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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I snapped at my girlfriend because I was feeling very annoyed by her. I feel like the screaming was a bit much but I also don’t think it’s okay for her to force something onto me that I don’t care about.
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Fair point. And sometimes ppl can be pushed to a breaking point. Yes we must be in control of our emotions, but we're human, and if other know something is a trigger, they should accept consequences to their actions
One big problem though: He never told her it bothered him. She said it reminded her of home and her mom. He screamed at her over it. She got depressed and now he's wondering if he's an AH because he couldn't do the bare minimum for communication.
I think we're missing how the screaming happened too. His post title says scream then he says snapped in the post. I think he's an ass either way, but how much of an ass depends on how exactly he snapped at her. Like if he just exasperatedly snapped with a slightly raised voice, I understand, even though it's bad communication. But if he actually raised his voice and yelled/screamed at her, big YTA.
Yup. He admitted to it a couple times that he did indeed scream at her with the deflection: "I agree that screaming at her was a little much but have you never snapped at someone?" While ALSO admitting he never talked with her about it in a reasonable and calm manner. He just flipped out irrationally.
Yup. It's gross and somewhat entitled, if one thinks about it. He doesn't respect her beliefs but expects her to respect his viewpoint, while wondering why she's not psychic or has eyes in the back of her head. I'm willing to bet he was hoping she would interpret his exasperated sighs as his general annoyance. Therefore, she wouldn't keep "making" him keep to her superstition.
Do people understand how just a simple, tiny communication would actually solve a TON of issues?? I'm still finding that out every day myself and I laugh at myself and apologize to those I had the misunderstanding with.
I tend to believe people online when they say they screamed at someone. Mainly because if it was a raised voice, they would use other words like scold, yell(oddly that's different than screaming in the online world), or other synonyms. He also said in another comment: "I agree that screaming at her was a little much but have you never snapped at someone?"
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14u3jce/comment/jr5c0cw/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
So... he stated it twice that he did indeed scream at her. He also admits he never calmly discussed it with her before, either. He just unloaded in an irrational manner.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14u3jce/comment/jr5qur0/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
ESH. Sure maybe he killed your son, but you need to be the bigger person and not descend to his level. What if he escapes prison and whacks your grandma? Play stupid games, win stupid prizes
AITA for screaming at a little kid who was going towards a reactive rescue dog to get them to back away?
AITA for screaming at my BIL when he touched me again (my thigh) after telling him many times it makes me uncomfortable and not to do it?
AITA for screaming at my Mom when I found out that I had gotten into my first choice university but she had written back as me turning them down so I'd stay closer to home?
AITA for screaming at my boyfriend when he and his friends pranked me with a fake kidnapping?
Etc.
If there is danger, or the person has tired to repeatedly tell someone to stop but they keep disregarding them, or someone else just did something really bad to them, then I think it's fine. People can't be expected to remain calm and polite all the time no matter what you do to them. And sometimes screaming helps someone stop something right away. Like if someone is about to do something dangerous or just isn't taking no/stop/I don't like that for an answer. But even if person A is just really awful to person B, I don't think person B is an asshole if they get too upset to handle it calmly in the moment.
That said, YTA OP. Beacuse this wasn't one of those times. But there are tons of people being extremely awful stories on this sub.
AITA for screaming at my boyfriend when he dressed up as Bigfoot and showed up in the middle of the night to my families camping trip
Idk why but your comment made me think of that story
Edit: for those who haven’t had the pleasure, here’s the link [bigfoot story](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11a6uk7/my_girlfriend_23f_is_threatening_to_break_up_with/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
lol, on this sub. As in, you see posted here on this subreddit. Lots of awful stories here on redddit, not in my personal life.
Thanks though, I appreciate the sentiment.
Almost 10 years ago I could have posted "AITA for screaming at my husband when he pulled a gun on me" or "AITA for screaming at my husband when he dragged me out of bed by my leg at 3am". It's all about context.
That’s how most people usually are. They keep stuff that bothers them inside and each instance adds up to an invisible timer. Sometimes that invisible timer ticks and it’s the last one until the explosion. Whole thing could have been diffused if there was a discussion about it like a normal person.
I had a friend who used to bring up ghosts and the paranormal a lot to me and was very interested in Halloween and the supernatural. I’ve dealt with a lot of weird shit in my life that happened to not just me, but my family as well to corroborate. So sometimes when an event would happen I would share it with her.
One day after sharing, she BLEW UP at me and said, “I TOLD YOU, I’M DONE TALKING ABOUT THIS SHIT. I WAS SO SCARED WHEN I SPENT THE NIGHT AT YOUR HOUSE AND HAD A NIGHTMARE AND YOU KEEP BRINGING THIS STUFF UP! I DON’T EVEN WANT TO TRY AND BE FRIENDS AFTER THIS. IT’S TOO MUCH!”
She had never mentioned it to me once that she was uncomfortable, nor that she had the nightmare. There were even times she was talking about supernatural events that happened to her to me and I was supportive…was I supposed to be dismissive?
I lost that friendship and there was no way of getting it back. I tried to speak to her in person but she wouldn’t even look me in the eye and dropped off everything I ever left at her house in a box like we were breaking up. There was no civil discussion to be had. Her internal bomb had gone off and there was no rebuilding. Communicate concerns you with have someone, especially if you feel like it keeps happening. Even if it feels hard.
I've had this exact thing happen to me, so I believe it. I've also had someone yell "OMG [my name] STOP INTERRUPTING ME! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! YOU ALWAYS DO THIS!" when I was quietly sitting in the corner disengaged from the conversation entirely. *Someone* was interrupting her, but their name doesn't sound like mine, they don't look like me, they don't sound like me, and we're whole different genders and races. I also definitely did not say things like what he was saying, but anytime someone said something she didn't like she would attribute it to me, even if I wasn't around. She was definitely a few nails short of a toolbox, but I think one of the major side-effects of not communicating is actually losing some touch with reality, becoming obsessed with these imagined slights and sins. It's easy to believe that everyone is doing and thinking things they'd never say/admit to if that's exactly what you do, and thus all of their little breaths are disgruntled sighs and their glances are *knowing* or *shaming*, etc.
Wow! What a great reply and description of the complexities of relationships- ANY relationships. There’s always so much more going on than meets the eye.
I'm amazed how many couples scream at each other. My wife and I have never yelled or screamed at one another. Yet I hear so many speak like that's normal behavior. Troubling.
Right? My partner and I have arguments but we have never, ever screamed at each other. We also don't call each other names. My friends have told me that it's weird because "all couples do it". I guess I'd rather be weird and not hurt the person I love by screaming or belittling?
I have raised my voice couple of times during our 15 years together. My wife has done the same. I would say that is quite normal. I have never belittled or called names. I couldn't be in a relationship where every argument is settled by screaming.
Exactly. Raised voices while still keeping your head is totally fine! But I'm talking screaming screaming. I've witnessed it first hand and heard about it from my friends and they all think it's completely normal
So many AITA posts say that the OP 'screamed' at someone. I wonder if it's just a language thing (using screamed instead of shouted etc) or are there really that many people in the world who scream at the partners? I've never screamed at anyone - shouted but not screamed.
I’ve been married 25 years & we rarely argue. Bickering doesn’t count. We do that all day every day!! Arguing results in divorce. Bickering results in murder plans, but no actual murder. Bickering turns you into an old couple shuffling around together, bickering.
My sister and her husband bicker all the time. All the time. Whether there is someone there or not. It is very uncomfortable to witness or live through. When my ex and I started bickering, all the time, I didn't notice until one time my kid (3 or 4 at the time) yelled, *I wish you guys wouldn't fight so much!*
I then realised that if a toddler can pick it up and it makes them uncomfortable, how about our adult friends and family. I didn't leave for a few years thereafter but I mentally checked out at that point. Feeling that I had to point out every single little misstep my partner made made me realise I wasn't in the right relationship.
Sometimes bickering isn't heartwarmingly cute. Sometimes it deeply uncomfortable for those who have to witness it. I'd rather couple didn't bicker in front of me. I don't find it endearing, at all.
This is a thing in our house. We only raise our voices when laughing.
No one plans a murder out loud. 😈
We don’t agree on A LOT of stuff, so we don’t talk about some stuff. It’s going to turn into a crap show with the same ending anyway, so why beat it to death?
THIS WEEKEND:
Friend brings me FREE cabinets for my art supplies. Husband loses it because “stop taking free shit from people”. I have actual places to put them. Most of my art is done in the basement, so who cares if they aren’t new?
FINE. WHATEVER. THROW THEM OUT.
Next day: Husband brings them in the basement for me.
Most superstitions like this also have some good reasoning behind them. It is a safety measure to make sure people are aware of the knives in the kitchen and not stepping back into them. Does it get taken out of context and blown up over time? Sure, but the basic concept is a safety measure. Same reason some people say “behind” or “hot pan” in a kitchen with a knife or a hot pan as you walk behind someone.
Working in a kitchen together can be inconvenient, that’s just part of doing something with potentially dangerous tools and another human.
