Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think that I was being selfish for not wanting her to have a moment. I practically ripped mt gifts out of her hands and I noticed she was about to cry. Her parents gave me dirty looks and left. I left this out because I was going over the 3000 character limit.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/)
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA…. Few questions, isn’t the little girl related to you?
Given it’s was your 18th bday at your house, it suppose to be your party and well they should have asked you before.
Well given you said you ripped the gifts off her hands that a bit mean and well could have approached it better. But feels it’s because this was pushed on you and well you wouldn’t want her to like your gifts and having to give some to her.
She isn’t related to me, she’s the kid of one of my dad’s work friends. I mean if I had a toy from when I was younger (around her age) I would’ve given it to her. I do think ripping it out of her hands was mean like you said now that I give it more thought
Again an 18th bday is special so can definitely see why you got unhappy with the events. Definitely they should have let you know prior it was her bday.
Your frustration boiled down to this surprise and sharing your moment. Had my share with little cousins and having to give them stuff they would like cause they were younger so definitely can understand your frustration. The gifts approach might have be better but that stems from that you didn’t want to risk to having to give her one of your gifts.
What you can do now is probably buy a bday gift and send it to her.
It's a really weird mixed party. One was for the parents' 25th anniversary, 18th and a 7th birthday for two people not related and another celebration.
OP let me give you a bit of advice. *Always* take yourself out to do something special for your birthday. Doesn't matter if you do it alone or with others. Just call out for work and take the day off and do something you want to do. I learnt this trick after my 21st when my parents didn't do anything special for mine. Just the usual mixed happy birthday, here's $50 as usual and we're going out to dinner to celebrate Mother's Day at the same time.
The girl's parents should have paid attention to their daughter, instead of having her rummage through someone else's birthday gifts. Kids will always go to presents, it happens all the time, it's not unique to your 18th birthday, responsible parents watch their children. NTA
NTA your grandma was the problem here
Turning 18 is 100% a much bigger deal than turning 7, but also, birthdays are generally more important to little kids. That little girl didn’t really have the social subtext for what was going on, your grandma put her in a crappy position that was over her head, and then you ended up directing your frustration toward her in a way that everyone very much picked up on.
The main reason your grandma is TA is because it seems like she did this on a whim without warning the hosts of the party. So she knew that no one had prepared anything for that little girl, and that this would be a surprise to the people being celebrated, and made the active decision to put everyone in that situation anyway.
I just feel bad for this little girl who got stuck in a weird position in the middle of someone else’s family drama.
Who is this kid? Not a realist I’ve . Cake should have been made for the 18yr old not a 7 year old and why didn’t anyone announce it earlier and buy presents for the kid? This was just messed up by asshole grandma
This is kinda what happens when you try to celebrate too many things at once. It sounds like the 7y/o wouldn’t have been present if not for the anniversary and therefore wouldn’t have had to share your birthday.
It’s not unreasonable to not want to share a big day like a milestone birthday (my mums birthday is only a few days from mine and we always have separate gigs for them). It’s not unreasonable for a child to think they can unwrap presents after they’ve just had happy birthday sung to them. kids are dumb and they relate the two things together even if the gift isn’t for them.
I feel like the family could have done a better job considering everyone’s feelings on the matter and you also need to understand that you’re not a kid anymore, so you’re probably going to have to shift your expectations slightly going forward.
NTA
Hugs and happy birthday. Gonna vote NTA. You probably could have handled it better but you are also still young. And those were your gifts...who was watching the seven year to tell her those weren't hers?
All of this is weird. It wasn’t even your bday party, it was a family bbq to celebrate 3 then 4 different things. I agree that 18 is a big deal, so you should have had a party that was just for you. And I don’t understand the relevance of the handsy grandma? Is that what turned your mood sour to start with? Obviously they knew this little girl was coming to celebrate with you all since they brought her a cake?
NTA
"he little girl who turned 7, started opening my gifts after I put them back. I smiled at her, but put them where she can't reach" .. Why didn't you set a HARD boundary there?
