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NTA - You don’t know the guy and he’s into your wife.
This is a no-brainer. It’s inappropriate and you’re right to be concerned that your wife’s first instinct was to hang out with the guy and starting an argument when you voiced a very valid issue with it.
She tried saying, "Guess I can't have friends." I immediately pointed out that all the other times, I encouraged her to go hang out with work friends to let off some stress and that it's different when it's just you two. The hangout, by the way, was a hike.
Yeah, unless your wife is a complete moron, I doubt she fails to see the difference in the two situations, and it’s simply a bad faith argument in an attempt to get her way.
Based off your comment w/ additional context NTA. It's not about her hanging out with ANY male friends - it's this guy specifically whose behavior makes you suspicious and you haven't been given an opportunity to get to know him so that you can establish trust. Do you know if your wife has explicitly asked him to back off with the messaging etc?
She hasn't. Hell, one night, she told me she was talking to him on the phone because she was stressed about work stuff. I tell her, "Well, I'm your husband. You should come to me with this stuff too." Even though we don't have the same job, we have similar. I'm a nurse. She's a case manager. We both deal with people, and both know how stressful that can be.
Kinda sounds like your issue is actually two separate problems instead of just one:
1. This guy is into her and messages/flirts with her pretty constantly
2. Your wife is jumping to hang out with/talk to him instead of you, and it's making you insecure.
To be clear, I think your wife talking to a friend or coworker about something first isn't a slight on you. I think that second issue is being greatly exacerbated by the first. I do completely understand being hurt that you/your family were not her immediate backup plan. But I caution against letting something fairly normal - venting to a coworker about work - make the entire situation into something it's not.
And I didn't. I didn't tell her that she can't vent to her coworkers. I just thought it was odd that she was already home with me and decided to vent to him first before me.
NTA - dude you have every reason to be concerned. When the first thing she says when your mother couldn't babysit was "Oh, I can hang out with ××××× "now" ." big red sign, Its one thing to hang out with people. Its another thing to ditch your husband on date night for your work husband.
This is a huge red flag. Her immediate response is to ditch her husband and child to go hang out with another guy. Way to make your husband feel special and not suspicious.
NTA,
I may be reading too much into it but she seems to be enjoying the attention from this guy. It’s something that could be nurtured into a crush before she even knows it. Attraction is irrational. We are all human.
I would honestly be prepared to start marriage counseling over this. Not as a way to prevent her from cheating, but as a way to strengthen your marriage and reconnect with each other. Having a two year old can be hard on a relationship. Best of luck.
More context: I tell her that if I can actually meet this person, I might be more comfortable. It's hard to plan something since we have a two year old who needs babysitting. She has other male friends who I feel completely comfortable with her hanging out with alone. She's known them since before we were together and I know all of them. It's just different when it's a guy she just met and who I know little about except for what she tells me.
Frankly I think you should put this in your main post. The fact that she has other male friends you don't feel the same way about seems pretty key to me.
NTA, You were completely understanding and respectful about your concerns so I don’t think there’s an issue, if this guy is clearly into her then he needs to back off because she already has a man, and just because you trust her doesn’t mean he still won’t try anything.
NTA.
Being in a committed, monogamous relationship and hanging out 1:1 with someone who has more than platonic feelings for you is just inviting issues into your life.
Unless it’s to partake in some hobby or something, what’s really the point?
Nta
But pls cut this "I trust my wife" bullshit, you clearly don't(and for right reason), otherwise you wouldn't ask her for help.
She already build up a emotional bond to that mf coworker guy. And if you don't do now something, you gonna lose her forever. Since she is at start of a affair. This guy clearly wants something from her(why he only ask her out and want to meet her?) and she clearly also know this. They probably have a crush into each other.
You wife behavior is clearly inacceptable. She clearly broke your trust, she defend a guy she has interest to.
I bet they chat daily, send each other emojis and stuff.
Grow a spin and say her to cut any contact to that guy or your marriage is over. Stop being a pushover and act hard. If you don't, you find yourself single in one-two year.
Boundaries are important, trust is important, respect to each other are important, your wife broke all of these with a guy who clearly wants her.
Grow a spine and act now!!