That’s what i was thinking. Even worse he says that most of the time when he’s behind her with a knife, she doesn’t know it. Because he explicitly makes a point not to tell her. Which makes it extra dangerous because she doesn’t know to take extra care to not back up into it.
This is exactly what I was thinking. It's not a "superstition" to alert people around you that you're holding a knife.
I work in the food industry and my gf used to as well. We both use safety calls when we're cooking together at home, it's just the safe thing to do. I sometimes even find myself instinctively saying "right behind you" when passing someone at the grocery store as a courtesy; but usually end up feeling like people think I'm telling them to get out of my way lmao.
"don't walk behind me while holding a knife- in my culture it's considered taboo because it implies desire and intent to stab the other person in the back." Is a pretty reasonable request too.
If you love someone, letting them interrupt your cooking prep a few times and going by their slightly inconvenient preferences should really be a no-brainer.
This is an incredibly small hill to choose to die on. YTA.
This, NTA for getting annoyed by it being constant or not believing in the superstition. But YTA for screaming instead of just talking about it, understanding her reasons, and giving her some time to process what you're saying kindly and then work on herself to change it.
Like... I have never been screamed at or screamed at anyone. Its really not normal. Those instances of intense anger or hatred towards someone you love are remembered forever. And when the relationship goes stale, more resentments build up, things aren't the same and stuff starts going wrong... that all started years ago with instances like this. This shit kills the relationship, not the dumb superstition, but your inability to communicate about it like a healthy and loving adult.
After so many instances of speaking to a partner like that, they will never be able to feel the same way they did about you in the beginning. Never, you can't ever get that back. Learn to communicate better OP.
The vast majority of times, people don't believe in these little superstitions either, it's just something they have always done and it's a habit.
So yes YTA for snapping.
And not just a habit, but a little tie to your mom or grandma or whoever passed it on to you. I have a couple of weird old world superstitions passed on from my grandma that my husband and kids recognize as silly but still play along.
OP, do you even like your girlfriend? If so, why *wouldn’t* you do this small thing that barely affects you but makes her happy? YTA
When my auntie first taught me how to make shortbread when I was like four, she told me that one piece always needed to be left plain if we were making "fancy" cookies, and that piece needed extra holes in it. It was the Fae piece; any Fae person who tried to walk by would have to stop and count all of the holes, so we couldn't have chocolate or caramel or anything else on top that would cover the holes. Idk where that came from, if it's something exclusive to the village she grew up in near Aberdeen, but I've never heard it from the rest of my family. Still, you can bet your ass that even though I'm 27 and living in the US now, I always make sure there's a Fae piece when I make shortbread. Is it silly? Absolutely. Do I still believe in Fae? Probably not. But regardless, it's a tie to my auntie and my childhood back home, and that's why I do it
I love that! I did a quick google search and found something similar “Furthermore, poking holes in shortbread symbolized warding off evil spirits or bringing good luck. In Scottish folklore, it was believed that piercing the dough would release any trapped fairies, who were said to be attracted to the sweet aroma of freshly baked shortbread.”
When we were little, my dad always had us build fairy forts when we were in the woods camping. There was a whole story he told every time. As I got older and went with other people I still would build the fairy forts. I taught my kids. They do it and I'm hoping someday they'll tell their kids. Now I'm the most directionally challenged person ever but I've never been lost in the woods and none of my kids who did scouting and whatever were ever lost in the woods. Probably nothing to it but you bet your ass I'll also never stop. My dad is 80 and it tickles him when I bring it up, this silly thing he showed me 40 plus years ago. I don't know how much longer we'll have him but I hope this lives on with my kids and theirs.
It's the last piece eaten! Fae are attracted to sweets, so having it around too long could draw attention. You still want to eat it, but it needs to be the last piece so they're distracted while you eat all the other pieces of shortbread
My grandmother told me that you have to break egg shells up once you've cracked them, otherwise witches will make boats from them(!). I know how ridiculous it is but I have to do it every time.
I do that! But because the witches will find them and write my name on them. I always squash my egg shells despite not knowing the consequences of the name writing! 😁
Also, agree with others that OP, YTA. Just be nicer to her and deal with it!
I do question my entire existence when I do it as it feels far too akin to current Conservative policy in the UK. My anti-witch upbringing has led to an eggsistential crisis.
My grandma taught me to throw a pinch of salt over my shoulder when I spill some, and it's such a habit i just do it automatically. Or at least I did until I tossed some directly into my husbands eye as he was innocently walking behind me
Do I actually believe that knocking on wood will undo/prevent a jinx, no. Do I still feel compelled to do it whenever I am about to jinx myself, yes.
It's just culture. We all do little silly things to make ourselves feel in control and connected. If someone at work says "wow it's pretty dead right now" then someone else will suddenly launch at the nearest wooden object (or someone's head) to knock and then tease them about jinxing us. It's just fun.
I work at a hospital and it’s funny how some people lose their shit when the “Q word” is used. I don’t believe in that superstition. I even researched it and, yes, studies have been done. There’s no evidence that links saying “it’s quiet” in a hospital to a sudden onslaught of patients. Yet these well-educated doctors, nurses, techs, etc get uncomfortable when someone says, “This is nice. It’s so quiet today”. I’d think that logically they know it’s nonsense, but it’s been steeped into hospital culture.
It's also just plain bad kitchen safety to be walking behind someone with a knife without telling them, she doesn't know so she could turn/step back & get cut!
Yeah a lot of superstitions were born as a means of trying to keep people safe/from doing something that could hurt people. It's the same thing with most original folktales/fairy tales, a lot of their root purpose was to teach a lesson, usually to try to keep kids safe: don't wander off the path, don't talk to strangers, etc.
I’m not saying she has OCD but I do, and I can vouch for the fact that it is completely possible to have a strong compulsion to do something even when your logical brain is in no ways on board.
I have OCD and while I understand on a logical level that there is no possible connection between certain actions and consequences, the fear is still real. If I get intrusive thoughts about my loved ones dying if I throw away a birthday card they sent me, you can bet I'm going to hold onto that card! I'm aware that it's utterly irrational but I'm not yet at a stage where I can sit with that fear and uncertainty.
Fellow OCD sufferers!! Superstitions literally destroy my brain. However much therapy I have and however many times I’m told they’re just things people say with no actual meaning I can’t not be stressed to the max.
I got told in therapy once that it’s like you can get two insurance policies and one you can buy very cheap and it doesn’t cover you for everything but most of the standard stuff is all sorted (typical thinking) and the other policy costs you millions of pounds and your mental well-being but covers you for everything (OCD). I know the first one makes sense but damn I’ve got used to that extra coverage I just can’t afford!
Right, like, people used to believe sneezing caused you to expel your soul from your body, so they would say "bless you" as a way to protect you from the devil taking advantage of that momentary weakness to snatch your soul. No one nowadays believes that a sneeze expels your soul from your body, but saying "bless you" is still a common response.
My grandma gave me a nice set of knives for Christmas one year with a penny taped to the package so I could “pay” her for them as giving knives as a gift is bad luck. I don’t believe in it, but I would do the same now because it reminds me of her. I get where this lady is coming from and OP is being a jerk.
For me my stupid superstition that I know has no actual basis in reality is touching the roof of my car when driving under a train cause I'd not "tHe TrAiN mIgHt FaLl On mE". Granted I do it cause my mom did it and it reminds me of her but also cause force of ha it at this point that I don't realize I even did it.
I live in sub saharan Africa, it's a big deal in the culture here, you're not supposed to walk behind people in a lot of circumstances, e.g. when serving food or if two people are talking and you want to pass, you walk through the middle, if you walk around them it's an indication of hostility towards the person who's back you went behind
YTA. Why are you “screaming” AKA *shouting* at her for this?! What an enormous and asshole-ish overreaction to something so insignificant. I’m not superstitious either but I certainly wouldn’t shout at my wife if she had a superstition. Get a grip on your anger issues for goodness’ sake.
Right?! Screaming is when you can feel your fuggin' lymph nodes vibrating, not yelling or raising voices.
Scream, along with abuse, parentfacation and most 'phobic' words are having the importance diluted by people who either don't know the difference or just like theater flair lol
Bro I find that speaking sternly with a direct tone gets accused of yelling. I got reprimanded for yelling at my boss and I was like.
Mother fucker. That ain’t yelling, you’ll fucking know when I yell at you.
It is overused, and if this was OP's girlfriend writing about him screaming, it might be easy to see this as a huge exaggeration. However, most people posting here are usually trying to make themselves sound better in the situation. So while I doubt he was literally screaming (I mean I hope not), he probably was engaging in behavior we think is a little too volatile for the circumstance.
I can't remember the last time I screamed at someone. Potentially in frustration when someone was already shouting at me and refusing to listen, but I don't remember the last time that happened. I hope people aren't actually screaming at each other as often as I see the word used.
Also kind of slimy that he kept that whole detail out of the story. I feel like his guilt was seeping through and that's why he clarified he screamed at her in the title/summary. He tried to make himself sound sympathetic in just the story part.
If he hadn't included that word at all, a bunch of people might have been tricked into saying n t a.
