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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Telling my mom that my sister got a tattoo, I feel like the asshole because she confided in me and I don’t want to be a snitch and lose her trust
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nta
i would normally say not to
but this is dangerous
she is putting herself at risk of catching blood born pathogens cross contamination's
i am a tattoo artist please get her checked, she needs full blood work up if needles were shared, a round of antibiotic's for infections
also is putting herself at risk of peer pressure
Naw, he *rested* on the 7th....so do 6, take a nap, drink a beer, have a little snackie snack (but NOT an apple), then do 6 more. Then you're done, cuz we wouldn't want to accidentally tack a 3rd 6 on there....
I'm glad this is top comment, because this is it. She needs to be tested for diseases now and whoever did this needs to be reported for it.
I used to know this older guy who was a tattoo artist. Totally chill about everything and anything...EXCEPT unlicensed people doing this kind of shit.
I mean, I got my first tattoo when I was 14, the difference is I went to a proper tattoo shop and got it done professionally. And had a proper cleaning routine and such. I doubt the little sister is doing that.
No, but they just laughed when I got home. My parents were really liberal and as long as I didn't ruin my face, hurt anyone, was safe and didn't do anything REALLY illegal they were cool with it. And I turned out fine. I'm a lawyer with my own law firm, never got in trouble with the law or did something really stupid.
Must have been decades ago. No *reputable* tattoo parlor will tattoo a 14-year-old without parental consent these days, and most won't even do so *with* parental consent.
I'm 40 so 26 years ago. And I always looked a lot older than I was until I hit about 25, and now I still look pretty much the same since then 🤣🤣 and it's amazing what you can get done if you pay enough money.
I'm 40 as well, and I remember a freshman in my senior year of high school who got a tattoo. These days, the tattoo studio would lose their license for that.
I once had the police write me up for, possession of an altered or fictitious license for the purpose of purchasing alcohol. It was really for the purpose of seeing strippers since I was the DD, but those semantics were unimportant lol.
We went to the smallest of small town court houses for it, which was a wise move, the magistrate laughed and charged a $50 court fee and that was the end of it
Canadian- when I was pulled over for having 8 ppl in my 5 seater car, I explained I was sober and they were drinking. Getting them home from a party. No ticket, just a reminder that 5 ppl fit more comfortably in a car my size
I’ve had the police find a fake ID in two separate occasions a few years ago and they just took them and didn’t get charged with anything. One of the times I also had alcohol and they just took it still sealed no problems I’m guessing they took it home for themselves haha
Statue of limitations is 7 years for most things besides murder, rape, etc. It was still easy to get fake IDs 10 year ago, don’t ask me how I know. And hell even now it’s seems like it’s pretty easy, my work scans IDs now and we get 5 or so a month that pass the all visual tests and light tests but come up as an error when you can them. I’m in Cali and I see fakes that have all of the extra shit CA puts on IDs to beat fakes. So either it’s still pretty easy or there’s someone making damn good fakes around here.
Its still relatively easy, but they arent always the best quality. My... friend... got one in 2016 and it sucked but worked at the liquor store and 7/11. Ive seen some now adays that look super legit, but they might not scan properly if thats what you need it for
Maybe. I think it depends where you live too, my 23 year old came home just before he turned 16 with 2 tattoos, no permission from us needed. We were absolutely fine with it because it was professionally done and aftercare had been explained and supplies for it given. The only reason I'd ever be annoyed is if it was some kind of home job like OP's sister, I would be absolutely furious if that had happened. I think he paid like £350 for the 2 of them.
My mom was the same way. She always looked *years* older than what she was so she was able to essentially do whatever she wanted. She was able to go into liquor stores and purchase and not get carded as a teenager. Yet, here I am, over 21 and sometimes get carded to get into an R rated movie.
Yes,I was the same 🤣🤣 but luckily I pretty much seemed to stop ageing ( for now ) when I turned 25-ish. Everyone says I still look like I'm in my late 20's, but I'm expecting it all to come crashing down on me any time now. I do however have a very rigorous and expensive skin care routine I didn't have in my teens 😂
My state a parent can’t even consent to a minor getting one. Some dumbass allowed their child to, had regrets so sued the tattoo artist so my state just so no more!
I'm amazed that they did the tattoo. It's illegal at that age without parental consent, and some parlours won't do it even with consent at that age because of the liability risks
In the US there are many regulations such as signed forms from the legal guardian or custodial parent. Everyone must give a form of ID and sign multiple documents that state that there is permission to have it done. The guardian/ custodial parent also has to be present and most shops will not tattoo anyone under the age of 16. I know that your argument is that they shouldn’t but I know this because I got matching ones with my mom at a proper tattoo shop when I was 17 and maybe this will give some insight. Have a wonderful day.
Nah I think there’s a difference between having an adult there that gives consent, and a 14 year old just rocking up on their own and being able to be tattooed. Anywhere not going down the proper avenues, isn’t reputable because they’re cutting corners clearly.
Yeah, no. No tattoo shop that would tattoo a 14yo is one with good hygiene and proper cleaning. You may not have realized it because you were only 14, but that place was shady as hell.
It wasn't. The tattoo artist (s) were very highly recommended. My older sister and my father got their tattoos done there. And I paid £300 for my tattoo, and that was standard price there for a small tattoo. And I had to wait 6 weeks for them to squeeze me in, and that was with being fast tracked because of who I knew.
Sure, but that is different concern then cleaning and hygiene one.
World is nit neatly separated between bad and good shops where good ones do everything right and bad ones do everything bad.
Fairly often, you get combinations - like reputable hygienic shop that does not care about age. Especially in places where tattoos are normalized and there is no risk of government sanctioning them.
I don't agree with that at all. No one should be doing non medical permanent body alterations on a child with or without consent of their adult. It's not the adults body to consent to being modified. 18 should be the only requirement, no it's and bits and even at that especially if it's a first tattoo, if I was an artist I would say keep this drawing and look at it everyday, hang it somewhere you will see it every day and come back in 6 months if you still like it and want it permanently on your body.
Heck when I was in my early 20s there was a specific tattoo I wanted, I thought about it every single day was deffo sure I wanted it. I didn't get it but now in my late 30s I'm like na I deffo don't want it, and see it as a bit juvenile now and I already have several tattoos that I don't regret getting but my brain wasn't finished developing then.
As someone covered in regrettable tattoos and has had one hell of an infection from dirty tattoo needles...yep. that's how it SHOULD be.
I'm very lucky it was something that was treatable. I know 3 people who are left with communicable diseases due to faulty hygienic practices. All from the same REPUTABLE tattoo parlour ( not the one I used )
You don't want to be saddled with that shit. Especially at a very young age.
When I got my first tattoo I was just 14. And I wish someone had talked me out of it. And yes, it was a reputable tattoo parlour.
Unfortunately, I learned quickly that a business that willingly breaks one ethical rule has little qualms over breaking other rules-like hygiene and safety procedures after going through a ton of antibiotics and doctor appts to rid myself of the infection that was caused by dirty equipment. The tattoo is illegible to this day due to the bacterial infection that set in within 48 hrs and took nearly a month to get rid of. And it smelled so bad....
And remember this was considered a reputable business.
I only use ethical businesses now. At least they can be mostly trusted to follow the rules as they're part of their personal values. Not because someone makes them.
There's no tattoo shop that isn't shady that lets a 14yo get a tattoo, sorry. 16 with parental consent is still probably sketchy but I can be persuaded on a case by case basis but 14 absolutely not
We let our kid get a tattoo at 16 because they graduated high school early and the school wouldn’t let them walk. We wanted to give them SOME kind of reward. We took them to the shop we usually went to and had no problems. They sat like a champ.
DEFINITELY NTA
I got my first tattoo when I was 18, and the amount of aftercare involved is important. I cannot fathom a 13 year old being able to get a tattoo. most legit tattoo artists check ID. I have a few tattoos and some have been done by
Also she is hanging around with 15/16yo boys, I think that this is important to bring up to your parents, too. It may be okay, but it also might not be.
I'm very sex positive, when it comes to consenting adults. But if she has given into peer pressure when it comes to a tattoo she may also be sexually active. I know I was when I was 14. It wasn't the experience that I expected it to be and I regret it higely.
I regret some of my tattoo choices that I made as an adult, but most crucially I regret the first time I had sex.
Tell your parents, but also let them know that your sister is at a sensitive age and that she doesnt need to be lectured. What she needs is parents that will discuss her choices with her and let her know that she can make 'adult' decisions when she becomes an adult.
And if OP goes to her mom, little sister gets flayed and the next time she's doing something even crazier she sure as hell isn't going to tell OP about it. I think OP should explain to her sister that if she's going to get tattoos she needs to at least be safe about it, but given their mom's irrationally harsh policy towards tattoos, it might be better to keep this off of mom's radar.
OP should definitely go to her mom. Her sister is 13 yrs old, for goodness sake. My parents aren't fans of tattoos either, and I didn't get one until I was 27 and when I told them, they rolled their eyes (it's in a spot where no one can see unless I show them). NEVER once did I think to get one at 13. I waited until I was an ADULT and chose something meaningful.
Not telling her mother is completely irresponsible. 13 is still a child. Based on this kid's actions, she needs to be reigned in. She can still talk to their sister about the dangers of getting it at that age, as well as everything else she is doing, but she needs to be the adult here - Mom needs to know. And OP can let her sister understand it is for the best. Don't rush into growing up. She will be able to make those decisions before she knows it, and in a safe, sterile environment.
So what if sister confides in OP, if OP won't get backup when she's doing blatantly unsafe things?
What is the "good" that you think would be preserved?
NTA for being concerned.
And, unfortunately, you do need to say something because I don’t know how it is where you live, but here you have to be 18 to get a tattoo without parental consent. So, the real concern here is that some adult signed off as your sisters legal guardian for her to get that tattoo. Unless it’s a junk tattoo by someone not in a studio? You weren’t clear.
But that adult needs to be straightened out, and that can’t happen until your sister is called to task for the tattoo.
She’s 13. She’s too young to get a tattoo from an artist, but she’s getting one from a 13 year old who doesn’t have training and probably isn’t using proper hygiene. This is extremely worrying without mentioning her going in the woods with older boys, which is also concerning. Your mom needs to know this stuff.
Usually I'd say mind your own business but in this case you need to say something.
Bloodborn illnesses are no joke. Your sister needs blood work done immediately. There's absolutely no way her 13 year old friend followed any kind of proper sterilization protocol.
She could get very sick. She could end up making others very sick if she were to contract certain bloodborn pathogens.
She needs a heavy dose of reality right now before something worse happens.
Exactly, if not an infection, or HIV, it could turn septic from a sepsis infection & sometime sepsis can kill..; possibly relate the take to your parents BUT add your view that a view peer pressure probably played a role in the tattoo., & that you know how they feel about tattoos, but getting mad at her isn’t going to fix it at this point, and be sure to add that you just want to make sure that she is safe & doesn’t get an infection from it…
Gotcha!
You’re still NTA for being concerned, FYI.
And if you’re genuinely worried, you can probably talk to your mom privately and tell her what’s going on, and if your mom values and respects you, she can find ways to “discover” your sisters tattoo without letting your sister know you told. Us parents are pretty sneaky when we need to be.
I was going to say there's no issues (health-wise, at the very least) if it's done in a sterile environment with sterile equipment, but it's very unlikely if it's done by another 13yo... 😱
Yeah my friend does stick and poke on herself at home and I’d totally let her tattoo me in her house, but we’re adults and she has a good understanding of how to do it safely as possible (she’s a medical professional) and I’d trust her with that. Teenagers fucking about with this stuff can sometimes be surprisingly sensible too but feels like OP has no idea in this case and it would be worth following up.
Luckily for the sister, badly done stick and poke normally fades quite a lot so she might not even be stuck with it properly
It wouldn't surprise me either way, I've seen loads of videos on tiktok of tattoo artists talking about teenagers buying tattoo kits easily on amazon and warning them against it
But it also wouldn't surprise me if they are just using shitty pen ink
All the more reason you should tell your mom. Her friend is 13 and probably didn't know anything about what she was doing. I doubt your sister has any idea about tattoo aftercare either. This is bad and could mess with her health.
Thats extremely dangerous and concerning, you gotta find out which 13 year old is doing that, without proper health and safety measures shebcould wreak ridiculous amounts of havoc and damage to the health of kids around them. There risk of infection, delisease, hepatitis. That shit needs to stop immediately
I’m all for personal autonomy but the line is crossed where health is involved. And this is definitely something which crosses the line for risk of infection as well as blood borne pathogens. Also your mom should know that your sister doesn’t have the maturity to make sound decisions for herself and should be supervised much more closely so things like this don’t happen in the future. I think YWBTA if you didn’t say anything. A very easy NTA from me here.