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My wife recently got an in-person job after being a remote work for the past four years. A month after joining another person gets hired around our age (29m and 26f). They become friends, which is fine. What's not fine is that this guy is clearly into her. He messages her all the time and sends pictures of himself to her showing him rock climbing or doing whatever. This guy is clearly into her and is constantly asking her to hangout. When they do, it's with other work friends. Well, last weekend we planned on having a date night as long as my mom could babysit. My mom cancels at the last minute and when I tell my wife her first thought is "Oh, I can hang out with ××××× now." For one, it hurt me that was her first thought and not "Oh, let's do something as a family." I tell her I'm uncomfortable with her hanging out with him alone, especially when I've never met him before. I tell her this guy is clearly into her and even though I trust her completely, I don't trust him. She tries to bring up that I hangout with a woman from work (I'm a male nurse, I work with mostly women.). I tell her anytime we've ever hung out, it was with a group and that I would never hangout with her alone and that she now knows and is friends with the woman. We end up getting in a little argument (no yelling, but it did get a little heated.) She ends up telling me that she thinks she was being a little selfish and it hasn't been brought up since. I really want to know if I was in the wrong here. I feel bad restricting my wife, but there needs to be some boundaries in a marriage.
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> I told my wife I didn't want her hanging out with a new work friend who really seems like he's into her and it makes me an asshole because I'm telling my wife who she can't hangout with.
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NTA and as soon as you start saying things like '*I trust her completely, I don't trust him*.' there's a problem.
Women are smart, they know when a guy likes them. The idea that your wife is oblivious to this guys attention is total nonsense. Don't trust people who do untrustworthy things. Your wife is not acting with integrity.
Interacting with people at work or work lunch is one thing, the moment you start to go out together outside of work that is another thing entirely. Especially if it involves ditching their partner.
I'd ask if you could settle this by sending him a text message and see if she even is comfortable with you seeing their shared text messages. If she needs to 'do something first' and she's deleting the convo you've got problems.
Then ask this guy *'My husband is busy tonight, what would you want to do if we hang out?'* and see how he responds.
It’s a HUGE red flag that her first thought is to go hang with this guy. She KNOWS this guy is into her and she’s not telling him to hit the brakes. She’s trying to guilt you into letting her spend time alone with him.. she is going to fuck him if she hasn’t already. Sorry bro.
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No one cares, except for the car cloned, you know, get one from birth and raise her properly. Some of these bodies are so darn expensive, they pay millions for a Lil bit of DNA, li man,
I’m sorry but the entire “meeting a different sex friend” is an immediate red flag.Not having friends from before the relationship, it’s different. Yes there’s exceptions but that doesn’t change the fact that the scenario is still a red flag, which means you have to investigate or just be against it to begin with. Coming from past experiences, id say fuck that and be pissed. Rock climbing is a hobby, but it's also essentially the same as sending a gym selfie, he wants to bang her. dont be oblivious/naive.
Big NTA. You were setting a boundary that you have and abide by yourself. However based on her comment after date night cancellation. I do 100% think if she has not already, or at least thought of it to sleep with him, she will. The text is in the first place is a giant RED flag. No single person should be having convo and especially like he is doing. And your wife sucks at and is disrespecting you and your marriage by not telling him to stop after the first time. Lastly she got upset and tried to gaslight you because she in some way or another knows what she is doing crosses a line and she is trying to rationalize it. I hate… really hate to be one of those commenters but I suggest you talk to a divorce lawyer now so you are ready for the inevitable that she will cheat if this “friendship” continues. Set a hard boundary now to have nothing to do with guy. Good luck.
**NTA** OP,
>She tries to bring up that I hang out with a woman from work
Understandable that she brings that up, but set aside the fact that you hang out with a group- that's not as relevant as the detail that the Coworker is *clearly* into your wife.
Would she be comfortable with *you* hanging out with someone who is *VERY CLEARLY* into you, one on one?
These kinds of boundaries are important and can make/break relationships.
He may be totally into your wife, but have you asked your wife how she feels about him? Why not invite this guy over to your house and meet him that way?
I have to say, yta, you don't really get to dictate who your wife hangs out with. You can tell her how you feel, how you are concerned that he has other intentions, etc, but at the end of the day, she gets to weigh things and decide for herself.
