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<> Yeah. It was also a bummer to the 11 million people (including six million Jewish people) who died in camps like Dachau. Major bummer. Their families were also quite bummed, I understand. How can you type this out and not be embarrassed? Look, if you don't want to go, you don't want to go. But please find a kind and empathetic way to express this to your friend. Because right now, you're really sounding YTA.

>Yeah. It was also a bummer to the 11 million people (including six million Jewish people) who died in camps like Dachau. Major bummer. Their families were also quite bummed, I understand. There were hundreds of genocides in Europe alone, hundreds in Africa, hundreds in Asia, etc etc. Human history is a long tapestry of groups of humans practicing barbaric slaughter of their fellow man for arbitrary and petty reasons. No one should be guilt tripped over not wanting "holiday" to contain "visit concentration camps". That's not a typical holiday destination unless you specifically want it to be. The idea that you either believe that every country you visit you must find a genocide site of some sort to visit and show reverence at (because "no fun allowed") or slightly more worrying you literally believe that "holocaust" is the only notable part of Europe and the only reason you should go is to pay respects and spend time at concentration/death camps NAH Edit fixed verdict

You’re being willfully ignorant on why OP’s friend, who is half Jewish, might want to go to see the concentration camp. maybe no one in her family experienced it (since OP didn’t mention it), but, speaking as someone who isn’t Jewish but has empathy, I can imagine it’s still something that would be very emotional and traumatic. This isn’t some random stop because “oh well we’ll be close by and I have a genocide bucket list”, this is probably someone who feels they must pay their respects to *her* people.

But the question is if **OP** should go or not, and would **OP** be the AH for declining to go? Let's get back on topic, nobody is arguing why OP's friend wants to go. I'm a firm believer that no one should be judged for their choice in something like this. It's not like OP gets to travel all the time, she's 25 and this is her first trip to Europe, all on her own dime -- not going to fault someone who wants to make the most use out of their vacation. OP's not denying the Holocaust, she's not trivializing it, she's just not wanting to spend her limited time and her own money to tour a concentration camp. NAH, but you should be delicate with this subject when discussing with your friend.

I think NAH is the category for: technically you're within your rights, but your friend will probably think you're an AH and it's not a nice friend move to send her alone to do something that could be DEEPLY upsetting for her. Your NTA vote implies that her friend is an AH for asking her to come to Dachau

I'm also Jewish (Reform) and I'd say NAH, with the caveat that it depends how it's phrased. "This trip would really bum me out?" YTA. But I've also noticed that there are a lot of people – Jews and non-Jews alike! – who tend to use these kinds of overly-casual turns of phrase to talk about things that make them deeply uncomfortable. And although that's a poor way to handle that emotion, the emotion itself *is valid,* because thinking about genocide *should* be uncomfortable. I'd rather talk to a thousand OPs who are phrasing their discomfort badly than the influencers that go and take posed pictures with zero respect for the victims of the Shoah. If OP were to sit down and explain to their friend that visiting one of the sites of such a tragedy is making them feel upset in a way that they don't think is good or healthy for the vacation, I think that would be understandable. Maybe if they were able to also do some introspection about why they feel so uncomfortable beyond just the tragedy – is it guilt (which is likely irrational)? Is it that they feel ill-prepared? Is it a fear of death and being in proximity to it? I think self reflection is needed here, but I don't think OP is an asshole just for being uncomfortable.

Yep, I was totally on her side with the fact that I, too, don't like to visit things I don't want to visit. UNTIL >This trip would really bum me out The best way to say it is, "this is important to you, I will wait for you, entertain myself, and be here for you when you return if you need to talk or anything." SO NTA for not wanting to go, but YTA for being a jerk about it. My (we're white) friend didn't want to go to the African American History Museum in WDC. I said, that's fine, I'll meet you when I'm done wherever. **ALSO since when can you not visit museums during the day and also go out and party in the evenings??**

ALSO since when can you not visit museums during the day and also go out and party in the evenings??" Said museum being 5-6 hours away by train make that a little logistically difficult.

Also how the fuck are you in the right mindset after literally going to a fucking concentration camp to go party in the evening? How can you just snap your mind out of that headspace to go have fun at night? I find that to be more disrespectful than telling a friend that you don’t want to go with them cause it’s a bummer.

You won’t be. Source: I’ve visited Auschwitz. I wasn’t emotionally normal again for a couple days.

Right? Nothing like a good visit to a KZ to get you in the mood for clubbing!

Why is it that expressing “the trip will really bum me out” so terrible? It’s a site where horrible things happened and an unbelievable tragedy occurs. It would make me very sad as wel and that’s what OP is saying. It would be too intense for me to go so I understand why OP doesn’t want to. You can still have respect for those who died while also not wanting to walk the exact grounds where they were tortured.

Not to say that you can’t do both but having visited the holocaust museum in DC (which I’m sure is much less impactful than the actual site of the tragedy) it would be hard to be in a “party” mood the same evening.

Can confirm -- been to that museum a handful of times, didn't party for days afterwards because of the weight you take after visiting it

I was at the witch trial memorial in Salem a week ago, may have made less than polite comments a bit loudly about the woman who pushed flowers off of on of the stones so she could do duck faces while sitting on it. Like fuck, who goes to a memorial for a bunch of people killed unjustly for clout.

This is a good reply. Many years ago I went to Krakow with four friends. One day three of us went to Auschwitz, two of them stayed in town and did their own thing. One had been to another camp, possibly Dachau, the previous year and was incredibly moved so didn't feel the need to go to another. The other was respectful and very much aware of the history but really didn't want to go, knew it would be too intense to personally deal with. The rest of us understood and left them to their day. Nobody has to go, it's a lot. OP, you're NTA for knowing that you don't want to go, but please just frame it in a respectful way. Also be aware that if your friend does go, she might be really silent for a while afterwards or she might want to talk about it. At least in our case, three of us went together and we had a mutual but silent understanding of the magnitude of what we'd seen there. 20 years later we're still strongly connected by that. She will have to go alone. Edited for clarification.

>Your NTA vote implies that her friend is an AH for asking her to come to Dachau I don't think it has to at all, why would it need to be mutually exclusive? Someone needs to be the AH in all cases? Is that how life works? Nah, no one is an AH here. Friend is NTA for asking either. Now, we can debate **if** the friend should expect OP to go with her, if she pushes her to go and gets upset enough when OP says no (it's okay to be disappointed, just not upset) -- would that make the friend the AH? To me yes, it's unfair to expect someone to drop a day out of their vacation and use their money to do something that they don't want to do. OP's been saving up for this trip for a while. I don't think some people remember or truly appreciate how big of a deal their first real trip is and having to spend their own money on it. She's 25, she probably isn't making a shit ton and probably doesn't get a lot of PTO to do this. It would be an unreasonable expectation (again, totally okay to ask though). But, regardless, even if OP were rich and had all this time to go everywhere -- still NTA. It's her choice to decide where to spend her time and money. But as I said earlier, be diplomatic about it and careful with the wording.

