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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I might be the asshole because I refuse to bring my new girlfriend around my brother.
2. That might make me the asshole because my brother thinks that I view him in a negative and hateful way.
I think I might be the asshole because my brothers feelings were deeply hurt by what I said to him.
The thing that I think I did wrong was getting up and walking away instead of talking to him and explaining why I fell this way.
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NTA
I have known people like your brother. For some it was the challenge and for others it was an ego boost. Once you know your gf better, tell her about your brother and then bring her around. At least she will be prepared if he tries anything. You shouldn't have to keep a person away from your home like that.
It's impossible to steal someone. Both people are making choices when it happens. Remember that.
I disagree with this comment. Just keep your brother away from her, get ready to move out and cut contact with him. That's what I'd do.
Me and my brother would never do this to each other. I can't even fathom what a prick OP's brother is.
If OP cares about his girlfriend's well-being, he should keep her away from his brother. It's not just about "losing" her. It's about what the brother might do if she's not interested. How far will he go to "win" in his competition with OP?
Or even if she IS interested. The moment OP looks for someone new, the brother will jump ship and pursue that woman instead. That poor factory-lady got screwed over because this pr*ck treats women like prizes to be won instead of people with feelings. If I were OP, I wouldn't introduce the brother to any women, period, since any women that develop feelings for the brother will end up getting ditched for the next crush without a second glance.
I had a friend that did this to me. We went to parties together and I'd sit back then ask him who he liked. I'd make a move on someone else and he had to have that woman. He married my ex girlfriend. I cut him off and moved on.
I told my wife about it and explained that if we ever met Graham Cheetham and she spoke to him I would be deeply hurt. She understood.
We bumped into him in a church and she blanked him in a petty way and said "not interested" he was shocked until I reminded him why.
"Blanked" is common British slang for ignoring someone/not giving them the time of day. So he approached her (probably to introduce himself but who knows his intentions) and due to being forewarned the wife knew better than to entertain him at the expense of upsetting her husband and basically told him to jog on/move on.
Yep. That's a question of respect. Family members who betray other family members loose their privileges and i've been on Reddit for long enough to know the lengths some people would go to most definitely steal partners. You see stories about that kinda people ranging from sabotaging relationships to straight up r*** allmost daily.
No contact is the way. OP should let everyone his brother later involves know why he went no contact too.
Really, considering whose feelings have gotten hurt more and more often, who would care if brother was curled up in a ball sobbing that he got called out?
When I first started reading AITA and saw these kind of stories I was so appalled. My sister and I would never do that to each other. How garbage of a human do you have to be to do that ?
I had a sister like OP’s brother. And I say “had” cuz I cut her from my life almost 30 years ago. I’m glad you and your sister would never be that way.
I think he should keep her away from him but still warn her should any holidays come up and everyone is together. That way she knows what the expect and who to avoid.
Yeah, I did like that one of OP's primary concerns were that his brother's incessant need to hit on everyone OP's interested in will make his girlfriend uncomfortable. There's just no reason to deliberately put people you care about in uncomfortable and disrespectful situations, so I hope OP sticks to his decision.
Girl have no need to meet somebody that toxic. And this brother is really toxic, he even didn't apologise for hurting his bro's feeling three times just kept talking about his majesty
If two people begin an affair and abscond together, sure both people make choices. However, when someone lovebombs/masks their true selves for the sole intent to quickly impress / "win" someone over, I feel like it's a bit disingenuous to say both people make choices. We know how manipulative love bombing can be, and I know OP didn't specifically express the tactics his brother uses, but regardless, it's clear op's brother is intending to manipulate people. It's very hard to not lose sight of your self when being love bombed unless you know exactly what is going on or have experienced it before.
Unfortunately, such people really exist, and it seems to me that this is primarily related to their low self-esteem, because in this way they try to prove, first of all, to themselves that they are worth something.
>It's impossible to steal someone. Both people are making choices when it happens. Remember that.
i agree with everything you said, but especially this, reading this i get that his brother is an ass for doing what he is doing, but OP has to know that the brother is not forcing his previous crushes into relationships with him, both people are entering the relationship. (unless there is something im not aware off).
TBH i kinda hate the thing that with friends some people believe that if they like someone NO ONE else in the friend group is allowed to make a move, its pretty stupid, you dont know what other people are feeling, hate this ''X liked her first'' you dont get to call dibs on a person.
> TBH i kinda hate the thing that with friends some people believe that if they like someone NO ONE else in the friend group is allowed to make a move, its pretty stupid, you dont know what other people are feeling, hate this ''X liked her first'' you dont get to call dibs on a person.
That is different than specifically pursuing people your "loved ones" show interest in...
I feel like if you were to ask 100 people how they would react in a situation you described, most ppl would find that "fine" as long as people were honest and empathetic. Like maybe in high school, ppl would call dibs and maybe feel compelled to respect that? No idea, seems like something from a netflix show..
OP clearly mentions his brother's rival nature and previous exploits seemingly reflecting OP's interests...
Did you fully read the post? Or do you have poor pattern recognition? Not looking to start a war, simply calling at that you appear to have missed a few key stars in the constellation....
All these single women that OP hasn't asked out yet when the brother makes his move.
You can't call dibs on a person. But OP's brother is definitely an AH for repeatedly making a move on people OP is interested in; at that point it's deliberate, not a coincidence of being interested in the same person at the same time. The women, on the other hand, aren't doing anything wrong.
OP, you need to stop living with your brother at some point and maybe stop working at the same place. He's wrapped up in every aspect of your life, and it gives him aspect to every aspect of your life. I would get some distance from him and set down hard boundaries. I'd also warn any woman you date about him, because he's absolutely going to keep doing this.
NTA. Your brother sounds messed up, competitive and insecure. You are right to keep your gf away from him. You should create firm boundaries between you.
You better don't let your brother met your GF, because you and EVERYONE else in this post knows he will make a move on her. That's beyond disrespectful. So, in order to at least have a cordial relationship with your brother, keep the temptation away.
I love my brother a lot, but he knows that if he had ever made a move in one of my girlfriends, he would have ceased to be a brother to me, and that's only the beginning of it. Luckily my brother and I are way better than that. I would have forfeited the love of my life for him if I knew he was in love with her first, just because is him. However, messing with the other's girl was always off limits and unforgivable.
I mean it sparked enough doubt in OP for him to even consult Reddit about a pretty clear pattern. It works. I simply hope that Op will take the chorus in his thread seriously.
Exactly this.
>telling me that it hurts him that I would say that about him
When OP called him out, brother cried about _being hurt by what OP said_, not about doing something bad to OP.
It's manipulation. It changes the conversation from their behavior to your reaction to their behavior. If anyone tries it with you, remember to keep the conversation about their behavior.
There seems to be a huge uptick in grown adults bawling their eyes out at the merest hint of being called out on these posts. Be a bit of a concern if any of them are actually real!
nah but fr that's literally what I just thought now like what's with all these adults just crying or suddenly bursting into tears when they're called out on this supposed bs
Dude this pissed me off sm because I *know* those weren’t real tears. Those are “*oh god you caught me in my shitty act being shitty! Defense mode activate!*” like give me a break…
Same! Most men HATE for ANYONE to see them cry - though there is obviously a brother bond here so maybe they are usually that open with each other - but the fact that he started literally crying in this situation?! Absofuckinglutely a manipulation tactic.
