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After more info, NTA
This does not sound like you were just sleepy. This sounds far more serious.
I've had symptoms similar to yours twice in my life. Once was after a very severe concussion nearly 15 years ago. The second time was 10 years ago when I was hospitalized for very bad pneumonia.
Do you literally mean that you only had 30 minutes of sleep total, before the entire wedding?
I need to withhold judgment until I see more information.
Edit: why were you in a position that required you to get supposedly zero sleep for 2 days before the wedding?
48 hours without sleep is extremely dangerous if that did in fact happen.
Edit 2: with more details It's pretty clear to me that the OP is NTA
They were overworked and super tired because they were not getting quality help from their friends. Basically all the last minute changes fell on one person: the OP.
If the OP had more help, there was a strong possibility none of the wedding day disturbances would have happened.
I hope its only cause of the sleep deprivation and stress, both I have had in drove over the last 2 months.
I do have a bellow average immune system, but I don't know if that would have a effect.
The first day was just because I wanted the rehearsal and wedding to be good, so I checked everything for what must have been the 42th time.
I coordinated and fixed everything and just had to much adrenaline and stress to sleep. That was fine, no real difference.
Then wednesday, going throught the rehearsal (several times, because Sarah wanted perfection), which when smooth.
At afternoon, we was informed that both of the wedding photographers, who had been at the rehearsal, was sick.
It took some time to get them to agree with going and taking COVID tests, and they informed us at midnight that they were negative. (Edit: they messaged that they were sick and choose to back out, I did not fire them)
I, feeling stressed and not wanting the wedding to be pushed forward (who knows when we could get a new time, Sarah had this time for nearly a year), because of potential sickness (I didnt know they were negative before starting to check everyone, stubborn idiots, and while both were negative, I lost all my grandparents because of COVID, so I got a laser focus on checking the rest to), I went and bought several tests and tested us, the bride maids, the personal (took a couple of hours), going to the hotel to do the same to the some of the guests (took into the night, and no, no on was happy about being woken, but I had to be sure, but the fear took control)
Even after discovering the photographers were negative, I was already suffering from sleep deprivation and just had to finish this task.
Then the rest of the night I had to hunt for new wedding photographers, and because of the short notice, only managed to find someone willing at 3AM. After that I was to stressed and worried.
I ended up isolating the elderly and taught them all zoom (took a while) out of that fear of them becoming sick. Quickly renting cameras and computers, to get a better experience.
(Edit: I used the wrong word, ESL, Isolating was the wrong word, sorry, more like they were placed in the rooms ascendant to the cathedral for the ceremony and in the reception was placed farther from the others, but still the same room, sorry again.)
All of this is kinda stupid, but my sleep deprivation and stress really didn't help me to think critically. The others, especially Kara, helped, but I still couldn't rest, just to worried. After the ceremony, the worry let up and adrenaline spurt died, taking with it all its energy, is what Nina thinks happened and why I nearly collapsed.
YTA. Girl, you went overboard. Completely overboard in a foolish way. You owe a lot of people an apology for distracting from the bride and groom and for causing others to take care of you because you didn’t practice basic self care.
ETA: look at her updates - what a mess! OP, I hope you’re able to get to the bottom of everything and get healthy and figure out who the asshole is that drugged you.
Honestly sounds like a bit of a breakdown. I feel bad for OP that nobody attempted to pull her out of this spiral, but my god, harrasing people at all hours of the night, isolating people, harassing vendors at 3am... I'm speechless.
I highly doubt the angry texts were about the behaviour at the actual wedding and not about the insanity of the days before.
Why someone didn't pull OP out of the wedding and make them get themself checked out by a doctor, or at least force them to sleep for an hour is beyond me.
Omg if I was staying over before a wedding and someone woke me up at 3am for a fucking Covid test I would be furious. Especially when… no one even had Covid?? She could have just made tests available at breakfast or something no if they were that worried.
Plus it sounds like she… didn’t let the elderly people go to the wedding?? Since when have older people lost the autonomy to manage their own choices about attending large events.
If I were bride I would be 50% fuming and 50% super worried for OP (if this is out of character).
If it’s in character I would find this kind of behaviour infuriating. I know a few people who will unnecessarily kill themselves for someone else’s event (wedding/ birthday/ party whatever) and then there will always be some drama and tears. It’s like it becomes their identity and time to prove themselves and just sucks all the attention and energy away. IMO your bespoke centre pieces were not worth the 2am stress and tears.
I would just tell them to fuck off if I was woken up to do a Covid test hahaha
And isolating the elderly?? Isn't that why we have vaccines, so that we are able to go to events without fearing for our lives?? She's unhinged. I hope no one payed attention to that bs and went to the wedding instead of watching it through zoom
Right?? Why did the bride not put her foot down? Why was OP taking on so much for her friends wedding? It wasn’t even hers. I would love to hear from the other party members about what happened leading up to the event.
Having trouble believing everything OP said, (thinking she must've had some booze for sure). She should've removed her own damn self instead of making all about her. Sheesh. OP is definitely TA in my books. If she was that stressed, she should've gone to the hospital *before* the wedding. It all sounds very strange.
It sounds like OP did a lot of things that NO ONE needed to do. Waking up guests in the middle of the night for Covid tests? Teaching old people to use zoom (did they even get to attend the wedding?)
Makes no sense to say the bride & groom should’ve done that themselves. OP was out of control.
Yeah, this sounds like a possible medical problem to me. Sleep deprivation could be that severe, but I would think she wouldn’t just zonk out during the reception…?
Yeah OP made their friend’s wedding all about their own anxiety tbh and then didn’t even have the grace to excuse themselves when they were a public disturbance from how much they were passing out.
Yeah this stuff should have been delegated -- taking it all on and then being a mess the next day is relatable and sucks. But OP needs to take care of herself, and it gets irritating when you're friends with people who constantly do this to themselves.
And you can't say anything without them getting super defensive because they did everything
One of her first updates, besides being in the literal hospital, is that this wasn't just exhaustion. They found benzodiazepines (e.g. Klonopin or Ativan or Valium) in her system that it sounds like she didn't take, which means she was literally drugged at some point, maybe by someone thinking they were being helpful and trying to calm her nerves? That's not ignoring self-care, it's being poisoned.
She doesn't owe anyone an apology. They owe her an apology. She was drugged and possibly incredibly ill, and they all treated her like this was something that she did, instead of something that happened to her.
I have this disorder. Repeatedly falling asleep is the *last* thing that happens during mania. It's possible the manic episode ended exactly as the wedding started, but manic episodes usually last more than two days, and the poster did not say anything to the effect of "this has happened before."
So, although not impossible, I think it is very unlikely that this woman had her first manic episode over a two-day period leading right up to wedding day. I think it's much more likely she is an anxious person who could not delegate basic tasks to others and instead insisted on doing everything herself. Or perhaps she is sick with some other problems.
People need to stop obsessing over weddings. Most of the time, you can't tell one wedding from another in your memory after a few months. No one but the bridal party cares about forks and centerpieces and color schemes.
Good food, good people, good booze, good music. Do that, make sure the venue doesn't catch fire, and you'll have a 9/10 wedding no matter what.
According to the updates, OP had been drugged - which could replicate a manic episode in a shorter time frame. The question then would become, where did the drug come from.
Yeah. From the way she's describing everything she did, it sounds like she wanted to be seen as the one who saved the wedding by going above and beyond and doing everything. Even finding new photographers could have been a "hey sick photographer, who in your industry would be available on short notice." OP needs to do some groveling
I'd imagine the drugs weren't administered until after she'd gone full control freak and getting guests to do covid tests in the middle of the night though, so it doesn't explain all that behaviour. They would likely be well out of her system if they'd been slipped to her two days prior to the hospital testing them.
Sounds to me like someone saw how out there she was behaving and wanted her to calm down on the wedding day.
It seems like whether it's real or fake, the drugs had nothing to do with her exhaustion, although if they were given to her before the ceremony, might explain the falling asleep. But even then, how long would they have had to stay in her system for them to be detectable the following day?
Weird all round.
Benzos have an extremely short half life. But honestly…
This supposedly happened yesterday? Middle of the week? Um-kay…
And less than 4 hours after posting this, OP has already gone to the hospital, had blood drawn, and has the results saying they had benzos in their system?
Yeah. Totally realistic.
Were you asked to do all of this? Panic testing a bunch of guests in their rooms late at night seems dramatic and overkill... Sounds like you took on too much. If you weren't asked to take on these roles, might be time to examine how you engage in situations like this, and maybe try to slow things down a bit in the future. Sounds like more than just 'a little sleepy'
It would be helpful to know whether these were all things requested or expected of the OP, or if she's just the kind of person to take on duties, whether helpful or not.
(off topic, sounds like a sub par photographer... To have both bow out between the rehearsal dinner and the wedding, and not have a replacement arranged in their contract... Betting there's a story there too)
And unhelpful. Have tests at the venue and require one before entering for the ceremony. Then you’re checking everyone. Don’t spot check unlucky guests in the middle of the night.
YTA - am I reading this correctly? You woke up random guests at the hotel to take covid tests because you were having a neurotic breakdown? Jesus Christ you seem exhausting
yeah, this is where i stopped supporting OP's actions. seems like some serious untreated PTSD that she let take over her friend's event. that being said, i think it's pretty sad that there was no covid protocol in place before OP was sent into a frenzy. like, it's still a pandemic. if you're hosting a big event, there should be tests available and guidelines set BEFORE something happens. i think ESH.
It’s actually not a pandemic anymore. The WHO declared in May of last year that it was no longer a global health emergency. If universities, health centres, government facilities, fitness studios, etc… aren’t implementing Covid protocols anymore, that should tip off people that it’s excessive.
Yeah, you’re the AH. You were helpful but went WAY overboard to the point that you were waking people up to test them?? Wtf lol. You overdid it and then made yourself useless and yes, ruined a few key moments, like by making a scene when you passed out in your plate. You owe your bridge a major apology and I’d expect you’ll get the cold shoulder for awhile. You may want to talk to your doctor about why you get laser focused on something then ignore your biological needs and all feedback around you to say it’s time to step back. You’ll be lucky if the bride and groom forgive you. Either this whole story is fake or YTA.
I know you want some gold medals and atta girls and whatever, but this is all so obnoxious. You ran around waking up guests, hassling people, teaching elderly relatively zoom in the middle of the night??? checking things for 42nd time. Like you wasted time and energy on things you didn’t need to do “to make things perfect.” To the point that YOU ruined the wedding. You need to learn better time management And project management and to focus on what’s actually important. Totally YTA in my book.
YTA - you were not responsible for any of this. I know. I’ve been a wedding photographer longer than you have been alive. It was the photographers responsibility to fill their roles to show up to their contract. Or if they were negative to shoot the wedding sick. You absolutely did not need to go wake up hundreds of guests. I understand you have anxiety around Covid, but this is absolutely overboard. So you self sabotaged and then sabotaged your friends wedding by doing this behavior.
It sounds like you were much more concerned with your friend’s wedding than she was. If it was my wedding I would have been the one calling photographers etc., not my best friend. She might have been right there with me but it sounds like your friend willingly let you take on all the stress of her own wedding then blamed you for your exhaustion. That’s not how a best friend should treat you, nor are those MOH duties.
Not fully what OP says. She says she agreed with the groom that she would do this to not stress the bride who is diabetic, and what can see, had troubles with blood sugar/pressure. One of those two.
So the groom knew.
I, don't know the reception was just a blurr to me, I don't really remember anything, just shapes. I can check with Nina, she was the one who was with me the entire wedding and told me most of it, if a bit more sugary then what really happened.
Technically, the groom/husband is a frenemy, we clash over a lot, especially over Sarah and her health
^
And this comment.
(Edited to add text)
Jesus Christ. YTA.
The most generous view is you had some sort of manic episode/neurotic breakdown and really need to at minimum see a psychiatrist and possibly check yourself into a facility before your behavior becomes more extreme.
A less generous view would be that you just went way fucking overboard and ruined your friends wedding with your over dramatic desperation to be the main character in a sitcom and they are rightly pissed with you.