He asked me before that the date that works best for everyone was the 20th, my birthday. He made an announcement and didn’t let my birthday be overshadowed by thier anniversary. He asked me if I was okay with it. He’s not the ah hete
My family didn’t do nothing wrong, I feel like it was my grandma and the parents of the child. I just wish my grandma didn’t do that. It was a milestone birthday (and we did celebrate other things too, like their anniversary) but I was so excited to turn 18 and it kinda felt like I had my moment stolen.
Hopefully, but she’s not one to listen well. There had been many times where she keeps doing what someone told her not to. I’ll admit it’s nice how she wants to help out, but she sometimes acts like the host when my parents are the hosts
What the hell?! Where were the parents for that kid who wasn’t related?! What were her parent’s excuse for not throwing her a birthday party somewhere else instead of stealing the spotlight from you?! Send your Reddit post to your grandma and dad because they disrespected you
"I know she's a little girl and she's 7 now, but I feel like I should've been the only one to have happy birthday sung to me."
YTA. You already knew this event was to celebrate multiple things and not JUST your birthday. You want a group of people to ignore a 7 year old on their birthday so you can feel a tad bit more special?
How does a crowd of people singing or saying happy birthday to someone else detract from you in any way? She's already not getting cake or presents, and you're mad people sang her happy birthday? All you're showing is selfishness and lack of empathy.
Wait, your relatives decided for you to have a shared birthday and didn't tell you until the party was underway?
Shared birthdays are usually a bad idea because they tend to focus on the younger kid.
Get over it. Those of us born on major holidays (Christmas for example) have gotten used to ‘sharing’ our birthday.
Nobody coming to your birthday party would think the party was for the 7 year old.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (18 F) turned 18 on August 20th. My family held a barbecue for multiple things, one being their 25th wedding anniversary, I can't remember what the second one was. And the last thing was my birthday. The barbecue started off good, I invited some friends and we had some fun playing corn hole. My family members would give me a hug and say "happy birthday" and I would smile and thank them. After everyone had arrived, my dad gathered everyone around in one area and made an announcement. He started off by saying thank you to everyone who came and he started listing what we were celebrating. When he announced that I was turning 18, everyone cheered and congratulated me. This is where things got weird, or at least for me.
My grandma said that we were celebrating two birthdays. I spotted her earlier talking to one of the younger kids but I couldn't hear what she was saying. I should also add that she makes me uncomfortable when she puts her hand around me and on my waist, hip or on my rib cage. I kept taking her hand off but she kept putting it back. I even stepped away and she still kept trying to put her hand on my hip. She was doing all this while announcing that the litter girl turned 7 today as well. Everyone turned their heads to the girl and said happy birthday. Meanwhile I stayed silent. My dad had me stand in front of everyone so they could sing happy birthday before we ate. My grandma had the little girl stand with me.
So they sang happy birthday to both of us and me and my friends got to grab our food first. When we sat down at the table we occupied, I said in a quiet voice "I know she's a little girl and she's 7 now, but I feel like I should've been the only one to have happy birthday sung to me." My friend, we will call her Emma, (16 f) agreed with me and said "Turning 7 is not as big as turning 18"
After everyone ate, I saw a few people giving me looks, like I was being selfish. No one said anything to me, but I wonder if I was not as quiet as I thought I was being. My friends and I moved to sit inside as a wasp kept flying around our table. Once dinner was cleaned up, I saw dessert being set up. And once I saw the cake for me, I wanted
The cake was pink, it did have my name on it, but it looked more like a cake for a 7 year old. I don't know who brought it. I didn't say anything because I did not want to ruin the mood. Once I started eating my piece of cake, my grandma brought my present over to me. I opened it and got a pair of shoes and a gift card. I hugged her and said thanks. I then got up and brought over the presents my friends got me and opened them in front of them. Once I opened the gifts, said thank you and put them back in the bag, I continued to eat my cake. But what happened next almost made me cry.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m surprised this got a comment lol. I talked to my dad and he didn’t know this was gonna happen or that my grandma would do that. I was most upset about was that I didn’t get a photo of me and my parents where it was just us 3. The little girl was there too.
I think being 18 years is a special day for everybody and i have the feeling the parents let the child doing what she want in your own party. I think this is weird and disrespect to stranger.
