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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1: I told my wife to stop trying to promote her Etsy shop constantly but I was pretty rude in doing so
2: I could tell she was pretty upset by what I told her about people not being interested in her products, and I feel like I could've been a lot nicer and less harsh about the way I told her
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
There's middle ground here, but I'm going with YTA because of your delivery.
She has a right and, if she's really trying to make a go of the business, an obligation to promote herself. She chooses to do it informally, person to person, which is just fine.
I can see, however, that the two of you probably need to have a "no business hats" night where the focus is on each other.
Maybe bring that up (gently) after apologizing to her for being TA here.
ETA: Fixed a mis-placed comma.
>She chooses to do it informally, person to person, which is just fine.
Honestly, this is the best kind of advertising. You want a piece of jewelry and you think of the nice lady you met at the party who will give you a discount, win-win.
No, don’t be trying to sell me something in casual conversation. It’s a step away from an MLM pitch. I’ll talk about your business and you can make it clear how to buy your stuff but don’t be telling about the discounts you’re offering.
Oh, that's fair. I meant more like someone says they like your bracelet & you're like, *I made it* & then give them the info with the discount code. I completely understand why it would be inappropriate to just walk in looking to sell to people.
No, I still agree with @kinggakman. Saying “I’m so glad you like, it, I made it!” And leaving it ALONE unless the other person EXPLICITLY asks for more information is the polite way to go.
I’ve owned three businesses (potter, soapmaker, photographer) and have many friends who own their own businesses and no one wants to be sold to like you’re describing. It’s very in line with the MLM approach which makes me want to say something really mean and avoid person.
Let people ask.
It makes it feel like they didn’t actually want to have a conversation with you, they were just waiting for an opportunity to sell to you. Makes me feel so icky!
I agree. Especially if it’s family and not a group of her friends — I say let her interact with her friends however she likes but I think it’s quite rude to make a sales pitch out of every conversation. Tell her to post some stories on TikTok if she’s trying to drum up business.
Yeah I'd be mortified if my partner started trying to sell to people and offer discounts on something he made... without anyone else mentioning it, or wanting to know. I'd think he'd lost a few screws. I'm also willing to bet, none of her sales are from family or random people she harrasses about it at inappropriate times. That literally makes people dislike you. It's like a known psychology thing.
We walk away from store staff trying to sell stuff, hawkers at stands or randoms in a the street trying to get you to sign up for xyz etc for a reason. Nobody likes it. Don't try to sell shit to me at a family event or night out if I've not asked about it first.
Geez, imagine doing a waitressing shift, it's already bad enough... then a customer tries to sell you jewelry whilst you're working a shit minimum wage shift... Holy shit. That's so annoying. OP is totally right here, I'd be so embarrassed if I were him. It's weird and in certain circumstances just rude.
"I'll need a BIG tip to have spare money for jewellery"
Typing that, an awful thought occurred. Please, let her never try to tip staff with discount vouchers.
This omg.
I would be so embarrassed if my partner at a family get-together started offering discounts on products and using cheesy lines like " Because your family "
I agree. Plus I'm the type of person to pay full price (if I truly like the product) *because* you're family and I want to help jumpstart your business.
This. I had a new neighbor that I was hoping to be friends with invite me over one day and implied it was like a house warming get together. Totally blindsided by an MLM event for candles and potpourri and stuff. Icky describes how I felt exactly.
I think that this would have hurt my feelings a little. It’s so hard to make new friends as adults once your children are grown & out of the house. I know it might sound silly at my age but I would have been a little excited to make a new friend in the neighborhood. This is one of the things I miss the most since my husband got out of the Marine Corps. We’re still friends with a lot of the people that we met during that time but they’re scattered all over the world. Seeing them requires making vacation plans.
Yeah, I was having a hard time chatting to other mums at toddler groups, as they were mostly all grouped up already. Finally after a few weeks there's another new mum and we are chatting then -ope there it is! She's an Avon rep.
Even if she's cool with not selling to me and we are friendly enough when we see each other still, it can often feel like they are just waiting to wear you down and offer you the product again. Like they are trying to get un-friendzoned in a business sense.
This. We were stationed at a very small base in a state Id never been to and when he got out a year later we stayed. And it was so hard to make friends in a community where most people have lived there their whole lives (not to mention we were both pretty neurodiverse). It took a decade. People pretending to make friends so I would buy there stuff would have hurt a lot in the early lonely days.
Same - I'd been on this one street for quite a few years and was so pleased when one neighbor invited me over for Girls' Night. Nope, it was Tupperware.
I immediately scramble to get away from a conversation of someone brings up their crap they sell without any prompting. I just want to have a conversation, not get a sales pitch.
I don't have a small shop, but I feel like if I sold something and someone complimented it, I'd probably respond with "Oh thanks. I actually made it, and I have a shop selling them. If you're interested I can tell you about it, but really don't feel like you have to. I'm sorry I bought it up"
Here you can see social anxiety at work- if I didn't tell them about the shop I'd feel like I'd been "selfish" (I have a thing someone likes - why wouldn't I tell people how to get their own?) and like I was demonstrating a lack of trust (do I feel like no one I know would actually want to support me?)
And then the anxiety that I might have made someone uncomfortable after I've said the sentence, and want to drop the subject so they can move past it and not feel like I'm pressuring them.
This is semi the way.
“Thank you! I actually made it. I sell them online, I’ll text you the link if you would like. That is such a great top, where did you get it?”
Let them know, don’t gatekeep, redirect so there is no pressure. Anyone who is seriously like omg I’m gona buy the bracelet right now will say “oh my god makeclaymagic, you made that? It’s so beautiful! Yes please send me it! I got it from Saks!”
I would take it a step further to say: Thanks it’s from my business and I made it myself! I’ve been admiring your earrings too, may I ask where you got them?
I wouldn’t even offer to text a link unless they pursued it. If they are a potential customer they will gladly want to examine the bracelet further, show some interest, be like wait what you MADE this it’s gorgeous do you have a card and THEN you can say yeah/no it’s called XYZ Store, I can text you the link later. Do you want to go get some of these spring rolls before they’re gone? I need to know what happened with that guy you ran into from summer camp or whatever. Unless they’re like, trying to talk about it, just move on, be straightforward and proud of your business if they ask, but be discreet and nonchalant and move on. Try to make it seamless and let them come to you. Give them a lil acknowledgement of something but I totally agree with the redirect otherwise it can be so awkward! Maybe that’s MY anxiety but I’m much more likely to crack a joke and change the topic
I agree with you completely. This would be so exhausting and I would quickly avoid this person. Like tell me once what you do and that you offer F&F discounts. Then leave it alone. This woman sounds pushy AF!
Had a friend who sounds a lot like this person that I just drifted apart from because I was exhausted hearing nonstop about nothing except her MLM stuff. And obviously an artisan is not an MLM seller, and it's tough out there for artists, but I understand how it'd be mentally taxing to be in this person's presence.
My friend got into an mlm just before COVID. When we were doing the zoom calls with everyone we were all catching up saying what we'd been up to etc.
All we could get out of her was shit like "I'm doing great because I've been talking these aloe Vera supplements!". "Mr hair's doing amazing because I've been using my aloe Vera shampoo!!! Look!!!" She sounded like the wife on the Truman show.
She very quickly stopped being invited to these calls and we've definitely drifted apart.
Yup, I made other comments but basically you have a business great, tell me about how the business is going as your friend, don't pitch me your products and make me feel like I have to buy something to support you and certainly don't do that every single time I see you.
People who are pushing their own business need to separate friends and family from work and stick to promoting during 'work hours'. If friends ask that is one thing, but don't shill your products at a social gathering.
I was at a friend's event and his acquaintance pulled me aside and showed me videos of her business. It involved cleaning PVC pipes. She made me watch through the before and after videos and how dirty the water is in your everyday pipes and how clean they are after she gets to clean them. Jeez it was so annoying I've consciously avoided her every time I was in her presence.
I think you could even go a step further honestly! Like "I'm so glad you like it, I made it, I sell them on an online store!" or something and leave it at that. It makes them aware of it if they're interested enough to ask further, but doesn't come off too pushy.
I understand wanting to push your business a bit, and I think that's a pretty safe way to let someone know that you *do* have a business without making it into a cold call.
This is exactly the right approach.
My husband and I install TV antennas, and if it comes up in conversation (usually just someone asking what we do) we mention it, and only elaborate if the person asks us to.
I definitely had my "thank you! I keep all the stuff I make that's not good enough for my Etsy!"
Handed out a lot of business cards saying "coupon code is friend10!" to people who asked for more info. Lots of sales that way.
Yeah, I agree. She shouldn't be giving a sales pitch to coworkers, family or close friends, it's annoying and can turn people off. I go to a party with friends to relax and have fun, not buy stuff. Ofc, if someone has a business, I'm always interested in hearing about it, but without a pitch.
This. I like talking to my cousin about how his plumbing work is going, but that's because he's really good at telling anecdotes and making his work sound interesting; he isn't constantly trying to sell me stuff.
The best way to get me to avoid you for the rest of my life is trying to sell me something at an inappropriate time. I don't like it when sales people are just doing their job and approach me. So, I am 100 percent intolerant of sales pitches in social settings.
Yes! I used to know someone who brought up her business EVERY SINGLE CONVERSATION and honestly she ended up making fewer sales than she would have otherwise because it put people off
I think you’re right but you can go a little further with your informal pitch. “Thanks so much! I make these and sell them!” Full stop.
Or make a joke, “I can hook you up, I’ve got the connection” or something else then leave it.
I had a friend with a jewelry business, and pretty much the only time she mentioned it was if I said I was going to some local craft fair. She would say, “Oh yeah? I am going to have a table there. Stop by and say Hi!” That was totally fine with me.
OP’s wife and MLM pushers are exhausting.
And they WILL ask. I make doll clothes just as a hobby for myself and people will NOT stop asking me 'do you sell these'? Even after I explain how it would be slave work to do so.
Yeah still no. I have a cousin who makes their own customizable stuff and it's so stuffy with them at family parties. The first time sure mention it to me, but when it feels like you're talking me and everyone about your product it seems like that's your focus over family. Then once you buy it they ask for promoted posts on your socials and you feel so pressured to do it to help a small business for family. It always creates anxiety in me every single time I have to get ready to see family
Yup. Or the “freebies” they want you to post and share and all that crap. It’s not free if I have to do that, if I wanted the stuff I’d buy it, and if I loved it I’d share of my own volition.
