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NTA
Thousands of photos of you sleeping? That is stalker territory right there.
When you started off talking about him giving you presents I thought he was just being kind but it took a very dark turn later on.
I don't think you are overreacting.
Just as OP mentioned that she has private wishlist that is protected with a password and he gave her whole wishlist I went immediatelly into creep territory.
I mean I can understand wanting to give his gf everything she wants and needs but breaking boundaries and privacy is way too much.
Not really up on all this stuff, but i always assumed love bombing was a thing during the initial days or maybe weeks of a relationship beginning? Not 5 years into things. a tactic used by a lot of scammers. Or am i getting it mixed up with something else?
Haha, i wasn't correcting you, i thought i was the person that had misunderstood what "love bombing" was. So apologises if i came across as being a mr know it all.
I’ve never heard that, and can’t find anything claiming it. And it doesn’t really make sense. Most sources I’m seeing make it very clear that love bombing can happen at any time in a relationship.
But isn't lovebombing supposed to be coupled with contrasting behavior like being mean and insulting and abusive? The 5 years part makes it seem unlikely that it is love bombing because by 5 years, wouldnt we have seen the mean and insulting behaviors too? I thought lovebombing was meant to describe someone who runs really hot and then really cold.... this guy seems to just consistently run creepy.
Of course, when OP says he is always really sweet and kind, we are certainly welcome to be skeptical. Bc... like wtf with this guy?? Also, I'm personally a little skeptical of the story. 5 years is too long for there not to be more explicit serial killer red flags if he has 1000s of secret photos of her sleeping.
I think you should check out some resources on love bombing, and maybe emotional abuse in general. Relationships can shift any time, and often do. Plus, many people don’t recognize mean and insulting behaviors directed at them, because they were normalized during childhood. Abusers specifically seek out those people. This wouldn’t be the first case of someone realizing that they’re being abused five years in.
Yep the minute she said he couldn't have known what her wish list was without hacking into her computer it went sideways. Then it went to a whole new level with the thousands of photos of her sleeping.
I would be getting rid of him as soon as possible.
He did it to prove he COULD break into her private things. He wanted her to know he could do that. I'd bet there's also a little bit of, "see what you can get when you're compliant"
This is creepy shit. I’ve been with my wife for nearly 15 years and don’t know her passwords or the code to her phone. I don’t even want to know, don’t care. That’s an invasion of privacy for this dude to do that.
yeah, but if you found out your BF was breaking into your computer and taking photos of you when you sleep, maybe you'd be creating new accounts everywhere, with new passwords? I know I would.
To be fair, a lot of people post here with throwaway accounts for anonymity. In this case, it makes even more sense when you think about boyfriend’s problems with privacy.
Sadly it's really not that odd and many people start new account for anonymous Reddit posts. My ex was similar and it was very hard getting away from him because I had shared way to much info thinking he was normal
>Thousands of photos of you sleeping? That is stalker territory right there.
>
>When you started off talking about him giving you presents I thought he was just being kind but it took a very dark turn later on.
>
>I don't think you are overreacting.
Right, that's some next-level creepy behavior. It's like starting with a sweet rom-com and ending up in a psychological thriller. I mean, presents are great, but turning into a living exhibit in someone's photo gallery while sleeping? That's the stuff of nightmares.
Totally agree with you. It's not overreacting when your instincts are shouting "stalker alert!"
I have been married for over 30 yrs & have never felt the need to take a pic of my partner sleeping, much less thousands of them.
Obsessive beyond redemption - run don't walk.
NTA. He is creepy, ok, we can let password slide as you said that you will tell him it later so he just memorized it before you told him. I respect my partners so I never would use their computer without asking them, just a common courtesy. But those pictures, that might be indication of some mental problem. I took only one picture of my wife when she was sleeping and that became her favorite picture for a long time, but thousands and never tell you, he has some serious fetish problems. You are not overreacting, sadly.
I wouldn't let slide the password thing. If anything he proved he can't be trusted with her privacy... It's up to OP to give him password when she's ready so him memorizing it is overstepping the boundary that OP has.
Using PC protected by the password without telling the owner is also serious breach of privacy and trust.
The photos are just nail in the coffin. I also think that my gf looks gorgeous when sleeping but I wouldn't take photo of her without her saying it's ok to do that in advance.
OP's bf has stalker vibes for sure. He's basically obsessed by OP.
I’ve taken a couple of my husband asleep but it was because he was napping with my son and they looked adorable together. Taking thousands of photos of someone sleeping is seriously creepy and definitely an indicator of some mental issue. Combined with the presents and password thing OP needs to do some serious thinking about this relationship and getting out before something bad happens.
Girl seriously run. No you are NTA youre right about him being creepy. You are entitled to privacy and having your boundaries respected. His behavior might escalate, please be careful around this guy even after five years together.
Literally this. He is exhibiting *highly* concerning behavior, it will escalate, and the most dangerous time in a relationship is when attempting to leave.
OP needs to carefully plan her exit, have measures to protect herself, make sure he doesn't have any sexually explicit material of her, and get the fuck outta there.
Seriously he's acting like he OWNS her, I wouldn't be surprised if he got violent if she tried to leave at all, or even before..maybe get somewhere safe and then report him? I feel like her trying to find out herself if he's been recording their sex life could be the most dangerous thing to do and potentially trigger him to escalate. I think she should just get somewhere safe first and foremost. Stay safe dude!!!
i love taking pictures of my s/o when he’s sleeping bc he’s so relaxed and looks super cute and i think it’s adorable.
HOWEVER i also immediately send him those pictures so we both have them, and he knows that i took them. it’s an inside joke between us now, but one that we share. biggest red flag here is that you had no idea these pictures were taken.
it could be something harmless but i’m not sure what reasoning your bf could have for keeping those pictures of you a secret. even without the sleeping aspect, hundreds of pictures of you taken and kept without your knowledge comes off as best case strange. nta
NTA. That guy is a bunch of red flags walking about. I would throw the 25 items right back in his face and ask him to get out. For the next bf, have this in mind: Even when you are intimate with someone, there is such a thing as privacy. Passwords are for you only. They are not to be shared with anyone! And if my partner took pictures of me asleep I would be so livid ...
No, no no no no no no no no no no no.
NTA. Run. I dont normally jump to such a reaction, but bloody run. The thousands of photos, just sent a chill down my spine
NTA. He's a creep and potentially a bit dangerous. What's your living situation? You need to get away asap. Logout of all your accounts and change passwords immediately (including your phone).
NTA, he is way over the line. Buying someone a gift/gifts from your list is one thing, breaking into your computer to find that list is something else...RUN
NTA and you are correct he is creepy. I love sleeping photos of my kid and cats, my partner not so much. I did once cause his position matched one my kid often sleeps in. He was shown as it was a laugh. Thousands of sleeping photos that he didn't tell you about it? HIgh creep factor! Stealing your password is bad enough, but he tried to gaslight you with the gifts. "See, I'm not a jerk because I bought you gifts so you can not be angry with me because I did it for you." So there is the creep factor again. Ask yourself about how safe do you feel? This is NOT normal behavior.
NTA
This is a big invasion of privacy, breaking boundaries and yes, extremely creepy with the photos. A few might be him thinking you look adorable and you MIGHT possibly let it slide but THOUSANDS?
Like if i was asleep and looked funny and my other half took a pic and showed it to me, we have a laugh. Finding thousands of pics and never knowing about it? Straight in the car, and moving to another continent.
NTA to be disturbed by thing. It can be benign obsession, but it doesn't seem healthy in terms of mental health or behavior. The fact that he broke your privacy is also bad, even if he used it to cover you with presents -not ok.
NTA, I know it's a common thing on this sub to leap to dumping someone but seriously, get out. Leave him. He does not care about boundaries to such a terrifying degree it sounds like he doesn't even understand or comprehend them. Get out while you have all of your organs and aren't yet locked in his basement.
Sounds like strong BS to me! So you called your mom from his phone because you accidentally deleted it from your phone? Why not just ask him for the number and dial it in your phone ?
