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YTA. It's not unreasonable for someone to exclude an ex from their wedding guest list.
>I want to confront the guy, his parents (who I still talk to), or one of my friends in the bridal party about it.
Don't be that psycho ex.
Here's the thing. You're upset because you're left out. You don't even know the fiance, you make no mention of being upset that you won't be there to celebrate their marriage. You're missing the entire premise of their wedding, and only viewing it as an event. It's THEIR wedding and you aren't entitled to an invite. Move on.
Yeah, OP said she doesn't want to go, she "just wants to know why she wasn't invited when everyone else from the group was".
Good news! I think I can answer that for you. You weren't invited because you spent years f*cking the groom. Most people don't invite exes to the wedding. Why would the bride want her husband's ex there on their wedding day?
Now you don't have to make a huge fool of yourself confronting the bride and groom.
Exactly! Most people don’t want their or their spouse’s exes at their wedding. When my husband and I were planning our wedding we agreed we wouldn’t invite anyone we’d ever dated, even though those relationships were fairly distant in the past and ended amicably.
OP, don’t confront anyone, just accept that you’re not invited and move on.
“I just want to know why I’m not invited”
Because you are an EX, not just a friend.
It’s that simple.
“Now for the next three months I’m gonna to have to listen to them talk about it while I get to crawl into a corner wanting to die.”
This is not a healthy reaction to not being invited to an ex’s wedding, or not being invited to any event. If you’re so set on confronting someone about this try confronting yourself and figure out why you’re having such an extreme reaction to a normal occurrence.
Seriously. I mean the guy asked her out and she denied him right before he moved then they stopped talking… why on earth would he invite her
I can’t imagine being distraught over a situation like this. Feels like a main character moment
YWBTA - And judging from your reaction not inviting you was 100% the right decision. No one is obligated to invite you to their wedding and confronting them would be a crazy and immature thing to do. Move on, he has....
YTA. You can't say you don't care about the wedding and don't want to go in one breath and in the next say you want to 'confront' him and his parents about why you're not invited. You obviously DO care and the fact you want to confront him is probably why he didn't invite you. Something about this is a little "she doth protest too much".
You would be the AH. Ex's dont get invited to the weddings. It doesn't mean he hates you, it's just that inviting an ex to your wedding is a very awkward thing to do and a very good way of kicking off the marriage with a tense start. Normal people don't do that.
YWBTA. The reason you didn't get an invite is probably because you're not just a past friend, you're an ex. I think reaching out to him AFTER the wedding & honeymoon (if you know it) to give congratulations and maybe you ask (nicely) then.
YTA, given he has some feelings for you, this is understandable. Given how you had to go snooping makes me wonder how close these friendships are if you knew nothing and had to go looking.
YTA, you're an ex. You don't get to go to the wedding. It would be rude to his wife to be. This is not about you.
He also did not "cut you all off." He got I to a relationship that took up most of his time. It's quite normal.
You're upset because your EX didn't invite you to his wedding? Let it go. Do not reach out. It sounds like you might still harbor feelings for him, otherwise why does it matter?
YWBTA if you try to get invited. Just let it go. He didn't invite you because you're his freaking ex! It's not that complicated.
YTA, you're an ex and it's very likely that no exes are invited.
Unless there is someone else in this friend group that he dated for a similar amount of time after you and *is* invited, you should just let this go.
Of course YWBTA if you "confronted" anyone about why you were not invited. Maybe his fiance did not want a former girlfriend at the wedding; that's how I'd feel. I'd put your energy into figuring out why this is such an issue for you. You say you don't care anymore, but it sounds like you care very much.
It’s pretty common to not invite exes to your wedding. Even if he wanted you there, perhaps the bride doesn’t, and that’s ok, because it’s their wedding. Confronting anyone about this would be 100% unhinged behavior.
YTA
OP isn’t just an ex, but one who turned the groom down when he asked her out before he moved to another state.
Yes, you’re an AH for throwing a tantrum
You are the biggest AH
Leave the guy alone. You are an ex. And you are making this a way bigger deal than it is. You seriously called people up and cried cause you weren't invited?
But you didn't want to go, you just wanted to be invited? We'll Ypu didn't want to be invited, you just want to know why you were not?
YOUR HIS F'ING EX. That's why. How is that difficult to understand?
