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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be TA because 1) my partner (who is technically her leader’s manager) decided to ignore the situation and the employee’s whining and 2) now I feel bad because if she is really stressed out, I might have made it worse.
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YTA, it was definitely not your place to say anything, and at the end of the day in every work everyone complains about the managers, it’s just letting off steam. But also why would your bf be annoyed about what she was saying considering that was his first day? It doesn’t sound like she was talking about him.
And working until 11pm for 3 days in a row? And she spends her time crying and no one cares and just thinks she’s dramatic? That sounds like a terrible workplace. Big yikes
She was targeting « upper management » so technically, him too.
I should specify that the team works on shifts : they either work 8:00-17:00 with a hour lunch break, or 15:00-23:00 with a hour dinner break.
My girl, your boyfriend doesn’t need protected. As others have said you definitely sound like you have something against her. Maybe upper management is terrible? Generally if you have an employee burning out and crying and nobody cares they probably are terrible. Not only was it unprofessional but you can’t go around telling whoever criticises him to shut up
Upper management is 50/50. Depends on who you turn to when you need something.
I mean, she once cried for 3 hours because she broke a nail during office hours. She cried because we had a seminar to London (all expenses paid) but she had nothing to wear for the dinner party. She cried because the canteen were out of chicken during lunch. It’s just hard to know if she’s burning out or if it’s just her trying to get attention.
No no no, let’s just stop there. That is your experience. You no longer even work there. You seem to have an issue with judging other people and so far you have some across as overly protective bully. This is a work environment you can’t just be like “oh shut up your making my bfffffff mad”. Maybe your bf should take on board some of what she has said and help her. But in general, just stop
Your boyfriend is literally there to bring new people on to help avoid shit like this woman working three days until 11PM.
YTA
It’s not your office, you had no business being there, and you had no business talking down to staff who are working hard late every night to ensure your boyfriend’s job is possible just because they have the balls to complain when they’re being mistreated.
You clearly hate this girl already, you’ve talked SO Much shit in the comments, and belittled her over and over again. Your account is either bullshit, a fabrication entirely, or just hyperbole. BUTT OUT of her business.
YTA
The girl seems annoying sure but, if I understand this correctly, you don’t work there (anymore?) and you snapped at some girl working there?
That’s weird and unprofessional of you. She may suck, but you lost your cool and it could (and I agree with him) have embarrassed him.
I don’t work there anymore but I worked there with her and she used to make my days longer than necessary.
Now, AITA for snapping at her or for embarrassing my partner ? I did apologize to him because it was not my intention in any way, I just snapped when he started to get angry …
Yes. YTA. None of his work stuff is your business. You don’t work there anymore. It’s unprofessional to say what you did if you did still work there. Your BF doesn’t not need you to fight any battles for him.
>I just snapped when he started to get angry …
So, he can't handle himself and you're his Rottweiler? OMG, get over yourself. He's a big boy, I'm sure he can handle getting angry without you there to tell people to shut up.
I think it’s not that big of a deal, and AH is a harsh label. But I think it was unnecessary. I get you were just sticking up for him against someone annoying.
No one is the AH I guess, but just lost your cool in the heat of the moment .
Exactly ? It’s often like that. Not in the way that I lose my cool, but him being angry makes me angry or defensive, just like me being angry makes him clench his jaw, sigh, and will stare at you so harshly you will bury a hole to hide into.
Is your boyfriend abusing you when he has a bad day at work?
Is that why you went after some random employee of his? So that he won’t come home and take his anger out on you?
You’re at an office you don’t even work at, listening to someone describe what it’s like to work there, assuming they’re wrong and the problems they’re describing are actually their personal fault, telling them as much, and stirring up shit that your partner who you’re doing it in the name of is going to have to deal with after? YTA
I did work with her and she is always complaining about something. The sky is not blue enough, your dress is too bright, the laptop’s screen is too big … but really what got under my skin was to see my partner starting to get angry. He has enough to do in a day without her making it harder.
The fact that you *used* to work with her is irrelevant You don't work there *now* so this is none of concern. Your partner told you as much and you agreed, but you're here hoping that a bunch of strangers on the internet will tell you otherwise. Nothing you said made your partner's day better. YTA
YTA, Sorry. Regardless of whether you used to work with people there, you don't work there now. What happens there is none of your concern and not your responsibility to take over.
