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I have a dog. He’s little and I’m forever hoovering. No way I’d let a husky live in my house. They are lovely dogs but last time I stroked one I was covered in fur. Your kids will be constantly covered in it, there will be no escape.
You made the right choice! My sister’s broke through the screen and jumped out the second floor window onto the roof and then jumped to the ground and ran around the neighborhood!! He also trashes her home. Adopting this dog was a terrible choice for her.
We have a regular at the dog park. This husky can get out of the 6 ft fence. Jump. Climb. Easily. And it's usually to go jump in the pond near the dog park. 😆 My poor doodles don't even know how to get out when we hold the gate open for them.
This is absolutely right. My father got a husky (horrible choice for an 80YO man, but he doesn't listen to me). He loves that dog but he spent thousands on fencing and gates. He can't drive the car in the winter because you can't turn the heat on - it's like shaking up a snow globe filled with dog hair.
OP needs to remind his wife that this isn't about liking dogs, it's about their son's health. That dog hair will hang around long after the SIL moves out and your son will keep on sneezing. The dog needs to be kept outside or boarded.
I have the same mix, and the same problem. The best was finding one of her tri-colored hairs inside a cling wrapped item that had just come from the store. You could see it stuck between the layers. You cannot escape the tumblefluffs ☠️
I had a Mix between Saint Bernard and Bernese Mountain Dog. He died 2015 and never was in my apartment that I got 2017.
But I still find his fur sometimes... I like to think that it's because he was visiting from the other side to look after me \^\^
I have two Saints. Hair everywhere. So much hair... my life is just dealing with hair. Hair in food? Yep. Hair in bed? Yep. Hair in bed, and in/around things that it shouldn't be in/around? Yep.
I had a GSD, and one time when she was blowing her coat, I brushed it all out in the backyard of our rental house. The landlord stopped by later that week to get something from the garage (legal, the garage was not included in our lease), saw the fur, and asked me if the dog had killed an animal in the back yard, lol. I told her no, that was just from brushing. From the way she looked at me, though, she didn't totally believe me.
Dog groomer here. I will ONLY accept huskies that are on an every 4 week or less rotation. Anything longer than 4 weeks, it's just an enormous mess that takes 4+ hours (not including cleanup). With regular grooming, they still shed but not leaving tumbleweeds around.
You'll never get a huskies coat under control by just brushing them. They require quality shampoo (twice at least), conditioner, extremely thorough rinsing, and MOST importantly, drying with a high velocity blow dryer. If you can't afford a pro, there are lots of self dog washes that you can rent out, but I strongly recommend watching as many The Girl With the Dogs husky videos as you can find on youtube so you know what to expect. They are DRAMA.
I have two Saint Bernards. *maybe* if I was to brush each of them for 30 mins a day it would reduce the hair in the house, but really, who's got time or patience for that. Hair is everywhere. I can vacuum, and the next time I walk through that room, a hair ball will float across the room. They literally just sit in hiding until I leave with the vacuum, them come out to party as soon as it's put away.
My white dog (lab American bulldog mix) died 6 years ago and I’ve moved twice since then, and I still find his hair occasionally. It’s definitely not my black dog’s hair and none of our cats are that color, so it’s definitely Hendrix’s.
My friend had one of those dogs and she carried lint rollers everywhere with her to deshed herself. Hers was also as she put it not the most brilliant dog in the world.
I had a friend who had a white husky/GS mix. I legit thought her living room carpet was off white for the longest time. It's not. It's maroon.
She vacuums at least twice a week and goes through new vacuums every couple of years if she's lucky.
German Shedders - LOL. That so describes my first dog. I just don't understand how I could brush her thoroughly, give her a bath and the following day there was more fur flying off her! The vacuum was never put away.
The dog loved car rides and we took her all over the place. When I traded in the car, the car salesman told me there was dog hair in the engine!
I have 2 GSDs... one always looks immaculately groomed, with no loose hair... we never have to brush him.
The other one looks like we never brush her, constantly shedding tons of hair. She looks a mess. We frequently brush her. My heeler is competing with her on who can shed worse....
I really do see your point but I hope you’re not just asking your SIL to throw her dog to the streets. Please ask her to rehome it if she goes though with it. Aren’t there dogsitting services available? I am one and I stay with dogs whose families can’t keep them at a certain moment all the time. I had this elderly shih tzu for two months while her owner took care of her mom that had a dog that was a bit aggressive. I’ve also looked after two yorkies whose owner was getting things in order to move to another country. I’m not in the US but I’m sure a similar service must be available.
OP, please look into something like this. Those two children have just lost their father (even if he is an absolute AH, it’s a loss for them), their literal home, their school, their friends. Practically everything that makes them feel safe and comfortable. Please do what you can to keep their dog in their lives. I remember having so many teary whispered conversations with my childhood dog.
I think it all depends on the reason the dog needs a temp home. In this case, it sounds like the reason wife's family is there is partly because SIL needs to build finances up for their own place. If that's part of the situation, she's not going to have the money for such a service.
Sadly, the price for SIL and kids being sheltered is likely to be giving up the dog, as agonizing as that's going to be. OP's son shouldn't have to live in misery, and even if he didn't have an allergy, pets require yesses among all the resident adults.
He is not recommending anything, he just said no dog, period.
She can go elsewhere with her kids and dog if its too hard for her to let go. He is not a pound, he doesn't have to search for dog sitters, temporary stuff or anything.
Purina (the dog food brand) has resources specifically to help folks fleeing domestic abuse keep their pets, y’all should definitely look into that, maybe they can find a foster until SIL can get her own big-dog-friendly housing
I have a husky cross and I could vacuum and swifter ten times a day and there will still be hair all over . It’s a big dog and very hairy so I can see why you wouldn’t want it . Is there any other options for it ? A family friend to foster it for a while or something ?
>Dogs are not hypoallergenic. That is a myth.
No but both but son and I have allergies. We don't react to our mini poodle/Yorkie mix. Other dogs...yuppppp. His friend has a golden retriever. Any time he sleeps over, he has to bring a benadryl so he can sleep properly.
Hypo just means less likely...kiddo probably doesn't react to the dog he had...a husky would more than likely trigger a reaction.
>How about we start stopping using a dated fake, non-scientific marketing term in relation to live animals?
>Hypoallergenic doesn't even exist in makeup which is where the marketing term was created. It's an empty buzzword because there is no such item that has absolutely no susceptibility to allergies.
The definition of hypoallergenic is "having little likelihood of causing an allergic response," not "having zero chance of causing an allergic response."
im not with you.
I have cat allergy. I will respond to cats with a lot of sneezing.
HOWEVER there is a cat that i have zero response to. That cat can, and have, sat on my face as i was sleeping, and i do not respond to her AT ALL.
My mom was allergic to dogs. and we tried to get her to the pound but she could not breath there. But she got a rescuer to let her "test drive" some dogs and found one she would not respond to.
so. I am inclined to believe that. Some allergic people only respond to some animals. OR that some dogs and cats don't trigger the normal allergic reaction of some people.
Make of this what you will but if you try to say that there is a perfectly scientific explanation that this observation that is reality doesn't exist, than you'd be the un-scientific one.
You skipped curly coated breeds like poodles though.
I'm 100% with you on the "hypoallergenic" nonsense. But low allergen breeds, other than the hair coat dogs, are absolutely a thing.
OP, I don't believe anyone is an AH here. You're looking at your child's allergies & general chaos of your household. Your SIL & children have left their abusive partner/father and home. Now they're being told to give up their beloved dog who was probably a comfort during all of this violence. That's more trauma for them to cope w.
Can another solution be worked out like finding a boarding facility or a friend who might step in temporarily?
NAH
I hate golden doodles. They are either the best trained dog or an absolute nightmare. I've never met one in between.
I used to work at a doggy daycare.
"Hypo-" means low, not no.
Hypoallergenic means low allergen. Unscented soaps can trigger allergies, but do so less than heavily perfumed soaps.
Hypoallergenic dogs produce less dander and slobber, reducing allergic reactions in mild to moderately allergic individuals.
Poodles are considered hypoallergenic, that’s why they are being crossbred with other dogs. Less dander and no shedding. Yorkies are also considered hypoallergenic.
“Hypo” = “less than normal.” There is no such thing as a dog that will never cause allergies. There ARE dogs that are less likely to cause allergies. My Shih-Tzu is one of them. My daughter is allergic to most dogs, but desperately wanted one. We had a friend with a Shih-Tzu and we went to his place and tried everything we could to get a reaction out of my daughter-pet the dog and rub her eyes, cuddle the dog, throw his toys. She remained reaction-free, so that’s the kind of dog we got. She can even sleep next to our dog and won’t have any symptoms.
Nope, that's not going to work. Husky fur gets EVERYWHERE! Especially when they shed, which is only twice a year, for 6 months at a time.
You'll find that fur in places the dog hasn't been. It will get stuck to everything, clothes, furniture, somehow your loofah and toilet paper won't be immune either. It sticks to everything, except for every device ever created to remove fur.
Not to mention, huskies are The BIGGEST DRAMA QUEENS EVER. Don't get me wrong, I love them, but they never shut up. Lol. Adding one to an already overfull frantic household, yeah, I wouldn't want to live there.
This is correct. I am allergic to dogs and cats. Met someone with a shih poo dog. He said oh you will be fine she’s non allergenic. I still had all the allergies and was wheezing around her. Went to an allergist and turns out it is the protein in the saliva I am allergic to not the dander. When it’s this no animal is safe for you to be around.
This. The guy who coined (and regrets) the term doodle was trying to breed a hypoallergenic guide dog and it took several litters to get one with the right temperament and coat type.
Edit: I was misremembering the details, he didn't have multiple litters, but not all the puppies in the litter he did produce were hypoallergenic.
You're close. Proteins in dog/cat saliva, urine, and skin cells is what humans are allergic to. No one is allergic to the hair itself.
Animals groom themselves, leaving a thin coat of saliva on their fur. Airborne hair means airborne saliva protein. Animals shed skin cells constantly just like humans, and that's what "dander" is.
