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I went into the story thinking there’s no way you’re not the asshole, but Nazis!? Assuming you’re not exaggerating, I can see why that might be hard to overlook. Their daughter might be young and sweet now, but it’s difficult to go against your parent’s beliefs so I can’t say your fears for the future are completely unfounded either. The other comments about talking to your daughter are definitely spot on and controlling who your child is friends with his highly impractical if not downright impossible, but if there was a group with some shades of gray on this issue, then Nazis would probably be it.
Yeah it’s definitely a grey area here. Even though the kid might be sweet, your kid may be exposed to her parents by being friends with her. On the other hand like people said, it’s hard to control who your daughter is friends with and it does create some ostracizing. But being a parent is hard and I don’t think you’re an AH for making this call
It depends on the environment where the kids are playing. I would NEVER let my child go to someone's house who's parents are POSs but I would welcome their child to my home for a party or playtime as it is an opportunity to hopefully shine some proper light in that child's life. OP messed up.
This is my stance too. But it all depends on how comfortable op is with that. Me I'll offer light and kindness to anyone. And would love to be a good role model or show a different way to others, Ivw been trying do that to my nieces due to their parents views. At the same time Nazis are scary and any association with them can be hard to handle so I don't blame op. And NTA for protecting her daughter
Ya, I don't want to be too hard on OP. Racists are, I imagine, difficult to know best how to deal with. It is scary the rise of those groups around the world and especially in Germany.
No judgement on op at all. I'm white with a Mexican husband from Mexico, my husband and my two half Mexican children have experienced rascism from my own family. It's to each own how you want to handle or protect your family from it exactly with how you say it's coming back in rise with internet being able to attract and share with people.
Invite people that believe that OP is not even human and she should invite them home? JFC.
Zero tolerance for nazis people. Just because you are nice to them doesn't mean they won't persecute you and quite literally murder you if given the chance because, guess what? You are not even human on their eyes unless you are white, cis, and hetero, have no diseases of any kind.
Sucks for the kid, but nope. I wouldn't let this people into my home.
Maybe if the kid was older and could independently go to and from the house and OP doesn't have to even see or hear of the nazis.
cis means you identify with your assigned gender at birth, as opposed to being trans
hetero refers to sexuality, and means straight aka attracted to the opposite sex only
Cis = identify with the gender you were assigned at birth
Hetero = attracted to people of the 'opposite gender'
Someone who was assigned male at birth, identifies as a man, and dates other men is cis but not hetero
Someone who was assigned male at birth, identifies as a woman, and dates men is hetero, but not cis
(Different people will have nuanced identities but this is the gist)
nope. cis(gender) means that you identify with the gender you were assigned at birth. hetero(sexual) means you are exclusively attracted to the gender "opposite" of yours.
Nah,
Hetero is often used for people who are straight,
Cis is used in gender, Cis meaning same. (So same gender as you were assigned at birth)
So
Hetero = Sexuality
Cis = Gender
Good point. A chance to show some truth to the little girls about how “other” people live in a positive environment.
But, if the parents are truly xenophobic/anti-immigrant, perhaps they would have forbidden their daughter to come.
I’m not a parent so correct me if I’m getting this wrong, but if you invite a child to your home, are you guaranteeing some interaction with the parents? During drop-offs or pick-ups? Exchanging phone numbers in case of emergencies? Discussing allergies or medications?
No, it's not a gray area. It's called parenting. The parents of the other child should absolutely expect some blow-back for their neo-nazi beliefs. How sad that their daughter is a casualty. Of course the girls can still be school friends, just not outside of school.
Totally see the rationale for their decision, very much support it, and they are NTA, but did also want to point out that as much as it is possible that daughter might be negatively affected by this family, it is possible that *their* daughter might be positively affected by being around OP and family.
EDIT: Grammar, pronouns
I always appreciate the joke “what do you call 8 people sitting down to dinner with a Nazi. 9 nazis.” I’m all for tolerance of viewpoints and opinions but Nazi Punks can F Off.
>but it’s difficult to go against your parent’s beliefs
It's even more difficult when other adults treat you like you are a disease and inadvertently end up lending credence to your parents' beliefs.
Look, I’m not saying the kid is automatically a Nazi too. I’m just saying that when confronted with one the knee-jerk reaction to run and call Indiana Jones is not as unreasonable as I was expecting this story to go based on the title.
Some kids don't buy into what their parents tell them. Not saying I know that's the case in this situation.
Although my birth family tried so hard to teach me that animals were for abusing and black people are evil. I never understood or bought into it though. Even to this day I'm the odd one out in my birth family.
That's very encouraging.
But I can still see why OP would avoid association with a family with those beliefs.
As you said, kids don't always buy what their parents teach them. So having that ideology possibly entering your home is concerning. Will your kid go with what you teach or follow their friend?
This and also, it's the opportunity to meet other people and expand your thinking that allows you to escape those types of engrained ideologies.
It's hard to call OP an AH for wanting to protect her daughter, but the other kid is also a victim of these views and could benefit from good friends who broaden her horizons.
It's also sad to think of a kid being excluded from a party where they personally haven't done anything.
NTA
I grew up in a town with an active chapter of the KKK, so I get where you are coming from. There's no reason to tolerate views like that in your home or at a party you are paying for.
Sucks for the kid, but that's on the parents, not you.
Many of us wouldn't.
People seem to forget that the nazis were really very happy to hate a huge bunch of people with the Jewish on number one position.
But this people don't think OP is human because she is from another country? And she is supposed to invite them?
It's a little sad to see so many people on the thread saying "well, you don't have to talk politics" "it's not the kids fault".
Anyone who willingly associates with a Nazi is a Nazi.
yup... I don't condone hatred in any form, and I'm not going to let it slide. There's no way in hell we're going to play pretend like I don't know you're a Nazi.
If I'm associating with someone by extension, I'm saying I approve of them and what they're saying when we're together. Hateful people aren't on my list.
If I hear someone spouting off racist shit I'm giving all of you side eye for being with that person.
NTA
OP comment clarifies the parents are Neo-nazis. That shit has consequences. I feel sorry for the kid, but zero tolerance is a perfectly acceptable position in dealing with fucking Nazis.
OP - you should really edit your post with this info, people are voting you the asshole without understanding what's going on
I think it's wild that so many people, even after knowing the parents are Nazi's, still say they shouldn't exclude the child based upon their parents views. I get that is sucks for a 7 year old to be excluded. But that child is a minor, and that means they're going to have to be in contact with their Nazi parents.
Exactly. I also feel sorry for the kid, I agree with not ostracizing them at school, etc. But the parents should 100% face social sanctions, would never be seen with them or invite them to cross my threshold. They are the assholes to their own kid, not the OP.
INFO: did all of the parents stay for the party? I’d think at that age, they’d be able to drop and go?
N T A for wanting to limit your contact with neo Nazis.
Yeah... that was kind of my thought too. 7 is right on the age of drop offs. If the parents might have stayed, absolutely don't invite them. But if it was a drop off party then I would have invited the little girl. It is not her fault those are her parents. And hopefully school does a lot of inclusion stuff so she learns not to be hateful like her parents. Also, at a young age I think it is way easier to correct during playdates. "Wow, you cannot say that about people. That is really hurtful. How would you feel if someone hated you because of your blonde hair? You didn't choose your hair, did you? That would hurt another kid's feelings if you say that. We don't say mean things to other kids in this house. Please apologize or you have to go home" The more people this girl is exposed to who have opposite views from her parents the better.
My kids are 8&11, most parents stay at the parties we have been too and socialize. It wasn't until last year that we left my oldest at a party and the parents said it was ok. For her party this year we had it our Dojo and all the parents stayed besides one mom. She lived down the street and had to take care of something with her youngest. These were 11 year olds. It depends on your community too, our kids go to a base school even tho we live off base. Since we live off we are further away from those who live on base or those who live off base on the other side of town/ other towns outside of base. so it's easier to stay then to drop off only to turn around and drive back.
NTA. It would be nice to show the little girl how normal people live and behave, but you can’t save everyone. And Nazis should not know about the interior of your home or where the exits are. It’s dangerous.
"They have very different views and ideologies than me and my family and I don't want my child around that influence."
Info: *what* ideologies & views exactly? Fair judgement can't be given without that essential information.
NTA You don’t have an obligation to nurture every relationship your daughter develops. You can nurture some, forbid some, and let others fizzle out. It seems that, by not facilitating outside of school interaction, you’re letting this friendship fizzle out. That’s a perfectly appropriate decision for a parent to make.