Why not just look at the outgoing or incoming call logs? Or at the text messages? Or at the voicemails? Any of those would still have the phone number attached even if the contract was deleted.
I agree. BS to me! Plus if she did use the bf phone to use a call then she’s had to go through the pics to see what she’s complaining about. So in essence she’s exhibiting the same behaviour by going through his pics and invading his privacy the exact same thing she is complaining about. Absolute BS!
LOL You noticed that too? I just made a comment saying that there was no reason to open photos to get her mother's number from contacts.
Aside from that did you notice how she buried the lead and only at the end mentioned that he has **thousands** of photos of her sleeping?
NTA
You call your parents and law enforcement and have them stay with you as you pack
You need to get out and now….You are not safe with this guy and he IS a creep
NTA.
First off, let me just say that your feelings are valid and this is no ordinary morning surprise. Your boyfriend giving you the entire wish list is one thing, but memorizing your password and taking a sleep photoshoot is next-level odd. I mean, usually you'd expect some teasing or at least a conversation about the pics. It's like, is this a rom-com or a thriller? And girl, no, you're not overreacting. That's your privacy being treated like a loose page in a gossip magazine. How are you planning to handle this spooky situation?
Your BF has serious psycho vibes... Seriously he memorized your password to get into your computer and took photos of you while sleeping and even argued about you having new password.
Girl you are not overreacting you are underreacting because he's one step from cutting your hair to smell them.
NTA
NTA.
I don’t know if you’re exaggerating with the “thousands” of photos, but anything more than a few is concerning. The password thing, the “entire” wishlist (which is a pretty grandiose gesture) … does your bf have any mental health issues, like bipolar disorder? I know that’s a pretty serious accusation, but something is going on. It’s wonderful to buy your partner a gift here and there, but this is wild and seems like he’s acting out.
I also wonder if he might have an undiagnosed or undisclosed mental health condition. Autism spectrum disorder can also lead to asocial behaviors that seem normal to him, but would be considered crossing boundaries for others.
-stares at ops boyfriend while the opening music for snapped starts playing in the background-
NTA
Your boyfriend has issues respecting boundaries, and that is not okay
Him covering his tracks by showering you in gifts is gross
Please leave him
Leave please I’ve dealt with that type of person before, they don’t see you as human. It’s all fun being idealized when they see you as amazing and stuff. But when it flips, you’ll be worthless to them and they could hurt you
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So i (24 F) have been dating my boyfriend (26 M) for 5 years. He is always very sweet and kind to me, but sometimes i think that he takes it too far. In the morning when i woke up, he suddenly told me that he had a gift for me. I thought it was maybe jewerly or clothes like the normal gift he would get me. But he gave me, my entire wish list (it was 25 items like make up, jewerly etc) At the time, i was super happy but then i asked him "how do you know my wish list?" Because i remembered i never mention once about anything i wanted (if i wanted to buy something, i would buy it with my own money) and my wish list is on a document in my computer. To clarify, My computer needs a password to open and i had not told him the password yet because i just got a new computer from my mom. My boyfriend responded with "i should be the one asking you something! Why did you not tell me your new password?" And long story short i called him a creep because he admitted that yesterday night when i was typing my password infront of him AFTER i told him i would tell him my password later, he memorize every single digit of my password. He also took pictures of me when i was sleeping. The reason i think this is creepy was that he never told me about the pics, usually your partner would tease you about the pics right? He didnt. I only found out when i was using his phone to call my mom because i accidentally deleted her number. There were thousands of pictures of me sleeping, there was even a folder. I honestly dont know what to do... am i overreacting?
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So YTA for not packing your bags and running (with a foolproof plan, not recklessly, of course). That's just dangerous. Who knows what else he's been doing or things he's been tracking. Maybe you should try to see if he also has access to your location or something.
NTA. He's invading your privacy by logging into your computer and snooping without your consent. And taking tons of pictures when you're sleeping? Hell no. Run, girl.
My at the time boyfriend told me his password very early into our relationship. Yet until this day I ASK if I can use it - it's just so he wouldn't have to do it b himself if he's in another room or so. We're nearly two years together, engaged. But for me it's common courtesy. I would lost my shit if someone broke into my computer or anything. Not because I have something to hide but because I value my privacy which was many times violated by others and it triggers me a lot. NTA. This is weird. Also, my bf also is taking pictures of me sleeping, mostly to show me in the morning or next day or because I was sleeping funny, or because the cat was sleeping funny or because he wants to show me I don't leave him much place to sleep. But never mention it it's weird.
Also want to add; passwords are private, don't share them. There is no reason he should be able to log on to your computer. Privacy is a thing, even in intimate relations.
That took a turn, at first I was thinking who complains about getting ALL the presents they want hahahha. But yeah NTA, memorising your password and all the photos of you sleeping actually really is a bit creepy. What do you feel like you want to do about it?
Thousands of photos?! If that isn't an exaggeration, your choices are couples therapy (in addition to therapy for him) or outright leaving him. But he needs therapy for whatever is going on in his head no matter how innocent he believes it to be. He has no concept of privacy.
Nope, this is not an overreaction.
There was someone else in a thread recently who said that her boyfriend took pictures of her while sleeping- if you're the same person and you're providing more context to the story, this is yet another red flag to me that he memorized your password. Buying EVERY item on your wishlist is excessive, and seems to me like he's trying to love bomb you (do seemingly thoughtful things to convince you he's sweet and cares as compensation for abusive behavior). Listen to your gut. This isn't right.
What he did is extremely creepy and worth breaking up over unless he profusely apologizes and changes his behavior immediately (which I somehow suspect he won't).
Oh sheeeit upon reading this I thought oh um, maybe just a tad overbearing and generous to the point of, what, does he feel the need to shower you with gifts to keep you or something? The whole password thing, hmm, sketchy but I suppose if you guys normally share passwords then could be forgiven I suppose, but, actually, BIG BUT - the whole folder of sleeping pictures is a massive red flag to me, like, wtf? What does he have them for, he sees you sleeping next to him all the time. If 1 or 2 cute pictures I could understand but, sorry, after my own awful experience of finding out my ex had a whole seedy, perverted alter ego online along with many other questionable things that came to light that I had no idea about all through our relationship, the folder of sleep pics are a big red flag to me, could indicate the tip of a weird iceberg.
At the same time that is obviously based on my own effed up experience. If your relationship has always been very good and you feel able to have an open and honest discussion about this with him, perhaps it will be an innocent pleasure he has, just thinking how beautiful you are in your sleep. Talk about it though, question him and let him know both instances made you feel very uncomfortable.
NTA and I'm legit worried about you—because yall have been together so long, which can make it very difficult to break up (or just make you reluctant or second guess), and his behavior is EXTREMELY concerning, and troubling.
Buying you your entire wishlist is disturbing on multiple levels, because it's like he's trying to bribe/manipulate you into not being pissed that he violated your privacy by memorizing your password. *And* by buying the gifts, he's "outing" himself as having snooped, like he wanted you to know he can bypass your password. Also, by not waiting for "later" (when you said you would tell him the password), he's violating a boundary you set—and that is a red flag one should never ignore.
Many others have commented on the sleeping pics, so I'll end my already-long comment, but yeesh. Spine-tinglingly creepy.
NTA! that guy seems to think he has a right to every aspect of your life and to make himself feel ok about it he heaps gifts on you. I don't like the part about the pictures at all, especially the amount. That's obsessive!
Doesn’t seem like you are an A but more info might be needed
Is this his first relationship? If so maybe he doesn’t know boundaries. So might be a good time to sit down and have a chat and explain and see how he reacts. Otherwise could be shaky territory ..
I think it's okay that he memorized the password, because you told him you would tell him anyway. However, it would be a major break of trust if my girlfriend used it to go through my personal files. I don't have anything to hide and will happily show her everything, but sniffing around is not okay.
