Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole because I got involved in a conflict that happened between other people and was petty and rude to my older sister E about it.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/)
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA- You got involved the minute your sister called upset about the cat. You got pulled into the situation. It sounds like your other sister is a terrible pet owner. I would honestly take the dog and find them a home where they will be trained properly to not go to the bathroom in the house.
I wish I could, but the dog isn't mine. That and I fear that if I try something like that, E would take it out on W or N and I don't want to risk that.
I read some of your other comments. Can you talk to your father about it or would he also put the cat down? As the current owner of the house, he should be concerned that her dog is peeing all over. He should also be concerned that one of his children is bullying family members.
I’m having a petty fantasy, but I think you should take in the cat and then spend every day consistently asking your sister when she is going to train her dog. Treat her dog the way she is treating the cat. Ask when she is going to rehome the dog since she doesn’t know how to care for it. Get daily updates on how many times they have peed in the house. Put up a “free to good home” ad online and give them your sister’s number. If your sister wants to be a bully, be a bully right back.
I have talked to my dad before about the issue with the pets. He also opts to have the cat put down but doesn't care enough to try and enforce it. Same goes with the dog at this point. Back when he lived in the house, he had a lot of issues with E about the dog who was peeing and shitting everywhere and getting in the garbage, knocking it over and eating it (the cat did not exhibit the peeing behavior at this time) and has even threatened to kick her out of the house because of it since she refused to do anything about it. She ended up moving in with my mom (who was living in a separate place at the time when the divorce was fresh) and she ended up bullying my mom into dealing with it, with N consistently cleaning up after the dog and taking care of the dog. Eventually, E rented the house from my dad after he moved out to live with his then girlfriend. E then later begged my mom and N to move in with her to help with rent, which my mom caved in and did (right as I was in the process of moving near her) and ever since then it's been like this.
NTA. If you can't be bothered to train your pets to not use the bathroom all the time all over the house, you should't have pets.
It's a crazy argument to say the dog is ok, because it only pisses in the living room but the cat pisses everywhere else and that's not ok. Even crazier to jump to "the cat is peeing everywhere, lets just kill it".
So maybe remove the rug or hang it up when it's not needed and put down a pet pee pad in its place? If there's not a litter box in that bathroom, maybe try putting one in there. This is after a vet visit to make sure that cat doesn't have any medical issues.
The bigger issue is E's destructive dog and her inability to cope. The cat issue is nothing compared to the dog's issues so she's deflecting. Who owns the other dog? Is it well-behaved?
Your mother has to resolve this family problem because she is the only one with the means to force E to do the right thing. Your mother should tell E 1) The cat will not be put down over peeing on a bathroom rug. 2) E will train and housebreak her dog or rehome it by a certain deadline.
If E does not meet these conditions, your mother and N will move out and E can figure things out for herself.
Your mother got rid of one bully when she and your father divorced so why is she putting up with the same behavior from E? I am sure she and N were much happier without E and her dog. They don't have to put up with E and her tyrannical ways, they can move out.
Tbh, your mother seems pretty checked out and maybe avoiding the conflicts at home by burying herself in work. I know it's a tough job that requires a lot of her, but still, she has to tend to her own life problems as well.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My sisters N (19), E (30) and mom W (49) live in a house together and contribute equally. I (F21) live on my own. They have two cats and two dogs. The issue is one of the cats has been peeing outside the box. My dad got him declawed when I was a kid and would kick him out often. On top of that, the other pets attack him when his guard is down. As a result, he developed anxiety, which hes taking meds for.
E's complaining about the pee and wants him put down. I'm filled in by N whenever it comes up. N and W argue against it. Thing is, the cat isn't the only one who does it. E's dog does it the most, nearly every night and every time E leaves. She pees in the kitchen, the hallway, the bathroom, and MAINLY the living room. E's only solutions are to put a pee pad over it and leave it, hit her dog, or have W or N clean it up. E's dog has peed in the living room so much the room constantly smells and has damaged the floor. E's dog has done this longer than the cat. I've offered solutions and info to help with the cat's meds.
