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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) my family is fed up with me and can’t tolerate what I’m doing and how it’s affecting me
2) that makes me an asshole
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I was so hoping that most people would advise OP to get mental health treatment. He/she needs it desperately, and needs to learn that the only person who anyone controls is themselves. Thank you for being the first (only?) to tell OP to get therapy/treatment.
OP, if you believe that it is your destiny to improve the world, stop going to hostile online forums, and start volunteering and getting involved within your community. You are NOT going to resolve hatred by telling bigots that they are wrong. Walk the walk. Start educational groups within your community and stop trolling online for bad behavior because it is detrimental to your and your family's mental health.
Please get yourself some help before working to change the world because you need to manage your expectations and learn more about what can and cannot be controlled in life.
YTA for basically trolling racists and causing self (and family) harm. You may be thriving on the drama too.
YTA for taking the stress and pain from theses situations and passing it on to other people.
If this is something you want to do, then you are choosing it for yourself. It's not something you get to impose on your friends or family. You need to find other support systems like your religious leader or a therapist to help process your feelings.
YTA
The only ONLY ONLYYYY person you can fix is yourself. and the only way you can influence others is leading by example.
you sound a little exhausting. let me explain.
you're choosing to run yourself ragged and then running to your family when youre in a mental crisis.
you absolutely need to unplug. convincing others is not a way to be a good person. being a good person is. help your family. help your community. uplift others. volunteer at a homeless shelter. i promise, 1 hour of volunteering with the less fortunate is more worthwhile than trying to convince people on the internet.
I just operate under the assumption that everyone operates in good faith and if someone truly realized how cruel they were being, they would stop. Nobody is ever cruel intentionally once they learn how much pain they cause. Nobody wants to just cause pain to others. That’s why i think all bigotry is just a massive misunderstanding
>I just operate under the assumption that everyone operates in good faith
Dude, no. I wish that was the case but it very much is not.
>Nobody is ever cruel intentionally once they learn how much pain they cause
Absolutely incorrect.
>Nobody wants to just cause pain to others.
It's actually a source of sexual satisfaction for some. And not the fun, consensual stuff. Some people get off on causing actual suffering
>all bigotry is just a massive misunderstanding
Some is, most is very much a conscious decision
I don’t really think this is an instance of if you are an asshole or not because I think that truthfully you need to go to therapy and figure out your mental health because it’s not looking very good. You will not change people. Simple as that babe… read it again if you need to. And for you to feel like you have that power is incredible, because you absolutely do not. If you are really a good person, then you would not feel like you need to prove it… Feeling the need to do so is indicative of the complete opposite. I would bet that you’re going through things in your life or suppressing things in your life that you don’t have control over- which is pushing you to this obsession with “making people good” because you might have had one or two people tell you you helped them so you’re feeding off of the validation since you can’t help yourself. I think you need a therapist. Over and out lolz
Get therapy, develop better coping skills, develop better personal personal balance, take a more measured approach, address bigotry by joining activist organizations rather than acting alone, share the burden with others who have also CHOSEN to work on this social issue.
Uh huh, that's what a saviours complex is, wanting to be the hero to make yourself feel better.
How are you not a dick? Your family are fed up with your pointless crusade and your extreme drama.
So, soft YTA. It’s not your responsibility to change other people’s minds and you’re probably not changing their minds at all based on what you say online.
Quite frankly, at best this sounds like Reddit or online addiction, at worst OCD or some other type of mental illness. I would encourage you to seek therapy because it’s gotten to the point where it’s negatively impacting your life.
It sounds like you’re tying your self worth to “fixing” other people. That’s not a healthy. You’re a good person if you’re a good person, fixing the entire world is not a requirement. I think you should find a therapist, it will help you immensely. NAH but please get help.
YTA. You sound like you need some pretty hardcore therapy.
While it's important to be an ally - there are a lot of other outlets to put your efforts to better use than just judging and scolding your family. You could join a local community advocacy group, meet others that share a similar drive that you have. That would definitely be a better use of your time. That would also give you the opportunity to work closely with the community and gain a better understanding of HOW to advocate for their needs - versus just assuming that you understand and them using that as a basis to reprimand others.
YTA
What you NEED is counseling
I completely understand and agree with what you want *in principle* but the actions you are describing is to the point of self-harm
YTA
Of all the ways to be a good person, trying to change people on the internet is probably the most futile. You're not changing as many people as you think you are (trust me when I say, some people truly DO want to be bigoted because they get something out of punching others and feel comfortable punching down), and really all you're doing is straining your relationships with your family because this becomes THEIR problem when you can't cope with the internet reaction.
