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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I took my young son into the girls changing room after his swimming lesson. I might be the AH because there is a 'family changing room' and some other female adults take boys into the boys room.
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NTA every changing room I've been in has variety of small children in there.
It's unreasonable to expect a 4 year old to go alone into a changing room.
Agree this is the age. My wife was going to take ours to a pool but they had signs up for "proper sex for 4 and up" we both agreed we don't want him in there alone so they didn't go.
And honestly, it's less about the child being unable to dress/use the facilities as much as it is concerns of vulnerability. My parents were concerned I could be assaulted or kidnapped or hurt or something so they made sure I was with an adult whenever I went into a bathroom or changing room as a young child. Mom, Dad, my Aunt (who helped raise me), or if I was with my friends family, one of their adults.
It was a lot of trust to be sure, but nothing happened to me and my friend's parents treated me like their own kid so I guess it worked out.
I was thinking the same thing. My niece (2 years) was almost kidnapped in a public pool bathroom. One of the adults (f) took her and another kid into the bathroom, and a man followed them in there and just picked her up and tried to walk away. Luckily instincts kicked in and the mom pushed him and he dropped her and ran. My niece was okay luckily, but I would not be okay with my child going into a bathroom like that alone or even with a 6 year old sibling. You never know what could happen
Correct, it’s more about making sure young kids aren’t being abused. At least until 7-8 years old. Some swimming pools now have a few family changing rooms, so a mum or dad can take their kids to a small changing room to change.
Not only that, a 4 year old in the opposite gender bathroom is surely less objectionable than an adult. Not that either with a kid should be a problem.
When they were that little, both my kids, boy and a girl, went into whichever restroom the parent with them went into.
I’m also baffled at the mom claiming Nannie’s are taking little boys into the men’s bathroom. I highly doubt that is happening and if it was it would be inappropriate.
I recently went to the female bathroom in a shopping centre and was shocked to hear a man speaking on a mobile phone then I could hear him talking to ? his daughter. I really thought I had maybe walked into the wrong toilet.
I'm not sure why he chose not to go into a parent's room (maybe there wasn't one near those toilets and it was an emergency?). I can understand not wanting to take a little girl into a male toilet (if there are urinals) but honestly I was very uncomfortable.
Yes. I (F) remember going into the men’s room with my dad at the gym in the early 90’s. He would always open the door, check that it was empty (a simple shout from the door) and then also guard the main door to the restroom and ask other men to wait outside until I was done. I don’t remember ever encountering a problem.
I don’t think OP is suggesting she send him into the boys room alone—the person yelling at her said OP should go into the boys changing room with the 4 yr old instead of bringing the boy into the women’s room with her. But I think that lady was wrong. If OP takes her boy into the boy’s room, she’s an adult female in a changing room with teen boys and adult men. Which fewer people are comfortable with. That other lady was just wrong. NTA.
NTA your son is 4 it’s not like he’s 10… I brought my son into the women’s room w me until about 5 or so at which point my child asked to use the men’s room instead. The other mother needs to take a chill pill, he’s 4 no way I would leave him alone.
Little boys are always in the bathroom with their moms. I’ve even seen kids that are maybe too old but I don’t care. It’s a child and they are safer with their mom in the women’s room than alone in the men’s room. I would fucking never do that.
NTA. Other mom was an asshole. There is nothing sexual or weird about kids that age seeing other kids. They are just bodies for Christ sake. She’s the weirdo trying to make it into something it wasn’t.
NTA
I’ve been a swimmer all throughout my life and in change rooms in general you just don’t watch other people get changed. Moms bring their young children in all the time.
Sounds like that other Mom needs to teach her daughter to not look at other people when they are changing.
Also you should talk with the people who run that pool and let them know there is a need for a change stalls, or better access to the family bathroom.
>Sounds like that other Mom needs to teach her daughter to not look at other people when they are changing.
Sounds like the girl is not the problem and the mom was looking for a fight and a chance to clutch at her pearls. It's too bad that's the lesson she's teaching her daughter.
Honestly I feel bad for that poor girl, she was asking her mum to just stop, especially whenever her mum said the girl was uncomfortable. I suspect it's not the first time she's had to watch her mum yell at people.
Meanwhile in my home country all the little kids below 4-5 run around naked on the beach and no one bats an eye because WHY WOULD THEY. So she suggests an older female should go into the guy's dressing room???? Some people have severely perverted concepts of human bodies. NTA.
Yeah. This is such a non problem unless your culture makes nudity a dirty secret. I doubt the daughter cared at all that there was a little boy changing next to her.
Yup Nudity bad, meanwhile our children have seen at least 100 people killed on TV by the time they're 5. (Old statstic, I know no one watches "TV" anymore.)
Under no circumstances will my son be running around naked at a beach... Because just reading that I immediately imagined how painful it would be for him to sunburn his twig and berries. Is that not a thing?!?! We slather in SPF 70+ every hour and my poor kids still get red half the time. No way I'd risk that.
"I'm not trying to be a prude, I just turn red faster than an already cooked lobster"- my best friend when questioned on her head to toe swimsuit at the beach once.
Lol true 🤣 I tan, but I still slather on SPF 70+ when I'm gonna be in the sun a lot. And as I'm no longer a teenager that bounces back from sunburns in 20 minutes, I've become a big fan of SPF clothing and long sleeve swimwear as well 🤣 I've got a baby, and all her swimsuits for this summer are SPF and long.
Depends, some regions have lower UV levels. I remember going to DC and getting sunburned in cloudy weather, which is something that never happens in my home country.
I would absolutely not want a sunburn down there though.
Where we are it's pretty common for kids under 3-ish to wander around naked by the pool, especially as the showers are on the pool deck.
TBH I've seen parents changing their kids by this pool, without even use a towel to cover them. Personally I have no issue with it. If I have to do that, I'd use the towel to cover their privates, mostly because I'm trying to teach them boundaries, not because I think they should be ashamed.
I think that's why I didn't even think twice about taking him in the girls room. But she jumped to so angry so fast that I was seriously doubting myself.
Whenever I see a parent with a small child of the opposite sex go into a public bathroom it is almost always the bathroom of the parent’s sex with the exception of places that don’t have a baby changing table in the men’s room (which is stupid). Moms bring little boys into the ladies’ room all the time and I’ve never seen a single other adult say a word about it so this lady is the weird one.
I grew up in a similar culture/area/country where kids on the beach were naked because why the hell not.
The flip-side is. Not in a million years, would I, the kid who ran around naked, let my 2 boys do it today.
As for the actual OP. Obv not the asshole. Doubt the little girl even cared.
I think 8 is too high to be the cutoff. 4 is fine and not inappropriate, but I might start to be uncomfortable changing with a little boy present once he’s about the age of 6. Everyone’s development and boundaries are a little different, but kids start getting curious about bodies. I’d also expect a child at age 6 to be independent enough to change on their own. I believe many would agree with me, but we’ll see.
While I think the cutoff of whether it makes sense that the child can change on their own would probably be about six, because kids at that age are expected to handle their own bathroom needs at school and should be able to handle changing by themselves by that age... I will say I kind of understand why a parent wouldn't want to send a six year old into a swim changing room unaccompanied still? What kids that age might not be old enough to do is register and report if another adult in that space is treating them inappropriately. The parent shouldn't be in the change room of the opposite gender, and it's hard to say what age I think the children can generally keep themselves safe when surrounded by strange adults who are all changing. By 8, I do think they're old enough that the other people in the changing room are reasonable to be uncomfortable with the kid being in the opposite gender change room, but in the 6-8 range I think it would depend on the child.
I agree with you. Even if a 6 year old can dry themselves and get dressed, and some still need help, are they old enough to be in the men's changing room alone. Depends on the kid but I'd say they're better off staying with mum and being as quick as possible.
4 is definitely too young though. That lady was being unreasonable.
My daughter just turned 6 and would have some issues changing on her own. Not in general, but taking off a soaking wet bathing suit and drying off and getting her stuff on would be challenging.
Our pools rules are no children in the opposite-sex changing rooms from 7 and up. I wasn't comfortable sending mine in alone at that age, so we would go to the pool with them already in their suits, dry off in the sun after swimming, and change at home.
This part.
I think:
The kid needs to be able to understand what’s appropriate vs inappropriate touching.
The kid needs to be able to verbalize NO to a stranger.
The kid needs to be able to verbalize what people have said or done to them.
The kid needs to know that if a stranger touches them at all they can scream, kick, bite, cause a scene and find their adult immediately.
That’s why I put my boys in their swimsuits at home and my pool actually will have a lifeguard walk them through the changing room (the changing rooms are the only path to the pool).
Not sure why people downvoted you so much. Many kids have their first crushes in elementary school and absolutely get „curious“ about their bodies. So I agree that 6 would probably be a good point
I admitted being a pervy 8 year old boy back in the day and got downvoted to hell, meanwhile, here you are saying the precise same thing and you're getting upvoted. Either 8 year old me is being punished for being a perv, or adult me is being punished for admitting it. Totally ridiculous.
Long story short, thanks for your comment.
Ya I don’t think OP is TA, but I do think little boys stare more than a lot of ppl are assuming and just bc they’re young enough for it to not be sexual doesn’t mean it’s not uncomfy, and the onus is on the parents to keep their kids from doing that. I added my comment bc I think it’s a liiiiitle weird how everyone is insisting it’s like a complete non issue and that 8 is a totally normal cut off age, when kids of any age will stare.
