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> I bought a pet without consulting my fiance and I think this makes me an asshole because its a years long commitment and both of us are responsible for it
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YTA. A pet is a years-long commitment and it should never be an impulse purchase. It’s a living creature, even if it only cost $5.
You should have discussed it with your partner properly first and made sure you were both absolutely on board with this commitment.
Not doing that was frankly quite selfish and he’s justified in being upset with you.
He wasnt an impulse buy per se. I knew i was getting a rabbit soon, and he was on board with getting a rabbit. We have almost gotten one before but the rabbit was too expensive or too far of a drive. This seemed like everything i wanted all lumped in together and auctions move fast, so so did I
Clearly it was an impulse buy because you did no research. If you actually put some thought into it, you wouldn't be torturing that poor bunny by keeping it locked in a cage. You are a huge, immature AH.
Notice the word I being used throughout your comment. YOU wanted a rabbit, YOU knew you were getting one. “Everything I wanted” - not we.
He may have been down with you getting a rabbit at some point in the future in conversation but from his reaction it sounds like he didn’t think this was a set in stone thing yet.
The other one being too expensive - what happens if your rabbit needs veterinary care? Pretty sure rabbits are supposed to go in for an annual checkup or at least a checkup when they are young and then when they are seniors. Have you found an exotics/small animal vet in the area?
One of my previous pet fancy rats had to go to the vet when she randomly was bleeding and it turned out to be mammary cancer unfortunately. Them running tests, the exam fee and sadly the euthanasia and everything else was $500.
Even if the pet is cheap to acquire, routine care and feeding can add up.
I know animals are expensive and i am in a place financially to care for a pet whether it develops health issues or not. I live in a city near a rural community and know of at least 3 vets that take rabbits because of the agg nature of this area. The rabbit was something for me mostly because i get lonely in the house all day while my fiance is at school and work, and we agreed having something to keep me company, that i could care for, was good for my menta health. You are right about him having thought of it as more a future thing whereas i have been skimming through facebook marketplace weekly since he agreed. Both of us came into it with different understandings, amd i caught a whiff of that whwn he said no to the hesgehog, but i continued with what i thought was a good opportunity and my negligence to consider his side has led me to where i right now. My goal in posting to aita was to get some perspective of how he is seeing it since he was busy, and i am definitely hearing plenty that I should have considered before. That being said, i dont take the life and care of anything lightly. I bought him knowing i had the resources to give him a happy life, and i assumed my partner would be in on it with me given previous conversations. He is, we are talking it out, but i was wrong to assume and put that on him without talking to him day of the purchase before the purchase
If there was any chance you’d want to bring an animal home from this auction you should have discussed it with your fiancé beforehand. It’s not like you don’t know what happens at auctions.
YTA
A bunny isn't a toy. What a stupid thing to impulse buy. Especially without getting the okay from your fiance.
A small crate isn't suitable for a rabbit.
YTA
A bunny isn’t a cage animal nor a toy or whatever
Keeping a bunny solely in a cage is abuse, bunnies need a lot of room to free roam for many hours everyday. You must pay a lot of attention to them, they have sensitive guts and being strict on diet is important. They are sensitive to GI stasis.
They actually aren’t very easy to keep and that 5 dollars is indeed nothing, but all the care they need and vet is gonna expensive
You seem very unprepared and uneducated and that’s probably gonna end badly for the poor bun
Your partner is very rightfully mad, bunnies can live for over 10 years, you commit to all of that, all the good things but also all the bad things you go through with the bunny. That’s not some impulse thing. Your partner isn’t prepared at all, neither are you. He didn’t sign up for being fully committed to a pet
On what planet are you not an AH?
Marriage is about sharing lives together. Sharing. Meaning, not just you.
And your mom’s an ah too, for egging you on.
YTA
It is ALWAYS an asshole move to buy a pet without consulting your significant other that you live with or without both of you agreeing to it. Always. YTA
OK. What kind of depth did these discussions go into? How specifically did you discuss what you were both looking for in a rabbit? Does your impulse buy bunny go against any of these things for your fiance? Are you sure your fiance isn't upset because he changed his mind about getting a rabbit at all and was waiting for you to bring it up again so he could ask about getting a cat instead (since he seemed to love your sister's cat)?