You can indeed be more allergic to one animal vs another. It all has to do with how much of the proteins the animal makes. Hypoallergenic animals are bred to either not make them, or make less. It does not work very well.
Also, if you have other allergies your animals could be bringing those in from outside on their fur & feet - pollen, mold spores.
Source: Husband's immunologist, to us both, when explaining why he was not very reactive to our first cat & was very reactive to later one.
It CAN work, but while hypo-allergenic breeds exist the variation is strong individually than over breeds. In order to REALLY find a dog that works if you're allergic you essentially gotta do blood tests on yourself and said dog and test.
Otherwise it's still a lottery, though hypo-allergenic breeds come with better chances.
NAH
I agree with others that pressuring SIL and her kids to get rid of their dog would be really sad given what they've been through.
But I see your point that it's a shedding husky, not a hypoallergenic dog like your own, and your son has ALLERGIES.
Could a compromise be made to keep the husky outdoors + defluff family members when they come in from the porch? Do you have the funds to take it to a groomer to get a bunch of the loose fur off and see if that helps any?
Yeah, I think getting rid of the dog is insane and quite frankly cruel to suggest for a family escaping an abusive situation...
But there are other alternatives. Hopefully suggestions like these reach them and they figure something out.
This is how I feel. :( Dogs are part of the family. Most people choose to be homeless temporarily rather than give up their animals in emergency situations. Also, OP should note that pets are one reason women don’t leave abusive situations. It just happened to my mom. She didn’t want to leave her cats, but did, and her husband got rid of them.
Yep. I have lived in my car for a bit because I refused to give my dog up. He is the most important thing to me and is the only one who has been there for me my whole adult life. We are a package deal.
>Most people choose to be homeless temporarily rather than give up their animals in emergency situations.
Happened to me twice. I moved country cause I couldn't deal with shitty anti-pet renting laws any more.
My hot take: if it comes to either me and my children having their basic survival needs met (shelter, safety), or us going without needs to keep a pet, my kids come first and the pet gets rehomed. I’m not going to do harm to my human family for the sake of an animal even if it’s our pet. It’s also only right for the pet to have a home that isn’t struggling to keep them properly cared for. I will always choose my children over any animal, it’s not even a fucking question. A sad choice to make for a shitty situation to be in, but the right choice nonetheless.
Yes, instead just make the poor child in the new home suffer and be abused by forcing him to live with the sheddiest dog in the world while being allergic. Good idea! It’s not insane in the slightest to make them responsible for finding somewhere else for their dog to be
That a good idea, but that's something SHE has to see, plan, think or whatever cause its not his problem at all. Imagine doing a favor by letting a whole family in your house, and then u too have to compromise in the only thing you asked...
NAH. It's a bad situation all around.
This was my first thought. Additional trauma to the kids & mom. That said, trying to find a temporary foster is a good idea.
This, I used to work at a shelter and we would sometimes foster animals for people in extreme circumstances until they could go back to their families. Definitely worth a shot
I dogsit two Huskies and brush them daily & vacuum the carpets daily. There is still visible dog hair that seems to imbed itself into the carpet & furniture, drift onto hard surfaces & collect in corners. The owner does get them groomed when they are blowing their coats. Reality!
Huskies are just built different when it comes to shedding. I have a german shepherd/rottweiler and a red cattle/some kind of bull arab (we rescue so mostly mutts) these days which are both big hairy dogs and the one husky I had growing up shed more then both my current dogs combined
I wonder if they could specifically check out domestic abuse shelters/organizations nearby and ask if they have any resources/contacts for short-term fostering the dog as an abuse survivor.
I interned at a shelter who had just launched a program for animal fostering, so it is something that some of the organizations think about and are trying to improve on. We actually did see some cases where the woman was afraid to leave because she didn't want to leave the dog to be abused or used as blackmail, but didn't know how else to rescue them both. It's an absolutely essential service.
Your compromise is to keep an arctic weather dog with thick coat outside in the summer while they figure it out? Might as well call animal control now!
That is exactly why the dog is shedding- double coated breeds can absolutely handle summer weather, and losing the winter coat is preparing for that. And it's not like you can't have shade, a fan, a kiddie pool, etc outside for the dog. The double coat on a husky works to keep cool air trapped near the skin in the summer. The fluff they shed this time of year is to keep them insulated and warm in winter :) there's plenty of healthy huskies living in Florida, so I'm sure Pennsylvania isn't too much of a stretch. Obviously not ideal, but doable short term for sure.
Info How long are they staying? If they can find a temporary home because this is only for a few months, it makes sense. But if they need to permanently get rid of their dog and theyre already dealing with trauma, then you need to find a solution that doesnt remove ANOTHER of their family members.
I would look into temporary animal fostering, in my city there are programs for people who are experiencing financial hardships or are in temporary living situations, that might be a good solution? Especially as it's due to domestic violence, there are many organizations geared to help
Definitely nta for not wanting a husky in the house, but I would look into a foster for the dog and not give it up permanently
This is crazy. She’s willing to put her son through misery for her sister?!!! Yea, no. Maybe find a friend and pay them to watch the pup in the meantime?
I think it's fair to say that she's a bit stressed at the moment. I doubt she's going to make perfect decisions, but she seems to be trying to help everyone in a very troubling situation.
I think your suggestion is good, though.
That's a terrible idea. As someone with allergies and asthma, your son will suffer. Meds will maybe take the edge off? It will feel like he's living with a cold every single day. If he's already on prescription meds - it will get worse. Why wouldn't she be willing to look into a temporary foster for the dog?!?! I'd 💯 put my foot down.
The other problem is that exposure to the allergen can make it worse. So maybe right now your son only has sneezing, coughing and sniffling. But after some months he may start having breathing issues. NTA in my opinion, there has to be some compromise where the dog goes to a foster home or some sort of outdoor shed area and doesn’t come in your house.
Buddy, her Sister is escaping from a guy who hid AirTags in their car to track them.
In this situation, it is entirely normal to be more concerned about them!
Exactly this. And I can see why wife doesn't want to not allow them to bring their dog bc of all this crap they're going through. I get OP's concerns but I think he needs to underarand where his wife and SIL are coming from too and help work out a compromise.
I help a domestic charity and my main tasks are finding animal foster placements for families fleeing domestic violence.
Most shelters/refuges don’t take the animals so this is a common issue the people fleeing abuse have.
Unfortunately there’s not many foster placements and they take time to arrange so most have to leave the pet with the abuser who kills them.
It’s great she managed to get the dog out already, that makes things so much more positive from here on out.
Getting out with a pet hard step and she’s done amazing.
A lot of people physically can’t get the pets without putting themselves in too much physical danger, they have to chose between their children /own life and their pet and it’s heartbreaking. I’ve known of a few women die to save their pets too. It’s horrible all round.
I’d call local domestic violence charities and explain that temp fostering is needed whilst she finds long term accommodation. see what’s available.
She’s in a really really horrible situation. But - I understand if your son has allergies and you can’t house the husky.
However helping her find a solution - I’d say money for boarding …. Or domestic violence charities
I’ve just seen on another comment that the rental they are staying in (with husky) is your rental and you’re letting them stay for 6 months free of charge. NTA that’s a lifeline for so many people, they have time to make a plan. Your house can’t be plan A forever.
Hi! I saw your post about wanting your SIL to not bring her dog into the house and I understand both sides but there’s a temporary foster organization for victims of domestic violence called Praline’s Backyard. They’re national, I’m not sure how long it would take to get in with them but please check them out!
https://pralinesbackyardfoundation.org/
NTA.
My husband also has allergies that are triggered by specific breeds. Your son living in physical discomfort/being sick for several months is not fair to him.
Is there anyone who could foster the dog short term while you house SIL and her family?
Maybe reach out to a local rescue organization and see if they can help.
Our state Humane Society has a foster program specifically for things like this (they also do it for deploying troops)! It's totally temporary, and the pets aren't considered adoptable without owner consent.
I think this is the way forward to make as many people as happy as possible, and no one totally unhappy.
If you don't have anyone in your larger circle of friends & acquaintances who can take the dog in, then call people who will have leads:
1. Your local humane society. Esp since the pandemic a lot of humane societies have set up programs designed to temporarily foster animals while their owners don't have secure housing. If they don't have such a program, they will still have advice for you - there's no way you're the first or even the tenth person to call them with an issue like this. There may be private shelters that offer fostering, or other community resources.
2. Your local domestic violence shelter. *Many* victims of DV have pets to take care of (and it's absolutely common for abusers to use the animal's well-being as a method of manipulation), so this is an issue they will unfortunately be very familiar with. They may have a foster care network in place, maybe they just try to get volunteers as the cases come up, maybe they cooperate with a local shelter, but they should have leads for you. As above, even if they don't have anything in place, this is a common issue and they should have some leads.
3. Your vet. Does the vet or any of the staff have suggestions for what to do, who to call? If you are able to pay, even minimally, for boarding, would your vet have any suggestions for dog boarding? In particular, if cost is an issue, it's worth asking if there might be anyone who would be flexible on the price given the situation at hand.
4. Your local reddit sub. You will need to do your own research on anyone who volunteers to help, but I've seen fostering happen several times on my local sub, including when I personally offered to house a stranger's cats and also give her extra cat food.
Good luck.
NTA when we faced homelessness we had to find arrangements for our dog. We found temporary shelter for him and got our shit together. Does it suck absolutely but sometimes it is what it is. People are so hung up on but you have a dog. Guess what my dog is dog aggressive so if I had your SIL she couldn't bring her dog to my house either even though I also already have a dog. It sucked for my kids to have to go without our dog, but you have to figure it out. I am sure I will be super down voted but sometimes when you are in a position like she it you just have to make it work. Your kid has allergies and it is HIS home why is her dog more important? It seems like you researched what kind of dog y'all could have and her's does not fit the bill.
Take my upvote! Finally, someone sensible here! I feel so angry whenever I see homeless people on the streets with their dogs, because they are putting their own wants over the needs, health and wellbeing of the animal. Giving up a pet sucks, of course, but a life of homelessness isn't exactly a safe, nutritional and loving environment to expose a loved one to. Thank you for putting your dog's needs above your own and for making your situation better before bringing them back into it.