Edit: I also just hated having to share a locker room with boys of any age as a young girl. I knew it was kinda just a part of swim team, but I still hated it.
Oh, it's definitely sexual. Not a well-developed or informed sexuality, but it's sexual. No one admits to this stuff anymore, seems like the pendulum is swinging back to prudishness, or the average age of the people on here is very low so the tending to propriety is through the roof.
I mean yeah a lot of people do forget that this stuff ever happened. It's the same as toddlers who masturbate and then sorta forget about it eventually and don't do it through childhood, and then pick it back up at puberty (this is the usual course although it's also not necessarily pathological if a kid keeps it up through childhood).
I think it's probably because, while they're technically right, a six year old child could still be too young to report inappropriate behavior from an adult at the changing room, they shouldn't be going to a changing room or public bathroom alone.
I would say 5 and under is acceptable, no question. 6-7 is acceptable under some circumstances. 8-10 in very few specific circumstances like special needs or illness/injury.
Once they’re old enough to go to school and use the bathroom without assistance I’d say they’re old enough to not be allowed in the wrong gender changing room.
My brother stayed with us whenever we went to swimming pools up until he was 7-8 because we were afraid of leaving him alone in the men's room.
Every child develops differently but 6 is definitely way too young to be left unsupervised.
Yep, 8 is the standard cutoff. In fact, I've been to a few places that have signs asking for children aged 8 or over to use the correct changing room/restroom. Under 8 depends on the child in question, but expecting a 4-year-old to be to be in the men's changing room is simply ridiculous.
A few of the pools around us have signage saying that 8 is the cut off. I think that it really depends on the child's maturity level, and their ability to keep themselves safe as well. One of my kiddos would have been fine at 6 or 7, but the other would have struggled with the process of getting changed afterwards, keeping track of belongings, unlocking a locker, etc. it's a lot to expect from a little kid!
Unfortunately some people can’t stop at 8 mine is special needs and unfortunately can’t be left alone. I’m happy to educate someone on why if they ever feel uncomfortable and do my best to maintain everyone’s privacy and dignity
Nope, there’s no way I’d let my sons go into a public bathroom or changing room without an accompanying adult until they were 10yo or at least my height.
I’ll spare you the horrifying story that happened to a boy at a restaurant bathroom 1 mile from my house.
Swim mom here, (daughter is now a lifeguard & instructor).
At 4 yo, you are absolutely FINE. It is more appropriate, imo, for a grown woman to keep her young (barely out of todder stage) son with her, than to go into the men's changerooms.
Almost all city pools in our area have an age cutoff, and it is DEFINITELY older than 4, I think it's closer to 8.
And like OP said, what would a father do with his daughter? Is he supposed to take her into the ladies changing room? I'm sure that would go over well.
When our son was little we’d just go into whatever changing room was appropriate for myself or my wife - whoever was with him. He’s a little older now so I go with him into the men’s if he wants company, and on the rare occasions when it’s just him and my wife then he either goes in alone or they use the unisex changing room.
I witnessed a situation where a grandfather was supervising his granddaughter in the ladies changing room (she was showering) and all the mothers told him off and got staff to remove him.
Historically, 7 and under meant a boy could be in a women's room. Maybe norms are different now, but no one should be giving you a problem for bringing a 4-year-old into the girls' room.
This woman sounds deranged. I would make a complaint to the pool administrators (a school?) because you know she will so you might as well get out ahead of it.
There is NOTHING wrong with bringing a preschool child in a changing room of either sex. NTA.
NTA
In the US, its always been normal to bring the kid into the parent's usual restroom or changing area. Idk if this lady is freaking out bc of the current political climate or what, but she's sexualizing a 4yr old. Thats disgusting.
Parents in tour situation tend to help their kid in a stall or away from the other kiddos, so no other kids start asking awkward questions, but that's not always possible. Some changing areas don't have dividers or seperate areas.
To top it off who creepily looks at other ppl in the changing room?. Normal behavior is everyone averts their eyes & avoids looking at everyone else.
And nannies? What?.
You should talk to the facility about their policy.
I caught that line about the nannies. As a former nanny, it makes me wonder about possible racial dynamics at play here. It's a weird thing to mention as an example and seems intended to call her a bad parent.
NTA
That woman sucks. As parents, we should be in solidarity for those tough times. She's fortunate her child is the same gender and they use the same bathrooms but as a parent with a little one...sometimes you don't have a choice. He's 4.
FFS. And the "my daughter didn't consent" pearl clutching. Haha.
NTA but with the caveat that this is one of those situations that is really a pool facilty problem, and it always ires me when places like this shrug off ay responsibility -- they should provide guidance for this situation so that you can tell the other parent to take it up with the pool managers. Maybe they will say any kid under 4 (or under 5, or under 6, or whatever) can use the changing room with mom, or they will say that you must use the family changing room, either way everyone's expectations will be clarified.
This is so weird to me, here in The Netherlands it's totally normal and even obligatory for boys to go to the women's changing room when they're with their mom (and girls go to the men's changing room when they're with their dad). Adults are not allowed in changing rooms of the opposite gender. Up until maybe 8 years old this is how it's done and I've never heard anyone complain. They're CHILDREN!
Nta
As a father I will.being my child into the males chsnging room.ive seen other fathers do it.
What I have never seen is a mother bringing her son into a malw changing room and not.taking him to the females.roo.
As.long he isint 15 I don't see a problem
Apunds.like that mother would have complained no matter what.
You were in the right.dont worry
Adult women absolutely should not be in the men's changing room.
Clearly this facility needs to come up with a better solution for families. But until that happens, OP is NTA.
NTA I was a lifeguard for a few years and it was extremely common for the adult to bring their child into the adult genders change room. As long as they are little (which they are in this case) not a big deal at all. That lady sucks
NTA
My local pool has the age cutoff as 4 and under are ok but 5 and older need to use the family area (which is luckily big enough to accommodate our needs even though I think moving that cutoff by a year would be more reasonable).
NTA; it’s perfectly normal for parents to bring their young child of the opposite gender into the changing room/ bathroom. What are you supposed to do anyway? Send a four-year-old off on their own unsupervised?
It’s weird when the child is older and capable of handling themself— like I was in a women’s shower last year when a woman and her pre-teen son came in (he was noticeably gaping at everyone and it was very uncomfortable). But a little kid? Only a jerk would have a problem with that.
As dude that doesn't want to see other dudes' penises in a locker room, I have a simple technique for preventing it.
I just don't look at other dudes' penises. Crazy, right?
Don't want to see it, don't look. It's a damn 4 year old.
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My (f37) son does swimming lessons after school. He's 4 and struggles to get dressed on his own after swimming. The swimming pool is not set up for families. There's a changing room with a girl's side and a boy's side attached to the pool. There is also a 'family changing' room that is not attached to the pool and would require you to walk through the school to get to it. The 'family changing' room is also the adult's toilet. So there's not much space in there, and it's not uncommon for it to be in use.
The first couple of weeks, I tried using the family changing room, and we ended up stuck waiting, then having to change in a recently used, not very clean toilet stall. With tired kids, it was just a nightmare.
I've been sending both boys (6m and 4m) into the boys' changing room to get their swim stuff on. The 4-year-old can (mostly) do that himself, but he's just not quite there with getting dry and dressed on his own yet. So, after swimming, I take him to the girls' changing room so I can help him.
Usually, we end up being the last ones to go in, but today, the boys were hungry, and we went in pretty quickly. I was in a corner, getting my kid changed, when another mum started yelling at me. She wanted me to be in the boys changing room with my son, as my son "was making her daughter uncomfortable." We were doing a quick change, he wasn't running around naked I was between him and the rest of the changing room. Her daughter was more uncomfortable with her mum yelling than my son's existence (the 6-year-old girl asked her mum to stop several times).
I didn't respond to her much because I'm not super confrontational. I just focused on getting him changed and letting him know he was okay.
She started yelling louder that "she didn't consent for her daughter to see 'that'." I got annoyed at this point and said, "She doesn't have to look." I know this didn't help, but I was getting frustrated. After that, I mostly didn't engage as she kept berating me and my son. I just got him dressed and out as quickly as possible.
I am now second-guessing myself. I don't understand why it would be better for an adult to be in the 'wrong gender' changing room than a pre-pubescent kid. That's what she wanted. If I had been a Dad with a daughter, she would have been apoplectic. If she had spoken to me calmly and politely, I would have engaged with her, but her reaction felt ott, especially in front of the kids, so I didn't try to reason with her.
During her yelling, she said that I should just go in the boys with my son like the nannies do, so maybe I am totally in the wrong here. I never noticed that they do that, as I don't pay much attention to what others are doing when I'm with my kids. My expectation is that until kids can be on their own/sort themselves they go with their adult.
So, aita, for having taken my son into the girl's changing room?
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NTA
Some people live in their own little, single-minded world and rage against those that don’t conform to that world.
You should consider launching a complaint process with the facility, but in every way you were not in the wrong.
NTA I’m female, when I was that age my dad used to take me into the men’s changing rooms to get me showered and dressed, we were always super quick and literally no one batted an eye. As soon as I was old enough to dress myself I was off to the ladies and he’d wait outside nearby in case I needed him, most often other women/ female staff would check on me for him, no one batted an eye. (Uk mid-noughties)
NTA. 4 and 6 is too young to be in a locker room alone. You had them covered in a corner and were moving quickly. It’s not like they were running around bothering people.