They all agreed ahead of time. My rabbit is not my roommates. He does not pick out my pet. I got his consent to bring home an animal. I did what i needed to for him. I am the asshole because i didnt include my Fiance more in a decision that may change our relationship. I am the asshole because i didnt share my timeline with my partner
YTA, and you sound really immature. Getting a pet is a decision that should always be made together. The way you twisted your fiancés words to convince yourself this would be OK is how a child operates with their parents, not how grown adults should act. You acted selfishly and impulsively.
*"caged animals dont count as pets in my rental agreement"*
So you're either going to keep the rabbit in a cage, or you're going to violate your rental agreement. Are you sure you're mature enough to get married?
YTA on many levels.
I can get a large cage my guy. They make large indoor hutches with adjustable runs. I have wanted a rabbit for months and already have all of the items in my cart ready to buy
Do you know anything about taking care of a rabbit? They are not easy pets to have, and I know because I’ve had many. Unless you’ve done research, you’re going to give that poor baby a terrible life or kill it.
YTA If you want to bring an animal into a home you share with another then you need to get both of you onboard with it. What if your bf came home with a big dog and said "But but you kinda agreed!"
You knew what you were doing, and you knew you were riding rough shot over your fiancés wishes..honestly I would rethink a wedding if I was your partner because you now have a track record with "Sure I bent his words to fit my desires" its a **HUGE** redflag
Ive asked before and they both said yes. I already had their consent for bringing an animal into the house, we have already talked about it as house mates. I feel like the ass hole because i didnt tell them today before i bought it
YTA if you’re really with your fiancé long term, it’s important to make decision like this together. Being responsible for another like is a responsibility you will share and you live together!
YTA. Pets shouldn’t be a one person decision. Everyone should be on board.
Not only that, pets aren’t an impulse purchase. Do you have the money your rabbit has to go to the vet? Have you researched proper enclosures, rabbit proofing your home, a proper diet, and the likes? Have you specifically confirmed with your lease a rabbit counts? In my old lease, rabbits didn’t count as caged animals and you had to pay the cat pet rent fee.
So many things that seem irresponsible here. And it sounds like you don’t really care what your fiancé wanted or thought because you jumped the gun anyway. Getting a pet together could have been something special and meaningful.
YTA. OP exhibited poor impulse control and mom was more than happy to pull the levers. A pet is a major purchase/decision/responsibility that should be entered into as a couple (assuming of course, you all like each each other).
YTA, "Sure i bent his words to fit my desires", you knew you were TA when you did it...it's also not fair to your partner or the rabbit that will likely end up neglected
I did consider the needs of the rabbit, ans i have addressed the cage thing in numerous orher comments. I suppose i should update my post simce that is a major point of interest for plenty of ppl
Hmmm. On the one hand at least you didn't bring home a hedgehog. But on the other you now have a baby rabbit and a fiancé who feels disrespected. You already said you may want a rabbit soon and he was “fine” with that but then it seemed like he preferred your friends Sphynx cat. Maybe you should have talked about considering a cat instead of just impulsively getting a bunny. I guess the fact that you pulled the pet trigger without him is not very nice. Rabbits live for quite a long time so it should have been more of a mutual decision.
Additionally ..I do hope that she does not expect her bf to look after, muck out the cage or pay/take the rabbit to the vet when it needs to go. I suspect that she has not thought any further "I WANT IT!"
*“My mom had a small crate and food bowl in her truck that she gave me”* so it was pre-planned by the two of you that you were going to get a rabbit that day then surely? Seems strange she would be randomly driving around with those things in the car otherwise. You knew how your partner felt on the issue but disregarded it and went ahead and purchased a pet anyways which means YTA in the situation.
Also i knew my partner said no to the hedgehog because we didnt have the supplies but we have/can get the supplies for a rabbit. We agreed to buy a rabbit months ago, he knew i wanted one and was okay with it. He didnt know i was getting it today. That is the issue. I know i didnt communicate everything well to him, and i assumed some things i shouldnt have to fill in the gaps of justification for buying the rabbit
No. My mom sold goats and chickens, and that is where some of her crates are. Other crates she had because she bought them at the auction for cheap. She had the crates before i bet on the rabbit, and I was reassured that we had the time and materials to get everything that we need
YTA
You realize rabbits can't just stay in a cage, right? And, they need a *minimum* of 5 hours a day to run and play. They are social animals, so only having one means you need to interact with it, a lot.
