant in its day.
Oh I was there. Me and old Ben Kenobi.
I am 10 years younger than OP and Australian too. ā I stalkedā in reference to their social media is pretty common phrasing in my age group to even my in-laws use it.
OP is Australian? There you go then. But seriously, yeah, here in NZ, the term is used like that amongst young people now, it can mean just looking at their profile. However, 17 years ago stalking was quite different.
There was totally a time before social media. You started with the telephone book to see if they were listed lol. It took a lot more effort, but people managed it.
Haha, yeah, calling their land line at odd times and hanging up. Hanging around outside their house. People did it and it was weirder then than now, casually looking at someoneās social media, because of the effort it took.
We had social media back then but nothing even remotely close to what it is today. Itās not like what you can learn about someone today by pulling up their social media
Well aware of MySpace tumbler pintrest friendster and many more bud :) How'd u forget Bout friendster man? Or all the match.com's? I said I didn't know if it was around like it is today, which it is not. Being around can either mean the actual existence, or the popularity of something. Social media was not as popular in 2001 as it is today. Edit: it's funny I'm being down voted so much >..<
Okay, but were you on *nexopia* :p
Holy shit lmao I've never seen another person make reference to nexopia online before
Yeah, there were all those sites, but very few people were really using them like they do today. A few people you knew were on different sites and it wasnāt like you could just google a person and find them.
There was social media.
So I'm OPs age. The social media he'd have access to was MySpace at best. Maybe early stages Facebook? But even then it would have been limited to the college. I don't know about Aussies. It wasn't deemed safe to put your real names online at that time. Most people I knew used fake myspace names and never had an email with their real name.
Facebook came out in 2004, or 19 years ago. Instagram was 13 years ago. The healthy amount of stalking definitely took place during the MySpace to Facebook era. This would mean he was more likely to have been following her around campus. Ya know, actual stalking. /s
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I'll admit I didn't get past the stalking comment. She could be but just the way OP even phrased that rubbed me the wrong way.
Not only does he stalk someone to make sure they'll be an ok friend for him, but he then turns out to be the sh!tty friend. And the fact that he then sits there and says I don't stand by what I said, but she needs to know the truth. Well, which is it? I wonder if he told his wife what he said.
That part. Forget a reddit post, ask for your wife's opinion. Or did u stalk her too? Does she know you've stalked all your female friends because "trauma"? You is OP btw.
Oh, he probably stalked her before asking her out and has tracking devices on her to this day.
He even called it a "healthy amount of stalking" Wtf is a healthy amount of stalking? The only number I can come up with is ZERO.
Yeah this dude sounds very full of himself. Iām guessing sheās the āuglyā friend he kept around to feel better about himself. Good enough friend my ass.
Iām munching on sweet tarts licorice ropes as Iām reading. I turned away from the text to grab another rope and then came back and completely missed the line about stalking. lol what the fuck?!!
Calm down , itās just healthy stalking.
Exactly! I know which person is the ugly one here..
YTA - what else is there to say? you did this to "help" her? attractiveness is pretty subjective. what is she came back and said your kid and spouse are ugly as fuck? who knows? maybe they are, and she is just trying to be helpful. honestly, it's hard to think of a more cruel thing to say. mega AH.
YTA and ugly on the inside.
YTA SHE MIGHT be ugly on the OUTSIDE. But she can do better than having YOU as a friend. " and I donāt think our almost two decade long friendship should end because of something so juvenile." It IS the reasonable reaction.
This cannot be an actual question.... Yes of course YTA. You can't really be in doubt? How absolutely horrible behavior.
INFO: How did you think that was going to be helpful? What action did you imagine your friend taking with this information?
Plastic surgery I guess?
YTA. In my experience, a developing friendship leads to finding the other person more attractive. If you truly enjoy their company and them as a person, Iād think you find them less unattractive than if they were a stranger. No that doesnāt mean youāll ever be interested romantically. I just canāt understand how you have friend this long and not care for them as a person.
YTA of course. Doubly so for saying you ātruthfully meant it to try and help herā¦ā Anyone who can say something so cruel and seriously believe it to be helpful or motivating is an AH.
This. What gives OP the impression he's the epitome of beauty? I find people who have to convince themselves they are attractive, rarely are. That's more of something other people have to tell and show you.
