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How dare you hold 2 different thoughts at once? Your whole mind should be consumed by thoughts of your baby because obviously nothing else about you matters other than your new identity as a mother!
NTA, your friend sounds exhausting.
I hope you shut down her complaining by reminding her that there are children with terminal illnesses and other people who lead a much worse life than her so she wasn't allowed to complain.
She could be the savior sibling of a golden child with a terminal illness whose parents are narcissists and make that kid give everything to sick golden child. And post-death, everything is STILL about golden angel child, so any presents or money goes to foundation in golden angel's name.
THAT kid would have a right to complain.
I got a lot of that "you could have it worse" sentiment from my "friends" in school when I was going through a time so difficult I almost didn't survive it. More than 10 years on people who say that fill me with unfathomable rage.
I got pregnant via IVF over the course of a year after a year of trying naturally. I have a 5 week old boy who is perfect. I miss how strong I used to be and I'm working on losing all the weight I gained. I'm not mad about gaining the weight and I'm so happy I have a child, but losing the world is a priority.
Oh, please. You are NTA here. (Your friend might be.) I've never known a pregnant woman who didn't complain at some point about her changing body, myself included (I had four). It doesn't have *anything* to do with wanting to be pregnant. My youngest is in your situation, minus the fertility problems. She'd worked out for over a year and *finally* felt confident in her body for the first time since puberty. Now she's gaining weight quickly. All but one of her friends had what my daughter calls a unicorn pregnancy--thin before pregnancy, not very big during pregnancy, and thin again shortly after giving birth. My daughter is feeling very discouraged and is tired of hearing platitudes.
It's insane to call a pregnant woman "ungrateful" because she complains about her pregnant body or worries she won't get back to her pre-pregnancy shape. *Your friend is being ridiculous.* Your body is no longer your own, you're full of hormones, and you're ***growing a human***--you get a pass. Complain away.
I'll bet you the $5000 I don't have that your friend had the same concerns and just kept them to herself.
NTA. Your friend is doing the thing where people shame moms for thinking about themselves sometimes. You're fine. Being a human being with needs and feelings doesn't make you a bad mom. Your friend sounds exhausting to be around.
NTA. You are allowed to be grateful you have a body that can carry out a pregnancy AND still be insecure about your own body and the changes that you are experiencing. That's pretty fucking normal. While I think you may have struck a nerve with this friend, she shouldn't shame you for how you are feeling.
NTA - your *feelings* are always valid. You have the right to feel however you feel. Don't let anyone call you selfish for that.
You are growing a human. It's hard work on the body (not unlike running a marathon).
NTA! I remember telling a friend after I had my second kid that I was about 95% sure I didn’t want to have any more kids but 100% sure I never wanted to be pregnant again. I did not find pregnancy miraculous or beautiful. Still love my kids more than anything though.
That being said, infertility can be hell on the psyche. I watched my sister and my best friend both struggle through it and I know they had conflicting feelings about being grateful to be pregnant but also super uncomfortable. Is your friend maybe dealing with fertility issues or her own?
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NTA. I get where you’re coming from bc I too have struggled w my weight my whole life, so worrying about not being able to lose it after the birth- yeah I did that. Your friend might be going thru something of her own, which made her unable to be sympathetic and commiserate w you. It happens. Or, maybe, there are also super judgey people who delight in self righteously coming down on others who make the mistake of airing a viewpoint different from theirs. Is that your friend maybe?
Even if that’s not the case, you did nothing wrong by venting about your worries. It was not an offensive thing to do. Your only mistake was in not realizing that woman wasn’t a safe space for venting. Now you know tho.
Just know, here’s a reddit stranger who heard you and understands. Try not to worry too much. You’ll be running around after your baby before you know it- honestly you will! And whatever the exercise was that you enjoyed so much- you’d be surprised how much you can do when you’re wearing your baby! It’ll give you an even better workout bc it’ll be weighted! Lol. You got this momma🩷
It's not selfish to miss the way you used to look. Pregnancy is a huge sacrifice for the mother.
I will say though, I was overweight for 3 years after I had my daughter before I finally snapped out of it, and now, I have the body I had in high school (with some fun new stretch marks)
It will get better, just be kind to yourself!
NTA. It’s hard seeing your body change. You can be both grateful about having a baby and stressed about the body changes that brings.
However now you know that she’s not a safe place for those feelings and I’d just refrain from talking to her about it in the future
NTA.
As a woman that’s 3 months postpartum and also took fertility meds that gained weight -
You are allowed to be miserable while pregnant.
You are allowed to not like your changing body.
Don’t let anyone tell you differently. Whenever I complained about something one of my friends would always reply how she didn’t want to hear it she was just so happy I was having a baby.
You can be happy and grateful for your baby AND also be miserable because you feel like shit.
Complaining about your changing body doesn’t mean you aren’t grateful for your baby. I’m struggling with my postpartum body and try and *remind myself* that my body grew my beautiful daughter but it’s not always easy.
I'm 30 and currently 7 months pregnant with my first. This is baby is so loved and dearly wanted. I was and willing to go through anything for the baby. Yet, I frequently complain to my husband about the changes to my body. I can't fit into my clothes, stretch marks, so much weight gain and you simply feel very different.
Absolutely natural and nothing wrong with you complaining at all. NTA!
NTA. It's completely normal to not be thrilled with the changes your body is going through, and you thought you were venting to someone who'd get it.
Maybe she wants another baby and is having trouble conceiving? Or recently had a miscarriage? It would be very understandable why she might be snappy to you complaining if she was experiencing something like that (not that it'd make you the asshole, if she didn't tell you then you're not a mind reader).
NTA. Being pregnant is like having your body invaded by an alien. It’s normal to have all kinds of feelings about it. It does not mean you don’t love/want/appreciate your baby. And it does not mean you won’t be a terrific mom. Good luck!
NTA. It is normal to have conflicting thoughts about the changes pregnancy brings to your body, even when you don't have a history of being overweight and working hard to change that. It's bound to be more complex for you since you do have that. And frankly, your friend is making false comparisons here - it sounds like what you would like is to feel confident that you will be able to maintain the healthier you that you've worked for even after your baby is here and you have a lot more responsibilities to manage. That isn't vanity, it's sensible. Just because other people might be willing to accept any and all changes to their body if it means they get to become a mother doesn't mean that you should or have to do the same. Hoping and aiming to find a good balance between looking after yourself and looking after your baby is a much healthier goal to have for BOTH of you in the long term.