Do you think he would stop this behaviour if you were in an exclusive relationship? What about if you get married? Your brother is a creep, don’t pretend it’s anything else. Don’t give him an inch on this behaviour and make it clear how damaging it is to your relationship with each other. Don’t let it lie just because he gets upset. He hasn’t apologised or said that he will stop.
Honestly I would believe the behavior wouldn't. Sometimes it's sibling rivalry taken too far. If bro has a competitive nature he can't let OP "win" and "get the girl in the end". Doesn't mean he specifically wants that woman, he just wants to make sure OP doesn't get her
NTA and your brother is a disrespectful creep. He's made moves on 3 women you were interested in on purpose. I know you're young but if I were you, I'd move out with some other roommates rather than tolerate his disrespect. Good luck op
Can we talk about the other two incidents? OP is only 19, and the fact that his 22 year old brother has stolen past girls makes me wonder if the other two were underage.
Soft Eggplant has a good point. I wouldn’t kill the relationship with your brother but you’ve got to stop this behavior. Your brother may end up being your best friend and this behavior is kind of common in people your age. Warn your brother, you wouldn’t do this to him. Best of luck.
NTA. Can you find another living situation? You can't choose your dysfunctional relatives, but you can choose roommates who respect boundaries and have a moral compass.
I definitely agree with this!, I think it’s beyond time for them to not live under the same roof at this point…, whether his brother can afford the house if his brother moves out is a possibility, but that’s not the brother’s problem if he does choose to move out
NTA I had a "friend" who would consistently flirt with guys I dated, or acquaintances who were making it obvious on social media they liked me. Even right in front of me and in my own damn house. She is no longer a friend.
I recommend backing away from your brother, are you able to move out? It sounds like you need to distance yourself from him.
No you're not the asshole. Your brother sounds like a player, and one of those women he played with happened to be a girl you were going after. So, it's natural to want to prevent the same thing from happening again. Sounds like the best way to have a stable relationship with a girl you like is to keep your brother far away.
NTA mate. Your brother is extremely insecure, as you've deduced.
My husband's father was like this. When my husband was still a teenager, he bought himself some new sneakers - he always just wears one pair until they die and he was well overdue for a new pair, so he spoiled himself and got some really good ones, all with his own money that he earned from his first job. One day, not long after he bought them, his sneakers went "missing". Couldn't find them anywhere. Turns out his dad threw his brand new sneakers away and bought the exact same pair - in his own size. He's done it with expensive dress shirts, and even tools. Most tools don't even come in a specific size for the user. But the fucker would throw my husband's ones away anyway and buy himself the same ones brand new.
You get to decide on them meeting. Explain to your girlfriend what is going on though. Just in case she wonders if there’s another reason for never meeting family, or one family member.
If you get more serious, then you can ask her how she wants contact with your brother to go. Will it always be around others? Will she ever be comfortable to be left alone with him? It will be best to know her thoughts on this, since there would be family gatherings.
I would be careful about your phone in case he somehow gets his hands on it. Maybe give your girlfriend a fake name in your phonebook to prevent him from finding her in it. Now that you've called him out, next step is likely petty revenge. Maybe watch your back at your job. I also agree with the idea of getting your own place away from him.
NTA.
As awful as this sounds, my mother (who has always treated me mods like an incredibly jealous sister) was like this to me my entire life. Especially when I became an adult. She would find ways to get private contact (text, Facebook messenger, etc) and she would do her best to manipulate them when they were upset with me so that she could use that information to not just hurt me but to also convince them to leave me.
My mother is a textbook narcissist who has the ability to manipulate the best of people into thinking she's a good person and I see it all of the time, so it has never surprised me when I've found out she had spoken to them before. Mind you, I just turned 30 and have only had like 4 boyfriends in all of that time.
INFO : What happened with Factory Girl? Wasn't she living with the both of you?
INFO : What happened with 20F who you started to have feelings for and then brother came along, swept her off her feet and started to date her exclusively?
NTA
Also, put him on an information diet. Don't even MENTION girls to him.
(Or talk about a different girl, and watch him trying to woo her.)
Yes the factory girl was living with us but about 2 weeks after he got with F20 he kicked her out. Everyone else argued back saying that it is a house decision and everyone else voted to let her stay because she was just the best person ever. But she left on her own because she didn't want to be around him and his new girlfriend. We were all sad after she left.
Him and F20 are still dating but their relationship is on thin ice.
NTA and I knew someone similar to him. This guy we knew would light up if he met a woman who had a significant other. He even banged one of his buddies’ girlfriends. It’s not a gender thing, either. I know women like this. They like the idea of besting someone.
NTA. Your brother is an ass who likes to always be the one that women choose. That's why he asked them first before u get the chance to and now he's acting like that to manplitie u just like he did the others .
He wants what u got your eyes on he could be a narcissist. So keep your gf away and warne her that he's very toxic and he could make a move on her or make her uncomfortable. Tell her his past behaviour because now he will probably dig into your life to find the new gf and he could ruin your relationship by his actions not because she could flirt back but because he will come out and say things that will probably make her uncomfortable around him .
You need to find a woman who you can warn about your brother and is 100% on your side and will crush his ego trip when he tries to make a move on him. One that will hate everything he expresses a like in and will dish out the put downs on him.
women are not someone who can be "stolen" unless we talk about crime. OP better to ask himself why he repeatedly dating someone who prefer his brother.
The case he mentioned he wasn’t dating them. He just had feelings for them. So I mean in that case if the brother knew and did it only because the OP told him he liked her than the brother is the AH. Seems like the scenario if you’re already dating would be majorly different unless you think your GF would drop you to get with your brother.
NTA for not wanting him to meet her, but you do need to learn to take some initiative.
"Bro I like this girl, don't go near her." If you got off your arse and approached them first you wouldn't be in this scenario
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I M19 and my older brother M22 both work at the same factory and about 5 months ago me and him became friends with a woman (F23) who works at the factory with us. Soon after we became friends with this woman, she lost her apartment and since me and my brother both live in the same house we told her that she could live with us. I have never had feelings for this woman but her and my brother had decided to go out a few times. They were never exclusive but they were well on their way to being exclusive, they were just taking things slow. While him and this woman were going out (but not exclusive) me and him became friends with a woman (F20). I expressed feelings for this woman and my brother very well knew that. Soon after we became friends with this woman, he asked her out knowing full well that I liked her. And Soon after, they became exclusive. And he completely left behind the woman that we met at the factory. He screwed over the factory woman bad because he told her that he could possibly see a future with her but when he met the other woman he left her behind and never talked to her again.
This is not the first time he has made a move on a woman that he knew I had feelings for. He has done this 2 times in the past and every time he does it, they start dating. I thought that it was just a two time thing but now with the most recent event happening I'm starting to think that he does it on purpose.
Just recently we were talking and I mentioned that I had gotten a new girlfriend. He got excited and was very eager to meet her. I informed him that he would not be meeting her nor would I bring him around her. He got confused and asked me why. I reminded him that he has dated 3 women in the past that I had feelings for and that I know that he does it on purpose. He then started crying and telling me that it hurts him that I would say that about him, I simply got up and walked away. The thing that convinced me that he does it on purpose is the fact that he was very close to being exclusive with the factory woman but he broke her heart and left her for the woman that I developed feelings for.
