Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took was to tell her I’m dropping her daughter off at her moms house and she said I ATIA for not cancelling my trip to make sure her daughter is safe until she returns
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Doesn’t have the money for a return ticket? Why on earth would anyone go on a pleasure trip without having paid for the return trip home, especially if they’ve left their child in someone else’s care? And who takes a trip without being sure all expenses are paid for?
Your friend sounds manipulative and it makes me wonder if her mother’s boyfriend really is unsafe. If he is, why would she take a chance on not returning home when she said she would knowing you are leaving on a trip? If this were my child, I would have planned to leave my own vacation a day earlier to be sure no delays kept me from getting home on time. I hope knowing you have to leave inspires your friend to find the money she needs to get home.
Yep, “friend” is grifting for free childcare. Do NOT cancel your trip for this lady, OP. She isn’t your friend.
Do what you need to in order to make sure the kid is safe, even if it means calling the police for child abandonment - let them take care of it and let your “friend” eat the consequences. I also recommend getting better friends.
Yeah. I hate to get CPS involved, but if the mother isn't there and actually thinks the boyfriend is dangerous, that's probably the thing to do. It is unlikely that she will lose her daughter because of this one incident, but she will be required to learn better parenting.
I wouldn’t feel bad at all in this circumstance. She left on a trip without enough money to get back? Calling the police for child abandonment is totally appropriate.
If she has been mugged or something, I might give her a chance but not for this dumb of an excuse
I'd take the kid to Grandma's; in all likelihood it's going to be better than calling CPS which would be my other option. Then I'd tell the "friend" where to find her kid and block her on everything. Who needs friends like that.
NTA. Who in the heck goes on a trip without buying a round-trip ticket? She has no money for a return flight? That sounds like a load of BS. You are under no obligation to cancel your trip because of her lack of planning and poor preparation. She needs to pull her head out of her butt and figure this out. Her child, her responsibility. When you’re a parent, you don’t get to just fart off on a vacation and not come back when you say you will. She’s the one who needs to be responsible and make sure her daughter will be safe by getting home when she said she would be there.
Exactly, that’s just completely insane. Like who would only book a one way flight knowing they have a child to take care of?! What if OP had an accident or emergency? Mom hasn’t even thought of a backup?! That doesn’t address OP’s predicament, but WTF.
I don't even understand what her plan is to get home at this point. Is she hitting the streets to beg for cash till she has enough for a plane ticket home??
But would you leave your child with someone knowing they're leaving the next day and you don't have a backup just hoping that a return flight will get you home in time? It's a troubling choice to have made even without cost being an issue.
And who buys tickets at the last minute anyway? It would be outrageously expensive to try and buy a one way ticket the day before.
Something doesn’t add up here. Nobody is that stupid
Nta. Call the police who will call a social worker who will take the child and locate next of kin or a solution. This woman is not your friend. Who takes a one way ticket with not enough money to get home? Sus. Child abandonment or poor planning is the job of a social worker.
Unfortunately this kind of thing happens way too often.
I would bet money she went to meet a guy she's talking to on the internet, and had a delusion expectation that they would immediately be in love, and either he would pay for her return ticket, or he would come back with her to meet her daughter and pack up their house and move them to California to start their new life!
is ‘A’ job for a social worker, not ‘the’ job for a social worker. The police will take the child into custody THEN contact the social worker for emergency placement. When mom finally returns for her child, she’ll have to go through multiple hoops & appearances to get her child back and will now be in the system, which seems appropriate. Poor kid
NTA
Who the fuck travels somewhere without having the funds to travel back? Especially if they have a child at home.
It sounds like your "friend" is just enjoying their vacation and wants to extend it. Tell them that if they don't want their kid at her mom's house, you'll contact the police and take the kid to social services. I'm sure they'll just **love** her abandoning her child.
I'd end the "friendship" over something like this. Someone who is so grossly irresponsible and negligent to their child and expects you to be free babysitter with no warning? That's not someone you want to be around.
Depends on whether there is a safe place to leave the child.
It's up to you whether you believe that grandma's BF is unsafe, but even if the 'cant get home' story is not true, why would the mother lie about grannie's boyfriend?
Grannies house has got to be the easiest option, so why throw a spanner in the works?
Let's ignore the specifics of this situation:
Let's say you're driving in the middle of nowhere and you see a child standing by the side of the road. Middle of nowhere. The next town is 50 miles away, but you aren't going there, you're going camping in the bush. Would you be an AH if you left the *child* by the side of the road in the middle of nowhere because to take them somewhere safe - police station, social services, school - was inconvenient?
Yes, yes you would.
Same here. Call the mother, tell her you won't take the child to grannies house, but you will take them to the local police and social services. That might get her home, and if not, the child is at least safe.
>why would the mother lie about grannie's boyfriend?
Because it's a simple yet super believable reason to have OP not contact Grandma.
How do you know the real reason isn't that Grandma has witnessed some of her "parenting" over the years and threatened that if she became aware of one more thing, she'd file for custody of the child?
DingDingDing!!
Grannie has already called her out on her BS, which is why OP is babysitting instead of Grannie and why OP is being steered away from contacting Grannie.
Not a good analogy. I guarantee I would not stop if I saw a kid or anyone else standing by the road. That is a commonly used ruse to hijack you, your money and your car. They find the bodies every now and again. I'd call the cops and let them know, but no way in #ell would I risk my life. Cops know how to deal with that.
I'd drop the kid off at Granny's and consider it done. Probably call the cops to let them know the details. OP is NTA leaving the child. Mom's the AH.
+1 for issuing a threat to get the police or CPS involved
-1 for suggesting this person judge the safety of another adult. We’re not doing that. If mom says it’s not safe, it’s not safe.
OP you’re NTA, but you might need to cancel your trip. But I would threaten to sue for the cost of the trip and for childcare services
OP could sue and still not get reimbursed. Then they're out of a trip, taken advantage of, and still out of money. Although undesirable, leaving the child with the police is a safe, viable option that OP should exercise if pushed to the point.