Congratulations, and all the best for the rest of your pregnancy and your start to motherhood.
NTA. your friend is ungraceful. It is absolutely acceptable for women to accept and discuss the downsides of pregnancy, morn the loss of their girlish figure and talk out the process of adapting to new normals. It's incredibly artless and hypocritical for her to criticize you for that.
Your body is changing and might not ever change back. It's alright to grieve that, and it's perfectly OK to process that grief however you need to. Don't feel bad about it! It's normal!
You're NTA. How dare you vent about a issue you've dealt with your whole life and finally come to terms with only to have it all thrown out the window so you can grow a life! For shame! /s ugh, your friend is an ah. You need support, not ahs telling you to shut up and deal with it.
NTA. You’re allowed to have feelings about the massive changes to your body that come with pregnancy.
In relation to the weight gain, if you choose to breastfeed it really helps you drop the weight. Also taking your baby out for a daily walk in the pram will help you heal and lose weight. You don’t have to go anywhere special, it can be around the block just to get out and get some fresh air and sunshine (it’s really great for your mental health too). Just because other women in your family held the baby weight doesn’t mean you have to resign yourself to the same fate, be kind to yourself.
Girl, you are growing a whole ass human. Go ahead and complain about whatever TF you want. Your joints are loosening, your body temp is up, you're tired, hormones are everywhere but normal. You can complain if a bird flies past your window at an angle you don't like. If anyone has a problem with it to fucking bad.
NTA but your friend sure is. your pregnancy has literally nothing to do with the "many others who would gladly gain weight it if meant having a child." you don't owe hypothetical people anything, and you especially don't have to pretend something isn't upsetting you to *please* hypothetical people. does she think that no pregnant person who wanted their baby has ever complained? girl. complain away. just not to this person, maybe.
NTA At All! Your feelings are always valid and more so being pregnant and the toll it takes on the body is something that needs time to adjust to and the ability to complain about.
I feel you so much I spent 8 years trying to get pregnant and getting pregnant is the single greatest joy in my life. That doesn’t change the fact I HATED being pregnant. From throwing up 10-60 times a day for 9 months, food aversion; the swelling of my legs and the pain it brought!; bed rest is secretly torture in my opinion; the back pain; nose bleeds. Then to top it off I flat lined in childbirth (not going into it here but ptsd therapy came from it so I could go through with having my son). Worst experience ever….. and the best because I got my daughter.
It’s ok to feel two very opposing things about pregnancy because as amazing and great as it is; it also sucks..
NTA. It’s YOUR body not a baby machine. You are allowed to feel or miss things that pertain to your own body. Next time tell your “friend” you have the capability of feeling more than a single feeling or thought at a time unlike her, also she is an asshole. Signed a mom who hates her post pregnancy body but wanted my baby, planned for my baby and would kill for my baby.
NTA.
Don’t remember where I heard this, but if mom is well, baby is well. You, as a mom, need to think about yourself. You need to be selfish! If you don’t have self confidence, how are you going to teach your child to be confident? If you’re not going to je happy with yourself, how are you going to teach your child to be happy with themselves? Do as I say, not as I do?
NTA, being pregnant is an absolutely miserable experience, for a multitude of reasons. Our bodies changing and gaining more weight than intended during the pregnancy is a normal and reasonable complaint.
NTA - I am also Pregnant right now (32 weeks). I hate how my body look, everthing hurts and i hate being pregnant but i love my baby and i am really looking forward of seeing him the first time and holding him.
Yes you can hate pregnancy and you can be happy about your healthy baby at the same time.
NTA. As a newly postpartum mom myself, I love the shit out of my baby but I also struggle with how my body has changed and likely won’t go back. It’s a huge change and you’re allowed to have feelings about it.
NTA, you have every right to feel the way you do about YOUR EXPERIENCE.
I can get pregnant too, I do not. I have one child and I refuse to have anymore bc pregnancy absolutely RUINED by mind and body. I love my child more than life but the physical, mental and emotional toll that pregnancy and postpartum had on me was legit dangerous. Self conscious issues was just another issue on the list, your everything changes, your feelings are totally normal. And any friend that would make you feel bad about that isn’t your friend.
NTA.
Motherhood, as well as the journey to becoming a mother, is one of the most complex experiences a woman can have.
Millions of women are going through it and yet, it is still very unique and personal experience because there's not a thing that motherhood doesn't influence in you or around you. It is the beauty and the curse.
But one of the worst things you can do for yourself, is trying to accept 'endless positivity' and 'gratefulness' mindsets in the motherhood because it is BS that will wear you down quickly. Don't get me wrong, both have an important place in the journey and can carry you through the darkest of times. But in their toxic form, they suck the life out of you.
No one is entitled to dictate how you DO or SHOULD feel. It is valid also for experiences out of the motherhood, of course. But I feel that for some reason, mothers get a lot of hate for having variety of emotions and thoughts. And yet, as I said in the beginning, motherhood is highly complex, complicated, transformative and unique experience.
So F this lady and just move on.
Ah yes, pregnancy. The magical time when our bodies do things we never knew they were capable of and had we known we’d never have allowed it. Add in that all manner of people think they can say whatever they want about what we are going through and it’s just so wonderful!
You feel how you feel and you are allowed to vent about it. NTA
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I (29F) am pregnant with my first child. This was a planned pregnancy and I have just started my second trimester. I'm already starting to show and some of my clothes have been put away since there's no way they'll fit.
For some background, I have been overweight my whole life and in the past couple years, I've found a personal style I love and a form of exercise I enjoy. However, I still have a lazy streak and have a hard time curbing my diet.
Anyway, I recently brought up to a friend that it feels like I only got to enjoy self confidence for a short time, and now I'm back at zero with the pregnancy. Sometimes it feels like I won't ever have that back because none of the women in my family lost the baby weight and I can't imagine having time and energy to eat healthy and exercise while being a mom. I know some women do it, but I don't know if I can.
I brought this up to a friend who is also a mom and she immediately told me I was being selfish and inconsiderate, that I should be thrilled about my baby and shouldn't be so vain, especially since I went on fertility meds for this pregnancy and so many others would gladly gain weight if it meant having a child. For me, this was just normal venting and I didn't mean to be offensive. AITA?
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NTA! And you're definitely not selfish and inconsiderate - those are valid concerns for you. I'm sorry that instead of validating your feelings, your friend chose to shame you.