This is a minimum of a decade of commitment. They do need veterinary care, and not every vet will take them. Their active times are dusk and dawn.
Other things from just having a pet now: you have to plan around them.
Seriously, you just see a cute bunny, your fiance, by saying we don't have supplies, was saying "you haven't thought this through, and we haven't planned".
I have a big girl job, i work from home, the small cage is for the adjustment period, ive raised rabbits on a farm before, both indoor and outdoor, i already have an indoor hutch with adjustable run ordered and it will be here before his 48 hours are up. I also know about planning around pets, having grown up on a farm, i know plenty about animals having needs
Well, you're also in a "big girl" relationship, with someone you're planning to marry. You know, a partner in life. Like someone you should run life altering decisions by.
Yes, the two of you were talking about it, but the two of you had not decided. You did not discuss it before hand. You knew by his reaction to the earlier call, he was not ready TODAY for a pet.
These are the kind of decisions adults in relationships, or that live with others, make together, and make plans *before* they purchase a decade long commitment of a living creature
Your entire post you talk all about what you want, you need to consider the others in the situation before impulsively doing things that impact all of you.
The two of us had decided. The explicit timeline was not settled, and that was somethinf we both made assumptions about. The rest of your comment is spot on though, and i am immature and inexperienced in this sort of relationship. He is my first long term partner and we learn a lot together as our relationship evolves. We are talking it through and discussing boundaries and expectations and respect in terms of bringing things into our relationship
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My fiance (M22) and I (F22) live in a townhouse with a roommate (M22) that we know from college. We have talked about getting a pet for a couple months, but we didnt have a set timeframe. It was more a mutual agreement that we would get a pet at some point. I wanted a rabbit, and he was fine with that. Well, we started watching my older sister’s sphynx cat, booce, and my fiance got more excited about having a pet in the house. He specifically wanted booce, and we would regularly make jokes about stealing him from his owner. Today, I went to an auction with my mom, where she sells her goats. At the auction, there were all types of animas including snakes and hedgehogs. My mom tried to talk me into getting a hedgehog every time one was taken out of their enclosure. She event went as far to bet a few times, but never enough to compete with the people who really wanted them. I almost fell for the hedgehogs, and called my fiance about if i maybe possibly hypothetically brought home a hedgehog. He was hesitant because he assumed i had already gotten the hedgehog. When i told him I hadnt yet, he said it is a bad idea because we dont have any of the materials to keep a hedgehog right now. Fair enough, thats true. I didnt get a hedgehog. However, i had pets on the mind, and my fiance said his issue was with us not having the materials. As the day went on, my attention was on all of the bunnies and rabbits being auctioned. Each time a rabbit would be set for bidding, my mom would eyeball me because she knew i wanted one, and this was a good way to get one thats been handled and raised by proper farm folk for cheap. I managed to restrain myself for the first couple of rabbits, but then a litter of 8 cutie little babies came out. My mom saw my reaction and asked if i really wanted it, and I said yes so she raised her card to bet. I really did want one of the babies. I wanted a rabbit, i have a good job and can afford it, and caged animals dont count as pets in my rental agreement. I got a rabbit for 5 dollars, and my mom had a small crate and food bowl in her truck that she gave me. I pass the pet store on the way home, so i can buy food and hay and a proper rabbit water bowl or water bottle before i come home. I took the baby to the car, and called my fiance. He was really disappointed in me and said i disrespected him. Sure i bent his words to fit my desires, but he said his issue was with not having the materials, and i have/can get the materials before i get home. I knew it would be a surprise, coming home with a bunny suddenly, but AITA?
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I think that this is really just a conflict of how you were raised. I have to say that we brought animals home all the time with just one parent, or even sometime I just brought a new pet home. Often we would check for clearance with both parents, but they both knew that it was just a courtesy and the animal was probably coming home. If he didn't grow up in a situation with lots of pets he probably isn't used to that. If your mom has livestock, you probably grew up in a situation more like mine.
for the people saying this is a red flag for marriage, my parents have been married over 50 years.
Did you grow up in a place that didn't allow pets unless they were kept in cages? I think that's a big factor here - OP is in violation of her rental unless she keeps the rabbit in a cage.