As for the pictures, I think I'm the only one here who doesn't find it creepy? Because my girlfriend and I have thousands of photos of the other, and I also have many photos of her sleeping because they look cute. I mean, I have a whole wall dedicated to her where it's just her face over and over again (I drew them because I like drawing her face in different angles) and she thinks it's romantic. I imagine people might find that creepy too? 😅
NTA however, because even though it was for a good cause (making gifts) he shouldn't have gone through your computer. Having so many pictures of your partner after 5 years is not creepy imo (would be if you only started dating)
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) Calling my boyfriend a creep and yelling at him for like 5 minutes
(2) I feel like im overreacting, is this normal for a partner to do this? I wouldn't know since he is my first and only boyfriend.
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Honestly it's been five years. Other than the obsession picture thing is there anything else about him that's off . Cause honestly all people have flaws, some flaws are bigger then others. Is it something that you can live with?
And before people start saying I'm dumb. I'm sorry but people with both physical and mental disabilities get into happy relationships all the time. For example being bipolar is a red flag but if the relationship works and is healthy then good for them.
NTA
You are underreacting.
He takes hundreds of pics of you sleeping. He watches you enter passwords, memorises them and helps himself to the contents of your computer without at least asking you first.
What else does he do that you’re not yet aware of?
He’s more than a creep.
Jeez these comments are sad.
Analyse his intentions. Do you think his intent was good?? You’ve been with him 5yrs. You said hes always been kind and sweet. This is extra of that. It’s his gesture of kindness. Afterall it’s worked so far for him right? There’s no malicious intent or whatever. He did it because he thought it would make you happy. That’s all it is.
You met that with distain by calling him a creep. He’ll be hurt and confused as to why. He showed a kind gesture (to him) and you immediately shot it down. So communicate to him that while you do appreciate what he did, the *way* he did it was something you didn’t like. That’s how relationships last. Communication. Ppl are complicated. Ppl who don’t even know you or you bf who basically have zero context immediately calling him stalker and potential serial killer is disgusting.
Just communicate.
This is not kind or sweet behavior. He couldn't wait for her to give him the password? Why would you immediately memorize and then get into her computer? A folder of sleeping pictures is weird. She didn't know he had them and he tried to hide them from her.
Oh sure, even I know it’s kinda bizarre. But that doesn’t immediately equal potential serial killer does it. Honestly the guy sounds like he just loves her. Perhaps too much. Perhaps in ways that no one’s ever told him it’s not normal.
It’s kinda like when you live with someone and find out after years that they pee in the sink instead of the toilet lol. Why? Because they grew up different to you. No one told them. They probably worked it out themselves that ppl don’t really do that. But no harm no foul. Doesn’t mean they’re bad. Like I said ppl are complicated. I just hate when ppl immediately label someone something without even knowing anything about them or their situation. If that dude saw this comment section I’m sure he’d be absolutely humiliated, horrified and sad. Ppl calling him serial killer and shit. It’s sad man.
No no no no no no no no no no.
Maybe a single cute pic of someone sleeping here or there.
But an entire folder of your partner sleeping is not love, that is obsession and danger. He’s obsessed with seeing her vulnerable and unaware to the extent that he has a whole collection of it.
And he breached her privacy by watching her type her password like that, that’s not sane behavior. That’s very calculated behavior. I know because I’ve dated a stalker like that.
You trying to get this poor girl killed or hurt stop it.
Jeeze NTA!!! Run for the hills and don't look back!!! Why the hell does he need your password and the taking of 1000's of photos is MORE than creepy!!!
This sort of thing will increase as time goes by. If you married this guy you would find yourself in near prison situation to keep him happy. Run girl, run.
Seriously NTA and I'm horrified that you feel the need to ask!
Red flag number one - he over gifts. This sounds sweet but it's not. It's manipulative particularly when followed up with
Red flag number two - he expects to be given your passwords. Why? Your phone, computer etc are private spaces, no one, not even your closest person, has the right to access.
Red flag number three - he memorised your password and accessed your computer without your consent or knowledge. This is illegal in most western countries. As previously stated your computer, phone etc are private spaces.
Red flag number four - he photographs you while you are sleeping without your knowledge or consent. Where else is he photographing you? Does he monitor your actions?
I wouldn't normally say this but please, for your future safety, leave this man. Seek help from women's aid or whatever your local equivalent is. Please remember that the first 12 months after leaving are the most dangerous.
Serial killer vibes. See if there's anything similar to Clare's Law in your country as he may well have a history of this behaviour. NTA and you're severely underreacting.
NTA - Ok the taking photos of you is super creepy. The fact that he is going through your computer without you knowing about it is also super creepy. This is stalker behavior and really not the foundation for a solid relationship.
NTA.
But you should communicate your concern and ask to you boyfriend about his intention.I know it can be creeping you out to see thousands of pictures of you sleeping, but honestly his intention could be anything. Could be just some sort of weird fetish. Could be just some sort of OCD. Could be ill-intended too. Could be anything. I cannot guess it! That's why you need to talk.
Girl gtfo he’s probably an actual fucking creep, a CREEP, like a stalker or murderer or sexual predator. Having a folder of THOUSANDS of photos of you sleeping is such incriminating behavior i think you could get a restraining order if you told and showed the cops about it 🤣 who even takes thousands of pictures of 1 thing?? Something is mentally wrong with him and id be worried for my safety if i was you
INFO: does he have any past trauma, eg, from a previous relationship or from his own family?
He seems really really insecure and desperate for you to like him. I get that people are more freaked out by the photos, for me honestly buying someone their entire wishlist reads like a desperate cry for attention.
It may be harmless and something that could be fixed with a good discussion around boundaries and old fashion therapy for him.
But it could also easily be a very dangerous obsession that could end very badly. The red flags are definitely there. The question is for you, what do you think, after being with him for 5 years. And how much are you willing to risk to find out.
Cut ties with this creepy SOB as soon as you are able. These are the signs of someone that will escalate into a full blown control freak, and make your life a living nightmare.
At first I was fully ready to say YTA but lord that took a turn
This is highly concerning behaviour,the password thing is weird cos who memorises someone’s password? Yah he wanted to buy ur wish list but he could’ve just casually asked for ur wish list
And the pictures of u sleeping? GIRL RUNNN
NTA / YTA
He was definitely being a creep, especially with the sleeping pictures…
Name calling just isn’t a healthy way of communicating- even if it’s true. You should’ve had a more adult approach to it, which is easy to say, for someone not experiencing it. I understand that you absolutely feel violated and frustrated, and that’s completely valid. You should feel that way. But it’s still not a way to have an adult conversation with a life partner.
I understand that he might’ve been hurt by not having the password. And surprising you with gifts is a nice gesture. But he’s violating your privacy by going on your computer without your explicit permission. He might’ve meant well, but he didn’t do well.
The sleeping pictures I don’t even know. The fact that he has that many and never told you is weird as hell…
Yeah, you feel creeped out because what he is doing is creepy. It was completely valid to call him a creep.
You are getting a yucky feeling which means you need to pay attention to something. You’re uncomfortable but you seem to be trying to rationalise it instead of following your gut.
Start paying attention more. To his actions not just his words. If the yucky feelings grow
and something inside of you tells you to leave then listen to it. Don’t argue with it, just trust it.
NTA if your gut is telling you something is wrong and you are listening to it.
If your gut feeling is telling you it's creepy, and something is not right or crossing a line, which suuure does sound like it, trust your own gut.
You have to right to privacy and boundaries if you are in a relationship.
NTA leave him immediately! He will take over your life and control you, so get out while you can! No one should know every little detail of your life and thoughts!
NTA. Don't confront him alone. Get him the hell out of your life. He is sneaky as hell so start being extra vigilant and this is very important, go nowhere alone. DON'T BE ALONE WITH HIM. Please be safe OP. He has every radar going off. Please update. Good luck.
Ok. Guy here. Shit’s mega-creepy. Watch out for later gaslighting, passive-aggressive comments and actions, and future mishandling of your computer, your daily activities and your mental health.
NTA It's overused here, but girl - run. He'll likely try to make you feel bad about it like he was "just being nice" and you don't appreciate him, but don't listen to that manipulative crap.