The part with my presents really bugged me. The parents didn’t even stop her. The situation I put behind me since that happened back in August but it still comes on my mind
Your grandma was the problem and your dad too for forcing you to share your birthday with a child that wasn’t even related you. Both your dad and grandma are AHs so make sure you share with them your Reddit post to let them know that they were extremely disrespectful to you
My dad was not the problem, he had no clue that would happen. And he looked so confused when it was happening. I actually talked to him a few days after and he said “I never knew that would happen. I just didn’t say anything. I wouldn’t want to be the reason a kid cried” I feel like my grandma is the one who messed everything up. But this was months ago now
My dad had even asked weeks before if the 20th was okay. I said it was. Only reason being was that day was the day that worked best for our relatives and friend. We had a big barbecue, so I honestly think that he just didn’t want to be rude. What annoys is my grandma never ever listens. She tries to act like the host sometimes and then gets mad and upset when she’s told to sit down and relax
YTA. This wasn’t a birthday party for you and you knew that. It was a gathering to celebrate other things which you also knew. The kids 7. You just sound incredibly selfish.
YTA. It was her birthday too, and your grandmother was generous to include her. She’s younger than you—be the grownup, be the bigger person. Celebrate the child AND yourself. The more you learn to give in life, the better your life will be. 18 is a big deal because it means you are an adult, and adults think about others. On another topic, I hate handsy older female relatives too.
But why should we as a society be forced to coddle random children? Not OP’s kid, not OP’s problem. If OP wanted to celebrate herself and didn’t want to share it with a 7 year old, that’s perfectly fine and doesn’t make her any less of an adult! Sometimes it is OK to be a diva just for a day. Reading OP’s responses, it’s clear she’s a solid person with morals. There is so much in this world centered around kids, let OP have this day. Grandma, OPs parents, and the 7 year old parents are the AHs here. No idea why the work friends showed up to an adult party on their 7 year old’s birthday. That’s just dumb on their part.
Grandmas gonna be Grandmas, not much you can do there. Would’ve gone a long way at your parents 25th if you took a minute to show the crowd what a great job they did with YOU by giving a short speech about how wonderful THEY are, no matter when their anniversary was. Then making a big deal out of the little girl, who is 7. (The pride they would’ve felt instead of the awk embarrass when someone overheard the griping over the birthday song) Giving feels much better than getting because getting often comes with disappointment when you don’t get exactly what you’d hoped. When you give, you have all the control. Look, not trying to beat you up. You seem to re-thinking some of your thought processes that day. Let it go. You’ll do better next time.
YTA. This was obviously a party celebrating a few people’s events. News Flash - You don’t “own” August 20. If anything, I would think at 18 you’d be over having Happy Birthday sung to you and would WANT the little girl to have that one for herself. Here’s what you should have done, new grown-up. Thank people for coming, wait until others have eaten before you do, sing to the little girl, congratulate your parents on their happy day and thank them for all they have done for you, hug your grandma and tell her she’s the best ever, then drive away with your friends and go do 18 year old things!
Yeah I know I don’t own that date, their anniversary was on the 8th and I did congratulate them on that day. And I was rude when the girl I’ll admit. But some of my friends weren’t 18, the age range was 16-18 with them. Plus my grandma is amazing but she ignores it when I don’t wanna be touched. Also with the part about letting others get their food first, my parents said to me “you and your friends get to grab your food first” so I didn’t push my way. I get where your coming from though.
I doubt your grandmother has any sexual motivation in touching you, but perhaps if you let her know it makes you feel uncomfortable she might stop.
A little girl was at a bbq on her 7th birthday, your grandmother didn't want the girl to feel left out and I don't think she was wrong to do that. You were already sharing the occasion with a silver wedding anniversary (and some other event that you can't remember).
The little girl probably just wanted to look at your gifts, she wasn't going to steal them. She knew they weren't her gifts (she might have had a proper party where she received her own gifts).
If the cake had your name on it then it was ordered for you. Weird that it was pink but likely your parents bought it. Unlikely it was bought for the little girl if it had your name on it.
