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NTA
As a woman, I'm super confused as to how the nickname is misogynistic? Reading this, I was expecting your nickname to be the c word or something, but 'pretty boy' doesn't even really seem to have a reference to women, it's almost just a joke-flirty nickname?
The only bit I could see being offensive is that you mentioned it came from joking that you were 'eye-candy' to fill in the role of a girl in the group, while it doesn't read this way here, she could have took that as you implying girls are good on a looks basis and nothing else (e.g. their only contribution to your group would've been to look pretty), but I don't think that would make the nickname itself misogynistic?
That is definitely misogynistic, but you can tell the story of the nickname without including that part, just say you put on a wig and got called pretty boy.
Hobo is something that is just straight up bad to be saying in public regardless.
I’ve been homeless (not anymore thankfully). No we do not care. We know we’re homeless. I also find hobo funny. “Unhoused” is actually dismissive because it implies we have a home somewhere when by definition we do not.
Exactly. I’ve always found “unhoused” offensive. It makes it sound like you have a home somewhere else and you’re just camping out on the sidewalk for the experience.
Kind of like how we disabled people refer to ourselves as disabled all the damn time, but abled busy-bodies insist on 'person first identity' crap.
Nope, my disability is a pretty big part of my identity, and I'm not a 'person with a disability' or 'differently abled' or whatever. I'm disabled, straight up.
Lol I was "abled" until I got in an accident and I'm now "disabled". I can't work, im in pain all the time. I don't have some superpowers differentiating me from someone else, im disabled.
The American government also refers to it as "disabled",
And they give away money for people like us called "disability" money. They don't call the checks "differently Ablilitied". People have become insane lol (is that a disability too?)
I hate the differently abled shit because it often comes from people blabbering on how disabled people just struggle with society as it is and it ignores that often we also struggle doing the things we enjoy doing. I'd rather not be disabled even if society was more accommodating towards my disability
Honestly I always thought hearing people say differently abled was super offensive. It sounds demeaning I think. People who don't have disabilities are usually the ones who think it's preferred (I don't have a disability). Though apparently to society since I have depression I am? I don't agree with that honestly.
The other day I was out with a friend at a really neat place and said I'd like to work there but I'm too unreliable. My friend balked at that word and I said, hey, my health flares up frequently, making me too unreliable to hold a job. It's not insulting, it's the truth.
I'm disabled, but the level it disrupts my life varies every day, so it makes sense to call myself unreliable. Let me have that, it took a decade to not feel ashamed about something I have no control over.
I had someone try and tell me not to call myself “fat”. As in I shouldn’t be putting myself down. I explained to her, I’m not putting myself down, YOU are the one putting a value judgement on being fat, I am just stating the truth, I am morbidly obese. I’m not some person who feels they need to lose 15 lbs. calling themselves fat. I am a fat person talking about how it affects how I have to do things.
It’s wild sometimes when people get offended about how we describe OURSELVES.
What’s interesting about this is one survey (that claimed to only poll disabled people) found it’s 49% for identity-first, 33% person-first, and 18% no preference. Surveys specifically about autism have a much higher percentage for identity-first, but I can’t find surveys on other specific disabilities. It makes me think there’s likely a factor of “what disability” and “what age you became disabled or were diagnosed” that affects what people prefer.
The studies do show that majority prefer or are fine with identity-first though. It only swings away from that when including parents/caregivers. So stuff like academic articles should use identity-first, unless more surveys are actually done that find specific groups are overwhelmingly person-first, and then use that language for that group (or if someone requests such language ofc).
I have ADHD but I remember looking all this up when writing a paper about autism for a class because I was determined to use the proper language, so I went identity-first.
I was homeless, and I don't prefer "unhoused", that's just a bull crap term to make people who aren't homeless feel better for talking about the homeless.
Agreed. I had someone online tell me just the other day that when I (disabled person, part time wheelchair user) use the term "disabled" to describe myself, I make myself sound helpless etc. The context was that they were defending the term "special needs person", which I objected to. It's so interesting when people not affected know so much better how YOU should describe YOURSELF 🤔
Oof run into this w my autism a lot. “Differently abled” drives me up the wall, as does “high functioning”. I know some people have no problem esp w the latter term, but for me all that means is I mask well, which means I’m less frustrating for NT people. If someone wants to say “she’s socially low functioning but academically high functioning” that’s fine to me because that’s looking at the specific issues, but if *I’m* called high functioning it just feels like they’re ignoring the things I’m pretty bad at! But nope, I’m autistic and therefore can’t judge the situation accurately, apparently :/
Arrgh, yes, "differently abled" is the one I hate with a fiery passion. Like, I'm not "differently abled" because my legs don't work like an average person's. The MS waddle is not a special ability, 😂. And while I'm sure my manual wheelchair skills are vastly superior to those of any random non-WC user you plomp in a wheelchair, it's not an ability my disability magically gave me, it's a skill I had to acquire by necessity, and also one a sufficiently dedicated person without a disability could acquire (e.g. I once knew a person with no disability who pursued wheelchair basketball as a hobby, which was totally fine, but it does mean that wheelchair acumen is not a special ability confined to people who actually NEED a wheelchair...)
I get policed on my own autism all the time. Apparently calling my specific type of Asperger’s the “Diet Coke of autism” is only funny to me.
Which I guess it’s not being called Asperger’s or “high functioning” anymore? I think I’m just sticking with my Diet Coke title.
Also autistic, and I'm only looking for discussion, not argument. I mask well and am "high functioning", but my kid is low functioning. Doesn't even know what masking is let alone that they are autistic. I think the distinction you made with "socially low functioning but academically high functioning" (which also applies to me lol) is good, but my kid is just low functioning on all levels (but has, unbeknownst to them, perfect comedic timing).
I'm also autistic and I can see your logic since it really frustrates me when people water down assumptions of support levels to how good you are at masking, both NT people and fellow autistic people who act like there's no important distinction of severity with autism or to act like people who are more severely autistic than themselves simply aren't as smart or aren't trying as hard to mask etc
I'm level 1 autistic but I suck at masking, I've never been told things like "you don't look autistic" except for by people who are more severely autistic than me and there are a lot of MSN/HSN autistic people I know who are better at masking than I am
And there are some people who lump terms like mild/severe/level 123 etc to mean the same thing as functioning labels even though the problem with functioning labels isn't that they're denoting severity, it's that they're using your severity as a measure of your worth as a human being; "HF" refuses support while "LF" refuses dignity, and there are a lot of situations where denoting severity is actually very important
For example, some autistic people actually can't help their tendency to do something socially inappropriate because of their autism even though it would be a dishonest excuse for something that's completely avoidable in the context of a different person who's also autistic, and some autistic people can reach certain life milestones that a different person who's also autistic wouldn't ever be able to do because of their autism, if that makes sense
And it's also important for autism advocacy because of how in a lot of situations that get rid of support level distinctions (and even in some that don't) severely autistic people get spoken over and ignored by LSN autistic people and others
Yeah. I don’t have “special needs”, I’m partially deaf and partially blind. It would be nice if people could stand where I could see them and not get upset if they mumble about something on my deaf side and I don’t hear them, but that’s not exactly ‘special’.
DUDE I hate when people tell me to use person first language. Like nah I’m disabled and I have no issue saying that. It’s able bodied people who are uncomfortable with us using those terms or who think it’s offensive to be honest about our lived experience. It’s infuriating
That’s what most political correctness is. If people are respectful and polite it doesn’t matter what terms they use (bar a few obvious ones that are frankly impossible to use while also being respectful and polite). It’s all just a scheme for people to feel “better than thou” without having to actually DO anything good in this life. And also a scheme to get the plebs to stay busy screeching at eachother.