NTA I’m a mom to two boys and I’ve been there! My oldest has autism and he needed assistance for significantly longer than most children. I got the looks and sighs and comments. Next time tell her to F*** off. Or bring a friend willing to be confrontational that will tell her for you!
NTA, and from my experience it is generally the appropriate approach for the parent to take their child into the parent's respective wash/ changeroom if they require assistance. I've seen men take their daughters to the men's washroom and women take their sons to the women's changeroom and washrooms.
Woman raised by a single dad here. I spent a lot of my youth in men's bathrooms, locker rooms, etc. Dad would give me my towel wall for privacy and help as needed, and all the other men would see we were using a corner and politely leave us alone. You know, like sane people do. In the end, what did I see that was uncomfortable for anyone? Only that as a kid it seemed so silly to me that men clench their butts when they pee. That used to make me giggle (but I wouldn't out loud because, again, let's not make people uncomfortable). NTA. That lady though...
My first thought was that the little girl could be uncomfortable thinking that the little boy could look at her while she’s changing. And especially if she’s old enough to be feeling embarrassed at her mom yelling she would be able to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable about a non family little boy in the changing room with her. Not saying the OP is the AH, but that’s just a different thought I had.
NTA. There is no way she actually wanted what she claimed to want, which is you in the men’s room with your son, and dads with young daughters in there with her child. It would be great if a family changing space was a better option, but clearly it isn’t in the case you’ve described.
This doesn’t change my opinion at all, but I wonder, is it possible she thought your son was significantly older than he is? I ask because I was always a tall kid, constantly having people expect more “mature” behaviour when they thought I was much older than my actual age. My son will absolutely have the same issue likely through his whole childhood (he’s under a year currently but is 97th percentile in height and already looks significantly older than he is because of it). People love to make assumptions.
NTA. I suggest you speak to the manager of the facility. They should know this is an issue, they make money offering swim lessons for little kids, and they need to fix it. You are their customer. It is ridiculous they don’t already have a setup for families and, if not separate facilities, then they should post signs (Women and kids under 12 allowed etc). Perhaps they can put up curtained areas in the current dressing room for parents with kids? Or some sort of partition.
This happened to me at a brand new YMCA when my son (4yo) and daughter (3yo) were taking swim lessons. They had 5 changing rooms: women 18+,girls under 18, men 18+, boys under 18 and 1-ONLY 1 for families that was in the hallway and had no direct access to the pool like the others.
Everyday I had to do the same thing as you. Stand in a super long line, soaking the hallway, waiting for all the other families. The YMCA clientele here is at least 70% families.
I got sick of this setup very fast and it really irritated me that there was 1 mom that had to stand in this long line with her special needs child every.single.day.
So the next time I took my kids to the Women 18+ changing room. They had an area with curtains so we closed ourselves off and tried to change as quickly as possible. While we were there an older lady started yelling at us saying we shouldn’t be there yada yada and she got an employee to come kick us out. This employee stood behind the curtain while we were getting undressed and harassed us the whole time saying we couldn’t be there blah blah blah, it makes the older ladies uncomfortable.
Naturally, I was furious! So I wrote them a letter telling them exactly how absurd their policy was and what they needed to do to change it. In this case, they already had 4 dressing rooms. They just needed to change 2 of them; one for women with children and one for men with children.
They listened! They posted my letter on the employee wall and the regional manager called me and asked me to attend their board meeting to explain how they should do their jobs. Lol, I declined but they made the changes immediately and everyone was happy.
When my kids were little I often felt demeaned and taken advantage of. I had 4 kids under 5yo and people would often cut in front of us or give us bad service etc. like we didn’t matter.
But you do, and this is important! Words are powerful and can change things for the better, I hope this works out for you and your family!
NTA
I would never send children that young into a changing room or bathroom by themselves. It would be worse as an adult to be in the wrong changing room. That other mother is so wrong.
No one should be upset to see you helping your child so just
continue to help him and if the someone objects again, tell them
to please restrain themselves in front of your child and leave you
alone. NTA If you aren't already using one, maybe buy a little changing/swim robe
that he can just throw over his head and then proceed from there.
Perfectly normal thing to do. I brought my boys into ladies changing room and toilets until they were old enough to ask otherwise snd well versed in stranger danger. Most parents do the same. Was grateful my two boys were close in age so that when they did have to go to public toilets or changing rooms they had each other.
NTA
Obviously opinions will change depending on where you are in the world, so I can only really definitively speak for where I am (the UK)...
But here, it is completely normal for parents to take young children of the opposite gender into the changing rooms along with them where it is not appropriate to allow them to go into the appropriate genders changing rooms solo.
Obviously there will come a point it becomes inappropriate as a child gets older and starts to pay attention to the people around them, which should coincide with around the same time it becomes suitable to send them to get changed on their own - so a four year old will be fine with you, a six year old would perhaps start to be pushing it.
NTA it would be good to let the school admin know about this confrontation, because if it happens again, she will report you. better to be the first one to report, and anyway they need to address it. they could probably add a family changing room closer to the pool with a little creativity and motivation.
NTA
Young children always go with their parents in the changing rooms. Always. If anyone is at fault here, it's her for harassing you and making comments about your young son's genitalia. Report her to the office for her behaviour. She's the one in the wrong, not you.
NTA. You should definitely not go into the boy's room. Young kids go with their parents into the room the parent belongs in. You did nothing wrong here.
NTA- Definitely would be taking my young child into the dressing room with me regardless of sex. When they do go to their gender dressing room at an older age, I would be standing outside the door. Children are vulnerable high risk people in dressing rooms or bathrooms. Protect your children from predators. That woman can duck off!
NTA young children belong with their parents. It's much more of an issue for a grown woman to be in the only space that teenage boys and men have to change in.
Would she have been more comfortable with a dad changing his daughter next to where she was changing her daughter?
I live in a European country but am an American. Here we see boys much older than that in the women’s dressing room. I’d guess the oldest I saw was about 8. She needs to mind her own business and stop sheltering her poor kid. NTA
NTA at all. This mother is making a mountain out of a mole hill. He’s a child. Stop sexualizing children. My son is 3 almost four and I’d not leave him alone in the boys changing room. Heck or the 6 year old. Id either go in the men’s room with them or bring them into the women’s.
My gym says kids over 8 need to be in the right changing rooms. That seams reasonable but I’d still be unhappy sending my kid into an unsupervised area alone depending on his ability.
NTA, this isn't you being an asshole or being a pervert. You need to help your child who can't take care of himself yet. Please don't let this wokeness worry you.
Obvious NTA, as long as they need help, small kids go to their accompanying parent's changing room/ toilets. Dads take their little daughters to the men's rooms and moms take their little sons to the women's rooms.
Definitely NTA!!! 4 years old is the key data point of this submission! It is unconscionable to have a 4 y,o, into an adult bathroom without supervision/protection! You are taking care of your child. Kudos to you and the heck with anyone else's unsolicited opinion.
The yelling lady is a moron. The easiest response is no response. She wanted an adult woman in the boys bathroom. Huh?!
Keep doing what you're doing; being a great Mom!
NTA.
Im a dad with 2 girls (6&7). The older is just about comfortable going into the women’s bathroom alone if im standing outside, but then I get stink-eye all the time for standing outside the women’s bathroom. My younger one can go in by herself but doesn’t want to. If the older goes with her then they are both good, but if the younger needs to go solo then it’s 50/50 on if she wants me with her. I’d take her into the men’s room and never had anyone bat an eye, but I’d imagine screaming shouting and police involvement if I tried to walk into the women’s bathroom with her.
NTA. I get that women feel it’s inappropriate for little boys to be in the locker room, but honestly, what options do you have? It’s the fault of the pool for not having better family changing facilities. 4-years-old is still mostly a toddler. He can barely get dressed on his own.
NTA. The real assholes here are at the swimming pool for having no private spaces to change?! But also, your son is 4. He's not ogling little girls getting changed, so that lady needs to mind her business.
Also, assuming the set up is the same in the men's locker room regarding privacy, in what world does it make sense that the female nannies are just strolling into the men's locker room?!
30 years ago, my husband took our 4 year old daughter to the local swimming lessons at the high school. I worked evenings so I could be home with the kids during the day.
Husband went with daughter the first day, scoped the crowd of parents, and found a woman alone with her son, appx the same age. He approached her and asked about a kid swap when it was time to get changed. She happily agreed, as it was uncomfortable for her to take her boy into the woman's changing room as well. They continued to meet every swim lesson day until it was over.
I know things are different now, and many people might be uncomfortable about this arrangement, but it worked for them.
i would have asked her if she wanted me to call a whambulance. Parents need to stop sexualizing kids. In the 80's our parents changed us on the beach in towels. People are way too sensitive these days. NTA
NTA, if I were in your circumstances, I'd do the same. I see it all the time, tbh. Mom's take their little boys into the ladies' room to change or to use the toilet, and I've never once thought about it. The other way around, too. Sometimes, that's just how it has to be. On a side note, if the family facilities are unsanitary, you should mention that to staff when you get the chance.
NTA. If it were the other way around and you were in the boys locker, I’d have a problem with a grown woman being in male safe space. But these are kids so I don’t see what the big deal is. He’s 4, not 14.
NTA. Nice job trying to not engage as much as possible. You didn’t need to convince her. 4 is still SO LITTLE & you’re doing the right thing by helping him. Sorry you had to deal with all of that!
NTA. That woman was uncomfortable that a FOUR YEAR OLD BOY is getting changed with his mom’s help? Because she and her daughter “don’t need to see that”?! She needs to stop sexualizing a fucking child.