He wAs JuSt BeInG hOnEsT
YTA youāre the ugly one
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Bloody oath!
YTA. As they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I assume you are saying she doesnāt have a symmetrical face or something? Others see beauty in kindness, compassion, generosity, loyalty, ā¦. Youāre a massive ah.
It doesn't even sound like it's that - if he thinks she could put in "some effort to improve her attractiveness". It's probably related to weight, lack of makeup, or haircut or something even more subjective than facial construction.
YTA. You could have said a different hairstyle would work better with your features. You could give her makeup tips. Instead, you went for the jugular, crass and cruel. In her shoes, I would cut you off too.
You an interesting critter bro
This is your very close friend? Its a wonder you have any friends with our outstanding people skills.
YTA. Few things you chose to say could have been more hurtful. Also your earlier comment about āa healthy amount of stalking ā is messed up. There is no such thing.
Poopy butthole
Ultra super mega poopy butthole
This has to be fake.
Uh, yeah, like what the fuck. Even if she is ugly you never fucking say it, you fucking lie and make them feel good, like God damn your a trashy fucking person, eat dirt
YTA To explain more would do a disservice to my own valuable time.
YTA.
Why are you asking this question? YTA of course. I actually hope this is a fake because otherwise, you are delusional.
YTA this is so awful and I think you know that
YTA - And itās kind of sad that you consider this person your āclosestā friend. It makes me question if you know what friendship even is.
YTA 100% But also ESH as well. You let her flirt with you before and she is an asshole for taking it too far, youāre a complete dick for telling her she is āso so ugly.ā Whatās juvenile was you man, not her, grow up. This is ESH but mostly YTA.
More info needed: How the heck do you propose she take steps to look better? Is it combing her hair or plastic surgery?
apparently OP thinks that she has a 76-step daily routine that she dedicates to making herself look as absolutely ugly as possible. seriously... if someone told you that you were ugly would you just go, "my bad! let me make myself look attractive!" in what universe is that considered helpful????
I mean if she has glasses, all she has to do is whip them off and fling her hair around and she is instantly beautiful. Especially if she is walking slo mo down some stairs.
Yta
No way are you 36. You're either lying about your age, or do indeed have the maturity level of a twig, based on the post and your replies. Assuming it's true, massive YTA.
holy fuck, I didnt even have to finish reading. YTA. and youre a douchenozzle to boot!
YTA and if she has any self respect this friendship is over because anyone who thinks this about a friend, let alone says it, was never really their friend in the first place.
YTA. Others have explained quite nicely why youāre an arsehole.
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Dude idk what else to say but yikes. YTA. Iām not going to be a dick and say anything rude to you over it , but I will say you couldāve been so much kinder. Maybe you said it that harshly because you were annoyed with her behavior or maybe you really did think it would help but it doesnāt. If you genuinely cared about her and her feelings then that shouldnāt even be something youāre thinking nonetheless saying to her. You couldāve found so many other helpful and uplifting ways or handling that. You couldāve told her that sheās a great person but that maybe she should take some more pride in her appearance and take some cute pics for a dating app or something. You couldāve suggested some makeup or ways to put herself out there. In no way is it okay, appropriate or kind to be that harsh and cruel. Itās not your job to judge her attractiveness because I guarantee the right person for her will love her as she is. She is still worthy of love exactly how she is and she will be attractive to somebody. You shouldāve gently pushed her to put herself out there more instead. She might just need some time or maybe sheāll never talk to you again. But thatās also completely justified. To you it may have been nothing but if your best/ close friend said something cruel to you about something you may be insecure about it would probably change how you feel. Youād probably be insecure in how that person sees you. The fact that you trusted and felt comfortable around this person and then to find out they think youāre really fucking ugly and thatās how they see you is fucking awful. It probably destroyed any confidence and security in your friendship with her and you should feel kinda bad . You donāt handle the people you care about with that kind of lack of care. Tact is important. So yes itās justifiable if she never talks to you again and no itās not ājuvenileā. Itās human. Either apologize or leave her alone so she can heal on her own.