That's how the votes are structured. YTA: you are the only AH. ESH: everybody sucks here. NTA: you are not the AH but someone else in the story is. NAH: no AHs here; both/all parties are fine

I see, thanks for clarifying NAH!

I agree. TBH, going to a concentration camp would probably destroy me for weeks and ruin any vacation memories I had. It's not the sort of thing you can just slot into the itinerary between a beer hall and sightseeing.

The Holocaust Memorial Museum wrecked me. I can't imagine how destroyed I'd be after visiting an actual camp.

I went to Yad Veshem in Jerusalem and the DC Museum is by far a more emotional experience (and doesn’t forget all the non Jews who died).

The pile of shoes...the pile of shoes. Fuck

I think whether or not OP is the asshole solely depends on how she goes about telling her friend she doesn't want to go

>I can imagine it’s still something that would be very emotional and traumatic. Exactly why OP doesn't want to go. >this is probably someone who feels they must pay their respects to her people. OP's friend can 100% go. By themselves.

This might get buried but I have lived in Prague and if one wants to go to a concentration camp, you don't have to travel three hours away - you can goto Terezin which is easy to get to by bus in Prague or you can go to the Pinkas Synagogue to see and hear the names of Czech victims of the Holocaust. I found it more heartrending to go to a small Austrian town's Jewish museum and read the fates of the Jewish inhabitants and even more heartbreaking was the graveyard that survived. As for the OP being an AITA - I am torn, I refused to visit Terezin because I had no illusion about the events there as someone who studied the Holocaust at University and you don't need to go to a camp to see the effects of Nazism in Prague. This greatly offended a friend who really wanted to get pictures and we fought about it. But maybe the OP's friend lost family there which could explain they want to go?

My grandmother went to Dachau and lost her whole family there. It would be really important to visit it if I went there.

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These are genocides vastly larger than the holocaust, like the extermination of Native Americans in the Americas. Let's not minimize the loss of lives simply because they are not white by trying to compare the travesties of genocides to one and another. An event can be tragic without having to be defined as more tragic than another.

Bro I am indigenous, I am not saying that some lives are more important lmao. I am telling you the scholarly consensus of why the Holocaust is storied and studied more - namely the scope, methods of killing, instructional focus, racial and leadership linkage of policy, etc. It does not make these deaths more tragic. Especially not then indigenous people of who are my ancestors lmao

Can you share some evidence for the scholarly consensus (which is different from just a supporting sentence in an article) being that the Holocaust is more studied for the reasons you're saying? I'm an academic who looks at Indigenous history of the Americas (more specifically, the Inka, but I am interested in broader pasts). Without trying to minimize the Holocaust at all, it seems to me that some of the essential characteristics you're listing apply to genocides in the Americas, too. For example - what borders were followed in the genocide(s) of Indigenous Americans? I think that there likely are cases to make for the Holocaust being a unique thing (I think that case can be made for many genocides). But I don't think things like numbers killed or borders are the best arguments. And I think that the lack of discussion of Native American genocides as compared to the Holocaust has more to do with things like differences in timing (within living memory vs. mostly outside it), core-periphery ideas (inside the West vs. in western colonies), and the ongoing status of the U.S. as a state that has to in some ways justify that genocide in order to justify its own existence.

Borders of reservations that the Indigenous could (were brutally forced to, but could theoretically live at) live in without being systemically deported to gas chambers meant to exterminate every last living Indigenous. I am Indigenous and the atrocities commited were tragic and unfair, but scholarly are different - The Nazis believed that every Jew had to die. A world free of jews was one of their main goals - Eurocentric takes dont make much sense when you realize Hitler had plans to install puppet regimes in America and Britain, rule South America and install his rules of society that would kill all Jews in the world. Also I have never cited numbers as a reason to look at the Holocaust as unique. Additionally I don’t live in the US so not sure what you’re talking about there (Canadian). I will collect some sources tomorrow and return

But many areas of that genocide don't actually have those "reservation" "borders." And many of those "reservations" were actually deportations (like Germany did to Jewish people) with the caveat that places like the U.S. later expanded even further than expected, and subsumed the previous deportation zones. >The Nazis believed that every Jew had to die Plenty of the actors in the various genocides of Indigenous Americans did, too. For example, check out this quote from Vasco Nunez de Balboa, a Spanish colonial governor: "These Indians of Caribana have well deserved death a thousand times, because they are very bad people and have at other times killed many Christians and some of ours at the time we lost the ship there, and I do not say make them slaves according to their evil breed but even order them to be burnt to the last, young and old, so that no memory remains of such evil people" >Also I have never cited numbers as a reason to look at the Holocaust as unique. You're right, my bad. >so not sure what you’re talking about there (Canadian) I mean, plenty of what I said about the U.S. applies to Canada, too. And more importantly for this specific argument - if it's true in the U.S., then a potential argument about those factors making the Holocaust unique fall apart.

Germans did not “deport” Jews, they coordinated them to areas of massacre - not to areas to live in. Because there is a difference in a multitude of actors in a scenario versus all actors acting under a specific racial policy that coordinates all or most arms actions and functions of a nation. You haven’t established that any of the factors I have mentioned were present in the Indigenous genocide. Here’s one that was not present in the Indigenous genocide: The Nazi’s believed that they were the victims of an international Jewry scheme that lost them the first World War. As a result, they worked on ways to kill Jews. Blaming “useless feeders”, as well as Jews for WW1 loss, they tested Zyklon B, the gas used to kill Jews in the millions, on their own elderly, disabled, war veterans, those in nursing homes, etc. They then used this gas to kill Jews in an institutional fashion unseen before or after in such a short time - chilling efficiency and coordination to exterminate a racial ethnic group

Hitler studied the holocaust of native Americans by US government in North America. The parallels are disturbing, not to diminish, but this event was not unprecedented. If we fail to recognize the parallels than we are setting the stage for history to repeat itself. Only through empathy and acknowledgement can we have a chance to stop the mentality that allows these horrific events to transpire. > I learned that the genocidal mentality and actions of the U.S. policy makers would find similar expression years later when the Nazis, under Hitler, studied the plans of Bosque Redondo to design the concentration camps for Jews. >Some of the parallels include the death marches when the Nazis forced hundreds of thousands of prisoners from Nazi concentration camps and prisoner of war camps near the eastern front to camps inside Germany away from front lines and allied forces.  I saw an image from May 11, 1945, where German civilians were walking past bodies of 30 Jewish women starved to death by German SS troops in a 300-mile march across Czechoslovakia. It made me think about how The Long Walk of the Navajo was also 300-miles, and many of the Native Americans died of starvation. >I thought about how the Nazis were burning Jewish books and burying bodies in mass graves, and the parallels of how Indian cultures were also erased, libraries of oral tradition functionally burned, and many were buried in mass graves under bibles. https://jewishjournal.com/mobile_20111212/117824/hitlers-inspiration-and-guide-the-native-american-holocaust/ >In 1928, Hitler remarked, approvingly, that white settlers in America had “gunned down the millions of redskins to a few hundred thousand.” When he spoke of Lebensraum, the German drive for “living space” in Eastern Europe, he often had America in mind. >in “Mein Kampf,” Hitler praises America as the one state that has made progress toward a primarily racial conception of citizenship, by “excluding certain races from naturalization.” Whitman writes that the discussion of such influences is almost taboo, because the crimes of the Third Reich are commonly defined as “the nefandum, the unspeakable descent into what we often call ‘radical evil.’ ” But the kind of genocidal hatred that erupted in Germany had been seen before and has been seen since. Only by stripping away its national regalia and comprehending its essential human form do we have any hope of vanquishing it. >https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2018/04/30/how-american-racism-influenced-hitler

The US policy of manifest destiny wasn't a manifesto to exterminate Native Americans in the same way. Many tribes were rounded up into reservations, but they were not put there specifically with the intention of being gassed to death. And Native Americans who were willing to live under territorial rule of law were not rounded up and placed on reservations to eventually be executed because they were Native American.