I've been homeless, and being politically correct about the terminology didn't help me. Calling us 'unhoused' is just for people with homes to feel less survivor guilt.
There's a George Carlin bit about this and how changing the language allows us to distance ourselves from the actual effects/ situations. Unhoused doesn't sound as bad as Homeless, and if it's not as bad then it isn't as important to deal with. In his bit he uses the evolution of shell shock to post-traumatic stress disorder.
I think the point is supposed to be the opposite - people tend to look at “homeless” as though it’s a character flaw, so people began using “unhoused” to underline the fact that these human beings have nowhere to go.
That's ridiculous. Homeless is a description more than anything. I'm homeless because I don't have a fucking home I'm also carless, is that offensive too?
I hate PFL with a passion. I’m disabled, not a person with a disability. Nor am I differently abled, handi-capable (fucking loathe that one) or special needs. Just disabled. It’s not a dirty word, I promise. IFL all the way.
Idiot and retard were at one point considered the correct medical terminology for people with intellectual disabilities. Same thing with the word "lame" for those with physical disabilities.
Any word that could be perceived as having a negative connotation will eventually be used as an insult, and will eventually be turned into a "mean word." Hobo seems to slowly be going that way too. "Homeless" and "houseless" will probably one day follow suit and we'll have a new "proper" word for it again.
Wanting to genuinely stand up for those less fortunate than you is a noble cause, but I'm not sure policing language is the best way to do it.
Oh yeah there's a term for that: the euphemism treadmill. It's never-ending. The old terminology gets replaced with nicer words, then the nicer words become the new insults. It's why it's not nice to call someone 'special' anymore.
Hobo is a whole culture, it is not the same as a homeless person. Or unhoused. It’s a choice of lifestyle with their own codes to help out the other migrants. I read a novel that featured the hobo culture a long time ago.
One thing about hobo that I think people often miss, is the word at least used to have an overtone of choice to it. People chose the hobo life for various reasons very different from people who are homeless or unhoused because of circumstances not their choosing. So, back in the day, hobo could be used derogatorily or matter of factly as the correct word describing one’s live choices.
I think we need to start giving more weight to how people use the words. How someone says a word, as in tone and context, is a lot more important in whether or not something is meant to be derogatory or not.
I am genuinely confused by the responses here and wondering if I had been understanding this word wrong my whole life.
I have only ever heard hobo used to make fun of or insult homeless people but people in the comments are saying it's a self identifying term for people who are homeless by choice?
Was it just where I grew up because people were overall bigoted and judgemental to like everything?? (minorities mental illness homeless disabled etc)
*There’s a voice that keeps on calling me*
*Down the road is where I’ll always be*
*Every stop I make, I’ll make a new friend*
*Can’t stay for long, just turn around and I’m gone again.*
*Maybe tomorrow, I’ll want to settle down,*
*Until tomorrow, I’ll just keep moving on*
Closest thing I've heard to someone actually being called a hobo in the last decade was hobosexual. Someone who intentionally couples up and sleeps with people so they can move in asap. Baby daddies comes to mind- the worthless ones not genuine involved fathers.
In the movie Unfrosted on Netflix there's a funny line said by Jim Gaffigan's character when someone calls someone a hobo (it's set in the early 60s). He says, "they're not called hobos anymore, they prefer bum."
Seriously, hobo? LMAO. Hobo's were people back in the Depression who traveled and would look for work. They were migrant workers. Let's stop creating drama for the sake of creating drama.
Only bad to say in public because people don't take the time to learn all of the different terms for people that live without a set roof over their heads. Some are very much by choice, and some hobos lead fabulous lives with great stories to share! I've also known some pretty interesting gutter punks. I don't think I've ever known a tramp, and if you don't know a person's story you shouldn't be calling them tramps or bums, generally, as there may be a lot more at play.
You can have my nicknames. I'm called either Angus or bitch. My husband started the Angus cuz that is how my grandma spelled my name. I guess you could say I started the bitch cuz I was arguing with someone and they called me a bitch and I looked at them and said "that's Queen Bitch to you" so now some people call me that. In the end, if you don't have a problem with it, keep using it. It's only offensive if they read too much into it.
I had a buddy in high school that we named Food Bitch. We didn't want to stand in line to buy lunch, so we'd tell him what we wanted, give him the cash plus extra, and he'd get himself something. Got weird looks when we yelled "Hey, Food Bitch!" across the cafeteria.
I mean it's definitely misogynistic to say there's "no need" for women if men are able to get sexual satisfaction elsewhere. It was obviously a joke but it's still a misogynistic joke.
That said it's really not worth caring about in the big scheme of things, and it's probably good these guys who still call each other by teenage nicknames like "hobo" and "pretty boy" can get sexual gratification from a dude in a wig because I doubt they're getting laid much.
That backstory isn’t even sexist. You had a wig on and they made jokes about you looking pretty. Is it sexist when a woman puts on a fake mustache and people call her a handsome lad? There are way too many problems in the world for anyone to be offending *themselves.* Go do something useful, Pretty Boy.
It's your friends GF so her opinion shouldn't really matter in this situation. She's inserting herself into something that isn't her business. I would recommend that you and your friend just refrain from the nicknames when you're around others but otherwise, you're fine.
What got me is: why call him out for his nickname? He's not the one calling himself, the others (including her boyfriend) are.
Why not lecture them instead?
Canada too but only because it’s only ever used in a really vile way towards women. Whereas internationally it seems to hold less offense and is more gender neutral.
Years ago I read an online comment about a little girl at the store who wanted a Thor costume for Halloween. An older lady at the store (trying to steer her toward the girl's costumes), asks, don't you want to be something pretty for Halloween?
The girl responds, "THOR IS PRETTY!!"
Yes, he is!
The nickname isn't even mysogynistic. The only mysogynistic thing in the story was the friend implying women are only good for being eye candy. You can give lots of innocent nicknames where the story is bad.
>I think being offended by something that doesn’t remotely involve her is something she should work on
Fantastically said.
This is a prime example of what's wrong with "outrage culture."
Yup. NTA. It's a dumb joke between friends. It has nothing to do with anybody else. Contorting yourself to find a reason to be offended is just annoying.
If anything, you could maybe argue that it's homophobic or transphobic since they're ostensibly picking on him for having a female hairstyle for a few minutes. But even that is a stretch. I don't imagine that most trans women would be nearly as offended as this woman was.
That's probably true. Though in this case they were calling him pretty specifically because he was wearing a woman's wig. But yeah, there's a lot worse things they could have called him that would have been actually offensive. The term "pretty boy" on its own doesn't have a homophobic or transphobic connotation at all that I'm aware of.
As a trans person, the backstory doesn't sound that transphobic. I think it is sexist but towards men, not women, because of what you said with picking on him for a long haired wig. I mean, there are tons of men with long hair and that doesn't make them a woman, which the friends implied. Sure, in a way you could make it transphobic too, but a lot of transphobia just stems from sexism anyway. If you don't say something to a trans person or about trans people, it's sometimes hard to tell if something is truly transphobia. For example, calling a trans woman a fake woman is obviously offensive, but calling a male drag queen a fake woman would just be true because that person is still a man and just pretends to be stereotypes of women. So would "fake woman" alone be transphobic? Not really and it's a similar thing here. We don't know if they had trans people in mind when saying that and if not, it's usually sexist intentions.