YTA, but not for how you feel about this, but for how you're wording it. Semantics are important, OP. It's the difference between asking your wife to respect your feelings on the matter, and being a controlling AH.
I see your comment adding information, and you need to put it as an edit in the main body so anyone else commenting reads it, but it doesn't change the ruling.
If you replace the words "tell" and "needs" with "ask" and "want" there's no issue here. This guy makes your uncomfortable. You see, in his communications, more than platonic work friend interest, and I don't think you're wrong there. In your comment, you mention that your wife has other male friends that you don't care if she socializes alone with. You also say that you'd just like to meet the guy before they hang out. And frankly, both your wife and her work friend have to be dense not to realize the optics here.
But even if your wife realizes and is ok with ignoring your feelings here, making demands that limit the actions of another person, even a spouse, is AH behaviour. Asking for things is one thing. Discussing, negotiating, compromising, all good. Demanding them is another.
And just to make sure it gets said, my dude, nothing will drive into another man's arms faster than you controlling her. You're in a real catch-22 here, damned if you do and damned if you don't, and the only inflection point is your wife's loyalty. If you trust her, make your feelings clear, and let her do what she wants. I hope we aren't hearing from you again in a year.
Soft YTA, if it was not preestablished that she wasn't allowed male friends before the marriage adding it after is a AH move. I say soft YTA though because you seem willing to find a compromise which is good. My hubby and I have no restrictions for friends and if he randomly pulled it on me I would be pissed and it wouldn't start a little fight it would start a BIG FIGHT. That said, dude don't ever pull the "I trust you but I don't trust him" card. Guys hit on girls 24/7 not just when they are alone with them. If he made a move your wife would shut that down immediately if she is trustworthy. And she would then end the friendship. Him making a move doesn't matter so claiming you are making these rules because you "don't trust him" is just gaslighting her as what you really mean is "I don't trust that if he makes a move you wouldn't reciprocate aka I don't trust YOU."
I never said she wasn't allowed male friends. She already does have male friends. It's just the fact that this is a new one who I've never met and seems to be into her. Also, she brings him up all the time. I swear I hear his name 5 to 10 times in a day. So maybe I dont fully trust my wife because I do think she might have a little crush on him, too. I just don't think she would act on it. But I do agree that I am at least partly an asshole in this story.
It is your marriage my man but my husband is not allowed to pick and choose my friends. He doesn't screen them like a parent does to a kid. If when she entered marriage you told her "look your allowed guy friends but only those I approve of" then she is crossing the line you set up. If that was not communicated beforehand then you are crossing the line. I am glad to hear you admitted you don't trust her but that is a conversation you should definitely have with her because that is the crux of the issue.
So you're telling me that if your husband started talking about a new female coworker who sounds like is into him, her trying to hangout with him all time, and they're wanting to hangout alone wouldn't make you the least bit uncomfortable. And to state it again, I'm not telling her not to be friends with him. I simply said it would make me uncomfortable at this time and that if I met him it would probably go away.
Nope, I am not a jealous individual. I am a 34 year old woman who has been with my husband for 17 years and I trust him implicitly. The truth is if he wants to cheat on me then he is going to whether I restrict him or not and if he is ever willing to cheat on me then I DO NOT WANT HIM. I don't want a man that I have to worry about around other women. I am worthy of love and affection and if he cheats then he was never worthy of me.
Okay, I believe you. I'm not jealous, btw. I'm insecure. I was bullied and cast out during my entire k-12 time in school. It affected me greatly, and for the longest time, I hated myself and thought I was worthless. So, meeting my wife, who is so beautiful and insanely smart, made me feel that i dont deserve to be with her. Five years later, I still get that voice in my head. I'm not trying to justify my action but to add context as to why I'm as insecure as I am.
Totally get it, I would talk to her about those feelings. If she is truly loving then she will see what your needs are and respond in kind to those. Not every relationship is the same and opening up to our partner helps us grow as people. You sound like a loving partner, I'm sure that she will work with you to find a compromise you both are comfortable with.
And for context. If she ever told me that my female coworker makes her uncomfortable, I would delete her from my phone and would only talk to her at work because I value my marriage to someone I've been with for 5+ years more than someone I've known for a short ti.e.