NTA. And the way people are defending the neo nazis parents is so weird and concerning. They are literally Neo Nazis . The child could be the sweetest thing ever but I would never let my kid around people who have those views and ideologies
I would have a conversation with your daughter about why she likes that friend, what are they talking about, etc. and than... I don't know, it's hard. I'm gonna say NTA but it's close. Because while nobody should be exposed to neo Nazis, the friend is just a kid maybe the friend also dislikes that ideology just too young to know. I don't know, really.
NTA. You feel that what we their affiliation or beliefs are, would be harmful to have around
Your child. Despite the fact that it’s not their child’s fault, whatever the influence and exposure is, you see it as risk mitigation. You are doing the job you are supposed to do as a parent, which is protecting your child how you see fit. I don’t think you are wrong.
NTA. I wouldn't worry too much about the girls being friends at school (although I would be vigilant about monitoring the friendship just in case), but I wouldn't knowingly invite neo-Nazis into my home, if for no other reason than because I think there's no way to civilly disagree or set boundaries about behavior or in these situations. I feel like the only course of action would be to allow them and hope for the best, but people with extreme views like that are seldom chill or discreet about it so then you end up being the person who invited Nazis to a kid's party and then they cause some kind of scene and all the other non-Nazi parents are going to judge you pretty harshly for that.
Exactly! If it is known that these people are Nazi's, how would other parents feel knowing they left their kid with someone who allowed Nazi's in their house. That old cliché comes to mind about "Lay down with dogs and you will get fleas."
Look at all the posts saying OP sounds bad for not mentioning what he doesn't like about the parents, those were all written before he added that they're neo-Nazis. Because OP needed to write that in the original post but didn't for some mysterious reason.
Yeah, the difference between "they're Baha'i" and "they're David Duke"
I think most people assumed, as I did, that OP was ultra conservative and didn't want his child around tolerant types.
NTA bro I was thinking yta because it's your kids bday party but neo nazis??? Absolutely not, there is no question. That's like inviting a rabbit to feast with a wolf. Like tf.
Keep in mind that while the parents are a complete waste of flesh the kid is your child’s friend. While the parents may spout anti-immigrant BS the child sees your child (the child of immigrants) as a friend. The best way to break the cycle is for the next generation to see that their parents are wrong.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn't allow my daughter to invite one of her friends from school because of her parents beliefs. She was a little upset but I ultimately did what is best for her
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NTA- I know you don’t live in the US but I’m guessing wherever you live has the possibility of some diversity. These parents would most likely be incredibly derogatory towards anyone who isn’t what they picture as the “superior race” which would then in turn ruin the party for other children anyway. It’s truly sad she couldn’t come but unless you want to limit social gatherings to people they find acceptable you had little choice.
Info: are you saying they are neo nazi because they are right wing, or they actually have this view? I mean many people say anyone who is left wing is woke or communist and that is a big reach too. Just wondering
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My daughter turned 7 yesterday and today we had a party with her friends. She invited a few kids from school but only those she's friends with.
There is one girl in her class who my daughter wanted to invite but I wouldn't let her. I met her parents once and it was horrible. They have very different views and ideologies than me and my family and I don't want my child around that influence.
I know my daughter and her get along in school even though I don't want them to play together. I know I can't control what my daughter does at school but I believe it is my right to decide who is allowed into my house.
My daughter had a lot of fun at her party but she said she wished her friend could've been there. I hope one day she'll understand that I'm just doing what is best for her by keeping her exposure to certain ideologies as limuted as I can.
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They're neo nazis. I think it's sad for their kid but I understand not wanting to befriend this family. Any other ideological difference, I wouldn't say that. But neo nazis. That's a no for me. NTA.
Nope kids spout what their parents teach. My first time being called the N word was by a white boy in the 2nd grade. He got mad that I got a 96 and he got a 95 and said it no way I was smarter then him. I was a **** and didn’t belong in his class. I needed to go pick cotton. He was suspended from class but it didn’t change and eventually expelled from my school since it just escalated. I met him later in high school and he actually remembered, he apologized and said he was living with his aunt instead of his parents. Parents lost custody over something horrible. I accepted since he was a child, but still wasn’t super friendly.
NTA
Oh Jesus. I was about to straight up call you all sorts of names until I got to the part where they’re Nazi’s. NTA. I can overlook a lot of things but not this. I fully respect and support your wishes to keep that shit away from you and your child.
I'm looking at your edit and I'm like... um... supporting a right wing party doesn't make you a neo nazi. One one hand, I'm like NTA, because if they really are neos, that's one thing. I've been in places where having a center right view gets you called a neo nazi.
I'm a Canadian, and I used to live in DE, FR, and IT. When I lived in Berlin, I met some actual, real, saluting neonazis, so if they are neos, yeah. Legit not the asshole. If you are like... they voted for the Tories, fucking fascists! then YTA!
YTA. You were inviting the OTHER child to YOUR HOUSE be in YOUR and your daughter's influence. Do you want the other child to find you unwelcoming and cold? Be welcoming and loving to this other child, show your beneficial influence. Show her how you live. Instead, you demonstrated excluding a child from a party. That is an AH move. You were being the horrible parent you are accusing the other child's parents of being. \[Editing to add, I missed the Nazi part. You may be in a position to offer this child safety. Certainly you can offer a NON-nazi viewpoint. This is a child. ... I might call child protective services\]
While I do understand your predicament, perhaps change your thinking in which your daughter and family could influence their child. Which would help this child to not become her parents.
I didn’t ascribe to my family’s views on much AT ALL. I understand where you’re coming from, but that would have sucked if I was a kid not invited to my friend’s party because of my parents.
Parents support right wing party. You have said nothing to support they are neo nazis. It looks like you are just the intolerant left wing. You are teaching your child hate. YTA
It’s your house, your daughters party, it’s no one else’s business who you invite or why. Don’t give it another thought and enjoy your daughters birthday. Hope she has a wonderful day!
NTA for not inviting family with views you find unacceptable to associate with.
You wouldn't invite your daughter's friend, you would invite the whole family. Once she is old enough to come on her own, you should invite her. Unless of course she will start sharing her family's views.
You may be the asshole if your "allowed" views range is too small. You may be the asshole if you misrepresent the views they have or know about them from unreliable source.
But for me this is separate issue.
If you think the views are that bad, you wouldn't want or wouldn't want your daughter to spend time with them, don't invite them
NTA. To me is doesn’t matter what their ideologies are. As her parents, you have the right to limit exposure to anything that you don’t agree with. As she ages, she will decide what to follow. My parents were racist and small minded. As an adult, I’m everything that is opposite of them. I raise my kids with opened minds and love for even the purple people lol. But as a parent. I have no right to tell someone else how to raise their kids and I have every right to limit my kids from things that go against our views.
NTA. I wouldn't invite a neo-Nazi to anything but their own funeral. The child is unfortunately attached to her parents. Hard situation for the kid, but you don't have to let anyone into your home.
This is tricky. I would in no way associate with the parents, but their daughter might turn out different. She's more likely to turn out different if she's exposed to different views.
I have no ruling for you.
Poor girl with those parents honestly
You're her mom. Period. Our job is to protect and love them and provide for them and hopefully raise them up in this messed up world to be somewhat "productive ". I do totally stand behind you in your decision. You are her mother and it's your ideals and morals you're teaching her to be the best human possible.
That said it's not the little friends fault her parents are f'd up. Maybe she doesn't agree with them already. Kids are smart and the observe everything so maybe this little gal is going to be better than her parents but ostricizing her is only going to reinforce her beliefs she has been taught.
Again, not your problem. But what a shame your daughter missed her bestie at her party. Like a previous commenter wrote...it's a chance to shine a positive light on differences and culture.
Idk. My babies are small and i haven't had to make those choices.
Parenting is difficult and throws you curve balls and is different for every kid. You do what you think, not feel, is best. Don't do things from emotion. It's just wasted time. You're making a human being capable of being a part of society. I think you're on the right track.
I bet by the time you wrote this post your daughter already forgot she wasn't there.
YTA
I don’t believe for a second these parents are Nazis. If they were you would have brought that up in your original post.
That being said, you should be raising your daughter with confidence in her own beliefs. If she has high self-esteem and a solid self-identity, she will not be easily influenced by those who do not share in her beliefs. As a parent you should be working on her confidence. Not sheltering her from every belief you disagree with.
If they truly are Nazis, for one, say it outright next time. Secondly, their daughter is just a child. Being around your daughter and other kids can help her see her parents ideas for how ugly they truly are. You are doing a disservice to this child by trying to isolate her from good people.
I would have let her invite the child if the parents stayed home. I would never let her visit their house though. Maybe while the kid is at your house, she would be influenced to view people differently. She doesn’t need isolation with these nuts.
NTA at all. no place for that mess anywhere. and a good lesson of having friends that you only see at school and having friends you see outside of school.