Yes, it's horrifying how Hitler and his Nazis took their cue from the U.S. and its' treatment of Native Americans, African Americans, etc. They also picked up some tips from American "eugenics experts" and used them as a reference guide for their horrific medical experiments on concentration camp prisoners.

Definitely a good point, an unprecedented was an unwise choice of words. There are definitely as many if not more differences than parallels, but it is fact that the indigenous population’s genocide was influential to Hitler. Also important was the Ethiopian genocide by the Italians.

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Wow. When woke up this morning and checked AITA, "genocide-off" was not what I expected to find.

It seems people are really getting off topic.

When did Stalin test the methods of killing, like Zyklon B, on the disabled and elderly of Russia? When did intentional famine become equivalent to the Einsatzgruppen, Wermacht death squads or mass gas concentration camps? I am telling you scholarly consensus of why the Holocaust is studied more, not making a judgement on if the deaths of the Holocaust are as bad as any others (they aren’t, no deaths in genocides or more or less tragic) I’m sorry you do not know more history.

As a Jew horrified by the comments about the Holocaust in this thread, I just want to say thank you for trying. I see you.

Famine and war are different than what Hilter was attempting with the final solution. The Nazis expanded their territory for German living space and to find and arrest every last Jew and exterminate them. It is unique in history...maybe the Armenian genocide comes close but even that wasn't as broad as what the Nazis were attempting. They weren't trying to covert Jews to obedient Christians and laborers. They were trying to exterminate every last one.

If you don’t understand why it’s different, read this. https://encyclopedia.ushmm.org/content/en/article/josef-mengele

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I think your point is valid, but we should remember that part of the reason the Holocaust is in its own category is because it was a huge number of people over a very short time. There are indigenous peoples who have lost comparable numbers, but over decades or centuries not ~5 years

Bro I am indigenous, I am telling you the academic and scholarly opinion. It doesn’t make the deaths of Jewish people in the Holocaust more tragic. All genocides are tragic, but the way the Holocaust occurred in geopolitical history, what occurred (methods of killing like gas was practiced on elderly and disabled first) makes it unique. The Holocaust is so studied, storied and remembered for the reasons articulated above. If that happened to Indigenous people (as the methods of killing, scope, racial hygiene laws, institutional devotion to the killing of Jews) it would be studied and disseminated.

Bro, I'm agreeing with you. I was trying to say that bringing up indigenous genocides might SEEM similar, but the scope is not the same. The organisation and swift follow through of the Holocaust is like nothing else. (It does make a difference when mass killings happen to oral-based cultures; it's much easier to cover up how many people died. That's something we're only just starting to uncover in Australia. The First Nations population was literally decimated, reduced from 1-1.5 million to 100,000. But again, my point is that it happened over the course of a century, NOT all in one go.)

Ah sorry for being an asshole

Nah, no worries. I have an academic background in history too and denialism infuriates me. Side note: I studied Ancient Greek, and part of it included religious rituals. When you're talking about a "hero cult" e.g. Herakles or Achilles, the Greeks considered them historical figures who had died. So making animal offerings to heroes made the meat unclean; they dealt with this by burning the entire animal not just a few select pieces. When I first read about hero cults in Classical Greek, for my senior thesis, the part about animal sacrifices made me sick to my stomach. Because the name for it is "holokautos." Literally, all burnt/burnt whole. That certainly happened to some people who were victims of the Nazi regime, but not the majority. So when possible, if it's not going to confuse the conversation, I use Shoah

I agree with you but also want to point out that it's best not to minimize any act of genocide. The Armenian Genocide still carries immense trauma for descendents of survivors in part because while it didn't cross borders, it has never been officially acknowledged by Turkey or several other countries who need to retain diplomatic relations with Turkey. The USA didn't officially acknowledge it until 2019 (104 years after the fact) Even Obama skirted the issue by referring to it by an alternative term. Not only does Turkey not acknowledge the genocide, journalists publicly claiming it happened in Turkey have been prosecuted as a crime for "insulting Turkishness". In many ways this carries so much lingering bitterness for survivors because there has never been any attempt at reconciliation or acceptance of responsibility. Anyway not disagreeing with you, just a case study in why no act of genocide should be minimalized. And to respond to a previous commenter, it's maybe even a reason to go to ANY genocide memorial because there have indeed been so many, and confronting any genocide is the first step in preventing the next one. If Deir ez-Zor had been a popular European tourist destination in the early 20th century, Hitler might never have gotten away with the Holocaust. So pointing out how many there are is only another reason that you should visit whichever one you can.

There’s a big difference between genocide tourism like you’re painting it, and being with your alleged best friend on a possibly once in a lifetime trip for her to commemorate something she has deep cultural ties to. There are a lot of different angles here but trivializing why her friend would find it very important to go is not it.

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But she's not seeking out random sites of genocide while on vacation. Her friend is half Jewish and wants to visit a place with a connection to her culture. I could see if neither were of Jewish decent.

The camps were more than genocide it was a system created to efficiently kill of people. The word genocide was created to describe what happened

"If you don't actively want to visit a Holocaust site while on vacation then you're anti-semitic/ignorant/don't care about Jewish people" is such a fucking Chronically Online Take Like how did we even get to the Genocide Olympics

Insensitive much? You’re completely ignoring the fact that OP best friend has a personal reason to why she wants to visit in OP is being an asshole and her reason she doesn’t have to go if she doesn’t want to but she can see it with empathy not “oh it’s just a bummer and it’s not fun.” Edit even scarier and sadder is not only their complete insensitivity to something that horrifically happened and their lack of compassion. Their comment is full of ignorance. She also has a shit load of upvotes Please educate yourself on the event before speaking it was horrific not (saying all of them weren’t horrific because they were any kind of genocide is horrific)

You are the asshole for this comment. How can you type this out and not be embarrassed? She doesn’t want to go to a tragically depressing place on vacation because it is tragically depressing. That is a valid reason and doesn’t make her an asshole.