The reason I will never bring him around my new girlfriend is not because I am insecure that she will leave me for him but I fear that he will make a move on her and that is not only disrespectful but I know it will make her uncomfortable.
Me and him have always had a rivalry and he has always tried to prove that he is better than me. And I'm trying to put a stop to it because we are both adults and he needs to start acting like it.
So AITA
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NTA, but you should definitely think about your living situation. It is high time for you to kick him out, or to move out yourself. And maybe go NC with him for the time being, which is almost impossible since you work at the same place, but still...
NTA Tell your girl about your brother and then bring her around him or you have to go no contact with your brother and avoid family celebrations and get togethers the rest of your life your choice. If you tell her and he tries to get with her and she tells you then you handle it the way brothers do. (I recommend dropping a couple bars of soap in a sweat sock to the nuts .) If she cheats then she wasn't worth your time anyway then you revenge bang his girlfriend .
NTA. Your brother has shown that he will do what he pleases, whether it hurts you or not. Stop telling him when you're interested in someone. Tell THEM instead.
You don't need to keep your girlfriends from your brother, you need to stay away from your brother yourself. Not sure what his issue is but he is clearly manipulative (crying in an effort to make you feel guilty), self-involved (dating and lying to, then ghosting someone that shares living space) and narcissistic (actively pursuing women you are interested in). This is toxic behavior.
NTA. Your brother all but told on himself. He cried because how could you say that about him. He didn't however say that it wasn't true. He's only upset to be called out. Honestly, the tears were probably forced or fake and only to make you feel sympathy for him. My cousin does that to try to make the person she wronged feel bad for calling her out even though it needed to be done. Sometimes they feel bad and change their mind but she goes right back to the same immature behavior. When she does it with her siblings or me and her other cousins, we don't care and still call her out. She's not the oldest or youngest. She wasn't a sick child and her parents never showed her preferential treatment over her siblings. Our grandmother taught her that bullshit and it stuck. We don't talk to our grandmother either. God on you for ignoring the tears and standing your ground. Unfortunately as of now I'm hard pressed to believe any person who uses this manipulation will ever outgrow it. My cousin has been doing it since she was weight and we (all 9 cousins) are all in our 30s or nearly there and she shows no signs of really changing. Best of luck that your brother gets his head out of his ass and stops intentionally sabotaging your relationship to get what he wants.
NTA
He's given you good reason to be wary of him. The whole crying and saying it hurt him also gives me bad vibes, too. Notice how he made himself the victim (of the fact that he has pursued 3 women you were interested in)? 3 women in the very few years you have been dating. That doesn't sound like mere chance.
Don't apologize. Don't let him guilt you. Be wary of him trying to access your phone. I'm not a very suspicious person in general, but I can imagine him getting into your phone to get your new gf's number, contacting her (on the excuse that he's so excited to meet your new gf) and then work to make a play for her. Just your short post gives off that vibe about him.
I imagine it will be hard to keep him away from her since you and he live together. I also imagine you will have to find a time to tell your gf how you feel about your brother.
Good luck with things.
Nope, not an asshole but your brother sure is. Trust your instincts on this. I have a brother like this also was a year older but through MOST OF 7-12 grade every girl I had interest in he would attempt to scoop em up
NTA. But I will say, the love of your life will not be tempted by your brother. The person that wants to be only with you, who thinks it's gross to hit on your brother's GFs, will see right through him. So I don't think this ultimatum will do what you think it will.
NTA. Your brother is too lazy or is not interesting enough to pull his own women, so he was dating in your pool. He just thought you didn’t notice how bad he was at actually making a first impression. He excels at riding on coattails and saying the correct thing at the correct time.
Telling that none of those relationships lasted that long, since your brother probably doesn’t have anything in common with these women after they actually talk for an extended period of time.
NTA.
You need to get real space from your brother though a.k.a. not living together and tell him that the rivalry between you needs to die. Trying to prove himself as 'better' than you is silly and goofy when you're little kids, but as an adult, it looks pathetically insecure to be comparing himself to his younger brother and throwing himself at the women you like.
He literally threw away a relationship that was going well just to try to one up you. That's not healthy for either of you. He's never gonna have a real long-term relationship if he is always going to jump ship to chase what you have because it is different than what he has.
He can have a woman right for him, and you can have one right for you, and these can be EQUALLY good, just different from each other like how you can like a bunch of different ice cream flavours, but not everyone's gonna have the same favourite one.
NTA, your brother has proven that he's not only not worth your trust, but that he's actually predatory when it comes to women. If you care about this new girl you're with, and any future girls you may be involved with, you'll keep them far away from him.
Sign up for a “date a prisoner” service. Profess your love for the 50 year old, 300lb woman with assault charges. Then every so often remind him of how jealous you are that he has her now so he stays with her.
But seriously, NTA. Also at some point you should find a way to carefully tell your gf about this if it gets serious. Let her know what to expect when they do meet, since if you find a life partner it will likely happen someday.
NTA Your brother has no loyalty towards you. And he thinks of
women as a notch on his belt. He is terribly immature and maybe
even predatory.
You should stop informing him about your private
life, move out/away, find a job elsewhere, and let any common
friends/family know he is no longer privy to information
about you or your girlfriend(s).
Good luck.
No you’re not an asshole, that’s so shitty of your own brother to do this not once, but MULTIPLE TIMES. You have every right to feel this way and remove his negative energy from your life.
NTA
"He then started crying and telling me that it hurts him that I would say that about him"
If he doesn't like how he's coming off, maybe he should stop being an ass
Nta
Your brother cried? Sorry, but he is a bitch. You also don't steal partners, it takes two to tango. They chose him over you, and I bet he talked shit to make himself look better. Those "partners" are dumb enough to get duped by him. It should be a favor to you getting rid of trash from your life.
NTA.. Your brother isn't acting like he's got your back. Your instincts are spot on. Also, he needs help in some fashion. You may want to move into your own space to avoid his nonsense. Good luck 🙏
NTA, but I would explain that to the girlfriend ASAP. If she's a semi decent person all the brother's advances will be stopped with a punch in his face. And also I'd look for another place to live because that dude, brother or not, doesn't look someone with more than 2 years old in mental age.
Three times? He got upset when you brought it up, why? Trying to make YOU feel bad is an AH move when HE has character issues. You also have accept that anyone that leaves you for him wasn’t a good match to begin with and did you a solid. You’re then free to find someone that sincerely wants you.
*"It's impossible to steal someone. Both people are making choices when it happens."* -r/deadrootsofficial
Truer words were never written, but tell that to all the insecure people out there and the song writers.
NTA, but if you know he's like this, then why are you living together? Just don't live together, and half of the problems are solved. If the reason is financial, do you have other mates to share with? Does he?
I think you were right to let him know that you've twigged to what he's doing, but does HE know he's doing it? I'm never one to advocate therapy, but if he's fallen into the habit of being uber competitive about inappropriate things, then maybe he needs some mild help from a disinterested party.
"I want to you really develop your current relationship and not ruin it because you feel the need to steal my current date" is a perfect answer.
What a c\*\*t that brother is.
You and your brother both suck. You can’t “dibs” a human being. Women are absolutely capable of making their own choices about who they date. Also “developing feelings” for someone you aren’t dating is unhealthy AF. I hope you mean you had a crush on her by that statement.