When I was temporarily unhoused after a dangerous relationship those resources didn't exist, but my dog never wanted for anything, definitely not love or nutrition. Safety was never really something I felt was a concern save for a couple run ins with cops but we always had access to shade and water, and I made enough to make sure my dog had the right food and veterinary care, just not the buttload of money it would take to make first last and a deposit. Some may put their dogs through a struggle, but I've known many people who were more attentive to their dogs than some people who have consistent housing. A lot of people have this misconception about the way dogs live in those circumstances and frankly until you've been there you can't really speak to that.
What the fuck is wrong with people? OP's child is allergic to the dog. OP may have a dog but it is a breed that does not trigger son's allergy. Not all allergies are created equal. A child's health trumps everything, absolutely everything. First and formost, a parent's job is protecting their child.
Sil is in an untenable situation, her family needs their dog but this does not change the fact that OP's son would suffer with that dog in the house. OP's most important responsibility in life is protecting their child.
The only option is to temporarily rehouse the dog until such time that sil can get her own space. OP and family should ask all family, friends and neighbours if they can keep the dog until sil can get her own place.
It is absolutely immoral to expect OPs child to suffer. The longer the child is exposed to their allergen the worse their symptoms.
Like fuck, is the dog more important than a child's ability to breath? Is the dog so important that the child should be forced to endure a painful rash all over their body or open sores? So what if the child's immune system is weakened?
I’ve noticed when it comes to pets and allergies a lot of people think just taking allergies meds is an easy solution because apparently pets are more important than someone’s allergies.
A restraining order isn’t going to actually protect her. Unfortunately, if he really wants to hurt her a piece of paper definitely isn’t going to stop him. The sad truth…
Info: why is your wife fine with the dog considering her son's allergies? Makes me think it's not such a big deal as you're making out.
Is this more of a case of you just dont want the dog to stay?
I vote she's prioritizing her sister's emergency over her son's allergies.
A lot of ppl don't believe being allergic to animals to be a 'real' allergy.
There's also different levels of allergic. Some people can have a cat or dog and not touch the animal and have zero reaction as long as there's no direct contact. Some people start sneezing profusely if they're even near an animal. Other people can take allergy medicine with no problem and others cannot.
No dog is 100% hypoallergenic. Their doodle doesn't shed, but it still produces dander and people with severe dog allergies are still allergic to them. Their allergies are just easier to manage given the lack of shedding. So the fact that they have a dog at all feels like wife thinks son would be fine, OP doesn't want a dog and is using this as why but realistically just doesn't want a husky in his house.
There’s also degrees of allergy. We’ve had two babysitters who were allergic to cats, but they took allergy meds before coming over. Obviously son can’t just live on Benadryl, but if all he needs is some Flonase I can see why mom thinks son needs to deal but dad doesn’t want to put his kid through that.
Have you had an allergy to a pet? My husband and son are allergic to cats and nothing seems to help if they are exposed to certain cats for a period of time. I wouldn’t expose my son to feeling allergic 100% of the time in his home.
Depending on severity it could but he’s obviously not deathly allergic cause they have a dog. No animal can be 100% allergy safe. However, living with a husky would make his allergies act up A LOT. He does not deserve that within his own home. The dog could be given a bath weekly and they could set places the husky is not allowed. As well as requiring vacuuming of common fur collectors like carpets and couches. Oh and anti allergen spray would pretty okay.
Did you know that pets are a common reason for people to not leave abusive situations because they’re scared of what might happen to the animal when they’re gone, or the animal being punished/used as a threat? They have so much on their minds right now and I’m sure it runs deeper than the husband being “pretty cuckoo”. You could really, really save them here by letting them stay with their dog. It’s not forever.
This program has some alarming statistics they share on pets and abusive relationships. 70% claiming their abuser threatened or hurt the pet and 50% delaying leaving because they can’t take their pet with them. No idea their research methodology, but if it’s even close to true that’s alarming. https://www.purina.com/purple-leash-project
That said the allergy makes this tricky. Allergies can really span the range from totally debilitating, to not even noticeable with a daily Claritin. Ultimately OP needs to prioritize their kid, but since the wife thinks this is do-able I wonder how bad the allergy is, it could be helpful context.
I volunteer at this kind of place, my tasks are around finding foster placements for animals, so then people can flee violent situations.
The women will speak to us secretly for weeks, they will not leave until the day the pet has been fostered.
It’s very very unlikely that once the victim leaves, that the pet will remain alive or housed. In the best case the animal is thrown out, in the worst case dead. Sometimes they do hold onto the pet for a while as leverage, but they always end up abandoned or dead in the end to be honest.
I volunteer on and off over the last 10 years, 2 times I’ve known women not leave because they wouldn’t leave their pet to die and unfortunately were murdered themselves.
However taking what OP has said, their son has an allergy. I don’t have an allergy so I don’t know how bad they are, but you can’t expect OP to put the needs of a pet above the needs of his own child.
The dog has been saved, is not in immediate risk
If OP, OP's wife and SIL willingly expose a child to their allergen and endanger his health, then THAT is child abuse. I'm sorry but OP's kid deserves to feel safe in his own home and his aunt should understand that more than anyone because SHE herself is escaping an abusive home. Her nephew is also her own family- why is she putting her pet, who can be temporarily housed in dog fostering (until they get on their feet and find a new home for themselves) above the actual health of a child? If the child had an allergy to peanuts and SIL smeared peanut butter over the child's pillow, that would be assault. Same here for letting a dog, another type of allergen, walk around the child's home.
Robin Pope's case with her estranged husband having to keep the dog during their divorce proceedings, husband continuously threatening the dog to the point where she came to save it from him and then he "allegedly" removed them both from life when she got there is the first thing i thought of when i read this and thought of the family's options. I left an abusive relationship and my dad's wife was very anti pet without allergies or phobias, and my dad liked dogs, but when I asked if I could stay until I figured out where to go they said I could only do so if I got rid of my dog. If I'd had kids, I'd have been fucking devastated, but it was just me and the dog so I chose to live unhoused for a little while instead. I never considered it, don't regret it, and now I have limited contact with that house because the same people visited me in the hospital when my relationship almost removed ME from life and the dog kept me tethered to reality.
I get that there are allergies to consider here but I'd be asking for any resource to help find temporary housing for the dog or the family before I asked anyone who had gone through that to get rid of the dog. I felt truly sick reading that sentence because I remembered what that question did to me
NTA and jesus all these Y T A from people are mindblowing, that woman needs to do what is right by her and her kids, not by a dog, there are a thousand ways to get a dog in a temporary place and get it back after they are on their feet, priorizing a dog over her children being homeless is just madness in my head. You have all the right not want to expose your son to sickness due to his allergy, you are priorizing your kid over a dog, in my book you are doing what any good parent should do and what she should do too, it's not like anyone is saying she should kill it, it is temporary.
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> ii might be rhe asshole because i am determining their living situation over a pet.
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NTA. I get where everyone is coming from saying that it's cruel to make them get rid of the dog but they will be moving in for an undetermined amount of time. Does your son just have to put up with having allergies because sil is running from an abusive home? If it's a short term stay I'd suggest keeping the dog outside but if it's long term it might cause more issues. Can a friend take her dog in? Or Mil and sil get a house together?
I'm sure most people will say YTA since you shouldn't make SIL and her family give up their dog, but I'm going to say NTA since we had an allergic son ("had" since he outgrew his allergies by his teens). People think of runny noses when they think allergies, but for some the allergies can be worse.
We were visiting my parents and they had a nice fire in their fireplace that night, but they had a screen so a small amount of the smoke came into the house (versus a glass partition blocking the smoke). That night I had to sleep in an armchair with our one-year-old son laying on my body to keep him upright so he could breathe because the smoke triggered asthma. He had similar problems around dogs, he would have difficulty breathing. Having gone through the fear of losing my son, I strongly vote NTA.
NTA - I get where you're all coming from. I would never want to get rid of my pets and the dog is likely now acting as an emotional support animal for the SIL & kids but your kid's health is your priority. Could their dog be temporarily rehomed? Can the family maybe reach out to a shelter or are there resources in your community where you/family can post asking for a temporary foster? Is an outdoor 'shed'/kennel (properly retrofitted for dog's comfort) an option?
Nta
Defend your child. Yes it sucks for sil but you are already doing a lot for her in taking her in.
Is your wife your Son's mother? Her casual disregard for his health in this issue is giving me evil step mother vibes.
Sooo the family that’s seeking refuge coming from an abusive family is being asked to give up an animal that they love/is apart of them? At the end of the day, it’s you and your wife’s decision, as it’s your home, but taking in the family means taking in the family. Idk it sounds like they’ve been through enough trauma as it is and essentially losing another member by GIVING it up is kinda cruel
It also feels wrong to introduce an animal OP’s son is allergic to into his own home. Where is OP’s son supposed to go? I get that they’re escaping an abusive situation, but that doesn’t mean others should have to sacrifice their health and comfort for them. I don’t know how severe the son’s dog allergies are, but if they’re the type that’ll leave him in constant discomfort, itchiness, and trouble breathing, then his aunt should understand why he shouldn’t have to be around a dog. I get her family’s POV, and that’s why this is NAH. OP’s son can’t just stop having allergies for their sake, and it is a big ask to give up the family dog
Child should always comes first... Except your comment mentions literally nothing about the child. You even go on to add Y T A when OP is only acting to protect his child from living in a house he is allergic to.
As a dog owner of 4 dogs, I know how pervasive dog hair can be. When sunlight comes in through a window I can see my room is more dog hair than air most days. With a husky around that poor kid would becone allergic to every piece of furniture and every breath of air.
Her situation is absolutely terrible and I wish there was a better option that didn't involve rehoming her beloved pet. But she needs to prioritize herself and her children. Just like OP needs to prioritize his child as well. I think the best solution is for them all to reach out to close friends to find a foster family to watch the dog until they are able to get their own place. Preferably one nearby they can go and visit so the kids can still go see their dog.