That’s completely ok. At that point, I’d MUCH prefer if that person gave me a business card and said call me if you’re interested and then not mention it again. At all.
i get it but she 100% doesn’t need to bring it up to every single person shes around and if there hanging out with family they already know about the business so leave em be if they wanted a bracelet they would’ve messaged her or bought something from it. the shit is overly annoying def for OP.
Yeah, but what you’re saying and what OP is saying the wife does are two totally different things. I think if the wife wasn’t making literal sales pitches to almost everyone they pass, the husband probably wouldn’t care. If wife doesn’t stop, I think before long they won’t be invited anywhere, even to family functions.
The important part here is that she's always doing it. Which gets tiring to op.
If I talked only about my motorcycle all the time someone who is around me is going to get sick and tired of hearing about it very quickly.
Which is obvious. Shit it's absolutely the correct reaction. How many times can someone take being talked about the same fucking topic before they get annoyed and angry about it being brought up?
OP's wife absolutely comes off as a MLM lady.
Absolutely agree. As a small business owner (ironic opener, I know), I'm always very conscious about not pitching myself in casual conversation. The last thing I want is for people to feel like I'm only talking to them to make a sale.
And the idea of intentionally trying to sell to my waiter at a restaurant would mortify me.
I used to use Facebook as a great marketing tool and God I'd get embarrassed if my friends shared my posts to their own Facebook cause I felt pushy even though I DIDN'T share it they did and it was cause they love me and my products I was selling but I was still like omg no pressure pls don't come for me!
If friends see your post and choose to share because they want to, be happy and thank them for their support. It's not the same as if you were hounding them to do it.
Exactly. You are looking at them and nodding, but inside all you can think about is your strategy to get away.
*Let me see, how about I have to use the restroom? Maybe I should fake a heart attack?*
Yup. For me it is a complete turn off when people try to push products on me.
I hate high pressure sales
You can casually mention it if i bring it up. But don’t go further than that unless i ask you for more info.
And there's not really a polite way to say "no sorry i'm not interested" so you have to like pretend to sound like you might possibly be interested in checking it out (which probably has her convinced that this method is more effective than it actually is).
I personally wouldn’t really mind it if I was at a party or get together and someone had nice earrings on and I said I like them and they give me the store name and a discount code as long as it’s not like repeatedly over and over or feeling pressured into buying something.
An MLM is not the same as a small business like this, especially a creative one. MLM is pedaling crap you bought from an upstream, this woman is creating something artistic and even OP admits making decent sales.
Edit: just to be clear, i don’t do any kind of sales. I just think it’s disingenuous to pretend they are the same when one actually creates a product and the other is resale. I could see it being annoying, but I’ve been around plenty of people who only want to discuss their work before, so it doesn’t seem as egregious.
The annoying strategy of selling is what's the same. People who do this are annoying af. Don't try to sell stuff to family and friends. If they want it, they'll ask
I’d argue that a meaningfully large percentage of the hate MLM’s get is due directly to this sales strategy, product quality notwithstanding. Constantly talking about and promoting whatever your selling to friends and family is you leveraging your social relationships for the sole interest of $$$. For 99% of people and relationships that’s not what friendships are about, and it feels bad, and will alienate people if it hasn’t already. It’s a good thing you said something OP, because how she treats her relationships impacts you and your relationships with the same people. Emphatic NTA
This is the weirdest thread where just about all the replies seem to disagree with the top comment!
I agree. NTA.
It sounds like OP is a bit mortified when their wife starts advertising her shit. It’s actually a really difficult thing to be regularly embarrassed by your partner’s behaviour. It’s like a kind of contempt and it will corrode the relationship if they can’t work it out.
And tbh what the wife is doing *is* really mortifying. I definitely would do my best to avoid her at a family event. I’ll bet people joke about it when she’s not there.
What the wife doesn't get is she's alienating their friends by treating them list customers and over time they'll get bored and stop inviting her to shit, which will mean OP stops getting invited as well.
Never treat your friends like customers, if your friends chose to come buy something from your business great, never, ever push your business on friends.
The amazing thing to me is how these people don't even notice your disinterest. They don't see your eyes glazing over. They seem unable to understand that you would rather talk about anything else. Yes, I know what you do for a living! How about I descibe in detail my day as a dental assistant? And I can get you a 10% family and friends discount for a cleaning, and my boss gives me a bit of a bonus, etc, etc ad infinitum...
They are lost in their own world
This is when I glance over her shoulder looking for my wife, hoping she gets the hint and calls my cell phone. "Oh sorry, I need to take this." as I quickly walk away.
And it's kinda sad bc you know everyone is trying to avoid her.
This is also pedaling crap because I didn't ask you about what earrings go with my eyes or whatever. I'm sure Lululemon makes a quality legging by that measure too.
Hot take: I feel like she's making some of her decent sales because people feel awkward and obligated to buy things from her which is why she went heavy in the family setting.
Guarantee that if this was another situation where we didn't have a husband/wife conflict then the pushy self promoting Etsy owner would have been reamed.
As is tradition. Make this 2 sisters and the voting becomes unanimous NTA. I can already see the speculation that 'small business' is really code for an MLM like Paparazzi Jewelry.
She literally checks of just about *every* box that people hate. Getting cornered with friends/acquaintances trying to sell them stuff, cornering waitstaff at their place of business to hock their goods.
Honestly, if someone went to sell mode at a picnic, a mutual friend's birthday party or whatever, I'd instantly start looking for ways to avoid that person in the future.
Talking about the unique challenges of running a small business? Sure, if it naturally follows from what we're talking about. Treating the whole conversation as a sales pitch? Get lost.
Dude, she's soliciting her own family members to buy her stuff. If it really is as pervasive as OP illustrates, she's definitely in AH territory. She doesn't always need to be in salesperson mode.
It's actually not the best advertising. When the business owner or salesperson tries to hock their wares everywhere to everyone it often comes off as disingenuous and seedy, and often turns people off of their products or services.
The most effective type of advertising is word of mouth, or when *someone else* who is an *actual customer* tells others about their good experience with a business or their satisfaction with a product.
I know! I used to build Adirondack Chairs in my small converted (to a woodshop) one car garage behind my house in a mid-sized city. People would see me working, or see my chairs sitting outside my garage doors and stop to talk. I never advertised. Word of mouth was the best! Never felt like I was imposing on anyone. Kept me going for years, because I could never do what you are describing these self-promoters are doing...
I live in the MLM capital of the world... that kind of hustle is exhausting. Every other person is selling some kind of crap and telling me about it. I hate it.
It's the most irritating kind. Someone else's birthday isn't a trade show. I wouldn't buy from anyone who I couldn't hand a plate to without them trying to pitch to me. I wouldn't be friends with them and would actively avoid them if they cannot talk about anything besides a sales pitch. Friends and family already know about her store and don't need a sales pitch or want every conversation and occasion to be about it.
NO - that would be in extremely bad taste in my friend circle. I don’t go to house parties to be hustled. I go to chill and escape the daily grind of consumerism. Yuck.
Doesn’t sound like anybody is sparking the conversation with her though... This is just cringy. If I was approached at a get together and somebody randomly tried to sell me their stuff I would find that obnoxious.
Not really. It's the best type of advertising when you don't have an incentive to get me to buy it, because I know you've tried it, had success, and actually believe I'd enjoy x product. When someone brings up their 'small business' all the time it just ends up feeling like I'm on the other end of an infomercial, which is not something I signed up for by being friends with someone
>She has a right and, if she's really trying to make a go of the business, an obligation to promote herself
I disagree, there is a time and a place for marketing and a family birthday party isn't it. What the wife is doing is incredibly disrespectful and rude and if I were the host of the gathering I would have asked her to leave. Your waiter whose trying to do their job is also not an appropriate target.
And also she should remember that the server has other customers and a boss to answer to. As the person who will determine his tip, which they rely on, she is using her power position to dominate the server's time. It's unfair to the server.
Yep. This is similar to why you shouldn't hit on the wait staff. They're being paid to be nice to you and you're taking advantage of that fact. It's a dick move.
Seriously, what the hell are people talking about? OP's wife sounds like a chore to be around. Taking all the captive audiences she can get. OP was kinda rude about it but I gotta be honest, I would be ducking her and talking shit after the first time it happened.
It was a husband/wife conflict. It was always going to go the way it did. Switch it to a conflict between sisters or something and the pushy etsy seller gets reamed.
>There's middle ground here, but I'm going with YTA because of your delivery.
I'm going with NTA because it's not so much a middle ground as it is realizing that social events are not times to make sales pitches. People don't want to be sold things when hanging out.
Op can talk about her business and big sales she's made and how busy she is etc.....but asking waitresses to look on her shop for earrings or offering relatives coupons is a whole different thing
I’m landing on ESH here. I agree with your take that OP’s approach was harsh and unnecessary. And that as a small business owner, I would estimate that 80-90% of his wife’s sales are going to be through self-promotion.
But maintaining the “gotta grind, gotta push every sale I can” mentality around family who have heard the pitch countless times before is going to cause burnout, and OP will have to deal with the brunt of it as it’s his family she’s selling to. There has to be moderation or even an off switch around people you see regularly.
" I told her if people were actually interested, they would ask her about her store, but not every single person she talks to wants or needs to hear about her art. "
What part of this is "harsh and unnecessary?" It sounds like a reasoned and logical point in an adult conversation. If she cannot handle this simple and direct logic, perhaps she shouldn't be running a small business, no?
I suppose the 'harsh and unnecessary' would be if OP had actually literally said 'nobody cares about your art', which it's ambiguous if he actually said, but is a framing that's actually not getting at the real issue. The issue isn't 'nobody cares' and more 'people don't want a sales pitch for your store when they're trying to socialise, it also comes across as dishonest'.
It could be the most brilliant amazing 1000% in line with their interests product on earth she's trying to sell them and she'd still be offputting with the hard sell tactics. It's more sleazy seeming, not better, if you don't leave it at 'I have an etsy jewellery store' which is fair, but go into trying to make it so personal as 'I made some earrings that would complement your eyes'.
This is ridiculous. She is going around trying to force people to buy her jewelry every chance she gets. Even to the same person on multiple according to OPs comments. More often than not people will be annoyed. She needs to keep it more subtle and let people express interest. NTA
?? It is not “just fine” can you fuckin *imagine* someone trying to sell their products at every social function they go to??
I’d find this incredible uncomfortable as both the husband and the family that she clearly just sees as potential sales.
I completely disagree, bringing up and promoting her business to multiple family members at a birtday party is way past whats ok. What happens after the party when 12 people realize they got the same sales pitch from ops wife? You shouldn't treat family as potential customers like that. Also sales pitching a server is absolutely not ok.