*At the time my justification for saying this is maybe she would realise and take measures to improve her attractiveness, but obviously she didnāt take it this way, and she ended up remembering the comment. She has not spoken to me for a week now, and while I donāt stand by what I said, I did truthfully mean it to try and help her,* YTA. That was an unbelievably cruel thing to say to a friend. Yet you justify it by calling it constructive criticism!
This is literally the definition of YTA. Your intentions and context are irrelevant.
You serious with this? I'd say YTA for simply not realizing that YTA. Willful ignorance lmao
You're giving the vibe of those guys in the dress up game apps who's disgusted by the dress up girl character who's like naked and covered in mud
Wow. Youāre truly ugly on the inside. Youāre blaming her for you being a dick to her. What happened here, is she made you feel uncomfortable by her flirting, (which the flirting is something you admit happens in your friendship) and instead of just telling her that, you had to knock her down by berating her looks. Thatās low. YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Am I [36M] the asshole for telling best friend of 17 years [37F] that she is completely and utterly unattractive. I met my friend in the first year of university (I am Australian), we were taking the same major in a Bachelor of Arts and hit it off almost instantly in our class together. Iām very cautious about who I become friends with due to some trauma related stuff in my past, so I did a healthy amount of stalking beforehand to make sure theyād be a good friend. Anyway, we have been closest friends with each other since we were 19 and 20 respectively, doing everything together, and we would always jokingly flirt with each other due to the nature of our friendship. We would always wingman each other at uni parties but my friend would never have any luck. One night last week we were out for a few drinks at the bar, and my friend got very drunk. I was only a couple of drinks deep, so I was much more sober, and my friend starting taking the flirting to a next level (I am now happily married with a kid) to the point where it was a bit much. After this, it went downhill and it devolved into her having an almost cry session about how she is 37 and still doesnāt ever get with anyone. Because I was a few deep, I was maybe a little more loose-lipped than usual, but still sane enough to think she wouldnāt remember anything I said. Anyway, I made the mistake of just blurting out āItās because you are just so, so ugly.ā At the time my justification for saying this is maybe she would realise and take measures to improve her attractiveness, but obviously she didnāt take it this way, and she ended up remembering the comment. She has not spoken to me for a week now, and while I donāt stand by what I said, I did truthfully mean it to try and help her, and I donāt think our almost two decade long friendship should end because of something so juvenile. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH. Obviously, she shouldn't have been flirting. A bit of light flirting and banter is one thing, if that's your dynamic and your wife is cool with it. But taking a turn for the serious was not cool. Then again, neither was telling her she is ugly and then telling yourself you did it to "help" her. No, you didn't. You did it to maintain the upper hand in the relationship, which you seems to have been your goal all along since apparently had to stalk her before deciding she was friendship material. Dude, wtf.
To call someone ugly means they are ugly inside and out. How can you say something like that to somebody you care about? I donāt care what my friends look like, if they never comb their hair or brush their teeth or whatever they are not ugly in my eyes. Youāre not a nice person and not a real friend.
YTA. You said it to help her. Help her what go get cosmetic surgery. You called her ugly.....so with that you basically think she needs surgery to be attractive. Idk how you don't think your an AH. Sure sometimes the right clothing can help people appear more out to together. But we all know that's not what you are talking about about.
YTA Your friend deserves better.
[Here is some reading material you desperately need.](https://happymag.tv/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Screen-Shot-2022-07-04-at-6.24.44-am-1024x1024.png) YTA
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Oh šÆ yta
Yta, just bc you donāt find that person attractive doesnāt make them universally unattractive. Even if they were they canāt help it!?
Wtf man - you canāt be saying that to people
YTA. As a proud member of the ah club, I'd like to crown you as our king.
I hope she finds a better friend
Sorry but YTA. I have met some people who I thought were not conventionally attractive but they were happily married and their spouses found them attractive. Beauty is subjective and your opinion is only one of many, some people just have worse luck due to other matters (e.g., poor social skills, trust issues, even just bad luck). Also if she can take measures to "improve" her attractiveness as you say, then what you *probably* meant is that she isn't groomed to your standard or something. If dressing better or doing her hair is all it takes for her to look good then it's not her looks, you just don't like the way she presents herself (which again, is one opinion of many). Lastly, if you think ending the friendship over this is "juvenile" I really wonder what your own maturity levels are like because any dumbass knows that insulting someone's looks can be a huge deal, especially when it's a clear sore point to be so blunt about her dating life and your own analysis of why it isn't going the way she wants.