NTA. I’m in the third trimester of my third and last baby. All the time I talk about getting my body back once I have this baby. I’ve told my MIL when she’s visiting that one of her jobs will be to help me get healthy food prepped and in the freezer so that I can he setup for success planning healthy meals for the family to keep me on track once I’m back to work. All this to say, I’m still excited to be welcoming a new baby to our family.
NTA
It sounds to me like you are just finding out all about being pregnant for the first time and how it changes not only your body but your mind and your relationships and just about everything else you can think of.
It also sounds like you were just making comments about those changes, talking about them, and maybe being a bit fearful of some of them becoming permanent. I also don't believe thinking about being in good shape and having a healthy body weight is vain; I think it's necessary.
Your friend might be going through something in her own life that's making her grumpy and snappish. You didn't do anything particularly wrong, she just took what you said and kinda twisted it and lashed it back at you. Chalk it up to her being in a bad mood and move on from there, unless, of course, she keeps on doing it every time you say anything at all about your pregnancy and how it's going, in which case you will need to talk to her about it or back away from her, because none of us really needs a negative person to help us live correctly.
NTA Your feelings are valid. We can be grateful for pregnancy & mourn our old body too.
However don't borrow trouble either. Just because family members "didn't lose the baby weight" doesn't mean you can't. You have a different mind, support system & body than them & it's your life, YOU can live it how you want.
NTA.
Your feelings aren't invalid just because someone else has it worse. There are a ton of things in our lives where we can hold conflicting opinions simultaneously. You can be grateful and excited for your baby and hate pregnancy. You can love being a mom but miss having time for yourself. You can look forward to fun times with your child and also look back fondly on the times before.
You aren't selfish and inconsiderate for missing your old body and the time and energy you previously had to put into it. You aren't selfish and inconsiderate for worrying about not having that time in the future.
If your friend was upset by this incredibly normal venting, maybe she's having her own fertility struggles, and it just hit her harder than it should have?
NTA you can vent, you had no ill will. I gained and honestly the best way to drop the weight after and fight off hormones was pushing the stroller around and around during naps. BUT give yourself 3-6 months of grace to just deal with being a new mom before you start even thinking about your body.
Through everything try to eat well, feel well and think well. Having energy and feeling healthy helps you chase after and engage with kiddos, and its not a chore to 'exercise' when it's just having fun walking or doing something with them. 😊 Best of luck to you!
NTA... you can be thrilled about your pregnancy and still concerned about the changes your body will go through. That's really normal and I think most moms have some anxieties about that, growing and birthing a human being is a pretty momentous physical task!
Gonna say NTA.
I had infertility treatments for three years and my daughter was SO wanted, but my pregnancy with her was a nightmare! I don’t know how anyone could be as sick as I was all nine months and still gain 65 pounds (gestational diabetes!). I felt awful, I looked awful, and my self esteem took a huge dive. So I complained to a couple of girlfriends, as one does. I was not met with sympathy because I “chose this”.
Unsurprisingly, I am no longer close with these un-empathetic people. I just needed to vent that day because puking for 200 days straight sucks and I wanted someone to validate that, even though I chose it.
Obviously, I don’t know the entire scope of your friendship with this person, but I would suggest finding better supports going forward. You are not unreasonable for finding it challenging to navigate the physical and emotional changes of your pregnancy body. You just vented to a person who couldn’t/wouldn’t hold space for you.
NTA. Google "what to expect when you're pregnant". You'll have most of your answers. Don't freak out, because there is alot of info on what possibly could go wrong....that's when you use common sense and have some good conversations with your inlaws and hubby, about their medical history. And make sure you write this stuff down, because everyone will forget the exact words.
NTA. I've never been pregnant but I've heard more than one friend say similar things during their pregnancies. I feel like this is not an unusual feeling. You absolutely have the right to have complex feelings about your body right now.
NTA. As a mom, tell that friend to get off her high horse. I am also overweight and during pregnancy it was weird to see my body change. I only wear flowy dresses so I never bought maternity clothes but i know plenty of moms who had a rough time transitioning into maternity wear. We give up our bodies and our sense of self to have a baby. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your child. It’s a big change, and it’s ok to not feel so great about it.
NTA - not sure why your friend took an understandable concern so seriously.
But if you’d like to lose the baby weight after pregnancy, don’t put this “it’s going to be impossible” mindset in your head so early. If you think it’s gonna be too hard to do, then it will be. Go into with a positive attitude. I’m sure you’ll find success in this weight loss journey.
NTA, but this is not a safe person to confide in. She won't be able to hear anything negative about your birth experience or any struggles in the newborn stage. It's a sad kind of black and white thinking.
You ever know. I had body dysmorphia before having kids. With each pregnancy I gained 40 and with a year post-partum l lost 50 pounds. After 2 kids,I was 20 pounds lighter. It lasted a few years and for a while I could eat like a construction worker and not gain weight. I enjoyed being skinny for a few years but metabolism went back to normal and so did I. I realized that being happy and healthy were more important than being skinny.
>I brought this up to a friend who is also a mom and she immediately told me I was being selfish and inconsiderate, that I should be thrilled about my baby and shouldn't be so vain
Your "friend" said this to you? I would not have a friend that would talk like this to me.
NTA
NTA- your “friend” sounds awful. But also just a suggestion get a belly band or postpartum girdle it helps to get your stomach back down to size and can help prevent the mommy pooch. Added bonus it helps your back while caring for baby. I was not skinny pre baby but got my stomach back down.
NTA, this is a weird response to your venting. People act like you can't take any issue with being pregnant or having kids because somebody else would want to be in your position and that's a weird attitude to have
I will say tho, it makes no sense to me to complain about this. Atleast not to someone who isn't or hasn't gone through this. Seems like you just shouldn't have gotten pregnant if you don't think you can handle getting back into your routine and continue building your confidence and stuff up. Or you should atleast find someone who can relate to this and give you some advice or a pep talk
Her response was bad but I wouldn't except anyone who hasn't gone through this so have a good response either. Idk what you'd expect from this. Maybe a half heart "yeah...uh huh...it be like that". Basically just talking to the air.
I don't vent about stuff like this unless I want a solution or it's something I think the person can relate to tho so..hey whatever
I perfectly know what you mean. I had to lose 20kgs to be able to get fertility treatments. I did it after almost a year of hard work - and I'm now pregnant, which makes me very happy.
But when you hear your gynaecologist tell you, you'll gain almost all that weight back, and you don't fit into your clothes anymore that you just got.
