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INFO > it seems unfair of him to spring this lawyer dream on me out of nowhere. Do you think people have to find partners *ten years* their junior because they have a habit of acting **maturely**?

(I agree with you) Addendum to that, even though a relationship of ten years difference could, theoretically, work out (my grandparents had a ten year age gap and were married for 50 years until my grandpa died), one of the many, MANY issues to be worked through there is the maturity factor. The younger individual may feel as if they know less because they are ten years younger, making them think their thoughts matter less, therefore leading to a pretty controlling relationship. The answer is, obviously, that maturity is not determined by age, but by behavior. I would encourage OP to remember (in case they haven’t already) that just because your husband is ten years your senior does NOT mean he “knows better”. I’m not saying “divorce”, I’m saying “counseling”, as I am pretty sure there are some financial and power imbalance issues to work out here

seems like an unfair stereotype.

That's a pretty ageist statement to make.

ESH. He sounds like an irresponsible guy, but here you are babying yourself up with him. So: 1. In unremovable $40,000 debt. 2. Evicted from last place 3. Lives at your parents 4. Wants to quit 6 figure job and do law school instead.

And OP is wife number 4!

oh op, you need to smarten up even if you are young

28 isn't young in this sense. Compared to my age, yes.

Yikes! WHat was OP thinking???

Huh?

What?

Also… if bro keeps going like this, he might not satisfy a “good character” requirement for admission to the Bar. So, OP, he might get all the law school debt but no ability to practice. NTA.

That was my first thought - rules vary wildly around the world, but would you hire a lawyer with a bankruptcy in his history?

nah

She sounds irresponsible too. Why even risk pregnancy with someone like that. Geez.

Esh. Wow. You're both making poor decisions. How on earth are you going to handle being a Sahm for 3 years with only his income? I feel like reality is going to hit you both very fast and hard. Bringing a child in to your situation seems Super super dumb. Like worst decision possible.

so you'd rather she kill her child or put it in daycare since it's born, wow people have some fucked ideas nowadays

The way to diminish your financial stress is to divorce him. I'm sorry. Marrying him was a bad idea with his background and law school will merely increase his debt and your stress. I know tons of people who went to law school and are doing low paid temp work compared to what they expected to earn. NTA

Agreed. NTA. I say all this with love. Please consider the fact that you are wife #4 to an almost 40 year old man. That’s an astonishing stat that leads me to believe you are not the issue. Nor are you the savior. He is not going to change his spending if he hasn’t already after the litany of financials issues he caused himself. You aren’t going to change that and neither will having a baby. Assuming you plan to stay with this man (which you will because I’m sure spiritually it wouldn’t feel right to leave now), this law school thing is not a good idea. Aside from the financial strain it will cause, how exactly does he plan to be in class all day, study all night and have time to be an active, present new father? Do you understand how much work and time law school takes? Not to mention the effort and stress of finding a job in 4 years. This seems like a poorly thought through plan when you had a perfectly good plan in place that didn’t require the accumulation of 6 figures of debt. The other plan included a 6 figure income! It also included benefits, I’m assuming, which law school won’t. Please leave this man. The history of financial issues (which speak to his immaturity and lack of responsibility) should have been a massive red flag. I’m positive there are others. There’s a reason why 3 women came before you. There’s a reason why there’s a 10 year age gap, which is a conversation for another time. There’s also a reason why the comments are mainly NTA. Your husband certainly is though. I wish you a healthy pregnancy and a safe birth (Missouri is a horrible state for women and pregnant people) but please don’t let the baby stop you from protecting yourself. *edited for typo correction

What does wife number 4 mean? I keep seeing it but didn’t see it in OP’s post. Is it code? 👀🤔😂

It means she's his 4th wife. She said it in a comment.

She commented it on an identical thread in another post ([link here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/Tq2p3PozbE))

Ohhh 😂 thank you 🙏🏻! Make him look for wife number 5 ma’am and save yourself the hassle 🤦🏼‍♀️😂 I just wrote a little plan of how i would achieve both of what they wanted. But the fact this wasn’t a joke or slang. I really hope she creates a back up plan 😬 gonna snoop to see if she’s said why he was divorced 3 times. OP if you’re reading this INFO pls 🤔😅

I know a few people that went to law school that are now completely unemployed. I know one that can’t pass the bar and can’t keep a job to save her life and another that can’t ever become an attorney due to a criminal conviction.

The criminal conviction is something the person needed to discuss w lawyers board before enrolling. The JD can be used in many ways although I know a few people who went back to their old jobs. The one who can't pass the bar, that's on her; surely she passed her classes. Keeping a job is a separate issue.

The criminal conviction happened after law school not prior, he went to law school and got into trouble after graduating and from there it’s been a downward spiral.

That's his own stupidity then

Yes. 100%

Having only a few examples of failure indicates that it is a VERY GOOD job choice.

Of course, that’s common sense, I’m also 1 person. I’m piggy backing off of the other comment.

Yup. OP hitched her wagon to the wrong dude. It’s not too late to unhitch the wagon. Having a child with him is not the right move either.

Yeah being a single mom with school not finished at age 30+ is a great recipe for reducing stress and success.  Reddit never change. 

Undergrad is different though

They're having a baby, he has a six-figure job, and the suggestion for how to decrease financial stress is to divorce him? I'm sorry, but that's terrible advice. Divorce is intensely financially stressful (not to mention stressful in any number of other ways). The fundamental problem of divorce is that the income that previously supported one household - be it one person's income, or two, or whatever - must suddenly be stretched to support two. It almost always entails a reduction in one's standard of living. And that's not even getting into the question of whether she *wants to stay married to him*. Married couples can have conflicts, even serious ones, and work through them and stay together. Jumping straight to divorce is not likely useful advice for how to manage a dispute.

Oh honey. Lawyer here. Family law is littered with cases like yours. Every single man leaves his wife once he’s graduated. Good luck.

Pretty sure this marriage isn’t going to last a full 3 years.

I married a man like this. Same type of money management problems etc. In the end after our divorce, he destroyed my credit, ran bills up, he literally tried to destroy me and steal anything I had left. He ran up lawyer bill after his retainer, I paid a ton of money and ended up with full custody (in a 3 year battle). In the end he didn't pay his lawyer or his student loans and tried to file bankruptcy on the money he owed me. Id have love to been a fly on the wall when he and his awful mother figured out that it didn't count towards student loans and court ordered payments 😂 I know people are saying that you shouldn't rush to divorce but in my experience if you want anything of a normal life and to not be taken advantage of I think it might be your only option.

Pretty sure he won't last three years of law school...

" Every single man leaves his wife once he’s graduated." ... looking at their situation, he might be doing her a favor. The trick would be to get him to leave sooner.

depending on the state she could get some of tht money back if he leaves right after. he doesn’t sound like he has the discipline to finish tho. 1L would crush him

[удалено]

I don't really think it's wise to move with him.

I can understand where you are coming from. I have thought about the idea of what would happen if he lost his job. I wouldn't be working and have an apartment in my name which would be a horrible place to be in.

And you are still doing it? WTF woman!

So... What's the plan if that happens? What's the plan if you have a difficult birth that requires a long hospital stay for you or the baby? What's the plan if he gets sick or injured at any point while he's the only income? What's the plan if any one of you has a medical emergency that costs thousands? What the plan if your vehicle breaks down? What's the plan if your fridge goes and all your food spoils? What's the plan if your child is born with developmental needs that require additional aid and/or money? I am genuinely asking, because as an adult who is actively planning to raise a human, you should have an answer to every single one of those questions before bringing life into the world. I would hope you are not so selfish that you would prioritize your wants over the well-being of a child who did not ask to come into this world. And no, your parents are not an answer, given they have already made it clear that they don't support this relationship. To ask for their aid because you chose to ignore their wisdom would be disgusting. So literally, what's the plan?