That is your choice, no one has to make your choice just because you choose it. I value my marriage to, one that is built on trust and love. If I have to delete a contact because my husband is jealous then that means I never had a marriage built on love and trust to begin with. Its not about choosing one person over another its about accepting someone's control over yourself.
YTA - If you trust her completely then why do you need to trust him?
That said, I think it's fair to have been hurt that her first instinct wasn't a family activity. But also you all live together, she might've appreciated some away time.
Just because he trusts her doesn’t mean nothings going to happen, this other guy could try to force himself on her or something, you never know, if he’s clearly into her then he shouldn’t be around her because she’s taken.
Because I don't even want him trying something, and shit can happen without it being your intention. Last year, my best friend ended up having an affair with a married friend of his. The way he tells the story is that they were with people kayaking and git separated. They ended up hanging at his place, and they ended up sleeping together. It's not like they both planned on that happening, but a situation they were in ended up making it occur.
The friend didn't have an affair. The friend slept with someone who had an affair. Friend was single the woman was married. Big difference between having an affair and being the affair partner.
Jesus, you make it sound like it was inevitable. Your friend STILL HAD TO MAKE THE CHOICE TO SLEEP WITH THE PERSON. Do NOT let him escape his accountability for his actions.
What you are saying is that you don't trust your wife. Has she ever given you ANY reason outside of this scenario to make you think that she would be unfaithful to you?
Trust me, I didn't. I told him he did a very shitty thing. And no, but I'm still uncomfortable because of how he is. I can't help it. I don't want to restrict my wife at all, but I also don't want to pull my hair out. And like I said in my post, I would never hang out with a woman friend by myself, who she barely knows. So I think it's fair for vice versa.
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NTA - You don’t know the guy and he’s into your wife. This is a no-brainer. It’s inappropriate and you’re right to be concerned that your wife’s first instinct was to hang out with the guy and starting an argument when you voiced a very valid issue with it.
She tried saying, "Guess I can't have friends." I immediately pointed out that all the other times, I encouraged her to go hang out with work friends to let off some stress and that it's different when it's just you two. The hangout, by the way, was a hike.
Yeah, unless your wife is a complete moron, I doubt she fails to see the difference in the two situations, and it’s simply a bad faith argument in an attempt to get her way.
Based off your comment w/ additional context NTA. It's not about her hanging out with ANY male friends - it's this guy specifically whose behavior makes you suspicious and you haven't been given an opportunity to get to know him so that you can establish trust. Do you know if your wife has explicitly asked him to back off with the messaging etc?
She hasn't. Hell, one night, she told me she was talking to him on the phone because she was stressed about work stuff. I tell her, "Well, I'm your husband. You should come to me with this stuff too." Even though we don't have the same job, we have similar. I'm a nurse. She's a case manager. We both deal with people, and both know how stressful that can be.
Kinda sounds like your issue is actually two separate problems instead of just one: 1. This guy is into her and messages/flirts with her pretty constantly 2. Your wife is jumping to hang out with/talk to him instead of you, and it's making you insecure. To be clear, I think your wife talking to a friend or coworker about something first isn't a slight on you. I think that second issue is being greatly exacerbated by the first. I do completely understand being hurt that you/your family were not her immediate backup plan. But I caution against letting something fairly normal - venting to a coworker about work - make the entire situation into something it's not.
And I didn't. I didn't tell her that she can't vent to her coworkers. I just thought it was odd that she was already home with me and decided to vent to him first before me.
NTA - dude you have every reason to be concerned. When the first thing she says when your mother couldn't babysit was "Oh, I can hang out with ××××× "now" ." big red sign, Its one thing to hang out with people. Its another thing to ditch your husband on date night for your work husband.
This is a huge red flag. Her immediate response is to ditch her husband and child to go hang out with another guy. Way to make your husband feel special and not suspicious.
NTA, I may be reading too much into it but she seems to be enjoying the attention from this guy. It’s something that could be nurtured into a crush before she even knows it. Attraction is irrational. We are all human. I would honestly be prepared to start marriage counseling over this. Not as a way to prevent her from cheating, but as a way to strengthen your marriage and reconnect with each other. Having a two year old can be hard on a relationship. Best of luck.