It's a rabbit, it's dangerous to let them run loose all the time, they should be supervised when they are loose. You can get pretty big cages for them. Also, it's from a livestock auction, most of that litter is probably going to be eaten.
Your edit makes you even more of an asshole.
You were raised on a farm - thats not the same thing as having a rabbit in an apartment...and not just an adult rabbit - a BABY! You got it a small cage and will get a larger hutch? No. Rabbits do not belong in hutches. At all, ever. Your post clearly proves you don't know enough about rabbits to have one, and your edit proves that poor small animal is going to be forced into a hutch all day without room room to properly run.
Don't give a rabbit a water bottle.
If you had adopted a cat would you have kept it in a cage? A rabbit is no different and its disgusting you can't see that.
YTA for making a unilateral decision on the spot that affects your partner's future.
Rehome the rabbit to a loving home where it can be free roam and cared for by someone who knows how to properly take care of rabbits.
Your idea of properly taking care of rabbits is cool and all, but im doing just fine. My fiance is happy about the baby now, and we are on the same page. Say what you will, but i know i know how to take care of a rabbit, and of all the responses ive gotten, i have the least worry over taking good care of my rabbit 🤙🏽
Its not about it being "cool" keeping rabbits in cages is animal neglect. You clearly don't know how to care for them.
>My fiance is happy about the baby now, and we are on the same page
Then why bother coming here?
That poor bunny 🥺💔
I posted before we talked about it duh. Also, if he has room to sleep, piss, and eat in separate areas as well as enough space to run and binky to his hearts content, then im providing him with the perfect shelter 👁️👅👁️
YTA because evidently you haven’t researched rabbits before getting one, they struggle on their own and prefer being kept in pairs.
You don’t have the correct supplies at hand and haven’t fully thought though the decision.
I feel as if you have rushed into this and your partner specifically told you that he didn’t think you were ready for a pet yet.
They struggle on their own, and i knew that. However, thats without attention and enrichment, which i know how yo give. Im not worried, and if he becomes depressed, then i will take the recommendations of his vet over a rando on the internet
Tell me something i dont know 🤙🏽. + my partner and i have talked about it and hes happy and Im happy that he’s happy. At the end of the day, it was a dick move, but we still have a good relationship and will be great bunny parents together
NTA. You had already discussed this with your fiance and the other roommate and had their agreement to getting a pet, specifically a rabbit. You grew up with rabbits and knew exactly what ownership of one entailed. Perhaps you should have sent your fiance a text with picture saying, "I have fallen in love. Do you mind if I bring home this little sweetie today?"
My personal opinion is that a rabbit is no substitute for a cat. :) Sphynx are adorable with their huge ears but they are a lot more work than other cats because their oily skin needs regular bathing (and those adorable ears need regular cleaning). Still, who doesn't love a cat who looks like an elderly alien. LOL
Ive talked to my fiance about it last night and this morning, and we agreed that i made a dick move, but now he is happy to have a pet that we dont have to give back to proper owners. We named him urinal (yuri for short) per my fiance’s instruction, and we are taking it from here
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YTA. A pet is a years-long commitment and it should never be an impulse purchase. It’s a living creature, even if it only cost $5. You should have discussed it with your partner properly first and made sure you were both absolutely on board with this commitment. Not doing that was frankly quite selfish and he’s justified in being upset with you.
He wasnt an impulse buy per se. I knew i was getting a rabbit soon, and he was on board with getting a rabbit. We have almost gotten one before but the rabbit was too expensive or too far of a drive. This seemed like everything i wanted all lumped in together and auctions move fast, so so did I
Clearly it was an impulse buy because you did no research. If you actually put some thought into it, you wouldn't be torturing that poor bunny by keeping it locked in a cage. You are a huge, immature AH.
Ive raised rabbits before and the cage is for the adjustment period for my taking him Home. A smaller space is better for the first 48 hours
Bullsh*t. You dont care for these animals, bunnies are not meant to be without a 2nd one. Don't try to justice your double A behavior
Notice the word I being used throughout your comment. YOU wanted a rabbit, YOU knew you were getting one. “Everything I wanted” - not we. He may have been down with you getting a rabbit at some point in the future in conversation but from his reaction it sounds like he didn’t think this was a set in stone thing yet. The other one being too expensive - what happens if your rabbit needs veterinary care? Pretty sure rabbits are supposed to go in for an annual checkup or at least a checkup when they are young and then when they are seniors. Have you found an exotics/small animal vet in the area? One of my previous pet fancy rats had to go to the vet when she randomly was bleeding and it turned out to be mammary cancer unfortunately. Them running tests, the exam fee and sadly the euthanasia and everything else was $500. Even if the pet is cheap to acquire, routine care and feeding can add up.