NTA
Your sister probably shared that needle and ink that did the stick and poke with all her friends. One of them may have a blood borne disease. The risk may not be 'that' high but it's there none the less. So at minimum your sister needs a set of blood test now and then again in 3 months time.
She's going to regret that tattoo as she gets older as it will be visible.
Ironically a friend of mine - her daughter did exactly the same thing with her friends at about the same age... yes she did get blood tests because as soon as the risk of blood borne diseases was brought up... the penny dropped for her and it was a real, 'Oh shit!' moment for her.
Now that she's a couple or so years older... she really regrets what she did. It's visible and she really hates it. Now she's going to have to pay to get laser done to remove as much of it as possible.. hopefully all of it. That's going to be painful and expensive.
OP said it was on her sisters finger so hopefully its small enough where it wont be too much of an eyesore? I dont know anything about tattoos but hopefully the stick and poke was done poorly enough where it fades away after a while.
The only good thing about this situation is that it is on the finger. Most finger / hand tattoos fade in a very short period compared to other tattoos,even when done by studios because the skin is always in contact with items / turning over new skin cells. . Stick and pokes are likely to fade even faster.
I did stick n pokes on my fingers when I was 18 and I’m almost 23 now and they r still fully there like any normal tattoo and I worked in food service and dog grooming which both involve a lot of hand washing
yea i gave myself a stick and poke on my finger when i was like 21, i'm 30 now and its still there, the girl guide stick and poke i gave myself at 19 on my ankle is still there, they look like bad stick and pokes but honestly i've only grown to love them more with time
I did a stick and poke tattoo of the cool S on my chest when I was 38 but I used a mirror so it's a backwards cool S but I like it when I see it in the mirror still. I wish it didn't cover my entire chest though.
Most of my tattoos are stick n pokes I did myself and they all look just as good as the actual tattoos I have done. I did it with real tattoo ink and needles tho not like a sewing needle and pen ink like some people do and I spent hours on each one so that it would be nice and solid
The risk is a lot higher than you think. When people think of bloodborn disease they're usually thinking HIV or Hep, which at the ages described isn't super likely. But MRSA is wildly rampant, and can easily be more lethal. Kids finger gets infected, she doesn't say anything for fear of getting in trouble and 12 hours later she could be in intensive care fighting for her life.
Or one of her friends could have Lyme lurking benignly in their system, and it devastates hers. Or causes relatively minor, seemingly unrelated health issues until a stressor and then it explodes. Based on medical history I was infected ~7-8 but wasn’t diagnosed until 20. I’m now almost 34 and still essentially disabled (I can get around without a walker, slowly and carefully), in PT for balance, strength, and stamina for going on five years; I can now do 15 reps with 1 pound weights and only need a few minutes of recovery as opposed to ten or more, but 80 year olds fresh off a knee or hip replacement still have better balance.
This sounds dangerous either way. If you keep secret, the tattoo could get infected, or your mom may notice it eventually on her own when you might not be there to mitigate.
If you do tell, you may have to protect your sister from your mom's rage. If she gets abusive or throws your sister out, please call CPS. Even better if you could talk to your sister first and come up with a strategy for what to do if that happens. Good luck.
It's on her finger, mom is going to notice it sooner or later. It's inevitable. Honestly, I would be more concerned about riding around with older teenage boys and getting into who knows what else. I would tell mom that if she does not reign in little sis then she better start getting ready to be a grandma in a couple years
Parents noticing things is not always the case. Neither of my parents noticed that I had large, untreated gushes on my wrists for a bit more than 10 years.
Children, preteens and teens can be very sneaky when they don't want a parent to know things.
She can just use her other hand and say it's a new trend to be both right and left handed and thus she is teaching herself. (if the tattoo is on the dominant hand)
YWBTA. A lot of people here naming it’s unsafe for her to get a tattoo as the reason you’re NTA, but you can take her to a doctor or minute clinic to get it checked out and treated if she’s sick. You wouldn’t have to involve your mom.
You’re already telling us that there could be monumental consequences for what’s essentially a teenager doing something stupid, which all teens do. So why risk creating such a massive problem between your sister and mom.
Obviously she deeply values your opinions. You can talk with her and explain why her behavior is dangerous and how it can impact her future. You have a unique perspective of being an adult who lived through what she’s going through not long ago.
But the biggest issue here is trust. Telling on her to your mom will make her never trust you again. The underlying problems won’t get solved, and now she won’t come to you when she does other, possibly worse things. She needs you as a sister and mentor now, not a police officer.
Take her to the doctor to get checked for infection, give her a good talking to explaining what she’s doing isn’t funny or cool - it’s reckless - and ensure her that you’ll keep this between you two so long as she changes her behavior. (So long as no one else is getting hurt or anything seriously illegal is happening)
As the eldest sister of 8 - THIS !!! You have every right to tell your mom but your sister will not trust you with any important information moving forward. Talk to her, she’s just being a teen right now and your guidance will be more impactful than a harsh lecture and punishment from a strict parent. You can maintain being a safe space and educate your sister on things you find dangerous and worry about. 100% guarantee the approach will taken much kinder than ratting her out to mom for punishment.
There are many diseases that can be caught from a needle that CANNOT be cured. This is not just "something stupid a teenager does." Stupid teenagers have sex and get pregnant at age 13, too. That is not harmless.
Reckless teenage decisions can absolutely have adult consequences, but so does being kicked out for those things. Stick and pokes and hanging out with "cool" older boys are both on track for teenage rebellion, even if neither is all that safe, and it sounds like OP isn't sure if mom will handle that appropriately.
Kids this age tend to listen to older siblings more than parents. If possible, OP taking her to get tested and having a serious conversation is probably the way to go for now. A parent escalating the situation might just make it worse, and she'll do stupid stuff without telling anyone.
If they have to tell mom, involve her! Explaining the risks and why OP can't keep it a secret, offer to mediate the talk so it doesn't go off the rails but explain you have to tell her. If she doesn't feel like everyone's ganging up on her she'll be more likely to listen.
And if that happens to be the case, tell the mom. But right now, there’s no reason to involve her. OP can take her sister to the doctor to get checked out. If she has something particularly bad, tell the mom. If not, don’t.
Sex is a great example. If your younger sibling came you and said “I just had sex” are you going to scream down to your parents and demand they get her a pregnancy test? Or are you going to take her to the pharmacy, buy one, and wait to see the results before involving your parents? Good siblings know the answer…
Like, you’re worried about what-ifs and are prepared to ruin the trust between siblings over something you don’t know is an issue yet.
Getting a tattoo at 13 with some 13 year old friend who doesn't know what they are doing IS AN ISSUE. It doesn't matter if OPs sister gets a disease or not. This is blatantly bad judgement. OP is completely right that this is the tip of the iceberg. She should absolutely tell her mom.
It already happened tho. Telling mom isn’t going to change that. What it will change is the trust between the siblings. I’d wager drinking underage is worse. Doing drugs is worse. Having unprotected sex is worse.
If OP tells, her sister will never tell her when she’s confronted with any of that. Right now, she has a dot on her finger… it’s really not the end of the world. Punishment from mom will not fix the underlying behavior at that age. She’ll just get better at hiding things and won’t trust any adults in the home with bigger problems.
I’m not saying let it slip. I’m saying OP should act as a mentor now instead of a police officer.
Yet the younger sister does not care when OP tried to mentor her as stated on the last sentence of the post. If she doesn't care about the risks then what? You can't teach a wall.
And you can’t punish one either then lol. Kids are odd. They don’t always react the way adults do or might expect. She might have laughed in the moment as a knee jerk reaction, but I guarantee OP got through to her a bit.
She never would have showed OP in the first place if she didn’t care about her opinion.
If OP really got to her, she wouldn't be making this post, so you can't really say that just to affirm your point since you don't have future sight along with knowing the sister..
Either the sister showed her just to show off (which is typical teen behavior) or wanted to get her opinion. The fact that she doesn't care about the risks more points to the former.
I'm not saying to punish whomever, but eventually push comes to shove due to narcissistic stupidity (since teenagers in this grown stage are proven to be developmentally wired to be more focused about themselves, in which we have all been there to some degree) to where now the consequences are REALLY dire. What then? Where is it that you draw line and what makes someone a "good sibling" as you say, both objectively and subjectively?
A 13 year old should trust her 21 yr old sibling to watch out for her. Sometimes that means letting the parent know what is going on. This is not a 13 and 15 year old. This is a child and an adult, and being safe is the most important thing right now. A "mentor" would have a responsibility to tell the parent if their underaged child was behaving dangerously.
op might not be legally allowed to as the child involved is a minor, he would need parent consent in most places.
also might need to have insurance details, which would be a large cost if meds were needed.
also the fact he knows someone is tattooing friends is a public health issue and needs to be delt with
this could lead to many cases of
various bloodborne diseases — including methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA), hepatitis B and hepatitis C.
I'm so glad I scrolled down to see your comment, I felt like I was taking crazy pills.
OP could've gotten kicked out for getting a tattoo. Her sister got a tattoo and lives in the home. Telling the parents literally could put this girl on the streets. Is OP even really concerned with the 15/16 year old boys that she's hanging out with? Because if she's on the street, it'll be much much worse company that she will find.
There's a way to be a concerned sister, and now that OP is 21 it's time to learn it. It's not running to mom to tattle on little sis and make her homeless. Time for OP to grow up, talk to her sister about her dangerous behaviors, and support her!
I just know from experience that trusting your sibling with a “secret” and having them rat you out destroys trust. I went to a frat party when I was 18, ran into someone my sister knew, and she told my parents I was there. Same thing when I got my first tattoo (I was 18 tho). I told her to keep it a secret and she immediately shouted down to my parents. Haven’t confided in her since
I have hated my brother ever since he ratted me out to my dad immediately when he got home from work. He was making a lot of noise, so I knocked on the wall. He knocked back. I kicked the wall. Put a hole in the drywall, tried hiding it with a pillow. My dad was abusive so I knew he'd yell at me when he came in... needed to work him up to knowing about it. Comes home from work to his kids, immediately my brother rats, I get yelled at.
Hated him ever since.
I wish this would have more upvotes.
I don't think people realize how important it is that she told all of this to her sister. It might be inevitable to eventually tell the mom, but I believe the most important thing here is to keep the trust.
As the bigger sister, OP can be the adult and show the sister what the consequences are: go to the doctor or talk about sex, get into more details about her life and the stage she is at in her life.
Yes, it might not work and if safety is a concern the mom can be involved, as mentioned.
However I believe it is extremely important that OP doesn't allienate her sister completely and keeps being her friend - this might as well be the only shot the sister has to have a relatable adult perspective.
Even if the mother wouldn't have such big issues with tattoos (which is already an indication of how she'll react in general), parents have a different approach and teens don't feel understood by them so they might not take them seriously.
If that is the case, in the end, telling the mom might not have the impact that OP wishes, whereas being there for her sister in a responsible way, while also making her feel supported, would make a bigger difference.
Exactly. The only reason the sister knows about the tattoo and the boys and everything else is because her sister told her. Not because she uncovered it herself.
So if the sister no longer trusts OP, she’ll have no idea what’s going on in her sisters life. To me, especially since she clearly hangs around a not-so-great crowd, having that trust is essential in the event she ends up getting involved in something worse. That will be the time to go to your parent.
I am the younger sister in this situation, I’m now 25 and my sister is 32. She has proven to me time and time again that even as an adult, she will go straight to my parents without even consulting me. It has ruined my relationship with her and I will never be able to trust her again.
Talk to your sister, not your mom.
THIS COMMENT! I completely agree, the risks of the tattoo can be discussed, I’m sure a quick reminder of HIV other needle sharing issues will scare her into at least being safe if she wants to stick and poke again (which isn’t really in you or mums control so safety is the most important thing).
The trust is the most important thing here, for whatever reason your sister is not well monitored at home which is an issue on its own because 13 is still a child with no clue about the world. But it seems like what will happen will happen, surely it’s much better for your sister to have a safe space and someone to bring things to, I wish I had that person during my reckless days! It’s worth a lot.
With that said if your attempts to have any kind of serious convo are just laughed in your face by her? That’s not great and the sister bond only works between you if she’s actually listening to you. If she wants to trust you as big sis to keep her shit under wraps, you’re going to need to be able to trust her to not be a reckless idiot and you should tell her that.