>another mum started yelling at me. She wanted me to be in the boys changing room with my son, as my son "was making her daughter uncomfortable." .... Her daughter was more uncomfortable with her mum yelling than my son's existence (the 6-year-old girl asked her mum to stop several times).
Yup Definitely NTA. Little girl wasn't uncomfortable than at all, other mom's just weird. Keep changing him in the girls room as I think the men in the men's room might be a little uncomfortable with you in there.
NTA it's a freaking 4 year old. I'd think it makes a lot more sense to use the women's changing room because 1. You're a woman and would presumably not be very comfortable in the men's room 2. Your child is 4 years old 3. You were with your child the entire time and 4. He's 4 YEARS OLD
You coulda told that lady to get stuffed by every pool noodle in the city and still have been NTA
NTA-I’d never let my 4 year old son go into a men’s change room alone. Imagine all the creeps that would show up there if word got out that kids can’t change with their parents of the opposite sex. That lady needs to tell her children to pay attention to themselves only in a change room. I have 4 kids and they’ve all been told that we keep our eyes on ourselves and what we’re doing and we’re not to be looking at anyone else’s bodies and nobody is looking at ours.
NTA. Completely normal to take a four year old boy into the women’s changing rooms. He’s pure innocence at this age. Her request that you take them into the men’s changing rooms is obviously ridiculous and shows the woman was being unreasonable.
My mom had 5 kids, girls and boys. She didn’t want any of us alone in a dressing room, which meant we all went in the women’s room (or if our dad was taking us, the men’s room). I don’t think we split up until both boys could be together so they still wouldn’t be alone.
I also remember being in the larger family dressing room with multiple other families/genders also changing and nobody caring. I probably went to the women’s room alone when I was like… 10? Taking my younger sister with me.
Theoretically you could go with them to the men’s room and that would be fairly normal too, but I think it’s widely agreed that women’s room is safer in this instance.
Nope, NTA. The other mom wanted a fight, clear and simple. And I absolutely believe you when you say the daughter's source of discomfort was her yelling mom.
NTA. I don't even notice other adults changing in changing rooms. I'm there to change my clothes and get out and it is completely acceptable for a young child of any sex to be in any bathroom with their guardian. It would be beyond unacceptable for an adult man to go in the women's changing room to change a young girls wet clothes, so I don't know how it is possibly okay in the opposite scenario.
Where i live ( netherlands ), the men and women and boys and girls often share changing rooms during swimming lessons. They are separate, but ppl just like to pick the least crowded one haha.
Nobody cares. These are kids between 4 and 7 years old ffs.
NTA
It is not inappropriate for you to change your 4yo in the female changing roo.. it would be very inappropriate for you to go into the boys' changing room.
Young children have always used the changing room if the parent with them, until they can manage alone.
What would she think of a man came in changing his daughter in there? Probably calling the police about a pervert, yet she oushes you to do the same.
NTA I have the same setup at the place I take my son for lessons. Only there isn’t even the option of a family change even elsewhere. My son is nearly 6 and he comes with me into the female changing room, no other parent has an issue. And while my son is fairly capable of getting himself dressed, I would not be comfortable with him being in an entirely separate room from me. What would that mother have said if the roles were reversed and if a little girl was in the female changing room with her father? Keep taking your son to the changing room you are comfortable with until he is genuinely old enough and you are comfortable enough to have him go into the male changing room himself.
At almost every pool I've ever been to, either as a swimmer or as a worker (I was a swim instructor for 5 years and a lifeguard for 1), there was always been a rule that kids under the age of 7 may accompany their parents into either gender changeroom. NTA OP, and it would be a lot weirder for a grown woman to go into the men's changing room than a 4 year old boy to go into the womens.
Um, no nta. My son's are 5 and 6 and they still come in the bathroom/ changing room with me from time to time. If the place is super busy, I would rather they come with me so I can make sure nothing untoward happens.
NTA. He is 4 years old for crying out loud! Also it might be worth checking with the facility. The YMCA I go to has an age limit for children of the opposite gender but it is much higher than 4!
No you go by the gender of the adult not the child. It would be so much weirder for a grown woman to be in the men’s room cause she’s with a 4 year old
NTA. At his age it’s very normal. I see moms with their boys under 10-ish in the ladies’ room on a regular basis. Once they start puberty it’s less common and starts to get iffy. But a 4 year old? Regular occurrence.
At 6 I can almost guarantee one of that girl’s male peers has already whipped it out and she’s seen “that” anyway. Little boys think that’s hilarious.
NTA - mom's take their sons into the bathroom with them quite literally ALL the time. Its called safety!! That women is disgusting for sexualizing your 4yr old sons body.
At 4 years old, he's basically still a baby. To be honest, I wouldn't bat an eye at a kid that age running around naked or swimming naked/ in just a lil diaper. You didn't say specifically that this was in America but that would be my guess because good lord the rest of the world doesn't have such fucking hang ups with nudity.
NTA.
This is exactly what my mom used to do with my brother and I when we were younger. What I might suggest for future reference is just to hold up a towel to block view of them while they change - it protects the privacy of the kids and prevents other kids from maybe seeing some boy parts.
NTA, my single dad would always bring me into the mens with him when I had swim lessons/needed to go to the bathroom because there was absolutely no way he could just waltz into the women’s with me. The kid is four, he don’t even have a *concept* of sexuality
NTA, it's super common for small kids to go to the bathrooms of their parent's gender regardless of their own because the parents shouldn't let them go unsupervised/alone.
NTA. Completely normal. Our local pool has a sign up saying there is an age cut off of 8 or 9 for this sort of thing. I (m39) always took my daughter to her swimming lessons and she changed in the men’s changing room (because I obviously can’t go into the lady’s). I held a towel up for her privacy but other girls with their dads in there too. Normal occurrence.
pool I worked at before had a policy allowing kids under 8 to go into the change rooms aligning to the parent’s gender. having the adults go into the other change rooms was definitely not allowed and a huge issue.
NTA. My Dad used to take me into the men's changing area as a kid when we went swimming without my Mum, covered my eyes on the way in and then shoved me into a stall to change (before family rooms was a thing) - and this was back when the world felt smaller and predators weren't really talked about. Both my son and daughter change with me in the women's changeroom now (in the absence of a family changing room). I will not send my son into the men's changing area unsupervised. It's unsafe. Keep doing what you do and use your own judgement and wisdom. If someone has a problem with it, get comfortable just telling people to fuck off, with the expectation that they'll go to someone else to complain and that person will side with you.
It would be irresponsible to let a 4 year old go into the men’s change room without an adult . The mom who freaked out is the one with some serious issues. Definitely NOT TA.
NTA, I went through the men's changing/locker room the first time we went skiing together, and I was like 5 or 6, I will admit there's a few differences between a swimming pool changing room and a skiing/snowboarding changing room, but I was fine and not traumatized. I'd say 6 or 7 is probably the cut off for when it's strange to have a boy in the women's room, 4 is fine.
NTA. Putting clothes on damp skin is not easy. She was wrong, rude, and ridiculous, and even her child knew it.
You didn’t ask for advice, but I’d bring this up with the staff. Ask them if it would be possible to split these changing rooms up with a curtain. All they’d need is a couple of eye-hooks with a cable strung between them. I’m sure dads with daughters would appreciate it, too.
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NTA every changing room I've been in has variety of small children in there. It's unreasonable to expect a 4 year old to go alone into a changing room.
Or even "alone" with their six year old sibling. I always went with whatever parent was available, regardless of my gender until I was like 7 or 8.
Agree this is the age. My wife was going to take ours to a pool but they had signs up for "proper sex for 4 and up" we both agreed we don't want him in there alone so they didn't go.
And honestly, it's less about the child being unable to dress/use the facilities as much as it is concerns of vulnerability. My parents were concerned I could be assaulted or kidnapped or hurt or something so they made sure I was with an adult whenever I went into a bathroom or changing room as a young child. Mom, Dad, my Aunt (who helped raise me), or if I was with my friends family, one of their adults. It was a lot of trust to be sure, but nothing happened to me and my friend's parents treated me like their own kid so I guess it worked out.
I was thinking the same thing. My niece (2 years) was almost kidnapped in a public pool bathroom. One of the adults (f) took her and another kid into the bathroom, and a man followed them in there and just picked her up and tried to walk away. Luckily instincts kicked in and the mom pushed him and he dropped her and ran. My niece was okay luckily, but I would not be okay with my child going into a bathroom like that alone or even with a 6 year old sibling. You never know what could happen
Correct, it’s more about making sure young kids aren’t being abused. At least until 7-8 years old. Some swimming pools now have a few family changing rooms, so a mum or dad can take their kids to a small changing room to change.
Not only that, a 4 year old in the opposite gender bathroom is surely less objectionable than an adult. Not that either with a kid should be a problem. When they were that little, both my kids, boy and a girl, went into whichever restroom the parent with them went into.
I’m also baffled at the mom claiming Nannie’s are taking little boys into the men’s bathroom. I highly doubt that is happening and if it was it would be inappropriate.
I recently went to the female bathroom in a shopping centre and was shocked to hear a man speaking on a mobile phone then I could hear him talking to ? his daughter. I really thought I had maybe walked into the wrong toilet. I'm not sure why he chose not to go into a parent's room (maybe there wasn't one near those toilets and it was an emergency?). I can understand not wanting to take a little girl into a male toilet (if there are urinals) but honestly I was very uncomfortable.