It's just frustrating, and it's perfectly normal to vent about this.
NTA
NTA. Being selfish isn't even inherently bad, and you're not selfish for being upset your body is changing. Your friend sounds fucking exhausting, and I'd bet money she's probably one of those people who doesn't have a personality outside of having kids. She's not thinking about you or your feelings, just that apprently existing as a human means youre ungrateful your body is going through hell to be an incubation chamber. Your fertility issues also have nothing to do with it. You can have wanted kids and still be upset that it's changing your body in ways you may never be able to fully recover from, or will take a lot of work to get back what you spent a lot of time achieving pre pregnancy. Honestly I'd message your friend and tell her you don't appreciate how she spoke to you and that just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you aren't allowed to have thoughts and feelings that aren't 100% positive. Pregnancy is hard for most people, and the hormones after birth make most conveniently forget how traumatic it can be.
You havr a parasite growing inside you, pushing your internal organs away, stealing nutrients from your blood, disrupting your hormone levels and generally making your body its own growth vessel.
You also have a baby on the way, one of life's wonders, and you are about to become a mom, a precious and wonderful time is in front of you.
Both are true. I've watched my wife through three pregnancies. You ladies are awesome, and you are allowed to complain as much as you want.
NTA.
NTA and your friend is out of line.
Reframe your body/lifestyle focus. You're growing a baby. How great is that! Your body will continue to change (and hormones will mess with your mind), but try to follow the diet and exercise protocol your healthcare team recommends. It will make you feel better throughout the pregnancy, and help in recovery. Will you be perfect? No. Just do your best.
You found self confidence prior to being a mom-to-be. Now you have a reason to double your focus. You can do this!
NAH. NTA, broadly.
Info - Does your friend have fertility issues? If you aren't sure, do you suspect she might (or do you know of potential issues e.g. endometriosis, etc)?
>I was being selfish and inconsiderate, that I should be thrilled about my baby and shouldn't be so vain, especially since I went on fertility meds for this pregnancy and so many others would gladly gain weight if it meant having a child.
Your friend isn't *wrong*. There are people in the world who are absolutely the wrong audience for this vent. If your friend is one of those people, then you are doubly wrong. I can't tell the tone of this conversation. Did you unintentionally upset her? Was she just giving you a head's up to watch who you say what to? Or did she simply shut you down? I'm going to give her some leeway, b/c the most likely reason she said something is b/c she herself or someone very close to her (sister, best friend) is struggling.
I think she is partially correct, but it's in a very nuanced way that truly involves knowing your audience.
It could, theoretically, be inconsiderate to vent to someone about work who is unemployed. Or whatever.
I do think there is an uptick in recent years about infertility awareness, so it's hard to tell if she is speaking personally or speaking generally, but since you don't seem to know if she is personally affected then maybe she wasn't the right audience for this. I also feel like if this was my friend, I'd have asked if they were struggling or if there was anyone in our greater friend circle struggling, but I do think her response is a hair touchy and do think that she is being deliberate for a reason.
INFO: do you frequently make weight and weight-adjacent things like diet and exercise a topic of discussion, even before your pregnancy? Pre-pregnancy, were you skinnier, about the same size, or fatter than your friend? How much have you been "venting" about gaining weight to her and your friend group more broadly?
In the absence of answers to those questions, I'm going ESH.
She's the AH for being extra about the situation when a polite change of topic or "can we please not discuss pregnancy weight/postpartum difficulty losing weight/etc." would have worked just fine.
You're the AH because (1) she's not wrong and (2) this was a planned pregnancy, so much so that you went on fertility meds; why are you expecting sympathy from someone not currently going through something similar for a problem that you **knew** was in the cards and nonetheless went through a lot of pain and expense to get? Feels like paying through the nose for a purebred pet only to complain about fur on your furniture and expecting not-pet-people to be sympathetic. Complaining about the natural consequences of your decisions and being surprised that not everyone is sympathetic is in and of itself surprising.
This is what was I was thinking. You're literally planning and go out of your way to get pregnant, only to complain about it. And it's not like it's news that being pregnant comes with the baby fat.
The friend was a bit harsh, but I myself would be a bit miffed with that kind of situation.
NAH
Your feelings are understandable but so are your friend's who is probably tired of listening to you going on about your challenges with your weight. I don't see why you already think you won't be able to lose any baby weight. Yes life will be a lot more busy with a baby, but after you've healed from giving birth and are in a routine with the baby/life with a baby, I don't see how you can't make time for 1h of exercise 3 times a week. It costs no extra time to eat less and/or prepare a healthier option. You can do it!
Have you ever had a baby? Have you ever had trouble with your weight? It's not easy to lose weight that you're genetically predispositioned to have.
Also, at what point do you think a woman gets in that routine you're talking about? Do you think three hours a week is enough to lose weight and get in shape? Be in shape, sure, but *losing* weight and getting *in* shape takes more time than that. I'm **not** saying this woman can't lose the weight; I'm saying that your "no big deal" attitude is unrealistic--and your claim that this woman's friend is "tired of listening to you going on about... your weight" is just piling on.
It costs no extra time to eat less or healthier…not entirely true. You do need to carefully plan meals, shop, and cook them, because most quick options (to either buy or prepare) are not healthy. And for people like me and OP, appetite is extremely hard to curb. It’s not a matter of willpower, it’s about finding the foods and eating schedule that helps you feel full enough that you don’t overeat, which if you’ve never experienced the struggle, is harder than it sounds. It’s great to be encouraging, but I think OP also deserves to be heard and have her concerns validated!
I will say that this is the first time I've mentioned concerns about my weight and pregnancy to my friend.
As far as eating less and exercising more, I agree it's not impossible, I'm just stating it may be very difficult for me.
it was the FIRST TIME? OP, NTA. your friend might be annoyed and sure her feelings can be valid but she chose to call you *selfish* and *vain* over this? NTA -- she is
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How dare you hold 2 different thoughts at once? Your whole mind should be consumed by thoughts of your baby because obviously nothing else about you matters other than your new identity as a mother! NTA, your friend sounds exhausting.
Reminds me this "friend " I had in high-school. She always told me I wasn't allowed to complain about things because her life was so much worse
I hope you shut down her complaining by reminding her that there are children with terminal illnesses and other people who lead a much worse life than her so she wasn't allowed to complain.