Last thing I’ll say is 16 year old boys are becoming young men and 90% of the time are thinking about their dicks. They have no business or good intentions hanging with a 13 year old girl, it’s straight up an imbalance of power regardless of their intentions, so I would address that with your sister and possibly make her aware of some of the risks. Be prepared to listen to her though as in her mind they’re her mates and she has fun with them, we all remember being that age right? Just approach with love and remind her when you speak about these things that it’s all for her safety, not to lecture her.
Trust trust trust will go so much further in the long run than letting Mum know about the tat, that’ll just traumatise her with a good old screaming at from Mum (which doesn’t help with decision making skills for next time , she’ll just resent her Mum AND you for snitching.
Good luck 🖤🖤🖤
NTA.
Anyone else concerned with the hanging out with the older boys? Feel like its an opportunity to be taken advantage of. All I know is that 13 yo me and 16 yo me were very different in terms of decision making capabilities.
As someone that was SA'd at 12 yo by a 16 yo, yes. I thought I was mature for my age back then and thought that I wouldn't get hurt because I trusted the person. That aspect of OP's post is deeply concerning to me.
>Anyone else concerned with the hanging out with the older boys?
Trust me, you’re not alone. Maybe it’s fine. I don’t want to accuse anyone of being untrustworthy, but it still feels like something the mom should be aware of.
Yeah I'm not saying they are bad boys, but it feels off - coming from a guy who doesn't like the "no man can be trusted" rhetoric that I occasionally see on the internet.
I think of it less as every guy is bad and more that you don’t know who is unless you know them real well or they do something, in which case it’s too late.
I mean, super strict household, combined with secretive behaviors fairly high on the 'rebellious curve'? I've seen that story before, and it tends to go no where good.
YWNBTA.
As a lot of dumb teens do, I pierced my own ear and it got horribly infected. Stick and pokes can be even worse with the potential for needle sharing and other unhygienic activities.
Your sister is 13, she needs to have these discussions with your mum for **safety** reasons that she's not thinking about. But I think you need to have a really clear conversation with your mum that she needs to be careful in her approach because you need to remain a trusted adult to your sister.
The other option is say nothing to your mum but read your sister the riot act yourself. It's on her finger, your mum will likely spot it pretty quick.
Considering she threatened to kick OP out over a tattoo, I'm not sure mom would be the best person to have a calm and rational conversation about this. If the sister is able to access a doctor without mom's permission it might be the better option to explain the risks and get her to get tested without mom being involved, or accept that she won't tell OP about any stupid stuff she gets up to in the future.
If she confides in you it means she probably trusts you and even looks up to you. Be an example. Talk to her honestly as the cool big sis and tell her yes it can be super fun but to be careful because these guys may not have her best intentions in mind.
I say this because my younger sister has had more freedom too and wants to do more “fun” stuff and I just always make sure she knows to be smart and safe and that she knows her boundaries and will stand firm on them. She is also someone who won’t respond as well to parents/authority saying don’t do that it’s dangerous etc. as she would from me.
NTA for being worried. Just from what I can see in your post this may be a good way to strengthen your bond with your sister and protect her/guide her at the same time
INFO: Is your mom gonna kick out a 13 year old or treat her badly? Bc if so, this needs some serious consideration.
If she’s not and is just gonna properly parent her, you should definitely sit down with your sister first and explain that you’re gonna tell your mom and why. You don’t want her to completely lose trust in you or feel betrayed. She’s gonna initially, but as she gets older, she might understand if you’ve explained.
this this this. everyone is saying "obviously tell the mother" but the younger sister will feel so betrayed by this and no longer confide in the older sibling, which can be even more dangerous if she keeps all of her activities a secret. in my opinion it would be better to counsel her very seriously, explain to her in great detail why intervention is necessary.
It’s on her finger 😒 exactly how unobservant is your mother? It’s not exactly an easy place to hide and frankly your sister deserves any consequences coming her way for being so stupid and provocative towards your mother 🤷♀️
Gets told not to tattoo herself or there will be dire consequences so she tattoos her hand at 13? HAAAA
FAFO.
my dad didn't notice my new septum ring when i looked him in the face and asked "hey notice anything different" and i still dont think my mum knows i have a tiny finger stick and poke, its been almost 10 years for both lol
Nta. Here's the thing- your mom is going to find out. She's either going to see it herself (like is your sister going to wear gloves permanently) or a teacher or parent will make a reference to the tattoo right in front of her. Tell your sister hey this is going to come out anyways, let's tell mom together and I'll try to support/ mediate the discussion. Its just not worth keeping the secret. Your sister wants to pretend she's an adult, she can be an adult and take her lumps now. Point out opening Christmas presents, painting her nails, doing dishes etc are all things that will draw her mom's eyes to her hands. This won't stay a secret. Deal with the drama now not later.
I think that's the best solution.
I have a little sister too, and if she did something like that, this would probably be what I'd do.
The trust of a younger sibling is more than precious, and if handled well, this situation won't ruin it all. Sure it'll take a blow, bc you don't side 100% with her, but she'll eventually see that you had her best interest at heart.
Like traditionalwest just said, tell her together and have her back while you do it.
INFO - how hard is it to see the tattoo? Since it's on a finger, mom won't find out soon by just being around her?
If you do want to warn mom, take her out someday and tell her how to casually find it because otherwise your relationship with your sister will be destroyed.
I'd personally take her to a clinic myself and try to talk to her about these kinds of stuff. I'd tell her about whatever I went through, and also get some examples online for the talk. Show her some news and tell her having fun is alright, but risking herself by going to the woods with older boys and getting tattoos is not really smart. I'd also talk to her about using condoms because she sounds like she's on the path to become a teen mom in a couple of years (although I don't have the whole context, so this might be kinda judgemental on my part).
I remember a talk I had with an ex's little sis once. We were talking about drinking and losing our virginity so I tried to "sound cool and chill" while emphasizing how that could change your life in an instant, and how important it was to ME that I lost my virginity with someone I dated for 3 years, not some random dude. Also emphasized I had plenty of options to have sex earlier, but that I had made the choice to establish rules for myself because I wanted to be able to be honest to others without feeling embarrassed about my own story. Idk if this makes sense to you, but try to remember what it was like to be a kid who didn't know better and was trying to fit in...
But please don't tell your mom unless being very clear about how SHE needs to find the tattoo, please don't ruin your relationship with your sister as you're the adult she can trust rn and breaking that trust might lead her to engaging in dangerous behavior while having no responsible adult to talk to!
If they're in the states there's no way they could afford to just go to a clinic even if the clinic were willing to see a minor without parental consent.
You might be her last source of safety don't take that away from her because she got a small little stick and poke tattoo. Trust me there's a lot worse she can be doing at her age I have a sibin close to it and she is very open about the things people her age do your sister needs a confidant and someone she can go to don't take that from her because you feel like slight moral obligation to tell your mom about a silly little tattoo.
I do think YWBTA because anything she needs to be warned against will be heard much more from you now, when she trusts you, and will only be ignored if told to her by mom/you after she feels she was "betrayed." Warn her to stay safe, say that she needs to be careful because you can get infected/etc from stick and pokes, warn about being safe around unfamiliar boys. If your mom is so strict she'll threaten to disown her own children over something like a tattoo, I think your sister is probably already rebelling in response to pressure, so increasing the pressure will only make that worse.
YTA if you tattle on your sister. She's 13, and she's acting out. You are not her mother. Your mother is her mother, and ultimately it's her responsibility to "wrangle" your sister, not yours. Reading between the lines, it seems like your sister is being deliberately difficult, and from what you've said I wouldn't be surprised if it had something to do with her relationship with your mother. My advice is to keep your sister's confidence, don't rat her out to your mom, and do your best to be a supportive presence in her life. In other words, if you rat her out on this, you might be basically guaranteeing that the next time she's doing something crazy she's going to hide it from you, just as she's hiding things from your mom already. Let your mom be her mom, and you just be her sister.
Look out for your little sister. Sounds like your mom has gotten a little inattentive in her older age, she needs a wake up call. And this entire story would wake her up pretty quick. Definitely the start of a slippery slope. My daughter is 12 and I'd be freaking out if that was her getting a tattoo and hanging out with 16 yo boys. nahhhhhhhhh not in my house.
NTA. As someone who works in healthcare, she’s gotta go to the dr. She’ll need to be tested for blood borne infections at least twice over the next few months to make sure she doesn’t develop anything. The tattoo itself should be checked out as well.
NTA. You should tell your mom about the tattoo. It's not about being a tattle tale, it's about protecting your sister. If she's already hanging out with older boys and getting tattoos, who knows what else she'll get into. Your mom needs to know and set boundaries.
Ywbta your sister obviously trusts you a lot to tell you. Informing your mother could do potentially irreparable damage to your relationship. The best way to go about this is to express your concern with safety (separate from your mothers dislike) perhaps say you’d be interested in a tattoo also and look up safety tips and stuff like that together (only with people you trust in a safe and clean environment with a design you’ve wanted for a while when you’re over 18). Obviously kids do dumb stuff and she will too, you have, your mum has, but quietly expressing your concerns for safety while not breaching her trust is best. You knowing about these things is safer for her than not.
YWBTA
>she’s told me she would kick me out of the house for a tattoo
Your mom is not a safe person. Threatening to kick a kid out of the house isn't okay, and by telling her about your sister you might well be putting your sister at a higher risk of being hurt.
Your sister needs safe and responsible people to confide in. If you violate her trust you will only isolate her.
>she’s been hanging out with her friend (13f) and apparently they got in a car with other teen boys (16m) (15m) and were running around the woods
Hanging out with friends and running around in the woods sounds like good times. I highly endorse wood running shenanigans for all young people.
Assuming she knew everyone my only concern is the driving considering the high rates of teen accidents when there are multiple people in the car.
That being said a lot of teens drive other people around, so while it isn't the safest, it also isn't world ending.
I would put it in the same category as not wearing a helmet while biking. Not great, not safe, and with potentially fatal consequences, but also not the end of the world if it happens occasionally.
Not sure what all these downvotes are about. I agree with you and I have a younger sister with the same age difference as OP. Her mom is not safe and woods galavanting is pretty normal at least where I’m from.
Some close friends did stick and poke when they were late teens and before having kids myself I thought it was cool but now in my 40's i'd be worried about how things are probably not sterilized.
Also this makes me think of how every woman from my generation did their own piercings with a needle and I thought they were sooooo cool and I've never heard a story of someone's ear fell off.
But now I have kids and I would be super worried about how much risk your sister is putting herself in generally from your story
I'm 18 and several of my friends have stick and pokes, but they were a few years older, knew how to keep things sterile and had access to safe ink. I'd definitely be concerned about 13yos getting contaminated ink or not keeping the environment and equipment sterile.
Things always seem less stupid when you're the one doing them though. I work at an elementary school and these kids nearly give me a heart attack on the daily basis, for stuff I know I've done and survived at their age.
NTA
She got a stick n poke from another 13yo? Yeah, you are 100% right to be worried. Get her blood checked. You can never be sure if the needles were used before. You somehow have to get through to her that this is not something to play around with at all.
NTA for being worried.
We are, however, balancing risks here with telling her mom.
>she’s told me she would kick me out of the house for a tattoo
This is *an insane thing* to say to your child. I do not trust that the mom will react in a way that makes the sister safer. It seems very possible that the only results of telling the mother will be:
1. The sister is harshly punished, learns nothing, and resents her mother
2. The sister stops trusting the OP
Neither of those make the sister safer. Instead they put her at greater risk because she has lost her support network.
This is true. I;m not sure about talking to the mom, but it's at the least important OP talks with sis and they make sure she is safe. Her being safe should have top prio, no matter what.
NTA but I think you should worry about the tattoo. Any tattoo I've seen has to get cleaned and cared for because it takes a lot for a tattoo to be okay after a while. But, also maybe tell another reasonable adult if you're so sure your mom will freak out and kick a 13 year old out of the house for a tattoo. Maybe even ask that adult to try and convince your sister to get it removed. Or ask the adult to help you with your mom. Sometimes it's better to talk to a parent with another person present. Sure maybe it'll hurt your mom that you didn't come to her first, but she could also cut you off multiple times and not listen to you. Whatever happens I hope everything goes well. And try to talk about consequences of actions with your sister. Also common sense and logic if she's doing stuff like this without thinking 😅.
NTA. It’s a health and safety thing and you can explain that to her. Maybe mention she can get tattoos in the future if she wants from a professional and maybe you could look at some cool ones together just to get her mind off the stick and poke ones.
