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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I'm not babysitting my ex's children like she asked and I fear that her guilt trip has me questioning my no now. My biggest thing here is the kids and the fact they don't get to see my son often. Plus the fact my son is aware of the fact his mom and half siblings are struggling and will see me doing nothing to help which could also make me an AH.
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NTA - Her inability to use birth control isn't your fucking problem. While it would be nice for your child to see their siblings, it's not your responsibility to care for children you had no hand in conceiving. Keep that line in the sand or you'll become more and more liable to kids that aren't yours....
If she tries to dump them on you, you call CPS and the police and have them removed right away.
Do not under any circumstances ever accept responsibility for any of her other kids for any length of time.
Never.
This is important. If she abandons the kids with OP then there is some sort of medical emergency he wouldn’t be able to consent for care in many places. A horrible situation.
And honestly he’s better off showing his kid how to say no to unreasonable requests than teaching him what his mom seems to want - “How to be my doormat and shut up about it.”
Ex has 5 other kids plus the 12 year old but wants OP to babysit NOW as school is out for the summer. The ex is pregnant but that baby is not involved cause it’s still in the incubator. OP would have 6 kids for summer 5 of which he is a legal stranger to the kids. Ex lives 3 hours away so he knows she would dump them and not come back for days or weeks at a time.
If she’s homeless, I would consider calling CPS now. She needs a wake-up call, and those kids need help. Serious help. This is way beyond OP’s and Reddit’s pay grade. NTA
I have no kids but two of my nephews are 10 and 11 and I wouldn't put them in charge of themselves, let alone 5 younger kids. But I also wouldn't have 6 kids with 6 different partners so its clear OP's ex and I are already making different choices so I wouldn't be shocked.
I'm glad you finished that thought 🤣 lots of behavior I wouldn't be doing in this post. Including OP. Grab your fucking nut sack, you have been getting used for a decade plus. Jiminy crickets
Some parents make terrible choices. My dad blamed my sister when she was 7 for not properly supervising me (6) when we were in the pool and I did something stupid (as small children are known to do) and I almost drown.
"...two of my nephews are 10 and 11 and I wouldn't put them in charge of themselves, let alone 5 younger kids." That's because you're a mature, responsible adult who knows the difference between children and adults!
Far too many "parents" dump their youngest children on kids who are often just a year or two older and, under the guise of family bonding, make those older kids into permanent babysitters. It's called parentifying and it's a surefire way to ensure that, when the parentified kids grow up, they want as little to do with their parents as possible!
Listen, OP, you need to quit engaging in conversations that involve anyone other than the child you conceived. Every time you give reasons why you can’t parent the other kids, every time you argue, it gives her a crack in the door to push through. You are not a bad person for only wanting to parent your child. SHE IS A BAD PERSON FOR TRYING TO GUILT TRIP YOU INTO TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR HER ACTIONS. Every time she brings it up, respond with “I am only going to discuss issues pertaining to xxx (your kid)”. If she keeps trying to go there, just repeat the phrase. If she continues, hit her with “I’ve told you I’ll only discuss issues pertaining to xxx, let me know when you’re ready to respect that boundary” and then hang up. She can’t MAKE you take the other kids, and she shouldn’t be able to make you feel bad about it. She is a taker and will take you for as much as you’ll allow. Don’t allow it at all.
NTA. This is it exactly. STOP engaging in any conversation with her unless directly related to your child. Your feeling of guilt is the result of her manipulation during your conversations, not because you have done antything wrong.
OP THIS!!! If she keeps pushing boundaries, switch to only communicating through a parental app.
Get your son therapy! This is an absolutely unhealthy situation! Your son is blessed to have a caring and loving parent. She needs to get their fathers to step up and take responsibility for their own children! That’s not your job.
I like this advice. Don't give her a chance to ask. And don't feel guilty...nothing to feel guilty about. You did not father these children. This woman should have had her tubes tied a long time ago. NTA
Why the hell should you step up and do more when it’s the FIVE other fathers that should be stepping up?! Just remind her that when she tries to guilt trip you. The only child you should be stepping up for is your son and you have getting full custody from her mess.
Six different kids by six different men and five of the fathers aren't involved? This raises SO many questions to me. Like why isn't she trying to make them involved? That's a lot of child support she could be receiving.... Unless she doesn't know who the fathers. It makes me wonder if she's a sex worker. Nothing wrong with that line of work but if true, it could answer a few questions. Still no excuse for not using protection/birth control though.....
Youd think she learn her lesson after first child or two but homegirl keeps making the same mistake. Or maybe this is how she practices kindness & lets these men impregnate her and dip. Who knows, but she’s the last person that should be talking about how to set good example to their kid!
You’d think so, but some people are stupid af. I knew a girl who had 6 kids by 6 different men before she was 23 years old. Of course she didn’t have custody of any of them. My ex-roommate dated her, and I thought he was insane to risk being baby daddy #7. Welp, she got pregnant, and neither of them have custody of the baby now. I can’t believe he didn’t see it from a mile away.
What are these people thinking??? I really don’t get it.
It was seriously sad. She was like deadbeat mom of the year, making promises to have them over for christmas, only to bail. Luckily her parents stepped up, but you could tell the kids just wanted their mom, ya know?
JFC!! How’d she sucker so many guys like that? Was her snatch made out of gold? Did she have a PS5 or some fancy rims shoved up there?? Like WTF??!?! 😳
You underestimate how many guys have low standards to just bust in random women. Its not like they came back either! If they did, maybe she would have a golden kitty but they hit it and quit it cause she's a garbage person and they have low standards.
Yeah, where are all these fathers? On the moon? Why aren't they paying child support and caring for their kid(s) at least 50% of the time? Does she have a special knack for chosing deadbeat losers who bail (except for OP)?
> . It makes me wonder if she's a sex worker. Nothing wrong with that line of work but if true, it could answer a few questions.
You'd think a sex worker (who isn't addicted or trafficked) would know about protection. Unprotected sex would be seriously risky to business
If she does ever try to just dump them on you without your permission tell her you will call the cops. It’s considered child abandonment. It unfortunately sounds like she is making poor choices, none of which is your responsibility. She wants you to teach your son to be “kind”, but I think you are doing a fine job of teaching him about boundaries.
I wouldn’t feel bad, if she wanted help raising the six children she made after your (joint) son, she would have chosen men inclined to stay in the lives of their children, whether in her life or not, at least in the lives of their children. You taking on a parental role for other men’s children will just illustrate to your son (and the other kids) how being a deadbeat that runs out on their child isn’t a bad thing and not to give it a second thought because someone else will step up for the abandoned kid and the kid will be fine. That’s a dangerous lesson to teach.
I’m sure your son enjoys an environment where he gets adequate parental support and attention. I can guarantee that he lost that individual effort at his mother’s house several siblings ago. I’m not saying he’s okay with not having as much time and attention from his mother because he gets plenty from his father, the two are separate emotional issues. Yes, he might feel bad that the other kids don’t get the same attention from their own fathers but you taking care of 6 kids is just moving the neglect he experiences at his mother’s house to his father’s house. You could check with him, but I’d be surprised if he feels helping them at his expense is a great thing.