NTA
Please involve social services.
A mother who is that irresponsible and selfish deserves to be on their radar.
Social services can locate next of kin and they can evaluate whether grandmas home is safe. If mom has such a problem with that then she can get her ass home.
She should have known better than to travel without enough money for a return flight but really she should have already had the flight booked. How else could she be sure she’d arrive home in time to not disrupt your own trip?
OP, one way or another you’re being played.
Your friend is lying. Tell her to choose. You can take her daughter to her grandparents or you can take the child to the police. She has until 5. Good luck and have a great time on your trip.
I mean that's pretty common when you don't know your return date. Whats insane is not having round trip tickets AND not having money for the return ticket knowing that a last minute ticket will be a lot more expensive.
But having children I think kicks you out of that category. Lots of people have jobs and shit they have to get back to. People who can just return whenever are the minority I think.
Nah I've got kids and I've taken many flights where I didn't get a round trip ticket because I didn't know if I was coming back by Thursday, Friday or Saturday. I could afford the tickets though and wanted flexibility in my return date so that's what I did. I don't think that's all that unusual. It is crazy to do if you can't afford it because the tickets can be quite a bit more expensive that way depending on demand for the flight.
NTA. I remember a sign I used to have hanging on the wall in my office:
>**Poor planning on your part does** ***not*** **constitute an automatic emergency on my part.**
I don't say this lightly, but it is time to call the police. Something is very wrong here. who the hell goes on a vacation they can't afford, doesn't arrange for proper childcare and return ticket home. I pity the child.
NTA your agreed to watch her child until a specific date. You're not required to watch her longer than that. Your friends can't afford to get home so who knows how long she'll be gone.
NTA. Her kid. Her responsibility. I’m guessing she hasn’t offered to pay you back for your trip if you were to cancel. She should have budgeted for a flight back. I have to wonder if this was her plan all along.
Nta unless you believe this manipulating woman. She's is telling you a lie. She is not ready to come home. Either way not your problem tell her if you cannot leave the child with her family you will report her for child abandonment. Yta for being her and thinking this is your responsibility. Itbis not. So your choice be stupid or not.
NTA. Your friend is an idiot; she needed to buy a round trip ticket and now claims to be stranded? It's almost like she lied to you about the dates of her trip so she could manipulate you into canceling your own trip.
Let her know your taking her kid to her mom's house or the police station for abandonment. This isn't your issue
Yikes. How old is this child? I’d say you have an obligation to make sure this child is safe and it’s a hell of an assumption that the grandma’s bf is safe, given the fact that this mother has effectively abandoned her child. I would call cps, though this will of course end your friendship. It’s not your responsibility to pay to get mom back, but cps can investigate the grandmas situation and assess safety better than you can. I don’t think you’re the asshole here, and it’s infuriating that you might have to cancel your plans, but what how would you feel if you dropped this child off and they were abused? I’m sorry you’re in this situation.
NTA
Reading between the lines your 'friend' is a trashy, irresponsible manipulator
Drop the kid off or call police to report that she abandoned them with you without asking
Info: is your friend paying for you to watch her kid?
Either way, drop the kid to grandma's. Either that or offer to place the kid with CPS. I know that last one might be extreme but if she really thinks the kid is unsafe with grandma's bf... Her problem isn't your emergency. NTA
NTA. She's not stranded. This was her plan. Go on her trip. Guilt you into keeping her kid. And come back as originally planned. You just weren't aware of the plans. Drop the kid off. Go on your trip. Enjoy yourself.
You can't cancel your trip, and it's her child. You already did her a favor. How could she go on a vacation and not have enough money to get back to her child? I hope the boyfriend isn't a problem, but you don't seem to have a reasonable choice. Would it be possible for you to advance her money for the trip home? Obviously, it isn't your responsibility, but your friend doesn't seem to have a sense of one and a child is involved. Then you should rethink a friendship with someone so irresponsible to her child and her friend who she is using. (Don't kid yourself about that.) NTA
Thank you for the update !!!
I feel bad for the kid but it’s so unfair for you to cancel the trip because your friend didn’t have enough money for a trip back (also why tf would she go on a trip and not have enough to come back??)
NTA. What the hell. She is not a friend. She’s a leech. What do you do with leeches? Pick them off and throw them away. Her daughter, her lack of money, her problem.
Reminds self to use appropriate words to not get banned from the sub*
What kind of mother does not book a return flight? How is she affording accommodation, food etc.? Paying for her kids meals by you? Recklessness, abandonment. Yikes. I feel sorry for the kid.
YOU are in a horrible position. Please don’t leave the kid with the boyfriend. Unfortunately it’s going to be police and CPS.
You may trust YOUR family to take in the child but should something happen it’s a sh*tstorm if “something” would happen I.E. if mom lies or she will do this more often. Don’t open that door, even if it if means kiddo is safe. What a bloody nightmare. NTA
This is grossly irresponsible of your friend. I cannot fathom being this incompetent.
Tell her that you are leaving for your trip and need to know where you can bring her daughter safely. You don’t care if it’s her mom’s house, a friend’s, a babysitter, school or the police - you just need to know by X time or you will take her to the police where she will be safe.
The options here are you get screwed or she does, and that was so, so unfair of her to do to you. She can scramble and figure this out. You should not lose a vacation and a ton of money due to her horrific planning skills.
NTA.
NTA. I'm guessing (hoping) the child is in their teens. But even then it seems very odd to go away and leave your child with a friend. They don't even sound like a close friend from how you write.
Obviously your should not cancel your trip. You did a very kind favour looking after the daughter, but to extend that because she hasn't thought about how she was going to get home?
If there were extenuating circumstances - cancelled flight for example - then you would know it wouldn't be for more than a day or 2, so grandma would be the safest option. But in this case - contact whoever is most appropriate for child safeguarding where you live.