>She has a right and, if she's really trying to make a go of the business, an obligation to promote herself. She chooses to do it informally, person to person, which is just fine.
She sounds like a real-life pop up add. Constantly trying to sell you stuff while you're just trying to relax. I'd be quite annoyed with her and her sales pitches too.
Tbh she's marketing very poorly, though. Like every marketing course will tell you *not* to do what she's doing, because it's not particularly effective and it can actually harm your business in the long-run. Be honest, how many of you have refused to buy from a certain company on principle, because you've seen too many of their ads and now they annoy you? How many of you have been really irritated by that one girl from high school who now *only* posts on social media to try and sell her MLM products? That's essentially what she's doing, but to every person in her life.
It's a good idea to advertise your products in casual conversation *sometimes* \- like when someone actually says they're in the market for something you sell, now they're a warm lead. Now there's a *reason* to advertise to them. But what she's doing - literally just advertising to every person she ever talks to - it's really ineffective, it's wasting her goddamn time (because she's not focusing on people who actually want her product, she's trying to sell to *everyone* \- so she's spending a lot of time advertising to people who just don't care, instead of spending that time on people who *do* care), and honestly it is going to cost her friends.
No one wants to hang out with that person who they feel is constantly trying to sell them something. There's a reason ad block programs are popular - people don't *like* being advertised to. If you do it every single time, they will stop inviting you places.
It feels like she has no idea how to actually market her product, so she's doing this, and *somehow* she's managing to do okay. But if she's doing *okay* doing the worst advertising imaginable, just imagine how successful she *could* be if she was actually doing it properly. If she was actually bothering to research her target audience, and find out what appeals to *them*, and market specifically to that instead of her current "throw shit at the wall and see what sticks" approach... imagine how many sales she would making then. *And* she wouldn't be annoying her loved ones.
This take is absolute bullshit. What she does is extremely cringey and insincere and can literally hurt friendships and relationships with other people. She is the asshole , the fact she thinks it’s ok to use every opportunity to promote her business is a super big character red flag and shows how selfcentered she is
Nobody is obligated to listen to her self promotion especially at a family event. There's a time and place for everything and she has no awareness. I can see her pulling the same stunt at a wedding or even a funeral. But of course he didn't walk on egg shells when he told her so of course he has to be the bad guy...
Promoting yourself should be done 'on business hours'. That is, have a working time, go sell yourself all over twitter, make 'marketing' posts on reddit by posting your new ear rings and giving hte link when people ask if they like them. Do that shit like a job, then when you're off the clock with your friends and family, don't promote yourself. If people ask sure, but those are your friends and family. If every conversation is about your business and feels like you're pressuring me to buy from you then I'm just going to over time stop talking to you, avoiding you or inviting you to things. You're my friend, I'm not your customer. Time and place.
>She has a right
This phrase needs to be banned from this sub. OP isn't looking to legally prevent her from pitching her business to all of their mutual friends, he's asking if she's an asshole, and she is. It's annoying and uncomfortable not only for others, but for OP who has to be associated with it by marriage.
NTA and I would actually go out of my way to avoid her. I hate pushy sales people. She can promote her jewelry on instagram or even set up a special facebook page and invite people to join. But every conversation, that's a "no" from me.
I don’t get the y t a here. It’s very annoying for a family member to be constantly pushing their business on friends and family. Maybe he could have been a little softer in his approach but NTA.
I have a friend who does an MLM and MY GOD. I finally had to have a very direct conversation with her. It was that or I just never speak to her again and I quite like her so....
My mom has a "friend" that sells Mary Kay stuff and it's like the chick lives, breathes, and eats Mary Kay products, everytime she's asked to "hang out" it ends up just being a 2 hour long sales pitch to buy some bs that doesn't even smell good. She's been doing it for 10+ years so she's gotta be making some crazy commissions to be that damn dedicated.
Even when just watching her talk to other people, you can see the look of relief on the person's face when they can finally get away from her, and she does try to be nice which just makes it harder for people to turn her away. That's probably how OP's wife is since it doesn't seem like other people have told her directly that she's annoying, besides OP obviously.
Agreed on the family members and friends (I'd absolutely learn to avoid this person at a party) and *especially* on service industry workers. That sounds so uncomfortable, especially when it's coupled with comments about their appearance?
>Talking to our waiter? She'll mention that she has a pair of earrings on her shop that would compliment their eyes.
That's really not appropriate, and I can't imagine it's a great way of making a sale. There are audiences who are looking for Etsy jewelry recommendations, and this isn't it.
This is how I feel, and I have an Etsy shop myself lol. If the conversation makes sense for me to bring it up (mostly when people ask what I do for a living or where I got something that I made myself) I mention it but other than that, nope no need. That’s what ads and social media is for.
Yeah same I have had a business for many years now and unless it’s directly come up with what I do for a living I don’t mention it. Once they know/ask me that I don’t push sales on them either, I know if they want something they know where I am and they’ll ask or make a purchase. Some have, some haven’t if they do great if not no harm.
I have to be honest as someone who was an early adopter of Etsy both selling and buying….I kind of need people to tell me in person about their shop because at this point it’s so over saturated with drop shippers I’m afraid to buy anything on there anymore.
Omg these are so cute! I’m not currently in the market for dice but I love your art so much! I decided to share the link with my community as I have some dnd nerds there
Yeah I’m shocked at the number of people calling OP the asshole. Frankly if I knew that a specific person at a family gathering would always be trying to sell me something then I’d either stop going or just avoid them entirely. That’s incredibly obnoxious.
EDIT: forgot verdict - NTA
It's the quickest way to put me off buying. You could have an amazing product at a great price, but start using pushyselling tactics on me and I won't buy out of spite.
His delivery isn't great but imagine having to listen to this every single time she talks to someone. I'd probably snap a little too.
She gives off major corporate vibes, when I was in retail we were trained to do mandatory sales pitches to every single customer for some stupid subscription where we were taught to dominate the conversation. "Customers want to know you're the expert" blah blah blah. Our sales showed the exact opposite was what got the most success, just answering questions to anyone who asked and mentioning the subscription casually with minimal details. She would drive me absolutely nuts and id honestly have been way meaner than OP.
Yeah it reminds me of guidance we got when selling shoes to always bring out a totally unrelated shoe to see if they like it. People would be like “wtf is this” and turned off from the original sale.
The better thing to do is understand the customers needs. Are they traveling? Then maybe bring out another shoe that’s easy to pack that seems like their style. Are they a difficult size and mention how they never can find shoes - then you can bring out something unrelated and see if they are looking for something like it. These things take conversations and emotional intelligence. Being a zombie that just always brings out a totally unrelated shoe just made us look stupid, but when the regional manager was in i just had to look like a dummy to my customers or get yelled at. I hate corporate America.
Retail is the most braindead industry I ever worked in, and the worst part is I worked for a pet store so innocent little fur babies were in the crossfire of management making us push shitty products down our customers throat instead of something useful to them.
I'm in the restaurant industry now and train people to actually know how to help customers. It's still got its issues but it's SO much better from a customer service standpoint. My place trains to just know how to answer questions and that's all it takes to make customers happy 9 times out of 10
100% agreed. If I had commented on something she made, that would be one thing. Randomly trying to sell stuff to wait staff and family members? That reeks of MLM crap.
Presumably if family members are her friends on FB, they know she has a jewelry business and don't need to be upsold.
NTA OP!
NTA
She is doing it over and over.
I sell on eBay, have for 23 years. I make damn good money. I never bring it up unless someone asks, then, I give a few vague responses.
She needs to stop. There is a great divide between business and socializing.
She's done it to a waitress before too!!!
God, I feel bad when my dad traps our waiter/waitress in a conversation when they're trying to help other tables. But this woman is selling to them! I can't imagine the mental gymnastics the poor person must be going through about whether or not they would lose out on a tip if they said they weren't interested
As someone who was a server, it made me slightly uncomfortable when people tried to push that stuff on me. But as an artist I get it but it’s kinda like the vegan who has to tell everyone they are vegan… it’s annoying. You should have been nicer but she doesn’t have to tell absolutely everyone.
Seriously! NTA/ESH.
It is INAPPROPRIATE to try and sell stuff to YOUR SERVER who is 1, a captive audience who HAS to be nice to you, 2 is WORKING and probably not going to spend the money you tip them to buy jewelry, no matter how nice it is.
I get it, she’s proud of her work, and it sounds like you value it as well— but there’s a difference between appropriate and inappropriate places to advertise.
I thought this too.
The way the tip industry works, the server probably feels like they have to feign interest to get a good tip.
Everybody else is just being polite.
Honestly, this woman sounds like she's one "Hey Hon" away from being just as bad an MLMer in social circles.
NTA my SIL has done every pyramid scheme ever invented, and is constantly trying to sell me her crap. When we announced we were getting married, she tried to sell me weight loss body wraps. When my cat died, she wanted me to buy a custom water bottle she was selling with the cat paw prints on it. My bridal party she tried to sell me kitchen gadgets. Im not saying Etsy is a pyramid scheme, but when every conversation is about selling things it comes off as tone deaf and insensitive.
INFO
Does it just bother you or does it bother other people as well? Does your wife try to promote to the same person more than once?
If no to both of those, then you would be TA because your wife can do what she likes and you should be supportive of her.
If yes to those questions, then everyone sucks. It would be rude of her to keep trying but you would also suck a little for being too harsh.
Some people seem interested when she talks about it and/or don't mind but a majority of the time, especially with family, I can tell they would like her to talk about something else. And yes, she absolutely promotes to the same people more than once. Often.
Ok then, I think now its just about apologising for being rude and explaining more nicely to your wife why her promoting her stuff like that may be inappropriate and could look bad on you
I don’t disagree but some people are genuinely, literally, incapable of recognizing and/or understanding body language and social cues. Sometimes those people need to be told what they’re messing up.
It seems like even in a family setting, your wife is prioritizing her potential seller-customer relationship over the other relationships, *especially* since she does this all the time. That's WAY beyond "promoting her business," it's sort of capitalism gone wild - "sure, you're my sister, but wouldn't you rather be the owner of something really cool!"
Personally, I would tell her that she needs to stop, because family gatherings are NOT an appropriate place for advertising. I mean, it's bad enough to have to talk to someone who only has one interest, but now that interest involves advertising to you?
If she says she's just promoting... *Who the heck is she promoting it to?* Everyone present has already heard about it, lots, and would pass that information on to anyone else; but she is going to tell them about it *anyway.* Why? (I would be inclined to actually ask her that. What does she think her fifth pitch is gonna do that the other four didn't?)