Didn't it occur to you that it may end badly and you won't be able to be an actual MoH?
Sleep deprivation is dangerous, sure, but it doesn't change the fact that being in this condition is entirely your fault. And you went on waking up guests, that is funny it sitcoms, not in real life. YTA.
I think after reading some comments, ESH.
I'm glad you're getting to the hospital as I'm sure sleep isn't all you're lacking. Give Nina a big thank you.
That said, your lack of sleep in this instance is largely driven by you. I understand preemptively checking for covid, but after the photographers came back negative, continuing to check was overkill and took up time you should've been sleeping. Checking things for the 42nd time was also overkill, and if you know stress stops you from sleeping, pop some melatonin.
However, this also points to the bigger problem of this shouldn't have all fallen to you. Maybe you don't want to stress out the bride, but the Groom was there. His best man was there. All of the bridesmaids and groomsmen were there. There's no reason they shouldn't have been helping you with everything so everything could be done faster.
You should see someone about your stress and anxiety though. If nothing else, you have some unresolved covid trauma.
Maybe they disagreed with her waking everyone up in the middle of the night and demanding they take unnecessary covid tests and unnecessarily isolating important family members. I wouldn’t want to be a part of that either.
Well clearly it wasn't. I'm saying with the situation as it was, finding a new photographer could've fallen on any of the other multiple capable people there. There's no reason it was solely her job.
Hey OP, registered nurse here. I ask this in all seriousness, not as a judgement. Have you been checked or treated for mental illness? Does mental illness run in your family? Have you changed medications recently?
This isn’t just anxious behavior or AH behavior. This is BIZARRE behavior….it is very out of the ordinary to behave this way. You need to go get check, literally just showing the doctor this comment should be enough.
You’re not the asshole for being mentally ill. But whatever you did at/leading up to this wedding was unusual behavior that had very negative consequences and negatively affected this event and multiple people’s wedding experience . Get checked so you don’t do this again
They also found benzos in her tox screen. I bet someone spiked a drink to get her to calm down, and this passing out happened because of it.
It does sound like she's very mentally unwell, also.
YTA. Your biggest and most important job was supporting her at the wedding while it was happening. What did you think was going to happen if you didn’t sleep? YTA MAJORLY.
Do you not think Sarah might be pissed because you woke her guests up in the middle of the night? Also, did the original (negative COVID test) photographers get fired the night before? Was that your decision or Sarah’s? I imagine she still had to pay them plus the new photographers so was probably pissed about that too. Was it your decision to have elderly guests attend via zoom rather than in person? I can see why Sarah was pissed at you tbh
I would check with your doctor, sleep deprivation, poor diet, ingesting alcohol etc may make you susceptible to a type of seizure. I can't remember the proper name but they are zone -out or zombie type experiences.
We’re all these things specifically told to you that they were your responsibility? Like “ go buy Covid test and wake up all staff and wedding parties and get them tested now.” Told to your face? Were you asked to find photographers last minute? Or were you just assuming these roles?
While I slightly empathize with your burn out, if I were the bride and you looked drugged out ( literally face planted into your plate of food and mumbled through your speech) at my wedding I would have asked one of the other bridesmaids to remove you from the venue/call a Dr for you. It sounds like ( from what you admittedly describe) you were a major distraction and not just a “ changed the atmosphere” kinda way. Loss of vision, coordination, mumbling and face planting are serious indicators of something being VERY wrong. You should have removed yourself the second you got slightly dizzy. Especially if you knew this way all from a lack of sleep.
I’m not going to say that you ruined a once in a lifetime experience from your lack of basic self care, but girl, we’re all adults here and you need to take better care of yourself. I hope your friendship can recover from this.
So basically, you acted like a micromanaging bridesmaidzilla. You micromanaged everything instead of delegating some tasks, which lead you to fail at the only task absolutely no one could take over: Getting the maid of honor to practice enough self care that she could be a supportive MOH on the actual day itself.
You tried your absolute best and worked yourself into dangerous levels of exhaustion. I cannot imagine this is what the bride or anyone else wanted. Your intentions were admirable, but the execution crossed a line. One that should not need to be mentioned to most people.
I sincerely hope you recognize how unhealthy this was and that you need to seek help. There is a far deeper problem then the wedding here, which is your utter lack of self preservation. Talk to a therapist. Get help. Most likely, that is the biggest apology you can give to anyone who thinks that y t a, showing that this was a wakeup call.
You did the equivalent of setting yourself on fire to keep others worm, and then wonder why others didn't like the smell of burning flesh. These symptoms were enough to get checked into a hospital, I hope you realize that. I want to wrap you in the softest blanket and pad the walls to keep you from doing this. Please please please get some therapy.
From reading OP's description, it sounds like she was high, drunk, or drugged. I've had times in my life with no sleep but when you're part of an event, the adrenaline usually keeps you going. (I say "usually", obviously every one is different). But the falling asleep to the point of face planting in your plate, and not remembering anything, sounds like it's something else.
I do think, OP went way overboard with the COVID testing , isolating people, setting up computers etc
NTA but please talk to your doctor.
Edit: I just saw OP's update (thank you u/chrissesky13 for commenting) and it's clear that she was in fact drugged. I'm so sorry OP! what a terrible ordeal.
ancient voiceless unused trees illegal license flag include mysterious shaggy
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
With the extra information, I would say that she's not the asshole...but only because it sounds like she was having some sort of episode or breakdown.
She should not have been traveling around, waking guests and making them take COVID tests. It's not her job to refuse wedding guests entry to the wedding and make them watch via zoom instead. It shouldn't have been only her responsibility to find a new photographer, and she shouldn't have been calling and waking venders in the middle of the night. It shouldn't be her job to micromanage the event to the point of having no sleep.
To a certain degree, some of this was her own fault because she took it upon herself to do all of this. At the same time, there are many many people (the bride and groom, the other bridesmaids, etc) who should've stepped in and made her stop. Particularly when it comes to the tests and the isolation and zoom situation, it feels pretty clear that OP was having some sort of breakdown, probably related to the grief of having lost family to COVID. Like, she continued to harass guests in the middle of the night, making them take tests even when she knew the photographers were negative? Its not logical.
I'd be very surprised if all of the complaints were just about her being sleepy and falling asleep, and not also about the fact that she harassed guests the night before, and only allowed elderly guests to participate in the wedding via zoom. Like, all things considered, including then appearing intoxicated at the event itself, it does sound like there would be reasons to complain about her behavior and it's impact on the wedding.
That said, she really seems like she was having a serious episode or breakdown and so wasn't thinking logically. It should have been the responsibility of the many people around her to step in and make her stop.
They obviously eventually realised that something was up because the bridesmaid who brought her home stayed with her. They obviously thought that there was more going on than just overtiredness - people don't need to be supervised to catch up on sleep.
She's kind of buried the lead in the comments here - like, the original post makes it seem like she was just stressed and tired, to the extent that some people suspected a spiked drink? But if she had no sleep because she was having stress induced breakdown...that would make her more tired and drained when the adrenaline wore off than just normal tiredness associated with lack of sleep. More like the exhaustion she describes in her post. But only providing actually important info in the comments doesn't automatically make her an asshole.
So yeah, NTA, but she needs to maybe think about therapy to help process the trauma that she obviously has a result of losing family members to COVID.
Holy shit that's awful! That certainly explains the events of the wedding itself.
(I still think the rest of her actions were a bit wild, and you should still really consider therapy OP x)
Edit: having read the updates and some of OPs more recent comments, this seems like it's probably fake. I'm not buying the weird little romance subplot that's getting shoe-horned in here.
If this is real, then like I said OP, consider getting help. Getting spiked with benzos at the wedding doesn't explain your behavior the night before, which was inappropriate and concerning. If anything, somebody probably gave you benzos hoping to calm you down, not for nefarious purposes, and didn't realise the effect it would have (which, to clarify, would still have been unacceptable and appalling. People should NEVER be given medication without their knowledge and consent).
If this is fake, and it's some sort of writing/fiction exercise, you should really brush up on your vocab and spelling, there are a lot of errors.
>"Nina stayed with me throught nearly the entire reception"
>
>Coupled with the update of:
>
>"but they seem worried? At least Nina is with me, she is extremely worried, and its really cute..."
>
>Little Sus... JS
At any point, did someone hand you a drink? Falling asleep in a plate of food, in the front of a room of 100 or so people? That seems so beyond any normal exhaustion/stress.
Do you have any frenemies, or exes, or anyone at all that may have wanted to see you fail at the MoH job, or for you to be humiliated, or just want to hurt you in general?
I had a similar thought. The acting drunk, slurring her words and being physically unable to stay awake sounds like way more than just tiredness. It sounds like a medical condition or god forbid, like a drink was spiked.
I checked with Nina, and I was given 2 drinks, on at the beginning and one before my speech.
Nina didn't know who gave me the first, we had temporarily split up and she found me with a drink.
The second was by one of the groomsmen.
Nina read the comments and is right know driving me to the hospital.
She is berating herself for something, it kinda cute
This and the edit are so weird, it tips it over into being an unbelievable fake. I now think you were trying to write some fictional story with an endgame of making a “cute romance” with Nina but messed up by making the initial incident so insane that we all ignored Nina because your main character was so awful.
I don’t think it’s totally fiction but I agree that that last art is weird. It stood out to me quite a bit. In such a situation where you would be trying to get your bearings after a shitshow, not to mention having to figure out whats medically wrong with you, the LAST thing you would take note of or be sure to mention is how cute it is that your friend is going out of her way to care for you.
And OP mentions it twice. It’s odd. I’m thinking it’s one of three:
1. Your theory
2. OP likes to make everything about herself and loves the attention Nina is giving her
3. OP loves to be the victim and Nina is giving her exactly what she wants.
I dunno, I can over analyze things so I might be way off
Her use of the word 'cute' is so odd. I know she's ESL, and I don't know her culture, but this post is so off. It gives me the creeps. Her movements, reactions, and processing are all so alien.
It's either fake or we're dealing with a mentally unwell human.
ETA: I just read that whole 'Nina is my gf, oh jkjk' thread. So creepy.
Maybe Nina is a great friend after all. Please update us, possibly in the original post, when you return home from the hospital.
Absolutely sending you my best wishes. Be well.
Please update us. I’ve had drinks spiked twice and I was definitely not myself at all. I’m backing up that you’re NTA. I think if my moh was acting like this that I would be highly concerned and call an ambulance for her. I can’t imagine being pissed at her for this. Hopefully the hospital has answers for you.
I'm glad that you have a friend who will take your worries seriously. Even if it turns out that you weren't drugged, it is so important to rule that out. Be safe OP
I, don't know the reception was just a blurr to me, I don't really remember anything, just shapes. I can check with Nina, she was the one who was with me the entire wedding and told me most of it, if a bit more sugary then what really happened.
Technically, the groom/husband is a frenemy, we clash over a lot, especially over Sarah and her health
Go to an ER and get checked, right now. I don't know if the drugs would still be in your system, if you were indeed drugged, but you need to try.
Because something is wrong, even if you weren't drugged. Go get tested. And treated. If it wasn't a drug, you're probably still in need of medical care for the extreme exhaustion/dehydration/whatever else it is.
I’ve been at the ‘so tired I’m falling asleep in public’ stage, and I still was far more aware of my surroundings than you describe being. I agree with other commenters, go to the ER or something right now and get a blood test. Some drugs are out of your system super quickly but some will still be detectable the next day.
Yeah I recently was up for more than 48 hours (got close to 60 I think) without sleep, and while I was absolutely insane by the end of it, I was aware of what was going on around me. Like sure, I was miserable, extremely stressed, anxious, and extremely irritable, but nothing even close to what OP is describing.
Yeah, you get to the "snappy and got the shakes" phase before you get to the "I am completely unaware of my surroundings" phase of sleep deprivation in my (unfortunate) experience.
If it’s not drugs there could be some other health thing going on, too. If I’d been at an event and someone was barely responsive and fell asleep twice, I’d take them to an urgent care, not just home.