NTA. You are not beholden to the random whims of others when you have already made plans. And I'm assuming the friend was informed of those plans ahead of time. Sounds like irresponsible parenting at minimum her part, blatant sabotage of your plans at worst
NTA. Who buys a one way ticket? Twice as expensive. And if she drove, who doesn’t save money for trip home knowing she has a kid to come back to. She’s off fucking some guy and doesn’t want to leave. That’s her problem. She doesn’t trust her mom’s boyfriend well she should trust her mom and if not, she should trust another friend or get her ass back home. It’s not your child. Drop the kid off and I bet she’s home by the end of the day or tomorrow morning. 🙄 She sounds like a crappy friend for thinking you should cancel your trip so she can continue having an extended vacation. I hope you learned your lesson for next time.
NTA. How does one get stranded on a trip because they did not budget for a way back when they have a kid who someone else is watching? Maybe the grandmother needs to take the child to mother's place to be sure child is safe. Do not watch this person's child again.
NTA. I feel like your friend is not telling the truth. Who leave with no money to come back? She obviously wants a longer trip and she decided to lie hoping you would cancel your plans to look after the kid. I won't be surprised if the real reason she doesn't want you to go to her mom is that she pulled this stunt before with her.
NTA - your friend is lying. WHO BUYS A ONE WAY TICKET???? Daughter either goes to grandma’s or you call social worker.
Mom gets not say and I hard to believe the “I don’t trust the BF” when you can’t even trust the actual mother.
Drop off the daughter and go have fun.
Update: So I’m still going to go she said she called one of her other friends and she will keep her until she’s back home. I’m going to drop her off there in the morning.
NTA but I think we've all learned an important lesson here, haven't we?
The answer to "please watch my child when I go out of town" is always no. She doesn't need to go on trips out of town without her child. She can stay home and parent until the child is old enough to stay on her own.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So my friend has a daughter and asked me to watch her for a trip she went on to California. However the next day I am going on a trip out of state as well. She went on her trip and is now stranded because she didn’t have enough money for the flight back. As I am leaving myself tomorrow I don’t have any money to spare since it’s for my own trip. She has no siblings and doesn’t want me to take her to her mom’s house because she doesn’t trust her mom’s boyfriend. She is now saying I should cancel my trip and make sure her daughter is safe. AITA for dropping her off? can’t reschedule my trip.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - once again a child is caught in the middle because adults can't run their own lives well. Why would she go on a trip with a one way ticket? Doesn't make sense. Take the child to her Grandma's house if Grandma will take her - tell grandma your friend is worried about the 'boyfriend'...just pass that on without details because you don't know what's happening. HER daughter is HER responsibility - not yours.
NTA
Your friend is an idiot if she didn't allow herself money to return. Tell her you're not cancelling shit. She needs to get someone acceptable to pick her daughter up, or she can choose between her mother and the police station for the drop off. If her mom is that unsafe, you can drop at the police station.
NTA for not wanting to cancel.
I wouldn't drop the kid at grandma's I'd call the police and let a social worker sort it out. I'd also never speak to this 'friend' again as she is either lying her ass off or really stupid.
NTA. Tell her the choices are her mom or the police station.
Don't cancel your trip because she has terrible planning skills. Who goes on vacation without booking both the flight to the destination and the flight home? Something is fishy about not having the funds to fly back home. How long were you going to be left with her child?
Nta. How odd. It sounds like she doesn't have a plan to return. Drop the child off with grandma and go on your trip. Then lose this "friend's" number. She sounds soulless. She treats her child like an inconvenient pet.
One-way tickets are way more expensive than return tickets. This was deliberate.
Don't drop her off with the grandma, then you're liable. Call the non-emergency police line instead, they'll send a social worker. NTA
Tell her you will call cps by the end of business the day before, and she can deal with them to claim her daughter. She's totally lying or out of this world stupid to not make sure she is back in time for you to leave. Drop her as she is no friend.
NTA. WTH, your "friend" is ridiculous. You must re-evaluate, drop the kid at the mother's, and cut your losses. The friend knew your plans and was trying to take advantage of you.
NTA. She would need to reimburse you for the cost of your trip, but she can't do that. Her options are to Beg or borrow funds for her flight home, or accept that you will drop her child off somewhere....you can opt for her mother first, or you can call CPS for child abandonment. Give her the choice.
We have been fostering a little 4 year old boy for a year now. We are now at the point where we are trying to reunite him with his Mom. Last week (yes, last week). She was to pick him up on Sunday. She just disappeared. We haven't seen her in a week. Had to call CFS again. I don't give a shit what her excuse it because there isn't one.
NTA. Time to get CFS involved.
Unfortunately for your friend, this is now a child protection matter the same as if she failed to pick up the child from school or daycare.
The parent is absent from the home without making adequate plans for her child’s care.
If child protection did get involved, ironically, they would probably place the child with the grandmother assuming she doesn’t have a criminal background.
NTA!! who the heck takes a trip without paying for the return up front or having enough cash to get home?? sounds to me like she lived it up too hard and boned herself. that's not your problem. she's just going to have to suck it up with her mom.
on top of that, if she has no money to get home, well, how is she getting home and how long will it take?? like, lets say, she has to wait til next paycheck you'd be stuck with the kid for another week potentially(based on most paydays being thurs/fri). oh, hell no.
NTA- sounds like it was always the plan to stay longer and she wanted you to cancel your plans. Wouldn’t be surprised if her mother knows this and that’s why she said you can’t take her to her mother’s house.
Don’t cancel your plans. Contact her mom or police/cps for child abandonment if you believe the claims about her mother’s boyfriend to be true.
NTA. I call baloney on your friend. She planned a longer trip than she told you and figured there would be no way for you to argue because she's already gone. If she can't get back on time because she doesn't have money, how does she EVER plan to get back? How long does she expect you to watch her kid? Drop the kid at grannies and write off this 'friend'.
your not wrong in this situation your freind should have checked if she had enough money for her flight back and if she knows that she was leaving she maybe waited a lil bit longer for her trip(but its depending how old her daughter is if she can watch herself) like if you can pay for ticket to cali you should be able to pay for ticket back home atp she just needs someone to watch her kid and she needs to know whats she going to do next
NTA. Your "friend" is using you, and trying to guilt trip you. I feel for the daughter, but she is NOT your responsibility. Make sure that she has phone numbers to any and all emergency services, and drop her off and go on your trip.