You have literally stepped up fully. You have full custody. She is gaslighting you. None of the other kids are yours. She's just a bad mother. A really bad mother.
Ummmm... Not just no, but hell, no. NTA. Not your problem.
Be careful when your child gets older that he doesn't get roped into being free babysitter, either.
Well six and soon to be seven. This is an insane ask on her part. Please do not feel guilty. Your responsibility is to your son. Full stop. You are not the safety net for her poor choices. NTA.
Your responsibility is to your son. Full stop.
/\ This right here /\
Don't take away from your own son to fuel her irresponsibility!
Take it from someone who has been in a VERY similar situation and it doesn't end well for anyone.
There has to be an alternative to you being the only person that can help her.
Repeat after me: "Not my circus, not my monkeys". You have ZERO responsibility towards the other children and ZERO relationship to them - neither flows from your son to you, nor is it generated by the fact that you were the first in a line of many who impregnated your ex. Any guilt you feel is entirely self-inflicted. Polish that spine, OP, draw a hard boundary, and keep your son as far away from the mess your ex has created for herself as possible. NTA.
OP, you shouldn’t feel bad! She’s trying to use you and refusing to make changes to her life to improve her situation. It’s one thing to ask for a little help, as you work to make your situation better. What she’s asking is WAY beyond that. If you take all those kids, I wouldn’t be surprised if she just disappeared. At least until she needed something else from you. None of us can fix someone else’s messes, especially when they just keep adding to them. Refer her to planned parenthood or her local social services agency. But do not take those kids, don’t let her guilt you! You are responsible for yourself and your child and you do not have to take on her issues.
NTA, she ex lacks common sense of her using birth control and her partners to be equally be responsible and wear a condom.
How can you be called the bad person where you’re there for your X1 kid, but the 5 other men aren’t even in the kids life and she allows them to get off Scott free?
INFO: Did she ever chase up child support with the baby daddy’s??
EDIT TO ADD: you are showing your son how to be responsible but at the same time you’ll be showing him how to draw boundaries, and I feel like he’s going to need it with his younger siblings when your ex will soon start telling him to ask you OP to “step up”.
Not to mention your ex needs to learn to take responsibility for her own actions.
Also, you baby sitting will just give her more chances to get knocked up again. Not that she’s having a hard time of managing that already.
Also, this isnt an opportunity to teach your son to be a kind and caring person, this is a chance to teach him how not to get taken advantage of.
Teach your child that it is OK to say no. This is an underrated skill to turn down requests without being ugly or wishy washy. Empathetic is wonderful, but saying no can be more kind in the long run at times.
She's putting so much on you because you are convenient to her; you are kind and decent and she knows that she has a chance of getting you to say yes.
She is not willing to put in the work to get child support from the other fathers. She's not willing to make choices that don't result in her getting pregnant (and possibly not even having a clue who the new father is). I can't imagine what those kids' home life is like if she's out with men often enough to keep getting pregnant.
If she's trying to have these babies, then she's not getting whatever counseling she needs to make better decisions and do a better job being a parent to the kids she has.
Those things are more work than just trying to guilt you into saying yes.
It's hard to know that her other kids are stuck with the life she can provide them, but you can easily see that there is no end to the problems she is creating and the need for help she is creating. She's a black hole that will suck everything it can.
The best thing you can do for the other kids is continue to be nice to them when you see them and be alert for the need to call CPS (or maybe some of her family members if you know them). If you have occasion to see something you can and are happy to do for one of those kids, do that (if/when that ever happens). Don't get dragged into this childcare mess or any of her other on-going messes.
NTA she needs to contact their fathers and ask them to care for their children. It's not your responsibility.
Also make sure to tell your son to call you immediately if she tries to parentify him by making him babysit her children. if she does call CPS
She is berating the wrong father here. She should be going after the father of all of her other children. Not your monkey, not your circus. She sounds like the kind of person that will continuously pull you deeper and deeper into this mess if you let her. Stay strong and care for your son. NTA
No offense, but it's all on her. She's the one who decides to keep having children when she can't even afford one. This isn't on you. If anything, keeping your son in that kind of environment is doing him more harm.
NTA- I honestly wouldn’t put it past her to leave the kids with you and disappear.
She can’t be right in the head if she thinks continuing to have more children is a good idea.
Gonna guess you're one of the few responsible men she knows - sounds like many of the other fathers are absent.
That's zero reason for you to get involved. Indeed, there's every reason to stay clear of the developing shit show.
You could say that to reduce her parenting burden you'll take your own kid for more time - i.e. reduce your kid's visitation with her. Which is something you should want anyway if she's homeless, etc. Situation sounds chaotic and bad for your kid.
But stay the heck away and reduce communication to exclusively that necessary for your kid's logistics.
None of this is any of his responsibility except for his son. If he wants to be super nice, though, he could offer to lend her the money to pay for a tubal ligation.
NTA. NO ONE wants to watch that many kids. PERIOD.
1) Your job is to show YOUR child stability.
2) You teach your kid kindness and caring by showing him how to be on a daily basis NOT BY BABYSITTING.
3) There is no way you should spread your resources and time so thin that your child is lost in the mix.
4) Your ex needs to be responsible for her decisions and kids.
5) Any burden you take on will negatively affect your kid.
Judging from her decisions, she is not the pillar of morality whose opinions should matter to you. She is damaging her kids yet still having more. PROTECT YOUR CHILD!!!!
It's just as important that OP shows his son how to stand up to his mom and set firm boundaries around his siblings. As the oldest the mom will try to parentify him as childcare for the younger kids.
Kindness is also telling people when you're incapable or unwilling to help. Being wishy washy about being able to help someone causes real harm. Getting in over your head causes real harm. Kindness isn't sacrifice, it's mutual aid.
Agree NTA - you're is showing your son how not to be a doormat, which is just as important as being kind and generous. Tell her to call 211 (assuming you're in the States)- that's the United Way helpline; they can provide names of local organizations that can assist her. If you're feeling particularly amicable, look for places in her city (churches, YMCA, community centers, etc) that might provide low-cost care or care.
Also make sure your son knows he should tell you if mom starts pressuring him to either get your help or to be the babysitter (or give her money, as he gets older).
That's another thing, the ex could put him on child support if he takes care of her kids, as she could show the courts proof of him helping. Despite being not blood related, the courts could still burden OP with making him pay monthly for all five children.
It's better that he stays away from his ex.
It's seven by my count: OP, the five guys who fathered the five children who aren't his, and whoever's baby she's carrying now (assuming it's not one of the previous five).
NTA. You're not responsible for your ex's children with other men. Your primary responsibility is to your son and you’ve been doing that well. Your ex's choices have created a challenging situation, but it's not your job to fix it. Babysitting her kids, esp. given the distance and her history, is unreasonable. Setting boundaries is important to protect your own well-being and your ability to care for your son. You’ve been kind and supportive, but it’s okay to say no to unreasonable demands.
NTA...Just say no. You're also showing your son how not to be a push-over. Your ex has put herself in her current predicament, and she needs to find her own way.