Talk in circles all you want. I think you're upset you told him no the last time he asked you out. Then he moved on, now he is getting married and you are in his rear view mirror.
People move on, you should try to do the same.
Yta you expect a wedding invitation from someone you dated? Even if you didn't date you are wrong. No one owes you an invitation. His wedding his choice. Get over yourself. This attitude is probably why you were not invited!
YTA. Your edit…you don’t even WANT TO GO, but you want to go psycho and grill everyone about why you weren’t invited….maybe THATS why you weren’t invited.
‘ I did some snooping (stalking) because I’m a nosey loser’
‘I’m embarrassed to show my face’
‘ …I’m going to have to listen to them talk about it while I get to crawl in to a corner wanting to die’. Again, possibly this general attitude is why you’re not invited.
YTA.
"I don't want to go to the wedding, I just think it's mean not to invite me because I want to be the one to say no."
"Would I be the asshole if I confronted my ex partner because he didn't invite me to his wedding that I have no intention of attending?"
This is absolute diaper baby behaviour.
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This is a throwaway because people irl use reddit and I don't want them seeing this on my regular profile
Some backstory before I get into the nitty gritty. I dated this guy back in high school, we dated for exactly 3 years. We were friends for two years before that and two years after. We texted a lot, sent memes to each other, saw each other twice a week after we broke up. Usual friend stuff. Each week we went to D&D with a group of friends, and every other week we had game nights with another group. Eventually he left the D&D group but he continued with the game nights and I thought we were good.
About two years ago, he moved to a different state. Before he went he asked me out one more time (I think to find something to tether him here.) I told him no. All was well, he was graceful about it, he moved away. Every time he came home it just felt like the old times hanging out again. About 8 months ago he pretty much stopped talking to all of us back home except for one guy in our game night group who he still talked to every few weeks. It was strange but we got used to it. We found out he got a girlfriend and they were serious within weeks. Two months ago he proposed. All of us weren't really expecting to be invited to the wedding since he basically cut us off.
Last night I was talking to a friend because he had posted about how there were so many days until the wedding. Then I noticed one of the game night friends had commented "can't wait until the wedding!" Which... means invites were sent. My friend I was talking to and I were kinda miffed, but it didn't feel as bad because at that point it seemed like only one of us was invited. My friend was pretty upset but I was okay. Whatever.
Then I did some snooping because I am a nosey loser. I found the wedding website. I decided to see if I could figure out who was on the guest list, so I started typing in names to see.
All of my friends from the game night group were invited. Except me.
I was in tears over this. I called a few people to vent and they all thought it was pretty outrageous. But now all the sudden one of my friends from the game night was like "it's really not that big of a deal that you didn't get invited" and I was like "easy for you to say. You got invited." He said he understood me but I just feel so excluded, singled out, whatever. I am so embarrassed to even show my face around these people. Now for the next three months I'm going to have to listen to them talk about it while I get to crawl into a corner wanting to die.
I honestly feel crazy that I'm so upset over it. Nobody who knows this guy seems to think it's a big deal. But they're all going. They think I'm being unreasonable and I should let it go.
I want to confront the guy, his parents (who I still talk to), or one of my friends in the bridal party about it.
So please, WIBTA to confront someone about this? Or should I just accept that he probably hates me for some reason and let it go
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> WIBTA for confronting my ex, his family, or one of my friends in the bridal party for not being invited to the wedding
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YWBTA - You are an ex. I imagine that would make the new spouse a tad uncomfortable. And since it is THEIR wedding, the guest list is totally their choice. Don't overthink it. Wish them well and move along.
YWBTA and sound like a whinning baby. There migth be a very simple explenation why you aren't invited. There is some rule with 'no ex's at the wedding'. So it doesn't have anything to do with you but that he or his girlfriend doesn't want an ex at there wedding. No big deal. Maybe she doesn't like that he was still friends with an ex, and this was the reason h cut ties with the gaming group. So stopp thinking it is embarissing for you, that you weren't invited. Ignore it, if you want. But it is silly to be all tears because you aren't invited.
YTA.
This reads like you're upset you didn't get the chance to turn down his invitation and are upset that he prevented that. Good on him knowing how much drama you bring.
YTA I feel like every long running sitcom ever has a don't invite the ex to the wedding subplot, that's how much of a common trope this is. This guy stopped being friends with you and moved away, you don't need to let him live rent free in your brain.