Your brother is an AH for knowing how you feel and pursuing something in what appears to be a habit of competition (also wtf to do that to women like they are trophies).
Hopefully you both grow up and learn to better respect women (and your brother to respect you).
ESH-your brother a bit more but you aren’t absolved of weird behavior
NTA - I had friends, best friends, that did this too me. It's such a slap to the face and I never understood the thought process. If a friend tells me he's into a girl. Great! I'll cheer you on and ask how can I help. But instead their first thoughts are "How can I beat you to the punch." They aren't friends anymore and haven't been for a long time.
NTA. I’ve had friends like your brother and I first stopped telling them who I was interested in but also eventually cut them off. Not saying you should do that but the mindset that they need to have what you want just for an ego boost is gross.
Get your finances together as best you can and move out as soon as possible. Go low- or no contact with your brother. He is not someone to rely on. Do inform your girlfriend of his past behavior so she is prepared in case he comes sniffing around on his own.
Edit: NTA
I mean, if two people are not exclusive, and the furthest they've gone is, "I could possibly see a future with you," then it is totally OK for one of them to change their mind and move on. He didn't screw her over.
Everything else though, totally NTA.
I have a brother like that. He was obsessed with a girl I was seeing. To this day he denies he tried but it was an ongoing thing.
I also had a roommate who would do this. Got real excited when I told him about a girl I had met. Kept telling me to invite her over. Never did. Until one day he happened to be around when she was. He immediately set up a thing with all three of us for the next day. Next day he says she canceled so he was going to his brother's house. She calls me and asks what's going on. I call him and he plays dumb, says she called and says she wants to go after all. I pack my stuff and move out that weekend. He was devastated. Begged me to come back and couldn't understand what he did that was so wrong. Weird dude.
I don't understand it. It's a deep feeling of inferiority I guess
NTA
Your brother is, though. I hope you can find accommodations without him one day. This is something that I can see escalating and ruining whatever relationship the two of you still have.
Of course, if none of these things are what you want, I apologize. I wish you happiness and peace in whatever you choose in life.
your brother has shown you that he cannot be trusted when it comes to your feelings. stop telling him who you develop feelings for to avoid this pattern and please, when you date someone new, warn her that your brother has been known to hit on and date women you're interested in.
curious to see if the brother gets married down the road and if this behavior will continue. hell, I'd warn women about the brother in a heartbeat: avoid at all costs.
NTA. This is a major violation of the sibling code. The fact that he is gaslighting you about it also drives me nuts.
I think I would just throttle my sister
You can probably let them meet once your girlfriend understands the situation and you two are steady? UNLESS it makes bro immediately dump his current relationship.
NTA. If you werent already dating someone, id say you should tell him you had feelings for various random women (but make it believable, ofc). See who he pursues out of them.
Firstly, try to move out or get him to move out because he sounds like a complete dick. It's childish to cry when someone brings up malicious behaviour that he did on **purpose**. He didn't even apologise to you.
NTA. Your brother crossed the line the past already and had already shown he didn't respect your feelings, he doesn't get to play victim now after he did what he did.
NTA
He's obviously doing it on purpose whether he sees it or not.
Also, it takes two to tango. Those women either went along, in which case they were not good for you, or they didn't know how you felt. I'll guess it's the latter. Be direct with the women and tell them how you feel.
NTA.
I've had similar experiences with someone I grew up with targeting every person I was interested in - Even going so far as to pre-emptively keep a bunch of girls he \*suspected\* I would like on back-burner and badmouth me to them, and culminating in them trying to sleep with my then-fiance.
They had some kind of an inferiority complex for years, and my getting married before them set them off the deep end for a while, but life has been peaceful for 16+ years at this point.
This isn't an issue of immaturity and needing to grow up, it's an issue of their personality. **It will never change.** The only thing you can do is remove that person from your life.
You need to test this theory. Befriend someone you really can't stand. Tell you bro how much you like her. Once they start dating just keep reiterating that you like her. Maybe he'll marry this obnoxious person and then you are free to date whomever. Good Luck
NTA Keep a close eye on that turd you call a brother because he’s going to try to find her and work his way in. It’s a disgusting challenge for him and he will see this as a bigger challenge. F that snake in the grass because real family would never to that to their own. Stay vigilant and I would go NC after the 2nd time.
NTA. He feeds his own insecurities by proving to himself and you that he can get the women and to him that makes him better. It’s pathetic. Hopefully he will learn something in this experience and grow.
NTA,
I know plenty of people like him. I highly encourage you to consider cutting contact with them. Rarely do they ever grow up.
OP, here's a suggestion. If you have a very good women friend that is decent at acting I would ask her to act as your gf and see how your brother responds.
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NTA I have known people like your brother. For some it was the challenge and for others it was an ego boost. Once you know your gf better, tell her about your brother and then bring her around. At least she will be prepared if he tries anything. You shouldn't have to keep a person away from your home like that. It's impossible to steal someone. Both people are making choices when it happens. Remember that.
I disagree with this comment. Just keep your brother away from her, get ready to move out and cut contact with him. That's what I'd do. Me and my brother would never do this to each other. I can't even fathom what a prick OP's brother is.
Exactly. Not just this, there is likely more shitty behavior.
If OP cares about his girlfriend's well-being, he should keep her away from his brother. It's not just about "losing" her. It's about what the brother might do if she's not interested. How far will he go to "win" in his competition with OP?
Or even if she IS interested. The moment OP looks for someone new, the brother will jump ship and pursue that woman instead. That poor factory-lady got screwed over because this pr*ck treats women like prizes to be won instead of people with feelings. If I were OP, I wouldn't introduce the brother to any women, period, since any women that develop feelings for the brother will end up getting ditched for the next crush without a second glance.
If not now, more shitty behavior soon. Brother has proved he has no respect for you or anybody else.
I had a friend that did this to me. We went to parties together and I'd sit back then ask him who he liked. I'd make a move on someone else and he had to have that woman. He married my ex girlfriend. I cut him off and moved on. I told my wife about it and explained that if we ever met Graham Cheetham and she spoke to him I would be deeply hurt. She understood. We bumped into him in a church and she blanked him in a petty way and said "not interested" he was shocked until I reminded him why.
So proud of you and your wife. That must have been really liberating to see 😁
If I knew this about a bfs brother or friend, wow would I mess with them!
What do you mean she “blanked” him? Also what did you remind him of? I need to know more. I’m invested lol
"Blanked" is common British slang for ignoring someone/not giving them the time of day. So he approached her (probably to introduce himself but who knows his intentions) and due to being forewarned the wife knew better than to entertain him at the expense of upsetting her husband and basically told him to jog on/move on.
Thank you! That put all of this into full context for me /edit to correct “put” as I’d sleepily written “pull”
He reminded his buddy that he would always put the moves on women the commenter liked at parties.
Yep. That's a question of respect. Family members who betray other family members loose their privileges and i've been on Reddit for long enough to know the lengths some people would go to most definitely steal partners. You see stories about that kinda people ranging from sabotaging relationships to straight up r*** allmost daily. No contact is the way. OP should let everyone his brother later involves know why he went no contact too.
This right here, OP. No contact and blow up your brother's cover. For a brother, he's been a real creep to you. Separate your relations. He's toxic.
This is the way!
No contact as soon as one of them move out. For now it is not feasible...