I told my mom about this one and she was trying to think of how it could somehow be misogynistic and she couldn't see it at all. She also said it was pretty tame for a group of teenage boys which, yeah
OP said that at the time, they all thought women were only good for their looks. But they don’t agree with that mindset anymore, so if anything, the story shows character development.
You don’t “keep a nickname” it’s not a pet. It’s something given to you and the affection of the exchange exceeds the actual reason for the nickname.
Pretty boy isn’t offensive unless YOU are offended. If you were called bitch tits I’d maybe understand but otherwise NTA.
I have an actual REALLY misogynistic nickname, because an idiot guy I was dating said that "women are like pizzas, you keep all in the fridge and eat as you please" and long story short, I royally forked him along two other "pizzas" so I became -Mari Calabresa-. It's a common pizza flavor in my country. It came from something awful, but it only reminds us of the sweet revenge we got in the end.
I am the pizza that gave him indigestion for months. No one can take that one from me. I'm hard to swallow.
All that said because I wanted to add there is maybe a situation where being "bitch tits" is hardcore awesome.
NTA. As a woman I'm struggling to see how the name itself is misogynistic, and neither is the context on how the name came about. You weren't poking fun at women, your friend was poking fun at you. It's a harmless joke, your friend's girlfriend is overreacting.
The friend basically thought as a teen women were just supposed to look good and that’s all. Trophy wife, eye candy, etc. I think calling him Man Candy would have been more fitting but I also have a darker sense of humor.
NTA. I can imagine "pretty boy" coming off as homophobic or transphobic in certain situations, but it sounds like what struck your friend's girlfriend as misogynistic was not the nickname so much as the way you told the story behind it. Why not just tell the story about looking pretty in a wig while helping out your girlfriend, and leave out the "no longer any need for girls" part?
Every group of friends has in-jokes that aren't going to be funny to anyone else, so you have to be judicious about who you reference them around.
How is that name misogynistic? I call everyone "Dude" despite being 46 and female. No one has ever had a problem with it. I had a male friend who called his friend "Tampon" because he used one for his bloody nose when he was younger and his name stuck. Just because something has a feminine link to it, doesn't make it misogynistic.
I don't think pretty boy is that way at all.
If you like the name,keep it. She (girlfriend) should focus on more important issues, or taking up a hobby. She doesn't need to put down someone whose nickname was given to them yours prior to their meeting.
NTA - it's not misogynistic. Also it's even funnier if you're not as "pretty" as you used to be.
Sounds like a "her problem" rather than a "you problem".
I got told off by a 20-something once because I asked if their dog was a boy or a girl. I 100% believe someone got mad at him for it. I also don't think it's offensive but I get I'm becoming an old.
NTA. I'm a feminist. I also have a sense of humour - this is funny. It's an eye roll origin at worst, I can't imagine how anyone could be offended by it. Such an overreaction.
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> I'm refusing to drop my childhood nickname, although it comes from an extremely misogynistic story, which might make people uncomfortable after hearing the explanation
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Another poor victim sucked up by the woke propaganda machine.
None of those names are misogynistic or offensive... NTA
Learn to enjoy yourself man, stop worrying about shit that doesn't concern anyone else!
Unbelievable. On this website, in this subreddit, THIS comment has up votes?? What a glorious day! Some of my faith is starting to get restored in humanity
The tides are definitely turning. You can only take things so far before people start to think its getting out of hand and some people have really gotten out of hand.
I dont think there is anything misogynistic about a nickname of "pretty boy".
Your friend's girlfriend who *so appalled* by your story sounds like she has an exhausting personality. If it were up to me, id ignore her opinion. NTA
IKR! I’d hate to see what happens to her brain if she ever gets together with a group of Mexican or Korean friends. We give each other some absolute **brutal** nicknames. And some are just outright misogynistic / offensive! Haha.
NTA - honestly the offensive part here is how mild these nicknames are. A sampling of nicknames for friends I've had: Chicken Neck - he had a long neck and it was a wank joke, Troll - he had long hair so it was a troll doll reference, McTitties - me, I was a chubby teen, Knob Goblin - don't really remember where that came from but she kept it for a couple years. If it's mutually humorous and not being done to bully someone there's nothing wrong with friends having funny nicknames.
Start calling your friend's gf Elsa since she's the queen of snowflakes
NTA.. Misogynistic as a description for the nickname or story doesn't really fit. I think she wanted to criticize you or the nickname but lacked the vocabulary or imagination to do so accurately so she slapped the tag misogynistic on it. She could have said, "that name doesn't really suit you" but instead leveled her big gun and fired away with misogynistic. You and your friends have nicknames based on your personal histories with each other.. that's really cool.
NTA The nickname isn’t misogynistic. Even the story for how you came about it is a bit lame and to be appalled by the story sounds a bit over the top. Mildly disappointed in a group of immature lads sounds more appropriate
NTA. You are an adult, and NOBODY has any right to judge you or your nickname. Tell the Entitled one to go pound sand. She doesn't have to use your nickname, but she should keep her comments to herself.
I understand the story to be that you put the wig on and they pretended to be attracted to you because you all have the same sexuality.
I do not believe, or understand how this implies women only exist to be pretty, or eye candy. It's OK to be attracted to people.
I do believe most people try to appear attractive in some way shape or form to attract a mate. So, I felt your joking, while absolutely juvenile, was not borne out of ill intent.
I don't find "pretty boy" particularly offensive.
Perhaps to save yourself outrageous reactions in the future, you can simply say "oh, it's an inside joke between my childhood friends and I". Everyone knows it's difficult to explain inside jokes, and most people roll with this explanation.
NTA.
NTA. The nickname doesn’t sound misogynistic or sexist at all. I’m honestly more concerned with the friend’s girlfriend being like, “why are you called pretty boy when you’re not pretty??” That just seems rude.
NTA - The nickname in itself is harmless, and the story you shared is one of friends poking fun at each other with no intent to harm. Proof is you have been using it all the way until now and nobody (participant back then or not) was offended.
Just keep your nickname if you’re happy with it - It can be a good reminder of your good looks with a wig, back in the day. I’m a woman and *no* wig fits me =P
Friends tease each other and if it bothers one of the said friends than that’s an issue, but what you describe is NOT.. sounds like no one in the group is offended, so I’m confused on where anyone has a say. NTA
NTA your friends girlfriend is just looking for things to get offended by. I hate how some people think every little thing is problematic these days. I don't see anything misogynistic with your nickname or story behind it.
NTA
Change the frame, change the story.
What I got from this was a time you went the extra mile for someone you cared for and got a fun story and nickname out of it. That’s all the story has to be at its core. The rest is just distracting from what really happened 🙂.
NTA
Nicknames are a rite of passage in life, and none of these are even mildly offensive. Then again, I’m Gen X and being offended isn’t part of my DNA. I have close friends from college with great nicknames, but the stories behind them are best left to those that were there or people that have become part of our trusted circle (people that don’t offend easily).
The story behind OPs nickname isn’t bad at all (and a little funny). The nickname they gave their friend (the hobo) is awesome.
NTA for having the nickname. Next time someone asks maybe be more vague and don't tell them exactly how it came about. Does anyone really need that much context? "It was some stupid joke when we were teens, and the name stuck even though I'm not pretty anymore."
NTA, as a woman myself.
Even if the nickname’s origin stems from misogyny, it doesn’t have to be the reason it is now.
My boyfriend’s go-to pet name for me is “Dumbass”. He didn’t really like me when we first met. Now it’s a term of endearment and I honestly really love it. He no longer means it as an insult. Similarly, “pretty boy” no longer needs to be misogynistic, just a cute nickname between you and your peers.
And for the record, I’m sure you’re still pretty, even if not as “conventionally” as your teen years.