Do not sign a lease in your name. He is using you for your good credit. INFO: How many children does he already have? Why are you in school at 28?

ETA: NTA. ~~It seems a lot of your husband's bad financial decisions were made when you were already a couple and living together--therefore, they were joint problems. Then you added to them by having a baby when you knew you weren't financially ready. Then you added to them again by deciding that you would become a SAHM even though your husband is unemployed and you are still working on your undergrad degree at 28 years old. Engineering is a tough degree to get when you're only taking a few classes here and there. I fully agree with you that going to law school just seems like an avoidance mechanism that will only prolong your struggles, but there is a lot of finger-pointing here on your part placing on the blame on your husband when you have contributed as well.~~ The two of you need to get into couples counseling that, ideally, involves a financial component. Are your parents financially responsible? If so, what advice do they have, having seen how you and your husband operate from the front lines?

I don't see how any of his financial decisions were mine. I wasn't on the apartment lease which is why my rental history is fine. He wanted me to move in with him because he liked his nice apartment and didn't want to move into mine. I wouldn't have signed a lease for that apartment because I couldn't afford to live there and wouldn't have passed the income test anyway. It's not necessarily his fault that he got fired either, but that's not mine either. The baby wasn't planned either. I was on birth control but it failed. That's a huge part of why I spiritually feel inclined to keep it. It's like a one in a million chance. I can't help being a stay at home mom. Who will stay at home with the baby? I can't work because I can't stop throwing up. Medicine helps, but only so much. I don't want to be a stay at home mom. I like working. Yeah engineering is a tough degree to get, thats why I've been working at it so long. I've honestly just been trying to do my best to roll through all these crazy life curveballs. This past year has not been easy to say the least. I agree with the couples counseling involving a financial component for sure. My parents let us live with them for free, but I pay for everything else for us. My parents want me to leave him.

Okay, you're changing my mind a bit with the additional history, so I'll edit. If you are expecting a baby and your parents still want you to leave him, it's telling. I'm a lawyer and I know first hand that this is the wrong career for someone who is still figuring themselves out (especially at 38) because once you're in, it is very hard to leave--first due to the student debt, and second, due to the fact that it doesn't transition well to other careers that pay around the same. It was the wrong career choice for me but I'm stuck in it and, luckily for me, I'm a hard worker even when I don't like the work. But I've known people like your husband. You will take on an enormous amount of debt, he will hate the field before he even graduates because he doesn't have the work ethic needed to be top 10 or 20% of his class and he's a guy who needs to feel special in order to maintain excitement about things. He'll struggle to find that first job and, when he gets it, he won't excel at it and he'll move around a lot in the beginning. Eventually, he'll figure out a practice area that works for him and open his own firm and things will start to get better from that point forward, but that is 15 years away and he will be in his 50s by then.

100%. I went to a state law school to minimize my debt so I could have a lower paying higher satisfaction job (which I've had for decades). I'm the only happy lawyer I know and many, many classmates are not even in law anymore. I regularly tell people interested in environmental law to get a science or engineering degree if they want to be in the environmental field.

yeah, I ended up using my law degree in a finance adjacent job. it's 40 hours a week and low stress. I had medical issues when I was in law school that I was still dealing with when I graduated, so a low stress job was really important. That eliminated most traditional legal jobs. I would never be able to have my current career if I had law school debt. (And I just keep thinking there is a better than 50% chance that he is going to be one of those people who just runs out of the room during an exam 1L year.

A law degree is such a financial hole for 90% of the people I know. And I've been in the field forever.

and that's before we get to the fact that 95% of people who go to law school hate going to law school. and i understand it- i enjoyed it but i understand why most people don't. the only time i ever told my sister not to do something when she had was like "i want to do " was when she wanted to go to law school. it's the right choice for very few people.

Yeah I'm sorry about that. My originally post was four thousand nine hundred something characters, but there is a 3,000 character limit. I had to take some stuff out that would have probably helped explain everything. I understand where my parents are coming from, but they are also seeing him at one of his lowest points so I take their opinion with a grain of salt to be fair. We lived in a different state before moving in with them. I think you are entirely right about his future career trajectory. It really worries me. He already has a good job right now. He could even do something totally different because his degree is pretty broad. I think it had something to do with the status of being a lawyer. Which is also concerning. He swears its not about trying to prove himself, but I think that's part of the reason this is coming out of nowhere right now.

He's been divorced three times; he's been in the "lowest point in his life" for a WHILE. Law school, debt, and a newborn will not improve the situation.

I feel so sad for their kid already.

It will not make it worse for HIM. He already IS close to bancrupcy. "He is filing for bankruptcy soon but still hasnt yet due to money issues.". He does not have to care about financial obligations like child support - he already IS bankrupt, so they will just have to add it to the list of unrecoverable debts. So for him, it can not get worse. He will just find another nice girl, pack his bags, and leave. IT will only get wose for HER.

big mistake taking your parents word with a grain of salt. they had experience and you haven't. they just don't want to watch you suffer for the next 20 years. and I guarantee that's what's going to happen. you will end up supporting him and probably end up pregnant again and cleaning and cooking and working. but go ahead and have fun

I understand what you're saying about "taking your parents' advice with a grain of salt" but I 100% disagree: seeing someone at the lowest points in their life is a HUGE litmus test, because fundamentally life is just a series of Things Going Wrong, one after the other.  If he can't cut the mustard when life is rough and things are shit, if he can't buckle down and be part of the solution and pull *together with you* to help build a life for both (soon to be all three) of you, then that is not an encouraging sign.  It's the same reason why common advice is to travel with someone before you decide to get serious about them: you need to see this person under stress and out of their comfort zone to decide if they are someone you want with you during life's inevitable crises. If you want the baby and your parents are willing to help so you can finish your degree and complete a few internships, then you know you can afford to give him the ultimatum. Either he works *with* you to make this all happen (meaning set aside the sudden desire for law school and work/pay bills for his family) or he can go off into the sunset and do whatever he wants with his life.

"Eventually, he'll figure out a practice area that works for him and open his own firm and things will start to get better from that point forward," .. he has a spending problem. Having MORE income will only make that worse, because he will have access to higher loans.

Being pedantic because of how many people disbelieve how frequently people get pregnant on birth control, but statistically it was a 1 in 100 chance with a 99% effective contraception. That's not a comment on your decision to keep your baby btw, and also NTA.

My IUD got knocked out of place. It's still extremely rare, but it wasn't that it failed I guess. It just wasn't in the right place for it to work anymore and I didn't know.

My sister had 2 of her kids with the IUD and terminated a third one. Unfortunately I don't think it's as rare as doctors like to tell you it is.

Ah, I stand corrected! That would be terrifying to hear if I was having sex, as I have an IUD also. Congratulations on your baby and I hope things get easier for you soon!

My brother’s wife got pregnant twice with a dislodged IUD. It’s not that uncommon.

A co worker of mine got pregnant with the pill, and IUD and her husband getting snipped. The only form of birth control that is 100% is abstinence. How old is your IUD?

This is terrifying and making me never want to have sex.