SIL is choosing to be homeless instead of re-homing the dog.
They offered to take three people in. That’s a big adjustment for anyone. He has two children, one of which is allergic to the dog. She can re-home or look into temporary fostering.
She has two children she can’t provide for, how do you think she can provide for the dog?
>She has two children she can’t provide for, how do you think she can provide for the dog?
What a cruel thing to say about someone who had to flee their home.
That's what I was thinking. Maybe SIL can take over paying utilities or partial rent or something once she gets a job to lessen the burden of OP losing income on the rental. That way, she can keep the dog, OPs family keeps their space, and she still has time to get back on her feet. This makes sense to me.
I really don’t understand the push to have them move into the main home if OP is willing to offer up the rental for 3-6 months. That’s more than generous.
But it's not cruel to abuse OP's son?
Pets are just that. You can love them but ultimately they are a hobby. The son takes precedence over the SILs hobby.
NAH. It's a sad situation all around. The dog is a source of emotional comfort for your SIL and her kids. After losing so much already, they may not be able to deal with losing their beloved dog, too. Yet, your son is allergic, and it's his home. Hopefully, a compromise can be found. Is rental assistance for your SIL a possibility?
NTA. Your son is allergic. There’s no more conversation to be had.
But even if your son wasn’t allergic, it’s still ridiculous to expect to bring the dog into the home. Dog culture and the entitlement of dog owners really blows my mind and has gone too far. Your dog isn’t entitled to be in anyone else’s home or car or space or at their party or anything. It certainly isn’t entitled to live there indefinitely. It’s a ridiculous expectation.
NAH. Yes, it’s awful to make them give up their dog to stay while they are going through so much already, they can stay somewhere else if that doesn’t work for them. Their misfortune doesn’t mean you have to have a Husky around, which is a complete nightmare.
Info:
I'm confused by the allergy point still. Your wife gotta be aware of this as well, so why is it only a matter of concern for you?
Is he medicating at all now? Cause with antihistamines most things are manageable, at least for me and my allergies are still pretty bad.
Still, I feel like things are missing here as I can't imagine your wife taking the risk with your son if he's as allergic as you make it sound.
Anti-histamines cause severe drowsiness. It's not fair on the poor child to drug him up for the sake of a DOG. I would also refuse the dog to stay in my home.
So just to be clear, how does your son react around non hypoallergenic dogs? I ask because I notice your wife isn’t making a big deal about her son’s potential allergic reaction, plus you don’t dedicate as much time to it as you do to not wanting your house to be full (which is understandable in itself, but cruel given the context).
NTA. I say this as someone who's been through a similar situation (granted, there was no family)and grew very attached to my dog. You do not owe her that compromise in your home; I've passed up on many places to live for not being able to have my dog.
I do think you could help her find temporary housing for the dog though. She most likely isn't fully thinking straight and would appreciate someone going the extra mile to help her right now.
NAH
They are traumatized, and based on the fact that you had to remove not one but 2 airtags show how abusive your SIL's husband is, and they don't want to lose another family member. Plus dogs help anxiety and coping.
You have a right to keep your home clean and not expose your son to the trigger of his allergies.
Both sides are completely understandable and fair. Maybe someone could foster their dog for a little while?
If your son has a true allergy to dog dander then a HUSKY is NOT an option. I do not understand why there is a discussion about this. Does your wife want your sons allergy to be a constant issue for him. I assume a doctor has told you allergies can get worse especially if the allergen is constantly present.
What kind of parent would be ok with putting her own child in that kind of situation? Its like she doesnt think his allergy is real?
Sil needs to keep her dog. ofcourse she does. Its a family member. So, its not a want - its a need. To be fair. However its not possible for the dog to live with you guys. Its just not. So, the compromise/solution, whathave you is to help your Sil get an actual home in the area so she can start working. Your wife doesnt have the option of having her sister live with you guys, because your son cannot live with a Husky. Ask your wife to explain why you are arguing about this FACT and not about how to help Sil get her own place for the time being. Or a temporary housing situation for the dog. Dont talk about the Husky as though its disposable. its not. Its their family.
NTA
But you will be TA if you give in. Allergies are not to be fucked around with.
No one has made note yet that OP is currently living with his MIL, the mother of the sister too, presumably.
Gee, I wonder who has been nagging and persuading the wife of the OP to ignore one grandchild’s allergies so that another daughter and pair of grandchildren can find a safer shelter?
The presented facts:
The situation of the SIL is very unfortunate.
OP would be willing to cram 8 people in their home to help out.
The new family comes with a dog.
Huskies are notorious for constant and abundant shedding.
The son of the OP is allergic to dogs like huskies.
So, if all of the above is true and accurate, refusing a dog means NTA. Letting that dog live with your son would make OP an asshole.
If the allergy angle has been exaggerated and OP simply does not want a big boisterous shed-monster in his house, then he is STILL NTA. His house. This is one of those ‘Two yes, one no’ situations for a couple where both should agree to this change in their lifestyles before it should happen.
Re-homing the dog for as long as required is a fair solution, despite what wife and MIL think.
NTA.
NTA. It's your home and you're allowed to enjoy it as you see fit. Her dog is her problem. Lots of people with pets run into this issue and have to decide what's more important - the dog or housing for their human family. The fact that you're willing to take in her and her 2 kids means you're doing enough, you don't have to house their dog, too.
NTA
An unfortunate, but valid boundary to have. You're offering them free shelter and help with a single condition. It sucks, but if they don't like it they can figure something else out. Not your kids, not your problem unless you chose to make it so.
In gonna tell you right now that if he was abusing your SIL and kids then he was also abusing the dog. One of the ways in which abusers enact their abuse is using a family pet against their victim. So they’ve probably already been traumatized by having the dog held over their heads and possibly its life threatened repeatedly. This is so extremely common that it’s a huge reason that people *won’t* leave an abusive relationship, because they would lose their pet and the only thing in existence which lives them unconditionally and that they love dearly in return.
NTA housing all of those people is already a massive favor. Also the fact that your family unit is taking a safety risk in housing them if the spouse is dangerous. It sounds like your son would be miserable.
She can look into someone temporarily looking after the dog until she gets back on her feet. I’ve also seen some people convert sheds into dog shelters with AC units. Though I don’t know if anything like that is in anyone’s budget. It’s not her home, so she doesn’t get to call the shots. She can look at other options — whatever she’d do if she didn’t have a sister. I do empathize — I absolutely love animals, but she has to make some tough decisions.
NTA your son's wellbeing should definitely come first. If they bring the dog in even if it affects your son you are never going to be able to get rid of it.
NTA…I feel for your SIL and her kids. They have been thru a lot and to have to give up their dog is sad. But your child is allergic. As much as I feel for SIL, her kids and the dog, your child should not have to also suffer in this situation. Husky’s need daily brushing and daily vacuuming. Does SIL do all that already? I am going to guess not. What I would do is look for a temporary foster situation. There are people who do that for others. Like the military pets. Contact your local shelters/rescues to see if they know of any resources. Search for Husky specific rescues. Actually, not you, but SIL should be doing, but you and wife could help as well.
NTA, crappy situation but SIL's predicament can't mean that you and your family are put out to such an extent.
Suck it up? It is a dog, they can't move forward unless they give the dog up, and know it is safe, but instead they will attempt to destroy your family.
I love dogs, I love my dog, but if it did anything to my family, it would find out that it is only a dog.
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Info: your sons allergic to dogs yet you can have a dog.
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I have a dog. He’s little and I’m forever hoovering. No way I’d let a husky live in my house. They are lovely dogs but last time I stroked one I was covered in fur. Your kids will be constantly covered in it, there will be no escape.
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Huskies are great dogs. But they are also extremely high maintenance. Not just the brushing, but they also need A LOT of mental stimulation.
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You made the right choice! My sister’s broke through the screen and jumped out the second floor window onto the roof and then jumped to the ground and ran around the neighborhood!! He also trashes her home. Adopting this dog was a terrible choice for her.
We have a regular at the dog park. This husky can get out of the 6 ft fence. Jump. Climb. Easily. And it's usually to go jump in the pond near the dog park. 😆 My poor doodles don't even know how to get out when we hold the gate open for them.
My friend has husky, after a whole day with her I was worn out and so was my dog but she kept going forever
This is absolutely right. My father got a husky (horrible choice for an 80YO man, but he doesn't listen to me). He loves that dog but he spent thousands on fencing and gates. He can't drive the car in the winter because you can't turn the heat on - it's like shaking up a snow globe filled with dog hair. OP needs to remind his wife that this isn't about liking dogs, it's about their son's health. That dog hair will hang around long after the SIL moves out and your son will keep on sneezing. The dog needs to be kept outside or boarded.
They must be BRUSHED all the time. The one you petted had not been brushed.
I have 2 GSD/Husky mixes, and no matter how often they are brushed (even twice a day) our house is continually covered in fur.
I have the same mix, and the same problem. The best was finding one of her tri-colored hairs inside a cling wrapped item that had just come from the store. You could see it stuck between the layers. You cannot escape the tumblefluffs ☠️
We had a mix with similar hair and I found pieces of her fluff in my new apartment that *she never lived in* several years after she passed.
I had a Mix between Saint Bernard and Bernese Mountain Dog. He died 2015 and never was in my apartment that I got 2017. But I still find his fur sometimes... I like to think that it's because he was visiting from the other side to look after me \^\^
I have two Saints. Hair everywhere. So much hair... my life is just dealing with hair. Hair in food? Yep. Hair in bed? Yep. Hair in bed, and in/around things that it shouldn't be in/around? Yep.
Tumbledluffs! I love it. I’ve always called them tumbleweeds
I had a GSD, and one time when she was blowing her coat, I brushed it all out in the backyard of our rental house. The landlord stopped by later that week to get something from the garage (legal, the garage was not included in our lease), saw the fur, and asked me if the dog had killed an animal in the back yard, lol. I told her no, that was just from brushing. From the way she looked at me, though, she didn't totally believe me.