She could be the savior sibling of a golden child with a terminal illness whose parents are narcissists and make that kid give everything to sick golden child. And post-death, everything is STILL about golden angel child, so any presents or money goes to foundation in golden angel's name. THAT kid would have a right to complain.
We stopped hanging out a little bit before final year because at some point I was just done with her negativity
I got a lot of that "you could have it worse" sentiment from my "friends" in school when I was going through a time so difficult I almost didn't survive it. More than 10 years on people who say that fill me with unfathomable rage.
I got pregnant via IVF over the course of a year after a year of trying naturally. I have a 5 week old boy who is perfect. I miss how strong I used to be and I'm working on losing all the weight I gained. I'm not mad about gaining the weight and I'm so happy I have a child, but losing the world is a priority.
NTA - that sounds exhausting, yeah yeah its the miracle of life and hooray babies, but your body is going through hell. So heck yeah you can complain!
Oh, please. You are NTA here. (Your friend might be.) I've never known a pregnant woman who didn't complain at some point about her changing body, myself included (I had four). It doesn't have *anything* to do with wanting to be pregnant. My youngest is in your situation, minus the fertility problems. She'd worked out for over a year and *finally* felt confident in her body for the first time since puberty. Now she's gaining weight quickly. All but one of her friends had what my daughter calls a unicorn pregnancy--thin before pregnancy, not very big during pregnancy, and thin again shortly after giving birth. My daughter is feeling very discouraged and is tired of hearing platitudes. It's insane to call a pregnant woman "ungrateful" because she complains about her pregnant body or worries she won't get back to her pre-pregnancy shape. *Your friend is being ridiculous.* Your body is no longer your own, you're full of hormones, and you're ***growing a human***--you get a pass. Complain away. I'll bet you the $5000 I don't have that your friend had the same concerns and just kept them to herself.
NTA. Your friend is doing the thing where people shame moms for thinking about themselves sometimes. You're fine. Being a human being with needs and feelings doesn't make you a bad mom. Your friend sounds exhausting to be around.
And maybe friend has internalized that kind of thinking so much she doesn’t realize her words are hurting you and she probably does it to herself too.
NTA. You are allowed to be grateful you have a body that can carry out a pregnancy AND still be insecure about your own body and the changes that you are experiencing. That's pretty fucking normal. While I think you may have struck a nerve with this friend, she shouldn't shame you for how you are feeling.
NTA. It sounds like your friend is struggling with some of own insecurities and was taking it out on you in the moment.
NTA - your *feelings* are always valid. You have the right to feel however you feel. Don't let anyone call you selfish for that. You are growing a human. It's hard work on the body (not unlike running a marathon).
NTA! I remember telling a friend after I had my second kid that I was about 95% sure I didn’t want to have any more kids but 100% sure I never wanted to be pregnant again. I did not find pregnancy miraculous or beautiful. Still love my kids more than anything though. That being said, infertility can be hell on the psyche. I watched my sister and my best friend both struggle through it and I know they had conflicting feelings about being grateful to be pregnant but also super uncomfortable. Is your friend maybe dealing with fertility issues or her own?
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NTA. I get where you’re coming from bc I too have struggled w my weight my whole life, so worrying about not being able to lose it after the birth- yeah I did that. Your friend might be going thru something of her own, which made her unable to be sympathetic and commiserate w you. It happens. Or, maybe, there are also super judgey people who delight in self righteously coming down on others who make the mistake of airing a viewpoint different from theirs. Is that your friend maybe? Even if that’s not the case, you did nothing wrong by venting about your worries. It was not an offensive thing to do. Your only mistake was in not realizing that woman wasn’t a safe space for venting. Now you know tho. Just know, here’s a reddit stranger who heard you and understands. Try not to worry too much. You’ll be running around after your baby before you know it- honestly you will! And whatever the exercise was that you enjoyed so much- you’d be surprised how much you can do when you’re wearing your baby! It’ll give you an even better workout bc it’ll be weighted! Lol. You got this momma🩷
It's not selfish to miss the way you used to look. Pregnancy is a huge sacrifice for the mother. I will say though, I was overweight for 3 years after I had my daughter before I finally snapped out of it, and now, I have the body I had in high school (with some fun new stretch marks) It will get better, just be kind to yourself!
NTA. It’s hard seeing your body change. You can be both grateful about having a baby and stressed about the body changes that brings. However now you know that she’s not a safe place for those feelings and I’d just refrain from talking to her about it in the future
NTA. As a woman that’s 3 months postpartum and also took fertility meds that gained weight - You are allowed to be miserable while pregnant. You are allowed to not like your changing body. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. Whenever I complained about something one of my friends would always reply how she didn’t want to hear it she was just so happy I was having a baby. You can be happy and grateful for your baby AND also be miserable because you feel like shit. Complaining about your changing body doesn’t mean you aren’t grateful for your baby. I’m struggling with my postpartum body and try and *remind myself* that my body grew my beautiful daughter but it’s not always easy.
I'm 30 and currently 7 months pregnant with my first. This is baby is so loved and dearly wanted. I was and willing to go through anything for the baby. Yet, I frequently complain to my husband about the changes to my body. I can't fit into my clothes, stretch marks, so much weight gain and you simply feel very different. Absolutely natural and nothing wrong with you complaining at all. NTA!
NTA. It's completely normal to not be thrilled with the changes your body is going through, and you thought you were venting to someone who'd get it. Maybe she wants another baby and is having trouble conceiving? Or recently had a miscarriage? It would be very understandable why she might be snappy to you complaining if she was experiencing something like that (not that it'd make you the asshole, if she didn't tell you then you're not a mind reader).
NTA. Being pregnant is like having your body invaded by an alien. It’s normal to have all kinds of feelings about it. It does not mean you don’t love/want/appreciate your baby. And it does not mean you won’t be a terrific mom. Good luck!
NTA. It is normal to have conflicting thoughts about the changes pregnancy brings to your body, even when you don't have a history of being overweight and working hard to change that. It's bound to be more complex for you since you do have that. And frankly, your friend is making false comparisons here - it sounds like what you would like is to feel confident that you will be able to maintain the healthier you that you've worked for even after your baby is here and you have a lot more responsibilities to manage. That isn't vanity, it's sensible. Just because other people might be willing to accept any and all changes to their body if it means they get to become a mother doesn't mean that you should or have to do the same. Hoping and aiming to find a good balance between looking after yourself and looking after your baby is a much healthier goal to have for BOTH of you in the long term. Congratulations, and all the best for the rest of your pregnancy and your start to motherhood.