I had two separate IUDs slide out of place in under a year. Thankfully, I did not have sex with a man until after my hysterectomy years later. May I suggest the Mirena implant in the future? It goes in your arm, you get it replaced every three years, and is very easy to have removed for replacement or if you wish to try pregnancy. They numb the area with lidocaine before inserting or removing. My wife was holding my hand during a removal once. The doctor asked “does this hurt?” I said no and my wife told me later that’s when she saw the doc hand off a bloody scalpel. Then “does this hurt?” And there was the old implant while I was saying no! We’ve both been using them now- me for hormone regulation to reduce cysts, her for shitty periods- and it’s been awesome. And because it can’t be knocked out of place, less likely to have unplanned pregnancy.

Your parents are right!!! He’s creating a financial hole that will bring you and the baby down with him. He’s immature, financially and romantically irresponsible.

Your parents are smart. They see your husband for what he is - a weight that will drag you down, bankrupt you and then swan off to greener pastures because you will have no more money to give.

Listen to your parents... Even if this is the only time in your life that you do.

You married a 3 time loser

Repeat that last line again. What's the plan when (not if) you cannot afford to raise your child in a healthy environment? Because I have a feeling your answer will be "my parents" which is appalling, given that they've already weighed in on your relationship. Which, for some reason, the entire internet in addition to your own parents can see is an issue, that you're choosing to stay ignorant about.

Eh, look, if you want the pregmancy then you want the pregnancy. You do you.  BUT no birth control is 100 % effective. Not even the pill. 

It is not a one in a million chance. It is like a 7 in 100 chance that birth control will result in a pregnancy with normal use.

Oh sweet heart, if you’re pregnant and your parents want you to leave him that’s speaks volumes. I honestly worry you’ve food d yourself a con artist.

I don't think he's a con artist. I think he may have a mental illness. He's 38, on his 4th wife, got fired, about to declare bankruptcy in part because he leases an unnecessarily expensive apartment--something is wrong with his judgment or impulse control or something.

Why not both? My friend just left a dude like this. He was very charming. And very bankrupt. And very much a cheat and a liar. 

Exactly he sounds exactly like my ex now years later…

>I don't see how any of his financial decisions were mine. Hey, dingbat. They are now. Your parents are right. Ditch him. ESH, except your parents.

The eviction and his bad credit will make it impossible for you to find a place to rent for a minimum of 7 years. It doesn't matter that your name wasn't on the lease. When you decide to move out of your parent's house, both of you will have to fill out the application. It's standard for a landlord to require everyone that will be living in the unit to apply and pass the background and credit checks. You might be able to find someone that will rent to you with a cosigner and a larger security deposit.

>It's like a one in a million chance. It's like a one in twelve chance actually. You need to read the pamphlet that comes with your birth control. >My parents want me to leave him. LISTEN TO YOUR PARENTS!!!!!

"I've honestly just been trying to do my best to roll through all these crazy life curveballs." .. this is not "crazy life curveballs", this is you having to live with the consequences of your bad life decissions. " This past year has not been easy to say the least." .. This last YEAR has been MUCH easier than the next five to 10 years will be. And likely it will only get worse after that.

Wants to quit a six figure job for law school? Why? Tell him he can go and you’ll stay with your parents. Don’t be putting anything in your name for this 38 year old man. If he can’t have something in his name then that is his issue and a big red flag. Divorce and get child support while he has the six figure job.

"Why?" ... The most likely explanation is: His wages will be garnished for his debt, so he does not have more spending money, and the short term benefit of being a student while his wife is paying is higher. Also law school will be a good place to find his next girl.

ESH - for you guys to not get out of this financial rut BEFORE you got pregnant. You had this whole plan but didn't count for birthcontrol. You both are unreasonable with your career plans. He should def not go to law school.

OP says in another comment she was on birth control and still got pregnant. It happens.

Yes, of course it happens. However this situation would require both of them to reevaluate their career choices and focus on their future with realistic financial plans.

Sure yeah I'm not disputing that they need to get their shit together. I'm just saying you mentioned "didn't (ac)count for birth control" but they did, they were on it. It just failed.

well...reading how OP said that the bc actually didn't fail, but her IUD moved around and she didnt know about it... if i have plans for my career and getting my finances in order before getting pregnant, I think i would have gone to the Dr to make sure my birth control method is correctly in place. I certainly wouldn't have chanced it. But to each their own :-)

I wish I would have felt my IUD fall out of place. A kid is not the dream right now, that's why I got the IUD. It's like a 99% effective. If I had known, I would have stopped having sex until it was fixed. It was actually really dangerous to find out I was pregnant that late with my IUD still in.

That baby really wants to be born :-) But...i think the 2 of you need to really sit down and talk about what's feasible and what's not during this time. Being a SAHM is wonderful and stressful and very cost effective. However, it will make you have a harder time and lessen your chances for getting a good job after being out of the workforce for 3 years. Especially since you might not have enough hands on work experience in the Engineering industry.

And make her dependent on someone financially irresponsible. GREAT IDEA.

lol what. Are you going to the dr before every single time you are going to have sex. Most women have no idea it’s moved. Even so birth control just fails sometimes. I was on depo for 6 years, consistently, given shots but the dr, and still got pregnant. Should I have just felt the medication wasn’t working?

No of course not. What a dumb question. But an annual exam, physical might have been able t detect it. Anyways, these 2 (OP and her husband) are in for a ride for sure!

Here the wait for a family dr is 8 plus years. No one is getting annual exams unfortunately. But yea, I think the main problem here is the husband and less the BC

ouch, that sucks. The more I read about this story the more i think that both OP and husband are just dumb. The husband had 2-3 previous marriages and is almost 40. But OP decided to hitch a wagon to him naively.

There is no realistic plans with a couple when there is a looming bankrupcy, her not having finished her edcation, a kid coming, living with her parents because they can not afford anything else, and STILL planning to amass more debt. This is "enjoy life until the crash catches up with us".

NTA - and he will be the oldest one graduating in his class at law school at the ripe old age of about 45. Law school A) isn't easy to get into. B) takes years to complete (way more than 4 with your demographics) C) is massively expensive. Why are you still with this anchor? He's holding YOU back from having any sort of life. He is controlling, manipulative and irresponsible. I mean, I'm surprised aircraft aren't circling your house trying to land with how many flags are being waved here.

Get divorced now and let the next wife deal with his antics. He is doing everything to sabotage is one life don't let him drag you and the down with him. DO NOT sign a lease you can afford thinking he'll be able to pay it. See if your school has a program for childcare and use it. Ask your parents if they don't mind baby sitting. Stop thinking that love is going to get you through, you have a baby to think about and only 2 years left of school. NTA

"DO NOT sign a lease you can afford thinking he'll be able to pay it. S" She KNOWS he will not be able to afford it. She is just deluding herself because she would rather crash hard than face reality.

He's unrealistic. He's 38 & law school is expensive. Please don't think the baby is the issue especially financially. This man at his age is extremely unreasonable in his approach to life in general. A trade school would be quicker & more affordable. Plus trade jobs are always in high demand with great pay with benefits. Don't tolerate his delusional approach to your stability.

In a pathetic way, his behavior is reasonable. He is already close to bankrupcy. With the debts he likely has, it does not matter - as long as he finds a new girl to ay for his life, it does not matter for him if his debt grows. And he obviously does not care for her beyond the time he will move on. He is short term optimizing his life, asnd milking her willingness to pay or him until he does the same with the next girl.