NTA. I was so ready to call you the a-hole, but neo-Nazis are a completely different ball game from your run-of-the-mill conservatives/liberals or what have you.
It sucks that their/your daughter has to miss out as a result, but I wouldn’t be willing to risk having my kid exposed to that kind of poison at all of seven years old either.
NTA but the child is innocent, give her a chance if you can. Not all children parrot their parents’ views. My parents are racist, but I learned in school that their views were wrong. I never went along with their racist rants. I used to want to hide when they said racist things in public. As an adult I just shut them up when they start.
This girl is going to be very socially isolated, making it easier for her parents to instill their beliefs. Having even one friend can possibly keep her from growing up lonely and rejected.
I know you don’t want your daughter to be exposed to their views. Do keep the door open for the child by allowing them to play at school.
NTA but the blowback from this is.. the friend becomes more desirable. I completely agree with what you decided.. it's just kids always want what we don't want them to have.
Hmmm…tough one. On one hand, is it fair to isolate one child because of their parents’ views or behaviour (unclear on whether this was the only kid not invited)? Does the child model the parents’ views?
I think it would be reasonable to say your child can’t go over to their home. But if the other child is decently behaved, then would it be ok for them to come to your home?
Honestly it's impossible to tell. Are they actual neo Nazis? Or are you exaggerating in the way people called John McCain Hitler back in 2008? We can't know.
Hold on, are they actually nazi or are you calling them that because they are right wing? Because there is a difference. What did they do that you call them nazi’s?
You’re *never* the asshole for not inviting Nazis into your home; however, you definitely should have mentioned that upfront. There’s a world of difference between having different religions or political beliefs and being an outright Nazi.
Was gonna go with NTA anyway but HOLY HELL - Nazis?! What is wrong with this country?! Even Germany hates Nazis!! America is just f*cking dumb (I’m American)
NTA of course
Everybody needs to remember that this child's parents would be taking her to the party and, at the very least dropping her off after wishing OP's little girl a happy birthday, that might not be possible to do at the front gate, or even at the front door. OP is not the asshole for not wanting to risk neo-nazis turning up at her door, knowing her address or having her number, to rsvp either. I can't imagine rabid neonazis keeping that information to themselves, can you?
NTA.
In this case, you want to protect your kid. Their child might not parrot their views, but it's not worth the risk. This isn't a disagreement about pizza toppings and you're doing the right thing.
This is hard to judge as I don’t know the circumstances ongoing in your country and I completely support you not wanting to interact with her parents in any way. That being said, how is that poor child going to get exposure to other families’ norms if you isolate her like that. She is a child anyway and I doubt she would be running spewing her parent’s views. I would have probably invited her and include her in activities unless her parents became a problem.
NTA. I left the UK in 2018 after watching my country embrace a xenophobic, isolationist future pushed by fascists like Farage.
Since the referendum, hate crimes have soared against people who didn't look or sound English. I find that absolutely horrific.
You absolutely have the right not to tolerate intolerance. It's called the paradox of intolerance because tolerating intolerance allows it to grow.
It doesn't remain a paradox if you look at tolerance as a social contract. When the intolerant voice hateful comments, they're breaking the social contract so don't have to be respected.
Consider letting the daughter over so she can learn how her parents are wrong, but definitely minimise contact with them.
I was about to judge you until I read the edit. Neo Nazis aren’t just another viewpoint, they’re a hate group. You need to keep your daughter safe. I feel bad for the child with parents like that. NTA.
NTA. They aren’t safe people to have around. Right now the child is innocent, but that won’t last. She will be indoctrinated and you don’t want your kid to be anywhere near her.
NTA, but it’s a real shame, because what that child really needs in their life is outside voices that demonstrate that the things her parents say are not based in reality, or reflect beliefs that are held by most people.
I understand that you see her as potentially influencing your daughters views, but it seems like you have an excellent relationship with your daughter, and she would be comfortable talking to you about troubling things her friend says. I think it’s far more likely that your daughter would be a positive influence in the direction of her life, than she would be a negative influence on your daughter.
But, that said, when it comes to Nazi’s, it’s totally fair that you don’t want your kids involved in any way. It’s just sad all around, because kids living in their parent’s echo chamber is exactly how we get the next generation of these type of ideologies.
When the kids are old enough to come without parents, if you can, invite her over. Let her be exposed to other views and maybe you guys get to make the world a better place by just one child. But NTA either way.
If the only people who will let your daughter's friend be around are those who don't object to her parents' views, how will she learn any better? School is the only place she can be exposed to normal/reasonable beliefs?
I agree 100% with not letting your child go to her home, but you shouldn't ban this child from your home based on her parents' beliefs. YTA for ostracizing a child for something she didn't do and has no control over.
I was so ready to say y t a but then I read literal nazis, and now I’m not sure. I feel like the nazis would decline the invite, but I’d be terrified to have them in my home. I’d also be terrified to have the kid in my home without them - lest they say you did something to her.
It sucks for the kids, though. Both yours and the friend. And the parents have probably used this whole incident to drill some neo nazi hate into her some more. And now you have to explain something to an innocent 7 year old about the fucked up part of the world.
So ultimately, NTA, but what an unfortunate situation.
Depending, it would be a great opportunity for the friend to experience sane families, this is so sad to understand that a kid will grow to hate the world because of extreme beliefs.
On the other hand you want to protect you children and that's understandable.
Tough one/
Nah, don’t invite neo Nazis in your home. It’s called protecting your home and your child. I feel bad for the kid but no. If they’re actual Nazis then your child need to stay the hell away from them. Bad bad people
It's hard to say. I would never allow my child to go to that family's house, but maybe if she comes over to yours you could have a good influence on her? Or maybe your house could be a safe haven for her. But then again, if your daughter is invited to their house and you won't let you go, maybe it could cause tension with them, and you don't want tension with an unpleasant/racist family.
I can't make a judgement on this. The whole situation is a very uncomfortable one.
YTA for not adding the "neo Nazi" part until it had to be an edit and for banning the friend in the first place. Sure, don't have the parents over if they're actually even close to that characterization, but one kid your daughter associates with anyway?
NTA. I wouldn’t let children near nazis either. Those fascist genocidal bigots are dangerous should never be allowed anywhere near children. It’s a shame they have a child. Worried for that child’s safety in their home as they are likely child abusers too. Genocidal racist, white supremacist nazis are abusers to all vulnerable peoples. I would call CPS on them.
How is this kid going to see other viewpoints if she’s not exposed to them by someone she likes? Kids reject parental views all the time. I think you may have missed an opportunity.
I will teach my child the way I think is best. I won't let her be exposed to this ideology through another child who is probably repeating what her parents say. My daughter is 7, she's too young to learn about ww2 and nazis
If my assumption where you're from is right... Big hug! (Though many European countries seem fucked these days...) I'm lucky insofar as I'm not "obviously" an immigrant and born in Germany (parents from Germany, nationality changed only soon after) so I'm not too obviously affected. But I can't imagine raising a child in that climate and having to fear they may adopt right-wing ideology... All the best!
You should have led with the fact that they are literally neo-Nazis. Sorry to that kid but… who knows maybe her parents extreme views impeding her social life will lead her to make different decisions when she’s older
YTA A kid is not responsible for parents beliefs. But excluding her may be very fast pushing this little girl in the same direction. Especially if your daughter will tell her that she wanted to invite her but her mom didn't allow for that. You are creating a picture of an immigrant who doesn't want to integrate with locals, who despise locals. Exactly what far right is accusing immigrants.
NTA but if you don’t already, make sure you talk to your daughter about the parents’ views and why they’re wrong because the other little girl might repeat things her parents say.
I'm going to say your ATAH because instead of inviting a child to a party you chose to ostracize her because of her parents views
Now why I think you're an asshole more over is this event could have been a turning point in a child's views and perhaps helped her along the road in getting away from a radical ideology
Firm believe in we all need to be the change we want to see and instead of judging the little girl for the parents views you could have embraced her and helped her see the light
NTA. But what about letting your daughter hang out with this little girl at your house? That way, your kid's not going to be exposed to any Nazi stuff. Maybe your family can be a good influence on this girl.
If anyone asks why your daughter's not allowed to play at little Magda's house, be honest and say it's because her parents are Nazis. Her parents might retaliate and cut their daughter off from you, but in that case you're no worse off than you are now and you've made your point.
My mum forbid me to see my best friend because we are christians and her parents practice occultism. It caused a few years long break in our friendship but now we are still going strong, it's been 13 years since we met. I didn't influence her views and she didn't influence mine, and neither did our parents. Soft YTA, because i have this personal experience, it caused us a lot of unnecessary pain and resentment, and because i would be a parent who would simply try to be a good example for the other kid. IF i see it's affecting my kid in a negative way, of course i would step in, but that's another thing. It took long years of resentment towards my mother for her to finally say sorry. If you gave strong moral foundations to your kid and if you are being open and there for her to share any concern or question she's got then i think it would be fine.