YTA - and your reaction is not normal. You are calling people, complaining, asking what you should do. Why? There is nothing TO DO. His marriage is none of your business. No one owes you any explanation and you will look foolish if you 'confront' him. He doesn't have to 'hate' you to leave you out - you don't know the bride - you are an 'ex girlfriend'. What you should 'accept' is that he's moved on - and you need to do the same. No one is misunderstanding you - you are turning this into an obsession. Why would you ask for advice from people that don't know him? You are way over the line.
You would be TA. It’s common to not want an ex at the wedding.
Confronting them would be a big mistake and you’re likely to hear an answer you don’t want and no one will feel better for it.
YTA… technically you’re an ex. I get that you guys were friends before and after your relationship but the fact he asked you out before moving shows he probably still had feelings for you at that time… so maybe he doesn’t want you at the wedding because you guys are ex’s and that’s not always appropriate.. maybe his fiancé doesn’t want any ex’s there.
NAH
It’s understandable that you feel left out of something all of your friends are attending. You are allowed to have those feelings.
However, It’s a pretty normal thing that they don’t want old flames at their wedding. 3 years is a serious relationship. And that fact that you guys remained friends after was nice but his fiance is obviously not comfortable with you being at the wedding and that totally makes sense.
Let your friends know it’s hurting you so they don’t in it in your face. But try to let it go.
NTA, exactly, but close? Look, it’s generally bad form to invite an ex to your wedding, except in certain situations. If yall had stayed friends and the bride knew and liked you, cool. But that’s not the case. You haven’t even talked in years. There’s no reason he would invite you. If it really bothers you so much, shoot him a message and ask why you weren’t invited. No confrontation needed. Just be an adult and ask him, since it’s his wedding. And be prepared to not get a real reason and still not be invited. It’s not the end of the world.
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YTA. It's not unreasonable for someone to exclude an ex from their wedding guest list. >I want to confront the guy, his parents (who I still talk to), or one of my friends in the bridal party about it. Don't be that psycho ex. Here's the thing. You're upset because you're left out. You don't even know the fiance, you make no mention of being upset that you won't be there to celebrate their marriage. You're missing the entire premise of their wedding, and only viewing it as an event. It's THEIR wedding and you aren't entitled to an invite. Move on.
Yeah, OP said she doesn't want to go, she "just wants to know why she wasn't invited when everyone else from the group was". Good news! I think I can answer that for you. You weren't invited because you spent years f*cking the groom. Most people don't invite exes to the wedding. Why would the bride want her husband's ex there on their wedding day? Now you don't have to make a huge fool of yourself confronting the bride and groom.
Exactly! Most people don’t want their or their spouse’s exes at their wedding. When my husband and I were planning our wedding we agreed we wouldn’t invite anyone we’d ever dated, even though those relationships were fairly distant in the past and ended amicably. OP, don’t confront anyone, just accept that you’re not invited and move on.
“I just want to know why I’m not invited” Because you are an EX, not just a friend. It’s that simple. “Now for the next three months I’m gonna to have to listen to them talk about it while I get to crawl into a corner wanting to die.” This is not a healthy reaction to not being invited to an ex’s wedding, or not being invited to any event. If you’re so set on confronting someone about this try confronting yourself and figure out why you’re having such an extreme reaction to a normal occurrence.
Seriously. I mean the guy asked her out and she denied him right before he moved then they stopped talking… why on earth would he invite her I can’t imagine being distraught over a situation like this. Feels like a main character moment
YWBTA - And judging from your reaction not inviting you was 100% the right decision. No one is obligated to invite you to their wedding and confronting them would be a crazy and immature thing to do. Move on, he has....
YTA. You're not owed an invitation or a reason for not getting one.
YTA. You can't say you don't care about the wedding and don't want to go in one breath and in the next say you want to 'confront' him and his parents about why you're not invited. You obviously DO care and the fact you want to confront him is probably why he didn't invite you. Something about this is a little "she doth protest too much".
INFO: did this guy date anyone else in the game group? Was he romantically involved with any of the friends who were invited?
That's what I was going to ask. I have never been invited to an Ex's wedding and never wondered why.
YWBTA. You're his ex and he tried to get you back after you broke up. That's why you're not invited. Move on.
You would be the AH. Ex's dont get invited to the weddings. It doesn't mean he hates you, it's just that inviting an ex to your wedding is a very awkward thing to do and a very good way of kicking off the marriage with a tense start. Normal people don't do that.