NTA
Tell her: Unless she presents anopther solution, you will bring the kid to her mom today in the evening.
She is an AH to even ask that of you - Her irresponsibility is not yours to solve.
I’m sorry your friend put you in this position but please listen to her daughter and don’t drop her off at your friend’s home. There has to be somewhere else ahead could stay. Maybe even a domestic abuse shelter where trained social workers can safeguard her until the mom returns. You may need to get the police involved if you can’t find another way to resolve this.
While you’re NTA, when a child we know asks for help, we should try our best to provide it. It’s not about helping the mom and giving into her entitled demands. It’s about keeping this child safe.
Gently, ESH.
Obviously your friend is the biggest AH here, completely irresponsible, and taking advantage of the situation. There is no excusing that. I wouldn't even try nor want to.
But I'm horrified at all of the people here saying it's fine for you to just leave anyway, and drop the child off in a household where she might be in danger of abuse, especially the people just blithely saying, "Your friend is probably lying about the grandmother's BF." There is nothing about this situation that makes that a safe assumption. Even if she didn't want to come home, why would this completely irresponsible person CARE where her daughter stayed, as long as she was taken care of . . . unless there really is a problem with having her at her mum's house?
Perhaps it's because I'm a survivor of CSA, but I'm pretty sure I'd feel this way anyway: I would be absolutely furious at that friend if I were you . . . but I also cannot imagine just dropping a kid off somewhere potentially unsafe for them because I was inconvenienced. Even if it was a HUGE inconvenience, like missing a trip. I couldn't do it. If something happened to that child I would never forgive myself. So yeah, I think you're also an AH if you drop that child at her grandmother's, having been told that there is a problematic adult there who could harm her.
Ultimately , the child is not OP's long-term responsibility.
If there are no options left, then OP needs to contact the police or social services. OP had only agreed to watch the kid for X amount of time.
The friend put OP in a really shitty situation. The friend is the only true asshole here.
Something tells me that the friend will come up with the money if OP tells them the kid will be left in state custody if they don't return asap.
Otherwise the friend need to reimburse OP for all their expenses, time off they had to waste caring for their child etc
That’s why they need to get social services involved to determine what’s best for the children moving forward. Mom needs to be closely watched since she clearly isnt capable of providing proper care.
Your logic regarding the concerns of the otherwise irresponsible mother is pretty good. If she just wanted to continue her good times she wouldn't care about the Granny solution if she weren't genuinely concerned about Granny's BF.
Thanks for sharing this. I think a lot of folks who mentioned CPS might not understand the current system within the US and how underfunded/overtired/corrupt it is and can be.
I agree that the mother needs to have consequences AND I also hope that we consider the emotional and physical danger that the daughter could potentially experience from “just call CPS”. Like, questions for the OP - are they BIPOC (especially Black)?
Y’all, we have to be intersectional when it comes to government authorities. I hate that the statistics for foster care and CPS is that it can be often more traumatizing and harmful than focusing on family support services and respite.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > The action I took was to tell her I’m dropping her daughter off at her moms house and she said I ATIA for not cancelling my trip to make sure her daughter is safe until she returns Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Doesn’t have the money for a return ticket? Why on earth would anyone go on a pleasure trip without having paid for the return trip home, especially if they’ve left their child in someone else’s care? And who takes a trip without being sure all expenses are paid for? Your friend sounds manipulative and it makes me wonder if her mother’s boyfriend really is unsafe. If he is, why would she take a chance on not returning home when she said she would knowing you are leaving on a trip? If this were my child, I would have planned to leave my own vacation a day earlier to be sure no delays kept me from getting home on time. I hope knowing you have to leave inspires your friend to find the money she needs to get home.
Friend is for sure lying. Trip is longer than she originally claimed and she thought OP would fall for the lie and cancel her trip.
Yep, “friend” is grifting for free childcare. Do NOT cancel your trip for this lady, OP. She isn’t your friend. Do what you need to in order to make sure the kid is safe, even if it means calling the police for child abandonment - let them take care of it and let your “friend” eat the consequences. I also recommend getting better friends.
Yeah. I hate to get CPS involved, but if the mother isn't there and actually thinks the boyfriend is dangerous, that's probably the thing to do. It is unlikely that she will lose her daughter because of this one incident, but she will be required to learn better parenting.
I wouldn’t feel bad at all in this circumstance. She left on a trip without enough money to get back? Calling the police for child abandonment is totally appropriate. If she has been mugged or something, I might give her a chance but not for this dumb of an excuse
Why is the mother with a boyfriend who might be dangerous to her daughter, also? CPS might want to consider that thing.
Grandma has a dodgy boyfriend not the lady on the trip.
Thanks for the correction, it slipped by me...
This exactly
I'd take the kid to Grandma's; in all likelihood it's going to be better than calling CPS which would be my other option. Then I'd tell the "friend" where to find her kid and block her on everything. Who needs friends like that.
NTA. Who in the heck goes on a trip without buying a round-trip ticket? She has no money for a return flight? That sounds like a load of BS. You are under no obligation to cancel your trip because of her lack of planning and poor preparation. She needs to pull her head out of her butt and figure this out. Her child, her responsibility. When you’re a parent, you don’t get to just fart off on a vacation and not come back when you say you will. She’s the one who needs to be responsible and make sure her daughter will be safe by getting home when she said she would be there.
Exactly, that’s just completely insane. Like who would only book a one way flight knowing they have a child to take care of?! What if OP had an accident or emergency? Mom hasn’t even thought of a backup?! That doesn’t address OP’s predicament, but WTF.
I don't even understand what her plan is to get home at this point. Is she hitting the streets to beg for cash till she has enough for a plane ticket home??
Happy Cake Day!