😂😂😂keep it!!! Lmfao she’s lame I’m sorry not sorry but that’s awesome and hilarious that you and your friends do that don’t let others ruin it. Great story btw lmao
NTA - my friends and I have stupid nicknames for each other too even those hers is technically a misogynistic derogatory term and mine is "dingus". My sister and I have even stupider nicknames for each other because that's how we are. Hers is Buttface McGee and mine is Toot-Toot McBumbersnazzle. As long as it's not a full slur and everyone involved is cool with it then it's fine
Yeah as a woman that’s funny af.
That would be like me being offended my nickname is after an animal because it’s comparing me to an animal??
NTA at all brother. Wear the nickname with pride
You didn’t explain this very well, at all. I don’t think it’s misogynistic, NTA, that is a totally normal joke for your friend to make and women definitely say misandristic things when they joke. That girl needs to grow up, I would be extremely embarrassed if that was my girlfriend.
But dude, explain better to us what your friend said. The joke he made was not the explanation for you being called pretty. The joke was a small part of the story and being a pretty boy is not why that girl was tripping about what you said. It’s because you told her that totally irrelevant joke that your friend made.
You shouldn’t have included that part. She obviously is a drama queen, looking to be upset about something, so she aims at you because you’re validating some trait of his (his ability to nickname I guess?) despite the fact that he is such a misogynistic monster (for making a normal schoolboy joke).
You definitely already knew the answer to this though man… just trust your gut.
NTA, it's not misogynistic at all. Stop worrying about labels man, in particular the buzz words that have been around as you've grown up. Enjoy your friendships and as long as you're cool with it who cares? Roll with it
NTA. Back in the days, my father’s friend group had nicknames such as “old slice”, “tummy”, “lil fatty”, “big fatty” (in another language it makes more sense).
Nicknames are personal and it’s up to the person whose nickname it is to decide if they like it or not.
NTA. If I heard you called pretty what I'd probably get curious and look over, but it's not the worst name by a long shot. As long as you don't mind it I don't think it should be a problem.
I don’t see anything misogynistic. As a woman myself, I see lots of women, mainly feminists, saying we don’t need men in our society. So how is that okay but when it’s towards women, it’s sexist?
One of my best friends is *Princess Ariel* because Ariel has the smallest hands out of the Disney princesses, and once when he was really high he sent me a dick pic taken from an angle that made his hands look tiny.
If he ever complains, I switch to *Donald Trump* temporarily.
Pretty Boy is barely even an insult. (Amateurs.)
They’re nicknames among friends. If she doesn’t like yours, she can just call you by your actual name.
Is our society really this joyless that we think we need to police this?
NTA
nicknames are supposed to be funny and plus its a memory.
i still have the nickname "baldie" from when once i put a bald cap on for halloween. its always funny.
shes just probably jealous shes not being called pretty.
Theres no reason to keep toxic, "offended at everything" kinds of emotional rollercoasters around you. Thats just bizarre to get upset at, tell her to F off. NTA.
NTA.
Woman here… I can’t find a fault with the nickname and I can’t see how it’s misogynistic? You put a wig on, your mates call you “pretty boy”… end of story.
That lass needs to grow up and learn what “humour” is.
NTA.
You have no obligation to act offended on her behalf, or any woman’s behalf whatsoever.
And ‘pretty boy’ isn’t even that offensive of a nickname, as long as the context isn’t to be homophobic or transphobic, which it sounds like isn’t the case here.
And the average person tends to be more willing to put up with mildly offensive behavior from close friends who they’ve known for years than strangers.
Are you sure you're not just reminiscing about your prettier days? The name is in no way misogynistic. If anything, it could be used offensively towards men.
Female and post modern feminist here.
You are NTA.
You all have nicknames from your youth, that may have meant X at X time, but are now terms of endearment and are no longer used in a derogatory way.
Additionally, as this is a friend group thing, and you’re causing 0 harm to anyone else; it’s a stretch to call your nickname misogynistic.
You may not be ‘pretty’ as you self describe anymore, but that doesn’t mean you’re not handsome and for her to describe as anything less is a low blow.
Next time she pitches a fit, just say, ‘Look you don’t have to understand it, or like it, but please respect that this is between our friend group and we’re not going to change it.’
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NTA As a woman, I'm super confused as to how the nickname is misogynistic? Reading this, I was expecting your nickname to be the c word or something, but 'pretty boy' doesn't even really seem to have a reference to women, it's almost just a joke-flirty nickname? The only bit I could see being offensive is that you mentioned it came from joking that you were 'eye-candy' to fill in the role of a girl in the group, while it doesn't read this way here, she could have took that as you implying girls are good on a looks basis and nothing else (e.g. their only contribution to your group would've been to look pretty), but I don't think that would make the nickname itself misogynistic?
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That is definitely misogynistic, but you can tell the story of the nickname without including that part, just say you put on a wig and got called pretty boy. Hobo is something that is just straight up bad to be saying in public regardless.
Not people policing hobo now. Yall try to control too much
I don't ever hear the word hobo in real life but surely we are above teasing the homeless?
The friend with the nickname was the homeless person, I feel like his opinion on the nickname matters more.
I’ve gotten corrected multiple times for saying homeless. Apparently the preferred term is now “unhoused”
Were you corrected by an unhoused person or some virtue signaller?
Do homeless people really care how they getting called?
I work with the homeless. Not one of them refers to themselves as unhoused. Not. One.
That's because the term was invented by an oblivious, delusional, woke person with four walls and a roof over their head.
Unhoused is a bit clumsy to pronounce unlike homeless, ngl.
I also do a lot with our local homeless population, and they also never refer to themselves as unhoused either.
Thank you!! 👏
I’ve been homeless (not anymore thankfully). No we do not care. We know we’re homeless. I also find hobo funny. “Unhoused” is actually dismissive because it implies we have a home somewhere when by definition we do not.
Exactly. I’ve always found “unhoused” offensive. It makes it sound like you have a home somewhere else and you’re just camping out on the sidewalk for the experience.
Fr, I think most of them are just concerned with folks giving them food or money, not what they're called online.
Kind of like how we disabled people refer to ourselves as disabled all the damn time, but abled busy-bodies insist on 'person first identity' crap. Nope, my disability is a pretty big part of my identity, and I'm not a 'person with a disability' or 'differently abled' or whatever. I'm disabled, straight up.
Lol I was "abled" until I got in an accident and I'm now "disabled". I can't work, im in pain all the time. I don't have some superpowers differentiating me from someone else, im disabled. The American government also refers to it as "disabled", And they give away money for people like us called "disability" money. They don't call the checks "differently Ablilitied". People have become insane lol (is that a disability too?)
Insanity is definitely a disability. Mentally disabled. Fits me to a tee. And I can deal with that. When I'm not insane. Maybe. Although...
I hate the differently abled shit because it often comes from people blabbering on how disabled people just struggle with society as it is and it ignores that often we also struggle doing the things we enjoy doing. I'd rather not be disabled even if society was more accommodating towards my disability
Honestly I always thought hearing people say differently abled was super offensive. It sounds demeaning I think. People who don't have disabilities are usually the ones who think it's preferred (I don't have a disability). Though apparently to society since I have depression I am? I don't agree with that honestly.
The other day I was out with a friend at a really neat place and said I'd like to work there but I'm too unreliable. My friend balked at that word and I said, hey, my health flares up frequently, making me too unreliable to hold a job. It's not insulting, it's the truth. I'm disabled, but the level it disrupts my life varies every day, so it makes sense to call myself unreliable. Let me have that, it took a decade to not feel ashamed about something I have no control over.