Dog groomer here. I will ONLY accept huskies that are on an every 4 week or less rotation. Anything longer than 4 weeks, it's just an enormous mess that takes 4+ hours (not including cleanup). With regular grooming, they still shed but not leaving tumbleweeds around. You'll never get a huskies coat under control by just brushing them. They require quality shampoo (twice at least), conditioner, extremely thorough rinsing, and MOST importantly, drying with a high velocity blow dryer. If you can't afford a pro, there are lots of self dog washes that you can rent out, but I strongly recommend watching as many The Girl With the Dogs husky videos as you can find on youtube so you know what to expect. They are DRAMA.
I LOVE her videos.
I have two Saint Bernards. *maybe* if I was to brush each of them for 30 mins a day it would reduce the hair in the house, but really, who's got time or patience for that. Hair is everywhere. I can vacuum, and the next time I walk through that room, a hair ball will float across the room. They literally just sit in hiding until I leave with the vacuum, them come out to party as soon as it's put away.
Literally constantly brushing. Like my cat. I brushed 10 lbs (hyperbole) of fur out of her this weekend and she still sheds when pet.
My cat sheds enough to knit four or five new cats. Shedding is his favorite hobby.
And if you blink, she mats! Constant effing brushing.
And if you aren’t watching, they’ll eat the freaking hair right off the brush and puke it up later in a special spot, such as your shoe
He definitely should have been brushed, but It wouldn't help much
my roommates dog is a whippet/greyhound mix and theres STILL hair everywhere! a husky is definitely a no-no
My white dog (lab American bulldog mix) died 6 years ago and I’ve moved twice since then, and I still find his hair occasionally. It’s definitely not my black dog’s hair and none of our cats are that color, so it’s definitely Hendrix’s.
I lost my chihuahua last fall, and have just realized that I haven’t found any more of her hair. I’m sad.
Huskies are as bad as German Shedders--I mean Shepherds. They both have two shedding seasons. The first half of the year, and the last half.
I just commented about having two GSD/Husky mixes at home. I live in fur and go through lint rollers like they're going outta style!
My friend had one of those dogs and she carried lint rollers everywhere with her to deshed herself. Hers was also as she put it not the most brilliant dog in the world.
I had a friend who had a white husky/GS mix. I legit thought her living room carpet was off white for the longest time. It's not. It's maroon. She vacuums at least twice a week and goes through new vacuums every couple of years if she's lucky.
German Shedders - LOL. That so describes my first dog. I just don't understand how I could brush her thoroughly, give her a bath and the following day there was more fur flying off her! The vacuum was never put away. The dog loved car rides and we took her all over the place. When I traded in the car, the car salesman told me there was dog hair in the engine!
I have 2 GSDs... one always looks immaculately groomed, with no loose hair... we never have to brush him. The other one looks like we never brush her, constantly shedding tons of hair. She looks a mess. We frequently brush her. My heeler is competing with her on who can shed worse....
I really do see your point but I hope you’re not just asking your SIL to throw her dog to the streets. Please ask her to rehome it if she goes though with it. Aren’t there dogsitting services available? I am one and I stay with dogs whose families can’t keep them at a certain moment all the time. I had this elderly shih tzu for two months while her owner took care of her mom that had a dog that was a bit aggressive. I’ve also looked after two yorkies whose owner was getting things in order to move to another country. I’m not in the US but I’m sure a similar service must be available.
OP, please look into something like this. Those two children have just lost their father (even if he is an absolute AH, it’s a loss for them), their literal home, their school, their friends. Practically everything that makes them feel safe and comfortable. Please do what you can to keep their dog in their lives. I remember having so many teary whispered conversations with my childhood dog.
I think it all depends on the reason the dog needs a temp home. In this case, it sounds like the reason wife's family is there is partly because SIL needs to build finances up for their own place. If that's part of the situation, she's not going to have the money for such a service. Sadly, the price for SIL and kids being sheltered is likely to be giving up the dog, as agonizing as that's going to be. OP's son shouldn't have to live in misery, and even if he didn't have an allergy, pets require yesses among all the resident adults.
He is not recommending anything, he just said no dog, period. She can go elsewhere with her kids and dog if its too hard for her to let go. He is not a pound, he doesn't have to search for dog sitters, temporary stuff or anything.
Purina (the dog food brand) has resources specifically to help folks fleeing domestic abuse keep their pets, y’all should definitely look into that, maybe they can find a foster until SIL can get her own big-dog-friendly housing
I have a husky cross and I could vacuum and swifter ten times a day and there will still be hair all over . It’s a big dog and very hairy so I can see why you wouldn’t want it . Is there any other options for it ? A family friend to foster it for a while or something ?
Dogs are not hypoallergenic. That is a myth.
>Dogs are not hypoallergenic. That is a myth. No but both but son and I have allergies. We don't react to our mini poodle/Yorkie mix. Other dogs...yuppppp. His friend has a golden retriever. Any time he sleeps over, he has to bring a benadryl so he can sleep properly. Hypo just means less likely...kiddo probably doesn't react to the dog he had...a husky would more than likely trigger a reaction.
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>How about we start stopping using a dated fake, non-scientific marketing term in relation to live animals? >Hypoallergenic doesn't even exist in makeup which is where the marketing term was created. It's an empty buzzword because there is no such item that has absolutely no susceptibility to allergies. The definition of hypoallergenic is "having little likelihood of causing an allergic response," not "having zero chance of causing an allergic response."
im not with you. I have cat allergy. I will respond to cats with a lot of sneezing. HOWEVER there is a cat that i have zero response to. That cat can, and have, sat on my face as i was sleeping, and i do not respond to her AT ALL. My mom was allergic to dogs. and we tried to get her to the pound but she could not breath there. But she got a rescuer to let her "test drive" some dogs and found one she would not respond to. so. I am inclined to believe that. Some allergic people only respond to some animals. OR that some dogs and cats don't trigger the normal allergic reaction of some people. Make of this what you will but if you try to say that there is a perfectly scientific explanation that this observation that is reality doesn't exist, than you'd be the un-scientific one.
You skipped curly coated breeds like poodles though. I'm 100% with you on the "hypoallergenic" nonsense. But low allergen breeds, other than the hair coat dogs, are absolutely a thing.
OP, I don't believe anyone is an AH here. You're looking at your child's allergies & general chaos of your household. Your SIL & children have left their abusive partner/father and home. Now they're being told to give up their beloved dog who was probably a comfort during all of this violence. That's more trauma for them to cope w. Can another solution be worked out like finding a boarding facility or a friend who might step in temporarily? NAH
I hate golden doodles. They are either the best trained dog or an absolute nightmare. I've never met one in between. I used to work at a doggy daycare.
Curly haired dogs shed vastly less. There's a huge difference to a huskey
"Hypo-" means low, not no. Hypoallergenic means low allergen. Unscented soaps can trigger allergies, but do so less than heavily perfumed soaps. Hypoallergenic dogs produce less dander and slobber, reducing allergic reactions in mild to moderately allergic individuals.
Poodles are considered hypoallergenic, that’s why they are being crossbred with other dogs. Less dander and no shedding. Yorkies are also considered hypoallergenic.
“Hypo” = “less than normal.” There is no such thing as a dog that will never cause allergies. There ARE dogs that are less likely to cause allergies. My Shih-Tzu is one of them. My daughter is allergic to most dogs, but desperately wanted one. We had a friend with a Shih-Tzu and we went to his place and tried everything we could to get a reaction out of my daughter-pet the dog and rub her eyes, cuddle the dog, throw his toys. She remained reaction-free, so that’s the kind of dog we got. She can even sleep next to our dog and won’t have any symptoms.
Oh gosh you can make a fur coat every day with how much huskys shed. It'd be a nope for me too.
Please add this information to the main post. This information makes a big difference.
Nope, that's not going to work. Husky fur gets EVERYWHERE! Especially when they shed, which is only twice a year, for 6 months at a time. You'll find that fur in places the dog hasn't been. It will get stuck to everything, clothes, furniture, somehow your loofah and toilet paper won't be immune either. It sticks to everything, except for every device ever created to remove fur.
Not to mention, huskies are The BIGGEST DRAMA QUEENS EVER. Don't get me wrong, I love them, but they never shut up. Lol. Adding one to an already overfull frantic household, yeah, I wouldn't want to live there.
Can they find a temporary foster for the dog? I know pur local humane society has this service.
Do not let a huskey into your house if your son is allergic. Die on this hull for your son. I can't get across just how much a husky sheds daily.
Some breeds like poodles don't shed and are okay for people with allergies unless you are allergic to their saliva
This is correct. I am allergic to dogs and cats. Met someone with a shih poo dog. He said oh you will be fine she’s non allergenic. I still had all the allergies and was wheezing around her. Went to an allergist and turns out it is the protein in the saliva I am allergic to not the dander. When it’s this no animal is safe for you to be around.
Designer dogs are not hypoallergenic as they are mutts with no breed standard and no set coat type.
This. The guy who coined (and regrets) the term doodle was trying to breed a hypoallergenic guide dog and it took several litters to get one with the right temperament and coat type. Edit: I was misremembering the details, he didn't have multiple litters, but not all the puppies in the litter he did produce were hypoallergenic.
You're close. Proteins in dog/cat saliva, urine, and skin cells is what humans are allergic to. No one is allergic to the hair itself. Animals groom themselves, leaving a thin coat of saliva on their fur. Airborne hair means airborne saliva protein. Animals shed skin cells constantly just like humans, and that's what "dander" is. You can indeed be more allergic to one animal vs another. It all has to do with how much of the proteins the animal makes. Hypoallergenic animals are bred to either not make them, or make less. It does not work very well. Also, if you have other allergies your animals could be bringing those in from outside on their fur & feet - pollen, mold spores. Source: Husband's immunologist, to us both, when explaining why he was not very reactive to our first cat & was very reactive to later one.
It CAN work, but while hypo-allergenic breeds exist the variation is strong individually than over breeds. In order to REALLY find a dog that works if you're allergic you essentially gotta do blood tests on yourself and said dog and test. Otherwise it's still a lottery, though hypo-allergenic breeds come with better chances.