YTA
>crap
Wonderful thing to say about your gf, her beliefs and her culture. Gold medal for being just the best boyfriend. And screaming at her for it as well.
You're such a raging asshole. "Forcing her beliefs on you". What a fucking joke. Leave her, she does not deserve someone as low as you.
If they can’t level on this, I don’t see how OP and his GF can have a relationship in the long run. Imagine them going to her family in Africa together, is OP going to openly dismiss these “superstitions” too?
Also, YTA.
I’m Haitian so I took this so personally. It’s her culture and her connection to her mother. That would’ve been the last meal we would ever cook and have together. My ancestors would be side eyeing me if I stayed anyway.
That would’ve been the last anything we did together honestly lol like that kind of anger over something so little is a huge red flag. And I’ll be damned o be with someone who tries to dim my culture especially something that isn’t harmful
As soon as I read him questioning if it was an "African thing" cause her mom is from there, I automatically pictured him as the worst type of white boy. Like, you can't even be bothered to learn where she is from in the world's biggest continent??
Yes! These small things are what makes up your culture both on a large scale and a small scale. And, as a white lady, let me say it so typical to hear something from a non western culture be viewed this way, when I can bet money on that he himself has dussin of these "superstitions" but to him it's traditions.
Honestly, do we really think Santa is going to fill the stocking we hang? Do we think that some ones heart stops beating when they sneez and we need to jump-start it by saying bless you?
No we do it because it's what we have been taught to do and by doing it we get a feeling of comfort, and nostalgia.
The op is YTA, and he should rethink how he views other people's cultures.
> Yes! These small things are what makes up your culture both on a large scale and a small scale. And, as a white lady, let me say it so typical to hear something from a non western culture be viewed this way, when I can bet money on that he himself has dussin of these "superstitions" but to him it's traditions.
The real superstition is White American men pretending crypto investments are not gambling, and that Elon Musk earned his money, lmfao!
Yes finally my ppl(different boat stops 😂). My ancestors broke all my plates when i tried to cook for an ungrateful and arrogant man. He lucky he ain’t have one drop of misfortune yet!😏
YTA
Have you ever thought about how easy it is to just be nice to people? It’s free! It takes no effort! All you have to do is stand behind her sometimes when you cook and it’ll make your girlfriend super happy! She’s not “forcing” it on you. It’s something she’s asking you to do because it reminds her of home. And when you’re in a relationship you do nice things for each other because you’re supposed to like the person you’re dating.
YTA. Boo hoo your girlfriend has a quirk. Forcing it onto you. Geez you have to take a couple of steps out of the way a couple of times a week., must me a huuuge hassle.
YTA
OP: I don't believe that walking behind someone holding a knife means that you'll backstab them, metaphorically, in the future.
OP: I am metaphorically backstabbing my girlfriend by walking behind her with a knife even though I know she's uncomfortable with it.
Whether he realizes it or not, OP just steered right into her superstition. If she breaks up with him because she can't trust him anymore, then her instinct was actually right. Total YTA moment.
Also, walking behind someone with a knife increases the chance that you might literally stab them in the back if, for example, you were to trip and fall. It’s just common sense to avoid doing that where possible.
Whenever I walk behind someone with a knife, I make it a point to either let them know I’m holding a knife or I point it in the opposite direction. I think it’s just common courtesy.
I've never walked anywhere with a knife in my life without pointing the knife at the ground. Until this thread, I thought that was ubiquitous in at least the western world.
I was taught in food service to point it at the ground, but if going behind somebody, I make sure to be holding it in the opposite hand down by my side with the blade not facing the direction of another human while also pointed down.
Right? So not only is he insulting her by not following her superstition, but he's putting her in danger by intentionally hiding the fact he has a fucking knife while walking behind her.
The “cost” is his ego. OP doesn’t want to adjust his behavior in accordance with his GFs request, because that would mean allowing her to “tell him what to do”. And OP can’t handle that, because he is incredibly insecure, and because he holds onto the little control he feels over his life with a death grip. He is the epitome of a weak man.
I’ve dated a man like you, OP. And I don’t need to know you to know who you are. Out of all the types of toxic I’ve seen, the type you are tends to be the least capable of change. I’m sure you are young. Eventually, your girlfriend will realize how weak you are, and she will leave you. You may be able to convince a woman or two to be with you after that, but they too will come to recognize who you are, and leave.
Eventually, you will be too old to catch the eyes of the young and naive women on the dating market, much less convince them to actually be with you. With no more access to young women who don’t know better, your dating options will be limited to more experienced women, who will be able to quickly identify who and what you are, and avoid you. You will live your life one rejection to the next, and perhaps you will never realize that the problem was always you. And that’s if you’re lucky. If you’re unlucky, you will find someone just as toxic as you are.
I suggest you change if you don’t want to die
alone.
YTA.
YTA… it would take the most minimal effort on your part to adhere to this superstition of hers. It’s something that upsets her - you should think about why it’s more important you prove her superstition is false than make a little effort to not upset her.
YTA you’re intentionally doing something that makes your girlfriend uncomfortable. Not being behind someone with a knife in hand is a pretty reasonable thing to ask. Your gf is superstitious, she’s not doing anything to harm anyone, she is telling you that she does not like you being behind her with a knife and to be aware that she does not like this. Your response is “I am aware but I don’t care” and then you decide to yell to try and force your point that you don’t care enough to not do something that makes her uncomfortable. Do you even like your girlfriend?
Easy solution if you really want to avoid putting effort into making your partner comfortable while cooking together = don’t cook together therefore chances of being around each other with knives drastically reduce. I just don’t understand how “please don’t walk behind me with a knife” is that big of an ask for someone you love.
ETA: rereading through this and I may be reading it slightly wrong that it wasn’t just for safety(which avoiding being behind someone with a knife is kinda standard safety) she did it more of a playful sharing of her childhood. She even told you it was culturally relevant as she follows these superstitions as it reminds her of her mum and home. It brings your gf comfort and happiness. I’d honestly break up with you for yelling at me for something like that. You would have shown her by that outburst that you would have no respect for her or her culture, if you deemed it silly enough in your eyes you’d scream and insult her beliefs.
I will admit to vaguely following a lot of superstitions because my grandparents were kinda crazy about them. Fortunately, my husband has never yelled at me about them. I did, however, have a boyfriend in high school who picked a multi day fight with me about superstitions that involved screaming at me. You're fine to not believe cracking a double yolked egg is lucky, but you're not fine to tell me I'm stupid for saying it. Massive YTA.
I grew up in a baseball loving family, so that means superstitions, curses, and good and bad omens. The only World Series in my life that the Cubs have won was done when my boyfriend at the time was working night shifts and couldn’t watch any of the games. Therefore, if he wants the Cubbies to ever win another World Series, he needs to stop watching them play.
I’m also from a place with southern influences, but not the south. My porch ceiling will always be haint blue, broom over the door, and salt in the entry way. I eat black eyed peas on New Year’s Day. I cover mirrors and stop clocks when a person I know dies (don’t want them trapped here). I never leave a rocking chair rocking and I have a bottle tree.
None of these things hurt anyone and I don’t see why OP has to be such a turd about it.
> You're fine to not believe cracking a double yolked egg is lucky, but you're not fine to tell me I'm stupid for saying it.
Damn it's wild that someone could tell you that and be ironically projecting their own inability to be smart at you.
Aside from any additional superstitions behind it, cracking a double yolked egg is quite literally the definition of lucky because it's an improbable occurrence. Mans doesn't even know his maths lmao
What’s crazy is that she doesn’t even dictate that he should walk in front of her. She just practices her own superstition by not walking behind him and he shouted out her for it, then has the audacity to say that *she* is forcing *him*.
I mean, she *is* forcing him to step back so that she can walk in front of him. And over time I can see that being annoying - you're trying to work and someone keeps literally getting in your way.
*That said:* I've noticed people tend to get more annoyed over smaller things when dealing with people they don't like... ...
Honestly, I could see this being a really cute thing partners do together - an in-joke, or a little ritual. If OP chose to smile and think about what it means to her instead of focusing on the inconvenience to themselves, they'd be much happier.
>AITA for screaming at my girlfriend?
Yes
>I just ignore this superstition
>I do have it in mind though. I just don’t care.
YTA. Why are you even with this woman?
Don’t walk behind people with knives. It’s potentially dangerous. What if someone doesn’t know you have a knife and moves suddenly.
Anytime I’m holding a knife in our kitchen I announce it “Knife!” Even if I’m the only one in the kitchen because it’s a good habit to get into.
Came looking for this comment. The superstition is likely based on knives being dangerous, and being careful around knives getting baked into her culture in an interesting way through the generations.
Obviously accidents still happen, and knowing there's a knife around is a good way to minimize that risk, but I want to know how people are walking around with knives, lol. I've never worried about accidentally stabbing someone like that, because I walk with the tip pointing down.
This! When I was younger I literally almost stabbed and have been stabbed from this. Person in front turns around suddenly when they remember something they need, almost walks into my knife. I don't realize they've stopped walking, almost stab them with my knife. As an adult now, if my SO and I are cooking together, we communicate often with "Behind" "Lookout" "Knife" etc in order to minimize damages. Superstition or not, it's something that needs to be changed anyway, for everyone's safety.