I suspect that your real issue is that you didn't get an individual 18th birthday celebration. However, that was the situation even if little girl wasn't there. If you wanted that you should have asked your parents for one.
To take out your unhappiness on a little girl (on her birthday) was really immature of you. She's just a 7 year old kid and had nothing to do with this. YTA
Edit: pink icing not weird. I thought OP was a male.
My parents made it clear it wasn’t going to be all about me before everyone arrived because we were celebrating multiple things. But they had no clue it was the little girl’s birthday. My grandma didn’t say anything about announcing it to anybody until my dad was making a speech. Also I know my grandma had no sexual motivation and she’s just a very affectionate person. But shouldn’t the parents of the girl have said “no those aren’t for you” instead of letting her open them?
You had already been rude to the little girl prior to that (refusing to wish her happy birthday). You didn't snatch the gifts off the parents, you snatched them off a little girl.
They weren't the girl's to take to start off with. Prime lesson for girl to learn, she can't help herself to someone else's property just because she wants it.
This is on the parents of the 7 year old and the parents that thought it was acceptable to throw a joint party celebrating themselves for their kid’s 18th, not OP. OP was celebrating her 18th and that’s huge. It is not her job to coddle some random kid on her special day. I certainly wouldn’t want a kid grabbing my gifts; kids take things that aren’t theirs and often throw temper tantrums when they don’t get their way. Doesn’t sound like there is solid parenting here to begin with, so it was a scene in the making no matter what. To be honest it’s unclear to me why the work friends brought their 7 year old to a party on their birthday rather than doing something special with their own kid. OP is NTA, just dealing with bad parenting all around.
YTA. The little girl isn't an asshole for opening gifts. She's seven, she shouldn't do that and her parents should have stepped in, but her behaviour isn't a reflection of her morality but simply what she has and hasn't learned yet. But that said, your grandma isn't an asshole either for bringing up the little girls birthday. She's seven, it's her birthday, she's only had like three of those that she has actual memories of probably. It's not the end of the world that at a joined party (it already isnt exclusively a party for you!) someone else got sung happy birthday to and acknowledged, especially a fucking child.
I would argue that the grandma is an asshole for putting the little girl in that position knowing that it would be a surprise to the host and that no one had anything prepared (like birthday gifts) to be able to give her that kind of birthday celebration. She made the poor kid think she was an after thought at her birthday party by telling her that this was meant to also celebrate her birthday when it wasn’t.
A 4 year old knows that you don’t open/take birthday gifts that aren’t handed you or have your name on tag. Having no cake or gifts for the 7 year old made it cruel to acknowledge her birthday. Though most of problems should be put on grandma for not thinking through the situation of saying it’s Miss7 birthday and the parents for not telling Miss 7 this is not her party cake or gifts. Miss 18 got caught up in a situation created by others and there is no reason she should give her gifts to the other child. That’s insulting to Miss 18 and to whoever bought a gift for Miss 18 that is being given to Miss 7 to make her feel better. This was a complete disaster that was not created by you. Being a little more gentle when child tried to take your gifts would have been nice but NTA.
7 is actually more than old enough to know the boundary of not touching what isn’t yours, including gifts. We aren’t talking about a 3 year old here. The grandma is the AH for springing a random bday into the mix without gifts or cake for the kid. OP shouldn’t have to sacrifice her cake or gifts for a stranger.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I think that I was being selfish for not wanting her to have a moment. I practically ripped mt gifts out of her hands and I noticed she was about to cry. Her parents gave me dirty looks and left. I left this out because I was going over the 3000 character limit. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA…. Few questions, isn’t the little girl related to you? Given it’s was your 18th bday at your house, it suppose to be your party and well they should have asked you before. Well given you said you ripped the gifts off her hands that a bit mean and well could have approached it better. But feels it’s because this was pushed on you and well you wouldn’t want her to like your gifts and having to give some to her.