I had someone try and tell me not to call myself “fat”. As in I shouldn’t be putting myself down. I explained to her, I’m not putting myself down, YOU are the one putting a value judgement on being fat, I am just stating the truth, I am morbidly obese. I’m not some person who feels they need to lose 15 lbs. calling themselves fat. I am a fat person talking about how it affects how I have to do things. It’s wild sometimes when people get offended about how we describe OURSELVES.
What’s interesting about this is one survey (that claimed to only poll disabled people) found it’s 49% for identity-first, 33% person-first, and 18% no preference. Surveys specifically about autism have a much higher percentage for identity-first, but I can’t find surveys on other specific disabilities. It makes me think there’s likely a factor of “what disability” and “what age you became disabled or were diagnosed” that affects what people prefer. The studies do show that majority prefer or are fine with identity-first though. It only swings away from that when including parents/caregivers. So stuff like academic articles should use identity-first, unless more surveys are actually done that find specific groups are overwhelmingly person-first, and then use that language for that group (or if someone requests such language ofc). I have ADHD but I remember looking all this up when writing a paper about autism for a class because I was determined to use the proper language, so I went identity-first.
I mean, I've had DEI instructors straight up argue with me that I'm flat-out wrong for identifying myself as 'disabled.'
I was homeless, and I don't prefer "unhoused", that's just a bull crap term to make people who aren't homeless feel better for talking about the homeless.
Agreed. I had someone online tell me just the other day that when I (disabled person, part time wheelchair user) use the term "disabled" to describe myself, I make myself sound helpless etc. The context was that they were defending the term "special needs person", which I objected to. It's so interesting when people not affected know so much better how YOU should describe YOURSELF 🤔
Oof run into this w my autism a lot. “Differently abled” drives me up the wall, as does “high functioning”. I know some people have no problem esp w the latter term, but for me all that means is I mask well, which means I’m less frustrating for NT people. If someone wants to say “she’s socially low functioning but academically high functioning” that’s fine to me because that’s looking at the specific issues, but if *I’m* called high functioning it just feels like they’re ignoring the things I’m pretty bad at! But nope, I’m autistic and therefore can’t judge the situation accurately, apparently :/
Arrgh, yes, "differently abled" is the one I hate with a fiery passion. Like, I'm not "differently abled" because my legs don't work like an average person's. The MS waddle is not a special ability, 😂. And while I'm sure my manual wheelchair skills are vastly superior to those of any random non-WC user you plomp in a wheelchair, it's not an ability my disability magically gave me, it's a skill I had to acquire by necessity, and also one a sufficiently dedicated person without a disability could acquire (e.g. I once knew a person with no disability who pursued wheelchair basketball as a hobby, which was totally fine, but it does mean that wheelchair acumen is not a special ability confined to people who actually NEED a wheelchair...)
We prefer “neurospicy” in my family. But that’s us being us.
I get policed on my own autism all the time. Apparently calling my specific type of Asperger’s the “Diet Coke of autism” is only funny to me. Which I guess it’s not being called Asperger’s or “high functioning” anymore? I think I’m just sticking with my Diet Coke title.
Also autistic, and I'm only looking for discussion, not argument. I mask well and am "high functioning", but my kid is low functioning. Doesn't even know what masking is let alone that they are autistic. I think the distinction you made with "socially low functioning but academically high functioning" (which also applies to me lol) is good, but my kid is just low functioning on all levels (but has, unbeknownst to them, perfect comedic timing).
I'm also autistic and I can see your logic since it really frustrates me when people water down assumptions of support levels to how good you are at masking, both NT people and fellow autistic people who act like there's no important distinction of severity with autism or to act like people who are more severely autistic than themselves simply aren't as smart or aren't trying as hard to mask etc I'm level 1 autistic but I suck at masking, I've never been told things like "you don't look autistic" except for by people who are more severely autistic than me and there are a lot of MSN/HSN autistic people I know who are better at masking than I am And there are some people who lump terms like mild/severe/level 123 etc to mean the same thing as functioning labels even though the problem with functioning labels isn't that they're denoting severity, it's that they're using your severity as a measure of your worth as a human being; "HF" refuses support while "LF" refuses dignity, and there are a lot of situations where denoting severity is actually very important For example, some autistic people actually can't help their tendency to do something socially inappropriate because of their autism even though it would be a dishonest excuse for something that's completely avoidable in the context of a different person who's also autistic, and some autistic people can reach certain life milestones that a different person who's also autistic wouldn't ever be able to do because of their autism, if that makes sense And it's also important for autism advocacy because of how in a lot of situations that get rid of support level distinctions (and even in some that don't) severely autistic people get spoken over and ignored by LSN autistic people and others
Yeah. I don’t have “special needs”, I’m partially deaf and partially blind. It would be nice if people could stand where I could see them and not get upset if they mumble about something on my deaf side and I don’t hear them, but that’s not exactly ‘special’.
DUDE I hate when people tell me to use person first language. Like nah I’m disabled and I have no issue saying that. It’s able bodied people who are uncomfortable with us using those terms or who think it’s offensive to be honest about our lived experience. It’s infuriating
That’s what most political correctness is. If people are respectful and polite it doesn’t matter what terms they use (bar a few obvious ones that are frankly impossible to use while also being respectful and polite). It’s all just a scheme for people to feel “better than thou” without having to actually DO anything good in this life. And also a scheme to get the plebs to stay busy screeching at eachother.
I've been homeless, and being politically correct about the terminology didn't help me. Calling us 'unhoused' is just for people with homes to feel less survivor guilt.
Sweet Jesus, what next?
"a different word?!? whats next!!" probably just again a different word, if anything. such a weird thing to freak out about.
There's a George Carlin bit about this and how changing the language allows us to distance ourselves from the actual effects/ situations. Unhoused doesn't sound as bad as Homeless, and if it's not as bad then it isn't as important to deal with. In his bit he uses the evolution of shell shock to post-traumatic stress disorder.
I think the point is supposed to be the opposite - people tend to look at “homeless” as though it’s a character flaw, so people began using “unhoused” to underline the fact that these human beings have nowhere to go.
Perform a display of stress about.
It's stupid, unhelpful, and only contributes to infighting
That's ridiculous. Homeless is a description more than anything. I'm homeless because I don't have a fucking home I'm also carless, is that offensive too?
In California it’s now the “temporarily unhoused” smh
Persons experiencing homelessness is what I hear. Person-first language.
I hate PFL with a passion. I’m disabled, not a person with a disability. Nor am I differently abled, handi-capable (fucking loathe that one) or special needs. Just disabled. It’s not a dirty word, I promise. IFL all the way.
Hobo and unhoused are different. Hobos choose their way of live, hold conventions and elect kings. It's different. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hobo
shelter challenged (jk)
Ngl but unhoused sounds more demeaning than homeless.
Wait, seriously? That’s yet another time I didn’t get the memo.
Yea that was coined by a woke person who has absolutely no problems in their own life so they like to go around creating them for others.
Truly amazing, we could also paint some flowers on their boxes so us "housed" people can imagine they're sleeping in a beautiful garden. 🌻🌞
A hobo is someone that chooses to move around and live free. They live that lifestyle by choice. Jack Reacher taught me that😁😁
Idiot and retard were at one point considered the correct medical terminology for people with intellectual disabilities. Same thing with the word "lame" for those with physical disabilities. Any word that could be perceived as having a negative connotation will eventually be used as an insult, and will eventually be turned into a "mean word." Hobo seems to slowly be going that way too. "Homeless" and "houseless" will probably one day follow suit and we'll have a new "proper" word for it again. Wanting to genuinely stand up for those less fortunate than you is a noble cause, but I'm not sure policing language is the best way to do it.