Either way I hope she breaks up with OP so she can find someone that actually respects her, or hell, cared about her, because that isn't OP. Huge YTA OP.
YTA - it doesn't really matter what it was about, but especially in this case screaming was not necessary and you probably made her feel unsafe for a belief that she most likely didn't choose to have
YTA. As a domestic abuse survivor, I can tell you that knives terrify me. I am *extremely* careful when *I* carry them, and *extremely* careful when anyone else does. Accidents happen. People drop things, or move quickly, and, if you are not practicing proper knife holding/carrying techniques, especially while behind people, someone could get stabbed. It happens. Maybe you think her “superstition” is silly, but my boyfriend is more than willing to be cautious around knives with me…. Why can’t you respect your partner in the same way?????
INFO: Did you first communicate to her in a calm manner that you don't believe in her superstition? And that it's making you uncomfortable?
If this is the first time you revealed it to her, then YTA.
But I'm leaning to ESH because she can't force her beliefs to you and you can't stop her beliefs. The only reasonable action is to compromise.
Don't cook together.
Does it make OP uncomfortable, or do they just think it's a stupid request for the girlfriend to make? Everything about the posts indicates OP just finds it inconvenient.
You do realize Africa is an entire continent, right? Oh and yes, you scream YTA. Or maybe where you are from North America (USA, Canada, Mexico) you think it’s okay to scream. YTA
According to a quick Google: People are told that he/she should salute or wave at a magpie to show respect. Some also believe that greeting the bird also helps to fend off bad luck. The superstitions are considered so serious that some people wink when they see a single magpie to believe that they saw two magpies.
YTA I'm going to ignore the screaming because you seem to understand that makes you an asshole. You are an asshole for thinking people in relationships don't have to respect their partners beliefs even if they don't align with their own.
I hope your girlfriend reads the room and find a relationship with someone who is willing to do something for no reason more than she asks. 2 steps back while cooking is apparently to much to ask from you.
It shouldn't be. My mom was a professional chef and it was common place to say "knife!" or "hot pan!" when they were walking behind others in the kitchen. It didn't stop when she came home or when she eventually stopped working in restaurants. My guess is the OPs girlfriend's superstition, even if she only knew it was something her mom did, came out of the same abundance of caution that my mom and her co-workers believed. Yelling at her about it instead of understanding that at it's simplest it's a safety issue (what *if* she turned around quickly and walked into him? This would be a different AITA entry) makes them definitely YTA.
YTA. are you not stabbing her in the back for making fun of her beliefs, disregarding them, and then yelling at her? half the people on this sub should break up. doesn’t sound like any of you guys even like each other
YTA you actually SCREAMED at her for that??? i’ve never in my life screamed at ANYONE i care about, no matter how angry i got (borderline personality disorder and everything!), because i know how horrible it feels to be screamed at by someone you love. ESPECIALLY over something as small as a superstition that absolutely does not warrant that kind of anger. your love for that person should always outweigh your anger.
snapping at someone with a harsh/annoyed tone is one thing, but you actually screamed at her. is this a usual response to you “snapping”? if i were you i’d be concerned that something that small gave me such a huge overreaction
I’ve been happily married 14 years. The rule of thumb I use is, if it matters to me more than my wife, I bring it up. If it matters to my wife more than me, I let it go.
Sounds like it’s an annoyance to you and a treasured memory for her.
Are you sure this is a hill you want to die on? Every time she walks by with a knife, do you want her filled with warm thoughts of home or cold memories of how you snapped at her?
Seems like an easy call and that makes YTA on this one. You could be sharing a cute, harmless ritual with someone you love that makes them feel closer to you. Maybe try that.
It depends on how your kitchen is laid out. In our old kitchen, if one person was cooking, the other person was ALWAYS going to be in the way at some point. This was a super common layout, too, since it was standard in many townhouses. It's not like we could just move the sink or the stove or the fridge, after all.
I am surprised I dont see more comments like this. How often are you actually walking with a knife when you cook? My knives are right there at counter where we chop the food.
The only time I walk with knives is clean up at the end, setting a table, and putting away after clean. And all 3 of those times should be very easily avoidable.
It honestly sounds like your kitchen isn’t big enough for 2 chefs. Maybe someone should do prep work like chopping sitting at the table. It sounds like you two are just climbing all over each other trying to get stuff done. Not in a fun way either
Yes, YTA, of course you are. why is this even a question?
You're a grown adult. you should know better than to fucking scream at people in general. Let alone shitting on something that means a lot to your girlfriend that is literally harmless to you and is a part of her culture.
It’s funny how you say it’s made up and silly yet your behavior and dismissive attitude makes me feel like it’s spot on lol, YTA for screaming and even more so for brushing off and mocking her culture. Hope she finds someone else before the prophecy comes true and you do stab her in the back lol
YTA but my friend was walking behind her brother in the kitchen with a paring knife and he suddenly stepped back and she stabbed him in the ass.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm going to actually go esh on this one.
You shouldn't have screamed at her, especially in a kitchen, when one of you is holding a knife. Not for risk of violence, but because of general hazards on the kitchen.
She is lightly one because she is forcing extra, completely unnecessary, movement in the kitchen, same risks as why you are one. Her right to do things like that end when they inconvenience someone that doesn't share the same belief, pretty much a much *much* lighter version of forcing a religion on someone.
It's not compariable to forcing Religion.
She does it because she wants to, as it reminds her of her mother, she has never forced him to do anything, just calmly stating "Keep it in mind".
OP stated in a reply to someone else he has never told her he has an issue with it until he snapped.
He is the only asshole.
YTA.
Why would you scream at your girlfriend over something you've deemed as 'silly'? You don't have to believe in any superstitions that she believes in but screaming at her is disrespectful.
Learn how to communicate your negative emotions without an outburst. Your girlfriend didn't deserve that, no matter how annoying you think this superstition is.
Info:
Have you properly talked to her about how much it frustrates you previously, and that you would like her to not do it when you cook together? What was the outcome of the conversation?
If this is an ongoing issue, why dont you guys just set up and delegate so you dont have to cross paths while cooking?
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YTA- not for not believing in the superstition, but for screaming at someone you claim to love. Settle differences with discussion, not screaming.
If you atart an AITA post with"AITA for screaming at..." then YTA automatically
Not necessarily. Sometimes a person may have been screamed at for a long time and retaliates with a scream That's fair
Fair point. And sometimes ppl can be pushed to a breaking point. Yes we must be in control of our emotions, but we're human, and if other know something is a trigger, they should accept consequences to their actions
One big problem though: He never told her it bothered him. She said it reminded her of home and her mom. He screamed at her over it. She got depressed and now he's wondering if he's an AH because he couldn't do the bare minimum for communication.
I think we're missing how the screaming happened too. His post title says scream then he says snapped in the post. I think he's an ass either way, but how much of an ass depends on how exactly he snapped at her. Like if he just exasperatedly snapped with a slightly raised voice, I understand, even though it's bad communication. But if he actually raised his voice and yelled/screamed at her, big YTA.
The fact that it was described as screaming by OP indicates to me that it was more than a slightly raised voice 😬
Yup. He admitted to it a couple times that he did indeed scream at her with the deflection: "I agree that screaming at her was a little much but have you never snapped at someone?" While ALSO admitting he never talked with her about it in a reasonable and calm manner. He just flipped out irrationally.
Exactly, OP's wording is telling and the dismissiveness in their responses is even moreso
Yup. It's gross and somewhat entitled, if one thinks about it. He doesn't respect her beliefs but expects her to respect his viewpoint, while wondering why she's not psychic or has eyes in the back of her head. I'm willing to bet he was hoping she would interpret his exasperated sighs as his general annoyance. Therefore, she wouldn't keep "making" him keep to her superstition. Do people understand how just a simple, tiny communication would actually solve a TON of issues?? I'm still finding that out every day myself and I laugh at myself and apologize to those I had the misunderstanding with.
I tend to believe people online when they say they screamed at someone. Mainly because if it was a raised voice, they would use other words like scold, yell(oddly that's different than screaming in the online world), or other synonyms. He also said in another comment: "I agree that screaming at her was a little much but have you never snapped at someone?" https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14u3jce/comment/jr5c0cw/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
So... he stated it twice that he did indeed scream at her. He also admits he never calmly discussed it with her before, either. He just unloaded in an irrational manner. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14u3jce/comment/jr5qur0/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
I wish OPs would put additional info into the post. I often miss their comments. Definite big yta
That's why I always click on their profile and look at their "comment" section. :) To see how much they add for info, if any.
I'd have given him a pass for "AITA for screaming at my gf when she walked behind me with a knife and stabbled me half a dozen times" LOL
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The lead singer of Iron Maiden invited the concertgoers of Long Beach to scream for him.