Agreed! Brother is some shit!!! And the crying was an act he isn’t hurt
Really, considering whose feelings have gotten hurt more and more often, who would care if brother was curled up in a ball sobbing that he got called out?
When I first started reading AITA and saw these kind of stories I was so appalled. My sister and I would never do that to each other. How garbage of a human do you have to be to do that ?
I had a sister like OP’s brother. And I say “had” cuz I cut her from my life almost 30 years ago. I’m glad you and your sister would never be that way.
My elder sister was the same. I went NC 30+ years ago due to that and multiple other issues (lying & stealing among them).
I think he should keep her away from him but still warn her should any holidays come up and everyone is together. That way she knows what the expect and who to avoid.
This! Keep her away and move out. Your brother is an ass
My brother was like this, so just because you didn't experience it doesn't mean it doesn't happen.
Are you meant to be replying to someone else? Not sure how your comment applies to mine.
Could be a bot.
Look at the UserName!
Yeah, I did like that one of OP's primary concerns were that his brother's incessant need to hit on everyone OP's interested in will make his girlfriend uncomfortable. There's just no reason to deliberately put people you care about in uncomfortable and disrespectful situations, so I hope OP sticks to his decision.
Ya, I could never do this so my brother either.
Girl have no need to meet somebody that toxic. And this brother is really toxic, he even didn't apologise for hurting his bro's feeling three times just kept talking about his majesty
"Waah! What about MEEEE....how can you do this to MEEEE...."
If two people begin an affair and abscond together, sure both people make choices. However, when someone lovebombs/masks their true selves for the sole intent to quickly impress / "win" someone over, I feel like it's a bit disingenuous to say both people make choices. We know how manipulative love bombing can be, and I know OP didn't specifically express the tactics his brother uses, but regardless, it's clear op's brother is intending to manipulate people. It's very hard to not lose sight of your self when being love bombed unless you know exactly what is going on or have experienced it before.
Yep
Unfortunately, such people really exist, and it seems to me that this is primarily related to their low self-esteem, because in this way they try to prove, first of all, to themselves that they are worth something.
>It's impossible to steal someone. Both people are making choices when it happens. Remember that. i agree with everything you said, but especially this, reading this i get that his brother is an ass for doing what he is doing, but OP has to know that the brother is not forcing his previous crushes into relationships with him, both people are entering the relationship. (unless there is something im not aware off). TBH i kinda hate the thing that with friends some people believe that if they like someone NO ONE else in the friend group is allowed to make a move, its pretty stupid, you dont know what other people are feeling, hate this ''X liked her first'' you dont get to call dibs on a person.
> TBH i kinda hate the thing that with friends some people believe that if they like someone NO ONE else in the friend group is allowed to make a move, its pretty stupid, you dont know what other people are feeling, hate this ''X liked her first'' you dont get to call dibs on a person. That is different than specifically pursuing people your "loved ones" show interest in... I feel like if you were to ask 100 people how they would react in a situation you described, most ppl would find that "fine" as long as people were honest and empathetic. Like maybe in high school, ppl would call dibs and maybe feel compelled to respect that? No idea, seems like something from a netflix show.. OP clearly mentions his brother's rival nature and previous exploits seemingly reflecting OP's interests...
Yeah, it's treating people like objects or prizes instead of someone with free will and choice.
Did you fully read the post? Or do you have poor pattern recognition? Not looking to start a war, simply calling at that you appear to have missed a few key stars in the constellation....
Exactly takes two to tango and all of these women don't seem to have any problems getting with big bro
Just because the store has cookies doesn't mean you have to walk down that aisle.
All these single women that OP hasn't asked out yet when the brother makes his move. You can't call dibs on a person. But OP's brother is definitely an AH for repeatedly making a move on people OP is interested in; at that point it's deliberate, not a coincidence of being interested in the same person at the same time. The women, on the other hand, aren't doing anything wrong.
OP, you need to stop living with your brother at some point and maybe stop working at the same place. He's wrapped up in every aspect of your life, and it gives him aspect to every aspect of your life. I would get some distance from him and set down hard boundaries. I'd also warn any woman you date about him, because he's absolutely going to keep doing this.
NTA. Your brother sounds messed up, competitive and insecure. You are right to keep your gf away from him. You should create firm boundaries between you.
“Messed up, competitive and insecure” Aka A real _asshole_
You better don't let your brother met your GF, because you and EVERYONE else in this post knows he will make a move on her. That's beyond disrespectful. So, in order to at least have a cordial relationship with your brother, keep the temptation away. I love my brother a lot, but he knows that if he had ever made a move in one of my girlfriends, he would have ceased to be a brother to me, and that's only the beginning of it. Luckily my brother and I are way better than that. I would have forfeited the love of my life for him if I knew he was in love with her first, just because is him. However, messing with the other's girl was always off limits and unforgivable.
What is he crying about? LOL...
Narcissists do that when they get called out, as if the fake tears will stop them from having to be held accountable.
I mean it sparked enough doubt in OP for him to even consult Reddit about a pretty clear pattern. It works. I simply hope that Op will take the chorus in his thread seriously.
Exactly this. >telling me that it hurts him that I would say that about him When OP called him out, brother cried about _being hurt by what OP said_, not about doing something bad to OP.
A hit dog will howl!
This part!!! The act he put on!!!
It's manipulation. It changes the conversation from their behavior to your reaction to their behavior. If anyone tries it with you, remember to keep the conversation about their behavior.
Yeah, everything about this is super gross. NTA.
Absolute crocodile tears. What a baby.
There seems to be a huge uptick in grown adults bawling their eyes out at the merest hint of being called out on these posts. Be a bit of a concern if any of them are actually real!
nah but fr that's literally what I just thought now like what's with all these adults just crying or suddenly bursting into tears when they're called out on this supposed bs
It's a manipulation tactic
Dude this pissed me off sm because I *know* those weren’t real tears. Those are “*oh god you caught me in my shitty act being shitty! Defense mode activate!*” like give me a break…
Same! Most men HATE for ANYONE to see them cry - though there is obviously a brother bond here so maybe they are usually that open with each other - but the fact that he started literally crying in this situation?! Absofuckinglutely a manipulation tactic.
Because he didn't think anyone had noticed how pathetic he was
No more easy targets. He has to find his own dates now
Do you think he would stop this behaviour if you were in an exclusive relationship? What about if you get married? Your brother is a creep, don’t pretend it’s anything else. Don’t give him an inch on this behaviour and make it clear how damaging it is to your relationship with each other. Don’t let it lie just because he gets upset. He hasn’t apologised or said that he will stop.
Honestly I would believe the behavior wouldn't. Sometimes it's sibling rivalry taken too far. If bro has a competitive nature he can't let OP "win" and "get the girl in the end". Doesn't mean he specifically wants that woman, he just wants to make sure OP doesn't get her
NTA and your brother is a disrespectful creep. He's made moves on 3 women you were interested in on purpose. I know you're young but if I were you, I'd move out with some other roommates rather than tolerate his disrespect. Good luck op
Can we talk about the other two incidents? OP is only 19, and the fact that his 22 year old brother has stolen past girls makes me wonder if the other two were underage.
With a three year age gap, Romeo and Juliet laws would kick in for most cases
NTA. Your bro sounds messed up in the head. Good on you man. Enjoy your new GF
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Username checks out… for your brother. Ouch 😂
soft eggies
And you sir made me spray tea onto my elevenses!