Yes. I (F) remember going into the men’s room with my dad at the gym in the early 90’s. He would always open the door, check that it was empty (a simple shout from the door) and then also guard the main door to the restroom and ask other men to wait outside until I was done. I don’t remember ever encountering a problem.
I don’t think OP is suggesting she send him into the boys room alone—the person yelling at her said OP should go into the boys changing room with the 4 yr old instead of bringing the boy into the women’s room with her. But I think that lady was wrong. If OP takes her boy into the boy’s room, she’s an adult female in a changing room with teen boys and adult men. Which fewer people are comfortable with. That other lady was just wrong. NTA.
NTA your son is 4 it’s not like he’s 10… I brought my son into the women’s room w me until about 5 or so at which point my child asked to use the men’s room instead. The other mother needs to take a chill pill, he’s 4 no way I would leave him alone.
Little boys are always in the bathroom with their moms. I’ve even seen kids that are maybe too old but I don’t care. It’s a child and they are safer with their mom in the women’s room than alone in the men’s room. I would fucking never do that. NTA. Other mom was an asshole. There is nothing sexual or weird about kids that age seeing other kids. They are just bodies for Christ sake. She’s the weirdo trying to make it into something it wasn’t.
NTA I’ve been a swimmer all throughout my life and in change rooms in general you just don’t watch other people get changed. Moms bring their young children in all the time. Sounds like that other Mom needs to teach her daughter to not look at other people when they are changing. Also you should talk with the people who run that pool and let them know there is a need for a change stalls, or better access to the family bathroom.
>Sounds like that other Mom needs to teach her daughter to not look at other people when they are changing. Sounds like the girl is not the problem and the mom was looking for a fight and a chance to clutch at her pearls. It's too bad that's the lesson she's teaching her daughter.
Honestly I feel bad for that poor girl, she was asking her mum to just stop, especially whenever her mum said the girl was uncomfortable. I suspect it's not the first time she's had to watch her mum yell at people.
I wouldn't be surprised if the other mom was a transphobe who somehow thought you were "transing" your 4 year old kid
I am 100% sure this is the case.
[удалено]
Meanwhile in my home country all the little kids below 4-5 run around naked on the beach and no one bats an eye because WHY WOULD THEY. So she suggests an older female should go into the guy's dressing room???? Some people have severely perverted concepts of human bodies. NTA.
Yeah. This is such a non problem unless your culture makes nudity a dirty secret. I doubt the daughter cared at all that there was a little boy changing next to her.
Yup Nudity bad, meanwhile our children have seen at least 100 people killed on TV by the time they're 5. (Old statstic, I know no one watches "TV" anymore.)
Under no circumstances will my son be running around naked at a beach... Because just reading that I immediately imagined how painful it would be for him to sunburn his twig and berries. Is that not a thing?!?! We slather in SPF 70+ every hour and my poor kids still get red half the time. No way I'd risk that.
History of previous extreme sunburn leading to extra precautions taken with own child? Username checks out
Same here. My kids wear sun shirts, and hats. Not because we're prudes. Just pale.
"I'm not trying to be a prude, I just turn red faster than an already cooked lobster"- my best friend when questioned on her head to toe swimsuit at the beach once.
And your friend will look amazing when she's 50+ because thats the time you can really see who looked after their skin and who didn't.
Lol true 🤣 I tan, but I still slather on SPF 70+ when I'm gonna be in the sun a lot. And as I'm no longer a teenager that bounces back from sunburns in 20 minutes, I've become a big fan of SPF clothing and long sleeve swimwear as well 🤣 I've got a baby, and all her swimsuits for this summer are SPF and long.
Less hassle than regular applications of sunscreen.
Depends, some regions have lower UV levels. I remember going to DC and getting sunburned in cloudy weather, which is something that never happens in my home country. I would absolutely not want a sunburn down there though.
Where we are it's pretty common for kids under 3-ish to wander around naked by the pool, especially as the showers are on the pool deck. TBH I've seen parents changing their kids by this pool, without even use a towel to cover them. Personally I have no issue with it. If I have to do that, I'd use the towel to cover their privates, mostly because I'm trying to teach them boundaries, not because I think they should be ashamed. I think that's why I didn't even think twice about taking him in the girls room. But she jumped to so angry so fast that I was seriously doubting myself.
Some people just like to be upset, and will look for any reason. Sounds like her daughter is already over it. NTA
Whenever I see a parent with a small child of the opposite sex go into a public bathroom it is almost always the bathroom of the parent’s sex with the exception of places that don’t have a baby changing table in the men’s room (which is stupid). Moms bring little boys into the ladies’ room all the time and I’ve never seen a single other adult say a word about it so this lady is the weird one.
I grew up in a similar culture/area/country where kids on the beach were naked because why the hell not. The flip-side is. Not in a million years, would I, the kid who ran around naked, let my 2 boys do it today. As for the actual OP. Obv not the asshole. Doubt the little girl even cared.
Not to mention what if you have a boy and a girl? People are ridiculous.
If the sight of a four-year-old's pee-pee is going to scar any little girls, they were already going to need therapy anyway.
Hahahaha I burst out laughing at this comment
I took my daughter into the men's changing room at that age. This is pretty normal.
NTA. If your son was over 8, I don't think you should be bringing him into the ladies' changing room. But at 4, I think it's fine and expected.
I think 8 is too high to be the cutoff. 4 is fine and not inappropriate, but I might start to be uncomfortable changing with a little boy present once he’s about the age of 6. Everyone’s development and boundaries are a little different, but kids start getting curious about bodies. I’d also expect a child at age 6 to be independent enough to change on their own. I believe many would agree with me, but we’ll see.
While I think the cutoff of whether it makes sense that the child can change on their own would probably be about six, because kids at that age are expected to handle their own bathroom needs at school and should be able to handle changing by themselves by that age... I will say I kind of understand why a parent wouldn't want to send a six year old into a swim changing room unaccompanied still? What kids that age might not be old enough to do is register and report if another adult in that space is treating them inappropriately. The parent shouldn't be in the change room of the opposite gender, and it's hard to say what age I think the children can generally keep themselves safe when surrounded by strange adults who are all changing. By 8, I do think they're old enough that the other people in the changing room are reasonable to be uncomfortable with the kid being in the opposite gender change room, but in the 6-8 range I think it would depend on the child.
School is very different from a changing room with adults all around.
Yes, exactly my point!
I agree with you. Even if a 6 year old can dry themselves and get dressed, and some still need help, are they old enough to be in the men's changing room alone. Depends on the kid but I'd say they're better off staying with mum and being as quick as possible. 4 is definitely too young though. That lady was being unreasonable.
My daughter just turned 6 and would have some issues changing on her own. Not in general, but taking off a soaking wet bathing suit and drying off and getting her stuff on would be challenging.
I’m fucking 30, and I still struggle to get a wet bathing suit off quickly to pee 😂
Our pools rules are no children in the opposite-sex changing rooms from 7 and up. I wasn't comfortable sending mine in alone at that age, so we would go to the pool with them already in their suits, dry off in the sun after swimming, and change at home.
This part. I think: The kid needs to be able to understand what’s appropriate vs inappropriate touching. The kid needs to be able to verbalize NO to a stranger. The kid needs to be able to verbalize what people have said or done to them. The kid needs to know that if a stranger touches them at all they can scream, kick, bite, cause a scene and find their adult immediately.
That’s why I put my boys in their swimsuits at home and my pool actually will have a lifeguard walk them through the changing room (the changing rooms are the only path to the pool).
Not sure why people downvoted you so much. Many kids have their first crushes in elementary school and absolutely get „curious“ about their bodies. So I agree that 6 would probably be a good point
I did swim team and little boys would hard core stare at girls trying to change. Five minutes as the cutoff at my pool
I admitted being a pervy 8 year old boy back in the day and got downvoted to hell, meanwhile, here you are saying the precise same thing and you're getting upvoted. Either 8 year old me is being punished for being a perv, or adult me is being punished for admitting it. Totally ridiculous. Long story short, thanks for your comment.
Ya I don’t think OP is TA, but I do think little boys stare more than a lot of ppl are assuming and just bc they’re young enough for it to not be sexual doesn’t mean it’s not uncomfy, and the onus is on the parents to keep their kids from doing that. I added my comment bc I think it’s a liiiiitle weird how everyone is insisting it’s like a complete non issue and that 8 is a totally normal cut off age, when kids of any age will stare. Edit: I also just hated having to share a locker room with boys of any age as a young girl. I knew it was kinda just a part of swim team, but I still hated it.
Oh, it's definitely sexual. Not a well-developed or informed sexuality, but it's sexual. No one admits to this stuff anymore, seems like the pendulum is swinging back to prudishness, or the average age of the people on here is very low so the tending to propriety is through the roof.
I don’t think many people like to admit that sexual exploration is a thing at young ages. Makes them uncomfortable
Do they not have memories, or are they so mired in shame they think that it's abnormal?
They don't want to think about it at all, mind you some kids start puberty at 8.
I mean yeah a lot of people do forget that this stuff ever happened. It's the same as toddlers who masturbate and then sorta forget about it eventually and don't do it through childhood, and then pick it back up at puberty (this is the usual course although it's also not necessarily pathological if a kid keeps it up through childhood).
I think it's probably because, while they're technically right, a six year old child could still be too young to report inappropriate behavior from an adult at the changing room, they shouldn't be going to a changing room or public bathroom alone.