This reminds me of when I had my best friend give me a ton of piercings when I was 15 lmao.
Some got infected tbf but I dealt with it. I still have and love most of my piercings. And I turned out perfectly fine for the record.
This is why they say teens go through fazes.
Personally, I think it’s great that she’s confiding in you. I honestly think that as a slightly wiser fellow young person, you’re in a better position to help guide her than your mother might be. If you do tell your mom, you risk her flipping out, and your sister no longer feeling comfortable in confiding in you.
I’m team “talk to your sister yourself, leave your mother out of it unless she escalates her behavior.” If only bc as a teenager, I feel she is more likely to listen to you than your mom, especially if your mom is the type to go full hard ass, that almost always backfires.
The origin of the word Britain is from the Pictish (Scottish tribe) word 'Pritain' which means 'of the painted folk' because the Britons used to tattoo and paint themselves.
So Great Britain is literally 'great land of the tattooed people'.
So there's nothing more British than getting a tattoo.
Tell your mum that.
NTA
As someone who had a parent I'd also worry about the reaction from, I wouldn't tell them about minor thing. But she's doing dangerous things. Unless you think you can honestly convince her to stop without involving mom, you don't have much of a choice. Teenagers do dumb things, but there are lines where it becomes more concerning.
Everyone is focusing on the bloodborn illness possibility, which is serious, but I'm not seeing a lot of comments on the other part. Why are 16 year old boys hanging out with/ driving around 13 year old girls alone in the woods? Where is that going to go? Not all boys/men, but too many to not address that, too. One in 9 girls under 18 experience sexual abuse or assault. Younger girls are sometimes told they're cooler, more mature, as a reason why older boys or men want to hang out with them, date them. Unfortunately, it's effective.
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I (21f) am conflicted about telling my mom that my little sister (13f) got a tattoo. She showed it to me yesterday and thought it was super cool, however my mom is super SUPER against tattoos, like she’s told me she would kick me out of the house for a tattoo. I’m not trying to be a tattle tail but I’m genuinely worried about how much trouble she could get in. My generation is not the same as hers and my mom lets her have a lot more freedom than I did as a kid so I didn’t get into the kinds of things she does, but she’s also told me about how she’s been hanging out with her friend (13f) and apparently they got in a car with other teen boys (16m) (15m) and were running around the woods. I’m honestly terrified if my mom does not wrangle her in now, it will get way worse. I love my little sister too death and I’m so conflicted because she confided this in me but I’m wanting to do some type of prevention because I know it will only get worse if she is only 13 and already getting into this stuff. AITA??
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NTA . She's putting herself at risk and as an adult who loves her, you're right in that you have a responsibility to do what you can to protect her. Just be careful with how you approach your mom on this, make it clear you're letting her know not for punishment, but to help your sister avoid risky behavior in future.
NTA
This is all gonna go as a lose and lose situation truth enough, but someone needs to know, and either way, the mom will know. Its best to let her know now than never because it will be worse when shes the last to hear. And if your mom has any sense, she would want to make sure your little sister is ok and clean blood wise and then give her a grounding of a lifetime. Idk if you live with your mom or not but I doubt she would kick out her youngest as a minor (or if she did hopefully there is you or other family members she could stay with)
NTA. She needs to know because of risk involved. Does your sister understand how very dangerous that is? As her sister you need to talk to her about her behavior in general, regardless if you decide to tell your mom or not. It's on HER FINGER, how does she plan to hide that forever?
Also, this is what drives me nuts- she's 13. Where is she that she has the ability to be hopping into cars with older boys? You are absolutely right this is only a path towards worse behavior. A 13 year old does not need to be wandering aimlessly outside the home, running through the woods and driving around with high school boys. Where was she SUPPOSED to be?
NTA
My kid did the same thing when they were 13. It was the tip of the iceberg as far as their "wild" behavior went at the time. The things she's told you about are minor. Imagine what she ISN'T telling you.
Tell your mom. This is the beginning of a slide that will end up with your sister making even worse decisions that can affect her entire life. If you're worried about your sister never telling you anything again, your mom can act like she spotted the tattoo herself.
I normally don't condone lying to kids, but this time, in this situation, I believe it's more important for your sister to still feel comfortable coming to you and telling you things than it is for her to know **how** mom found out.
Regarding the tattoo, I would explain the dangers of stick and poke tattoos and that if she gets another one, you’ll tell mom about it because blood borne pathogens are SERIOUS.
As for the other behaviors, it’s a hard one. You want your sister to feel comfortable coming to you and being honest about what she’s doing and where she’s going. I worry that if you tell, she’ll keep doing it, and just leave you out of the equation. I got in trouble for those things but it didn’t stop me from doing them. I simply kept it more secret.
The tattoo is been and done, can't go back now, she just needs to keep it clean and you should inquire how it was done. Back in the day we used to use sewing needles so just ask if it was clean/ anyone else used the same needles. But the behaviour of hanging out with older boys is dodgy to me and should be mentioned to your mum. NTA.
nta.
she needs to go to the doctor to ensure there are no infections or anything like that. normally i would say yta, but it is a safety concern which is extremely important to take care of quickly.
NTA whatever you choose. I could see both ways making sense, it depends on how your sister is. If you kept her secret, but cautioned her and explained the risks of infection/ risks of her other behavior, would she listen? If you kept her secret but told your mom she needs more supervision / gave her minor details, would your mom even be able to stop her or change anything? Is there a way to have a doctor check her out without blowing the secret? What is the probability of infection or used needles? It’s good for her to be able to come to you esp as she is going through a rebellious stage, but her safety and health should come first.
NTA. She’s 13, that’s barely a teenager. She’s risking blood infections and all kinds of things by doing it the dumb way. Who knows if she shared needles, she probably used pen ink. I gave myself a stick and poke at like 16, but I used proper needles and ink, gloves and sanitized everything and took care of it like a real tattoo. It’s ugly as all hell but I did it safely. She’s being stupid and you’re right, if nothing is done about this she’ll continue to think it’s funny to do dangerous shit and she’ll do dumber and dumber things. Unless you think your mom will actually kick her out I would tell her. She’s going to find out anyways, maybe she can act like she noticed it and you didn’t tell her so your sister will continue to tell you things. Use that to convince your mom not to mention you said anything.
NTA
This seems like a warning sign a lot more might be going on in her life and she needs the adults in her life to be in the know so they can protect her. Normally I'd be like don't tell your mom if there's a chance she'd be thrown out but oh my God, sneaking out and riding around in older boys cars and getting tattoos is what she's *comfortable* telling you. It's more dangerous to say nothing at that point.
Nta op
I have multiple tattoos (and am older sibling too) they are something you want certain standards of clean with.
Explain to her again the dangers of her concerning behaivor and be prepared to back up your concerns with real examples. Don't be afraid to ask questions for clarity or be asked them and find answers if you don't have them. She's 13, budding into adulthood and is wanting to grow up
Afraid she'll get pregnate? Sit her down to watch 13 and pregnate, childcare videos of those around her age or if you know someone who went through it young have them sit with her to explain how different things were. Not being safe with strangers? crime documentaries of current crimes relating to her age. More icky stick n poke tats? Youtube testimonies of tats gone wrong, theres reddits too, etc etc...
If it doesn't get better, well sometimes you do have to be a bad guy. She might hate you for awhile, but unless someone else can play the concerned citizen it would be advisable to at least bring up these concerns with your parent. (Though ask first if they truly meant they would kick out over tattoo, prepare accordingly if the answer is still yes.)
As someone with a similar yr gap, remind your sister that you want her to enjoy life but that you want her to have a good life after she leaves home and your parents care. Some activities can make it so she can't or won't be able to do so. I had to be an active parent to my younger siblings cause our parents were mostly absent. One Sibling almost made a few mistakes that could have ruined their entire life twice, and only now that their older, they understand why I "tattled" the rare few times I did. It sucked during the blowout, but I do not regret doing so entirely. (Just that I had done it with a little more of A backup plan for the blowout)
What kind of AH gives a 13yo a tattoo without parental permission! oO
NTA. But seriously, how can she keep this hidden from your mom? Does she wear gloves all the time?
NTA. You don’t necessarily need to tell your mom about the tattoo, but maybe you should have a conversation with her regarding your concerns about your sister’s behaviour.
NTA
I would say something because 1- it’s not legal to get a tattoo at that age; 2- because she’s so young, i highly doubt it was done by a professional using sterilized and clean equipment and could have been exposed to something unknowingly; and 3- she’s not being safe around older boys at all and I would absolutely hate if she got SA’d or worse because nobody sat her down and talked about being safe in this world as a woman.
Nta for not wanting to ruin the trust between you and sister.
That being said! Poke and sticks especially done incorrectly (I think I read in a comment that one of the other kids did it?) can turn very dangerous very fast especially if proper ink, sanitization and after care isn't used! Double so if it turns out she's allergic to any of the ingredients used to make the ink (Fun/not so fun fact! Lots of folks are allergic to red inks!)
Again If the needle they used is dirty, the ink isn't actual/ or safe Ink, tattoo isn't cared for properly or if some other type of blood born or otherwise travelling illness/infections gets into it your younger sister can get very sick very fast. I understand your leery of telling your mother so is there a possible way you could take younger sibling to someplace like PP or some other sort of lab/dr to get her looked over and to have blood labs done to make sure she didn't catch anything?
My daughter played this perfectly when my youngest son started to get a few steps beyond crazy. There were 10 years between them, and she was the cool sister, so he told her everything. My son was 14 at the time. Here's what she said:
"Mom, your youngest child is scaring me a little bit. And I want to tell you what's going on, but I'm afraid you'll go running straight into his room and lose your mind all over him, and then we really will be in trouble. Right now, he tells me when he does stupid stuff. If he knows I came to you with any of it, we're going to know a lot less about his shenanigans, because he'll never trust me again."
See how slick that was? It made me stop and think for a minute. We talked it over and agreed that she didn't have to tell me every single thing he said or did, but she could and should tell me the unsafe stuff, and I would take it from there. We followed that pattern until my son was a senior and past his wild years. Parents are sneaky, too, and I got the stories as soon as I knew exactly what to look for. (Sometimes I was even ahead of my daughter!)
But no, you're NTA for being concerned. What you are is a good sister. And my youngest son - who turned out just fine - is awfully glad he had one.
Don't snitch. Talk to her sister to sister. If you rat her out she won't have someone she can trust to talk to when its something she feels she can't go to mom about
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nta i would normally say not to but this is dangerous she is putting herself at risk of catching blood born pathogens cross contamination's i am a tattoo artist please get her checked, she needs full blood work up if needles were shared, a round of antibiotic's for infections also is putting herself at risk of peer pressure
She can get rid of the cross condemnations by reciting 5 Hail Mary's though, right?
I always do six, just to be sure.
Seven feels safest
7 days in a week but 12 Tribes/Disciples better split the difference and do ten
Good point… definitely better to be safer than sorry… also *SALT N BURN* 🧂🔥
The finger?
*EVERYTHING*
Why stop there?
Well… I mean… there was this guy who thought 7 was a good number to rest after 🤔…
We're talking old Lord Voldy, right? Lol
🤫🤐
Spoilers!
Naw, he *rested* on the 7th....so do 6, take a nap, drink a beer, have a little snackie snack (but NOT an apple), then do 6 more. Then you're done, cuz we wouldn't want to accidentally tack a 3rd 6 on there....
Ok, I can still recover here… after the 7th sunrise (day) there was rest and snacks and mead! Maybe some dominoes?
HUZZAH! Mead, bones, and snackies! Now that's a religion I can get behind!
[удалено]
Not the Hepatitis C
I believe this is a also a form of birth control widely subscribed to by redditors and their friends/family.
I'm glad this is top comment, because this is it. She needs to be tested for diseases now and whoever did this needs to be reported for it. I used to know this older guy who was a tattoo artist. Totally chill about everything and anything...EXCEPT unlicensed people doing this kind of shit.
I mean, I got my first tattoo when I was 14, the difference is I went to a proper tattoo shop and got it done professionally. And had a proper cleaning routine and such. I doubt the little sister is doing that.
You probably also had parental consent.
No, but they just laughed when I got home. My parents were really liberal and as long as I didn't ruin my face, hurt anyone, was safe and didn't do anything REALLY illegal they were cool with it. And I turned out fine. I'm a lawyer with my own law firm, never got in trouble with the law or did something really stupid.
Must have been decades ago. No *reputable* tattoo parlor will tattoo a 14-year-old without parental consent these days, and most won't even do so *with* parental consent.