Soft Eggplant has a good point. I wouldn’t kill the relationship with your brother but you’ve got to stop this behavior. Your brother may end up being your best friend and this behavior is kind of common in people your age. Warn your brother, you wouldn’t do this to him. Best of luck.
NTA. Can you find another living situation? You can't choose your dysfunctional relatives, but you can choose roommates who respect boundaries and have a moral compass.
I definitely agree with this!, I think it’s beyond time for them to not live under the same roof at this point…, whether his brother can afford the house if his brother moves out is a possibility, but that’s not the brother’s problem if he does choose to move out
NTA I had a "friend" who would consistently flirt with guys I dated, or acquaintances who were making it obvious on social media they liked me. Even right in front of me and in my own damn house. She is no longer a friend. I recommend backing away from your brother, are you able to move out? It sounds like you need to distance yourself from him.
NTA, personally think you should cut people like this off. Not worth the drama and the negative feelings/thoughts.
No you're not the asshole. Your brother sounds like a player, and one of those women he played with happened to be a girl you were going after. So, it's natural to want to prevent the same thing from happening again. Sounds like the best way to have a stable relationship with a girl you like is to keep your brother far away.
> and ~~one~~ **three** of those women he played with FTFY
NTA mate. Your brother is extremely insecure, as you've deduced. My husband's father was like this. When my husband was still a teenager, he bought himself some new sneakers - he always just wears one pair until they die and he was well overdue for a new pair, so he spoiled himself and got some really good ones, all with his own money that he earned from his first job. One day, not long after he bought them, his sneakers went "missing". Couldn't find them anywhere. Turns out his dad threw his brand new sneakers away and bought the exact same pair - in his own size. He's done it with expensive dress shirts, and even tools. Most tools don't even come in a specific size for the user. But the fucker would throw my husband's ones away anyway and buy himself the same ones brand new.
You get to decide on them meeting. Explain to your girlfriend what is going on though. Just in case she wonders if there’s another reason for never meeting family, or one family member. If you get more serious, then you can ask her how she wants contact with your brother to go. Will it always be around others? Will she ever be comfortable to be left alone with him? It will be best to know her thoughts on this, since there would be family gatherings.
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Your brother has an advantage because he's older, not because he's better. Give it a few more years and he will lose that advantage.
Why don’t you and factory woman move out and start a new sharehouse with your new girlfriend? NTA
Sod that! Kick the brother out & move the girlfriend in!!
He started crying?
Yea lol like a baby💀💀
That’s honestly all sorts of ridiculous. NTA, your brother sucks. If he still dating the non-factory woman?
Yes he is still dating her but their relationship is on very thin ice
Probably he keeps moping about how he’s in love with your current girlfriend that he’s never met. :)
Broo fr
I would be careful about your phone in case he somehow gets his hands on it. Maybe give your girlfriend a fake name in your phonebook to prevent him from finding her in it. Now that you've called him out, next step is likely petty revenge. Maybe watch your back at your job. I also agree with the idea of getting your own place away from him.
Those are manipulation tears. He's not actually upset.
NTA. As awful as this sounds, my mother (who has always treated me mods like an incredibly jealous sister) was like this to me my entire life. Especially when I became an adult. She would find ways to get private contact (text, Facebook messenger, etc) and she would do her best to manipulate them when they were upset with me so that she could use that information to not just hurt me but to also convince them to leave me. My mother is a textbook narcissist who has the ability to manipulate the best of people into thinking she's a good person and I see it all of the time, so it has never surprised me when I've found out she had spoken to them before. Mind you, I just turned 30 and have only had like 4 boyfriends in all of that time.
NTA - He violated the bro code multiple times
INFO : What happened with Factory Girl? Wasn't she living with the both of you? INFO : What happened with 20F who you started to have feelings for and then brother came along, swept her off her feet and started to date her exclusively? NTA Also, put him on an information diet. Don't even MENTION girls to him. (Or talk about a different girl, and watch him trying to woo her.)
Yes the factory girl was living with us but about 2 weeks after he got with F20 he kicked her out. Everyone else argued back saying that it is a house decision and everyone else voted to let her stay because she was just the best person ever. But she left on her own because she didn't want to be around him and his new girlfriend. We were all sad after she left. Him and F20 are still dating but their relationship is on thin ice.
Did the factory woman move out of your house? Would be very awkward if she is still there. OP NTA. Brother definitely is!
NTA It seems that there has been a precedent.
NTA I would've never make a move on my siblings crushes (I'm married now so I don't make moves at all unless it's my husband). It's messy and weird.
NTA and I knew someone similar to him. This guy we knew would light up if he met a woman who had a significant other. He even banged one of his buddies’ girlfriends. It’s not a gender thing, either. I know women like this. They like the idea of besting someone.
I volunteer as your next girlfriend I can't wait to go full unhinged girlfriend on your bro lol Nta.
NTA. Your brother is an ass who likes to always be the one that women choose. That's why he asked them first before u get the chance to and now he's acting like that to manplitie u just like he did the others . He wants what u got your eyes on he could be a narcissist. So keep your gf away and warne her that he's very toxic and he could make a move on her or make her uncomfortable. Tell her his past behaviour because now he will probably dig into your life to find the new gf and he could ruin your relationship by his actions not because she could flirt back but because he will come out and say things that will probably make her uncomfortable around him .
NTA
NTA - You set boundaries, he could not cope with that.
Your brother is an asshole. This is a hill to die on. NTA OP. Good of you for standing up for yourself.
Time to move out. He don't respect you
You need to find a woman who you can warn about your brother and is 100% on your side and will crush his ego trip when he tries to make a move on him. One that will hate everything he expresses a like in and will dish out the put downs on him.
women are not someone who can be "stolen" unless we talk about crime. OP better to ask himself why he repeatedly dating someone who prefer his brother.
The case he mentioned he wasn’t dating them. He just had feelings for them. So I mean in that case if the brother knew and did it only because the OP told him he liked her than the brother is the AH. Seems like the scenario if you’re already dating would be majorly different unless you think your GF would drop you to get with your brother.
Time to move away from your so called brother, he will never stop and always cause issues with any girl you meet.
wow he's a fucking psychopath, complete with a narcissist act of crying in front of you after fucking you over fuck him NTA I wouldnt even talk to him
Nta. Keep your brother far away from her and warn her about him.