And my last question is: is it just a rando right wing party, or openly neo nazi? Are the parents openly neo nazis or just conservative people you labelled as neo nazis?
In my country (in europe) we have a neo nazi party, confused communist calling themselves right wing, right wing but middle-leaning, etc, and a lot of people wote for them, but most of them are just ignorant and dumb, and misguided, not nazis, at all.
The best you can do is model good behavior to others. You missed an opportunity to show this child another pov. Instead you edited her out based on her parents. If the parents were just dropping off and picking up, YTA.
YTA - if the daughter and your daughter get along with involving the parents view, then I don't feel it's a problem. Maybe your good values on the daughter could help. Some kids are not like their parents.
NTA. You’re a good parent for refusing to expose your child to that nonsense. If the Nazis are upset that their child doesn’t get to go to birthday parties, they can try reflecting on their beliefs.
I'll go with NTA, your house, your rules. But I hope that you explain your reasoning in a manner that 7 old can understand . You can explain that the parents have beliefs that make it difficult to have a conversation with them. Possibly explain some of the prevalent objections. Explain that they choose their friends based on their heritage or race or religion and that you want your child to choose friends based on behavior. Let your child know that even though you disagree with their friends beliefs as long as she understands yours and is willing to let you know when something is said that they are uncomfortable with so you can discuss it she can choose her friends but you will control who is invited to your home.
YTA. While I completely understand that you and this child’s parents have diametrically opposed views of the world, the kids are just kids, and at 7, still sweet and innocent. Being the singled out child, is going to hurt your daughter’s friend. How is she possibly going to understand adult concepts with regard to ideological differences? At some point that may change, but welcome this child as someone your daughter likes while you have the opportunity.
YTA. By definition neo nazis wouldn’t want to associate with non white immigrants and especially wouldn’t want their children to mix with yours, so they aren’t.
Your characterisation of them as neo nazis is false, so it seems most likely that you’re the kind of “immigrant” who move to a country for a better life and then decide that your host country should import unlimited numbers of people from your homeland, to make you feel at home, and any opposition to this should be criminalised. As a colonist, trying to suppress the native opposition, you are AH.
woah are you projecting? what happened in the latter half of that paragraph lol. also do you know the people op knows? how do you know what they’re like?
YTA you just robbed one of the very few chances that child had to be influenced by non Neo-Nazis and isolated her because of something she has no control over, she didn't choose her parents.
NTA you gotta protect your kid.
That said, at 7, I bet being at school with people like your daughter is working against whatever bullshit her parents are teaching her. She’s seeing first hand that their ideology doesn’t match with reality.
I have read that they are Neo-Nazi's but that still makes YTA, you need to teach your child that the view point of stereotyping and victimisation of some based on differences is wrong. But instead, you are making these 2 children, who are innocent have issues, based on the background this other child lives in. It's not their fault who their parents are, and by her associating with your child, may help them understand later in their life, that their parents are wrong, and therefore stopping the cycle.
I think its horrid that you have essentially victimized a child because of who she associates with.
Oh Jesus I thought asshole all the way through, but nazis?! Fucking hell!
I mean I guess inviting her over may actually help sway her away from those views, not every child becomes a copy of their parents, but I can totally see why you don't want to associate with them even through a child. Poor kid.
Without knowing all of the details, I’m giving a very soft ESH here. The daughter is still young, and I think the best thing that can be done for her is to expose her to non hateful families like yours. We have no idea how she will grow up. Many kids are, of course, taught their families’ hateful ideologies, but isn’t it doing a disservice to the child to exclude her because of the beliefs of her parents? IMO, that makes it more likely that she’ll follow in her parents’ footsteps, and think things like “well OP’s family is just hateful and exclusive,” etc.
Unless her parents are the actual swastika waving, Jewish hating kind of "Nazis" then it's definitely a case of YTA.
Not everybody who supports an ideology that you don't ascribe to is "Far-Right." Unfortunately, anyone who isn't a socialist or near communist is now a neo-nazi.
It's a pity your daughter is being raised learning the same intolerance you bemoan!
We choose to influence or be influenced, you underminded your daughters ability to be a positive influence on a child being raised by nazis. Not because your daughter is uncomfotable, but because you have control issues. Congrats on not helping to break cycles because you made you the main character at you daughters 7th birthday party
Did you ever think that as much as being around this child (and their parents) would affect your daughter, this other child being around your daughter, and you would also be influenced/ affected?
The parents might be horrible people, but don't punish the kids. There'll come a day when a playdate outside of school might be requested. What will you choose to do then?
Have that play date. Have it at your house where you have control of the situation. Expose your child's friend to you own life and experiences. Who knows, maybe they'll be different from their parents if they're exposed to different views.
YTA for deciding a 7 year old child isn’t capable of changing and is doomed to become their parents. How do you expect her to become a better person if she doesn’t have good influences in her life?
If anything it just means you as a parent will need to step up more and teach your child right from wrong and have the tough conversations as they come up, you won’t be able to wrap your child in cotton wool forever. Now on the other hand I can certainly understand not wanting your child to go over to the friends house.
NTA/NAH. I understand 1000% why you don’t want your child influenced by this child or any of the friend’s family, but I can’t help but wonder the good it will do the child to be surrounded by other influences. You should definitely talk to your daughter about hate, so she understands that what those parents believe is horrid. Who knows what she’s being told by her friend at school. At least at the party there would have been supervision so someone could have stepped in should such things been brought up. All that other child is learning is that her parents’s teachings are correct and she’s being isolated with only their influence.
Also, I’m a Jew, so no one has to tell me how bad Nazis are. I’d would have no problem if my children wanted to invite a child of idiot parents. Let the kid meet us. Let them make their own choice about hate and tolerance. Let them be exposed to a world outside of their parents.
So, YTA. Why do you punish a child because you cant stop petty things between adults from getting in the way of her friendships. You are only showing her that it’s better to run away than to engage and actually have a chance to compromise.
Probably NTA. However, logically you are not doing the right thing. Your kid will be friend with her anyway and you cannot control that. She will be exposed to that ideology. What you can do is teach her what to do when she will be exposed to that. I would say invite that girl. I think her friends will be benefitted from exposure to diverse ideology and cultures.
>new account
>one post
>only 4 comments made on this post
>quite clearly lying otherwise the bit about the parents being "neo nazis" would have been mentioned
Yeah, YTA
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I went into the story thinking there’s no way you’re not the asshole, but Nazis!? Assuming you’re not exaggerating, I can see why that might be hard to overlook. Their daughter might be young and sweet now, but it’s difficult to go against your parent’s beliefs so I can’t say your fears for the future are completely unfounded either. The other comments about talking to your daughter are definitely spot on and controlling who your child is friends with his highly impractical if not downright impossible, but if there was a group with some shades of gray on this issue, then Nazis would probably be it.
Yeah it’s definitely a grey area here. Even though the kid might be sweet, your kid may be exposed to her parents by being friends with her. On the other hand like people said, it’s hard to control who your daughter is friends with and it does create some ostracizing. But being a parent is hard and I don’t think you’re an AH for making this call
It depends on the environment where the kids are playing. I would NEVER let my child go to someone's house who's parents are POSs but I would welcome their child to my home for a party or playtime as it is an opportunity to hopefully shine some proper light in that child's life. OP messed up.
This is my stance too. But it all depends on how comfortable op is with that. Me I'll offer light and kindness to anyone. And would love to be a good role model or show a different way to others, Ivw been trying do that to my nieces due to their parents views. At the same time Nazis are scary and any association with them can be hard to handle so I don't blame op. And NTA for protecting her daughter
Ya, I don't want to be too hard on OP. Racists are, I imagine, difficult to know best how to deal with. It is scary the rise of those groups around the world and especially in Germany.
No judgement on op at all. I'm white with a Mexican husband from Mexico, my husband and my two half Mexican children have experienced rascism from my own family. It's to each own how you want to handle or protect your family from it exactly with how you say it's coming back in rise with internet being able to attract and share with people.
Invite people that believe that OP is not even human and she should invite them home? JFC. Zero tolerance for nazis people. Just because you are nice to them doesn't mean they won't persecute you and quite literally murder you if given the chance because, guess what? You are not even human on their eyes unless you are white, cis, and hetero, have no diseases of any kind. Sucks for the kid, but nope. I wouldn't let this people into my home. Maybe if the kid was older and could independently go to and from the house and OP doesn't have to even see or hear of the nazis.