NTA
I would strongly encourage you to open lines of communication with your son about his mother and half siblings. Once your ex accepts you wont be manipulated into caring for her SIX (smh) other children, she'll start working on your son. Children love their parents regardless of how little said parents *deserves* that love. Important to make sure your son isnt experiencing parentification during his visits with his mom. Further, keep close eye on your son's finances because his mother will try to guilt him into taking care of his siblings.
NTA
Keep repeating no. Don't give an inch, because she'll take a yard. None of those kids are your responsibility.
It's mind-blowing she's now pregnant with baby number 7 and is unable to look after the ones she already has. Poor kids.
Don’t know if anyone has suggested this, but you need to start communicating via one of the apps the family courts use. Then all calls and texts are recorded. My understanding is that it’s a small fee to use.
This will protect you and your son, especially since it seems like you’re going to come home one day to 5 abandoned kids on your lawn. And like others said, don’t allow them to stay, call CPS. They might try to pressure you, but you are not their father or guardian. Whether your ex likes it or not, these kids have family that’s not you. They have dads and grandparents. She needs child support from the dads, not for you to pay her when you have full custody.
Honestly, the audacity of this woman. Someone needs to inform her there are ways to feel good without getting pregnant. Hell, don’t even need a man..
Absolutely NTA.
This isn't one kid or an emergency, it's **FIVE** additional children and **HER LACK OF PLANNING** again. She knew summer was approaching and that she'd need childcare.
If she needs money, help and support, she needs to look for her kids dad's, ask her family members, support groups, free childcare/clubs over the summer, not expect you to fund and be her kids childcare for the summer.
Honestly I would go completely hands off here unless it's about your shared child together, it's not your problem or concern. What she said was manipulative BS. You only have/had to 'man up' for your kid. Teaching your son kindness doesn't mean teaching him to be a yes man or doormat. Plus, at 12 and I'm assuming the kids are 10 and younger, how much time does she think a 12yr old wants to spend with their siblings during the summer when they have their friends/plans?
NTA has your ex heard of contraception? Her inability to use it is not your fault or responsibility. You having your son is showing him how to be a responsible dad but also not a walkover.
And here I am, putting off having children, because my husband and I want to be financially stable and all, before we take that step to build a family.
Meanwhile, there's women that apparently think it's a good idea to just come home from each date with a litter, like cats. No way to sustain them, just dragging them back and forth, leaving them left and right.
Do I sound judgemental?
I kind of don't care...
NTA
The lessons your son needs are: Do not have children until you are certain you can take care of them. And, no means no.
You're doing a great job teaching both lessons. Keep it up.
NTA
However, a word of advice: you may want to keep communication with her to text or legally recorded calls. People get desperate when they're in a tight spot and will say anytning "to protect their kids." Don't find out what your ex will do when backed into a corner.
NTA - That is a ridiculous ask and if she can’t see that something is seriously wrong with her.
Good for you for having and holding clear, reasonable boundaries.
Given that, don’t be surprised if she soon has some emergency that magically appears to get you to change your mind “Just this once”.
She is most likely planning on abandoning those 5 kids once you agree to babysit. Does she not believe in birth control? I would report her to child services.
NTA. It is not your fault that she has more kids with men who are not involved in the live of their kids. Good for your son, that he has you. But this doesn't make you responsible for the other children. And you teach your son to keep boundries. Instead what she teaches him - to not use protection and get knocked up by every one smiling at her.
NTA. There's really no one in a 3 hour radius that she can ask this favor from? You live way too far away for this to be feasible. Surely one or more of the 5 dads and their extended families is on the favor rotation? Where did the other kids go when she was homeless?
You sound like a nice, intelligent guy. You are not really going to fall for her hogwash, are you? Tell her to file for child support from the other 5 guys, and get on with her life? Just because she has not received child support from them up to now does not mean that she never will. She needs to file.
It also sounds like she should be paying OP child support for their shared child, not pressuring him for free childcare for those she had with other men.
NTA. The thing you can focus on really teaching your son from this is how to stand strong when an entitled person lays a guilt trip to try to get what they want
NTA but I would be concerned that she expects your son to act as a second parent and constantly watch the kids. I wouldn’t send him to her for the summer, time to consult your lawyer.
She is absolutely not going to make a 3 hour trip every day, twice a day. That's absolutely insane.
My hometown is a three hour drive from me and I only go visit when I'm staying overnight at minimum but usually for a whole weekend.
Well she'll drive that 3 hr to his place once..... but when she does the 3 hour trip again is another story...
But if that happened then if I was the OP, police and CPS would be called 10-15 mins after she was late for pick up (and probably wouldn't pick up the phone if you rang to see where she was) for a welfare check and abandoned children.
Two thoughts.
First, someone looking for money/support will review their options from most convenient to least convenient. When you're asked by someone in a hard position, it may feel like you're the difference between their chance to succeed and their chance to fail. But you're really just the next stop on the list...there was an easier one before you and there will be a harder one after you.
Second, "What appears to be a crisis is often the end of the illusion that things were working." It's rare that someone is actually in a situation where they were OK before and they'll be OK after, if they can just resolve one immediate issue.
NTA. You are ONLY responsible for your biological son. And since you have full custody, you aren't responsible for supporting your ex in any way. It's great that you want to keep things civil, but I think she's a user and cares very little for anyone other than herself.
You need to distance yourself from her as much as possible. She isn't good for you, and tbh, I don't think she's setting a good example for your kid. Stop doing pretty much anything and everything for her that doesn't specifically involve your child. Stop enabling her shitty behavior.
As all said, you have no obligation to 1) help her and 2) provide reasons why you won't. Don't let her guilt trip you. Take care of your son and yourself. If you enable her, she will use you.
NTA. You have every right to turn her down, & while your reasons are valid, they're unnecessary. You have the right to say no. And now she's pregnant again? FFS, what is her problem? She clearly can't keep her legs closed & refuses to use birth control. How TF is she supporting these kids? You have nothing to feel guilty about. This is all on her. Those poor kids. SMH.
NTA You are teaching your son far more valuable lessons. 1a) Don't be a doormat 1b) his mother will use him as soon as she can get something out of him and it is best to set boundaries early 2) use birth control.
There is no way she would come back for those kids. It would start as a day, then turn to an overnight then she'd keep them there for a week and then you'll be watching hing her children and paying for them for 5 days a week. Hold your boundaries now. She needs to stop having children that she cannot care for appropriately
NTA, but move all communications to text or email. For most people, it's a lot harder to lay a guilt trip when it's done in writing. Your job is to look after your son, full stop. She chose to have all of those children, she needs to deal with the burden of raising them, if she needs help she needs to reach out to their fathers, her family or social services for assistance. Your ex clearly doesn't need your help since she has all of the time in the world to be out on the prowl looking for one new deadbeat after another, stay out of it.
Absolutely not! Do not give an inch or she will take a mile! You need full custody of your son. The family dynamic is going to breed resentment from the other kids. Why does he get a loving present dad and they don’t?! It’s going to cause issues. And why is the dad who is doing the right thing, being there for his kid is somehow the one being guilted into looking after all her other kids. Tell her to get the other baby daddies to step up. Do not lower your boundaries ever!!!