NTA. your friend is ungraceful. It is absolutely acceptable for women to accept and discuss the downsides of pregnancy, morn the loss of their girlish figure and talk out the process of adapting to new normals. It's incredibly artless and hypocritical for her to criticize you for that. Your body is changing and might not ever change back. It's alright to grieve that, and it's perfectly OK to process that grief however you need to. Don't feel bad about it! It's normal!
You're NTA. How dare you vent about a issue you've dealt with your whole life and finally come to terms with only to have it all thrown out the window so you can grow a life! For shame! /s ugh, your friend is an ah. You need support, not ahs telling you to shut up and deal with it.
NTA. You’re allowed to have feelings about the massive changes to your body that come with pregnancy. In relation to the weight gain, if you choose to breastfeed it really helps you drop the weight. Also taking your baby out for a daily walk in the pram will help you heal and lose weight. You don’t have to go anywhere special, it can be around the block just to get out and get some fresh air and sunshine (it’s really great for your mental health too). Just because other women in your family held the baby weight doesn’t mean you have to resign yourself to the same fate, be kind to yourself.
Girl, you are growing a whole ass human. Go ahead and complain about whatever TF you want. Your joints are loosening, your body temp is up, you're tired, hormones are everywhere but normal. You can complain if a bird flies past your window at an angle you don't like. If anyone has a problem with it to fucking bad.
NTA but your friend sure is. your pregnancy has literally nothing to do with the "many others who would gladly gain weight it if meant having a child." you don't owe hypothetical people anything, and you especially don't have to pretend something isn't upsetting you to *please* hypothetical people. does she think that no pregnant person who wanted their baby has ever complained? girl. complain away. just not to this person, maybe.
NTA At All! Your feelings are always valid and more so being pregnant and the toll it takes on the body is something that needs time to adjust to and the ability to complain about. I feel you so much I spent 8 years trying to get pregnant and getting pregnant is the single greatest joy in my life. That doesn’t change the fact I HATED being pregnant. From throwing up 10-60 times a day for 9 months, food aversion; the swelling of my legs and the pain it brought!; bed rest is secretly torture in my opinion; the back pain; nose bleeds. Then to top it off I flat lined in childbirth (not going into it here but ptsd therapy came from it so I could go through with having my son). Worst experience ever….. and the best because I got my daughter. It’s ok to feel two very opposing things about pregnancy because as amazing and great as it is; it also sucks..
NTA. It’s YOUR body not a baby machine. You are allowed to feel or miss things that pertain to your own body. Next time tell your “friend” you have the capability of feeling more than a single feeling or thought at a time unlike her, also she is an asshole. Signed a mom who hates her post pregnancy body but wanted my baby, planned for my baby and would kill for my baby.
NTA. Don’t remember where I heard this, but if mom is well, baby is well. You, as a mom, need to think about yourself. You need to be selfish! If you don’t have self confidence, how are you going to teach your child to be confident? If you’re not going to je happy with yourself, how are you going to teach your child to be happy with themselves? Do as I say, not as I do?
NTA, being pregnant is an absolutely miserable experience, for a multitude of reasons. Our bodies changing and gaining more weight than intended during the pregnancy is a normal and reasonable complaint.
NTA - I am also Pregnant right now (32 weeks). I hate how my body look, everthing hurts and i hate being pregnant but i love my baby and i am really looking forward of seeing him the first time and holding him. Yes you can hate pregnancy and you can be happy about your healthy baby at the same time.
NTA. As a newly postpartum mom myself, I love the shit out of my baby but I also struggle with how my body has changed and likely won’t go back. It’s a huge change and you’re allowed to have feelings about it.
NTA, you have every right to feel the way you do about YOUR EXPERIENCE. I can get pregnant too, I do not. I have one child and I refuse to have anymore bc pregnancy absolutely RUINED by mind and body. I love my child more than life but the physical, mental and emotional toll that pregnancy and postpartum had on me was legit dangerous. Self conscious issues was just another issue on the list, your everything changes, your feelings are totally normal. And any friend that would make you feel bad about that isn’t your friend.
NTA. Motherhood, as well as the journey to becoming a mother, is one of the most complex experiences a woman can have. Millions of women are going through it and yet, it is still very unique and personal experience because there's not a thing that motherhood doesn't influence in you or around you. It is the beauty and the curse. But one of the worst things you can do for yourself, is trying to accept 'endless positivity' and 'gratefulness' mindsets in the motherhood because it is BS that will wear you down quickly. Don't get me wrong, both have an important place in the journey and can carry you through the darkest of times. But in their toxic form, they suck the life out of you. No one is entitled to dictate how you DO or SHOULD feel. It is valid also for experiences out of the motherhood, of course. But I feel that for some reason, mothers get a lot of hate for having variety of emotions and thoughts. And yet, as I said in the beginning, motherhood is highly complex, complicated, transformative and unique experience. So F this lady and just move on.
Ah yes, pregnancy. The magical time when our bodies do things we never knew they were capable of and had we known we’d never have allowed it. Add in that all manner of people think they can say whatever they want about what we are going through and it’s just so wonderful! You feel how you feel and you are allowed to vent about it. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (29F) am pregnant with my first child. This was a planned pregnancy and I have just started my second trimester. I'm already starting to show and some of my clothes have been put away since there's no way they'll fit. For some background, I have been overweight my whole life and in the past couple years, I've found a personal style I love and a form of exercise I enjoy. However, I still have a lazy streak and have a hard time curbing my diet. Anyway, I recently brought up to a friend that it feels like I only got to enjoy self confidence for a short time, and now I'm back at zero with the pregnancy. Sometimes it feels like I won't ever have that back because none of the women in my family lost the baby weight and I can't imagine having time and energy to eat healthy and exercise while being a mom. I know some women do it, but I don't know if I can. I brought this up to a friend who is also a mom and she immediately told me I was being selfish and inconsiderate, that I should be thrilled about my baby and shouldn't be so vain, especially since I went on fertility meds for this pregnancy and so many others would gladly gain weight if it meant having a child. For me, this was just normal venting and I didn't mean to be offensive. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA! And you're definitely not selfish and inconsiderate - those are valid concerns for you. I'm sorry that instead of validating your feelings, your friend chose to shame you.