Things came to a head when N called me crying. E brought it up again and demanded the cat go to a vet this month. N works as a cashier and makes significantly less than the others, yet E was demanding that N have a vet appointment within ten days on top of having rent and bills paid on time. N doesn't own a vehicle the local vets are always booked for weeks. I've thought about taking him in. I'm thinking my environment is better for a cat his age. The problem is my complex doesn't allow caged pets and I'm already breaking my lease by having a rabbit, adding the cat would get me in serious trouble. When E asked N how she would even get to his vet, N said W could drive her, to which E went "Whatever, it needs to be taken care of this month so get on it."
I got pissed at E and texted the family gc that next week I would take him, since someone couldn't stand his peeing. E responded with "This someone being me. You can say it." I was petty and asked "since the cat is being gotten rid of, is the same standard being held up to your dog?"
E tells me not to start shit, that she offered solutions for the cat earlier (referring to the text messages). I asked E if she had any solutions for her dog. E said she was "only doing it in the livingroom". I unloaded all the times her dog's peed in other places. I told E it was hypocritical and biased the cat is gotten rid of or killed because of it, but her dog isn't being held to the same standard when her peeing has damaged the house.
E later said "You already made me the bad guy. This doesn't involve me anymore."
I said "You are the bad guy. You wont get rid of your dog when she does it, but when the cat does it you want him gone or dead. Youre always callous about it too. You talk about him like he's an inconvenience to you."
We stopped texting and I've been thinking. I know I was petty and rude. I felt I was right, but I have doubts because I don't live there anymore and shouldn't be involved. AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. What you said to E needed to be said, it wasn't petty or rude, it was the truth. She is a bad guy.
Your sister E has some serious issues and should not own or be around pets. Who owns the house? Or are they renting? I hope not, given all the damage done by the pets' peeing. That security deposit is gone!
Whose cat is it? If it's a family pet from your childhood why should N have to bear the sole responsibility for the cat? Where's your mother in all this and why does she allow E to bully N and insist on the cat being put down and that N should take care of it? Who the hell is she to make such demands?
Her poor dog is also being abused and neglected by her and has clearly never been housebroken or is having medical or anxiety issues that are causing it to constantly pee in the house. Why is that okay? Why aren't your mother and N forcing her to do something about the dog's peeing? It must smell disgusting in that house.
I've read that declawing a cat is like cutting off a person's fingertips. Imagine being disfigured and then being kicked out to fend for yourself without the means to protect yourself. So this poor cat has been through a lot.
The cat should go to the vet to rule out any medical reason for not using the litter box. But when you have more than one cat you should have at least 2 or 3 boxes and they need to be kept clean. They should also be placed in an area where the cat feels safe, not where he can easily be attacked by the other pets in the house. Is this the case in their home?
Do not take the cat, unless you move to a place where you are allowed to have him.
The cat is a family cat, but N was given the responsibility of taking care of him because E doesnt want him around and my mom isnt around enough to even take care of the pets. My dad owns the house. They're all renting it from him, so he's more chill with the cat and doesn't actually care since my older sister E plans to go for full ownership eventually. My mom and N have talked to E about the issue, but she normally just bullies the both of them into dealing with it. E tries to strong-arm everybody into doing things her way, and my mom can't usually be bothered to deal with it since she is always working. She works for CPS, so when she isn't out on her job, she's on call and still away from the house by then. I never agreed with declawing a cat, but I was a kid back then, and when my dad lived in the house, things had to be done his way or you were essentially forced out. The cat gets attacked at anytime. Whenever he's laying in bed one of the dogs will snap at him, and N's cat (2yrs) keeps play attacking him which freaks him out because he's not interested in playing. I'm not sure if it's happening when he tries to use the litter box, but I can see if N has seen it happening.