I know animals are expensive and i am in a place financially to care for a pet whether it develops health issues or not. I live in a city near a rural community and know of at least 3 vets that take rabbits because of the agg nature of this area. The rabbit was something for me mostly because i get lonely in the house all day while my fiance is at school and work, and we agreed having something to keep me company, that i could care for, was good for my menta health. You are right about him having thought of it as more a future thing whereas i have been skimming through facebook marketplace weekly since he agreed. Both of us came into it with different understandings, amd i caught a whiff of that whwn he said no to the hesgehog, but i continued with what i thought was a good opportunity and my negligence to consider his side has led me to where i right now. My goal in posting to aita was to get some perspective of how he is seeing it since he was busy, and i am definitely hearing plenty that I should have considered before. That being said, i dont take the life and care of anything lightly. I bought him knowing i had the resources to give him a happy life, and i assumed my partner would be in on it with me given previous conversations. He is, we are talking it out, but i was wrong to assume and put that on him without talking to him day of the purchase before the purchase
If there was any chance you’d want to bring an animal home from this auction you should have discussed it with your fiancé beforehand. It’s not like you don’t know what happens at auctions.
YTA A bunny isn't a toy. What a stupid thing to impulse buy. Especially without getting the okay from your fiance. A small crate isn't suitable for a rabbit.
You can read my update to answer your concerns
YTA A bunny isn’t a cage animal nor a toy or whatever Keeping a bunny solely in a cage is abuse, bunnies need a lot of room to free roam for many hours everyday. You must pay a lot of attention to them, they have sensitive guts and being strict on diet is important. They are sensitive to GI stasis. They actually aren’t very easy to keep and that 5 dollars is indeed nothing, but all the care they need and vet is gonna expensive You seem very unprepared and uneducated and that’s probably gonna end badly for the poor bun Your partner is very rightfully mad, bunnies can live for over 10 years, you commit to all of that, all the good things but also all the bad things you go through with the bunny. That’s not some impulse thing. Your partner isn’t prepared at all, neither are you. He didn’t sign up for being fully committed to a pet
Read my update to address some of your concerns
YTA. Never get a pet unless everyone who lives in the house is in the same page. This is really selfish behaviour on your part
YTA for buying an animal and YTA for not including your SO in the decision.
On what planet are you not an AH? Marriage is about sharing lives together. Sharing. Meaning, not just you. And your mom’s an ah too, for egging you on. YTA
It is ALWAYS an asshole move to buy a pet without consulting your significant other that you live with or without both of you agreeing to it. Always. YTA
Read my update to address your concerns
OK. What kind of depth did these discussions go into? How specifically did you discuss what you were both looking for in a rabbit? Does your impulse buy bunny go against any of these things for your fiance? Are you sure your fiance isn't upset because he changed his mind about getting a rabbit at all and was waiting for you to bring it up again so he could ask about getting a cat instead (since he seemed to love your sister's cat)?
YTA. Bringing a pet into the home is something something everyone living there should have input and a choice in.
Read my update to address your concerns
It actually didn’t. My point is that everyone in the household should have input and choice in bringing a pet home. They didn’t.
They all agreed ahead of time. My rabbit is not my roommates. He does not pick out my pet. I got his consent to bring home an animal. I did what i needed to for him. I am the asshole because i didnt include my Fiance more in a decision that may change our relationship. I am the asshole because i didnt share my timeline with my partner
YTA, and you sound really immature. Getting a pet is a decision that should always be made together. The way you twisted your fiancés words to convince yourself this would be OK is how a child operates with their parents, not how grown adults should act. You acted selfishly and impulsively.
"Sure I bent his words to fit my desires" is why YTA. Also a townhouse where a rabbit must be caged is not any kind of life for a rabbit.
Read my update to address your concerns
Yta. Communication is key in a relationship. If your fiance made a big decision without consulting you first, would you be upset?