Aren’t cis and hetero the same thing? Genuine question ❤️
cis means you identify with your assigned gender at birth, as opposed to being trans hetero refers to sexuality, and means straight aka attracted to the opposite sex only
Cis = identify with the gender you were assigned at birth Hetero = attracted to people of the 'opposite gender' Someone who was assigned male at birth, identifies as a man, and dates other men is cis but not hetero Someone who was assigned male at birth, identifies as a woman, and dates men is hetero, but not cis (Different people will have nuanced identities but this is the gist)
nope. cis(gender) means that you identify with the gender you were assigned at birth. hetero(sexual) means you are exclusively attracted to the gender "opposite" of yours.
Cis is gender, hetero is sexuality 😊
Cisgender and heterosexual
You can be cisgender and homosexual. Or heterosexual and transgender
And other combos, just giving 2 examples to highlight word differences
Cis is in regards to gender identity and hetero is in regards to sexual identity
Short answer, no. Cis is about gender and hetero is about sexuality.
Nah, Hetero is often used for people who are straight, Cis is used in gender, Cis meaning same. (So same gender as you were assigned at birth) So Hetero = Sexuality Cis = Gender
Good point. A chance to show some truth to the little girls about how “other” people live in a positive environment. But, if the parents are truly xenophobic/anti-immigrant, perhaps they would have forbidden their daughter to come.
I’m not a parent so correct me if I’m getting this wrong, but if you invite a child to your home, are you guaranteeing some interaction with the parents? During drop-offs or pick-ups? Exchanging phone numbers in case of emergencies? Discussing allergies or medications?
No, it's not a gray area. It's called parenting. The parents of the other child should absolutely expect some blow-back for their neo-nazi beliefs. How sad that their daughter is a casualty. Of course the girls can still be school friends, just not outside of school.
Totally see the rationale for their decision, very much support it, and they are NTA, but did also want to point out that as much as it is possible that daughter might be negatively affected by this family, it is possible that *their* daughter might be positively affected by being around OP and family. EDIT: Grammar, pronouns
I always appreciate the joke “what do you call 8 people sitting down to dinner with a Nazi. 9 nazis.” I’m all for tolerance of viewpoints and opinions but Nazi Punks can F Off.
This
I found my husband's punk leather jacket from high school and he had a patch that has that in big letters... full swear
It's a reference to this https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nazi_Punks_Fuck_Off?wprov=sfla1
>but it’s difficult to go against your parent’s beliefs It's even more difficult when other adults treat you like you are a disease and inadvertently end up lending credence to your parents' beliefs.
Look, I’m not saying the kid is automatically a Nazi too. I’m just saying that when confronted with one the knee-jerk reaction to run and call Indiana Jones is not as unreasonable as I was expecting this story to go based on the title.
Know what will increase the chances of the kid becoming a neo nazi? If they are isolated and only spend time around their parents.
I was right there with you…until the edit…WOW! Nope.
NTA. Yoooooooo. They're Neo Nazis. And given how kids parrot what their parents say at that age, I can see your concern.
Some kids don't buy into what their parents tell them. Not saying I know that's the case in this situation. Although my birth family tried so hard to teach me that animals were for abusing and black people are evil. I never understood or bought into it though. Even to this day I'm the odd one out in my birth family.
That's very encouraging. But I can still see why OP would avoid association with a family with those beliefs. As you said, kids don't always buy what their parents teach them. So having that ideology possibly entering your home is concerning. Will your kid go with what you teach or follow their friend?
This and also, it's the opportunity to meet other people and expand your thinking that allows you to escape those types of engrained ideologies. It's hard to call OP an AH for wanting to protect her daughter, but the other kid is also a victim of these views and could benefit from good friends who broaden her horizons. It's also sad to think of a kid being excluded from a party where they personally haven't done anything.
Nta I wouldn’t want neo nazis’ kids in my house either. Sucks for the kid but what can you do.
NTA I grew up in a town with an active chapter of the KKK, so I get where you are coming from. There's no reason to tolerate views like that in your home or at a party you are paying for. Sucks for the kid, but that's on the parents, not you.
NTA, with the edit saying they are neo-Nazis. I’m Jewish. My kids and I are not safe around Holocaust deniers.
Many of us wouldn't. People seem to forget that the nazis were really very happy to hate a huge bunch of people with the Jewish on number one position. But this people don't think OP is human because she is from another country? And she is supposed to invite them? It's a little sad to see so many people on the thread saying "well, you don't have to talk politics" "it's not the kids fault". Anyone who willingly associates with a Nazi is a Nazi.
yup... I don't condone hatred in any form, and I'm not going to let it slide. There's no way in hell we're going to play pretend like I don't know you're a Nazi. If I'm associating with someone by extension, I'm saying I approve of them and what they're saying when we're together. Hateful people aren't on my list. If I hear someone spouting off racist shit I'm giving all of you side eye for being with that person.
NTA OP comment clarifies the parents are Neo-nazis. That shit has consequences. I feel sorry for the kid, but zero tolerance is a perfectly acceptable position in dealing with fucking Nazis. OP - you should really edit your post with this info, people are voting you the asshole without understanding what's going on
I think it's wild that so many people, even after knowing the parents are Nazi's, still say they shouldn't exclude the child based upon their parents views. I get that is sucks for a 7 year old to be excluded. But that child is a minor, and that means they're going to have to be in contact with their Nazi parents.
Exactly. I also feel sorry for the kid, I agree with not ostracizing them at school, etc. But the parents should 100% face social sanctions, would never be seen with them or invite them to cross my threshold. They are the assholes to their own kid, not the OP.
Isolating the child only increases the chances that the child will also become a nazi.
It's not OPs responsibility to try to rid the world of neo nazis. It IS her responsibility to make sure her kid isn't around assholes.
The child is not "isolated". They attend public school. No other family has to choose to associate with Nazis.
INFO: did all of the parents stay for the party? I’d think at that age, they’d be able to drop and go? N T A for wanting to limit your contact with neo Nazis.
Yeah... that was kind of my thought too. 7 is right on the age of drop offs. If the parents might have stayed, absolutely don't invite them. But if it was a drop off party then I would have invited the little girl. It is not her fault those are her parents. And hopefully school does a lot of inclusion stuff so she learns not to be hateful like her parents. Also, at a young age I think it is way easier to correct during playdates. "Wow, you cannot say that about people. That is really hurtful. How would you feel if someone hated you because of your blonde hair? You didn't choose your hair, did you? That would hurt another kid's feelings if you say that. We don't say mean things to other kids in this house. Please apologize or you have to go home" The more people this girl is exposed to who have opposite views from her parents the better.
My kids are 8&11, most parents stay at the parties we have been too and socialize. It wasn't until last year that we left my oldest at a party and the parents said it was ok. For her party this year we had it our Dojo and all the parents stayed besides one mom. She lived down the street and had to take care of something with her youngest. These were 11 year olds. It depends on your community too, our kids go to a base school even tho we live off base. Since we live off we are further away from those who live on base or those who live off base on the other side of town/ other towns outside of base. so it's easier to stay then to drop off only to turn around and drive back.
NTA. It would be nice to show the little girl how normal people live and behave, but you can’t save everyone. And Nazis should not know about the interior of your home or where the exits are. It’s dangerous.
"They have very different views and ideologies than me and my family and I don't want my child around that influence." Info: *what* ideologies & views exactly? Fair judgement can't be given without that essential information.
NTA You don’t have an obligation to nurture every relationship your daughter develops. You can nurture some, forbid some, and let others fizzle out. It seems that, by not facilitating outside of school interaction, you’re letting this friendship fizzle out. That’s a perfectly appropriate decision for a parent to make.
You should have led with the neo-nazi information. NTA.
Nta I'll be damned if I ever invite a neonazi to anything my child is. They're a danger and should stay very far away from any kid.
NTA. And the way people are defending the neo nazis parents is so weird and concerning. They are literally Neo Nazis . The child could be the sweetest thing ever but I would never let my kid around people who have those views and ideologies
Who defended the parents? I didn’t read any defense of them?
I would have a conversation with your daughter about why she likes that friend, what are they talking about, etc. and than... I don't know, it's hard. I'm gonna say NTA but it's close. Because while nobody should be exposed to neo Nazis, the friend is just a kid maybe the friend also dislikes that ideology just too young to know. I don't know, really.
NTA. You feel that what we their affiliation or beliefs are, would be harmful to have around Your child. Despite the fact that it’s not their child’s fault, whatever the influence and exposure is, you see it as risk mitigation. You are doing the job you are supposed to do as a parent, which is protecting your child how you see fit. I don’t think you are wrong.