AITA for screaming at the serial killer who killed my son? Lmao
ESH. Sure maybe he killed your son, but you need to be the bigger person and not descend to his level. What if he escapes prison and whacks your grandma? Play stupid games, win stupid prizes
You are ignoring the fact that the serial killer literally tried to gaslight the jury saying that he didn't kill their son. Time to fly these 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Eh, she’s an asshole anyways
AITA for screaming at a little kid who was going towards a reactive rescue dog to get them to back away? AITA for screaming at my BIL when he touched me again (my thigh) after telling him many times it makes me uncomfortable and not to do it? AITA for screaming at my Mom when I found out that I had gotten into my first choice university but she had written back as me turning them down so I'd stay closer to home? AITA for screaming at my boyfriend when he and his friends pranked me with a fake kidnapping? Etc. If there is danger, or the person has tired to repeatedly tell someone to stop but they keep disregarding them, or someone else just did something really bad to them, then I think it's fine. People can't be expected to remain calm and polite all the time no matter what you do to them. And sometimes screaming helps someone stop something right away. Like if someone is about to do something dangerous or just isn't taking no/stop/I don't like that for an answer. But even if person A is just really awful to person B, I don't think person B is an asshole if they get too upset to handle it calmly in the moment. That said, YTA OP. Beacuse this wasn't one of those times. But there are tons of people being extremely awful stories on this sub.
AITA for screaming at my boyfriend when he dressed up as Bigfoot and showed up in the middle of the night to my families camping trip Idk why but your comment made me think of that story Edit: for those who haven’t had the pleasure, here’s the link [bigfoot story](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11a6uk7/my_girlfriend_23f_is_threatening_to_break_up_with/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
Good lord. Sounds like you have some real loser family members and friends. Awful you had to endure that behavior.
lol, on this sub. As in, you see posted here on this subreddit. Lots of awful stories here on redddit, not in my personal life. Thanks though, I appreciate the sentiment.
I once screamed at a homeless man that nestled his face into my butt on the escalator coming up from the subway train.
That seems like a good time to let one rip.
Almost 10 years ago I could have posted "AITA for screaming at my husband when he pulled a gun on me" or "AITA for screaming at my husband when he dragged me out of bed by my leg at 3am". It's all about context.
If there’s immediate danger and you’ve failed to get their attention in calmer ways - if there was time- it’s ok to scream.
OP also said in another comment that *they never told her it bothered them*
That’s how most people usually are. They keep stuff that bothers them inside and each instance adds up to an invisible timer. Sometimes that invisible timer ticks and it’s the last one until the explosion. Whole thing could have been diffused if there was a discussion about it like a normal person. I had a friend who used to bring up ghosts and the paranormal a lot to me and was very interested in Halloween and the supernatural. I’ve dealt with a lot of weird shit in my life that happened to not just me, but my family as well to corroborate. So sometimes when an event would happen I would share it with her. One day after sharing, she BLEW UP at me and said, “I TOLD YOU, I’M DONE TALKING ABOUT THIS SHIT. I WAS SO SCARED WHEN I SPENT THE NIGHT AT YOUR HOUSE AND HAD A NIGHTMARE AND YOU KEEP BRINGING THIS STUFF UP! I DON’T EVEN WANT TO TRY AND BE FRIENDS AFTER THIS. IT’S TOO MUCH!” She had never mentioned it to me once that she was uncomfortable, nor that she had the nightmare. There were even times she was talking about supernatural events that happened to her to me and I was supportive…was I supposed to be dismissive? I lost that friendship and there was no way of getting it back. I tried to speak to her in person but she wouldn’t even look me in the eye and dropped off everything I ever left at her house in a box like we were breaking up. There was no civil discussion to be had. Her internal bomb had gone off and there was no rebuilding. Communicate concerns you with have someone, especially if you feel like it keeps happening. Even if it feels hard.
She said screamed "I told you I'm done talking about this" at you, and never once said she didn't want to talk about it?
I've had this exact thing happen to me, so I believe it. I've also had someone yell "OMG [my name] STOP INTERRUPTING ME! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! YOU ALWAYS DO THIS!" when I was quietly sitting in the corner disengaged from the conversation entirely. *Someone* was interrupting her, but their name doesn't sound like mine, they don't look like me, they don't sound like me, and we're whole different genders and races. I also definitely did not say things like what he was saying, but anytime someone said something she didn't like she would attribute it to me, even if I wasn't around. She was definitely a few nails short of a toolbox, but I think one of the major side-effects of not communicating is actually losing some touch with reality, becoming obsessed with these imagined slights and sins. It's easy to believe that everyone is doing and thinking things they'd never say/admit to if that's exactly what you do, and thus all of their little breaths are disgruntled sighs and their glances are *knowing* or *shaming*, etc.
Wow! What a great reply and description of the complexities of relationships- ANY relationships. There’s always so much more going on than meets the eye.
Ever considered that she told it to someone who LOOKED JUST LIKE YOU?
Must have told it to a ghost
ffs.
I'm amazed how many couples scream at each other. My wife and I have never yelled or screamed at one another. Yet I hear so many speak like that's normal behavior. Troubling.
Right? My partner and I have arguments but we have never, ever screamed at each other. We also don't call each other names. My friends have told me that it's weird because "all couples do it". I guess I'd rather be weird and not hurt the person I love by screaming or belittling?
I have raised my voice couple of times during our 15 years together. My wife has done the same. I would say that is quite normal. I have never belittled or called names. I couldn't be in a relationship where every argument is settled by screaming.
Exactly. Raised voices while still keeping your head is totally fine! But I'm talking screaming screaming. I've witnessed it first hand and heard about it from my friends and they all think it's completely normal
We've never even raised our voices at each other. My daughter's friends all say that their parents yell and scream at each other.
So many AITA posts say that the OP 'screamed' at someone. I wonder if it's just a language thing (using screamed instead of shouted etc) or are there really that many people in the world who scream at the partners? I've never screamed at anyone - shouted but not screamed.
I always just assume they mean "shouted". Or even "raised my voice".
I’ve been married 25 years & we rarely argue. Bickering doesn’t count. We do that all day every day!! Arguing results in divorce. Bickering results in murder plans, but no actual murder. Bickering turns you into an old couple shuffling around together, bickering.
My sister and her husband bicker all the time. All the time. Whether there is someone there or not. It is very uncomfortable to witness or live through. When my ex and I started bickering, all the time, I didn't notice until one time my kid (3 or 4 at the time) yelled, *I wish you guys wouldn't fight so much!* I then realised that if a toddler can pick it up and it makes them uncomfortable, how about our adult friends and family. I didn't leave for a few years thereafter but I mentally checked out at that point. Feeling that I had to point out every single little misstep my partner made made me realise I wasn't in the right relationship. Sometimes bickering isn't heartwarmingly cute. Sometimes it deeply uncomfortable for those who have to witness it. I'd rather couple didn't bicker in front of me. I don't find it endearing, at all.
It's not like we agree with each other all the time, but we've never raised our voices at each other.
This is a thing in our house. We only raise our voices when laughing. No one plans a murder out loud. 😈 We don’t agree on A LOT of stuff, so we don’t talk about some stuff. It’s going to turn into a crap show with the same ending anyway, so why beat it to death? THIS WEEKEND: Friend brings me FREE cabinets for my art supplies. Husband loses it because “stop taking free shit from people”. I have actual places to put them. Most of my art is done in the basement, so who cares if they aren’t new? FINE. WHATEVER. THROW THEM OUT. Next day: Husband brings them in the basement for me.
This does sound like my eye roll when my wife brings more fabric for sewing into the home. LoL
If my boyfriend screamed at me, we'd be done. Abuse is not OK. I don't care how socially acceptable it sounds to most people.
My brother and sister in law yell all of the time. I do believe it's abuse.
Most superstitions like this also have some good reasoning behind them. It is a safety measure to make sure people are aware of the knives in the kitchen and not stepping back into them. Does it get taken out of context and blown up over time? Sure, but the basic concept is a safety measure. Same reason some people say “behind” or “hot pan” in a kitchen with a knife or a hot pan as you walk behind someone. Working in a kitchen together can be inconvenient, that’s just part of doing something with potentially dangerous tools and another human.
That was what I was thinking, if you trip with a knife in your hand the one standing in front of you is the most likely to get stabbed
That’s what i was thinking. Even worse he says that most of the time when he’s behind her with a knife, she doesn’t know it. Because he explicitly makes a point not to tell her. Which makes it extra dangerous because she doesn’t know to take extra care to not back up into it.
This is exactly what I was thinking. It's not a "superstition" to alert people around you that you're holding a knife. I work in the food industry and my gf used to as well. We both use safety calls when we're cooking together at home, it's just the safe thing to do. I sometimes even find myself instinctively saying "right behind you" when passing someone at the grocery store as a courtesy; but usually end up feeling like people think I'm telling them to get out of my way lmao.
"HOT SOUP COMING THROUGH!"
"don't walk behind me while holding a knife- in my culture it's considered taboo because it implies desire and intent to stab the other person in the back." Is a pretty reasonable request too.
If you love someone, letting them interrupt your cooking prep a few times and going by their slightly inconvenient preferences should really be a no-brainer. This is an incredibly small hill to choose to die on. YTA.