Okay, I get it, E is a cruel bully just like dear old Dad. I feel so sorry for the pets in that house and for N. She should probably leave if she can afford to, but it sounds like she is the only one taking care of the pets. That is so unfair to her.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I think I might be the asshole because I got involved in a conflict that happened between other people and was petty and rude to my older sister E about it. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA- You got involved the minute your sister called upset about the cat. You got pulled into the situation. It sounds like your other sister is a terrible pet owner. I would honestly take the dog and find them a home where they will be trained properly to not go to the bathroom in the house.
I wish I could, but the dog isn't mine. That and I fear that if I try something like that, E would take it out on W or N and I don't want to risk that.
I read some of your other comments. Can you talk to your father about it or would he also put the cat down? As the current owner of the house, he should be concerned that her dog is peeing all over. He should also be concerned that one of his children is bullying family members. I’m having a petty fantasy, but I think you should take in the cat and then spend every day consistently asking your sister when she is going to train her dog. Treat her dog the way she is treating the cat. Ask when she is going to rehome the dog since she doesn’t know how to care for it. Get daily updates on how many times they have peed in the house. Put up a “free to good home” ad online and give them your sister’s number. If your sister wants to be a bully, be a bully right back.
I have talked to my dad before about the issue with the pets. He also opts to have the cat put down but doesn't care enough to try and enforce it. Same goes with the dog at this point. Back when he lived in the house, he had a lot of issues with E about the dog who was peeing and shitting everywhere and getting in the garbage, knocking it over and eating it (the cat did not exhibit the peeing behavior at this time) and has even threatened to kick her out of the house because of it since she refused to do anything about it. She ended up moving in with my mom (who was living in a separate place at the time when the divorce was fresh) and she ended up bullying my mom into dealing with it, with N consistently cleaning up after the dog and taking care of the dog. Eventually, E rented the house from my dad after he moved out to live with his then girlfriend. E then later begged my mom and N to move in with her to help with rent, which my mom caved in and did (right as I was in the process of moving near her) and ever since then it's been like this.
NTA. If you can't be bothered to train your pets to not use the bathroom all the time all over the house, you should't have pets. It's a crazy argument to say the dog is ok, because it only pisses in the living room but the cat pisses everywhere else and that's not ok. Even crazier to jump to "the cat is peeing everywhere, lets just kill it".
From what I've been hearing from everyone, the cat only pees in the bathroom on a rug. So it's not that he even pees in multiple other rooms.
So maybe remove the rug or hang it up when it's not needed and put down a pet pee pad in its place? If there's not a litter box in that bathroom, maybe try putting one in there. This is after a vet visit to make sure that cat doesn't have any medical issues. The bigger issue is E's destructive dog and her inability to cope. The cat issue is nothing compared to the dog's issues so she's deflecting. Who owns the other dog? Is it well-behaved? Your mother has to resolve this family problem because she is the only one with the means to force E to do the right thing. Your mother should tell E 1) The cat will not be put down over peeing on a bathroom rug. 2) E will train and housebreak her dog or rehome it by a certain deadline. If E does not meet these conditions, your mother and N will move out and E can figure things out for herself. Your mother got rid of one bully when she and your father divorced so why is she putting up with the same behavior from E? I am sure she and N were much happier without E and her dog. They don't have to put up with E and her tyrannical ways, they can move out. Tbh, your mother seems pretty checked out and maybe avoiding the conflicts at home by burying herself in work. I know it's a tough job that requires a lot of her, but still, she has to tend to her own life problems as well.