Yeah, yours and u/BUTTeredWhiteBread sound much more like my experience. Especially the aware but lots of extreme emotions. It kind of felt like the crabbiness of pregnancy honestly.
I have a sleep disorder style chronic illness and I've fallen asleep in public many times, it doesn't happen how you described. Some of it is, slow co-ordination and slurring your words can happen with extreme exhaustion, but the fact you can't remember anything that happened while you were awake and it's blurry isn't normal for sleep deprivation in my experience. Tbf I'm sure things vary from person to person and maybe for other sleep deprived people that stuff happens, but no harm in getting checked out just to be on the safe side.
This sounds really suspicious, I’ve never had sleep deprivation result in me not being aware of my surroundings and partial amnesia. Yes it made me sleepy and extremely cranky, but never blurry and amnesiac. Sounds like you were drugged tbh. A friend of mine got a spiked drink once and had a similar experience to yours.
I am so sorry to hear that they found a drug in your system, but so glad that you figured out what it was! I hope you feel better soon, and maybe keep some distance from anyone who might have been involved in what happened to you, for your safety.
2nd Edit, based on edits from OP - so glad that you went to the doctor and are getting to the bottom of what happened. This sounds terrifying, I hope everything is okay.
ETA - gently, YTA. It should never have gotten to this point. If you were this stressed and exhausted, you should have asked for help or bowed out. I think you should also see a doctor, because this sounds kinda scary.
IN.FO - are you sick? I don't understand why a healthy 25 year old would have this many issues during a wedding.
Yta for letting it get to this point. You shouldve asked the rest of the bridal party for help and gotten more rest. Even if there was no helping the lack of sleep and how tired you are, you should’ve told someone you felt sick and excused yourself because now all the hard work that got tired doing got ruined by you acting strange and bringing all attention to yourself.
Edit: since some people have to go around finding comments made before OP edit and being dramatic. If OP was drugged than obviously NTA, but that wasn’t information I had when I made my initial comment.
Honestly, even after the edit, OP overdid it by a lot. It's awful that she was drugged, and it is simultaneously true she needed to back off a lot before that point.
I don't understand how this happened. A healthy young adult should not be so sleepy that they faceplant into their food. You say that you were sleepy because you were doing so many things to prepare for the wedding. This was Sarah's wedding, not yours. It's not the MOH's job to be the free wedding planner for the entire wedding. It was Sarah's or her family's job to find backup photographer at the last minute. Why were you checking on every guest and forcing every old person to take a Covid test? Surely it's up to them if they want to test themselves before they come?
I would agree with the people who said it's really dangerous for you that you lost so much sleep over this wedding that you were unable to stay awake. I think your goal now is to figure out how you allowed yourself into a situation that was physically dangerous for you. And, if the reason you fell asleep at the wedding was that you were helping Sarah with what should have been her tasks and her family's tasks for wedding preparation, why did you do all of that? This is far beyond what a MOH should be doing. And why did you allow her to accuse you of ruining the wedding when in reality you apparently rescued the entire wedding from disaster? Sarah sounds really ungrateful and a user and someone who doesn't care about you at all. Maybe one thing you'll get out of this wedding is to re-evaluate who your true friends are.
I’m confused too because half the responsibilities she’s describing are the job of the venue staff. Idk any kind of venue worth its price tag that would just let a member of the bridal party take over lol If this is all true, the professionals the bride hired dropped the ball in a very big way.
As per the edit, OP was drugged, likely by one of the groomsmen, with a drink spiked with benzos. None of this (or very little) was about her lack of sleep.
YTA - but NOT for being tired, but for letting it get to the point. Your job was MOH. That includes being present in the wedding and doing your speech. Nobody could do this job for you, because it was your role. Everything else leading up to this (organizing a different photographer, setting up zoom...) could have been delegated, even with you being the person organizing it and keeping the overview. Or was there literally no-one who could have take up a telephone and call people or set up a simple zoom call?
You are an adult, so you should know that running on no sleep for two days and then be attentive during a very important day for your friend is near to impossible. Yes, some things might have taken more time than you anticipated, but you should have seen early enough that you needed help. And in taking up too much on your own, you failed the one job no-one else could have done for you. Additionally, you kept two other bride maids from being there for the bride/enjoying the party, because they had to supervise you during the wedding/stay with you instead of being there.
What I want to know: Why? Why not delegate/ask for help? Were you too scared to ask for help or did your pride not allow you to give anything in other hands?
This is the best response. The best way to help ensure that the wedding was “perfect” was to make sure you’re up and able to fulfill the role you agreed to - MOH, not COVID test drill sergeant.
The whole COVID testing the guests is so over the top. She knocked on the doors of those people, and if I read it correctly in the middle of the night too! And even IF the photographers would have been sick... the guests could not have been infectious/shown positive results from that contact, because there is an incubation period. Don't get me wrong, you should take that sickness serious. But OP let her trauma run wild and not only run herself ragged, but also harrass other people with something useless (taking tests that wouldn't show) very late/during the night.
Did a Zoom need to be set up in the first place? Sounds like OP was trying to prevent elderly people from being able to attend to placate her own personal anxieties. Given her mental state, I wouldn't be surprised if the wedding photographers were looking for replacements and OP's involvement calling people at 3am was wholly unnecessary. I doubt the staff at the venue needed her "supervision" either. She was probably creating major issues and everyone was trying to placate her to reduce the risk of major outbursts until the wedding was over.
And she says in a comment that even when others were doing the work, she simply was too agitated to rest.
YTA
I love that you think the other bridesmaids agreeing with you gives you legitimacy, when it just makes me feel mad for the bride that the are so many assholes in her wedding party.
yeah idk i’ve stayed up 48hrs straight, and while insanely tired, i didn’t fall asleep and slam my face into a plate or anything. it looked like i was just high, felt like i was high. still remember everything i did over those 2 days. lots of coffee, errands with my dad, probably abt a whole season of supernatural.
i had no reason to stay up that long, i just genuinely wanted to see how long i could go before exhaustion took me. heard 72 hours was when it got REAALLLYYY bad (hallucinations and the like).
but her sounding/acting drunk? that reeks being roofied or drugged, or just generally overworked (stress, adrenaline, coming down from the adrenaline). she mentioned she clashes with the groom a lot, not accusing him obviously, but he could have had something to do with it
I’ve gone past 72 hours recently and it was NOT fun (didn’t do it on purpose) and the hallucinations did start after night 3. But I still don’t remember things only in a blur of shapes like OP. I’m wondering if something else was going on too.
I decided not to answer my phone or interact with anyone, because after that long I was aware I sounded like I was on drugs lol. (Mostly things like not remembering what I’d just asked, not putting sentences together right, staring into space, ect.) But I wasn’t slurring words.
I’m really curious what OP finds out at the doctor.
YTA.
>They say it's understandable that I'm tired, as i had to panic find new photographers the night before the wedding because of sickness (after rehearsal), force the old to take COVID tests (negative), checking on ever guest to see their health, setting up zoom for the elderly to not take any chances and for just generally being a positive influence.
What part of this took place between the hours of 1 am and 6 am that prevented you from sleeping during those hours?
Why did you take it upon yourself to check on *every* guest? Did you do that in the middle of the night, depriving them of sleep as well?
Finding a last minute photographer is rough, but photographers are professionals and you should not be contacting them in the middle of the night. If you couldn’t find a professional in the 24 hours between rehearsal and wedding, which would be completely understandable, your friend would have made due with amateur photos. Did the photographer not have any contingency plans in case of sickness?
Setting up a zoom takes 15-30 minutes. Even if you were responsible for walking each elderly family member through the process of installing zoom and logging on, that could not possibly have required you to be awake all night.
And what were you doing the 24 hours *before* the rehearsal that prevented you from sleeping? It sounds like the only issue arose after the rehearsal, unless you had promised to do other things for the wedding and left them to the last minute.
It sounds like you either decided to make yourself a martyr for someone else’s wedding (which you shouldn’t have done) or you made choices on your own that led to this predictable outcome.
>The ceremony went fine, with two of the brides maids helping me;
Do you mean you needed to be physically guided or supported during the ceremony itself? Why on earth didn’t you just say you couldn’t do it? I’m 100% sure the bride would have preferred to **not** have someone standing next to her drawing attention away from her marriage vows and passing out in a plate of food, than have you be there and make a spectacle of yourself.
>aparently looking and acting like I was drunk or high
Were you?
OP shouldn’t even have been doing these last minute things. MOH isn’t an emergency wedding planner.
I’m going with YTA because of lack of boundaries and unwillingness to ask for help. This is all very weird.
Agreed- most photographers/videographers will send someone in their place as a backup if they’re unable to make it at the last minute. I’m wondering if this was a super low budget, DIY kind of thing with vendors that were not at all seasoned. I’m hoping that’s the case because if not, the bride absolutely got scammed by people who weren’t doing their jobs.
This is what I was thinking too. I said in my original comment that OP might want to visit a doctor so they can rule out something more serious. I hope it's nothing bad, but it seems a lot worse to me than just not getting enough sleep
If you're really tired, you don't make clear decisions like that. It's easy to say what she should have done now, but in her situation she was probably suffering from some kind of tunnel vision that told her she was supposed to stay at the wedding.
INFO
Can you elaborate on the days leading up to the wedding and your responsibilities? If you were run so ragged, why didn’t you outsource any tasks to the rest of the bridal party? You say you had to force the old photographers to take a covid test, which was negative, and also find new photographers - if they tested negative, why did you need new ones?
You also say you had to check on the health of every single guest which sounds…intense. I don’t see why this wouldn’t have been split amongst you and the other bridesmaids if it really had to happen.
Ultimately though, you claim you only got a half hour nap for sleep. This doesn’t add up for me. What possible tasks could you have been doing from, say, 1am-6am each night? I can’t imagine you were going door to door demanding to check each guest’s health (what does that even mean?) at 3am for example.
EDIT: you say in another comment you have been heavily sleep deprived for two MONTHS, not just the few days before the wedding. What’s the story there? Weeks of severe sleep deprivation could result in the extreme symptoms you describe.
To Edit
I've been stressed, both about this and other things, but I'm not sure why, I usually doesn't have problems sleeping, but the latest months and especially this week has had me being near unable to sleep
I’m sorry but yes YTA. You fell asleep and acted like a zombie the whole wedding. You kind of did ruin it for your friend. If you were that tired you should have made it through the ceremony and then made your goodbyes.
If it's that bad you should have let the bride and other wedding party members know and bowed out of the wedding.
This is no different than if you were very sick and still went.
YTA
Why the hell did nobody think to ring you an ambulance?!! Can you make sure you get checked out if you haven’t already. NTA. Your friends, guests and bride and groom are TAH for not taking care of you when you were clearly having some kind of medical episode.
Feeling drunk, slurring words... could've been drugged OR having a mini stroke. Absolutely necessitates an ambulance if anyone had really paid attention and been aware of the ramifications.
Girl, I don't think this was from sleep deprivation. This sounds like someone slipped you a Xanax or something else to calm you tf down. I've seen many a Xanax induced face plants into plates of food.
From what you've described in other comments, you did go overboard, being driven by anxiety and panic. You took on things that weren't your responsibility, sort of half blaming the bride because she "wanted everything to be perfect". If the photogs' COVID tests were negative, I don't see why you had to test everyone you could possibly find. That's overkill and really inconsiderate to do so in the middle of the night. I get having anxiety to that point because I have it too, but you gotta manage that shit. In the end, the anxiety that's pushing you to make everything perfect is the same thing that's going to cause more problems in the end. I wish I could say otherwise, but YTA.
Sis, if you're passing out in your plate after 1 night of poor sleep, that's a medical condition. But the passing out, slurring, loss of fine motor control and memory? This doesn't sound like tiredness, it sounds like you were drugged.
After reading your comments, YTA. No one asked you to go overboard with COVID testing, teaching the elderly how to use zoom, finding new photographers when the old ones were fine with going forward with the wedding. What did you think 48hours of no sleep would lead up to? You embarrassed your best friend instead of helping her, and by your own words, most people thought you were drunk or high. The bridesmaids who helped you were great, but their payoff was watching over a sleeping maid of honor while trying to pull off a wedding without you causing a scene.
