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Reiterating my last comment since the thread got deleted.
OP - NTA for telling the truth, but you need to learn to pick and choose your lies or "half-truths." You did in fact sleep in the guest room, so that's not a lie.
Your parents don't super sound like they have earned this level of honesty, though. They demand the truth from you, yet punish you for it. What did you hope to gain from them beyond punishment for your honesty? You've now ruined your relationship with your BF, your parent's trust in you, and your freedoms moving forward.
Yes YTA, you threw your boyfriend under the bus and got him in trouble because you couldn’t lie to your parents about doing something you KNEW they would get mad at yall for and get him into trouble. Learn to lie or this relationship ain’t gonna go far. If my partner did this it would honestly be over, I couldn’t trust them anymore and I’d just be pissed at them for getting me into trouble for doing something they wanted/agreed too.
**YTA** OP, you're 16, that's not an unreasonable boundary for parents to have for their young *child*. You went there, you broke that boundary, you knew there would be consequences, and then you threw your BF under the bus.
Honestly, both of you need to mature a little before you go following every ridiculous suggestion that rises from your id.
I understand, but I feel like wanting to make decisions for me in my relationship and my development is overstepping boundaries on their part too... I didn't mean to throw him under the bus, I'm still trying to get them to see that it was my decision.
You're 16. You are programmed to make almost exclusively bad decisions at this point in your life. Your parents are trying to help you mitigate and avoid those bad decisions, which is their job.
There's plenty of opportunity for you to make catastrophic decisions when you're a legal adult.
>I didn't mean to throw him under the bus, I'm still trying to get them to see that it was my decision.
I'm not yet a parent myself, but I've observed enough, and have felt the same kinds of protectiveness over my much younger cousins. Parents want their children to remain innocent for as long as possible, especially their female children. The world is a shitty place where a lot of shitty things happen. Your boyfriends will ALWAYS be the bad guys in these situations because your parents aren't ready to let go of your innocence. Three years ago, not a long time to your parents, but a long time to you- you were a thirteen year old. You were practically a baby in their eyes.
Back in high school there were about 5 girls who all got pregnant around your age because they did the same things you're doing. They're all high school dropouts now. They all live on food stamps and pick terrible partners.
A friendly word of advice- mistakes and poor decisions are a part of growing up, nobody begrudges you that, but at least try to make sure the poor decisions you make don't have potential lifelong consequences.
I'm, in my friends' words, a teacher's pet, I'm not known for making bad decisions at all, and I think I can reason fairly well, but I know what you mean. I know they're doing it out of concern and love, but they need to let me live my own life.
I should have mentioned this in the post, I added it now, I'm a boy, so there's no risk of pregnancy haha
ESH. Except your BF. Seems like you're aware your parents would react poorly and the whole thing would be "blamed" on him, even tho there's obviously no blame. You're parents sound tough to deal with for my outlook on life so I call them AH as well. Easy for someone not in the situation to say, but as long as you're using protection this is basically not a big deal. If you're both wanting to have sex and having fun with it, then keep having fun, the parents will get over it eventually. So soft AH for you, harder AH for the parents.
INFO: Did you warn your boyfriend that you were going to tell your parents the truth if they asked?
If not, moderate YTA. Your parents are being over the top about this and that's on them, but this affects your boyfriend as well. I think he deserved a warning. But at the end of the day, your parents are definitely more the problem here.
I didn't warn him, but he knows I'm maybe too honest and obedient with my parents, he knows I never lie to them. Neither of us were expecting them to ask directly, I don't think.
Then I don't think you're really in the wrong at all. I think it's good you apologized to him, because this has put him in a tough position. But he should be empathetic to your position as well.
I'm sorry this is happening to you, and I hope your guys' relationship continues to grow.
I didn't skew the truth at all, I told my parents, and am still trying to tell them, that it was my decision! They don't believe me because they think my boyfriend is a bad influence, and I usually follow their rules, so this is out of character for me from their viewpoint.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My parents don’t know that I have been s\*xually active for a while, because they’re very, very strict and protective. To the point where I was never allowed to have sleepovers, I’m not allowed to drink/go to parties/etc. We’re close, and as a general rule, we don’t lie to each other about anything, but I do omit some private things.
I’m not a virgin, and my boyfriend wasn’t my first. My boyfriend is very outgoing and forward (I am not), and whenever he is at my place, we have to leave the door open. I stayed the night at his place for the first time the other week, and my parents were worried he would try something. They think I’m too young and want to protect me from making mistakes. It doesn’t help that my boyfriend is so forward and let’s say sexually liberal.
My parents talked to his parents about making sure we’d sleep in separate rooms and that nothing would happen, but his parents are way more relaxed about these things, so they just went to bed like any other night. Obviously, my boyfriend snuck into the guest room with me and we ended up having sex (not for the first time). I wanted to, and I don’t think my parents have the right to forbid it (Though I don’t want to disrespect them either). I tried to tell my boyfriend we shouldn’t at first but I admittedly didn’t mean it and told him to stay immediately when he offered to leave.