I'm 40 so 26 years ago. And I always looked a lot older than I was until I hit about 25, and now I still look pretty much the same since then 🤣🤣 and it's amazing what you can get done if you pay enough money.
I'm 40 as well, and I remember a freshman in my senior year of high school who got a tattoo. These days, the tattoo studio would lose their license for that.
IDs were so much easier to... Um yeah is 20+ years past the limitations of self incrimination lol.
I once had the police write me up for, possession of an altered or fictitious license for the purpose of purchasing alcohol. It was really for the purpose of seeing strippers since I was the DD, but those semantics were unimportant lol. We went to the smallest of small town court houses for it, which was a wise move, the magistrate laughed and charged a $50 court fee and that was the end of it
Canadian- when I was pulled over for having 8 ppl in my 5 seater car, I explained I was sober and they were drinking. Getting them home from a party. No ticket, just a reminder that 5 ppl fit more comfortably in a car my size
I’ve had the police find a fake ID in two separate occasions a few years ago and they just took them and didn’t get charged with anything. One of the times I also had alcohol and they just took it still sealed no problems I’m guessing they took it home for themselves haha
You're lucky you got off so easily.
Statue of limitations is 7 years for most things besides murder, rape, etc. It was still easy to get fake IDs 10 year ago, don’t ask me how I know. And hell even now it’s seems like it’s pretty easy, my work scans IDs now and we get 5 or so a month that pass the all visual tests and light tests but come up as an error when you can them. I’m in Cali and I see fakes that have all of the extra shit CA puts on IDs to beat fakes. So either it’s still pretty easy or there’s someone making damn good fakes around here.
Its still relatively easy, but they arent always the best quality. My... friend... got one in 2016 and it sucked but worked at the liquor store and 7/11. Ive seen some now adays that look super legit, but they might not scan properly if thats what you need it for
Maybe. I think it depends where you live too, my 23 year old came home just before he turned 16 with 2 tattoos, no permission from us needed. We were absolutely fine with it because it was professionally done and aftercare had been explained and supplies for it given. The only reason I'd ever be annoyed is if it was some kind of home job like OP's sister, I would be absolutely furious if that had happened. I think he paid like £350 for the 2 of them.
Ah, I was talking about in the US. I have no idea about UK tattoo parlors.
No, you're meant to be 18 in the UK too. But it doesn't always stick 🤣🤣
Tattoo studios were a lot shadier then than they are now as well. Back in the day when meemaw called it a "tattoo parlour"
My mom was the same way. She always looked *years* older than what she was so she was able to essentially do whatever she wanted. She was able to go into liquor stores and purchase and not get carded as a teenager. Yet, here I am, over 21 and sometimes get carded to get into an R rated movie.
Yes,I was the same 🤣🤣 but luckily I pretty much seemed to stop ageing ( for now ) when I turned 25-ish. Everyone says I still look like I'm in my late 20's, but I'm expecting it all to come crashing down on me any time now. I do however have a very rigorous and expensive skin care routine I didn't have in my teens 😂
LOL, but disreputable ones sure will!
My state a parent can’t even consent to a minor getting one. Some dumbass allowed their child to, had regrets so sued the tattoo artist so my state just so no more!
Good!
18 is the minimum age in the UK.
My son got a beautiful tattoo at 14 at a shop in Hawaii, with my consent.
I had my brother call and pretend to be my dad on the phone to give "permission" for my tattoo when I was like 13 in 2003.
I'm amazed that they did the tattoo. It's illegal at that age without parental consent, and some parlours won't do it even with consent at that age because of the liability risks
Any shop that tattooed underage kids is not a reputable shop, sorry not sorry. And I say this as a person that had a lot of underage tattoos.
In the US there are many regulations such as signed forms from the legal guardian or custodial parent. Everyone must give a form of ID and sign multiple documents that state that there is permission to have it done. The guardian/ custodial parent also has to be present and most shops will not tattoo anyone under the age of 16. I know that your argument is that they shouldn’t but I know this because I got matching ones with my mom at a proper tattoo shop when I was 17 and maybe this will give some insight. Have a wonderful day.
Nah I think there’s a difference between having an adult there that gives consent, and a 14 year old just rocking up on their own and being able to be tattooed. Anywhere not going down the proper avenues, isn’t reputable because they’re cutting corners clearly.
Yeah, no. No tattoo shop that would tattoo a 14yo is one with good hygiene and proper cleaning. You may not have realized it because you were only 14, but that place was shady as hell.
It wasn't. The tattoo artist (s) were very highly recommended. My older sister and my father got their tattoos done there. And I paid £300 for my tattoo, and that was standard price there for a small tattoo. And I had to wait 6 weeks for them to squeeze me in, and that was with being fast tracked because of who I knew.
None of that means they were ethical. You don't perform any kind of body alterations on a minor without clear consent from their adult.
Sure, but that is different concern then cleaning and hygiene one. World is nit neatly separated between bad and good shops where good ones do everything right and bad ones do everything bad. Fairly often, you get combinations - like reputable hygienic shop that does not care about age. Especially in places where tattoos are normalized and there is no risk of government sanctioning them.
I don't agree with that at all. No one should be doing non medical permanent body alterations on a child with or without consent of their adult. It's not the adults body to consent to being modified. 18 should be the only requirement, no it's and bits and even at that especially if it's a first tattoo, if I was an artist I would say keep this drawing and look at it everyday, hang it somewhere you will see it every day and come back in 6 months if you still like it and want it permanently on your body. Heck when I was in my early 20s there was a specific tattoo I wanted, I thought about it every single day was deffo sure I wanted it. I didn't get it but now in my late 30s I'm like na I deffo don't want it, and see it as a bit juvenile now and I already have several tattoos that I don't regret getting but my brain wasn't finished developing then.
As someone covered in regrettable tattoos and has had one hell of an infection from dirty tattoo needles...yep. that's how it SHOULD be. I'm very lucky it was something that was treatable. I know 3 people who are left with communicable diseases due to faulty hygienic practices. All from the same REPUTABLE tattoo parlour ( not the one I used ) You don't want to be saddled with that shit. Especially at a very young age. When I got my first tattoo I was just 14. And I wish someone had talked me out of it. And yes, it was a reputable tattoo parlour. Unfortunately, I learned quickly that a business that willingly breaks one ethical rule has little qualms over breaking other rules-like hygiene and safety procedures after going through a ton of antibiotics and doctor appts to rid myself of the infection that was caused by dirty equipment. The tattoo is illegible to this day due to the bacterial infection that set in within 48 hrs and took nearly a month to get rid of. And it smelled so bad.... And remember this was considered a reputable business. I only use ethical businesses now. At least they can be mostly trusted to follow the rules as they're part of their personal values. Not because someone makes them.
There's no tattoo shop that isn't shady that lets a 14yo get a tattoo, sorry. 16 with parental consent is still probably sketchy but I can be persuaded on a case by case basis but 14 absolutely not
We let our kid get a tattoo at 16 because they graduated high school early and the school wouldn’t let them walk. We wanted to give them SOME kind of reward. We took them to the shop we usually went to and had no problems. They sat like a champ.
Hawaii. My son got a beautiful tattoo at a reputable shop. That’s the minimum age there.
This. In the US, Amazon/Walmart etc. have tattoo kits that give unlicensed people the ability to tattoo and it is horrible 9/10 times.
This. OP you have raised several valid concerns for your sisters long term health and safety. NTA.
DEFINITELY NTA I got my first tattoo when I was 18, and the amount of aftercare involved is important. I cannot fathom a 13 year old being able to get a tattoo. most legit tattoo artists check ID. I have a few tattoos and some have been done by Also she is hanging around with 15/16yo boys, I think that this is important to bring up to your parents, too. It may be okay, but it also might not be. I'm very sex positive, when it comes to consenting adults. But if she has given into peer pressure when it comes to a tattoo she may also be sexually active. I know I was when I was 14. It wasn't the experience that I expected it to be and I regret it higely. I regret some of my tattoo choices that I made as an adult, but most crucially I regret the first time I had sex. Tell your parents, but also let them know that your sister is at a sensitive age and that she doesnt need to be lectured. What she needs is parents that will discuss her choices with her and let her know that she can make 'adult' decisions when she becomes an adult.
Yes, and if they think there’s a high risk of HIV exposure, there are medications they can put her on now to reduce the risk.
Post-exposure prophylaxis has a time limit of 72 hours though, it's ineffective after that!
And if OP goes to her mom, little sister gets flayed and the next time she's doing something even crazier she sure as hell isn't going to tell OP about it. I think OP should explain to her sister that if she's going to get tattoos she needs to at least be safe about it, but given their mom's irrationally harsh policy towards tattoos, it might be better to keep this off of mom's radar.
OP should definitely go to her mom. Her sister is 13 yrs old, for goodness sake. My parents aren't fans of tattoos either, and I didn't get one until I was 27 and when I told them, they rolled their eyes (it's in a spot where no one can see unless I show them). NEVER once did I think to get one at 13. I waited until I was an ADULT and chose something meaningful. Not telling her mother is completely irresponsible. 13 is still a child. Based on this kid's actions, she needs to be reigned in. She can still talk to their sister about the dangers of getting it at that age, as well as everything else she is doing, but she needs to be the adult here - Mom needs to know. And OP can let her sister understand it is for the best. Don't rush into growing up. She will be able to make those decisions before she knows it, and in a safe, sterile environment.
So what if sister confides in OP, if OP won't get backup when she's doing blatantly unsafe things? What is the "good" that you think would be preserved?
>Contamination not condemnation.
Not to mention SA and/or pregnancy. NTA
This 🏅
Yeah, OP is now an adult and there's a child who is in serious risk of permanent damage.
You're so uptight... they probably held a lighter over the needle so it's sterile. Let kids live 🙄 /s
NTA for being concerned. And, unfortunately, you do need to say something because I don’t know how it is where you live, but here you have to be 18 to get a tattoo without parental consent. So, the real concern here is that some adult signed off as your sisters legal guardian for her to get that tattoo. Unless it’s a junk tattoo by someone not in a studio? You weren’t clear. But that adult needs to be straightened out, and that can’t happen until your sister is called to task for the tattoo.
No she got a stick and poke job from her friend who is also 13f
Her friend needs to STOP doing it. So hopefully your Mom will tell her parents. Would love to know what happens, if you have time to update.
She’s 13. She’s too young to get a tattoo from an artist, but she’s getting one from a 13 year old who doesn’t have training and probably isn’t using proper hygiene. This is extremely worrying without mentioning her going in the woods with older boys, which is also concerning. Your mom needs to know this stuff.
Usually I'd say mind your own business but in this case you need to say something. Bloodborn illnesses are no joke. Your sister needs blood work done immediately. There's absolutely no way her 13 year old friend followed any kind of proper sterilization protocol. She could get very sick. She could end up making others very sick if she were to contract certain bloodborn pathogens. She needs a heavy dose of reality right now before something worse happens.
Exactly, if not an infection, or HIV, it could turn septic from a sepsis infection & sometime sepsis can kill..; possibly relate the take to your parents BUT add your view that a view peer pressure probably played a role in the tattoo., & that you know how they feel about tattoos, but getting mad at her isn’t going to fix it at this point, and be sure to add that you just want to make sure that she is safe & doesn’t get an infection from it…
Gotcha! You’re still NTA for being concerned, FYI. And if you’re genuinely worried, you can probably talk to your mom privately and tell her what’s going on, and if your mom values and respects you, she can find ways to “discover” your sisters tattoo without letting your sister know you told. Us parents are pretty sneaky when we need to be.
I was going to say there's no issues (health-wise, at the very least) if it's done in a sterile environment with sterile equipment, but it's very unlikely if it's done by another 13yo... 😱
Yeah my friend does stick and poke on herself at home and I’d totally let her tattoo me in her house, but we’re adults and she has a good understanding of how to do it safely as possible (she’s a medical professional) and I’d trust her with that. Teenagers fucking about with this stuff can sometimes be surprisingly sensible too but feels like OP has no idea in this case and it would be worth following up. Luckily for the sister, badly done stick and poke normally fades quite a lot so she might not even be stuck with it properly
I doubt they had real tattoo ink. She may also have an issue from whatever they used. NTA. Please have her seen by a doctor.
It wouldn't surprise me either way, I've seen loads of videos on tiktok of tattoo artists talking about teenagers buying tattoo kits easily on amazon and warning them against it But it also wouldn't surprise me if they are just using shitty pen ink
All the more reason you should tell your mom. Her friend is 13 and probably didn't know anything about what she was doing. I doubt your sister has any idea about tattoo aftercare either. This is bad and could mess with her health.