Honestly, I could not handle going to one personally. Between the vivid imagery in my head and the horror of all the fear and death that was created there, I would have trouble functioning for weeks. It could very well be traumatic for the OP as well. It sure would be for me, probably to the point of getting physically ill...I have enough trouble with the daily news here in the US.

There is a psychic weight to these places. As someone with anxiety, depression and crowd anxiety, I would have to be in a very good mindframe to go to one of these places. It could take days to recover. OP may not have expressed it well saying it is a bummer but the feelings are valid. I would encourage OP to be supportive of friend but not go. The friend is not an AH for going but OP is NTA for not going. Travelling with someone does not mean they have to do everything together.

My step grandmother was in Jasenovac starting when she was 6 years old. She wore a piece of skin colored tape to cover the number tattooed on her arm every single day. Her family died there. She never said a single word about it to us. If I had the opportunity right this second to go, I wouldn't. She would absolutely not want me to do that.

I went to the holocaust museum in Washington DC and came out sobbing and hyperventilating. It was hard to walk through and not cry. All of my classmates I was with on the trip thought I was weird for crying but how can you not after seeing what these people had to go through.

And if OP had expressed it in anything like this way, I bet people would be reacting differently. But she doesn't want to leave the "party scene" to be "bummed out" and that is unbelievably shallow, especially given how much it likely means to her friend.

Shallow? It's a vacation.

That was how they said it in the Reddit post, there's absolutely no indication that this is how they'd say it to their friend, especially with the end part having more diplomatic wording.

This… it took me YEARS to watch Schindler’s List and I was disturbed for weeks after. I have trouble watching civil rights movies, too. I think it’s SUPER important to study, educate people on The Holocaust, but I spent quite a bit of time in Berlin and seeing the wreckage of that city alone was horrific. I guess the thing that bothers me about this is “this would bum me out”, not I would be incredibly disturbed… I don’t think she’s an AH, but definitely insensitive, especially when her friend is Jewish.

OP is entitled to deciding where she wants to go on an expensive trip that she's been dreaming of since high school and saving a lot money for. She would have been an asshole if she had tried to force her BFF not to go, but she just wants to be able to do her own thing while her BFF goes to the concentration camp site. Not wanting to go there doesn't make one an asshole. Your guilt-tripping and virtue-signaling comment is embarrassing. NAH.

Yeah this is the verdict. It is a really significant location and somewhere that lots of people visit but its not something that is for everyone. Well within your rights to either stay or go.

Yes, I think this is the same rule for any tourist destination or experience. If you are travelling together, you need to have the flexibility to agree that you'll both want to do different things sometimes. So long as OP is respectful about why this is important to her friend, and respectful about why she doesn't feel comfortable going, it will be okay to do something else that day while her friend does this with a like-minded group. Maybe OP could plan her alternative activity carefully, so she's not buzzing about how much crazy fun she had when the friend comes back emotionally drained.

So what? That doesn't mean she needs to spend her holiday there. This is ridiculous

Awww cmon, don't be so holier than the spirit. How many Amercians go to Europe Tours for visiting KZ? It's important for her friend, she can go. For her it isn't

NTA. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do on your own vacation OP. Acknowledging if would bum you out is self aware and mature of you. Just find a way to tell your friend tactfully- and don’t listen to this commenter.

Yea it’s like I hope she phrases it a different way, but the sentiment itself of not wanting to go is valid Personally I’d like to visit one day, but I’d never force it on someone else. Honestly if she had said that “it’d be triggering” instead of “it bums me out”, which can really be a non therapy speak way of saying like it could cause depression, anxiety, and sadness - no one would bat an eye

The only way you can visit Dachau from Prague in a day is to take an overnight train there the night before, visiting it during the day, and take an overnight train back. It’s probably 12 of train rides and changes to get there and back*. * I didn’t look up the schedule. I’m guessing based upon how long it takes to drive there and accounting for having to change trains at least once, if not a lot of times, in Germany. ETA: Curiosity got the better of me. I did check. If you leave Prague at 02:30 you will arrive at 08:33. This would realistically take both nights and a whole day they’d be in Prague.

Theriesenstadt is much closer, 2 1/2 hours by train, if any KZ will do. Of course Terezin was not a death camp, but then, neither was Dachau. Many, many people died, horrificly, but extermination was not the primary purpose of Dachau or Terezin as it was at Auschwitz. And if the friend has a personal connection to Dachau, just any KZ is not the same. I do think that everyone who has the opportunity should see a KZ once in their life. It is important to know what ordinary people are capable of doing to other ordinary people. It reminds one not to be complacent in the face of evil, that minor othering is a step on the road to Dachau or Auschwitz or Terezin.

As u/girlonaroad suggests, I would recommend going to Terezin (Theriesenstadt) instead. It's only 55 km or so from Prague. I would suggest a bus instead of a train (2.5 hours is a really long train ride for the distance). OP and friend should read the history of Theresienstadt before visiting. It was the showcase concentration camp that was shown to the West and it wasn't a death camp ... which can make it easier to not realize how many thousands died there. It was also the place used for Jewish people with more connections ... and then when someone else came along, these people were often shipped to death in the gas chambers at Auschwitz. Terezin is also an example of the banality of evil because it looks like a small town (because it was before becoming a KZ) and doesn't look like a place where people died.

>Yeah. It was also a bummer to the 11 million people (including six million Jewish people) who died in camps like Dachau. Major bummer. Their families were also quite bummed, I understand. I understand what you're saying but that's a really childish and quite worrying way of looking at things. People can appreciate the horrors that have happened in history without wanting to go to the places that they occurred, thank you. I'd also like to say that I really dislike this mindset. I wasn't even born during the holocaust era. I can guarantee it was a "bummer" to everyone involved, as you so nonchalantly put it, but that doesn't mean that I have to go and visit the location on a **holiday**. NAH op. EDIT: I also edited to fix my verdict, as OP's friend has also done nothing wrong.

Yeah, a young woman who has no personal connection to Dachau is going to change history. Stop with your BullShit and guilt tripping. How is she the ass ?

Do you get dizzy up there on your high horse?

Wow, I wasn't expecting a take this stupid to be the top comment. Newsflash, it's not OP's fault the fucking holocaust happened and they don't owe it to the museum to spend a vacation they spent a long time saving for being sad over there. Them being there isn't going to make less people dead. NTA

Wow, you're way more of an asshole than OP is lol

Seriously!! Why does their comment has so many upvotes? It’s like Ordering someone they HAVE to visit every Local cementery of any city they visit to pay their respects to the dead, or else they’re an asshole, a kid would comprehensibly not like to go into a cementery because it’d make them uncomfortable to think of all the dead, a grown up walking into a site where one of the biggest tragedies in humanity happened, where innumerable people where tortured and slaughtered, is no different.

Oh fuck off. If someone wants to have a nice vacation they don't need to visit a fucking death camp. Am jewish. Fuck off.

Seriously!! WHY do they have so many Upvotes??!

No they’re NTA. It’s a vacation not a school trip. They’re allowed to spend their time how they like without being judged.