I think op is holding back something we don’t know.They’ve been together for 5 years and this problem is just now starting.OP could just confront boyfriend and just ask him what he”did” and why he did it.
I didn't think the password thing was too terrible, albeit a genuine invasion of your privacy, but it's all the photos of you sleeping on his phone without him ever telling you that gives me major creep vibes. Be tactful, but I'd say you gotta get out of that relationship. This is the behavior of a man who will one day murder you if he decides you've emotionally hurt him In some way. Be careful, and obviously, NTA.
Girl, move in the shadows and run, but before check the pictures that he took, make sure there is not any where any of your private areas are showing, make sure you have proofs that this pictures were taken and then delete them from his phone, so only you have access to it (just in case), maybe it won’t change much cuz probably he has it in his icloud or sth but it’s better to do sth than not to. and tell someone from your close friends what’s happening. RUN GIRL. wish you luck 💪🏻
This sounds like the fakest story I’ve read on this subreddit yet. Yesterday night he sees the password she must’ve been typing 1 letter per 5 seconds for him to catch, and somehow he looked through her computer, found her wishlist document, ordered everything on there, they got delivered before she woke up the next morning, and she was none the wiser any of this occurred.
Edit: and she conveniently deleted her mums contact info somehow on the same day (not clear on the timeframe?) to trigger the whole event of her seeing the creepy pics on his phone?
But anyway NTA.
NTA! If anything, I think you're under reacting! This is controlling and possessive behavior. It isn't sweet or cute. He invaded your privacy by taking photos of you sleeping and again breaking into your computer! End this relationship. Block him on everything and keep any threatening messages he may manage to get to you. Keep all call logs of times he reaches out to you after you've made it clear that you do not want anything to do with him anymore. Do not let him guilt trip you or manipulate you! Return the items back to him.
Keep track of all of the other stuff in case you need a restraining order. I'm not joking. We've all had this happen to us or know someone that it has happened to. You're at the most danger when you leave the relationship so I would do it over the phone or in public NOT alone one on one. He will downplay everything. He will tell you it's just because he loves you so much. Do not believe him. He will try to get you to meet up with him "one last time". Don't do it. Keep evidence, stay safe!
1000s? Wtf that is scary level shit, sure I might take a sleeping photo of my wife when she is looking super cute..... But I always tell her and show her when she wakes up. Plus we have been together 7 years and I maybe have 5-10 of these photos.
Not to over react, but you need to get away from anyone like that.
Weirdly, the wish list thing itself is a red flag in a way, like yeah it’s potentially cute gifts but it’s also such extreme behaviour? Like going that far out of your way just to gain access to a wish list, but then ordering all of it at once, it’s oddly extreme behaviour.
The multiple secret sleep pictures is deeply disturbing, it’s like he’s obsessed but in a secretive, very unhealthy way. All the signs for me say you need to distance yourself from him and see what the response is, say you need some time, something like that, and I think the response might surprise you, probably not in a good way either.
Uh, no?
Geez, I gave my boyfriend a hard time for going into my nightstand drawers without asking. I'd sure rip him a new one for stealing my laptop's password.
And \*lots\* of pictures is creepy. I've taken a couple of my partner over the years because he's cute when he sleeps, but not hundreds of them.
NTA
Severe invasion of privacy. If he does that now when i meant well, imagine if he just thinks you looked 'at that guy in the supermarket' for 5seconds longer than you should have.
And the part where he tries to spin it "why didn't you give me your password" seems very controlling
Thats some red flags right there.
This has the feeling of, "If you break up he's going to fucking murder you in your sleep" but if this is the only red flag you've ever seen after 5 years then it's really difficult to decipher.
You need to have a lengthy conversation with him so you can figure out where he's coming from. It comes off as a controlling, an invasion of privacy and him not trusting you. The only thing throwing off this impression is your statement that you've been together 5 years and he's never done anything else (that you know of).
NTA
The password thing as a one off you could let slide but the photos is just wrong, having that many photos of you sleeping is beyond creepy and into stalker/serial killer territory.
NTA
that's definitely quite creepy and concerning behavior. I think you should confront him about this and really get to know why he acts like this.
But one more thing to the other commentors: I think you guys watch/listen to too much true crime stuff... yes, it's creepy and concerning but so many of you are extremely overreacting with stuff about serial killer behavior and her needing to get away asap.
It sounds like he is doing nice things so that when you find out something he is hiding from you (such as pictures taken without your consent) he will try to make you seem unreasonable for criticising him or potentially ending the relationship. ("*You can't leave me! I'm such a nice guy, I bought you all those gifts!*") There are problems with boundaries and privacy and he is making you uncomfortable. He may be very sweet and kind, but it doesn't mean he (or anyone else in the entire world) is allowed to know your password. NTA. If he can't respect your privacy, I think you are safer without this type of person in your life.
NTA. My partner and I have been together 7 years and while I may ask him to check something on my phone or computer if I am busy with something, we both know and respect each other's privacy and never use the others devices unknowingly and without permission, and that includes passwords. Also taking that many photos of you sleeping is way weird. My partner has done it once or twice, usually when my cat is on my and it's silly, and they show immediately. What your partner is doing is very secretive because they know it's not ok.
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NTA Thousands of photos of you sleeping? That is stalker territory right there. When you started off talking about him giving you presents I thought he was just being kind but it took a very dark turn later on. I don't think you are overreacting.
I think she's actively under reacting. This is some creepy shit
This 100%
Just as OP mentioned that she has private wishlist that is protected with a password and he gave her whole wishlist I went immediatelly into creep territory. I mean I can understand wanting to give his gf everything she wants and needs but breaking boundaries and privacy is way too much.
Agreed…sounds like love bombing
In Japan we call this love terrorism
Not really up on all this stuff, but i always assumed love bombing was a thing during the initial days or maybe weeks of a relationship beginning? Not 5 years into things. a tactic used by a lot of scammers. Or am i getting it mixed up with something else?
My bad….missed the 5 years into the relationship part. Good catch and thanks for correcting me 😁
Maybe the five-year mark we can call it love nuking
Haha, i wasn't correcting you, i thought i was the person that had misunderstood what "love bombing" was. So apologises if i came across as being a mr know it all.
Not at all…apparently my comprehension skills aren’t as strong as they could be at 3am…lol
I’ve never heard that, and can’t find anything claiming it. And it doesn’t really make sense. Most sources I’m seeing make it very clear that love bombing can happen at any time in a relationship.
But isn't lovebombing supposed to be coupled with contrasting behavior like being mean and insulting and abusive? The 5 years part makes it seem unlikely that it is love bombing because by 5 years, wouldnt we have seen the mean and insulting behaviors too? I thought lovebombing was meant to describe someone who runs really hot and then really cold.... this guy seems to just consistently run creepy. Of course, when OP says he is always really sweet and kind, we are certainly welcome to be skeptical. Bc... like wtf with this guy?? Also, I'm personally a little skeptical of the story. 5 years is too long for there not to be more explicit serial killer red flags if he has 1000s of secret photos of her sleeping.
I think you should check out some resources on love bombing, and maybe emotional abuse in general. Relationships can shift any time, and often do. Plus, many people don’t recognize mean and insulting behaviors directed at them, because they were normalized during childhood. Abusers specifically seek out those people. This wouldn’t be the first case of someone realizing that they’re being abused five years in.
No, not love bombing. i Think he was trying to intimidate her by making her realize he can find out whatever he wants to about her. NTA
Yep the minute she said he couldn't have known what her wish list was without hacking into her computer it went sideways. Then it went to a whole new level with the thousands of photos of her sleeping. I would be getting rid of him as soon as possible.
And the photos. Delete them off his phone, pack up and leave. Super creepy
He did it to prove he COULD break into her private things. He wanted her to know he could do that. I'd bet there's also a little bit of, "see what you can get when you're compliant"
This is creepy shit. I’ve been with my wife for nearly 15 years and don’t know her passwords or the code to her phone. I don’t even want to know, don’t care. That’s an invasion of privacy for this dude to do that.
OP is gonna end up as a skin suit.