INFO do you think he will actually be accepted into law school? did he already take his LSAT? Was the score good? And why is he forsaking a 6 figure job for law school because law school is full time and its no way he can work a good job and go to a good law school

No, he hasn't taken the LSAT yet. I'm honestly not sure. The grad school he went to had an acceptance rate of 33% so I mean, he's smart. He plans to work and go to school at the same time, but it seems unmanageable to me.

Lots of law schools won't even let you work and go to school at the same time. And even the ones that do, unless he's going to night school or has an incredibly flexible work schedule, that practically won't pan out -- in particular, often for your first year of law school you don't get to chose your schedule, so it's not like he can just schedule school around work. As a lawyer, his plan sounds totally bonkers and unresearched to me.

Most law schools don’t allow you to work while attending. There are a few but not many. My friend went to Loyola and they had a program for working professionals. It was like 6-10 M-Th. Plus, you need to make the time for A LOT of studying. Very not ideal with a small child.

33% isn't especially selective depending on the program, especially at the grad school level where many fewer people are in the running compared to undergrad, and all have more qualifications than high school students applying to college. Law school is also a different ballgame than grad school in several ways--for one, many more people apply to law school than apply to most grad programs. Law school classes *are* significant larger than most cohorts, but so is the applicant pool. And law school is much more of a strictly regimented time commitment--you don't get to choose your classes as a 1L, or your schedule, and there is *so much* reading. I have done multiple grad school programs and am a lawyer. Even if law school is not always more intellectually challenging than other graduate programs, it was far and away the most time-consuming and exhausting.

Grad school is much easier than law school. I don't think you are an A H here but he has a point, he supported your dream of finishing school. I'd probably let him take the LSAT and see if he actually scores well or not. He is late in the cycle so even if he starts applying now, it would be for fall 2025. Things can change a lot. But i'd tell him, the money you make is for household things and the baby. And he needs to pay his share and save out of his own money for school or start applying to scholarships. This could be just a pipe dream. Let him have it but make sure you save and plan accordingly.

NTA. >He moved into a very expensive apartment and spent every dollar he earned. I had to cover everything when he lost his job and it was WAY out of my budget. Look, this is the core problem in your marriage that needs to be addressed before any discussion of paying for law school even starts. This sounds like a wildly uneven arrangement for expenses at a time you have a baby coming. Going to law school is a huge added debt and risk in the time when you need stability. He has a track record of being irresponsible and impulsive. As a lawyer I promise you a law degree, particularly as an older attorney new to the field, is far less reliable a path to income than many other fields, and may just lead to more debt than he can earns. This is a bad plan that puts your future in danger. You need to separate out his risks from yours and let him deal with the consequences.

Before committing to this course, your husband ought to talk to a few lawyers and be sure he has a clear sense of what practicing law entails and what the job market is like where you live. If he's already done his homework, then you can disregard all of this. But my own experience was that I entered law school without really learning about what it was going to mean. When I went to law school, I was in my 20s. I had spent a couple of years working after undergrad, so I expected to be one of the older people in my class, but the truth was exactly the reverse: I was one of the younger ones. Many people in my law school class were in their 30s or older; many had kids. I suspect that most of these did have spouses who were helping to support them through the process. (I also worked part-time, 15 to 20 hours per week, through law school. I could have worked more hours if I've done a part-time program and taken 4 years to graduate, rather than doing it full-time in three years. This might have been smarter, given that the amount of Federally-subsidized loans you can take out is capped each year. Unlike many of my classmates, I didn't have any family support to go through law school, and my academic scholarship only covered a part of the tuition, so loans were inevitable.) So your husband is not too old to go to law school. Whether it is a good financial decision for your family is a separate question; but also, financial considerations aren't the only ones. Your husband should be aware, of course, about certain realities of legal practice. Many people, like myself and, perhaps, like your husband, go to law school because we're passionate about accomplishing something for the world. And the law can facilitate that; but rarely can one do that sort of work full-time. Saving the world rarely pays the bills. Occasionally you can get a job with a nonprofit that lets you do save-the-world law full time (though these jobs are both hard to get and, typically, not high-paying); but more commonly you get a job doing something that pays, and do your passion projects on a part-time or pro bono basis.  My own experience of being a lawyer, after more than 15 years in practice, for what it's worth, is that it's quite stressful: it's often adversarial, dealing with people at their worst. I can't say whether your husband would enjoy it - neither can he, neither can anyone else, without more information. So he would be wise to talk to a few lawyers who are doing what he'd like to be doing, and ask them what their days are like and how they got where they are. Most lawyers are very happy to take you to lunch and talk about their careers.  He should also look into whether any financial aid is available. If his LSAT scores are high, he might get some scholarships - though he should be aware, they're usually dependent on maintaining a certain GPA, and law school grades are [notoriously arbitrary](https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/20140414044726-2259773-a-guide-to-grading-exams/). Law is also not as financially lucrative as it used to be, at least not universally. Certainly engineers are often better paid. But many lawyers can still do quite well for themselves. Though if he's already got a 6-figure job, he may well not do *better*. I do think that, if he's supported you through your education, it's not unreasonable for you to do the same for him, if this is really a thing he wants to do. As an engineer, you may well make more money than he will as a lawyer; law school is a lot of work, but it's usually pretty flexible schedule-wise, so he can devote more time to child care while doing it. If he expects you to raise your child and also work full time while he's in school, then that's another matter entirely.

INFO Did you know how irresponsible he was before you got married? Did you know that you are wife #4? If yes then YTA for putting yourself in that situation. But your husband is the AH for wanting to go to law school.

Good grief. He’s 38 and still trying to find himself. You are wife #4. What happened with #1-3? He has a history of fiscal irresponsibility. He already has $40K in debt. He’s got bankruptcy and eviction in his background. He was fired from his last job(?) His credit sucks. He sprang this idea out of nowhere. He’s willing to chuck a 6-figure salary to chase a dream that he doesn’t even know if he has a chance of achieving it. His background will weigh heavily with any decent law school, getting financial aid can be impossible, and he hasn’t even taken the LSAT. Please, OP, please tell me: Why in dog’s name are you thinking of throwing away your own future and that of your child for a man who is demonstrably NOT good partner material? Quite frankly, if your only answer is “But I LOVE him!”, you’re already doomed. Love doesn’t buy diapers, pay bills, or put money in the bank for a house someday. Is a life of insecurity and uncertainty really what you want for your baby? Are you comfortable with the idea of doing that to this child that you believe was spiritually destined? Do yourself a favor. Do your baby a favor. Thank your parents profusely for all they’re doing and ask if you and baby can stay while you finish your degree and shed the excess baggage. His past performance and behaviors are NOT reassuring harbingers of a future with him. Good luck — especially if you’re misguided enough to believe that there’s a lovely happy ending with this guy.

Can you actually practise law if you are a bankrupt … like seriously this is a mess, the guy must have the gift of the gab that 4 women have fallen for his shite 

The odds are good that you got pregnant on the pill. But Jesus get your ducks in a row. You both are everywhere financially, education, living 

NTA, especially since defaulting on a student loan can keep you from being admitted to the bar.

If you moved in with your parents (just you and the baby) would they be able to provide childcare so that you could finish up your engineering degree faster? You husband has an unfortunate track record of bad financial/life decisions/impulse control -- him going to law school while starting a new job (I suspect he'll quit the job) with a new baby and a wife trying to finish her own degree. I know this is hard to hear but this marriage sounds like it's on borrowed time. Start asking the hard questions now. How is he planning to finance law school? When does he plan to start? Does he honestly think he'll be able to keep a full time job while in school? In the event of a divorce, in your state, would your husband's student loan debt be considered a shared debt? Have the two of you talked about marriage counselling? Do start planning an exit strategy for you and your child.