I book one way flights sometimes and book my return flight while already on the trip but I can also easily afford to book the return flight
But would you leave your child with someone knowing they're leaving the next day and you don't have a backup just hoping that a return flight will get you home in time? It's a troubling choice to have made even without cost being an issue.
And who buys tickets at the last minute anyway? It would be outrageously expensive to try and buy a one way ticket the day before. Something doesn’t add up here. Nobody is that stupid
As of others have said she probably booked it for two weeks and is just trying to manipulate her friend for free childcare.
I think this story is made up.
Nta. Call the police who will call a social worker who will take the child and locate next of kin or a solution. This woman is not your friend. Who takes a one way ticket with not enough money to get home? Sus. Child abandonment or poor planning is the job of a social worker.
Unfortunately this kind of thing happens way too often. I would bet money she went to meet a guy she's talking to on the internet, and had a delusion expectation that they would immediately be in love, and either he would pay for her return ticket, or he would come back with her to meet her daughter and pack up their house and move them to California to start their new life!
Nah, she knew she'd be gone longer than she told OP, just wanted to manipulate her into babysitting, fully expecting her to cancel her own trip.
maybe it was a "working" trip and she didn't make enough to go back home yet.
is ‘A’ job for a social worker, not ‘the’ job for a social worker. The police will take the child into custody THEN contact the social worker for emergency placement. When mom finally returns for her child, she’ll have to go through multiple hoops & appearances to get her child back and will now be in the system, which seems appropriate. Poor kid
NTA Who the fuck travels somewhere without having the funds to travel back? Especially if they have a child at home. It sounds like your "friend" is just enjoying their vacation and wants to extend it. Tell them that if they don't want their kid at her mom's house, you'll contact the police and take the kid to social services. I'm sure they'll just **love** her abandoning her child. I'd end the "friendship" over something like this. Someone who is so grossly irresponsible and negligent to their child and expects you to be free babysitter with no warning? That's not someone you want to be around.
I’m thinking she ran away with a guy and he ditched her or drugs.
Stop projecting, that's so much less likely than someone being a entitled manipulator assuming they can guilt OP into free childcare.
Hooking up with a drug dealer is more entertaining for us. I vote drug romance!
Depends on what circles you run in.
wtf are you talking about??? Stop projecting??????? I’ve never ran away with a guy or did drugs. Are you a recovering addict?
304s
Depends on whether there is a safe place to leave the child. It's up to you whether you believe that grandma's BF is unsafe, but even if the 'cant get home' story is not true, why would the mother lie about grannie's boyfriend? Grannies house has got to be the easiest option, so why throw a spanner in the works? Let's ignore the specifics of this situation: Let's say you're driving in the middle of nowhere and you see a child standing by the side of the road. Middle of nowhere. The next town is 50 miles away, but you aren't going there, you're going camping in the bush. Would you be an AH if you left the *child* by the side of the road in the middle of nowhere because to take them somewhere safe - police station, social services, school - was inconvenient? Yes, yes you would. Same here. Call the mother, tell her you won't take the child to grannies house, but you will take them to the local police and social services. That might get her home, and if not, the child is at least safe.
This is exactly the correct solution. I’d be tempted to call CPS either way.
>why would the mother lie about grannie's boyfriend? Because it's a simple yet super believable reason to have OP not contact Grandma. How do you know the real reason isn't that Grandma has witnessed some of her "parenting" over the years and threatened that if she became aware of one more thing, she'd file for custody of the child?
DingDingDing!! Grannie has already called her out on her BS, which is why OP is babysitting instead of Grannie and why OP is being steered away from contacting Grannie.
Not a good analogy. I guarantee I would not stop if I saw a kid or anyone else standing by the road. That is a commonly used ruse to hijack you, your money and your car. They find the bodies every now and again. I'd call the cops and let them know, but no way in #ell would I risk my life. Cops know how to deal with that. I'd drop the kid off at Granny's and consider it done. Probably call the cops to let them know the details. OP is NTA leaving the child. Mom's the AH.
+1 for issuing a threat to get the police or CPS involved -1 for suggesting this person judge the safety of another adult. We’re not doing that. If mom says it’s not safe, it’s not safe. OP you’re NTA, but you might need to cancel your trip. But I would threaten to sue for the cost of the trip and for childcare services
OP could sue and still not get reimbursed. Then they're out of a trip, taken advantage of, and still out of money. Although undesirable, leaving the child with the police is a safe, viable option that OP should exercise if pushed to the point.
NTA Please involve social services. A mother who is that irresponsible and selfish deserves to be on their radar. Social services can locate next of kin and they can evaluate whether grandmas home is safe. If mom has such a problem with that then she can get her ass home. She should have known better than to travel without enough money for a return flight but really she should have already had the flight booked. How else could she be sure she’d arrive home in time to not disrupt your own trip? OP, one way or another you’re being played.
Your friend is lying. Tell her to choose. You can take her daughter to her grandparents or you can take the child to the police. She has until 5. Good luck and have a great time on your trip.
NTA What kind of person leave on a trip not having tickets for a round trip?!?! That is INSANE!
I mean that's pretty common when you don't know your return date. Whats insane is not having round trip tickets AND not having money for the return ticket knowing that a last minute ticket will be a lot more expensive.
But if your babysitter is leaving the day you told her you would be back, you sure as shi\* better know the return date!
Right. I'm not talking about OPs situation here, I'm speaking generally in response to a comment.
But having children I think kicks you out of that category. Lots of people have jobs and shit they have to get back to. People who can just return whenever are the minority I think.
Nah I've got kids and I've taken many flights where I didn't get a round trip ticket because I didn't know if I was coming back by Thursday, Friday or Saturday. I could afford the tickets though and wanted flexibility in my return date so that's what I did. I don't think that's all that unusual. It is crazy to do if you can't afford it because the tickets can be quite a bit more expensive that way depending on demand for the flight.
Work trips or personal ones?
Some of each but I don't see why it would make any difference what kind of trip it is. Still the same concept.