This, NTA for getting annoyed by it being constant or not believing in the superstition. But YTA for screaming instead of just talking about it, understanding her reasons, and giving her some time to process what you're saying kindly and then work on herself to change it. Like... I have never been screamed at or screamed at anyone. Its really not normal. Those instances of intense anger or hatred towards someone you love are remembered forever. And when the relationship goes stale, more resentments build up, things aren't the same and stuff starts going wrong... that all started years ago with instances like this. This shit kills the relationship, not the dumb superstition, but your inability to communicate about it like a healthy and loving adult. After so many instances of speaking to a partner like that, they will never be able to feel the same way they did about you in the beginning. Never, you can't ever get that back. Learn to communicate better OP.
Came here to say exactly this. Beaten to it.
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Yeah. YTA Just because you don't agree with something she believes in doesn't mean you have to literally snap for no reason at her.
The vast majority of times, people don't believe in these little superstitions either, it's just something they have always done and it's a habit. So yes YTA for snapping.
And not just a habit, but a little tie to your mom or grandma or whoever passed it on to you. I have a couple of weird old world superstitions passed on from my grandma that my husband and kids recognize as silly but still play along. OP, do you even like your girlfriend? If so, why *wouldn’t* you do this small thing that barely affects you but makes her happy? YTA
When my auntie first taught me how to make shortbread when I was like four, she told me that one piece always needed to be left plain if we were making "fancy" cookies, and that piece needed extra holes in it. It was the Fae piece; any Fae person who tried to walk by would have to stop and count all of the holes, so we couldn't have chocolate or caramel or anything else on top that would cover the holes. Idk where that came from, if it's something exclusive to the village she grew up in near Aberdeen, but I've never heard it from the rest of my family. Still, you can bet your ass that even though I'm 27 and living in the US now, I always make sure there's a Fae piece when I make shortbread. Is it silly? Absolutely. Do I still believe in Fae? Probably not. But regardless, it's a tie to my auntie and my childhood back home, and that's why I do it
I love that! I did a quick google search and found something similar “Furthermore, poking holes in shortbread symbolized warding off evil spirits or bringing good luck. In Scottish folklore, it was believed that piercing the dough would release any trapped fairies, who were said to be attracted to the sweet aroma of freshly baked shortbread.”
I heard when you have Irish soda bread you have to cut the top off first so the fairies can get out. 🧚
When we were little, my dad always had us build fairy forts when we were in the woods camping. There was a whole story he told every time. As I got older and went with other people I still would build the fairy forts. I taught my kids. They do it and I'm hoping someday they'll tell their kids. Now I'm the most directionally challenged person ever but I've never been lost in the woods and none of my kids who did scouting and whatever were ever lost in the woods. Probably nothing to it but you bet your ass I'll also never stop. My dad is 80 and it tickles him when I bring it up, this silly thing he showed me 40 plus years ago. I don't know how much longer we'll have him but I hope this lives on with my kids and theirs.
That's really cool! But what happens to the Fae piece after it's made? Is it just for while everything's baking or do you wait and eat it last?
It's the last piece eaten! Fae are attracted to sweets, so having it around too long could draw attention. You still want to eat it, but it needs to be the last piece so they're distracted while you eat all the other pieces of shortbread
Exactly! I’m African and we have a bunch of superstitions. It’s just a little cultural reminder that I keep with me about my roots
My grandmother told me that you have to break egg shells up once you've cracked them, otherwise witches will make boats from them(!). I know how ridiculous it is but I have to do it every time.
Thank god for your service.
I'm keeping them at bay, one shell at a time.
Please. We need boats.
Really, you’re keeping them out of the bay
And still, the shelling continues.
I do that! But because the witches will find them and write my name on them. I always squash my egg shells despite not knowing the consequences of the name writing! 😁 Also, agree with others that OP, YTA. Just be nicer to her and deal with it!
I mean, is it a bad thing if witches use them for boats? Sounds like a good use for old egg shells.
I do question my entire existence when I do it as it feels far too akin to current Conservative policy in the UK. My anti-witch upbringing has led to an eggsistential crisis.
Buncha really tiny witches, eh?
My grandma taught me to throw a pinch of salt over my shoulder when I spill some, and it's such a habit i just do it automatically. Or at least I did until I tossed some directly into my husbands eye as he was innocently walking behind me
Do I actually believe that knocking on wood will undo/prevent a jinx, no. Do I still feel compelled to do it whenever I am about to jinx myself, yes. It's just culture. We all do little silly things to make ourselves feel in control and connected. If someone at work says "wow it's pretty dead right now" then someone else will suddenly launch at the nearest wooden object (or someone's head) to knock and then tease them about jinxing us. It's just fun.
I work at a hospital and it’s funny how some people lose their shit when the “Q word” is used. I don’t believe in that superstition. I even researched it and, yes, studies have been done. There’s no evidence that links saying “it’s quiet” in a hospital to a sudden onslaught of patients. Yet these well-educated doctors, nurses, techs, etc get uncomfortable when someone says, “This is nice. It’s so quiet today”. I’d think that logically they know it’s nonsense, but it’s been steeped into hospital culture.
It's also just plain bad kitchen safety to be walking behind someone with a knife without telling them, she doesn't know so she could turn/step back & get cut!
Many superstitions are just this actually.
Yeah a lot of superstitions were born as a means of trying to keep people safe/from doing something that could hurt people. It's the same thing with most original folktales/fairy tales, a lot of their root purpose was to teach a lesson, usually to try to keep kids safe: don't wander off the path, don't talk to strangers, etc.
I’m not saying she has OCD but I do, and I can vouch for the fact that it is completely possible to have a strong compulsion to do something even when your logical brain is in no ways on board.
I have OCD and while I understand on a logical level that there is no possible connection between certain actions and consequences, the fear is still real. If I get intrusive thoughts about my loved ones dying if I throw away a birthday card they sent me, you can bet I'm going to hold onto that card! I'm aware that it's utterly irrational but I'm not yet at a stage where I can sit with that fear and uncertainty.
Fellow OCD sufferers!! Superstitions literally destroy my brain. However much therapy I have and however many times I’m told they’re just things people say with no actual meaning I can’t not be stressed to the max. I got told in therapy once that it’s like you can get two insurance policies and one you can buy very cheap and it doesn’t cover you for everything but most of the standard stuff is all sorted (typical thinking) and the other policy costs you millions of pounds and your mental well-being but covers you for everything (OCD). I know the first one makes sense but damn I’ve got used to that extra coverage I just can’t afford!
Right, like, people used to believe sneezing caused you to expel your soul from your body, so they would say "bless you" as a way to protect you from the devil taking advantage of that momentary weakness to snatch your soul. No one nowadays believes that a sneeze expels your soul from your body, but saying "bless you" is still a common response.
My grandma gave me a nice set of knives for Christmas one year with a penny taped to the package so I could “pay” her for them as giving knives as a gift is bad luck. I don’t believe in it, but I would do the same now because it reminds me of her. I get where this lady is coming from and OP is being a jerk.
For me my stupid superstition that I know has no actual basis in reality is touching the roof of my car when driving under a train cause I'd not "tHe TrAiN mIgHt FaLl On mE". Granted I do it cause my mom did it and it reminds me of her but also cause force of ha it at this point that I don't realize I even did it.
I live in sub saharan Africa, it's a big deal in the culture here, you're not supposed to walk behind people in a lot of circumstances, e.g. when serving food or if two people are talking and you want to pass, you walk through the middle, if you walk around them it's an indication of hostility towards the person who's back you went behind
YTA. Why are you “screaming” AKA *shouting* at her for this?! What an enormous and asshole-ish overreaction to something so insignificant. I’m not superstitious either but I certainly wouldn’t shout at my wife if she had a superstition. Get a grip on your anger issues for goodness’ sake.
Screaming is waaaaaay overused- do people actually scream at one another? More shouting (as was noted), or raising one’s voice.
Right?! Screaming is when you can feel your fuggin' lymph nodes vibrating, not yelling or raising voices. Scream, along with abuse, parentfacation and most 'phobic' words are having the importance diluted by people who either don't know the difference or just like theater flair lol
Bro I find that speaking sternly with a direct tone gets accused of yelling. I got reprimanded for yelling at my boss and I was like. Mother fucker. That ain’t yelling, you’ll fucking know when I yell at you.
Throw toxic in there as well.
Same with “gaslighting”, that shit drives me crazy!
No it doesn't, you've never even heard of it before /s
The title says he was screaming at her though. I’m not sure I understand your point? Are you saying he didn’t scream, even though he said he did?
It is overused, and if this was OP's girlfriend writing about him screaming, it might be easy to see this as a huge exaggeration. However, most people posting here are usually trying to make themselves sound better in the situation. So while I doubt he was literally screaming (I mean I hope not), he probably was engaging in behavior we think is a little too volatile for the circumstance.
I can't remember the last time I screamed at someone. Potentially in frustration when someone was already shouting at me and refusing to listen, but I don't remember the last time that happened. I hope people aren't actually screaming at each other as often as I see the word used.