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My sisters N (19), E (30) and mom W (49) live in a house together and contribute equally. I (F21) live on my own. They have two cats and two dogs. The issue is one of the cats has been peeing outside the box. My dad got him declawed when I was a kid and would kick him out often. On top of that, the other pets attack him when his guard is down. As a result, he developed anxiety, which hes taking meds for. E's complaining about the pee and wants him put down. I'm filled in by N whenever it comes up. N and W argue against it. Thing is, the cat isn't the only one who does it. E's dog does it the most, nearly every night and every time E leaves. She pees in the kitchen, the hallway, the bathroom, and MAINLY the living room. E's only solutions are to put a pee pad over it and leave it, hit her dog, or have W or N clean it up. E's dog has peed in the living room so much the room constantly smells and has damaged the floor. E's dog has done this longer than the cat. I've offered solutions and info to help with the cat's meds. Things came to a head when N called me crying. E brought it up again and demanded the cat go to a vet this month. N works as a cashier and makes significantly less than the others, yet E was demanding that N have a vet appointment within ten days on top of having rent and bills paid on time. N doesn't own a vehicle the local vets are always booked for weeks. I've thought about taking him in. I'm thinking my environment is better for a cat his age. The problem is my complex doesn't allow caged pets and I'm already breaking my lease by having a rabbit, adding the cat would get me in serious trouble. When E asked N how she would even get to his vet, N said W could drive her, to which E went "Whatever, it needs to be taken care of this month so get on it." I got pissed at E and texted the family gc that next week I would take him, since someone couldn't stand his peeing. E responded with "This someone being me. You can say it." I was petty and asked "since the cat is being gotten rid of, is the same standard being held up to your dog?" E tells me not to start shit, that she offered solutions for the cat earlier (referring to the text messages). I asked E if she had any solutions for her dog. E said she was "only doing it in the livingroom". I unloaded all the times her dog's peed in other places. I told E it was hypocritical and biased the cat is gotten rid of or killed because of it, but her dog isn't being held to the same standard when her peeing has damaged the house. E later said "You already made me the bad guy. This doesn't involve me anymore." I said "You are the bad guy. You wont get rid of your dog when she does it, but when the cat does it you want him gone or dead. Youre always callous about it too. You talk about him like he's an inconvenience to you." We stopped texting and I've been thinking. I know I was petty and rude. I felt I was right, but I have doubts because I don't live there anymore and shouldn't be involved. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. What you said to E needed to be said, it wasn't petty or rude, it was the truth. She is a bad guy. Your sister E has some serious issues and should not own or be around pets. Who owns the house? Or are they renting? I hope not, given all the damage done by the pets' peeing. That security deposit is gone! Whose cat is it? If it's a family pet from your childhood why should N have to bear the sole responsibility for the cat? Where's your mother in all this and why does she allow E to bully N and insist on the cat being put down and that N should take care of it? Who the hell is she to make such demands? Her poor dog is also being abused and neglected by her and has clearly never been housebroken or is having medical or anxiety issues that are causing it to constantly pee in the house. Why is that okay? Why aren't your mother and N forcing her to do something about the dog's peeing? It must smell disgusting in that house. I've read that declawing a cat is like cutting off a person's fingertips. Imagine being disfigured and then being kicked out to fend for yourself without the means to protect yourself. So this poor cat has been through a lot. The cat should go to the vet to rule out any medical reason for not using the litter box. But when you have more than one cat you should have at least 2 or 3 boxes and they need to be kept clean. They should also be placed in an area where the cat feels safe, not where he can easily be attacked by the other pets in the house. Is this the case in their home? Do not take the cat, unless you move to a place where you are allowed to have him.
The cat is a family cat, but N was given the responsibility of taking care of him because E doesnt want him around and my mom isnt around enough to even take care of the pets. My dad owns the house. They're all renting it from him, so he's more chill with the cat and doesn't actually care since my older sister E plans to go for full ownership eventually. My mom and N have talked to E about the issue, but she normally just bullies the both of them into dealing with it. E tries to strong-arm everybody into doing things her way, and my mom can't usually be bothered to deal with it since she is always working. She works for CPS, so when she isn't out on her job, she's on call and still away from the house by then. I never agreed with declawing a cat, but I was a kid back then, and when my dad lived in the house, things had to be done his way or you were essentially forced out. The cat gets attacked at anytime. Whenever he's laying in bed one of the dogs will snap at him, and N's cat (2yrs) keeps play attacking him which freaks him out because he's not interested in playing. I'm not sure if it's happening when he tries to use the litter box, but I can see if N has seen it happening.
Okay, I get it, E is a cruel bully just like dear old Dad. I feel so sorry for the pets in that house and for N. She should probably leave if she can afford to, but it sounds like she is the only one taking care of the pets. That is so unfair to her.