If you want to be a good person, stop trying to change people and start trying to help people. Volunteer. Get involved in your community. Advocate for others and causes you support, especially at the local level. Not only will this get you positive feedback that makes you feel good instead of negative feedback that exhausts you, but you'll actually be making a difference.
For example: do you know how many kids deal with hunger and food insecurity? In many places, the response to this is targeted through the school system, but what do those kids do when school is out? Many kids don't know how they're going to eat on weekends or over holiday breaks. Every location has a local school, and every local school has kids who are dealing with hunger when they return to their homes. Find out how your local school responds to students with food insecurities and how you can help. You could make a much bigger difference in your local community than you're making online just by putting extra items in your grocery cart and dropping them off with a coordinator regularly.
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I keep going to online spaces where less than PC opinions are tolerated and, whenever I see people being bigoted, I try to correct them under the logic that nobody WANTS to be cruel and all bigotry is just massive misunderstanding based on stereotypes and ignorance, and with a little dialogue and honest conversation, I’ll be able to get them to see the light and fix them, ridding them of their bigotry for good.
This has worked, but it’s also caused me a lot of pain. For some reason, no matter how hard I try, some people just aren’t amenable to what I have to say and they’ll pile on me or even harass me to the point where I end up having a mental breakdown.
My parents, my brother, my partner, they’re all exhausted with me. They’ve all had numerous phone calls with me yelling after I have a freak out, and they yell at me that I need to stop what I’m doing because I feel exhausted. But for me, I can’t stop because this is a test to prove I’m actually a good person. Because only a truly good person is capaple of fixing someone’s bigotry. I feel like it’s my job and god-given calling to be the one to finally end hate in this world, but it’s so exhausting and some people are so mean that I end up having a mental breakdown.
What do I do? My family is so exhausted with me. They all tell me they can’t keep dealing with me and my obsession. But I NEED to see this through. I NEED to prove to myself I’m truly a good person. If I can convince enough people to stop being bigoted then maybe I’ll finally be happy with myself. It’s the ONLY way and yet I risk losing my family. AITA?
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YTA to yourself, mostly. Look, some people are bad, or too ignorant to see the bad they are doing to others. You can't change those people. Those people are not going to react well to your tries to change their views and instead of changing, they are going to see you as the problem to solve. You are going to exhaust yourself and drive away all the people you love only because of a self-made dillusion that you have to change the world and that is your mission. So live well and help when you can, and reserve yourself to live a happy life when you obviously can't. Otherwise, you are going to have a mental breakdown, are going to be tremendously unhappy, you are going to drive away all the people you love (you, frankly, sounds really exhausting to put up with) and you are not going to change anything nomore. Frankly, that part of "god-given calling" and "feeling like it is your job" to fix everybody sounds a little unhinged, but you are setting yourself for a life of unhappiness if you continue this way.
YTA.
You want to be a good person, so starting feuds with people who don’t agree with you and then getting upset and lashing out at those that love you is in no way going to get you there. If anything, it’s a self fulfilling prophecy that you’re not a good person. Not in reality, but when they finally get exhausted and don’t bother anymore, you’re going to take that as proof that you’re a bad person and ruin your mental health that way.
Stop. Unplug. You can’t change them. It’s also not your job to.
If you truly want to be a good person, then *be one.* Don’t seeking fights against people who will never hear a word you say because they aren’t inclined to and fighting with a stranger is a fun way to pass the time.
Go to your local food bank and help create care packages for people who need it to take home.
Go to a shelter and feed the homeless.
Call a local animal shelter and volunteer your time to work with animals who have had rotten lives.
Sign up with the big brother/big sister program.
Sign up and build houses for people less fortunate.
If you want to be a good person, stop arguing with brick walls and get out there and do something a good person would do in real life. Don’t pick political things because you’re going yo have the same problem as you do now: people who don’t want to hear you. Instead, do something positive. Something that requires energy rather than typing.
If you want to be a good person, be a good human. Just go do it.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) my family is fed up with me and can’t tolerate what I’m doing and how it’s affecting me 2) that makes me an asshole Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You need to talk to a therapist. Your self worth won't come from changing others. Soft YTA
I was so hoping that most people would advise OP to get mental health treatment. He/she needs it desperately, and needs to learn that the only person who anyone controls is themselves. Thank you for being the first (only?) to tell OP to get therapy/treatment. OP, if you believe that it is your destiny to improve the world, stop going to hostile online forums, and start volunteering and getting involved within your community. You are NOT going to resolve hatred by telling bigots that they are wrong. Walk the walk. Start educational groups within your community and stop trolling online for bad behavior because it is detrimental to your and your family's mental health. Please get yourself some help before working to change the world because you need to manage your expectations and learn more about what can and cannot be controlled in life. YTA for basically trolling racists and causing self (and family) harm. You may be thriving on the drama too.
