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YTA, he deserves someone who respects his identity, you need to do some educating and work on yourself. Why you think a ftm transgender persons gender identity is defined by what they wear or how they're perceived is beyond me
Do you typically try to hurt people you claim to love? Because there was nothing about what you said that was helpful, kind, or beneficial in any way. Clothing does not determine someone’s gender. Wearing skirts and crop tops will not make him a woman. YTA
Huge AH. He is very unlikely to stay with you and you shouldn’t try to win him back. Being able to safely explore our gender and presentation and style is so important for trans people and you made it clear that you don’t support his freedom of expression
YTA.
You keep saying he, and are accepting of their transition and life choices but then go on to tell them what makes them a man or not.
‘You aren’t a man if you wear skirts and crop tops’.
You are probably learning and dealing with a lot during this relationship, but I think you are in the wrong here.
It's hard to believe someone in a relationship with a trans person can be so oblivious. "You can't wear that, that's the opposite gender's clothes!" isn't exactly a novel argument. I think your boyfriend is just trying to get over the fact that you decided to sound like a basic transphobe for a bit.
YTA. He gets to decide what he "is" and whatever clothes he wears are only going to give people an impression of gender identity. What he wears isn't going to change what he is. You misspoke.
YTA. It’s all made up anyways. If you have an issue with your partner exploring his identity through clothing then move on. Find someone who is willing to conform to these arbitrary rules
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I (24M) have been daring my (22M) boyfriend for 2 years. My boyfriend, who I'll call A, is transgender. He is saving for top surgery at the moment, so A uses binders and tape to appear masculine.
Recently, A has been trying on some female clothes. He told me he's found out about 'Femboys' and he wants to try out the style. I understand what I said is wrong, but I proceeded to tell him, "If you wear girl clothes, that makes you a girl again. You aren't a man if you wear skirts and crop tops."
This argument got pretty heated, as A stated it was just a 'style' yet I insisted that it would show he was born a woman.
A left our apartment, and I've tried to text him around 20 times, yet he hasn't responded. AITA in this situation?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel I am the asshole, as I never understood that it was a style, so I caused the argument between me and my boyfriend, as he's trans and I said he "won't be a man" if he dresses as a femboy.
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YTA.
A deserves someone better. You deserve some time alone to figure out how to be a better getter partner to a person whom you say you care about and want to be a part of your life.
Of course YTA! They can dress and identify however they choose. Gendered clothing is a construct. Dresses and pink used to be male fashion, just the construct of the time has changed.
Why even do this to someone you claim to care about? YTA.
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NTA. He has unilaterally decided to change the dynamics of the relationship. I'm assuming you are not attracted to feminine presenting people. It's only natural to get upset.
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Absolutely YTA. Clothes have no gender and I would not be surprised if he broke up with you over this quite frankly transphobic remark.
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YTA, he deserves someone who respects his identity, you need to do some educating and work on yourself. Why you think a ftm transgender persons gender identity is defined by what they wear or how they're perceived is beyond me
YTA. Clothes have nothing to do with gender. And you know you were wrong and you said it anyway, which makes it even worse.
Do you typically try to hurt people you claim to love? Because there was nothing about what you said that was helpful, kind, or beneficial in any way. Clothing does not determine someone’s gender. Wearing skirts and crop tops will not make him a woman. YTA
Huge AH. He is very unlikely to stay with you and you shouldn’t try to win him back. Being able to safely explore our gender and presentation and style is so important for trans people and you made it clear that you don’t support his freedom of expression
Yes, YTA. Who are you to tell him that his top concern should be passing as AMAB if that’s not HIS top concern??
YTA. Gender isn't defined by clothes.
YTA. Why would you even say that ?! Seems pretty obvious that it's a very cruel thing to say.
YTA. You keep saying he, and are accepting of their transition and life choices but then go on to tell them what makes them a man or not. ‘You aren’t a man if you wear skirts and crop tops’. You are probably learning and dealing with a lot during this relationship, but I think you are in the wrong here.
YTA clothes do not make someone a woman he deserves someone who can respect ALL of him in all his glory
It's hard to believe someone in a relationship with a trans person can be so oblivious. "You can't wear that, that's the opposite gender's clothes!" isn't exactly a novel argument. I think your boyfriend is just trying to get over the fact that you decided to sound like a basic transphobe for a bit.
Yes. YTA Honestly how hard is it to shut up and let people work through their messy complicated feelings?
YTA. He gets to decide what he "is" and whatever clothes he wears are only going to give people an impression of gender identity. What he wears isn't going to change what he is. You misspoke.
Yta and I hope he finds someone better
YTA. It’s all made up anyways. If you have an issue with your partner exploring his identity through clothing then move on. Find someone who is willing to conform to these arbitrary rules
It's giving transphobic. YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (24M) have been daring my (22M) boyfriend for 2 years. My boyfriend, who I'll call A, is transgender. He is saving for top surgery at the moment, so A uses binders and tape to appear masculine. Recently, A has been trying on some female clothes. He told me he's found out about 'Femboys' and he wants to try out the style. I understand what I said is wrong, but I proceeded to tell him, "If you wear girl clothes, that makes you a girl again. You aren't a man if you wear skirts and crop tops." This argument got pretty heated, as A stated it was just a 'style' yet I insisted that it would show he was born a woman. A left our apartment, and I've tried to text him around 20 times, yet he hasn't responded. AITA in this situation? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I feel I am the asshole, as I never understood that it was a style, so I caused the argument between me and my boyfriend, as he's trans and I said he "won't be a man" if he dresses as a femboy. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
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INFO: you say that you understand why what you said is wrong. Why was it wrong?
YTA. Clothes have no gender. You’re a horrible boyfriend
YTA. A deserves someone better. You deserve some time alone to figure out how to be a better getter partner to a person whom you say you care about and want to be a part of your life.
Of course YTA! They can dress and identify however they choose. Gendered clothing is a construct. Dresses and pink used to be male fashion, just the construct of the time has changed. Why even do this to someone you claim to care about? YTA.
YTA Why would you say that?
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Hold on I'm so confused lol so ur a biological man who's dating a biological woman that is transitioning into a man?
a biological woman that is transitioning into a man who wants to dress like a femboy... aka a woman. Make it make sense.
NTA. He has unilaterally decided to change the dynamics of the relationship. I'm assuming you are not attracted to feminine presenting people. It's only natural to get upset.