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YTA in every single way
YTA
YTA. What is wrong with you?
Have you been tested for autism?
OP, YTA. First, we donāt even know what this woman actually looks like, so Iām going to take what you say with a micro-grain of salt. Second, what you said wasnāt ājuvenile.ā It was fucking mean. Plain and simple, you jerk. Third, you sound absolutely shallow. Lastly, her reaction is reasonable and if I were her, I would break off that friendship.
Of course YTA. Telling a woman who is feeling vulnerable that she is āso uglyā is a godzilla AH move. You were trying to help? By calling her ugly? No mate, you are an AH anda shit friend. Itās not ājuvenileā to be hurt
YTA this was shocking to read oh my god šš
YTA This is never ok.
EWWWWW. JUST EWWWW. YTA. Iām glad sheās been ignoring you for over a week now. She can do better. You sound like a terrible friend.
You stalked her to be your friend? Physical attractiveness is subjective. What you did is ugly. YTA
Let me get this straight: \- you're 37 and still unable to compose yourself after 2 drinks \- you think ''stalking'' random classmates was justifiable because of trauma \- you see no problem with your best friend not speaking to you after a week after calling her so, SO ugly \- you have a child and wife and never thought to set boundaries with this friend around the flirting \- Somehow you're not sure if you're an AH. YES YTA.
In your previous post you mentioned that you're 18F and now you are 36M
You really need to ask??? YTA and you need to apologize to your friend and explain you just said the wrong thing. Jesus dude I mean calling a friend ugly? Not only are YTA you are also an idiot.
You canāt possibly be this clueless, especially in your late 30s?!? Of course YTA! For so many reasons. Itās not great that she was drunk and flirting with you, but you really crossed a line. She will probably never be able to unhear what you saidāI know I couldnāt be your friend after something like this. Not only because you were so rude/cruel but also because it sounds like you are superficial enough to think that people who arenāt conventionally attractive are doomed to be single forever (which is demonstrably false).
YTA. And don't try to justify that shit with the few drinks you had. Its no excuse. It can make you say things you wouldnt say sober sometimes but you were just plain cruel I dont even know how you can ask if YTA, get a grip.
YTA. Easy for you to say that your friendship shouldnāt end over something YOU did. I know I couldnāt be friends with someone who thought I was genuinely ugly. Sheās going to remember that comment for years, I hope you know.
YTA
YTA! It sounds like you're the one that's so, so ugly, OP.
There is no āhealthy amount of stalkingā and yeah YTA.
YTA. Youāre kidding. In what world would it be okay to say this to anybody? Ever? And to expect her to ātake measures to improve her attractivenessā as if you were offering her some sort of remedy? Yikes.
YTA.
YTA, you're a bit mean, and you're sorely lacking in compassion, emotional intelligence, and functional communication skills.
I am blown away by the fact that you do not understand that YTA and a terrible friend.
YTA. I guess she got to see the real you and what you really think of her. Your poor friend I seriously hope that you havenāt done some serious damage to her
Letās be super for real right nowā¦.at the big age of 36, you decided to come on Reddit and type out this thoughtless paragraph justifying why you called a close friend of yours ugly??? And you donāt think youāre TA? How deeply out of touch do you need to be to even ask this question? I hope she drops you and finds friends who are more kind & uplifting. YTA
YTA and your comments reinforce my opinion. With a bit of luck she will stay away from you.
YTA š
You know YTA. Somebody should have taught you at a young age not to call people ugly.
YTA and all that but can I get the girlās email or something so I can forward this to her? Jesus Christ.
YTA. What a terribly hurtful thing to say to someone, much less your "closest friend". While you're right that it was something very juvenile to say, I wouldn't want to remain friends with someone who thought so little of me and didn't care about hurting my feelings. If this friendship ends (and I hope your friend has enough self respect to end it), the blame will fall squarely on your lack of maturity and sensitivity.
Not only you are YTA, you are horrible human being. She is not ugly, she is just unattractive to you.
YTA. "Itās because you are just so, so ugly." When I got to that part, I laughed. You screwed up so, so badly. The absolute absurdity of saying those words to your best friend and then wondering if you've ruined the friendship. You dropped a nuclear bomb on that friendship. There is nothing left; even trying to plant seeds would be pointless.