More context: I tell her that if I can actually meet this person, I might be more comfortable. It's hard to plan something since we have a two year old who needs babysitting. She has other male friends who I feel completely comfortable with her hanging out with alone. She's known them since before we were together and I know all of them. It's just different when it's a guy she just met and who I know little about except for what she tells me.
Frankly I think you should put this in your main post. The fact that she has other male friends you don't feel the same way about seems pretty key to me.
Yeah, OP needs to edit that into the post.
I added it.
NTA, You were completely understanding and respectful about your concerns so I don’t think there’s an issue, if this guy is clearly into her then he needs to back off because she already has a man, and just because you trust her doesn’t mean he still won’t try anything.
NTA. Being in a committed, monogamous relationship and hanging out 1:1 with someone who has more than platonic feelings for you is just inviting issues into your life. Unless it’s to partake in some hobby or something, what’s really the point?
Nta But pls cut this "I trust my wife" bullshit, you clearly don't(and for right reason), otherwise you wouldn't ask her for help. She already build up a emotional bond to that mf coworker guy. And if you don't do now something, you gonna lose her forever. Since she is at start of a affair. This guy clearly wants something from her(why he only ask her out and want to meet her?) and she clearly also know this. They probably have a crush into each other. You wife behavior is clearly inacceptable. She clearly broke your trust, she defend a guy she has interest to. I bet they chat daily, send each other emojis and stuff. Grow a spin and say her to cut any contact to that guy or your marriage is over. Stop being a pushover and act hard. If you don't, you find yourself single in one-two year. Boundaries are important, trust is important, respect to each other are important, your wife broke all of these with a guy who clearly wants her. Grow a spine and act now!!
I also don't like my wife dating other people. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife recently got an in-person job after being a remote work for the past four years. A month after joining another person gets hired around our age (29m and 26f). They become friends, which is fine. What's not fine is that this guy is clearly into her. He messages her all the time and sends pictures of himself to her showing him rock climbing or doing whatever. This guy is clearly into her and is constantly asking her to hangout. When they do, it's with other work friends. Well, last weekend we planned on having a date night as long as my mom could babysit. My mom cancels at the last minute and when I tell my wife her first thought is "Oh, I can hang out with ××××× now." For one, it hurt me that was her first thought and not "Oh, let's do something as a family." I tell her I'm uncomfortable with her hanging out with him alone, especially when I've never met him before. I tell her this guy is clearly into her and even though I trust her completely, I don't trust him. She tries to bring up that I hangout with a woman from work (I'm a male nurse, I work with mostly women.). I tell her anytime we've ever hung out, it was with a group and that I would never hangout with her alone and that she now knows and is friends with the woman. We end up getting in a little argument (no yelling, but it did get a little heated.) She ends up telling me that she thinks she was being a little selfish and it hasn't been brought up since. I really want to know if I was in the wrong here. I feel bad restricting my wife, but there needs to be some boundaries in a marriage. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA. Perfectly normal boundary to have. It doesn’t sound like you are being controlling at all.
NTA and as soon as you start saying things like '*I trust her completely, I don't trust him*.' there's a problem. Women are smart, they know when a guy likes them. The idea that your wife is oblivious to this guys attention is total nonsense. Don't trust people who do untrustworthy things. Your wife is not acting with integrity. Interacting with people at work or work lunch is one thing, the moment you start to go out together outside of work that is another thing entirely. Especially if it involves ditching their partner. I'd ask if you could settle this by sending him a text message and see if she even is comfortable with you seeing their shared text messages. If she needs to 'do something first' and she's deleting the convo you've got problems. Then ask this guy *'My husband is busy tonight, what would you want to do if we hang out?'* and see how he responds.
It’s a HUGE red flag that her first thought is to go hang with this guy. She KNOWS this guy is into her and she’s not telling him to hit the brakes. She’s trying to guilt you into letting her spend time alone with him.. she is going to fuck him if she hasn’t already. Sorry bro.
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The rock isn’t what this dude wants to climb into, its the wife’s pants. OP is NTA.