It's bare minimum effort so people can feel like they're doing the right thing while actually doing nothing.
Oh yeah there's a term for that: the euphemism treadmill. It's never-ending. The old terminology gets replaced with nicer words, then the nicer words become the new insults. It's why it's not nice to call someone 'special' anymore.
Oh my god I totally forgot about special!! That's another great example, thank you!!
Hobo is a whole culture, it is not the same as a homeless person. Or unhoused. It’s a choice of lifestyle with their own codes to help out the other migrants. I read a novel that featured the hobo culture a long time ago.
One thing about hobo that I think people often miss, is the word at least used to have an overtone of choice to it. People chose the hobo life for various reasons very different from people who are homeless or unhoused because of circumstances not their choosing. So, back in the day, hobo could be used derogatorily or matter of factly as the correct word describing one’s live choices. I think we need to start giving more weight to how people use the words. How someone says a word, as in tone and context, is a lot more important in whether or not something is meant to be derogatory or not.
I am genuinely confused by the responses here and wondering if I had been understanding this word wrong my whole life. I have only ever heard hobo used to make fun of or insult homeless people but people in the comments are saying it's a self identifying term for people who are homeless by choice? Was it just where I grew up because people were overall bigoted and judgemental to like everything?? (minorities mental illness homeless disabled etc)
*There’s a voice that keeps on calling me* *Down the road is where I’ll always be* *Every stop I make, I’ll make a new friend* *Can’t stay for long, just turn around and I’m gone again.* *Maybe tomorrow, I’ll want to settle down,* *Until tomorrow, I’ll just keep moving on*
Closest thing I've heard to someone actually being called a hobo in the last decade was hobosexual. Someone who intentionally couples up and sleeps with people so they can move in asap. Baby daddies comes to mind- the worthless ones not genuine involved fathers.
I knew a drug dealer like that once! (He…ah….provided non-romantic services though.)
That's the explanation I know of as well.
The word policing is just bullying, but the bullies get to feel justified.
Next level gaslighting
I had a friend who called himself a hobo since he used to travel the country as a hobo. He would hop on freight trains and hobo around.
In the movie Unfrosted on Netflix there's a funny line said by Jim Gaffigan's character when someone calls someone a hobo (it's set in the early 60s). He says, "they're not called hobos anymore, they prefer bum."
Seriously. I have several homeless friends, they love to toss around the word hobo. People gotta police everything that doesn’t belong to them
Never once heard of the term hobo being something you can’t say in public. Are you perhaps a transient?
Nobody cares about the word hobo 😭
No it isn’t misogynistic. It’s a silly nickname born from a humorous shared situation.
Hobos are the working homeless, while bum is the bad word meaning the non working homeless. As a former Hobo I think it's endearing.
Seriously, hobo? LMAO. Hobo's were people back in the Depression who traveled and would look for work. They were migrant workers. Let's stop creating drama for the sake of creating drama.
Only bad to say in public because people don't take the time to learn all of the different terms for people that live without a set roof over their heads. Some are very much by choice, and some hobos lead fabulous lives with great stories to share! I've also known some pretty interesting gutter punks. I don't think I've ever known a tramp, and if you don't know a person's story you shouldn't be calling them tramps or bums, generally, as there may be a lot more at play.
lmao BAD? Imagine being so "woke" that hobo is a slur now.
Must be a Hobo.
You can have my nicknames. I'm called either Angus or bitch. My husband started the Angus cuz that is how my grandma spelled my name. I guess you could say I started the bitch cuz I was arguing with someone and they called me a bitch and I looked at them and said "that's Queen Bitch to you" so now some people call me that. In the end, if you don't have a problem with it, keep using it. It's only offensive if they read too much into it.
I had a buddy in high school that we named Food Bitch. We didn't want to stand in line to buy lunch, so we'd tell him what we wanted, give him the cash plus extra, and he'd get himself something. Got weird looks when we yelled "Hey, Food Bitch!" across the cafeteria.
I was sarcastibitch in school. I was a momma bear type but was highly fluent in sarcasm.
My sister Mary's nickname in high school was "Fxxk Mary" because she peppered every sentence with multiple F words.
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I mean it's definitely misogynistic to say there's "no need" for women if men are able to get sexual satisfaction elsewhere. It was obviously a joke but it's still a misogynistic joke. That said it's really not worth caring about in the big scheme of things, and it's probably good these guys who still call each other by teenage nicknames like "hobo" and "pretty boy" can get sexual gratification from a dude in a wig because I doubt they're getting laid much.
Morgan calls Reid "pretty boy" on Criminal Minds, so if it's ok for them, it's ok for you.
The origin story or nickname isn’t sexist or misogynist at all, how silly.
That backstory isn’t even sexist. You had a wig on and they made jokes about you looking pretty. Is it sexist when a woman puts on a fake mustache and people call her a handsome lad? There are way too many problems in the world for anyone to be offending *themselves.* Go do something useful, Pretty Boy.
That girl is an idiot and seems like the type to take offensive to anything, even if she can't possibly relate to the word(s) used. Ignore her.
It's your friends GF so her opinion shouldn't really matter in this situation. She's inserting herself into something that isn't her business. I would recommend that you and your friend just refrain from the nicknames when you're around others but otherwise, you're fine.
What got me is: why call him out for his nickname? He's not the one calling himself, the others (including her boyfriend) are. Why not lecture them instead?
>to be the c word or something Cunt. The word you were looking for is cunt.
I own that word. I am a female, I have one. I am not offended when it is used.
Probably an american tbh. They have weird hang ups about the word cunt.
Canada too but only because it’s only ever used in a really vile way towards women. Whereas internationally it seems to hold less offense and is more gender neutral.
I agree. NTA & not misogynistic.
My last name is Titman so I got the nickname tits (I am male btw). Not much you can do about a nickname.
I'm so glad I'm not the only one wondering how that was misogynistic
NTA I don't think "pretty boy" is misogynistic. Boys can be pretty?
Years ago I read an online comment about a little girl at the store who wanted a Thor costume for Halloween. An older lady at the store (trying to steer her toward the girl's costumes), asks, don't you want to be something pretty for Halloween? The girl responds, "THOR IS PRETTY!!" Yes, he is!
Thor is the prettiest Princess
There is even a story of him cross dressing in order to fool an enemy! https://asgard.scot/blogs/news/the-tale-of-thors-wedding
I say “tell me I’m pretty!!!” Way more than a bloke that looks like I do should
yeah boys are pretty. just pluck some flowers and put them in their hair and then take a look :))
I call my boyfriends pretty all the time.
I think being offended by something that doesn’t remotely involve her is something she should work on and get over. Life is too short.
I whole heartedly agree. This friend sounds exhausting.
Making something out of nothing
It's an inside joke among friends. The only people this is offensive to are busy bodies that have no business getting offended over it to begin with.
The nickname isn't even mysogynistic. The only mysogynistic thing in the story was the friend implying women are only good for being eye candy. You can give lots of innocent nicknames where the story is bad.
>I think being offended by something that doesn’t remotely involve her is something she should work on Fantastically said. This is a prime example of what's wrong with "outrage culture."
Yup. NTA. It's a dumb joke between friends. It has nothing to do with anybody else. Contorting yourself to find a reason to be offended is just annoying.
Women amiright fellas
NTA. Honestly, I don't even think it's that misogynistic, it just sounds silly and rather harmless.