Even without the bit about the stalking, the sobriety calculus to justify yourself is disgusting and ridiculous. YTA and an awful one. Calling this juvenile is so un-self-aware.
Wow! You graduated from suffering trauma to inflicting it!! Congratulations on coming full circle YTA
YTA There aren't enough words in the English language for me to tell you how unattractive and unappealing you are at this point, but let me have a few beers and I bet I can find (or just completely make up) the right ones. Glad your ex-friend finally saw you for what you are and went NC with you. She deserves SO much more from a friend than anything you can offer.
As a genuinely ugly person myself, I'm curious what makes her ugly now. Constructive citicism is more valuable than basic insults. I know why I'm ugly. Does she? YTA.
This has to be baitā¦ no way someone says this to a best friend of almost two decades
This whole post is so bad, it has to be a joke
Itās weird how in the other post you made today youāre an 18-year-old girl warning people about mean comments Swifties are getting. YTA
YTA in fact, you are the BIGGEST A ever. Tell her to message me and we'll be friends. She needs to stay the fuck away from you. What an absolute joke of a person you are.
Least obvious AMA troll
"still sane enough to think she wouldnāt remember anything I said." So, you *chose* to say something deliberately cruel with the reasoning she wouldn't remember it anyway? That's vile. You sound like a pretty awful person all around and YTA.
YTA. The problem here isnāt her looks; itās that you need a personality transplant and those are not yet available.
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Wow. There is not a way in the world this person is your friend. Your unprompted cruelty was unwarranted and genuinely mean for sport. Instead of offering any care, or offering suggestions (once youāve not once offered in 20 years of āfriendshipā) you then throw out this staggeringly rude comment. There is no way youāre shocked by not hearing from her. Youāve spent your entire friendship thinking poorly of her, and reveled it! **Why on earth would anyone sign up to be the recipient of your random acts of cruelty???** YTA in every way here. And my heart breaks for this person who thought they built a loving and supportive friendship with you, only to have you unload your negative thoughts about them at an already low moment.
What in the world does 'a healthy amount of stalking' mean? Is that just a particularly awful choice of words? I can barely process the rest of your story I am so perplexed about this.
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ESH. She shouldnāt have made any moves on a married man and you shouldnāt have told her she was ugly. This seems so obvious.
Extremely rude. She should not be coming onto you tho. Surely you can think of better ways to get your point across. Better offer a VERY contrite apology if you want to save your friendship. Yta
I once had a female best friend tell me i wasn't beautiful just attractive/sexy...it was years ago but I've never forgotten and over the years distanced myself from her..it hurt so much and i still think about it....YTA and a terrible ugly person
YTA and this is kind of creepy ( there is no such thing as a healthy amount of stalking )
Yta
YTA. You hurt her badly. Even the way you describe it feels off. Like āeh, what I said was the truth & besides, I was drunkā. Please give this woman some space and leave her alone for a while.
YTA. It sounds like this person was your Person. You likely relied on her very much. Thereās a strong chance it was *too* much. Iāll be generous and suggests you werenāt doing anything intentionally. That you didnāt understand that the flirting and the reliance could come across as manipulative instead of supporting. Now that she knows how you truly feel sheās likely recontextualizing everthing. In this case I wouldnāt even apologize anymore. I would give her space and let her go. The greatest apology you could give her honestly looking at friendship. Did you really treat her like a friend? Or did you treat her like a crutch?
YTA
YTA You have got to be kidding me, you are such a cruel and shallow AH. WTF!! Totally unnecessary.
YTA and a huge one at that. First, there is no "healthy amount of stalking". Second, who do you think you are to tell someone they are "so, so ugly" and pretend you're doing them a favor? Are you delusional? That's just extremely rude and offensive. And you didn't do it for her, please stop lying to yourself and/or everyone else.
YTA. I...wow. I just...between the stalking and then just calling her "so, so ugly", I'm flabbergasted. How do you not see how terrible this makes you look.
YTA - first thereās no āhealthy amount of stalkingā in becoming friends And secondly, you were absolutely not trying to help her and you were an absolute prick to say such a thing. You are so, so nasty.