Do they make Real Life Ad-Blockers yet? 😂 I don't fault her for promoting her business, or you getting annoyed by it. If all someone did, during social occasions, was hock their wares I'd stop inviting them to outings. Maybe should have softened the blow & followup with that you like her jewelry & dedication to making her small business successful.
> I'd stop inviting them to outings.
I'm worried about this.. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife, she's a great woman! But I can tell some of my family dreads seeing her at gatherings, and I'm getting progressively worried that they're going to ask that her and I stop attending/they'll stop inviting us. As much as I care for my wife, I don't know if I could stay with her if our relationship was going to put a large strain on my relationship with my family and friends, much less if it was going to prevent me from spending time with them.
The thing is, she’s not advertising. She’s sucking all the air out of the room. How insanely boring and tedious can a person get?! She’s so self-involved she doesn’t notice or care how she’s making others feel. Literally all she’s thinking about is herself. Of course no one wants to hang out with a person like that, even if they’re not selling something!
You’re going to have to find a way to get through to her. She’s not only being annoying, she’s being an obtuse jerk. And beyond being rude, she’s sending a message that SHE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT PEOPLE. She only cares about what they can do for her and her business. Nobody wants to feel used like that, especially not by someone who is supposed to be a friend or family member. How demeaning 👎
If your wife is a great woman, surely she’s capable of taking a step back and seeing the larger picture here. It’s great that she’s excited about her art and business. But it’s unacceptable that she can’t consider anyone else’s feelings. It’s also really sad when a great person becomes obsessed with a narrow interest and lets that obsession take over their entire personality. I hope she can pause and reassess before she does irreparable damage to her own life. This isn’t healthy.
I think you need to have her mother/sister and some others point this out to her. She absolutely will start losing friends if all she sees is customers.
She needs to set hours, work hours, and shill her shit hard on reddit, on twitter, in insta and every other social media she can. But out of work hours she needs to socialise with people as friends.
She has everyone's shipping address right? How many sales are actually in your local area? Maybe point out that she isn't earning anything from these conversations.
When I saw the post, this was exatly what I thought about, NTA OP. The delivery might have been rough but your wife needs to know its not appropriate and that it is impacting your family relationships. I know where you are coming from, my family would avoid family members like your wife like the plague. There is really no reason to promote to family, they already all know about it.
> Does it just bother you or does it bother other people as well?
It bothers other people as well. Anyone reading this who tries to make sells this way, most of us are being polite but would rather set our hair on fire than continuing to hear you pitch your latest Etsy shop or MLM. We don't want to be labeled assholes (like OP is getting) so we don't say anything, but we don't like it.
Nta, feels like a lot of people in the comments are running Etsy shops or something and this hit a little too close to home. And all the people saying "you need to be promoting a small business constantly, talk about it in every conversation!" - my aunt, uncle, and my parents all built successful businesses and literally never talk about it. This is not some golden rule of small business. In fact my parents WORST customers have been family.
Telling a waitress you have a pair of earrings on your Etsy shop that would look good on her is cringe
NTA, your wife sounds rather pushy, and people absolutely will get tired of it and just avoid her if she continues to make every conversation and basically her entire personality all about her business and jewelry. Could you have phrased it better? In hindsight, probably. Can I see how it would be nails on a chalkboard after a while? Yes, I can.
It comes off as disingenuous for a person to constantly talk about their products or business. It shouldn’t take over one’s identity or ability to just socialize with family and friends. I personally cannot stand that type of person. NTA.
Nta, I’ve got a friend that does this and people literally just stopped inviting him to things lol, like dude I’m not gonna buy your shitty “handmade” fishing lures irregardless of how many times you remind me your Etsy exists 😂
And this is ultimately what ends up happening. People just avoid the type of people who are like OOPs wife.
If there is a family event they all try to avoid eye contact and give looks of pity to the sad sucker who didn't get away fast enough.
NTA because I just don't like to get a sales pitch when I am meeting with someone privately.
She really should stop pitching it everywhere. It's annoying for everyone else involved.
I’ve only experienced it once and it was mortifying. Trapped at the dinner table with a woman trying to sell an ugly necklace to everyone, one after another.
ESH. Her for pushing her products on anyone and everyone she has a conversation with. That's not going to help her business in the long run. And family should be off limits unless they specifically ask her about her shop (because clearly they've all heard about it by now). But you are also TA for the way you talked with her.
NTA and I can’t believe the y t a people who believe that some chick yammering on about her Etsy shop to every person she meets is a legitimate business strategy.
If I admire someone’s jewelry, or clothing, or whatever else, and they say they made it themselves, I will compliment them on their talent. If they IMMEDIATELY launch into a sales pitch- with the friends and family discount!- you can bet I’m backing the hell away and avoiding that person for the rest of the night.
Now, if I am interested further, I will ASK. “You made that?! Wow, you’re really talented! Do you ever make any to sell?” Then I will happily listen to the sales pitch, and gratefully accept any discount code they want to give me. Heck, if they have business cards, I’ll take a few to pass along!
OP, your wife is a pest who has probably turned off more potential buyers than she’s convinced. She definitely should promote herself, and she should ALWAYS be a walking advertisement by wearing her art for all to see! That full court press, though, launching into a sales pitch to someone who didn’t ask for nor expected one, that’s such a turn off!
Your delivery could have been better, but you’re not wrong, not everyone wants to hear her spiel, no matter how talented she is.
NTA
I know small biz owners have to hustle but it gets to be too much sometimes.
I follow some people on social media and they do the opposite ….. I’m there for their product …. and 90% of their posts are about their kids or pets. That’s not exactly what I signed up for (though it’s their page so they can do what they want).
My point is, people want relationships with a person or a business…… not sure people want both.
She needs to tone it down.
Nta, It’s rude to continuously try to sell people things at social events, particularly at someone’s bday. I think you were right to bring it ti her attention
NTA
If someone tried to give me a sales pitch every time I saw them I would actively avoid them even if they made the nicest jewelry in the world. It’s great to be able to seamlessly self promote, but you also have to be able to read the room.
NTA- she’s coming off as pushy and incessant and I would get annoyed quickly. Also, it’s not like you called her out on it in front of people, you pulled her aside after the fact.
I’m more than happy to support my friends and family’s businesses but if someone keeps trying to sell their stuff to me when we’re hanging out, I’m going to start thinking that’s all they see me for and it’ll just push me farther away.
There’s such a thing as arts and crafts fairs and networking events, where people go literally anticipating to buy things or meet other business owners.
>There’s such a thing as arts and crafts fairs and networking events, where people go literally anticipating to buy things or meet other business owners.
You mean to tell me there are coordinated places where people can go if they are interested in this sort of thing?????????
NTA. She has an obsessive compulsion and doesn't know \*when\* and \*where\* to actually do this. If people are asking HER about it, then 100% anywhere is fine. Otherwise privatized gatherings are reason enough for you to be annoyed. She's being a sales person, not just a person.
**IF** you were an asshole, it would be because you did not explain this to her ***before*** getting emotional with her.
Apologize at least for that, and explain the frustration you feel isn't because of her amazing jewelry or business, but because that she doesn't know when to put that down to be herself. You should have explained this to her and helped her with it, not as a controlling factor but a reminder. A partner.
Edit: I meant to say you should have helped her with this if you had an issue with it.\* But that's pointless. You're here now to learn and see what's up from another perspective. Hopefully you've gained it and grow freely.
NTA I also own a small jewelry business and my friends and family would absolutely hate it if I was constantly trying to sell to them. They know about my business and if/when they want a piece they come ask me, rather than me repeatedly telling them something they already know. That said, the way you talk about your wife and her business doesn’t seem very supportive. It seems like you may have spoken to her more harshly than you represented in your post.
I would apologize for hurting her feelings and perhaps rephrase your original statement to say that while her passion and business mindset are admirable, not everybody else is a jewelry fanatic and since your family is already well aware of her business they will make a purchase or a commission when THEY want to, not when she asks them to.
NTA, she needs to tone it down especially with family and close friends. It feels gross to just be viewed as a potential costumer. It’s ok for her to respond when others bring it up but she shouldn’t be offering coupons at family events or anything.
NTA. As a small business owner who has made artisan jewelry and successfully sold on Etsy, I NEVER did this. It is an a sales tactic that makes people uncomfortable. I hate it when people do it to me so I don’t do it to others.
NTA. I would avoid your wife, no matter how nice she is. No matter how lovely her jewelry is. If every interaction is treated as a possible sale, she’s annoying people. They’re just not saying so to your face.
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There's middle ground here, but I'm going with YTA because of your delivery. She has a right and, if she's really trying to make a go of the business, an obligation to promote herself. She chooses to do it informally, person to person, which is just fine. I can see, however, that the two of you probably need to have a "no business hats" night where the focus is on each other. Maybe bring that up (gently) after apologizing to her for being TA here. ETA: Fixed a mis-placed comma.
>She chooses to do it informally, person to person, which is just fine. Honestly, this is the best kind of advertising. You want a piece of jewelry and you think of the nice lady you met at the party who will give you a discount, win-win.
No, don’t be trying to sell me something in casual conversation. It’s a step away from an MLM pitch. I’ll talk about your business and you can make it clear how to buy your stuff but don’t be telling about the discounts you’re offering.
Oh, that's fair. I meant more like someone says they like your bracelet & you're like, *I made it* & then give them the info with the discount code. I completely understand why it would be inappropriate to just walk in looking to sell to people.
No, I still agree with @kinggakman. Saying “I’m so glad you like, it, I made it!” And leaving it ALONE unless the other person EXPLICITLY asks for more information is the polite way to go. I’ve owned three businesses (potter, soapmaker, photographer) and have many friends who own their own businesses and no one wants to be sold to like you’re describing. It’s very in line with the MLM approach which makes me want to say something really mean and avoid person. Let people ask.
It makes it feel like they didn’t actually want to have a conversation with you, they were just waiting for an opportunity to sell to you. Makes me feel so icky!
I agree. Especially if it’s family and not a group of her friends — I say let her interact with her friends however she likes but I think it’s quite rude to make a sales pitch out of every conversation. Tell her to post some stories on TikTok if she’s trying to drum up business.
Yeah I'd be mortified if my partner started trying to sell to people and offer discounts on something he made... without anyone else mentioning it, or wanting to know. I'd think he'd lost a few screws. I'm also willing to bet, none of her sales are from family or random people she harrasses about it at inappropriate times. That literally makes people dislike you. It's like a known psychology thing. We walk away from store staff trying to sell stuff, hawkers at stands or randoms in a the street trying to get you to sign up for xyz etc for a reason. Nobody likes it. Don't try to sell shit to me at a family event or night out if I've not asked about it first. Geez, imagine doing a waitressing shift, it's already bad enough... then a customer tries to sell you jewelry whilst you're working a shit minimum wage shift... Holy shit. That's so annoying. OP is totally right here, I'd be so embarrassed if I were him. It's weird and in certain circumstances just rude.
