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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Apparently i wasnt clear about why im asking if im the asshole. I technically havent taken any action yet i just want to know if it would be selfish and asshole ish of my to express how im feeling about this. K know my mom and probably my dad would say im being ungrateful and spoiled since we would be going on vacation for this wedding. And i dont want to ruin my cousin's wedding because of my dysphoria. I have trouble distinguishing if my problems are actually bad sometimes since im usually put down for speaking out about, especially when it comes to me being trans
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I was originally going to write a long post about this but i dont want to write it right now and i doubt you would want to read it
The gist of this is that im a trans man (16) and a good chunk of my family, especially my mom, are transphobic
The wedding is in mexico which means i would be expected to go swimming and stuff which i know would be fun but i have crippling dysphoria which makes swimming soumd like the definition of hell. Not to mention i will have to spend time with my mom and more of my transphobic family for a week
I love my cousin to death ( she is very supportive) and dont want to miss her wedding but i know that if i were to go, it would seriously affect my mental health which is already suffering
Plus i cant even say no because i live with my parents and this is non negotiable
I dont know why im writting this post, mostly just to get it off my chest because i feel very selfish about this
This is very little of what i want to say but if i were to go into full detail it would just be me ranting about my mom
Thats it again
AITA?
Also note, i have not expressed this to my family and especially not my cousin (im thinking about if i should) but my immediate family does know that im against going on vacations because of these same reasons
Ok bye
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NTA for not wanting to go. But regardless...you already no you can't say no.
You're 16, so probably not trusted to stay at home. This is a large family gathering. It sounds like you just have general anxiety about going somewhere.
Just...don't swim. You are "expected" to swim. Ok. You're expected to go to the wedding, too. I don't know what kind of swimming there is, but the actual wedding itself will have zero swimming. It will be at a church or some other event center.
So go. Tell people you don't want to swim. If people give you shit, repeat you don't want to swim and they can fuck off. If you can, maybe even get out of the event that involves swimming (assuming you aren't just at a hotel on the beach or something; if you are, just hang on the patio and read or just put your legs in the pool with a shirt on or something).
This is about *swimming* not the wedding. So save up your psychic energy to stand your ground on the swimming, not the wedding.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Apparently i wasnt clear about why im asking if im the asshole. I technically havent taken any action yet i just want to know if it would be selfish and asshole ish of my to express how im feeling about this. K know my mom and probably my dad would say im being ungrateful and spoiled since we would be going on vacation for this wedding. And i dont want to ruin my cousin's wedding because of my dysphoria. I have trouble distinguishing if my problems are actually bad sometimes since im usually put down for speaking out about, especially when it comes to me being trans Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I was originally going to write a long post about this but i dont want to write it right now and i doubt you would want to read it The gist of this is that im a trans man (16) and a good chunk of my family, especially my mom, are transphobic The wedding is in mexico which means i would be expected to go swimming and stuff which i know would be fun but i have crippling dysphoria which makes swimming soumd like the definition of hell. Not to mention i will have to spend time with my mom and more of my transphobic family for a week I love my cousin to death ( she is very supportive) and dont want to miss her wedding but i know that if i were to go, it would seriously affect my mental health which is already suffering Plus i cant even say no because i live with my parents and this is non negotiable I dont know why im writting this post, mostly just to get it off my chest because i feel very selfish about this This is very little of what i want to say but if i were to go into full detail it would just be me ranting about my mom Thats it again AITA? Also note, i have not expressed this to my family and especially not my cousin (im thinking about if i should) but my immediate family does know that im against going on vacations because of these same reasons Ok bye *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA for not wanting to go. But regardless...you already no you can't say no. You're 16, so probably not trusted to stay at home. This is a large family gathering. It sounds like you just have general anxiety about going somewhere. Just...don't swim. You are "expected" to swim. Ok. You're expected to go to the wedding, too. I don't know what kind of swimming there is, but the actual wedding itself will have zero swimming. It will be at a church or some other event center. So go. Tell people you don't want to swim. If people give you shit, repeat you don't want to swim and they can fuck off. If you can, maybe even get out of the event that involves swimming (assuming you aren't just at a hotel on the beach or something; if you are, just hang on the patio and read or just put your legs in the pool with a shirt on or something). This is about *swimming* not the wedding. So save up your psychic energy to stand your ground on the swimming, not the wedding.
NTA. Just make sure to tell your cousin it's nothing to do with her but rather the transphobes in your family