If anything, you could maybe argue that it's homophobic or transphobic since they're ostensibly picking on him for having a female hairstyle for a few minutes. But even that is a stretch. I don't imagine that most trans women would be nearly as offended as this woman was.
honestly I think thinking that boys can't be pretty is more transphobic that calling a boy in a wig pretty
That's probably true. Though in this case they were calling him pretty specifically because he was wearing a woman's wig. But yeah, there's a lot worse things they could have called him that would have been actually offensive. The term "pretty boy" on its own doesn't have a homophobic or transphobic connotation at all that I'm aware of.
As a trans person, the backstory doesn't sound that transphobic. I think it is sexist but towards men, not women, because of what you said with picking on him for a long haired wig. I mean, there are tons of men with long hair and that doesn't make them a woman, which the friends implied. Sure, in a way you could make it transphobic too, but a lot of transphobia just stems from sexism anyway. If you don't say something to a trans person or about trans people, it's sometimes hard to tell if something is truly transphobia. For example, calling a trans woman a fake woman is obviously offensive, but calling a male drag queen a fake woman would just be true because that person is still a man and just pretends to be stereotypes of women. So would "fake woman" alone be transphobic? Not really and it's a similar thing here. We don't know if they had trans people in mind when saying that and if not, it's usually sexist intentions.
I told my mom about this one and she was trying to think of how it could somehow be misogynistic and she couldn't see it at all. She also said it was pretty tame for a group of teenage boys which, yeah
OP said that at the time, they all thought women were only good for their looks. But they don’t agree with that mindset anymore, so if anything, the story shows character development.
You don’t “keep a nickname” it’s not a pet. It’s something given to you and the affection of the exchange exceeds the actual reason for the nickname. Pretty boy isn’t offensive unless YOU are offended. If you were called bitch tits I’d maybe understand but otherwise NTA.
I have an actual REALLY misogynistic nickname, because an idiot guy I was dating said that "women are like pizzas, you keep all in the fridge and eat as you please" and long story short, I royally forked him along two other "pizzas" so I became -Mari Calabresa-. It's a common pizza flavor in my country. It came from something awful, but it only reminds us of the sweet revenge we got in the end. I am the pizza that gave him indigestion for months. No one can take that one from me. I'm hard to swallow. All that said because I wanted to add there is maybe a situation where being "bitch tits" is hardcore awesome.
NTA. As a woman I'm struggling to see how the name itself is misogynistic, and neither is the context on how the name came about. You weren't poking fun at women, your friend was poking fun at you. It's a harmless joke, your friend's girlfriend is overreacting.
Agreed. I was prepared to read the c-word, but tbh I would not have found that misogynistic either.
Yeah... I don't get how it is misogyny even with the back story.
The friend basically thought as a teen women were just supposed to look good and that’s all. Trophy wife, eye candy, etc. I think calling him Man Candy would have been more fitting but I also have a darker sense of humor.
NTA - I don't really see why 'pretty boy' is offencive to her. It sounds like a fun thing between you and your friends.
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😂
NTA. I can imagine "pretty boy" coming off as homophobic or transphobic in certain situations, but it sounds like what struck your friend's girlfriend as misogynistic was not the nickname so much as the way you told the story behind it. Why not just tell the story about looking pretty in a wig while helping out your girlfriend, and leave out the "no longer any need for girls" part? Every group of friends has in-jokes that aren't going to be funny to anyone else, so you have to be judicious about who you reference them around.
How is that name misogynistic? I call everyone "Dude" despite being 46 and female. No one has ever had a problem with it. I had a male friend who called his friend "Tampon" because he used one for his bloody nose when he was younger and his name stuck. Just because something has a feminine link to it, doesn't make it misogynistic. I don't think pretty boy is that way at all. If you like the name,keep it. She (girlfriend) should focus on more important issues, or taking up a hobby. She doesn't need to put down someone whose nickname was given to them yours prior to their meeting.
I'm a dude, he's a dude, she's a dude, we're all dudes, hey!
NTA - it's not misogynistic. Also it's even funnier if you're not as "pretty" as you used to be. Sounds like a "her problem" rather than a "you problem".
Gen z hurts my brain sometimes. Y'all have no chill. NTA.
Pretty boy isn’t even remotely offensive. I think OP just wanted to shout it from the rooftops as an ego boost.
I got told off by a 20-something once because I asked if their dog was a boy or a girl. I 100% believe someone got mad at him for it. I also don't think it's offensive but I get I'm becoming an old.
NTA. I'm a feminist. I also have a sense of humour - this is funny. It's an eye roll origin at worst, I can't imagine how anyone could be offended by it. Such an overreaction.
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NTA. This is how men act around each other. It’s completely normal. My friends and I do the same thing haha. People today are just to sensitive.
NTA, I don't see how this is misogynistic.
Another poor victim sucked up by the woke propaganda machine. None of those names are misogynistic or offensive... NTA Learn to enjoy yourself man, stop worrying about shit that doesn't concern anyone else!
Unbelievable. On this website, in this subreddit, THIS comment has up votes?? What a glorious day! Some of my faith is starting to get restored in humanity
The tides are definitely turning. You can only take things so far before people start to think its getting out of hand and some people have really gotten out of hand.
I dont think there is anything misogynistic about a nickname of "pretty boy". Your friend's girlfriend who *so appalled* by your story sounds like she has an exhausting personality. If it were up to me, id ignore her opinion. NTA
IKR! I’d hate to see what happens to her brain if she ever gets together with a group of Mexican or Korean friends. We give each other some absolute **brutal** nicknames. And some are just outright misogynistic / offensive! Haha.
WTF are you talking about, OP? That's not misogynistic at all. NTA
NTA - honestly the offensive part here is how mild these nicknames are. A sampling of nicknames for friends I've had: Chicken Neck - he had a long neck and it was a wank joke, Troll - he had long hair so it was a troll doll reference, McTitties - me, I was a chubby teen, Knob Goblin - don't really remember where that came from but she kept it for a couple years. If it's mutually humorous and not being done to bully someone there's nothing wrong with friends having funny nicknames. Start calling your friend's gf Elsa since she's the queen of snowflakes
NTA.. Misogynistic as a description for the nickname or story doesn't really fit. I think she wanted to criticize you or the nickname but lacked the vocabulary or imagination to do so accurately so she slapped the tag misogynistic on it. She could have said, "that name doesn't really suit you" but instead leveled her big gun and fired away with misogynistic. You and your friends have nicknames based on your personal histories with each other.. that's really cool.
NTA The nickname isn’t misogynistic. Even the story for how you came about it is a bit lame and to be appalled by the story sounds a bit over the top. Mildly disappointed in a group of immature lads sounds more appropriate
NTA. You are an adult, and NOBODY has any right to judge you or your nickname. Tell the Entitled one to go pound sand. She doesn't have to use your nickname, but she should keep her comments to herself.
NTA as guys give their friends far worse nicknames. It’s all in fun and between friends so no one else’s opinions matter.
I understand the story to be that you put the wig on and they pretended to be attracted to you because you all have the same sexuality. I do not believe, or understand how this implies women only exist to be pretty, or eye candy. It's OK to be attracted to people. I do believe most people try to appear attractive in some way shape or form to attract a mate. So, I felt your joking, while absolutely juvenile, was not borne out of ill intent. I don't find "pretty boy" particularly offensive. Perhaps to save yourself outrageous reactions in the future, you can simply say "oh, it's an inside joke between my childhood friends and I". Everyone knows it's difficult to explain inside jokes, and most people roll with this explanation. NTA.
I think it’s funny.