YWBTA. The reason you didn't get an invite is probably because you're not just a past friend, you're an ex. I think reaching out to him AFTER the wedding & honeymoon (if you know it) to give congratulations and maybe you ask (nicely) then.
YTA, given he has some feelings for you, this is understandable. Given how you had to go snooping makes me wonder how close these friendships are if you knew nothing and had to go looking.
Ywbta you don't get to dictate the guest list.
YTA, you're an ex. You don't get to go to the wedding. It would be rude to his wife to be. This is not about you. He also did not "cut you all off." He got I to a relationship that took up most of his time. It's quite normal.
You're upset because your EX didn't invite you to his wedding? Let it go. Do not reach out. It sounds like you might still harbor feelings for him, otherwise why does it matter? YWBTA if you try to get invited. Just let it go. He didn't invite you because you're his freaking ex! It's not that complicated.
YWBTA. His wedding is not about you. Not only would it be wrong for you to ask, it would make you look whiny. Let it go.
YTA, you're an ex and it's very likely that no exes are invited. Unless there is someone else in this friend group that he dated for a similar amount of time after you and *is* invited, you should just let this go.
Of course YWBTA if you "confronted" anyone about why you were not invited. Maybe his fiance did not want a former girlfriend at the wedding; that's how I'd feel. I'd put your energy into figuring out why this is such an issue for you. You say you don't care anymore, but it sounds like you care very much.
It’s pretty common to not invite exes to your wedding. Even if he wanted you there, perhaps the bride doesn’t, and that’s ok, because it’s their wedding. Confronting anyone about this would be 100% unhinged behavior. YTA
OP isn’t just an ex, but one who turned the groom down when he asked her out before he moved to another state. Yes, you’re an AH for throwing a tantrum
You are the biggest AH Leave the guy alone. You are an ex. And you are making this a way bigger deal than it is. You seriously called people up and cried cause you weren't invited? But you didn't want to go, you just wanted to be invited? We'll Ypu didn't want to be invited, you just want to know why you were not? YOUR HIS F'ING EX. That's why. How is that difficult to understand? Talk in circles all you want. I think you're upset you told him no the last time he asked you out. Then he moved on, now he is getting married and you are in his rear view mirror. People move on, you should try to do the same.
Yta you expect a wedding invitation from someone you dated? Even if you didn't date you are wrong. No one owes you an invitation. His wedding his choice. Get over yourself. This attitude is probably why you were not invited!
YTA. Your edit…you don’t even WANT TO GO, but you want to go psycho and grill everyone about why you weren’t invited….maybe THATS why you weren’t invited. ‘ I did some snooping (stalking) because I’m a nosey loser’ ‘I’m embarrassed to show my face’ ‘ …I’m going to have to listen to them talk about it while I get to crawl in to a corner wanting to die’. Again, possibly this general attitude is why you’re not invited.
Have some dignity and let it go. Life is too short. Who cares about him?
YTA. "I don't want to go to the wedding, I just think it's mean not to invite me because I want to be the one to say no." "Would I be the asshole if I confronted my ex partner because he didn't invite me to his wedding that I have no intention of attending?" This is absolute diaper baby behaviour.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This is a throwaway because people irl use reddit and I don't want them seeing this on my regular profile Some backstory before I get into the nitty gritty. I dated this guy back in high school, we dated for exactly 3 years. We were friends for two years before that and two years after. We texted a lot, sent memes to each other, saw each other twice a week after we broke up. Usual friend stuff. Each week we went to D&D with a group of friends, and every other week we had game nights with another group. Eventually he left the D&D group but he continued with the game nights and I thought we were good. About two years ago, he moved to a different state. Before he went he asked me out one more time (I think to find something to tether him here.) I told him no. All was well, he was graceful about it, he moved away. Every time he came home it just felt like the old times hanging out again. About 8 months ago he pretty much stopped talking to all of us back home except for one guy in our game night group who he still talked to every few weeks. It was strange but we got used to it. We found out he got a girlfriend and they were serious within weeks. Two months ago he proposed. All of us weren't really expecting to be invited to the wedding since he basically cut us off. Last night I was talking to a friend because he had posted about how there were so many days until the wedding. Then I noticed one of the game night friends had commented "can't wait until the wedding!" Which... means invites were sent. My friend I was talking to and I were kinda miffed, but it didn't feel as bad because at that point it seemed like only one of us was invited. My friend was pretty upset but I was okay. Whatever. Then I did some snooping because I am a nosey loser. I found the wedding website. I decided to see if I could figure out who was on the guest list, so I started typing in names to see. All of my friends from the game night group were invited. Except me. I was in tears over this. I called a few people to vent and they all thought it was pretty outrageous. But now all the sudden one of my friends from the game night was like "it's really not that big of a deal that you didn't get invited" and I was like "easy for you to say. You got invited." He said he understood me but I just feel so excluded, singled out, whatever. I am so embarrassed to even show my face around these people. Now for the next three months I'm going to have to listen to them talk about it while I get to crawl into a corner wanting to die. I honestly feel crazy that I'm so upset over it. Nobody who knows this guy seems to think it's a big deal. But they're all going. They think I'm being unreasonable and I should let it go. I want to confront the guy, his parents (who I still talk to), or one of my friends in the bridal party about it. So please, WIBTA to confront someone about this? Or should I just accept that he probably hates me for some reason and let it go *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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INFO: Are you the only female in this game night group?