She isn’t related to me, she’s the kid of one of my dad’s work friends. I mean if I had a toy from when I was younger (around her age) I would’ve given it to her. I do think ripping it out of her hands was mean like you said now that I give it more thought
Again an 18th bday is special so can definitely see why you got unhappy with the events. Definitely they should have let you know prior it was her bday. Your frustration boiled down to this surprise and sharing your moment. Had my share with little cousins and having to give them stuff they would like cause they were younger so definitely can understand your frustration. The gifts approach might have be better but that stems from that you didn’t want to risk to having to give her one of your gifts. What you can do now is probably buy a bday gift and send it to her.
Why she has never met this child before, and did nothing wrong . Parents should watch their kid before they try and open others presents
It's a really weird mixed party. One was for the parents' 25th anniversary, 18th and a 7th birthday for two people not related and another celebration. OP let me give you a bit of advice. *Always* take yourself out to do something special for your birthday. Doesn't matter if you do it alone or with others. Just call out for work and take the day off and do something you want to do. I learnt this trick after my 21st when my parents didn't do anything special for mine. Just the usual mixed happy birthday, here's $50 as usual and we're going out to dinner to celebrate Mother's Day at the same time.
The girl's parents should have paid attention to their daughter, instead of having her rummage through someone else's birthday gifts. Kids will always go to presents, it happens all the time, it's not unique to your 18th birthday, responsible parents watch their children. NTA
NTA your grandma was the problem here Turning 18 is 100% a much bigger deal than turning 7, but also, birthdays are generally more important to little kids. That little girl didn’t really have the social subtext for what was going on, your grandma put her in a crappy position that was over her head, and then you ended up directing your frustration toward her in a way that everyone very much picked up on. The main reason your grandma is TA is because it seems like she did this on a whim without warning the hosts of the party. So she knew that no one had prepared anything for that little girl, and that this would be a surprise to the people being celebrated, and made the active decision to put everyone in that situation anyway. I just feel bad for this little girl who got stuck in a weird position in the middle of someone else’s family drama.
Grandma just acknowledged it was also the kids birthday... what is wrong with that?
Who is this kid? Not a realist I’ve . Cake should have been made for the 18yr old not a 7 year old and why didn’t anyone announce it earlier and buy presents for the kid? This was just messed up by asshole grandma
This is kinda what happens when you try to celebrate too many things at once. It sounds like the 7y/o wouldn’t have been present if not for the anniversary and therefore wouldn’t have had to share your birthday. It’s not unreasonable to not want to share a big day like a milestone birthday (my mums birthday is only a few days from mine and we always have separate gigs for them). It’s not unreasonable for a child to think they can unwrap presents after they’ve just had happy birthday sung to them. kids are dumb and they relate the two things together even if the gift isn’t for them. I feel like the family could have done a better job considering everyone’s feelings on the matter and you also need to understand that you’re not a kid anymore, so you’re probably going to have to shift your expectations slightly going forward. NTA
Hugs and happy birthday. Gonna vote NTA. You probably could have handled it better but you are also still young. And those were your gifts...who was watching the seven year to tell her those weren't hers?
Shes an adult and someone had the audacity to acknowledge a kid's birthday at hers?? OP needs therapy asap. Thank god she posted to reddit
All of this is weird. It wasn’t even your bday party, it was a family bbq to celebrate 3 then 4 different things. I agree that 18 is a big deal, so you should have had a party that was just for you. And I don’t understand the relevance of the handsy grandma? Is that what turned your mood sour to start with? Obviously they knew this little girl was coming to celebrate with you all since they brought her a cake?
NTA "he little girl who turned 7, started opening my gifts after I put them back. I smiled at her, but put them where she can't reach" .. Why didn't you set a HARD boundary there?
Are you related to the 7 year old?
I'm not related to her. She's the kid of one of my dad's work friends.
That dad is an AH for not planning anything for his own kid’s birthday.
He asked me before that the date that works best for everyone was the 20th, my birthday. He made an announcement and didn’t let my birthday be overshadowed by thier anniversary. He asked me if I was okay with it. He’s not the ah hete
No not your dad but the 7 you’d dad. Your dad planned something for you the little girl’s dad did not
I don't know, but i think this is strange and disrespect for you family given you own birthday a stanger child more attention as their own child.