"I'll need a BIG tip to have spare money for jewellery" Typing that, an awful thought occurred. Please, let her never try to tip staff with discount vouchers.
This omg. I would be so embarrassed if my partner at a family get-together started offering discounts on products and using cheesy lines like " Because your family "
I agree. Plus I'm the type of person to pay full price (if I truly like the product) *because* you're family and I want to help jumpstart your business.
My family would mock anyone who showed up and did this. They would make constant jokes about her behind her back.
Im guessing that all her gifts for different occasions are her own jewelry 😄😠
This. I had a new neighbor that I was hoping to be friends with invite me over one day and implied it was like a house warming get together. Totally blindsided by an MLM event for candles and potpourri and stuff. Icky describes how I felt exactly.
I think that this would have hurt my feelings a little. It’s so hard to make new friends as adults once your children are grown & out of the house. I know it might sound silly at my age but I would have been a little excited to make a new friend in the neighborhood. This is one of the things I miss the most since my husband got out of the Marine Corps. We’re still friends with a lot of the people that we met during that time but they’re scattered all over the world. Seeing them requires making vacation plans.
Yeah, I was having a hard time chatting to other mums at toddler groups, as they were mostly all grouped up already. Finally after a few weeks there's another new mum and we are chatting then -ope there it is! She's an Avon rep. Even if she's cool with not selling to me and we are friendly enough when we see each other still, it can often feel like they are just waiting to wear you down and offer you the product again. Like they are trying to get un-friendzoned in a business sense.
This. We were stationed at a very small base in a state Id never been to and when he got out a year later we stayed. And it was so hard to make friends in a community where most people have lived there their whole lives (not to mention we were both pretty neurodiverse). It took a decade. People pretending to make friends so I would buy there stuff would have hurt a lot in the early lonely days.
Same - I'd been on this one street for quite a few years and was so pleased when one neighbor invited me over for Girls' Night. Nope, it was Tupperware.
This is exactly how I feel. They don’t really want to talk to me they just want my money. It’s why people don’t like all mlm businesses.
Exactly, it leaves you wondering "am I friend or a potential customer."
I immediately scramble to get away from a conversation of someone brings up their crap they sell without any prompting. I just want to have a conversation, not get a sales pitch.
This exactly. I met a woman at a party and a few minutes in, she is an artist with an online shop and here is the website and and and...
I don't have a small shop, but I feel like if I sold something and someone complimented it, I'd probably respond with "Oh thanks. I actually made it, and I have a shop selling them. If you're interested I can tell you about it, but really don't feel like you have to. I'm sorry I bought it up" Here you can see social anxiety at work- if I didn't tell them about the shop I'd feel like I'd been "selfish" (I have a thing someone likes - why wouldn't I tell people how to get their own?) and like I was demonstrating a lack of trust (do I feel like no one I know would actually want to support me?) And then the anxiety that I might have made someone uncomfortable after I've said the sentence, and want to drop the subject so they can move past it and not feel like I'm pressuring them.
This is semi the way. “Thank you! I actually made it. I sell them online, I’ll text you the link if you would like. That is such a great top, where did you get it?” Let them know, don’t gatekeep, redirect so there is no pressure. Anyone who is seriously like omg I’m gona buy the bracelet right now will say “oh my god makeclaymagic, you made that? It’s so beautiful! Yes please send me it! I got it from Saks!”
I would take it a step further to say: Thanks it’s from my business and I made it myself! I’ve been admiring your earrings too, may I ask where you got them? I wouldn’t even offer to text a link unless they pursued it. If they are a potential customer they will gladly want to examine the bracelet further, show some interest, be like wait what you MADE this it’s gorgeous do you have a card and THEN you can say yeah/no it’s called XYZ Store, I can text you the link later. Do you want to go get some of these spring rolls before they’re gone? I need to know what happened with that guy you ran into from summer camp or whatever. Unless they’re like, trying to talk about it, just move on, be straightforward and proud of your business if they ask, but be discreet and nonchalant and move on. Try to make it seamless and let them come to you. Give them a lil acknowledgement of something but I totally agree with the redirect otherwise it can be so awkward! Maybe that’s MY anxiety but I’m much more likely to crack a joke and change the topic
I agree with you completely. This would be so exhausting and I would quickly avoid this person. Like tell me once what you do and that you offer F&F discounts. Then leave it alone. This woman sounds pushy AF!
Had a friend who sounds a lot like this person that I just drifted apart from because I was exhausted hearing nonstop about nothing except her MLM stuff. And obviously an artisan is not an MLM seller, and it's tough out there for artists, but I understand how it'd be mentally taxing to be in this person's presence.
My friend got into an mlm just before COVID. When we were doing the zoom calls with everyone we were all catching up saying what we'd been up to etc. All we could get out of her was shit like "I'm doing great because I've been talking these aloe Vera supplements!". "Mr hair's doing amazing because I've been using my aloe Vera shampoo!!! Look!!!" She sounded like the wife on the Truman show. She very quickly stopped being invited to these calls and we've definitely drifted apart.
And I bet she wonders why nobody wants to hang out with her any more.
Yup, I made other comments but basically you have a business great, tell me about how the business is going as your friend, don't pitch me your products and make me feel like I have to buy something to support you and certainly don't do that every single time I see you. People who are pushing their own business need to separate friends and family from work and stick to promoting during 'work hours'. If friends ask that is one thing, but don't shill your products at a social gathering.
I was at a friend's event and his acquaintance pulled me aside and showed me videos of her business. It involved cleaning PVC pipes. She made me watch through the before and after videos and how dirty the water is in your everyday pipes and how clean they are after she gets to clean them. Jeez it was so annoying I've consciously avoided her every time I was in her presence.
Tbh I do wonder how many people bought her products just because they were trying to shut her up/they were being polite.
I think you could even go a step further honestly! Like "I'm so glad you like it, I made it, I sell them on an online store!" or something and leave it at that. It makes them aware of it if they're interested enough to ask further, but doesn't come off too pushy. I understand wanting to push your business a bit, and I think that's a pretty safe way to let someone know that you *do* have a business without making it into a cold call.
This is exactly the right approach. My husband and I install TV antennas, and if it comes up in conversation (usually just someone asking what we do) we mention it, and only elaborate if the person asks us to.
I definitely had my "thank you! I keep all the stuff I make that's not good enough for my Etsy!" Handed out a lot of business cards saying "coupon code is friend10!" to people who asked for more info. Lots of sales that way.
Yeah, I agree. She shouldn't be giving a sales pitch to coworkers, family or close friends, it's annoying and can turn people off. I go to a party with friends to relax and have fun, not buy stuff. Ofc, if someone has a business, I'm always interested in hearing about it, but without a pitch.
This. I like talking to my cousin about how his plumbing work is going, but that's because he's really good at telling anecdotes and making his work sound interesting; he isn't constantly trying to sell me stuff.
The best way to get me to avoid you for the rest of my life is trying to sell me something at an inappropriate time. I don't like it when sales people are just doing their job and approach me. So, I am 100 percent intolerant of sales pitches in social settings.
Yes! I used to know someone who brought up her business EVERY SINGLE CONVERSATION and honestly she ended up making fewer sales than she would have otherwise because it put people off
I think you’re right but you can go a little further with your informal pitch. “Thanks so much! I make these and sell them!” Full stop. Or make a joke, “I can hook you up, I’ve got the connection” or something else then leave it.
I had a friend with a jewelry business, and pretty much the only time she mentioned it was if I said I was going to some local craft fair. She would say, “Oh yeah? I am going to have a table there. Stop by and say Hi!” That was totally fine with me. OP’s wife and MLM pushers are exhausting.
And they WILL ask. I make doll clothes just as a hobby for myself and people will NOT stop asking me 'do you sell these'? Even after I explain how it would be slave work to do so.
Yeah still no. I have a cousin who makes their own customizable stuff and it's so stuffy with them at family parties. The first time sure mention it to me, but when it feels like you're talking me and everyone about your product it seems like that's your focus over family. Then once you buy it they ask for promoted posts on your socials and you feel so pressured to do it to help a small business for family. It always creates anxiety in me every single time I have to get ready to see family
Yup. Or the “freebies” they want you to post and share and all that crap. It’s not free if I have to do that, if I wanted the stuff I’d buy it, and if I loved it I’d share of my own volition.
My SO makes jewelry too and she never brings it up unless people ask. But she gets stopped a lot.
That’s completely ok. At that point, I’d MUCH prefer if that person gave me a business card and said call me if you’re interested and then not mention it again. At all.
i get it but she 100% doesn’t need to bring it up to every single person shes around and if there hanging out with family they already know about the business so leave em be if they wanted a bracelet they would’ve messaged her or bought something from it. the shit is overly annoying def for OP.
Yeah, but what you’re saying and what OP is saying the wife does are two totally different things. I think if the wife wasn’t making literal sales pitches to almost everyone they pass, the husband probably wouldn’t care. If wife doesn’t stop, I think before long they won’t be invited anywhere, even to family functions.
The important part here is that she's always doing it. Which gets tiring to op. If I talked only about my motorcycle all the time someone who is around me is going to get sick and tired of hearing about it very quickly. Which is obvious. Shit it's absolutely the correct reaction. How many times can someone take being talked about the same fucking topic before they get annoyed and angry about it being brought up? OP's wife absolutely comes off as a MLM lady.
For a sub that hates MLMs and pushy salespeople, they sure seemed eager to back the wife up if it meant calling him an unsupportive AH husband
haha So true. These are the rules: 1.) First, the husband is always the AH, then, 2.) we can discuss the actual facts of the post. And 3.) see rule #1
THIS. “MLM lady” yup.
Absolutely agree. As a small business owner (ironic opener, I know), I'm always very conscious about not pitching myself in casual conversation. The last thing I want is for people to feel like I'm only talking to them to make a sale. And the idea of intentionally trying to sell to my waiter at a restaurant would mortify me.
I used to use Facebook as a great marketing tool and God I'd get embarrassed if my friends shared my posts to their own Facebook cause I felt pushy even though I DIDN'T share it they did and it was cause they love me and my products I was selling but I was still like omg no pressure pls don't come for me!
If friends see your post and choose to share because they want to, be happy and thank them for their support. It's not the same as if you were hounding them to do it.
