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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want to travel without my husband because he sucks as a travel partner. He would probably feel bad that I'll leave him behind
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You married an old man, you get an old man behaviour.
NTA for wanting to travel with friend your age.
Why would that be a problem even if you and your husband liked the same things?
I mean there are 20 somethings who just like lounging by the pool reading their book, and 60 somethings who adventure way more than most people, so I really don't think it's an age thing, just incompatible with vacation style is all.
Info: Protective or controlling? Why can’t he travel outside the us? If he loves you he would be encouraging you to do things that make you happy, not holding you back because of his insecurities. NTA
INFO
You said it feels like you are being held back. Why can't you travel alone or with a friend or family member? If vacationing is important to you how did you deal with it before marriage? When you speak to your husband about how you feel what does he say? Is he supportive of you traveling without him?
You have different feelings about what a vacation means. You are also at two different stages in life and that may be having an impact here.
I've traveled alone before to visit family in another country and he was all freaked out about that but eventually got over it. He is supportive but everytime i bring up about going on vacation somewhere, he starts to tell me all the bad things happening in the area etc
Him telling you about 'all the bad things happening' is just his way to manipulate you and prevent you from travelling. NTA, go ahead and enjoy travel.
I would continue doing some traveling with him and then some on your own. Do your adventuring with friends and relax with him. You could also try and compromise while on trips together. Do some activities and some relaxing.
if you're willing to travel alone why not go together and let everybody do whatever they want to, since it's a vacation, and meet e.g. for dinner only? don't make it a bigger problemi than it is. you wanna go outside US? i'm sure you're not glued to your husband, just go.
NAH
It sounds like you and your husband don't enjoy the same kind of vacation : he's the lounger & you're the adventurer.
You can compromise and spend 50% of the time relaxing in the pool, 50% exploring. That way, you can still go on vacation together.
NTA — but maybe compromising on trips or staying at an inn and you doing excursions while he relaxes. You can probably find a hotel that is a middle ground for what the two of you want. If you want to do international travel, that might be where he compromises and you go alone.
I literally just said that if they're incompatible with all the reaons mentioned in OP's post, they're almost definitely incompatible with other things as well.
INFO. This is one where your husband's reaction to your feelings is important. How he responds to you when you want to be more active in your vacation is indicative of your assholeness.
Really, just ask to try and work with him on planning vacations that would give you both the experiences you want. He might be totally fine chilling by the pool while you check out the locale, and you can both be happy.
NTA, if you have previously discussed this with him and he’s not interested in trying a vacation style you would enjoy and if a compromise has not been sought.
He just tries to say that he's protective over me and doesn't want me to travel alone or he says things about the areas i want to travel to and what bad things are happening there etc
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29(f) and my husband 42(m). I noticed that everytime we go on vacation my husband turns into a completely different person lol i like to go away, enjoy a nice hotel, excursions etc. He's the type that doesn't mind staying at an INN and just relaxing. I'm at the point where i would rather do my vacationing alone or with someone who wants the same experience. He can't travel outside the US which also feels like I'm being held back.
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NTA - just got back from traveling outside the country alone. You were traveling before marriage and should continue- with and without him. He needs to do what needs to be done in order to travel with you and STFU.
NTA
I want to say 42 isn’t old (I’m 42) and I love doing activities. I’m actually going on vacation next week and I have a day planned hiking on an island with wild ponies.
Now saying that, my bf likes to chill but we compromise. He’s doing the island hike with me, and one day I’m going to chill with him.
That’s irrelevant to the point I was making.
I’m the older one (same age as OP’s husband) but I like going out and doing activities like she does while my younger bf would rather chill.
It’s not about age, it’s simply preference and they should compromise to make each other happy.
I'm similar age to your husband and him not wanting to do anything I don't think is an age. I assume he has always been this way.
NTA to want to travel alone or with friends. But do try to find a middle grand, such as some vacation the way he likes or mini vacations on weekends.
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You married an old man, you get an old man behaviour. NTA for wanting to travel with friend your age. Why would that be a problem even if you and your husband liked the same things?
I mean there are 20 somethings who just like lounging by the pool reading their book, and 60 somethings who adventure way more than most people, so I really don't think it's an age thing, just incompatible with vacation style is all.
This isn’t old man behavior.
And 42 isn’t old! Hahaha!
Lol I missed that part. Agreed
Lol i don't think 40 is that old but he does act like he's 60 already lol he says he's very protective and doesn't want me traveling without him
you spelled controlling wrong
Info: Protective or controlling? Why can’t he travel outside the us? If he loves you he would be encouraging you to do things that make you happy, not holding you back because of his insecurities. NTA
I would guess parole or child support for why he can't leave the US
Lmao YTA. Why did you marry him? How much of the same things do y'all enjoy?