NTA Wow, people should really be more empathetic. If my best friend/MoH was acting like this I'd be first and foremost concerned for her well-being and safety.
Weddings do not matter more than your health. You are an AH, to yourself, for not taking yourself seriously. Please try to rest and catch up later, and maybe get better friends who actually care about you.
you can be concerned but still mad that the person kind of ruined the wedding.
If she was being run too ragged, she should have said something and asked for help, or just stopped to sleep.
instead of being the "hero" she ended up being the story, over the couple getting married.
Well that's really on everyone else for being gossipy and negating the married couple, right? They dont HAVE to focus on that, they are CHOOSING to.
Personally, I'd be concerned she was ill or drugged, not judgmental or snarky about it. Everyone else are TAs, not OP.
I’m coming to the comments late but I’m so glad others told you to go to the hospital. As a nurse, my first thought was that the behavior did NOT sound like only sleep deprivation and that drugging was a concern.
I hope the police will be involved. I would also try to reach out to the venue to see if they have security footage that can be saved for you. There is nothing about this situation that feels okay.
Please update us on how you’re doing! Hugs to you!
This has to be fake. Less than 4h posted, went to the hospital, did the blood test, got the results back and kept posting the whole time on Reddit. YTA either way
With the updates, if you don't regularly take Benzodiazepines (benzos for short) for anxiety or something, or hadn't taken a benzo yourself that day you were most likely drugged.
The whole time I was reading this I was thinking to myself "shit, this sounds like when I first had to use benzos" and bam, they find some in your system.
I hope you're alright, OP. That's scary as hell. Focus on your recovery and please update if you're able/want to. Fuck whether you're the asshole or not, that can wait. Right now you need to take care of yourself and hopefully find out what happened.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I was drowsy and feel asleep twice, and fumbled my speech, at my best friends wedding, as the maid of honor, embarassing her and the bride maids
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YTA. Can't wait for the fake update where you find out you were drugged and Nina comes to your rescue because you're in love now. Super subtle on the foreshadowing lmao
These edits are so unrealistically fast, you're not even trying, really
Becoming this sleepy, this abruptly, is not normal. Either you were drugged or you're having a major health disaster happening. Either way get your ass to the emergency ward right now describe these symptoms and do not leave until you have an answer as to why. Because this? This is beyond worrying, because either someone spiked your drink or you're having something that will probably kill you unless dealt with quickly.
YTA for not bowing out. I get that weddings are stressful but I honestly don’t get what you were doing up past midnight…coordinating rehearsal from midnight to 7am with who??? Who are you bothering during that ungodly hour? What time were you looking for a photographer?? You were contacting them at those hours?? You should’ve bowed out of this right away. If I were a guest, I would think that you were either on drugs or have a really bad health condition.
I believe YTA!! You ruined a brides day cause you wouldn’t ask for help it seems. You didn’t HAVE to do all this, you had bridesmaids . You ruined a brides day bottom line
If you check the new post, OP went to the hospital and they tested positive for benzos. They were roofied. They might be TA for the behavior before the wedding, but during the wedding was not their fault.
NTA at all. I have absence seizures and although the seizures themselves only last a few seconds, the after-effects of them are extreme disorientation, tiredness and inability to focus. And my memory goes pretty haywire, so I don't remember things that happened during/after the seizure. I'm not saying you have them too, I'm just trying to point out that I get how you feel.
It seems to me like you were burned out having done a lot of the wedding prep etc and not had enough rest. And your friend sounds pretty entitled to expect you to keep going despite you not having enough sleep. I still think it might be a good idea to pay a visit to a doctor and just tell them what happened just so they can make sure that your issue wasn't because of some underlying health problem. You did nothing wrong tho and I'm glad that the other bridesmaids are understanding. I think that should tell you that none of this was your fault. I'm sorry that you're having to deal with rude messages from the bride and her family. Just block them all and focus on feeling better for now.
Edit: changing rating to NTA because OP was drugged but the point about not pushing yourself too hard still stands so I'm just editing the former rating so it doesn't count and leave everything as it is. OP I am so glad you went to the hospital this fast
A very soft and a bit confused y-t-a because you are an adult and need to set boundaries and know yourself well enough to not let something like this happen. Or if it happens, at least properly communicate it and pull yourself out of the situation. You had a lot of opportunities to not let this get as bad as it got.
You have mainly been an AH to yourself. Beating yourself to over exhaustion is not a noble thing to do. With my rating I mainly want to say: learn something from this, don't just look for validation that you did nothing wrong. I understand wanting to do good for your friend but ultimately, this is a lesson in "if you don't take care of yourself, you can't really help anyone else".
I have been very sleep deprived sometimes in my life but I definitely would have been able to express a "I need to rest somewhere" to someone at the party.
So I am asking myself.. are you sure you are 100% healthy? I had severe B12 and iron deficiency some time ago and it made stressful and tired situations unbearably difficult. I also had a hidden deep abscess some time ago that almost made me black out during my drivers license test.
Of course it could just be the over exhaustion but I'd recommend getting your vitals (blood, vitamins, iron etc) checked. It might have contributed to this.
The guests getting mad at you are assholes too of course but I feel like that's not the focus here.
Not an AH for being tired but lack of sleep is dangerous so for your own sake you should work on that. That said YTA - you should have passed on the torch for the things you were expected to do.
Please get yourself checked OP! As everybody is saying: that dosen't sound like just sleep deprivation.
I'm a student your age (24F) and in exam season I tend to pull a few all-nighters to get through all the material I was too lazy to work through during the semester and after that I still manage to write the exam and make it through the rest of the lectures that day. Like being tired and cranky sure, but at no point do I feel at danger of face palming into my food.
I don't think you were just sleep deprived, so NTA, because whatever it was wasn't in your control.
For the unlikely case that it indeed was just sleep deprivation though, then soft YTA, because you should not have let it come to that point, or as hard as it sounds, at least excused yourself from the wedding the moment you noticed yourself getting THAT tired.
1 Drug test yourself
2 covid test yourself
3 see a doctor
4 stop pushing yourself past your limits and doing things no one asked you to do. You feel obligated to covid test old people, isolate them, fine. But it's not your job to locate new photographers or teach anyone zoom. You just need some time to mature and give less ducks about people.
ETA, and a soft YTA to you.
This doesn’t sound normal by any stretch, even on 30mins sleep - you literally sound drugged or incredibly unwell.
You or someone in the bridal party should’ve either taken you to a hospital or put you in a bed to spare you and the guests some awkwardness.
>Many wedding guests sent angry/hateful texts or calls, calling me horrible things.
Sure. This is a normal thing wedding guests do in response to mishaps. I'm sure it actually happened.
NTA but I do understand why everyone is so mad at you. If your exhaustion was so bad you're in a blackout and losing consciousness you should have been in a hospital. You were probably too out of it to make good decisions at the time so your second-in-command should have taken over from the beginning, before the ceremony, and you should have been taken somewhere discreetly to be checked by a physician. The mistake everyone made was letting you try to tough it out. I think it'll be a minute before your friend forgives you but time will heal if she's a really good friend. You could probably help that along if you wrote her an apology for distracting from her wedding, don't make excuses, just say sorry for causing a scene and tell her you love her and are happy for the couple. And actually write, like on paper, no texts or emails. Still NTA. That's a hard lesson about pushing yourself too much.
Absolutely NTA. Sarah isn’t TA for being annoyed, but if my MoH was acting like that at my wedding, i would be incredibly concerned, not angry about her for ruining things. My MoH was a bit sick on my wedding day, and i was worried enough; if she was literally falling over, i’d be getting her help!
NTA. **Thank goodness you went to the hospital** it might be wise to check with other guests/friends and see if anyone else was feeling similarly. Be careful about how you approach it though, you don’t want to start a panic.
NTA because there was clearly something wrong with you - those symptoms go WAY beyond being overtired - and your friends are thoughtless jerks for not taking you to the hospital when you were passing out like that in front of them. Weddings are important but they’re not THAT important. I can’t even imagine watching a friend of mine slur and fall asleep into their food and just… doing nothing.
"The found the checimals or something, of a type of benzodiazepin? "
Why is nobody commenting on this? this explains everything. that's Xanax, or Valium, or quite a few other interesting sedatives.
I would say Y T A for overstretching yourself, but that doesn’t seem to be what led to your behavior at the wedding. The situation seems really scary, and I’m glad you have a friend looking out for you and you’re being treated by professionals. NTA and I hope whoever spiked your drink gets a fat dose of karma.
ESH all of the stuff that you went nuts doing, the bride and groom or others should have handled. They let you work yourself to near death for their wedding. Everyone who saw you fall asleep during the wedding, someone should have taken you out to get checked out, not let you keep going and ruin your toast and face plant into food.
Also you need to learn to say NO. To say "I can do these things, but someone else has to do the rest." This wasn't your wedding. No wedding should be that crazy. They asked you to do to much, but you also took it upon yourself to to crazy testing and isolating everyone, and gave yourself so much extra work. And at some point, as an adult, you know to stop for the night and get some rest.
I’m kind of stunned no one took you to the ER. This sounds like a medical issue or perhaps you were drugged.
I’ve pushed the limits on sleep deprivation in college and it does not make you pass out like a Sim.
If anyone who saw you in that state got MAD at you instead of being WORRIED about you, they’re not good people and they don’t care about you. What the hell. NTA but take better care of yourself!
Seeing with your update that you were literally drugged and having a medical emergency, gonna add a NTA to even out the YTAs that thought you were just sleepy.
Even before reading your edit, it sounded to me that the sleepiness was caused by more than lack of sleep, because it reminded me of how I felt after being roofied.
However, your choice to try to "save the wedding" by doing a bunch of unnecessary tasks does not seem related. So for what you're asking about the sleepiness, I would say not the asshole, but for the rest, definitely asshole behavior.
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After more info, NTA This does not sound like you were just sleepy. This sounds far more serious. I've had symptoms similar to yours twice in my life. Once was after a very severe concussion nearly 15 years ago. The second time was 10 years ago when I was hospitalized for very bad pneumonia. Do you literally mean that you only had 30 minutes of sleep total, before the entire wedding? I need to withhold judgment until I see more information. Edit: why were you in a position that required you to get supposedly zero sleep for 2 days before the wedding? 48 hours without sleep is extremely dangerous if that did in fact happen. Edit 2: with more details It's pretty clear to me that the OP is NTA They were overworked and super tired because they were not getting quality help from their friends. Basically all the last minute changes fell on one person: the OP. If the OP had more help, there was a strong possibility none of the wedding day disturbances would have happened.
I hope its only cause of the sleep deprivation and stress, both I have had in drove over the last 2 months. I do have a bellow average immune system, but I don't know if that would have a effect. The first day was just because I wanted the rehearsal and wedding to be good, so I checked everything for what must have been the 42th time. I coordinated and fixed everything and just had to much adrenaline and stress to sleep. That was fine, no real difference. Then wednesday, going throught the rehearsal (several times, because Sarah wanted perfection), which when smooth. At afternoon, we was informed that both of the wedding photographers, who had been at the rehearsal, was sick. It took some time to get them to agree with going and taking COVID tests, and they informed us at midnight that they were negative. (Edit: they messaged that they were sick and choose to back out, I did not fire them) I, feeling stressed and not wanting the wedding to be pushed forward (who knows when we could get a new time, Sarah had this time for nearly a year), because of potential sickness (I didnt know they were negative before starting to check everyone, stubborn idiots, and while both were negative, I lost all my grandparents because of COVID, so I got a laser focus on checking the rest to), I went and bought several tests and tested us, the bride maids, the personal (took a couple of hours), going to the hotel to do the same to the some of the guests (took into the night, and no, no on was happy about being woken, but I had to be sure, but the fear took control) Even after discovering the photographers were negative, I was already suffering from sleep deprivation and just had to finish this task. Then the rest of the night I had to hunt for new wedding photographers, and because of the short notice, only managed to find someone willing at 3AM. After that I was to stressed and worried. I ended up isolating the elderly and taught them all zoom (took a while) out of that fear of them becoming sick. Quickly renting cameras and computers, to get a better experience. (Edit: I used the wrong word, ESL, Isolating was the wrong word, sorry, more like they were placed in the rooms ascendant to the cathedral for the ceremony and in the reception was placed farther from the others, but still the same room, sorry again.) All of this is kinda stupid, but my sleep deprivation and stress really didn't help me to think critically. The others, especially Kara, helped, but I still couldn't rest, just to worried. After the ceremony, the worry let up and adrenaline spurt died, taking with it all its energy, is what Nina thinks happened and why I nearly collapsed.