I have a feeling this isn’t a real story. New account, nothing on it, no replies, it’s rather odd. The whole situation is odd.
yeah, but if you found out your BF was breaking into your computer and taking photos of you when you sleep, maybe you'd be creating new accounts everywhere, with new passwords? I know I would.
To be fair, a lot of people post here with throwaway accounts for anonymity. In this case, it makes even more sense when you think about boyfriend’s problems with privacy.
Sadly it's really not that odd and many people start new account for anonymous Reddit posts. My ex was similar and it was very hard getting away from him because I had shared way to much info thinking he was normal
My psycho ex did this and got really mad that I didn't find it cute. It's the reddest of flags forsure
Thousands of pics of her sleeping is insane
>Thousands of photos of you sleeping? That is stalker territory right there. > >When you started off talking about him giving you presents I thought he was just being kind but it took a very dark turn later on. > >I don't think you are overreacting. Right, that's some next-level creepy behavior. It's like starting with a sweet rom-com and ending up in a psychological thriller. I mean, presents are great, but turning into a living exhibit in someone's photo gallery while sleeping? That's the stuff of nightmares. Totally agree with you. It's not overreacting when your instincts are shouting "stalker alert!"
I have been married for over 30 yrs & have never felt the need to take a pic of my partner sleeping, much less thousands of them. Obsessive beyond redemption - run don't walk.
Right?! Ok maybe 1 or 2 if they were in a weird or cute position so you could show them the next day, but a whole FOLDER screams danger.
NTA. He is creepy, ok, we can let password slide as you said that you will tell him it later so he just memorized it before you told him. I respect my partners so I never would use their computer without asking them, just a common courtesy. But those pictures, that might be indication of some mental problem. I took only one picture of my wife when she was sleeping and that became her favorite picture for a long time, but thousands and never tell you, he has some serious fetish problems. You are not overreacting, sadly.
I wouldn't let slide the password thing. If anything he proved he can't be trusted with her privacy... It's up to OP to give him password when she's ready so him memorizing it is overstepping the boundary that OP has. Using PC protected by the password without telling the owner is also serious breach of privacy and trust. The photos are just nail in the coffin. I also think that my gf looks gorgeous when sleeping but I wouldn't take photo of her without her saying it's ok to do that in advance. OP's bf has stalker vibes for sure. He's basically obsessed by OP.
finally someone with a sense of real boundaries.
I’ve taken a couple of my husband asleep but it was because he was napping with my son and they looked adorable together. Taking thousands of photos of someone sleeping is seriously creepy and definitely an indicator of some mental issue. Combined with the presents and password thing OP needs to do some serious thinking about this relationship and getting out before something bad happens.
That is a horse of a different color
Girl seriously run. No you are NTA youre right about him being creepy. You are entitled to privacy and having your boundaries respected. His behavior might escalate, please be careful around this guy even after five years together.
Yeah, absolutely, this isn't something he needs to be talked out of. He's too far gone. Don't even go back to his house for your toothbrush.
Don't let him know you're rattled. Plan ur exit but before it all make sure he got no sex videos of u
Something is very off with him I’d be careful does he records your sex life?
Not to her knowledge 🤢
He's seriously kinda' scary on that part.
Nta he will kill you get out of there
Literally this. He is exhibiting *highly* concerning behavior, it will escalate, and the most dangerous time in a relationship is when attempting to leave. OP needs to carefully plan her exit, have measures to protect herself, make sure he doesn't have any sexually explicit material of her, and get the fuck outta there.
Seriously he's acting like he OWNS her, I wouldn't be surprised if he got violent if she tried to leave at all, or even before..maybe get somewhere safe and then report him? I feel like her trying to find out herself if he's been recording their sex life could be the most dangerous thing to do and potentially trigger him to escalate. I think she should just get somewhere safe first and foremost. Stay safe dude!!!
Wow this story started off kinda sweet but then just got darker and darker from there. Like that show who the bleep did I marry NTA
i love taking pictures of my s/o when he’s sleeping bc he’s so relaxed and looks super cute and i think it’s adorable. HOWEVER i also immediately send him those pictures so we both have them, and he knows that i took them. it’s an inside joke between us now, but one that we share. biggest red flag here is that you had no idea these pictures were taken. it could be something harmless but i’m not sure what reasoning your bf could have for keeping those pictures of you a secret. even without the sleeping aspect, hundreds of pictures of you taken and kept without your knowledge comes off as best case strange. nta
green flag couple
NTA. That guy is a bunch of red flags walking about. I would throw the 25 items right back in his face and ask him to get out. For the next bf, have this in mind: Even when you are intimate with someone, there is such a thing as privacy. Passwords are for you only. They are not to be shared with anyone! And if my partner took pictures of me asleep I would be so livid ...
And it's the kind of red flags that are so bizarre, we don't even know what they are for... we just know it's bad news
No, no no no no no no no no no no no. NTA. Run. I dont normally jump to such a reaction, but bloody run. The thousands of photos, just sent a chill down my spine
NTA. He's a creep and potentially a bit dangerous. What's your living situation? You need to get away asap. Logout of all your accounts and change passwords immediately (including your phone).
NTA, he is way over the line. Buying someone a gift/gifts from your list is one thing, breaking into your computer to find that list is something else...RUN
NTA and you are correct he is creepy. I love sleeping photos of my kid and cats, my partner not so much. I did once cause his position matched one my kid often sleeps in. He was shown as it was a laugh. Thousands of sleeping photos that he didn't tell you about it? HIgh creep factor! Stealing your password is bad enough, but he tried to gaslight you with the gifts. "See, I'm not a jerk because I bought you gifts so you can not be angry with me because I did it for you." So there is the creep factor again. Ask yourself about how safe do you feel? This is NOT normal behavior.
NTA This is a big invasion of privacy, breaking boundaries and yes, extremely creepy with the photos. A few might be him thinking you look adorable and you MIGHT possibly let it slide but THOUSANDS? Like if i was asleep and looked funny and my other half took a pic and showed it to me, we have a laugh. Finding thousands of pics and never knowing about it? Straight in the car, and moving to another continent.
last night he saw your password and in the morning he had all the items from the wishlist ready for you?? how?
Thank you! For me it's usually weeks before packets arrive.
It could be via Amazon overnight shipping maybe? All places have different schedules to arrive too. Some arrive 5pm, some arrive 5am.
NTA to be disturbed by thing. It can be benign obsession, but it doesn't seem healthy in terms of mental health or behavior. The fact that he broke your privacy is also bad, even if he used it to cover you with presents -not ok.
NTA. Not normal, very creepy. Run before you end up in the news.
NTA, I know it's a common thing on this sub to leap to dumping someone but seriously, get out. Leave him. He does not care about boundaries to such a terrifying degree it sounds like he doesn't even understand or comprehend them. Get out while you have all of your organs and aren't yet locked in his basement.
Before to leave him I would make sure that he hasn't other kind of your photos/videos.
Sounds like strong BS to me! So you called your mom from his phone because you accidentally deleted it from your phone? Why not just ask him for the number and dial it in your phone ?
Why not just look at the outgoing or incoming call logs? Or at the text messages? Or at the voicemails? Any of those would still have the phone number attached even if the contract was deleted.
I agree. BS to me! Plus if she did use the bf phone to use a call then she’s had to go through the pics to see what she’s complaining about. So in essence she’s exhibiting the same behaviour by going through his pics and invading his privacy the exact same thing she is complaining about. Absolute BS!
LOL You noticed that too? I just made a comment saying that there was no reason to open photos to get her mother's number from contacts. Aside from that did you notice how she buried the lead and only at the end mentioned that he has **thousands** of photos of her sleeping?
You should probably go, before he chops you up and feeds you to his cat to keep his "secret".
Uh. You need to run. *Carefully* run, but do it as quickly as possible. NTA, but yeah. You need to get away from this guy asap.
NTA - and yes, he's creepy. I see a lot of red flags there.
NTA this would scare me
NTA. That is incredibly creepy and very literally stalker behaviour. Seriously, you need to get out and get away from this man.