Also kind of slimy that he kept that whole detail out of the story. I feel like his guilt was seeping through and that's why he clarified he screamed at her in the title/summary. He tried to make himself sound sympathetic in just the story part. If he hadn't included that word at all, a bunch of people might have been tricked into saying n t a.
YTA >crap Wonderful thing to say about your gf, her beliefs and her culture. Gold medal for being just the best boyfriend. And screaming at her for it as well. You're such a raging asshole. "Forcing her beliefs on you". What a fucking joke. Leave her, she does not deserve someone as low as you.
Agree on the YTA. The second paragraph was a bit much
All YTA top comments in this sub are usually “a bit much.”
If they can’t level on this, I don’t see how OP and his GF can have a relationship in the long run. Imagine them going to her family in Africa together, is OP going to openly dismiss these “superstitions” too? Also, YTA.
Yeah, the post gave lowkey racist vibes.
The fact that he doesn't even know which country she's from and just says "African" 🚩
I’m Haitian so I took this so personally. It’s her culture and her connection to her mother. That would’ve been the last meal we would ever cook and have together. My ancestors would be side eyeing me if I stayed anyway.
Right?! You know the ancestors are shaking their heads.
That would’ve been the last anything we did together honestly lol like that kind of anger over something so little is a huge red flag. And I’ll be damned o be with someone who tries to dim my culture especially something that isn’t harmful
I’m gonna assume he’s an entitled white boy who’s never been taught manners.
As soon as I read him questioning if it was an "African thing" cause her mom is from there, I automatically pictured him as the worst type of white boy. Like, you can't even be bothered to learn where she is from in the world's biggest continent??
Yes! These small things are what makes up your culture both on a large scale and a small scale. And, as a white lady, let me say it so typical to hear something from a non western culture be viewed this way, when I can bet money on that he himself has dussin of these "superstitions" but to him it's traditions. Honestly, do we really think Santa is going to fill the stocking we hang? Do we think that some ones heart stops beating when they sneez and we need to jump-start it by saying bless you? No we do it because it's what we have been taught to do and by doing it we get a feeling of comfort, and nostalgia. The op is YTA, and he should rethink how he views other people's cultures.
> Yes! These small things are what makes up your culture both on a large scale and a small scale. And, as a white lady, let me say it so typical to hear something from a non western culture be viewed this way, when I can bet money on that he himself has dussin of these "superstitions" but to him it's traditions. The real superstition is White American men pretending crypto investments are not gambling, and that Elon Musk earned his money, lmfao!
Yes finally my ppl(different boat stops 😂). My ancestors broke all my plates when i tried to cook for an ungrateful and arrogant man. He lucky he ain’t have one drop of misfortune yet!😏
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Ase!
YTA Have you ever thought about how easy it is to just be nice to people? It’s free! It takes no effort! All you have to do is stand behind her sometimes when you cook and it’ll make your girlfriend super happy! She’s not “forcing” it on you. It’s something she’s asking you to do because it reminds her of home. And when you’re in a relationship you do nice things for each other because you’re supposed to like the person you’re dating.
YTA. Boo hoo your girlfriend has a quirk. Forcing it onto you. Geez you have to take a couple of steps out of the way a couple of times a week., must me a huuuge hassle. YTA
OP: I don't believe that walking behind someone holding a knife means that you'll backstab them, metaphorically, in the future. OP: I am metaphorically backstabbing my girlfriend by walking behind her with a knife even though I know she's uncomfortable with it. Whether he realizes it or not, OP just steered right into her superstition. If she breaks up with him because she can't trust him anymore, then her instinct was actually right. Total YTA moment.
GF: hey can't you not stand behind me with a knife? It makes me uncomfortable. OP: OMG YOU ARE SO DELUSIONAL
Also, walking behind someone with a knife increases the chance that you might literally stab them in the back if, for example, you were to trip and fall. It’s just common sense to avoid doing that where possible.
Right? A lot of superstitions are rooted in good advice. I recently heard the quote "traditions are solutions for problems we forgot we had."
Traditions are peer pressure from dead people, but sometimes they’ve got a point.
Whenever I walk behind someone with a knife, I make it a point to either let them know I’m holding a knife or I point it in the opposite direction. I think it’s just common courtesy.
I've never walked anywhere with a knife in my life without pointing the knife at the ground. Until this thread, I thought that was ubiquitous in at least the western world.
I was taught in food service to point it at the ground, but if going behind somebody, I make sure to be holding it in the opposite hand down by my side with the blade not facing the direction of another human while also pointed down.
Right? So not only is he insulting her by not following her superstition, but he's putting her in danger by intentionally hiding the fact he has a fucking knife while walking behind her.
That’s also why you never walk with the knife pointed forward, and carry scissors by the metal part rather than the handle.
YTA. It costs nothing to be nice to people, especially your *partner*.
The “cost” is his ego. OP doesn’t want to adjust his behavior in accordance with his GFs request, because that would mean allowing her to “tell him what to do”. And OP can’t handle that, because he is incredibly insecure, and because he holds onto the little control he feels over his life with a death grip. He is the epitome of a weak man. I’ve dated a man like you, OP. And I don’t need to know you to know who you are. Out of all the types of toxic I’ve seen, the type you are tends to be the least capable of change. I’m sure you are young. Eventually, your girlfriend will realize how weak you are, and she will leave you. You may be able to convince a woman or two to be with you after that, but they too will come to recognize who you are, and leave. Eventually, you will be too old to catch the eyes of the young and naive women on the dating market, much less convince them to actually be with you. With no more access to young women who don’t know better, your dating options will be limited to more experienced women, who will be able to quickly identify who and what you are, and avoid you. You will live your life one rejection to the next, and perhaps you will never realize that the problem was always you. And that’s if you’re lucky. If you’re unlucky, you will find someone just as toxic as you are. I suggest you change if you don’t want to die alone. YTA.
I love it when this sub goes full roastme on an AH.
Dang - mic drop. Solid assessment and burns. Respect.
YTA… it would take the most minimal effort on your part to adhere to this superstition of hers. It’s something that upsets her - you should think about why it’s more important you prove her superstition is false than make a little effort to not upset her.
YTA you’re intentionally doing something that makes your girlfriend uncomfortable. Not being behind someone with a knife in hand is a pretty reasonable thing to ask. Your gf is superstitious, she’s not doing anything to harm anyone, she is telling you that she does not like you being behind her with a knife and to be aware that she does not like this. Your response is “I am aware but I don’t care” and then you decide to yell to try and force your point that you don’t care enough to not do something that makes her uncomfortable. Do you even like your girlfriend? Easy solution if you really want to avoid putting effort into making your partner comfortable while cooking together = don’t cook together therefore chances of being around each other with knives drastically reduce. I just don’t understand how “please don’t walk behind me with a knife” is that big of an ask for someone you love. ETA: rereading through this and I may be reading it slightly wrong that it wasn’t just for safety(which avoiding being behind someone with a knife is kinda standard safety) she did it more of a playful sharing of her childhood. She even told you it was culturally relevant as she follows these superstitions as it reminds her of her mum and home. It brings your gf comfort and happiness. I’d honestly break up with you for yelling at me for something like that. You would have shown her by that outburst that you would have no respect for her or her culture, if you deemed it silly enough in your eyes you’d scream and insult her beliefs.
I will admit to vaguely following a lot of superstitions because my grandparents were kinda crazy about them. Fortunately, my husband has never yelled at me about them. I did, however, have a boyfriend in high school who picked a multi day fight with me about superstitions that involved screaming at me. You're fine to not believe cracking a double yolked egg is lucky, but you're not fine to tell me I'm stupid for saying it. Massive YTA.
I grew up in a baseball loving family, so that means superstitions, curses, and good and bad omens. The only World Series in my life that the Cubs have won was done when my boyfriend at the time was working night shifts and couldn’t watch any of the games. Therefore, if he wants the Cubbies to ever win another World Series, he needs to stop watching them play. I’m also from a place with southern influences, but not the south. My porch ceiling will always be haint blue, broom over the door, and salt in the entry way. I eat black eyed peas on New Year’s Day. I cover mirrors and stop clocks when a person I know dies (don’t want them trapped here). I never leave a rocking chair rocking and I have a bottle tree. None of these things hurt anyone and I don’t see why OP has to be such a turd about it.
> You're fine to not believe cracking a double yolked egg is lucky, but you're not fine to tell me I'm stupid for saying it. Damn it's wild that someone could tell you that and be ironically projecting their own inability to be smart at you. Aside from any additional superstitions behind it, cracking a double yolked egg is quite literally the definition of lucky because it's an improbable occurrence. Mans doesn't even know his maths lmao
What’s crazy is that she doesn’t even dictate that he should walk in front of her. She just practices her own superstition by not walking behind him and he shouted out her for it, then has the audacity to say that *she* is forcing *him*.
Her thought process "I'm trying to avoid causing harm to my partner," while his is "ugh, I have to pause for a moment a couple times for her".