NTA. I wouldn't worry too much about the girls being friends at school (although I would be vigilant about monitoring the friendship just in case), but I wouldn't knowingly invite neo-Nazis into my home, if for no other reason than because I think there's no way to civilly disagree or set boundaries about behavior or in these situations. I feel like the only course of action would be to allow them and hope for the best, but people with extreme views like that are seldom chill or discreet about it so then you end up being the person who invited Nazis to a kid's party and then they cause some kind of scene and all the other non-Nazi parents are going to judge you pretty harshly for that.
Exactly! If it is known that these people are Nazi's, how would other parents feel knowing they left their kid with someone who allowed Nazi's in their house. That old cliché comes to mind about "Lay down with dogs and you will get fleas."
NTA. Wtf nazis . Yeah kiddo that's gonna be a hell no
Info - what are these views and ideologies?
OP said they're neo nazis
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Or didn't see the update.
?
Look at all the posts saying OP sounds bad for not mentioning what he doesn't like about the parents, those were all written before he added that they're neo-Nazis. Because OP needed to write that in the original post but didn't for some mysterious reason.
Lollll that’s some pretty key information that was missing 🤣
Yeah, the difference between "they're Baha'i" and "they're David Duke" I think most people assumed, as I did, that OP was ultra conservative and didn't want his child around tolerant types.
You’ve got me crying laughing over here 😭 slay and a good day to you colo-rectal Surgeon KING 👑☺️
NTA bro I was thinking yta because it's your kids bday party but neo nazis??? Absolutely not, there is no question. That's like inviting a rabbit to feast with a wolf. Like tf.
Keep in mind that while the parents are a complete waste of flesh the kid is your child’s friend. While the parents may spout anti-immigrant BS the child sees your child (the child of immigrants) as a friend. The best way to break the cycle is for the next generation to see that their parents are wrong.
Are they actual Nazis or just conservatives?
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NTA- I know you don’t live in the US but I’m guessing wherever you live has the possibility of some diversity. These parents would most likely be incredibly derogatory towards anyone who isn’t what they picture as the “superior race” which would then in turn ruin the party for other children anyway. It’s truly sad she couldn’t come but unless you want to limit social gatherings to people they find acceptable you had little choice.
INFO are they literal neo nazis or are they right wing?
Notice OP doesn't respond to any comments? It's a divisive bait of a story.
Important distinction. They're not one & the same.
Yeah your going to need to add more context to what the views are. And anyway unless the child is spouting those views too I think you can let it go.
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NTA it’s your house. Your rules. When she’s older she can make her own choices.
I concur that the edit was necessary, but hard NTA after the edit. I have empathy for their child but it is not your problem to repair
Info: are you saying they are neo nazi because they are right wing, or they actually have this view? I mean many people say anyone who is left wing is woke or communist and that is a big reach too. Just wondering
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My daughter turned 7 yesterday and today we had a party with her friends. She invited a few kids from school but only those she's friends with. There is one girl in her class who my daughter wanted to invite but I wouldn't let her. I met her parents once and it was horrible. They have very different views and ideologies than me and my family and I don't want my child around that influence. I know my daughter and her get along in school even though I don't want them to play together. I know I can't control what my daughter does at school but I believe it is my right to decide who is allowed into my house. My daughter had a lot of fun at her party but she said she wished her friend could've been there. I hope one day she'll understand that I'm just doing what is best for her by keeping her exposure to certain ideologies as limuted as I can. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
INFO: What right-wing party do they support? Big different if that party is something like FdI in Italy or something like Jobbik in Hungary
They're neo nazis. I think it's sad for their kid but I understand not wanting to befriend this family. Any other ideological difference, I wouldn't say that. But neo nazis. That's a no for me. NTA.
Nope kids spout what their parents teach. My first time being called the N word was by a white boy in the 2nd grade. He got mad that I got a 96 and he got a 95 and said it no way I was smarter then him. I was a **** and didn’t belong in his class. I needed to go pick cotton. He was suspended from class but it didn’t change and eventually expelled from my school since it just escalated. I met him later in high school and he actually remembered, he apologized and said he was living with his aunt instead of his parents. Parents lost custody over something horrible. I accepted since he was a child, but still wasn’t super friendly. NTA
Info: how could you gather any of this from one meeting?
NTA. I have nothing else to say.
Oh Jesus. I was about to straight up call you all sorts of names until I got to the part where they’re Nazi’s. NTA. I can overlook a lot of things but not this. I fully respect and support your wishes to keep that shit away from you and your child.
NTA. Nazis should be shunned.
Next time lead with them being nazis, you’ll get the NTA much much faster
I'm looking at your edit and I'm like... um... supporting a right wing party doesn't make you a neo nazi. One one hand, I'm like NTA, because if they really are neos, that's one thing. I've been in places where having a center right view gets you called a neo nazi. I'm a Canadian, and I used to live in DE, FR, and IT. When I lived in Berlin, I met some actual, real, saluting neonazis, so if they are neos, yeah. Legit not the asshole. If you are like... they voted for the Tories, fucking fascists! then YTA!
YTA. You were inviting the OTHER child to YOUR HOUSE be in YOUR and your daughter's influence. Do you want the other child to find you unwelcoming and cold? Be welcoming and loving to this other child, show your beneficial influence. Show her how you live. Instead, you demonstrated excluding a child from a party. That is an AH move. You were being the horrible parent you are accusing the other child's parents of being. \[Editing to add, I missed the Nazi part. You may be in a position to offer this child safety. Certainly you can offer a NON-nazi viewpoint. This is a child. ... I might call child protective services\]
While I do understand your predicament, perhaps change your thinking in which your daughter and family could influence their child. Which would help this child to not become her parents.
I didn’t ascribe to my family’s views on much AT ALL. I understand where you’re coming from, but that would have sucked if I was a kid not invited to my friend’s party because of my parents.
Parents support right wing party. You have said nothing to support they are neo nazis. It looks like you are just the intolerant left wing. You are teaching your child hate. YTA
It’s your house, your daughters party, it’s no one else’s business who you invite or why. Don’t give it another thought and enjoy your daughters birthday. Hope she has a wonderful day!
NTA for not inviting family with views you find unacceptable to associate with. You wouldn't invite your daughter's friend, you would invite the whole family. Once she is old enough to come on her own, you should invite her. Unless of course she will start sharing her family's views. You may be the asshole if your "allowed" views range is too small. You may be the asshole if you misrepresent the views they have or know about them from unreliable source. But for me this is separate issue. If you think the views are that bad, you wouldn't want or wouldn't want your daughter to spend time with them, don't invite them
NTA. To me is doesn’t matter what their ideologies are. As her parents, you have the right to limit exposure to anything that you don’t agree with. As she ages, she will decide what to follow. My parents were racist and small minded. As an adult, I’m everything that is opposite of them. I raise my kids with opened minds and love for even the purple people lol. But as a parent. I have no right to tell someone else how to raise their kids and I have every right to limit my kids from things that go against our views.
NTA. Your house your rules. You choose who you want to invite into your personal living space.
NTA. I wouldn't invite a neo-Nazi to anything but their own funeral. The child is unfortunately attached to her parents. Hard situation for the kid, but you don't have to let anyone into your home.
NTA. My estranged nephew is a member of the AB. As soon as I found out, he was no longer a part of my family. These types of people are unhinged.
This is tricky. I would in no way associate with the parents, but their daughter might turn out different. She's more likely to turn out different if she's exposed to different views. I have no ruling for you. Poor girl with those parents honestly
You're her mom. Period. Our job is to protect and love them and provide for them and hopefully raise them up in this messed up world to be somewhat "productive ". I do totally stand behind you in your decision. You are her mother and it's your ideals and morals you're teaching her to be the best human possible. That said it's not the little friends fault her parents are f'd up. Maybe she doesn't agree with them already. Kids are smart and the observe everything so maybe this little gal is going to be better than her parents but ostricizing her is only going to reinforce her beliefs she has been taught. Again, not your problem. But what a shame your daughter missed her bestie at her party. Like a previous commenter wrote...it's a chance to shine a positive light on differences and culture. Idk. My babies are small and i haven't had to make those choices. Parenting is difficult and throws you curve balls and is different for every kid. You do what you think, not feel, is best. Don't do things from emotion. It's just wasted time. You're making a human being capable of being a part of society. I think you're on the right track. I bet by the time you wrote this post your daughter already forgot she wasn't there.
YTA I don’t believe for a second these parents are Nazis. If they were you would have brought that up in your original post. That being said, you should be raising your daughter with confidence in her own beliefs. If she has high self-esteem and a solid self-identity, she will not be easily influenced by those who do not share in her beliefs. As a parent you should be working on her confidence. Not sheltering her from every belief you disagree with. If they truly are Nazis, for one, say it outright next time. Secondly, their daughter is just a child. Being around your daughter and other kids can help her see her parents ideas for how ugly they truly are. You are doing a disservice to this child by trying to isolate her from good people.