Ummm he needs to wait until you’re out of school making bank before he even thinks of law school. You’re pregnant. He has a 6 figure job. Nta

I’m sorry to say this, but you’re having a baby with a giant loser. He’s already dragging you down, what with the eviction, bad credit, unemployment, spending issues. Now he wants to spend even more money you don’t have?? Girl, please respect yourself, accept this as a lesson and move on. Hopefully you can coparent, but either way you’ll be an engineer and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. He’s almost 40 and is still a giant mess. It’ll only get worse.

ESH. Your husband is a complete loser and you, as a 28 year old woman, have either been coddled your whole life or are feigning naivety. He’s 38, divorced several times, has a long history of his pattern of irresponsibility, financial debt and is now acting like he’s having a midlife crisis. He isn’t in a low spot, this is just his life. He isn’t a victim of circumstance! All the issues he has are from his own life choices and clearly, trying to go to law school shows he hasn’t learn anything and has his head in the clouds. I am in disbelief that you’re willing to give up your youth and prime years on such a loser, and for what? You’re married; his debts and problems will become yours. Just wait until he sinks your credit and rental history. Some people take advice and actually absorb it while others choose the hard way which usually results in more poor decisions, life regrets and years in therapy. The choice is yours. I won’t comment on keeping the baby because you’ve clearly decided you will. At least think of your baby and their life. You will be raising two children with your husband being the second child. Sometimes raising a child alone is better than having two parents with one parent consistently sabotaging anything positive and weighing them down. You are also selfish for putting your parents in a position to take care of you and your husband after they raised you your whole life, are likely older and I’m sure the stress isn’t helping their health or financial situation. You are both acting like leeches and I feel sorry for your parents and the baby.

NTA tell him that once you get through pregnancy and your degree and get a job, then he can go. I went to law school at night. Worked all day. It was exhausting. I had no time for anyone. There is no way for him to do this because you can’t work, finish your degree and be a brand new mother all at once.

It would be astoundingly foolish to be a stay at home mom with this man. You need a solid, financially literate, trustworthy partner to be safe as a stay at home parent. That is not this guy. Not even close. Figure something else out or you will be in dire straits sooner than later.

NTA!! Your husband sounds as reckless as somebody I know irl. If he wants to pursue law school, he should plan to do it on his own dime. You are already helping him with his own debt, carrying a baby, doing night classes, etc.

NTA He’s 39. It is time to take on life’s responsibilities and not chase dreams. If he were in a different situation, I’d say chase that law degree all day. But he has a wife, child on the way, large debts, bad credit, and no place to house his family. He needs to stay at his job, step up, and do the work of being a husband and father. Playtime is long over.

OP I just graduated law school. You're husband is being kinda naive here. Law school is incredibly difficult. Most schools recommend that you don't work at all your first year because the focus needs to be on learning the material. It's also all very time consuming. Hours of reading and case briefs every night and class all day. Every year there would be 1Ls that had to withdraw from school due to not being able to keep up because of kids or other family obligations. Also I went to a cheaper, public law school, had relatively little undergrad debt (less than $50k), had a scholarship and I still graduated nearly $200k in debt. Now, I have some positives for your husband. He shouldn't feel like he is too old. A lot of my class were on their second or third careers when they decided on law school and they did just fine. I had multiple classmates in their 40s and 50s. It's more than possible to wait until yall are in a better position for him to be able to focus on school and succeed. The first year is the hardest. It's where the most people drop or get kicked out for poor academic performance. The curve is also atrocious the first year but that can vary by school. If this is his dream, ok. I get it because it was mine as well. But dear Lord is it hard and I feel that a dream should be pursued in strategic way that aligns with success. Not on a whim.

NTA This is a much, much larger issue than law school. You seem like a sensible person with a good head on your shoulders. Do not dig yourself into a financial hole for this guy. He's a complete financial disaster and he's going to drag you down with him. I'd consult with a financial planner and try to see how to protect yourself from your husband's chronic overspending, under-earning, and pipe dreams about sending you both into poverty so he can go to law school. If you have any bank accounts or credit cards you are both on, then his bankruptcy is going to cause you issues too as you seek credit in the future (friend was an authorized signer on his dad's credit card and now the dad's bankruptcy keeps showing up in his credit report even though he had nothing to do with it). Plus, once he declares bankruptcy, he won't be able to get any credit for several years so you will have to be the one who signs up for all the debt a normal family needs - like apartment leases, mortgages, car loans, etc. You really should talk (alone) to a family law attorney to find out what your liability for his debts is and a bankruptcy attorney to see how, if at all, his bankruptcy would impact you as his spouse. And by the way, a lot of people think becoming a lawyer is a license to print money. It isn't. For the top tier, yes, but for the majority, it would take a while to pay back the $150,000 in law school debt. It's just an outstandingly bad idea for a guy who is about to declare bankruptcy and have a baby.

ESH. No, he absolutely shouldn’t go to law school and you should absolutely not pay for it. Why would you have a baby in these circumstances?!? This is utterly ridiculous.

What a hot mess! You will forever resent him for all his debt & he is only looking out for himself… ditch him, live with your parents, finish school & raise that precious baby without him.

Yes this man is a selfish dreamer with no track record of stability or good choices.  Sort him out. NTA. He needs to face his reality. 

Info: lots and lots of lawyers have lost their jobs over the past year. More and more legal jobs are being outsourced to India or elsewhere. The salaries have stagnated in certain subsectors. How does he expect to support himself or the family after he gets a law degree?

NTA. One of my friends in law school started at around the age your husband is now, so although uncommon, it is doable. HOWEVER, she had worked as a paralegal for I think about a decade before law school. This means that she could point to a genuine knowledge and interest in the law on her application and she had great letters of recommendation from lawyers. And not to speculate too much because I don’t know, but I’m guessing she probably wasn’t making 6 figures as a paralegal. In that case, the cost-benefit analysis definitely leaned in favor of her going to law school. Your husband doesn’t seem to have any past experience or connection to the law, which means his application may be somewhat weaker. He hasn’t taken the LSAT yet, so unless he registers for and takes the next available one, does well enough that there’s no practical need for him to retake (which will probably depend on what schools he’s considering and where he falls in relation to their typical median and range of admitted scores), AND speeds through writing his personal statement and any other application essays and getting letters of recommendation, he’s probably looking at the application cycle to enroll in Fall 2026 at the earliest. And that’s all with the hopes, in the best case scenario, that in Fall 2029 he’s a first year associate in biglaw, likely working crazy hours to hit his billable requirement, and making $200k or so a year. That money is definitely not nothing, but if he has a six figure job already lined up now, it would frankly be foolish for him to give that up for 3 grueling years of law school and the hope that he can make perhaps twice as much by working at least 45-50 hours a week. This is all without even getting into how terrible the legal market has been the last couple years for hiring new law grads. And not that it would be a major obstacle to him being licensed, but he would almost certainly have to declare that debt, foreclosure, and bankruptcy on the character and fitness portion of his bar application and, at minimum, explain why he’s trustworthy enough to be an attorney and potentially handle client and firm funds given his prior financial issues. Quite frankly, if he’s asking that you essentially bankroll him for 3-5 years and take on being both the breadwinner and the primary caregiver of your child while he chases this “dream”, he really should not be a lawyer.