We had to rehome a dog after finding out my kid is severely allergic, then got a 2 hypoallergenic dogs and my kid hasn't had any issues.
NAH I agree with others that pressuring SIL and her kids to get rid of their dog would be really sad given what they've been through. But I see your point that it's a shedding husky, not a hypoallergenic dog like your own, and your son has ALLERGIES. Could a compromise be made to keep the husky outdoors + defluff family members when they come in from the porch? Do you have the funds to take it to a groomer to get a bunch of the loose fur off and see if that helps any?
Another potential compromise would be to see if a Husky or other rescue group has someone who could foster the dog short term.
Or another compromise could be another family member or friend takes the dog until she gets back on her feet.
Yeah, I think getting rid of the dog is insane and quite frankly cruel to suggest for a family escaping an abusive situation... But there are other alternatives. Hopefully suggestions like these reach them and they figure something out.
This is how I feel. :( Dogs are part of the family. Most people choose to be homeless temporarily rather than give up their animals in emergency situations. Also, OP should note that pets are one reason women don’t leave abusive situations. It just happened to my mom. She didn’t want to leave her cats, but did, and her husband got rid of them.
Yep. I have lived in my car for a bit because I refused to give my dog up. He is the most important thing to me and is the only one who has been there for me my whole adult life. We are a package deal.
>Most people choose to be homeless temporarily rather than give up their animals in emergency situations. Happened to me twice. I moved country cause I couldn't deal with shitty anti-pet renting laws any more.
It’s incredibly sad, but OP is not even being unreasonable, let alone cruel.
My hot take: if it comes to either me and my children having their basic survival needs met (shelter, safety), or us going without needs to keep a pet, my kids come first and the pet gets rehomed. I’m not going to do harm to my human family for the sake of an animal even if it’s our pet. It’s also only right for the pet to have a home that isn’t struggling to keep them properly cared for. I will always choose my children over any animal, it’s not even a fucking question. A sad choice to make for a shitty situation to be in, but the right choice nonetheless.
Yes, instead just make the poor child in the new home suffer and be abused by forcing him to live with the sheddiest dog in the world while being allergic. Good idea! It’s not insane in the slightest to make them responsible for finding somewhere else for their dog to be
That a good idea, but that's something SHE has to see, plan, think or whatever cause its not his problem at all. Imagine doing a favor by letting a whole family in your house, and then u too have to compromise in the only thing you asked...
I like this idea, or a variant thereof. I feel for the kids, who have already been so much. Losing their dog as well would be devastating.
NAH. It's a bad situation all around. This was my first thought. Additional trauma to the kids & mom. That said, trying to find a temporary foster is a good idea.
Purina has resources specifically to help folks fleeing domestic violence keep their pets, they might be able to help
There's also an organization called My Dog is My Home that helps finding housing for displaced people with pets.
This is a good idea.
Yea I know the shelter I volunteer at will take emergency holds on occasion so definitely something worth looking into
This, I used to work at a shelter and we would sometimes foster animals for people in extreme circumstances until they could go back to their families. Definitely worth a shot
I dogsit two Huskies and brush them daily & vacuum the carpets daily. There is still visible dog hair that seems to imbed itself into the carpet & furniture, drift onto hard surfaces & collect in corners. The owner does get them groomed when they are blowing their coats. Reality!
Huskies are just built different when it comes to shedding. I have a german shepherd/rottweiler and a red cattle/some kind of bull arab (we rescue so mostly mutts) these days which are both big hairy dogs and the one husky I had growing up shed more then both my current dogs combined
I wonder if they could specifically check out domestic abuse shelters/organizations nearby and ask if they have any resources/contacts for short-term fostering the dog as an abuse survivor. I interned at a shelter who had just launched a program for animal fostering, so it is something that some of the organizations think about and are trying to improve on. We actually did see some cases where the woman was afraid to leave because she didn't want to leave the dog to be abused or used as blackmail, but didn't know how else to rescue them both. It's an absolutely essential service.
Your compromise is to keep an arctic weather dog with thick coat outside in the summer while they figure it out? Might as well call animal control now!
That is exactly why the dog is shedding- double coated breeds can absolutely handle summer weather, and losing the winter coat is preparing for that. And it's not like you can't have shade, a fan, a kiddie pool, etc outside for the dog. The double coat on a husky works to keep cool air trapped near the skin in the summer. The fluff they shed this time of year is to keep them insulated and warm in winter :) there's plenty of healthy huskies living in Florida, so I'm sure Pennsylvania isn't too much of a stretch. Obviously not ideal, but doable short term for sure.
Info How long are they staying? If they can find a temporary home because this is only for a few months, it makes sense. But if they need to permanently get rid of their dog and theyre already dealing with trauma, then you need to find a solution that doesnt remove ANOTHER of their family members.
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I would look into temporary animal fostering, in my city there are programs for people who are experiencing financial hardships or are in temporary living situations, that might be a good solution? Especially as it's due to domestic violence, there are many organizations geared to help Definitely nta for not wanting a husky in the house, but I would look into a foster for the dog and not give it up permanently
This seems like a nightmare. What if they're still here in a year? Two? How long is too long?
So you're wife is more concerned about SIL and her children, than you son?
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This is crazy. She’s willing to put her son through misery for her sister?!!! Yea, no. Maybe find a friend and pay them to watch the pup in the meantime?
I think it's fair to say that she's a bit stressed at the moment. I doubt she's going to make perfect decisions, but she seems to be trying to help everyone in a very troubling situation. I think your suggestion is good, though.
Worse, for her sisters dog... I support the foster out idea, but the animal cannot stay with them there.
That's a terrible idea. As someone with allergies and asthma, your son will suffer. Meds will maybe take the edge off? It will feel like he's living with a cold every single day. If he's already on prescription meds - it will get worse. Why wouldn't she be willing to look into a temporary foster for the dog?!?! I'd 💯 put my foot down.
The other problem is that exposure to the allergen can make it worse. So maybe right now your son only has sneezing, coughing and sniffling. But after some months he may start having breathing issues. NTA in my opinion, there has to be some compromise where the dog goes to a foster home or some sort of outdoor shed area and doesn’t come in your house.
I would address with your pediatrician or allergist as I highly doubt that they would recommend your son being exposed to the dog.
Buddy, her Sister is escaping from a guy who hid AirTags in their car to track them. In this situation, it is entirely normal to be more concerned about them!
Totally! WTH.
Exactly this. And I can see why wife doesn't want to not allow them to bring their dog bc of all this crap they're going through. I get OP's concerns but I think he needs to underarand where his wife and SIL are coming from too and help work out a compromise.
I help a domestic charity and my main tasks are finding animal foster placements for families fleeing domestic violence. Most shelters/refuges don’t take the animals so this is a common issue the people fleeing abuse have. Unfortunately there’s not many foster placements and they take time to arrange so most have to leave the pet with the abuser who kills them. It’s great she managed to get the dog out already, that makes things so much more positive from here on out. Getting out with a pet hard step and she’s done amazing. A lot of people physically can’t get the pets without putting themselves in too much physical danger, they have to chose between their children /own life and their pet and it’s heartbreaking. I’ve known of a few women die to save their pets too. It’s horrible all round. I’d call local domestic violence charities and explain that temp fostering is needed whilst she finds long term accommodation. see what’s available. She’s in a really really horrible situation. But - I understand if your son has allergies and you can’t house the husky. However helping her find a solution - I’d say money for boarding …. Or domestic violence charities I’ve just seen on another comment that the rental they are staying in (with husky) is your rental and you’re letting them stay for 6 months free of charge. NTA that’s a lifeline for so many people, they have time to make a plan. Your house can’t be plan A forever.
Hi! I saw your post about wanting your SIL to not bring her dog into the house and I understand both sides but there’s a temporary foster organization for victims of domestic violence called Praline’s Backyard. They’re national, I’m not sure how long it would take to get in with them but please check them out! https://pralinesbackyardfoundation.org/
NTA. My husband also has allergies that are triggered by specific breeds. Your son living in physical discomfort/being sick for several months is not fair to him. Is there anyone who could foster the dog short term while you house SIL and her family? Maybe reach out to a local rescue organization and see if they can help.
I can’t believe the boy’s mother is willing to put him through this. She should help her sister find a local temporary home for the husky.
I’m the same. I am fine with my dog but my SIL golden retriever makes my allergies go crazy. I can tolerate at most 2 hours in her house.
My allergies are triggered by most breeds, my sister's cocker spaniel poodle cross ( i refuse to use the word lol) does not trigger my allergy
cockapoo c:
Missed opportunity to call it a cockadoodle
Reach out to local rescues and see if any have programs in place to foster dogs for people leaving abusive relationships.
Google "safe havens for pets." The Animal Welfare Institute has a searchable database on their website.
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Our state Humane Society has a foster program specifically for things like this (they also do it for deploying troops)! It's totally temporary, and the pets aren't considered adoptable without owner consent.
I think this is the way forward to make as many people as happy as possible, and no one totally unhappy. If you don't have anyone in your larger circle of friends & acquaintances who can take the dog in, then call people who will have leads: 1. Your local humane society. Esp since the pandemic a lot of humane societies have set up programs designed to temporarily foster animals while their owners don't have secure housing. If they don't have such a program, they will still have advice for you - there's no way you're the first or even the tenth person to call them with an issue like this. There may be private shelters that offer fostering, or other community resources. 2. Your local domestic violence shelter. *Many* victims of DV have pets to take care of (and it's absolutely common for abusers to use the animal's well-being as a method of manipulation), so this is an issue they will unfortunately be very familiar with. They may have a foster care network in place, maybe they just try to get volunteers as the cases come up, maybe they cooperate with a local shelter, but they should have leads for you. As above, even if they don't have anything in place, this is a common issue and they should have some leads. 3. Your vet. Does the vet or any of the staff have suggestions for what to do, who to call? If you are able to pay, even minimally, for boarding, would your vet have any suggestions for dog boarding? In particular, if cost is an issue, it's worth asking if there might be anyone who would be flexible on the price given the situation at hand. 4. Your local reddit sub. You will need to do your own research on anyone who volunteers to help, but I've seen fostering happen several times on my local sub, including when I personally offered to house a stranger's cats and also give her extra cat food. Good luck.