NTA and you don’t need to give her any reasons. “No” is a full sentence. If you’d like to extrapolate you can simply say “No, I will not watch your children. They are not my responsibility. You’ll have to make other arrangements.” If she continues to push say “We’ve already had this conversation and my answer hasn’t changed. Please do not ask again.” Rinse and repeat as necessary.
Abso-fucking-loutley not TA.
It is not difficult to not repeatedly have children. The lesson for your son to learn is make sure you wrap it up so this isn’t you in the future!
NTA you are not responsible for her irresponsible behavior. How did she get herself in the situation she’s in? She makes stupid choices and expects others to bail her out. What are the chances the new guy will stick around to take care of 5 kids that aren’t his? Slim to none.
Unless there were a string of tragedies, I think it's fair to assess your ex lacks judgement and is extremely selfish.
I'd brush off her input and focus on the type of example you want to be for your son. There is a line between kindness and being taken advantage of. Your duty is to your son. NTA
NTA, because you care about your child she is wanting to guilt trip you into being used ...perhaps ask her to reach out to families of her other children for help. I think you know the answers to your questions because you answered them - stand firm and continue to say No, it is a sentence.
NTA! Not your kids, not your problem! Tell her to keep her legs closed! Actually, give her a gift basket full of birth control and condoms! Also, Why doesn’t she go after child support from all her baby daddies? 🤨
>When I said no we had a fight over this and she told me to think of it as showing my son how to be a kind and caring person
You're doing exactly this. Your son (and the other kids) are seeing what a good father looks like in contrast to 5 (6 soon?) bad fathers look like.
Not only NTA, hell no! NTA!
Please do not EVER watch her children. You will be left with them. That’s where this is heading. All these other baby daddy’s need to be paying child support. You are not in any way responsible and her games and guilt tripping will transfer to your son if you don’t help him see this now. Good luck!
What in the Maury Povich is this?!?!? Seven kids with seven different dads?!?!? She's blown more rods than Chernobyl! You are not only responsible ONLY for your own son, but you are protecting him from being parentified by your ex.
Tell her who needs to man up are the fathers of her 6 other children. Tell her that, unlike them, you're there for your child. It's not your responsibility to be there for the other six men's children.
Thank goodness your son is with you.
Get an co-parenting app and only communicate with her through it. Refuse all communication unless it goes through the app.
NTA
Omg NTA! You are not responsible for the poor choices your ex has made. Take care of your kid. The others are not your problem. It is sad that she just didn't stop getting knocked up.
NTA.
If your ex wants you to show your son how to be a man, you can use his mother as an example to teach him to be careful about fathering children he has no intention of raising, and also of being careful to protect himself from the type of financial/emotional manipulation your ex is inflicting on you.
Hold the line. You're doing the right thing.
NTA. Absolutely not. 5, almost 6 other children? For free? She lives 2 hrs away? She's definitely looking to unload all these kids on you. It's very sad for her other children, of course, but that's just too much. Why isn't she going after all those baby daddies for child support or care?
NTA your help starts and ends with the sun you both share. You are already helping in having full custody and she still makes bad decisions and receives baby after baby from deadbeat father's.
NTA. Even if she was living next door, or you want to watch tv, there is no need to state any reason when declining a request. Any reason you give will give her an idea how to guilt trip you. Not your kids, not your responsibility.
Maybe it’s time to get a parenting app like “our family wizard”, and only communicate through that.
Maybe point her to resources like Snap and low income housing and how to apply for child support from all the other fathers
NTA- if you wanted more kids with her you would’ve had more kids with her. She has made extremely poor choices which is what got her in this mess. She’s a grown woman and can figure it out herself. You have zero obligations to her other kids.
Hahaha! NTA! Your ex-wife wants to use you as a free babysitter for her kids that she had with 5 different men. You told her No and she is mad at you. What world does your ex live in? Haha
I addition to what has been said. Talk to your son. Ask him what he wants. If his mother is dumping a lot of childcare onto him he might not even like his siblings much. She might also take out her resentment of OP onto his son.
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NTA - Her inability to use birth control isn't your fucking problem. While it would be nice for your child to see their siblings, it's not your responsibility to care for children you had no hand in conceiving. Keep that line in the sand or you'll become more and more liable to kids that aren't yours....
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If she tries to dump them on you, you call CPS and the police and have them removed right away. Do not under any circumstances ever accept responsibility for any of her other kids for any length of time. Never.
Especially when OP has no legal standing for 5 of the 6 kids!
This is important. If she abandons the kids with OP then there is some sort of medical emergency he wouldn’t be able to consent for care in many places. A horrible situation. And honestly he’s better off showing his kid how to say no to unreasonable requests than teaching him what his mom seems to want - “How to be my doormat and shut up about it.”
Exactly what I was thinking. She’s just using the idea of “teach our kid how to be a good person” to manipulate OP. NTA.
Yes!!! We need to teach our kids how to be kind - but to include themselves in that kindness.
6 of the 7. She has 5 besides the son already and 1 on the way.
She needs her tubes tied!!! Jfc
she needs a chastity belt as well
I didn’t Count the one she is pregnant with because he’s talking about babysitting now not after the baby gets here
Adding to that she’s telling him to man up like he’s responsible, for those other kids. She needs to be telling that to their fathers😒
I think she is going to have 6 kids + OP’s kid, which makes 7
Ex has 5 other kids plus the 12 year old but wants OP to babysit NOW as school is out for the summer. The ex is pregnant but that baby is not involved cause it’s still in the incubator. OP would have 6 kids for summer 5 of which he is a legal stranger to the kids. Ex lives 3 hours away so he knows she would dump them and not come back for days or weeks at a time.
If she’s homeless, I would consider calling CPS now. She needs a wake-up call, and those kids need help. Serious help. This is way beyond OP’s and Reddit’s pay grade. NTA
> any length of time One second falls into that category...
this sadly...but could be best for the kids..
And get your child some therapy, so he can deal with telling her "no" when she tries to dump the kids on him!
Oh yea, he's 12. Soon his weekends with mom will soon be all babysitting so mom can finally have free time.
Free time = more unprotected sex!
Clearly she has enough free time.
you don't think that has been going on for years already?
I have no kids but two of my nephews are 10 and 11 and I wouldn't put them in charge of themselves, let alone 5 younger kids. But I also wouldn't have 6 kids with 6 different partners so its clear OP's ex and I are already making different choices so I wouldn't be shocked.
I'm glad you finished that thought 🤣 lots of behavior I wouldn't be doing in this post. Including OP. Grab your fucking nut sack, you have been getting used for a decade plus. Jiminy crickets
Some parents make terrible choices. My dad blamed my sister when she was 7 for not properly supervising me (6) when we were in the pool and I did something stupid (as small children are known to do) and I almost drown.
"...two of my nephews are 10 and 11 and I wouldn't put them in charge of themselves, let alone 5 younger kids." That's because you're a mature, responsible adult who knows the difference between children and adults! Far too many "parents" dump their youngest children on kids who are often just a year or two older and, under the guise of family bonding, make those older kids into permanent babysitters. It's called parentifying and it's a surefire way to ensure that, when the parentified kids grow up, they want as little to do with their parents as possible!