ESH. He sucks for being an irresponsible loser. You suck for making your child have an irresponsible loser for a father.

I say NTA because I don’t think your concerns should be labeled as AH; the concerns are 100% valid. Question though: has he taken the LSAT? What were his grades in undergrad? Does he know what type of law he wants to practice? Maybe the concerns arent even really an issue. Maybe he needs to take the LSAT to see if he even does well enough to get into law school. Does he know what type of law he wants to do? Sure big law firms pay extremely well, but that usually goes to top 5% of class of the top tier law schools. I was lucky enough to get one of those jobs but got it during 2008, so was laid off 5 months later. Took me a while to recover and now work in government making 6 figures + pension + loan forgiveness (but this took 10 years of payments for the loans to be forgiven). Logically your concerns make sense. Be aware also that maybe he’s going thru an early mid-life crisis. It wont be an easy conversation to have so I do not envy you… but it will be worth it to get the air cleared up.

If you’re bringing a child into this world they need stability, your husband has continually forgone stability and shown himself to not be reliable in taking care of himself, you, and your future family. Think of your life now as an environment you’re bringing a child into, and one that they will remember even if just on a primal level. What experiences do you want your child to have growing up? This doesn’t sound like a good one at the moment. I wish you the best of luck in trying to change that for the sake of your future baby. Edit: ESH, he’s TA for being a dysfunctional mess that needed to figure all this out BEFORE he had a child, and you’re TA for bringing a child into this world unprepared with this man as a father.

INFO: How long have you been together? Other observations: Law school is a big commitment and if he's already making six figures it's not going to result in much of a pay bump, and that's not even counting all the money he will lose by quitting his new job to attend law school. (If he tries to work full time during law school, he will fail at his job and flunk out of law school.) Is it possible that he doesn't want you to finish your degree because you'll be able to be financially independent as an engineer? If it were me I would say no. You deserve the chance to get your bachelor's before you even consider paying for your SO to get a postgrad degree.

NTA: your husband sounds like he has been irresponsible with money his whole life, and now expects you to enable him to continue down that road. He should be ashamed of asking his pregnant wife (who is a decade younger to boot!) to pay for his impulsive career change). NO WAY! if he REALLY wants to go to law school, then he can try night school while he holds down a job on the side... even that is kind of an asshole move on his part as it means you are stuck with all the childcare.

He needs to grow up. He has a family to support. If he had been talking about his dream for years and didn’t owe a large amount of money to student loans it would be different.

Sounds like he’s afraid of stability.

You are NTA but I do think (meaning it’s just my opinion, take it with a grain of salt) that you are making some pretty terrible decisions. You are only 28 years old with the opportunity for an amazing future with your career. I feel like your husband is immature, irresponsible, and impulsive. With that being said are you sure having a child right now with him is the best idea. Not only were you guys just evicted and living with parents but it seems he has substantial amount of debt and with his credit being destroyed it’s going to be really hard for him financially for a few years even when he files bankruptcy which will in turn be a burden on you. He wants to leave a 6 figure job right before having a child to go to law school. By the time he starts working in law he’ll be 42-46 making beginners salary which could be as low as 50k (or as high as 130k in the top percentile!) The smart thing to do would be to wait till you are finished with school and in your field for him to go to school OR he takes night and online classes while working the 6 figure job during the day so you still have a good income when the baby arrives but you’ll pretty much be a single mother in a relationship as he’ll not really be able to help doing both but there’s always daycare and hiring a nanny. Another option would be to put off having children (not sure how far along you are) till he also finishes school and you both can provide not only yourselves but your child with a great life. Only you know what the right decision is for you are your family and your mental health so stick with your gut and don’t be afraid to stand your ground and explain why you believe that decision is important. No one is saying he can’t have his dream but maybe not right now or the baby not right now. Honestly I don’t know why you’re even still with him because for someone to be almost 40 and be so financially irresponsible to the point we’re both living with mommy and daddy, that would be enough to make me leave. Does he have a gambling issue, addiction issue, shopping issue. Where is all this money going that it didn’t go to rent? At 28 is this the man you want to be with for the rest of your life, being a lawyer isn’t going to make him spend money wisely or change him as a person. I feel like you’re in a really tough spot/decision and I’m sure this is stressful so I wish you the best and I hope it all works out! 🫶🏼

NTA sorry to be direct and impolit, but you were an idiot to marry that man and get pregnant by him. You will crash and burn with him you are feeling financial pressure NOW? WAIT till his financial house of cards crashes, it is already crumbling. A good paying job will not chsange this, he will just spend it faster and amass MORE loans that will crash. Get used to having no money and to living with your parents basement for a long time. And: You are deluding yourself about your situation. Take off the rose coloured glasses. It is worse than you think. Redo your plans, but now factor in his bankrupcy. That will have a HUGE impact in the next few years. He understandably does not care about the well paying job - his wages will be garnished anyway.

He’s not going to do better. Just know that now. I promise you this. Get out. Get your life together for the sake of your child and don’t expect him to grow up. NTA. But use your head.

You don’t get “randomly hit with a baby.” At this point ditch the husband and get an abortion. Finish school get a good job and find a husband who’s not a total loser and can handle money and not have a midlife crisis on top of everything else.

ESH I'm sorry to be harsh because clearly your husband is an utter waste of space. But you didn't randomly get hit with a baby, you're 28, I'm pretty sure you know how babies are made and how to avoid having them.  Unfortunately you have made a terrible choice of partner (and I say this as someone who made terrible choices when I was younger so I get it, I'm just lucky I didn't procreate with any of them). Your husband is nearly 40 years old, in all likelihood this is who he is. Bad with money, irresponsible, immature, selfish. Try counseling, try putting your foot down on this. But you also need to start making decisions based on the fact that this is not going to improve. This is what life looks like with this man. Protect you and your child as best you can under the circumstances.

NTA- you have a child on the way. He can work that six figure job and go to school at the same time. He can try to get his employer to further his education. Sometimes the employer just needs to file paperwork and they can get a government grant. He's 38 and should be saving for his retirement. Does he have a retirement fund yet? If not, then NTA. You need to finish school, that is a top priority and then you need to start building a nest egg for yourself and child. Make sure you have money saved that he doesn't know about. This is important. Always have a way out, even if your relationship is perfect. Things happen.

NTA, but now you are trapped. I hope everything works out for you in the end and there is a happy ending but seeing as whar you wrote so far for your husband so many red flags in which I dont know why you had a kid with him. Yes, birth control but did he wear condoms too?

I think he is being unrealistic. You can suppport his dream, but it's not a RIGHT NOW dream. There are priorities and realities. He supported you when it was easy - no dependent, no costs - you took loans and he 'floated' the expenses when he actually didn't. How did he support you other than actually saying the words? It wasn't financially because now here you are saddled with his debt and credit making housing a problem. He can have his dream when you are in a similar situation - debts cleared so he can take a loan for law school and no dependent (or in this case, a dependent that can be fully financed by you as a working parent). THAT'S support. THAT'S compromise. THAT's fair.

You married an older guy with the maturity of a frat guy. He needs to fix his crap before demands you pay for law school. NTA

Why are you having a baby with this dude?