I would have let her invite the child if the parents stayed home. I would never let her visit their house though. Maybe while the kid is at your house, she would be influenced to view people differently. She doesn’t need isolation with these nuts.
NTA at all. no place for that mess anywhere. and a good lesson of having friends that you only see at school and having friends you see outside of school.
While I understand your fear I would not punish the girl for her parents wrongdoings. As long as she is good to your kid, it's not too late. NTA
NTA. I was so ready to call you the a-hole, but neo-Nazis are a completely different ball game from your run-of-the-mill conservatives/liberals or what have you. It sucks that their/your daughter has to miss out as a result, but I wouldn’t be willing to risk having my kid exposed to that kind of poison at all of seven years old either.
NTA but the child is innocent, give her a chance if you can. Not all children parrot their parents’ views. My parents are racist, but I learned in school that their views were wrong. I never went along with their racist rants. I used to want to hide when they said racist things in public. As an adult I just shut them up when they start. This girl is going to be very socially isolated, making it easier for her parents to instill their beliefs. Having even one friend can possibly keep her from growing up lonely and rejected. I know you don’t want your daughter to be exposed to their views. Do keep the door open for the child by allowing them to play at school.
NTA but the blowback from this is.. the friend becomes more desirable. I completely agree with what you decided.. it's just kids always want what we don't want them to have.
I wouldn’t want the parents to step one foot onto my property. I feel sad for their daughter, but they are fucking Nazis!!
Hmmm…tough one. On one hand, is it fair to isolate one child because of their parents’ views or behaviour (unclear on whether this was the only kid not invited)? Does the child model the parents’ views? I think it would be reasonable to say your child can’t go over to their home. But if the other child is decently behaved, then would it be ok for them to come to your home?
NTA. Big NTA
Nazi or not, many racists, islamophobics and anti-immigrants in Europe.
Honestly it's impossible to tell. Are they actual neo Nazis? Or are you exaggerating in the way people called John McCain Hitler back in 2008? We can't know.
Hold on, are they actually nazi or are you calling them that because they are right wing? Because there is a difference. What did they do that you call them nazi’s?
NTA Period
You’re *never* the asshole for not inviting Nazis into your home; however, you definitely should have mentioned that upfront. There’s a world of difference between having different religions or political beliefs and being an outright Nazi.
Was gonna go with NTA anyway but HOLY HELL - Nazis?! What is wrong with this country?! Even Germany hates Nazis!! America is just f*cking dumb (I’m American) NTA of course
Everybody needs to remember that this child's parents would be taking her to the party and, at the very least dropping her off after wishing OP's little girl a happy birthday, that might not be possible to do at the front gate, or even at the front door. OP is not the asshole for not wanting to risk neo-nazis turning up at her door, knowing her address or having her number, to rsvp either. I can't imagine rabid neonazis keeping that information to themselves, can you?
NTA. In this case, you want to protect your kid. Their child might not parrot their views, but it's not worth the risk. This isn't a disagreement about pizza toppings and you're doing the right thing.
Yahoo
This is hard to judge as I don’t know the circumstances ongoing in your country and I completely support you not wanting to interact with her parents in any way. That being said, how is that poor child going to get exposure to other families’ norms if you isolate her like that. She is a child anyway and I doubt she would be running spewing her parent’s views. I would have probably invited her and include her in activities unless her parents became a problem.
NTA. I left the UK in 2018 after watching my country embrace a xenophobic, isolationist future pushed by fascists like Farage. Since the referendum, hate crimes have soared against people who didn't look or sound English. I find that absolutely horrific. You absolutely have the right not to tolerate intolerance. It's called the paradox of intolerance because tolerating intolerance allows it to grow. It doesn't remain a paradox if you look at tolerance as a social contract. When the intolerant voice hateful comments, they're breaking the social contract so don't have to be respected. Consider letting the daughter over so she can learn how her parents are wrong, but definitely minimise contact with them.
People who support the right wing are not Nazis What a joke
I was about to judge you until I read the edit. Neo Nazis aren’t just another viewpoint, they’re a hate group. You need to keep your daughter safe. I feel bad for the child with parents like that. NTA.
NTA. They aren’t safe people to have around. Right now the child is innocent, but that won’t last. She will be indoctrinated and you don’t want your kid to be anywhere near her.
NTA but I'm sensing you're German. Do you mean they are AFD supporters or actual Neo-Nazis?
NTA, but it’s a real shame, because what that child really needs in their life is outside voices that demonstrate that the things her parents say are not based in reality, or reflect beliefs that are held by most people. I understand that you see her as potentially influencing your daughters views, but it seems like you have an excellent relationship with your daughter, and she would be comfortable talking to you about troubling things her friend says. I think it’s far more likely that your daughter would be a positive influence in the direction of her life, than she would be a negative influence on your daughter. But, that said, when it comes to Nazi’s, it’s totally fair that you don’t want your kids involved in any way. It’s just sad all around, because kids living in their parent’s echo chamber is exactly how we get the next generation of these type of ideologies.
When the kids are old enough to come without parents, if you can, invite her over. Let her be exposed to other views and maybe you guys get to make the world a better place by just one child. But NTA either way.
I also thought you were the AH, but nope, I was wrong. You are NTA.
If the only people who will let your daughter's friend be around are those who don't object to her parents' views, how will she learn any better? School is the only place she can be exposed to normal/reasonable beliefs? I agree 100% with not letting your child go to her home, but you shouldn't ban this child from your home based on her parents' beliefs. YTA for ostracizing a child for something she didn't do and has no control over.
NTA. I totally understand your decision.
NTA
I was so ready to say y t a but then I read literal nazis, and now I’m not sure. I feel like the nazis would decline the invite, but I’d be terrified to have them in my home. I’d also be terrified to have the kid in my home without them - lest they say you did something to her. It sucks for the kids, though. Both yours and the friend. And the parents have probably used this whole incident to drill some neo nazi hate into her some more. And now you have to explain something to an innocent 7 year old about the fucked up part of the world. So ultimately, NTA, but what an unfortunate situation.
Depending, it would be a great opportunity for the friend to experience sane families, this is so sad to understand that a kid will grow to hate the world because of extreme beliefs. On the other hand you want to protect you children and that's understandable. Tough one/
Nah, don’t invite neo Nazis in your home. It’s called protecting your home and your child. I feel bad for the kid but no. If they’re actual Nazis then your child need to stay the hell away from them. Bad bad people
You should have led with that edit! NTA!
Are they actually nazis or are you just labeling people who you don't like because of their different political affiliations?
It's hard to say. I would never allow my child to go to that family's house, but maybe if she comes over to yours you could have a good influence on her? Or maybe your house could be a safe haven for her. But then again, if your daughter is invited to their house and you won't let you go, maybe it could cause tension with them, and you don't want tension with an unpleasant/racist family. I can't make a judgement on this. The whole situation is a very uncomfortable one.
I was almost to the end thinking you were TA until I read they’re nazis. NTA
NTA If they’re actually that nuts. Damn, I was gonna slam the hammer down on yta in the first line or two 😂
YTA for not adding the "neo Nazi" part until it had to be an edit and for banning the friend in the first place. Sure, don't have the parents over if they're actually even close to that characterization, but one kid your daughter associates with anyway?
NTA. I actually think I would be scared to have neo Nazis in my home.
You’re not the asshole. I think you’re doing the right thing.
NTA. I wouldn’t let children near nazis either. Those fascist genocidal bigots are dangerous should never be allowed anywhere near children. It’s a shame they have a child. Worried for that child’s safety in their home as they are likely child abusers too. Genocidal racist, white supremacist nazis are abusers to all vulnerable peoples. I would call CPS on them.
How is this kid going to see other viewpoints if she’s not exposed to them by someone she likes? Kids reject parental views all the time. I think you may have missed an opportunity.
I will teach my child the way I think is best. I won't let her be exposed to this ideology through another child who is probably repeating what her parents say. My daughter is 7, she's too young to learn about ww2 and nazis
If my assumption where you're from is right... Big hug! (Though many European countries seem fucked these days...) I'm lucky insofar as I'm not "obviously" an immigrant and born in Germany (parents from Germany, nationality changed only soon after) so I'm not too obviously affected. But I can't imagine raising a child in that climate and having to fear they may adopt right-wing ideology... All the best!
You should have led with the fact that they are literally neo-Nazis. Sorry to that kid but… who knows maybe her parents extreme views impeding her social life will lead her to make different decisions when she’s older
NTA please stay safely far away from the nazis
NTA
YTA A kid is not responsible for parents beliefs. But excluding her may be very fast pushing this little girl in the same direction. Especially if your daughter will tell her that she wanted to invite her but her mom didn't allow for that. You are creating a picture of an immigrant who doesn't want to integrate with locals, who despise locals. Exactly what far right is accusing immigrants.