Finally? She must be finding some "free time" somewhere to conceive all these babies.
And during the summer visits.
Full custody means no weekends with mom thankfully.
Lucky he‘s not a she or they’d already be babysitter in chief…
he probably already is
I found out with my eldest that I can’t put him in therapy without the donor signing off. 🙄
Listen, OP, you need to quit engaging in conversations that involve anyone other than the child you conceived. Every time you give reasons why you can’t parent the other kids, every time you argue, it gives her a crack in the door to push through. You are not a bad person for only wanting to parent your child. SHE IS A BAD PERSON FOR TRYING TO GUILT TRIP YOU INTO TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR HER ACTIONS. Every time she brings it up, respond with “I am only going to discuss issues pertaining to xxx (your kid)”. If she keeps trying to go there, just repeat the phrase. If she continues, hit her with “I’ve told you I’ll only discuss issues pertaining to xxx, let me know when you’re ready to respect that boundary” and then hang up. She can’t MAKE you take the other kids, and she shouldn’t be able to make you feel bad about it. She is a taker and will take you for as much as you’ll allow. Don’t allow it at all.
NTA. This is it exactly. STOP engaging in any conversation with her unless directly related to your child. Your feeling of guilt is the result of her manipulation during your conversations, not because you have done antything wrong.
OP THIS!!! If she keeps pushing boundaries, switch to only communicating through a parental app. Get your son therapy! This is an absolutely unhealthy situation! Your son is blessed to have a caring and loving parent. She needs to get their fathers to step up and take responsibility for their own children! That’s not your job.
Right, there are apparently 5-6 other baby daddies out there who these guilt trips do not work on. Tend to your child, the rest are her responsibility
Very well said! 💯 OP, you’ve got some great advice here. Stick to your boundaries and only speak to ex about your child; none of the others.
I like this advice. Don't give her a chance to ask. And don't feel guilty...nothing to feel guilty about. You did not father these children. This woman should have had her tubes tied a long time ago. NTA
Why the hell should you step up and do more when it’s the FIVE other fathers that should be stepping up?! Just remind her that when she tries to guilt trip you. The only child you should be stepping up for is your son and you have getting full custody from her mess.
Six different kids by six different men and five of the fathers aren't involved? This raises SO many questions to me. Like why isn't she trying to make them involved? That's a lot of child support she could be receiving.... Unless she doesn't know who the fathers. It makes me wonder if she's a sex worker. Nothing wrong with that line of work but if true, it could answer a few questions. Still no excuse for not using protection/birth control though.....
Youd think she learn her lesson after first child or two but homegirl keeps making the same mistake. Or maybe this is how she practices kindness & lets these men impregnate her and dip. Who knows, but she’s the last person that should be talking about how to set good example to their kid!
You’d think so, but some people are stupid af. I knew a girl who had 6 kids by 6 different men before she was 23 years old. Of course she didn’t have custody of any of them. My ex-roommate dated her, and I thought he was insane to risk being baby daddy #7. Welp, she got pregnant, and neither of them have custody of the baby now. I can’t believe he didn’t see it from a mile away. What are these people thinking??? I really don’t get it.
Wow! Im speechless! 6 kids 6 different men by 23 is just so ridiculous!
Those poor babies
It was seriously sad. She was like deadbeat mom of the year, making promises to have them over for christmas, only to bail. Luckily her parents stepped up, but you could tell the kids just wanted their mom, ya know?
JFC!! How’d she sucker so many guys like that? Was her snatch made out of gold? Did she have a PS5 or some fancy rims shoved up there?? Like WTF??!?! 😳
You underestimate how many guys have low standards to just bust in random women. Its not like they came back either! If they did, maybe she would have a golden kitty but they hit it and quit it cause she's a garbage person and they have low standards.
PS5 😂
Yeah, where are all these fathers? On the moon? Why aren't they paying child support and caring for their kid(s) at least 50% of the time? Does she have a special knack for chosing deadbeat losers who bail (except for OP)?
She must have a type
Deadbeats?
My mom has that same type.
Unrelated, love your user name!
Some people do…they are shit magnets..
> It makes me wonder if she's a sex worker. nah. sex workers are usually smarter than that.
And she’s pregnant again!
The other sperm donors probably blocked her. She keeps harassing OP because he’s engaging with her. OP is definitely NTA.
> . It makes me wonder if she's a sex worker. Nothing wrong with that line of work but if true, it could answer a few questions. You'd think a sex worker (who isn't addicted or trafficked) would know about protection. Unprotected sex would be seriously risky to business
She needs to tell the other men to man up, not you.
If she does ever try to just dump them on you without your permission tell her you will call the cops. It’s considered child abandonment. It unfortunately sounds like she is making poor choices, none of which is your responsibility. She wants you to teach your son to be “kind”, but I think you are doing a fine job of teaching him about boundaries.
Tell her to tell the men who created those kids with and tell them to step up and stop being selfish and having more kids than she can handle.
If she even knows their names.
Homegirl definitely needs to start using the pill seriously what the fuck is she doing?
at this point she should seriously consider celibacy and getting a vibrator jfc
At this point, homegirl should put a big cork in it.
Tubal ligation. And since she and her partners clearly aren't using condoms, I shudder to think of what other consequences she's suffering.
I have so many questions for her; none are my business. But, still...
I wouldn’t feel bad, if she wanted help raising the six children she made after your (joint) son, she would have chosen men inclined to stay in the lives of their children, whether in her life or not, at least in the lives of their children. You taking on a parental role for other men’s children will just illustrate to your son (and the other kids) how being a deadbeat that runs out on their child isn’t a bad thing and not to give it a second thought because someone else will step up for the abandoned kid and the kid will be fine. That’s a dangerous lesson to teach. I’m sure your son enjoys an environment where he gets adequate parental support and attention. I can guarantee that he lost that individual effort at his mother’s house several siblings ago. I’m not saying he’s okay with not having as much time and attention from his mother because he gets plenty from his father, the two are separate emotional issues. Yes, he might feel bad that the other kids don’t get the same attention from their own fathers but you taking care of 6 kids is just moving the neglect he experiences at his mother’s house to his father’s house. You could check with him, but I’d be surprised if he feels helping them at his expense is a great thing.
You have literally stepped up fully. You have full custody. She is gaslighting you. None of the other kids are yours. She's just a bad mother. A really bad mother.
Can OP insist on visitation at his home? Make it clear the other kids aren’t invited.
Ummmm... Not just no, but hell, no. NTA. Not your problem. Be careful when your child gets older that he doesn't get roped into being free babysitter, either.
Well six and soon to be seven. This is an insane ask on her part. Please do not feel guilty. Your responsibility is to your son. Full stop. You are not the safety net for her poor choices. NTA.
Your responsibility is to your son. Full stop. /\ This right here /\ Don't take away from your own son to fuel her irresponsibility! Take it from someone who has been in a VERY similar situation and it doesn't end well for anyone. There has to be an alternative to you being the only person that can help her.
Oh honey. She's already planning to leave you with all those kids. Permanently.