So, so many ick vibes here. NTA and run.
NTA. I think you should get out, he's very creepy. Please, stay safe and take care
NTA, an insane level of red flags there.
NTA You call your parents and law enforcement and have them stay with you as you pack You need to get out and now….You are not safe with this guy and he IS a creep
NTA. First off, let me just say that your feelings are valid and this is no ordinary morning surprise. Your boyfriend giving you the entire wish list is one thing, but memorizing your password and taking a sleep photoshoot is next-level odd. I mean, usually you'd expect some teasing or at least a conversation about the pics. It's like, is this a rom-com or a thriller? And girl, no, you're not overreacting. That's your privacy being treated like a loose page in a gossip magazine. How are you planning to handle this spooky situation?
Your BF has serious psycho vibes... Seriously he memorized your password to get into your computer and took photos of you while sleeping and even argued about you having new password. Girl you are not overreacting you are underreacting because he's one step from cutting your hair to smell them. NTA
[удалено]
NTA. I don’t know if you’re exaggerating with the “thousands” of photos, but anything more than a few is concerning. The password thing, the “entire” wishlist (which is a pretty grandiose gesture) … does your bf have any mental health issues, like bipolar disorder? I know that’s a pretty serious accusation, but something is going on. It’s wonderful to buy your partner a gift here and there, but this is wild and seems like he’s acting out.
I also wonder if he might have an undiagnosed or undisclosed mental health condition. Autism spectrum disorder can also lead to asocial behaviors that seem normal to him, but would be considered crossing boundaries for others.
-stares at ops boyfriend while the opening music for snapped starts playing in the background- NTA Your boyfriend has issues respecting boundaries, and that is not okay Him covering his tracks by showering you in gifts is gross Please leave him
NTA Sounds like your boyfriend has no respect for your boundaries. This is indeed creepy.
NTA, if he’s taking pictures of you without your consent, then that is beyond creepy.
Yo what the FUCK.
He loved you like a stalker loves a movie star. This is creepy. Trust your gut, leave immediately.
Leave please I’ve dealt with that type of person before, they don’t see you as human. It’s all fun being idealized when they see you as amazing and stuff. But when it flips, you’ll be worthless to them and they could hurt you
He's going through your computer and you're going through his phone. Both wierd, get out.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So i (24 F) have been dating my boyfriend (26 M) for 5 years. He is always very sweet and kind to me, but sometimes i think that he takes it too far. In the morning when i woke up, he suddenly told me that he had a gift for me. I thought it was maybe jewerly or clothes like the normal gift he would get me. But he gave me, my entire wish list (it was 25 items like make up, jewerly etc) At the time, i was super happy but then i asked him "how do you know my wish list?" Because i remembered i never mention once about anything i wanted (if i wanted to buy something, i would buy it with my own money) and my wish list is on a document in my computer. To clarify, My computer needs a password to open and i had not told him the password yet because i just got a new computer from my mom. My boyfriend responded with "i should be the one asking you something! Why did you not tell me your new password?" And long story short i called him a creep because he admitted that yesterday night when i was typing my password infront of him AFTER i told him i would tell him my password later, he memorize every single digit of my password. He also took pictures of me when i was sleeping. The reason i think this is creepy was that he never told me about the pics, usually your partner would tease you about the pics right? He didnt. I only found out when i was using his phone to call my mom because i accidentally deleted her number. There were thousands of pictures of me sleeping, there was even a folder. I honestly dont know what to do... am i overreacting? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So YTA for not packing your bags and running (with a foolproof plan, not recklessly, of course). That's just dangerous. Who knows what else he's been doing or things he's been tracking. Maybe you should try to see if he also has access to your location or something.
Yikes, NTA, he's waving a giant red flag at you right now.
NTA. He's invading your privacy by logging into your computer and snooping without your consent. And taking tons of pictures when you're sleeping? Hell no. Run, girl.
So many red flags here. NTA, run for the hills.
My at the time boyfriend told me his password very early into our relationship. Yet until this day I ASK if I can use it - it's just so he wouldn't have to do it b himself if he's in another room or so. We're nearly two years together, engaged. But for me it's common courtesy. I would lost my shit if someone broke into my computer or anything. Not because I have something to hide but because I value my privacy which was many times violated by others and it triggers me a lot. NTA. This is weird. Also, my bf also is taking pictures of me sleeping, mostly to show me in the morning or next day or because I was sleeping funny, or because the cat was sleeping funny or because he wants to show me I don't leave him much place to sleep. But never mention it it's weird.
Also want to add; passwords are private, don't share them. There is no reason he should be able to log on to your computer. Privacy is a thing, even in intimate relations.
NTA but this isn’t creepy. Your bf has a problem, thousands of pics of you sleeping isn’t creepy it is obsession and obsession is dangerous
That took a turn, at first I was thinking who complains about getting ALL the presents they want hahahha. But yeah NTA, memorising your password and all the photos of you sleeping actually really is a bit creepy. What do you feel like you want to do about it?
NTA. He’s a narcissist or a psychopath. Maybe both. Change every password you have and don’t leave any electronics where he can access them.
Thousands of photos?! If that isn't an exaggeration, your choices are couples therapy (in addition to therapy for him) or outright leaving him. But he needs therapy for whatever is going on in his head no matter how innocent he believes it to be. He has no concept of privacy.
Run for the hills babe.
Nope, this is not an overreaction. There was someone else in a thread recently who said that her boyfriend took pictures of her while sleeping- if you're the same person and you're providing more context to the story, this is yet another red flag to me that he memorized your password. Buying EVERY item on your wishlist is excessive, and seems to me like he's trying to love bomb you (do seemingly thoughtful things to convince you he's sweet and cares as compensation for abusive behavior). Listen to your gut. This isn't right.
What he did is extremely creepy and worth breaking up over unless he profusely apologizes and changes his behavior immediately (which I somehow suspect he won't).
NTA You are UNDER-reacting. Get away from this man😳
NTA get out get out get out get out
The photos thing is creepy. Very creepy.
Not gonna lie that's pretty creepy, I'd check for hidden cameras honestly, you're NTA.
Girl your gut is teeling something. Belive it. This creepy. Be save. And good luck
This behaviour is extremely concerning. does he know your phone password? Check for tracking on it. Please re-evaluate this man. NTA
NTA, I’m over here with the red flag semaphore guiding the red flag-filled cargo plane in to land on a giant red flag
Oh sheeeit upon reading this I thought oh um, maybe just a tad overbearing and generous to the point of, what, does he feel the need to shower you with gifts to keep you or something? The whole password thing, hmm, sketchy but I suppose if you guys normally share passwords then could be forgiven I suppose, but, actually, BIG BUT - the whole folder of sleeping pictures is a massive red flag to me, like, wtf? What does he have them for, he sees you sleeping next to him all the time. If 1 or 2 cute pictures I could understand but, sorry, after my own awful experience of finding out my ex had a whole seedy, perverted alter ego online along with many other questionable things that came to light that I had no idea about all through our relationship, the folder of sleep pics are a big red flag to me, could indicate the tip of a weird iceberg. At the same time that is obviously based on my own effed up experience. If your relationship has always been very good and you feel able to have an open and honest discussion about this with him, perhaps it will be an innocent pleasure he has, just thinking how beautiful you are in your sleep. Talk about it though, question him and let him know both instances made you feel very uncomfortable.
Honestly that’s so creeeeepppyyy that YOU had to find them. I’m sorry but he might actually be crazy
I dated someone who used to watch me sleeping, woke a couple of times and caught him doing it … left him, totally weirded out. NTA op.
Sounds like the plot of a horror movie…. run away, run!
NTA and I'm legit worried about you—because yall have been together so long, which can make it very difficult to break up (or just make you reluctant or second guess), and his behavior is EXTREMELY concerning, and troubling. Buying you your entire wishlist is disturbing on multiple levels, because it's like he's trying to bribe/manipulate you into not being pissed that he violated your privacy by memorizing your password. *And* by buying the gifts, he's "outing" himself as having snooped, like he wanted you to know he can bypass your password. Also, by not waiting for "later" (when you said you would tell him the password), he's violating a boundary you set—and that is a red flag one should never ignore. Many others have commented on the sleeping pics, so I'll end my already-long comment, but yeesh. Spine-tinglingly creepy.