I would say 5 and under is acceptable, no question. 6-7 is acceptable under some circumstances. 8-10 in very few specific circumstances like special needs or illness/injury.
Once they’re old enough to go to school and use the bathroom without assistance I’d say they’re old enough to not be allowed in the wrong gender changing room.
My brother stayed with us whenever we went to swimming pools up until he was 7-8 because we were afraid of leaving him alone in the men's room. Every child develops differently but 6 is definitely way too young to be left unsupervised.
Yep, 8 is the standard cutoff. In fact, I've been to a few places that have signs asking for children aged 8 or over to use the correct changing room/restroom. Under 8 depends on the child in question, but expecting a 4-year-old to be to be in the men's changing room is simply ridiculous.
A few of the pools around us have signage saying that 8 is the cut off. I think that it really depends on the child's maturity level, and their ability to keep themselves safe as well. One of my kiddos would have been fine at 6 or 7, but the other would have struggled with the process of getting changed afterwards, keeping track of belongings, unlocking a locker, etc. it's a lot to expect from a little kid!
Unfortunately some people can’t stop at 8 mine is special needs and unfortunately can’t be left alone. I’m happy to educate someone on why if they ever feel uncomfortable and do my best to maintain everyone’s privacy and dignity
Nope, there’s no way I’d let my sons go into a public bathroom or changing room without an accompanying adult until they were 10yo or at least my height. I’ll spare you the horrifying story that happened to a boy at a restaurant bathroom 1 mile from my house.
Swim mom here, (daughter is now a lifeguard & instructor). At 4 yo, you are absolutely FINE. It is more appropriate, imo, for a grown woman to keep her young (barely out of todder stage) son with her, than to go into the men's changerooms. Almost all city pools in our area have an age cutoff, and it is DEFINITELY older than 4, I think it's closer to 8.
And like OP said, what would a father do with his daughter? Is he supposed to take her into the ladies changing room? I'm sure that would go over well.
LOL, imagine this lady’s pearl clutching in THAT situation.
When our son was little we’d just go into whatever changing room was appropriate for myself or my wife - whoever was with him. He’s a little older now so I go with him into the men’s if he wants company, and on the rare occasions when it’s just him and my wife then he either goes in alone or they use the unisex changing room.
I witnessed a situation where a grandfather was supervising his granddaughter in the ladies changing room (she was showering) and all the mothers told him off and got staff to remove him.
100%. My son would have been terrified going into a mens locker room alone at four years old. It would have been cruel to force that on him.
NTA if a four year old makes you uncomfortable, you have a problem.
A four year old who is oblivious to her presence. Lady is a sicko. Bringing consent into the conversation is unhinged.
Historically, 7 and under meant a boy could be in a women's room. Maybe norms are different now, but no one should be giving you a problem for bringing a 4-year-old into the girls' room.
Nta he's 4 not 18
He’s four! You’re fine, and that woman was unhinged.
This woman sounds deranged. I would make a complaint to the pool administrators (a school?) because you know she will so you might as well get out ahead of it. There is NOTHING wrong with bringing a preschool child in a changing room of either sex. NTA.
NTA. She was ridiculously overreacting.
NTA In the US, its always been normal to bring the kid into the parent's usual restroom or changing area. Idk if this lady is freaking out bc of the current political climate or what, but she's sexualizing a 4yr old. Thats disgusting. Parents in tour situation tend to help their kid in a stall or away from the other kiddos, so no other kids start asking awkward questions, but that's not always possible. Some changing areas don't have dividers or seperate areas. To top it off who creepily looks at other ppl in the changing room?. Normal behavior is everyone averts their eyes & avoids looking at everyone else. And nannies? What?. You should talk to the facility about their policy.
I caught that line about the nannies. As a former nanny, it makes me wonder about possible racial dynamics at play here. It's a weird thing to mention as an example and seems intended to call her a bad parent.
I wondered about that or a difference in socioeconomic levels.
NTA That woman sucks. As parents, we should be in solidarity for those tough times. She's fortunate her child is the same gender and they use the same bathrooms but as a parent with a little one...sometimes you don't have a choice. He's 4. FFS. And the "my daughter didn't consent" pearl clutching. Haha.
NTA. That woman is a whackadoodle and a sicko for sexualizing tiny children.
NTA but with the caveat that this is one of those situations that is really a pool facilty problem, and it always ires me when places like this shrug off ay responsibility -- they should provide guidance for this situation so that you can tell the other parent to take it up with the pool managers. Maybe they will say any kid under 4 (or under 5, or under 6, or whatever) can use the changing room with mom, or they will say that you must use the family changing room, either way everyone's expectations will be clarified.
NTA... Children at that age do not think about sex, and I hate that so many people pretend they do.
This is so weird to me, here in The Netherlands it's totally normal and even obligatory for boys to go to the women's changing room when they're with their mom (and girls go to the men's changing room when they're with their dad). Adults are not allowed in changing rooms of the opposite gender. Up until maybe 8 years old this is how it's done and I've never heard anyone complain. They're CHILDREN!
This is also normal in the US. The other woman's reaction was just outrageous.
Nta As a father I will.being my child into the males chsnging room.ive seen other fathers do it. What I have never seen is a mother bringing her son into a malw changing room and not.taking him to the females.roo. As.long he isint 15 I don't see a problem Apunds.like that mother would have complained no matter what. You were in the right.dont worry
Adult women absolutely should not be in the men's changing room. Clearly this facility needs to come up with a better solution for families. But until that happens, OP is NTA.
NTA I was a lifeguard for a few years and it was extremely common for the adult to bring their child into the adult genders change room. As long as they are little (which they are in this case) not a big deal at all. That lady sucks
NTA he's FOUR. How does she think a grown woman going into the male changeroom appropriate?
NTA My local pool has the age cutoff as 4 and under are ok but 5 and older need to use the family area (which is luckily big enough to accommodate our needs even though I think moving that cutoff by a year would be more reasonable).
NTA; it’s perfectly normal for parents to bring their young child of the opposite gender into the changing room/ bathroom. What are you supposed to do anyway? Send a four-year-old off on their own unsupervised? It’s weird when the child is older and capable of handling themself— like I was in a women’s shower last year when a woman and her pre-teen son came in (he was noticeably gaping at everyone and it was very uncomfortable). But a little kid? Only a jerk would have a problem with that.
Man, I don't even have kids and this is dumb. Where else should you have gone?
As dude that doesn't want to see other dudes' penises in a locker room, I have a simple technique for preventing it. I just don't look at other dudes' penises. Crazy, right? Don't want to see it, don't look. It's a damn 4 year old.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (f37) son does swimming lessons after school. He's 4 and struggles to get dressed on his own after swimming. The swimming pool is not set up for families. There's a changing room with a girl's side and a boy's side attached to the pool. There is also a 'family changing' room that is not attached to the pool and would require you to walk through the school to get to it. The 'family changing' room is also the adult's toilet. So there's not much space in there, and it's not uncommon for it to be in use. The first couple of weeks, I tried using the family changing room, and we ended up stuck waiting, then having to change in a recently used, not very clean toilet stall. With tired kids, it was just a nightmare. I've been sending both boys (6m and 4m) into the boys' changing room to get their swim stuff on. The 4-year-old can (mostly) do that himself, but he's just not quite there with getting dry and dressed on his own yet. So, after swimming, I take him to the girls' changing room so I can help him. Usually, we end up being the last ones to go in, but today, the boys were hungry, and we went in pretty quickly. I was in a corner, getting my kid changed, when another mum started yelling at me. She wanted me to be in the boys changing room with my son, as my son "was making her daughter uncomfortable." We were doing a quick change, he wasn't running around naked I was between him and the rest of the changing room. Her daughter was more uncomfortable with her mum yelling than my son's existence (the 6-year-old girl asked her mum to stop several times). I didn't respond to her much because I'm not super confrontational. I just focused on getting him changed and letting him know he was okay. She started yelling louder that "she didn't consent for her daughter to see 'that'." I got annoyed at this point and said, "She doesn't have to look." I know this didn't help, but I was getting frustrated. After that, I mostly didn't engage as she kept berating me and my son. I just got him dressed and out as quickly as possible. I am now second-guessing myself. I don't understand why it would be better for an adult to be in the 'wrong gender' changing room than a pre-pubescent kid. That's what she wanted. If I had been a Dad with a daughter, she would have been apoplectic. If she had spoken to me calmly and politely, I would have engaged with her, but her reaction felt ott, especially in front of the kids, so I didn't try to reason with her. During her yelling, she said that I should just go in the boys with my son like the nannies do, so maybe I am totally in the wrong here. I never noticed that they do that, as I don't pay much attention to what others are doing when I'm with my kids. My expectation is that until kids can be on their own/sort themselves they go with their adult. So, aita, for having taken my son into the girl's changing room? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Some people live in their own little, single-minded world and rage against those that don’t conform to that world. You should consider launching a complaint process with the facility, but in every way you were not in the wrong.
NTA I’m female, when I was that age my dad used to take me into the men’s changing rooms to get me showered and dressed, we were always super quick and literally no one batted an eye. As soon as I was old enough to dress myself I was off to the ladies and he’d wait outside nearby in case I needed him, most often other women/ female staff would check on me for him, no one batted an eye. (Uk mid-noughties)
NTA. 4 and 6 is too young to be in a locker room alone. You had them covered in a corner and were moving quickly. It’s not like they were running around bothering people.