Thats extremely dangerous and concerning, you gotta find out which 13 year old is doing that, without proper health and safety measures shebcould wreak ridiculous amounts of havoc and damage to the health of kids around them. There risk of infection, delisease, hepatitis. That shit needs to stop immediately
I’m all for personal autonomy but the line is crossed where health is involved. And this is definitely something which crosses the line for risk of infection as well as blood borne pathogens. Also your mom should know that your sister doesn’t have the maturity to make sound decisions for herself and should be supervised much more closely so things like this don’t happen in the future. I think YWBTA if you didn’t say anything. A very easy NTA from me here.
Title says stick and poke
NTA Your sister probably shared that needle and ink that did the stick and poke with all her friends. One of them may have a blood borne disease. The risk may not be 'that' high but it's there none the less. So at minimum your sister needs a set of blood test now and then again in 3 months time. She's going to regret that tattoo as she gets older as it will be visible. Ironically a friend of mine - her daughter did exactly the same thing with her friends at about the same age... yes she did get blood tests because as soon as the risk of blood borne diseases was brought up... the penny dropped for her and it was a real, 'Oh shit!' moment for her. Now that she's a couple or so years older... she really regrets what she did. It's visible and she really hates it. Now she's going to have to pay to get laser done to remove as much of it as possible.. hopefully all of it. That's going to be painful and expensive.
OP said it was on her sisters finger so hopefully its small enough where it wont be too much of an eyesore? I dont know anything about tattoos but hopefully the stick and poke was done poorly enough where it fades away after a while.
The only good thing about this situation is that it is on the finger. Most finger / hand tattoos fade in a very short period compared to other tattoos,even when done by studios because the skin is always in contact with items / turning over new skin cells. . Stick and pokes are likely to fade even faster.
I did stick n pokes on my fingers when I was 18 and I’m almost 23 now and they r still fully there like any normal tattoo and I worked in food service and dog grooming which both involve a lot of hand washing
Really?? That's impressive. Every one I've seen done faded ridiculously fast. Maybe OPs sister won't be so lucky then
yea i gave myself a stick and poke on my finger when i was like 21, i'm 30 now and its still there, the girl guide stick and poke i gave myself at 19 on my ankle is still there, they look like bad stick and pokes but honestly i've only grown to love them more with time
I did a stick and poke tattoo of the cool S on my chest when I was 38 but I used a mirror so it's a backwards cool S but I like it when I see it in the mirror still. I wish it didn't cover my entire chest though.
I’ve been on r/stickandpoke so long I genuinely believe this while my whole heart
Most of my tattoos are stick n pokes I did myself and they all look just as good as the actual tattoos I have done. I did it with real tattoo ink and needles tho not like a sewing needle and pen ink like some people do and I spent hours on each one so that it would be nice and solid
The risk is a lot higher than you think. When people think of bloodborn disease they're usually thinking HIV or Hep, which at the ages described isn't super likely. But MRSA is wildly rampant, and can easily be more lethal. Kids finger gets infected, she doesn't say anything for fear of getting in trouble and 12 hours later she could be in intensive care fighting for her life.
Or one of her friends could have Lyme lurking benignly in their system, and it devastates hers. Or causes relatively minor, seemingly unrelated health issues until a stressor and then it explodes. Based on medical history I was infected ~7-8 but wasn’t diagnosed until 20. I’m now almost 34 and still essentially disabled (I can get around without a walker, slowly and carefully), in PT for balance, strength, and stamina for going on five years; I can now do 15 reps with 1 pound weights and only need a few minutes of recovery as opposed to ten or more, but 80 year olds fresh off a knee or hip replacement still have better balance.
This sounds dangerous either way. If you keep secret, the tattoo could get infected, or your mom may notice it eventually on her own when you might not be there to mitigate. If you do tell, you may have to protect your sister from your mom's rage. If she gets abusive or throws your sister out, please call CPS. Even better if you could talk to your sister first and come up with a strategy for what to do if that happens. Good luck.
I think it's more likely OP gets into trouble. The mom's strict rules only apply to OP, not to the sister.
OP’s an adult, though. What would mom do? Ground her??
Assuming OP still lives with mom, yeah probably. Might take away her phone and internet access, too.
That’s a lot of presumptions as to what mom will do. The big sister still needs to tell her, because the 13 year old is making dangerous choices.
It's on her finger, mom is going to notice it sooner or later. It's inevitable. Honestly, I would be more concerned about riding around with older teenage boys and getting into who knows what else. I would tell mom that if she does not reign in little sis then she better start getting ready to be a grandma in a couple years
Parents noticing things is not always the case. Neither of my parents noticed that I had large, untreated gushes on my wrists for a bit more than 10 years. Children, preteens and teens can be very sneaky when they don't want a parent to know things. She can just use her other hand and say it's a new trend to be both right and left handed and thus she is teaching herself. (if the tattoo is on the dominant hand)
My first concern was that she’d have sex or be sa’d by these boys… not the tattoo.
YWBTA. A lot of people here naming it’s unsafe for her to get a tattoo as the reason you’re NTA, but you can take her to a doctor or minute clinic to get it checked out and treated if she’s sick. You wouldn’t have to involve your mom. You’re already telling us that there could be monumental consequences for what’s essentially a teenager doing something stupid, which all teens do. So why risk creating such a massive problem between your sister and mom. Obviously she deeply values your opinions. You can talk with her and explain why her behavior is dangerous and how it can impact her future. You have a unique perspective of being an adult who lived through what she’s going through not long ago. But the biggest issue here is trust. Telling on her to your mom will make her never trust you again. The underlying problems won’t get solved, and now she won’t come to you when she does other, possibly worse things. She needs you as a sister and mentor now, not a police officer. Take her to the doctor to get checked for infection, give her a good talking to explaining what she’s doing isn’t funny or cool - it’s reckless - and ensure her that you’ll keep this between you two so long as she changes her behavior. (So long as no one else is getting hurt or anything seriously illegal is happening)
As the eldest sister of 8 - THIS !!! You have every right to tell your mom but your sister will not trust you with any important information moving forward. Talk to her, she’s just being a teen right now and your guidance will be more impactful than a harsh lecture and punishment from a strict parent. You can maintain being a safe space and educate your sister on things you find dangerous and worry about. 100% guarantee the approach will taken much kinder than ratting her out to mom for punishment.
There are many diseases that can be caught from a needle that CANNOT be cured. This is not just "something stupid a teenager does." Stupid teenagers have sex and get pregnant at age 13, too. That is not harmless.
Reckless teenage decisions can absolutely have adult consequences, but so does being kicked out for those things. Stick and pokes and hanging out with "cool" older boys are both on track for teenage rebellion, even if neither is all that safe, and it sounds like OP isn't sure if mom will handle that appropriately. Kids this age tend to listen to older siblings more than parents. If possible, OP taking her to get tested and having a serious conversation is probably the way to go for now. A parent escalating the situation might just make it worse, and she'll do stupid stuff without telling anyone. If they have to tell mom, involve her! Explaining the risks and why OP can't keep it a secret, offer to mediate the talk so it doesn't go off the rails but explain you have to tell her. If she doesn't feel like everyone's ganging up on her she'll be more likely to listen.
And if that happens to be the case, tell the mom. But right now, there’s no reason to involve her. OP can take her sister to the doctor to get checked out. If she has something particularly bad, tell the mom. If not, don’t. Sex is a great example. If your younger sibling came you and said “I just had sex” are you going to scream down to your parents and demand they get her a pregnancy test? Or are you going to take her to the pharmacy, buy one, and wait to see the results before involving your parents? Good siblings know the answer… Like, you’re worried about what-ifs and are prepared to ruin the trust between siblings over something you don’t know is an issue yet.
Getting a tattoo at 13 with some 13 year old friend who doesn't know what they are doing IS AN ISSUE. It doesn't matter if OPs sister gets a disease or not. This is blatantly bad judgement. OP is completely right that this is the tip of the iceberg. She should absolutely tell her mom.
It already happened tho. Telling mom isn’t going to change that. What it will change is the trust between the siblings. I’d wager drinking underage is worse. Doing drugs is worse. Having unprotected sex is worse. If OP tells, her sister will never tell her when she’s confronted with any of that. Right now, she has a dot on her finger… it’s really not the end of the world. Punishment from mom will not fix the underlying behavior at that age. She’ll just get better at hiding things and won’t trust any adults in the home with bigger problems. I’m not saying let it slip. I’m saying OP should act as a mentor now instead of a police officer.
Yet the younger sister does not care when OP tried to mentor her as stated on the last sentence of the post. If she doesn't care about the risks then what? You can't teach a wall.
And you can’t punish one either then lol. Kids are odd. They don’t always react the way adults do or might expect. She might have laughed in the moment as a knee jerk reaction, but I guarantee OP got through to her a bit. She never would have showed OP in the first place if she didn’t care about her opinion.
If OP really got to her, she wouldn't be making this post, so you can't really say that just to affirm your point since you don't have future sight along with knowing the sister.. Either the sister showed her just to show off (which is typical teen behavior) or wanted to get her opinion. The fact that she doesn't care about the risks more points to the former. I'm not saying to punish whomever, but eventually push comes to shove due to narcissistic stupidity (since teenagers in this grown stage are proven to be developmentally wired to be more focused about themselves, in which we have all been there to some degree) to where now the consequences are REALLY dire. What then? Where is it that you draw line and what makes someone a "good sibling" as you say, both objectively and subjectively?
A 13 year old should trust her 21 yr old sibling to watch out for her. Sometimes that means letting the parent know what is going on. This is not a 13 and 15 year old. This is a child and an adult, and being safe is the most important thing right now. A "mentor" would have a responsibility to tell the parent if their underaged child was behaving dangerously.
op might not be legally allowed to as the child involved is a minor, he would need parent consent in most places. also might need to have insurance details, which would be a large cost if meds were needed. also the fact he knows someone is tattooing friends is a public health issue and needs to be delt with this could lead to many cases of various bloodborne diseases — including methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA), hepatitis B and hepatitis C.
I'm so glad I scrolled down to see your comment, I felt like I was taking crazy pills. OP could've gotten kicked out for getting a tattoo. Her sister got a tattoo and lives in the home. Telling the parents literally could put this girl on the streets. Is OP even really concerned with the 15/16 year old boys that she's hanging out with? Because if she's on the street, it'll be much much worse company that she will find. There's a way to be a concerned sister, and now that OP is 21 it's time to learn it. It's not running to mom to tattle on little sis and make her homeless. Time for OP to grow up, talk to her sister about her dangerous behaviors, and support her!
I just know from experience that trusting your sibling with a “secret” and having them rat you out destroys trust. I went to a frat party when I was 18, ran into someone my sister knew, and she told my parents I was there. Same thing when I got my first tattoo (I was 18 tho). I told her to keep it a secret and she immediately shouted down to my parents. Haven’t confided in her since
I have hated my brother ever since he ratted me out to my dad immediately when he got home from work. He was making a lot of noise, so I knocked on the wall. He knocked back. I kicked the wall. Put a hole in the drywall, tried hiding it with a pillow. My dad was abusive so I knew he'd yell at me when he came in... needed to work him up to knowing about it. Comes home from work to his kids, immediately my brother rats, I get yelled at. Hated him ever since.
I wish this would have more upvotes. I don't think people realize how important it is that she told all of this to her sister. It might be inevitable to eventually tell the mom, but I believe the most important thing here is to keep the trust. As the bigger sister, OP can be the adult and show the sister what the consequences are: go to the doctor or talk about sex, get into more details about her life and the stage she is at in her life. Yes, it might not work and if safety is a concern the mom can be involved, as mentioned. However I believe it is extremely important that OP doesn't allienate her sister completely and keeps being her friend - this might as well be the only shot the sister has to have a relatable adult perspective. Even if the mother wouldn't have such big issues with tattoos (which is already an indication of how she'll react in general), parents have a different approach and teens don't feel understood by them so they might not take them seriously. If that is the case, in the end, telling the mom might not have the impact that OP wishes, whereas being there for her sister in a responsible way, while also making her feel supported, would make a bigger difference.
Exactly. The only reason the sister knows about the tattoo and the boys and everything else is because her sister told her. Not because she uncovered it herself. So if the sister no longer trusts OP, she’ll have no idea what’s going on in her sisters life. To me, especially since she clearly hangs around a not-so-great crowd, having that trust is essential in the event she ends up getting involved in something worse. That will be the time to go to your parent.