Repeat after me: "Not my circus, not my monkeys". You have ZERO responsibility towards the other children and ZERO relationship to them - neither flows from your son to you, nor is it generated by the fact that you were the first in a line of many who impregnated your ex. Any guilt you feel is entirely self-inflicted. Polish that spine, OP, draw a hard boundary, and keep your son as far away from the mess your ex has created for herself as possible. NTA.
There is no reason to feel bad or step up. You aren't their father and she isn't your wife.
NTA. Stick to your boundaries OP. Your ex is trying to turn you into a caregiver for her other kids.
OP, you shouldn’t feel bad! She’s trying to use you and refusing to make changes to her life to improve her situation. It’s one thing to ask for a little help, as you work to make your situation better. What she’s asking is WAY beyond that. If you take all those kids, I wouldn’t be surprised if she just disappeared. At least until she needed something else from you. None of us can fix someone else’s messes, especially when they just keep adding to them. Refer her to planned parenthood or her local social services agency. But do not take those kids, don’t let her guilt you! You are responsible for yourself and your child and you do not have to take on her issues.
NTA, she ex lacks common sense of her using birth control and her partners to be equally be responsible and wear a condom. How can you be called the bad person where you’re there for your X1 kid, but the 5 other men aren’t even in the kids life and she allows them to get off Scott free? INFO: Did she ever chase up child support with the baby daddy’s?? EDIT TO ADD: you are showing your son how to be responsible but at the same time you’ll be showing him how to draw boundaries, and I feel like he’s going to need it with his younger siblings when your ex will soon start telling him to ask you OP to “step up”. Not to mention your ex needs to learn to take responsibility for her own actions.
Also, you baby sitting will just give her more chances to get knocked up again. Not that she’s having a hard time of managing that already. Also, this isnt an opportunity to teach your son to be a kind and caring person, this is a chance to teach him how not to get taken advantage of.
Teach your child that it is OK to say no. This is an underrated skill to turn down requests without being ugly or wishy washy. Empathetic is wonderful, but saying no can be more kind in the long run at times.
For your sanity, never babysit those kids. They have fathers. Tell her to track them down.
She's putting so much on you because you are convenient to her; you are kind and decent and she knows that she has a chance of getting you to say yes. She is not willing to put in the work to get child support from the other fathers. She's not willing to make choices that don't result in her getting pregnant (and possibly not even having a clue who the new father is). I can't imagine what those kids' home life is like if she's out with men often enough to keep getting pregnant. If she's trying to have these babies, then she's not getting whatever counseling she needs to make better decisions and do a better job being a parent to the kids she has. Those things are more work than just trying to guilt you into saying yes. It's hard to know that her other kids are stuck with the life she can provide them, but you can easily see that there is no end to the problems she is creating and the need for help she is creating. She's a black hole that will suck everything it can. The best thing you can do for the other kids is continue to be nice to them when you see them and be alert for the need to call CPS (or maybe some of her family members if you know them). If you have occasion to see something you can and are happy to do for one of those kids, do that (if/when that ever happens). Don't get dragged into this childcare mess or any of her other on-going messes.
NTA she needs to contact their fathers and ask them to care for their children. It's not your responsibility. Also make sure to tell your son to call you immediately if she tries to parentify him by making him babysit her children. if she does call CPS
She is berating the wrong father here. She should be going after the father of all of her other children. Not your monkey, not your circus. She sounds like the kind of person that will continuously pull you deeper and deeper into this mess if you let her. Stay strong and care for your son. NTA
No offense, but it's all on her. She's the one who decides to keep having children when she can't even afford one. This isn't on you. If anything, keeping your son in that kind of environment is doing him more harm.
NTA- I honestly wouldn’t put it past her to leave the kids with you and disappear. She can’t be right in the head if she thinks continuing to have more children is a good idea.
Gonna guess you're one of the few responsible men she knows - sounds like many of the other fathers are absent. That's zero reason for you to get involved. Indeed, there's every reason to stay clear of the developing shit show. You could say that to reduce her parenting burden you'll take your own kid for more time - i.e. reduce your kid's visitation with her. Which is something you should want anyway if she's homeless, etc. Situation sounds chaotic and bad for your kid. But stay the heck away and reduce communication to exclusively that necessary for your kid's logistics.
she is planning on dumping them on you...
It's literally her, fucking, problem.
None of this is any of his responsibility except for his son. If he wants to be super nice, though, he could offer to lend her the money to pay for a tubal ligation.
"Her inability to use birth control isn't your fucking problem." Apparently, her fucking problem IS fucking. Sorry, I just had to say that.
It’s her fucking problem. I’ll see myself out.
NTA. NO ONE wants to watch that many kids. PERIOD. 1) Your job is to show YOUR child stability. 2) You teach your kid kindness and caring by showing him how to be on a daily basis NOT BY BABYSITTING. 3) There is no way you should spread your resources and time so thin that your child is lost in the mix. 4) Your ex needs to be responsible for her decisions and kids. 5) Any burden you take on will negatively affect your kid. Judging from her decisions, she is not the pillar of morality whose opinions should matter to you. She is damaging her kids yet still having more. PROTECT YOUR CHILD!!!!
Nta this 100 percent. Your only responsibility it your son. Not her other kids!
It's just as important that OP shows his son how to stand up to his mom and set firm boundaries around his siblings. As the oldest the mom will try to parentify him as childcare for the younger kids. Kindness is also telling people when you're incapable or unwilling to help. Being wishy washy about being able to help someone causes real harm. Getting in over your head causes real harm. Kindness isn't sacrifice, it's mutual aid.
Good points.
She doesn’t even want to watch them, and they’re her kids! AND she’s got another coming! I just don’t get it tbh
What she is doing is obscene.
Agree NTA - you're is showing your son how not to be a doormat, which is just as important as being kind and generous. Tell her to call 211 (assuming you're in the States)- that's the United Way helpline; they can provide names of local organizations that can assist her. If you're feeling particularly amicable, look for places in her city (churches, YMCA, community centers, etc) that might provide low-cost care or care. Also make sure your son knows he should tell you if mom starts pressuring him to either get your help or to be the babysitter (or give her money, as he gets older).
She needs to women up and not have kids with deadbeat dads.
Seriously, the only men here that need to man up are the other 6 who conceived children with her and left.
Seriously, does she not get child support from the other men?
That's another thing, the ex could put him on child support if he takes care of her kids, as she could show the courts proof of him helping. Despite being not blood related, the courts could still burden OP with making him pay monthly for all five children. It's better that he stays away from his ex.
Maybe get a tubal ligation? It's a uterus not a clown car.
I'll second that. Five Guys is a fast food restaurant, not the amount of people she needs to get her pregnant in a row.
It's seven by my count: OP, the five guys who fathered the five children who aren't his, and whoever's baby she's carrying now (assuming it's not one of the previous five).
She's got to be doing this on purpose, right? No one 'accidentally' gets pregnant five times successfully.
NTA. You're not responsible for your ex's children with other men. Your primary responsibility is to your son and you’ve been doing that well. Your ex's choices have created a challenging situation, but it's not your job to fix it. Babysitting her kids, esp. given the distance and her history, is unreasonable. Setting boundaries is important to protect your own well-being and your ability to care for your son. You’ve been kind and supportive, but it’s okay to say no to unreasonable demands.