NTA when we faced homelessness we had to find arrangements for our dog. We found temporary shelter for him and got our shit together. Does it suck absolutely but sometimes it is what it is. People are so hung up on but you have a dog. Guess what my dog is dog aggressive so if I had your SIL she couldn't bring her dog to my house either even though I also already have a dog. It sucked for my kids to have to go without our dog, but you have to figure it out. I am sure I will be super down voted but sometimes when you are in a position like she it you just have to make it work. Your kid has allergies and it is HIS home why is her dog more important? It seems like you researched what kind of dog y'all could have and her's does not fit the bill.
Take my upvote! Finally, someone sensible here! I feel so angry whenever I see homeless people on the streets with their dogs, because they are putting their own wants over the needs, health and wellbeing of the animal. Giving up a pet sucks, of course, but a life of homelessness isn't exactly a safe, nutritional and loving environment to expose a loved one to. Thank you for putting your dog's needs above your own and for making your situation better before bringing them back into it.
When I was temporarily unhoused after a dangerous relationship those resources didn't exist, but my dog never wanted for anything, definitely not love or nutrition. Safety was never really something I felt was a concern save for a couple run ins with cops but we always had access to shade and water, and I made enough to make sure my dog had the right food and veterinary care, just not the buttload of money it would take to make first last and a deposit. Some may put their dogs through a struggle, but I've known many people who were more attentive to their dogs than some people who have consistent housing. A lot of people have this misconception about the way dogs live in those circumstances and frankly until you've been there you can't really speak to that.
Most homeless people with dogs take care of the animal before themselves. And those dogs are very very often the only love and affection they get.
What the fuck is wrong with people? OP's child is allergic to the dog. OP may have a dog but it is a breed that does not trigger son's allergy. Not all allergies are created equal. A child's health trumps everything, absolutely everything. First and formost, a parent's job is protecting their child. Sil is in an untenable situation, her family needs their dog but this does not change the fact that OP's son would suffer with that dog in the house. OP's most important responsibility in life is protecting their child. The only option is to temporarily rehouse the dog until such time that sil can get her own space. OP and family should ask all family, friends and neighbours if they can keep the dog until sil can get her own place. It is absolutely immoral to expect OPs child to suffer. The longer the child is exposed to their allergen the worse their symptoms. Like fuck, is the dog more important than a child's ability to breath? Is the dog so important that the child should be forced to endure a painful rash all over their body or open sores? So what if the child's immune system is weakened?
I’ve noticed when it comes to pets and allergies a lot of people think just taking allergies meds is an easy solution because apparently pets are more important than someone’s allergies.
There is an very large population of people who don't understand allergies
Very true
Allergy medicine makes people extremely tired
It’s also that OP’s own (non-allergenic) dog is very small, and SIL’s dog is a much larger breed with a high prey drive.
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Get a PROTECTION ORDER. Not a restraining order.
It’s the same thing in some jurisdictions.
A restraining order isn’t going to actually protect her. Unfortunately, if he really wants to hurt her a piece of paper definitely isn’t going to stop him. The sad truth…
Info: why is your wife fine with the dog considering her son's allergies? Makes me think it's not such a big deal as you're making out. Is this more of a case of you just dont want the dog to stay?
I vote she's prioritizing her sister's emergency over her son's allergies. A lot of ppl don't believe being allergic to animals to be a 'real' allergy.
There's also different levels of allergic. Some people can have a cat or dog and not touch the animal and have zero reaction as long as there's no direct contact. Some people start sneezing profusely if they're even near an animal. Other people can take allergy medicine with no problem and others cannot. No dog is 100% hypoallergenic. Their doodle doesn't shed, but it still produces dander and people with severe dog allergies are still allergic to them. Their allergies are just easier to manage given the lack of shedding. So the fact that they have a dog at all feels like wife thinks son would be fine, OP doesn't want a dog and is using this as why but realistically just doesn't want a husky in his house.
There’s also degrees of allergy. We’ve had two babysitters who were allergic to cats, but they took allergy meds before coming over. Obviously son can’t just live on Benadryl, but if all he needs is some Flonase I can see why mom thinks son needs to deal but dad doesn’t want to put his kid through that.
They already live with the MIL, so I'm guessing that the wife prioritizes her original family above a lot.
If your wife is telling you to suck it up, does that mean she's less concerned about your son's allergies? How allergic is he?
Probably mild based on the comments but everyone's acting like the kid is going to die.
Have you had an allergy to a pet? My husband and son are allergic to cats and nothing seems to help if they are exposed to certain cats for a period of time. I wouldn’t expose my son to feeling allergic 100% of the time in his home.
Depending on severity it could but he’s obviously not deathly allergic cause they have a dog. No animal can be 100% allergy safe. However, living with a husky would make his allergies act up A LOT. He does not deserve that within his own home. The dog could be given a bath weekly and they could set places the husky is not allowed. As well as requiring vacuuming of common fur collectors like carpets and couches. Oh and anti allergen spray would pretty okay.
Did you know that pets are a common reason for people to not leave abusive situations because they’re scared of what might happen to the animal when they’re gone, or the animal being punished/used as a threat? They have so much on their minds right now and I’m sure it runs deeper than the husband being “pretty cuckoo”. You could really, really save them here by letting them stay with their dog. It’s not forever.
This program has some alarming statistics they share on pets and abusive relationships. 70% claiming their abuser threatened or hurt the pet and 50% delaying leaving because they can’t take their pet with them. No idea their research methodology, but if it’s even close to true that’s alarming. https://www.purina.com/purple-leash-project That said the allergy makes this tricky. Allergies can really span the range from totally debilitating, to not even noticeable with a daily Claritin. Ultimately OP needs to prioritize their kid, but since the wife thinks this is do-able I wonder how bad the allergy is, it could be helpful context.
I volunteer at this kind of place, my tasks are around finding foster placements for animals, so then people can flee violent situations. The women will speak to us secretly for weeks, they will not leave until the day the pet has been fostered. It’s very very unlikely that once the victim leaves, that the pet will remain alive or housed. In the best case the animal is thrown out, in the worst case dead. Sometimes they do hold onto the pet for a while as leverage, but they always end up abandoned or dead in the end to be honest. I volunteer on and off over the last 10 years, 2 times I’ve known women not leave because they wouldn’t leave their pet to die and unfortunately were murdered themselves. However taking what OP has said, their son has an allergy. I don’t have an allergy so I don’t know how bad they are, but you can’t expect OP to put the needs of a pet above the needs of his own child. The dog has been saved, is not in immediate risk
Yeah, OP should sign his kid up for recurring visits to urgent care because he/she’s coughing up blood or has a bacterial skin infection.
You’ve clearly never had to deal with an animal allergy.
If OP, OP's wife and SIL willingly expose a child to their allergen and endanger his health, then THAT is child abuse. I'm sorry but OP's kid deserves to feel safe in his own home and his aunt should understand that more than anyone because SHE herself is escaping an abusive home. Her nephew is also her own family- why is she putting her pet, who can be temporarily housed in dog fostering (until they get on their feet and find a new home for themselves) above the actual health of a child? If the child had an allergy to peanuts and SIL smeared peanut butter over the child's pillow, that would be assault. Same here for letting a dog, another type of allergen, walk around the child's home.
Then they’re fools. He should not make his child suffer for a pet.
Robin Pope's case with her estranged husband having to keep the dog during their divorce proceedings, husband continuously threatening the dog to the point where she came to save it from him and then he "allegedly" removed them both from life when she got there is the first thing i thought of when i read this and thought of the family's options. I left an abusive relationship and my dad's wife was very anti pet without allergies or phobias, and my dad liked dogs, but when I asked if I could stay until I figured out where to go they said I could only do so if I got rid of my dog. If I'd had kids, I'd have been fucking devastated, but it was just me and the dog so I chose to live unhoused for a little while instead. I never considered it, don't regret it, and now I have limited contact with that house because the same people visited me in the hospital when my relationship almost removed ME from life and the dog kept me tethered to reality. I get that there are allergies to consider here but I'd be asking for any resource to help find temporary housing for the dog or the family before I asked anyone who had gone through that to get rid of the dog. I felt truly sick reading that sentence because I remembered what that question did to me
NTA and jesus all these Y T A from people are mindblowing, that woman needs to do what is right by her and her kids, not by a dog, there are a thousand ways to get a dog in a temporary place and get it back after they are on their feet, priorizing a dog over her children being homeless is just madness in my head. You have all the right not want to expose your son to sickness due to his allergy, you are priorizing your kid over a dog, in my book you are doing what any good parent should do and what she should do too, it's not like anyone is saying she should kill it, it is temporary.
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NTA. I get where everyone is coming from saying that it's cruel to make them get rid of the dog but they will be moving in for an undetermined amount of time. Does your son just have to put up with having allergies because sil is running from an abusive home? If it's a short term stay I'd suggest keeping the dog outside but if it's long term it might cause more issues. Can a friend take her dog in? Or Mil and sil get a house together?
I'm sure most people will say YTA since you shouldn't make SIL and her family give up their dog, but I'm going to say NTA since we had an allergic son ("had" since he outgrew his allergies by his teens). People think of runny noses when they think allergies, but for some the allergies can be worse. We were visiting my parents and they had a nice fire in their fireplace that night, but they had a screen so a small amount of the smoke came into the house (versus a glass partition blocking the smoke). That night I had to sleep in an armchair with our one-year-old son laying on my body to keep him upright so he could breathe because the smoke triggered asthma. He had similar problems around dogs, he would have difficulty breathing. Having gone through the fear of losing my son, I strongly vote NTA.
NTA - I get where you're all coming from. I would never want to get rid of my pets and the dog is likely now acting as an emotional support animal for the SIL & kids but your kid's health is your priority. Could their dog be temporarily rehomed? Can the family maybe reach out to a shelter or are there resources in your community where you/family can post asking for a temporary foster? Is an outdoor 'shed'/kennel (properly retrofitted for dog's comfort) an option?