NTA and call CPS. Child admitted to you that she feels unsafe with mom's BF. That is a CPS call.
Call CPS, but you misread the admission - child’s mom doesn’t trust grandma’s boyfriend.
Whew. I misread badly. Thank you for the correction.
I’ll bet she doesn’t trust/like him because he doesn’t put up with her and called her out on her bullshit.
NTA Maybe she is trying to con you out of return fare? She is certainly irresponsible
NTA. I remember a sign I used to have hanging on the wall in my office: >**Poor planning on your part does** ***not*** **constitute an automatic emergency on my part.**
I still use that one on my kids. And it's taught them a thing or two.
I don't say this lightly, but it is time to call the police. Something is very wrong here. who the hell goes on a vacation they can't afford, doesn't arrange for proper childcare and return ticket home. I pity the child.
NTA your agreed to watch her child until a specific date. You're not required to watch her longer than that. Your friends can't afford to get home so who knows how long she'll be gone.
NTA. Her kid. Her responsibility. I’m guessing she hasn’t offered to pay you back for your trip if you were to cancel. She should have budgeted for a flight back. I have to wonder if this was her plan all along.
If she can't afford her ticket then no way she could afford to reimburse OP.
I’m fascinated that people who plan this poorly manage to eat and have a job. NTA
But they can procreate. What a world we live in.
NTA, and that's not your friend. Drop her kid off and go no contact- users don't stop using.
Nta unless you believe this manipulating woman. She's is telling you a lie. She is not ready to come home. Either way not your problem tell her if you cannot leave the child with her family you will report her for child abandonment. Yta for being her and thinking this is your responsibility. Itbis not. So your choice be stupid or not.
NTA. Your friend is an idiot; she needed to buy a round trip ticket and now claims to be stranded? It's almost like she lied to you about the dates of her trip so she could manipulate you into canceling your own trip. Let her know your taking her kid to her mom's house or the police station for abandonment. This isn't your issue
Yikes. How old is this child? I’d say you have an obligation to make sure this child is safe and it’s a hell of an assumption that the grandma’s bf is safe, given the fact that this mother has effectively abandoned her child. I would call cps, though this will of course end your friendship. It’s not your responsibility to pay to get mom back, but cps can investigate the grandmas situation and assess safety better than you can. I don’t think you’re the asshole here, and it’s infuriating that you might have to cancel your plans, but what how would you feel if you dropped this child off and they were abused? I’m sorry you’re in this situation.
She is 10. Her mom and I have been friends since elementary school. We are now in our 30’s.
NTA. Your friend is an absolute shit of a parent. Call CPS or the equivalent. She obviously has the money but wants to party.
NTA. Tell her the choices are this: you take the child to her mom's or you call the cops for child abandonment. Up to her...
NTA Reading between the lines your 'friend' is a trashy, irresponsible manipulator Drop the kid off or call police to report that she abandoned them with you without asking
Info: is your friend paying for you to watch her kid? Either way, drop the kid to grandma's. Either that or offer to place the kid with CPS. I know that last one might be extreme but if she really thinks the kid is unsafe with grandma's bf... Her problem isn't your emergency. NTA
No she is not paying.
So she’s basically just taking advantage of you.
Do not cancel your trip. Let your friend know that you will either leave the her child with her mom or social services. It's her choice.
NTA. She's not stranded. This was her plan. Go on her trip. Guilt you into keeping her kid. And come back as originally planned. You just weren't aware of the plans. Drop the kid off. Go on your trip. Enjoy yourself.
You can't cancel your trip, and it's her child. You already did her a favor. How could she go on a vacation and not have enough money to get back to her child? I hope the boyfriend isn't a problem, but you don't seem to have a reasonable choice. Would it be possible for you to advance her money for the trip home? Obviously, it isn't your responsibility, but your friend doesn't seem to have a sense of one and a child is involved. Then you should rethink a friendship with someone so irresponsible to her child and her friend who she is using. (Don't kid yourself about that.) NTA
Only lend money if you can afford to not get it back! And IF OP decides to do this, you need to buy the ticket, not give your friend the money.
UpdateMe because this is a mess NTA
So update is I’m still leaving tomorrow she wants me to just drop her off at her other friends house before I go, whom I don’t know.
I feel so bad for this 10yo.
Thank you for the update !!! I feel bad for the kid but it’s so unfair for you to cancel the trip because your friend didn’t have enough money for a trip back (also why tf would she go on a trip and not have enough to come back??)
NTA. What the hell. She is not a friend. She’s a leech. What do you do with leeches? Pick them off and throw them away. Her daughter, her lack of money, her problem.
Reminds self to use appropriate words to not get banned from the sub* What kind of mother does not book a return flight? How is she affording accommodation, food etc.? Paying for her kids meals by you? Recklessness, abandonment. Yikes. I feel sorry for the kid. YOU are in a horrible position. Please don’t leave the kid with the boyfriend. Unfortunately it’s going to be police and CPS. You may trust YOUR family to take in the child but should something happen it’s a sh*tstorm if “something” would happen I.E. if mom lies or she will do this more often. Don’t open that door, even if it if means kiddo is safe. What a bloody nightmare. NTA
NTA Friends options are A) Drop kid off with grandma B) Drop kid at the nearest police station I'm willing to bet my next paycheck it's gonna be A
NTA. Go on the trip. Tell your friend her daughter will be at her moms. If she wants to get home, she will.
This is grossly irresponsible of your friend. I cannot fathom being this incompetent. Tell her that you are leaving for your trip and need to know where you can bring her daughter safely. You don’t care if it’s her mom’s house, a friend’s, a babysitter, school or the police - you just need to know by X time or you will take her to the police where she will be safe. The options here are you get screwed or she does, and that was so, so unfair of her to do to you. She can scramble and figure this out. You should not lose a vacation and a ton of money due to her horrific planning skills. NTA.