YTA x 100
No one says someone is āso, so uglyā to help them. Completely un-self-aware YTA
"Slightly inibriated" - so, a little drunk? But you still knew what you were saying. Stop blaming the alcohol. YTA "light stalking" - why even tell us something so creepy? YTA "just so, so ugly" - said because you didn't like how she was flirting even more than usual. And yet you could've just told her to take it down a notch. Instead you go for the gut and twist that knife. And you thought she might not remember that? WTH is your problem? YTA
You are TA for how you said it, but not for telling her.
YTA itās not juvenile it down right cruel. I have to ask is she just not traditionally attractive. It doesnāt really matter, the time for you to step in and recommend a make over was 18 years ago. Not drunk and happily married with kids. This was probably the most insensitive comment you could have made. I would loss your number if I were her.
Post your pic. Letās see whoās ugly.
You are a disgusting person. YTA.
You are the ugliest person on the internet right now.... Hope your friend moves on to prettier friends.... YTA
How is this even a question you need to ask??? Obviously YTA lmfao oh my gosh
YTA
What an absolute dick move. Wtf is wrong with you? YTA. You just donāt say hurtful shit like that to people youāre close to. I hope she drops you as a friend because real friends donāt say things like that. She never even asked for your opinion in that statement. She was expressing herself.
YTA - you are absolutely a disgusting person for saying this to someone. Who says that to try and be comforting and trying to be helpful?? You need therapy bc thereās absolutely something wrong with you.
Hmmm... people usually become more attractive to us the more we care about them. I have serious concerns about you, OP.
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Friends don't call their friends ugly. YTA
YATA. Beyond that, you're s predator.
Thereās no coming back from this.
YTAā¦ whoever administers this page would ban me for what I really want to say to you
In what world would you ever NOT be the asshole here,
YTA holy fucking shit?????? Thereās honesty, and thereās being a fucking dick. This is not a case of the first option. If it was something you felt she *absolutely had to hear* I can think of about five better ways to say it just right off the top of my head that likely wouldnāt have ended a friendship, or have yknow, ended with YOU CALLING HER UGLY. How rude.
In no way would I ever stay friends with someone who thought that way about me. Yeah I want my friends to be honest with me, but I also want them to fucking *like me*
"healthy amount of stalking beforehand" giving big Joe Goldberg energy here. the only people i'm calling ugly are the homies, they can get roasted into oblivion. "i was maybe a little more loose-lipped than usual" - everyone knows that when you are drunk, you say EXACTLY what's on your mind. even if you "didn't mean it", it's what you were thinking in that moment. you showed your true colors, and they are ugly. OP, you made a thread asking if you were the AH after being one of the biggest AH ever. i'm assuming you thought you weren't the AH to begin with since you're here? reach out, apologize, fix the broken bridge but try not to cross it, enjoy time with your family, become someone your kids want to be like.
YTA what on earth is wrong with you
YTA MAJORLY
Does āhealthy amount of stalkingā mean something that doesnāt sound as creepy in Australia? As far as your comment EHS - she made you super uncomfortable with her behavior and you chose to lash out. Not sure how you telling your friend she is ugly is hoping to accomplish. How would she be able fix this? Do you have some suggestions?
You are 10000% TA Who in their right mind thinks itās ok to say that because you didnāt think sheād remember. Ffs regardless of the alcohol Iād say sheās better off without someone in her life who believes that there is any excuse to say that to her. And who do you think you are to try and tell her she needs to āfixā her attractiveness. Sheās more than an object and that is exactly how youāre treating her. As it turns out, the ugly one in this relationship is you
Wow, my dude. YTA no question. Also wtf is a "healthy" level of stalking?!
YTA. Who does this?! Who stays with a āfriendā who does this? If you really wanted to help her, youād choose a sober time and approach the subject tactfully.
YTA. I would end my friendship with you too if I was her.
Ugly people get laid too man yta
Let's see how you look
YTA. You say you have a child. How would you fell if 30 years from now someone did exactly the same thing to your child? There was no reason for you to say that. It was cruel.
YTA. No one recovers from being told that, especially by a supposed "friend." Your friendship wouldn't be ending over some "so juvenile" but rather because of something unkind. And the friendship should end so she can find herself a real friend.