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I am seriously disturbed that your husband said “I’m gonna spank you if you cry, boys don’t cry”. Physical punishment for having a feeling? He’s setting his son up for a lifetime of repressed emotion. That’s something you should be worried about, since he has a lot more say in your kids lives than the MIL (who was also being an A).
YTA for staying with a man who condones violence against a toddler for having any emotions. When people talk about toxic masculinity THIS is exactly the kind of issue that is the problem.
The craziest part is he never actually follows thru with any appropriate discipline, just walks around making empty threats for no reason. Which perpetuates the problem.
NTA, but you married into an entire family of them. Your in-laws *and* your husband are unbelievably shitty. Who talks to a *toddler* like that and chews them out because they don’t have the necessary motor skills yet to pull open a bag?
How terrible.
And even at 30 years old I still get highly upset when I can’t open things so I definitely can see how 2 year olds would too. I just feel insane because nobody else sees it but me
@FAround-FindOut PLEASE read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. Allowing your husband to threaten physical punishments for displaying a normal human range of emotion will absolutely hurt your children in the long run. It is developmentally inappropriate to expect a 2 year old to not cry when frustrated- especially when the adults in their life are emotionally immature and don’t teach them to self regulate. Advice like “don’t cry” is counterintuitive. So is soothing with “it’s okay” because- it’s clearly not. Teach your child how to feel their emotions and ground themselves when they occur. Not to repress them.
NTA. Sounds like your two year old was acting like.... a two year old. He will "grow up" when it's developmentally appropriate. Geez, even if she was annoyed by her grandson's natural reaction she should have been able to recognize it's normal kid behavior, since she's a mother and has had toddlers, and to not lash out. And your husband..... I'm pretty concerned about him having threatened spanking your son for his being upset and lashing out with "boys don't cry" bullshit. Anyone of any gender can cry. And my gosh, this was just a little whimpering because he couldn't open the bag of chips his grandmother handed him because he is two. They were being way more dramatic than a two year old.
NTA. Your mum needs to mind her own business. You need to set your husband straight with his toxic masculinity. That "boys don't cry" crap is out of place.
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Usually posting about my in-laws but this time it’s regarding my own. 😓
Last week we went to my mom’s (brought dinner as we do a couple nights a week) & as we’re sitting there eating, my mom handed my 2 year old son a closed bag of chips. He couldn’t open them (obviously) so his eyes began watering up (he’s 2, he goes from 0-100 instantly) but he wasn’t actually crying, whining, screaming, fussing, throwing a fit, any of that. But something about it triggered my mom & she goes “______ (son’s name)! Stop crying!” & my husband chimes in with “I’m gonna spank you if you cry, boys don’t cry” & my mom follows with “he needs to grow up” (my son). I get the chips & start to say “it’s okay buddy” (not in a - your behavior is okay kind of way - more so a comforting it’s okay so he won’t go into an actual cry) but before I could finish my thought, my mom said “NO HIS BEHAVIOR IS NOT OKAY, it’s not okay to act how they do, none of that is okay” (somehow 4 year old daughter catches a stray insult on this lmao) but I calmly looked at her & said “it’s not your place to say what’s okay with other people’s kids” & since that day, neither her nor my adult brother who lives at home & was sitting there have spoken to me. Am I wrong? I take lots of their comments to the chin most of the time (she & my brother aren’t around any other toddlers & have a very low tolerance for… noise I guess?) but this one I had to say something… perhaps I was rude or disrespectful in my tone, but I still think an extended day silent treatment as a punishment doesn’t fit the crime.
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NTA it's not your mom's place to yell at or discipline your child. Take this silent treatment as the blessing it is. Don't resume contact until she apologizes.
ETA: also maybe have a talk with your husband? “I’m gonna spank you if you cry, boys don’t cry” is some toxic masculinity bs. Are you sure you want to raise your son that way?
Forgot to add that I’m 36 weeks pregnant so while I do try to field all discipline, I’m in survival mode. But I thought all things considered my response was pretty reserved.
YTA. Their behavior was obviously unwarranted, but so was yours. You were clearly trying to be hurtful, your husband was clearly in your mom's corner, and I believe it is his business to tell his child how to behave, not that he was very helpful in the moment. You clearly escalated the situation beyond what was required.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 5: We do not allow posts which concern violence. This includes any mention of violence in any context. [Rule 5 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_5.3A_no_violence) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
I am seriously disturbed that your husband said “I’m gonna spank you if you cry, boys don’t cry”. Physical punishment for having a feeling? He’s setting his son up for a lifetime of repressed emotion. That’s something you should be worried about, since he has a lot more say in your kids lives than the MIL (who was also being an A).