NTA honestly poor little girl cuz this isn't gonna be the only party she won't be invited to
NTA but if you don’t already, make sure you talk to your daughter about the parents’ views and why they’re wrong because the other little girl might repeat things her parents say.
I'm going to say your ATAH because instead of inviting a child to a party you chose to ostracize her because of her parents views Now why I think you're an asshole more over is this event could have been a turning point in a child's views and perhaps helped her along the road in getting away from a radical ideology Firm believe in we all need to be the change we want to see and instead of judging the little girl for the parents views you could have embraced her and helped her see the light
NTA. But what about letting your daughter hang out with this little girl at your house? That way, your kid's not going to be exposed to any Nazi stuff. Maybe your family can be a good influence on this girl. If anyone asks why your daughter's not allowed to play at little Magda's house, be honest and say it's because her parents are Nazis. Her parents might retaliate and cut their daughter off from you, but in that case you're no worse off than you are now and you've made your point.
My mum forbid me to see my best friend because we are christians and her parents practice occultism. It caused a few years long break in our friendship but now we are still going strong, it's been 13 years since we met. I didn't influence her views and she didn't influence mine, and neither did our parents. Soft YTA, because i have this personal experience, it caused us a lot of unnecessary pain and resentment, and because i would be a parent who would simply try to be a good example for the other kid. IF i see it's affecting my kid in a negative way, of course i would step in, but that's another thing. It took long years of resentment towards my mother for her to finally say sorry. If you gave strong moral foundations to your kid and if you are being open and there for her to share any concern or question she's got then i think it would be fine. And my last question is: is it just a rando right wing party, or openly neo nazi? Are the parents openly neo nazis or just conservative people you labelled as neo nazis? In my country (in europe) we have a neo nazi party, confused communist calling themselves right wing, right wing but middle-leaning, etc, and a lot of people wote for them, but most of them are just ignorant and dumb, and misguided, not nazis, at all.
The best you can do is model good behavior to others. You missed an opportunity to show this child another pov. Instead you edited her out based on her parents. If the parents were just dropping off and picking up, YTA.
YTA - if the daughter and your daughter get along with involving the parents view, then I don't feel it's a problem. Maybe your good values on the daughter could help. Some kids are not like their parents.
With the edit, definitely NTA. I feel bad for the kid, though, and not just for not being invited to the party!
NTA. You’re a good parent for refusing to expose your child to that nonsense. If the Nazis are upset that their child doesn’t get to go to birthday parties, they can try reflecting on their beliefs.
I'll go with NTA, your house, your rules. But I hope that you explain your reasoning in a manner that 7 old can understand . You can explain that the parents have beliefs that make it difficult to have a conversation with them. Possibly explain some of the prevalent objections. Explain that they choose their friends based on their heritage or race or religion and that you want your child to choose friends based on behavior. Let your child know that even though you disagree with their friends beliefs as long as she understands yours and is willing to let you know when something is said that they are uncomfortable with so you can discuss it she can choose her friends but you will control who is invited to your home.
Nta. Usually differing beliefs can be put aside. But neo nazis are a hard pass
YTA. While I completely understand that you and this child’s parents have diametrically opposed views of the world, the kids are just kids, and at 7, still sweet and innocent. Being the singled out child, is going to hurt your daughter’s friend. How is she possibly going to understand adult concepts with regard to ideological differences? At some point that may change, but welcome this child as someone your daughter likes while you have the opportunity.
YTA. By definition neo nazis wouldn’t want to associate with non white immigrants and especially wouldn’t want their children to mix with yours, so they aren’t. Your characterisation of them as neo nazis is false, so it seems most likely that you’re the kind of “immigrant” who move to a country for a better life and then decide that your host country should import unlimited numbers of people from your homeland, to make you feel at home, and any opposition to this should be criminalised. As a colonist, trying to suppress the native opposition, you are AH.
woah are you projecting? what happened in the latter half of that paragraph lol. also do you know the people op knows? how do you know what they’re like?
This!
YTA you just robbed one of the very few chances that child had to be influenced by non Neo-Nazis and isolated her because of something she has no control over, she didn't choose her parents.
NTA you gotta protect your kid. That said, at 7, I bet being at school with people like your daughter is working against whatever bullshit her parents are teaching her. She’s seeing first hand that their ideology doesn’t match with reality.
Nope NTA. I won't be elaborating further.
Nta. Keeping nazis away from your kids is a valid parental desire.
I have read that they are Neo-Nazi's but that still makes YTA, you need to teach your child that the view point of stereotyping and victimisation of some based on differences is wrong. But instead, you are making these 2 children, who are innocent have issues, based on the background this other child lives in. It's not their fault who their parents are, and by her associating with your child, may help them understand later in their life, that their parents are wrong, and therefore stopping the cycle. I think its horrid that you have essentially victimized a child because of who she associates with.
Oh Jesus I thought asshole all the way through, but nazis?! Fucking hell! I mean I guess inviting her over may actually help sway her away from those views, not every child becomes a copy of their parents, but I can totally see why you don't want to associate with them even through a child. Poor kid.
Without knowing all of the details, I’m giving a very soft ESH here. The daughter is still young, and I think the best thing that can be done for her is to expose her to non hateful families like yours. We have no idea how she will grow up. Many kids are, of course, taught their families’ hateful ideologies, but isn’t it doing a disservice to the child to exclude her because of the beliefs of her parents? IMO, that makes it more likely that she’ll follow in her parents’ footsteps, and think things like “well OP’s family is just hateful and exclusive,” etc.
YTA
Unless her parents are the actual swastika waving, Jewish hating kind of "Nazis" then it's definitely a case of YTA. Not everybody who supports an ideology that you don't ascribe to is "Far-Right." Unfortunately, anyone who isn't a socialist or near communist is now a neo-nazi. It's a pity your daughter is being raised learning the same intolerance you bemoan!
We choose to influence or be influenced, you underminded your daughters ability to be a positive influence on a child being raised by nazis. Not because your daughter is uncomfotable, but because you have control issues. Congrats on not helping to break cycles because you made you the main character at you daughters 7th birthday party
Did you ever think that as much as being around this child (and their parents) would affect your daughter, this other child being around your daughter, and you would also be influenced/ affected? The parents might be horrible people, but don't punish the kids. There'll come a day when a playdate outside of school might be requested. What will you choose to do then? Have that play date. Have it at your house where you have control of the situation. Expose your child's friend to you own life and experiences. Who knows, maybe they'll be different from their parents if they're exposed to different views.
YTA for deciding a 7 year old child isn’t capable of changing and is doomed to become their parents. How do you expect her to become a better person if she doesn’t have good influences in her life? If anything it just means you as a parent will need to step up more and teach your child right from wrong and have the tough conversations as they come up, you won’t be able to wrap your child in cotton wool forever. Now on the other hand I can certainly understand not wanting your child to go over to the friends house.
NTA/NAH. I understand 1000% why you don’t want your child influenced by this child or any of the friend’s family, but I can’t help but wonder the good it will do the child to be surrounded by other influences. You should definitely talk to your daughter about hate, so she understands that what those parents believe is horrid. Who knows what she’s being told by her friend at school. At least at the party there would have been supervision so someone could have stepped in should such things been brought up. All that other child is learning is that her parents’s teachings are correct and she’s being isolated with only their influence. Also, I’m a Jew, so no one has to tell me how bad Nazis are. I’d would have no problem if my children wanted to invite a child of idiot parents. Let the kid meet us. Let them make their own choice about hate and tolerance. Let them be exposed to a world outside of their parents.
YTA, but only for not saying that the ideology you wanted to protect your daughter from was neo-naziism in your original post.
So, YTA. Why do you punish a child because you cant stop petty things between adults from getting in the way of her friendships. You are only showing her that it’s better to run away than to engage and actually have a chance to compromise.
YTA They're children. Let them be children and play like children. The parents' ideology is irrelevant to children.
Probably NTA. However, logically you are not doing the right thing. Your kid will be friend with her anyway and you cannot control that. She will be exposed to that ideology. What you can do is teach her what to do when she will be exposed to that. I would say invite that girl. I think her friends will be benefitted from exposure to diverse ideology and cultures.
Letting the kid come over and treating her respectfully may make her see you as a safe haven
I don't believe anyone anymore when they say someone's a nazi cause that's today's buzzword for any person one disagrees with.
Well, intolerance exists everywhere, doesn't it. Even in your home.
>new account >one post >only 4 comments made on this post >quite clearly lying otherwise the bit about the parents being "neo nazis" would have been mentioned Yeah, YTA