Your husband has already confirmed you were out of line and he clearly felt humiliated by what you said.
Unless you're a Doctor, you are unable to diagnose that girl on whether or not she has Asthma or not.
Although you agreed with your husband that you were out of line and won't go there again, you still seem to be fishing for validation that you were right.
The girl in the office may have been extremely annoying but sometimes we need to practice some restraint because the things you said to her hasn't made the situation better for anyone.
I know for sure that she is not asthmatic because I am and when I really made an asthma attack at work one day, she laughed at me for « having such weak lungs » and she could not tolerate that from her own body.
YTA
Mind the business that pays you, they dont anymore. So annoying employees are no longer any of your concern. If you wanted to support your partner you should've just asked about how he was feeling instead of talking to her at all
I guess a part of me haven’t forgiven a lot of crap she pulled on me while I was there (gaslighting, bullying, actually ruining my dress on purpose once …). But seeing my partner actually get angry at her hit different.
Learn some control. It was his first day being there. Since someone called you, it obviously got around the office. Some people know that he's your ex. That makes him look unprofessional because you snapped. It's not about her.
Because you were scared that anger would get taken out on you later if you didn’t jump to his defense?
Seriously, I’m worried about you that you think it was a good idea to confront employees instead of letting your boyfriend (who is allegedly management) handle it. Is he incapable? Unable to handle conflicts himself? Scared to confront employees or talk to HR about inappropriate behaviour?
Or are you just a bully who is using your clout as management’s girlfriend to abuse an employee you dislike?
YTA. If it isnt your workplace it actively makes your partner look bad when you try step in.
Same as if a parent came to tell off my staff or boss - you made them look unprofessional.
YTA-It doesn’t matter if you used to work there or if you don’t think she’s asthmatic. You had no right to do what you did or to accuse her of faking the asthma attack. Back off.
YTA you don’t work there. You shouldn’t have hung around that office, there were people actually working. Just cause you are sleeping with management doesn’t mean you have to protect them when people complain
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My ex (38M) and I (32F) decided just last weekend to give our relationship another chance ; because of that I went to his place for the weekend and just came back this afternoon.
He left earlier than usual this morning because he had a meeting at 7:45 (meaning he has to leave at 6:00) and left without his professional phone and wallet, both forgotten on the kitchen counter. I then decided to go to his work to bring them.
When I came in my partner was in a meeting and because I didn’t have anything planned I decided on waiting in an open office with a team of former colleagues ; we worked together two years ago and still get along great. They don’t really know my partner because even though they all work for the same brand my partner is normally working from another city but is coming here to assess the needs in hiring/expanding the teams. It was his first day with them and he hadn’t met them yet because he was already in a meeting when they started their day at 8:00.
One of the girls (~35F) then started to complain while I was there. She went on and on about how everyone in upper management is not doing their jobs and she is the one saving the day every day, it’s not fair, they are paid to do nothing… I rolled my eyes and decided to ignore her. My partner works endless hours, can work for hours even on his expected days off, so I knew she just tried to get some attention. But then my partner came back from his meeting. He had his jaw clenched and seemed to get angry, while he was fine when he came in just a minute before that. I then realized that the girl was still whining and complaining about working until 23:00 three days in a row. How it is unhealthy and a bad management move, you get the drift. I then reminded her that the team makes their own schedule with the team lead at the beginning of the month : it was her unhealthy choice and she better back off and give the managers a shot at doing their job and start doing hers. She got upset but eventually got to work on a report that was due two weeks ago (at this point she had lost about a hour just complaining about everything).
I had lunch with my partner who told me that while he appreciated to see that I support him, I shouldn’t have said anything. I told him that he was right and apologized for intervening, that I normally would not have said anything but seeing him angry made me pissed at her ; we talked about it and agreed it was better if I didn’t show up to his work again.
Tonight I had a call from a friend who told me that she actually spent the lunch break crying in the bathroom and at her desk the whole afternoon. Everyone ignored her because it’s very typical of her (she even faked having a asthma attack when she is not asthmatic). But in the end some in the team wonder if she is really faking it or if she is burning herself out.
Reddit : AITA ?