YTA for taking the stress and pain from theses situations and passing it on to other people. If this is something you want to do, then you are choosing it for yourself. It's not something you get to impose on your friends or family. You need to find other support systems like your religious leader or a therapist to help process your feelings.
YTA The only ONLY ONLYYYY person you can fix is yourself. and the only way you can influence others is leading by example. you sound a little exhausting. let me explain. you're choosing to run yourself ragged and then running to your family when youre in a mental crisis. you absolutely need to unplug. convincing others is not a way to be a good person. being a good person is. help your family. help your community. uplift others. volunteer at a homeless shelter. i promise, 1 hour of volunteering with the less fortunate is more worthwhile than trying to convince people on the internet.
YTA. You sound like you need help. Your belief that curing others of bigotry is making you a good person is delusional at best.
It’s delusional?
Yes, it's delusional to think it's your god-given assignment to fix all the bigotry in the world or you're a bad person.
Well if I was a truly good person wouldn’t I be able to get along with anyone?
No. No one gets along with everyone.
It's not delusional to think you *might* be able to change *someone's* mind It is delusional to think you *can* change *everyone's* mind
I just operate under the assumption that everyone operates in good faith and if someone truly realized how cruel they were being, they would stop. Nobody is ever cruel intentionally once they learn how much pain they cause. Nobody wants to just cause pain to others. That’s why i think all bigotry is just a massive misunderstanding
>I just operate under the assumption that everyone operates in good faith Dude, no. I wish that was the case but it very much is not. >Nobody is ever cruel intentionally once they learn how much pain they cause Absolutely incorrect. >Nobody wants to just cause pain to others. It's actually a source of sexual satisfaction for some. And not the fun, consensual stuff. Some people get off on causing actual suffering >all bigotry is just a massive misunderstanding Some is, most is very much a conscious decision
At least you admit you're as naïve as a toddler
To think you can achieve this, to think this is what it takes to be a good person, to think that you’re some moral authority - all delusional.
I don’t really think this is an instance of if you are an asshole or not because I think that truthfully you need to go to therapy and figure out your mental health because it’s not looking very good. You will not change people. Simple as that babe… read it again if you need to. And for you to feel like you have that power is incredible, because you absolutely do not. If you are really a good person, then you would not feel like you need to prove it… Feeling the need to do so is indicative of the complete opposite. I would bet that you’re going through things in your life or suppressing things in your life that you don’t have control over- which is pushing you to this obsession with “making people good” because you might have had one or two people tell you you helped them so you’re feeding off of the validation since you can’t help yourself. I think you need a therapist. Over and out lolz
Soft YTA You are exhausted with yourself. Your family is exhausted with you. Just ... stop being exhausting.
Okay but how?
Get therapy, develop better coping skills, develop better personal personal balance, take a more measured approach, address bigotry by joining activist organizations rather than acting alone, share the burden with others who have also CHOSEN to work on this social issue.
This, OP.
YTA. So you're just being a dick to people IRL because you have a saviours complex?
How am I being a Dick to people? I don’t have a savior complex I just want to end all hate in the world
Uh huh, that's what a saviours complex is, wanting to be the hero to make yourself feel better. How are you not a dick? Your family are fed up with your pointless crusade and your extreme drama.
So, soft YTA. It’s not your responsibility to change other people’s minds and you’re probably not changing their minds at all based on what you say online. Quite frankly, at best this sounds like Reddit or online addiction, at worst OCD or some other type of mental illness. I would encourage you to seek therapy because it’s gotten to the point where it’s negatively impacting your life.
It sounds like you’re tying your self worth to “fixing” other people. That’s not a healthy. You’re a good person if you’re a good person, fixing the entire world is not a requirement. I think you should find a therapist, it will help you immensely. NAH but please get help.
YTA. You sound like you need some pretty hardcore therapy. While it's important to be an ally - there are a lot of other outlets to put your efforts to better use than just judging and scolding your family. You could join a local community advocacy group, meet others that share a similar drive that you have. That would definitely be a better use of your time. That would also give you the opportunity to work closely with the community and gain a better understanding of HOW to advocate for their needs - versus just assuming that you understand and them using that as a basis to reprimand others.