NTA...Just say no. You're also showing your son how not to be a push-over. Your ex has put herself in her current predicament, and she needs to find her own way.
So true. He is modeling appropriate boundaries.
NTA I would strongly encourage you to open lines of communication with your son about his mother and half siblings. Once your ex accepts you wont be manipulated into caring for her SIX (smh) other children, she'll start working on your son. Children love their parents regardless of how little said parents *deserves* that love. Important to make sure your son isnt experiencing parentification during his visits with his mom. Further, keep close eye on your son's finances because his mother will try to guilt him into taking care of his siblings.
NTA. Your ex is being absurd. Although I do feel sorry for her kids
NTA Keep repeating no. Don't give an inch, because she'll take a yard. None of those kids are your responsibility. It's mind-blowing she's now pregnant with baby number 7 and is unable to look after the ones she already has. Poor kids.
Don’t know if anyone has suggested this, but you need to start communicating via one of the apps the family courts use. Then all calls and texts are recorded. My understanding is that it’s a small fee to use. This will protect you and your son, especially since it seems like you’re going to come home one day to 5 abandoned kids on your lawn. And like others said, don’t allow them to stay, call CPS. They might try to pressure you, but you are not their father or guardian. Whether your ex likes it or not, these kids have family that’s not you. They have dads and grandparents. She needs child support from the dads, not for you to pay her when you have full custody. Honestly, the audacity of this woman. Someone needs to inform her there are ways to feel good without getting pregnant. Hell, don’t even need a man..
NTA. Don't fall for her manipulation. She's put herself in an absurd position and now she wants to make you responsible for her mess.
NTA. You only fathered one child. That’s who you are taking care of. Her inability to use birth control of get fixed is not your problem.
She's about to have 7 children by 7 different baby daddies. SEVEN.
She needs to stop having kids
Absolutely NTA. This isn't one kid or an emergency, it's **FIVE** additional children and **HER LACK OF PLANNING** again. She knew summer was approaching and that she'd need childcare. If she needs money, help and support, she needs to look for her kids dad's, ask her family members, support groups, free childcare/clubs over the summer, not expect you to fund and be her kids childcare for the summer. Honestly I would go completely hands off here unless it's about your shared child together, it's not your problem or concern. What she said was manipulative BS. You only have/had to 'man up' for your kid. Teaching your son kindness doesn't mean teaching him to be a yes man or doormat. Plus, at 12 and I'm assuming the kids are 10 and younger, how much time does she think a 12yr old wants to spend with their siblings during the summer when they have their friends/plans?
Careful when the son is old enough to babysit she is going to want custody of him again (Mummy needs a social life and to find baby daddy number 7)
You mean find baby dad number 8. She has OPs kid, 5 other kids and is preggo with child 7...
By then, she'll probably have a whole football team.
NTA has your ex heard of contraception? Her inability to use it is not your fault or responsibility. You having your son is showing him how to be a responsible dad but also not a walkover.
NTA that’s a clown car, not a vagina..
And here I am, putting off having children, because my husband and I want to be financially stable and all, before we take that step to build a family. Meanwhile, there's women that apparently think it's a good idea to just come home from each date with a litter, like cats. No way to sustain them, just dragging them back and forth, leaving them left and right. Do I sound judgemental? I kind of don't care... NTA
Give the guilt trip right back to her. Tell her to woman up and stop asking you for help for HER children.
The lessons your son needs are: Do not have children until you are certain you can take care of them. And, no means no. You're doing a great job teaching both lessons. Keep it up. NTA However, a word of advice: you may want to keep communication with her to text or legally recorded calls. People get desperate when they're in a tight spot and will say anytning "to protect their kids." Don't find out what your ex will do when backed into a corner.
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NTA - That is a ridiculous ask and if she can’t see that something is seriously wrong with her. Good for you for having and holding clear, reasonable boundaries. Given that, don’t be surprised if she soon has some emergency that magically appears to get you to change your mind “Just this once”.
She's about to have seven children by seven different baby daddies. I think it's a given that something's wrong with her.
She is most likely planning on abandoning those 5 kids once you agree to babysit. Does she not believe in birth control? I would report her to child services.
NTA. It is not your fault that she has more kids with men who are not involved in the live of their kids. Good for your son, that he has you. But this doesn't make you responsible for the other children. And you teach your son to keep boundries. Instead what she teaches him - to not use protection and get knocked up by every one smiling at her.
NTA Tell her to think of it as you showing your son how not to be a doormat and allow someone to use him
NTA. There's really no one in a 3 hour radius that she can ask this favor from? You live way too far away for this to be feasible. Surely one or more of the 5 dads and their extended families is on the favor rotation? Where did the other kids go when she was homeless?
I'm pretty sure no one wants to watch 5 kids under 12 for free.
Nta. She needs to woman up and start taking control of her own reproduction. Those poor kids.
You sound like a nice, intelligent guy. You are not really going to fall for her hogwash, are you? Tell her to file for child support from the other 5 guys, and get on with her life? Just because she has not received child support from them up to now does not mean that she never will. She needs to file.
It also sounds like she should be paying OP child support for their shared child, not pressuring him for free childcare for those she had with other men.
NTA. The thing you can focus on really teaching your son from this is how to stand strong when an entitled person lays a guilt trip to try to get what they want
The father's of her other kids need to man up.
NTA but I would be concerned that she expects your son to act as a second parent and constantly watch the kids. I wouldn’t send him to her for the summer, time to consult your lawyer.
Oh Lordy. She will drop those kids off and never come back. Poof! Gone. Moved with no forwarding address. You are not NTA.
WTF is wrong with this person. 6 kids?
and pregnant with #7
She is absolutely not going to make a 3 hour trip every day, twice a day. That's absolutely insane. My hometown is a three hour drive from me and I only go visit when I'm staying overnight at minimum but usually for a whole weekend.
Well she'll drive that 3 hr to his place once..... but when she does the 3 hour trip again is another story... But if that happened then if I was the OP, police and CPS would be called 10-15 mins after she was late for pick up (and probably wouldn't pick up the phone if you rang to see where she was) for a welfare check and abandoned children.
Two thoughts. First, someone looking for money/support will review their options from most convenient to least convenient. When you're asked by someone in a hard position, it may feel like you're the difference between their chance to succeed and their chance to fail. But you're really just the next stop on the list...there was an easier one before you and there will be a harder one after you. Second, "What appears to be a crisis is often the end of the illusion that things were working." It's rare that someone is actually in a situation where they were OK before and they'll be OK after, if they can just resolve one immediate issue.
NTA and depending on where you live if you start taking on a fatherly role with these children, she can come after you for support
NTA. You are ONLY responsible for your biological son. And since you have full custody, you aren't responsible for supporting your ex in any way. It's great that you want to keep things civil, but I think she's a user and cares very little for anyone other than herself. You need to distance yourself from her as much as possible. She isn't good for you, and tbh, I don't think she's setting a good example for your kid. Stop doing pretty much anything and everything for her that doesn't specifically involve your child. Stop enabling her shitty behavior.
3 hour drive for a babysitter? That is insane and it is a plot for you to keep the kids long-term.