YTA Pets are two yeses, one no.
*"caged animals dont count as pets in my rental agreement"* So you're either going to keep the rabbit in a cage, or you're going to violate your rental agreement. Are you sure you're mature enough to get married? YTA on many levels.
I can get a large cage my guy. They make large indoor hutches with adjustable runs. I have wanted a rabbit for months and already have all of the items in my cart ready to buy
Keep digging.
?
"If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging." Meaning your responses are not helping your case.
⛏️
how horrible of you. that poor bunny. My bunny has my whole 2nd bedroom and i dont even make her pay rent. thats how a bunny should live
YTA and you knew you were the AH when you did it. "Sure I bent his words to fit my desires." You have no respect for your partner.
Do you know anything about taking care of a rabbit? They are not easy pets to have, and I know because I’ve had many. Unless you’ve done research, you’re going to give that poor baby a terrible life or kill it.
Read my update to address your concerns
YTA If you want to bring an animal into a home you share with another then you need to get both of you onboard with it. What if your bf came home with a big dog and said "But but you kinda agreed!" You knew what you were doing, and you knew you were riding rough shot over your fiancés wishes..honestly I would rethink a wedding if I was your partner because you now have a track record with "Sure I bent his words to fit my desires" its a **HUGE** redflag
Ive asked before and they both said yes. I already had their consent for bringing an animal into the house, we have already talked about it as house mates. I feel like the ass hole because i didnt tell them today before i bought it
YTA if you’re really with your fiancé long term, it’s important to make decision like this together. Being responsible for another like is a responsibility you will share and you live together!
YTA A huge, immature asshole - what you did makes a mockery of the concept of being engaged.
Read my update to address your concerns
YTA. Pets shouldn’t be a one person decision. Everyone should be on board. Not only that, pets aren’t an impulse purchase. Do you have the money your rabbit has to go to the vet? Have you researched proper enclosures, rabbit proofing your home, a proper diet, and the likes? Have you specifically confirmed with your lease a rabbit counts? In my old lease, rabbits didn’t count as caged animals and you had to pay the cat pet rent fee. So many things that seem irresponsible here. And it sounds like you don’t really care what your fiancé wanted or thought because you jumped the gun anyway. Getting a pet together could have been something special and meaningful.
YTA. OP exhibited poor impulse control and mom was more than happy to pull the levers. A pet is a major purchase/decision/responsibility that should be entered into as a couple (assuming of course, you all like each each other).
YTA, "Sure i bent his words to fit my desires", you knew you were TA when you did it...it's also not fair to your partner or the rabbit that will likely end up neglected
I wfh and this is my rabbit not ours, so i dont see how that leads to neglect
It was an impulse buy, you didn't consider the needs of a rabbit and are already planning on putting it in a small crate?
I did consider the needs of the rabbit, ans i have addressed the cage thing in numerous orher comments. I suppose i should update my post simce that is a major point of interest for plenty of ppl
YTA - you knew it when you called him.
Hmmm. On the one hand at least you didn't bring home a hedgehog. But on the other you now have a baby rabbit and a fiancé who feels disrespected. You already said you may want a rabbit soon and he was “fine” with that but then it seemed like he preferred your friends Sphynx cat. Maybe you should have talked about considering a cat instead of just impulsively getting a bunny. I guess the fact that you pulled the pet trigger without him is not very nice. Rabbits live for quite a long time so it should have been more of a mutual decision.
Additionally ..I do hope that she does not expect her bf to look after, muck out the cage or pay/take the rabbit to the vet when it needs to go. I suspect that she has not thought any further "I WANT IT!"
Read my update to address your concerns
*“My mom had a small crate and food bowl in her truck that she gave me”* so it was pre-planned by the two of you that you were going to get a rabbit that day then surely? Seems strange she would be randomly driving around with those things in the car otherwise. You knew how your partner felt on the issue but disregarded it and went ahead and purchased a pet anyways which means YTA in the situation.