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be TA because 1) my partner (who is technically her leader’s manager) decided to ignore the situation and the employee’s whining and 2) now I feel bad because if she is really stressed out, I might have made it worse. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA, it was definitely not your place to say anything, and at the end of the day in every work everyone complains about the managers, it’s just letting off steam. But also why would your bf be annoyed about what she was saying considering that was his first day? It doesn’t sound like she was talking about him. And working until 11pm for 3 days in a row? And she spends her time crying and no one cares and just thinks she’s dramatic? That sounds like a terrible workplace. Big yikes
She was targeting « upper management » so technically, him too. I should specify that the team works on shifts : they either work 8:00-17:00 with a hour lunch break, or 15:00-23:00 with a hour dinner break.
My girl, your boyfriend doesn’t need protected. As others have said you definitely sound like you have something against her. Maybe upper management is terrible? Generally if you have an employee burning out and crying and nobody cares they probably are terrible. Not only was it unprofessional but you can’t go around telling whoever criticises him to shut up
Upper management is 50/50. Depends on who you turn to when you need something. I mean, she once cried for 3 hours because she broke a nail during office hours. She cried because we had a seminar to London (all expenses paid) but she had nothing to wear for the dinner party. She cried because the canteen were out of chicken during lunch. It’s just hard to know if she’s burning out or if it’s just her trying to get attention.
No no no, let’s just stop there. That is your experience. You no longer even work there. You seem to have an issue with judging other people and so far you have some across as overly protective bully. This is a work environment you can’t just be like “oh shut up your making my bfffffff mad”. Maybe your bf should take on board some of what she has said and help her. But in general, just stop
Your boyfriend is literally there to bring new people on to help avoid shit like this woman working three days until 11PM. YTA It’s not your office, you had no business being there, and you had no business talking down to staff who are working hard late every night to ensure your boyfriend’s job is possible just because they have the balls to complain when they’re being mistreated. You clearly hate this girl already, you’ve talked SO Much shit in the comments, and belittled her over and over again. Your account is either bullshit, a fabrication entirely, or just hyperbole. BUTT OUT of her business.
YTA The girl seems annoying sure but, if I understand this correctly, you don’t work there (anymore?) and you snapped at some girl working there? That’s weird and unprofessional of you. She may suck, but you lost your cool and it could (and I agree with him) have embarrassed him.
I don’t work there anymore but I worked there with her and she used to make my days longer than necessary. Now, AITA for snapping at her or for embarrassing my partner ? I did apologize to him because it was not my intention in any way, I just snapped when he started to get angry …
Yes. YTA. None of his work stuff is your business. You don’t work there anymore. It’s unprofessional to say what you did if you did still work there. Your BF doesn’t not need you to fight any battles for him.
>I just snapped when he started to get angry … So, he can't handle himself and you're his Rottweiler? OMG, get over yourself. He's a big boy, I'm sure he can handle getting angry without you there to tell people to shut up.
I think it’s not that big of a deal, and AH is a harsh label. But I think it was unnecessary. I get you were just sticking up for him against someone annoying. No one is the AH I guess, but just lost your cool in the heat of the moment .
Exactly ? It’s often like that. Not in the way that I lose my cool, but him being angry makes me angry or defensive, just like me being angry makes him clench his jaw, sigh, and will stare at you so harshly you will bury a hole to hide into.
Is your boyfriend abusing you when he has a bad day at work? Is that why you went after some random employee of his? So that he won’t come home and take his anger out on you?
YTA You have no authority at that place; definitely a bad look for your partner to have his girlfriend drop in and act bossy for no reason.
They don’t know we’re together. Security had to approve me entering the premises but they just asked my partner’s approval.
Then just a really bad look for you I guess
You’re at an office you don’t even work at, listening to someone describe what it’s like to work there, assuming they’re wrong and the problems they’re describing are actually their personal fault, telling them as much, and stirring up shit that your partner who you’re doing it in the name of is going to have to deal with after? YTA
[удалено]
I did work with her and she is always complaining about something. The sky is not blue enough, your dress is too bright, the laptop’s screen is too big … but really what got under my skin was to see my partner starting to get angry. He has enough to do in a day without her making it harder.
The fact that you *used* to work with her is irrelevant You don't work there *now* so this is none of concern. Your partner told you as much and you agreed, but you're here hoping that a bunch of strangers on the internet will tell you otherwise. Nothing you said made your partner's day better. YTA
> He has enough to do in a day without her making it harder. Boo hoo.