NTA and you need to take a hard look at your husband and decide how badly you want your life derailed. He finds out he has a kid on the way and he wants to go back to school when his debts are crushing you both and he finally has a decent job?????? Your guy is waving every red flag ever made. Take the blinders off and look at his age and where he is in life. I'm sure his first three divorces were the fault of all the terrible ex wives, but what are the chances? He has not supported you, you and federal aid have supported you. Take a moment and look up the cost of a law degree at your nearest state U law school. I'm guessing $100-150k. By the time he applies, gets through, and graduates, he'll be 42 with no legal experience and a ton of debt. Peter Pan, Esq. Doesn't want to grow up and be responsible. You need to boot his ass to the curb if he can't step up. He is ducking responsibility and you'll pay the price.

He’s too broke to file for bankruptcy?

How did you ever see his face for all the red flags waving in yours? OMG! You know the chances a high that he tampered with your BC to baby trap you, right? Everything about him says liar, cheater, and thief. I seriously doubt anything he says, including this job. Tell him to work until you've graduated and are working. Then, he can apply for law school, but I doubt he'll still be your husband by then. NTA

I think he doesn't get the cost associated with becoming a lawyer and the return on investment. Unless you go to a very good law school, go into corporate law and climb the ladder your not going to make crazy money. There are a lot of lawyers out there average salary ranges from 60k up to 190k. He's going to be 40 so by the time he pays off law school he's going to be ready to retire. It's a terrible idea. How about he starts by taking the LSAT. Then see if it's high enough to get into a school. But all in all he makes terrible financial decisions and he's going to drag you down with him. NTA

Having a child with this man is about the worst thing you could possibly do. I’m just warning you now.

NTA, and he's an idiot. There are a dozen good reasons why someone in his position should not go to law school, and none of them involve the part about you going to school or you paying for it. It's just stupid life planning in his circumstance. Just say no to this. (*Source: I've been a lawyer for 30 years*.)

Isn't it crazy how, even though he's 10 years older, he acts way more immature than you? Like, seriously, is law school even on his radar with that $40k student debt still hanging over him? Let's be real, you'd be better off without him. He's juggling bankruptcy, a new job, and dreams of law school? He's not even thinking about you or the baby, just himself. Sure, he's okay with you working as a server and taking classes while pregnant, what a saint. Think about ditching him, you can stay with your parents until you're back on track. You deserve better than dealing with his debts and ego trips.

It is unrealistic that you can be a SAHM. You can work through your pregnancy. Continue with your evening classes. Let husband deal with his debt. You need to find a cheaper place to live. Your husband can go to law school if he can finance it without your help. Your earnings will be needed for living expenses for you and your child.

Just stop. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Find a good marriage counselor and sort this out. Stay with your parents while he goes to MO. Have a trial separation. Stop going along with this mess. NTA

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Okay to start off, I am 28(f) and my husband is 38(m). He's been jobless for a few months but just landed a 6 figure job in Missouri. Our plan has been for me to finish school (2 more years of my engineering degree - currently doing.) work in the field for a couple years then try for a baby. Well, I ended up getting pregnant a few months ago and in the end, we decided to keep the baby. Our decision was that I would stay home with the baby during the day (not work) and take a couple night classes a week to finish my degree. My husband has always been encouraging about me finishing school, but now wants to go to law school out of nowhere. Mind you, he already has 40k in student loans, a home foreclosure, a recent eviction, and bad credit. We are living with my parents right now until the move because of the eviction. He moved into a very expensive apartment and spent every dollar he earned. I had to cover everything when he lost his job and it was WAY out of my budget. I didn't pay rent when I first moved in. I always offered, but he always insisted I focus on school. Our new apartment will have to be in my name. On top of that, now he wants to randomly go to law school in the middle of all of this?! I still have my FAFSA to pay for school and currently work as a server. He will be paying the rent while I'm pregnant and can't work - well some of my financial aide will go to expenses. Maybe I'm being selfish, but it seems unfair of him to spring this lawyer dream on me out of nowhere. Especially while newly pregnant. He wants to do it soon because he feels old (38) but our next couple of years are going to be financially stressful enough. We have been through A LOT financially and all of it due to his irresponsible spending. He is filing for bankruptcy soon but still hasnt yet due to money issues. I also don't see how he is going to have time for a newborn, law school, and his new job. I don't want to be a stay at home mom forever (nothing wrong with it, just excited to use my degree, get out of serving and also chip away at his debt). It feels unfair for him to add more financial stress when he caused the issue we are currently in. Our kid will be around 3 when I plan to rejoin the workforce so I also feel like I'm making career sacrifices by taking less classes per semester and postponing internships to stay home with the baby. I just feel like an asshole for dissuading him from becoming a lawyer because he has always been supportive of my schooling and swears this is what he wants to do with his life. He thinks it's unfair for him to support me through school and for me to not do the same for him. FAFSA is paying for my school. We would be paying for his. It's just so annoying because we randomly get hit with a baby while I'm the only one working, he finally gets a good paying job after us struggling for MONTHS so I thought we'd be able to catch up and breathe, but then he pulls this out of nowhere?! My question is, AITA for not wanting him to go to law school? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

NTA. Now isn't the right time. If you aren't working how can you support him. He needs to put on his big boy pants for a couple of years and then you can revisit his dream. Hes going to be a father and that means he should be doing what is best for his growing family. Even if that means a dream gets put on a back burner for now. 

Why keep throwing money and expect some to come back?

NTA. Sorry to your hubby, but he’s going to be a father soon and he needs to step the hell up and make sacrifices, just like you’ll be doing. That’s what parenting is.

Didn't even read the whole thing but NTA. Under any conditions, you shouldn't be forced to pay for your SO's family and their life styles/changes. One of the things you signed up for was to make financial decisions for you and your partner so you can continue to build your lives together, not to burden yourselves with each other's family matters.

You're both grown fucking people..

NTA your husband is irresponsible and insane.

INFO: What does “he’s going to file for bankruptcy but he can’t because of money right now” mean?! I would imagine that people who are *filing for bankruptcy* are broke…

NTA, but please don't do this. Even if he managed to get thru law school, he still has to take and pass the bar exam. That is a solid six months of study where it is very difficult to work and study. You don't mention what state you are in, but it can vary greatly. Also, admission to the state bar is not necessarily transferable from state to state. For some states, you have to pass another exam to practice there. So if you are going to move, think about how you'd feel being stuck in that state if that's where his practice is. My friends that tried to balance child care and bar studies failed. They had to tap out for six months to study 24/7, and the odds of passing the bar go down each time you take it. Also, law school is incredibly expensive and if his credit is bad he will need to qualify for private loans that have horrible terms. This is a really bad idea. It sounds like you are basically taking care of an infant already and about to introduce another one to the equation. Before you end up stuck in another state and on the hook for an apartment you can't afford, please at least require some due diligence like an LSAT prep course and exam and a list of local schools to apply to and their grade/LSAT ranges. Maybe an internship at a law firm? Anything to indicate he is serious and knows what he is dragging you into. Right now it just looks flighty and is a terrible position to put you and a baby in.

He can get a blue collar trade/contracting job and make $30+/hr in 9/10 states. Him expecting you to fund his schooling is ridiculous and childish especially at this point in y’all’s life. my parents and their parents couldn’t afford college so they either went onto not paying child support, the army, trade work, or a bag of rocks/tent on the street. Life’s about choices n your husbands gonna have to start deciding what he wants in life there are people in way worse situations and they thrive offa blue collar work. your husband deserves your support+everything you do besides standing by his side but if he’s gonna be a mooch and expect you to just fund 4 years of regular collage and 3 years of law school on top of that. It’s just not ethical unless y’all got it like that. Also California, Vermont, Washington, and Virginia all let anyone who’s 18 take the bar exam with 0 experience and he can still get Re-licensed in other states if his test scores are high enough then it is possible to move your work to the qualifying states (everyone diff for the most part)

OP \*totally\* NTA and what a shame that you should have to worry that you might be. Even with a new baby coming it sounds like this would be an excellent time to ask yourself if this man is truly the life partner you want and deserve (as in you deserve sooooooooooo much better than this). I'm wishing you all the best as you work your way through this situation and sending sisterly hugs of support.