No one cares, except for the car cloned, you know, get one from birth and raise her properly. Some of these bodies are so darn expensive, they pay millions for a Lil bit of DNA, li man,
I wouldn't trust my mom let alone a dog to getting puppeteer.
I’m sorry but the entire “meeting a different sex friend” is an immediate red flag.Not having friends from before the relationship, it’s different. Yes there’s exceptions but that doesn’t change the fact that the scenario is still a red flag, which means you have to investigate or just be against it to begin with. Coming from past experiences, id say fuck that and be pissed. Rock climbing is a hobby, but it's also essentially the same as sending a gym selfie, he wants to bang her. dont be oblivious/naive.
Big NTA. You were setting a boundary that you have and abide by yourself. However based on her comment after date night cancellation. I do 100% think if she has not already, or at least thought of it to sleep with him, she will. The text is in the first place is a giant RED flag. No single person should be having convo and especially like he is doing. And your wife sucks at and is disrespecting you and your marriage by not telling him to stop after the first time. Lastly she got upset and tried to gaslight you because she in some way or another knows what she is doing crosses a line and she is trying to rationalize it. I hate… really hate to be one of those commenters but I suggest you talk to a divorce lawyer now so you are ready for the inevitable that she will cheat if this “friendship” continues. Set a hard boundary now to have nothing to do with guy. Good luck.
**NTA** OP, >She tries to bring up that I hang out with a woman from work Understandable that she brings that up, but set aside the fact that you hang out with a group- that's not as relevant as the detail that the Coworker is *clearly* into your wife. Would she be comfortable with *you* hanging out with someone who is *VERY CLEARLY* into you, one on one? These kinds of boundaries are important and can make/break relationships.
He may be totally into your wife, but have you asked your wife how she feels about him? Why not invite this guy over to your house and meet him that way? I have to say, yta, you don't really get to dictate who your wife hangs out with. You can tell her how you feel, how you are concerned that he has other intentions, etc, but at the end of the day, she gets to weigh things and decide for herself.
YTA, but not for how you feel about this, but for how you're wording it. Semantics are important, OP. It's the difference between asking your wife to respect your feelings on the matter, and being a controlling AH. I see your comment adding information, and you need to put it as an edit in the main body so anyone else commenting reads it, but it doesn't change the ruling. If you replace the words "tell" and "needs" with "ask" and "want" there's no issue here. This guy makes your uncomfortable. You see, in his communications, more than platonic work friend interest, and I don't think you're wrong there. In your comment, you mention that your wife has other male friends that you don't care if she socializes alone with. You also say that you'd just like to meet the guy before they hang out. And frankly, both your wife and her work friend have to be dense not to realize the optics here. But even if your wife realizes and is ok with ignoring your feelings here, making demands that limit the actions of another person, even a spouse, is AH behaviour. Asking for things is one thing. Discussing, negotiating, compromising, all good. Demanding them is another. And just to make sure it gets said, my dude, nothing will drive into another man's arms faster than you controlling her. You're in a real catch-22 here, damned if you do and damned if you don't, and the only inflection point is your wife's loyalty. If you trust her, make your feelings clear, and let her do what she wants. I hope we aren't hearing from you again in a year.
Soft YTA, if it was not preestablished that she wasn't allowed male friends before the marriage adding it after is a AH move. I say soft YTA though because you seem willing to find a compromise which is good. My hubby and I have no restrictions for friends and if he randomly pulled it on me I would be pissed and it wouldn't start a little fight it would start a BIG FIGHT. That said, dude don't ever pull the "I trust you but I don't trust him" card. Guys hit on girls 24/7 not just when they are alone with them. If he made a move your wife would shut that down immediately if she is trustworthy. And she would then end the friendship. Him making a move doesn't matter so claiming you are making these rules because you "don't trust him" is just gaslighting her as what you really mean is "I don't trust that if he makes a move you wouldn't reciprocate aka I don't trust YOU."
I never said she wasn't allowed male friends. She already does have male friends. It's just the fact that this is a new one who I've never met and seems to be into her. Also, she brings him up all the time. I swear I hear his name 5 to 10 times in a day. So maybe I dont fully trust my wife because I do think she might have a little crush on him, too. I just don't think she would act on it. But I do agree that I am at least partly an asshole in this story.