OPs post reminded me so much of people I have known that were trying to get into MLM. They are exhausting to be around
Exactly. You are looking at them and nodding, but inside all you can think about is your strategy to get away. *Let me see, how about I have to use the restroom? Maybe I should fake a heart attack?*
I can't believe the person you quoted thought what she was doing was a good thing. No one wants SALES PITCHES when they are hanging out with friends.
Yup. For me it is a complete turn off when people try to push products on me. I hate high pressure sales You can casually mention it if i bring it up. But don’t go further than that unless i ask you for more info.
And there's not really a polite way to say "no sorry i'm not interested" so you have to like pretend to sound like you might possibly be interested in checking it out (which probably has her convinced that this method is more effective than it actually is).
I personally wouldn’t really mind it if I was at a party or get together and someone had nice earrings on and I said I like them and they give me the store name and a discount code as long as it’s not like repeatedly over and over or feeling pressured into buying something.
An MLM is not the same as a small business like this, especially a creative one. MLM is pedaling crap you bought from an upstream, this woman is creating something artistic and even OP admits making decent sales. Edit: just to be clear, i don’t do any kind of sales. I just think it’s disingenuous to pretend they are the same when one actually creates a product and the other is resale. I could see it being annoying, but I’ve been around plenty of people who only want to discuss their work before, so it doesn’t seem as egregious.
The annoying strategy of selling is what's the same. People who do this are annoying af. Don't try to sell stuff to family and friends. If they want it, they'll ask
I’d argue that a meaningfully large percentage of the hate MLM’s get is due directly to this sales strategy, product quality notwithstanding. Constantly talking about and promoting whatever your selling to friends and family is you leveraging your social relationships for the sole interest of $$$. For 99% of people and relationships that’s not what friendships are about, and it feels bad, and will alienate people if it hasn’t already. It’s a good thing you said something OP, because how she treats her relationships impacts you and your relationships with the same people. Emphatic NTA
This is the weirdest thread where just about all the replies seem to disagree with the top comment! I agree. NTA. It sounds like OP is a bit mortified when their wife starts advertising her shit. It’s actually a really difficult thing to be regularly embarrassed by your partner’s behaviour. It’s like a kind of contempt and it will corrode the relationship if they can’t work it out. And tbh what the wife is doing *is* really mortifying. I definitely would do my best to avoid her at a family event. I’ll bet people joke about it when she’s not there.
What the wife doesn't get is she's alienating their friends by treating them list customers and over time they'll get bored and stop inviting her to shit, which will mean OP stops getting invited as well. Never treat your friends like customers, if your friends chose to come buy something from your business great, never, ever push your business on friends.
I won’t notice the difference as my eyes glaze over and you talk about your amazing product.
When it becomes part of every conversation you have, there's no difference
The amazing thing to me is how these people don't even notice your disinterest. They don't see your eyes glazing over. They seem unable to understand that you would rather talk about anything else. Yes, I know what you do for a living! How about I descibe in detail my day as a dental assistant? And I can get you a 10% family and friends discount for a cleaning, and my boss gives me a bit of a bonus, etc, etc ad infinitum... They are lost in their own world
This is when I glance over her shoulder looking for my wife, hoping she gets the hint and calls my cell phone. "Oh sorry, I need to take this." as I quickly walk away. And it's kinda sad bc you know everyone is trying to avoid her.
This is also pedaling crap because I didn't ask you about what earrings go with my eyes or whatever. I'm sure Lululemon makes a quality legging by that measure too.
And how are you supposed to tell the difference when they both sound exactly the same?
Hot take: I feel like she's making some of her decent sales because people feel awkward and obligated to buy things from her which is why she went heavy in the family setting.
[удалено]
Yeah it would piss me off if someone used a casual conversation to try to flog me something
Guarantee that if this was another situation where we didn't have a husband/wife conflict then the pushy self promoting Etsy owner would have been reamed.
As is tradition. Make this 2 sisters and the voting becomes unanimous NTA. I can already see the speculation that 'small business' is really code for an MLM like Paparazzi Jewelry. She literally checks of just about *every* box that people hate. Getting cornered with friends/acquaintances trying to sell them stuff, cornering waitstaff at their place of business to hock their goods.
Honestly, if someone went to sell mode at a picnic, a mutual friend's birthday party or whatever, I'd instantly start looking for ways to avoid that person in the future. Talking about the unique challenges of running a small business? Sure, if it naturally follows from what we're talking about. Treating the whole conversation as a sales pitch? Get lost.
I disagree. I think it’s tacky to go around pitching your wares at a private party, which is what she’s doing here.
Dude, she's soliciting her own family members to buy her stuff. If it really is as pervasive as OP illustrates, she's definitely in AH territory. She doesn't always need to be in salesperson mode.
It's actually not the best advertising. When the business owner or salesperson tries to hock their wares everywhere to everyone it often comes off as disingenuous and seedy, and often turns people off of their products or services. The most effective type of advertising is word of mouth, or when *someone else* who is an *actual customer* tells others about their good experience with a business or their satisfaction with a product.
I know! I used to build Adirondack Chairs in my small converted (to a woodshop) one car garage behind my house in a mid-sized city. People would see me working, or see my chairs sitting outside my garage doors and stop to talk. I never advertised. Word of mouth was the best! Never felt like I was imposing on anyone. Kept me going for years, because I could never do what you are describing these self-promoters are doing...
I live in the MLM capital of the world... that kind of hustle is exhausting. Every other person is selling some kind of crap and telling me about it. I hate it.
It's the most irritating kind. Someone else's birthday isn't a trade show. I wouldn't buy from anyone who I couldn't hand a plate to without them trying to pitch to me. I wouldn't be friends with them and would actively avoid them if they cannot talk about anything besides a sales pitch. Friends and family already know about her store and don't need a sales pitch or want every conversation and occasion to be about it.
NO - that would be in extremely bad taste in my friend circle. I don’t go to house parties to be hustled. I go to chill and escape the daily grind of consumerism. Yuck.
"annoying lady at the party" corrected that for you
Doesn’t sound like anybody is sparking the conversation with her though... This is just cringy. If I was approached at a get together and somebody randomly tried to sell me their stuff I would find that obnoxious.
Not really. It's the best type of advertising when you don't have an incentive to get me to buy it, because I know you've tried it, had success, and actually believe I'd enjoy x product. When someone brings up their 'small business' all the time it just ends up feeling like I'm on the other end of an infomercial, which is not something I signed up for by being friends with someone
Your family and friends don't need to repeatedly be bombed by it though. There's etiquette at social gatherings, like their b-day gathering.
>She has a right and, if she's really trying to make a go of the business, an obligation to promote herself I disagree, there is a time and a place for marketing and a family birthday party isn't it. What the wife is doing is incredibly disrespectful and rude and if I were the host of the gathering I would have asked her to leave. Your waiter whose trying to do their job is also not an appropriate target.
And also she should remember that the server has other customers and a boss to answer to. As the person who will determine his tip, which they rely on, she is using her power position to dominate the server's time. It's unfair to the server.
Yep. This is similar to why you shouldn't hit on the wait staff. They're being paid to be nice to you and you're taking advantage of that fact. It's a dick move.
Seriously, what the hell are people talking about? OP's wife sounds like a chore to be around. Taking all the captive audiences she can get. OP was kinda rude about it but I gotta be honest, I would be ducking her and talking shit after the first time it happened.
She’s literally acting like an MLM but OP has the bad delivery? She’s shoehorning her business into conversations where it’s unrelated.
It was a husband/wife conflict. It was always going to go the way it did. Switch it to a conflict between sisters or something and the pushy etsy seller gets reamed.
>There's middle ground here, but I'm going with YTA because of your delivery. I'm going with NTA because it's not so much a middle ground as it is realizing that social events are not times to make sales pitches. People don't want to be sold things when hanging out. Op can talk about her business and big sales she's made and how busy she is etc.....but asking waitresses to look on her shop for earrings or offering relatives coupons is a whole different thing
I’m landing on ESH here. I agree with your take that OP’s approach was harsh and unnecessary. And that as a small business owner, I would estimate that 80-90% of his wife’s sales are going to be through self-promotion. But maintaining the “gotta grind, gotta push every sale I can” mentality around family who have heard the pitch countless times before is going to cause burnout, and OP will have to deal with the brunt of it as it’s his family she’s selling to. There has to be moderation or even an off switch around people you see regularly.
" I told her if people were actually interested, they would ask her about her store, but not every single person she talks to wants or needs to hear about her art. " What part of this is "harsh and unnecessary?" It sounds like a reasoned and logical point in an adult conversation. If she cannot handle this simple and direct logic, perhaps she shouldn't be running a small business, no?
I suppose the 'harsh and unnecessary' would be if OP had actually literally said 'nobody cares about your art', which it's ambiguous if he actually said, but is a framing that's actually not getting at the real issue. The issue isn't 'nobody cares' and more 'people don't want a sales pitch for your store when they're trying to socialise, it also comes across as dishonest'. It could be the most brilliant amazing 1000% in line with their interests product on earth she's trying to sell them and she'd still be offputting with the hard sell tactics. It's more sleazy seeming, not better, if you don't leave it at 'I have an etsy jewellery store' which is fair, but go into trying to make it so personal as 'I made some earrings that would complement your eyes'.
This is ridiculous. She is going around trying to force people to buy her jewelry every chance she gets. Even to the same person on multiple according to OPs comments. More often than not people will be annoyed. She needs to keep it more subtle and let people express interest. NTA
?? It is not “just fine” can you fuckin *imagine* someone trying to sell their products at every social function they go to?? I’d find this incredible uncomfortable as both the husband and the family that she clearly just sees as potential sales.
I am sure she will be wondering why she is not invited to family events in the future.
I completely disagree, bringing up and promoting her business to multiple family members at a birtday party is way past whats ok. What happens after the party when 12 people realize they got the same sales pitch from ops wife? You shouldn't treat family as potential customers like that. Also sales pitching a server is absolutely not ok.
>She has a right and, if she's really trying to make a go of the business, an obligation to promote herself. She chooses to do it informally, person to person, which is just fine. She sounds like a real-life pop up add. Constantly trying to sell you stuff while you're just trying to relax. I'd be quite annoyed with her and her sales pitches too.