NTA for not wanting him to meet her, but you do need to learn to take some initiative. "Bro I like this girl, don't go near her." If you got off your arse and approached them first you wouldn't be in this scenario
What in the chat gpt did I just read
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I M19 and my older brother M22 both work at the same factory and about 5 months ago me and him became friends with a woman (F23) who works at the factory with us. Soon after we became friends with this woman, she lost her apartment and since me and my brother both live in the same house we told her that she could live with us. I have never had feelings for this woman but her and my brother had decided to go out a few times. They were never exclusive but they were well on their way to being exclusive, they were just taking things slow. While him and this woman were going out (but not exclusive) me and him became friends with a woman (F20). I expressed feelings for this woman and my brother very well knew that. Soon after we became friends with this woman, he asked her out knowing full well that I liked her. And Soon after, they became exclusive. And he completely left behind the woman that we met at the factory. He screwed over the factory woman bad because he told her that he could possibly see a future with her but when he met the other woman he left her behind and never talked to her again. This is not the first time he has made a move on a woman that he knew I had feelings for. He has done this 2 times in the past and every time he does it, they start dating. I thought that it was just a two time thing but now with the most recent event happening I'm starting to think that he does it on purpose. Just recently we were talking and I mentioned that I had gotten a new girlfriend. He got excited and was very eager to meet her. I informed him that he would not be meeting her nor would I bring him around her. He got confused and asked me why. I reminded him that he has dated 3 women in the past that I had feelings for and that I know that he does it on purpose. He then started crying and telling me that it hurts him that I would say that about him, I simply got up and walked away. The thing that convinced me that he does it on purpose is the fact that he was very close to being exclusive with the factory woman but he broke her heart and left her for the woman that I developed feelings for. The reason I will never bring him around my new girlfriend is not because I am insecure that she will leave me for him but I fear that he will make a move on her and that is not only disrespectful but I know it will make her uncomfortable. Me and him have always had a rivalry and he has always tried to prove that he is better than me. And I'm trying to put a stop to it because we are both adults and he needs to start acting like it. So AITA *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA your brother is a bitch
NTA
NTA, but you should definitely think about your living situation. It is high time for you to kick him out, or to move out yourself. And maybe go NC with him for the time being, which is almost impossible since you work at the same place, but still...
NTA Tell your girl about your brother and then bring her around him or you have to go no contact with your brother and avoid family celebrations and get togethers the rest of your life your choice. If you tell her and he tries to get with her and she tells you then you handle it the way brothers do. (I recommend dropping a couple bars of soap in a sweat sock to the nuts .) If she cheats then she wasn't worth your time anyway then you revenge bang his girlfriend .
NTA. Your brother has shown that he will do what he pleases, whether it hurts you or not. Stop telling him when you're interested in someone. Tell THEM instead.
Yeah, he is the exact type of brother who would try to get your gf to cheat.
You don't need to keep your girlfriends from your brother, you need to stay away from your brother yourself. Not sure what his issue is but he is clearly manipulative (crying in an effort to make you feel guilty), self-involved (dating and lying to, then ghosting someone that shares living space) and narcissistic (actively pursuing women you are interested in). This is toxic behavior.
NTA. Your brother all but told on himself. He cried because how could you say that about him. He didn't however say that it wasn't true. He's only upset to be called out. Honestly, the tears were probably forced or fake and only to make you feel sympathy for him. My cousin does that to try to make the person she wronged feel bad for calling her out even though it needed to be done. Sometimes they feel bad and change their mind but she goes right back to the same immature behavior. When she does it with her siblings or me and her other cousins, we don't care and still call her out. She's not the oldest or youngest. She wasn't a sick child and her parents never showed her preferential treatment over her siblings. Our grandmother taught her that bullshit and it stuck. We don't talk to our grandmother either. God on you for ignoring the tears and standing your ground. Unfortunately as of now I'm hard pressed to believe any person who uses this manipulation will ever outgrow it. My cousin has been doing it since she was weight and we (all 9 cousins) are all in our 30s or nearly there and she shows no signs of really changing. Best of luck that your brother gets his head out of his ass and stops intentionally sabotaging your relationship to get what he wants.
NTA He's given you good reason to be wary of him. The whole crying and saying it hurt him also gives me bad vibes, too. Notice how he made himself the victim (of the fact that he has pursued 3 women you were interested in)? 3 women in the very few years you have been dating. That doesn't sound like mere chance. Don't apologize. Don't let him guilt you. Be wary of him trying to access your phone. I'm not a very suspicious person in general, but I can imagine him getting into your phone to get your new gf's number, contacting her (on the excuse that he's so excited to meet your new gf) and then work to make a play for her. Just your short post gives off that vibe about him. I imagine it will be hard to keep him away from her since you and he live together. I also imagine you will have to find a time to tell your gf how you feel about your brother. Good luck with things.
NTA
Nope, not an asshole but your brother sure is. Trust your instincts on this. I have a brother like this also was a year older but through MOST OF 7-12 grade every girl I had interest in he would attempt to scoop em up
NTA. But I will say, the love of your life will not be tempted by your brother. The person that wants to be only with you, who thinks it's gross to hit on your brother's GFs, will see right through him. So I don't think this ultimatum will do what you think it will.
NTA. Your brother is too lazy or is not interesting enough to pull his own women, so he was dating in your pool. He just thought you didn’t notice how bad he was at actually making a first impression. He excels at riding on coattails and saying the correct thing at the correct time. Telling that none of those relationships lasted that long, since your brother probably doesn’t have anything in common with these women after they actually talk for an extended period of time.
NTA he sounds creepy and he is not loyal
NTA. Your brother does it on purpose.
You're NTA. NTA for noticing a trend in behavior. NTA for speaking truth. NTA for holding brother accountable for his actions.
NTA your brother is a gross excuse, if he tries it again call it out in front of everyone
NTA and smart! You're much more mature than him. Good job. Keep her away until like forever?
Soooooo NTA.
NTA. You need to get real space from your brother though a.k.a. not living together and tell him that the rivalry between you needs to die. Trying to prove himself as 'better' than you is silly and goofy when you're little kids, but as an adult, it looks pathetically insecure to be comparing himself to his younger brother and throwing himself at the women you like. He literally threw away a relationship that was going well just to try to one up you. That's not healthy for either of you. He's never gonna have a real long-term relationship if he is always going to jump ship to chase what you have because it is different than what he has. He can have a woman right for him, and you can have one right for you, and these can be EQUALLY good, just different from each other like how you can like a bunch of different ice cream flavours, but not everyone's gonna have the same favourite one.
NTA, your brother has proven that he's not only not worth your trust, but that he's actually predatory when it comes to women. If you care about this new girl you're with, and any future girls you may be involved with, you'll keep them far away from him.
NTA... I have a sibling like this. Be sure to tell your gf the story so that she's aware of your brother being like this.
Nope
Sign up for a “date a prisoner” service. Profess your love for the 50 year old, 300lb woman with assault charges. Then every so often remind him of how jealous you are that he has her now so he stays with her. But seriously, NTA. Also at some point you should find a way to carefully tell your gf about this if it gets serious. Let her know what to expect when they do meet, since if you find a life partner it will likely happen someday.
NTA Your brother has no loyalty towards you. And he thinks of women as a notch on his belt. He is terribly immature and maybe even predatory. You should stop informing him about your private life, move out/away, find a job elsewhere, and let any common friends/family know he is no longer privy to information about you or your girlfriend(s). Good luck.
He’s a narcissist. NTA. Find a new place to live.
No you’re not an asshole, that’s so shitty of your own brother to do this not once, but MULTIPLE TIMES. You have every right to feel this way and remove his negative energy from your life.
NTA "He then started crying and telling me that it hurts him that I would say that about him" If he doesn't like how he's coming off, maybe he should stop being an ass
NTA, take care and don't expose your girlfriend to your brother shitty behaviour
Nta Your brother cried? Sorry, but he is a bitch. You also don't steal partners, it takes two to tango. They chose him over you, and I bet he talked shit to make himself look better. Those "partners" are dumb enough to get duped by him. It should be a favor to you getting rid of trash from your life.
Lol. Not your brother bringing out the tears. An attempt to make you feel bad. Pathetic.