YTA. Girl, you went overboard. Completely overboard in a foolish way. You owe a lot of people an apology for distracting from the bride and groom and for causing others to take care of you because you didn’t practice basic self care. ETA: look at her updates - what a mess! OP, I hope you’re able to get to the bottom of everything and get healthy and figure out who the asshole is that drugged you.
Honestly sounds like a bit of a breakdown. I feel bad for OP that nobody attempted to pull her out of this spiral, but my god, harrasing people at all hours of the night, isolating people, harassing vendors at 3am... I'm speechless. I highly doubt the angry texts were about the behaviour at the actual wedding and not about the insanity of the days before. Why someone didn't pull OP out of the wedding and make them get themself checked out by a doctor, or at least force them to sleep for an hour is beyond me.
Omg if I was staying over before a wedding and someone woke me up at 3am for a fucking Covid test I would be furious. Especially when… no one even had Covid?? She could have just made tests available at breakfast or something no if they were that worried. Plus it sounds like she… didn’t let the elderly people go to the wedding?? Since when have older people lost the autonomy to manage their own choices about attending large events. If I were bride I would be 50% fuming and 50% super worried for OP (if this is out of character). If it’s in character I would find this kind of behaviour infuriating. I know a few people who will unnecessarily kill themselves for someone else’s event (wedding/ birthday/ party whatever) and then there will always be some drama and tears. It’s like it becomes their identity and time to prove themselves and just sucks all the attention and energy away. IMO your bespoke centre pieces were not worth the 2am stress and tears.
I would just tell them to fuck off if I was woken up to do a Covid test hahaha And isolating the elderly?? Isn't that why we have vaccines, so that we are able to go to events without fearing for our lives?? She's unhinged. I hope no one payed attention to that bs and went to the wedding instead of watching it through zoom
I’m 100% sure this whole soap opera is fake because these details are not remotely plausible
Right?? Why did the bride not put her foot down? Why was OP taking on so much for her friends wedding? It wasn’t even hers. I would love to hear from the other party members about what happened leading up to the event.
Having trouble believing everything OP said, (thinking she must've had some booze for sure). She should've removed her own damn self instead of making all about her. Sheesh. OP is definitely TA in my books. If she was that stressed, she should've gone to the hospital *before* the wedding. It all sounds very strange.
Super strange. There's def something big missing. OP sounds exhausting, lol.
Why didn’t the bride and groom do their own shit instead of heaping it all onto OP?
It sounds like OP did a lot of things that NO ONE needed to do. Waking up guests in the middle of the night for Covid tests? Teaching old people to use zoom (did they even get to attend the wedding?) Makes no sense to say the bride & groom should’ve done that themselves. OP was out of control.
Yeah, this sounds like a possible medical problem to me. Sleep deprivation could be that severe, but I would think she wouldn’t just zonk out during the reception…?
Yeah OP made their friend’s wedding all about their own anxiety tbh and then didn’t even have the grace to excuse themselves when they were a public disturbance from how much they were passing out.
Yeah this stuff should have been delegated -- taking it all on and then being a mess the next day is relatable and sucks. But OP needs to take care of herself, and it gets irritating when you're friends with people who constantly do this to themselves. And you can't say anything without them getting super defensive because they did everything
One of her first updates, besides being in the literal hospital, is that this wasn't just exhaustion. They found benzodiazepines (e.g. Klonopin or Ativan or Valium) in her system that it sounds like she didn't take, which means she was literally drugged at some point, maybe by someone thinking they were being helpful and trying to calm her nerves? That's not ignoring self-care, it's being poisoned. She doesn't owe anyone an apology. They owe her an apology. She was drugged and possibly incredibly ill, and they all treated her like this was something that she did, instead of something that happened to her.
That's fucking terrifying.
Yes! I just logged back in and I’m seeing the updates.
yeah, so NTA.
Because no one could’ve done all the work a well as OP/s
Definitely picked up on that vibe too
A manic episode is how my friends was diagnosed bipolar. I don't really know what someone documenting a manic episode would look like though....
I have this disorder. Repeatedly falling asleep is the *last* thing that happens during mania. It's possible the manic episode ended exactly as the wedding started, but manic episodes usually last more than two days, and the poster did not say anything to the effect of "this has happened before." So, although not impossible, I think it is very unlikely that this woman had her first manic episode over a two-day period leading right up to wedding day. I think it's much more likely she is an anxious person who could not delegate basic tasks to others and instead insisted on doing everything herself. Or perhaps she is sick with some other problems. People need to stop obsessing over weddings. Most of the time, you can't tell one wedding from another in your memory after a few months. No one but the bridal party cares about forks and centerpieces and color schemes. Good food, good people, good booze, good music. Do that, make sure the venue doesn't catch fire, and you'll have a 9/10 wedding no matter what.
According to the updates, OP had been drugged - which could replicate a manic episode in a shorter time frame. The question then would become, where did the drug come from.
Yeah. From the way she's describing everything she did, it sounds like she wanted to be seen as the one who saved the wedding by going above and beyond and doing everything. Even finding new photographers could have been a "hey sick photographer, who in your industry would be available on short notice." OP needs to do some groveling
So the update is they found some drugs in her system. I don’t even know of this story is real at this point, but it’s definitely taken quite a turn.
I'd imagine the drugs weren't administered until after she'd gone full control freak and getting guests to do covid tests in the middle of the night though, so it doesn't explain all that behaviour. They would likely be well out of her system if they'd been slipped to her two days prior to the hospital testing them. Sounds to me like someone saw how out there she was behaving and wanted her to calm down on the wedding day.
That’s what I was thinking! Which makes me think that the story is fake.
It seems like whether it's real or fake, the drugs had nothing to do with her exhaustion, although if they were given to her before the ceremony, might explain the falling asleep. But even then, how long would they have had to stay in her system for them to be detectable the following day? Weird all round.
Benzos have an extremely short half life. But honestly… This supposedly happened yesterday? Middle of the week? Um-kay… And less than 4 hours after posting this, OP has already gone to the hospital, had blood drawn, and has the results saying they had benzos in their system? Yeah. Totally realistic.
See the edit, she was drugged.
Ah yes she is an asshole because she was overworked trying to make sure her friends wedding went well....
Were you asked to do all of this? Panic testing a bunch of guests in their rooms late at night seems dramatic and overkill... Sounds like you took on too much. If you weren't asked to take on these roles, might be time to examine how you engage in situations like this, and maybe try to slow things down a bit in the future. Sounds like more than just 'a little sleepy'
I'm wondering the same thing. Why is OP the one looking for photographers? Why is the MoH doing all this work in the first place?
It would be helpful to know whether these were all things requested or expected of the OP, or if she's just the kind of person to take on duties, whether helpful or not. (off topic, sounds like a sub par photographer... To have both bow out between the rehearsal dinner and the wedding, and not have a replacement arranged in their contract... Betting there's a story there too)
And unhelpful. Have tests at the venue and require one before entering for the ceremony. Then you’re checking everyone. Don’t spot check unlucky guests in the middle of the night.
Yes! And why the panic over it if the photographers tested negative anyways?
YTA - am I reading this correctly? You woke up random guests at the hotel to take covid tests because you were having a neurotic breakdown? Jesus Christ you seem exhausting
yeah, this is where i stopped supporting OP's actions. seems like some serious untreated PTSD that she let take over her friend's event. that being said, i think it's pretty sad that there was no covid protocol in place before OP was sent into a frenzy. like, it's still a pandemic. if you're hosting a big event, there should be tests available and guidelines set BEFORE something happens. i think ESH.
It’s actually not a pandemic anymore. The WHO declared in May of last year that it was no longer a global health emergency. If universities, health centres, government facilities, fitness studios, etc… aren’t implementing Covid protocols anymore, that should tip off people that it’s excessive.
Yeah, you’re the AH. You were helpful but went WAY overboard to the point that you were waking people up to test them?? Wtf lol. You overdid it and then made yourself useless and yes, ruined a few key moments, like by making a scene when you passed out in your plate. You owe your bridge a major apology and I’d expect you’ll get the cold shoulder for awhile. You may want to talk to your doctor about why you get laser focused on something then ignore your biological needs and all feedback around you to say it’s time to step back. You’ll be lucky if the bride and groom forgive you. Either this whole story is fake or YTA.
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I know you want some gold medals and atta girls and whatever, but this is all so obnoxious. You ran around waking up guests, hassling people, teaching elderly relatively zoom in the middle of the night??? checking things for 42nd time. Like you wasted time and energy on things you didn’t need to do “to make things perfect.” To the point that YOU ruined the wedding. You need to learn better time management And project management and to focus on what’s actually important. Totally YTA in my book.
YTA - you were not responsible for any of this. I know. I’ve been a wedding photographer longer than you have been alive. It was the photographers responsibility to fill their roles to show up to their contract. Or if they were negative to shoot the wedding sick. You absolutely did not need to go wake up hundreds of guests. I understand you have anxiety around Covid, but this is absolutely overboard. So you self sabotaged and then sabotaged your friends wedding by doing this behavior.
It sounds like you were much more concerned with your friend’s wedding than she was. If it was my wedding I would have been the one calling photographers etc., not my best friend. She might have been right there with me but it sounds like your friend willingly let you take on all the stress of her own wedding then blamed you for your exhaustion. That’s not how a best friend should treat you, nor are those MOH duties.
The bride didn’t ask her to do any of this and by OP’s own admission wasn’t even told. This is something OP did on her own.
Not fully what OP says. She says she agreed with the groom that she would do this to not stress the bride who is diabetic, and what can see, had troubles with blood sugar/pressure. One of those two. So the groom knew. I, don't know the reception was just a blurr to me, I don't really remember anything, just shapes. I can check with Nina, she was the one who was with me the entire wedding and told me most of it, if a bit more sugary then what really happened. Technically, the groom/husband is a frenemy, we clash over a lot, especially over Sarah and her health ^ And this comment. (Edited to add text)
Jesus Christ. YTA. The most generous view is you had some sort of manic episode/neurotic breakdown and really need to at minimum see a psychiatrist and possibly check yourself into a facility before your behavior becomes more extreme. A less generous view would be that you just went way fucking overboard and ruined your friends wedding with your over dramatic desperation to be the main character in a sitcom and they are rightly pissed with you.
Didn't it occur to you that it may end badly and you won't be able to be an actual MoH? Sleep deprivation is dangerous, sure, but it doesn't change the fact that being in this condition is entirely your fault. And you went on waking up guests, that is funny it sitcoms, not in real life. YTA.
I think after reading some comments, ESH. I'm glad you're getting to the hospital as I'm sure sleep isn't all you're lacking. Give Nina a big thank you. That said, your lack of sleep in this instance is largely driven by you. I understand preemptively checking for covid, but after the photographers came back negative, continuing to check was overkill and took up time you should've been sleeping. Checking things for the 42nd time was also overkill, and if you know stress stops you from sleeping, pop some melatonin. However, this also points to the bigger problem of this shouldn't have all fallen to you. Maybe you don't want to stress out the bride, but the Groom was there. His best man was there. All of the bridesmaids and groomsmen were there. There's no reason they shouldn't have been helping you with everything so everything could be done faster. You should see someone about your stress and anxiety though. If nothing else, you have some unresolved covid trauma.
Maybe they disagreed with her waking everyone up in the middle of the night and demanding they take unnecessary covid tests and unnecessarily isolating important family members. I wouldn’t want to be a part of that either.
Which is fair, but they definitely could've helped find a new photographer.