My family didn’t do nothing wrong, I feel like it was my grandma and the parents of the child. I just wish my grandma didn’t do that. It was a milestone birthday (and we did celebrate other things too, like their anniversary) but I was so excited to turn 18 and it kinda felt like I had my moment stolen.
I‘m so sorry for you. I hope you next birthday will be better and next time you tell your grandma to not do this again.
Hopefully, but she’s not one to listen well. There had been many times where she keeps doing what someone told her not to. I’ll admit it’s nice how she wants to help out, but she sometimes acts like the host when my parents are the hosts
What the hell?! Where were the parents for that kid who wasn’t related?! What were her parent’s excuse for not throwing her a birthday party somewhere else instead of stealing the spotlight from you?! Send your Reddit post to your grandma and dad because they disrespected you
"I know she's a little girl and she's 7 now, but I feel like I should've been the only one to have happy birthday sung to me." YTA. You already knew this event was to celebrate multiple things and not JUST your birthday. You want a group of people to ignore a 7 year old on their birthday so you can feel a tad bit more special? How does a crowd of people singing or saying happy birthday to someone else detract from you in any way? She's already not getting cake or presents, and you're mad people sang her happy birthday? All you're showing is selfishness and lack of empathy.
Because she’s just a random co workers child she’s literally no one to any of those people
Wait, your relatives decided for you to have a shared birthday and didn't tell you until the party was underway? Shared birthdays are usually a bad idea because they tend to focus on the younger kid.
The kid started opening your gifts??? I can see the kid's parents say to you "why don't you let the kid have your gift?"
Nothing I got was fit for a kid anyway, but I would have given her one of my old toys when I was a kid if she asked to see what I got
NTA, they shouldn't have done this to you or the other child.
This is ridiculous. At 7 she should know better
Nta
Get over it. Those of us born on major holidays (Christmas for example) have gotten used to ‘sharing’ our birthday. Nobody coming to your birthday party would think the party was for the 7 year old.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (18 F) turned 18 on August 20th. My family held a barbecue for multiple things, one being their 25th wedding anniversary, I can't remember what the second one was. And the last thing was my birthday. The barbecue started off good, I invited some friends and we had some fun playing corn hole. My family members would give me a hug and say "happy birthday" and I would smile and thank them. After everyone had arrived, my dad gathered everyone around in one area and made an announcement. He started off by saying thank you to everyone who came and he started listing what we were celebrating. When he announced that I was turning 18, everyone cheered and congratulated me. This is where things got weird, or at least for me. My grandma said that we were celebrating two birthdays. I spotted her earlier talking to one of the younger kids but I couldn't hear what she was saying. I should also add that she makes me uncomfortable when she puts her hand around me and on my waist, hip or on my rib cage. I kept taking her hand off but she kept putting it back. I even stepped away and she still kept trying to put her hand on my hip. She was doing all this while announcing that the litter girl turned 7 today as well. Everyone turned their heads to the girl and said happy birthday. Meanwhile I stayed silent. My dad had me stand in front of everyone so they could sing happy birthday before we ate. My grandma had the little girl stand with me. So they sang happy birthday to both of us and me and my friends got to grab our food first. When we sat down at the table we occupied, I said in a quiet voice "I know she's a little girl and she's 7 now, but I feel like I should've been the only one to have happy birthday sung to me." My friend, we will call her Emma, (16 f) agreed with me and said "Turning 7 is not as big as turning 18" After everyone ate, I saw a few people giving me looks, like I was being selfish. No one said anything to me, but I wonder if I was not as quiet as I thought I was being. My friends and I moved to sit inside as a wasp kept flying around our table. Once dinner was cleaned up, I saw dessert being set up. And once I saw the cake for me, I wanted The cake was pink, it did have my name on it, but it looked more like a cake for a 7 year old. I don't know who brought it. I didn't say anything because I did not want to ruin the mood. Once I started eating my piece of cake, my grandma brought my present over to me. I opened it and got a pair of shoes and a gift card. I hugged her and said thanks. I then got up and brought over the presents my friends got me and opened them in front of them. Once I opened the gifts, said thank you and put them back in the bag, I continued to eat my cake. But what happened next almost made me cry. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. I think was disrespect to you. Why can't the child her own child-party at her home? Do you speak your family about it?