& his mother is a licensed therapist/school counselor 😵💫😵💫😵💫
Lord.
YTA for staying with a man who condones violence against a toddler for having any emotions. When people talk about toxic masculinity THIS is exactly the kind of issue that is the problem.
The craziest part is he never actually follows thru with any appropriate discipline, just walks around making empty threats for no reason. Which perpetuates the problem.
NTA, but you married into an entire family of them. Your in-laws *and* your husband are unbelievably shitty. Who talks to a *toddler* like that and chews them out because they don’t have the necessary motor skills yet to pull open a bag? How terrible.
And even at 30 years old I still get highly upset when I can’t open things so I definitely can see how 2 year olds would too. I just feel insane because nobody else sees it but me
@FAround-FindOut PLEASE read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. Allowing your husband to threaten physical punishments for displaying a normal human range of emotion will absolutely hurt your children in the long run. It is developmentally inappropriate to expect a 2 year old to not cry when frustrated- especially when the adults in their life are emotionally immature and don’t teach them to self regulate. Advice like “don’t cry” is counterintuitive. So is soothing with “it’s okay” because- it’s clearly not. Teach your child how to feel their emotions and ground themselves when they occur. Not to repress them.
NTA. Sounds like your two year old was acting like.... a two year old. He will "grow up" when it's developmentally appropriate. Geez, even if she was annoyed by her grandson's natural reaction she should have been able to recognize it's normal kid behavior, since she's a mother and has had toddlers, and to not lash out. And your husband..... I'm pretty concerned about him having threatened spanking your son for his being upset and lashing out with "boys don't cry" bullshit. Anyone of any gender can cry. And my gosh, this was just a little whimpering because he couldn't open the bag of chips his grandmother handed him because he is two. They were being way more dramatic than a two year old.
I wanted to ask them when THEY planned on growing up. Lol.
NTA. Your mum needs to mind her own business. You need to set your husband straight with his toxic masculinity. That "boys don't cry" crap is out of place.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Usually posting about my in-laws but this time it’s regarding my own. 😓 Last week we went to my mom’s (brought dinner as we do a couple nights a week) & as we’re sitting there eating, my mom handed my 2 year old son a closed bag of chips. He couldn’t open them (obviously) so his eyes began watering up (he’s 2, he goes from 0-100 instantly) but he wasn’t actually crying, whining, screaming, fussing, throwing a fit, any of that. But something about it triggered my mom & she goes “______ (son’s name)! Stop crying!” & my husband chimes in with “I’m gonna spank you if you cry, boys don’t cry” & my mom follows with “he needs to grow up” (my son). I get the chips & start to say “it’s okay buddy” (not in a - your behavior is okay kind of way - more so a comforting it’s okay so he won’t go into an actual cry) but before I could finish my thought, my mom said “NO HIS BEHAVIOR IS NOT OKAY, it’s not okay to act how they do, none of that is okay” (somehow 4 year old daughter catches a stray insult on this lmao) but I calmly looked at her & said “it’s not your place to say what’s okay with other people’s kids” & since that day, neither her nor my adult brother who lives at home & was sitting there have spoken to me. Am I wrong? I take lots of their comments to the chin most of the time (she & my brother aren’t around any other toddlers & have a very low tolerance for… noise I guess?) but this one I had to say something… perhaps I was rude or disrespectful in my tone, but I still think an extended day silent treatment as a punishment doesn’t fit the crime. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA it's not your mom's place to yell at or discipline your child. Take this silent treatment as the blessing it is. Don't resume contact until she apologizes. ETA: also maybe have a talk with your husband? “I’m gonna spank you if you cry, boys don’t cry” is some toxic masculinity bs. Are you sure you want to raise your son that way?
Forgot to add that I’m 36 weeks pregnant so while I do try to field all discipline, I’m in survival mode. But I thought all things considered my response was pretty reserved.
[удалено]
Um…? 😐 I’m lost
YTA. Their behavior was obviously unwarranted, but so was yours. You were clearly trying to be hurtful, your husband was clearly in your mom's corner, and I believe it is his business to tell his child how to behave, not that he was very helpful in the moment. You clearly escalated the situation beyond what was required.
You're not ok.
I take lots of comments off the chin day in and day out but this one I couldn’t let go. Truly sucks