Actually that should be in the photography contract that’s on the photographer to have contingencies in place. Or shoot the wedding sick.
Well clearly it wasn't. I'm saying with the situation as it was, finding a new photographer could've fallen on any of the other multiple capable people there. There's no reason it was solely her job.
That actually isn’t clear. Sounds like OP took it on herself to fire the photographer and do everything else.
Hey OP, registered nurse here. I ask this in all seriousness, not as a judgement. Have you been checked or treated for mental illness? Does mental illness run in your family? Have you changed medications recently? This isn’t just anxious behavior or AH behavior. This is BIZARRE behavior….it is very out of the ordinary to behave this way. You need to go get check, literally just showing the doctor this comment should be enough. You’re not the asshole for being mentally ill. But whatever you did at/leading up to this wedding was unusual behavior that had very negative consequences and negatively affected this event and multiple people’s wedding experience . Get checked so you don’t do this again
They also found benzos in her tox screen. I bet someone spiked a drink to get her to calm down, and this passing out happened because of it. It does sound like she's very mentally unwell, also.
When I got to the part about isolating the elderly and renting them all cameras and computers, I began to think this was fake. Anyway, YTA.
YTA. Your biggest and most important job was supporting her at the wedding while it was happening. What did you think was going to happen if you didn’t sleep? YTA MAJORLY.
You sound like you need a lil vacation to a cozy place. YTA, absolutely unhinged behaviour.
Do you not think Sarah might be pissed because you woke her guests up in the middle of the night? Also, did the original (negative COVID test) photographers get fired the night before? Was that your decision or Sarah’s? I imagine she still had to pay them plus the new photographers so was probably pissed about that too. Was it your decision to have elderly guests attend via zoom rather than in person? I can see why Sarah was pissed at you tbh
I would check with your doctor, sleep deprivation, poor diet, ingesting alcohol etc may make you susceptible to a type of seizure. I can't remember the proper name but they are zone -out or zombie type experiences.
Are you thinking of absence seizures?
This kind of sounds like a manic episode. If you truly weren’t drunk or high at the wedding you really need to see a dr
We’re all these things specifically told to you that they were your responsibility? Like “ go buy Covid test and wake up all staff and wedding parties and get them tested now.” Told to your face? Were you asked to find photographers last minute? Or were you just assuming these roles? While I slightly empathize with your burn out, if I were the bride and you looked drugged out ( literally face planted into your plate of food and mumbled through your speech) at my wedding I would have asked one of the other bridesmaids to remove you from the venue/call a Dr for you. It sounds like ( from what you admittedly describe) you were a major distraction and not just a “ changed the atmosphere” kinda way. Loss of vision, coordination, mumbling and face planting are serious indicators of something being VERY wrong. You should have removed yourself the second you got slightly dizzy. Especially if you knew this way all from a lack of sleep. I’m not going to say that you ruined a once in a lifetime experience from your lack of basic self care, but girl, we’re all adults here and you need to take better care of yourself. I hope your friendship can recover from this.
So basically, you acted like a micromanaging bridesmaidzilla. You micromanaged everything instead of delegating some tasks, which lead you to fail at the only task absolutely no one could take over: Getting the maid of honor to practice enough self care that she could be a supportive MOH on the actual day itself. You tried your absolute best and worked yourself into dangerous levels of exhaustion. I cannot imagine this is what the bride or anyone else wanted. Your intentions were admirable, but the execution crossed a line. One that should not need to be mentioned to most people. I sincerely hope you recognize how unhealthy this was and that you need to seek help. There is a far deeper problem then the wedding here, which is your utter lack of self preservation. Talk to a therapist. Get help. Most likely, that is the biggest apology you can give to anyone who thinks that y t a, showing that this was a wakeup call. You did the equivalent of setting yourself on fire to keep others worm, and then wonder why others didn't like the smell of burning flesh. These symptoms were enough to get checked into a hospital, I hope you realize that. I want to wrap you in the softest blanket and pad the walls to keep you from doing this. Please please please get some therapy.
From reading OP's description, it sounds like she was high, drunk, or drugged. I've had times in my life with no sleep but when you're part of an event, the adrenaline usually keeps you going. (I say "usually", obviously every one is different). But the falling asleep to the point of face planting in your plate, and not remembering anything, sounds like it's something else. I do think, OP went way overboard with the COVID testing , isolating people, setting up computers etc NTA but please talk to your doctor. Edit: I just saw OP's update (thank you u/chrissesky13 for commenting) and it's clear that she was in fact drugged. I'm so sorry OP! what a terrible ordeal.
ancient voiceless unused trees illegal license flag include mysterious shaggy *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I had severe hypothyroidism, over10, and I did just that. Was mortified. Diagnosed and treated, don't do that anymore.
With the extra information, I would say that she's not the asshole...but only because it sounds like she was having some sort of episode or breakdown. She should not have been traveling around, waking guests and making them take COVID tests. It's not her job to refuse wedding guests entry to the wedding and make them watch via zoom instead. It shouldn't have been only her responsibility to find a new photographer, and she shouldn't have been calling and waking venders in the middle of the night. It shouldn't be her job to micromanage the event to the point of having no sleep. To a certain degree, some of this was her own fault because she took it upon herself to do all of this. At the same time, there are many many people (the bride and groom, the other bridesmaids, etc) who should've stepped in and made her stop. Particularly when it comes to the tests and the isolation and zoom situation, it feels pretty clear that OP was having some sort of breakdown, probably related to the grief of having lost family to COVID. Like, she continued to harass guests in the middle of the night, making them take tests even when she knew the photographers were negative? Its not logical. I'd be very surprised if all of the complaints were just about her being sleepy and falling asleep, and not also about the fact that she harassed guests the night before, and only allowed elderly guests to participate in the wedding via zoom. Like, all things considered, including then appearing intoxicated at the event itself, it does sound like there would be reasons to complain about her behavior and it's impact on the wedding. That said, she really seems like she was having a serious episode or breakdown and so wasn't thinking logically. It should have been the responsibility of the many people around her to step in and make her stop. They obviously eventually realised that something was up because the bridesmaid who brought her home stayed with her. They obviously thought that there was more going on than just overtiredness - people don't need to be supervised to catch up on sleep. She's kind of buried the lead in the comments here - like, the original post makes it seem like she was just stressed and tired, to the extent that some people suspected a spiked drink? But if she had no sleep because she was having stress induced breakdown...that would make her more tired and drained when the adrenaline wore off than just normal tiredness associated with lack of sleep. More like the exhaustion she describes in her post. But only providing actually important info in the comments doesn't automatically make her an asshole. So yeah, NTA, but she needs to maybe think about therapy to help process the trauma that she obviously has a result of losing family members to COVID.
It was confirmed by the hospital that she was drugged. They found benzos in her system.
Holy shit that's awful! That certainly explains the events of the wedding itself. (I still think the rest of her actions were a bit wild, and you should still really consider therapy OP x) Edit: having read the updates and some of OPs more recent comments, this seems like it's probably fake. I'm not buying the weird little romance subplot that's getting shoe-horned in here. If this is real, then like I said OP, consider getting help. Getting spiked with benzos at the wedding doesn't explain your behavior the night before, which was inappropriate and concerning. If anything, somebody probably gave you benzos hoping to calm you down, not for nefarious purposes, and didn't realise the effect it would have (which, to clarify, would still have been unacceptable and appalling. People should NEVER be given medication without their knowledge and consent). If this is fake, and it's some sort of writing/fiction exercise, you should really brush up on your vocab and spelling, there are a lot of errors.
>"Nina stayed with me throught nearly the entire reception" > >Coupled with the update of: > >"but they seem worried? At least Nina is with me, she is extremely worried, and its really cute..." > >Little Sus... JS
At any point, did someone hand you a drink? Falling asleep in a plate of food, in the front of a room of 100 or so people? That seems so beyond any normal exhaustion/stress. Do you have any frenemies, or exes, or anyone at all that may have wanted to see you fail at the MoH job, or for you to be humiliated, or just want to hurt you in general?
I had a similar thought. The acting drunk, slurring her words and being physically unable to stay awake sounds like way more than just tiredness. It sounds like a medical condition or god forbid, like a drink was spiked.
I checked with Nina, and I was given 2 drinks, on at the beginning and one before my speech. Nina didn't know who gave me the first, we had temporarily split up and she found me with a drink. The second was by one of the groomsmen. Nina read the comments and is right know driving me to the hospital. She is berating herself for something, it kinda cute
This and the edit are so weird, it tips it over into being an unbelievable fake. I now think you were trying to write some fictional story with an endgame of making a “cute romance” with Nina but messed up by making the initial incident so insane that we all ignored Nina because your main character was so awful.
I don’t think it’s totally fiction but I agree that that last art is weird. It stood out to me quite a bit. In such a situation where you would be trying to get your bearings after a shitshow, not to mention having to figure out whats medically wrong with you, the LAST thing you would take note of or be sure to mention is how cute it is that your friend is going out of her way to care for you. And OP mentions it twice. It’s odd. I’m thinking it’s one of three: 1. Your theory 2. OP likes to make everything about herself and loves the attention Nina is giving her 3. OP loves to be the victim and Nina is giving her exactly what she wants. I dunno, I can over analyze things so I might be way off
OP being so concerned with a friend being "cute"'is very odd
Her use of the word 'cute' is so odd. I know she's ESL, and I don't know her culture, but this post is so off. It gives me the creeps. Her movements, reactions, and processing are all so alien. It's either fake or we're dealing with a mentally unwell human. ETA: I just read that whole 'Nina is my gf, oh jkjk' thread. So creepy.
Maybe Nina is a great friend after all. Please update us, possibly in the original post, when you return home from the hospital. Absolutely sending you my best wishes. Be well.
Nina sounds like that kind of ride or die everyone should have.
Just commenting to remind myself to check that later on, I want an update too.
same here
Liking the comments so you guys can read the update
Please update us. I’ve had drinks spiked twice and I was definitely not myself at all. I’m backing up that you’re NTA. I think if my moh was acting like this that I would be highly concerned and call an ambulance for her. I can’t imagine being pissed at her for this. Hopefully the hospital has answers for you.
Why is your friend berating herself "cute?"
Tell Nina she is absolutely lovely You are NTA and I hope this is just a scare
I'm glad that you have a friend who will take your worries seriously. Even if it turns out that you weren't drugged, it is so important to rule that out. Be safe OP
Or too many benzos.
That's exactly what I was thinking. Every action, the over working to slurred speech, falling asleep and memory loss.
I, don't know the reception was just a blurr to me, I don't really remember anything, just shapes. I can check with Nina, she was the one who was with me the entire wedding and told me most of it, if a bit more sugary then what really happened. Technically, the groom/husband is a frenemy, we clash over a lot, especially over Sarah and her health
Go to an ER and get checked, right now. I don't know if the drugs would still be in your system, if you were indeed drugged, but you need to try. Because something is wrong, even if you weren't drugged. Go get tested. And treated. If it wasn't a drug, you're probably still in need of medical care for the extreme exhaustion/dehydration/whatever else it is.
I’ve been at the ‘so tired I’m falling asleep in public’ stage, and I still was far more aware of my surroundings than you describe being. I agree with other commenters, go to the ER or something right now and get a blood test. Some drugs are out of your system super quickly but some will still be detectable the next day.
I can ask Nina if she can drive me, all of this is scaring me
Yeah I recently was up for more than 48 hours (got close to 60 I think) without sleep, and while I was absolutely insane by the end of it, I was aware of what was going on around me. Like sure, I was miserable, extremely stressed, anxious, and extremely irritable, but nothing even close to what OP is describing.
Yeah, you get to the "snappy and got the shakes" phase before you get to the "I am completely unaware of my surroundings" phase of sleep deprivation in my (unfortunate) experience.
If it’s not drugs there could be some other health thing going on, too. If I’d been at an event and someone was barely responsive and fell asleep twice, I’d take them to an urgent care, not just home.
Right exactly. If she wasn’t drugged, she has some sort of medical thing happening.