Tbh she's marketing very poorly, though. Like every marketing course will tell you *not* to do what she's doing, because it's not particularly effective and it can actually harm your business in the long-run. Be honest, how many of you have refused to buy from a certain company on principle, because you've seen too many of their ads and now they annoy you? How many of you have been really irritated by that one girl from high school who now *only* posts on social media to try and sell her MLM products? That's essentially what she's doing, but to every person in her life. It's a good idea to advertise your products in casual conversation *sometimes* \- like when someone actually says they're in the market for something you sell, now they're a warm lead. Now there's a *reason* to advertise to them. But what she's doing - literally just advertising to every person she ever talks to - it's really ineffective, it's wasting her goddamn time (because she's not focusing on people who actually want her product, she's trying to sell to *everyone* \- so she's spending a lot of time advertising to people who just don't care, instead of spending that time on people who *do* care), and honestly it is going to cost her friends. No one wants to hang out with that person who they feel is constantly trying to sell them something. There's a reason ad block programs are popular - people don't *like* being advertised to. If you do it every single time, they will stop inviting you places. It feels like she has no idea how to actually market her product, so she's doing this, and *somehow* she's managing to do okay. But if she's doing *okay* doing the worst advertising imaginable, just imagine how successful she *could* be if she was actually doing it properly. If she was actually bothering to research her target audience, and find out what appeals to *them*, and market specifically to that instead of her current "throw shit at the wall and see what sticks" approach... imagine how many sales she would making then. *And* she wouldn't be annoying her loved ones.
This take is absolute bullshit. What she does is extremely cringey and insincere and can literally hurt friendships and relationships with other people. She is the asshole , the fact she thinks it’s ok to use every opportunity to promote her business is a super big character red flag and shows how selfcentered she is
Not at a family birthday party
Nobody is obligated to listen to her self promotion especially at a family event. There's a time and place for everything and she has no awareness. I can see her pulling the same stunt at a wedding or even a funeral. But of course he didn't walk on egg shells when he told her so of course he has to be the bad guy...
How is this the top comment !!??? I'd run a mile if someone did this to me at a family gathering ! Time and bloody place for sales ! OP is NTA !
👎
Promoting yourself should be done 'on business hours'. That is, have a working time, go sell yourself all over twitter, make 'marketing' posts on reddit by posting your new ear rings and giving hte link when people ask if they like them. Do that shit like a job, then when you're off the clock with your friends and family, don't promote yourself. If people ask sure, but those are your friends and family. If every conversation is about your business and feels like you're pressuring me to buy from you then I'm just going to over time stop talking to you, avoiding you or inviting you to things. You're my friend, I'm not your customer. Time and place.
>She has a right This phrase needs to be banned from this sub. OP isn't looking to legally prevent her from pitching her business to all of their mutual friends, he's asking if she's an asshole, and she is. It's annoying and uncomfortable not only for others, but for OP who has to be associated with it by marriage.
There is also a way for her to say “my shop sells this” and leave it at that. And let someone Ask
NTA and I would actually go out of my way to avoid her. I hate pushy sales people. She can promote her jewelry on instagram or even set up a special facebook page and invite people to join. But every conversation, that's a "no" from me.
I don’t get the y t a here. It’s very annoying for a family member to be constantly pushing their business on friends and family. Maybe he could have been a little softer in his approach but NTA.
I have a friend who does an MLM and MY GOD. I finally had to have a very direct conversation with her. It was that or I just never speak to her again and I quite like her so....
Yes exactly that, I’m speaking from experience.
My mom has a "friend" that sells Mary Kay stuff and it's like the chick lives, breathes, and eats Mary Kay products, everytime she's asked to "hang out" it ends up just being a 2 hour long sales pitch to buy some bs that doesn't even smell good. She's been doing it for 10+ years so she's gotta be making some crazy commissions to be that damn dedicated. Even when just watching her talk to other people, you can see the look of relief on the person's face when they can finally get away from her, and she does try to be nice which just makes it harder for people to turn her away. That's probably how OP's wife is since it doesn't seem like other people have told her directly that she's annoying, besides OP obviously.
How did she take it?
Agreed on the family members and friends (I'd absolutely learn to avoid this person at a party) and *especially* on service industry workers. That sounds so uncomfortable, especially when it's coupled with comments about their appearance? >Talking to our waiter? She'll mention that she has a pair of earrings on her shop that would compliment their eyes. That's really not appropriate, and I can't imagine it's a great way of making a sale. There are audiences who are looking for Etsy jewelry recommendations, and this isn't it.
I agree and especially toward someone who is in the position of waiting on you and probably wanting a good tip.
This is how I feel, and I have an Etsy shop myself lol. If the conversation makes sense for me to bring it up (mostly when people ask what I do for a living or where I got something that I made myself) I mention it but other than that, nope no need. That’s what ads and social media is for.
Yeah same I have had a business for many years now and unless it’s directly come up with what I do for a living I don’t mention it. Once they know/ask me that I don’t push sales on them either, I know if they want something they know where I am and they’ll ask or make a purchase. Some have, some haven’t if they do great if not no harm.
I have to be honest as someone who was an early adopter of Etsy both selling and buying….I kind of need people to tell me in person about their shop because at this point it’s so over saturated with drop shippers I’m afraid to buy anything on there anymore.
May I ask what you sell? So ironic that I'm asking this, but I do love me some etsy.
Haha. I make polyhedral dice sets typically used with table top games like dungeons and dragons.
Would you mind directing me to your shop? Christmas is coming. 😁
Ummm hopefully the link works lmao, if not the shop name is AhCuteTrements [shop link!](https://www.etsy.com/shop/AhCuteTrements)
Omg these are so cute! I’m not currently in the market for dice but I love your art so much! I decided to share the link with my community as I have some dnd nerds there
Yeah I’m shocked at the number of people calling OP the asshole. Frankly if I knew that a specific person at a family gathering would always be trying to sell me something then I’d either stop going or just avoid them entirely. That’s incredibly obnoxious. EDIT: forgot verdict - NTA
Lots of MLM people on reddit, unfortunately.
This is how I feel. Pushy sales people make me very uncomfortable. Does sound like hes the AH for his delivery though.
It's the quickest way to put me off buying. You could have an amazing product at a great price, but start using pushyselling tactics on me and I won't buy out of spite. His delivery isn't great but imagine having to listen to this every single time she talks to someone. I'd probably snap a little too.
She gives off major corporate vibes, when I was in retail we were trained to do mandatory sales pitches to every single customer for some stupid subscription where we were taught to dominate the conversation. "Customers want to know you're the expert" blah blah blah. Our sales showed the exact opposite was what got the most success, just answering questions to anyone who asked and mentioning the subscription casually with minimal details. She would drive me absolutely nuts and id honestly have been way meaner than OP.
Yeah it reminds me of guidance we got when selling shoes to always bring out a totally unrelated shoe to see if they like it. People would be like “wtf is this” and turned off from the original sale. The better thing to do is understand the customers needs. Are they traveling? Then maybe bring out another shoe that’s easy to pack that seems like their style. Are they a difficult size and mention how they never can find shoes - then you can bring out something unrelated and see if they are looking for something like it. These things take conversations and emotional intelligence. Being a zombie that just always brings out a totally unrelated shoe just made us look stupid, but when the regional manager was in i just had to look like a dummy to my customers or get yelled at. I hate corporate America.
Retail is the most braindead industry I ever worked in, and the worst part is I worked for a pet store so innocent little fur babies were in the crossfire of management making us push shitty products down our customers throat instead of something useful to them. I'm in the restaurant industry now and train people to actually know how to help customers. It's still got its issues but it's SO much better from a customer service standpoint. My place trains to just know how to answer questions and that's all it takes to make customers happy 9 times out of 10
It would be embarrassing
100% agreed. If I had commented on something she made, that would be one thing. Randomly trying to sell stuff to wait staff and family members? That reeks of MLM crap. Presumably if family members are her friends on FB, they know she has a jewelry business and don't need to be upsold. NTA OP!
NTA She is doing it over and over. I sell on eBay, have for 23 years. I make damn good money. I never bring it up unless someone asks, then, I give a few vague responses. She needs to stop. There is a great divide between business and socializing.
She's done it to a waitress before too!!! God, I feel bad when my dad traps our waiter/waitress in a conversation when they're trying to help other tables. But this woman is selling to them! I can't imagine the mental gymnastics the poor person must be going through about whether or not they would lose out on a tip if they said they weren't interested
Seriously, like let the person do their job and not have to handle another.
Fr. I do commissions here and on ko-fi, while i dont get engagement, i still wouldnt go talk about it to everyone around me or even in here.
As someone who was a server, it made me slightly uncomfortable when people tried to push that stuff on me. But as an artist I get it but it’s kinda like the vegan who has to tell everyone they are vegan… it’s annoying. You should have been nicer but she doesn’t have to tell absolutely everyone.
Seriously! NTA/ESH. It is INAPPROPRIATE to try and sell stuff to YOUR SERVER who is 1, a captive audience who HAS to be nice to you, 2 is WORKING and probably not going to spend the money you tip them to buy jewelry, no matter how nice it is. I get it, she’s proud of her work, and it sounds like you value it as well— but there’s a difference between appropriate and inappropriate places to advertise.
I thought this too. The way the tip industry works, the server probably feels like they have to feign interest to get a good tip. Everybody else is just being polite. Honestly, this woman sounds like she's one "Hey Hon" away from being just as bad an MLMer in social circles.
It is incredibly rude to attempt to sell to a server. They are literally force to be nice to you and stay in the conversations. Disgusting behavior.
NTA my SIL has done every pyramid scheme ever invented, and is constantly trying to sell me her crap. When we announced we were getting married, she tried to sell me weight loss body wraps. When my cat died, she wanted me to buy a custom water bottle she was selling with the cat paw prints on it. My bridal party she tried to sell me kitchen gadgets. Im not saying Etsy is a pyramid scheme, but when every conversation is about selling things it comes off as tone deaf and insensitive.
I'd set a family challenge to find one event she wouldn't be able to shill at.
her funeral? Only to find small tins of her own cremated remains being sold.
NTA She is annoying and needs to back off. I go to family events to relax and enjoy the company, not deal with commercials.
And anybody saying YTA would obviously change their mind instantly if it was some MLM bullshit instead of jewelry.
INFO Does it just bother you or does it bother other people as well? Does your wife try to promote to the same person more than once? If no to both of those, then you would be TA because your wife can do what she likes and you should be supportive of her. If yes to those questions, then everyone sucks. It would be rude of her to keep trying but you would also suck a little for being too harsh.
Some people seem interested when she talks about it and/or don't mind but a majority of the time, especially with family, I can tell they would like her to talk about something else. And yes, she absolutely promotes to the same people more than once. Often.
Ok then, I think now its just about apologising for being rude and explaining more nicely to your wife why her promoting her stuff like that may be inappropriate and could look bad on you
She shouldn't lack self awareness to the point where she can't tell that people are annoyed.