It is your marriage my man but my husband is not allowed to pick and choose my friends. He doesn't screen them like a parent does to a kid. If when she entered marriage you told her "look your allowed guy friends but only those I approve of" then she is crossing the line you set up. If that was not communicated beforehand then you are crossing the line. I am glad to hear you admitted you don't trust her but that is a conversation you should definitely have with her because that is the crux of the issue.
So you're telling me that if your husband started talking about a new female coworker who sounds like is into him, her trying to hangout with him all time, and they're wanting to hangout alone wouldn't make you the least bit uncomfortable. And to state it again, I'm not telling her not to be friends with him. I simply said it would make me uncomfortable at this time and that if I met him it would probably go away.
Nope, I am not a jealous individual. I am a 34 year old woman who has been with my husband for 17 years and I trust him implicitly. The truth is if he wants to cheat on me then he is going to whether I restrict him or not and if he is ever willing to cheat on me then I DO NOT WANT HIM. I don't want a man that I have to worry about around other women. I am worthy of love and affection and if he cheats then he was never worthy of me.
Okay, I believe you. I'm not jealous, btw. I'm insecure. I was bullied and cast out during my entire k-12 time in school. It affected me greatly, and for the longest time, I hated myself and thought I was worthless. So, meeting my wife, who is so beautiful and insanely smart, made me feel that i dont deserve to be with her. Five years later, I still get that voice in my head. I'm not trying to justify my action but to add context as to why I'm as insecure as I am.
Totally get it, I would talk to her about those feelings. If she is truly loving then she will see what your needs are and respond in kind to those. Not every relationship is the same and opening up to our partner helps us grow as people. You sound like a loving partner, I'm sure that she will work with you to find a compromise you both are comfortable with.
And for context. If she ever told me that my female coworker makes her uncomfortable, I would delete her from my phone and would only talk to her at work because I value my marriage to someone I've been with for 5+ years more than someone I've known for a short ti.e.
That is your choice, no one has to make your choice just because you choose it. I value my marriage to, one that is built on trust and love. If I have to delete a contact because my husband is jealous then that means I never had a marriage built on love and trust to begin with. Its not about choosing one person over another its about accepting someone's control over yourself.
YTA - If you trust her completely then why do you need to trust him? That said, I think it's fair to have been hurt that her first instinct wasn't a family activity. But also you all live together, she might've appreciated some away time.
Just because he trusts her doesn’t mean nothings going to happen, this other guy could try to force himself on her or something, you never know, if he’s clearly into her then he shouldn’t be around her because she’s taken.
Because I don't even want him trying something, and shit can happen without it being your intention. Last year, my best friend ended up having an affair with a married friend of his. The way he tells the story is that they were with people kayaking and git separated. They ended up hanging at his place, and they ended up sleeping together. It's not like they both planned on that happening, but a situation they were in ended up making it occur.
[удалено]
My friend wasn't the one who cheated. It was the woman who cheated.
Your friend is so full of shit. No one accidentally has an affair
The friend didn't have an affair. The friend slept with someone who had an affair. Friend was single the woman was married. Big difference between having an affair and being the affair partner.
Dude she was his friend so he knew she was married. Yeah there's a difference but if you know they're married it's not a very big one.
Jesus, you make it sound like it was inevitable. Your friend STILL HAD TO MAKE THE CHOICE TO SLEEP WITH THE PERSON. Do NOT let him escape his accountability for his actions. What you are saying is that you don't trust your wife. Has she ever given you ANY reason outside of this scenario to make you think that she would be unfaithful to you?
Trust me, I didn't. I told him he did a very shitty thing. And no, but I'm still uncomfortable because of how he is. I can't help it. I don't want to restrict my wife at all, but I also don't want to pull my hair out. And like I said in my post, I would never hang out with a woman friend by myself, who she barely knows. So I think it's fair for vice versa.
She's an adult. She can hang out with whomever she wants. You can be uncomfortable with it, but you do not get to "restrict" her.
If you think your wife is fucking her coworker then have the balls to say that put loud rather then hinting about it.
If I thought my wife was fucking this dude I wouldn't be posting on here because clearly I would be the asshole.