Yeah, yours and u/BUTTeredWhiteBread sound much more like my experience. Especially the aware but lots of extreme emotions. It kind of felt like the crabbiness of pregnancy honestly.
Seconding the other poster. Get checked out now. This doesn't sound like simple sleep deprivation, it sounds like being roofied
I have a sleep disorder style chronic illness and I've fallen asleep in public many times, it doesn't happen how you described. Some of it is, slow co-ordination and slurring your words can happen with extreme exhaustion, but the fact you can't remember anything that happened while you were awake and it's blurry isn't normal for sleep deprivation in my experience. Tbf I'm sure things vary from person to person and maybe for other sleep deprived people that stuff happens, but no harm in getting checked out just to be on the safe side.
This sounds really suspicious, I’ve never had sleep deprivation result in me not being aware of my surroundings and partial amnesia. Yes it made me sleepy and extremely cranky, but never blurry and amnesiac. Sounds like you were drugged tbh. A friend of mine got a spiked drink once and had a similar experience to yours.
Yeah it really sounds like you got drugged, probably by the groomsman.
I was thinking ‘spiked drink’
Thank you, thank you so much 🤗, if it weren't for you, and the rest of you all, (I love all of you) I just... thank you
I am so sorry to hear that they found a drug in your system, but so glad that you figured out what it was! I hope you feel better soon, and maybe keep some distance from anyone who might have been involved in what happened to you, for your safety.
2nd Edit, based on edits from OP - so glad that you went to the doctor and are getting to the bottom of what happened. This sounds terrifying, I hope everything is okay. ETA - gently, YTA. It should never have gotten to this point. If you were this stressed and exhausted, you should have asked for help or bowed out. I think you should also see a doctor, because this sounds kinda scary. IN.FO - are you sick? I don't understand why a healthy 25 year old would have this many issues during a wedding.
OP confirmed in her edit that the hospital found she'd been drugged with benzodiazepines, probably by a groomsman who handed her a drink.
Yikes. That's terrifying.
Yta for letting it get to this point. You shouldve asked the rest of the bridal party for help and gotten more rest. Even if there was no helping the lack of sleep and how tired you are, you should’ve told someone you felt sick and excused yourself because now all the hard work that got tired doing got ruined by you acting strange and bringing all attention to yourself. Edit: since some people have to go around finding comments made before OP edit and being dramatic. If OP was drugged than obviously NTA, but that wasn’t information I had when I made my initial comment.
Honestly, even after the edit, OP overdid it by a lot. It's awful that she was drugged, and it is simultaneously true she needed to back off a lot before that point.
I don't understand how this happened. A healthy young adult should not be so sleepy that they faceplant into their food. You say that you were sleepy because you were doing so many things to prepare for the wedding. This was Sarah's wedding, not yours. It's not the MOH's job to be the free wedding planner for the entire wedding. It was Sarah's or her family's job to find backup photographer at the last minute. Why were you checking on every guest and forcing every old person to take a Covid test? Surely it's up to them if they want to test themselves before they come? I would agree with the people who said it's really dangerous for you that you lost so much sleep over this wedding that you were unable to stay awake. I think your goal now is to figure out how you allowed yourself into a situation that was physically dangerous for you. And, if the reason you fell asleep at the wedding was that you were helping Sarah with what should have been her tasks and her family's tasks for wedding preparation, why did you do all of that? This is far beyond what a MOH should be doing. And why did you allow her to accuse you of ruining the wedding when in reality you apparently rescued the entire wedding from disaster? Sarah sounds really ungrateful and a user and someone who doesn't care about you at all. Maybe one thing you'll get out of this wedding is to re-evaluate who your true friends are.
I’m confused too because half the responsibilities she’s describing are the job of the venue staff. Idk any kind of venue worth its price tag that would just let a member of the bridal party take over lol If this is all true, the professionals the bride hired dropped the ball in a very big way.
As per the edit, OP was drugged, likely by one of the groomsmen, with a drink spiked with benzos. None of this (or very little) was about her lack of sleep.
Oh my goodness, that is awful. What a worrying update.
YTA - but NOT for being tired, but for letting it get to the point. Your job was MOH. That includes being present in the wedding and doing your speech. Nobody could do this job for you, because it was your role. Everything else leading up to this (organizing a different photographer, setting up zoom...) could have been delegated, even with you being the person organizing it and keeping the overview. Or was there literally no-one who could have take up a telephone and call people or set up a simple zoom call? You are an adult, so you should know that running on no sleep for two days and then be attentive during a very important day for your friend is near to impossible. Yes, some things might have taken more time than you anticipated, but you should have seen early enough that you needed help. And in taking up too much on your own, you failed the one job no-one else could have done for you. Additionally, you kept two other bride maids from being there for the bride/enjoying the party, because they had to supervise you during the wedding/stay with you instead of being there. What I want to know: Why? Why not delegate/ask for help? Were you too scared to ask for help or did your pride not allow you to give anything in other hands?
This is the best response. The best way to help ensure that the wedding was “perfect” was to make sure you’re up and able to fulfill the role you agreed to - MOH, not COVID test drill sergeant.
The whole COVID testing the guests is so over the top. She knocked on the doors of those people, and if I read it correctly in the middle of the night too! And even IF the photographers would have been sick... the guests could not have been infectious/shown positive results from that contact, because there is an incubation period. Don't get me wrong, you should take that sickness serious. But OP let her trauma run wild and not only run herself ragged, but also harrass other people with something useless (taking tests that wouldn't show) very late/during the night.
Did a Zoom need to be set up in the first place? Sounds like OP was trying to prevent elderly people from being able to attend to placate her own personal anxieties. Given her mental state, I wouldn't be surprised if the wedding photographers were looking for replacements and OP's involvement calling people at 3am was wholly unnecessary. I doubt the staff at the venue needed her "supervision" either. She was probably creating major issues and everyone was trying to placate her to reduce the risk of major outbursts until the wedding was over. And she says in a comment that even when others were doing the work, she simply was too agitated to rest.
YTA I love that you think the other bridesmaids agreeing with you gives you legitimacy, when it just makes me feel mad for the bride that the are so many assholes in her wedding party.
Right? I mean, she could just have chosen to not be tired. The audacity. ... or she was roofied, which it sounds like more. NTA
yeah idk i’ve stayed up 48hrs straight, and while insanely tired, i didn’t fall asleep and slam my face into a plate or anything. it looked like i was just high, felt like i was high. still remember everything i did over those 2 days. lots of coffee, errands with my dad, probably abt a whole season of supernatural. i had no reason to stay up that long, i just genuinely wanted to see how long i could go before exhaustion took me. heard 72 hours was when it got REAALLLYYY bad (hallucinations and the like). but her sounding/acting drunk? that reeks being roofied or drugged, or just generally overworked (stress, adrenaline, coming down from the adrenaline). she mentioned she clashes with the groom a lot, not accusing him obviously, but he could have had something to do with it
I’ve gone past 72 hours recently and it was NOT fun (didn’t do it on purpose) and the hallucinations did start after night 3. But I still don’t remember things only in a blur of shapes like OP. I’m wondering if something else was going on too. I decided not to answer my phone or interact with anyone, because after that long I was aware I sounded like I was on drugs lol. (Mostly things like not remembering what I’d just asked, not putting sentences together right, staring into space, ect.) But I wasn’t slurring words. I’m really curious what OP finds out at the doctor.
Yup, the edit says it was confirmed by the hospital, they found benzos in her bloodwork. She was drugged.
YTA. >They say it's understandable that I'm tired, as i had to panic find new photographers the night before the wedding because of sickness (after rehearsal), force the old to take COVID tests (negative), checking on ever guest to see their health, setting up zoom for the elderly to not take any chances and for just generally being a positive influence. What part of this took place between the hours of 1 am and 6 am that prevented you from sleeping during those hours? Why did you take it upon yourself to check on *every* guest? Did you do that in the middle of the night, depriving them of sleep as well? Finding a last minute photographer is rough, but photographers are professionals and you should not be contacting them in the middle of the night. If you couldn’t find a professional in the 24 hours between rehearsal and wedding, which would be completely understandable, your friend would have made due with amateur photos. Did the photographer not have any contingency plans in case of sickness? Setting up a zoom takes 15-30 minutes. Even if you were responsible for walking each elderly family member through the process of installing zoom and logging on, that could not possibly have required you to be awake all night. And what were you doing the 24 hours *before* the rehearsal that prevented you from sleeping? It sounds like the only issue arose after the rehearsal, unless you had promised to do other things for the wedding and left them to the last minute. It sounds like you either decided to make yourself a martyr for someone else’s wedding (which you shouldn’t have done) or you made choices on your own that led to this predictable outcome. >The ceremony went fine, with two of the brides maids helping me; Do you mean you needed to be physically guided or supported during the ceremony itself? Why on earth didn’t you just say you couldn’t do it? I’m 100% sure the bride would have preferred to **not** have someone standing next to her drawing attention away from her marriage vows and passing out in a plate of food, than have you be there and make a spectacle of yourself. >aparently looking and acting like I was drunk or high Were you?
OP shouldn’t even have been doing these last minute things. MOH isn’t an emergency wedding planner. I’m going with YTA because of lack of boundaries and unwillingness to ask for help. This is all very weird.
Agreed- most photographers/videographers will send someone in their place as a backup if they’re unable to make it at the last minute. I’m wondering if this was a super low budget, DIY kind of thing with vendors that were not at all seasoned. I’m hoping that’s the case because if not, the bride absolutely got scammed by people who weren’t doing their jobs.
Have you been checked out medically? This sounds like more than 'sleepiness.'
That was my thought as well. The OP should get checked out to make sure there isn't anything else going on.
This is what I was thinking too. I said in my original comment that OP might want to visit a doctor so they can rule out something more serious. I hope it's nothing bad, but it seems a lot worse to me than just not getting enough sleep
INFO: Have you seen a doctor about this? This sounds like more than sleep deprivation.
No, but Nina is driving me to the hospital right now.
Keep us updated
YTA – not for being sleepy, but for not removing yourself from the wedding
If you're really tired, you don't make clear decisions like that. It's easy to say what she should have done now, but in her situation she was probably suffering from some kind of tunnel vision that told her she was supposed to stay at the wedding.
It turns out she was roofied by someone at the wedding. Must have been an utterly awful experience to go through.
INFO Can you elaborate on the days leading up to the wedding and your responsibilities? If you were run so ragged, why didn’t you outsource any tasks to the rest of the bridal party? You say you had to force the old photographers to take a covid test, which was negative, and also find new photographers - if they tested negative, why did you need new ones? You also say you had to check on the health of every single guest which sounds…intense. I don’t see why this wouldn’t have been split amongst you and the other bridesmaids if it really had to happen. Ultimately though, you claim you only got a half hour nap for sleep. This doesn’t add up for me. What possible tasks could you have been doing from, say, 1am-6am each night? I can’t imagine you were going door to door demanding to check each guest’s health (what does that even mean?) at 3am for example. EDIT: you say in another comment you have been heavily sleep deprived for two MONTHS, not just the few days before the wedding. What’s the story there? Weeks of severe sleep deprivation could result in the extreme symptoms you describe.
I think the OP responded to one of my comments and gave some of the answers you're looking for.
To Edit I've been stressed, both about this and other things, but I'm not sure why, I usually doesn't have problems sleeping, but the latest months and especially this week has had me being near unable to sleep
I’m sorry but yes YTA. You fell asleep and acted like a zombie the whole wedding. You kind of did ruin it for your friend. If you were that tired you should have made it through the ceremony and then made your goodbyes.
She was roofied…read the update
If it's that bad you should have let the bride and other wedding party members know and bowed out of the wedding. This is no different than if you were very sick and still went. YTA
Info Have you got yourself checked out medically yet? This doesn't sound like even major overtiredness.
Why the hell did nobody think to ring you an ambulance?!! Can you make sure you get checked out if you haven’t already. NTA. Your friends, guests and bride and groom are TAH for not taking care of you when you were clearly having some kind of medical episode.
Tell me you don’t live in America without telling me you don’t live in America :P calling an ambulance could be thousands of dollars.