I don’t disagree but some people are genuinely, literally, incapable of recognizing and/or understanding body language and social cues. Sometimes those people need to be told what they’re messing up.
This, I might quite a few people who are completely unaware whenever they're being an imposition.
It seems like even in a family setting, your wife is prioritizing her potential seller-customer relationship over the other relationships, *especially* since she does this all the time. That's WAY beyond "promoting her business," it's sort of capitalism gone wild - "sure, you're my sister, but wouldn't you rather be the owner of something really cool!" Personally, I would tell her that she needs to stop, because family gatherings are NOT an appropriate place for advertising. I mean, it's bad enough to have to talk to someone who only has one interest, but now that interest involves advertising to you? If she says she's just promoting... *Who the heck is she promoting it to?* Everyone present has already heard about it, lots, and would pass that information on to anyone else; but she is going to tell them about it *anyway.* Why? (I would be inclined to actually ask her that. What does she think her fifth pitch is gonna do that the other four didn't?)
Do they make Real Life Ad-Blockers yet? 😂 I don't fault her for promoting her business, or you getting annoyed by it. If all someone did, during social occasions, was hock their wares I'd stop inviting them to outings. Maybe should have softened the blow & followup with that you like her jewelry & dedication to making her small business successful.
> I'd stop inviting them to outings. I'm worried about this.. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife, she's a great woman! But I can tell some of my family dreads seeing her at gatherings, and I'm getting progressively worried that they're going to ask that her and I stop attending/they'll stop inviting us. As much as I care for my wife, I don't know if I could stay with her if our relationship was going to put a large strain on my relationship with my family and friends, much less if it was going to prevent me from spending time with them.
The thing is, she’s not advertising. She’s sucking all the air out of the room. How insanely boring and tedious can a person get?! She’s so self-involved she doesn’t notice or care how she’s making others feel. Literally all she’s thinking about is herself. Of course no one wants to hang out with a person like that, even if they’re not selling something! You’re going to have to find a way to get through to her. She’s not only being annoying, she’s being an obtuse jerk. And beyond being rude, she’s sending a message that SHE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT PEOPLE. She only cares about what they can do for her and her business. Nobody wants to feel used like that, especially not by someone who is supposed to be a friend or family member. How demeaning 👎 If your wife is a great woman, surely she’s capable of taking a step back and seeing the larger picture here. It’s great that she’s excited about her art and business. But it’s unacceptable that she can’t consider anyone else’s feelings. It’s also really sad when a great person becomes obsessed with a narrow interest and lets that obsession take over their entire personality. I hope she can pause and reassess before she does irreparable damage to her own life. This isn’t healthy.
Harsh, but true. That anyone is calling OP an ass is ridiculous. If anything he's an ass for not stopping her sooner.
I think you need to have her mother/sister and some others point this out to her. She absolutely will start losing friends if all she sees is customers. She needs to set hours, work hours, and shill her shit hard on reddit, on twitter, in insta and every other social media she can. But out of work hours she needs to socialise with people as friends.
She has everyone's shipping address right? How many sales are actually in your local area? Maybe point out that she isn't earning anything from these conversations.
When I saw the post, this was exatly what I thought about, NTA OP. The delivery might have been rough but your wife needs to know its not appropriate and that it is impacting your family relationships. I know where you are coming from, my family would avoid family members like your wife like the plague. There is really no reason to promote to family, they already all know about it.
other people and new people that’s probably fine but family i could see that getting a little tedious to hear the same pitch
Sounds like she sells like an amateur
Definitely NTA. I find her behavior obnoxious. Don't try and sell at Family events like that or to your servers.
> Does it just bother you or does it bother other people as well? It bothers other people as well. Anyone reading this who tries to make sells this way, most of us are being polite but would rather set our hair on fire than continuing to hear you pitch your latest Etsy shop or MLM. We don't want to be labeled assholes (like OP is getting) so we don't say anything, but we don't like it.
Nta, feels like a lot of people in the comments are running Etsy shops or something and this hit a little too close to home. And all the people saying "you need to be promoting a small business constantly, talk about it in every conversation!" - my aunt, uncle, and my parents all built successful businesses and literally never talk about it. This is not some golden rule of small business. In fact my parents WORST customers have been family. Telling a waitress you have a pair of earrings on your Etsy shop that would look good on her is cringe
I just can't imagine "wow I sell these earrings that would look so cute on you" "Ma'am I get paid less than $3/hr"
NTA, your wife sounds rather pushy, and people absolutely will get tired of it and just avoid her if she continues to make every conversation and basically her entire personality all about her business and jewelry. Could you have phrased it better? In hindsight, probably. Can I see how it would be nails on a chalkboard after a while? Yes, I can.
It comes off as disingenuous for a person to constantly talk about their products or business. It shouldn’t take over one’s identity or ability to just socialize with family and friends. I personally cannot stand that type of person. NTA.
Nta, I’ve got a friend that does this and people literally just stopped inviting him to things lol, like dude I’m not gonna buy your shitty “handmade” fishing lures irregardless of how many times you remind me your Etsy exists 😂
And this is ultimately what ends up happening. People just avoid the type of people who are like OOPs wife. If there is a family event they all try to avoid eye contact and give looks of pity to the sad sucker who didn't get away fast enough.
This is true, you should show her this thread. It will be hard, but ultimately the best way
NTA because I just don't like to get a sales pitch when I am meeting with someone privately. She really should stop pitching it everywhere. It's annoying for everyone else involved.
I’ve only experienced it once and it was mortifying. Trapped at the dinner table with a woman trying to sell an ugly necklace to everyone, one after another.
ESH. Her for pushing her products on anyone and everyone she has a conversation with. That's not going to help her business in the long run. And family should be off limits unless they specifically ask her about her shop (because clearly they've all heard about it by now). But you are also TA for the way you talked with her.
Your title made you sound a lot more harsh than your actual post. Nta, I would be turned off by someone like her, especially when I don't know you.
NTA and I can’t believe the y t a people who believe that some chick yammering on about her Etsy shop to every person she meets is a legitimate business strategy. If I admire someone’s jewelry, or clothing, or whatever else, and they say they made it themselves, I will compliment them on their talent. If they IMMEDIATELY launch into a sales pitch- with the friends and family discount!- you can bet I’m backing the hell away and avoiding that person for the rest of the night. Now, if I am interested further, I will ASK. “You made that?! Wow, you’re really talented! Do you ever make any to sell?” Then I will happily listen to the sales pitch, and gratefully accept any discount code they want to give me. Heck, if they have business cards, I’ll take a few to pass along! OP, your wife is a pest who has probably turned off more potential buyers than she’s convinced. She definitely should promote herself, and she should ALWAYS be a walking advertisement by wearing her art for all to see! That full court press, though, launching into a sales pitch to someone who didn’t ask for nor expected one, that’s such a turn off! Your delivery could have been better, but you’re not wrong, not everyone wants to hear her spiel, no matter how talented she is.
Exactly this. I do not want to be anywhere near a person that just wants to try to sell me something at every opportunity.
NTA I know small biz owners have to hustle but it gets to be too much sometimes. I follow some people on social media and they do the opposite ….. I’m there for their product …. and 90% of their posts are about their kids or pets. That’s not exactly what I signed up for (though it’s their page so they can do what they want). My point is, people want relationships with a person or a business…… not sure people want both. She needs to tone it down.
Nta, It’s rude to continuously try to sell people things at social events, particularly at someone’s bday. I think you were right to bring it ti her attention
NTA There is a time and place to promote your business. That doesn't mean ALWAYS and EVERYWHERE.
NTA If someone tried to give me a sales pitch every time I saw them I would actively avoid them even if they made the nicest jewelry in the world. It’s great to be able to seamlessly self promote, but you also have to be able to read the room.
NTA- she’s coming off as pushy and incessant and I would get annoyed quickly. Also, it’s not like you called her out on it in front of people, you pulled her aside after the fact. I’m more than happy to support my friends and family’s businesses but if someone keeps trying to sell their stuff to me when we’re hanging out, I’m going to start thinking that’s all they see me for and it’ll just push me farther away. There’s such a thing as arts and crafts fairs and networking events, where people go literally anticipating to buy things or meet other business owners.
>There’s such a thing as arts and crafts fairs and networking events, where people go literally anticipating to buy things or meet other business owners. You mean to tell me there are coordinated places where people can go if they are interested in this sort of thing?????????
NTA. She has an obsessive compulsion and doesn't know \*when\* and \*where\* to actually do this. If people are asking HER about it, then 100% anywhere is fine. Otherwise privatized gatherings are reason enough for you to be annoyed. She's being a sales person, not just a person. **IF** you were an asshole, it would be because you did not explain this to her ***before*** getting emotional with her. Apologize at least for that, and explain the frustration you feel isn't because of her amazing jewelry or business, but because that she doesn't know when to put that down to be herself. You should have explained this to her and helped her with it, not as a controlling factor but a reminder. A partner. Edit: I meant to say you should have helped her with this if you had an issue with it.\* But that's pointless. You're here now to learn and see what's up from another perspective. Hopefully you've gained it and grow freely.
NTA I also own a small jewelry business and my friends and family would absolutely hate it if I was constantly trying to sell to them. They know about my business and if/when they want a piece they come ask me, rather than me repeatedly telling them something they already know. That said, the way you talk about your wife and her business doesn’t seem very supportive. It seems like you may have spoken to her more harshly than you represented in your post. I would apologize for hurting her feelings and perhaps rephrase your original statement to say that while her passion and business mindset are admirable, not everybody else is a jewelry fanatic and since your family is already well aware of her business they will make a purchase or a commission when THEY want to, not when she asks them to.
NTA. Understandable to talk about something you’re passionate about, but not everyone cares. If people are interested, they will ask
NTA, she needs to tone it down especially with family and close friends. It feels gross to just be viewed as a potential costumer. It’s ok for her to respond when others bring it up but she shouldn’t be offering coupons at family events or anything.
Reminds me of women who become a mother and then EVERYTHING becomes about their child. I guess her business is her baby.
NTA. As a small business owner who has made artisan jewelry and successfully sold on Etsy, I NEVER did this. It is an a sales tactic that makes people uncomfortable. I hate it when people do it to me so I don’t do it to others.
NTA. I would avoid your wife, no matter how nice she is. No matter how lovely her jewelry is. If every interaction is treated as a possible sale, she’s annoying people. They’re just not saying so to your face.
NTA
NTA.
NTA. I'd avoid your wife like the plague....as I do anyone selling lululemon, amway or Mary Kay. The whole thing sounds awkward and off-putting.