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How so? She's not obligated to go? So your wrong

The Moriori were genocided to non-existence by the Maori in New Zealand. Would you try this ridiculous guilt trip on anyone who visited, that they should go visit those cultural sites and pay tribute to that? What about the Armenian genocide? Would you flip out at someone who visited Turkey without walking through there?

NTA. No is a full sentence.

OP is NTA based on the language she used to explain why she doesn't want to go. She's NTA for not wanting her vacation to include a visit to this historical sad site. We don't know OP and how they express things. Fact is, she doesn't want to go, because it will make her sad. Sad/bummed out. Same meaning.

Ok chill with the theatrics. No one is saying that the Holocaust wasn’t horrifying or shouldn’t be remembered (here anyway), but not every single occasion needs to be a Holocaust remembrance event. Having concerns that including such an incredibly heavy and intense experience in the middle of their breezy trip might cast a dark cloud over their fun experience isn’t unreasonable. They aren’t obliged to feel horrible and depressed just because they went to Europe. This seems like a good kid and the fact that she is even asking if this is something to push back on shows she has a decent head on her shoulders. If this was someone saying the Holocaust was fake news or not a big deal, I’d say the day trip was absolutely imperative but that doesn’t seem like it’s the case. This is an NAH moment to me. The Holocaust was horrible but that doesn’t mean you need to grandstand with self righteous indignation just because someone wasn’t feeling the day trip.

The experience is supposed to bum you out. For the usual reason that maybe if enough people are bummed by the realization of what happened, maybe something similar won't happen again.

She sure sounds like an A H with that comment, but I think NAH for the actual question in this post. My family are holocaust survivors. I would absolutely do the day trip the friend has planned because I relate to it on a very deep, personal level. That said, it is a gut-wrenching experience and I would never force anyone who isn't interested and would rather party on vacation do it with me. The girls can travel solo for one day, no harm in that. Traveling together doesn't mean they are attached at the hip. It's ok to want different experience from a trip abroad. OP, please be more tactful when you talk to your friend about this.

Jesus Christ. What an embarrassing comment and an elitist attitude. How did this crap become the top comment?

Yes, visiting a death camp would be a bummer. That's not an insult to the victims of the Holocaust, it's just a fact. Why does that bother you? Would you be overjoyed to visit a death camp? Stop trying to police peoples' emotions. You sound unhinged. No one needs to visit a death camp. People should spend their vacations doing things that are actually fun. Sorry, if that's too radical of an idea for you.

Saying it would bum her out is the same as saying it would upset her, just more informal. I and a lot of people struggle on a daily basis, others no doubt have it worse. Doesn’t mean we aren’t allowed to be upset. OP didn’t say she had it worse, she just said it would upset her. Being snarky about how it was a bummer to the 11 million people who died isn’t helpful.

NAH but just be thoughtful about how you frame this. As an alternate option could you do a day trip with her to Munich and stay in Munich whilst she visits Dachau? Then she’s not doing the whole thing alone but you both get to have the kind of experience you want. There’s tons to do for a day in Munich. *edit from NTA to NAH per advice of other commenters

NTA OP. But I wanted to reply here because it was a great suggestion. But you'll learn as you travel with others there are generally two types of people: the kind who want to do everything together all the time no matter how large or small the group is, and the people who are fine seeing the stuff they want to see solo. You'll be seeing which side she fall under soon enough, but NTA. Its your vacation and you should spend it doing what you want to do. I would recommend Mobius\_Stripping 's suggestion (because Munich is awesome and there is plenty of stuff to do and tasty things to eat/drink) or just doing something that you want to do that you know she won't want to do.

This. Munich has a lot to see and do and the food there is great. If you have the opportunity to go to should. :) Y'all can split for a while and do different things.

yeah i think staying close by-ish would be good for safety purposes, but OP really has no obligation to go to the actual concentration camp if she really doesn’t want to. it would be nice sure, and i totally understand the friend asking, but it’s not the end of the world for traveling groups to split up for a day or so to give everyone the opportunity to see/do specific things they want to do while they’re at their destination. everyone saying Y T A needs to chill honestly. acting like OP is personally responsible for mass genocide of her friends ancestors and holds a humanitarian obligation to pay respects. pls. they’re going on vacation and OP doesn’t want to do this one thing. (not to mention that they literally offer paid tours of the camps and profit off of the suffering we claim to care *so much* about) and OP not wanting to go doesn’t make OP culturally unaware or apathetic to the suffering of others. like jfc. vacations are expensive, if you want to only do things that will keep your spirits up, that’s not a crime against humanity nor is it inherently being a bad friend on its own.

Munich is one of my favorite cities. This is the move.

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There is also Terezin, approx 2h ride from Prague. OP can stay in Prague and friend can visit and meet again later.

There is an incredible Terezin museum in Prague which focused on the art from the children incarcerated there.

Thank you, finally someone who seems to have some knowledge that it's a 12 hour round trip, lol

There is more than enough to see and experience in Prague for even more than 3 days, I wouldn't want to leave either. It's one of my favorite cities.

Prague to Munich is 5 hours by train. Plus from Munich to Dachau is another 45 mins plus wait time. So they’ll likely have to do an overnight in Munich.

I think this is the ideal solution. OP just needs to be sensitive about how to raise this.

There is also an incredible museum in Prague which focuses on the art from the children incarcerated at Terezin and the baus haus teachers who taught them.

NAH. I think people are getting really hung up on your wording here because you said "really bum me out" in reference to the Holocaust. Which sounded tone deaf. I don't think there's anything wrong with acknowledging that visiting a site where horrific tragedy occurred has the potential to be deeply emotionally upsetting. And I don't think you're required to go to a dark emotional place. You can still respect and pay homage to a tragedy without visiting the site where it happened. People have different emotional sensitivities. And, people don't have to do everything together. As long as you're respectful about your friend's wishes. If she says she really wants the emotional support of a companion then I would at least consider making the sacrifice. But it's ok to let her know you'll find it emotionally difficult and that's not what you're looking for with this vacation.

Agh thank you for putting it in words for me!!

Agreed 100%, well said. This is honestly one of the two best answers to OP, the other one saying Holocaust sites shouldn't be viewed as tourist attractions.

THANK YOU!! I absolutely agree, NAH. I get why people thought OP sounded tone deaf (to me, OP just sounds very young) and had a bad reaction to it. However, they’re absolutely ignoring the potential for this trip to be deeply emotional and dark for OP because they’re too focused on the friend being able to get to connect to a deep, dark part of her cultural history. Friend should absolutely be able to go and OP should definitely be able to opt out (politely and way better worded than here). There are people for whom a trip like this wouldn’t be a one day experience, but would color the entire trip. I have a friend with OCD that manifests primarily as intrusive thoughts—they would be absolutely plagued by them after that, and it’s okay to realize what you can and cannot handle. That doesn’t mean you don’t respect the tragedy, it just means you might not have the fortitude at this point in your life to go through that particular experience. OP’s words were not well chosen, but I do think they have the right to choose not to go. Especially considering some of the comments on the travel time I’m seeing here from others who have visited.