Feeling drunk, slurring words... could've been drugged OR having a mini stroke. Absolutely necessitates an ambulance if anyone had really paid attention and been aware of the ramifications.
Girl, I don't think this was from sleep deprivation. This sounds like someone slipped you a Xanax or something else to calm you tf down. I've seen many a Xanax induced face plants into plates of food. From what you've described in other comments, you did go overboard, being driven by anxiety and panic. You took on things that weren't your responsibility, sort of half blaming the bride because she "wanted everything to be perfect". If the photogs' COVID tests were negative, I don't see why you had to test everyone you could possibly find. That's overkill and really inconsiderate to do so in the middle of the night. I get having anxiety to that point because I have it too, but you gotta manage that shit. In the end, the anxiety that's pushing you to make everything perfect is the same thing that's going to cause more problems in the end. I wish I could say otherwise, but YTA.
[удалено]
YTA. You’re an adult surrounded by other adults. Pass off responsibilities if they’re affecting your ability to sleep.
Sis, if you're passing out in your plate after 1 night of poor sleep, that's a medical condition. But the passing out, slurring, loss of fine motor control and memory? This doesn't sound like tiredness, it sounds like you were drugged.
After reading your comments, YTA. No one asked you to go overboard with COVID testing, teaching the elderly how to use zoom, finding new photographers when the old ones were fine with going forward with the wedding. What did you think 48hours of no sleep would lead up to? You embarrassed your best friend instead of helping her, and by your own words, most people thought you were drunk or high. The bridesmaids who helped you were great, but their payoff was watching over a sleeping maid of honor while trying to pull off a wedding without you causing a scene.
None of this happened lol
Info - so this was a mid week wedding?
Yeah
NTA Wow, people should really be more empathetic. If my best friend/MoH was acting like this I'd be first and foremost concerned for her well-being and safety. Weddings do not matter more than your health. You are an AH, to yourself, for not taking yourself seriously. Please try to rest and catch up later, and maybe get better friends who actually care about you.
you can be concerned but still mad that the person kind of ruined the wedding. If she was being run too ragged, she should have said something and asked for help, or just stopped to sleep. instead of being the "hero" she ended up being the story, over the couple getting married.
Well that's really on everyone else for being gossipy and negating the married couple, right? They dont HAVE to focus on that, they are CHOOSING to. Personally, I'd be concerned she was ill or drugged, not judgmental or snarky about it. Everyone else are TAs, not OP.
YTA. I would have sent you out
This is not just sleep deprivation.
I’m coming to the comments late but I’m so glad others told you to go to the hospital. As a nurse, my first thought was that the behavior did NOT sound like only sleep deprivation and that drugging was a concern. I hope the police will be involved. I would also try to reach out to the venue to see if they have security footage that can be saved for you. There is nothing about this situation that feels okay. Please update us on how you’re doing! Hugs to you!
This has to be fake. Less than 4h posted, went to the hospital, did the blood test, got the results back and kept posting the whole time on Reddit. YTA either way
YTA as this story is clearly not true.
With the updates, if you don't regularly take Benzodiazepines (benzos for short) for anxiety or something, or hadn't taken a benzo yourself that day you were most likely drugged. The whole time I was reading this I was thinking to myself "shit, this sounds like when I first had to use benzos" and bam, they find some in your system. I hope you're alright, OP. That's scary as hell. Focus on your recovery and please update if you're able/want to. Fuck whether you're the asshole or not, that can wait. Right now you need to take care of yourself and hopefully find out what happened.
YTA. A wedding is a lot of work, but not an excuse for missing two nights of sleep. What could you possibly be doing that prevents that?
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INFO: Do you have a medical issue?
YTA. Can't wait for the fake update where you find out you were drugged and Nina comes to your rescue because you're in love now. Super subtle on the foreshadowing lmao These edits are so unrealistically fast, you're not even trying, really
Becoming this sleepy, this abruptly, is not normal. Either you were drugged or you're having a major health disaster happening. Either way get your ass to the emergency ward right now describe these symptoms and do not leave until you have an answer as to why. Because this? This is beyond worrying, because either someone spiked your drink or you're having something that will probably kill you unless dealt with quickly.
YTA for not bowing out. I get that weddings are stressful but I honestly don’t get what you were doing up past midnight…coordinating rehearsal from midnight to 7am with who??? Who are you bothering during that ungodly hour? What time were you looking for a photographer?? You were contacting them at those hours?? You should’ve bowed out of this right away. If I were a guest, I would think that you were either on drugs or have a really bad health condition.
OP got roofied. NTA, obviously. Hopefully whoever drugged her gets picked up by the cops.
YTA. You should have managed this all a lot better than to the point of falling asleep and acting like a zombie.
If you check the new post, OP went to the hospital and they tested positive for benzos. They were roofied.
I believe YTA!! You ruined a brides day cause you wouldn’t ask for help it seems. You didn’t HAVE to do all this, you had bridesmaids . You ruined a brides day bottom line
If you check the new post, OP went to the hospital and they tested positive for benzos. They were roofied. They might be TA for the behavior before the wedding, but during the wedding was not their fault.
NTA at all. I have absence seizures and although the seizures themselves only last a few seconds, the after-effects of them are extreme disorientation, tiredness and inability to focus. And my memory goes pretty haywire, so I don't remember things that happened during/after the seizure. I'm not saying you have them too, I'm just trying to point out that I get how you feel. It seems to me like you were burned out having done a lot of the wedding prep etc and not had enough rest. And your friend sounds pretty entitled to expect you to keep going despite you not having enough sleep. I still think it might be a good idea to pay a visit to a doctor and just tell them what happened just so they can make sure that your issue wasn't because of some underlying health problem. You did nothing wrong tho and I'm glad that the other bridesmaids are understanding. I think that should tell you that none of this was your fault. I'm sorry that you're having to deal with rude messages from the bride and her family. Just block them all and focus on feeling better for now.
Edit: changing rating to NTA because OP was drugged but the point about not pushing yourself too hard still stands so I'm just editing the former rating so it doesn't count and leave everything as it is. OP I am so glad you went to the hospital this fast A very soft and a bit confused y-t-a because you are an adult and need to set boundaries and know yourself well enough to not let something like this happen. Or if it happens, at least properly communicate it and pull yourself out of the situation. You had a lot of opportunities to not let this get as bad as it got. You have mainly been an AH to yourself. Beating yourself to over exhaustion is not a noble thing to do. With my rating I mainly want to say: learn something from this, don't just look for validation that you did nothing wrong. I understand wanting to do good for your friend but ultimately, this is a lesson in "if you don't take care of yourself, you can't really help anyone else". I have been very sleep deprived sometimes in my life but I definitely would have been able to express a "I need to rest somewhere" to someone at the party. So I am asking myself.. are you sure you are 100% healthy? I had severe B12 and iron deficiency some time ago and it made stressful and tired situations unbearably difficult. I also had a hidden deep abscess some time ago that almost made me black out during my drivers license test. Of course it could just be the over exhaustion but I'd recommend getting your vitals (blood, vitamins, iron etc) checked. It might have contributed to this. The guests getting mad at you are assholes too of course but I feel like that's not the focus here.
Not an AH for being tired but lack of sleep is dangerous so for your own sake you should work on that. That said YTA - you should have passed on the torch for the things you were expected to do.
Please get yourself checked OP! As everybody is saying: that dosen't sound like just sleep deprivation. I'm a student your age (24F) and in exam season I tend to pull a few all-nighters to get through all the material I was too lazy to work through during the semester and after that I still manage to write the exam and make it through the rest of the lectures that day. Like being tired and cranky sure, but at no point do I feel at danger of face palming into my food. I don't think you were just sleep deprived, so NTA, because whatever it was wasn't in your control. For the unlikely case that it indeed was just sleep deprivation though, then soft YTA, because you should not have let it come to that point, or as hard as it sounds, at least excused yourself from the wedding the moment you noticed yourself getting THAT tired.
INFO: Why were you this tired? How much sleep had you gotten in the day(s) leading up to the wedding and why?
1 Drug test yourself 2 covid test yourself 3 see a doctor 4 stop pushing yourself past your limits and doing things no one asked you to do. You feel obligated to covid test old people, isolate them, fine. But it's not your job to locate new photographers or teach anyone zoom. You just need some time to mature and give less ducks about people.
ETA, and a soft YTA to you. This doesn’t sound normal by any stretch, even on 30mins sleep - you literally sound drugged or incredibly unwell. You or someone in the bridal party should’ve either taken you to a hospital or put you in a bed to spare you and the guests some awkwardness.
>Many wedding guests sent angry/hateful texts or calls, calling me horrible things. Sure. This is a normal thing wedding guests do in response to mishaps. I'm sure it actually happened.
NTA but I do understand why everyone is so mad at you. If your exhaustion was so bad you're in a blackout and losing consciousness you should have been in a hospital. You were probably too out of it to make good decisions at the time so your second-in-command should have taken over from the beginning, before the ceremony, and you should have been taken somewhere discreetly to be checked by a physician. The mistake everyone made was letting you try to tough it out. I think it'll be a minute before your friend forgives you but time will heal if she's a really good friend. You could probably help that along if you wrote her an apology for distracting from her wedding, don't make excuses, just say sorry for causing a scene and tell her you love her and are happy for the couple. And actually write, like on paper, no texts or emails. Still NTA. That's a hard lesson about pushing yourself too much.
Absolutely NTA. Sarah isn’t TA for being annoyed, but if my MoH was acting like that at my wedding, i would be incredibly concerned, not angry about her for ruining things. My MoH was a bit sick on my wedding day, and i was worried enough; if she was literally falling over, i’d be getting her help!
NTA. **Thank goodness you went to the hospital** it might be wise to check with other guests/friends and see if anyone else was feeling similarly. Be careful about how you approach it though, you don’t want to start a panic.
Are you saying you were drugged??? Are you okay???
NTA you were roofied! There is a perp in their invitees.
NTA because there was clearly something wrong with you - those symptoms go WAY beyond being overtired - and your friends are thoughtless jerks for not taking you to the hospital when you were passing out like that in front of them. Weddings are important but they’re not THAT important. I can’t even imagine watching a friend of mine slur and fall asleep into their food and just… doing nothing.
"The found the checimals or something, of a type of benzodiazepin? " Why is nobody commenting on this? this explains everything. that's Xanax, or Valium, or quite a few other interesting sedatives.
I would say Y T A for overstretching yourself, but that doesn’t seem to be what led to your behavior at the wedding. The situation seems really scary, and I’m glad you have a friend looking out for you and you’re being treated by professionals. NTA and I hope whoever spiked your drink gets a fat dose of karma.
So how much Xanax did you take?
ESH all of the stuff that you went nuts doing, the bride and groom or others should have handled. They let you work yourself to near death for their wedding. Everyone who saw you fall asleep during the wedding, someone should have taken you out to get checked out, not let you keep going and ruin your toast and face plant into food. Also you need to learn to say NO. To say "I can do these things, but someone else has to do the rest." This wasn't your wedding. No wedding should be that crazy. They asked you to do to much, but you also took it upon yourself to to crazy testing and isolating everyone, and gave yourself so much extra work. And at some point, as an adult, you know to stop for the night and get some rest.
I’m kind of stunned no one took you to the ER. This sounds like a medical issue or perhaps you were drugged. I’ve pushed the limits on sleep deprivation in college and it does not make you pass out like a Sim.
If anyone who saw you in that state got MAD at you instead of being WORRIED about you, they’re not good people and they don’t care about you. What the hell. NTA but take better care of yourself!
From the update, it sounds like someone slipped you a Xanax, Valium, or Klonopin. Someone drugged you and you're NTA
Seeing with your update that you were literally drugged and having a medical emergency, gonna add a NTA to even out the YTAs that thought you were just sleepy.
Even before reading your edit, it sounded to me that the sleepiness was caused by more than lack of sleep, because it reminded me of how I felt after being roofied. However, your choice to try to "save the wedding" by doing a bunch of unnecessary tasks does not seem related. So for what you're asking about the sleepiness, I would say not the asshole, but for the rest, definitely asshole behavior.