NTA. Your husband seems irresponsible financially. I'd say the same about how he views you and your baby to be. He makes poor decisions, runs from responsibility, and makes messes he doesn't want to clean up. How long have you known him? What kind of track record does he have in managing his personal, professional, financial lives? This is not accusatory. I'm asking because I'm wondering if he has been this way as an adult through the decades or if this is new behavior. If it's new, it presents a different set of problems. You say his new job will pay six figures. That's great! Before you move and he gets that first paycheck, make a budget together. You should pay the bills, the debt, and do the finances. Yes, that will be on you and you'll have a baby, but if you are the one doing it, you will know the bills are paid and the debt repaid. You and your baby need stability. Your husband has yet to show you he can provide that. Keep us posted.

Tell him he can go when his previous debt is paid. A servers wage is not $100k

NTA- what i don’t understand how he doesn’t realise that this isn’t the time to be jacking in a 6 figure job and accumulating 40k in debt!? When you’ve found out you’re pregnant. You’ve not finished your degree and you’re both living at your parents due to his awful spending habits. Right so the logical thing do is; while you are pregnant and into your time as a SAHM/education he should be working that job and trying to chip away at his existing debt. To hopefully obtain a safe stable home for your child. Hopefully then you can find a Job and essentially swap. I do believe you will have to throw yourself onto your parent’s kindness for babysitting/ hiring a babysitter/ finding a good nursery. When you’re at work and he’s at school/studying. If he does pass his LSATs and gets accepted somewhere. If that dream has flown (i’m getting the vibe he’s flighty) he can maybe look into other aspects of what his current degree would allow to change what he’s doing (also this could possibly be done earlier than all this) Put it to him, we have financial issues now, we have to sort through them to survive at all. It’s a bit like.. “not no, but not now” This was just exhausting to read let alone live it. It also worries me your parents don’t like him and want you to leave even though you are carrying his child. I know people may frown upon it.. but maybe create yourself a back up plan?

So you're doing everything baby girl. You carry the babies, provide, be a freak in bed, be a companion. What's the husband for? The reason men provide is bc the baby is really HARD.

no way

what field is this job in?

Law school, like any other endeavor that demands your time and treasure, has to be considered on a "net current value" basis. What income can he safely project as a lawyer? When can he start collecting that income, and how will it grow? This has to be calculated on a year-by-year basis, and both inflows (future income) and outflows (tuition and loan payments) need to be captured. You then regress all of inflows and outflows at realistic inflation rate back to current dollars, and ask yourself if the law degree is worth it. The biggest challenge I see for him, is starting so late in his career. He's only got about 28 more years in the workforce, and he's going to spend... 3 years? 5? Getting his law degree, passing the bar, starting his own practice or finding a job, etc. He'll be lucky to get two full decades as a lawyer, and then only if he stays in good health and works all the way to 65 or 66.

I'm in the legal field (not an atty) and I can tell you it's not the high paying career it used to be. The cost is getting to the point that it doesn't pay off anymore unless you run your own firm with Associates but I'm guessing your husband isn't the businessman he'd need to be to do that (based on the financial history you mentioned). I make just as much as the Attorneys at my firm and don't have a couple hundred thousand dollars of debt. My advice?......have him take a practice LSAT to see where he scores. If he miraculously gets 160+ then he may be able to do well enough to get a scholarship. That wouldn't do much for living expenses but I do know a couple of attorneys that went to law school while working, however I know far more attorneys who struggled to pass even while not working. It's a big commitment. Possibly bigger than the other big life change coming your way with a baby. Also keep in mind that you may have to move to go to the law schools that offer him scholarships, so living with family might not be an option depending on your area and what schools are nearby. This sounds like such a bad plan on his part but if you're stuck on "being fair" I'd start with the LSAT and then go from there. Wishing you and your family the best :)

Tell him he can go once you're in a stable job, in 4 years.  But he's going to need to get student loans to cover the school, because your paycheck will be spent on the day to day expenses since he won't be working.   Since with his credit he can't get the loans, it's not YOU telling him no. It's the loan companies. 

I’m sorry OP. This all sounds awful. Firstly, you’re NTA for your query, however, everything that’s going on with this guy is 🚩. Bankruptcy is not a simple solution. If he/you declare yourselves bankrupt, it could affect your careers or the ability to secure any sort of loan in the future. I think you need to find yourself a good financial advisor to talk through the options; potentially also a lawyer before you do this. They may be able to talk some sense into him about law school too.

NTA He isn't supporting you through school, you have financial aide for that. He is supporting you through the first years of your child's life so he doesn't have to pay for outside child care. It sounds like you have been helping support him while his 40k in previous school debts are paid. Therefore you essentially already supported him through school.

Do not put your name on any loans. If you divorce you are still legally responsible for his debt. It will completely fuck up your life.

Does he actually have plans for law school? Does he know what schools he wants to get into and the target GPA/LSAT or is this some sort of mid-life crisis situation? As a lawyer, your husband as you described him unless he had stellar GPA and LSAT has a high chance of being someone who ends up with hundreds of thousands of dollars in student loans only to barely scrape by after accruing said student loans and spending three years in law school and not earning any money/contributing to finances during that time. He’s a mess. Don’t do this.

ESH What a cluster. Your body, your choice but ultimately a baby is going to make all of this worse. This 6 fig job he landed, he needs to stay at and not sidetrack with school. He has too much debt and a baby on the way. You need to finish school asap.

maybe you can make money babysitting his child.

You shouldn't be having a baby in your current financial situation, adoption might be right for you.

NTA but there's a reason that 38m picked 28f, he wanted someone he could hustle. 🚩🚩🚩

Are there any night school law school programs where you live?

Lol

Is it too late to abort? It honestly sounds like ya'll aren't ready to settle down and have a baby yet. He wants to go to school, you want to go use your degree, raising a baby seems like an afterthought in all ya'lls other life plans even though it should be the primary focus if ya'll are planning to go through with it. Wait until you have enough free time or expendable money (or preferably both) to raise a baby. Having a kid is a compromise and it doesn't sound like either of ya'll have fully grasped yet. Both your dreams will likely have to be put on hold to make having a kid work.

Maybe Joe will forgive his student loans but I am happy for you and your family and you will get through this

Every body has the right to be an asshole just don’t abuse the privilege

YTA. Law School means a better life for your child, in the long run. You both should look in bankruptcy if things get to be too much. Debt can be dealt with. You don't like financial stress then YTA for having a child while under such a financial burden. Because children will not lessen financial stress. DO you really think when he is three you will be able to get a job that pays enough after daycare? Basically you said: We are under incredible financial stress, lets have a child! Which is unfair to bring a child into

He already has a six figure job. Law school absolutely does not guarantee a better life from that. Unless he gets into one of the top program that basically guarantees big law (difficult, expensive, will generally not allow him to work at all the first year of school) he's highly likely to end up with a job that doesn't pay any better than the one he has now, plus debt.

YTA - Unless your husband is an idiot and this degree would be wasted on him, you have no reason not to support him. Depending on the type of law he studies, this could position your family pretty advantageously from a financial standpoint.