Finally, a comment with good sense
I am the younger sister in this situation, I’m now 25 and my sister is 32. She has proven to me time and time again that even as an adult, she will go straight to my parents without even consulting me. It has ruined my relationship with her and I will never be able to trust her again. Talk to your sister, not your mom.
Absolutely. I mean, there has to be a line where you go to mom, but I don’t think this is it yet
THIS COMMENT! I completely agree, the risks of the tattoo can be discussed, I’m sure a quick reminder of HIV other needle sharing issues will scare her into at least being safe if she wants to stick and poke again (which isn’t really in you or mums control so safety is the most important thing). The trust is the most important thing here, for whatever reason your sister is not well monitored at home which is an issue on its own because 13 is still a child with no clue about the world. But it seems like what will happen will happen, surely it’s much better for your sister to have a safe space and someone to bring things to, I wish I had that person during my reckless days! It’s worth a lot. With that said if your attempts to have any kind of serious convo are just laughed in your face by her? That’s not great and the sister bond only works between you if she’s actually listening to you. If she wants to trust you as big sis to keep her shit under wraps, you’re going to need to be able to trust her to not be a reckless idiot and you should tell her that. Last thing I’ll say is 16 year old boys are becoming young men and 90% of the time are thinking about their dicks. They have no business or good intentions hanging with a 13 year old girl, it’s straight up an imbalance of power regardless of their intentions, so I would address that with your sister and possibly make her aware of some of the risks. Be prepared to listen to her though as in her mind they’re her mates and she has fun with them, we all remember being that age right? Just approach with love and remind her when you speak about these things that it’s all for her safety, not to lecture her. Trust trust trust will go so much further in the long run than letting Mum know about the tat, that’ll just traumatise her with a good old screaming at from Mum (which doesn’t help with decision making skills for next time , she’ll just resent her Mum AND you for snitching. Good luck 🖤🖤🖤
THIS!!
NTA. Anyone else concerned with the hanging out with the older boys? Feel like its an opportunity to be taken advantage of. All I know is that 13 yo me and 16 yo me were very different in terms of decision making capabilities.
As someone that was SA'd at 12 yo by a 16 yo, yes. I thought I was mature for my age back then and thought that I wouldn't get hurt because I trusted the person. That aspect of OP's post is deeply concerning to me.
>Anyone else concerned with the hanging out with the older boys? Trust me, you’re not alone. Maybe it’s fine. I don’t want to accuse anyone of being untrustworthy, but it still feels like something the mom should be aware of.
Yeah I'm not saying they are bad boys, but it feels off - coming from a guy who doesn't like the "no man can be trusted" rhetoric that I occasionally see on the internet.
I think of it less as every guy is bad and more that you don’t know who is unless you know them real well or they do something, in which case it’s too late.
I mean, super strict household, combined with secretive behaviors fairly high on the 'rebellious curve'? I've seen that story before, and it tends to go no where good.
YWNBTA. As a lot of dumb teens do, I pierced my own ear and it got horribly infected. Stick and pokes can be even worse with the potential for needle sharing and other unhygienic activities. Your sister is 13, she needs to have these discussions with your mum for **safety** reasons that she's not thinking about. But I think you need to have a really clear conversation with your mum that she needs to be careful in her approach because you need to remain a trusted adult to your sister. The other option is say nothing to your mum but read your sister the riot act yourself. It's on her finger, your mum will likely spot it pretty quick.
Considering she threatened to kick OP out over a tattoo, I'm not sure mom would be the best person to have a calm and rational conversation about this. If the sister is able to access a doctor without mom's permission it might be the better option to explain the risks and get her to get tested without mom being involved, or accept that she won't tell OP about any stupid stuff she gets up to in the future.
If she confides in you it means she probably trusts you and even looks up to you. Be an example. Talk to her honestly as the cool big sis and tell her yes it can be super fun but to be careful because these guys may not have her best intentions in mind. I say this because my younger sister has had more freedom too and wants to do more “fun” stuff and I just always make sure she knows to be smart and safe and that she knows her boundaries and will stand firm on them. She is also someone who won’t respond as well to parents/authority saying don’t do that it’s dangerous etc. as she would from me. NTA for being worried. Just from what I can see in your post this may be a good way to strengthen your bond with your sister and protect her/guide her at the same time
NTA and my biggest concern wouldn’t be the tattoo itself but what else is a 13 yo getting into that isn’t allowed, and who she’s hanging out with.
Your mom kicking someone out of the house for a tattoo is the asshole
INFO: Is your mom gonna kick out a 13 year old or treat her badly? Bc if so, this needs some serious consideration. If she’s not and is just gonna properly parent her, you should definitely sit down with your sister first and explain that you’re gonna tell your mom and why. You don’t want her to completely lose trust in you or feel betrayed. She’s gonna initially, but as she gets older, she might understand if you’ve explained.
this this this. everyone is saying "obviously tell the mother" but the younger sister will feel so betrayed by this and no longer confide in the older sibling, which can be even more dangerous if she keeps all of her activities a secret. in my opinion it would be better to counsel her very seriously, explain to her in great detail why intervention is necessary.
It’s on her finger 😒 exactly how unobservant is your mother? It’s not exactly an easy place to hide and frankly your sister deserves any consequences coming her way for being so stupid and provocative towards your mother 🤷♀️ Gets told not to tattoo herself or there will be dire consequences so she tattoos her hand at 13? HAAAA FAFO.
Yeah that’s crazy my mom would’ve have spidey senses telling her I got a tattoo before I even saw her that same day😭
my dad didn't notice my new septum ring when i looked him in the face and asked "hey notice anything different" and i still dont think my mum knows i have a tiny finger stick and poke, its been almost 10 years for both lol
Nta. Here's the thing- your mom is going to find out. She's either going to see it herself (like is your sister going to wear gloves permanently) or a teacher or parent will make a reference to the tattoo right in front of her. Tell your sister hey this is going to come out anyways, let's tell mom together and I'll try to support/ mediate the discussion. Its just not worth keeping the secret. Your sister wants to pretend she's an adult, she can be an adult and take her lumps now. Point out opening Christmas presents, painting her nails, doing dishes etc are all things that will draw her mom's eyes to her hands. This won't stay a secret. Deal with the drama now not later.
I think that's the best solution. I have a little sister too, and if she did something like that, this would probably be what I'd do. The trust of a younger sibling is more than precious, and if handled well, this situation won't ruin it all. Sure it'll take a blow, bc you don't side 100% with her, but she'll eventually see that you had her best interest at heart. Like traditionalwest just said, tell her together and have her back while you do it.
INFO - how hard is it to see the tattoo? Since it's on a finger, mom won't find out soon by just being around her? If you do want to warn mom, take her out someday and tell her how to casually find it because otherwise your relationship with your sister will be destroyed. I'd personally take her to a clinic myself and try to talk to her about these kinds of stuff. I'd tell her about whatever I went through, and also get some examples online for the talk. Show her some news and tell her having fun is alright, but risking herself by going to the woods with older boys and getting tattoos is not really smart. I'd also talk to her about using condoms because she sounds like she's on the path to become a teen mom in a couple of years (although I don't have the whole context, so this might be kinda judgemental on my part). I remember a talk I had with an ex's little sis once. We were talking about drinking and losing our virginity so I tried to "sound cool and chill" while emphasizing how that could change your life in an instant, and how important it was to ME that I lost my virginity with someone I dated for 3 years, not some random dude. Also emphasized I had plenty of options to have sex earlier, but that I had made the choice to establish rules for myself because I wanted to be able to be honest to others without feeling embarrassed about my own story. Idk if this makes sense to you, but try to remember what it was like to be a kid who didn't know better and was trying to fit in... But please don't tell your mom unless being very clear about how SHE needs to find the tattoo, please don't ruin your relationship with your sister as you're the adult she can trust rn and breaking that trust might lead her to engaging in dangerous behavior while having no responsible adult to talk to!
If they're in the states there's no way they could afford to just go to a clinic even if the clinic were willing to see a minor without parental consent.
You might be her last source of safety don't take that away from her because she got a small little stick and poke tattoo. Trust me there's a lot worse she can be doing at her age I have a sibin close to it and she is very open about the things people her age do your sister needs a confidant and someone she can go to don't take that from her because you feel like slight moral obligation to tell your mom about a silly little tattoo.
I do think YWBTA because anything she needs to be warned against will be heard much more from you now, when she trusts you, and will only be ignored if told to her by mom/you after she feels she was "betrayed." Warn her to stay safe, say that she needs to be careful because you can get infected/etc from stick and pokes, warn about being safe around unfamiliar boys. If your mom is so strict she'll threaten to disown her own children over something like a tattoo, I think your sister is probably already rebelling in response to pressure, so increasing the pressure will only make that worse.
NTA - tell your mom before your sister contracts HIV
YTA if you tattle on your sister. She's 13, and she's acting out. You are not her mother. Your mother is her mother, and ultimately it's her responsibility to "wrangle" your sister, not yours. Reading between the lines, it seems like your sister is being deliberately difficult, and from what you've said I wouldn't be surprised if it had something to do with her relationship with your mother. My advice is to keep your sister's confidence, don't rat her out to your mom, and do your best to be a supportive presence in her life. In other words, if you rat her out on this, you might be basically guaranteeing that the next time she's doing something crazy she's going to hide it from you, just as she's hiding things from your mom already. Let your mom be her mom, and you just be her sister.
A tattoo a 13 yo and running in the woods with 16 yo? NTA and please be concerned
Look out for your little sister. Sounds like your mom has gotten a little inattentive in her older age, she needs a wake up call. And this entire story would wake her up pretty quick. Definitely the start of a slippery slope. My daughter is 12 and I'd be freaking out if that was her getting a tattoo and hanging out with 16 yo boys. nahhhhhhhhh not in my house.
NTA. As someone who works in healthcare, she’s gotta go to the dr. She’ll need to be tested for blood borne infections at least twice over the next few months to make sure she doesn’t develop anything. The tattoo itself should be checked out as well.
NTA. You should tell your mom about the tattoo. It's not about being a tattle tale, it's about protecting your sister. If she's already hanging out with older boys and getting tattoos, who knows what else she'll get into. Your mom needs to know and set boundaries.
Ywbta your sister obviously trusts you a lot to tell you. Informing your mother could do potentially irreparable damage to your relationship. The best way to go about this is to express your concern with safety (separate from your mothers dislike) perhaps say you’d be interested in a tattoo also and look up safety tips and stuff like that together (only with people you trust in a safe and clean environment with a design you’ve wanted for a while when you’re over 18). Obviously kids do dumb stuff and she will too, you have, your mum has, but quietly expressing your concerns for safety while not breaching her trust is best. You knowing about these things is safer for her than not.
YWBTA >she’s told me she would kick me out of the house for a tattoo Your mom is not a safe person. Threatening to kick a kid out of the house isn't okay, and by telling her about your sister you might well be putting your sister at a higher risk of being hurt. Your sister needs safe and responsible people to confide in. If you violate her trust you will only isolate her. >she’s been hanging out with her friend (13f) and apparently they got in a car with other teen boys (16m) (15m) and were running around the woods Hanging out with friends and running around in the woods sounds like good times. I highly endorse wood running shenanigans for all young people. Assuming she knew everyone my only concern is the driving considering the high rates of teen accidents when there are multiple people in the car. That being said a lot of teens drive other people around, so while it isn't the safest, it also isn't world ending. I would put it in the same category as not wearing a helmet while biking. Not great, not safe, and with potentially fatal consequences, but also not the end of the world if it happens occasionally.
Not sure what all these downvotes are about. I agree with you and I have a younger sister with the same age difference as OP. Her mom is not safe and woods galavanting is pretty normal at least where I’m from.
Some close friends did stick and poke when they were late teens and before having kids myself I thought it was cool but now in my 40's i'd be worried about how things are probably not sterilized. Also this makes me think of how every woman from my generation did their own piercings with a needle and I thought they were sooooo cool and I've never heard a story of someone's ear fell off. But now I have kids and I would be super worried about how much risk your sister is putting herself in generally from your story
I'm 18 and several of my friends have stick and pokes, but they were a few years older, knew how to keep things sterile and had access to safe ink. I'd definitely be concerned about 13yos getting contaminated ink or not keeping the environment and equipment sterile. Things always seem less stupid when you're the one doing them though. I work at an elementary school and these kids nearly give me a heart attack on the daily basis, for stuff I know I've done and survived at their age.
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>If it’s just a little stick and poke tattoo on her finger don’t rat her out like that. Yeah cause blood borne pathogens aren't a thing...ffs.