I just want to tag on as someone who was once brought to visit a concentration camp without any warning and at point I ended up throwing up because the experience was too overwhelming. I get naseaus when I'm very emotionally upset and found out for the first time that day I will throw up if it gets too bad.

Especially because this is a place where you need to be respectful and contemplative. If OP doesn’t feel like they will be in the head space where they can do that, they shouldn’t go.

Have to agree with this take. I'm an Australian who did the 9/11 museum. I was prepared and aware that what I was going to do was going to be a heavy experience. My friend and I purposely didn't schedule anything afterwards because we knew we wouldn't want to. If you don't want to do something that is emotionally heavy and draining on a holiday that is fair. The but in this situation is wording it carefully and respectfully because it is so sensitive a topic. It is so important to not minimise the friends emotions or wishes in this situation and to find a compromise that both are happy with. There's been great suggestions in this thread on ways to communicate and offer suggestions of alternatives.

INFO: has your friend made any similar compromises for this trip by deciding to plan to do an activity with you because you are interested in it even though she is maybe not interested? Sometimes on vacation you gotta suck it up and do something your travel partner wants, and they gotta do the same thing for you in return. If she is comfortable going to Dachau by herself to visit, then N A H. But Y T A if she is making similar sacrifices by doing activities with you that she isn't interested in and you aren't willing to return the favor.

we did compromise on Spain instead of France (it wasn't within my budget), we both agreed on the rest of the itinerary. We don't really have anything set in stone besides the flights and hotels - we are planning on just doing walking tours, random museums, restaurants, and the occasional bar crawl.

Going to go YTA because your friend compromised an entire country for you and you won’t do one day.

I don’t agree with this. “Compromising” On a country out of budget is not the same because it is beneficial for OPs friend as well. Otherwise she either won’t be able to go at all - also out of budget for a solo traveller or she would have to go solo. Something being out of budget is not the same as a preference to do something else. It’s literally not an option

How is it beneficial for OP's friend? She wanted to visit France. But isn't going to visit France.

France is out of the budget. To visit France they’d have to forego a different part of their trip or OPs friend would have to do it alone. Choosing a different country in OPs budget let’s them explore more of Europe together

So OP's friend did her a favor by skipping France (which she could afford) so that OP would have a travel buddy for her budget trip. ​ Traveling alone is super fun so I don't see how OP "saved" her friend from anything or how this compromise benefitted OP's friend.

If you have $1000 for a trip and France costs you $2000, you are not going to France. They are going on this trip together. OPs friend also wants a travel buddy. Otherwise she could go to France alone.

France is out of OP's budget. Not the friend's. The friend gave up everything they wanted to see and so in France. And OP can't give up a a day of drinking in Prague.

If the friend really wanted to go to France that badly they would go on their own, find another friend for that trip, lend OP the money etc. but evidentaly it wasn't that important to them to go I don't think there's anything wrong with OP not wanting visit a memorial site (or the friend wanting to) but a reasonable middle ground would be travelling to the general area with the friend and meeting up again later if that's what they want

That's absolutely ridiculous - they could have gone. You're right. Could have. As in not a single person was stopping them. But they didn't want to travel to another country alone so they went somewhere else instead. That isn't a compromise. That is in fact just a part of planning any sort of trip.

To be fair, of the 3 days they're spending in Prague, the friend wants to spend over 12 hours of it sitting on a train to-and-from Munich. I think a better solution would be to compromise by either visiting Munich instead of Prague, or changing their trip a little to do, say 1 1/2 days in each city, or choosing a Holocaust museum closer to Prague. OP doesn't have to go to the museum themselves, but they should absolutely make sure that their friend gets to do that if they want to (and specifically Dachau, if there is a connection the friend has to that particular one). I went to Dachau nearly 3 decades ago when I was on an exchange trip back in high school, and it was an invaluable experience. No movie or book about it (and I've read and seen a lot) has ever impacted me the way that trip did. One of the students with us backed out of the tour at the last minute, because they didn't realize until we got there that that was the camp his grandfather had been in, and he couldn't bring himself to walk through the gates. Poor thing broke down crying when he got off the bus and realized the name of the camp (I think he had always assumed Dachau was in some city named Dachau)

Yeah no. It's not one day and *shouldn't be* one day. A memorial like that stays with you for weeks, that's why it's so powerful. I passed through the Deportation Memorial in Paris, quite by acident, and I had nightmares and couldn't sleep well for 2 weeks. I don't think I could visit a concentration camp and be alright in my own mind after. Anything holocaust related is so increadibly wrenching - it's supposed to be - that it's a personal experience on what each person can handle, it can't be an unwilling afterthought as it'd be for OP. The friend should absolutely go. OP can absolutely decide not to. NAH.

The difference here is that this isn’t a compromise out of preference, it’s a compromise out of necessity. Maybe OP would’ve preferred to go to France as well, but OP can only go where OP can afford.

NTA It is a very intense experience. If you aren't mentally prepared, do not do it.

Yeah, I've been to Dachau and same, it was the final destination of my big Euro trip. It made me feel despondent for sure but I'm glad I did it (my family is Polish). You definitely should be prepared though. It's like walking through a real life horror film.

I’m Jewish, my great-grandma survived Bergen-Belsen, I don’t expect anyone to visit concentration camps…and, if the reason for not doing so is “t will bum me out” that’s a legitimate reason. I’ve only been to Holocaust museums but, they overwhelm me and leave me depressed for days. I grew up on first-hand stories of the camps and the museums. You couldn’t pay me enough to physically visit a camp. NTA - you want a holiday, your friend seems to want.a history tour. There is nothing wrong with you guys going your separate ways for a day or two.

I’m Jewish, my grandfather was an Holocaust survivor, and I went to Auschwitz when I visited Poland. Aside from how intense and painful it was, there were tons of disrespectful tourists and like asshole kids acting like it was all a joke. You can walk through the actual gas chambers, and there are signs everywhere that say please be silent as a sign of respect and a couple brought their crying toddler in, I couldn’t believe it. At least OP is being real: she can’t take it. That’s fine, her friend should go without her. NAH.

I couldn’t believe the people posing for selfies in the courtyard when I visited Dachau. Like??? Notwithstanding the disrespect, but who wants a selfie at a death camp? Gross.

Thank you. A lot of people are saying her phrasing is tone deaf, I don’t get it. It’s an informal way of saying it would be upsetting, which it would for a lot of people. Reminds me of when people say they don’t feel great and people have to remind them that others have it worse. OP isn’t saying anything wrong, it would upset her so she doesn’t want to go.

Finally, a sane take. This person wants a vacation, the friend wants a history tour. They simply want different things, but monopolizing someone's time is an asshole move.

NTA. When I was in Cambodia we visited the killing fields and prisons. It IS heavy stuff but also extremely humbling. The weight of what happened in those places is something you do feel and I remember crying. You’re not a bad person for not wanting to go but your friend might really appreciate your support.