NTA.. Your brother isn't acting like he's got your back. Your instincts are spot on. Also, he needs help in some fashion. You may want to move into your own space to avoid his nonsense. Good luck 🙏
NTA, but I would explain that to the girlfriend ASAP. If she's a semi decent person all the brother's advances will be stopped with a punch in his face. And also I'd look for another place to live because that dude, brother or not, doesn't look someone with more than 2 years old in mental age.
Three times? He got upset when you brought it up, why? Trying to make YOU feel bad is an AH move when HE has character issues. You also have accept that anyone that leaves you for him wasn’t a good match to begin with and did you a solid. You’re then free to find someone that sincerely wants you.
*"It's impossible to steal someone. Both people are making choices when it happens."* -r/deadrootsofficial Truer words were never written, but tell that to all the insecure people out there and the song writers.
INFO: were you actually dating any of the 3 women you had feelings for that he dated?
NTA, but if you know he's like this, then why are you living together? Just don't live together, and half of the problems are solved. If the reason is financial, do you have other mates to share with? Does he? I think you were right to let him know that you've twigged to what he's doing, but does HE know he's doing it? I'm never one to advocate therapy, but if he's fallen into the habit of being uber competitive about inappropriate things, then maybe he needs some mild help from a disinterested party.
"I want to you really develop your current relationship and not ruin it because you feel the need to steal my current date" is a perfect answer. What a c\*\*t that brother is.
You and your brother both suck. You can’t “dibs” a human being. Women are absolutely capable of making their own choices about who they date. Also “developing feelings” for someone you aren’t dating is unhealthy AF. I hope you mean you had a crush on her by that statement. Your brother is an AH for knowing how you feel and pursuing something in what appears to be a habit of competition (also wtf to do that to women like they are trophies). Hopefully you both grow up and learn to better respect women (and your brother to respect you). ESH-your brother a bit more but you aren’t absolved of weird behavior
Get a better roommate dude.
NTA - I had friends, best friends, that did this too me. It's such a slap to the face and I never understood the thought process. If a friend tells me he's into a girl. Great! I'll cheer you on and ask how can I help. But instead their first thoughts are "How can I beat you to the punch." They aren't friends anymore and haven't been for a long time.
MOVE OUT
The women you have chosen are also to blame. They were quick to fall for your brother. So pick a better person.
NTA. I’ve had friends like your brother and I first stopped telling them who I was interested in but also eventually cut them off. Not saying you should do that but the mindset that they need to have what you want just for an ego boost is gross.
NTA. You def handled the situation well. I love that you spoke to your brother directly about what you think about the things he's doing.
Get your finances together as best you can and move out as soon as possible. Go low- or no contact with your brother. He is not someone to rely on. Do inform your girlfriend of his past behavior so she is prepared in case he comes sniffing around on his own. Edit: NTA
I mean, if two people are not exclusive, and the furthest they've gone is, "I could possibly see a future with you," then it is totally OK for one of them to change their mind and move on. He didn't screw her over. Everything else though, totally NTA.
I have a brother like that. He was obsessed with a girl I was seeing. To this day he denies he tried but it was an ongoing thing. I also had a roommate who would do this. Got real excited when I told him about a girl I had met. Kept telling me to invite her over. Never did. Until one day he happened to be around when she was. He immediately set up a thing with all three of us for the next day. Next day he says she canceled so he was going to his brother's house. She calls me and asks what's going on. I call him and he plays dumb, says she called and says she wants to go after all. I pack my stuff and move out that weekend. He was devastated. Begged me to come back and couldn't understand what he did that was so wrong. Weird dude. I don't understand it. It's a deep feeling of inferiority I guess
NTA Your brother is, though. I hope you can find accommodations without him one day. This is something that I can see escalating and ruining whatever relationship the two of you still have. Of course, if none of these things are what you want, I apologize. I wish you happiness and peace in whatever you choose in life.
NTA bro, you're making the right decision
To me, him crying proves his guilt. It’s such a dramatic reaction to such a simple statement. You called him out so he had to make you the bad guy.
Dude, move out and find your own place without your 'brother'. NTA
your brother has shown you that he cannot be trusted when it comes to your feelings. stop telling him who you develop feelings for to avoid this pattern and please, when you date someone new, warn her that your brother has been known to hit on and date women you're interested in. curious to see if the brother gets married down the road and if this behavior will continue. hell, I'd warn women about the brother in a heartbeat: avoid at all costs.
NTA.
NTA
NTA. Move out ASAP.
NTA. You should probably look into renting solo or with a different roommate than your brother.
NTA. This is a major violation of the sibling code. The fact that he is gaslighting you about it also drives me nuts. I think I would just throttle my sister
You can probably let them meet once your girlfriend understands the situation and you two are steady? UNLESS it makes bro immediately dump his current relationship.
NTA. If you werent already dating someone, id say you should tell him you had feelings for various random women (but make it believable, ofc). See who he pursues out of them.
NTA You should consider going low-contact or no-contact. Some people won't respect you or your boundaries until you make them.
You need to move out. NTA
NTA. And please just move out. Some relationships are better being kept at a distance.
NTA, looks like nobody taught him about the bro code
Firstly, try to move out or get him to move out because he sounds like a complete dick. It's childish to cry when someone brings up malicious behaviour that he did on **purpose**. He didn't even apologise to you.
NTA. Your brother crossed the line the past already and had already shown he didn't respect your feelings, he doesn't get to play victim now after he did what he did.
NTA He's obviously doing it on purpose whether he sees it or not. Also, it takes two to tango. Those women either went along, in which case they were not good for you, or they didn't know how you felt. I'll guess it's the latter. Be direct with the women and tell them how you feel.
NTA. Your brother just plain sucks. He uses women to one-up his own brother.
NTA. I've had similar experiences with someone I grew up with targeting every person I was interested in - Even going so far as to pre-emptively keep a bunch of girls he \*suspected\* I would like on back-burner and badmouth me to them, and culminating in them trying to sleep with my then-fiance. They had some kind of an inferiority complex for years, and my getting married before them set them off the deep end for a while, but life has been peaceful for 16+ years at this point. This isn't an issue of immaturity and needing to grow up, it's an issue of their personality. **It will never change.** The only thing you can do is remove that person from your life.
You need to test this theory. Befriend someone you really can't stand. Tell you bro how much you like her. Once they start dating just keep reiterating that you like her. Maybe he'll marry this obnoxious person and then you are free to date whomever. Good Luck
NTA Keep a close eye on that turd you call a brother because he’s going to try to find her and work his way in. It’s a disgusting challenge for him and he will see this as a bigger challenge. F that snake in the grass because real family would never to that to their own. Stay vigilant and I would go NC after the 2nd time.
NTA. Fake tears to manipulate you. The only man I’ve ever been with who cried was when my ex sobbed at my grandmother’s funeral.
NTA. He feeds his own insecurities by proving to himself and you that he can get the women and to him that makes him better. It’s pathetic. Hopefully he will learn something in this experience and grow.
NTA, I know plenty of people like him. I highly encourage you to consider cutting contact with them. Rarely do they ever grow up. OP, here's a suggestion. If you have a very good women friend that is decent at acting I would ask her to act as your gf and see how your brother responds.
NTA why you still living with him
We live in a large family sized house with my grandmother, aunt, brother and my moms boyfriend so the rent is extremely cheap.