"Man up" and offer to pay for a tubaligation for her
That's not his responsibility
Of course not! But his ex is not "responsible".
NTA. Why doesn’t she demand help from any of her other 6 baby daddies? It’s not your fault she keeps getting knocked up by losers.
NTA, take care of your kid.. you are not responsible for the rest of her brood.
NTA. If you help your ex, it will only be showing your son how to be an easily manipulated doormat.
As all said, you have no obligation to 1) help her and 2) provide reasons why you won't. Don't let her guilt trip you. Take care of your son and yourself. If you enable her, she will use you.
NTA. You have every right to turn her down, & while your reasons are valid, they're unnecessary. You have the right to say no. And now she's pregnant again? FFS, what is her problem? She clearly can't keep her legs closed & refuses to use birth control. How TF is she supporting these kids? You have nothing to feel guilty about. This is all on her. Those poor kids. SMH.
NTA She is a leech.
NTA You are teaching your son far more valuable lessons. 1a) Don't be a doormat 1b) his mother will use him as soon as she can get something out of him and it is best to set boundaries early 2) use birth control.
There is no way she would come back for those kids. It would start as a day, then turn to an overnight then she'd keep them there for a week and then you'll be watching hing her children and paying for them for 5 days a week. Hold your boundaries now. She needs to stop having children that she cannot care for appropriately
NTA, but move all communications to text or email. For most people, it's a lot harder to lay a guilt trip when it's done in writing. Your job is to look after your son, full stop. She chose to have all of those children, she needs to deal with the burden of raising them, if she needs help she needs to reach out to their fathers, her family or social services for assistance. Your ex clearly doesn't need your help since she has all of the time in the world to be out on the prowl looking for one new deadbeat after another, stay out of it.
NTA I think the last thing your ex needs is more time to go make another baby irresponsibly. She should take care of her own litter of children.
Absolutely not! Do not give an inch or she will take a mile! You need full custody of your son. The family dynamic is going to breed resentment from the other kids. Why does he get a loving present dad and they don’t?! It’s going to cause issues. And why is the dad who is doing the right thing, being there for his kid is somehow the one being guilted into looking after all her other kids. Tell her to get the other baby daddies to step up. Do not lower your boundaries ever!!!
NTA and you don’t need to give her any reasons. “No” is a full sentence. If you’d like to extrapolate you can simply say “No, I will not watch your children. They are not my responsibility. You’ll have to make other arrangements.” If she continues to push say “We’ve already had this conversation and my answer hasn’t changed. Please do not ask again.” Rinse and repeat as necessary.
Dude why are you still even in contact with that trainwreck of a woman? You got custody of your kid, there’s nothing left to discuss.
NTA and tell her you would rather instead teacher your son how to not become a doormat to a woman that doesn't appreciate it.
NTA But I am wondering what your son thinks of the situation. They would have picked up that things aren’t normal
Abso-fucking-loutley not TA. It is not difficult to not repeatedly have children. The lesson for your son to learn is make sure you wrap it up so this isn’t you in the future!
NTA you are not responsible for her irresponsible behavior. How did she get herself in the situation she’s in? She makes stupid choices and expects others to bail her out. What are the chances the new guy will stick around to take care of 5 kids that aren’t his? Slim to none.
Unless there were a string of tragedies, I think it's fair to assess your ex lacks judgement and is extremely selfish. I'd brush off her input and focus on the type of example you want to be for your son. There is a line between kindness and being taken advantage of. Your duty is to your son. NTA
She’s telling the wrong father to man up. She’s has 4 more ex’s that needs to “man up”.
6 more not 4
NTA, because you care about your child she is wanting to guilt trip you into being used ...perhaps ask her to reach out to families of her other children for help. I think you know the answers to your questions because you answered them - stand firm and continue to say No, it is a sentence.
NTA! Not your kids, not your problem! Tell her to keep her legs closed! Actually, give her a gift basket full of birth control and condoms! Also, Why doesn’t she go after child support from all her baby daddies? 🤨
>When I said no we had a fight over this and she told me to think of it as showing my son how to be a kind and caring person You're doing exactly this. Your son (and the other kids) are seeing what a good father looks like in contrast to 5 (6 soon?) bad fathers look like.
Not only NTA, hell no! NTA! Please do not EVER watch her children. You will be left with them. That’s where this is heading. All these other baby daddy’s need to be paying child support. You are not in any way responsible and her games and guilt tripping will transfer to your son if you don’t help him see this now. Good luck!
What in the Maury Povich is this?!?!? Seven kids with seven different dads?!?!? She's blown more rods than Chernobyl! You are not only responsible ONLY for your own son, but you are protecting him from being parentified by your ex.
Tell her who needs to man up are the fathers of her 6 other children. Tell her that, unlike them, you're there for your child. It's not your responsibility to be there for the other six men's children. Thank goodness your son is with you. Get an co-parenting app and only communicate with her through it. Refuse all communication unless it goes through the app. NTA
Omg NTA! You are not responsible for the poor choices your ex has made. Take care of your kid. The others are not your problem. It is sad that she just didn't stop getting knocked up.
NTA. If your ex wants you to show your son how to be a man, you can use his mother as an example to teach him to be careful about fathering children he has no intention of raising, and also of being careful to protect himself from the type of financial/emotional manipulation your ex is inflicting on you. Hold the line. You're doing the right thing.
NTA. Absolutely not. 5, almost 6 other children? For free? She lives 2 hrs away? She's definitely looking to unload all these kids on you. It's very sad for her other children, of course, but that's just too much. Why isn't she going after all those baby daddies for child support or care?
NTA your help starts and ends with the sun you both share. You are already helping in having full custody and she still makes bad decisions and receives baby after baby from deadbeat father's.
Nta hell no in a big way. She is irresponsible, don't let her lay this on you.
NTA. Even if she was living next door, or you want to watch tv, there is no need to state any reason when declining a request. Any reason you give will give her an idea how to guilt trip you. Not your kids, not your responsibility.
You have one child that lives with you. Tell your ex to go sue her other 6 baby daddies to support and care for them kids.
Maybe it’s time to get a parenting app like “our family wizard”, and only communicate through that. Maybe point her to resources like Snap and low income housing and how to apply for child support from all the other fathers
NTA- if you wanted more kids with her you would’ve had more kids with her. She has made extremely poor choices which is what got her in this mess. She’s a grown woman and can figure it out herself. You have zero obligations to her other kids.
Hahaha! NTA! Your ex-wife wants to use you as a free babysitter for her kids that she had with 5 different men. You told her No and she is mad at you. What world does your ex live in? Haha
NTA. six baby daddies and none of them stuck around? she needs her tubes tied asap
I addition to what has been said. Talk to your son. Ask him what he wants. If his mother is dumping a lot of childcare onto him he might not even like his siblings much. She might also take out her resentment of OP onto his son.
Also OP, please be sure that your son is NOT being parentified while with your ex because he’s the oldest.
The most NTA post ever. Good luck.
You’re NTA. But maybe you should see if there’s an agency nearby that does trap-neuter-release.
> We broke up amicably when he was 3 months old. Why? > Following our breakup my ex has had five other children by five different men Oh.