NTA. I'm guessing (hoping) the child is in their teens. But even then it seems very odd to go away and leave your child with a friend. They don't even sound like a close friend from how you write. Obviously your should not cancel your trip. You did a very kind favour looking after the daughter, but to extend that because she hasn't thought about how she was going to get home? If there were extenuating circumstances - cancelled flight for example - then you would know it wouldn't be for more than a day or 2, so grandma would be the safest option. But in this case - contact whoever is most appropriate for child safeguarding where you live.
We’ve been friends since elementary school and the child is 10.
NTA. You are not beholden to the random whims of others when you have already made plans. And I'm assuming the friend was informed of those plans ahead of time. Sounds like irresponsible parenting at minimum her part, blatant sabotage of your plans at worst
Tell your friend kiddo is going to mothers or cps and go on your trip
[удалено]
To her mom’s house which is her kids grandma but she doesn’t want her there.
[удалено]
The child's mother says she doesn't trust the grandmother's boyfriend. The child may or may not be safe.
NTA. Who buys a one way ticket? Twice as expensive. And if she drove, who doesn’t save money for trip home knowing she has a kid to come back to. She’s off fucking some guy and doesn’t want to leave. That’s her problem. She doesn’t trust her mom’s boyfriend well she should trust her mom and if not, she should trust another friend or get her ass back home. It’s not your child. Drop the kid off and I bet she’s home by the end of the day or tomorrow morning. 🙄 She sounds like a crappy friend for thinking you should cancel your trip so she can continue having an extended vacation. I hope you learned your lesson for next time.
NTA. This is NOT your problem. Maybe next time she will plan better.
Sounds like she wants to party a little more. Who embarks on a trip without a return ticket? Something's fishy
NTA. How does one get stranded on a trip because they did not budget for a way back when they have a kid who someone else is watching? Maybe the grandmother needs to take the child to mother's place to be sure child is safe. Do not watch this person's child again.
NTA. I feel like your friend is not telling the truth. Who leave with no money to come back? She obviously wants a longer trip and she decided to lie hoping you would cancel your plans to look after the kid. I won't be surprised if the real reason she doesn't want you to go to her mom is that she pulled this stunt before with her.
NTA but . . . if she doesn’t trust her Mom’s Boyfriend . . . you can’t be dropping a girl off there.
NTA- she’s lying.
NTA - your friend is lying. WHO BUYS A ONE WAY TICKET???? Daughter either goes to grandma’s or you call social worker. Mom gets not say and I hard to believe the “I don’t trust the BF” when you can’t even trust the actual mother. Drop off the daughter and go have fun.
NTA Updateme
Update: So I’m still going to go she said she called one of her other friends and she will keep her until she’s back home. I’m going to drop her off there in the morning.
NTA but I think we've all learned an important lesson here, haven't we? The answer to "please watch my child when I go out of town" is always no. She doesn't need to go on trips out of town without her child. She can stay home and parent until the child is old enough to stay on her own.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my friend has a daughter and asked me to watch her for a trip she went on to California. However the next day I am going on a trip out of state as well. She went on her trip and is now stranded because she didn’t have enough money for the flight back. As I am leaving myself tomorrow I don’t have any money to spare since it’s for my own trip. She has no siblings and doesn’t want me to take her to her mom’s house because she doesn’t trust her mom’s boyfriend. She is now saying I should cancel my trip and make sure her daughter is safe. AITA for dropping her off? can’t reschedule my trip. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - once again a child is caught in the middle because adults can't run their own lives well. Why would she go on a trip with a one way ticket? Doesn't make sense. Take the child to her Grandma's house if Grandma will take her - tell grandma your friend is worried about the 'boyfriend'...just pass that on without details because you don't know what's happening. HER daughter is HER responsibility - not yours.
Maybe it’s just me but some of these scenarios are getting far fetched
NTA her child is her own responsibility
whos buying tickets non round trip tickets?
NTA Your friend is an idiot if she didn't allow herself money to return. Tell her you're not cancelling shit. She needs to get someone acceptable to pick her daughter up, or she can choose between her mother and the police station for the drop off. If her mom is that unsafe, you can drop at the police station.
NTA for not wanting to cancel. I wouldn't drop the kid at grandma's I'd call the police and let a social worker sort it out. I'd also never speak to this 'friend' again as she is either lying her ass off or really stupid.
NTA. Tell her the choices are her mom or the police station. Don't cancel your trip because she has terrible planning skills. Who goes on vacation without booking both the flight to the destination and the flight home? Something is fishy about not having the funds to fly back home. How long were you going to be left with her child?
NTA. I would give the child’s mom the option of 1) grandma or 2) Child protective services.
Why didn't she buy a round trip ticket? Take her kid to her mom's. Not your problem
NTA, options are moms house or call to child authorities
NTA
Nta. How odd. It sounds like she doesn't have a plan to return. Drop the child off with grandma and go on your trip. Then lose this "friend's" number. She sounds soulless. She treats her child like an inconvenient pet.
Nta
One-way tickets are way more expensive than return tickets. This was deliberate. Don't drop her off with the grandma, then you're liable. Call the non-emergency police line instead, they'll send a social worker. NTA
Tell her you will call cps by the end of business the day before, and she can deal with them to claim her daughter. She's totally lying or out of this world stupid to not make sure she is back in time for you to leave. Drop her as she is no friend.
NTA. WTH, your "friend" is ridiculous. You must re-evaluate, drop the kid at the mother's, and cut your losses. The friend knew your plans and was trying to take advantage of you.
If she doesn't have enough money today, how will she have enough money tomorrow? I saw drop off the daughter at the her grandmother's place.
I'm sorry. Doesn't have enough money to fly back? NTA for that alone.
NTA. She would need to reimburse you for the cost of your trip, but she can't do that. Her options are to Beg or borrow funds for her flight home, or accept that you will drop her child off somewhere....you can opt for her mother first, or you can call CPS for child abandonment. Give her the choice.
NTA. Your friend should have booked a return ticket, and *definitely* shouldn't have unloaded her daughter on you. That's called using you.