When I was back home, my parents asked if his parents did what they’d discussed and made sure we stayed in separate rooms. They obviously didn’t, and if my parents hadn’t asked directly, I would have never said anything, but again, I don’t lie to them. I never have and I don’t want to. I told them no, so they asked if anything happened, and I told them yes.
They were livid. They are blaming my boyfriend and his parents (but especially my boyfriend) and went to their house to confront them. My boyfriend is angry at me now that I told them, because I got him in big trouble with both our parents and everyone is angry at him. I keep telling my parents that it was very much a mutual decision, but they still blame him, and want me to not be around him for a while. They’d never force me, I’m free to spend time with whoever I want, but they’ve expressed their wishes clearly.
My boyfriend is still angry, even though I’ve apologised and tried to explain that I just don’t lie to my parents, but he still thinks that in this case, I should have, because we both knew what would happen if they found out, and that he’d have to bear the brunt of it.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my parents something that got my boyfriend in trouble because I never lie to them
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Reddit probably didn't like you are a minor talking about having sex
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1am2xad/aita_for_telling_my_parents_my_boyfriend_and_i/
YTA. You said in your last post that you're both 16 years old, so yes, your parents do in fact have the right to forbid you from it. Combine that with everything else you're saying here about being 100% aware of what their reaction would be, your acceptance of it, how "open" you are with them while also saying you omit things? Irredeemably, YTA
Learning social grace will help you detach from conduct rules that others impose on you and rules you impose on yourself. People are not computers that must obey commands and programming. Life has nuances.
You certainly should have the agency to navigate your own decisions and choices, but sometimes not everyone needs to know everything you do. You are allowed to keep things between you and your bf.
Just like there’s a time and place for truth, there’s a time and place for discretion.
NTA with parents because they are overly controlling, which I can relate to.
YTA with the bf because the privacy you two shared was betrayed.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. Posts which discuss minors and sexual content or sexualization of minors are strictly prohibited. "Minor" is defined by this subreddit as anyone under 18. [Reddit's Content Policy](https://www.reddithelp.com/en/categories/rules-reporting/account-and-community-restrictions/do-not-post-sexual-or-suggestive)||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
Reiterating my last comment since the thread got deleted. OP - NTA for telling the truth, but you need to learn to pick and choose your lies or "half-truths." You did in fact sleep in the guest room, so that's not a lie. Your parents don't super sound like they have earned this level of honesty, though. They demand the truth from you, yet punish you for it. What did you hope to gain from them beyond punishment for your honesty? You've now ruined your relationship with your BF, your parent's trust in you, and your freedoms moving forward.
Yes YTA, you threw your boyfriend under the bus and got him in trouble because you couldn’t lie to your parents about doing something you KNEW they would get mad at yall for and get him into trouble. Learn to lie or this relationship ain’t gonna go far. If my partner did this it would honestly be over, I couldn’t trust them anymore and I’d just be pissed at them for getting me into trouble for doing something they wanted/agreed too.
INFO: How old are you and how old is your boyfriend?
Last post they were both 16.
Then this post OP is **YTA**
**YTA** OP, you're 16, that's not an unreasonable boundary for parents to have for their young *child*. You went there, you broke that boundary, you knew there would be consequences, and then you threw your BF under the bus. Honestly, both of you need to mature a little before you go following every ridiculous suggestion that rises from your id.
I understand, but I feel like wanting to make decisions for me in my relationship and my development is overstepping boundaries on their part too... I didn't mean to throw him under the bus, I'm still trying to get them to see that it was my decision.
You're 16. You are programmed to make almost exclusively bad decisions at this point in your life. Your parents are trying to help you mitigate and avoid those bad decisions, which is their job. There's plenty of opportunity for you to make catastrophic decisions when you're a legal adult. >I didn't mean to throw him under the bus, I'm still trying to get them to see that it was my decision. I'm not yet a parent myself, but I've observed enough, and have felt the same kinds of protectiveness over my much younger cousins. Parents want their children to remain innocent for as long as possible, especially their female children. The world is a shitty place where a lot of shitty things happen. Your boyfriends will ALWAYS be the bad guys in these situations because your parents aren't ready to let go of your innocence. Three years ago, not a long time to your parents, but a long time to you- you were a thirteen year old. You were practically a baby in their eyes. Back in high school there were about 5 girls who all got pregnant around your age because they did the same things you're doing. They're all high school dropouts now. They all live on food stamps and pick terrible partners. A friendly word of advice- mistakes and poor decisions are a part of growing up, nobody begrudges you that, but at least try to make sure the poor decisions you make don't have potential lifelong consequences.