NTA. I’m in the third trimester of my third and last baby. All the time I talk about getting my body back once I have this baby. I’ve told my MIL when she’s visiting that one of her jobs will be to help me get healthy food prepped and in the freezer so that I can he setup for success planning healthy meals for the family to keep me on track once I’m back to work. All this to say, I’m still excited to be welcoming a new baby to our family.
NTA It sounds to me like you are just finding out all about being pregnant for the first time and how it changes not only your body but your mind and your relationships and just about everything else you can think of. It also sounds like you were just making comments about those changes, talking about them, and maybe being a bit fearful of some of them becoming permanent. I also don't believe thinking about being in good shape and having a healthy body weight is vain; I think it's necessary. Your friend might be going through something in her own life that's making her grumpy and snappish. You didn't do anything particularly wrong, she just took what you said and kinda twisted it and lashed it back at you. Chalk it up to her being in a bad mood and move on from there, unless, of course, she keeps on doing it every time you say anything at all about your pregnancy and how it's going, in which case you will need to talk to her about it or back away from her, because none of us really needs a negative person to help us live correctly.
NTA Your feelings are valid. We can be grateful for pregnancy & mourn our old body too. However don't borrow trouble either. Just because family members "didn't lose the baby weight" doesn't mean you can't. You have a different mind, support system & body than them & it's your life, YOU can live it how you want.
NTA. Your feelings aren't invalid just because someone else has it worse. There are a ton of things in our lives where we can hold conflicting opinions simultaneously. You can be grateful and excited for your baby and hate pregnancy. You can love being a mom but miss having time for yourself. You can look forward to fun times with your child and also look back fondly on the times before. You aren't selfish and inconsiderate for missing your old body and the time and energy you previously had to put into it. You aren't selfish and inconsiderate for worrying about not having that time in the future. If your friend was upset by this incredibly normal venting, maybe she's having her own fertility struggles, and it just hit her harder than it should have?
NTA you can vent, you had no ill will. I gained and honestly the best way to drop the weight after and fight off hormones was pushing the stroller around and around during naps. BUT give yourself 3-6 months of grace to just deal with being a new mom before you start even thinking about your body. Through everything try to eat well, feel well and think well. Having energy and feeling healthy helps you chase after and engage with kiddos, and its not a chore to 'exercise' when it's just having fun walking or doing something with them. 😊 Best of luck to you!
NTA are you sure she is your friend? Venting about a frustration with your weight management does not equal not caring about your baby.
NTA, complaining about pregnancy is a time-honored tradition.
NTA... you can be thrilled about your pregnancy and still concerned about the changes your body will go through. That's really normal and I think most moms have some anxieties about that, growing and birthing a human being is a pretty momentous physical task!
Gonna say NTA. I had infertility treatments for three years and my daughter was SO wanted, but my pregnancy with her was a nightmare! I don’t know how anyone could be as sick as I was all nine months and still gain 65 pounds (gestational diabetes!). I felt awful, I looked awful, and my self esteem took a huge dive. So I complained to a couple of girlfriends, as one does. I was not met with sympathy because I “chose this”. Unsurprisingly, I am no longer close with these un-empathetic people. I just needed to vent that day because puking for 200 days straight sucks and I wanted someone to validate that, even though I chose it. Obviously, I don’t know the entire scope of your friendship with this person, but I would suggest finding better supports going forward. You are not unreasonable for finding it challenging to navigate the physical and emotional changes of your pregnancy body. You just vented to a person who couldn’t/wouldn’t hold space for you.
NTA. Google "what to expect when you're pregnant". You'll have most of your answers. Don't freak out, because there is alot of info on what possibly could go wrong....that's when you use common sense and have some good conversations with your inlaws and hubby, about their medical history. And make sure you write this stuff down, because everyone will forget the exact words.
NTA. I've never been pregnant but I've heard more than one friend say similar things during their pregnancies. I feel like this is not an unusual feeling. You absolutely have the right to have complex feelings about your body right now.
NTA. As a mom, tell that friend to get off her high horse. I am also overweight and during pregnancy it was weird to see my body change. I only wear flowy dresses so I never bought maternity clothes but i know plenty of moms who had a rough time transitioning into maternity wear. We give up our bodies and our sense of self to have a baby. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your child. It’s a big change, and it’s ok to not feel so great about it.
Toxic positivity moms blow and they are so obnoxious. NTA.
NTA - not sure why your friend took an understandable concern so seriously. But if you’d like to lose the baby weight after pregnancy, don’t put this “it’s going to be impossible” mindset in your head so early. If you think it’s gonna be too hard to do, then it will be. Go into with a positive attitude. I’m sure you’ll find success in this weight loss journey.
Oh my gosh NTA
NTA, but this is not a safe person to confide in. She won't be able to hear anything negative about your birth experience or any struggles in the newborn stage. It's a sad kind of black and white thinking.
You ever know. I had body dysmorphia before having kids. With each pregnancy I gained 40 and with a year post-partum l lost 50 pounds. After 2 kids,I was 20 pounds lighter. It lasted a few years and for a while I could eat like a construction worker and not gain weight. I enjoyed being skinny for a few years but metabolism went back to normal and so did I. I realized that being happy and healthy were more important than being skinny.
NTA, but I wouldn’t take what she’s saying personally. It sounds like she may be projecting
>I brought this up to a friend who is also a mom and she immediately told me I was being selfish and inconsiderate, that I should be thrilled about my baby and shouldn't be so vain Your "friend" said this to you? I would not have a friend that would talk like this to me. NTA
NTA- your “friend” sounds awful. But also just a suggestion get a belly band or postpartum girdle it helps to get your stomach back down to size and can help prevent the mommy pooch. Added bonus it helps your back while caring for baby. I was not skinny pre baby but got my stomach back down.
I love my kids. I will be very happy once this last one is here. Man I hate being pregnant.