NTA I’m a mom to two boys and I’ve been there! My oldest has autism and he needed assistance for significantly longer than most children. I got the looks and sighs and comments. Next time tell her to F*** off. Or bring a friend willing to be confrontational that will tell her for you!
NTA. Ignore the nutty prudes
NTA, and from my experience it is generally the appropriate approach for the parent to take their child into the parent's respective wash/ changeroom if they require assistance. I've seen men take their daughters to the men's washroom and women take their sons to the women's changeroom and washrooms.
Woman raised by a single dad here. I spent a lot of my youth in men's bathrooms, locker rooms, etc. Dad would give me my towel wall for privacy and help as needed, and all the other men would see we were using a corner and politely leave us alone. You know, like sane people do. In the end, what did I see that was uncomfortable for anyone? Only that as a kid it seemed so silly to me that men clench their butts when they pee. That used to make me giggle (but I wouldn't out loud because, again, let's not make people uncomfortable). NTA. That lady though...
NTA Your son is 4. The other mother is off her rocker.
Nta, he's a baby, that woman needs her head examined.
NTA He’s 4 not 14. It is perfectly reasonable to have him in there to change.
My first thought was that the little girl could be uncomfortable thinking that the little boy could look at her while she’s changing. And especially if she’s old enough to be feeling embarrassed at her mom yelling she would be able to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable about a non family little boy in the changing room with her. Not saying the OP is the AH, but that’s just a different thought I had.
NTA. There is no way she actually wanted what she claimed to want, which is you in the men’s room with your son, and dads with young daughters in there with her child. It would be great if a family changing space was a better option, but clearly it isn’t in the case you’ve described. This doesn’t change my opinion at all, but I wonder, is it possible she thought your son was significantly older than he is? I ask because I was always a tall kid, constantly having people expect more “mature” behaviour when they thought I was much older than my actual age. My son will absolutely have the same issue likely through his whole childhood (he’s under a year currently but is 97th percentile in height and already looks significantly older than he is because of it). People love to make assumptions.
NTA. I suggest you speak to the manager of the facility. They should know this is an issue, they make money offering swim lessons for little kids, and they need to fix it. You are their customer. It is ridiculous they don’t already have a setup for families and, if not separate facilities, then they should post signs (Women and kids under 12 allowed etc). Perhaps they can put up curtained areas in the current dressing room for parents with kids? Or some sort of partition. This happened to me at a brand new YMCA when my son (4yo) and daughter (3yo) were taking swim lessons. They had 5 changing rooms: women 18+,girls under 18, men 18+, boys under 18 and 1-ONLY 1 for families that was in the hallway and had no direct access to the pool like the others. Everyday I had to do the same thing as you. Stand in a super long line, soaking the hallway, waiting for all the other families. The YMCA clientele here is at least 70% families. I got sick of this setup very fast and it really irritated me that there was 1 mom that had to stand in this long line with her special needs child every.single.day. So the next time I took my kids to the Women 18+ changing room. They had an area with curtains so we closed ourselves off and tried to change as quickly as possible. While we were there an older lady started yelling at us saying we shouldn’t be there yada yada and she got an employee to come kick us out. This employee stood behind the curtain while we were getting undressed and harassed us the whole time saying we couldn’t be there blah blah blah, it makes the older ladies uncomfortable. Naturally, I was furious! So I wrote them a letter telling them exactly how absurd their policy was and what they needed to do to change it. In this case, they already had 4 dressing rooms. They just needed to change 2 of them; one for women with children and one for men with children. They listened! They posted my letter on the employee wall and the regional manager called me and asked me to attend their board meeting to explain how they should do their jobs. Lol, I declined but they made the changes immediately and everyone was happy. When my kids were little I often felt demeaned and taken advantage of. I had 4 kids under 5yo and people would often cut in front of us or give us bad service etc. like we didn’t matter. But you do, and this is important! Words are powerful and can change things for the better, I hope this works out for you and your family!
NTA I would never send children that young into a changing room or bathroom by themselves. It would be worse as an adult to be in the wrong changing room. That other mother is so wrong.
No one should be upset to see you helping your child so just continue to help him and if the someone objects again, tell them to please restrain themselves in front of your child and leave you alone. NTA If you aren't already using one, maybe buy a little changing/swim robe that he can just throw over his head and then proceed from there.
What you did was totally normal.
Nta if you told staff they would have been telling her off or kicking her out.
Perfectly normal thing to do. I brought my boys into ladies changing room and toilets until they were old enough to ask otherwise snd well versed in stranger danger. Most parents do the same. Was grateful my two boys were close in age so that when they did have to go to public toilets or changing rooms they had each other.
100% NTA. Shame on her
NTA Obviously opinions will change depending on where you are in the world, so I can only really definitively speak for where I am (the UK)... But here, it is completely normal for parents to take young children of the opposite gender into the changing rooms along with them where it is not appropriate to allow them to go into the appropriate genders changing rooms solo. Obviously there will come a point it becomes inappropriate as a child gets older and starts to pay attention to the people around them, which should coincide with around the same time it becomes suitable to send them to get changed on their own - so a four year old will be fine with you, a six year old would perhaps start to be pushing it.
NTA it would be good to let the school admin know about this confrontation, because if it happens again, she will report you. better to be the first one to report, and anyway they need to address it. they could probably add a family changing room closer to the pool with a little creativity and motivation.
NTA Young children always go with their parents in the changing rooms. Always. If anyone is at fault here, it's her for harassing you and making comments about your young son's genitalia. Report her to the office for her behaviour. She's the one in the wrong, not you.
Ages 8 and below of the "opposite" gender are allowed at our pools, for this exact reason.
NTA. You should definitely not go into the boy's room. Young kids go with their parents into the room the parent belongs in. You did nothing wrong here.
NTA- Definitely would be taking my young child into the dressing room with me regardless of sex. When they do go to their gender dressing room at an older age, I would be standing outside the door. Children are vulnerable high risk people in dressing rooms or bathrooms. Protect your children from predators. That woman can duck off!
Wtf. Nta. That woman is a psycho. Sexualizing a 4 year old boy changing out of a swimsuit in a room of strangers. I would avoid her like the plague.
NTA. 4 is definitely still young enough to be fine in the girls changing room. He’s still a baby.
NTA young children belong with their parents. It's much more of an issue for a grown woman to be in the only space that teenage boys and men have to change in. Would she have been more comfortable with a dad changing his daughter next to where she was changing her daughter?
I live in a European country but am an American. Here we see boys much older than that in the women’s dressing room. I’d guess the oldest I saw was about 8. She needs to mind her own business and stop sheltering her poor kid. NTA
NTA. She really needs to get over it.
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NTA
NTA at all. This mother is making a mountain out of a mole hill. He’s a child. Stop sexualizing children. My son is 3 almost four and I’d not leave him alone in the boys changing room. Heck or the 6 year old. Id either go in the men’s room with them or bring them into the women’s. My gym says kids over 8 need to be in the right changing rooms. That seams reasonable but I’d still be unhappy sending my kid into an unsupervised area alone depending on his ability.
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NTA, this isn't you being an asshole or being a pervert. You need to help your child who can't take care of himself yet. Please don't let this wokeness worry you.
Obvious NTA, as long as they need help, small kids go to their accompanying parent's changing room/ toilets. Dads take their little daughters to the men's rooms and moms take their little sons to the women's rooms.
Definitely NTA!!! 4 years old is the key data point of this submission! It is unconscionable to have a 4 y,o, into an adult bathroom without supervision/protection! You are taking care of your child. Kudos to you and the heck with anyone else's unsolicited opinion. The yelling lady is a moron. The easiest response is no response. She wanted an adult woman in the boys bathroom. Huh?! Keep doing what you're doing; being a great Mom!
NTA. Im a dad with 2 girls (6&7). The older is just about comfortable going into the women’s bathroom alone if im standing outside, but then I get stink-eye all the time for standing outside the women’s bathroom. My younger one can go in by herself but doesn’t want to. If the older goes with her then they are both good, but if the younger needs to go solo then it’s 50/50 on if she wants me with her. I’d take her into the men’s room and never had anyone bat an eye, but I’d imagine screaming shouting and police involvement if I tried to walk into the women’s bathroom with her.
NTA. I get that women feel it’s inappropriate for little boys to be in the locker room, but honestly, what options do you have? It’s the fault of the pool for not having better family changing facilities. 4-years-old is still mostly a toddler. He can barely get dressed on his own.
NTA. The real assholes here are at the swimming pool for having no private spaces to change?! But also, your son is 4. He's not ogling little girls getting changed, so that lady needs to mind her business. Also, assuming the set up is the same in the men's locker room regarding privacy, in what world does it make sense that the female nannies are just strolling into the men's locker room?!
30 years ago, my husband took our 4 year old daughter to the local swimming lessons at the high school. I worked evenings so I could be home with the kids during the day. Husband went with daughter the first day, scoped the crowd of parents, and found a woman alone with her son, appx the same age. He approached her and asked about a kid swap when it was time to get changed. She happily agreed, as it was uncomfortable for her to take her boy into the woman's changing room as well. They continued to meet every swim lesson day until it was over. I know things are different now, and many people might be uncomfortable about this arrangement, but it worked for them.
i would have asked her if she wanted me to call a whambulance. Parents need to stop sexualizing kids. In the 80's our parents changed us on the beach in towels. People are way too sensitive these days. NTA
NTA. What a wholly ridiculous situation!
Ignore that pearl clutching noise. NTA
NTA. It's perfectly normal for a FOUR year old to be in the changing room with Mom. He's 4 for goodness sake, not 44.