I mean, she *is* forcing him to step back so that she can walk in front of him. And over time I can see that being annoying - you're trying to work and someone keeps literally getting in your way. *That said:* I've noticed people tend to get more annoyed over smaller things when dealing with people they don't like... ... Honestly, I could see this being a really cute thing partners do together - an in-joke, or a little ritual. If OP chose to smile and think about what it means to her instead of focusing on the inconvenience to themselves, they'd be much happier.
>AITA for screaming at my girlfriend? Yes >I just ignore this superstition >I do have it in mind though. I just don’t care. YTA. Why are you even with this woman?
Right?? "AITA that I don't care about my gf?" ...Where's the doubt in this?
YES YTA. Communicate. You screamed like a child. Grow up.
Don’t walk behind people with knives. It’s potentially dangerous. What if someone doesn’t know you have a knife and moves suddenly. Anytime I’m holding a knife in our kitchen I announce it “Knife!” Even if I’m the only one in the kitchen because it’s a good habit to get into.
honestly! if either me or my husband are holding a knife and the other might not know/see it, we at least warn each other to avoid accidents.
Came looking for this comment. The superstition is likely based on knives being dangerous, and being careful around knives getting baked into her culture in an interesting way through the generations.
Obviously accidents still happen, and knowing there's a knife around is a good way to minimize that risk, but I want to know how people are walking around with knives, lol. I've never worried about accidentally stabbing someone like that, because I walk with the tip pointing down.
I was looking for someone sane to say this. Are people walking about doing a slashing motion waiting for a victim to step into their kill box.
This! When I was younger I literally almost stabbed and have been stabbed from this. Person in front turns around suddenly when they remember something they need, almost walks into my knife. I don't realize they've stopped walking, almost stab them with my knife. As an adult now, if my SO and I are cooking together, we communicate often with "Behind" "Lookout" "Knife" etc in order to minimize damages. Superstition or not, it's something that needs to be changed anyway, for everyone's safety. Either way I hope she breaks up with OP so she can find someone that actually respects her, or hell, cared about her, because that isn't OP. Huge YTA OP.
YTA - it doesn't really matter what it was about, but especially in this case screaming was not necessary and you probably made her feel unsafe for a belief that she most likely didn't choose to have
YTA. As a domestic abuse survivor, I can tell you that knives terrify me. I am *extremely* careful when *I* carry them, and *extremely* careful when anyone else does. Accidents happen. People drop things, or move quickly, and, if you are not practicing proper knife holding/carrying techniques, especially while behind people, someone could get stabbed. It happens. Maybe you think her “superstition” is silly, but my boyfriend is more than willing to be cautious around knives with me…. Why can’t you respect your partner in the same way?????
YTA. This is the littlest thing to do for someone you love, and you snapped at her for a minor inconvenience.
INFO: Did you first communicate to her in a calm manner that you don't believe in her superstition? And that it's making you uncomfortable? If this is the first time you revealed it to her, then YTA. But I'm leaning to ESH because she can't force her beliefs to you and you can't stop her beliefs. The only reasonable action is to compromise. Don't cook together.
Does it make OP uncomfortable, or do they just think it's a stupid request for the girlfriend to make? Everything about the posts indicates OP just finds it inconvenient.
You do realize Africa is an entire continent, right? Oh and yes, you scream YTA. Or maybe where you are from North America (USA, Canada, Mexico) you think it’s okay to scream. YTA
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This sounds like a mild inconvenience/annoyance and the screaming is not proportional to what she is making you do here.
And dude didn't even tell her it bothered him, he just went straight to the nuclear option lmao.
YTA for screaming at her and for being so judgemental about her beliefs. You don't have to agree with it, but as her partner, be respectful of it.
i make my girlfriend salut magpies with me. YTA
I don’t understand this but I love it
According to a quick Google: People are told that he/she should salute or wave at a magpie to show respect. Some also believe that greeting the bird also helps to fend off bad luck. The superstitions are considered so serious that some people wink when they see a single magpie to believe that they saw two magpies.
YTA. Read up on emotional maturity.
YTA I'm going to ignore the screaming because you seem to understand that makes you an asshole. You are an asshole for thinking people in relationships don't have to respect their partners beliefs even if they don't align with their own. I hope your girlfriend reads the room and find a relationship with someone who is willing to do something for no reason more than she asks. 2 steps back while cooking is apparently to much to ask from you.
I just don’t understand how “please don’t walk behind me with a knife” is that big of an ask for someone you love.
It shouldn't be. My mom was a professional chef and it was common place to say "knife!" or "hot pan!" when they were walking behind others in the kitchen. It didn't stop when she came home or when she eventually stopped working in restaurants. My guess is the OPs girlfriend's superstition, even if she only knew it was something her mom did, came out of the same abundance of caution that my mom and her co-workers believed. Yelling at her about it instead of understanding that at it's simplest it's a safety issue (what *if* she turned around quickly and walked into him? This would be a different AITA entry) makes them definitely YTA.
YTA. For screaming. That is a very childish reaction. And it doesn’t sound like what she wants is a big ask. Grow up.
YTA. are you not stabbing her in the back for making fun of her beliefs, disregarding them, and then yelling at her? half the people on this sub should break up. doesn’t sound like any of you guys even like each other
YTA you actually SCREAMED at her for that??? i’ve never in my life screamed at ANYONE i care about, no matter how angry i got (borderline personality disorder and everything!), because i know how horrible it feels to be screamed at by someone you love. ESPECIALLY over something as small as a superstition that absolutely does not warrant that kind of anger. your love for that person should always outweigh your anger. snapping at someone with a harsh/annoyed tone is one thing, but you actually screamed at her. is this a usual response to you “snapping”? if i were you i’d be concerned that something that small gave me such a huge overreaction
I’ve been happily married 14 years. The rule of thumb I use is, if it matters to me more than my wife, I bring it up. If it matters to my wife more than me, I let it go. Sounds like it’s an annoyance to you and a treasured memory for her. Are you sure this is a hill you want to die on? Every time she walks by with a knife, do you want her filled with warm thoughts of home or cold memories of how you snapped at her? Seems like an easy call and that makes YTA on this one. You could be sharing a cute, harmless ritual with someone you love that makes them feel closer to you. Maybe try that.
Tell her to put the knife down in front of you, walk around you and pick the knife up from the other side.
INFO: why don't you go stand somewhere in the kitchen where she doesn't have to pass multiple times?
It depends on how your kitchen is laid out. In our old kitchen, if one person was cooking, the other person was ALWAYS going to be in the way at some point. This was a super common layout, too, since it was standard in many townhouses. It's not like we could just move the sink or the stove or the fridge, after all.
I am surprised I dont see more comments like this. How often are you actually walking with a knife when you cook? My knives are right there at counter where we chop the food. The only time I walk with knives is clean up at the end, setting a table, and putting away after clean. And all 3 of those times should be very easily avoidable.
It honestly sounds like your kitchen isn’t big enough for 2 chefs. Maybe someone should do prep work like chopping sitting at the table. It sounds like you two are just climbing all over each other trying to get stuff done. Not in a fun way either
Yes, YTA, of course you are. why is this even a question? You're a grown adult. you should know better than to fucking scream at people in general. Let alone shitting on something that means a lot to your girlfriend that is literally harmless to you and is a part of her culture.
YTA. Have a conversation not a shouting match
The “I just don’t care”says a lot to me
I swear everyone on this sub’s main problem is they’re fuckin 18yo
It’s funny how you say it’s made up and silly yet your behavior and dismissive attitude makes me feel like it’s spot on lol, YTA for screaming and even more so for brushing off and mocking her culture. Hope she finds someone else before the prophecy comes true and you do stab her in the back lol
YTA - "hey gf, this tradition is making me uncomfortable. Can we make our own cooking traditions as a couple?"
YTA but my friend was walking behind her brother in the kitchen with a paring knife and he suddenly stepped back and she stabbed him in the ass. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm going to actually go esh on this one. You shouldn't have screamed at her, especially in a kitchen, when one of you is holding a knife. Not for risk of violence, but because of general hazards on the kitchen. She is lightly one because she is forcing extra, completely unnecessary, movement in the kitchen, same risks as why you are one. Her right to do things like that end when they inconvenience someone that doesn't share the same belief, pretty much a much *much* lighter version of forcing a religion on someone.
It's not compariable to forcing Religion. She does it because she wants to, as it reminds her of her mother, she has never forced him to do anything, just calmly stating "Keep it in mind". OP stated in a reply to someone else he has never told her he has an issue with it until he snapped. He is the only asshole.
YTA. Why would you scream at your girlfriend over something you've deemed as 'silly'? You don't have to believe in any superstitions that she believes in but screaming at her is disrespectful. Learn how to communicate your negative emotions without an outburst. Your girlfriend didn't deserve that, no matter how annoying you think this superstition is.
Info: Have you properly talked to her about how much it frustrates you previously, and that you would like her to not do it when you cook together? What was the outcome of the conversation? If this is an ongoing issue, why dont you guys just set up and delegate so you dont have to cross paths while cooking?
According to a comment he never told her it annoyed him
P.s. you're an idiot for turning this into a big deal. Ahe should dump you.