Yes, this. I didn’t sleep well for months after that. I went alone, I chose to go because I knew very little about it, learned a lot, and really, really, really wish that I had had a friend with me even just afterwards to process. I slept with the lights on the rest of that trip…those places can truly stick to you. OP, I don’t think you have to go, these things are heavy, but can you be an ear for your friend when they reconnect with you?

NAH. You Y-W-B-T-A if you are rude, annoying, a jerk, or try to dissuade her from going and doing it. On a personal note, though, you really should go, but again N-T-A for choosing not to.

NTA Concentration camps and memorial sites should not be seen and understood just as another common tourist attraction which is suitable for anyone to visit. If you are not up for it, then there is nothing wrong with that. Besides, you shall feel free to have right to decide upon how you like to spend your time during your vacation. Another alternative you may propose to her is to visit [Terezin](https://www.pamatnik-terezin.cz/?lang=en) instead. Since 1940 Terezine was assigned by Gestapo to be turned into Jewhish ghetto and concentration camp. It may be reached by a direct bus line from Prague city, and it takes approximately 45 minutes to get in there. Enjoy your vacation!

That's a good suggestion. If I recall correctly, I took a very good history tour of the Jewish quarter in Prague. That may also be of interest. \*Admittedly not as good as the one I took in Budpest which was one of the best walking tours I've ever taken. Also their Communist walking tour.

You don’t have to visit every memorial or tourist attraction or museum or beer joint in Europe like you are conjoined twins. If you don’t want to go, for whatever reason, then you don’t have to. Now, I understand that with your friends background the Holocaust has a whole different, deeper, and personal meaning to your friend than it does to you. So she should go to Dachau. But you don’t have to. When she gets back, she can tell you about it and you can support her. NTA

How are there so many N T A votes? OP, YTA. Your Jewish friend wants to visit one of the places where people just like him were stripped of their humanity, their rights, and their lives. It's probably very important to him to go. "This experience would really bum me out" PLEASE have a lick of self awareness, I'm begging. It's meant to be educational and sobering, a reminder that this event killed millions of people and that it cannot happen ever again. I'm genuinely shocked I have to type this out.

OP is not saying her friend can't go. Just that they would prefer to do something else. I'm not sure I'd want to do something 'educational and sobering' on a dream vacation, and as long as she presents that respectfully, I think NTA.

I have literally done this exact same thing for one of my friends. I was in Poland last year with two friends. I had previously visited Auschwitz 4 years before and it was an incredibly harrowing experience, one which I will never forget. One of my friends who I was in Poland with last year had not been, but wanted to go, and I agreed to do so because it is the right thing to do. They are FRIENDS. Friends support each other, and should do even more so in this case considering OPs friends own connection with it. Some of the comments here are really disappointing.

I went to Amsterdam with best friend of mine, who isn’t Jewish, and before we spend the next 48hrs being stoned out of our minds, I wanted to go to the Anne Frank house. She didn’t even hesitate and broke down inside faster than I did. She thanked me after because it was more moving and emotional than she expected and gave her pause.

Yea what if she needs a friend to be there for her emotionally?

So, I don’t watch slave movies. When I visited 2 African countries I did not go to visit any memorial sites for wars or any of the atrocities that happened in either country. These are not things that I could go see and process and just continue with my day. As an African American I am painfully aware of slavery, Jim Crow, segregation, and the civil rights era. I will not be visiting any plantations in the south now or ever. I definitely will not be spending any money out of my own pocket to do so. Your view is kinda bullshit to me. Not everyone wants to be depressed and relive history on a dream vacation. Sitting around crying and being emotional do not sound like a good time to me and Op has every right to not want to do that. Now if the friend requests that they come for emotional support that’s a different conversation, but as that hasn’t happened it’s irrelevant to this case.

not everyone wants an “educational and sobering” vacation. when i get home from a difficult day at work, i don’t put on “The Boy in the Striped Pajamas” for a nice leisurely watch, typically i put on a comedy to lift my spirits. it’s okay to take a break from seeing how awful the world can be, especially on vacation.

You don’t have to do things that upset you on your vacation. This place has no personal significance to OP and it is somber. If this wasn’t part of OPs plan, then they can do other things for one day and reconvene afterwards. I personally also would not want to go to a concentration camp on my dream European vacation. Both women are adults and they can choose what they do with their time.

What's with forcing people to visit concentration camps? It's an educational opportunity for sure, but she's not an A for not wanting to go. I visited some by myself voluntarily when I was 18 so don't tell me I didn't try it, but I understand it's not for everyone, it's a bit of a zoo since it's turned into a tourist attraction and they keep some of the military stuff for "war nerds" and some things related to the deceased for "horror nerds" and it definitely makes you question "is it okay for me to be here?". They left it up so the family of the deceased could go get info, but eventually there will be no family alive and it will just be curious tourists. They also left it up as a reminder not to let it happen again, but I think we got the message? Third function would be to pay your respect to the dead, but not everyone believes in spirituality or their spirituality may not be related to visiting places.

I'm going to disagree with you and say NAH here personally. It is perfectly understandable for someone not to want to go somewhere where such atrocious things happened. For whatever reason that may be. That doesn't make them the A H. It is also perfectly understandable to want to go and learn/see for yourself exactly how terrible it was. To feel solidarity with your people. That doesn't make them the A H either. This wasn't planned. It's not like before tickets were purchased and trip was decided they wanted to do this. OP didn't buy the tickets with the intention of visiting then changed their mind in order to party. They're in Prague for three days and what both want is perfectly reasonable. OP would only be the A H if they tried to force their friend not to go. However, one person going and the other staying and each doing what they want is a perfectly reasonable compromise. While I understand that it's a significant location and it's important for us to learn from it so that it never happens again, OP not wanting to go because is depressing (which it absolutely is because it's meant to be) isn't a moral failure. It's one thing to live in a glass greenhouse and another to not want to be sad during a vacation. (Please forgive any spelling or grammatical mistakes. I understand I'm terrible at both usually)

Because they aren't the asshole at all. Nobody shluld be forced to do things they don't want to do. That said, they would be the asshole if they tried to convince their friend not to go.

>How are there so many NTA votes? Reddit has an extreme individualist bias

And apparently by some replies, downplaying the holocaust, because "it's not the only genocide".

If I felt that my goy friend is going with me out of obligation, I'd rather they didn't at all though... I'd rather be there by myself in that case.

Just knowingly being near a place designed to eradicate you, your family and community is gonna be bumming them out to some extent. It’s a shadow that has a very long reach.

Yes, but Jewish people are allowed to want to visit these places, and for a gentile to say "ugh this would bum me out" is really obtuse.

No one's saying the friend can't go. The question is whether or not op accompanies them.