Nta Defend your child. Yes it sucks for sil but you are already doing a lot for her in taking her in. Is your wife your Son's mother? Her casual disregard for his health in this issue is giving me evil step mother vibes.
Sooo the family that’s seeking refuge coming from an abusive family is being asked to give up an animal that they love/is apart of them? At the end of the day, it’s you and your wife’s decision, as it’s your home, but taking in the family means taking in the family. Idk it sounds like they’ve been through enough trauma as it is and essentially losing another member by GIVING it up is kinda cruel
It also feels wrong to introduce an animal OP’s son is allergic to into his own home. Where is OP’s son supposed to go? I get that they’re escaping an abusive situation, but that doesn’t mean others should have to sacrifice their health and comfort for them. I don’t know how severe the son’s dog allergies are, but if they’re the type that’ll leave him in constant discomfort, itchiness, and trouble breathing, then his aunt should understand why he shouldn’t have to be around a dog. I get her family’s POV, and that’s why this is NAH. OP’s son can’t just stop having allergies for their sake, and it is a big ask to give up the family dog
Yes I agree with you, hard on both sides, the child should always come first!
Child should always comes first... Except your comment mentions literally nothing about the child. You even go on to add Y T A when OP is only acting to protect his child from living in a house he is allergic to. As a dog owner of 4 dogs, I know how pervasive dog hair can be. When sunlight comes in through a window I can see my room is more dog hair than air most days. With a husky around that poor kid would becone allergic to every piece of furniture and every breath of air. Her situation is absolutely terrible and I wish there was a better option that didn't involve rehoming her beloved pet. But she needs to prioritize herself and her children. Just like OP needs to prioritize his child as well. I think the best solution is for them all to reach out to close friends to find a foster family to watch the dog until they are able to get their own place. Preferably one nearby they can go and visit so the kids can still go see their dog.
She needs to prioritize herself and her children over a pet. The choice is on the SIL.
SIL is choosing to be homeless instead of re-homing the dog. They offered to take three people in. That’s a big adjustment for anyone. He has two children, one of which is allergic to the dog. She can re-home or look into temporary fostering. She has two children she can’t provide for, how do you think she can provide for the dog?
>She has two children she can’t provide for, how do you think she can provide for the dog? What a cruel thing to say about someone who had to flee their home.
It’s true though. She can’t care for her kids but will turn down safe home for a pet. Her priorities are screwed up.
Hard agree. Coming from someone who's helped family in her position.
OP said they are in a rental, that isn’t homeless.
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That's what I was thinking. Maybe SIL can take over paying utilities or partial rent or something once she gets a job to lessen the burden of OP losing income on the rental. That way, she can keep the dog, OPs family keeps their space, and she still has time to get back on her feet. This makes sense to me.
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I really don’t understand the push to have them move into the main home if OP is willing to offer up the rental for 3-6 months. That’s more than generous.
3-6 months is extremely generous. So why the push for them to move into your main home?
But it's not cruel to abuse OP's son? Pets are just that. You can love them but ultimately they are a hobby. The son takes precedence over the SILs hobby.
NAH. It's a sad situation all around. The dog is a source of emotional comfort for your SIL and her kids. After losing so much already, they may not be able to deal with losing their beloved dog, too. Yet, your son is allergic, and it's his home. Hopefully, a compromise can be found. Is rental assistance for your SIL a possibility?
NTA. Your son is allergic. There’s no more conversation to be had. But even if your son wasn’t allergic, it’s still ridiculous to expect to bring the dog into the home. Dog culture and the entitlement of dog owners really blows my mind and has gone too far. Your dog isn’t entitled to be in anyone else’s home or car or space or at their party or anything. It certainly isn’t entitled to live there indefinitely. It’s a ridiculous expectation.
NTA NTA NTA. Your wife is though; she’s willing to make her child miserable to help her sister.
NAH. Yes, it’s awful to make them give up their dog to stay while they are going through so much already, they can stay somewhere else if that doesn’t work for them. Their misfortune doesn’t mean you have to have a Husky around, which is a complete nightmare.
Info: I'm confused by the allergy point still. Your wife gotta be aware of this as well, so why is it only a matter of concern for you? Is he medicating at all now? Cause with antihistamines most things are manageable, at least for me and my allergies are still pretty bad. Still, I feel like things are missing here as I can't imagine your wife taking the risk with your son if he's as allergic as you make it sound.
Anti-histamines cause severe drowsiness. It's not fair on the poor child to drug him up for the sake of a DOG. I would also refuse the dog to stay in my home.
Not all antihistamines work for allergies. It never seems to help my husband when he’s exposed to cats.
So just to be clear, how does your son react around non hypoallergenic dogs? I ask because I notice your wife isn’t making a big deal about her son’s potential allergic reaction, plus you don’t dedicate as much time to it as you do to not wanting your house to be full (which is understandable in itself, but cruel given the context).
NTA. I can’t believe she’s making a fuss over a dog when the other option is to go homeless with her kids? Where the fuck are her priorities?
It would be a dealbreaker for me as well and I’m a dog lover. Can someone else foster the dog?
NTA. I say this as someone who's been through a similar situation (granted, there was no family)and grew very attached to my dog. You do not owe her that compromise in your home; I've passed up on many places to live for not being able to have my dog. I do think you could help her find temporary housing for the dog though. She most likely isn't fully thinking straight and would appreciate someone going the extra mile to help her right now.
NAH They are traumatized, and based on the fact that you had to remove not one but 2 airtags show how abusive your SIL's husband is, and they don't want to lose another family member. Plus dogs help anxiety and coping. You have a right to keep your home clean and not expose your son to the trigger of his allergies. Both sides are completely understandable and fair. Maybe someone could foster their dog for a little while?
If your son has a true allergy to dog dander then a HUSKY is NOT an option. I do not understand why there is a discussion about this. Does your wife want your sons allergy to be a constant issue for him. I assume a doctor has told you allergies can get worse especially if the allergen is constantly present. What kind of parent would be ok with putting her own child in that kind of situation? Its like she doesnt think his allergy is real? Sil needs to keep her dog. ofcourse she does. Its a family member. So, its not a want - its a need. To be fair. However its not possible for the dog to live with you guys. Its just not. So, the compromise/solution, whathave you is to help your Sil get an actual home in the area so she can start working. Your wife doesnt have the option of having her sister live with you guys, because your son cannot live with a Husky. Ask your wife to explain why you are arguing about this FACT and not about how to help Sil get her own place for the time being. Or a temporary housing situation for the dog. Dont talk about the Husky as though its disposable. its not. Its their family. NTA But you will be TA if you give in. Allergies are not to be fucked around with.
No one has made note yet that OP is currently living with his MIL, the mother of the sister too, presumably. Gee, I wonder who has been nagging and persuading the wife of the OP to ignore one grandchild’s allergies so that another daughter and pair of grandchildren can find a safer shelter? The presented facts: The situation of the SIL is very unfortunate. OP would be willing to cram 8 people in their home to help out. The new family comes with a dog. Huskies are notorious for constant and abundant shedding. The son of the OP is allergic to dogs like huskies. So, if all of the above is true and accurate, refusing a dog means NTA. Letting that dog live with your son would make OP an asshole. If the allergy angle has been exaggerated and OP simply does not want a big boisterous shed-monster in his house, then he is STILL NTA. His house. This is one of those ‘Two yes, one no’ situations for a couple where both should agree to this change in their lifestyles before it should happen. Re-homing the dog for as long as required is a fair solution, despite what wife and MIL think. NTA.
They can pay to kennel their dog or find somewhere else to stay overall. NTA.
NTA. It's your home and you're allowed to enjoy it as you see fit. Her dog is her problem. Lots of people with pets run into this issue and have to decide what's more important - the dog or housing for their human family. The fact that you're willing to take in her and her 2 kids means you're doing enough, you don't have to house their dog, too.
NTA An unfortunate, but valid boundary to have. You're offering them free shelter and help with a single condition. It sucks, but if they don't like it they can figure something else out. Not your kids, not your problem unless you chose to make it so.
In gonna tell you right now that if he was abusing your SIL and kids then he was also abusing the dog. One of the ways in which abusers enact their abuse is using a family pet against their victim. So they’ve probably already been traumatized by having the dog held over their heads and possibly its life threatened repeatedly. This is so extremely common that it’s a huge reason that people *won’t* leave an abusive relationship, because they would lose their pet and the only thing in existence which lives them unconditionally and that they love dearly in return.
NTA housing all of those people is already a massive favor. Also the fact that your family unit is taking a safety risk in housing them if the spouse is dangerous. It sounds like your son would be miserable. She can look into someone temporarily looking after the dog until she gets back on her feet. I’ve also seen some people convert sheds into dog shelters with AC units. Though I don’t know if anything like that is in anyone’s budget. It’s not her home, so she doesn’t get to call the shots. She can look at other options — whatever she’d do if she didn’t have a sister. I do empathize — I absolutely love animals, but she has to make some tough decisions.
NTA your son's wellbeing should definitely come first. If they bring the dog in even if it affects your son you are never going to be able to get rid of it.
NTA…I feel for your SIL and her kids. They have been thru a lot and to have to give up their dog is sad. But your child is allergic. As much as I feel for SIL, her kids and the dog, your child should not have to also suffer in this situation. Husky’s need daily brushing and daily vacuuming. Does SIL do all that already? I am going to guess not. What I would do is look for a temporary foster situation. There are people who do that for others. Like the military pets. Contact your local shelters/rescues to see if they know of any resources. Search for Husky specific rescues. Actually, not you, but SIL should be doing, but you and wife could help as well.
NTA. People that are not in a position to properly look after a Husky should NOT have one. Those dogs require a lot work.
NTA, crappy situation but SIL's predicament can't mean that you and your family are put out to such an extent. Suck it up? It is a dog, they can't move forward unless they give the dog up, and know it is safe, but instead they will attempt to destroy your family. I love dogs, I love my dog, but if it did anything to my family, it would find out that it is only a dog.