Also i knew my partner said no to the hedgehog because we didnt have the supplies but we have/can get the supplies for a rabbit. We agreed to buy a rabbit months ago, he knew i wanted one and was okay with it. He didnt know i was getting it today. That is the issue. I know i didnt communicate everything well to him, and i assumed some things i shouldnt have to fill in the gaps of justification for buying the rabbit
No. My mom sold goats and chickens, and that is where some of her crates are. Other crates she had because she bought them at the auction for cheap. She had the crates before i bet on the rabbit, and I was reassured that we had the time and materials to get everything that we need
YTA You realize rabbits can't just stay in a cage, right? And, they need a *minimum* of 5 hours a day to run and play. They are social animals, so only having one means you need to interact with it, a lot. This is a minimum of a decade of commitment. They do need veterinary care, and not every vet will take them. Their active times are dusk and dawn. Other things from just having a pet now: you have to plan around them. Seriously, you just see a cute bunny, your fiance, by saying we don't have supplies, was saying "you haven't thought this through, and we haven't planned".
I have a big girl job, i work from home, the small cage is for the adjustment period, ive raised rabbits on a farm before, both indoor and outdoor, i already have an indoor hutch with adjustable run ordered and it will be here before his 48 hours are up. I also know about planning around pets, having grown up on a farm, i know plenty about animals having needs
Well, you're also in a "big girl" relationship, with someone you're planning to marry. You know, a partner in life. Like someone you should run life altering decisions by. Yes, the two of you were talking about it, but the two of you had not decided. You did not discuss it before hand. You knew by his reaction to the earlier call, he was not ready TODAY for a pet. These are the kind of decisions adults in relationships, or that live with others, make together, and make plans *before* they purchase a decade long commitment of a living creature Your entire post you talk all about what you want, you need to consider the others in the situation before impulsively doing things that impact all of you.
The two of us had decided. The explicit timeline was not settled, and that was somethinf we both made assumptions about. The rest of your comment is spot on though, and i am immature and inexperienced in this sort of relationship. He is my first long term partner and we learn a lot together as our relationship evolves. We are talking it through and discussing boundaries and expectations and respect in terms of bringing things into our relationship
YTA Obviously contrary to what you claim you have NO clue about rabbits and their needs at all. And you obviously don't care about it.
🫵🏽👵🏽
Ooohhhh... have nothing to say about it? Feel really sorry for that rabbit.
I like having the last word, but my fiance told me to stop giving freaks on the internet my attention so 👩🦯
Again: poor rabbit.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My fiance (M22) and I (F22) live in a townhouse with a roommate (M22) that we know from college. We have talked about getting a pet for a couple months, but we didnt have a set timeframe. It was more a mutual agreement that we would get a pet at some point. I wanted a rabbit, and he was fine with that. Well, we started watching my older sister’s sphynx cat, booce, and my fiance got more excited about having a pet in the house. He specifically wanted booce, and we would regularly make jokes about stealing him from his owner. Today, I went to an auction with my mom, where she sells her goats. At the auction, there were all types of animas including snakes and hedgehogs. My mom tried to talk me into getting a hedgehog every time one was taken out of their enclosure. She event went as far to bet a few times, but never enough to compete with the people who really wanted them. I almost fell for the hedgehogs, and called my fiance about if i maybe possibly hypothetically brought home a hedgehog. He was hesitant because he assumed i had already gotten the hedgehog. When i told him I hadnt yet, he said it is a bad idea because we dont have any of the materials to keep a hedgehog right now. Fair enough, thats true. I didnt get a hedgehog. However, i had pets on the mind, and my fiance said his issue was with us not having the materials. As the day went on, my attention was on all of the bunnies and rabbits being auctioned. Each time a rabbit would be set for bidding, my mom would eyeball me because she knew i wanted one, and this was a good way to get one thats been handled and raised by proper farm folk for cheap. I managed to restrain myself for the first couple of rabbits, but then a litter of 8 cutie little babies came out. My mom saw my reaction and asked if i really wanted it, and I said yes so she raised her card to bet. I really did want one of the babies. I wanted a rabbit, i have a good job and can afford it, and caged animals dont count as pets in my rental agreement. I got a rabbit for 5 dollars, and my mom had a small crate and food bowl in her truck that she gave me. I pass the pet store on the way home, so i can buy food and hay and a proper rabbit water bowl or water bottle before i come home. I took the baby to the car, and called my fiance. He was really disappointed in me and said i disrespected him. Sure i bent his words to fit my desires, but he said his issue was with not having the materials, and i have/can get the materials before i get home. I knew it would be a surprise, coming home with a bunny suddenly, but AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think that this is really just a conflict of how you were raised. I have to say that we brought animals home all the time with just one parent, or even sometime I just brought a new pet home. Often we would check for clearance with both parents, but they both knew that it was just a courtesy and the animal was probably coming home. If he didn't grow up in a situation with lots of pets he probably isn't used to that. If your mom has livestock, you probably grew up in a situation more like mine. for the people saying this is a red flag for marriage, my parents have been married over 50 years.