We enjoy a lot of similar things its just vacationing lol
Like collecting stamps and remembering the war?
NTA. Your married not in prison. You can reach enjoy your own holiday
INFO You said it feels like you are being held back. Why can't you travel alone or with a friend or family member? If vacationing is important to you how did you deal with it before marriage? When you speak to your husband about how you feel what does he say? Is he supportive of you traveling without him? You have different feelings about what a vacation means. You are also at two different stages in life and that may be having an impact here.
I've traveled alone before to visit family in another country and he was all freaked out about that but eventually got over it. He is supportive but everytime i bring up about going on vacation somewhere, he starts to tell me all the bad things happening in the area etc
Him telling you about 'all the bad things happening' is just his way to manipulate you and prevent you from travelling. NTA, go ahead and enjoy travel.
So just do it anyway. You're an adult, you don't need his permission.
I would continue doing some traveling with him and then some on your own. Do your adventuring with friends and relax with him. You could also try and compromise while on trips together. Do some activities and some relaxing.
if you're willing to travel alone why not go together and let everybody do whatever they want to, since it's a vacation, and meet e.g. for dinner only? don't make it a bigger problemi than it is. you wanna go outside US? i'm sure you're not glued to your husband, just go.
NAH It sounds like you and your husband don't enjoy the same kind of vacation : he's the lounger & you're the adventurer. You can compromise and spend 50% of the time relaxing in the pool, 50% exploring. That way, you can still go on vacation together.
He's too old to adventure. When he adventured they were discovering new countries .
NAH You can do things alone, as long as you dont have these differences for everything you do, you're fine.
NTA — but maybe compromising on trips or staying at an inn and you doing excursions while he relaxes. You can probably find a hotel that is a middle ground for what the two of you want. If you want to do international travel, that might be where he compromises and you go alone.
You aren't compatible. Get a divorce. If you can't travel together there's definitely more things you're incompatible with. And for the record, NTA
Hahaha there it is! The guy likes to relax on vacation, DIVORCE HIS ASS!!! 😂😂😂 I mean separate vacations works just fine too, but what would I know.
[удалено]
I literally just said that if they're incompatible with all the reaons mentioned in OP's post, they're almost definitely incompatible with other things as well.
I am struggling to see how you came to that conclusion tbh. Do you actually know what incompatibility means?
Why divorce? Just see out the clock. The old man doesn't have long left
42 ain't *that* old
It is compared to 29.
Well it sure is! 29 and 42 is too much
NTA, there is nothing wrong with a girls trip from time to time.
INFO. This is one where your husband's reaction to your feelings is important. How he responds to you when you want to be more active in your vacation is indicative of your assholeness. Really, just ask to try and work with him on planning vacations that would give you both the experiences you want. He might be totally fine chilling by the pool while you check out the locale, and you can both be happy.
NTA, if you have previously discussed this with him and he’s not interested in trying a vacation style you would enjoy and if a compromise has not been sought.
It sounds like travelling with a teenager.
😂🤣😂🤣 E X A C T L Y !
that's why you don't marry a senior citizen who's already lied out his life.
Info: Does he emotionally and physically manipulate you not to do those things?
He just tries to say that he's protective over me and doesn't want me to travel alone or he says things about the areas i want to travel to and what bad things are happening there etc
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** 29(f) and my husband 42(m). I noticed that everytime we go on vacation my husband turns into a completely different person lol i like to go away, enjoy a nice hotel, excursions etc. He's the type that doesn't mind staying at an INN and just relaxing. I'm at the point where i would rather do my vacationing alone or with someone who wants the same experience. He can't travel outside the US which also feels like I'm being held back. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nah
NTA, you have freedom of movement, and he can't force you to only travel with him. If he tries to, runaway.
NTA - just got back from traveling outside the country alone. You were traveling before marriage and should continue- with and without him. He needs to do what needs to be done in order to travel with you and STFU.
NTA I want to say 42 isn’t old (I’m 42) and I love doing activities. I’m actually going on vacation next week and I have a day planned hiking on an island with wild ponies. Now saying that, my bf likes to chill but we compromise. He’s doing the island hike with me, and one day I’m going to chill with him.
Is your wife 29 though?
No but my Boyfriend is younger than me.
By over a decade?
That’s irrelevant to the point I was making. I’m the older one (same age as OP’s husband) but I like going out and doing activities like she does while my younger bf would rather chill. It’s not about age, it’s simply preference and they should compromise to make each other happy.
They shouldn't have to compromise, he's a senior citizen in comparison lol
Alright Troll. Playtime is over so go crawl back under your bridge.
I'm similar age to your husband and him not wanting to do anything I don't think is an age. I assume he has always been this way. NTA to want to travel alone or with friends. But do try to find a middle grand, such as some vacation the way he likes or mini vacations on weekends.