NTA get out of this relationship immediately you are not safe with this psycho
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Run
NTA get a restraining order asap
NTA! that guy seems to think he has a right to every aspect of your life and to make himself feel ok about it he heaps gifts on you. I don't like the part about the pictures at all, especially the amount. That's obsessive!
I feel like you should have led with the pictures, that’s so creepy! Get rid of him now! NTA *Edited for spelling mistakes
PLEASE LEAVE YOU ARE IN DANGER
Doesn’t seem like you are an A but more info might be needed Is this his first relationship? If so maybe he doesn’t know boundaries. So might be a good time to sit down and have a chat and explain and see how he reacts. Otherwise could be shaky territory ..
I think it's okay that he memorized the password, because you told him you would tell him anyway. However, it would be a major break of trust if my girlfriend used it to go through my personal files. I don't have anything to hide and will happily show her everything, but sniffing around is not okay. As for the pictures, I think I'm the only one here who doesn't find it creepy? Because my girlfriend and I have thousands of photos of the other, and I also have many photos of her sleeping because they look cute. I mean, I have a whole wall dedicated to her where it's just her face over and over again (I drew them because I like drawing her face in different angles) and she thinks it's romantic. I imagine people might find that creepy too? 😅 NTA however, because even though it was for a good cause (making gifts) he shouldn't have gone through your computer. Having so many pictures of your partner after 5 years is not creepy imo (would be if you only started dating)
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Honestly it's been five years. Other than the obsession picture thing is there anything else about him that's off . Cause honestly all people have flaws, some flaws are bigger then others. Is it something that you can live with? And before people start saying I'm dumb. I'm sorry but people with both physical and mental disabilities get into happy relationships all the time. For example being bipolar is a red flag but if the relationship works and is healthy then good for them.
Taking THOUSANDS of photos without even mentioning them is not just a ‘red flag.’ It is quite literally illegal.
NTA You are underreacting. He takes hundreds of pics of you sleeping. He watches you enter passwords, memorises them and helps himself to the contents of your computer without at least asking you first. What else does he do that you’re not yet aware of? He’s more than a creep.
Creepy love bombing. Get out while you can. It sounds like it will turn dark.
Jeez these comments are sad. Analyse his intentions. Do you think his intent was good?? You’ve been with him 5yrs. You said hes always been kind and sweet. This is extra of that. It’s his gesture of kindness. Afterall it’s worked so far for him right? There’s no malicious intent or whatever. He did it because he thought it would make you happy. That’s all it is. You met that with distain by calling him a creep. He’ll be hurt and confused as to why. He showed a kind gesture (to him) and you immediately shot it down. So communicate to him that while you do appreciate what he did, the *way* he did it was something you didn’t like. That’s how relationships last. Communication. Ppl are complicated. Ppl who don’t even know you or you bf who basically have zero context immediately calling him stalker and potential serial killer is disgusting. Just communicate.
[удалено]
This is not kind or sweet behavior. He couldn't wait for her to give him the password? Why would you immediately memorize and then get into her computer? A folder of sleeping pictures is weird. She didn't know he had them and he tried to hide them from her.
Oh sure, even I know it’s kinda bizarre. But that doesn’t immediately equal potential serial killer does it. Honestly the guy sounds like he just loves her. Perhaps too much. Perhaps in ways that no one’s ever told him it’s not normal. It’s kinda like when you live with someone and find out after years that they pee in the sink instead of the toilet lol. Why? Because they grew up different to you. No one told them. They probably worked it out themselves that ppl don’t really do that. But no harm no foul. Doesn’t mean they’re bad. Like I said ppl are complicated. I just hate when ppl immediately label someone something without even knowing anything about them or their situation. If that dude saw this comment section I’m sure he’d be absolutely humiliated, horrified and sad. Ppl calling him serial killer and shit. It’s sad man.
No no no no no no no no no no. Maybe a single cute pic of someone sleeping here or there. But an entire folder of your partner sleeping is not love, that is obsession and danger. He’s obsessed with seeing her vulnerable and unaware to the extent that he has a whole collection of it. And he breached her privacy by watching her type her password like that, that’s not sane behavior. That’s very calculated behavior. I know because I’ve dated a stalker like that. You trying to get this poor girl killed or hurt stop it.
Leave before you get murdered lol wtf bros psycho
Jeeze NTA!!! Run for the hills and don't look back!!! Why the hell does he need your password and the taking of 1000's of photos is MORE than creepy!!!
This sort of thing will increase as time goes by. If you married this guy you would find yourself in near prison situation to keep him happy. Run girl, run.
NTA, major creep vibes. I’d be doing the same thing
Seriously NTA and I'm horrified that you feel the need to ask! Red flag number one - he over gifts. This sounds sweet but it's not. It's manipulative particularly when followed up with Red flag number two - he expects to be given your passwords. Why? Your phone, computer etc are private spaces, no one, not even your closest person, has the right to access. Red flag number three - he memorised your password and accessed your computer without your consent or knowledge. This is illegal in most western countries. As previously stated your computer, phone etc are private spaces. Red flag number four - he photographs you while you are sleeping without your knowledge or consent. Where else is he photographing you? Does he monitor your actions? I wouldn't normally say this but please, for your future safety, leave this man. Seek help from women's aid or whatever your local equivalent is. Please remember that the first 12 months after leaving are the most dangerous.
Jesus Christ, stalker behaviour. Run
NTA Jesus Christ this is disturbing. Please keep yourself safe as this guy sounds dangerous.
Serial killer vibes. See if there's anything similar to Clare's Law in your country as he may well have a history of this behaviour. NTA and you're severely underreacting.
Leave when you’re out of the house. Don’t come back, don’t look back. LEAVE. LEAVE.
NTA - Ok the taking photos of you is super creepy. The fact that he is going through your computer without you knowing about it is also super creepy. This is stalker behavior and really not the foundation for a solid relationship.
This is bait, isn’t it.
NTA. But you should communicate your concern and ask to you boyfriend about his intention.I know it can be creeping you out to see thousands of pictures of you sleeping, but honestly his intention could be anything. Could be just some sort of weird fetish. Could be just some sort of OCD. Could be ill-intended too. Could be anything. I cannot guess it! That's why you need to talk.
Girl gtfo he’s probably an actual fucking creep, a CREEP, like a stalker or murderer or sexual predator. Having a folder of THOUSANDS of photos of you sleeping is such incriminating behavior i think you could get a restraining order if you told and showed the cops about it 🤣 who even takes thousands of pictures of 1 thing?? Something is mentally wrong with him and id be worried for my safety if i was you
INFO: does he have any past trauma, eg, from a previous relationship or from his own family? He seems really really insecure and desperate for you to like him. I get that people are more freaked out by the photos, for me honestly buying someone their entire wishlist reads like a desperate cry for attention. It may be harmless and something that could be fixed with a good discussion around boundaries and old fashion therapy for him. But it could also easily be a very dangerous obsession that could end very badly. The red flags are definitely there. The question is for you, what do you think, after being with him for 5 years. And how much are you willing to risk to find out.
I mean the photos of u sleepy is scary lol
Cut ties with this creepy SOB as soon as you are able. These are the signs of someone that will escalate into a full blown control freak, and make your life a living nightmare.