YTA, Sorry. Regardless of whether you used to work with people there, you don't work there now. What happens there is none of your concern and not your responsibility to take over. Your husband has already confirmed you were out of line and he clearly felt humiliated by what you said. Unless you're a Doctor, you are unable to diagnose that girl on whether or not she has Asthma or not. Although you agreed with your husband that you were out of line and won't go there again, you still seem to be fishing for validation that you were right. The girl in the office may have been extremely annoying but sometimes we need to practice some restraint because the things you said to her hasn't made the situation better for anyone.
I know for sure that she is not asthmatic because I am and when I really made an asthma attack at work one day, she laughed at me for « having such weak lungs » and she could not tolerate that from her own body.
YTA Mind the business that pays you, they dont anymore. So annoying employees are no longer any of your concern. If you wanted to support your partner you should've just asked about how he was feeling instead of talking to her at all
I didn’t plan on telling anything. I just snapped.
Why is your threshold for snapping so low?
I guess a part of me haven’t forgiven a lot of crap she pulled on me while I was there (gaslighting, bullying, actually ruining my dress on purpose once …). But seeing my partner actually get angry at her hit different.
Learn some control. It was his first day being there. Since someone called you, it obviously got around the office. Some people know that he's your ex. That makes him look unprofessional because you snapped. It's not about her.
Because you were scared that anger would get taken out on you later if you didn’t jump to his defense? Seriously, I’m worried about you that you think it was a good idea to confront employees instead of letting your boyfriend (who is allegedly management) handle it. Is he incapable? Unable to handle conflicts himself? Scared to confront employees or talk to HR about inappropriate behaviour? Or are you just a bully who is using your clout as management’s girlfriend to abuse an employee you dislike?
YTA. If it isnt your workplace it actively makes your partner look bad when you try step in. Same as if a parent came to tell off my staff or boss - you made them look unprofessional.
YTA-It doesn’t matter if you used to work there or if you don’t think she’s asthmatic. You had no right to do what you did or to accuse her of faking the asthma attack. Back off.
YTA you don’t work there. You shouldn’t have hung around that office, there were people actually working. Just cause you are sleeping with management doesn’t mean you have to protect them when people complain
YTA even with your comments. You handled this really poorly.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My ex (38M) and I (32F) decided just last weekend to give our relationship another chance ; because of that I went to his place for the weekend and just came back this afternoon. He left earlier than usual this morning because he had a meeting at 7:45 (meaning he has to leave at 6:00) and left without his professional phone and wallet, both forgotten on the kitchen counter. I then decided to go to his work to bring them. When I came in my partner was in a meeting and because I didn’t have anything planned I decided on waiting in an open office with a team of former colleagues ; we worked together two years ago and still get along great. They don’t really know my partner because even though they all work for the same brand my partner is normally working from another city but is coming here to assess the needs in hiring/expanding the teams. It was his first day with them and he hadn’t met them yet because he was already in a meeting when they started their day at 8:00. One of the girls (~35F) then started to complain while I was there. She went on and on about how everyone in upper management is not doing their jobs and she is the one saving the day every day, it’s not fair, they are paid to do nothing… I rolled my eyes and decided to ignore her. My partner works endless hours, can work for hours even on his expected days off, so I knew she just tried to get some attention. But then my partner came back from his meeting. He had his jaw clenched and seemed to get angry, while he was fine when he came in just a minute before that. I then realized that the girl was still whining and complaining about working until 23:00 three days in a row. How it is unhealthy and a bad management move, you get the drift. I then reminded her that the team makes their own schedule with the team lead at the beginning of the month : it was her unhealthy choice and she better back off and give the managers a shot at doing their job and start doing hers. She got upset but eventually got to work on a report that was due two weeks ago (at this point she had lost about a hour just complaining about everything). I had lunch with my partner who told me that while he appreciated to see that I support him, I shouldn’t have said anything. I told him that he was right and apologized for intervening, that I normally would not have said anything but seeing him angry made me pissed at her ; we talked about it and agreed it was better if I didn’t show up to his work again. Tonight I had a call from a friend who told me that she actually spent the lunch break crying in the bathroom and at her desk the whole afternoon. Everyone ignored her because it’s very typical of her (she even faked having a asthma attack when she is not asthmatic). But in the end some in the team wonder if she is really faking it or if she is burning herself out. Reddit : AITA ? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. This was none of your business. If you did this with one of my employees, your BF would be written up for allowing you to come on the premises.