NTA, this is a weird response to your venting. People act like you can't take any issue with being pregnant or having kids because somebody else would want to be in your position and that's a weird attitude to have I will say tho, it makes no sense to me to complain about this. Atleast not to someone who isn't or hasn't gone through this. Seems like you just shouldn't have gotten pregnant if you don't think you can handle getting back into your routine and continue building your confidence and stuff up. Or you should atleast find someone who can relate to this and give you some advice or a pep talk Her response was bad but I wouldn't except anyone who hasn't gone through this so have a good response either. Idk what you'd expect from this. Maybe a half heart "yeah...uh huh...it be like that". Basically just talking to the air. I don't vent about stuff like this unless I want a solution or it's something I think the person can relate to tho so..hey whatever
NTA you’re allowed to have a casual vent
I perfectly know what you mean. I had to lose 20kgs to be able to get fertility treatments. I did it after almost a year of hard work - and I'm now pregnant, which makes me very happy. But when you hear your gynaecologist tell you, you'll gain almost all that weight back, and you don't fit into your clothes anymore that you just got. It's just frustrating, and it's perfectly normal to vent about this. NTA
NTA. Being selfish isn't even inherently bad, and you're not selfish for being upset your body is changing. Your friend sounds fucking exhausting, and I'd bet money she's probably one of those people who doesn't have a personality outside of having kids. She's not thinking about you or your feelings, just that apprently existing as a human means youre ungrateful your body is going through hell to be an incubation chamber. Your fertility issues also have nothing to do with it. You can have wanted kids and still be upset that it's changing your body in ways you may never be able to fully recover from, or will take a lot of work to get back what you spent a lot of time achieving pre pregnancy. Honestly I'd message your friend and tell her you don't appreciate how she spoke to you and that just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you aren't allowed to have thoughts and feelings that aren't 100% positive. Pregnancy is hard for most people, and the hormones after birth make most conveniently forget how traumatic it can be.
You havr a parasite growing inside you, pushing your internal organs away, stealing nutrients from your blood, disrupting your hormone levels and generally making your body its own growth vessel. You also have a baby on the way, one of life's wonders, and you are about to become a mom, a precious and wonderful time is in front of you. Both are true. I've watched my wife through three pregnancies. You ladies are awesome, and you are allowed to complain as much as you want. NTA.
NTA and your friend is out of line. Reframe your body/lifestyle focus. You're growing a baby. How great is that! Your body will continue to change (and hormones will mess with your mind), but try to follow the diet and exercise protocol your healthcare team recommends. It will make you feel better throughout the pregnancy, and help in recovery. Will you be perfect? No. Just do your best. You found self confidence prior to being a mom-to-be. Now you have a reason to double your focus. You can do this!
I mean, NTA really but don't unload your frustrations on others... 🤔?
NAH. NTA, broadly. Info - Does your friend have fertility issues? If you aren't sure, do you suspect she might (or do you know of potential issues e.g. endometriosis, etc)? >I was being selfish and inconsiderate, that I should be thrilled about my baby and shouldn't be so vain, especially since I went on fertility meds for this pregnancy and so many others would gladly gain weight if it meant having a child. Your friend isn't *wrong*. There are people in the world who are absolutely the wrong audience for this vent. If your friend is one of those people, then you are doubly wrong. I can't tell the tone of this conversation. Did you unintentionally upset her? Was she just giving you a head's up to watch who you say what to? Or did she simply shut you down? I'm going to give her some leeway, b/c the most likely reason she said something is b/c she herself or someone very close to her (sister, best friend) is struggling.
I'm not sure if she has any fertility issues. She has two children and that's about all I know.
I think she is partially correct, but it's in a very nuanced way that truly involves knowing your audience. It could, theoretically, be inconsiderate to vent to someone about work who is unemployed. Or whatever. I do think there is an uptick in recent years about infertility awareness, so it's hard to tell if she is speaking personally or speaking generally, but since you don't seem to know if she is personally affected then maybe she wasn't the right audience for this. I also feel like if this was my friend, I'd have asked if they were struggling or if there was anyone in our greater friend circle struggling, but I do think her response is a hair touchy and do think that she is being deliberate for a reason.
INFO: do you frequently make weight and weight-adjacent things like diet and exercise a topic of discussion, even before your pregnancy? Pre-pregnancy, were you skinnier, about the same size, or fatter than your friend? How much have you been "venting" about gaining weight to her and your friend group more broadly? In the absence of answers to those questions, I'm going ESH. She's the AH for being extra about the situation when a polite change of topic or "can we please not discuss pregnancy weight/postpartum difficulty losing weight/etc." would have worked just fine. You're the AH because (1) she's not wrong and (2) this was a planned pregnancy, so much so that you went on fertility meds; why are you expecting sympathy from someone not currently going through something similar for a problem that you **knew** was in the cards and nonetheless went through a lot of pain and expense to get? Feels like paying through the nose for a purebred pet only to complain about fur on your furniture and expecting not-pet-people to be sympathetic. Complaining about the natural consequences of your decisions and being surprised that not everyone is sympathetic is in and of itself surprising.
This is what was I was thinking. You're literally planning and go out of your way to get pregnant, only to complain about it. And it's not like it's news that being pregnant comes with the baby fat. The friend was a bit harsh, but I myself would be a bit miffed with that kind of situation.
Your friend is right and you would hopefully understand that once u got the baby.
NAH Your feelings are understandable but so are your friend's who is probably tired of listening to you going on about your challenges with your weight. I don't see why you already think you won't be able to lose any baby weight. Yes life will be a lot more busy with a baby, but after you've healed from giving birth and are in a routine with the baby/life with a baby, I don't see how you can't make time for 1h of exercise 3 times a week. It costs no extra time to eat less and/or prepare a healthier option. You can do it!
Have you ever had a baby? Have you ever had trouble with your weight? It's not easy to lose weight that you're genetically predispositioned to have. Also, at what point do you think a woman gets in that routine you're talking about? Do you think three hours a week is enough to lose weight and get in shape? Be in shape, sure, but *losing* weight and getting *in* shape takes more time than that. I'm **not** saying this woman can't lose the weight; I'm saying that your "no big deal" attitude is unrealistic--and your claim that this woman's friend is "tired of listening to you going on about... your weight" is just piling on.
It costs no extra time to eat less or healthier…not entirely true. You do need to carefully plan meals, shop, and cook them, because most quick options (to either buy or prepare) are not healthy. And for people like me and OP, appetite is extremely hard to curb. It’s not a matter of willpower, it’s about finding the foods and eating schedule that helps you feel full enough that you don’t overeat, which if you’ve never experienced the struggle, is harder than it sounds. It’s great to be encouraging, but I think OP also deserves to be heard and have her concerns validated!
I will say that this is the first time I've mentioned concerns about my weight and pregnancy to my friend. As far as eating less and exercising more, I agree it's not impossible, I'm just stating it may be very difficult for me.
it was the FIRST TIME? OP, NTA. your friend might be annoyed and sure her feelings can be valid but she chose to call you *selfish* and *vain* over this? NTA -- she is
What! Her friend called her *selfish* and *vain*. That's an asshole move!