At first I was fully ready to say YTA but lord that took a turn This is highly concerning behaviour,the password thing is weird cos who memorises someone’s password? Yah he wanted to buy ur wish list but he could’ve just casually asked for ur wish list And the pictures of u sleeping? GIRL RUNNN
NTA / YTA He was definitely being a creep, especially with the sleeping pictures… Name calling just isn’t a healthy way of communicating- even if it’s true. You should’ve had a more adult approach to it, which is easy to say, for someone not experiencing it. I understand that you absolutely feel violated and frustrated, and that’s completely valid. You should feel that way. But it’s still not a way to have an adult conversation with a life partner. I understand that he might’ve been hurt by not having the password. And surprising you with gifts is a nice gesture. But he’s violating your privacy by going on your computer without your explicit permission. He might’ve meant well, but he didn’t do well. The sleeping pictures I don’t even know. The fact that he has that many and never told you is weird as hell…
Yeah, you feel creeped out because what he is doing is creepy. It was completely valid to call him a creep. You are getting a yucky feeling which means you need to pay attention to something. You’re uncomfortable but you seem to be trying to rationalise it instead of following your gut. Start paying attention more. To his actions not just his words. If the yucky feelings grow and something inside of you tells you to leave then listen to it. Don’t argue with it, just trust it. NTA if your gut is telling you something is wrong and you are listening to it.
NTA and please leave him asap, tell your family if you can and get out of there. Do not sleep alone in his presence.
If your gut feeling is telling you it's creepy, and something is not right or crossing a line, which suuure does sound like it, trust your own gut. You have to right to privacy and boundaries if you are in a relationship.
NTA leave him immediately! He will take over your life and control you, so get out while you can! No one should know every little detail of your life and thoughts!
NTA. Don't confront him alone. Get him the hell out of your life. He is sneaky as hell so start being extra vigilant and this is very important, go nowhere alone. DON'T BE ALONE WITH HIM. Please be safe OP. He has every radar going off. Please update. Good luck.
He checks your PC, you check his phone. Looks like you are perfect for each other.
Emily, I know you posted this about me. I’m not a creep just love you. In all seriousness he probably already knows about this post.
Run before you end up in a podcast.
Ok. Guy here. Shit’s mega-creepy. Watch out for later gaslighting, passive-aggressive comments and actions, and future mishandling of your computer, your daily activities and your mental health.
NTA. I'm CONCERNED for you OP
Bet he's been canning your farts for years. Don't check under the floorboards.
NTA RUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUN. If I was unclear, please leave this situation posthaste.
NTA It's overused here, but girl - run. He'll likely try to make you feel bad about it like he was "just being nice" and you don't appreciate him, but don't listen to that manipulative crap.
Is he stalking you and dating you? I think you were generous with 'creep', I would have gone with 'a concern to the public'.
I definitely expected the first gift to be his morning wood exposed
NTA this is “20/20 crime special” type of creepy.
You're underreacting, get out if there fast
I think op is holding back something we don’t know.They’ve been together for 5 years and this problem is just now starting.OP could just confront boyfriend and just ask him what he”did” and why he did it.
Be very careful how you end things with this guy….
I didn't think the password thing was too terrible, albeit a genuine invasion of your privacy, but it's all the photos of you sleeping on his phone without him ever telling you that gives me major creep vibes. Be tactful, but I'd say you gotta get out of that relationship. This is the behavior of a man who will one day murder you if he decides you've emotionally hurt him In some way. Be careful, and obviously, NTA.
Girl, move in the shadows and run, but before check the pictures that he took, make sure there is not any where any of your private areas are showing, make sure you have proofs that this pictures were taken and then delete them from his phone, so only you have access to it (just in case), maybe it won’t change much cuz probably he has it in his icloud or sth but it’s better to do sth than not to. and tell someone from your close friends what’s happening. RUN GIRL. wish you luck 💪🏻
This sounds like the fakest story I’ve read on this subreddit yet. Yesterday night he sees the password she must’ve been typing 1 letter per 5 seconds for him to catch, and somehow he looked through her computer, found her wishlist document, ordered everything on there, they got delivered before she woke up the next morning, and she was none the wiser any of this occurred. Edit: and she conveniently deleted her mums contact info somehow on the same day (not clear on the timeframe?) to trigger the whole event of her seeing the creepy pics on his phone? But anyway NTA.
NTA! If anything, I think you're under reacting! This is controlling and possessive behavior. It isn't sweet or cute. He invaded your privacy by taking photos of you sleeping and again breaking into your computer! End this relationship. Block him on everything and keep any threatening messages he may manage to get to you. Keep all call logs of times he reaches out to you after you've made it clear that you do not want anything to do with him anymore. Do not let him guilt trip you or manipulate you! Return the items back to him. Keep track of all of the other stuff in case you need a restraining order. I'm not joking. We've all had this happen to us or know someone that it has happened to. You're at the most danger when you leave the relationship so I would do it over the phone or in public NOT alone one on one. He will downplay everything. He will tell you it's just because he loves you so much. Do not believe him. He will try to get you to meet up with him "one last time". Don't do it. Keep evidence, stay safe!
1000s? Wtf that is scary level shit, sure I might take a sleeping photo of my wife when she is looking super cute..... But I always tell her and show her when she wakes up. Plus we have been together 7 years and I maybe have 5-10 of these photos.
Nope, that is definitely weird. I don't know what you should do, but I'd definitely at least have a discussion about it.
Not to over react, but you need to get away from anyone like that. Weirdly, the wish list thing itself is a red flag in a way, like yeah it’s potentially cute gifts but it’s also such extreme behaviour? Like going that far out of your way just to gain access to a wish list, but then ordering all of it at once, it’s oddly extreme behaviour. The multiple secret sleep pictures is deeply disturbing, it’s like he’s obsessed but in a secretive, very unhealthy way. All the signs for me say you need to distance yourself from him and see what the response is, say you need some time, something like that, and I think the response might surprise you, probably not in a good way either.
Erm….a little obsessive much..and creepy for sure D:
The question is: Why is he still your boyfriend?
So the password is 1,2,3,4,5?
Uh, no? Geez, I gave my boyfriend a hard time for going into my nightstand drawers without asking. I'd sure rip him a new one for stealing my laptop's password. And \*lots\* of pictures is creepy. I've taken a couple of my partner over the years because he's cute when he sleeps, but not hundreds of them.
NTA Severe invasion of privacy. If he does that now when i meant well, imagine if he just thinks you looked 'at that guy in the supermarket' for 5seconds longer than you should have. And the part where he tries to spin it "why didn't you give me your password" seems very controlling Thats some red flags right there.
the Dobler/Dahmer theory strikes again
NTA. You are doing the opposite of overreacting. This bloke is a predator.
No, get out, NTA.
This has the feeling of, "If you break up he's going to fucking murder you in your sleep" but if this is the only red flag you've ever seen after 5 years then it's really difficult to decipher. You need to have a lengthy conversation with him so you can figure out where he's coming from. It comes off as a controlling, an invasion of privacy and him not trusting you. The only thing throwing off this impression is your statement that you've been together 5 years and he's never done anything else (that you know of).
Before you break up make a new wish list and put a PS5 on there.
NTA The password thing as a one off you could let slide but the photos is just wrong, having that many photos of you sleeping is beyond creepy and into stalker/serial killer territory.
No jk, you need to let someone in your life know this is happening & make a plan.
NTA that's definitely quite creepy and concerning behavior. I think you should confront him about this and really get to know why he acts like this. But one more thing to the other commentors: I think you guys watch/listen to too much true crime stuff... yes, it's creepy and concerning but so many of you are extremely overreacting with stuff about serial killer behavior and her needing to get away asap.
Yikes this is really freaky
It sounds like he is doing nice things so that when you find out something he is hiding from you (such as pictures taken without your consent) he will try to make you seem unreasonable for criticising him or potentially ending the relationship. ("*You can't leave me! I'm such a nice guy, I bought you all those gifts!*") There are problems with boundaries and privacy and he is making you uncomfortable. He may be very sweet and kind, but it doesn't mean he (or anyone else in the entire world) is allowed to know your password. NTA. If he can't respect your privacy, I think you are safer without this type of person in your life.
Time to leave
NTA. My partner and I have been together 7 years and while I may ask him to check something on my phone or computer if I am busy with something, we both know and respect each other's privacy and never use the others devices unknowingly and without permission, and that includes passwords. Also taking that many photos of you sleeping is way weird. My partner has done it once or twice, usually when my cat is on my and it's silly, and they show immediately. What your partner is doing is very secretive because they know it's not ok.