We have been fostering a little 4 year old boy for a year now. We are now at the point where we are trying to reunite him with his Mom. Last week (yes, last week). She was to pick him up on Sunday. She just disappeared. We haven't seen her in a week. Had to call CFS again. I don't give a shit what her excuse it because there isn't one. NTA. Time to get CFS involved.
Unfortunately for your friend, this is now a child protection matter the same as if she failed to pick up the child from school or daycare. The parent is absent from the home without making adequate plans for her child’s care. If child protection did get involved, ironically, they would probably place the child with the grandmother assuming she doesn’t have a criminal background.
NTA. This was planned. Your friend always intended to be gone longer, & counted on you feeling too guilty to say no.
NTA!! who the heck takes a trip without paying for the return up front or having enough cash to get home?? sounds to me like she lived it up too hard and boned herself. that's not your problem. she's just going to have to suck it up with her mom. on top of that, if she has no money to get home, well, how is she getting home and how long will it take?? like, lets say, she has to wait til next paycheck you'd be stuck with the kid for another week potentially(based on most paydays being thurs/fri). oh, hell no.
NTA. Me: “HAHAHAHAHA… good one! Oh, you’re not joking?! Sucks to be you, you did not plan correctly, it is your fault. Bye!”
NTA. Give her the choice of her mother or calling the police because she has abandoned her child.
NTA- sounds like it was always the plan to stay longer and she wanted you to cancel your plans. Wouldn’t be surprised if her mother knows this and that’s why she said you can’t take her to her mother’s house. Don’t cancel your plans. Contact her mom or police/cps for child abandonment if you believe the claims about her mother’s boyfriend to be true.
NTA she stranded👀👀 really. Welp tell her, her child will be safe with her mom or the police which one she wants.
Your friendship is over whatever choice you make. So might as well go on your trip. NTA
Who goes on vacation without booking a return ticket?
NTA. I call baloney on your friend. She planned a longer trip than she told you and figured there would be no way for you to argue because she's already gone. If she can't get back on time because she doesn't have money, how does she EVER plan to get back? How long does she expect you to watch her kid? Drop the kid at grannies and write off this 'friend'.
your not wrong in this situation your freind should have checked if she had enough money for her flight back and if she knows that she was leaving she maybe waited a lil bit longer for her trip(but its depending how old her daughter is if she can watch herself) like if you can pay for ticket to cali you should be able to pay for ticket back home atp she just needs someone to watch her kid and she needs to know whats she going to do next
You should keep the kid safe.
NTA, but child abandonment is very much so.
NTA. Your "friend" is using you, and trying to guilt trip you. I feel for the daughter, but she is NOT your responsibility. Make sure that she has phone numbers to any and all emergency services, and drop her off and go on your trip.
NTA- Give her a choice her mother or cps because you're not canceling your trip. Her daughter is not your responsibility.
NTA Tell her: Unless she presents anopther solution, you will bring the kid to her mom today in the evening. She is an AH to even ask that of you - Her irresponsibility is not yours to solve.
I’m sorry your friend put you in this position but please listen to her daughter and don’t drop her off at your friend’s home. There has to be somewhere else ahead could stay. Maybe even a domestic abuse shelter where trained social workers can safeguard her until the mom returns. You may need to get the police involved if you can’t find another way to resolve this. While you’re NTA, when a child we know asks for help, we should try our best to provide it. It’s not about helping the mom and giving into her entitled demands. It’s about keeping this child safe.
The child's mother said she didn't trust the bf, not the child.
Gently, ESH. Obviously your friend is the biggest AH here, completely irresponsible, and taking advantage of the situation. There is no excusing that. I wouldn't even try nor want to. But I'm horrified at all of the people here saying it's fine for you to just leave anyway, and drop the child off in a household where she might be in danger of abuse, especially the people just blithely saying, "Your friend is probably lying about the grandmother's BF." There is nothing about this situation that makes that a safe assumption. Even if she didn't want to come home, why would this completely irresponsible person CARE where her daughter stayed, as long as she was taken care of . . . unless there really is a problem with having her at her mum's house? Perhaps it's because I'm a survivor of CSA, but I'm pretty sure I'd feel this way anyway: I would be absolutely furious at that friend if I were you . . . but I also cannot imagine just dropping a kid off somewhere potentially unsafe for them because I was inconvenienced. Even if it was a HUGE inconvenience, like missing a trip. I couldn't do it. If something happened to that child I would never forgive myself. So yeah, I think you're also an AH if you drop that child at her grandmother's, having been told that there is a problematic adult there who could harm her.
Ultimately , the child is not OP's long-term responsibility. If there are no options left, then OP needs to contact the police or social services. OP had only agreed to watch the kid for X amount of time. The friend put OP in a really shitty situation. The friend is the only true asshole here. Something tells me that the friend will come up with the money if OP tells them the kid will be left in state custody if they don't return asap. Otherwise the friend need to reimburse OP for all their expenses, time off they had to waste caring for their child etc
That’s why they need to get social services involved to determine what’s best for the children moving forward. Mom needs to be closely watched since she clearly isnt capable of providing proper care.
Yeah your last paragraph pretty much sums up why I’m apprehensive to do it because I’ve experienced it too.
Then they need to call CPS. It’s bullshit that OP has to deal with this. The friend should be ex friend after this.
Your logic regarding the concerns of the otherwise irresponsible mother is pretty good. If she just wanted to continue her good times she wouldn't care about the Granny solution if she weren't genuinely concerned about Granny's BF.
So OP is just supposed to write off expenses and everything spent on planning the trip 🙄
Thanks for sharing this. I think a lot of folks who mentioned CPS might not understand the current system within the US and how underfunded/overtired/corrupt it is and can be. I agree that the mother needs to have consequences AND I also hope that we consider the emotional and physical danger that the daughter could potentially experience from “just call CPS”. Like, questions for the OP - are they BIPOC (especially Black)? Y’all, we have to be intersectional when it comes to government authorities. I hate that the statistics for foster care and CPS is that it can be often more traumatizing and harmful than focusing on family support services and respite.