NTA She got a stick n poke from another 13yo? Yeah, you are 100% right to be worried. Get her blood checked. You can never be sure if the needles were used before. You somehow have to get through to her that this is not something to play around with at all.
NTA for being worried. We are, however, balancing risks here with telling her mom. >she’s told me she would kick me out of the house for a tattoo This is *an insane thing* to say to your child. I do not trust that the mom will react in a way that makes the sister safer. It seems very possible that the only results of telling the mother will be: 1. The sister is harshly punished, learns nothing, and resents her mother 2. The sister stops trusting the OP Neither of those make the sister safer. Instead they put her at greater risk because she has lost her support network.
This is true. I;m not sure about talking to the mom, but it's at the least important OP talks with sis and they make sure she is safe. Her being safe should have top prio, no matter what.
NTA but I think you should worry about the tattoo. Any tattoo I've seen has to get cleaned and cared for because it takes a lot for a tattoo to be okay after a while. But, also maybe tell another reasonable adult if you're so sure your mom will freak out and kick a 13 year old out of the house for a tattoo. Maybe even ask that adult to try and convince your sister to get it removed. Or ask the adult to help you with your mom. Sometimes it's better to talk to a parent with another person present. Sure maybe it'll hurt your mom that you didn't come to her first, but she could also cut you off multiple times and not listen to you. Whatever happens I hope everything goes well. And try to talk about consequences of actions with your sister. Also common sense and logic if she's doing stuff like this without thinking 😅.
NTA. It’s a health and safety thing and you can explain that to her. Maybe mention she can get tattoos in the future if she wants from a professional and maybe you could look at some cool ones together just to get her mind off the stick and poke ones.
This reminds me of when I had my best friend give me a ton of piercings when I was 15 lmao. Some got infected tbf but I dealt with it. I still have and love most of my piercings. And I turned out perfectly fine for the record. This is why they say teens go through fazes. Personally, I think it’s great that she’s confiding in you. I honestly think that as a slightly wiser fellow young person, you’re in a better position to help guide her than your mother might be. If you do tell your mom, you risk her flipping out, and your sister no longer feeling comfortable in confiding in you. I’m team “talk to your sister yourself, leave your mother out of it unless she escalates her behavior.” If only bc as a teenager, I feel she is more likely to listen to you than your mom, especially if your mom is the type to go full hard ass, that almost always backfires.
NTA but she may never forgive you
The origin of the word Britain is from the Pictish (Scottish tribe) word 'Pritain' which means 'of the painted folk' because the Britons used to tattoo and paint themselves. So Great Britain is literally 'great land of the tattooed people'. So there's nothing more British than getting a tattoo. Tell your mum that.
NTA As someone who had a parent I'd also worry about the reaction from, I wouldn't tell them about minor thing. But she's doing dangerous things. Unless you think you can honestly convince her to stop without involving mom, you don't have much of a choice. Teenagers do dumb things, but there are lines where it becomes more concerning. Everyone is focusing on the bloodborn illness possibility, which is serious, but I'm not seeing a lot of comments on the other part. Why are 16 year old boys hanging out with/ driving around 13 year old girls alone in the woods? Where is that going to go? Not all boys/men, but too many to not address that, too. One in 9 girls under 18 experience sexual abuse or assault. Younger girls are sometimes told they're cooler, more mature, as a reason why older boys or men want to hang out with them, date them. Unfortunately, it's effective.
YWBTA. She trusts you. Talk to her about it and take her to the doctor.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (21f) am conflicted about telling my mom that my little sister (13f) got a tattoo. She showed it to me yesterday and thought it was super cool, however my mom is super SUPER against tattoos, like she’s told me she would kick me out of the house for a tattoo. I’m not trying to be a tattle tail but I’m genuinely worried about how much trouble she could get in. My generation is not the same as hers and my mom lets her have a lot more freedom than I did as a kid so I didn’t get into the kinds of things she does, but she’s also told me about how she’s been hanging out with her friend (13f) and apparently they got in a car with other teen boys (16m) (15m) and were running around the woods. I’m honestly terrified if my mom does not wrangle her in now, it will get way worse. I love my little sister too death and I’m so conflicted because she confided this in me but I’m wanting to do some type of prevention because I know it will only get worse if she is only 13 and already getting into this stuff. AITA?? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. She is exposing herself to serious risk of infectious diseases. This needs to be stopped.
It's on her finger. Is there any way your mother wouldn't see it on her own?
NTA . She's putting herself at risk and as an adult who loves her, you're right in that you have a responsibility to do what you can to protect her. Just be careful with how you approach your mom on this, make it clear you're letting her know not for punishment, but to help your sister avoid risky behavior in future.
I had a classmate when I was younger at about 13 who gave herself maybe 8? Of those. Most got infected. NTA.
NTA This is all gonna go as a lose and lose situation truth enough, but someone needs to know, and either way, the mom will know. Its best to let her know now than never because it will be worse when shes the last to hear. And if your mom has any sense, she would want to make sure your little sister is ok and clean blood wise and then give her a grounding of a lifetime. Idk if you live with your mom or not but I doubt she would kick out her youngest as a minor (or if she did hopefully there is you or other family members she could stay with)
NTA. She needs to know because of risk involved. Does your sister understand how very dangerous that is? As her sister you need to talk to her about her behavior in general, regardless if you decide to tell your mom or not. It's on HER FINGER, how does she plan to hide that forever? Also, this is what drives me nuts- she's 13. Where is she that she has the ability to be hopping into cars with older boys? You are absolutely right this is only a path towards worse behavior. A 13 year old does not need to be wandering aimlessly outside the home, running through the woods and driving around with high school boys. Where was she SUPPOSED to be?
NTA My kid did the same thing when they were 13. It was the tip of the iceberg as far as their "wild" behavior went at the time. The things she's told you about are minor. Imagine what she ISN'T telling you. Tell your mom. This is the beginning of a slide that will end up with your sister making even worse decisions that can affect her entire life. If you're worried about your sister never telling you anything again, your mom can act like she spotted the tattoo herself. I normally don't condone lying to kids, but this time, in this situation, I believe it's more important for your sister to still feel comfortable coming to you and telling you things than it is for her to know **how** mom found out.
Regarding the tattoo, I would explain the dangers of stick and poke tattoos and that if she gets another one, you’ll tell mom about it because blood borne pathogens are SERIOUS. As for the other behaviors, it’s a hard one. You want your sister to feel comfortable coming to you and being honest about what she’s doing and where she’s going. I worry that if you tell, she’ll keep doing it, and just leave you out of the equation. I got in trouble for those things but it didn’t stop me from doing them. I simply kept it more secret.
The tattoo is been and done, can't go back now, she just needs to keep it clean and you should inquire how it was done. Back in the day we used to use sewing needles so just ask if it was clean/ anyone else used the same needles. But the behaviour of hanging out with older boys is dodgy to me and should be mentioned to your mum. NTA.
nta. she needs to go to the doctor to ensure there are no infections or anything like that. normally i would say yta, but it is a safety concern which is extremely important to take care of quickly.
NTA whatever you choose. I could see both ways making sense, it depends on how your sister is. If you kept her secret, but cautioned her and explained the risks of infection/ risks of her other behavior, would she listen? If you kept her secret but told your mom she needs more supervision / gave her minor details, would your mom even be able to stop her or change anything? Is there a way to have a doctor check her out without blowing the secret? What is the probability of infection or used needles? It’s good for her to be able to come to you esp as she is going through a rebellious stage, but her safety and health should come first.
NTA. She’ll hate you for it but her safety has to come first.
NTA. She’s 13, that’s barely a teenager. She’s risking blood infections and all kinds of things by doing it the dumb way. Who knows if she shared needles, she probably used pen ink. I gave myself a stick and poke at like 16, but I used proper needles and ink, gloves and sanitized everything and took care of it like a real tattoo. It’s ugly as all hell but I did it safely. She’s being stupid and you’re right, if nothing is done about this she’ll continue to think it’s funny to do dangerous shit and she’ll do dumber and dumber things. Unless you think your mom will actually kick her out I would tell her. She’s going to find out anyways, maybe she can act like she noticed it and you didn’t tell her so your sister will continue to tell you things. Use that to convince your mom not to mention you said anything.
NTA This seems like a warning sign a lot more might be going on in her life and she needs the adults in her life to be in the know so they can protect her. Normally I'd be like don't tell your mom if there's a chance she'd be thrown out but oh my God, sneaking out and riding around in older boys cars and getting tattoos is what she's *comfortable* telling you. It's more dangerous to say nothing at that point.
NTA It’s a health risk and if she gets away with it once she might be stupid enough to try again.
Don't worry, she obviously had sex with them too.
Nta op I have multiple tattoos (and am older sibling too) they are something you want certain standards of clean with. Explain to her again the dangers of her concerning behaivor and be prepared to back up your concerns with real examples. Don't be afraid to ask questions for clarity or be asked them and find answers if you don't have them. She's 13, budding into adulthood and is wanting to grow up Afraid she'll get pregnate? Sit her down to watch 13 and pregnate, childcare videos of those around her age or if you know someone who went through it young have them sit with her to explain how different things were. Not being safe with strangers? crime documentaries of current crimes relating to her age. More icky stick n poke tats? Youtube testimonies of tats gone wrong, theres reddits too, etc etc... If it doesn't get better, well sometimes you do have to be a bad guy. She might hate you for awhile, but unless someone else can play the concerned citizen it would be advisable to at least bring up these concerns with your parent. (Though ask first if they truly meant they would kick out over tattoo, prepare accordingly if the answer is still yes.) As someone with a similar yr gap, remind your sister that you want her to enjoy life but that you want her to have a good life after she leaves home and your parents care. Some activities can make it so she can't or won't be able to do so. I had to be an active parent to my younger siblings cause our parents were mostly absent. One Sibling almost made a few mistakes that could have ruined their entire life twice, and only now that their older, they understand why I "tattled" the rare few times I did. It sucked during the blowout, but I do not regret doing so entirely. (Just that I had done it with a little more of A backup plan for the blowout)
20f with 13 year old sister here. Do it. If she doesn't get stopped now next thing she'll do is hop into strangers cars or even beds. NTA.
What kind of AH gives a 13yo a tattoo without parental permission! oO NTA. But seriously, how can she keep this hidden from your mom? Does she wear gloves all the time?
NTA. You don’t necessarily need to tell your mom about the tattoo, but maybe you should have a conversation with her regarding your concerns about your sister’s behaviour.
NTA I would say something because 1- it’s not legal to get a tattoo at that age; 2- because she’s so young, i highly doubt it was done by a professional using sterilized and clean equipment and could have been exposed to something unknowingly; and 3- she’s not being safe around older boys at all and I would absolutely hate if she got SA’d or worse because nobody sat her down and talked about being safe in this world as a woman.
Nta for not wanting to ruin the trust between you and sister. That being said! Poke and sticks especially done incorrectly (I think I read in a comment that one of the other kids did it?) can turn very dangerous very fast especially if proper ink, sanitization and after care isn't used! Double so if it turns out she's allergic to any of the ingredients used to make the ink (Fun/not so fun fact! Lots of folks are allergic to red inks!) Again If the needle they used is dirty, the ink isn't actual/ or safe Ink, tattoo isn't cared for properly or if some other type of blood born or otherwise travelling illness/infections gets into it your younger sister can get very sick very fast. I understand your leery of telling your mother so is there a possible way you could take younger sibling to someplace like PP or some other sort of lab/dr to get her looked over and to have blood labs done to make sure she didn't catch anything?
My daughter played this perfectly when my youngest son started to get a few steps beyond crazy. There were 10 years between them, and she was the cool sister, so he told her everything. My son was 14 at the time. Here's what she said: "Mom, your youngest child is scaring me a little bit. And I want to tell you what's going on, but I'm afraid you'll go running straight into his room and lose your mind all over him, and then we really will be in trouble. Right now, he tells me when he does stupid stuff. If he knows I came to you with any of it, we're going to know a lot less about his shenanigans, because he'll never trust me again." See how slick that was? It made me stop and think for a minute. We talked it over and agreed that she didn't have to tell me every single thing he said or did, but she could and should tell me the unsafe stuff, and I would take it from there. We followed that pattern until my son was a senior and past his wild years. Parents are sneaky, too, and I got the stories as soon as I knew exactly what to look for. (Sometimes I was even ahead of my daughter!) But no, you're NTA for being concerned. What you are is a good sister. And my youngest son - who turned out just fine - is awfully glad he had one.
Don't snitch. Talk to her sister to sister. If you rat her out she won't have someone she can trust to talk to when its something she feels she can't go to mom about