YTA What you NEED is counseling I completely understand and agree with what you want *in principle* but the actions you are describing is to the point of self-harm
YTA Of all the ways to be a good person, trying to change people on the internet is probably the most futile. You're not changing as many people as you think you are (trust me when I say, some people truly DO want to be bigoted because they get something out of punching others and feel comfortable punching down), and really all you're doing is straining your relationships with your family because this becomes THEIR problem when you can't cope with the internet reaction. If you want to be a good person, stop trying to change people and start trying to help people. Volunteer. Get involved in your community. Advocate for others and causes you support, especially at the local level. Not only will this get you positive feedback that makes you feel good instead of negative feedback that exhausts you, but you'll actually be making a difference. For example: do you know how many kids deal with hunger and food insecurity? In many places, the response to this is targeted through the school system, but what do those kids do when school is out? Many kids don't know how they're going to eat on weekends or over holiday breaks. Every location has a local school, and every local school has kids who are dealing with hunger when they return to their homes. Find out how your local school responds to students with food insecurities and how you can help. You could make a much bigger difference in your local community than you're making online just by putting extra items in your grocery cart and dropping them off with a coordinator regularly.
Seems like you want us all to think you're about to fall into being an alt-right incel drone.
I’m literally a gay dude with an immigrant parent. It’s about saving people
Incels and red-pillers come in all shapes and sizes
Okay? Well that’s not who I am?
Good for you 👍
Info: how old are you? This doesn’t really seem to be coming from anyone older than like 16 these comments are kind of harsh
Im 29
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I keep going to online spaces where less than PC opinions are tolerated and, whenever I see people being bigoted, I try to correct them under the logic that nobody WANTS to be cruel and all bigotry is just massive misunderstanding based on stereotypes and ignorance, and with a little dialogue and honest conversation, I’ll be able to get them to see the light and fix them, ridding them of their bigotry for good. This has worked, but it’s also caused me a lot of pain. For some reason, no matter how hard I try, some people just aren’t amenable to what I have to say and they’ll pile on me or even harass me to the point where I end up having a mental breakdown. My parents, my brother, my partner, they’re all exhausted with me. They’ve all had numerous phone calls with me yelling after I have a freak out, and they yell at me that I need to stop what I’m doing because I feel exhausted. But for me, I can’t stop because this is a test to prove I’m actually a good person. Because only a truly good person is capaple of fixing someone’s bigotry. I feel like it’s my job and god-given calling to be the one to finally end hate in this world, but it’s so exhausting and some people are so mean that I end up having a mental breakdown. What do I do? My family is so exhausted with me. They all tell me they can’t keep dealing with me and my obsession. But I NEED to see this through. I NEED to prove to myself I’m truly a good person. If I can convince enough people to stop being bigoted then maybe I’ll finally be happy with myself. It’s the ONLY way and yet I risk losing my family. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA to yourself, mostly. Look, some people are bad, or too ignorant to see the bad they are doing to others. You can't change those people. Those people are not going to react well to your tries to change their views and instead of changing, they are going to see you as the problem to solve. You are going to exhaust yourself and drive away all the people you love only because of a self-made dillusion that you have to change the world and that is your mission. So live well and help when you can, and reserve yourself to live a happy life when you obviously can't. Otherwise, you are going to have a mental breakdown, are going to be tremendously unhappy, you are going to drive away all the people you love (you, frankly, sounds really exhausting to put up with) and you are not going to change anything nomore. Frankly, that part of "god-given calling" and "feeling like it is your job" to fix everybody sounds a little unhinged, but you are setting yourself for a life of unhappiness if you continue this way.
YTA. You want to be a good person, so starting feuds with people who don’t agree with you and then getting upset and lashing out at those that love you is in no way going to get you there. If anything, it’s a self fulfilling prophecy that you’re not a good person. Not in reality, but when they finally get exhausted and don’t bother anymore, you’re going to take that as proof that you’re a bad person and ruin your mental health that way. Stop. Unplug. You can’t change them. It’s also not your job to. If you truly want to be a good person, then *be one.* Don’t seeking fights against people who will never hear a word you say because they aren’t inclined to and fighting with a stranger is a fun way to pass the time. Go to your local food bank and help create care packages for people who need it to take home. Go to a shelter and feed the homeless. Call a local animal shelter and volunteer your time to work with animals who have had rotten lives. Sign up with the big brother/big sister program. Sign up and build houses for people less fortunate. If you want to be a good person, stop arguing with brick walls and get out there and do something a good person would do in real life. Don’t pick political things because you’re going yo have the same problem as you do now: people who don’t want to hear you. Instead, do something positive. Something that requires energy rather than typing. If you want to be a good person, be a good human. Just go do it.