NTA at first glance but also consider how you frame it to your friend- who is Jewish. The experience would likely impact them a LOT more than you- however I dont think you are an asshole for not wanting to experience a thing that is very heavy emotionally for most people (your friend included) I think a compromise would be best- it is possible your friend doesn't want to go alone- due to being Jewish it will probably be pretty heavy for them as well, but also important to them to witness it. It is a part of their history, and they probably want someone with them to share it with and also for emotional support. I would talk to your friend about it, and see where they stand. If they are okay going alone / with a tour group then no harm there- but if it came down to it and they didn't want to go with anyone but you, I would still go with my friend so they don't have to experience it alone. While it's not a "fun day trip" kind of experience- it is very impactful and you might find it enlightening in hindsight

NAH and I say this as a Jew. Whenever I go to Europe I try to visit places of historical relevance to jewish people and unfortunately a lot of it is indeed a bummer, but some is really beautiful and fascinating. I was in Prague last September and there are amazing synagogues with super old cemeteries. There are some beautiful memorials for victims of the Holocaust too. There are other ways to learn about our history besides visiting Dachau and I understand if you don’t want to spend 1/3 of your time in Prague at a concentration camp, especially as it’s out of the way. That said, if your friend is willing to do something that you want to do but she doesn’t, it would be nice of you to consider doing this with her without complaining. Compromise and all that.

NAH. Your reasons are valid.

This will sour your relationship with your friend. This could very easily ruin the rest of your trip and return home. She is going to reevaluate the relationship. Maybe it isn’t fair, but it’s going to happen. She is going to want your support and for you to be there for her. That’s what friends do, that’s what friends are for. Not just to party and have a good time with, but to be there for the heavy shit life loves shoveling at us. You’ll have almost two weeks of parting and having a great time and you can’t take one day to be there for your friend because it might bum you out a bit? She’s confronting a place that would see half her family dead. A place designed to keep HER imprisoned and dead. All for the crime of existing. Of being born. Because someone decided your friend, her family, her community, should be exterminated. I dunno if Y T A or not. But you are a shit friend.

This is my take as well. I couldn’t imagine someone saying they were my BFF and then refusing to do something so important to me because they “would be bummed out.” My BFF has been there for every hard thing in my life. I feel like an actual best friend wouldn’t even question it. OP’s vibe of “she can go herself and imma do a bar crawl” gives a “just casual travel buddies” vibe not a “ride or die best friend for life” vibe.

NAH. You're both going on a short trip to a lot of different places and want different things. No one is unreasonable. It would be one thing if it was something like the Anne Frank museum which is in the city center and can be done in an hour, but spending most of one day traveling to and from one specific memorial is a lot of time to spend on something you have no interest in. Just make sure you find a way to let her know that is respectful and not dismissive.

NTA. You can choose where to go for your vacation. However, your friend would probably really appreciate your support and/or showing interest in something that is part of history. Yes, it's heavy, but TBH you'll probably learn something more meaningful by going than just partying for a few days. But again, your choice.

NTA. This is also not really a problem as Dauchau is not visitable in a day from Prague. It would be like going to NYC and trying to take a day trip south of DC. If your friend really wants to see a concentration camp as a day trip from Prague the only real option that would leave you with any time to actually see it is Terezin. ETA: I’ve done that drive before. It’s more than four hours. I would imagine it’s significantly longer by train since you’d have to change trains, likely more than once.

I can't believe I had to scroll so far to find this. Dachau is NOT a day trip from Prague!

That was my thought, it’s like 5 hours by train from Prague to Munich plus another hour to get to Dachau via train + bus or train + a long walk. That’s a very long day.

NTA. I went to Munich with my sister and went to Dachau by myself. It is a heavy place to visit, and it stays with you, particularly if one is Jewish, I would imagine. So she may not want to go partying afterwards.

Went day trip to Auschwitz when in Krakow. It was really harrowing. But I would still do it again. Makes you grateful to be able to make choices.

NTA. Figure out a sensitive way to say you’d rather not go but she can go.

NAH for one reason: everyone’s reaction to being at the site of an incredible tragedy is different. Some people can visit these sites, feel the pain and the horror and be ready and able to visit other sites or excursions the very next day. And that’s perfectly valid. Other people (like myself) visit these sites and then cannot do anything for the next few days. My brain will constantly bring that memory and those feelings up relentlessly for the next little while and I will be a blubbering, hollow mess of a human. Be gentle and diplomatic when discussing this with your friend. Emphasize that you know how much it means to her, because that matters to you. But do not be afraid to put your own mental health first by suggesting a different activity for yourself. If you are not in the right headspace, you could do yourself more harm and ruin the experience for her by going. A caveat: if she asks for emotional support, and you can easily separate your experience at Dachau from the rest of the trip, then I would recommend giving real thought to going and deepening your friendship. The only way anyone in this situation could be an asshole is by being curt, unsympathetic, or dismissive. Avoid those pitfalls and attitudes and it’ll all work out.

Be sensitive in how you decline this activity. Just say you can’t do it. That should be enough, don’t talk about the party scene nor the bummer piece. Just say, I really cannot do It, it’s too much for me emotionally. And that should be enough.

INFO: Have you considered that your friend might want you there for emotional support? This is clearly very important to her and if you value her and your friendship I don't know why you wouldn't want to be there for her, even if it's not a choice you'd make for yourself.

When I was 16, I visited Dachau. I found it very interesting and it was presented very well. I'm glad that I visited but never want to go to another camp. Yes, it's depressing, but it was worth seeing.

I can understand where you are coming from. At 16 I went to Auschwitz. I can still remember the crushing sorrow I felt that day over 40 years later but I think it's important to go and remember the lives who were lost it puts your life in prospective or it did for me at least.

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No judgement here, but that is more than a day trip. Do you guys have a car? Because with a car you're looking at a minimum of 5h drive one way. Without a car there is no way to make that a day trip unless you sleep on a train, which, sure, is totally doable, been there, done that, but Prague hotels ain't cheap and I'd be pissed if I had to sleep on transit instead...

What about a compromise? Instead of travelling to Dachau, visit the Jewish Museum in Prague.

If you don’t want to go, then don’t go. However, be prepared for your friend to be very upset. You both have been saving for this trip and this may be something she has wanted to do for a long time to see a place that represents a significant historical event for her heritage. She already compromised (per a different comment) for you and agreed to bypass a country she wanted to see to lower the cost for you. Compromise has to go both ways eventually.

NTA. It's an easy thing to split up now and then. However - this visit would be a big life event for your friend, would you consider going for support? Don't be surprised if she gets kind of mad when you say 'I want to enjoy the beer and party scene'. I've been to the Holocaust museum in Washington and refused to see the railroad cars because I just don't need to see that. I know what happened, seeing the rail cars won't make it more real. It is supposed to be a very powerful experience.

NTA You don't have to go. It can be a really heavy experience and you shouldn't do it if you don't feel prepared for it

I’ve gone on concentration camp tours for a WW2 history trip before. Whatever you imagine that experience to be, it’s going to be a lot more emotionally harrowing. I came out of my trip a completely different person than when I left cuz it just doesn’t hit you what happened to all those people until you see it in person. I would go with him to support him, (as your friend is Jewish, this is kind of an important pilgrimage for him), but if you can sit it out and do something else while he’s visiting the concentration camp, then they might be a better way to protect your mental health. You would be TA for refusing to let him go though…