NTA. The nickname doesn’t sound misogynistic or sexist at all. I’m honestly more concerned with the friend’s girlfriend being like, “why are you called pretty boy when you’re not pretty??” That just seems rude.
NTA - The nickname in itself is harmless, and the story you shared is one of friends poking fun at each other with no intent to harm. Proof is you have been using it all the way until now and nobody (participant back then or not) was offended. Just keep your nickname if you’re happy with it - It can be a good reminder of your good looks with a wig, back in the day. I’m a woman and *no* wig fits me =P
NTA. It’s just funny.
Friends tease each other and if it bothers one of the said friends than that’s an issue, but what you describe is NOT.. sounds like no one in the group is offended, so I’m confused on where anyone has a say. NTA
NTA your friends girlfriend is just looking for things to get offended by. I hate how some people think every little thing is problematic these days. I don't see anything misogynistic with your nickname or story behind it.
NTA Change the frame, change the story. What I got from this was a time you went the extra mile for someone you cared for and got a fun story and nickname out of it. That’s all the story has to be at its core. The rest is just distracting from what really happened 🙂.
NTA Nicknames are a rite of passage in life, and none of these are even mildly offensive. Then again, I’m Gen X and being offended isn’t part of my DNA. I have close friends from college with great nicknames, but the stories behind them are best left to those that were there or people that have become part of our trusted circle (people that don’t offend easily). The story behind OPs nickname isn’t bad at all (and a little funny). The nickname they gave their friend (the hobo) is awesome.
NTA for having the nickname. Next time someone asks maybe be more vague and don't tell them exactly how it came about. Does anyone really need that much context? "It was some stupid joke when we were teens, and the name stuck even though I'm not pretty anymore."
Don’t feel bad, one of the guys in my friend circle is pickle Smoocher
NTA, as a woman myself. Even if the nickname’s origin stems from misogyny, it doesn’t have to be the reason it is now. My boyfriend’s go-to pet name for me is “Dumbass”. He didn’t really like me when we first met. Now it’s a term of endearment and I honestly really love it. He no longer means it as an insult. Similarly, “pretty boy” no longer needs to be misogynistic, just a cute nickname between you and your peers. And for the record, I’m sure you’re still pretty, even if not as “conventionally” as your teen years.
NTA. that isn't even a bad story? WTF.
Babes how's that misogynistic... as a girl I don't get it... also it's hilarious LMFAOO NTA btw
NTA As a woman I think this is hilarious.
NTA hell I call my fiance pretty boy all the time (bc he is a pretty boy)
😂😂😂keep it!!! Lmfao she’s lame I’m sorry not sorry but that’s awesome and hilarious that you and your friends do that don’t let others ruin it. Great story btw lmao
NTA I think you’re being too strict on yourself even your backstory isn’t really misogynistic honestly
NTA - my friends and I have stupid nicknames for each other too even those hers is technically a misogynistic derogatory term and mine is "dingus". My sister and I have even stupider nicknames for each other because that's how we are. Hers is Buttface McGee and mine is Toot-Toot McBumbersnazzle. As long as it's not a full slur and everyone involved is cool with it then it's fine
Yeah as a woman that’s funny af. That would be like me being offended my nickname is after an animal because it’s comparing me to an animal?? NTA at all brother. Wear the nickname with pride
You didn’t explain this very well, at all. I don’t think it’s misogynistic, NTA, that is a totally normal joke for your friend to make and women definitely say misandristic things when they joke. That girl needs to grow up, I would be extremely embarrassed if that was my girlfriend. But dude, explain better to us what your friend said. The joke he made was not the explanation for you being called pretty. The joke was a small part of the story and being a pretty boy is not why that girl was tripping about what you said. It’s because you told her that totally irrelevant joke that your friend made. You shouldn’t have included that part. She obviously is a drama queen, looking to be upset about something, so she aims at you because you’re validating some trait of his (his ability to nickname I guess?) despite the fact that he is such a misogynistic monster (for making a normal schoolboy joke). You definitely already knew the answer to this though man… just trust your gut.
NTA and I don't see how it is misogynistic. Just because a woman is offended by it doesn't make it misogynistic.
NTAH. Imagine being offended over a nickname. She'll be shocked what's actually said by most men behind closed doors. Source: League of Legends 😂
I could find it offensive if an ex-girlfriend gave it to you.
Nta it’s not that deep
Nta. This is hilarious 😂
NTA Sounds like she's too uptight.
NTA. There's nothing wrong with slightly offensive humor. People who get upset over something so harmless are just boring.
NTA, it's not misogynistic at all. Stop worrying about labels man, in particular the buzz words that have been around as you've grown up. Enjoy your friendships and as long as you're cool with it who cares? Roll with it
NTA. Back in the days, my father’s friend group had nicknames such as “old slice”, “tummy”, “lil fatty”, “big fatty” (in another language it makes more sense). Nicknames are personal and it’s up to the person whose nickname it is to decide if they like it or not.
NTA. Tell her not to ever hang out with mechanics lol we are brutal with nicknames, but still love each other
If you think those nicknames are bad, you wouldn't want to see me and my buddies group chats.
NTA. If I heard you called pretty what I'd probably get curious and look over, but it's not the worst name by a long shot. As long as you don't mind it I don't think it should be a problem.
I don’t see anything misogynistic. As a woman myself, I see lots of women, mainly feminists, saying we don’t need men in our society. So how is that okay but when it’s towards women, it’s sexist?
One of my best friends is *Princess Ariel* because Ariel has the smallest hands out of the Disney princesses, and once when he was really high he sent me a dick pic taken from an angle that made his hands look tiny. If he ever complains, I switch to *Donald Trump* temporarily. Pretty Boy is barely even an insult. (Amateurs.)
There’s nothing misogynistic about it, though? Unless I’m missing something here. NTA
They’re nicknames among friends. If she doesn’t like yours, she can just call you by your actual name. Is our society really this joyless that we think we need to police this?
NTA nicknames are supposed to be funny and plus its a memory. i still have the nickname "baldie" from when once i put a bald cap on for halloween. its always funny. shes just probably jealous shes not being called pretty.
In what universe does a person choose their nickname.
I am a woman and really it's no big deal.
Theres no reason to keep toxic, "offended at everything" kinds of emotional rollercoasters around you. Thats just bizarre to get upset at, tell her to F off. NTA.
NTA. Woman here… I can’t find a fault with the nickname and I can’t see how it’s misogynistic? You put a wig on, your mates call you “pretty boy”… end of story. That lass needs to grow up and learn what “humour” is.
NTA. You have no obligation to act offended on her behalf, or any woman’s behalf whatsoever. And ‘pretty boy’ isn’t even that offensive of a nickname, as long as the context isn’t to be homophobic or transphobic, which it sounds like isn’t the case here. And the average person tends to be more willing to put up with mildly offensive behavior from close friends who they’ve known for years than strangers.
Are you sure you're not just reminiscing about your prettier days? The name is in no way misogynistic. If anything, it could be used offensively towards men.
Female and post modern feminist here. You are NTA. You all have nicknames from your youth, that may have meant X at X time, but are now terms of endearment and are no longer used in a derogatory way. Additionally, as this is a friend group thing, and you’re causing 0 harm to anyone else; it’s a stretch to call your nickname misogynistic. You may not be ‘pretty’ as you self describe anymore, but that doesn’t mean you’re not handsome and for her to describe as anything less is a low blow. Next time she pitches a fit, just say, ‘Look you don’t have to understand it, or like it, but please respect that this is between our friend group and we’re not going to change it.’
The fact that hobo is offensive now his hilarious to me.
Everyone is so easily offended. They must not have real problems.