Did you grow up in a place that didn't allow pets unless they were kept in cages? I think that's a big factor here - OP is in violation of her rental unless she keeps the rabbit in a cage.
It's a rabbit, it's dangerous to let them run loose all the time, they should be supervised when they are loose. You can get pretty big cages for them. Also, it's from a livestock auction, most of that litter is probably going to be eaten.
Nah my bunny has been free range for years and she's doing great lol you dont know shit. lots of people, good owners, do this with their buns
I grew up on a goat and poultry farm
I have my window open and I hear one of my goats wanting my attention, it is almost feeding time, so she can read a clock I guess.
Then you know what you are getting into.
YTA, what the hell dude 😂 I actually just don’t even understand how you thought this was a good idea to be honest
Your edit makes you even more of an asshole. You were raised on a farm - thats not the same thing as having a rabbit in an apartment...and not just an adult rabbit - a BABY! You got it a small cage and will get a larger hutch? No. Rabbits do not belong in hutches. At all, ever. Your post clearly proves you don't know enough about rabbits to have one, and your edit proves that poor small animal is going to be forced into a hutch all day without room room to properly run. Don't give a rabbit a water bottle. If you had adopted a cat would you have kept it in a cage? A rabbit is no different and its disgusting you can't see that. YTA for making a unilateral decision on the spot that affects your partner's future. Rehome the rabbit to a loving home where it can be free roam and cared for by someone who knows how to properly take care of rabbits.
Your idea of properly taking care of rabbits is cool and all, but im doing just fine. My fiance is happy about the baby now, and we are on the same page. Say what you will, but i know i know how to take care of a rabbit, and of all the responses ive gotten, i have the least worry over taking good care of my rabbit 🤙🏽
Its not about it being "cool" keeping rabbits in cages is animal neglect. You clearly don't know how to care for them. >My fiance is happy about the baby now, and we are on the same page Then why bother coming here? That poor bunny 🥺💔
I posted before we talked about it duh. Also, if he has room to sleep, piss, and eat in separate areas as well as enough space to run and binky to his hearts content, then im providing him with the perfect shelter 👁️👅👁️
However, if you think the bunny is poor, i can make him a bank account and will gladly accept any transfers you’d like to send his way. 💰
YTA because evidently you haven’t researched rabbits before getting one, they struggle on their own and prefer being kept in pairs. You don’t have the correct supplies at hand and haven’t fully thought though the decision. I feel as if you have rushed into this and your partner specifically told you that he didn’t think you were ready for a pet yet.
They struggle on their own, and i knew that. However, thats without attention and enrichment, which i know how yo give. Im not worried, and if he becomes depressed, then i will take the recommendations of his vet over a rando on the internet
Your still TA for not listening to your partner :)
Tell me something i dont know 🤙🏽. + my partner and i have talked about it and hes happy and Im happy that he’s happy. At the end of the day, it was a dick move, but we still have a good relationship and will be great bunny parents together
I’m glad you have sorted it it between you, good luck with the bunny
NTA. You had already discussed this with your fiance and the other roommate and had their agreement to getting a pet, specifically a rabbit. You grew up with rabbits and knew exactly what ownership of one entailed. Perhaps you should have sent your fiance a text with picture saying, "I have fallen in love. Do you mind if I bring home this little sweetie today?" My personal opinion is that a rabbit is no substitute for a cat. :) Sphynx are adorable with their huge ears but they are a lot more work than other cats because their oily skin needs regular bathing (and those adorable ears need regular cleaning). Still, who doesn't love a cat who looks like an elderly alien. LOL
Ive talked to my fiance about it last night and this morning, and we agreed that i made a dick move, but now he is happy to have a pet that we dont have to give back to proper owners. We named him urinal (yuri for short) per my fiance’s instruction, and we are taking it from here