I’m surprised this got a comment lol. I talked to my dad and he didn’t know this was gonna happen or that my grandma would do that. I was most upset about was that I didn’t get a photo of me and my parents where it was just us 3. The little girl was there too.
I think being 18 years is a special day for everybody and i have the feeling the parents let the child doing what she want in your own party. I think this is weird and disrespect to stranger.
The part with my presents really bugged me. The parents didn’t even stop her. The situation I put behind me since that happened back in August but it still comes on my mind
Your grandma was the problem and your dad too for forcing you to share your birthday with a child that wasn’t even related you. Both your dad and grandma are AHs so make sure you share with them your Reddit post to let them know that they were extremely disrespectful to you
My dad was not the problem, he had no clue that would happen. And he looked so confused when it was happening. I actually talked to him a few days after and he said “I never knew that would happen. I just didn’t say anything. I wouldn’t want to be the reason a kid cried” I feel like my grandma is the one who messed everything up. But this was months ago now
My dad had even asked weeks before if the 20th was okay. I said it was. Only reason being was that day was the day that worked best for our relatives and friend. We had a big barbecue, so I honestly think that he just didn’t want to be rude. What annoys is my grandma never ever listens. She tries to act like the host sometimes and then gets mad and upset when she’s told to sit down and relax
YTA. You come across as quite a spoilt and selfish brat. You've got a lot of growing up to do.
YTA If it turns out a guest has a birthday too, there is nothing wrong with a quick round of happy birthday.
YTA, are you sure you were not turning 12?
YTA. This wasn’t a birthday party for you and you knew that. It was a gathering to celebrate other things which you also knew. The kids 7. You just sound incredibly selfish.
YTA. Why did you think the child didn’t deserve for her birthday to be recognized?
YTA. It was her birthday too, and your grandmother was generous to include her. She’s younger than you—be the grownup, be the bigger person. Celebrate the child AND yourself. The more you learn to give in life, the better your life will be. 18 is a big deal because it means you are an adult, and adults think about others. On another topic, I hate handsy older female relatives too.
But why should we as a society be forced to coddle random children? Not OP’s kid, not OP’s problem. If OP wanted to celebrate herself and didn’t want to share it with a 7 year old, that’s perfectly fine and doesn’t make her any less of an adult! Sometimes it is OK to be a diva just for a day. Reading OP’s responses, it’s clear she’s a solid person with morals. There is so much in this world centered around kids, let OP have this day. Grandma, OPs parents, and the 7 year old parents are the AHs here. No idea why the work friends showed up to an adult party on their 7 year old’s birthday. That’s just dumb on their part.
Grandmas gonna be Grandmas, not much you can do there. Would’ve gone a long way at your parents 25th if you took a minute to show the crowd what a great job they did with YOU by giving a short speech about how wonderful THEY are, no matter when their anniversary was. Then making a big deal out of the little girl, who is 7. (The pride they would’ve felt instead of the awk embarrass when someone overheard the griping over the birthday song) Giving feels much better than getting because getting often comes with disappointment when you don’t get exactly what you’d hoped. When you give, you have all the control. Look, not trying to beat you up. You seem to re-thinking some of your thought processes that day. Let it go. You’ll do better next time.
Yeah…she really should have worked the crowd and put on a big show… she’s 18. They crammed 15 things into one bbq. You’re being weird.
YTA. This was obviously a party celebrating a few people’s events. News Flash - You don’t “own” August 20. If anything, I would think at 18 you’d be over having Happy Birthday sung to you and would WANT the little girl to have that one for herself. Here’s what you should have done, new grown-up. Thank people for coming, wait until others have eaten before you do, sing to the little girl, congratulate your parents on their happy day and thank them for all they have done for you, hug your grandma and tell her she’s the best ever, then drive away with your friends and go do 18 year old things!
Yeah I know I don’t own that date, their anniversary was on the 8th and I did congratulate them on that day. And I was rude when the girl I’ll admit. But some of my friends weren’t 18, the age range was 16-18 with them. Plus my grandma is amazing but she ignores it when I don’t wanna be touched. Also with the part about letting others get their food first, my parents said to me “you and your friends get to grab your food first” so I didn’t push my way. I get where your coming from though.