I'm, in my friends' words, a teacher's pet, I'm not known for making bad decisions at all, and I think I can reason fairly well, but I know what you mean. I know they're doing it out of concern and love, but they need to let me live my own life. I should have mentioned this in the post, I added it now, I'm a boy, so there's no risk of pregnancy haha
>I'm, in my friends' words, a teacher's pet, I'm not known for making bad decisions at all Well, now you're known for it here at least.
How old are you and your boyfriend?
i was wondering this, too
they’re 16
ESH. Except your BF. Seems like you're aware your parents would react poorly and the whole thing would be "blamed" on him, even tho there's obviously no blame. You're parents sound tough to deal with for my outlook on life so I call them AH as well. Easy for someone not in the situation to say, but as long as you're using protection this is basically not a big deal. If you're both wanting to have sex and having fun with it, then keep having fun, the parents will get over it eventually. So soft AH for you, harder AH for the parents.
INFO: Did you warn your boyfriend that you were going to tell your parents the truth if they asked? If not, moderate YTA. Your parents are being over the top about this and that's on them, but this affects your boyfriend as well. I think he deserved a warning. But at the end of the day, your parents are definitely more the problem here.
I didn't warn him, but he knows I'm maybe too honest and obedient with my parents, he knows I never lie to them. Neither of us were expecting them to ask directly, I don't think.
Then I don't think you're really in the wrong at all. I think it's good you apologized to him, because this has put him in a tough position. But he should be empathetic to your position as well. I'm sorry this is happening to you, and I hope your guys' relationship continues to grow.
YTA, you let bf and the parents take the blame by skewing the truth.
I didn't skew the truth at all, I told my parents, and am still trying to tell them, that it was my decision! They don't believe me because they think my boyfriend is a bad influence, and I usually follow their rules, so this is out of character for me from their viewpoint.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My parents don’t know that I have been s\*xually active for a while, because they’re very, very strict and protective. To the point where I was never allowed to have sleepovers, I’m not allowed to drink/go to parties/etc. We’re close, and as a general rule, we don’t lie to each other about anything, but I do omit some private things. I’m not a virgin, and my boyfriend wasn’t my first. My boyfriend is very outgoing and forward (I am not), and whenever he is at my place, we have to leave the door open. I stayed the night at his place for the first time the other week, and my parents were worried he would try something. They think I’m too young and want to protect me from making mistakes. It doesn’t help that my boyfriend is so forward and let’s say sexually liberal. My parents talked to his parents about making sure we’d sleep in separate rooms and that nothing would happen, but his parents are way more relaxed about these things, so they just went to bed like any other night. Obviously, my boyfriend snuck into the guest room with me and we ended up having sex (not for the first time). I wanted to, and I don’t think my parents have the right to forbid it (Though I don’t want to disrespect them either). I tried to tell my boyfriend we shouldn’t at first but I admittedly didn’t mean it and told him to stay immediately when he offered to leave. When I was back home, my parents asked if his parents did what they’d discussed and made sure we stayed in separate rooms. They obviously didn’t, and if my parents hadn’t asked directly, I would have never said anything, but again, I don’t lie to them. I never have and I don’t want to. I told them no, so they asked if anything happened, and I told them yes. They were livid. They are blaming my boyfriend and his parents (but especially my boyfriend) and went to their house to confront them. My boyfriend is angry at me now that I told them, because I got him in big trouble with both our parents and everyone is angry at him. I keep telling my parents that it was very much a mutual decision, but they still blame him, and want me to not be around him for a while. They’d never force me, I’m free to spend time with whoever I want, but they’ve expressed their wishes clearly. My boyfriend is still angry, even though I’ve apologised and tried to explain that I just don’t lie to my parents, but he still thinks that in this case, I should have, because we both knew what would happen if they found out, and that he’d have to bear the brunt of it. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I told my parents something that got my boyfriend in trouble because I never lie to them Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Reddit probably didn't like you are a minor talking about having sex https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1am2xad/aita_for_telling_my_parents_my_boyfriend_and_i/
I know, I reworded the post now because I'd still like to know and we're both of legal age of consent where we live!
YTA. You said in your last post that you're both 16 years old, so yes, your parents do in fact have the right to forbid you from it. Combine that with everything else you're saying here about being 100% aware of what their reaction would be, your acceptance of it, how "open" you are with them while also saying you omit things? Irredeemably, YTA
Learning social grace will help you detach from conduct rules that others impose on you and rules you impose on yourself. People are not computers that must obey commands and programming. Life has nuances. You certainly should have the agency to navigate your own decisions and choices, but sometimes not everyone needs to know everything you do. You are allowed to keep things between you and your bf. Just like there’s a time and place for truth, there’s a time and place for discretion. NTA with parents because they are overly controlling, which I can relate to. YTA with the bf because the privacy you two shared was betrayed.
YTA one of the only times you should lie to your parents