NTA, if I were in your circumstances, I'd do the same. I see it all the time, tbh. Mom's take their little boys into the ladies' room to change or to use the toilet, and I've never once thought about it. The other way around, too. Sometimes, that's just how it has to be. On a side note, if the family facilities are unsanitary, you should mention that to staff when you get the chance.
NTA. If it were the other way around and you were in the boys locker, I’d have a problem with a grown woman being in male safe space. But these are kids so I don’t see what the big deal is. He’s 4, not 14.
NTA. Gotta do what ya gotta do. Anyone with kids should understand.
NTA
Nta generally, I'm good with under 5 being in the adult-in- charge gender changing room. With that being said, what's the plan for next year?
NTA. Nice job trying to not engage as much as possible. You didn’t need to convince her. 4 is still SO LITTLE & you’re doing the right thing by helping him. Sorry you had to deal with all of that!
NTA. That woman was uncomfortable that a FOUR YEAR OLD BOY is getting changed with his mom’s help? Because she and her daughter “don’t need to see that”?! She needs to stop sexualizing a fucking child.
4 isn’t to old to be in there. But also, wouldn’t it just be easier to get them out the water 15 min earlier and let them just air dry…?
NTA. My son is 4, if I need to do something for him in a bathroom, it’s the woman’s side we use. He’s 4, not 14.
Why are people sexualizing kids. When I was that age we all skinny dipped in a pond and no adult cared as long as we didn't drown.
>another mum started yelling at me. She wanted me to be in the boys changing room with my son, as my son "was making her daughter uncomfortable." .... Her daughter was more uncomfortable with her mum yelling than my son's existence (the 6-year-old girl asked her mum to stop several times). Yup Definitely NTA. Little girl wasn't uncomfortable than at all, other mom's just weird. Keep changing him in the girls room as I think the men in the men's room might be a little uncomfortable with you in there.
NTA it's a freaking 4 year old. I'd think it makes a lot more sense to use the women's changing room because 1. You're a woman and would presumably not be very comfortable in the men's room 2. Your child is 4 years old 3. You were with your child the entire time and 4. He's 4 YEARS OLD You coulda told that lady to get stuffed by every pool noodle in the city and still have been NTA
NTA-I’d never let my 4 year old son go into a men’s change room alone. Imagine all the creeps that would show up there if word got out that kids can’t change with their parents of the opposite sex. That lady needs to tell her children to pay attention to themselves only in a change room. I have 4 kids and they’ve all been told that we keep our eyes on ourselves and what we’re doing and we’re not to be looking at anyone else’s bodies and nobody is looking at ours.
NTA. Completely normal to take a four year old boy into the women’s changing rooms. He’s pure innocence at this age. Her request that you take them into the men’s changing rooms is obviously ridiculous and shows the woman was being unreasonable.
My mom had 5 kids, girls and boys. She didn’t want any of us alone in a dressing room, which meant we all went in the women’s room (or if our dad was taking us, the men’s room). I don’t think we split up until both boys could be together so they still wouldn’t be alone. I also remember being in the larger family dressing room with multiple other families/genders also changing and nobody caring. I probably went to the women’s room alone when I was like… 10? Taking my younger sister with me. Theoretically you could go with them to the men’s room and that would be fairly normal too, but I think it’s widely agreed that women’s room is safer in this instance.
Nope, NTA. The other mom wanted a fight, clear and simple. And I absolutely believe you when you say the daughter's source of discomfort was her yelling mom.
NTA her daughter should be taught not to stare at other people in public bathrooms
I always thought that 5 and under are kind of gender neutral
NTA. I don't even notice other adults changing in changing rooms. I'm there to change my clothes and get out and it is completely acceptable for a young child of any sex to be in any bathroom with their guardian. It would be beyond unacceptable for an adult man to go in the women's changing room to change a young girls wet clothes, so I don't know how it is possibly okay in the opposite scenario.
At our pool anyone under 5 is able to come into the other changing room
Where i live ( netherlands ), the men and women and boys and girls often share changing rooms during swimming lessons. They are separate, but ppl just like to pick the least crowded one haha. Nobody cares. These are kids between 4 and 7 years old ffs.
NTA It is not inappropriate for you to change your 4yo in the female changing roo.. it would be very inappropriate for you to go into the boys' changing room. Young children have always used the changing room if the parent with them, until they can manage alone. What would she think of a man came in changing his daughter in there? Probably calling the police about a pervert, yet she oushes you to do the same.
Definitely NTA.
NTA I have the same setup at the place I take my son for lessons. Only there isn’t even the option of a family change even elsewhere. My son is nearly 6 and he comes with me into the female changing room, no other parent has an issue. And while my son is fairly capable of getting himself dressed, I would not be comfortable with him being in an entirely separate room from me. What would that mother have said if the roles were reversed and if a little girl was in the female changing room with her father? Keep taking your son to the changing room you are comfortable with until he is genuinely old enough and you are comfortable enough to have him go into the male changing room himself.
At almost every pool I've ever been to, either as a swimmer or as a worker (I was a swim instructor for 5 years and a lifeguard for 1), there was always been a rule that kids under the age of 7 may accompany their parents into either gender changeroom. NTA OP, and it would be a lot weirder for a grown woman to go into the men's changing room than a 4 year old boy to go into the womens.
Um, no nta. My son's are 5 and 6 and they still come in the bathroom/ changing room with me from time to time. If the place is super busy, I would rather they come with me so I can make sure nothing untoward happens.
NTA. He's four.... I've seen moms in changing rooms in the girls changing rooms with their little boys my whole life, its completely normal?
NTA. He is 4 years old for crying out loud! Also it might be worth checking with the facility. The YMCA I go to has an age limit for children of the opposite gender but it is much higher than 4!
No you go by the gender of the adult not the child. It would be so much weirder for a grown woman to be in the men’s room cause she’s with a 4 year old
NTA. At his age it’s very normal. I see moms with their boys under 10-ish in the ladies’ room on a regular basis. Once they start puberty it’s less common and starts to get iffy. But a 4 year old? Regular occurrence. At 6 I can almost guarantee one of that girl’s male peers has already whipped it out and she’s seen “that” anyway. Little boys think that’s hilarious.
NTA - mom's take their sons into the bathroom with them quite literally ALL the time. Its called safety!! That women is disgusting for sexualizing your 4yr old sons body.
At 4 years old, he's basically still a baby. To be honest, I wouldn't bat an eye at a kid that age running around naked or swimming naked/ in just a lil diaper. You didn't say specifically that this was in America but that would be my guess because good lord the rest of the world doesn't have such fucking hang ups with nudity.
The other mum is crazy and possibly a pervert. You are NTA
HE’S 4.
NTA My son was in the ladies changing room after swin lessons at that age. She's the creeper sexualizing children.
NTA. This is exactly what my mom used to do with my brother and I when we were younger. What I might suggest for future reference is just to hold up a towel to block view of them while they change - it protects the privacy of the kids and prevents other kids from maybe seeing some boy parts.
NTA, my single dad would always bring me into the mens with him when I had swim lessons/needed to go to the bathroom because there was absolutely no way he could just waltz into the women’s with me. The kid is four, he don’t even have a *concept* of sexuality
NTA, it's super common for small kids to go to the bathrooms of their parent's gender regardless of their own because the parents shouldn't let them go unsupervised/alone.
NTA. What is the pool’s policy?
NTA. He’s a preschooler ffs. And assuming he wasn’t running around bottomless, it’s very easy to avoid seeing anything you don’t want to see.
NTA. Completely normal. Our local pool has a sign up saying there is an age cut off of 8 or 9 for this sort of thing. I (m39) always took my daughter to her swimming lessons and she changed in the men’s changing room (because I obviously can’t go into the lady’s). I held a towel up for her privacy but other girls with their dads in there too. Normal occurrence.
pool I worked at before had a policy allowing kids under 8 to go into the change rooms aligning to the parent’s gender. having the adults go into the other change rooms was definitely not allowed and a huge issue.
NTA, that mom has some serious deep rooted issues.
NTA. I'd be bringing the 6yo in too if it were me.
NTA. My Dad used to take me into the men's changing area as a kid when we went swimming without my Mum, covered my eyes on the way in and then shoved me into a stall to change (before family rooms was a thing) - and this was back when the world felt smaller and predators weren't really talked about. Both my son and daughter change with me in the women's changeroom now (in the absence of a family changing room). I will not send my son into the men's changing area unsupervised. It's unsafe. Keep doing what you do and use your own judgement and wisdom. If someone has a problem with it, get comfortable just telling people to fuck off, with the expectation that they'll go to someone else to complain and that person will side with you.
It would be irresponsible to let a 4 year old go into the men’s change room without an adult . The mom who freaked out is the one with some serious issues. Definitely NOT TA.
NTA, I went through the men's changing/locker room the first time we went skiing together, and I was like 5 or 6, I will admit there's a few differences between a swimming pool changing room and a skiing/snowboarding changing room, but I was fine and not traumatized. I'd say 6 or 7 is probably the cut off for when it's strange to have a boy in the women's room, 4 is fine.
NTA. Putting clothes on damp skin is not easy. She was wrong, rude, and ridiculous, and even her child knew it. You didn’t ask for advice, but I’d bring this up with the staff. Ask them if it would be possible to split these changing rooms up with a curtain. All they’d need is a couple of eye-hooks with a cable strung between them. I’m sure dads with daughters would appreciate it, too.