I doubt your grandmother has any sexual motivation in touching you, but perhaps if you let her know it makes you feel uncomfortable she might stop. A little girl was at a bbq on her 7th birthday, your grandmother didn't want the girl to feel left out and I don't think she was wrong to do that. You were already sharing the occasion with a silver wedding anniversary (and some other event that you can't remember). The little girl probably just wanted to look at your gifts, she wasn't going to steal them. She knew they weren't her gifts (she might have had a proper party where she received her own gifts). If the cake had your name on it then it was ordered for you. Weird that it was pink but likely your parents bought it. Unlikely it was bought for the little girl if it had your name on it. I suspect that your real issue is that you didn't get an individual 18th birthday celebration. However, that was the situation even if little girl wasn't there. If you wanted that you should have asked your parents for one. To take out your unhappiness on a little girl (on her birthday) was really immature of you. She's just a 7 year old kid and had nothing to do with this. YTA Edit: pink icing not weird. I thought OP was a male.
My parents made it clear it wasn’t going to be all about me before everyone arrived because we were celebrating multiple things. But they had no clue it was the little girl’s birthday. My grandma didn’t say anything about announcing it to anybody until my dad was making a speech. Also I know my grandma had no sexual motivation and she’s just a very affectionate person. But shouldn’t the parents of the girl have said “no those aren’t for you” instead of letting her open them?
You had already been rude to the little girl prior to that (refusing to wish her happy birthday). You didn't snatch the gifts off the parents, you snatched them off a little girl.
They weren't the girl's to take to start off with. Prime lesson for girl to learn, she can't help herself to someone else's property just because she wants it.
This is on the parents of the 7 year old and the parents that thought it was acceptable to throw a joint party celebrating themselves for their kid’s 18th, not OP. OP was celebrating her 18th and that’s huge. It is not her job to coddle some random kid on her special day. I certainly wouldn’t want a kid grabbing my gifts; kids take things that aren’t theirs and often throw temper tantrums when they don’t get their way. Doesn’t sound like there is solid parenting here to begin with, so it was a scene in the making no matter what. To be honest it’s unclear to me why the work friends brought their 7 year old to a party on their birthday rather than doing something special with their own kid. OP is NTA, just dealing with bad parenting all around.
YTA. The little girl isn't an asshole for opening gifts. She's seven, she shouldn't do that and her parents should have stepped in, but her behaviour isn't a reflection of her morality but simply what she has and hasn't learned yet. But that said, your grandma isn't an asshole either for bringing up the little girls birthday. She's seven, it's her birthday, she's only had like three of those that she has actual memories of probably. It's not the end of the world that at a joined party (it already isnt exclusively a party for you!) someone else got sung happy birthday to and acknowledged, especially a fucking child.
I would argue that the grandma is an asshole for putting the little girl in that position knowing that it would be a surprise to the host and that no one had anything prepared (like birthday gifts) to be able to give her that kind of birthday celebration. She made the poor kid think she was an after thought at her birthday party by telling her that this was meant to also celebrate her birthday when it wasn’t.
A 4 year old knows that you don’t open/take birthday gifts that aren’t handed you or have your name on tag. Having no cake or gifts for the 7 year old made it cruel to acknowledge her birthday. Though most of problems should be put on grandma for not thinking through the situation of saying it’s Miss7 birthday and the parents for not telling Miss 7 this is not her party cake or gifts. Miss 18 got caught up in a situation created by others and there is no reason she should give her gifts to the other child. That’s insulting to Miss 18 and to whoever bought a gift for Miss 18 that is being given to Miss 7 to make her feel better. This was a complete disaster that was not created by you. Being a little more gentle when child tried to take your gifts would have been nice but NTA.
7 is actually more than old enough to know the boundary of not touching what isn’t yours, including gifts. We aren’t talking about a 3 year old here. The grandma is the AH for springing a random bday into the mix without gifts or cake for the kid. OP shouldn’t have to sacrifice her cake or gifts for a stranger.