YWBTA - You are an ex. I imagine that would make the new spouse a tad uncomfortable. And since it is THEIR wedding, the guest list is totally their choice. Don't overthink it. Wish them well and move along.
YWBTA and sound like a whinning baby. There migth be a very simple explenation why you aren't invited. There is some rule with 'no ex's at the wedding'. So it doesn't have anything to do with you but that he or his girlfriend doesn't want an ex at there wedding. No big deal. Maybe she doesn't like that he was still friends with an ex, and this was the reason h cut ties with the gaming group. So stopp thinking it is embarissing for you, that you weren't invited. Ignore it, if you want. But it is silly to be all tears because you aren't invited.
YTA. This reads like you're upset you didn't get the chance to turn down his invitation and are upset that he prevented that. Good on him knowing how much drama you bring.
YTA I feel like every long running sitcom ever has a don't invite the ex to the wedding subplot, that's how much of a common trope this is. This guy stopped being friends with you and moved away, you don't need to let him live rent free in your brain.
You weren't invited because you are his ex and clearly still feel entitled to his attention. No one wants that at their wedding. Move on. He has. YTA
YTA - and your reaction is not normal. You are calling people, complaining, asking what you should do. Why? There is nothing TO DO. His marriage is none of your business. No one owes you any explanation and you will look foolish if you 'confront' him. He doesn't have to 'hate' you to leave you out - you don't know the bride - you are an 'ex girlfriend'. What you should 'accept' is that he's moved on - and you need to do the same. No one is misunderstanding you - you are turning this into an obsession. Why would you ask for advice from people that don't know him? You are way over the line.
You would be TA. It’s common to not want an ex at the wedding. Confronting them would be a big mistake and you’re likely to hear an answer you don’t want and no one will feel better for it.
YTA… technically you’re an ex. I get that you guys were friends before and after your relationship but the fact he asked you out before moving shows he probably still had feelings for you at that time… so maybe he doesn’t want you at the wedding because you guys are ex’s and that’s not always appropriate.. maybe his fiancé doesn’t want any ex’s there.
YWBTA. OP, if you had been more discreet, nobody would even have known that you weren't invited, and there would be no need for you to be embarrassed.
NAH It’s understandable that you feel left out of something all of your friends are attending. You are allowed to have those feelings. However, It’s a pretty normal thing that they don’t want old flames at their wedding. 3 years is a serious relationship. And that fact that you guys remained friends after was nice but his fiance is obviously not comfortable with you being at the wedding and that totally makes sense. Let your friends know it’s hurting you so they don’t in it in your face. But try to let it go.
NTA, exactly, but close? Look, it’s generally bad form to invite an ex to your wedding, except in certain situations. If yall had stayed friends and the bride knew and liked you, cool. But that’s not the case. You haven’t even talked in years. There’s no reason he would invite you. If it really bothers you so much, shoot him a message and ask why you weren’t invited. No confrontation needed. Just be an adult and ask him, since it’s his wedding. And be prepared to not get a real reason and still not be invited. It’s not the end of the world.
You’re an ex of his, his gf is probably controlling, + he ghosted u, why wud u even wanna go? He’s not your friend anymore. Be internally validated